#my literal comfort show for drawing and it got tainted

[sentfromwolves]

no one really talks about how hard it is to reclaim the things you love once you’ve shared them with someone who hurt you.

[tokoyamisstuff]

Run Rabbit, Run.

3,6k. words | Alexander Anderson x f! goth! Reader | enemies to friends | open-ended | slow-burn | hurt-comfort | not proofread

Synopsis: While investigating supernatural murders in a small town, Anderson jumps into wrong conclusions.

Warnings: Blood, injury, stockholm-syndrome?

A/N: inspired by some guys in our town that would always call the cops on us goths, saying 'dark figures are doing satanic rituals' (we were literally just chilling)

"Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil."

You run as fast as you can, but he keeps pace easily, merely strolling as he wears you out.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness..."

A bayonett pierces the tree next to your skull and you let out a bloodcurling scream.

"...against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

The woods are swallowed by a pitch black tonight, eventually making you trip and fall. Blood runs down your calf, the sharp pain in your leg numbed by the adrenaline rushing through your veins. You try to get up, to keep running, but it's too late...he got you.

"Amen."

The man in front of you was wearing the robe of a priest, looming over you with a manic grin stretched across his face.

When he started his chase you had thought him to be insane, a mass murderer who was merely disguising himself as a man of faith.

That theory would soon prove to be wrong - and the truth is way worse.

"What a bloody waste of time" he thinks, watching you squirm in the dirt like some cornered animal.

If he had known how pathetically weak you are beforehand, he wouldn't have bothered coming himself. Sending Yumie or Heinkel instead would've sufficed by far, and even that would be flattery for some cheap excuse of a demon like you.

Boring, but now that he's here, might as well enjoy the hunt...

"Please...I have no idea what you want from me!" Countless begs drop from your lips, clinging to the hem of his coat as you try to explain yourself, yet he wouldn't budge. Usually he'd have a violent outburst at such a vile creature touching him, but much to his own surprise, he remained frozen, staring at you with a mixture of irritation and sympathy.

"My, what a sweet voice you have." He looks down to your torn dress, a wound gaping on your leg. So you're too weak to even heal your own injuries. "That must really hurt, little one."

The assassin sees dried blood straining your clothes, skin, fingertips, tainting himself as well. He had found you like this, in an empty alleyway crouched over a fresh corpse, claiming you merely wanted to save them.

How foolish of you to run off into the woods, where he could get rid of you without causing disturbance for bystanders.

"Such a young gal" he looks at you with a stern, almost pitying expression. "Had her whole life still in front of her. What a shame."

Maybe you were turned against your will, left confused and afraid after your bloodrage got the better off you.

Anderson shakes his head, trying to become rational again. He's used to all kinds of deceit, has fallen deaf to any pleads over time. After all, the last time he hesitated, he's got a lesson that's still written clearly on his left cheek.

Ever since then he promised himself to never show mercy again.

Seeing him brace his weapons, you shuffle until your back hit the tree behind, shouting at the man. "Do-on't touch me, you freak!"

"You're one to talk" he scoffs, crouching over your trembling form. He gazes at you without any malice, considering to grant you a merciful death. "But lemme tell ya'...if you behave, I'll make it quick."

A hint of guilt flashes over his face, as he calmly draws his bayonetts, thrill dampened by the tragic circumstances. He carefully, almost tenderly holds it against your neck, whispering "Rejoice, for I'll bring you salvation from this horrid fate."

Just when he takes a swing you seize the opportunity, ramming a sharp branch into his sides, right beneath the ribs. You had hoped to temporarily paralyze him, but much to your horror he didn't even flinch...

...moreso, he easily pulled it out of his flesh, the wound healing in an instant.

"Ye lil' rat..." the man practically growls, pupils dilated and baring his sharp canines at you.

"You...you're the monster here!" you shriek, grabbing a handful of dirt and throw it into his eyes, partially blinding him. He coughs, needing a few seconds to orientate, but when he looked again, you were already gone. "Feisty lil' thing...didn't think she had it in her."

Well, now he's not only pissed that you deceived him - he's downright excited. This mission had just become significantly more fun.

Anderson will relish in tearing you apart...slowly and painfully.

"Come out, ya heathen." His voice echoes through the woods, as if coming from all sides at once. "I can feel your fear."

What an amazing feat for a man of his calibre to move without making a sound. No leaves, not even a stick breaks as he walks, nothing indicating from what direction he might strike.

You see the town's lights at the horizon, limping as fast as your legs can carry you. If only you could make it out of here and call for help, then-

"Gotcha!" The priest's voice didn't even dring to your ear before he grabbed you by the throat, slamming you so hardly onto a nearby tree that all air left your lungs. Your head is spinning and you kick and claw at his arm, but his grip is relentless. He leans close to your ear, breath hot against your cold skin, making you shiver. "Stop resisting and accept your divine punishment."

"How...often...do I need to...tell you?" you wring out, feeling as if you're close to losing consciousness. "I-I am not a vampire, damnit!"

"Silence!" he now screams, sending a violent tremor through your body. "The dead do not speak...and their soulless bodies shouldn't roam this earth."

"Prove it, then" he taunts, "But I doubt ya' could."

Your mind went a mile an hour, scanning for everything you possibly knew about vampires, myth or not. Without any other options, you clasp the cross dangling from his neck. "I-I shouldn't be able to touch this, right?"

Powerful demons are able of many feats, but then again you don't seem even close to that level. Still, he senses some kind of greater scheme behind that innocent demeanour of yours.

Even while being practically invulnerable, Anderson won't let his guard down this time. He throws you to the ground, hurt pride recovering as he enjoys you writhe in pain. "Ye can't fool me again, fiend."

For the fraction of a second he is taken aback, seeing actual tears instead of red liquid escaping your eyes. He grunts in annoyance at this soft spot in his heart he never really could erase, janking you up by the hair. "Look at me..." he orders harshly, a sadistic glint in his eyes. "I love to watch the light go out."

Weighting your options you tackle him out of sheer exasperation, despite his strenght surprising the man enough to make him lose balance. Before he can react you sink your teeth deep into his neck, but without fangs you can't even break the skin. Anderson growls, no, almost moans at the sensation, shocked with the way his body reacted to the sudden proximity.

"See? See?" you point to your dull teeth, but the man is less than impressed by your drastic measurement.

"Bloody hell, woman! Get off of me!" he yells as he throws you away, now being on top and pining you down onto the damp grass, once again rendering you helpless. "I'm a man of god, do you have no shame?"

"What else was I supposed to do?!" you snap back at the man, chest heaving in between sobs. Anderson can barely contain his bloodlust, but beneath it there lies another kind of sensation he doesn't want to acknowledge. He seems flabbergasted by your boldness, contemplating whether to abandon his purge for now.

"Fine..." he rubs his temple, a headache forming as his gaze wanders to your quivering lips. "But I'll chain you up for examination. And don't you dare trying something funny again!"

"Alri-" Your words got stuck right in your throat, seeing red irises gleam in the dark from the corner of your eye. "Watch out, behind you!"

The priest narrows his eyes. "Oi c'mon, yer not really thinking I fall for this-" Your captor's words stuck right in his throat as a sword cut deeply into his neck - not enough to decapitate him though.

"Oh, I see you even brought me desert" a grim voice appeared behind the two of you. "How considerate, Father."

This was your chance, wasn't it? You could just run and leave them to themselves, hoping they'd busy each other in a fight long enough to return to safety.

And yet you don't.

"Shit, wai-wait..." you have to keep yourself from gagging as you pull out the cold steel from his flesh, watching as the tissue repaired itself like it was nothing. You threw the weapon right back at the attacker, though he catched it with ease and scattered it with his bare hands.

Anderson was quick to react, this time not taking any chances to debate if you're trustworthy. If you're really a civilian, he won't be able to fight as long as you're close. He throws some kind of artifact your way, a batch of enhanced bible verses and a flask of holy water just in case. "Run, you fool!"

The real vampire chuckles quite amused at the scene, overconfident and boastful now. "Noble one you are, eh? And I was so careful to set her up, too..."

"Good grace...you made me go after that woman?!" God's guillotine glares at him with a feral wrath, but the demon simply shrugs. "Townsfolk loves to gossip, and it's fairly easy to accuse someone that so deliberately making themselves an outcast."

"Quiet, you wicked hellspawn!" The priest's head cracks as he moved it from left to right, testing the healed muscles. "And my eye will not spare, nor will I have pity. I will punish you according to your ways, while your abominations are in your midst..."

"Amen!" you exclaim, and just when Anderson was about to launch an attack, something pierces the enemy from behind.

The priest gasps as he recognizes one of his own bayonetts, sticking out of the vampire's chest. You had plucked it from a nearby tree, returning instead of saving yourself.

Due to lack of both strenght and experience, you miss his heart by far. Luckily it was enough to distract the abomination, so Anderson set one swift finishing blow.

The otherworldly being instantly dissolves into ashes, and for a while you just stand there, staring at each other in awe.

Anderson is covered in blood now, his own as well as the demons. He's wheezing, breath visible as white fog and he snarls like a damn bloodhound, visibly dissatisfied with the outcome. To grant this creature such an easy demise left a foul aftertaste - he wanted to make it pay for using him to hurt an innocent bystander.

Damn it, he almost killed you!

You are still deeply in shock at the events, heart beating threateningly loud against your ears. Rooted on spot, you dread the worst when the priest approaches you. He reaches out and you wince, but he merely puts a reassuring hand on the top of your head. "That sure was reckless" he scolded, yet his lips curled into a proud grin. "I'm impressed."

In an instant his menacing aura had disappeared completely, being replaced with genuine concern. "Are you alright, lamb?"

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, instinctively moving away from your former attacker but stumbling again. Instead of falling however you were caught in the priest's strong arms, amazed at how fast he could move if he wanted to.

If he had taken you serious, you would never have survived this far. The thought sent a shiver down your spine.

"Come" he lifts you up with ease and you blink up at him between wettened lashes, far too exhausted to struggle any longer. "Let's get you somewhere safe."

Only now you realize that you were freezing, curling up against his body as he carried you bridal style to the motel room he had booked for the mission. A few minutes later you sit on a rundown mattress, knees pulled towards your chest as you tried to process the events of this night.

"Sorry for the wait" his voice shook you up as he entered the room, "Had to make a call and report back to the Vatican." You nod mutely and watch as he picks up a small first-aid-kit, kneeling down in front of you. "Show me yer' leg."

"H-He-e-ey!" you object as he tries to lift your dress out of the way, but he frowns as if you had just accused him of something horrible. "I already told you, woman: I am a man of god. So relax, would ya?" You pout but surrender, pulling the fabric aside yourself. "Just a wee lil' scratch, you're gonna be alright."

Trying to distract yourself from the pain your eyes dart around the room, but then they are stuck on the man himself, taking a proper look at him for the first time: Grey strands were shimmering through his wild blonde spikes, blueish-green eyes glistening behind round glasses. A deep scar adorned his left cheek, proof of his - at least past - humanity.

He had discarded his bloodied robe and gloves, revealing more muscle than his tall build indicated. You shiver as he absentmindedly squeezes your thigh, working with great concentration.

"I'm patching others up all day" he assures, filling the silence with small-talk. "The children at my orphanage hurt themselves quite often. Reckless folk."

"You-ah!" you hiss as he wipes the wound clean with more pressure, and you shudder. "You are working with children?"

"Yeah. What about it?" He furrowed his brows, looking downright offended and you couldn't help but snort. "Nothing, really. It's just...two vastly different professions, dont'cha think?"

"You're lucky I found my conscience today" he half-jokes, half-confesses. "Usually I don't care if a heathen get's hurt. Hell, I'd even do it myself." Wow. Very soothing, really. "But ya saved me and I guess it can't hurt to return the courtesy..."

At least he has some sense of honor.

"You got a foul mouth for a priest" you utter under your breath, but he catches it anyways. "And you got a lotta nerve running through the woods at night, dressed like a damn devil worshipper."

Momentarily, you both scowl at each other before breaking out in refreshing laughter.

"I'm not a satanist" you snort, but he won't have any of it. There's a literal pentagram embroidered on the chest piece of your dress, after all. "Then why do you dress like one?" Rolling your eyes, you cross your arms in defense. "It's a subculture, old man. A fashion style. And to my defenses, I didn't even know that any of the occult is real..."

Oh, if only you knew the true extent of evil in this world, you'd be terrified. Or maybe not? Iscariot could always use people with your guts, but he doesn't voice that thought.

If anything, you deserved a long and safe life.

"Hopeless task, making sinners see the light. That's why I prefer gutting them." He makes a dismissive wave of his hand, plummeting down on the bed right next to you. "All done." You smile as you let one hand run over the bandage, expressing your gratitude.

"...m'sorry, little one" he's not meeting your eyes anymore, forearms resting on his knees. "And thank you for helping a wrench like me despite my transgressions. Let's hope the lord will reward such actions."

"Yeah, maybe..." Actually you weren't that much of a believer - but hey, everything you just witnessed might make you pick up a bible soon.

"Do you want me to bring you somewhere?" You mentally consider an answer, but find no sufficient one. To be honest you didn't want to be alone right now. But there was no one you'd be comfortable to bother so late at night in case of friends, and no relatives lived nearby either.

But what's the alternaive? The man at your side surely has better things to do than babysitting you, even if he wasn't a stranger you just met...and almost got murdered by.

Noticing your distress, he wordlessly stood up, the mattress creaking as it was relieved from his massive weight. "Take the bed, I'll sleep on the sofa."

"Bu-but I couldn't possibly-"

"You can, and you will " he protests, "It's the least I can do to make up for what I've done."

"N-No!" you then shout, grabbing onto his sleeve. "I'd be damned if I let a holy man sleep on that small couch." He looks at you baffled, as if he cannot think of the obvious alternative. "Lay down, there's...there's enough room for both of us."

The man looks at you dumbfounded, making you chuckle. "What's the matter? You said you're a man of god, right?"

"...lil' brat."

Anderson sighed deeply, hesistant to do as you told him to. But eventually he gave in, lying on the other side of the bed so far away from you that he threatened to fall over the edge. Just the mere thought of this indecency made his heart beat uncontrollably loud in his chest. "What's your name?" he asks, so you don't notice.

"Y/N" you breathe out in a whisper, "Y/N Y/L/N." He repeats it, tasting the name on his tongue. It's as sweet as the sound of your voice. "What about you?"

"Anderson. Paladin Alexander Anderson" he corrects himself with his proper title. You smile to yourself, an oddly safe feeling encoating you with him at your side. "Well, despite everything, it was nice meeting you, Father Alexander Anderson."

"The pleasure is all mine."

Surprisingly, you had quickly drifted into a deep slumber, body desperate for rest. For a moment you thought it was all just a dream, an obscure nightmare, but then you realized where you were...and with whom.

"Alex- Father?" Your voice is husky and small against the sound of his soft snore in your ear, and instead of waking he shuffles even closer. The feeling of his broad chest against your back makes goosebumps raise on your skin, yet you refused to enjoy cuddling with a literal celibate.

Not wanting to embarrass him you try to scoot away, but the tall man has got you perfectly secure in his hold, an arm and leg wrapped around your much smaller form, tightening his embrace each time you moved. "Umm..." you turn to face him and dare to cup his cheek, gently caressing it to wake him up. His eyes snap open and he reflexively grabs your wrist, breathing heavily. "Hey, big guy, it's okay...good morning."

"What the-" Noticing the delicate situation he stumbles so far back that he lands ass-first on the floor, making you break out in boisterous laughter. "I'm so sorry" you wheeze, lending him a hand. "No idea how we ended up in that position."

Anderson lets out a low growl, stretching his back as he stood up. "I don't know about you" you teased, "But I've slept very well." He'd rather die than to admit he hasn't rested like that in years, if not decades. "...I'll make us breakfast" he announces grumpily, "Bath's on the left."

Shortly later you sit at the small kitchen table across each other, munching on stale toast. Since your clothes were torn and bloody Alex got you a spare shirt of his, long enough to cover you up to the knees. Gosh, if his superiors would see him being with a woman like that they'd probably excommunicate him.

"So..." you adress the elephant in the room, "When are you supposed to be back?"

"Already contacted the order while you were showering. Will be picked up in 30 minutes." Hearing this made you somewhat woeful. You'd wish to stay and riddle him about that amazing life of his, but were pretty sure he wasn't allowed to answer either way. You bite back the burning question if you'd ever meet again, simply answering "Oh...great."

"Promise me ya' will stay outta that devilish business, a'ight?" he grins almost mischievously, "Next time I see ya' tryna seduce innocent priests, I'll think you're a succubus."

You blow a raspberry at the man. "Me?!" You point a dramatic finger towards him, "Maybe you're the one enticing innocent maidens after saving them."

You both exchange smiles and meaningful looks, talking so carefree and enjoyable that time passed faster than you wanted.

"Here ya' go." He pushes some money into your palm, hand lingering on yours as long as he could allow himself to. "Call a taxi. The roads are dangerous for a sweet lil' thing like yerself."

"Thank you, Alex- I mean Father. For everything."

Six months later, Anderson was currently back at the orphanage from another mission, reading a novel in his room. He'd find his thoughts wandering back to you more often these days, having given up on his hopes that this feeling would ease over time.

Letting his free hand run over his neck where you bit him back then, a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. What a woman you were. He's glad to have met you, and he'll at least allow himself to keep those memories locked in his heart forever.

"Father Anderson?" One of the nuns knocks on his door, tearing him away from those silly thoughts. "I'm here, yes."

"Someone wants a word with you" the woman explains as he sticks his head outta the slightly ajar door. She points towards the window in the hallway, whispering "Apparently about joining Iscariot. She's waiting outside in the garden."

"Understood. You may leave." Anderson was left confused but not for long - because as soon as he looked outside, he saw the last person he ever expected to see again. You timidly looked around, dressed in a black robe like usual, yet adorned with a silver cross instead of pentagrams and the likes.

Coincidentally you notice him standing at the window, eyes lighting up and waving eagerly at the man. It takes everything inside of him to not rush outside and pull you right into his arms after such a long time - at least in public he wouldn't.

Oh, he always knew you were special.

[mrclairdycat]

I was planning to draw a Welcome Home short comic showing how Wally and Home first met but, since I know my ADHD won't let me finish it I've decided to show y'all the scenes I wrote for it :)

"... Where am I?" Shot where you see Wally, he's in complete darkness. He doesn't look scared, he looks curious and confused.

"Hello Wally, Darling," Home says. The scene is from Wally's POV and you can only see Home's eyes in the dark.

Now he comes out of the dark and you can slightly see his silhouette, mostly his head and eyes, stiletto shoes and arms: "I was waiting to meet you."

Wally looks at him, confused. Home notices and says: "Oh, I'm awfully sorry,"

You can now see him in his full body as he emerges from the dark. "We've never officialy met me before, have we? But I've seen you..."

He gives him his hand. "My name is 'Home', nice too meet you." Wally says: "... Home? Like my home?"

"Yes, the one that protects you, takes care of you, watches over you as you sleep... That home, your home, figuratevely and literally. I'm your home, your teacher, your mother, your father, your friend or your God, whatever brings you the most comfort." This scene is from Wally's POV, so you see Home from the bottom up as he holds your hand.

Same scene, but Home tilts his head slightly: "We're in your dreams right now, it's the only place where we can meet like this, eye to eye, away from anyone's elses eyes...  You see, I can see and know everything, but they don't want that. I have to be discreet, for your sake."

Now you see them in third person, with their profile. Home is holding Wally's hand from both sides. "Everything?" Wally asks, slightly tilting his head and looking at Home curiously. "Yes, as an example I know that you feel lonely right now. You want friends, don't you?" Home asks.

Shot of Wally. He looks slightly sad, disturbed.

"Oh, you poor creature..." Home says as he puts his hand on Wally's cheek. You see them in third person again, Home slightly got down to get on Wally's level (since he's taller than him) and his head is closer, he's looking at him, but Wally is looking down. His hand is also tinted in black now.

"This must be so hard for you. I can only imagine if humans were born like this, without no warm bigger creatures to hold them, already knowing concepts, feeling things, but denied to be aware, to know where they are, what they are..." the scene is now from Home's POV. They still have their black gooey hand on Wally's cheek, who is now looking at him, looking more curious and confused than disturbed. After all, he has no idea what a human is, he doesn't know what Home is blabbering about. You can also slightly see that his cheek is tainted with its black goo.

Headshot of Home, with focus on his eyes. "But worry not, Darling. I'm here for you and soon there will be other people for you, too. Neighbours, friends... lots of them," he says to comfort him.

Third person shot again, but this time it's closer, kind of like a headshot. They're also looking directly into each other's eyes (in a creepy way, not in a romantic way). Home head is also closer and, for that, he's more bended down than before. He also still has his hand on Wally's cheek. "Do not forget though, Darling: I'm your first friend, your first neighbour. I'm the only one who you can truly trust, the one who's been there for you when you were all alone... You will remember that, right?" he asks.

Scene with focus on Wally. It's still third person, but it's way closer, kind of 3/4 view. You cannot see Home from this point of view. "Yes. I am glad to have you as a friend, Home," Wally replies as he looks at him, maybe add the reflection of Home into his eyes.

"Good to know," Home says. In this scene he turned his hand away from Wally's cheek, now you can truly see how its tainted with black goo.

Scene from Wally's POV: you're seeing Home from the bottom up again. He then speaks: "I promise you I'll take care of you, Darling, and if you listen to me enough, one day..."

"... I'll let you see," he affirms. This time the scene is from Home's POV. He's doing two sort of 'ok signs' with his hands to make them look like eyes and from his POV you can see they're outling Wally's eyes. "I'll give you my eyes: my special little gift, just for you. You will see people you've never seen before, that don't look like you, new friends that your neighbours aren't able to see. If you collaborate I'll promise we will even find a way to bring them all here, so you can have an infinite amount of friends."

Same scene, but closer. The focus is more on Wally's eyes as they're outlined by Home's hand, which is now dripping with black goo because of gravity. Wally is staring, not saying anything, but Home knows he wants this, that he's agreeing to his plan.

Now scene from Wally's POV: Home is slowly retreating back into darkness. You can see his body less as it is consumed by the dark. "I have to go now. I'll always be there, though. I can always see you... I'll talk to you too, some way, make you sure you don't feel lonely..."

Now you can only see Home's eyes in the darkness. "Goodnight, Darling."

Complete darkness.

[lixie-lovie]

{ Rogue princess | skz }

l.felix x f!reader

Genre: ??? fluff, angst ig, royalty au, princess!reader, star child!felix, idk u tell me

Warnings: a bit angsty, bad relationships at the beginning, issues with parents, vague mention of past death, mention of animals, mentions of running away

((If anything needs to be added to warnings, lmk! I’ll fix it asap))

Word Count: 5.2k

Note: did I write this literally to comfort myself today? Yes. Have fun reading this reallllyyy self indulgent fic lolz. Hope anyone reading this has a good day! Ily

——————

A throne made of gold and satin-like velvet, all tyrian purple. Too large this seat felt, as did the hall full of people standing under gilded light filtering through the large stained glass window. Here you sat, next to your father in an even more ornate throne, in front of a crowd of people who knew your name, your face, but nothing of your soul.

They couldn’t name that green was your favorite color because of the trees you would catch glimpses of through the windows of your tutors room, ever strong through the seasons never having to carry the weight of a kingdom. They would never be able to name why ships made you weary and claustrophobic or that your favorite flowers of springtime are those that bloom away from the castles gardens when eyes aren’t watching. They couldn’t guess your favorite piece of music, the one you never heard at those god forsaken balls. They never could place that instead your favorite would be the one that came ever so gracefully from under your mother’s fingertips at the piano that used to spark so much joy in the hearts of the people, but now sat lonely collecting dust. They didn’t know you longed to reach the stars someday, yearning for their delicate freedom in the inky black sky. They couldn’t tell that you wondered if they felt out of place too.

More so than anything else, they could never guess how much you hated staring at the men kneeling before you now, begging for a wife, a servant to their needs of pleasure, for the sake of “peace.” They would never know the disgust that sent a shiver down your spine at the twisted grin of these men that took your fingers in their too rough grasp and kissed that back of your hand, their sin tainted lips lingering moments too long. Their hands twitching at their sides with their sickening thoughts as they watched you stand from your throne, adjusting the circlet of silver adorning your perfectly crafted hair.

Your father, your king, grinned widely at the propositions made my these men, happy at the prospect of one of them taking your hand, winning your heart. Happy at the prospect of selling you away. A fair trade he’d call it. A duty.

He’d never understand, you came to realize. He was the man who had chosen your mother, the same way these creatures of lust in front of you are now. Readily ridding the world of her happiness and songs, harshly forcing her into a life of servitude, solitude, for the sake of duty.

“None of them would get it”

You’d say to yourself silently as you excused yourself to the washroom, wiping your disgraced palm clean of the suitors that you had been dancing with’s sweat, your nose scrunched in disgust. In the washroom you would stand, hands now pressed to the too warm mirror in that stuffy room, staring at your reflection. Your reflection stared back at you tauntingly, the flushed cheeks and too perfect hair, until your eyes got caught on the thin band gracing your head. The piece of metal that used to be the only thing tying you to your mother’s lineage, now was only an unwelcome reminder of your duties lined up in the other room, waiting for your hand in marriage. You sighed harshly, ripping the despicable band of silver off of your head, ruining the perfect waves your hair was lying in before. You laughed too hard, running your hands harshly over the layers of paint adorning your face. Your breaths became ragged as you tore the cloth sigil from the bodice of your dress, the only thing left showing your status in this deplorable kingdom and soon you realized, the only thing holding you back.

You stared at your own reflection, a haggard appearance of a forgotten princess staring back at you, and you smiled. Quickly, you rushed to the door, checking for footsteps, before finding your way to the nearest maids chambers. Stepping inside you grabbed a few essentials and a cloak as black as the night’s sky. Once you felt satisfied in what you had taken, you steeled your nerves before quickly and cautiously making your way to the stables, now abandoned with everyone attending the event.

Your eyes scanned the area quickly before settling on a horse with hair as white as snow and eyes the color of indigo. Your form slowed, your breaths coming out in soft pants as you made your way towards the creature in awe of its beauty. You reached your hand out slowly, to gain the trust of the majestic beauty. Suddenly and strikingly you heard a voice sounding from behind you.

“My lady! Where do you think you’re going?” A rough, calloused hand gripped your shoulder tightly, startling you. You turned around quickly, your arms raising defensively. As the offending party grabbed your wrists to gain your attention your excitement died down and your breaths came out easier when you took in the features of Changbin, your personal first knight assigned to you. Your expression became one of relief as you took in the worried, curious look resting on his angular features in the low light of the stables.

“I’m leaving, Changbin. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I can’t go through with this. Please don’t try to stop me..” You said gripping his hands in yours, staring into his eyes hoping to portray the feelings pooling in the base of your throat, causing your words to come out choked. “I’ve already made up my mind.”

“I’m sure I couldn’t change your mind if I wanted to, princess. Here, take this.” He said, smiling softly. A gentle sigh left his lips as one hand reached into one of the many holsters on his person, while the other drifted to comfortingly rest on the crown of your head. His large, rough hands pressed a small holstered knife into your palm. “It’s a blade your mother used to use. I was supposed to give it to you tonight at the ball, but this felt like the right time.”

For the first time that night you smiled genuinely, staring into his eyes softly in thanks while turning to prepare the horse for your disappearance. Changbin’s hands found your waist, hoisting you up and onto the back of the horse before he quietly led you out of the stables, checking for prying eyes and quietly uttering you a safe trip. You made simple promises to return safely to him, unsure of how much truth they held, but sure of the comfort filling your chest with the smile gracing his face.

With that, you turned your head to the dark forest ahead and took a deep breath to steady yourself before going on this possibly dangerous adventure. Then, like lightning striking your nervous system, you heard a voice you had hoped to never hear again.

“Y/n!” Your father’s voice rang out over the courtyard causing you to gasp and whip your head in the direction of the sound. Changbin’s worried eyes stayed trained on your face as your indecision bubbled in your chest at your father’s commanding tone. Quickly muttering some words Changbin sent the horse off running in the direction of the forest, your confused mind allowing the actions to happen wordlessly as you watched Changbin draw his sword against his own king to protect you and allow you the freedom you had longed for. 

---------

It had been moments, maybe hours, you were unsure. The sky bared no stars as you stared hopelessly heaven bound with your eyes blurred. The chilly air hurt your cheeks now dry from the rivers of tears at your actions. Your steed came to a slow, wearily looking around the dangerous wood. All that was to be heard around you were the low grumbles of the predators and the soft snapping of twigs. In the haze of your misery you were lost and cold, unsure of even your own safety as you whipped your head uneasily in every direction of unknown noises. 

It was then that a loud howl sounded from somewhere nearby, a chorus of others following suit. You tried catching sight of the beasts making the horrid sound, but soon it seemed as though the guttural growls were surrounding you, closing in on their next meal. You yelped loudly as the horse became unsteady and afraid, dashing off towards the nearest escape. From your lips feeble shrieks of protest left, but to no avail. The creature’s of the hunt followed suit, a game of cat and mouse. Suddenly, one creature, the largest, leaped out from beyond a too dark clearing in front of your path, baring its fangs and lashing out with its dastardly claws. The horse came to an unsteady halt, rearing back and knocking your frail form harshly to the ground. You inhaled sharply, rolling away, your limbs tucked inward, as fast as possible from the now trampling hooves and paws. You held your breath, covering yourself with your arms and you cried. Tears poured down your face as you waited for the steps of the animals to recede. You heard their noises of primal instinct and found yourself counting the minutes down until they were long gone and satisfied with their hunt. 

When your arms went numb and the tip of your nose was sufficiently frozen, you turned over in the dirt, wet with dew, to stare at the empty sky. Your tears came until they could no longer, your breaths uneven with bitter air exhaling harshly from your lungs, and as your eyes stayed trained upwards, you allowed yourself one prayer to any god that would listen. 

Please. Just let me see one star. One being from above that would understand. 

Abruptly you were taken aback by an unusually chilling wind blowing through the branches of the tall oak trees, causing you to wrap your arms tightly against your grimy, shivering self. Slowly you allowed the exhaustion of the night to take over your features, your eyes closing allowing sleep to take over your dirt ridden form. Finally, you felt some semblance of peace come over you as you drifted off, a prayer still sitting heavy on your pale, chapped lips. 

“You’re one weird human.” Your ears suddenly perked as a deep voice suddenly sounded from somewhere nearby. You screamed, scurrying to cover yourself with some kind of protection. Your eyes scanned the surrounding area frantically searching for the source of the voice. 

“W-who’s there?” You said with as little confidence as you could muster. You cursed your voice for shaking silently as you continued your frantic search for this possible danger. Your eyes landed on a large branch nearby and your legs moved on their own accord, sliding you harshly against the hard, cold ground to scramble to grip the branch tightly, turning and holding it out in a manner you could only hoped looked more threatening than it felt. 

“So silly..” The deep voice chuckled out from somewhere behind you. You yelped, waving the stick in the opposite direction, hoping not to lose your footing against any loose rocks or sturdy tree roots. Your dress was torn and soaked and the gentle breeze now moving in random intervals was jarring and dancing around your cloaked form, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. A sudden snapping sound from a branch above your head caused you to scream, throwing the large branch with all of your feeble might towards the offending sound. A larger breeze blew by, obscuring your vision with your own hair and you scrambled to remove it from your vision. As your finally were able to get a glimpse of a male slinking towards you another breeze blew harshly by causing your to sigh sharply, your hands flying back up to your face to remove the hair blocking your vision yet again. “Your gonna hurt someone throwing those things.” The voice sounded again, humor twinkling off of his lips with smooth curls of laughter. 

“Who are you? What do you want with me??” You said, your feet backpedaling as you finally removed your hair from your face again to take in the sight before you. Your eyes scanned the clearing of trees in the dim light unable to find the man you had been questioning and just as you began to question what was even real, you heard him again, your head whipping in the direction of the sound. 

“I should be asking you that, considering you called for me..” He said, the humor never leaving his tone. You began to feel embarrassed at the thought of this man laughing at your pitiful state. Your cheeks grew red and your ears felt hot as you began wondering why you didn’t feel as in danger as you had earlier that night, deciding to deem it all on how wild the rest of your night had already been. Instead of answering you simply furrowed your brow, scanning and searching with your eyes still trying to find the source of the inquiry. Out of the blue in the still night, yet another breeze blew by roughly, chilling you to the bone. A branch suddenly creaked above you and you scrambled back to get a view of what could be perched there.

“Looking for me?” What you found, illuminated by the dim white moonlight, was a boy, seemingly about your age, swinging his legs softly to the gentle sway of the winds. His hair was strikingly white, pure as snow. His pale skin shone softly as if covered gingerly in new born stars. His eyes held mirth, much like his cheshire smile, and his whole body was lax with amusement as he stared down at you. In shock you stumbled backwards, falling over yourself and landing harshly on the ground, yet again tonight staring up at the sky. You felt the wind tousle your hair, but you didn’t seem to have the energy to care much as your mind grappled with its own questioning thoughts. 

“Uhm..lady? Are..haha..are you okay?” His question, broken with impish laughter, felt comforting in a way as he leaned over your form, searching your face with curious eyes and a interrogative furrowed brow. You turned your head softly, staring into the now shocked eyes of the boy with the angular features and moon like eyes before suddenly your lips twitched, the corners of them quirking before a laugh began to bubble out of your chest. The laugh itself with incredulous and loud, joyous like a little kid finally discovering how something works. The boy looked back at you, tilting his head like a confused puppy as he watched you sit up slightly, leaning on your elbows. He didn’t make a move to back up or give you any space, instead leaning closer to examine you further. 

“Did you hit your head or something, funny lady?” He said, his deep voice and boy-like expression of wonder and frustrating confusion only spurring your laughter on further as you grappled for breath. The events of tonight were catching up with your exhausted state and you found yourself wondering if this boy who shone so brightly on this gloomy night was even real. 

Once you could finally catch your breath you sat upright and really took in the sight of him. He may have seemed young on the outside, but somehow he held a powerful aura, like he knew more then he let on. His smile was dazzling as he stared up at you with eyes that twinkled with a silent knowledge. You felt as though he was looking past your filthy outward appearance, and instead he was reading through your soul, listening silently to the story you couldn’t find the words to tell. 

He stood suddenly, as if he found the answer to the question that had been dancing around like the winds, curling through each of your minds. His smile became softer and more genuine as he looked down at your still seated self and slowly outstretched his hand. It was a gesture you were unfamiliar with. It wasn’t a sudden, demanding grasp of your non-consenting hand. It wasn’t rough and calloused, with a predator-like grin gracing his features, but, instead, as you slid your hand over his palm in a silent proclamation of trust you found yourself reveling in how silky smooth his larger, more slender hand felt wrapping around yours in a protective gesture. He glanced at you, a playful smirk playing on his cherry red lips. 

“Do you trust me?” He said, his deep voice breathy and patient, allowing you whatever amount of time you felt like you needed before you nodded slowly, hesitantly. He tilted his head in a munificent gesture, encouraging you to verbalize your thoughts. You felt the minuscule inkling of a curl to your lips forming, your eyes catching on how he seemed to be emitting light in this dim forest. The wind blew softly, ruffling your hair and caressing your now heated cheeks. He watched your features carefully as you bowed your head and giggled to yourself at the sensation of the winds dancing around the both of you. The chilly night felt warm as you turned your head slowly and methodically towards him again, your eyes glistening with an unreadable emotion and you breathed in deeply in a more relaxed manner. 

“I do.” You said, beaming up at him now, your small, frail hand squeezing his a little tighter. He smiled fully now and to you it felt like sunshine. He watched your face, entranced in your beauty taking not of how grateful he was to have answered your call tonight, vowing to bring that smile back whenever he could. Your expression grew concerned as the look in his eye changed and he suddenly pulled you towards him, wrapping one arm around your shoulders before taking off in a sprint. 

You tried to match his pace with a yelp, the wind now pushing you around forcefully. Your cries of protest were drowned out with his hysterical giggling. He forced you forward for a few more minutes as you began to question his strange motives before suddenly he came to a stop. His landing was much more graceful then your sudden stumbling forward, but as you gained your footing your objections died in your throat as you took in the sights around you. The forest behind you now, you stood in a clearing with grasses tickling your ankles, but the most impressive thing about this sight was the flowers. In full bloom, covering the surrounding area as far as your eyes could see were twinkling white flowers. Some stayed small and subdued, while others were larger, demanding more attention, but all of them shown with outstanding luminescence. Your breath caught in your throat as you stood completely rigid, taking in the sight. 

You then felt a soft breeze, pulling your out of your shock with a shiver before you felt an unexpected heat radiating from behind you. You felt a soft hand trace your jaw from somewhere behind as you held your breath expectantly. His hand moved from your jaw to trace the outline of your neck, gathering your hair lying there and tying it tenderly away from your face. Your sudden inhale as his fingers tickled the nape of your neck caused him to chuckle, his close proximity allowing you to feel his warm breath fanning over your shoulders. You suddenly felt balmy as he leaned his face closer, his breaths coming out in an intoxicating manner, dancing around the area where your neck meets your shoulder. 

“Look up.” He said, his voice coming out in a heady whisper. You gasped as you complied, your head whipping up too quickly, causing the male to snicker behind you. You couldn’t seem to care as you took in the sight before you. The once empty sky was now covered in brilliant gleaming stars, all feeling as though they were staring right at the two of you, encouragingly. You weren’t sure what they were encouraging, but just the silly thought itself had you laughing softly, your eyes slowly trailing over everything in front of you yet again. If it weren’t for the questioning hum the man had released you may not have even noticed the sturdy arms wrapped loosely around your waist or the cool skin of his cheek now resting on your exposed shoulder. You may not have even taken note of the breath now fanning comfortingly over your own blushing cheek of the look in his eyes as you turned slightly in his arms to get a better view of this new expression. 

He took in your overwhelmed face as you tried to form words for the thoughts racing through your mind and he laughed, his head tilted back and chuckles racking his toned chest. You took in the movement behind his green tunic, complimenting his pale skin and you blushed again, turning your face away sharply. He gripped your shoulder with one hand softly, making sure not to startle you, while his other hand outstretched softly to point towards the cushiony grass beside of you. You took the hint and made a move to sit and take in the view before you.

He giggled as he helped move the layers of your dress away so you could sit comfortably before taking his seat beside you. You found yourself becoming encumbered with exhaustion and slowly with the gentle breeze swaying the twinkling lights, you let your head pull to the side to rest easily on his shoulder. He moved slowly as to not jostle you allowing more comfort for your tired form.

“You know, lady. I never caught your name..” He said, a hint of gentle humor lacing his deep baritone.

“I’m sorry..” You hummed out, “I’m y/n. Supposed princess of this kingdom.” You said, your tone sounding harsh even to your own ears. “I’m not sure I’d like to even ask who you are.” You said, laughing to help lighten the mood.

“Hmm.. I don’t think I was ever given a name where I am from.” Your brow furrowed at his response as you moved your head from its resting perch to look up at his questioningly. He laughed again, his body folding as he chuckled at your expression. “A story for another time, y/n.” You accepted his response begrudgingly, distracted by the way your name sounded on his lips.

“So what are you going to do when morning comes, little one?” He said, no malice in his tone. You sighed harshly flopping backwards to lay in the soft grass fully, surrounding yourself in the perfumed scent of the fluttering flowers. He took that as an answer in itself as he watched you, amused.

“You need to go back.” You groaned loudly as these words left his lips and he laughed as he shushed you, pushing you softly causing you to dramatically roll over laying your head on his thigh, a noise of protest leaving your bemused lips. “Let me finish would you!” He continued, annoyance playfully covering the syllables while he ran his fingers gently through your messy hair. You smiled, appeased for a moment while staring longingly towards the stars above. The sky was lightening and you felt your smile slipping at the realization that they would be gone again soon.

He frowned watching your face grow frantic with concern before softly resting his cools fingertips on the bottom of your chin, non-forcefully turning your face in his lap to look at his own passionate expression. He tilted his head to match the angle of your, his silliness making you giggle softly before continuing.

“You may have to go back, but you can always come back here, it’s all for you.” He let his eyes slowly trail over you, landing on your hand twisting anxiously tearing up small strands of the grass without realizing. He slid one of his hands comfortingly down your arm, trailing his fingertips lightly over the back of your hands. It felt as if getting a sunburn, getting too close to the beauty of something terrifying. “Look to the stars, I’ll always be there, watching and waiting.” He finished, his voice getting deeper with each second he stared at your animated expression staring up at him expectantly.

You felt your eyes welling up with tears at the peace being here brought to you, knowing it would be ending soon. You tried forming words, prayers, but your lips were too wobbly and my voice was too weak.

“When will I see you again? Wh-what should I even call you??” You finally managed to squeak out, the thick, hot tears you felt curling down your cheeks didn’t sting nearly as much as the thought of leaving him here, only to return to the torturous duties lined up for you at your home. He smiled sadly at you, blurring your senses with how ethereal he looked. His hands twitched against your wrist as he continued his comforting path, avoiding your eyes as he furrowed his brow in thought. Without thinking, out of desperation for an answer, you swiftly intertwined your own fingers with his, your palms slotting together as if fitting missing puzzle pieces together.

“You’ll see me when you need me.. but I’ll always be there.” You pursed your lips in a pout and he smiled again, taking his hand once tangled in your hair and running it slowly, methodically over your furrowed brow, smoothing the skin there and allowing your features to find solace again. “and why don’t you give me a name that you like, y/n.” He offered, his voice softer than you had heard it before, no amusement, only timid hope.

A name. Something so uniquely human. Something lovingly crafted for an individual. Something that holds meaning and myth. Something totally your own. You frowned in thought for a moment and he watched as your eyes glazed over patiently. Suddenly, you sat up rigidly, turning to face him, leaning closer then you had ever been previously. The sudden movement startled him, causing him to laugh awkwardly, his eyes blown wide while staring at your expectant and excited face.

“I’ve got it! I’m going to call you Felix!” You exclaimed. He furrowed his brow, tilting his head and repeating the syllables slowly, testing the way they tasted on his lips. Then he smiled at you teasingly, taking your breath away briefly. You rushed to find some way to explain yourself before the heat fighting it’s way up your neck found your cheeks. You stared into his eyes determined before explaining. “It means happiness. I found happiness tonight, here with you, when I couldn’t back there. They may not ever make me happy, but I have you. My happiness. My Felix.” You finished, grinning widely, appeased.

His grin couldn’t be contained as he laughed softly at how cute you could be. As he let his grin take over his features he let his eyes drift over your close proximity. His fingers began to unfold from between yours, drifting their way up your wrist, feeling your rushing heart beat. They slowly danced over your shoulder making you shiver slightly, as he noticed his teeth took purchase in his bottom lip, the movement catching your eye. His fingertips barely tickled the skin of your neck, causing goosebumps to break out over your skin. Once his hand pushed your hair back, tucking it behind your ear you could hear your own breathing, practically panting at his gentle actions. The longing in your eyes causing his eyes to become hooded with a guarded emotion.

Slowly, his hand found its place on your cheek, his cool palm was in great contrast to your too warm skin. You reveled in the feeling, yearning to remember the way this solace felt in this moment. He smiled softly, a flash of teeth all you could see before he was leaning in tenderly. He allowed you to make the moves on your own as well, only continuing forward when you would and only you were both nearly touching, so close you were breathing the same air, he allowed himself a glance at your pink lips. His tongue darted out to wet his own lips before he pulled back slightly a serious expression on his face.

“Can I?” His voice came out breathy, heavy with something you couldn’t name. You smiled softly, pleased with his ability to ask, always thinking of your feelings first. You couldn’t even resist long enough to answer before you were wrapping some of your fingers around his larger wrist, tangling the others in his too pretty hair, pulling his face towards yours and connecting your lips together passionately.

This kiss was unlike anything you had ever heard of, instead of sparks and passion it was butterflies and subtle hints of laughter you could feel bubbling in your chest. The kiss was lingering and slightly bittersweet. You could taste the saltiness on your lips from your tears mixing with the sweetness of his lips on yours. It was perfectly melancholy and grossly beautiful. Tragedy in the form of serendipity.

As you parted Felix’s hands soothed your cheeks and wiped your tears, a smile playing jokingly on his lips. He poked your nose and leaned forward to kiss your forehead lovingly. You smiled through the onslaught of tears and gasped at the dawning sky above you now. Your eyes frantically searched for stars you knew you wouldn’t be able to see anymore, until they fell on Felix’s sad expression. He tried to smile softly for your sake as he stroked your cheek gently.

He then removed himself from you, before standing and helping you up as well. Once you were both standing, staring at each other with eyes full of unspoken words he breathed in deeply before leaning in to plant another swift, stolen kiss on your lips. You smiled as he pulled away, staring at the way his handsome features curled in amusement at your shocked form. He then, without your noticing, had moved his hand to the back of your head and with a soft mutter of words he knew you wouldn’t understand, you were suddenly unconscious in his arms. He lifted you, bridal style, and began walking back towards the forest where you had first met.

——

Once you all were back to the castle, a gentle breeze swaying the curtains, he laid you tenderly on your bed, smoothing your hair out around you and covering you with your own cushion-like blankets.

“Forgive me, princess. I usually would have asked.” He laughed quietly as you stirred in your sleep, as stubborn as you would have been awake. “I won’t be here when you awaken, but I’ll be back for you. You never have to be alone.” He slowly leaned forward, delicately placing a feathery light kiss on your lips. He made his way back to the window, tiptoeing as to not wake you, before turning to get one final glance at you.

“I’ll stay for you, y/n. Always.” He said, the ghost of a smile gracing his lips as a singular tear, the color of moonlight fell from his eye before all that was left in the room was a lonely princess and a gentle, light air dancing through the window like laughter and stolen kisses on a night only two will remember.

——————

[kaypeace21]

i’m a survivor too, and i found that certain scenes/stuff will said just really struck me as ‘csa-survivor’-like? i felt a bit uncomfortable about headcanoning it happening to someone else, especially for a fandom as wild as this one, but your metas have really been a comfort to me because they’ve been able to pick out and explain things that i couldn’t necessarily find the words for myself.

and yeah, i would love to have a character like me that is powerful and who finds love and who gets a happy ending. the people who call the theory disgusting always kinda hit wrong with me because although csa is a difficult subject, we shouldn’t be ashamed about sharing it. they sound like they’re trying to say that it’s a bad topic to talk about and implying that it can’t happen to kids, which uhhhhh-

(i’m sure that’s not what they mean, precisely, but it’s still what they sound like, and i wish that they would stop implying that we can’t exist, especially in popular media. we do, and i’m not gonna pretend we don’t, and if they feel uncomfortable with the topic they can just use the block button. we deserve to have some well written representation just as much as anyone else. also, i really really hope that will gets a happy ending.)

anywayyyy i love your theories and i can see your post in the tag so i think you’re fine?? have a good day ❤️❤️❤️

SORRY, this ask took so long to respond to. It always warms my heart to hear other survivors speak and say they found comfort in my theory.

Yes, I think I and a lot of c*a/r*pe victims (subconscious or otherwise) were triggered by some of the symbolism/visuals in s1-3. And s3 made it hard for most of us to ignore the past imagery- since s3 wasn’t as subtle.

I get why people have reservations about the theory. But the debates to the contrary are usually just plain offensive. Or people trying to be respectful but being the opposite. There’s the obvious bad-apples . I got many anons after part 1 of my DID theory saying it “ruined/tainted byler”, and “if that happened to Will i’ll stop shipping byler” , or that it  “ruins the best gay character” ,  and to “remove the post immediately”. And this was when I was open about being a gay c*a victim. I obviously blocked them. Many survivors don’t come forward because they’re afraid people will see them as “tainted”, “ruined”, “ just their trauma”, or blame them for what happened. So yeah, it pisses me off when people say similar stuff about Will (and thus other c*a victims). Not even diving into the messed up psychology about byler/mileven shippers (knowing i was a lesbian c*a victim) but purposely spreading bs rumors about me being a p*do that was into Will/Noah-all because of the theory. -_-

Then there’s the people who try to be “respectful” but literally do the opposite.

I’ve heard numerous times it’s somehow “less offensive” to just use r*pe imagery to make monsters scary. Rather than have  the monsters have that imagery cause Will created the monsters from his memory/imagination-and st is a story of Will healing from that trauma. SORRY- I disagree. Using the worst experiences of peoples’ lives (and triggering their trauma) for no real purpose- except to make their monsters scarier to the normal/general audience who haven’t gone through it so won’t be triggered like us - is MORE OFFENSIVE to victims! NOT LESS! At least to me.

Then there’s the people who say “c*a should never be talked about (in stories).” Which I disagree with. V*ctims have already been told by ab*ser’s  and enablers of the ab*ser- to never talk about what happened to us  . So it rubs A LOT of us the wrong way when people say this.  Because (subconscious or not) you remind some of us of the people who used to hurt/silence us. People say this -simply for their convenience (like ab*sers) and cause deep down they’re uncomfortable with our existence and equate the despicable act to us the innocent v*ctim ...or just want to deny the horrible reality of the situation (like many enablers who deny the truth and hurt us because they don’t want to accept reality) . And 1) It brings us back to a time where they told us to NEVER talk about it- and makes us feel like we did something wrong when we didn’t! 2) Every psych professional says with-holding/keeping the ab*se a secret is detrimental to our mental health.

Plus, there’s a HUGE difference between sugarcoating/minimizing trauma or WORSE glamorizing, condoning, or romanticizing C*A in stories (ex: pretty little liars) VS showing how the action is wrong, causes trauma, but showing recovery and happiness is still possible for v*ctims.  if the story shows how accurately traumatizing it is (instead of minimizing/glamorizing it)- it’s incredibly rare for that character to get a happy ending. Having a story about recovering from that type of trauma and finding happiness despite such hardships would be amazing for US survivors! We rarely get stories with a happy ending-  it’s more harmful to us survivors to never see ourselves get happy endings in tv/film/books. How can some survivors (in a dark place) think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel- if it’s never shown?Also if Will has DID too- it’s good mental health rep, along with queer rep (and survivor’s rep.) All 3 groups rarely are treated well or get happy endings in media. A lot of people may feel more heard, seen, and a bit more hopeful for the future - If Will (and other characters) get a happy ending.

And even though st has many themes- like say homophobia. To try and hand-wave all the disturbing  r*pe imagery away  as ‘Will is just gay so the monsters are like that”. IS SOOOOOO offensive. Trigger warning for examples. I’m sorry what part of Max saying when Billy had c*nsensual s*x it’s “good screams” but when possessed by the mf he causes Heather to do “bad screams” read as gay???! Having the possessed ch*ke/dr*g people before throwing them in trunks (like it’s implied Lonnie did to Will -since Jonathan checked Lonnie’s trunk for Will in s1)?Tying their arms and legs up/ g*ging  them and  getting on top of them and saying “stay VERY still it’ll all be over soon”-before a monster shoves it’s tentacle into someone’s mouth and inserts a goo - just gay??? Similar to the sentient vine/shadow monster forcing itself down Will’s throat. Let alone Will saying things like “he made me do it”, “i felt it everywhere”, or being tied to a bed and screaming “help! stop! it hurts! let me go!” While Jonathan is the only one who’s visibly triggered by this and has to literally turn away and hug someone . Or barb, billy, and El spiting up a white liquid from their mouth (similar to will spitting up a slug and lying to his mother about it ).El/billy touching a suspicious looking slime with their hand and looking at the substance confused . El drawing Papa with 3 legs (the middle one being shorter) ,  trying to undress in front of the boys , and Benny saying “I think she’s been ab*sed or something”.The theme of ab*sive dads- brenner , Lonnie, and Neil . Even when the demogorgan (called in d&d the “deep father”/ in the show “a man without a face”) attacked Barb it’s chopped up with scenes of Nancy having c*nsensual sex (the monsters are doing the opposite symbolically). There’s way more examples but NO- to try and hand wave /equate ALL OF THIS to just “gay imagery” or an “a*ds metaphor” is WAY more problematic. And just offensive (specifically to gay people) than just admitting what it may actually represent. R*pe imagery and gay imagery is NOT THE SAME THING!

Also ST has never been a kid show- maybe rewatch the show and see the rating of tv-14 . Goodness sake- s1 has a st*ged su*icde, k*dnappings, m*rder, discussions of physics, h*mophobia, and s*x (with stancy in s1 & jancy in s2-s3). S2/3 discuss at their finalies recovering from tra*ma . S2 had gra*ic de*ths,  a man causing a women br*in damage/ and faking her m*scarriage, and a gang of vigalantes k*lling criminals. s3 had critiques on capitalism /media/s*xism, many d*eaths, and questionable imagery like the prior seasons. The Duffers constantly reference  movies & events from the 80s (capitalizing on 80s nostalgia /subverting 80s motifs that middle age people  from that time remember)! Those people were their intended age demographic . Most 80s centric refs go over most kids’ heads (heck a lot went over my head too since I wasn’t alive in the 80s XD).The Duffers even said in the book “worlds turned upsidedown”  “it’s not a kid’s show despite having kids”. And maybe it’s a coincidence but when Lucas in s3 hands Will the “devil’s baby” firework (a hint about Lonnie) he says “18 and over only.” Which idk is a weird/random af line unless it’s foreshadowing that the show will get darker about various themes- and maybe even change ratings.

I get people wishing nothing bad ever happened to Will or Jonathan. And being apprehensive and not trusting the Duffers to do such a story justice (cause it’s difficult to do). But personally i trust them to do so tastefully with tact and not be exp*itative, (overly gr*fic) or offensive to v*ctims. You can disagree and think the show is about something else (or not trust the Duffers)- but it’d be great if people could stop using these other messed up talking points. While trying to appear ‘(fake) woke’ and like they care for victims- cause we see through it that you really don’t.

Have a lovely day anon ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Update- I just really agreed with and appreciate the tags in this reblog

[cristophynn]

broken promises

summary: you promised you wouldn't leave. you promised him you wouldn't get hurt. yet, there you were— gunshots on your body and blood spilling out of your wounds. it wasn't long until levi was breaking down into tears in front of his comrades, all the while regretting the choices made and begging the walls to give you back. every single word reminds him of you, and it hurt him too much.

pairing: levi/reader

warnings/tags: reader dies, mentions of blood, angst angst angst, levi cries.

author's note: flashbacks are in bold+italics in case you didn't know. levi also seems ooc here but he has a soft spot for you and thus acts different when it comes to you :(((( but reader is dead so,,,, anyways please enjoy

ao3 link: broken promises.

"Oi, (Last Name), stay with me! You idiot! I can't believe you'll get hurt like that after I trusted you to not get yourself injured!" You heard yelling, and you immediately recognized who that voice belonged to. Of course, you knew that there were unsaid words towards you, such as— You promised to not hurt yourself, and you knew that.

"Haha, you must be out of your mind. There's no way I would be a squad leader." You heard Levi letting out a snort, and you couldn't help but chuckle softly at his statement. Gently running a hand through his black strands, you watched as his eyes went wide and a bright pink color dusting against his cheeks. "The hell are you doing?" His question came out in a stammered manner, and you could only pull him near you before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. When you pulled back to look at his face, you could see him avoiding your gaze and lips trembling, and you thought for a second that the man you were actually showing affection to was a doppelganger because of the change in his personality.

"Why are you so red, bub?" You asked him with a coy smile on your face, and you took the chance to peck his lips softly. You were confident that he was imploding at the moment when you got no response from him. You lifted him up a bit, letting his legs fall on either side of you, and he complied as he comfortably sat down on your lap. Gently caressing his face and drawing light circles on his cheeks, you pulled him close to let his head rest upon your shoulder. You felt him bury his face against your neck, and his arms slithering around your waist to pull you close. "You'd make a great leader, okay? Trust me."

His response came out muffled from his position, but you understood him nonetheless. "I'll trust you on that. Just promise me you won't hurt yourself or leave me."

"I promise, okay?"

Everything in your sight was blurry, and the only thing that you could make out of your awful, 144p resolution sight was the tangerine-colored sky which was fading into a dark red hue. It was beautiful, but the view was incomplete because of the damned silhouette in front of you. The next thing she could make out was not something you could see, but you felt — and it was a fucking pain in the ass (not really on the ass, but you know). It was on your shoulder blade, your stomach, and also on your waist, but it was still a bitch and beckoning you to just give up and sleep it off. You were then shocked when you were thrown into the air for a bit before falling back into a wooden surface — and even though it was just a bump, it hurt you so badly that you couldn't help but groan out in pain, eyes closing in distress and brows furrowing like it could help stop you pain and make it go away. You remembered brief, sudden flashbacks about gunshots and— oh shit. That's when you realized you were actually on a cart, and it only hit you that you were supposed to be helping with Hange's wounds. Witnessing her being shot in the shoulder made you mentally tear up in frustration, cussing at yourself for being such a horrible friend. You sat up in an instant and your eyes went wide, sight becoming clear by now and your wounds becoming more painful by the minute.

"Stop, Section Commander! You're losing a lot of blood, and it won't help if you suddenly sit up like that! You have to lie down!" Armin's voice was alert as he made you lie back on the wooden cart, a single bead of sweat going down as he held the cloth of blood against her stomach, and you could only groan out in pain as you placed your head back where you were previously lying down on. Surprisingly, though, you were met by the face of the Ackerman staring down at you with visible concern and anger in his eyes, and you were already tearing up at the thoughts going through your mind. You were already getting dizzy again, and it was so tempting that you wanted to succumb into the calling of slumber.

"Fichtner! They just lost a lot of blood because of the bump!" The squad captain was scolding his subordinate as he desperately held the cloth against the wound on your shoulder blade.

"Levi! His gums are bleeding because he lost a tooth." You frowned at him as you handed the new titan-shifter an ice pack and made him place it on top of his black eye that he got from your ruthless lover's kicks. Levi only rolled his eyes and tapped on the couch's armrest, and you strode towards him before throwing yourself into his arms, not really minding the public display of affection you were showing towards him. "You went too far. Do I need to say more about your actions? I'm making you sleep outside of the room tonight."

"E-Excuse me, but are you two… Married?" You heard Eren ask the both of you, and you only muffled a laugh against your boyfriend's shoulder.

You resisted the urge to hit Levi with the ice pack you gave the teenager after hearing his response. "Yeah, kid. Married with three kids and five dogs. It's up to you to decide whether they're adopted or not."

"Levi, no—"

Sasha groaned out in frustration as she kept her hold on the cloth on your waist. Sasha was really trying to not let it bleed as much, she really was — because she can't afford to lose someone like you. Who else would she ask for help to steal food from without getting in trouble, or ask for delicious food and have it beautifully cooked? Besides, you were a great soldier, and the squad leader of the Elite Protection Team. Who else would lead them properly if you weren't there? "Those people are crazy… They got shot in so many places." She scowled before taking a look at the blood the superior was losing, and Sasha was almost in tears when she realized how bad it really was. "I think it's gonna take a while for this to heal, Section Commander. Please hold on."

"Shit!" You hissed out, momentarily shocking the three people with you on the wagon for a bit. Your teeth were gritting as you brought your uninjured arm up to your eyes, unable to face any of your comrades at the moment. You clearly remembered telling everyone to not die, yet here you were, the one girl who suffered the most injuries and was on the verge of dying. "I hate this, I can't be going like this… My mom— what will happen to her… " Your voice broke out at the sudden reality that hit you, your fists clenching and visibly shaking as you did your best to not cry out. You were in so much pain, and you wanted it to end — but you still wanted to live on and continue on with your life, grow old and stay to see how everything would end. The three people tending to your wounds in the cart, along with the soldier on the horse helping the cart move, stayed silent at the statement you let out, and it only took them moments to realize that you were on the verge of crying.

"Oi, you brat. Don't cry. You're not gonna die." Levi spat out, his brows furrowing as he pressed the cloth more onto the shoulder blade, trying his best to stop the bleeding. When he saw it was no use and only caused more to come out, with his hands tainting red, he cursed out as he frantically looked up. "Fuck's sake!" He was fuming, and if anyone dared to look at him — they would be met by the man with steam coming out of his ears and his glare that could kill anyone on sight. "Out of all the things you could have packed in a small ratio, why is it that the bandages were so few? Keep searching!"

"Hey, stop crying, okay?" You whispered as you continued to rub gentle circles on his back, letting him cry on your shoulder as you two sat across each other on the bed. "You did what you could. You know that, right?" You hummed softly and raised a hand to place a gentle hand behind his head, pressing a chaste kiss on his forehead. "Just let it all out. I understand."

Levi's hands were shaking as he gripped your shirt tightly, his knuckles white and his lips letting out muffled cries. His tears were staining your shirt, but you could care less, really. He was your priority at the moment. "You said I'd become a great leader…" He cried, his voice coming out muffled. He was so, so small, and you felt like he would crumble into pieces if you hugged him tighter. "If I was a great leader, why would I let them die? Why couldn't it be me?" He asked through hitched breaths, feeling more tears roll down his cheeks. "None of your squad members died. Your members are some of the strongest out there— and they literally risked their lives to give backup or to save anyone last minute. Yet, none of them are dead. How could you understand this?"

"We tried, Captain, we did! There's really none left! There was… Only enough to cover Hange's wound." Eren said as he raised his head from one cart, the wind hitting his hair and making it blow in such a way that would almost make his brown locks cover his emerald green hues.

Your heart ached at his statements. You couldn't help but gently lay a hand on his cheek. You made him look up at you, and the moment you saw his flushed, tear-stained face, you spoke, "They are my friends, Levi. How could I not understand?" You let out in a whisper, voice wavering. You saw his brows furrowing and eyes welling up with tears at your words, and you immediately locked your lips with his. He lets out a muffled sob through the kiss, and you felt him pulling you closer. When he pulled away, you felt him lay his head on your shoulder. You gently rubbed circles on his back as you let him cry it all out, feeling your throat tighten as a tear rolled down your cheek.

Sasha huffed, looking around for any cloth there was so she could at least wrap the wound in something. A blanket from one of the carts caught her eye, and she immediately called Connie's attention just for him to hand the blanket to her. "Connie! We're going to give the Section Commander makeshift bandages! Hand me that blanket!" She yelled, causing the two boys on the cart to have a small trickle of hope up their guts and rise to their chest. Thank god for Sasha, indeed.

You paid no attention to your surroundings anymore after that, raising your arm and just stared up at the sky. The sight of the sky — and the Corporal's face — was something you were definitely content with, and you didn't mind just staring up at it with your last moments. You were tracing every single detail with your eyes, wanting to raise a hand and touch his face — so you did. Soft. Smooth. He had clear skin that was tainted with blood because of your dirty, blood-stained hand, but he paid no attention to it. He was fine with it, because this would possibly be the last time you'll hold his face again — and he was not risking letting the moment sizzle down into nothing. You were just running your fingers and letting it follow the lines of his face, and he was only watching you with a pained look as he felt the gentle fingers ever so slightly ghost over his skin.

"It's the first snow of the year, Levi." You smiled wide as you were staring up at the sky, watching as the white snowflakes slowly started falling down. "My mom told me before that whoever I spend time with during the first snow of the year, I would be spending my whole life with them until I die. I'm glad it's you." You let out a soft chuckle as you gently took hold of his hand before lacing your fingers together. "Isn't it so pretty?"

Levi was only staring at your brightly-smiling face, and he couldn't help but raise his unoccupied hands up to cup your cheek, causing you to look back at him with a soft hum. He ghosted his fingers just on your face, and when he met your eyes, he gave you his rare smile that never failed to make your heart skip a beat. Without hesitation, he leaned in to press a soft kiss on your lips. "Yeah, it's pretty. Breathtaking, even." He mumbled just enough for you to hear, and before you could even have a chance to reply, he once again leaned into you, pressing soft kisses all over your face.

Everything was like a blur, and you were too tired. You just wanted to close your eyes as you slowly brought your hand down, feeling too tired to keep it up. Your eyes were slowly fluttering, and you tried your very best to keep them open, but it was evident that you were struggling.

Levi's eyes went wide, and his other arm was shaking her awake. "Oi, oi— Keep your eyes open, (Name)! You can't be giving up on us!" He frantically said, and Armin only stayed silent while Sasha was ripping out the fabric. Hange, upon silently listening to the commotion from the other cart, felt her heart ache. Not only because her best friend from day one in the Cadets, and up until now, was dying in front of her— but also for Levi. She felt bad as he was witnessing the man slowly losing all of the people who he adored so much in his life. First his mom, then Isabel and Furlan, then his squad, and now you? For Levi, it was like a never-ending cycle of oh hi you're nice, i'm taking care of you, oh fuck, they're dead.

Your brows were furrowed, and your face had a pained expression as you softly hissed out when a certain liquid hit against your wound — but what can you do about it? You should be thankful instead that your comrades were improvising for their lack of medical supplies. You felt like your hip was being raised and then wrapped around in something, but you were just too tired to watch to find out what they were cleaning and wrapping your wounds with. Levi was rubbing small circles on your cheek softly with his thumb, and you were comfortably leaning into his touch. You felt calm because of his light, feathery touches. Humanity's Strongest, handling the love of his life on his lap with care, because if he would apply more pressure, the kid would end up breaking. Corporal Levi, staring at the pained expression on your face, wanting to do nothing but pull you into a hug, press a chaste kiss on your lips, and tell you that it'll be fine. Captain Ackerman, listening to your pained noises and praying to the goddamn walls to just take away the pain you were feeling and let him be in your position. It was a sight to you, really.

As Sasha was wrapping the fabric around your hip, Levi was trying to keep you conscious — keeping you alive. His touches didn't help, though. You felt sleepier because of how soft it was and you almost wanted to yell at him because it was making you sleepier — but you couldn't; you knew he was doing it to distract you from the pain you were feeling. "(Name). (Name), open your eyes this instant!" He was already tearing up as he looked into your dull, teary eyes — once bright, but now dark and resembled a dead person's eyes. He was close to breaking down now, but he was holding on and keeping himself sane in front of you. He wanted to be strong for you. Out of frustration, he leaned down and pressed his forehead against yours.

"Open your eyes, Levi." You pouted, and he only grunted in response. His head was beside yours, body facing each other, your hands playing with the strands of his hair, and your legs entangled as you listened to the classical music playing on the old record player. You huffed before leaning closer, pressing your forehead against his and nuzzling your nose against his.

The eskimo kiss was enough to make his eyes flutter open, and upon seeing how close your bright eyes were, he couldn't help but smile gently and pull you closer to him, hugging you tightly by the waist. "What a nice way to wake up."

He found it hard to do it, though. Pushing back his tears and trying to swallow the lump in his throat when you were barely breathing just in front of him— how could he hold himself back? When he saw your eyes doing its best to keep it open and then maintain eye contact with his own eyes, he found himself giving up and finally breaking the facade. "I'm still going to marry you, god dammit… I told myself I would do that…" He softly whispered as he gave in to his emotions, his voice breaking and his tears flowing freely from his eyes. His shoulders were shaking as he cried, and everyone was witnessing him break down into a meek puddle of tears because of you. He was becoming like this because of you. He was feeling things like this because of you. His whole world turned upside-down because of you. But still, he wouldn't have it any other way because he loves you.

"Hey," Levi called you after coming back from the cell that Ralph and Sannes were kept in. You turned to look at him with a gentle smile, facing away from Sasha, who fell asleep on the table after eating a shit ton of bread loaves. Patting the empty seat next to you, you signalled for him to sit next to you. He didn't, though, and instead chose to stand, towering over your sitting figure. "After all this titan shit is over and Historia is crowned queen, let's get married and have a family."

Oh, shit. You definitely did not expect that. You choked on your breath for a bit, and you held back the grin that was fighting its way to get on your lips. "What the hell? That wasn't what I expected after hearing you torture the shit out of those two. I thought you were about to start ranting." You huffed, crossing your arms as you stared at him. The pout formed on your lips was just so kissable, that Levi almost pressed a kiss then and there, but he held himself back to save the kisses for later.

Levi scoffed a bit, rolling his eyes before getting down on one knee. Your pout faltered and it slowly formed into a wide smile. The man saw how your eyes turned into crescents, and he couldn't help but smile back just as wide as you as he pulled out a diamond ring (that both of you were looking at a few days ago) from one of his pockets. "I really can't imagine myself with someone else that isn't you. Just marry me already, we've known each other for six years and we're both getting older. I don't want to die without starting a family, you know." He said, nonchalant as ever as he gently held one of your hands and slipped on the ring on your finger.

"I was supposed to propose to you after Historia is crowned queen, you know. But, you had a head start, apparently." You let out a soft laugh as your unoccupied hand reached out into your back pocket, and pulled out the same diamond ring he had slipped on your ring finger. You then took the hand that was holding your other one. "Well, let's get married, Levi." You gently slipped on the ring before pressing a soft kiss on his forehead.

"I'm taking your last name, (Name). No buts."

"Armin, I'm done with the hips. Here, I'll hold them up for you." Sasha's voice was heard, and a few rustling followed. Sasha handed the bottle of alcohol and the ripped blanket to Armin before taking hold of your bloodied waist. He hesitated for a bit, but decided to undo the bottom part of your dress shirt anyways. Once your stomach was exposed, you felt immense pain coarse through your body as some sort of liquid poured on the wound on your stomach, but you were too tired to complain and resist anymore. Armin was squeamish when it came to treating wounds, but he was doing his best for the Section Commander who was on the verge of death. You then felt your stomach wound being wrapped up, and although it was a pain keeping your body up, Sasha was helping you out.

You saw Levi raise his body again, his cheeks had dried tear streaks on them, and he only watched as Armin used the ripped sheets as bandage. He trailed his eyes away from his lover and just stared at the empty horse that you used to ride. His eyes slowly trailed down and took a look at your tear-stained face, who only had your brows furrowed and your bottom lip between your teeth as you did your best to endure the pain you were feeling. With furrowed brows, Levi took a deep breath and took the remainders of the ripped fabrics and the bottle of some kind of alcoholic drink. Sasha went to hold the cloth on your shoulder blade for him, while Armin lifted you up.

"Captain, please take off their shirt." The other boy instructed as he proceeded to unbutton the last buttons of your dress shirt, and Levi only nodded and followed the instructions quietly. He didn't want to argue. He didn't want to give you memories of him yelling at his subordinates for asking him to strip you off your clothes to heal your wounds, so he just complied. Armin laid your figure back down in an instant once the article of clothing was removed, while Levi proceeded to pour the last portions of alcohol onto your wound. They had to dig out the bullets later, unfortunately, and he silently cursed when he realized that there were three bullets stuck inside.

Your eyes went wide and your uninjured arm clenched into a fist once again, making sure you didn't let out a screech because of the pain you were feeling. "Hold on for a while for me, okay? I'm sorry." Levi apologetically tried to reassure her as he began wrapping your wound in the cloth, making sure it was tight enough yet going as gentle as he could with you. "The pain is temporary, and you're staying with us. I'm sure of it."

"Hey. You okay?" You asked with a sad smile, approaching the stoic man who had his head in between his hands. He was alone, a taboo sight, since you were always used to seeing him hanging around Isabel and Furlan since their first day. He craned up his head to look at the source of the voice and was a tad bit surprised to see you still awake in the middle of the night.

His eyes narrowed after widening for a second, and his gaze locked back on the pile of firewood. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why are you still awake, anyway?" He huffed out and didn't really pay attention to you. Which is why when he suddenly felt your presence right beside him, he was shocked and almost jumped out of his skin. His dull answer only made you frown.

Losing his only two friends just a few hours ago definitely shocked him, you thought, and it's their first expedition, even. You smiled softly and looked up at the night sky, eyes sparkling in delight. "You know, there is a constellation of two turtle doves up there. You might not be able to see it, but it's fine. I can't, too. But, it's up there, somewhere." You said, before turning to look at him, and he was only looking at you with a questioning gaze.

You held back a laugh at how he looked. He wasn't really unattractive— quite decent looking, to be honest. He was quite adorable, and you were sure he was kind on the inside despite what he might seem.

You continued to speak, not breaking eye contact with the man in front of you. "Anyways, turtle doves mean friendship. I'm pretty sure you could connect the dots by now. Two birds, up there, not visible, and friendship. They're two adorable kids, aren't they?" You chuckled and let out a soft sigh, running a hand through your hair. "My point is— Furlan and Isabel are up there, watching over you, Levi. They always will be. So, hold on for a while, okay? The pain is only temporary, I'm sure of it."

For the first time in his life, Levi felt himself bursting into tears in the middle of the campfire, underneath the undeniably bright sky and crying to a stranger who seemed awfully familiar to him.

Sasha looked at the empty horse that was right in the middle of the formation, where you were supposed to be seated. Her eyes turned to shock when she suddenly saw the appearance of your body on the horse, smiling wide and riding alongside your squad members. "P-Please tell me that isn't what I think it is…" Sasha gasped out in horror, tears welling up in her eyes. She then looked back at your figure, and was met by you slowly closing your eyes. "Captain! The Section Commander is—!" She cut herself off, and Levi, who was almost finished wrapping her up, raised a brow as he looked at Sasha. When he saw how she was looking at you, his eyes went wide as he finished bandaging up your wound as fast as he could.

"Oi, (Name), I told you to stay with me!! You cannot die! That is an order, so you have to listen!" Levi yelled as he held your face between his hands. You felt so small when he did that, and as much as you wanted to pull him into a kiss, you were too weak to do so. Levi wanted to hold you like this again sometime in the future. He pulled you close to him, and Armin only stayed silent as he darted his royal blue eyes away from the scene, sighing softly.

"Listen, you kids absolutely cannot die." You ordered your squad members. They were strong enough and attentive enough to know when someone was in danger and to save them. "That is an order. If you think you kids are weak and think that you'll end up dying just to save someone's ass, leave the squad and ask Erwin to assign you to a new squad. I chose to have you on my squad because we're the ones protecting our fellow scouts from near death scenarios— including ourselves."

Levi thought it was weird— because why the hell are you commanding someone to not die. After Flagon and the rest of his squad died, he had to move into your squad (read: you practically begged Erwin for Levi to be placed under your care) until he was promoted to at least a squad leader. "What if we die then?" He snapped, wanting to test your patience. Fortunately, you were a very patient person (after having to put up with your squad's antics and Hange's energetic personality for more than five years).

"Then, you die. We couldn't do anything about it. Plus, why bother staying in this Protection Team if you're confident that you'll die? Might as well leave now before ruining our team's reputation of having a consistent number of zero deaths in the battlefield, then." You said with an unfaltering smile, not really minding his nature. "You won't die if you call for help, anyways."

"I love you. Don't go leaving me behind, you piece of shit. You're so selfish. Don't leave me all alone. I can't live without you beside me." Levi whimpered as he felt his lips tremble, a small tear running down his cheek. He looked up at your horse and saw you riding there, a wide smile plastered on your face. The figure of you riding on the horse turned to look at the cart where Levi was and let out a soft giggle. If that wasn't the most heartbreaking sight he'd seen after five years — he didn't know what was. It was happening all over again, and he was sure as hell not imagining shit right now. The same thing happened to Kuchel, his mother — who told him how much she loved him and never regretted having him despite not knowing who the father was. The same thing happened to Isabel and Farlan, two of his friends that were like his siblings he never wanted but enjoyed having — who were cheering him on and telling him how he should continue living his life even though they're not with him anymore. And now, the very thing was happening right before him all over again.

"Captain Levi, I love you!" They were yelling out as they waved at Levi, their wide smile turning into a cheeky grin. The wind was hitting against their face so perfectly, and it was causing the locks to flow beautifully. Levi could only stare at them with a slack jaw, heartbroken as he couldn't control the tears coming out anymore. He was too speechless. The beautiful soldier, right in front of them — in front of him — was smiling while yelling out words he knew that were your last thoughts in your mind. He hated how he was weak for you, how you were the only one who could change his mind, how you were the only one who made him feel this way after such a while. He hated how you, the one who always ordered people to not die, were now dying right in front of his eyes. The sight of your wandering spirit was enough to make his tears flow faster as he was only able to mutter out incoherent words, denial of the scene happening right in front of him clouding his mind.

He was hurt, but his eyes never left the sight of your adorable face that was giving him the frown that he sometimes let a small smile slip through whenever you were ready to nag at others. He saw the figure turn back to him once more. "I confessed my undying love for you and made myself look like an idiot, so you better be smiling now!"

"You know, you're a cute and nice guy, and I like you a lot. Actually, scratch that, I love you. Not just in a 'i want to squeeze your cheeks' type of way, but like a 'i want to date you' kind of way." You said with a small grin, staring at his face to look at his reaction. It was just as you expected from the man, especially since he was just in the middle of eating dinner. He choked in the middle of sipping the soup from the bowl, and the growing blush on his cheeks didn't go unnoticed by you. The last thing he expected was his superior to confess their feelings to him while they were eating in the dining area in front of their squad members. "Oh, wow, you choked on the soup. What an adorable reaction, Levi. Anyways, I'll be waiting for your response." You chuckled before standing up, collecting your own dirty plates to chuck it in the sink.

He knew you were clever and definitely confident, but he surely didn't expect for you to suddenly announce your feelings in the middle of dinner, right in front of your whole squad. There were seven members, nine including both you and Levi. Those seven members were perplexed, shocked, literally any word you could think of that relates to 'holy shit what happened'. He wasn't exactly avoiding you, or he didn't really hate you either. In fact, he liked you back — he just wasn't sure how to react. Sure, you treated him differently, he noticed, but you told him before that he was just someone you considered a good friend. For all he knows, you could be someone who would just end up leaving him. But, you were the one who he could talk to about anything, from his problems to his plans for the day. He used to have a hard time imagining a future, and he used to not really care for partners or think much about love because, why the hell would he waste time on that, he always thought.

Then again, you were the first one to really catch his interest for some reason. You were someone he could rely on most of the time, especially when Erwin was busy and he didn't have anyone to bother. You spent most of the day with him, mainly because whenever the squad finished their daily practices, you and him would always go to the best-selling café to drink some tea and eat some desserts as a reward. You were always in his mind, and he couldn't even deny that fact. Suddenly during one of their daily training routines, the man was shocked when he found himself imagining his future with nobody else but you, living under the same roof and having the most iconic and beautiful babies there ever was. He often realized that there were some days that he would just either stare at you for too long, or steal glances at you from time to time. He would always feel his heart beating like he just finished running a thousand miles whenever you were talking to him, or whenever you called his name, or just at everything that you did. It was like he was a teenage love-sick boy waiting for his crush to notice him.

It bothered him, to be honest, and he certainly didn't want to make things awkward. He thought to himself, What would be the harm in trying? So, he stood up and called out to you, catching the attention of many scouts. "Captain (Name), I love you!" You turned to look at him, amazed and giddy by the sudden answer from the newly-recruited soldier. As much as you wanted to scream in joy and hug him, you didn't. You just stood there, the dirty bowl and cup in your hand, staring straight at him as the words processed in your brain. It didn't take long for you to blush profusely once the gears in your brain clicked together, and it's as if the time and the people around you stopped. Your attention was focused on him, and him only. Upon seeing him flush more and hearing his next statement, you couldn't help but stifle a laugh. "Oi, I just confessed and made myself look like a damn idiot! Can you at least smile at me instead of laughing like a fucking airhead?"

You smiled at him and let out a laugh that sounded like music to his ears, and he felt his heart suddenly thump against his chest.

They opened their mouth as they continued to speak, "I'm sorry for wasting your money and not finishing the desserts back then, I was too full. I'm sorry for hitting you lots of times and even putting your life in grave danger. I'm sorry I was so selfish and sometimes hid the peppermint tea all to myself. I'm sorry, a hundred times sorry, for everything!" The figure on the horse smiled softly as their eyes closed. They opened their eyes once more and let out a laugh — the laugh that Levi always loved hearing. They turned away from Levi as they were humming the soft melody of his favorite lullaby, and he felt his eyebrows furrowing as he brought a hand up to run a hand through his hair before letting out a choked wail.

Levi closed his eyes and held you tightly, bringing your body up to his lap as he made your head rest on his chest. The way that his heartstrings were tugging on his heart were so harsh that he couldn't have the courage to keep quiet — making him let out choked sobs every so often. He didn't want to let go of you. He didn't want to face the reality of losing you in this way without even doing at least half of the things you two were planning to do together. Without hesitation, he placed your small frame back on the cart before pressing his lips against yours. He pulled away and pressed his palms against the middle of your chest and added pressure. The others were only leaving him be — because this was a first for all of them to witness Humanity's Strongest breaking down.

The orange sky, the horses running, the scent of iron, the wind blowing, the grass rustling. Him, you, the cart, his heartbreaking cries, and the silent comrades.

It was evident, and he doesn't have to tell them anymore, because they already know. He rarely acts out like this. They could tell already from that moment on that it was the first time he regretted his decisions. They heard him cry out in such a heart-wrenching way when he felt you let out your last breath, and cursed at the deities to bring you back when he knew you weren't moving even a single muscle anymore. His figure was shaking and his words were coming out in a babbled mess, while his never-ending waterfall of tears streaked down his face.

"Captain, you should go inside now. It's dark out and you need rest. It pains all of us, too."

Levi found himself still at the cart, now lying down and facing the dark, starry night. He was all alone, and it suddenly hit him that by this time, you would have fallen asleep outside because of how you were always staying and taking care of your horse like it was your best friend. He frowned even more before sitting up, a short sigh coming from his nose as he looked up and searched for the girl's horse that always stood out for him. Levi stood up and frowned even more as he walked towards it. The sight of the lonely mammalian was definitely taboo. Surprisingly, the blue roan was still awake, and Levi couldn't help but give the horse a sad smile as he approached it. It was beautiful and reminded him so much like its owner. Not because you looked like a horse, but because the horse stood out. Just like how you stood out.

"You're up all night. You must be tired, huh, girl?" He said with a soft voice as he gently caressed the soft black mane, his eyes trailing through the dark blue tips the horse had. "I know. You miss them — I mean, I do too." He frowned as he remembered the way you were always smiling at him with so much affection that it hurt him when he remembered that you used to look at him in the same way— like your horse. The horse softly neighed before bowing and giving the pale boy a gentle nudge with her nose. "I saw them riding with you today. That must have been your last ride with them, huh? As much as I didn't want it to be her last, I saw it with my own eyes" He whispered, feeling his frame shake softly as tears began pooling in his eyes. A soft sob came out from his slightly parted lips, followed by another, and another, until he couldn't hold back anymore and just let it all out. It was full of anguish towards those gun-wielding bastards and a plea to the girl who was peacefully resting now to come back. "I'm so sorry I couldn't take care of your owner… They were everything I ever asked for, and yet—" He cut himself off. He just couldn't finish that sentence.

"You trust me, don't you?" You said with a soft smile, walking to wrap your arms around his waist and leaning into his frame. He was by the sink, washing the dishes as the rest of the new Special Operations Squad were outside, doing some chores. You pressed a soft kiss on his shoulder blade. "Come on, Levi, I can fight Rod Reiss with you and the kids. And besides, you can't do this alone. I'd feel absolutely guilty if any of you gets injured and I'm not there to help out."

You felt the man take a deep breath, before sighing out and turning off the sink. He turned around and wrapped his arms around you, leaning into your frame to press a soft kiss on your lips before pulling away quickly to stare at your shining orbs. "I trust you. I just… I don't want to lose you, either. It's full of guns. It's dangerous. What if something bad happens to you?" He whispered with his infamous frown on his lips, and you felt him pulling you closer just to lay his head on you.

"Hey, it's okay, baby." You smiled as your hand worked its way up and started to play with his soft hair. "You're everything I could ever ask for. You'll be taking care of me, and I'll be taking care of you. We won't leave each other alone, right?"

"You're right. Fine. You can come with us."

Unbeknownst to him, your translucent frame was just there, right beside him and crying. You could touch him and you could talk to him, yet he couldn't feel you and he couldn't hear you. "(Name)... What do I do?" You heard Levi whimper in a small voice, and you couldn't help but feel so bad for him.

That night under the twinkling little stars, the squad captain found himself sitting his ass on the grass, knees giving up from how much he was shaking with a hand pressed against his lips and a river flowing down his cheeks, as he cried out his own symphony — hoping it would reach the person who he loved so much.

That night under the bright moon, you, the former section commander, found yourself trying to hug your lover, wanting to do nothing but pull him close to you, whisper sweet nothings into his ears, and calm him down until he falls asleep on your shoulder.

They finally crowned Historia queen, you thought to yourself as you watched the scene unfold before you. You laughed upon seeing the blonde teenager raise up her fists to give Levi a punch on his shoulder. Levi really didn't feel anything from that punch, but it was just enough to make him crack a smile towards the group of kids. The sight of their faces changing from amazement (from Historia finally being able to punch Levi) to absolute fear (because Levi smiled at them, which is a horrifying sight that would probably scare them for life) only made you laugh more. "I see that smile everyday, you know? It's not really a bad thing." You spoke up with pride in your chest, before realizing for the umpteenth time that they couldn't hear you.

"By the way, it's her funeral today." Levi suddenly spoke up soon after, and it caused them to go silent. The atmosphere changed quickly, going from a zero to a hundred. "You brats are coming to it later, right?" He asked in a quiet voice as he looked back down at his feet. One of his hands came out of his pocket to stare down at the platinum diamond ring on his ring finger, and an awfully painful memory went in his mind.

You didn't expect that they would hold a funeral for you. During your experience as a scout, nobody really did have a funeral since they all ended up getting mauled by titans. Maybe it was because you weren't killed by titans, but people? Or maybe because it was Levi, the first person who you expected to throw a funeral for you out of everyone in the scouts.

"You… Were supposed to get married to her soon, weren't you…" Sasha trailed off as she tried to break the awkward silence, smiling sadly at the man who you were supposed to marry. The rest of the kids' eyes went wide at Sasha's statement, and it reminded you of how you never told any of them about the marriage. Sasha probably overheard the conversation you two had back in the dining room when the two of you proposed. "But now… It's a funeral instead of a marriage. I'm sorry, Captain."

Levi swallowed back the lump forming in his throat, looking back up at the kids with a grin. He let out a bitter laugh and gave them a nod in response. "So, you were actually awake that time, huh? Is that why you were so desperate to save her?" He didn't mean for it to come out in a bad way— but, by how panicky she has been acting and even improvised for the bandages, it really made sense why they wanted to save you. "I can't do anything about it anymore. Don't feel sorry and just come to the funeral later, okay?"

That's what led you to where you were now, standing alongside your mother as she cried out in pain, and being able to do nothing about it. She was kneeling down in front of the large altar that had your favorite flowers all over it, and right in the middle was a very detailed hand drawn portrait of you. She was crying out, yelling and cursing at the deities for losing you. You couldn't help but break down into tears as the sight of your mother crumbling, her usually strong and happy persona going away in an instant. She didn't even cry this hard when you lost your father— she just comforted you more and even tried to put on a happy face just for you to smile.

"Mom… I'm so sorry, mom…" You found yourself apologizing as you crouched beside her shaking form, trying to wipe away the tears falling from her eyes. You knew she couldn't hear you, but you couldn't stop yourself from letting the words fall past your lips. You turned to look at the comrades standing behind your mother— some were holding back tears, some were already crying their eyes out, and some were silently staring at your altar. You shakily stood up, making your way over to the man in the middle, who had his usual gaze just on your altar. You levelled yourself so that you were the same height as him, your face directly in front of his.

He was silent, not shedding any tears as he listened to the cries of your mother. Later, he was thinking when he felt the familiar feeling of his eyes about to water, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a few moments before opening them again, I'll cry later. You stood up directly in front of him before placing a gentle hand on his pale cheek, drawing a small circle with your thumb and just stared at his face. Upon seeing his brows furrow more and his eyes flutter for a bit, you pressed a soft kiss against his lips before pulling away. A single tear trailed down his face. Your shakily exhaled as you instinctively let your thumb brush against his cheek, but it was to no avail when the tear passed through your translucent body and fell down his chin.

It wasn't long until his once still frame started shaking again, and he broke down into tears. His knees shook and gave up on him, causing him to kneel down on his spot with his head hung low. "Why do you have to leave me behind, too? It was too early…" You heard his shaky voice ask particularly nobody, and his voice was cracking a bit. It came out a bit squeaked due to how soft his voice was. "I should have protected you—"

You were a crying mess by the time you sat down in front of him, wrapping your arms around his frame and wanting to comfort him. His statement was cut off as he took a deep breath, and all that came out was a sob. Another sob, and then another, until he was crying once more. You felt his hand go up and lay it against his chest, harshly gripping his black button-up shirt until his knuckles turned white. By the position you were in, it looked like he had his head on your shoulder, but you knew better than tricking yourself to think that they could see you. You were nothing else but a roaming spirit now, and you knew that you would stay like that for forty-seven more days (since it's been two days since your passing) until you join the others in the afterlife.

"Don't cry… Please don't cry…" You whispered, the only noise being his heartbreaking whimpers and your mother's loud cries throughout the spacious funeral home.

"Hey, what happened?" You heard him ask with a gentle voice, a hand going up to brush your stray locks that fell over your face. His other hand came up to lay it across your cheek, wiping away the tears that fell from your cheeks. You didn't answer, and instead buried your face on the valley between his neck and shoulder. You didn't know when he came in your room, nor did you feel him sit across you, but you didn't mind his sudden appearance. You wanted his comfort, anyways.

At the feeling of your tears hitting against his skin and his clothes, he instinctively wrapped his arms around your shaking frame and rested his head on yours, whispering sweet nothings and constantly making shushing noises. You could feel his hands gently patting your back or rubbing small circles from time to time in hopes for it to comfort you. It took a while until you were able to answer Levi's question, but it came out muffled and staggered. "My dad… Why did he have to leave mom and I behind?" You whimpered as one of your hands went up to wrap around his torso and ball your hands into a fist, gripping the fabric that he was wearing. "I should've gone with him back there… It was such a dangerous place, and yet—"

Another sob went past your lips, and you felt your heart wrenching even more as you cried out. He stayed silent upon hearing your response. He then pressed a soft kiss against the back of your head, letting out soft shushes once more and started cradling you again. "Don't cry… It's going to be alright. I'm right here." He hummed before letting out the soft shushes once more.

"Hey, I heard what happened. It's been a while, hasn't it?" The familiar voice of the café owner said from behind the counter, a sad smile on her face when she saw Levi enter. When Levi looked around the café, his heart ached badly and his lips pursed, the memories of your small dates you had with him running through his mind that he always treasured. "No need to take your order. Just have a seat. I know the usual already."

It's been a month and a half since your passing, and admittedly, he wasn't used to it at all. He was used to waking up with your face just beside his, your legs tangled around his and one of your arms being just on top of his frame. He was used to that familiar warmth and feeling of your body pressed up against him underneath the covers before going to sleep and after waking up from his slumber. He was used to the scent he always loved whenever you hugged him, and that smile that never faltered from your face not even once. He was used to that voice that he listened to everyday and not get tired of, and your constant nagging every time he did something wrong. He missed everything about you, and it hurt him so bad that the one person he never wanted to leave is now gone.

He took a seat that was by the window, the place where the both of you always sat on every time you visited, which was frequent enough to be considered a regular now. "Get me the usual, but only (Name)'s order. You don't have to make mine." He told the barista that he got close over the years. He never got to try what you always ordered since it looked disgusting, but he figured he would give it a try today since you (used to) never stopped whining about how good it was and that he should try it ever since their first date here.

"Oh? Trying out that good ol' sweet pair, huh?" The barista smiled brightly, the sounds of her taking out utensils being heard through the small café. "Just wait for a bit. Does Classical suit your mood today?"

"Bring out (Name)'s favorites. I know you have a whole box of those, considering that them, you and Shitty Glasses have been best friends for a long time now." He answered with a bitter chuckle, and after that interaction, it wasn't long until the sound of the record player playing out the first movement of Kreutzer Sonata, your favorite piece by Beethoven.

Levi was staring at your order with narrowed eyes, before looking up at your face that was smiling wide at him. His order was a small plate of the Classic Beef Lasagna and his favorite Honey Black Tea, which was just Black Tea with two pumps of honey in it. Yours, on the other hand, was too different from his. It was sweet, both the food and the drink, which explained why you were hyper almost all the time.

"Strawberry Matcha Waffles and Strawberry Mint Lemonade!" You proudly introduced your order to your date with a wide smile, and Levi's eyes trailed back down at the meal. The food you had ordered were waffles, obviously, except half of it was green and the other half was pink. There was green ice cream on top of it with freshly cut strawberries surrounding said ice cream, and it was all topped off with strawberry syrup. The drink you had in your tall glass was a pink beverage, garnished with a small lemon slice. "Try it! You'll like it, I promise you!"

"I'll pass. I'd like to savor my lasagna instead."

He waited for what it felt like a lifetime, when it's only been around ten to fifteen minutes. Maybe it was because you weren't there to talk to him and shake out the boredom, but he just watched as people passed by or kids ran in the streets. There was even a couple who walked by, and in that moment, Levi couldn't tear his eyes away from them until they were no longer seen. It went as far as reminding him of how you two never failed to amuse people, each other included. It was probably because of your entirely different natures, him being that silent guy who always looked pissed off, and you being that happy-go-lucky person who never failed to stop talking.

What broke him out of his trance was the plate being placed on his table, and the tall glass followed soon after. He looked down at the meal he was served before looking back up at the barista, who had concern in her eyes. It made Levi chuckle, and even more so when she sat in front of her best friend's lover. He soon realized that the piece that was playing in the record player by now is Love's Sorrow, your favorite piece by Kreisler. "Are you sure you're okay, Shortie?" She asked, her voice softening as she began to take a look at his appearance.

At the question aimed towards him, he scoffed and rolled his eyes before staring back at the female barista. "Don't look at me like that, Pinkie. I'm used to this." The man answered and pulled his plate and glass from the center of the table to his side. Why 'Pinkie', you ask? Rose Quartz was her real name, which it was way too long for him, and the actual gemstone was in a pinkish color. Not to mention that it was also her favorite color. That's where he decided to call her Pinkie instead— while you and Hange collectively agreed on calling her Pinkie, too. Now, that's who she was known as now, and she didn't mind at all.

Pinkie had a frown on her face before nodding, obviously not buying his response but didn't want to push his buttons any further. She stood up from her seat and walked towards the record player area, taking the now-open box beside it and taking out another disk, which was all of Mozart's variations of Ah vous dirai-je, maman (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, basically). She waited for the disk to finally stop before she took out the previous disk and placed the new one, making sure to return the disk properly to its case and back in the box.

When she turned around, she found that Levi had already taken a few bites of the served dessert, halfway through the green half of the waffle and the ice cream starting to melt. What caught her eye, though, was that Levi's head was now hung low and suddenly finding the wooden table too interesting. She sighed softly and went back to where she sat, taking a peak at his face. "Ackerman, look up. I'm sure (Name) wouldn't like it if they found out you were crying in front of their favorite food and drink." She lightly scolded the sulking man. The moment she asked that question, the soft notes from the piano finally started playing and the main theme was heard throughout the rather small café.

Levi slowly looked up with dried tear streaks down his cheeks, and she watched as he took another bite out of the waffle. He took the tall glass that was just beside him before taking a gulp of the drink, and but she definitely didn't miss the sight of tears streaming down his cheeks. When he finally set down the glass on the table, a forced smile came up to his lips and out came a bittersweet chuckle. All that happened while tears continued making its way down to his chin, and his chuckles slowly turned into sobs and his shoulders to visibly shake once more. Pinkie only looked at him with her heart heavy, frowning at how the stoic man was coping right now. She watched as he cried in front of him, and she couldn't help but tear up at the emotional breakdown the man was having.

All the time ever since she found out about your death, she was in the denial stage and instead played the box of your favorite classical music all day while tending to the customers. She didn't want to cry at all, and she refused to believe that it happened. So, she waited. She waited for you to come everyday, making sure that she never ran out of stock for the ingredients of your favorite food and drink in case you came to have another meal with Levi. She didn't even realize how much her emotions were so bottled up until now. "It tasted so good," He said with a trembling voice as he brought a hand up to furiously wipe away his falling tears with his sleeve, and it shakily made its way back to the spoon and took another bite before placing it back on the plate. "It tastes like them. Every time I kissed them, they tasted like this. Now, I know why their kisses were so sweet." He commented and let out a whimper. He couldn't hold it back anymore and instead let the tears fall free from his grey orbs, and that was where Pinkie finally broke down.

All that buildup of tears ever since your death, all the emotion that was bottled up ever since she found out about it, and her whole weak side was finally showing. She couldn't help but cry it all out. She couldn't breathe— it was hard. She was shaking, her lips were quivering, and heart-broken sobs were coming out from her lips. There were even occasional curses that she was slipping out through her sobs. Levi was pretty much the same. He has been crying at least once a day when he was able to register that things wouldn't go back to the way they were, and he had to hold back things every time they were doing business and such. It was a pain, especially when he would see things that reminded him of you.

"Oh my fucking god." She swore as her hands came up to wipe at her tears that wouldn't stop falling even if she tried to make it stop. All that was heard were their sobs and the music from the record player.

It wasn't long until the first variation that Mozart made played while in the middle of their crying fest, and the sound of the opening of the door to her own apartment was heard after a few seconds. In came running a little kid who shared the same facial features that you did. "Happy piano!! It's a happy piano!" The child giggled as he ran up to the occupied table, smiling wide. When Levi turned to look at the kid that was standing by the side, that was when he realized that they were almost a carbon-copy of you. Same skin color, eye color, hair color. Their eyes were as lively and big as yours (livelier, even), their nose was perfectly sculpted to be the same shape as yours, and their lips were the same shape as yours, and their smile oh my fucking god their smile was the exact smile you had. Levi figured that the food or drink was drugged, and that he was seeing a fucking child version of you right beside him— but no. He knew that it was real when the girl in front of him took a shaky breath and gently ruffled the kid's head.

"(Name), go back inside." Gently smiled as she wiped away her tears, and a soft sniffle came from her soon after. "Auntie over here is talking to someone, hmm? Go back to grandma at grandpa inside."

"(Name)? Why the fuck do they have the same name and look exactly like—?" His breath hitched as he took a good look at the kid, stopping his sentence. The resemblance was uncanny, really. The kid giggled and waved at him, before instinctively coming up to climb on his lap. For some reason, when the kid met friends of their family, their first instinct was to climb people's laps. Looking up close, it really did remind him of you. It was hard to move on now, especially when he knew that there was an exact carbon copy of his lover in this café. It might even pass off as your child. At the sight of the mini you, his heartstrings tugged even more and looked at the kid with a mix of emotions. Pain, content, disbelief— It was hard to determine, really.

Pinkie frowned at his question, and it took her awhile to give Levi the answer he was looking for. "A few years ago, my sister got pregnant with her boyfriend that was in the Corps. You probably know Moses, who died while she was pregnant for six months now. When she gave birth, she died. My younger sister for some reason looked too alike to (Name), for some reason, but that was just enough reason for them to become great friends in the end." She told with a small smile gracing her features when the memory of you and her sister meeting came into her mind. "(Name) was there when she died, and when they took a look at it, the kid was the same gender and shared the same features as they did. So, they decided to name my sister's baby after them. My parents were fine with it, and I didn't mind at all."

Levi swallowed the lump forming in his throat and hesitantly brought a hand up to gently run his fingers through their hair, and he felt his heart ache even more upon hearing the giggle that came out from their lips. "My name is (Name) Beilschmidt! What's yours?" They asked with that bright grin plastered on their face, and Levi couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle, feeling tears well up in his eyes once more.

"Levi. Just call me Uncle Levi." He said with a smile adorning his face. He couldn't help but break down once more in front of the child when he felt their small hands pressing against his cheeks, and he felt the familiar warmth in his heart finally come back to him.

"Papa, why are we visiting Uncle Kenny?" You asked with a questioning gaze, looking up at your father. Kenny and your father were no way related to each other and just became close friends that you ended up having to call him uncle. You were holding his hand tightly as you walked down the streets of the underground city, and you couldn't help but gape up in awe at the sight of the surroundings. It was absolutely different compared to the surface.

Your father smiled down at you before looking back up at the road, making his way to his close friend's house that he visited not too long ago. "I just wanted to pay your uncle a visit. Don't worry, though, he has a nephew who is living with him right now. We'll be taking a while, so make sure you be friends with the little guy back there, okay? He's older than you by a year or two, I think."

The thought of having a new friend excited you, honestly, and you immediately gave your father a nod. It was just a silent walk there, and you didn't pay much attention to the busy streets of the Underground City. You were quite aware that it was a crime-filled place, and you were thankful that your father decided to wear his Military Police uniform for this. After a short while, you two finally stopped in front of a decent looking house, which was quite better than you expected. A swift knock on the door was heard, and soon after, the familiar face of Kenny Ackerman was there to greet you two.

"(Name)! Now, little lamb, ya sure grew up quite well, eh?" He instinctively crouched down to your level and ruffled your hair, and you let out a soft laugh while nodding vigorously. He had a smile on his face, and soon enough stood up to now greet your father. You really didn't pay attention, and instead looked inside the house that had the door wide open. There was nobody insides, and you felt your mood drop when the boy your father was talking about was nowhere to be seen.

"(Name), his nephew is always in his bedroom. It's on the right door." You heard your father tell you, and soon you found yourself dashing right inside the house.

There were two doors by the right side of the living room, the right side being the one you excitedly ran into. You gave the door a few knocks before throwing it open with a wide smile, catching the small boy on the bed off guard. "What are you doing here?" He asked with a questioning gaze as he placed the rather sharp knife that he was playing with on his nightstand, now turning his attention on you. You were rather short, being only like five years old, so you couldn't really get up on the bed properly without struggling, in which the kid was kind enough to at least help you up.

"I'm the child of the guy who keeps visiting Uncle Kenny!" You said and sat yourself in front of him, your gaze never leaving his and your smile never faltering from your face. He only stared back at you, not really bothering to smile back at you. "My name is (Name). What's yours?" You asked the boy, and before he could even get a chance to answer, you were already spitting out things you wanted to tell him about yourself. "I'm five, and I heard that you were either six or seven! My favorite color is (color), by the way, and I like listening to piano! I also like drawing and coloring! Oh, right, one of my favorite books is called Romeo and Juliet, where—"

Levi couldn't help but let a slight laugh come out of his lips, and instantly, a smile was finally decorating his face. He was just listening to you rambling about how the storyline progressed, and he had to stop you in the middle of your speech so that he could be able to at least introduce himself to you. "My name's Levi. Just Levi." He said, scooting closer to where you sat and so that you two could talk better. "I'm actually seven years old. I like black. I never listened to piano or read a book, but I like playing with knives though."

You looked at him in disbelief. "Not even Romeo and Juliet?" And he shook his head in response, the smile still on his face. "Then, next week when my father visits, I'll give you the book so you could read it, Levi!"

[sunnyrollins]

Hello there lovely! Firstly, I LOVE your writing. You're just so GOOD. It literally lights up my day when I see you've posted a Rollisi prompt. Much love! Secondly, I was wondering if there was any chance of you doing a song prompt. I adore "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur for Rollisis and would love to see some sort of fic based on it. No pressure if it's not your style. Take it or leave it. Love your work! You're the hero us Rollisi fans need!

[anon, this literally made me cry ilysm ! i’m so sorry this took me so long to get to ! i hope you saw the post i made shortly after you sent this saying i was doing it so you don’t think i just totally ignored you especially after all your kindness !]

The precinct felt particularly quiet that night. It usually did after a particularly difficult case. And, even after years of working at SVU, nothing was more difficult for Amanda than working cases involving children.

She sat at her desk, looking intently at the pictures of her daughters that were proudly displayed, unable to stop the familiar, intrusive thoughts from encroaching into her consciousness. She’d seen the worst of what the world had to offer working in the field that she chose. If anything were to ever happen to either of her girls…

She had enough restraint to flip the switch before the thought could fully manifest. Jesse and Billie were okay. They were fine…probably warm and comfortable in their pajamas, unwinding before bed. The thought was comforting, but also brought on a wave of almost guilt. Her kids were happy and safe and loved. The kids who’d been victimized by that animal…

“Rollins,” Amanda blinked back the tears that had threatened to spill at the corners of her eyes and turned to face Olivia at the sound of her voice. “Go home. Be with the girls.”

Amanda shook her head, as if to jostle the dark thoughts from her mind, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Yeah,” she agreed. Her eyes flickered to the framed photographs of her daughters one last time before she finally stood up from her desk. “These cases make you wanna go home and hug the people you love a little tighter.”

“I know Noah and I will be watching an extra hour of TV together tonight,” Olivia agreed with a small, sad smile.

Amanda returned the sentiment, but thought twice before offering a response on how her own night would transpire. Keeping things in her personal life under wraps had been getting inexplicably more difficult as time went on, and she’d found that she had almost slipped up on quite a few occasions within the past month.

Keeping secrets from Olivia and Fin was discernibly not her favorite thing to do, but it was necessary…for the sake of the job as well as for the sake of preserving what was hers and only hers for as long as possible. She loved them like they were family, but they — if nothing else — were opinionated. And it had admittedly been nice not having an outside opinion on her life outside of work since she’d been pregnant with Billie.

When it was clear that a nod was all the response that her detective was going to give, Olivia pulled her bag up a little higher onto her shoulder, fastening the final button on her coat. “Give the girls an extra kiss for me,” she said.

Amanda nodded again, her smile a little less melancholic this time. “See you in the morning, Captain.”

When she arrived back home, Amanda stopped outside of her apartment to fish her keys out of her coat pocket. From the other side of the door, she could hear a familiar voice, and a small smile touched her lips, as she paused to listen to the sound of the thick, Staten Island accent reading the words to one of Jesse’s favorite books that she had all but memorized by that point.

“The witch had a cat and a hat that was black, and long ginger hair in a braid down her-”

“Back!” Jesse finished excitedly.

Amanda smiled to herself before finally unlocking and opening the door, and the sight in front of her — with Billie sleeping soundly against Carisi’s shoulder and Jesse curled up against his side to look at the pictures in the book — was enough to send every fearful and negative thought about the recently closed case back into the furthest corners of her consciousness.

“Mommy!” Jesse exclaimed with a wave in her direction once she closed the door behind her.

The small smile that Amanda previously wore grew as she exchanged glances between all of the familiar faces. “You three havin’ fun without me?”

Jesse climbed into Carisi’s lap to take the book out of his hands and turn it to show the pictures to her mother. “We’re reading Room on the Broom!”

“Again?” Amanda asked with mock surprise. As if by second nature, she unclasped her necklace to remove the diamond ring that had been tucked into her shirt all day before slipping it back into its rightful place on her left hand. “One more reading and Uncle Sonny might start asking for a lobotomy.”

Carisi chuckled, but Jesse simply looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. “What’s a bononomy?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured her. “How about before we finish me and Mom get Billie settled for the night and you can show her the picture you drew before, alright?”

“Okay!” Jesse agreed easily and with a jovial smile. She clambered out of his lap and set the book down on the coffee table, taking off down the hallway nearly as soon as her slippers hit the floor.

Amanda took the sleeping toddler from Carisi’s arms, kissing her head and holding her just a little bit closer than usual, and he followed behind her as they made their way into Billie’s dimly lit bedroom to put her to bed. After tucking her in and whispering a gentle goodnight, she turned to the man behind her, winding her arms tightly around his waist, and resting her head against the crook of his neck.

It seemed contrived, but she couldn’t help but notice that all of the darkness that had tainted her world throughout the years had become a little bit lighter since she’d finally allowed herself to fully let him in. From childhood, life had been anything but easy.. It all lingered in the back of her consciousness in a seemingly endless cycle. Maybe it always would. But sometimes in the simplest moments…when she’d watch him tuck the girls into bed, or she’d wake up to a gentle kiss before he’d get up to put on a pot of coffee…it all seemed to fade away for a little while.

She breathed out nearly all of the tension of the day in a soft sigh, her eyes squeezing closed as if to help her to memorize everything about him in that moment — the warmth of his skin, the smell of the cologne on the collar of his shirt, the soft whisper of his voice when he finally spoke.

“You alright?”

Her hand smoothed absentmindedly down his back, and she pulled away from the hug just enough to tilt her head up to look at him. “Better now,” she responded.

Now that I’m with my family.

She’d completed the thought exclusively in her mind, but the way he quirked a curious eyebrow and the corners of his lips turned up in amusement let her know that he’d recognized the implication. “Gettin’ domestic on me, Rollins?” He teased.

She rolled her eyes playfully, and when he leaned down to kiss her, she aptly dodged it with a laugh. “If I ever get domestic you’ll know it,” she assured him.

The truth was, she had gotten more domestically sentimental throughout the year and a half they’d been together romantically. She had, admittedly, rolled her eyes at the “marry your best friend” sentiment in the past. It seemed too cliche…childish even. Maybe that was because — before now — the vast majority of men she’d dated in the past hadn’t actually been her friends at all, she wondered.

“I thought you might be headin’ in that direction when you actually agreed to marry me,” he finally said with a chuckle.

“Well if it’s any consolation I’ve still got time to change my mind.” Her smile indicated that she was only joking without her having to say it, and this time when he leaned down to peck her lips, she graciously accepted. “Hopefully we’re both still employed by the time we actually get to the part where we tie the knot.”

For as much as she wanted to blame the detective skills of Manhattan SVU for the fact that it had been getting more and more difficult to hide the nature of their relationship from the squad — and for as much as that was partially to blame — she knew she hadn’t been doing herself any favors either. Half the time she’d go out of her way to avoid him when he’d come into the precinct, and the other half she’d be so tense that she could feel it in her shoulders.

It hadn’t exactly dawned on her until Olivia had pulled her aside one day to ask if they were okay…if they’d had some kind of falling out because — according to the Captain — they’d been standoffish around one another. She could only hope her own shock in response to the observation wasn’t evident enough to seem suspicious.

“You’re borrowin’ trouble again,” he pointed out in response to the offhanded comment.

“So I take it you’re ready to convince Hadid that marrying one of the detectives you work with somehow doesn’t present a conflict of interest?”

“I’m a lawyer, Rollins. Convincing is kinda what I do.” He paused, cupping her face gently between his hands to look her in the eyes. “Don’t worry about it, alright? We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And either way…it’s all gonna work out.”

She knew he had absolutely no way of knowing that for sure, but something about the gentleness of his tone and the sincerity in his eyes made her want to believe it.  

“You’re right. Gettin’ fired doesn’t sound too bad,” she finally said with a teasing smile, and when he chuckled with a roll of his eyes she nudged him playfully with her elbow. “I could use a vacation.”

When the floor outside of Billie’s bedroom creaked just slightly, Amanda instinctively unwrapped her arms from around him and turned to find Jesse standing in the doorway with a piece of paper in her hands. With a proud smile, the little girl thrust the drawing out to show her mother, and Amanda regarded the crayon-drawn figure with a bright smile.

“It’s Frannie!” The little girl declared, but she seemed to easily lose her focus on the task at hand as she turned her attention to Carisi. “Can we finish the story now?”

“Yeah, of course. C’mon.”

He grunted dramatically when he picked her up, offering a playful comment about how fast she’d been growing, and Amanda couldn’t help but smile at the way her daughter glowed excitedly in response.

The three of them quickly settled back onto the couch. Jesse sat attentively in Carisi’s lap, her eyes glued to the pages of the picture book as he picked up where he had left off, and Amanda leaned against him, nestled affectionately against his side. As he read, she slowly but surely fazed out the words and allowed herself to simply drift into the comfortable familiarity of his voice.

After all of the men who had burned her in the past — those who had left her high and dry or slept around behind her back — she had almost started to believe that there was no point in trying to build a romantic relationship as it would only end in heartbreak. But as she rested her head against the shoulder of the man she was going to marry…her former partner…her best friend…she let herself embrace the fact that she hadn’t let it get that far.

She thought back to the night that he’d asked her to marry him. When Al had proposed, it was out of perceived necessity. He’d wanted to make an “honest woman” out of her. With Carisi, it was different. He didn’t have to marry her. He wanted to.

“I want us to spend the rest of our lives like this, Amanda.”

A small, subconscious smile touched her lips in response to the memory, and when her eyes shifted up to him, watching his eyes skim over the children’s book as Jesse listened and leaned against his shoulder with sleepy eyes, she knew she wanted the same.

She wanted him to be there through everything that life would come to throw at her. She wanted to grow old with him by her side.

She wanted forever with him. And the ring around her finger assured her that he was never going to let her go.

[ellyisaslygirl]

can you do a draco x reader where its set around the time of the war and the reader and draco are already in a relationship but draco thinks its best to obliviate the reader but the reader remembers him somehow with a happy ending please (your writing is amazing btw💘)

omg, i hope this turns out good also,please listen to some sad ass music, because I am xoxox

–

Draco’s POV

He traced his index finger on the edge of the picture frame, his eyes watering, remembering the day you two took it. You were on his back, he was leaning forward, trying not to lose his balance but also make sure you didn’t fall off, but wore the brightest smile he had ever smiled in his whole life. Their eyes had so much life and sparkle in them , like nothing in that moment could break them or tear them apart.

He waved his wand so there was sound from the wind but also he could hear her beautiful laughter and squeals, her H/C blowing around from the wind and him looking up at her, feeling so lucky that he had someone like her in his life.

He smiled, putting her down and reached down, plucking her favorite flower type and smiled, looking at her before tucking it into her hair, the color of the flower bringing out the color of her eyes.

“I’m so lucky to have you, Y/N.” he spoke softly, putting his finger under her chin and lifted it up, kissing her softly.

“Wait, here.” she said, pulling away and grabbed one of her favorite flowers as well and tried her best to put it in his hair.

“You look beautiful.” she teased but he chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” she grinned and kissed him.

The picture stopped playing and he looked over at the vase that she kept the flowers, noticing that their petals had fallen down to the bottom and started looking dead, but somehow still soft.

He didn’t blame her for not taking care of them. He knew how busy she was with her friends, school, and him that something small like this could easily slip away from her mind.

He walked over, looking closer at the flowers, noticing that they only had a few petals left before they were nothing and that all of the innocent love would be drowned deep in the bottom of the vase, in the almost dirty water.

He hated being placed in the role of an advocate, but he had no choice. Y/N knew about his Dark Mark and the day he had shown her, all she did was grab his arm, tracing it with her fingers lightly before placing gentle kisses on his skin, surprising him greatly that she did not leave.

She promised to help him in anyway she could, and she did. She would help him with his homework, sneak into the kitchens to bring him food whenever he had forgotten to eat or felt too weak to get it himself. She would even sometimes draw him a bath when he didn’t notice his hair getting oily, she didn’t mind much for his odor, but she knew baths usually helped her when she felt down so, she gave it a try.

She would join him as well, being goofy with the bubbles and oh boy, did she go crazy with the bubbles.

One time, he was really down and didn’t even wash himself or his hair, and Y/N thought it would be funny to give herself a bubble beard and she got his attention, his soft lips cracking a bit.

She always seemed to know how to make him feel a little better, but sadly, he couldn’t do the same for her. He had an idea and he knew this is the only way to keep her safe and away from all the harm that his position could possibly give her. He had even tried his best to keep her away from his parents, just in case they would ask her to join them as well.

He closed his eyes, whimpering slightly as he heard her bedroom door crack open.

“Draco!” she ran over and hugged him tightly from behind. He bit his lip, touching her arm with his hand, looking down, noticing how soft her arms were and all the tiny little flaws he loved to observe. He turned around and looked down at her. “Hey, Y/N.”

He knew too well that he was going to miss the way his name sounded from her mouth. He was going to miss saying hers and her looking up with such a loving look. The way her lips felt, how her face looked when she cried, her little quirks, how she would feel about the classes she hated and her going straight to him for help because he was usually advanced in those classes. The way he knew which food she liked and disliked, how she would catapult her food on her fork to one of his friends and then she would look up at him innocently. How she was his partner in crime, how she understood him, how one time he had caught her singing to herself while getting dressed for the day, then one time she danced and sang while cleaning her room.

He was going to miss it all…

and the worst part..

he was going to remember it all.

She wasn’t.

“Y/N?” he said and she put her head up, looking directly into his eyes and she looked at him curiously, almost sensing that something was wrong..he hated how she always knew him too well.

“Yes?” she asked.

“I love you and I will always love you, okay? And I’ll always remember you…I’ll never forget you…you will always be the one for me, the only one made for my heart….you made me a different person than from the one I was before…and I thank you for that-”

“-Draco.”

“-I’m not done…I know we had plans for the future and Merlin, you don’t know how bad I want them, they’re just out of reach for me, but…” he stopped, he couldn’t believe he was going to break her like this, he wanted to do it when she didn’t notice and so she would be okay, but she needed to know he loved her.

“Baby?” she asked, traveling her hand to kiss, intertwining their fingers together and his face cracked, looking down at their interlocked fingers and her other hands going to his arm.

“Just know I did this for your own protection…and I hope in someway you will remember me.”

She gasped,” Draco..No! Please! I can keep myself safe, Draco!” she whimpered, tugging on his sleeve with all her might and it broke him even more knowing how much he was hurting her.

At this point, Crucio was no match for the pain they both felt.

“I love you.” He drew out his wand and raised it, “Oblivate.”

He let go of her and walked away, noticing her heavy breathes, softening, her whimpers growing quiet, her head raising slowly and Draco watched as all their memories they made together turned into blurs.

The roses and the vase became nothing.

The moving picture frame- nothing.

The love letters they gave to each other in the drawer- nothing.

his clothes that he gave her because she liked the way he smelled- went back into his room.

He bit his lip, literally feeling his heart shatter more and he walked backwards, before turning around and walking out.

(A  week later)

Y/N’s POV

“I’ll see you later, please be careful, okay!?” Y/N’s friend asked and she nodded before walking out of the castle and walking down the hills. She had this odd feeling like there was this sort of tug in her stomach, pulling her in the direction of the Black Lake.

She didn’t understand it but she had been experiencing this sort of feeling for days of this part of the land, but today it was too strong that she wanted to leave class or bail on her studying sessions with her friends to just run her.

Then it came into view.

It was dark as ever and the atmosphere felt odd and somewhat chilly but even though the weather was unpredictable, there was still life growing around the land. She smiled, seeing her favorite flowers in front of her, it was a thick bloom and she smiled, knowing that even though the days were growing darker and darker, that something this beautiful could still be around and not be tainted.

It was pure and it gave her hope.

“Y/N?” she jumped and turned to see a boy with blonde hair and pointy face a few feet from her and she felt like they had history, but she didn’t understand why.

He nodded towards the flowers,”They’re beautiful…. they’re actually my favorite.” he said and she smiled, looking at him and then down at the flowers. “Me too.”

She still couldn’t grab it. She had this urge to hug him and kiss him, but she didn’t understand it. Her heart beat faster, seeing him walk closer and she just watched until he got closer.

He searched and studied her face until his eyes trailed down, bending down, plucked a flower and smiled, before entangling it in her hair and she grinned, looking up at him.

“I feel like…” she started but she didn’t know how to explain it to someone she barely knew except for the few small chats they had, but there was definitely more, she knew it and she knew that he knew something.

“Yes?” he urged.

She bit her lip, looking at him. “Kiss me.”

His eyes widened, his blue eyes shining a shade brighter than they had for the last few days and he wasted no time before leaning forward, their lips connected.

It came in heavy waves, almost making her out of breath but it felt comforting.

Memories of their first few dates in Hogsmeade, the time she wiped whip creme on his nose and him laughing, the study sessions they had, the times they snuck out of their dorms and went somewhere private to show how much they loved each other, the times they would just lay under stars and talk about their fears and what they expected out of the world.

How she would always show up to Quidditch practice and cheer him on and even sang along to the songs he made of Ron, how handsome he looked in his dressing gown, how they matched and they danced the night away.

The way he protected her when she was scared of the Dark Mark showing up at random times, how he would come to her bed the nights she felt uneasy or lke he would leave her.

But he would never leave her.

They broke apart and she stared intensely into his eyes, out of breath but she looked at him a little longer before kissing him once more, deeper and more passionately.

“I love you.” she said, breaking apart for a moment.

“I love you too…I always will.” he leaned his forehead against hers and wrapped his arms around her. “Told you, I’ll never leave you. You were mine from the start and nothing will take us away from each other.”

“I believe you.” she said and she kissed him once more, knowing that they will have plenty more kisses and memories to make in their life. 

[whiskeyworen]

Halloween Festivities

There's one great thing about Tyria. Cyrus reflected as he sipped his whiskey. He smiled to himself, trying to surpress the chuckle that he knew would draw an odd look from the big bartender nearby. Halloween isn't just one day here. It's a damned -- literally! -- month!

Sure, there were significant downsides to a month long Halloween; haunted magical doors opening into the Mists randomly were one of the BIG ones. And having the Mad King appearing in several locations at once around Kryta was another. Last year Cyrus had dodged his way out of a Mad King Says 'game' -- a game that he witnessed more than one person being slammed to the ground by flaming pumpkin heads with enough force to leave them winded -- and into the Labyrinth.

That was a mistake; Not only did he witness Tenna running around and having her 'fun' with the lunatic hordes ( H.P. Lovecraft certainly got some elements right with 'The Festival', at least in that regard), as gory as that was. At the same moment the Mad King was playing his game in the real world, he was ALSO standing there, towering over the Labyrinth, facing off against his revolting, Joker-esque son.

This year, Cyrus resolved to stay away from the festivities as much as possible, but there were some absolutely wonderful parties going on. Costume parties. His 'friend' in the Whispers, that pale sylvari with the terrifying magenta eyes, had invited him and a Plus One to a private get together.

It helped that his companion for the night, his 'date', if the word was to be used, was also a Whispers agent. Certain hands were shook, as it were. It was all good.

Which is how he ended up waiting in the bar. A few weeks ago he'd discussed his costume design with Verula and the ship's AI, Aspect, and they'd come through with, presenting him with the outfit a couple of days ago. He straightened up a bit, running his hand over the sleek, black jacket with its golden gilt filigree, amazed at how well it fit. Remind me to compliment both of them again! This fits wonderfully.

"My, that's quite the outfit Cyrus." Came a familiar voice from behind him. Mixed into the amusement was a note of actual approval. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were going to some fancy ball."

He turned, smirking, to greet his 'date'. "Well, I thought about wearing that Mist suit Tenna designed, but it's bulky. Not exactly relaxation friendly." With a gesture, he indicated the lines of the suit. "This...on the other hand, is perfectly acceptable. Plus, it makes me look damned good."

Moryggan raised an eyebrow, a small smile quirking her lips. "Well, not to boost your ego, but it does look very nice. Very regal, maybe even noble." She rolled her eyes a bit, sighing. "If only that were the truth about you."

"Hey..." He frowned petulantly, crossing his arms. She giggled, shaking her head.

"I'm only toying with you." She admitted. "It's a very handsome outfit."

"Thank you." The frown disappeared, and for the first time Cyrus saw what Moryggan had on. "Oh... wow. That's, um..."

"Do you like it?" Moryggan did a slow spin, the shredded tassels, inscribed in tainted runes swirling around her. Her natural minty green sylvari glow lit up every bit of exposed skin she had, almost like glowing tattoos all over her body. It actually worked very well. But...

"That's...uh... that's a lot of exposed skin." Cyrus tried not to stare, averting his eyes a bit. He coughed into his hand, trying to cover the blush that suddenly rose in his cheeks. "Are you really going to be comfortable in that tonight?"

"It's a costume party. There's probably going to be someone dressed as Lord Faren for crying out loud." Moryggan grinned...and then they both winced and shuddered at the thought of anyone pulling a Faren. "Ugh. Okay, wrong example."

"Yeah. Let's..not mention that ever again." Cyrus agreed, desperately wishing for a bit of brain bleach. Other than adoring noble girls, absolutely no one in the known world wanted to see any MORE of Faren, who had not yet abandoned his bathing suit -- which Cyrus had reluctantly referred to as a 'banana hammock', much to his distaste -- since he returned to health from the assault on Joko's fortress at Kourna.

"So, are you ready to go to the party?" Moryggan asked. Cyrus nodded, and they headed out the passage to the street. "I hope we can take in some of the sights before we reach it, though." "Well, if you want, we can." He replied reluctantly. "Can we skip seeing Droobert though? I just find that depressing." "Agreed." As they reached the street, she linked their elbows, clasping his arm. "... So what is your costume, anyway? A noble?" Cyrus shook his head. "It's as close as I could get made to an outfit my favorite novel character wore." He chuckled. "Hero of the Imperium: Ciaphas Cain." Moryggan tipped her head, considering the golden filigree. This close, she noticed that the buttons had a little skulls engraved on them, and on the breast there was a double-headed eagle icon; blind on one head, the other head had a small diamond for its eye. Looking down, she could see the skulls-and-eagle theme was repeated throughout the outfit. "Hm... name doesn't ring a bell. What did he do?"

He laughed, shaking his head. "He tried for a peaceful, uneventful life in the military, and fell upward, going from one horrible, world-shattering mission after another, succeeding amazingly every time, much to his own surprise. Declared a Hero of the Imperium, all the while he was fully convinced he didn't deserve any of the glory."

"That...sounds strange." She looked at him, the smile on his face. "How is he a hero then?"

"He's not, really." Cyrus just smiled. "The way the world saw him was this tall, proud, masculine, brave, powerful man that never swayed and was the shining example of an upstanding soldier. The truth... in his own memoirs and some of his closest friends' admissions... was that he was an absolutely normal man. The same vices, the same pains, and more than the same amount of fears. He just hid it well, was very lucky, and had some very good friends."

He looked at her, smirking, one eyebrow raised smugly. "He was also quite the ladies' man. And never seemed to have any issues, given he kept moving around."

"Ohh, so he's a heartbreaker." She poked his side as they passed by some kids dunking for apples in a cauldron. "He surrounded himself with women and got away with it, did he?"

"I seem to remember him saying something about being a master of 'letting them down gently'." Cyrus laughed, jumping a bit at her poke. "I don't like THAT aspect of him, but... as a guy, I'm mildly envious of his luck with the ladies."

As they crossed the Piazza, chatting with fellow costumed individuals, Moryggan kept getting the lion's share of the compliments. More than one guy, and even a few ladies gave a low whistle at her hip-high leather boots, even if they DID end in hooves. More than one set of roving eyes ran over her gently glowing form as she walked with Cyrus. And more than one had envy in their eyes.

"I think they like your costume." Cyrus mumbled into her ear as they wandered the passage to the bridge near the Eastern Ward. The party was being held in the Guild register building, in its vast atrium.

"I should hope so. It took an hour of careful conjuring to form this illusion." She whispered back.

That gave him pause. It physically stopped him just before they headed over the bridge, and Moryggan kept walking, as if she hadn't noticed. "Wait...what do you mean 'illusion'? That entire outfit is a mesmer glamour?"

She stopped, turning to look over her shoulder at him, a smile as smug as his own from before on her face. "Of course! There's no way some parts of this would have stayed together on its own. Or in the right places. Add to that I was having a hard time thinking of something to make when I ran out of time. So I used the last hour to make the glamour illusion of this outfit." She turned to face him, hands lightly on her hips. "So I'm rather glad people are enjoying this one."

There was something that was nagging at Cyrus's mind, as he looked at her outfit. But what was it?...There's so much skin. Is that all illusion too?... And then a light went off in his head. "Moryggan..."

"Yes?" She replied innocently. She'd seen that realization hit him; as much as he liked to think he dissembled his emotions, Moryggan had instantly seen that certain things broke his mask in a delightful way.

"....if that's an illusion, then exactly what ARE you wearing?" He asked slowly.

Her smile broadened, and she turned away, letting him see the minty glow pulsing from the base of her spine outward. She couldn't hide it, but the speed of the pulse was slightly faster than normal, and a bit brighter. "....well, if I have too much to drink, perhaps you'll find out?"

She giggled, and looked back at him, seeing his mouth drop open. "Though, I would suggest that we get back to the inn before I lose control of the glamour. It's easy to maintain, but..."

Moryggan tipped her head, making an amused sound, before walking off, a bit of a bounce in her step. Cyrus stood there, his mind locked onto the image of Moryggan losing the illusion and...

"Whoa, wait up Mory!" He called, running to catch up with her. "Slow down!"

Her pleasant laughter was the only response.

---- Author’s note: This is totally non-canon... well, okay, maybe half way. I’m actually starting to ship these two. Which me distinctly envious of my in-game character. LoL. This fic was just thrown together, so take it with a grain of salt. Also, I just kind of wanted to show off Moryggan with her glow fully on, and just how pretty it looked. That, and Cyrus really does look great in that Courtier outfit. All that’s missing is a peaked cap and a laspistol. I’m still working on the chainsword, since they exist in game in about four different designs. (IRON BEAST BLADE!!)

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

[ve1vetyoongi]

remember me | kth

chapters:  I, II, III, IV, V

pairing: taehyung x reader

rated: T 

genre: idol!au, baker!tae, french!reader, angst, romance, fluff, eventual smut.

summary: Taehyung wants to be forgotten. Overwhelmed by his life as idol persona V, he longs to just be Kim Taehyung for once. Even if that means forgetting everything he ever knew.

word count: 6.1k

warnings: mentions of blood, strong language, memory loss, eventual smut (chapters will be marked accordingly).

a/n: so this is the first installment of Remember Me! I have been working rlly hard to perfect this fic for a couple of weeks and I’m really glad I can finally share some of it! I should also note that my French is atrocious and if there are any errors I would be grateful for corrections! all the love <3

Moonlight illuminated the diamond ring in Taehyung's palm.

The Parisian alleys looked different at night time. Usually bustling with locals selling fresh fruit and flowers, dragging carts from the harbor or opening their businesses for the day, the cold silence was stark and frightening in comparison. Vintage book stores and home owned cafes lined the passages, dark and vacant due to the late hour. Taehyung had noticed his reflection in the windows as he stumbled past - in his best coat, no less - the blackness behind obscuring any transparency and providing a chilling reminder of his current predicament as he watched his own form heave against the vibrant orange but peeling paint of the small two bedroom apartment complex on the corner.

Taehyung's legs felt weak and he let them buckle, his weight sliding down until his backside rested against the freezing cobblestone. It was cold enough for a jacket in the evening, the summer sun's glorious warmth dissipating like clockwork as night time swept the small French village he found himself in. Even so, beads of sweat laced his hairline, testament to the hatred that scolded every fiber of his being. It felt like he was burning alive.

A plane trip somewhere remote seemed like a good idea to begin with. An opportunity to think things through without the burden of his status following him - or rather people. Here, nobody knew him. Taehyung was confident his idol status was unknown - after all, the phone signal was horrible and stable internet connections were few and far between. He highly doubted any of the few hundred inhabitants would recognize his face from a magazine or a music video. The only music Taehyung had heard during his time here was soft spoken French symphonies, classical opera sometimes, but definitely none of the energetic pop tracks his band was known for.

His band was part of the reason he had packed a bag and jumped on the next plane out of the country. Not his band members per se but rather the responsibility his status required of him. If young Taehyung had known of the great success he would achieve after debut, no doubt he would have been thrilled. Singing, dancing, performing - they were all a part of him, his greatest love and his greatest passion. He had worked diligently, training on no sleep and practicing until his vocal chords were raw with overuse. But now he was here, he wished he was anywhere else.

It is a misconception, he decided, that we could ever be satisfied. He had fame, he had a decent fortune and adoring fans. He had what some would describe as everything, what young Taehyung considered necessary to a life filled with happiness. Most would assume he must want for nothing; that was true to an extent, as he was fortunate enough to not want for anything materialistic, owning a room filled with clothes, two cars and an apartment with enough rooms to house at least two large families comfortably. That didn't stop him wanting, though.

Taehyung stared at the small, velvet box that he twisted nervously between his freezing fingers. He had a girlfriend, too. Soon to be fiance, once he inevitably had to return home for promotions or an obligation listed in his schedule. It was as if his whole life had been mapped out years in advance. Apparently, his company decided marriage was next on the agenda, probably to boost the album sales that had begun to dip as of late.

He loved Joy, he did. Taehyung had been ecstatic when she started returning his shy smiles and longing glances at award shows and music events. He was overjoyed when she agreed to let him take her out for coffee - a small gesture uncommon in an idol's busy schedule but appreciated none the less, an opportunity to spend time listening to her sweet voice and inhaling her vanilla perfume he was desperate for among their hectic conflicting obligations.

Things seemed to move quickly after that, him moving out of the dorm he shared with his band members to buy a place for them to share. A few months after that they adopted a dog and by then it seemed as though the relationship was serious, enough for his company to encourage him to ask for her preferences and size when it came to wedding rings.

He loved Joy. He loved how she dressed, the shampoo she used. He loved how she was soft spoken but stern when need be though never overbearing. He loved her family and how her mom always sent them home made meals to heat up on cold winters nights. Taehyung loved Joy, but not in the way he wanted to. How everyone wanted him to. How he was supposed to.

She was good for him and he knew that. It would be difficult - no, impossible - to find anyone more perfect. Joy was everything most guys wanted in a girlfriend, in a wife, as confirmed by the slaps on the back and contented hums from his friends when he introduced her for the first time. She was good for his image too, his company had made that clear, practically picking the wedding venue before he had even popped the question.

But here he was, running away from his problems, quite literally, sick to his stomach with fear and worry and an indescribable feeling of wanting. Taehyung was the man who had everything yet he still found himself wanting. Wanting for Joy to be happy, just not with him. Wanting to perform, but without the burden of fame. Wanting for people to forget V and to live as Kim Taehyung for a little longer. For he knew that once he boarded that plane home, his face would be headline news.

A dog barked uncontrollably somewhere in the distance, alerting Taehyung of the boots that cracked against the cobblestone, crunching the glass from a broken beer bottle that had rolled from the hands of a drunk slumped in the doorway of one of the only bars the village possessed. Even that was closing for the night, though the cheap neon light, barely fixed to the wall, still glowed and sent the alley into a rich hue of red. It was ominous and out of place amidst the natural beauty of the village and Taehyung picked up on the menacing presence leering over his pathetic form when it was already too late.

The sound of feet became louder, followed by the dog, it's noises turning shrill and whiny as it was kicked to the curb. Black boots came to a halt in front of his crossed knees, one nudging his arm a tad too harshly to be friendly. Taehyung glanced up slowly from beneath the brim of his hat, thankful the shadow cast by the visor concealed the shock evident on his face as he took in his company.

Two broad men ogled down at him, a sickly smile plastered to the mouth of the second, the gold caps on his teeth glinting in the low light. He blinked at them once and then twice, considering their reasons for stopping. Did they think he was drunk?

"What have you got there, young man?" The first one sneered, arms looped around his back but the sheer weight of his boot enough to keep Taehyung in place, unable to stand let alone run. It was then that he followed their gaze, straight to the space where his thighs met, cradling the small black box containing the biggest diamond he was sure they had ever seen in a place like this.

"What do you want?" Taehyung replied gruffly, squaring his shoulders in an attempt at appearing as intimidating as their hot stares. Easier said than done when wearing yellow tinted designer glasses and a pair of fluffy sandals.

"I want to know what a nice boy like you is doing in a place like this," The man's accent was as thick as the prickly stubble lining his jaw as he gestured to the empty blackness around them. "And how you have a ring like that."

Taehyung shoved the box roughly into his coat pocket, shaking himself free from the hold of the tall stranger as he attempted to get to his feet. "It's for my girlfriend." It wasn't a lie, yet he still had to swallow the lump in his throat in order to choke the words out, even to a pair of thugs.

"Where are you going?" The second man spoke for the first time, hand jerking out to push Taehyung's shoulder downwards violently until he returned to his former position on the ground, susceptible to their every whim due to their heightened stance over him.

"I have to be getting home."

"We know you aren't from around here, kid." He bent to his knees, foul breath tainted with beer fanning Taehyung's forehead as he spoke. His voice was louder, raised from the whisper he spoke in before. He wrapped his thick fingers around Taehyung's throat, drawing his words out slowly as if to be extra clear. "Give us the ring and we won't make any trouble."

"No." Taehyung said through gritted teeth, mouth widening as the hand around his windpipe tightened, cutting off his air supply and drawing tears to burn his eyes as he fought for another breath.

"This is your last chance." Taehyung was gasping now, grasping desperately at the sharp elbow of the man until his grip faltered, allowing him to take in the sweet cold oxygen.

He fell to his hands and knees, wiping drool from the corner of his mouth as he heaved shakily. Taehyung kept his eyes trained to the concrete as he slipped off the silver bracelets littering his wrists and the big rings on his fingers, throwing them haphazardly in the direction of the men. He didn't know how much they were worth - the cost of items was not an issue anymore and sometimes he didn't even bother to look when he paid for them - though he was sure it was not as much as the ring pressing against his thigh through the fabric of his jacket. "You can take anything you want. Just not the ring."

"You think I'm stupid boy? This shit ain't worth a dime." Black boots spat vulgarly at the measly pile of silver. "I want the fuckin' good stuff."

"He ain't gonna listen, big guy. Just rough him up a bit for Christ's sake."

At his words, the other nodded his head, cracking his knuckles at what felt like an obscenely loud volume. The words dawned on Taehyung quickly and he brought his knees to his chest, cradling his head in his arms as he prepared for incoming blows from their fists or their steel toes. Isn't the body supposed to go into fight or flight mode when faced with imminent danger?

Not that there would be any point in trying to take flight as the grip of the bigger mans hands beneath his underarms was vice like, so tight he was sure it would bruise. His stubby fingernails pierces Taehyung's sensitive skin, causing him to yelp in surprise as he felt them press purple half moons into his flesh. And he pretty much gave up fighting as soon as he felt the cool serrated metal of a knife pressing against his throat.

He stifled a scream, instantly going slack in the man's grip, abandoning any attempt at escaping. "Please. You can take anything but the ring!"

"Please what, baby boy? You scared or somethin'?" The man with gold teeth came to a halt inches from his face, eyes glinting with amusement at Taehyung's begging.

Something sounded from above, catching the attention of both Taehyung and Gold Teeth. They locked eyes before glancing upwards. A small girl balanced precariously over the railing of the tiny balcony extending from a decorative screen door, the glass propped open by a plant pot overflowing with green ivy, allowing the drapes to blow in the night breeze. She carefully unhooked the silk sheets pinned to a makeshift washing line, folding them neatly over her arm. Her bare feet kick a clothes pin under the guard rail, seemingly unaware when it clattered to the ground below, just missing Taehyung's arm. If she were to just look down...

Gold Teeth apparently comes to the same conclusion, raising a single finger to his lips in warning. Don't move. He mouths. Taehyung swallows thickly, the blade sharp against his adams apple.

Before he could think better of it, he was taking a deep breath and bellowing as loud as he could for help. He didn't have time to form the word more than once, a second help dying on his tongue as he was spun around to face his captor. It was then that he felt a searing pain in his thigh. It was hot to begin with, burning as his skin was pierced by the knife but then it was cold, horribly icy as blood began to trickle from the wound down the sides of his leg.

"What the fuck man! I said rough him up not stab the kid!"

"We need to get out of here," An arm was still tight around Taehyung's chest, the man stumbling backwards when Taehyung's head fell into the crook of his neck as he cried out in agony. He took the opportunity to reach into his pocket, retrieving the black box from a powerless Taehyung. "Lets go! Fucking run!"

They sped off, each thud of their boots sending a sharp pain through Taehyung's head as he desperately gripped the wall for support. He felt numb as he noticed the knife that was still wedged into his leg. The pain unbearable as he ripped it out, discarding the bloodied weapon somewhere behind him. He pressed his hands to the opening in a bid to ease the pain, shock rocking his body as he watched blood spill from between his fingers.

His focus began to blur, the alley spinning in large figure eights as he tried to get a grip on his surroundings to no avail. Taehyung tried to soften his bodies descent to the ground but his palms could not grip the wall in time, leaving bloody smears where they touched the paint. The crack of his skull against the paving was audible, his eyes popping when he felt a giant pressure begin to build in the back of his head, like a balloon filling with helium, ready to burst at any moment.

The pain was so unbearable now that he could barely feel it. It's strange - when the pain was at it's worst it is as if his body went into shut down, protecting him from the agony by making him feel nothing at all.

It was not long before his sight went completely black, leading him on a descent into nothingness. It was like sleep but without the promise of a good dream.

Hands shook his shoulders and Taehyung was sure he caught a glimpse of a face before his lids were too heavy to stay open any longer.

"Monsieur?"

He was too far gone to hear you.

Pain. The searing burn of disinfectant in his wound. A wet cloth cold against his forehead.

"Can you hear me, sir?"

A sweet voice, ringing out in his ears. Another bout of pain as something tight is fastened around his leg.

"I'm so sorry. The pain will be over soon."

The voice again, but tinny with remorse this time. A face, paled with worry but soft and comforting. Welcome among the confusing blur that tinted his vision, dulled his hearing and weighted his body.

You.

And then there was blackness, again.

When Taehyung finally came to, you were curled up in a wicker chair beneath the windowsill, sun illuminating the battered copy of Romeo and Juliet your nose was tucked into. The aged, dog eared pages covered your features but he could tell it was you by the elegantly messy up-do sat on top of your head, wavy pieces of hair escaping the elastic to frame your chin nicely. Come to think of it, the entire room is covered in novels - some classics, some he was yet to hear of - littering every surface. They were not intentionally decorative but something about them was endearing. They were well loved, used, like a perfect bookshop of your own and the sweetness of a dust filled library settled into his senses.

Taehyung pulled his body into a sitting position against the wooden headboard, wincing slightly when his leg resisted the small movement. You noticed his sharp intake of breath, raising your head from the crook of your elbow to check on his state. Upon realizing he was awake, you lower your knees from where they were tucked tightly against your chest, rushing forward to push him back against the mountain of pillows you carefully placed behind his head the day before, book cradled beneath your underarm.

"Lay down, sir." You are unsure why you whisper it, perhaps afraid a louder volume will aggravate the wound located at the back of his head. "You must rest."

"I feel fine - better, at least," Taehyung assures, allowing you to help him under the elbow so he sat comfortably upright. "Thanks to you."

You smile meekly, busying your hands by plumping up the comforter that draped across his bare torso, lifting the corner to inspect his leg. He gazed down at you through lidded eyes, taking in the shredded silken sheet you had fashioned into a tourniquet around the gaping gash in his thigh. The pink fabric was stained in the middle with a messy red splotch, a clear indication of where the knife had entered his leg. You grip his ankle, attempting to lift and bend his knee but abandoning your ministrations all together when he let out a hiss, scrunching his eyes in response to the intense pain that shot up his side.

You tutted sympathetically. "I thought it would be feeling at least a little better by today."

"How long have I been here?"

"Nearly four days, now."

Four days? How had he been out for that long? The last few nights were a blur, flashing through his mind in nightmarish snippets, none of them connecting to form a clear memory. Taehyung figured it was some sort of coping mechanism his body employed in an attempt to stop him reliving whatever excruciating events he had suffered through.

"You had an infection in your leg," You continued, eyeing him carefully as he appeared to lose himself in thought. "But I think you managed to sleep it off. You don't feel feverish now, right?" You jerk forward to place the back of your palm against his damp forehead, relieved when it feels cool to the touch.

"No..I uh - what is your name?" He questions abruptly, suddenly curious about your identity. He had been here for half a week yet this somehow felt like a first introduction, his only prior recollections of you being that night on the balcony and several flashes of you tending to his needs while he was out cold.

"Y/n." You respond simply, smirking when he nods eagerly, bashful after his sudden outburst. "And yours?"

"O-oh yeah, I'm - " Taehyung opens his mouth to form the words, though nothing comes out. The name he was so familiar with felt as though it was at the tip of his tongue yet he couldn't quite let it spill from his lips. He watches you wait patiently for his answer, narrowing your eyes in question when his sentence dies almost as soon as it began. "I don't know."

You nod slowly, index finger tapping against your thumb as you took in his revelation. "You don't have to tell me -"

"No!" He lurches forward quickly, ignoring how his leg groaned in favor of reassuring you. "I want to tell you I just...don't remember."

He watches as your mouth forms a small 'o', realization hitting you all at once. "I guess you hit your head harder than I thought."

Taehyung reaches a shaky hand to graze the nape of his neck, taking in the way his hair matted to his skin with blood, the sticky substance coating the pads of his fingers. The skin was still sensitive and the area still throbbed dully where his skull had connected with the cobblestone. If he closed his eyes and focused he was sure he could still hear the sound of it.

That would explain why he couldn't remember his name - or come to think of it, anything prior to being attacked by a knife and barely anything after that. Was it amnesia? He wasn't sure how this sort of thing worked, never being one to listen in health class. Would this be...permanent?

"If it helps," Your soft words bring him back to the small apartment, allowing him to watch as you flit across the room to his opposite side. He noticed how you practically danced, effortlessly floating on bare feet to the wooden side table pressed against the wall. "You were wearing this when I found you."

You move to sit apprehensively at the foot of the bed frame, hand extending towards him to reveal a small gold ring. Taehyung took it between his fingers, nodding in thanks. You wrapped your arms around your torso and watched curiously as his eyes glazed the scripture engraved on the inner side of the metal band.

Kim Taehyung.

"Kim Taehyung." He repeated out loud this time, slipping the piece of jewelry over his thumb. It felt natural, as though it belonged there. "That must be my name?"

You nod. "Taehyung." Even if it wasn't his name he was sure in that moment he would adopt it, the way your lips curved around the word sending shivers down his spine. "It suits you."

He was suddenly aware of how bare he was, shifting uncomfortably when he noticed his own naked chest. His pants had been discarded to allow you to get a closer look at his stab wound, leaving him only covered by the thin summer lace that swaddled his legs. You noticed his discomfort, grabbing a striped top and a pair of loose fitting white pants from the laundry room behind you and throwing the garments in his direction. He catches them reflexively.

"They were my fathers. Too small now." Taehyung smiles at you properly for the first time at this, eliciting another bout of dull throbs to shoot through his head. "Your things got a little dirty in the scuffle. I washed them for you." A small mirror sat on a tiny dresser, its reflection angled so Taehyung could see the laundry blowing in the summer breeze on the balcony, his shirt and jeans included.

"Thanks." He pulls the shirt over his head, grateful for the modesty it provided him. He looked up at you when it came to his pants, allowing you to assist him when pulling them over his injured thigh, the pain unbearable enough to distract him from the humiliation of needing help to carry out such a simple task.

"Oh - I almost forgot!" You run back into the laundry room, retrieving a black carry bag and the designer coat Taehyung had donned the night you found him on the street. Kicking the door shut with your heel, you fumble in the front pocket of the bag to retrieve a phone. "I hope you don't mind I looked through your stuff, I thought you might have an ID." You shrugged.

"It's fine, really. It's not as if I was around to stop you." He chuckled dryly at his own joke, enjoying the small roll of your eyes. The phone was cold in his palm and he turned it around a couple times as if to search for clues.

"It might help if you look at what is on the phone." You nudge him with your foot and it was his turn to roll his eyes now.

"I knew that." Taehyung huffed, sliding a thumb across the screen and watching as it came to life under his touch, lighting his face with its blue tinted glow. The screen presented a set of numbers, prompting him to input a passcode. He tapped a couple random numbers, hoping he might unlock it by chance or a miracle presented by his fingers muscle memory but apparently even that was having trouble remembering anything. After several failed attempts, a notice displayed on the screen: Iphone locked. Try again in 10 minutes. Taehyung dropped the device in his lap with frustration, pressing his palms to his eyes as he desperately wracked his brain for any set of numbers that might be relevant or familiar but nothing came, leaving him utterly sour with his own brains lack of cooperation.

He flinched when you reached out to rub his forearm, pulling away quickly out of embarrassment when you gauged his reaction to the contact. "I'm sure you will start to remember soon."

"What if I don't?" He pulled his lip between his teeth, nibbling anxiously as he considered the negative outcome. Taehyung knew that although he couldn't remember them he must have a family or friends at least who were worried somewhere, confused as to where he had disappeared to for four days. If he never remembered they would just be left in the unknown forever. Did he have a job? A home?

"You will, I'm sure of it." You say softly, desperate for a way to appease his worries. He was a stranger to you but you couldn't help but feel you knew him somewhat. After all, you had seen him at his very worst across the past few days, at his bed side day and night while he suffered through his fever. Something wrenched in your heart when you realized this was something you couldn't fix for him.

Taehyung felt himself relax with your reassurance. He reached forward to place your hand where it had touched his shoulder before, covering it with his own. His palm was wrapped in a silken scarf that acted as a bandage to cover the scrape attained when removing the knife from his leg. You unwrap it carefully, nodding in satisfaction at the way the skin had begun to heal, a contrast from the red and angry appearance it had possessed to begin with. Threading the scarf around his neck, you tie it in a knot at the base of his throat. Taehyung watches you inquisitively, cocking his head when you were done as if to ask for approval. You nod at your work. "Very à la française." He is surprised by your perfect pronunciation, gauging the accent that taints your English thickly to be local.

"What makes you think I'm not français?"  He catches a glimpse of his appearance in the mirror, making you giggle when he sees that the accessory does indeed make him look like a French stereotype when paired with the blue and white striped shirt he currently donned.

"Your French is awful for one." Taehyung can't deny your statement, simply raising his hands in defeat. "And I've never seen you around here before. Everybody knows everybody here."

It was true. With only a couple hundred inhabitants, everybody seemed to be connected in some way in your town. Each and every individual local shared an uncle or a colleague or a neighbour so visitors stuck out like a sore thumb, drawing attention and becoming a source of gossip among the people. It was summer though so tourists were more frequent these days meaning you had not noticed Taehyung's arrival, that was until he got stabbed outside your apartment and almost died of an infection in your very own bed.

"You got me." He slumped back in surrender. "I assume you know this town better than anyone?"

"I have lived here all my life so I would hope so."

Taehyung scratched his chin. "How about you give me a tour? Might re-jog my memory if I see something familiar?"

You were cautious, not wanting to make a bad situation worse by taking him out before he was ready. He only just seemed to be getting over his fever and you were fearful that his immune system was susceptible to any sort of illness he could pick up out in the open. Then again, the fresh air might do his lungs some good. After all, he had been cooped up in your small one bedroom for half a week now - and so had you as a result, for that matter - so it was unsurprising that he was desperate to get out and find some sense of normality again. "What about your leg?"

Taehyung pulled himself to the edge of the bed, a little weak as he shakily tried to bare weight on his leg. The pain was subsiding a little now though it was still difficult to take more than a few steps before he had to relieve his leg a little by leaning against your wooden clothes cabinet.

"Hold on a second." You noticed his struggle, bending to your knees and fishing under the bed until your hand found the smooth wooden handle of a cane, once belonging to a great uncle - or perhaps it was an aunt, you couldn't remember - before pressing it into his palms. Taehyung admired the decorative lions head that was carved into the base, covered with flaking gold leaf and scratches from years of use and misuse. He pushed away from the wall, leaning into the stick and finding his balance, letting out a breathy laugh when he managed to take a series of steps - albeit slowly - with it's assistance.

"Are you sure? It looks special." You purse your lips in agreement, unable to list the various ancestors who once relied on the cane as Taehyung was now and unable to remember how it came into your possession in the first place. You were thankful it did, though as it was finally being put to use.

"Of course." You slip a light scarf around your shoulders, expecting the afternoon breeze to be chilly as it gradually turned into night. "Until your leg heals."

The apartment was situated on the second storey, exited by a small winding staircase that led to an open piazza, inhabited only by an outdoor chair you favored for reading on summer mornings. It took a while to get down, Taehyung still struggling to find his footing with the cane and needing your support under his elbow to manage the last few steps.

The hustle and bustle hit deliciously when you finally stepped out into the open. The town was alive, children playing on the corner with chalk as colorful as the buildings around them, mothers watching from balconies and open screen windows as they danced in the shadows cast by ornamental street lights. You led him down through the winding alley, under a stone arch and out into the outdoor street market. Taehyung's senses were immediately filled with the smell of cooking crêpes and burgers sizzling on a grill along with the sounds of traders and marketeers shouting praises of their homemade la crème glacée. Men unloaded fresh fruit and vegetables into crates, transported by truck from nearby produce farms and Taehyung swore he had never seen colors so vibrant, so ripe.

"Where are we going?" He asks, struggling to keep up with you as you effortlessly weaved through the throngs of people. The town square opened up into a harbor which stretched for a couple of miles along the front where the town merged with the sea. The water sparkled beneath the bows of holiday yachts and fishing boats and he could not help but gawk at the beauty of it.

"Here." You say, stopping abruptly and almost causing him to walk into your heels as a result. You pat the stone wall before you. The entire harbor was lined with it but this particular spot was at a lower height than the rest allowing you to swing your body over so that your legs dangled over the drop. Taehyung's eyes widened nervously as you did just that, jerking forward to grip your forearm as he envisioned you catapulting down to the small patch of sandy beach below. You simply giggle, gesturing for him to sit next to you. His leg protests when he tries to copy your earlier actions despite his hesitance towards its safety, opting to perch on the edge with his back facing the boats instead.

"This is where we are going." You let out a breath, taking in the view you were all too familiar with yet somehow not tired of. "I come here to think a lot. It's my place."

Taehyung hummed in response, eyes glazing across the tops of houses and chapels that rose from behind one another, towering above you. "I can see why. The view is beautiful - how do you say that in French again?"

"C'est une vue à couper le souffle."

"Yeah, that." He mumbles, scratching the nape of his neck and avoiding your gaze by pretending to be engrossed in the fishermen unloading their days catch.

"That's not the reason I like it, though." You continue. "I like how it is quiet here." It was true. Compared to the hectic town square it was serene, only a few people in sight including yourselves along with some particularly noisy seagulls. "Sometimes I feel smothered in town."

"I understand, I think." Taehyung nibbles his lip. Something twisted inside of him at your words, the feeling you described to him familiar somehow though he couldn't put his finger on why exactly. "Sometimes you have to find peace inside the commotion."

"Right." You agree curtly, eager to change the subject before it became too raw. "Has your memory come back yet?"

He sat in silence for a while, enjoying the cool salty breeze on his skin before he spoke up quietly. "I wish I could remember."

Another bout of silence. A boat bobbed into the calm waters of the harbor, filling the quiet just enough for your words to almost slip past Taehyung had he not been watching you intently. "Perhaps you should just embrace it."

"Embrace my amnesia?"

"I mean, embrace the chance at a fresh start," You explain, finally drawing your attention from a blank point in the distance to stare him straight in the eye. "I don't know anyone in this town who wouldn't give their left leg for a chance to re-invent themselves. Think about it - you could literally be anyone you want to be."

"Anyone?" Taehyung still wasn't convinced, the idea of leaving behind his past still tender, even if he couldn't remember it.

"Anyone!" Your face glowed with a sudden bout of excitement, irises glinting in the evening sun as you pull his hand into your lap. "You could go away from here, become a traveler? Or an artist...you look like an artist."

Taehyung looked out over the charmingly beautiful town, lingering for a second on the rough edges that blended out into the pink and yellow sky. Something felt right about being here - something instinctive.

Your enthusiastic babbling brought him back down. "A florist! I bet you know a thing or two about flowers - unless you forgot about that too.."

"Y/n?" His sudden interruption brought you to an abrupt silence, an indication that you were listening. "Who are you? Like, what do you want to do with your life."

"I mean - I work in a bakery. My fathers bakery."

"A baker, huh?"

"Yeah. Though if I hit my head I would like to become a writer." Taehyung nods, remembering the vast amount of books you hoarded in your apartment. " You know, like a real one. With a library and a writing room."

"You don't need to lose your memory to do that, y/n."

"People around here...we don't get to be writers. Or florists. Or artists."

"Why not?" Taehyung couldn't understand your resentment for a town so gloriously pleasant, so perfectly simplistic.

"Because we are insignificant. We are traders and housewives and bakers." You spat the last word with a bitterness you had become accustomed to.

"I could be a fisherman." Taehyung puffed out his chest to mimic the muscular man unloading crates of seafood below.

"Nuh uh," You wrinkle your nose. "The smell is unbearable."

"Then, I want to stay here." He concluded, crossing his arms with a determination that said his decision was final. "At your bakery."

"You are stubborn," You announce, shaking your head in disbelief. "You could go anywhere and you choose to stay here?"

The sun was dipping into the waves now, almost obscured by the ripples and sea foam. "I feel at home already."

[kiruuuuu]

I’m not even ashamed to admit this hit me right in the thirst, @taleously! I adore these two, so thank you for this :) (Rating T, humour/fluff, ~1.5k words)

.

“- without even realising, I am holding the grenade all of a sudden and all I hear is this choir of dudes chanting ‘hot potato’ over and over -” Bandit breaks off as soon as he collides with Smoke who froze directly in the doorway to the workshop, so the two stumble inside, basically falling over each other and cursing under their breaths. “Hey, what’s wrong with you?!”

Since they attracted everyone’s attention except for two people who continue talking as if nothing happened, Smoke feels free to simply stare for a bit longer, feast his eyes on the human masterpiece illuminating the entire room with his dazzling appearance. Despite knowing nothing about art, Smoke is dead certain he’s witnessing a magnum opus which has come alive and somehow found its way to their base, a walking and talking sculpture currently engrossed in something technical and too high for him, utterly unaware of its own grace.

“Yo, Porter. Is someone else using your brain? Hello?”

He ignores Bandit a little longer in favour of basking in the presence of such ravishing beauty. He lacks the words to convey just how smitten he is, how pure and innocent his admiration, how deep the impression runs which has been left behind by the image before him, how permanent the imprint in his mind. It’s impossible to put into simple terms as nothing speech produces will ever adequately describe what he’s seeing but he makes the attempt nonetheless, scrapes together every last bit of wit and wisdom left over after his composure has been short-circuited, shattered upon entering to express his wonder.

Smoke blurts out: “He’s so fucking hot.”

Bandit looks at him weird and follows his gaze to the corner of the room where Twitch and Mute are working together on something resembling an engine. Probably due to the nature of their work today, they’ve both donned more casual clothes that are intended to get dirty, and dirty they did get. Mute’s sleeveless undershirt has long bidden farewell to its pristine white colour, making way for greasy handprints and a variety of smudges and yet it’s the most appealing thing Smoke has seen in his entire life. He’d give a foot to be allowed to wear it. Not only does it flatter Mute’s physique, it also draws attention to his upper arms which are usually maliciously hidden from the rest of the world – clearly with ill intent as the mere sight of them probably cures depression at one glance. It certainly does with Smoke. Mute’s hair is sweaty, dishevelled and falling into his eyes, and the fact that he looks like he just bit into a lemon doesn’t diminish Smoke’s urge to bite into him.

“We have to break the air conditioning”, Smoke adds and pictures it in his thoughts, fantasises about sweat dripping and white fabric turning transparent and -

“There’s no fucking air conditioning, you perv. Stop leering and move.”

“If I have to take my eyes off him for a single second, I’m literally going to drop dead.” He cranes his neck to keep watching Mute’s every move even as Bandit drags him to a table at the other end of the room. “Holy shit. Look at him. Where’s my guarantee that no one else is gonna flirt with him? What happened to the slightly arrogant but still totally fuckable nerd?”

“You mean the guy who has to be physically restrained so he doesn’t mount you immediately?”

“Yeah, that one”, Smoke agrees distractedly, his eyes steadfastly glued to Mute who’s pushing a few brown strands back but ends up smearing more soot onto his forehead which Smoke would lick off without hesitation were he allowed. “He so wants me, Dom, I’m telling you. Maybe he’s trying to flirt with me, maybe that’s what’s going on. Jesus Christ, this has to be on purpose. Do you think he sucks good dick?”

“Clearly, he chose to wear this for no reason other than to turn you into a randy ferret. And I don’t know, want me to ask him for a demonstration?”

“Keep your bloody hands off him. Not that it matters, he’s obsessed with me, but don’t even think about tainting him.” Smoke bites his lip as he watches Mute stretch, the muscles in his arms showing. “Oh man. He wants me so bad.”

“How come you’ve not asked him out then?”

“Because he’s so fucking far out of my league he might as well be playing a different sport entirely”, Smoke replies absent-mindedly and only realises what he’s just said when Bandit cocks an eyebrow at him. “I mean – that’s probably what he thinks. Or rather the image he has to uphold. You know, he’s this studious, serious, skilled teacher’s pet who shouldn’t get this turned on by an idiot like me, but there he is, dick rising as predictably as the morning sun whenever he sees me and nothing he can do about it.”

“So he’s currently consumed with desire, is that what you’re telling me?”

Both of them glance over to where Mute is fastening some screws while apparently joking around with Twitch, both of them visibly comfortable with each other and the sight feels like a stab to his heart. Like this, covered in grime and working with his hands, he’s painfully sexy and much more approachable than when he’s reading anything with a title which already flies over Smoke’s head – he looks like someone Smoke would actually chat up and that’s the whole problem. Because usually, everyone chats up the guys he likes. “Yeaaah”, he says very slowly.

The German opposite him snorts. “He’s pretty good at hiding it, isn’t he? What if he’s really a prude?”

“He can be a pillow princess for all I care, all he has to do is take it. I’d make his pretty body dance under my fingertips, you know? Play him like a fiddle, make him beg, make him scream, that sort of thing.”

“Is that so? Let him know, why don’t you?” And, much to Smoke’s horror, he turns to the person in question and yells: “Oi, Mark! Got a minute?”

“No no no, wait, wait”, he whispers and breathes a sigh of relief when Mute replies without even looking up: “I’m busy.”

“See, he’s busy, you best not disturb him, he gets cranky when -”

“Trust me, you’ll want to hear this. Porter is just telling me all the things he’d like to do to you.” This time, all conversation halts. Pairs of eyes slide over to Smoke who can feel blood rushing to his cheeks even as he tries to stay nonchalant and let none of his actual panic show on his face. He suspects he’s failing horribly, however, judging by Mute’s entirely unimpressed expression.

The young man says something to Twitch, making her laugh, and then walks over and if Smoke wasn’t dying inside already, now it’s much worse. Because not only does he have no idea what to say but also Mute’s so close all of a sudden, radiating heat and smelling like grease and heaven. “Shoot.” He’s looking down at Smoke expectantly and with a look of go on, I dare you to embarrass yourself.

“I uh”, Smoke responds and ignores Bandit’s wide grin, “how about – let’s go for some drinks? Later? If you have time? That’s, uh, I’d like to go for a few drinks. That’s it. I mean, that’s all. Don’t listen to Dom.”

“I’m not even saying anything”, Bandit murmurs, highly amused.

Mute examines him thoughtfully for a few seconds during which Smoke’s cheeks darken considerably. “I’m not deaf”, he announces, “and you’re a twat. You pay, but talk about me like that again and it’s cancelled. Deal?”

His face is burning by now because oh God Mute heard him and how much did he actually hear, so it takes a moment to register that he actually agreed. Stupidly, he babbles: “Yes, of course, thank you, I’m – yes. Deal. Let’s do it. Yes.” Mute just shakes his head again with an involuntary smile and returns to his previous task, leaving Smoke gaping and staring after him, marvelling at the back view of his body which is no less phenomenal than the front and he did it. He asked him out. He can panic later, for now he needs to contain the tremendous joy bubbling up in him.

“He likes you”, Bandit comments with a smirk, “fancy that.”

Oh I fancy him alright, Smoke’s brain provides helpfully while his mouth blurts: “I told you he’s thirsty for my cock.”

“Aaaand cancelled!���, Mute calls from the other side of the room.

Smoke can hear Bandit laugh the entire time he quietly pleads to his teammate, begging him to reconsider as Mute’s grin simply grows the longer he talks.

[morallygreyyn]

my 2022 anime list

disclaimer: please don’t make assumptions about me and my taste in anime based off of this list. this is literally just watch i watched this year.

so i’m really just making this for me to keep tabs on what i watched throughout the year so feel free to ignore this! if for some reason you do read this and see anything here you like i’m always down for a chat about anime!

this is all the anime (new and old) that i watched in 2022 (in order bc i’m that bitch):

the case study of vanitas (6/10):

a solid anime. loved vanitas and noe and their designs were gorgeous. deffo want to get back into it as i fell out of it a while ago

demon slayer (7.5/10):

favourite character(s):

giyu tomioka and zenitsu agatsuma

nah bc the way i was so skeptical of this bc of all the hype so i put it off for aggeess but then i got sick and binged the entire thing within a few days. literally became my life for a solid month and i can’t wait for the next season

blue period (4/10):

such a chill anime that touches on some heavier topics about identity. not the most mind-blowing or groundbreaking anime to ever exist but definitely enjoyable and it did make me want to start drawing even tho i can’t draw for shit

your name (movie) (7.5/10):

i *think* this was the first anime movie that i ever watched and it did not disappoint. animation was absolutely gorgeous and the characters made me want to weep

a silent voice (movie) (7.5/10):

your name kicked off my love for sad anime movies and i’ve never been to close to crying over anything in my life than i was with the main pairing in this damn movie

black clover (9/10):

favourite character(s):

asta, noelle and zora

bro...this one took me by surprise ngl. i thought this was just gonna be another run of the mill shonen jump anime (and don’t get me wrong, it is) but man oh man i wasn’t expecting it to be so funny. literally my sense of humour in an anime. also asta is so inspiring “as long as i don’t give up, i’ll get there eventually” may seem so basic but it struck a chord ngl

bubble (movie) (2/10):

wtf even happened in this movie. the animation was pretty ig

spy x family (7/10):

this deserved the hype, it slapped. unfortunately tho it reminds me of my ex as i used to watch it with them so my memories of it are kinda tainted

neon genesis evangelion (7.5/10):

favourite character(s):

shinji and kaworu

the living aesthetic that is this show. literal perfection until the last three episodes, wtf happened. i also need shinji and kaworu to get together like asap

the way of the househusband (6/10):

sooooo funny. kinda similar to saiki k in terms of humour and short episodes. definitely a comfort anime

to your eternity (3/10):

such an interesting premise! it has a low score bc i dropped it a while ago (idk why) so my memory of it is kinda hazy. will deffo pick it back up again in the future

cute high earth defensive club love (1/10):

don’t ask

one piece (100000/10):

favourite character(s): sanji and then every single other character to exist on the show (apart from the celestial dragons...man fuck those guys)

I was so apprehensive to start this bc it’s over 1000 episodes long but my brother eventually wore me down and oh man, i’ve never been more pleasantly surprised. easily my favourite anime now (which i never thought anything would beat my top two and i’m only 550 episodes in). it’s so funny, the characters are so lovable and the story and world is incredible. it made me cry over a boat. a freaking boat. now that’s a strong story. g8 is canon you can’t change my mind. literally ready to set sail across the seven seas rn. it’s a pirates life for me

idolish7 (tbd):

favourite character(s):

sogo, iori, riku, tenn

started this as a joke but ended up really liking it. haven’t finished it yet which is why my rating is tbd but it’s shaping up to be above a 6! the only con is nagi...god i hate nagi. also secret night by trigger was my third most played song on my spotify wrapped so yeah, this show has some bangers

heaven official’s blessing (it’s chinese but i don’t know the official term) (8.5/10):

favourite character(s):

xie lian, hua cheng, nan feng, fu yao

ah, the show that started my mxtx obsession. hua cheng is my literal aesthetic and i’ve made it my mission in life to dress like him. also him and xie lian are literal perfection. the only downside to this show was the banyue arc/backstory - it was kinda boring ngl but the scene where san lang jumped into the pit.....10000/10. also got covid for the second time a couple of hours after i finished this so it’s memorable for that too lmao. second season when?

the untamed (cdrama) (9/10):

favourite character(s):

xue yang, wei wuxian, lan wangji

riding on the high of mxtx and down bad with covid, i binged this entire series (and read the manhua) in like a couple of days. i didn’t sleep. my only thoughts were wangxian and xue yang. this also made me want to learn chinese....i even bought chinese language textbooks. now i just need to find a teacher and i’m set lmao

classroom of the elite (dnf):

ummm...so this wasn’t for me. decided to start it bc of all the hype but it missed the mark for me unfortunately. the main character is sick as shit and the premise is really cool so maybe i’ll pick it back up again in the future (i probably will) but for now i’d rather watch one piece (pls let me know if this show gets better - i really do think the premise slaps but some of the characters suck)

cherry magic! thirty years of v can make you a wizard? (drama) (7/10):

decided to watch this as i had just read the manga and oml i loved it. the romance between the main pairing is soooo sweet and the actors did such a great job

sasaki and miyano (9.5/10):

fell down the bl hole and decided to watch this.....bro....the way i fell in love with these two is not even funny. i literally adore them. no.1 comfort anime

blue lock (10/10):

favourite character(s): chigiri, isagi, bachira

never thought i’d get so hype about football but here we are. have caught myself saying “i need to watch that goal again” and then reacting in horror as i realise i’m turning into my football loving mother. but can you blame me? their monster modes? isagi and chigiri’s respective goals? literal crack for your eyes. this anime is such a unique premise for a sports anime. fuck team work, it’s kill or be killed in blue lock and i liiivveee bitch

obey me! (7/10):

favourite character(s): levi, satan, belphie

decided to watch this one as i started playing the otome game and fell in love with the characters (levi, satan and belphie specifically) and oh man was this anime hilarious. watched it all in one night. the music in this is also fire. it’s my party, sinful indulgence and on your way? absolute bangers. the bunny boy episode is my favourite for obvious reasons

fruits basket (tbd but shaping up to be a 8/10):

another one i haven’t finished yet but oh lord i don’t know why i put this one off for so long bc its so good. gives me all the fuzzy princess vibes that i want from a shojo and i couldn’t ask for more. yuki one chance please

-

and that’s it! i didn’t watch as much as i usually do considering one piece is a thing that i started but it’s still a record of everything i watched and what i thought of it! i honestly had so much fun making this - it’s so nice to recap on what i’ve watched throughout the year

[cluelessnamelessao3]

It’s Raining Somewhere Else

The One with All the Warnings

They’d been on the surface for a year, and they’d been among the cities and towns for approximately a week. Although tensions were high, and there was an increase of anti-monster gang activity, there had been no real incidents of concern. Words, though only a step from actions, did not cause anyone physical harm at least.

The third day after the monsters were finally released in full was the day you found yourself wandering downtown, small backpack in tow, holding several copies of a half-baked resume you’d made with the help of your old university advisor and your papa.

You’d gotten a small, somewhat dingy apartment in a part of town that your father had proclaimed as “not right”. However, regardless of the quality of the apartment, or the environment of the surrounding buildings, you were just glad to be out of your cramped dorm, and even more glad to no longer have to live at home. Besides, it was what you could afford on your own, with your minimal savings.

Which, as it were, was dwindling rapidly. Who knew that furniture, appliances, and moving cost so much? You certainly hadn’t expected it.

Hence why you were prowling the local shops and stores in the hopes of finding some “help wanted” sign to remove you from your plight. You really didn’t want to go asking your papa for more money—especially after having just moved out. How would that look as a statement to your new-found independence?

You stopped in front of a wooden building, the sign at the top reading in big red letters Grillby’s Pub. From the outside it looked barely lived in, but still worn down. The wood panelling was dirty, and in desperate need of a pressure wash. The windows, though new, were painted over with slurs against the monsters. You could only sigh at the crude words and drawings. The state of the outside of this little monster-run bar was similar to some of the other shops you’d seen today.

They’d only been living amongst people for a short while, yet already complaints were being raised, and monsters were being harassed.

Gingerly, you opened a big wooden door, peering through the entrance to see a well-lit pub of sorts. You let the aroma of greasy food wash over you for a moment, your stomach singing its praise. The door fell shut with a dull click, and you wandered toward the bar. The room was mostly empty, aside from one suited dog with a lit treat hanging from his lip, and a rather ill-sick looking rabbit, whose head was currently facedown on the bar’s counter, her feet swinging idly from her perch on the stool.

There was no one at the register, but you could hear the grill in the backroom, and just barely you saw the flickering of a large flame. Behind the register were shelves, filled to the brim with many coloured liquids in an assortment of glasses and bottlesand glasses. On a regular piece of paper, written with nearly perfect calligraphic handwriting was “Help Wanted”.

You couldn’t stop the slight hop in your step at the site of that sign, as you moved closer to the register. The rabbit looked at you wordlessly for a moment, before laying her head back on the counter. The dog yipped once, and you smiled, giving a wave. TheyIt seemed polite.

The crackling from the backroom became louder, and suddenly a man of fire was standing behind the bar, washcloth in one hand, and shot glass in the other. He wiped it down, placed it on the shelf behind him, and fiddled with the other various bottles and tinctures on the shelves.

You felt awkward, standing in silence, watching this fire elemental do busy work. You couldn’t miss the tension in his shoulders, and if you weren’t so nervous, perhaps you’d have been more curious as to how a flame could hold a shape—let alone how a body part made of fire could show tension. How were his clothes not on fire?

“Uhm, I’m sorry, I just saw your ‘help wanted’ sign,” he stills slightly at the tone of your voice, “and I was hoping I could drop off a resume or pick up an application or something, I mean, I know you just opened up and all, and I just moved into the neighbourhood, and uhm, well I mean, sorry, I just would really like to work here—”

You coughed, cutting yourself off.

“Okay, let me restart,” you began again, introducing yourself. Your voice was losing some of its nervous shake, “I’m new in town, and looking for work. I was hoping I could grab an application or drop off my resume.”

At this, the bartender turned toward you, “I can’t pay you in human currency yet,” his voice crackled and popped, like the fire in a campsite. It was comforting, warm, and pleasant.

“That’s okay, there’s an exchange place nearby, and I believe my landlord even accepts Ebott’s coin.”

He nodded, and you swore you could see the hint of a smile on his face—or, whatever the fiery equivalent of one would be. “Well, let me see what I can do for you then, okay?”

“Jennifer,” he rasps, and suddenly that sorry-looking rabbit from earlier springs to life once more. Her ears fly up, twitching, and her nose wriggles as she stretches.

“Yes Cap’n, I’m up. Just needed a break from all the moving, you know?”

“Show Miss, er,” he paused, glancing toward you questioningly.

“I, uh, Kit-Kat is my, kind of, name, but Kit works” you mumbled, face beginning to heat up with embarrassment.

Kit-Kat was a name you received after your eight year old, sugar-crazed self had, on Halloween, broken into the bags of kit-kats for all the trick-or-treaters and eaten much more than your share. Your mistake was your indulgence of the sweet but crunchy chocolate bars, because, after all, children were not meant to eat so much candy at once.

In the end, you got sick. Amazingly sick. Spectacularly. You missed Halloween. You still liked Kit-Kats.

“Show Miss Kit around, Jen, while I grab some paperwork.”

The rabbit nodded, ears flopping, “Alright sweet pea, let’s chat.”

The bartender retreated to the back, and you turned your attention to the spunky looking rabbit, Jennifer.

“If you’re going to work here, you have to understand, you are welcome to be here, appreciated even, but,” she trailed off for a moment and you felt a pit growing in your stomach at her tone.

“You are not and never will be one of us.”

 The first week of working there wasn’t so bad.

The work was pretty fun, if you were honest. You, who had so much trouble talking to people, had found a suitable compromise. It was easy to serve people drinks or food, share a smile and a laugh, and partake in easy small talk. There was no pressure to be interested in their lives, nor they in yours. You didn’t have to worry about making a good impression because… well… delivering food to hungry patrons was the best impression to make.

Jen’s warning still rung in your mind, though. It tainted each interaction with a seed of doubt. Did they like you? Were you out of place here? Would you be forced to leave? At least she was nice to you, despite her cold words.

All in all, you quite liked your job. The atmosphere of the place was warm and easy, regulars and newcomers alike coming together to share a few drinks and a few stories.

Even Jen had warmed up to your after that initial warning.

She was funny, cracking jokes with you, and the skeleton that regularly showed up on late nights. She was also a flirt with the other customers—and with Grillby himself. It made you laugh to see her throw corny pick-ups at the flaming bar owner. His flame would flicker and sputter, displaying his embarrassment at her silly advances.

 Jen was off in her own world today, counting coins in the register while you wiped down counters for closing.

It was days like these that you felt most at peace.

There you were, dressed in a uniform similar to Grillby’s own, hair pulled back for the convenience. You liked the way the vest fit, hugging to your waist but not making you uncomfortable. Some days you wore black dress pants, other days you work a skirt to go with the uniform. It was whatever the moment called for, whatever struck you as the most comfortable. Jen liked to stick with the skirt, claiming it gave her better tips. You wouldn’t be surprised if that was the truth. (You couldn’t deny she had great curves and was obviously cute).

You swiped up the rag you’d been using to clean the bar top off and meandered over to where a rowdy guest had spilled his drink. There were only a few patrons still inside, the chatter had dulled significantly as the hours stretched on, and the only sound, aside from the counting of coins and you cleaning, came from a grainy jukebox playing slow jazz.

“Hey Kit, you mind closing today?”

You looked over to Jen, who had finished counting the till’s money, “Sure thing, Jen.” You wanted to ask why, but hesitated. You were only just getting Jen to talk to you, did you really want to pry into her life? Would she want you to? You fumbled with the string on your apron for a moment, before speaking up once more, “So, uhm, got plans or something?”

You cringed, unsure if you came across as friendly or nosy, but it seemed Jen didn’t mind either way. In fact, she perked up the moment you asked.

“Oh, honey bun, I’ve got great plans tonight!” She grinned conspiratorially, “I’ve got a date…”

“A date?” You smiled, reaching one hand to push the loose strands of hair from your face, as you ambled closer.

“Yes, dearie, a date!” She shook her shoulders, shimmying with a dopey grin on her face, “and I’ll have you know, he’s a hot catch.”

“literally,” a new voice cut in, belonging to a certain large and rather large-boned skeleton you’d seen frequent the bar on many occasions. He never ordered from you, in the same way some of the monsters purposefully avoided your tables, and you were shocked he was even interacting with you.

Though, from the tension you could see from the way he gripped his bottle of ketchup (something you didn’t even bother to question), he seemed to be shocked too.

His voice was deep, gruff, and you had to admit, you liked it.

“Oh Sansy, shut it! He’s more than just literally hot,” Jen laughed, but you only felt more confused.

There was a joke somewhere in here, but it was flying over your head.

“jen, i’ve got a bone to pick with you,” his grin widened fractionally at his own joke, though he didn’t relax at all, “you’ve been pinning after him for months, lemme celebrate with you. after all, without me you wouldn’t have the backbone to have asked him out.”

Jen snorted, rolling her eyes good naturedly, “Okay Sansy, baby, you’re right.” She turned to you, “I’ve got a hot date with a certain flamesman.”

And suddenly, you understood. Actually, not only did you understand, you were also beyond ecstatic.

Grillby was one of the few monsters who treated you kindly from the get-go—at this point you considered him one of your few friends. You felt comfortable talking to the quiet elemental and cherished the nights you’d closed with him as well as the work he put in to train you to work here. You’d become pretty comfortable working: making food, drinks, and hosting people with a smile.

“Really?” You exclaimed, unable to hold in your excitement.

Sans expression soured as you joined back into the conversation, however he didn’t turn away like the other times you’d walked by.

“Yes, really!” Jen squeaked back, “So, you mind closing for me?”

“Not at all! I’m happy for you!”

She squealed and did something unprecedented: she hugged you around the middle, lifting you off your feet, and spinning you around the pub. It warmed your soul.

 Closing by yourself wasn’t something you were used to. After Jen had left, though, most the patrons also left aside from one: Sans. You didn’t understand why he stayed. Grillbz had left early in the day, so it wasn’t like he was waiting for his friend to get off work. Jen was getting ready for her date with Grillby.

He remained quiet though, just sipping on his ketchup, and flicking through something on his phone. A couple times you’d caught him staring, and you could see the suspicion in his eyes.

It was… to put it mildly, frustrating. You weren’t some criminal. You’d worked there for about a week. You’d been nothing but polite, hard working, and kind. Why did so many of the monsters still hold such distrust of you?

You wish you understood more. Even after a year of living on the surface, there was not much known about the monsters or their abilities. The only thing remarkable that humans learned was about magic, and the brief history of magic. Some humans were excited about the magical potential that monsters claimed humans also had. Others claimed them to be demons and blasphemous, but few groups paid those zealots any mind.

Scientists speculated that with the re-emergence of magic with the monsters, perhaps humans would become more in tune with their own soul, and potentially regain the power to wield magic. However, not much was being done about the research, even a year after the discovery.

It wasn’t until you finished closing down, that Sans finally stood to leave as well. He held open the door for you while you fumbled with the ring of keys. Once the building was locked and secured, he spoke.

“i don’t like humans.”

You nodded, already aware.

“you don’t seem to be bad, though. just don’t fuck up.”

[looselucy]

November

Eating was awkward enough as it was without having a table. But it was Friday morning when we all realised just how bad things had gotten. Myself and Zayn sat on the sofa together, both silently eating our bowls of coco-pops, Harry and Tally were both in camp chairs across from us. Barely a noise from all of us.

It had been that way since their drunken shag on Tuesday evening. They both knew the routine of sleeping with someone one time, and that being it. What they weren’t used to, was then having to live with that person. And they were not doing well. At first it was pretty funny, but after a few days’ worth, it really was just torture. We literally couldn’t even begin to make conversation, we all just sat in silence, trying to eat our breakfasts as quietly as possible, but every single noise was amplified by the sheer grossness of the situation. Oh… It was awful. It was around ten minutes of absolutely nothing before Harry raised to his feet, taking his dish over to the sink, before beginning to make his way out of the flat, running late. “Wanna get drunk tonight Zayn? I need it.” He huffed. “Yeah, sounds good, man.” “See ya later.” I cringed even more as he left, catching Tally’s eye for the first time and she just shook her head in the smallest manner possible, waiting until she had heard the door slam, double checking he was definitely gone, before turning around to us. “Oh my god!” She yelped. “Tally, this is ridiculous!” Zayn pointed out the obvious. “I didn’t tell you the whole story.” She grumbled uncomfortably. We both leant forward, eager to hear her story, but she just threw her toast dramatically onto the floor and started fake sobbing into her hands, not saying anything. “What?” I cried. “No!” She protested. “Tell us now.” “I can’t! It’s too embarrassing.” “All the more reason to tell us.” Zayn smiled, eager. “I asked him out.” She said clearly. “WHAT?” I died inside. “Oh god. Oh god no.” She started, face still hidden. “It was in the morning, and I was getting dressed, and he was lead there like some kind of porn star and... Oh god. He looked so good. So good. And I forgot how to be normal and asked him if he would want to do something some time. And he was like, oh no, sorry. And I got so flustered and stupid and I ran out of his room without even putting my dress back on. It was the lowest moment of my life.” I felt for her. I really did. Tally had once gone up to a boy on a night out and asked him to take her out, just to prove a point to us, and his mouth had literally dropped open and he had said he would love to. Tally wasn’t used to rejection. Tally wasn’t used to having to live alongside a boy she had shagged, who had continued to reject her. It was not a good situation. I mean, things were bad enough between me and Harry, never mind Tally and Harry. However, not a word had been spoken between me and Harry since Tuesday evening, so that was quite nice. “Well,” Zayn mumbled eventually. “I wasn’t expecting that.” “It’s very out of character for me.” “Why’d you do it?” I baffled. “He’s a knob.” “He’s very appealing. And he was so nice and flirty with me all night. Very charming. Never met anyone like him.” I couldn’t help but agree in my mind, but it was probably not for the same reasons she felt like she’d never met anyone like him. She stood herself up, groaning as she picked up the toast she had thrown on the floor a few moments beforehand and threw it in the bin, then turning back around to me and Zayn, finally being able to comfortably tuck into our cereal and not be paranoid about the noise we were making. “I’m gunna go home.” She sighed. It wasn’t uncommon that Tally went home at the weekends, she was only an hour’s drive away from campus, just under two hours on the train, but we knew it was simply because of how tense things had gotten in our flat, and she wanted to escape it. “Seriously?” I gawped. “Yeah. I’m gunna go now, actually.” “Don’t you have a lecture?” “Yeah. I don’t care. I’ve not missed one yet so it’s fine.” She sulked into her room to prepare her bags, leaving me and Zayn alone in the kitchen, finishing our breakfast together. He chuckled under his breath. “What?” I asked. “Harry’s been here just over a week and he’s caused so much drama.” That was extremely true, and we had around another six months for Harry to cause even more drama. It was bound to happen. With there being one girl in his flat that he hated, and another one he had shagged, of course more stuff was bound to go wrong, and there was going to be more drama on the horizon. That much was clear. Zayn checked the time on his phone, before quickly leaping to his feet. “Gotta shoot.” He sighed. “We’re drawing a naked man this week.” “Oh, you’ll love that.” I played. “Damn right. Love a good penis.”” “In and around your-” “EY! Calm down, Pippa, it’s not even lunch yet.” He grinned. He gave me a little wave over his shoulder as I chuckled to myself, wondering how this weekend was going to turn out. + + + Being the wise cookie I am, I had opted to miss out on the drunken night Harry and Zayn had planned. The weekend before had all gone to shit when I tried to make an effort, so I thought it would be good for me to just let them go out and do their thing, whilst I got a relatively early night. I’m sure I was slap-bang in the middle of a blissful, undisturbed sleep, when some very, very loud knocking on my bedroom door, ruined it. My eyes popped open, my face only being uncovered by bed-sheets from the nose up, scowling straight away, glancing to my clock and expecting it to say 4am, but it had actually only just gone midnight. I realised that often, I was a truly poor excuse for a student. The banging continued and I groaned loudly to myself, before shouting. “IT’S OPEN!” “OH. IS IT?” Zayn’s drunken voice was sweet and vulnerable and very cute. I suddenly lost the tough, angry facade and crumbled under the sound of my best mate drunkenly wanting to see me. “YES! COME IN!” The handle was pulled down and he ran in quickly, jumping on top me, and on top of the sheets, thankfully, and started hugging me to the best of his ability, like the absolute idiot he was. He began cheerfully yelling his glee. “YAAAAY YOU’RE AWAKE!” “I wasn’t but, you’re very noisy.” “And you’re very rude, Miss Payne.” The door opened again, and we both glanced to see Harry dancing his way into my room, clicking his fingers with the dopiest smile on his face, stepping joyfully to a non-existent beat, despite the fact it was absolutely silent. “LOOK, HARRY’S HERE!” Zayn continued to yell, even though his face was mere inches from mine. I could tell they had just been drinking, because they were on different highs than I had seen them for the past few nights out. When they had taken drugs, it was like they were intense, focused on dancing and having a good time. Just on booze, the two of them were so playful and lovely, even Harry, thus far. The dancing really did make me laugh. Next, Harry jumped on top of me too, there definitely not being enough room on my bed for me under the covers and two idiots flailing around on top of them. Those single beds really were a curse, and intensely uncomfortable. “This is weird.” I mumbled up to the two of them. “We would like to invite you to get really drunk with us.” Zayn nodded firmly. “Not my idea!” Harry raised one hand. “I was quite happy without you.” “I was immensely happy without you, Harry.” He smirked, and for once, it felt like our hatred was actually quite playful, which was a better way to go about it. Maybe if I was drunk too, it would be even better. “So?” Zayn pressed on. “So what?” “So are you getting drunk with us?” I glanced from one pretty face to the next, the sensible part of me wanting to just go back to sleep, but the temptation was far too great, and their faces far too funny. I huffed out uneasily, rolling my eyes and trying to contain my smile. I swear, I had started rolling my eyes so much since Harry moved in they were close to remaining perfectly fixed in the back of my head, just like my mum had always warned me. “Okay.” I reluctantly agreed. “YAAAAY. Okay, I’ll go pour us a drink.” Zayn uneasily got off my bed, clambering over Harry and tripping over himself merrily before he stormed out of the room, continuing to cheer to himself. Only then did I realise that it was now just me and Harry, and he was still on top of me, on my bed. He was far too drunk to take in how completely awkward it was. He looked down at my chest, which had become slightly revealed thanks to the wriggling of the two lads. I was bloody waiting for him to make some stupid comment. “Are you naked, Pip-Squeak?” “Will you get off me?” “Are you?” “GET OFF!” I pushed him, with a great deal of force, off my bed, happy to hear how amused he was when he crash landed on the floor, when it so easily could have spurred another argument, because I was in no way gentle with him. He then raised to his feet and looked down to me, stumbling back slightly, but not moving out of my room. I stared back up to him, confused. “What?” “I’m just waiting for the show.” He grinned. I threw my teddy, Lulu, at him, regretting it straight away because that stuffed penguin held a special place in my heart, and in my head it was as though it had been tainted by touching Harry’s tanned skin. But he laughed, clutching his stomach, having wound me up successfully, before fleeing from my room. I rolled my eyes again, being hesitant to get out from under the sheets, but as soon as I did I ran over to the door and turned the lock, half expecting Harry to attempt to burst through the door and see the apparent ‘show’ he had been waiting for. Thankfully, he never did. I threw on some underwear, leggings and a baggy top, scuffing my hair up and wishing I could simply not care and leave my face completely blank, but I caved under the pressures I had created for myself, and put some foundation on my pale face. I heard more banging coming from down the corridor as I swung my bedroom door open, seeing Harry and Zayn now banging on Mike’s door, the same stupid smiles on their faces. I went and stood next to them with my arms folded, waiting for Mike to exit. He poked his head out of a small gap he created in the door with hatred in his eyes. “For fuck sake, lads.” He huffed. “Are you naked?” Harry asked him. It seemed Harry had a fascination and a need to know when anyone was naked. Mike’s glare intensified. “I have a fucking girl in here.” He alerted. “YOU DO?” Zayn smiled wide. “OH CONGRATULATIONS! CAN WE MEET HER?” Without another word, Mike slammed the door shut in their faces, and the sound of the lock going was extremely loud. Zayn turned to me, his bottom lip poking out, eyes sad. “He was naked.” Harry nodded calmly. “OOH! Shall we invite Ringo?” Zayn’s eyes went wide again. “Leave the poor girl alone. C’mon, lets drink, before I give up and just go back to bed because you’re both insanely annoying.” I followed them into the kitchen, turning around and looking longingly at my bedroom door, remembering how lovely and snug my bed was, how warm and content I was. Why the hell was I choosing to get out of bed and drink, I’ll never know. I walked into the kitchen to see Zayn had prepared me a vodka and coke whilst I was getting dressed, and he presented it proudly to me, passing it my way and not letting go, tipping it into my mouth and not giving up, even when I tried to distance from it. I somehow powered through, finishing my first drink in one sitting, but I gagged as soon as I was done. “That was disgusting.” I grimaced. “It was probably sixty percent vodka, thirty percent coke.” He shrugged. “What about the other ten percent?” I asked through a smile. “Huh?” “You’re missing ten percent.” “Oh. Well… that ten percent is umm... love. I love you, Pippa.” “You two are disgusting.” Harry fell down onto the sofa, drink in hand. Zayn started pouring me another drink immediately as I sat down in a camp chair across from young Harold, scowling at him as usual, before turning back to Zayn, who was just about keeping himself on his feet. “How did you both get so drunk, so quickly?” I asked them. “We went to Jax for a few casual pints.” Zayn made sure to create the speech marks with his fingers when he said casual pints. “And they’re turning it into a cocktail bar too, so they were doing a night of practicing, and giving out free cocktails so people could try them. Really good night to stumble in there.” “Really good.” Harry agreed. The cocktails had obviously done their job very well, because it was probably the most drunk I had ever seen Zayn. The same could be said for Harry too, but I didn’t have much reference when it came to him. But they were giddy, obviously both in very high spirits. I preferred them that way, I couldn’t figure out why they ever chose to do drugs when they were so much better and livelier on alcohol. I suppose it was just a whole side of life I didn’t understand. I took another sip of my drink as Zayn went and slumped next to Harry, putting his arm around him. Harry’s dozy eyes closed for a second, the smile on his face proving how content he was. Zayn and Mike got on, in the way most lads get on, but Zayn and Harry were really getting on over their past week or so of being friends. They were both very similar. Ignoring the fact that I hated Harry and loved Zayn, even I could see that. I had always been a little baffled by how easily lads could click with one another, form these instant friendships and never bullshit each other, never fall out over petty things. I had always been a girls girl, always liked being one, but I figured maybe that was why I was getting closer to Zayn. Growing out of that thing where I felt like I could only be closer with one gender. Being friends with Zayn was easy. I liked that. “Shall we play a drinking game?” Harry suggested. “Yeah.” I moved to the edge of my seat. “I need to play catch up.” “What game?” Zayn mumbled. “I’ve Never.” Harry barked quickly. Zayn’s eyes went wide before he got back up to his feet and grabbed a second bottle of vodka from his food cupboard, before slumping back down. “I’m gunna need this.” He sighed dramatically. From our other few experiences of playing I’ve Never, it seemed Zayn was a very experienced chap. He knew he would be doing a lot of drinking during the game, much more than I would. Although I hate to admit it, I was definitely looking forward to learning a little more about Harry. “OKAY I’LL START!” He yelled for no reason. “I’ve never... had sex with a boy.” I took a sip, which was very expected, but Harry looked like he was about to pass out as soon as Zayn raised his glass to his lips, smiling dumbly to himself. I guess I was pretty taken aback too. Myself and Harry sat waiting for an explanation, but Zayn kept his mouth shut, obviously loving what he was doing to us. I knew Zayn considered himself to be straight, so this was news to me. “ZAYN!” I cried after some time. “What?” He played dumb. “C’mon, man!” Harry started. “I said that to get Pip-Squeak to drink, not you! Give us the story.” He just shrugged, winding us both up no end, so I decided to continue the game, and see if I had guessed the scenario correctly. “Okay, I’ve never had a threesome.” He clicked his fingers and pointed in my direction, confirming I was absolutely spot on, and taking another drink. I noticed Harry didn’t drink to that one, which in all honesty, surprised me. “Alright, you have to tell us.” Harry drunkenly demanded. “Alright okay.” Zayn got himself comfortable. “It was with a guy and a girl. My main aim had been to just shag her, but then the lad bent over in front of me and I was like... okay. Why the fuck not?” Zayn was an incredibly open person. Up for anything. He believed in trying everything that presented itself to him, he grabbed opportunities when they were there, and it was one of the best things about him. I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was, I knew this about Zayn, but it was still really interesting to hear that. “What was it like?” I couldn’t help but ask. “Weird. Weird as fuck. I’ve not done it since, don’t think I’d do it again. But... glad I did.” We all took big gulps of our drinks, downing the new information, both me and Harry wanting to be the type of people who didn’t make a big deal over something as trivial as a boy sleeping with another boy, but it was pretty shocking to hear. I cleared my throat, and we all moved on. “My go.” Zayn began. “I’ve never slept with someone I live with.” We both darted our heads quickly to Harry, whose bottom lip extended itself before he took a big swig of his drink, shaking his head and trying not to laugh along with me and Zayn, but he couldn’t help but let out a little drunken giggle. ”Alright, laugh it up you two. Laugh at my misery.” “It can’t have been that bad?” Zayn laughed. ”Mate, it’s been awful. The sex, was average at best. And the whole aftermath of it? Honestly, totally not worth it. She asked me out man, what the fuck? You told me she was down for casual sex!” “She is! I just think she thinks you’re fit.” Zayn fought. “That’s because I am.” Harry raised his brows, taking a heavy sip. My face went from a smile and dropped massively, because he just did that to me. He was being deadly serious, he was so obsessively arrogant and blinded by himself, it drove me insane. I finished my drink, and poured another, sticking with Zayn’s 60% vodka and 30% coke, now with 10% of absolute frustration. I could be having a relatively nice time, and then he would just say something, something so small and something that should be insignificant to me, and it changed my mood. I tried not to roll my eyes, blinking it away a little as they both continued to ramble on about it. “You have to like... learn how to talk to her again.” “I never bloody spoke to her before, how am I supposed to figure out how to do it now?” “That, however, is an extremely valid point.” Zayn nodded. Harry tried to shake it off, obviously not even wanting to think about it, never mind talk about it. He downed the remainder of his drink, on some kind of whiskey or rum or something, and poured another, almost having the entirety of that one in another foul swoop. I guess I noticed it then, that little glint in his eyes, that bob of his Adam’s apple, the heave of his chest. It bothered him. This atmosphere he had created for himself, the way things were going with Tally. I would have never guessed it, if my eyes had been on Zayn in that exact moment, I wouldn’t have ever known. But I caught him the exact moment his facade dropped. It was surreal. But he sucked it up. I dropped my gaze. “I’ve never,” He began again. “Wanted to shag someone in this room.” Zayn awkwardly moved his eyes to me, before taking another swig, hardly able to contain his smile, proceeding to laugh new bubbles into his drink. Harry gave a knowing raise of his brows, kind of saying, I knew it. “Zayn!” I cried. “It was before I got to know you!” He cried back. Harry’s laughter caught in his throat, which he quickly washed away with a sip of his drink, and I could see he felt like saying, because who the fuck would want to shag you after getting to know you? But even he wasn’t that low. But he did think it. I know he did. “Thanks.” I huffed sarcastically. “No, no. Not like that. It was the first night we moved in, before we got this close! You were wearing that tiny red dress, and I was just like… Yeah… I definitely would.” I grinned before leaning and high-fiving him, pretty much flattered by what he had said, now he had redeemed himself slightly. We were obviously past that stage, if anything were to happen between me and Zayn, the atmosphere that was present between Tally and Harry would be nothing on ours. He was my best mate, there was no way in hell. But I liked that he had once seen me that way. I was complimented. “Okay.” Zayn continued the game. “I’ve never taken drugs.” We all took sips of our drinks, and I noticed the surprise in Harry’s eyes as he spotted me taking a big swig, and I was expecting him to say something. “Thought you were a virgin to all that, Pip-Squeak?” “I tried MDMA… once. It did not end well. In fact, it ended in a puddle, in the street. So, never again.” They both burst out laughing and I tried to pretend I wasn’t entirely embarrassed about the whole night and laugh with them, but the memory of it just made real shame stick to the bottom of my stomach. They were both clearly amused by my trauma. “Can’t hack it.” Zayn slapped his hand against his forehead. “Honestly, I don’t know why you get offended by me calling you Pip-Squeak. It’s so, so fitting.” That just got to me even more worked up. The nickname was bad enough all on its own, but the fact he thought it actually suited me and what I was like, was what really got to me. I wasn’t bothered about the fact I couldn’t hack drugs, that didn’t faze me, it was the thought that maybe he thought I was like that through and through. It was a nickname that suggested I was pathetic. I was weak. I was neither of those things, I never ever wanted that to be his impression of me. Or anyone’s impression, for that matter. “It is not fitting!” I screeched back. “Yeah but, it definitely is.” He showed his disagreement. “It’s a fucking stupid name. I wish you’d stop calling me that.” ”Well I’ll wait til you prove me wrong.” He smirked, as always. I just about stopped myself from blowing a raspberry at him but taking the biggest gulp of my drink so far, staring at him over the rim of my glass, seeing him glare right back, having successfully would me up once again. + + + I could hear Harry and Zayn laughing about something as I tried to undress myself, stumbling out of my leggings and lifting my top over my head. I stood swaying, just in my underwear, trying to stay stood up, feeling an all too familiar sensation churning in the pit of my stomach and gradually making its way upwards. “Fuck.” I mumbled to myself. The drinking had gotten far too out of hand as the night went on, and the more Harry annoyed me, the drunker I seemed to get. Unsurprisingly, Harry annoyed me a lot, so unsurprisingly, I was completely fucked. My head was spinning as I turned and stumbled over to the door leading to the tiny room where my toilet was, falling hard onto my knees, creating bruises straight away. I clutched at the seat, retching, my stomach violently emptying itself. I’m not sure how long that went on for. I remember it felt like hours, just hours and hours of it. My eyes watered and stung. I should have been used to the feeling by that point in my life, but every single time was like the first time. I cried. It hurt. My whole body ached with the feeling. Around half way through the ordeal, I noticed blood seeping from my knees, still half aware of the lads still drinking outside, loud and happy. I cried harder, wondering when the damn torture I had brought upon myself would end. It was green and it burnt every few minutes or so when it would escape my insides. I felt like absolute death, and the longer it went on, I could feel myself becoming increasingly sober, and the worse it felt. I eventually ended up with my cheek on the toilet seat, tears gently rolling down my face, knowing the worst was yet to come. “PIP-SQUEAK?” I just about heard. I closed my eyes and ignored the yelling, gagging a couple of times before sticking my fingers down my throat, and they did their job perfectly. I heard Harry yell my name again, and honestly, it just brought on more tears. But nothing could possibly bring more tears, than the sound of my bedroom door opening. I cursed under my breath. “Please don’t come in here.” I whispered to myself. More vomit came up as I heard the door to the toilet quietly open itself, and I could feel his presence behind me, tall, looking down to my shaking frame with my head in the toilet, only covered by a tiny bra and knickers. I tried to ignore he was there, drunkenly wondering whether he should back out and leave me to it or not. But, I feel, to both of our surprise, he didn’t. “Oh, Pip-Squeak.” He sighed his sympathy. I blubbered, saliva and vomit dripping from my pink lips. I could hear him shuffling awkwardly behind me, before he made his mind up. He moved down to the floor, and shuffled so I was in between his legs, his black jeans warm against the outside of my bare legs. I fell backwards and settled between his legs, my head lolled back on his shoulder, completely gone. I became surprisingly comfortable and calm against his frame, snuggling against him and loving the warmth of his body. I could tell he wasn’t expecting that. He was probably waiting for me to tell him to leave, but instead I set up camp between his legs and let my eyes close, feeling his chest heavily lift and drop between my shoulder-blades, a tranquil beat and rhythm that helped keep me content. “I’m threw up.” I hiccupped the nonsense. “Yeah.” He mumbled somewhat uncomfortably. He leant forward, with as little movement as he possibly could, and flushed the toilet, before moving back so I would remain comfortable against him, my head heavy, my stomach still churning. I let my breathing fall in time with his as we silently sat on my bathroom floor together, Harry’s head hovering over my shoulder. Next, I threw up in my mouth, the tiniest amount, and gulped it all back down before I was fully aware of what I was doing. “I threw up in my mouth.” I told him. “C’mon, Pip-Squeak, you need to get it all up.” His cheek brushed against mine. “Only if you call me Pippa.” I demanded. “I... I can’t. Wouldn’t feel right.” He chuckled lowly, his breath hitting my neck, erupting a rash of goose-bumps. “Call me Pippa, and I’ll throw up in the toilet. Call me Pip-Squeak, and I’ll throw up in your hair.” “Is that a threat?” I could feel his dimples on my cheek. ”Yes.” “Okay. C’mon, Pippa. Get your head in the toilet.” I swear I bolted forward and threw up straight away, feeling Harry grab at my hair with his oversized hands and move it out of my face, before massaging my back in the perfect pattern so that everything that could possibly come out, did. I swear he was an expert, this definitely wasn’t his first time. I think I fell asleep on those could tiles, dry blood on my legs, my head against Harry’s chest, my breathing aligned with his, but I don’t really remember. + + + I sat with my hands in the giant front pocket of my hoodie, hair scraped back into a bun, tiny denim shorts on, ignoring the weather, as always. “I swear,” I mumbled. “I’ve never been this rough.” Ed chuckled as the tattoo gun buzzed and came to life in his hand for a split second, looking excitedly down to it, me and what I was saying completely in the back of his mind. “You’re always rough, Pippa.” “Yeah.” I watched him set everything up, finally there doing it. Ed had been talking about tattooing since day one. In our first ever lecture, on the Tuesday, Ed mentioned tattoos to our lecturer, loud and excited. About people caring and relating to certain words so much they needed them on their body for the rest of their lives. It made for an interesting conversation. I’m glad I sat next to him that day. He had been drawing and practicing this tattooing business, and he had made enough money from the gig he played on Tuesday evening to finally be able to afford the tattoo gun he had his eye on. His day had arrived. He took a shaky breath. “Okay, so what date is it?” He asked. I pressed the button on my iPhone so the lock screen appeared to me, revealing the date and time to me, a little picture of myself and Grace too. “It’s the twenty-sixth.” I told him. “Alright. Twenty-six it is.” “What? That’s what you’re going to tattoo on yourself? Just like that?” “Well, yeah. I’ve been waiting for this day for years. It’s a wise thing to tattoo on myself.” He nodded confidently. I shrugged in agreement, sat on the table in his flat, looking down on him in the chair as he stretched his arm out on the table, rolling his sleeve up so he could see the inside of his upper arm, clearly quite nervous. “Ed?” ”Hm?” “Don’t you want to be doing that on your left arm, so you can use your right hand?” He looked up to me with his eyes squinted before nodding along, genuinely only just realising that was probably the way to go about it since he was right handed. “I knew there was a reason I asked you to be here, Pip. You’re wise beyond your years.” Being with Ed was curing my hangover, if only slightly. It was a drizzly Saturday afternoon, and how out of hand the evening before had got was hanging an even greyer cloud over my aching head. I hadn’t really wanted to move from my bed all day, but I had promised Ed I would be alongside him for his first tattoo. He rolled up his other sleeve and flicked the gun on, gritting his teeth right away as it neared his pale skin, letting out a pathetic squeal. “C’mon Ed you can do this. I believe in you.” “Thank you.” “Honestly, I do. You’re strong. You’re beautiful.” “Even a hangover doesn’t get rid of your sarcasm, does it?” We grinned together as the tip met his skin, and he squealed again, before he started gently moving, knowing what he was doing, if only slightly. Then his face relaxed. “So?” “It’s not even that bad. Just… weird.” I gently got off the table as not to shake his arm, moving round so I could watch him permanently scar the number 26 into his skin forever. He smiled the whole time. I think I did too. When he was done, we both gazed fondly onto the piece. He had done a good job, the lines weren’t overly wobbly, you could definitely make out what it was. Maybe you wouldn’t think a professional had done it, but it definitely didn’t look like a first-time effort from the man himself. He turned to look at me with a cheeky look in his eyes. “You want one?” “Not today.” I grinned, ruffling his hair. I stalked over to the kettle, pretty comfortable to say it was only my second time in his flat, realising I had gone far too long without a cup of tea. It was desperately needed. “You making brews?” He asked excitedly. “I will if you have any clean mugs.” “You should be so lucky. I’ll wash two.” He wandered over and deciphered two that were his from the side of the sink, rinsing them out briefly, the worst attempt at ‘washing’ I had ever seen in my life but I wasn’t overly fussy. “Do you take sugar?” I asked him. “I’m sweet enough.” He gave me the most typical reply he could, amusing himself. “Actually, no I’m not. I’ll have two, please.” “Okay.” I giggled to myself. Once the tea was made, we both sauntered back over to the table. Ed’s flats may not have been the nicest, but I was a little overcome with jealousy about the fact that they at least had a bloody table. Before moving to university I had never realised how vital tables were. I vowed never to take tables for granted again. So, I didn’t. I placed the steaming hot tea down on top of it, the feeling I got from doing that was so much more satisfying than it ever should be. “Oh! I forgot to say, I can’t believe you live with Harry!” Ed piped up. “I can’t believe it either, to be honest.” I groaned. “Why, what’s up?” “We don’t get on.” I told him. “Seriously?” That seemed like more than a question, as though Ed was genuinely surprised by that information. I gave him a puzzled look, wondering why he was so amazed by the fact we didn’t get on. “Seriously. Why?” “You’re shockingly similar.” “I am nothing like Harry fucking Styles.” I protested. “Okay.” He pfft my way. “I’m not!” “So you’re both not insanely sarcastic? You both don’t love winding people up? Aren’t you into photography?” He asked. “No.” I lied. “He’s a lads lad, you’re a girly girl. He is literally male you. That’s probably why you don’t get on. You’re so similar you just clash.” “I refuse to listen to such rubbish.” I gave myself a quick moment to think about what he had just said, wondering how much truth there actually was to that. I couldn’t help but think maybe he was right. Maybe a little bit. But me and Harry went about our teasing in different ways. His sarcasm had much more of a bitter tone than mine ever did. We couldn’t be similar. No. Not me and Harry. Nope. “He’s a good lad.” Ed mumbled more to himself than me, flicking on the TV. “How do you two know each other again?” “We met in Ibiza over the summer. He was in the same hotel as me, a few rooms down. I was there with a few of my mates and he was there with this lad Niall. We all got on straight away, just clicked. It was good.” I nodded, realising the coincidence and how strange it was that their lives had been thrust together again, but not really wanting to say anything about it because I didn’t want them to form any more of a bond than they already had. “You have a good time?” I asked with my head down. “The best. Honestly, Pip, he’s a good lad. Give him a chance.” I nodded, because I intended to. For Zayn, for Ed, and mainly, for my own sanity.

[killerkyara]

Her waking was a disorienting one, rubbing her eyes through the haze of the overhead sun shining bright around tall, puffy clouds she probably would have admired had the situation been different. She turned over and clung closer to Lark, not remembering their peculiar arrangements until she shifted over the prickly sensation of grass. Ky untangled herself and sat up, holding her head with a muffled groan. It felt like it weighed more than the rest of her body, making her wish she had brought along some of that elixir Brian had given her before. Then the night returned to her in better clarity, looking around where the three of them had passed out on the cliffs overlooking the waves outside the city, after copious amounts of smoke and drink. She got her satchel together and slipped it on her back before she bothered to wake Lark, who needed help getting to her feet. She didn't blame her. “Should we...Just leave her?” Lark frowned, looking down at Isabella, who was still snoozing soundly. “She’ll be okay. She’s far enough away from the ledge.” Ky spied the half finished bottle of ambrosia and tucked it over on the dealer’s side. “I'll spot you for the rest of this. I think she needs it more.” They began the trek back to the ship, Lark clinging to Ky’s arm and stumbling now and then...And even if she didn't show it, Ky leaned against her just as much. She fully planned on getting into bed and passing out again when they got back. “Your head throbbing too?” Lark merely grunted in response, tucking closer. She would take that as a yes. “Hey, wasn't my idea. I won't send you out for deals again, apparently you're overly charming.” She swat her for that one. They made it back even as slow, stumbling corpses would who squinted in the light, letting out a literal sigh of relief as they made their way into the cool, dark undercarriage of the ship. Lark collapsed onto the bed in their quarters face first, leaving Ky smirking as she stripped out of her leathers. She cracked her back and neck, grunting...Sleeping in her armor wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, and she wasn't getting any younger. When she slid in beside her, Kyara lofted her brows as Lark turned over and took her hand, looking at her pretty seriously. “Can you really not think of any good memories? Like you said last night?” Kyara sighed, and closed her eyes in thought. Now probably wasn't the best time to ask her such a question, considering her state. “Well,” she starts carefully. “I can think of plenty of good times with the crew. Just...many tainted by things we’d rather not think about.” Like Dalaran. Like when Justine had taught her how to navigate. “What about Val’Sharah? When we stayed with the elves. That was about the only time I can remember us...Actually relaxing. Recuperating.” She smirks then, looking to drive away those bad memories as she teases, “Though I imagine I would have enjoyed it a lot more had I been single.” Lark playfully scoffed at that, bringing her hand against her chest and tucking in. It was only later Ky realized she was tracing the osprey tattoo with her fingers while she rested. She looked especially peaceful, Ky thought. She wished she could say the same for herself. Had Bella really thought they were a couple? She sighed lightly, expression drawing inward. Thinking of it brought upon immeasurable guilt. She couldn't. She knew Lark couldn't, either. Her wounds would be fresh for some time, she was only helping to heal them. Yet her mind, the most insistent nagger, reminded she hardly felt just friendly toward her last night as she had turned around while sauntering to the deal with that sour expression. She dismissed her own comments in the bar and courtyard as jokes. Now, she was wondering if she really would turn down a distraction without strings. Maybe Lark would suspect. When she woke, Ky was facing away, still awake herself. [ @blackbay-wra ] @juniper-rose-blower, @isablackwave, @brian-wellson