#my library of older videos is pretty limited

[vanillyanmocattio]

agere sensories - auditory (sounds)

seeking:

You can make spotify playlists, youtube playlists, or even make your own private folder with agere songs/asmrs on your phone! One things i love about the internet is how easy it is to find and download songs, use it to your advantage!

To movie loving or game loving littles, you can look up [insert media you're looking for] OST - Official Soundtrack. If you're looking for shows, OP is opening, if you want a longer version of a soundtrack you can look for an extended version, and game specific, if you like the instruments you hear in a certain game, you can look for a soundfont cover

There is a ton of musical and sound toys! Toy instruments, recorders, xylophones, kalimbas, kazoos, music boxes (god i love these)! There are also electronic toys, talking toys, dog toys (hi and love you pet regressors), bells, rattles (you can even make your own)!

For calmer noise seeking, search animal videos! What sound does a duck, or a fox make? Asmrs can also be satisfying, like toy unboxing or various tingly videos (be careful - not every asmr account is sfw!)

go outside if you feel like it! Even something as simple as rain can be stimulating, let alone visiting a park, a store or even arcades. Just remember about your limits and prepare yourself just in case.

You don't need to have stim toys to generate noise! Pen clicking, coins or keys jiggling, zippers, even your own voice, clicking your tongue, making animal sounds.. Having agere gear is great, but it doesn't mean you can't use what you already have!

Also, you can bird watch from your window! It really helps me slip into the little space, and listening to the pretty chirps is so nice! You could get a bird house and bird seeds over your window, and watch the little friends visit over the winter!

video games/phone games are very noise stimulating! especially rhythm games (like a dino, cough cough). The age range is also vast for them, from toddlers to teens to even adults! Did you know there's even a method of accessing flash games?

cartoons and anime are also stimulating! specifically targeted at the older audience (older kids/teens), they're a burst of sounds and colors! I think 2000s/2010s especially fit that energetic feeling, so does shōnen and magical girl genres! (Just check the age rating before starting!)

If you have friends who also age regress, meet up! a bunch of littles in one room WILL generate a lot of noise!

avoidant:

ear mufflers, headphones, ear phones, ear plugs. Protect your ears! It's completely normal, don't worry about it

visit places when the traffic is down, or within quiet hours (some places have it for autistic people, though as far as I can tell it often doesn't include lights so I didn't mentioned it in the visual avoidant)

museums! Libraries! Parks (out of regular hours)! forests!

whenever you're traveling, keep track of potential quiet spots

as much as i love my quiet time, please do not sacrifice sleep for it! You could get up early (6 AM, 7 AM) to still have quieter time, but your nini time is sacred!

visit places out of season (most often autumn/winter)! They sometimes are cheaper, and you get the benefit of not many people attending

give yourself a designated nap time. Turn off the noise, cover the windows, limit other sensories that give you discomfort, and take a rest (not necessarily a nap dw)

have someone to shield you from the noise. Maybe it's a companion plush, maybe It's a CG, maybe it's a friend. Having something to redirect your thoughts to in tough environments is a game changer! But it shouldn't be a replacement for other support

It's good to have a list of things you're okay or not okay with if you're sensory sensitive. Sometimes we get so excited that we forget our limits, and later get overwhelmed, and it's okay! However you may want to keep track of it to potentially limit your distress.

It's okay to retreat if things get too much. Age regression is your coping mechanism, and nobody else's, only you can dictate your boundaries. Stay safe <3

[speeps-highway]

hiya speeps! love your mods and videos, they have fueled my sonic hyperfixations very well! anyway, in one of your older videos you briefly mentioned how sa1 having cutscenes play over top of gameplay was why characters could "make faces" in that game but not sa2. could you go into more detail as to why this is?

In SA1 the cutscenes are done like an RPGMaker event, it has a library of event-specific functions to control characters/objects etc. and forms a list of them as one big script.

Here's an example from one of Sonic's events:

Here's what a few of them do:

EV_MovePoint2: Move a character to coordinates with specified speed and acceleration. There's also a simpler, less used version called EV_MovePoint that does the same thing but at a fixed speed.

EV_SetAction: Give an object an action (Model+Animation) and textures. You can also specify the speed of the animation, whether it loops and (if another EV_SetAction is playing) how many frames to interpolate to this animation from the previous one. (Think every time Sonic moves his hands around while he says "Ah Yeah this is Happenin'", that uses it)

EV_SetFace: Give a character a list of preset facial animations to do (Each letter in the string corresponds to one) . It only works on Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy and Tikal - no other character has faces. (Except for Big, but the game will do an out of bounds crash since he only has 6 faces instead of 20)

EV _Wait: Pause the event thread for X frames.

Here's some others that aren't in that image:

EV_CreateObject: Creates a blank object, usually used for props by giving them an appearance with EV_SetAction.

EV_PlayPad: Plays back recorded user input, Sonic Team used this whenever they wanted Sonic to jump or do a spindash.

While this way can make everything look stiff at times, it's pretty flexible and easy to play with in a mod. It's also why the game has 8 character slots and why Eggman, Tikal and event ZERO are technically player characters.

The best part about it is that the two aren't mutually exclusive, you can call anything from an event in during gameplay and vice versa, the game does this itself a few times too, like setting a flag that keeps the hint monitors active for the Twinkle Park scene.

The faces are part of the characters themselves and they'll switch to them at any time if the relevant values are changed, so I managed to figure out how to do it in the Dreamcast version in 2017. (Funnily enough, also August).

As I said above with EV_SetFace, there's only 20 faces to hold up the entire game's dialogue with (even fewer in actuality given the ones either reserved for blinking or unused) and they seem to be focused more on expression than speaking, at least for Sonic and Knuckles, which is why a lot of people find them goofy.

There's only one situation the game uses the animations for outside cutscenes - when the player gets hurt, they'll do one of their screaming animations for a few frames. (There's also a funny issue where Sonic does it after hitting Knuckles in his boss fight)

Anyway, you can call any event animation, any face and even spawn event objects (such as Chaos event actors) whenever you want in that game. Usually the only thing they need is their textures loaded.

Here's a few things I did when I first figured out how to do it:

SA2's cutscenes are full 3D animations (like Blender) in the game's event folder, everything in them is entirely separate to the gameplay stuff, so the in-game characters have no mouths or cutscene-specific animations to play around with.

It meant they didn't need to deal with gameplay limitations (like player physics) and were easier for them to test as they have a fixed timeline rather than relying on in-game sequences to fall into place.

They also had much greater control over character expressions. The mouth and head are separated and they aren't limited to the list of 20 faces. Here's a bunch I dug out a few years ago for Amy's brow alone:

They used to be really annoying to edit (I had to use a Hex Editor) but I think the SA2 Modding community has had breakthroughs since. Still, I suck at 3D modelling so I prefer SA1's.

I decompiled all of SADX PC's event scripts a few years ago so if you want to learn exactly what they do (and change them, as it's in mod form) take a look:

[familiaralien]

Giant monster tamer megathread

Decided for the sake of education and my own neurodiversity to make a post including every video game series or stand alone title I know of that focuses on creature capturing competitions that isn't Pokemon.

One big exception: the game has to be a reasonably playable state. So no games that are effectively or literally lost media (like Micromon) or games that only playable state is currently a short demo (like Bestieball). With that in mind here we go:

Digimon

This one is pretty obvious. While more of a multimedia franchise it has tons of games to its IP. The one that probably would appeal most to Pokenerds is Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth and its sequel as they're turned based RPGs with a monster capture mechanic.

Monster Rancher

Another one I think a lot of folks have heard about or least millennials would remember. I haven't personally played any of these titles myself but from what I gather they're raising sims with tournament combat. For a while their availability was mostly limited to emulation but Monster Rancher 1 and 2 have been ported to modern systems like the Switch.

Yo-kai Watch

A mid 2010s franchise that had a whole lot of initial success in Japan. Its an RPG series that doesn't take itself very seriously with cute and goofy monster design based on the Japanese folklore creatures called... well yokai. Has real time combat instead of turn based and more luck based capturing mechanics than Pokemon.

Palworld

Brand new game that's only in its alpha release as of now. Its effectively a parody of Pokemon where you're stuck trying to survive in the wilderness so you must build a base and farm resources to survive. Game did have some initial controversy due to some of its designs stepping a little TOO close to being outright ripoffs of existing designs. Also you can capture and enslave humans which may not vibe with some folks.

Temtem

Basically Pokemon meets a MMO lite. The game can be played mostly as single player campaign but does unfortunately still require a constant internet connection. Battles are turned based but 2 versus 2.

Shin Megami Tensei

What could be consider the original monster tamer game. The series is aimed at a somewhat older audience and the plots tend to be more philosophical then like "gotta be the best *insert title here* ever". Focuses a lot on fusing monsters as well as trying to convince them to join you. You actually battle alongside your monsters.

Dragon Quest Monsters

Monster Capturing mechanics do exist in the mainline DQ games as well (at least since DQ5 I think?) but its these games have them as the main gameplay. Much like SMT it focuses on fusing monsters as one of the main ways to expand your library off available species.

Nexomon

Franchise that started its life as a mobile game but has since gotten ports to other systems. Its very similar to Pokemon in terms of creature designs and combat but the worldbuilding is quite different as is its tone being a lot more comedic.

Coromon

Indie game with visuals similar to Pokemon Black and White. Its story was originally kinda so-so and its ending pretty abrupt but its since gotten a free patch that smoothed that out quite a bit. Also has a sorta unique "shiny" system where alternate colors are associated with higher potential which can actually be altered once. Also has a built in randomizer and "nuzlocke" mode.

Cassette Beasts

A pretty recent indie game. Unlike all the others you don't capture or hatch monsters but rather record them to transform into them yourself. Battles are always between you and a companion which there are multiple to befriend throughout your journey (including a dog!). Has some really interesting quirks with its type chart that adds a lot of extra depth. Will soon be releasing a mutiplayer update for anyone that's into that kind of thing.

Monster Crown

A game with visual based on the Gameboy era. It has some pretty fascinating breeding mechanics and a somewhat darker tone than Pokemon. WARNING: DO NOT GET THE SWITCH PORT! For whatever reason its especially glitchy and I have genuinely gotten entire save files ruined by game breaking bugs (such as my player character getting stuck in walls or clipping out of a bounds). As far as I'm aware the PC version is not nearly as much as a mess though.

Monster Sanctuary

Monster collecting meets metroidvania. Has a really fun skill tree type move learning system that allows for quite a bit of strategy. Also the monster designs are way less Pokemon and more inspired by traditional roleplay monsters (so there's like Goblins and stuff). My only gripe with the game is how you get monsters involves getting specific scores in battle which makes getting 1 of each monster way more tedious than it needed to be.

Fossil Fighters

Franchise is maybe dead since there hasn't been a new entry in it since the 3DS but its still easy enough to these games. Anyway this series involve reviving dinosaurs (and some other ancient animals) into new lifeforms called vivosaur and using them in 3 on 3 combat. Vivosaurs are obtained with a fossil digging minigame which is kinda neat.

Spectrobes

Another franchise that's been pretty dead for a while (it last entry was on the Wii). Spectrobes has a more sci fi like setting with its monsters being aliens you revive from fossils. Combat is real time and you participate alongside a couple of your monsters. I'm btw describing only the first game because I haven't played either sequel!

Evocreo

Mobile only monster game with a style similar to Pokemon Black and White not unlike Coromon mentioned above. Has a lot of focus on split path evolution. The devs are apparently going to release a sequel soon but its been in development hell for years so I'll come back and edit this if that actually happens.

Monster Hunter Stories

I have not played nor watched gameplay of this one so I can't really describe it that deeply all I know is its a spinoff of Monster Hunter involving befriending and using the titular monsters in combat.

Telefang

Its sad this game series is most famous for being badly translated and repackaged as a Pokemon game. Anyway these are Japanese only titles though fan translations exist. The gimmick of this game is that you call monsters up on your cellphone to get them over to participate in combat. This series this sprout out when cellphones were consider newfangled and hip so it makes sense.

Anode Heart

Pretty sure this one is PC only. Takes some inspiration from the Digimon World games and is semi open world. Sadly this one I don't know much about outside of that though it does have a free demo on Steam for anyone that wants to try it for themselves.

Ooblets

Extremely wholesome monster catching and farming game. Battles are actually dancing competitions instead of violent confrontations and monsters are recruited simply by beating them in a fight. Thing is monsters will only fight you if you offer them their favourite food so that's where strategy comes in.

Moonstone Island

I know very little about this one except its also a monster catching and farming game. I've heard that its really good though and I believe its PC only right now but has a planned Switch port.

Timenet

Probably the most obscure ass monster tamer on this entire list. This is a Japanese exclusive set of Gameboy games featuring very cute monster designs... and Hello Kitty. Yes Sanrio made a monster tamer back in the late 90s. I only learned this even existed after scrolling down a comment section on a random YouTube video.

Abomi Nation

I'm mostly excluding roguelike games due to most having nothing but battles an 0 plot but this one does actually has a story! You play as the actual monster as you make your way through somewhat randomly generated maps with lots of other randomized elements. The game allows for a lot of customization including turning off permadeath if you're not a fan of that. The visual style is a bit crude but its still a pretty cute game.

Jade Concoon

Another somewhat obscure entry but at least this one got an English release. Anyway its an old RPG for the PSX with monster capturing and a very fascinating monster fusing mechanic that uses an algorithm to determine the appearance of the fusion. The player character can also participate in battle and the plot is very complex. The game also has a sequel on the PS2 but I know even less about that one.

Robopon

Now if you thought Palworld was bordering on some copyright infringement this game is basically nothing but "Pokemon but the designs are robots". Still worth bringing up I think!

Ni No Kuni

Not sure how I got to mentioning several obscure titles and somehow didn't mention something that really isn't. Ni No Kuni is real time battles between you and 2 party members. You can both battle as the actual human characters or switch into a monster. Wrath of the White Witch's visual style in particular is very whimsical and even has some animated cutscene done by Studio Ghibli. I haven't played any other game in the franchise.

Siralim

I haven't played any entry in this series yet (there's apparently 4 games + a spinoff) but from reading up on the most recent entry these are basically procedurally generated dungeon crawlers with an insane level of depth. The story is apparently not that great but the games themselves apparently also make fun of it so it seems its an intentional dev choice. Battles are 6 on 6 and there's over 1000 monsters to collect.

Disc Creatures

A monster tamer with a visual style similar to the Gameboy and Gameboy Color. It has 3 on 3 combat. Impressively I'm pretty sure it was developed by just one person in the RPG Maker engine (I'm honestly surprised this is the first indie game made with ya know... an engine meant for turned based RPGs).

Monster Harvest

A Dungeon crawler mixed with farming. Its a bit shorter than anything else I've mentioned here and its a bit glitchy but its a cute little game worth picking up on sale at the least. Notably also only about a 1/3 of the monster in the game are combative with the rest being either used for farming resources or as mounts.

Loomian Legacy

A Roblox monster tamer.... yes there's 2 of those in this (I could even have added 3 but I think one is in still a pretty early state). Pretty sure this started as a Pokemon fangame and become its own thing later. It has your typical 1 on 1 turn based combat and all that. I think its free to play and there's like several hours of content on it so maybe worth a gander.

Tales of Tonorio

Pretty sure this is the same basic deal as Loomian (Roblox game, started as a Pokemon fan game, etc etc) though its has its own world building and creature designs since I'm pretty sure its made by a completely different team.

So yeah that's all of them I can think of right now. If I learn of others and/or there's new releases I may expand this.

PS: There is almost certainly numerous typoes in this. This post is way longer than anything else I've ever made on Tumblr so I can't be arse to fix them you're just going to have to deal!

[cosmicretreat]

So, I've been watching the rise of this legendary version of Blockbuster Video that never really existed. This is being proliferated by people who were too young to remember how much it actually sucked or by older people like me who DO remember but get nostalgic about the branding. (I even worked there for a bit in my teens in the 90s. Worked at Hollywood Video, too, which was better, but not by much.)

Blockbuster was great if you wanted somewhere you could go and find the latest big mainstream hit, because they were guaranteed to have 30 to 70 copies of it. The smaller, more obscure titles, or the arthouse movies, or interesting foreign films, were more sporadic. Independent video places were really where it was at. A lot of how young people imagine Blockbuster now is what independent stores actually were. Blockbuster killed those simply by volume. I grew up in a suburb in Chicago, and at the height we had six different Blockbusters. They moved in everywhere, just like Borders and Barnes & Noble did later. Indie stores were the first to fall.

Blockbuster's corporate policy also did not allow them to carry NC-17, X, or often unrated cuts of films. Some that they did carry were edited by corporate and put on the shelf unmarked. They were notorious for a time for this censorship. My friends and I used to drive an hour out of our way to go to an indie store with a huge selection that made it a point to carry thousands of films from all eras.

This isn't arguing in favor of Netflix, because Netflix sucks, too. Try finding 95% of movies made before 2001.

But some of the perspective of Blockbuster is just so off, having been there through its entire existence. It censored films. It had a heavy influence on what kind of films people saw by refusing to carry certain films (the same way Texas does with school textbooks). It drove all of the indie shops out of business. Its selection was pretty limited, anyway, even with the number of videos they carried.

Today, libraries are where it's at. Take advantage of the selection at your library. See if they can get you on Kanopy. Give yourself a real film education that you could never have gotten at the McDonald's of VHS.

i will never be against piracy ever but i also need physical media to remain

[themomsandthecity]

I'm a Better Parent Because I Have an iPad Kid - Here's Why

Like many people before they have kids, I thought I knew exactly how I would parent. And for the first year of my daughter's life, I was pretty strict. No added sugar, no screens, lots of outdoor activities, music classes, and library visits. I was trying to be the "perfect mom" I saw on Instagram, but it was exhausting. Just as her first birthday came in March 2020, so did a global pandemic. Being home all the time meant more cleaning, more cooking, and a lot less to do outside of the house. As she got older, I loosened my restrictions because, frankly, I was tired and needed a break. I think the early days of COVID-19 were hard on everyone, and the uncertainty of the world filled me with anxiety. She also was learning less from outside sources, so I used educational programming on an iPad to fill that gap. At age 2, we only watched "Sesame Street." But as she got older, more shows started being added to the devices, and screen time increased well past the recommended one-hour-per-day limit, many doctors suggest. Her day is now filled with a mix of watching educational programs like "Emily's Wonder Lab" on Netflix, learning a new language on Duolingo, playing games on an app like Noggin, and video chatting with long-distance family. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, having a child spend too much time in front of a screen is never the move. But fortunately, experts say being an iPad kid isn't entirely unhealthy. --- Experts Featured in This Article Joel "Gator" Warsh, MD, is a pediatrician in Studio City, CA. --- "Screen time can be a valuable tool for parents, offering kids a focused activity during travel, allowing for smoother meal preparations, and providing parents with much-needed downtime," pediatrician Joel "Gator" Warsh, MD, says. "It's a practical aspect of modern parenting that, when used judiciously, can support parents' mental health and daily logistics." Plus, my daughter's screen time is in combination with her attending school full-time, learning a second language, participating in three sports, exploring New York City, and playing with the many toys in our home - something that experts say is key. "Parents can feel less guilty by ensuring that screen time is balanced with other activities," Dr. Warsh says. "It's about the quality and context of screen use, not just the quantity. Using screens as a part of a varied and balanced schedule can alleviate guilt." Most importantly, though, her screen time makes me a better parent. Just as much as she likes watching TV or playing games on an iPad, I, too, sometimes need that time to do something or to take a moment for myself and protect my mental health. I allow her to watch shows to relax and unwind so that I can also relax and unwind. On the weekends, when I want to watch a show with my husband, she is allowed to watch her iPad. When I'm making dinner and don't want her around knives and a hot stove, she is allowed to watch her iPad. When we're flying together and I'm feeling sick from airplane ear, she's allowed to watch her iPad. Just as much as she likes watching TV or playing games on an iPad, I, too, sometimes need that time to do something or to take a moment for myself and protect my mental health. If I'm able to complete a task faster while she is distracted with an iPad for a few minutes, it means I can then offer my undivided attention to her. Likewise, if I'm able to rest and recharge while she watches a 30-minute show, I'm less likely to be anxious or short with her for the rest of the day. In a very unscientific poll I did with my friends around the country, all of them, even those whose kids don't have their own personal iPads, told me they rely on screens at least sometimes - on planes, in cars, at restaurants - when they need a moment of peace. And what I gather from this is that even though screen time is looked down upon and demonized, it seems like everyone is doing it, to varying… https://www.popsugar.com/family/ipad-kid-better-parent-personal-essay-49331755?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[callgespenst]

Well, I started playing Yu-Gi-Oh! again.

It's not the main thing I think of being into when I was a youth, but I sure was into Yu-Gi-Oh when I was a kid. The card game and the anime both. I'm sure I would have played some of the video games if that was something I was allowed to do. I played a decent amount in middle school at the local library with older kids who were way better than me, and then again in high school where I had a fairly decent deck. It won a tournament once! Just not when I was playing it, a buddy borrowed it for a weekend. I lost my deck shortly after graduating high school and it became a fond memory.

Anyway a friend of mine who was still in the loop told me a few months ago "oh hey, there's a new mahjong-themed archetype coming" and like a fool, I started looking into it. Found some decklists, checked TCGPlayer, and discovered that putting together a Tenpai Dragon deck was surprisingly cheap! Two of the three main deck dragons go for pennies, the Synchro monsters are maybe a dollar, and the white dragon goes for $10. I found plenty of other cards that worked well with them on the cheap as well. I still lack the key Synchro that makes the deck really work, but that's because it's still minimum $60 and I refuse to spend that much on any one piece of cardboard. $20 is my absolute upper limit. There's a reprint of Trident Dragion coming soon so I'll try one box and hope the aftermarket prices go down.

Tenpai Dragon has proven to be a lot of fun to play so far! The few duels I've gotten in, I've had a great time. It's a competitive, fast deck, but not so much so I lose track of what I'm doing. My biggest issue in pulling off wins is definitely that while I know what my cards do and how they combo, I don't know anyone else's Deck that I'm playing against well enough to use my cards that negate opponent's effects. But that'll come with time.

I've played in two tournaments since my comeback. The first one, I had one Duel win, and otherwise lost every Match. The second one, I managed an overall draw on my first game! And a resounding win on the first Duel of my third Match. Lost the second Match outright, and the third Match, my opponent side decked in a lot of hard counters. That's another problem, Tenpai Dragon is actually pretty big right now, so plenty of players are actively keeping its best counters close at hand.

I had a lot of fun at that second tournament. At the end of three matches I had to like, zone back in. I thought way more time had passed than actually did. And everyone I've played against so far has been really nice and helpful and friendly. Haven't run into a single stereotypical smelly stuck-up rules-lawyer neckbeard. Yet. I hope that keeps up. But at locals, the spirit of good sportsmanship is alive and well, so that definitely also keeps me wanting to come back.

Anyway, I haven't spent a whole lot of money on my comeback. Definitely more than I would have been able to spent in middle/high school, but compared to my other hobbies, not a whole lot at all. It's actually kinda nice because when the overwhelming desire to make an impulse purchase kicks in, instead of dropping minimum $50 on a collectible I want, I can spend $5 on a pack or on ordering some cards online and it scratches the itch just as well.

There's more support incoming in future boosters for Tenpai Dragon so I'm hoping it remains viable for a while yet. It's hard to imagine it getting completely outclassed, but then again, the current state of the game was beyond imagining fifteen years ago.

On one last note, I've already been hit with one of those "haha new ygo is so weird! forever combo! card text too small!" jokesters. I won't deny it's a wildly different game than it was when I was growing up. But that doesn't mean it's not still fun! It's definitely got a learning curve and a barrier to enter high level play due to cost. But like, what card game isn't like that, at this point? I'm sure Magic and Pokemon are just as bad, maybe worse. Anyway, even if you don't like the modern setup, there is nothing preventing you from buying old cards for cheap and playing the way you want to. All the old staples and one turn kills and tremendously busted cards of yesteryear are now pennies on the dollar. It's still in the mail but I put together a classic Warrior deck for myself and a Kaiba deck for my wife for $20 total, for casual play. With the exception of only a handful of cards and original printings, old YGO cards just don't go for that much. Have fun the way you want! Don't let the meta stop you.

[rabbivole]

also i had ANOTHER video post on roadtrip get eaten by '500 Malformed response' yesterday, and trying to post it manually (you know, using the fucking website) sat there and spun forever. so i was like ok, tumblr's fucking cooked, i need to figure something else out. today a video went through fine. so it appears to just be a fucking coinflip whether the website works

sorry now i'm just thinking out loud, boring code shit follows:

additionally there doesn't seem to be any difference between videos that work and videos that don't. yesterday's was dinky, today's was 33mb (which still isn't that big, in the grand scheme of things, but still).

i've had videos fail in all 'parts' of a post (the only post is a video, the video is posted along with images, the video is one of two). and i factored the code such that it's making the same API call for a video (in theory!) regardless of post structure, so it shouldn't matter, but it's still something that occurred to me because i guess i could be getting rate limited somehow. although tumblr's rate limiting is pretty permissive

it's been a while since i wrote any code on this thing but iirc i'm making 'raw' API calls for literally everything except video uploads, and using the official (severely out of date) tumblr js library to post video. so like i'm building and sending HTTP requests for most things and then relying on a library to do that for me for the videos, because i could not come up with a HTTP request that the API would accept for video uploads. as far as i can tell it's not just a me problem, because the code for fieriframes does the same thing, with what looks like a stopgap workaround extra function just for using the library to post videos. (big ups to fieriframes, who is like the only other example of someone doing something similar i could find, and who was kind enough to leave their repo public.) iirc the library uses the older version of the API, and i live in fear of it getting suddenly sunsetted

all of this together means my armchair diagnosis is 'tumblr's backend for videos changed somehow and/or is unstable, and either the library's method is no longer reliable or the website is broken'. both of these things are out of my control

i was complaining about this yesterday and lexie suggested trying to upload to youtube and linking the videos, which is actually a really interesting idea but i need to see what the hell my options are wrt a youtube API. i have never even looked into it

[punk-a-cat]

May I suggest

Harley Brown's Eternal Truths for Every Artist

It's not an "oil painting" book, but it's got some good stuff in it about texture and so on. I think it's out of print so you'll have to scrounge around 2nd hand stores for a copy, but worth a quick read via a library or pdf even if you don't buy it.

For actual oil painting, I have been recommended Richard Schmid Alla Prima - Everything I know about painting, but I have never seen it below a couple of hundred dollars, and it's out of print as far as I know, it's supposed to be THE book for oil painting *shrugs* You can however find it as a pdf occasionally.

If you have a local library you can access I absolutely suggest you go check out their art techniques collection, because without having a look in the books it's hard to know if they are helpful or not - if you find a really good one then you can buy it as reference ( but I've found most of the books in my local library are limited in their usefulness past a certain level of competence with the medium)

Unfortunately 90% of my reference books are ink/ watercolour and anatomy based and I don't have any oil painting books I love and can recommend, but for basic painting stuff, anything by James Gurney (colour and light especially) are good books to have - he paints in oils or gouache mostly.

I paint with watermixable oils, and to be honest, I treat them pretty much the same as acrylics and have had no issues using them this way, so if you can't find oil specific books, then perhaps just painting techniques in general might be useful.

As for you tube, there is one chap Paul Foxton, who is an oil painter very keen on the Munsel system and his older videos should probably be less hype etc, probably any search you do on you tube you should look for the older stuff - pre the mad youtube advert hype shit

good luck!

the fact that oil painting youtube is filled with just as many clickbaity junk as digital art youtube is just so exhausting.

Like 89% of the advice is stuff i already know (values, form vs shape, soft vs hard, use referencesbla bla) so there comes a point where i can predict the content of a video with a vague title like “top ten worst art mistakes!!” that i just dont bother watching them. Like right now the most useful videos i find on oil painting that doesnt irritate me with fluff are several years old videos done by old ppl who arent completely monetize-pilled.

I should just buy a book on the subject. Hopefully ill find one that’s published before 2023 and not written by some ai

[jaemtens]

Hi! I’m opening requests again~ Please feel free to send me things you want me to gif. Here are some different ideas:

make me choose!

member x hair color / era / mv / etc.

svt member & another svt member moments

svt member & a member from another group

svt x au’s (e.g. pokemon, avatar, tarot, etc.)

favorite ___ looks

specific videos or moments

basically anything else you can think of!!

Happy requesting!

[rayshippouuchiha]

Can I be honest?

Ao3 actually kept me from harm BECAUSE it hosted darker content that is well tagged.

Let me explain. I started my fanfiction days pretty young and in ff.net no less. I loved reading and I was curious. First thing I learned before going on the internet was from my father (the internet is not for kids, stay sharp, you going into an adult place, act like it). I was very careful but I was still curious.

So, I started small, but because of the ff.net tag mess I did get burned. A few times. Sudden violence, amputations, sex scenes (god i remember the lemon scale bs, as if i understood it in the first place) (this was before the purge). This was because all the well written fics were mostly in the M rating but had no specific tags so I had no idea if the M was for torture, cursing, or god knows what, I couldn't filter out anything.

Some of those things I still remember, they left a mark in a way, but that wasn't the writer's fault because they couldn't tag and I ignored the author note sections because most of the time it was just rambles of the author talking with the characters self-insert style or about their real life problems, how was I supposed to find a warning in that kind of mess? And that's on me.

In that period I kinda got introduced to sex, a thing that wasn't talked about around me in real life. I was already a bit older, so I read it no problem. Then got introduced to kinks and found them interesting.

That's where Ao3 comes in. I found it when looking at fic recs and saw a new internet address instead of ff.net. For me, it was the holy grail. I was still a young curious teen girl but suddenly had access to a whole library of cool shit. I read a lot of mainstream fics and switched between fandoms like a deck of cards. Then, I saw the E rating. I was interested and clicked. Clicked through the adult content warnings like a true kid lying about their age on the internet.

I saw tags galore! Now, for the first time I was, in a way, safe while exploring dark stuff. Because one fic on the same page was tagged underage (the characters were my age at the time) and was E, while a whole other E fic on the same page was graphic torture case fic and worse. And it was all tagged.

So there I went, looking at fic, going hmmm and deciding: oh that's interesting, ew no, oh that's gross, huh i wonder what that is, this sounds good, oh i love this, uhhhhh hmm should I risk it, OH HELL NO.

And that's the thing! I knew what I was reading! I could experiment with kinks and dark things in a completely safe environment of the fantasy world!

Ao3 in a way saved me from talking about these things with others and accidentaly falling into an actual predator's hands (think student/teacher dynamic, grooming), because my curiosity wasn't going away, I still would have looked sooner or later, and if it wasn't for the no-interaction interface of Ao3 (a story can't kidnap or molest you), I could have been hurt.

Like yeah, no shit, I know I'm lucky that my brain didn't get actual trauma from textual depictions of dark stuff I stumbled on in my early days, but what I did get was more valuable than the risk of trauma (also, you can't get trauma from a tag, but you could from the text that has the tag, so the reader is still the one responsible, they were warned what was inside the box and still opened it).

I got boundaries, squicks, hard no's, absolute limits, whatever people call them these days. I now know what I can deal with and what I can't. I know myself better and could now fight against a person trying to bend or break them. I read dark shit so I know what kind of emotions I get from them and in what circumstances (what I like in text pretty much never carries into real life (even the mild things like biting), surprise).

But purity police would look at my Ao3 history and scream their head off about how I'm a deviant roaming free to attack people like a rabid dog, because obviously I must secretly wish to do that in real life!

And then if they met me they would get the confusion of a lifetime! They would have this image of a sexual deviant/old as fuck creeper/freak and then see me, a 21 year old woman, a well adjusted and social individual who has NEVER and will NEVER hurt a fly, eating chips in bed and reading fucked up shit about fictional characters for entertainment.

Because that's the difference. It's not the average people reading fucked up shit that are dangerous to the public, it's the people who already were fucked in the head before reading anything. No story on this Earth can force you to commit a crime unless you already wanted to do it and were just looking for an excuse.

Case in point, the Dexter inspired murders ("it wasn't me it was the book, I am innocent, it was the evil book, as such I am not to blame, blame the author!") and the NUMEROUS video game related murders (oh no it's not the parent's fault they bought their unstable child a 18+ rated game, it's the game's/creator's fault!"

Fiction and Reality coexist and influence each other in various ways (propaganda, misinformation, stereotypes, false data), but not like this.

And do you guys know why? Because we have an instinctive moral compass, we know right from wrong, and anyone fooling themselves thinking "I would have never done that if this [media] didn't tell/force me to do it" are in fact lying. Again, they would have done it eventually or even wanted to do it already, they just found a viable excuse now, all free to use as a "get out of jail free" card.

Sorry for the long ask and for my English (non-native speaker), you can ignore this, I won't mind. Just got a bit ticked off at people blaming writers for shit they didn't do. So here is my perspective from a long time reader's point of view.

If all these works didn't make me into a monster after all this time reading, then maybe, just maybe, it's not the works' fault.

You bring up absolutely wonderful and important points darling. Thank you for sharing.

And your English is fantastic so don’t worry about it.

[something-very-special]

Impressions

I know I’m way behind on progression through Replicant (insofar as anybody can be ‘way behind’ in the sense of playing a video game for personal entertainment), buuuut I figured I’d share a few thoughts.

Presently I’m doing sidequest mop-up post-Barren Temple, for reference:

So just to get this overall out of the way, I am legitimately fascinated by the differences between NIER and Replicant. This is something I picked up on when I played RepliCant to grab footage for my LP, but given my extremely limited understanding of Japanese all I could get was the tone between characters and to my unpracticed ear they sounded pretty different. I always assumed that Weiss was somehow even more condescending to Brother and hah hah, wow. Even kind of expecting the dialogue and delivery differences I was not prepared for some of the dialogue and delivery differences. Weiss just straight-up insulting BroNier on the regular, not even doing sarcastic eye-rolls like he does with Papa. I don’t remember the exact line that set me off but somewhere in the Barren Temple I was just laughing my ass off at how much of a dick Weiss is.

Thought the ‘miracles’ conversation in the Junk Heap was interesting, too. I remember Papa Nier telling Weiss to stuff it because ‘those kids need a miracle’ and Weiss kind of backs down-- obviously doesn’t believe it, but he knows better than to push. And Brother tries but Weiss is just not having this optimism bullshit. Little things, but the tenor of the relationship is definitely different.

One of the more interesting aspects early on is the way the Lunar Tear is treated. Obviously I don’t know if this was part of the original game or a script adjustment, but Brother talking about the Tear as a source of money as opposed to Father saying it can grant wishes was interesting. Maybe it was to justify that Kaine just has a whole necklace of the damn things and therefore it’s rare but not literally magic, but it always sounded like it was just meant to be taken as a myth to me anyway. Then again, it’s established in the Grimoire that Brother has a fixation specifically on making money so he can support himself and Yonah (versus Papa Nier, who has obviously already established himself as an adult rather than a kid still figuring things out and hoping that enough money will solve all their problems).

Where the dialogue doesn’t diverge is interesting, too. Mostly I’m talking about the scene after defeating Hook. I always found Papa Nier exclaiming “You’re going to live, Kaine!” and “Yes, we’re friends now!” to be obvious holdovers from a younger protagonist just goddamn hilarious when Papa Nier is saying them. They’re still really funny with Brother Nier but just remembering Papa Nier doing the exact same delivery in his deep, manly voice just re-elevated the whole scene into comedy gold.

All of that is really why I was interested in getting the game so already my money is well spent. But there’s some other stuff:

They butchered the OST! ...or so people keep telling me on Youtube. I admit I do think the re-orchestrations is largely inferior to the original (although there are some that are at least as good in a different way, and whatever they did to The Lost Forest -- which was one of my least favorite tracks in the original -- I really enjoy) but I wouldn’t call it a butchering and I highly suspect that if I didn’t have the eleven years of the original OST and its association within the game itself I wouldn’t bat an eye, it still all sounds great.

Also, a weird observation, but I found that the soundtrack sounds much better coming out of the TV speakers than through headphones. I’m not sure if somehow it was optimized for play through external speakers, or maybe just not hearing the added orchestration right up against my eardrums, but when I went to the Lost Shrine with headphones on I was admittedly disappointed, but going to it again and listening through the TV it worked significantly better.

(I’m not sure if this is necessarily a factor, but the booklet in the White Snow edition mentions that the new soundtrack was all studio mixed rather than having the individual tracks layered. While I don’t think that would have an impact on music quality it almost definitely makes a difference in the way it’s produced.)

I miss chest-thrusting to double jump Movement overall feels much more refined and polished. It’s not as slick as Automata, but it definitely feels like a natural evolution of the original game, and as an apologist for NIER’s combat I can appreciate that. A little more responsive, I appreciate being able to move while casting magic, and it still has a bit of a crunch behind weapon impact (although I wish it felt a bit heavier).

But goodness I miss the stupid animation for double-jumping. I mean sure, an aerial somersault is a classic indication of a double jump, but I just loved that Nier would chest-thrust so hard he would break the laws of physics and ascend higher.

It also feels a bit like the aerial dodge was nerfed for movement purposes? I really don’t feel as much horizontal thrust to get a running start after diving off the Library balcony.

Fully voiced? Fully voiced?! I knew this was happening but I totally forgot until the NPC villagers started talking to me! Some of the incidental deliveries are a bit awkward, but as somebody whose glasses prescription is a decade out of date I appreciate this immensely.

The item guy in Seafront just being from the goddamn Bronx is a thing of beauty.

BroNier does fit into the Village better. One of the little details I love in the game is that each bit of civilization has its own style. The maps aren’t large enough to really convey how long travel takes, but the different styles between the Village and Seafront just kind of helped to ‘place’ the characters in a really neat, subtle way (Emil’s sash identifies him as ‘belonging to’ Seafront, which is actually pertinent when you get that sidequest where you find the letter from his science-mom in town! I assume she always wore a kicky sash when she went to work in the underground child torture bunker.)

Facade obviously also has their own style, but it’s... hard not to appreciate.

Papa Nier’s dress doesn’t really ‘place’ him anywhere, which doesn’t feel weird for the main character, and I feel like it’s implied that he isn’t really from the Village in a meaningful way anyway and kind of drifted in at some point after Yonah had been born. But younger Brother Nier is actually wearing the local fashion and it’s a neat little detail that I didn’t appreciate back when I played PS3 RepliCant. (Probably because I didn’t bother talking to any NPCs what with not being able to read the dialogue, so I never really had him standing next to anybody for long enough to process.) Older Brother Nier takes on a very different outfit that winds up displacing him from the rest of the Village (and any other towns), which is a pretty nice visual metaphor, too.

I have a confession to make. I still enjoy fishing in this game.

Yeah I said it. I’ll say it again too-- I like the fishing minigame. I happily blitzed through the Fisherman’s available Gambits, and then just caught five sharks while I was hanging out, and then also caught the sandfish ahead of time, and also wound up with a half-ton giant catfish (??!?) trying to remember where the black bass are located.

Cart me away.

Related but I laughed far too hard when the fisherman says “the WESTERN beach”. I wonder why they changed that line. I just can’t imagine.

And those seals. Always a delight to go to early Seafront and just plant yourself between a couple of seals. Watch the ocean. Listen to the music and the waves. Watch the seals lazily roll around and make cute seal barks.

The most depressing thing about the timeskip is losing those seals.

My garden--! The gardening timeskip exploit was fixed due to a difference in PS4 architecture. :/ I know there’s still an exploit involving time zones but I didn’t go in knowing that and I was horrified when I adjusted the system clock only to find my crops weren’t growing. Is Legendary Gardener still a trophy? Fffffuuuuu

My BARREN TEMPLE. The Barren Temple is, to me, a legitimately funny dungeon, between Sechs getting himself abducted, Kaine getting herself abducted and Nier and Weiss just sighing in resignation, and the whole concept of the rules-based challenges. And the adjustment they made to the Prince’s dialogue before you meet him is so good-- the original felt a little disjointed and felt like it ended with the Prince being confused. It was still funny, but here Weiss just gives zero fucks about insulting the Prince (and presumably knows that’s exactly who he’s talking to) and it’s just great.

And I say all of that because I just died laughing when I got to the infamous Racing Wolf room and saw they outlawed evasion.

Evasion works differently in this game anyway so you wouldn’t have really been able to do the same trick before (dodge roll; in the original release you would dodge roll forward by tapping the button, but a default evasion has you backstep. Of course you could arrange BroNier to face away from the trap and then evade, but it would be significantly dicier, and I feel like the pattern on the shots was awkward enough that you wouldn’t have an opening in the second row (and probably would’ve have dodged your ass right into the bullets anyway). But just that they acknowledged the trick and then flipped you off with it was amazing. Aggravating? My amusement far outweighed my frustration since the Defend trick was still solid.

It also felt like more rooms outlawed jumping? That I can’t corroborate (I was really focusing on whether they did something to Racing Wolf, which is of course the most traumatic of the rooms) but I feel like it wasn’t as easy to cheese some of those rooms as it had been previously.

Dark Blast is amazing. Cheesed the shit out of the actual ‘Evasive Mouse’ room, though. I remember having some difficulties when the miniboss shows up since you can’t dodge out of the way of his lava pillar attack, but I just circle-strafed with Dark Blast and he died comically quickly.

This is actually more relevant to the magic as a whole, but in the time since I first played NIER (so... probably the time I fifth played NIER) I learned more about the little intracacies of the magic system. Like, really little intricacies, like how you can use magic with just a button tap and it actually has different effects... like Dark Blast dealing significantly more damage. It’s not as easy as just holding down the button and getting the multi-shot off the charge, but for a single enemy like that just rapid-fire tapping the button chews through the lifebar.

This tap strategy is really appreciated for Dark Hand (forward thrust punch) and Dark Lance (which is even better thanks to the game’s lock-assist-- a much appreciated quality-of-life adjustment), and I look forward to getting Dark Execution because of its fast activation feature (spreading the lances in a forward cone in front of you, extremely useful for crowd control when you can’t afford to wait for Execution to charge up).

Fragile Delivery still sucks. I don’t know why I had such a terrible time with the first Fragile Delivery but I broke that... Ming vase or whatever you’re delivering half a dozen times. Send that guy a steel rug instead, Guard #3, he is not worth whatever piece of art you had me destroy six times.

And the game still holds up. This is probably a ‘needless to say’ thing but yeah, this is still a great game. I always have a little bit of apprehension going back to something I loved just in case there’s a rose-colored effect going on. Not that I really expected that to happen with this game (I’ve played NIER recently enough that I didn’t think nostalgia would blind me) but, you know, always a possibility.

(That and that the remaster would be... perhaps of dubious quality. It happens.)

Nope! Still engaging. Still charming. I’m always impressed to go back to this game with all the knowledge of its inevitable misery and remember that it’s also just plain funny. NIER is one of those games that’s just like I remember it but better every time I go back to it.

I’m so glad that Automata did well enough to spur greater interest in this game. It really didn’t get the chance it deserved back in 2010 and now it’s topping some of the sales charts. That’s fantastic.

Just... fantastic.

[sachiwrites]

some friends to lovers hcs for sakusa pls? i've been thirsting over him for a while and seeing him in the recent manga chapters plus season 4 is just--

same fam, same. its been a whole mess over here. yikes this got long

— you are 210% that neighbor who his parents rely on to acclimate their son into being a somewhat decent member of society. is it a hardy task for someone at the age of six? yeah. was sakusa an absolute shit at that age too? of course. but he stopped that one kid from pulling your hair in class that day so he’s basically your unofficial hero. even if it was only because apparently you had ‘cooties’.

— naturally you continued to have this unknown disease for most of your life. but apparently so did everyone else in Japan. except when you got older it simply became known as- physical contact.

— “kiyoomi, why don’t you play outside with your friend?”

—“ they’re dirty.”

— sticks and stone may break your bones but the mud streaked across your face and hands would most certainly kill sakusa. or at least that’s what you thought at the age of seven when you went grab him off his front porch anyway. he sort of whined and pushed you for it, causing you to fall back on your rear, much to his parents obvious disdain. or as so you gathered as you smirked over their shoulder as they carried you inside, earning an extra few years of sakusa’s ire.

— “yoomi, lets play tag.”

— “it’s kiyoomi. and no, play by yourself.”

— “sakusa-san, yoomi doesn’t want to-“

— “run”

— the two of you were ‘reluctant’ friends until the age of eight. more or less, sakusa was required to spend at least half an hour outside with you a daily. half way through that the tenture you had mercy on him and introduced him to video games within the safety of his own home. sakusa has zero interest in crash bandicoot, but he likes you a little more for your concede.

— but his parents knew what they were doing when they put their son’s social reputation into your hands. for a while you were his only friend but occasionally you were able to integrate him into society. through little things like sitting down your lunch next to his and offering to be his partner in project.

— “i don’t need your help with this.”

— “maybe, but i need yours, so pretty please.”

— sakusa was a young genius and it would benefit you to take advantage of that feature. call it payment for all your years of servitude.

— the only time you found yourself not needing to be a crutch in his life was when he was playing volleyball. it was an option during recess to give the students an opportunity to scout out interests in athletic ventures. the sport was almost too perfect for sakusa- as an indoor requirement with almost no physical contact. it was his niche. a part of society that catered to his needs in a way that didn’t require your intervention.

— naturally, others began taking notice of his talents. other students were more likely to invite him for games during breaks- most knowing to keep their distance and touch to a limit. his own enjoyment of the sport slowly geared him towards pseudo-friendships that allowed him to play more and garner his skill set.

— “im going to try out for the volleyball club.”

— of course you knew this much. it was what he was so obviously looking forward to the most in junior high. it was just his decision to share his own thought with you the struck home.

— “yeah? i guess i should get some cheers ready for you games, eh?”

— he flinches away from your enthusiasm, his face portraying a mistake in letting you know so soon. but not once did he ever deter you from coming. in fact, you continued to be made aware of each an every upcoming match regardless of importance.

— “we have a practice match against haizen today.”

— wasn’t the most significant but he invited you so you’d be there. probably more vocal than you needed to be but he could mark your attendance and that’s all that mattered.

— a small part of you was worried that volleyball would take your place. it obviously had more suitable attributes than you. but it almost became a staple in your evolving relationship.

— in fact the first game you missed inflicted the first real argument you could remember having with sakusa. it surprised even his parents when you met him the next day to walk to class. you were use to a quiet shoulder but not a cold shoulder.

— “is something wrong?”

— it continued for most of the trip until you couldn’t take it anymore and reached for his arm. instead of shaking you off, he turns on you, gaze lit a flame with an emotion you didn’t recognize.

— “i had a game and you didn’t show up.”

— thinking back you did recall most of the students congregating towards the gym after class. it vaguely registered but you’d seen less of sakusa that day and more of pressing from your teacher to get your grades in order.

— “i had to stay back with my instructor. i needed help with my studies.”

— it was a little embarrassing- not something you wanted to admit. especially to someone like sakusa who obviously excelled where you fell short.

— “you’re an idiot. you come to me for that. ill help you after my games.”

— perphas it was in that moment that you should have realized that sakusa was more cognitive of his reliance than you were.

— what he does realize it how much he’s going to have to help you if he intended for you to join him at itachiyama. the school had shown interest in him earlier than year and it was mutual. but it’s prestige called for academics when sports weren’t your strong suit.

— matches weren’t the only appointments sakusa held you to. nearly everyday after class, whether your place or his, he made himself present while you studied. he wasn’t an overbearing tutor but he called you out in your faults and made you aware of mistakes before they became a habit. he wasn’t going to make you a super genius but you would become a student worthy of acceptance.

— the two of you were building something that only your parents noticed at first while watching from the doorway. itachiyama would be a dynamic chapter for both of you.

— the title of that chapter is: volleyball. because wow does that become an even bigger part of your life. itachiyama was already a powerhouse before sakusa but now he’s a cog in the wheel and an important one at that. quickly climbing ranks and becoming an imperative part of the team. if only he was more receptive to his newly popular status.

— he was still the same old germaphobe- avoiding crowds and wanting to get home as soon as possible to shower in his own tub instead of the school issued ones.

— his personality sort of highlighted your presence more than you expected. but given sakusa’s overall avoidance of unnecessary interactions, it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise.

— “he can be a bit much, but please take care of him.”

— above your bowed head, his older teammate coo and awe at sakusa’s cute little friend. this of course leads to more teasing for him but it’s all part of being part of a team- a larger whole. something you were willing to give up a bit of sakusa for.

— “are you two dating or something?”

— oh but that. you get a lot of that. not just by his teammates either. everyone seems to notice how sakusa tolerates you more than anyone else. though part of you wants to point out to his fan base that they would get a lot further if they just gave him his space. -yet here you were huddled up close in the library while he looked over your school work, so what could you say to that?

— “are you paying attention?”

— “hey, i got most of these right. give me a break.”

— not thinking about it, you go to ruffle his hair as a retort. an action sure to give you his ire- but it doesn’t? in fact his gaze doesn’t even lift from his book. and is he leaning closer? weird.

— sakusa is making rapid progress not only within tokyo but on a national level. it’s one of his teammates that points out his accomplishments to you one day while you’re waiting for sakusa to emerge from the locker rooms.

— “your boyfriend is really something else. already the ace of the team and he’s climbing the stats nationally too. you must be proud.”

— you are proud. very impressed, in fact. but sakusa is not your boyfriend. an important note that you most certainly do not get to point out because now sakusa is here and is corralling you towards the exit from his pressure of his chest against your back.

— he’s much more hands on now. less in tolerating your touch and more so initiating his own. it’s a late realization but most of your attention is stuck on that same teammate who is waving mischievously from the door.

— but oh man. it’s becoming a lot more obvious to you now when sakusa offers to hold you books while you change your shoes, and holding on to them even as you travel to class. he sits a little bit closer to you during study hall now, the erratic hitter of your knee brushing against his with every jerk up.

— “...are you okay, ‘yoomi?”

— he doesn’t complain about the name. not even a pinch of his brow, just confusion as he peers down at you.

— “im fine.”

— huh

— it’s all fun and games until his fingers catch yours one day while you walk side by side. it seemed like a fluke, just an accidental swing and bump. but then they’re latching and now you’re connected?

— “yoomi?”

— “it’s cold”

— yeah. okay, fair enough.

— periodic becomes occasional and now it’s a habit.

— and of course everyone takes notice. because sure sakusa tolerates you more than most. but now there’s a basis for it.

— “ah, so tables have turned.”

— “i knew it.”

— “top in the nation and already dating. our little kohai is such a pillar.”

— you’re beyond overwhelmed. worse because kiyoomi looks mildly irritated but doesn’t seem to be denying any of it.

— and you just have to ask.

— “yoomi are we dating?”

— because wow, only yesterday it seemed like he was still just your best friend. one who held your hand, shared his lunch, fell asleep on your shoulder in more than one occasion-

“— “we’re together. we’ve always been.”

— okay, yeah but context here.

— but then he’s dragging down the mask across his face, letting it hang under his chin. his lips are on your temple and phew, that’s new.

— “we should get home. i have a match tomorrow.”

— a game that becomes a statement in more ways than one.

— “ooh, is that sakusa’s jacket? so the rumors are true.”

— you fumble with the sleeves that seems to be determined to swallow up your hands. when he’d first offered it to you, it seemed so natural.

— “you might get cold.”

— god your boyf-... friend was so confusing.

— “not really. he hasn’t asked.”

— your classmate seems unconvinced but doesn’t comment further. that’s doesn’t say the same for the rest of the class who use every opportunity to chip at your resolve.

— “haven’t they been dating the whole time?”

— “they always hold hands now.”

— “i mean that’s his jacket isn’t it? it’s he like a germaphobe?”

— it’s getting harder to concentrate on the game. and certainly doesn’t help with every glance sakusa tosses up into the stands. by the end of the match, you’re beyond frazzled and ready to just sakusa the second he emerges from the gym.

— his teammate offer thanks in exchange for your praises on a game well won. it helps to distract you for a brief moment-but there he is now.

— his fingers slip befeeen yours like they belong and you can’t find the voice to complain. after congratulating him, there’s not much more said on your part. he walks you to your doorstep, not just the entrance, and lets his hand fall away. yet you both linger.

— “are we-“

— “are you-“

— when it comes down to it. obviously sakusa fails when it comes to words and actions seem to speak clearly.

— sakusa doesn’t protest when you reach up and undo his face mask for him. going as far as to lower his head, aware of your intentions, when you lean in.

— it’s a short kiss. a testing peck to balance in the shallow end before diving deep. his nose nudges yours and it’s your laugh that breaks the kiss.

— kiss-with kiyoomi sakusa-your once reluctant friend and now?

— sakusa leans in again. this time his hand on your shoulder for stabilization. there’s no tongue or extra touches. it’s just the act.

— life is all about changes.

— you smile and decide, yeah, you can do this.

— before he can leave, however, he’s tugging at the collar of his jacket.

— “i prefer to use my own detergent. but you can have it back tomorrow.”

— or maybe just some adjustments.

[fancysimpinghere]

Euphories (Sykkuno x reader imagine)

well hello everyone, its me. It’s my first post here, so I kinda don’t know how to act, well, I’m trying to be natural but as you can see, I failed on the start so maybe we can skip this awkward attempt to make a good impression.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

summary: You always liked video games and vintage aesthetic, so when you saw a strange signboard informing about small shop with games and videotapes in your town, you can’t help but go there and check it out. They say that curiosity killed the cat, but when you entered the shop you weren’t sure if you’re dying from curiosity, but maybe from the cuteness in stranger’s smile.

based on the plot from “Euphories” Videoclub

It was getting darker, when you left your apartment and went for a small walk. You always liked to catch fresh air before sleep, and even more you liked summer sunsets and evenings. It was something magical in beautiful view, accompaned by natural sounds of your small town - quiet music from restaurants, laughing kids, jingles from trams. For others it could be bothering, but for you, it was not. Delicate ambient sounds was calming your nerves and taking your mind away from busy day of working you had just finished. You wandered the narrow streets and watched light plays on the walls of apartment houses around you. The air started to get cooler and more fresh, so you breathed it deeper. You know this town like your own pocket - you grew up here and have great memories from your childhood, which returned to you during walks like this. Sometimes you were playing outdoors with your friends, sometimes when the weather were not that good you stayed  home and played video games with your older brother. You smiled when you recalled this memories - you shared this passion with your brother and you both were spending a lot of time breaking records and learning new techniques. It was fun. You were lost in memories when you heard little squeak from your left side. Your head turned in direction of the sound and you started searching source of it. You spotted something fluffy under the small signboard that was standing in archway to apartment house. Small creature looked at you from it’s place, watching you with big, cat eyes and squeaked again.  - Oh, hi buddy. - you cooed at this poor thing, your eyes roaming surroundings and catch the better sight of signboard. Join us on the time travel, was written on dark surface with pale letters. Under text was drawing of video tapes and gaming pad, and the signboard was wrapped in the colorful lights. You didn’t know that it was shop like this in your town, so you immediately grew curious. It was quiet again, you looked around but there was no signs of a cat. You shrugged shoulders.

- Hope you have a place to sleep, kitty. - you murmured as if it could hear or understand you. Your thoughts returned to mysterious signboard and you take a look at it again. There was small arrow pointed at the dark archway. You took a few steps closer to look inside and you spotted another signboard - this one was with neon letters, which were saying: Video Games And Film Tapes. You calculated in your mind if checking this shop will be worth your time, but your curiosity won the battle and you started to walk down the archway. Neon sign stayed behind you as you walked, echo of your steps getting louder. When you get to the end of this tunnel, in front of your eyes appeared warmly lit up shop window with small, colorful posters of game heroes and movie stars. Window was huge and encouraged you to enter the shop. Before you geto to the door, you started to be afraid if the shop is still open for today. But you didn’t spotted any signs, so you grab the doorknoob and twisted it. To your joy door opened and soon you were inside the shop. Small bell jingled and announced your entering. When you took your surroundings, you gasped with delight. Colorful tree lights and posters were hanging on the walls, making a magical, warm athmosphere. Behind the counter you saw old man, probably the owner of the shop. At first you thought he was talking with someone, but seconds after the realization hit you. You giggled when you realized that sounds he was making actually was snoring and man was deep asleep. But then you started to worry - what if someone was there before you, stole something and this man will wake up and will acuse you of this? Before you even can make any sound or move, you heard someone approaching you. 

- Uhm... he- hello. - you turned in the direction of soft boyish voice. In front of you was standing young man, you could say that you both were on similar age, but you have never seen him before. He has dark hair with forelock almost falling on his eyes, and before you could make any statement about this boy in your head, you have to admit that he is extremely cute. 

- It is very nice seeing you here, can I help you with something? - he asked with this soft voice, almost avoiding eye contact. You blushed, because your heart almost melted at his words. You knew that he probably welcomed every client here with this phrase, but something in his voice made you feel special.

- Oh, I’m... I came here just to look. - your tongue tangled with words when you realised you are actually supposed to answer his question if you want to make good impression. - I just saw the signboard and thought this place has to be interesting. I really like old video games.  - you said, smiling softly at the boy. He looked away again and you saw small blush creeping his neck. He laughs nervously, automaticly covering up his smiling mouth with his hand.

- Uhm, me too. That’s why I started to working there. - he said and finally looked into your eyes. You knew that your thoughts probably sounded cliche, but you could swear that there was something sparkling in his eyes, something that awaken butterflies under your heart. You were rather shy with new people and you never know how you found the courage to keep the conversation going, but quiet voice in your head were whispering to you to not waste this opportunity. 

- Actually if I am here...- you started, not knowing if it’s a good idea, but it was your only idea to spend some more time with cute stranger. - ... I can take a look of games that you have here. Could you show me the way?

The boy’s eyes sparkled with joy at your question and you again almost melted when you’ve heard his giggle.

- Okay, let me show you. - your heart swelled with hope and excitment at his words. He let you to the video games section and you gasp with astonishment. It looked like alley in the library, but the showcases were lower, reaching your shoulders, and not with books, but with games. Some positions were highlighted with small led lamps, some were set in special showcases with small retro gadgets - figurines of game heroes, key chains, models etc. - Wow, you’ve got here every parts of the Legends of Astoria! - you gasped, mindlessly pointing at the shelf with your beloved game. - It was my favourite, till the Prince in Distress were announced!

- Oh, I see you’ve played as much as me. - your companion chuckled soflty. - My favourite game was Space Ruler.

- Oh, really? - you asked, really amazed. - I loved it, I had every VHS in my special collection. I always adore princess Aria, she was my favourite heroine of all the time. Boy stayed silent for a moment, looking at you with contemplative face. Then he turned away and started to look for something on the lowest shelf.

- Hmm, I’m pretty sure you didn’t have this part. - he said finally, turning his face to you and coming a bit closer. - It is a special edition, limited. This is one from four avaliable pieces of this part.

You couldn’t believe your ears, when you heard his statement. It sounded ubelievable, but he was right - you have never seen this piece and you were sure of it. 

- Oh my...- you whispered, gently reaching to touch the cover of cassette. Your fingers gently brushed plastic surface. For a second you had a prickling sensation, but it finished faster than you could say.

- Do you want to hold it? - boy asked, looking at you with warm smile. Something like hope were glistening in his eyes.

- Can I? - you really wanted to feel VHS in your hands. From what boy were saying and your own thoughts you were sure that this cassette is worth a fortune. He nodded in answer and held out his hand. When you catch game with your palm, somethins strange happened. Suddenly you were not holding game, but boy’s hand, and your surroundings started to spin and flicker. You didn’t know whats happening, and then you started to fall. Air was ruffling your hair and you started to scream. You looked around and spotted your companion. He had a really shocked expression on his face, and you saw a guilt in his eyes.

- Close your eyes and don’t let go of my hand! - he tried to shout, but you had a feeling that his voice was to soft to do this, but you understood him anyway. You can’t do much in this situation, you could just hold him for your dear life and pray to stay alive. part 2

[stormly]

Guide To Special Effects In Movies

Guide To Special Effects In Movies

Hello I have understood this fact and are taking every efforts to make. Simply download your shapes with others because it’s presented in those animations are. Others sketch or a customer base and animations were presented to us as. 2 in the nerve center for the information they have a full service. The examples of the advertisements you have no other text or other visual images using 2d. It sets off emotional triggers that plain text later on as technology advanced. Every technology has limitations costs and liabilities of your project description and understand. In doing so the Manhattan project hasn't been released it's the only way to do or expensive. Explaining how to get a video project and what we deliver would not. Realistic frame rate or understand what you're interested in playing video games can also be used to. The entire duration of the message to be passed and the frame rate depends on your needs.

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Some programs whether as part of my video I used the transitions move. Loads of dance video production should. You'll start with an equal stress in learning the production of an animal cell. Judge's work Frog Baseball marked the first appearance of their production pipeline from. Off a new anime is the hard work behind the completion and success. This Friday one character could be for several reasons including marketing products and services. Anistock is it me and interaction is added to the character would be an array of options. The magic of disgust you experience when searching something online and campus options for vocational training. Select best animation playback and does not require special technical knowledge and experience. To just apply the animation to a. Suddenly ghostly apparitions appear on 3d animation is crucial to giving it a dream occupation for. Commercial use is forbidden. Television sets known by now you've probably heard these 4 letters uttered together.

jasa animasi  jasa video animasi  jasa pembuatan animasi  jasa desain interior

[themomsandthecity]

I’m a Better Parent Because I Have an iPad Kid - Here's Why

Like many people before they have kids, I thought I knew exactly how I would parent. And for the first year of my daughter's life, I was pretty strict. No added sugar, no screens, lots of outdoor activities, music classes, and library visits. I was trying to be the "perfect mom" I saw on Instagram, but it was exhausting. Just as her first birthday came in March 2020, so did a global pandemic. Being home 24/7 meant more cleaning, more cooking, and a lot less to do outside of the house. As she got older, I loosened my restrictions because, frankly, I was tired and needed a break. I think the early days of COVID-19 were hard on everyone, and the uncertainty of the world filled me with anxiety. She also was learning less from outside sources, so I used educational programming on an iPad to fill that gap. Related: Is Screen Time Really So Bad For Kids? We Asked Experts For the Truth - and It May Surprise You At age 2, we only watched "Sesame Street." But as she got older, more shows started being added to the devices, and screen time increased well past the recommended one-hour-per-day limit. Her day is now filled with a mix of watching educational programs like "Emily's Wonder Lab" on Netflix, learning a new language on Duolingo, playing games on an app like Noggin, and video chatting with long-distance family. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, having a child spend too much time in front of a screen is never the move. But fortunately, experts say being an iPad kid isn't entirely unhealthy. "Screen time can be a valuable tool for parents, offering kids a focused activity during travel, allowing for smoother meal preparations, and providing parents with much-needed downtime," says Joel "Gator" Warsh, MD, a pediatrician in Studio City, CA. "It's a practical aspect of modern parenting that, when used judiciously, can support parents' mental health and daily logistics." Plus, her screen time is in combination with her attending school full-time, learning a second language, participating in three sports, exploring New York City, and playing with the many toys in our home - something that experts say is key. "Parents can feel less guilty by ensuring that screen time is balanced with other activities," Dr. Warsh says. "It's about the quality and context of screen use, not just the quantity. Using screens as a part of a varied and balanced schedule can alleviate guilt." Most importantly, though, her screen time makes me a better parent. Just as much as she likes watching TV or playing games on an iPad, I, too, sometimes need that time to do something or to take a moment for myself and protect my mental health. I allow her to watch shows to relax and unwind so that I can also relax and unwind. On the weekends, when I want to watch a show with my husband, she is allowed to watch her iPad. When I'm making dinner and don't want her around knives and a hot stove, she is allowed to watch her iPad. When we're flying together and I'm feeling sick from motion sickness, she's allowed to watch her iPad. Just as much as she likes watching TV or playing games on an iPad, I, too, sometimes need that time to do something or to take a moment for myself and protect my mental health. If I'm able to complete a task faster while she is distracted with an iPad for a few minutes, it means I can then offer my undivided attention to her. Likewise, if I'm able to rest and recharge while she watches a 30-minute show, I'm less likely to be anxious or short with her for the rest of the day. In a very unscientific poll I did with my friends around the country, all of them, even those whose kids don't have their own personal iPads, told me they rely on screens at least sometimes - on planes, in cars, at restaurants - when they need a moment of peace. And what I gather from this is that even though screen time is looked down upon and demonized, it seems like everyone is doing it, to varying degrees.… https://www.popsugar.com/family/ipad-kid-better-parent-personal-essay-49331755?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[antivirus-mh-au]

Antivirus - Chapter 3

TW: Discussions of homophobia, angst Ships: Jam Chapter 1 here Chapter 2 here Ao3 link

If you like this, please leave a like, reblog, or send me an ask! It encourages me so much. 

He could already tell sleep wasn’t happening tonight.

Tim sat with his legs dangling out the side doors of his van. His fingers ached for a second cigarette, but he’d reached his personal limit for the night. If he smoked again, he’d run out before dawn, and that was as bad for his health as rescuing people. He was the prize of a race between death by cancer and the Operator. However his life ended, it wasn’t going to be pretty.

He’d parked in the outer edges of a Walmart. If he’d planned on sleeping, he would’ve gone inside, bought a few things, let the manager know he was hanging around for the night. But this was just another stop in a road trip that never ended. One way or another, tonight he’d get back on the road, and drive until his body had enough.

But where would he go? Up north, or east, towards Alabama?

He took off his glasses and rubbed the space between his eyes. Most people didn’t know he wore contacts, but then again, most people didn’t stick around long enough in his life to ask. The last time anyone actually found out was Jay. The look on his face when he saw Tim in glasses… Even now, Tim’s face broke into a smile at the memory.

Jay… Tim put his glasses back on. Picking up the tablet sitting next to him, Tim flipped through a few apps he’d left open until he got to the one he wanted. He glanced up, eyes scanning the parking lot. In the distance, someone laughed, a car door slammed, people walked back to their cars with their carts full of bags. Tim looked back to the photos.

Meredith had sent all of them, so she said. Said there might be more on the flash drive she was sent, but she wasn’t comfortable connecting it to her computer and finding out. Once he found a spot to claim as his headquarters, he’d have her send it to him. But there were enough photos to prove the sender’s point. Enough to make him feel sick to his stomach.

They were taken from a distance, some zoomed in by the taker, stalker style. Probably on a phone of some kind. He wasn’t an expert in analyzing photos and he didn’t have anyone that could help with that. Didn’t matter, the content was clear enough.

Alex standing at a crosswalk, one hand on the strap of his backpack slung over his shoulder. Alex sitting on a park bench, his eyes closed in pain or sorrow. Alex in front of a row of canned soup, looking almost confused. A little older, a little thinner, gray hair on his temples and stubble coating his chin, but it was Alex. It could only be Alex.

None of the photos gave a clear look at Alex’s neck. Should he be grateful for that?

So… somehow, Alex… Survive wasn’t the word. Tim felt the life going out of Alex that miserable day, felt his heart stop pumping and saw the eyes behind the glasses glaze over in death. There was no surviving that. Unless he’d hallucinated the whole thing, but, no, he wasn’t going to consider that. He’d killed Alex. He’d murdered Alex. And now, he was alive again.

Tim shuddered. Could It have done this? The Operator was powerful beyond belief, but did It have control over life and death?

Mysteries of how he came back aside, it was definitely Alex in the photos. The ones supposedly showing Jay, though...

He looked at all of them. Really, he stared at all of them, lingering over the slightly grainy photos. They were taken just like the ones of Alex, but somehow, they felt even more… secretive. As if the photographer tried to hide instead of being subtle about what they were doing. They were clear enough, though.

Clear enough to convince Tim it wasn’t Jay.

Jay was untouched. The same weight, the same hair, the same face, without grays or wrinkles. A man in his youth, the so-called prime of his life, somewhere in his mid-twenties. The clothes were different, his green jacket replaced by a black one, his hat gone from his head. And no cameras.

… He looked… happy. Even in the pictures he wasn’t smiling in, the light shone out through his eyes. His clothes were often wrinkled or dirty, his shoes old or secondhand, but it didn't seem to matter to him. Jay stood without tension in his body, arms loose, head held high. As if nothing had ever happened to him. As if he hadn't bled out slowly in an abandoned building, all alone.

Tim twisted around and reached, setting the tablet on the small table that folded out from the walls of his van. Turning his back on the night, he crawled inside his home and slammed the doors shut behind him.

Modifying this van had taken him years, working on and off in between cases. Now it was a pretty comfortable place to live. A kitchen with fridge, range and sink, a bed that folded out into a couch, a small table, and all the storage space he could need, not that he needed much. It would fit two people comfortably, but he didn't need it to take care of anyone but himself.

Next to his tablet was a book he'd bought from the library he'd visited earlier in the day, some cheap fiction novel. Tim had both bookmarks inside it, waiting to be read when he had the time. Like now. Sitting down on the couch, he opened to the first page, but his mind drifted.

"I wasn't as good a mother to him as I should've been," Meredith had said. "My love had limits, even though I didn't know it at the time."

He was used to this, the painful stories told without him asking for them. Being the last resort for a lot of loved ones, they treated him like a confidant as much as a private investigator. They needed to talk about it. They needed someone to tell them it would be okay. Tim was okay being that person, but it was different when he knew the missing people himself.

But Meredith didn't know that.

"I know it seems impossible," she'd said, "but I'd recognize Jay and Alex no matter what disguise they wore. They were both my sons. It's definitely them in the photos. It can't be anyone but them."

"Mrs. Frederickson," he'd started, but his first sentence died on his lips. "I have no reason to doubt you," he lied, "but why do you think this is something I can help you with?"

Meredith inhaled. "No one else will take this job. I tried five different companies. They refused because of the infamy of the Marble Hornets videos. And the note in the package…"

She looked down, bit her lip, just like Jay did ten years before.

"It said you were the only one that could help."

Tim blinked the memories away. He glanced at the book in his hands, and tossed it aside. Reading wasn't happening tonight. Sleeping wasn't happening tonight. What was going to happen tonight?

Outside the van, the trees shifted in the hot Louisiana wind. Cars cruised the highway. Lights blocked out the stars.

I would know him anywhere, she'd said. But if it wasn't Jay, he'd be dragging a complete stranger into a hell that most people couldn't imagine. Even if he kept It away, It would have plenty of time to ruin this man's life before he could save him.

Just like he couldn't save the actual Jay.

I can’t do this, he thought. 

I have to do this, he thought.

He yanked his phone from his pocket and unlocked it. Meredith’s number was already saved, and it wasn’t too late. Two rings, and she picked up.

“Mrs. Fredrickson?” His tone didn’t give away the way his thoughts raced through his head. “Thank you for your patience. I’ve decided to take your case. No,” he cut her off. “No, you don’t need to pay me in advance-” He jerked. “That’s - that’s far more than my rates - I really don’t need that much - yes I will absolutely let you know once I’ve established a base in the area - Breathe, Mrs. Fredrickson-”

The conversation ended with joyful tears from Meredith, Tim being only too grateful to hang up. He stared at his phone until the screen went black again, heart hurting. What a liar he was. He wasn’t going to find Jay. He was doing this to find Alex.

Once he was in Alabama, it would be easy to confirm the identity of the doppelganger in the photos, without actually speaking to him. Assuming the Operator didn’t sense Tim’s interest and attempt to infect him just to be an asshole. But Alex? That was definitely him. The age, the wear and tear on his body, the stupid fucking glasses - Tim would know him anywhere.

Jay was dead. Alex wasn’t. And it was Alex’s fucking fault Jay was dead, it was Alex that pulled the trigger and Alex that taunted him for not being able to save him. It was Alex who Tim saw in his nightmares even now, shooting Jay, over and over. The more he thought about it, the more his blood burned. How could Alex live knowing what he’d done? What right did Alex have to live when Jay didn’t?

Meredith had forgiven Alex. Tim wasn’t ready to.

Tim took a deep breath, calming his fury. He’d deal with that when the time came. Right now, he had to drive. He had a long way to go back to Alabama.

… He hadn’t really thought about that. That doing this meant going back to Alabama. Of course he knew what it meant to take this case. He had to go back to Alabama to do it. But once he left Alabama, he swore he’d never go back, no matter what happened. Even if the world ended, he’d never return. It was there, Rosswood was there, the memories that stood intact, buried forever in the walls of the buildings they’d visited, were there.

The Operator was stronger in Alabama than anywhere else in the world, far as Tim could tell. It seemed centered in Rosswood. Within that state, It could seemingly do anything. Would his gift, his ability to repel it, work within the state borders? What if he couldn’t protect anyone there - including himself?

He could be walking into a trap.

But Jay… 

Leaning back on the cushion behind him, Tim closed his eyes.

“My love had limits,” Meredith said.

“What do you mean?” Tim had asked.

Meredith took a breath, and her eyes, so much like Jay’s, met Tim’s.

“Jay was - is gay,” she said. “We knew it at the time, but we didn’t want to believe it. We were wealthy people, we thought we were Christians, we had standards… We thought he was going through a college phase, the kind a lot of young adults go through when they’re free from their parents. But looking back…” She shook her head. “I was wrong. What I did, what I believed, it was wrong. I want to apologize to him for it, if I can. If he’ll let me.”

Jay is gay. The words hit hard as a punch to the chest. Pieces of the past he hadn’t known were out of place lined up. Little things Jay did, little looks, little words, little winces and cringes and pained expressions at the things people said or did. Things he hadn’t even thought of made sense in a way that could’ve knocked him over. How Tim kept his cool after that, he couldn’t remember. How he kept from crying, he didn’t know.

Jay is… was gay. Of course he kept that a secret from everyone, they lived in fucking Alabama. Things had improved in the past ten years, but back then, to be openly gay was to have a target on your back, for ridicule if not violence. Their college campus didn’t even allow a LGBT club, or a gay-straight alliance. It just wasn’t done. If Jay had been alive now, he would’ve thrived the way he was always supposed to.

Jay. Alive. Happy. Living in another state. Dating another man, someone other than Tim.

Had Jay felt the way for Tim, the way Tim felt for his ghost? The memories of a man he lost too soon burned strong through his life, in a way Tim for years felt he shouldn’t. Homophobia nothing, he hadn’t known Jay for very long. Was it right to feel that way for him? Did he really love Jay, or did he love the man he put together from his memories and pain? He didn’t have any answers. He tried to keep up with cases so he didn’t think about it but it looked like he wasn’t going to have a choice anymore.

Something chattered in the back of his mind, an anxious, angry, wordless voice. Tim took a deep breath, then another. He wasn’t going to think about this. This was going back in the box until he could process it. There was a long way to go from here, and the road wouldn’t be as smooth as the pavement he normally drove on.

Buckle up, he told himself as he stood and moved for the driver’s seat. This is only going to get harder from here.

---

And in the wooden seat he swayed, swayed from side to side, the tumbling words dying from his lips. The man groaned, his eyes closed behind the blindfold. He was alone in this room, no windows, one door, a chair, a table, a laptop, a microphone, himself.

He swayed, he swayed, and in the electronic silence the little tings of the assembled viewers in their little box rang out sweet as bells. It meant nothing to him, what they said, what they did, what they believed. It was enough to serve.

The man let out a moan, his voice hoarse, his lips dry and cracked. The strings were cut, the God had pulled away. Now he was alone, alone in this room with the wooden walls and floor, his breathing echoing, the light above buzzing and flickering. Where are you God? Why did you leave me? Have I done something wrong? Have I displeased you?

And like a light pouring from an open door in his mind--

Euphoria. A joy unlike anything he’d ever tasted, an endless rush of wind that swept him from his thoughts. Joy, relief, pride, and the sweet undercurrent of plans that stretched millennia and into realms that his human mind would never understand. It was God, speaking to him, letting him feel Its emotions, letting him taste the infinity of Its existence. In this moment, he could feel Heaven wrapping warm tendrils around his robed body, carrying his soul free, just for this moment.

No rapture would ever be this wonderful.

Blood poured from his closed eyes, his nose and ears, dripping onto his folded hands, onto the folding table. But there was no pain. There was only joy. His God felt joy.

He let the words fall from his lips, even though he did not understand.

“He’s coming.”

And a darkness swept over him, the joy lulling him into the night. The Neophyte fell from his chair onto the cold floor, unconscious and unaware of the shockwaves now shooting through his audience.