#my laptop is fucking with me so bad . i spent TOO MUCH time to revive her today

[kimmkitsuragi]

it's so over

[horansqueen]

New Angel - Chapter 9

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1  ☆ chapter 2  ☆ chapter 3  ☆ chapter 4  ☆ chapter 5  ☆ chapter 6  ☆ chapter 7  ☆ chapter 8

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.6k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

It was not easy falling asleep on that night. Everything kept running around my mind, stressing me in a way I hadn't been in a while. I was wondering what would happen to the friendship between Millie and Louis, how would living with them turn out to be, and if they would just end up hating each other. Would I have to play the peacemaker or worse, be both of their voices when they would want to 'communicate'. I didn't want to get between them and stop fights and arguments, I just wanted us to be all friends the way we used to be. Perhaps, Millie was right. Everything became messy when feelings were involved, and it made me wonder if the same thing would happen with Summer.

I sat in bed and rubbing my eyes with a sigh. I was not even directly implied in this story and yet, I felt like it was affecting me more than it should, but I couldn't help it. So much had happened in so little time that I felt overwhelmed with all the feelings, fights and new relationships building up around me. I was not against changes but when everything feels perfect, it's painful to see it stop.

That thought made me think about Grace and suddenly, I wanted to see her face. I got up without thinking more about it and made my way to the kitchen just to look at one of the pictures of her placed on the fridge. It was stupid and pathetic, I knew it, but it was the middle of the night and at least, I would look stupid and pathetic in front of no one but myself.

I stopped dead in my track as I walked in the hall and realized I was right in front of Millie's room. I moved slightly closer to the door and let my head fall down slightly as my eyes closed. I could hear her sob, her face probably pressed against a pillow since the sound was muffled. I stayed for what seemed like an hour in front of her door as my heart thumped hard in my chest. I heard her pain and at the same time, it revived mine intensely and I swallowed hard, trying to keep my tears in. I wanted to knock. I wanted to walk in there and take her in my arms. I wanted to tell her everything would be okay. I wanted to be there for her the way she had been there for me, but I couldn't. I was not strong enough to comfort her. I was in the same bad place as she was and I was not sure I really could help in any way. i felt like I would just make things worse or bring everything back to me, and that's clearly not what she needed.

I thought about how Millie shook me, made me get up, almost forced me to get back on my feet and go back to work. I thought about how she took care of me recently, helped me with Summer, listened to all my shit and gave me great advice. I breathed in and knock at the door gently with one of my knuckle. The sob stopped and it became completely quiet. I waited a few seconds an finally licked my lips.

"Mill, it's me." I let out in a low and soft tone. "I just wanted to check on you."

"I'm alright, Niall, thank you." she replied quickly.

I heard her voice crack as she talked and placed one of my palms on the door as if it would change anything. "I know you think no one cares, but I do. I want to listen to you, Mill. You can vent to me if you want, you can cry to me. You can always be yourself with me, okay? I'm interested in how you feel."

I waited for about a minute but realized she wouldn't answer and I finally just sighed. "I mean it. You can knock at my room any day, any time. Good night, Mill."

I walked to the kitchen, only glancing at the picture of Grace and falling grabbed a water bottle before walking back to my room. I sat in bed and grabbed my phone, frowning slightly when I noticed a message.

'Thank you, Niall.' with a heart emoji was sent from my roommate and the left corner of my lips raised in a sad smile before I only typed a different heart emoji as an answer.

-----

I woke up the next morning and took a shower before walking to the living room with my laptop. I put golf on tv but I wasn't really looking. I had a dream about Grace and it was so real and vivid that I knew it would fuck me up for a few days and I hated it. Instead to try to get distracted from it, I decided to check on her social medias and just as I thought, it was an extremely bad idea. I started scrolling through the pictures of her trip and felt slightly better when I realized she hadn't lied to me. She was with her four best friends and she looked happy. It messed up with my head even more because while I was a total wreck and pathetic and sad human being, she was laughing and having fun with her friends. Clearly, we weren't going through this break-up the same way and it was not only painful but also unsettling. I has spent that time sitting on my couch watching the same movie three times in two days, I had not showered in days and felt like my heart was in dust... while she was drinking on a beach, partying and meeting new people. It was sad and I knew it, and I clearly needed to stop yearning for her and the love she was not giving me anymore. I had to move on, and not just survive.

"No fucking way."

I jumped at the voice behind me and quickly turned my head to meet Millie's raised eyebrows and judgemental look. What actually surprised me the most was not that she had walked in the living room without me noticing, but it was that if I wasn't aware of her fight with Louis the night before, and if I hadn't heard her cry in the middle of the night, I coul easily believe that Louis hadn't broken up with her at all. I had no idea how she was hiding it but it made me a bit jealous. I wish I could pretend I didn't care, too.

"Mill, hey, are you alright?"

"I was!" she started, tilting her head. "But then I walked in here and caught you checking pictures of your ex girlfriend on her social medias? It's not only creepy, Niall, it's also very sad."

"Yea." I agreed with a sigh, glancing at the screen of my computer again. "I can't say you're wrong."

Millie walked to the couch and sat next to me before quickly closing my computer and turning my way. Her eyes met mine and my eyebrows raised.

"What?" I asked, my lips curling on the left.

"Nothing, I was just thinking we both deserved to get drunk."

I nodded and put my computer away on the coffee table before turning to my friend with a bigger smile. "Yes, we do. What do you have in mind?"

"A small party. Here. Tonight." she proposed, shrugging a shoulder. "When we've had enough, we just throw everyone out. And we don't have to think of a way to get home, or get a designed driver because we won't leave this apartment."

"Okay, who do we invite?"

"Just a few friends and yes, you can invite Summer. You can even ask her to bring a few of her friends, too."  she pointed out with a bigger smile. "I'd love to meet them."

"Eh, don't be so sure. They're... weird."

Millie chuckled and shook her head but her traits softened and she finally sighed. "I'm happy you found someone, Niall." she admitted in a low and gentle tone. "You really deserve to be happy."

My amused smiled turned into a fond one and I reached for one of her hands, squeezing her fingers tight. I wanted to tell her that she deserved it too and that it would definitely happen to her soon, but I knew she'd just tell me to shut up. Grace had broken up with me a few weeks before but for Millie, it was not even a day old. It was too recent to think about someone else, at least, emotionally. I pressed my lips together, realizing that with Summer, it was not really an emotional connection either and that even if I knew it could be, it would still take time. I had to admit that I normally fall fast but this time, it was different because I was not over Grace.

"You know we sort of have to invite Louis." I replied, raising my nose up.

"I know. It's all good. He lives here too." she shrugged, looking away. "Okay, I'll make a few calls and then go get some food and beers."

She got up and without thinking, I did the same. "Millie." I waited until she turned to me and finally tilted her head. "I meant what I said last night. I understand how you feel. You can open up to me, you know. I'm not curious, I honestly care about you."

Her lips parted lightly and her eyes roamed slowly on my face. My words seemed to surprise her and make her speechless but she finally nodded.

"Thank you. I just... I'm just not used to that." she admitted in a whisper. "I don't think anyone ever.. cared. I just don't know how to do that."

"Gotta start somewhere."

We just stared at each other for a minute or two but it was not awkward. I could read so many emotions on her eyes and I finally just sent her a small smile.

"I promise I'll try."

-----

Millie and I stopped at a restaurant for take out and ate together in the kitchen. I had decided to open a bottle of red wine and we were almost done with it when we brought our dishes in the sink.

"Are you going to invite Summer to sleep here?"

"Naa," I grimaced, shaking my head as I opened the fridge to grab a beer. "I'm scared that if we start that it'll become more intimate and I'm just... not ready."

"Take your time, there's no rush."

I opened my beer just as the doorbell rang and soon, a bunch of people had invaded my living room. My lips curled when Summer appeared in and I quickly walked to her, wrapping my arms around her neck and pulling her into a hug.

"The most beautiful girl has arrived. Finally."

She giggled against my chest and I loosened my embrace to look down at her. We had said we wouldn't kiss in public so I just smiled and licked my lips.

"Want something to drink?" I proposed, raising my eyebrows.

"I'm pretty sure my friends are already in the kitchen, stealing stuff in your fridge."

I chuckled and shook my head, glancing at the kitchen before moving my gaze back to Summer. "No worries, that's exactly why Millie and I filled it this afternoon."

I felt my heart jump in my chest, wondering if I should tell Summer about what had happened between Millie and Louis but I quickly decided against it. I wanted to tell her, if only to make sure she wouldn't say something awkward about their relationship, but at the same time, I was well aware it was none of my business, and not my place at all to share this with anyone.

"Just out of curiosity, does Andrew have something against me?"

Summer frowned for a second but finally shook her head and it surprised me that she hadn't noticed how her friend was looking at me. If she was that obviously about it, perhaps she would think my theory about him having feelings for her a bit hard to believe and once again, I decided not to tell her, at least not now. It reminded me that we had promised each other we'd be honest and I felt like I was failing to keep that promise.

"No, of course not!" she answered with a smile. "Andrew likes everyone!"

My lips curled slightly on the right as I looked at her. It was cute how naive she could be and the way she smiled made me want her to keep being oblivious to all the bad things around her. Maybe that was what real happiness was : only seeing the good in people. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that.

"Niall, come on, you're not being a good host!"

We both turned to Millie who handed a glass of wine to my friend and Summer sent her a big smile, thanking her.

"Thank you for inviting me and my friends, Millie!"

"You're very welcome, I'm glad you're here."

I chuckled as I watched them interact and finally turned to my best friend and raised my eyebrows, an amused smile spread on my lips. "What about me? No drink for me?"

"You've always drank half of a bottle of red wine earlier, go get a beer or something!"

I chuckled again and pushed MillieMs hips with mine, making her laugh again.

"Don't tell me what to do, pet!"

"And don't call me like that!" she whined, making me laugh even more.

"I think I need something stronger." I pointed out, sending a smile to Summer and walking to the kitchen.

"Sharing is caring!" I heard Millie yell when I was far enough and I turned around, bringing my hand high and showing her a thumb up. She smiled more and kissed her palm before blowing on her hand and I rolled my eyes, a smile still gracing my lips.

I wanted to have fun on that night and I wanted Millie to change her mind and get drunk with me, too. She was right, we both deserved it after having our hearts broken and I was scared she would fall into a depressive phase the way I had had. It was not the impression she gave and I knew she wanted to look strong and unbreakable in front of everyone but I could read her so easily it was scary. Perhaps it was because I was going through the same thing, or maybe I just noticed little things that other people didn't, but in the end, I knew Millie was extremely sad. No matter what she said, I knew she had strong feelings for Louis and it would probably be even harder for her to get over him than it was for me to get over Grace, if only because he was a close friend and they lived in the same apartment.

I walked back to the living room with two glasses of vodka but I lost my smile immediately when I heard Louis' voice. I had invited him but I had made it clear that if he would prefer to spend his evening with his new girl, it was totally okay. I hadn't expected him to actually show up and something stirred inside my stomach. He walked slowly closer and that's when I noticed the tall and pretty brunette next to him. I held my breath and blinked a few times, knowing that it was the worst case scenario happening right in front of my eyes. Louis had brought his new girlfriend with him, knowing that Millie would have to see them together and suddenly, I felt completely powerless.

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

[pumpkinpaix]

tagged by @kingedmundsroyalmurder

Rules: Simply answer the following 21 questions and tag # people (or more!) you’d like to get to know more!

Name / Nickname: bc I grew up while the whole “never share your real info on the internet” advice was real, I always get nervous about this question hahaha. I guess we can go with Pai as a nickname I’ve had for a long time irl.


Sign: Sagittarius

Height: 4’11 (a hobbit)


Hogwarts House: i’m a puff for sure, though I suspect my secondary is probably slytherin


Last thing I Googled: oh god, probably something for this silly fic I’m writing OR something stardew valley related. Last stardew thing was whether or not Penny likes blackberries. For fic, uhhh it was probably about how bad shooting akimbo actually is. Other recent hits include the distribution of Taiwan-Minnan as a primary household language across the island, what kinds of tea Pinglin produces, Taiwanese tea ceremonies, queer culture in China/Taiwan, and capital offenses in southeast asia.


Favourite musician/s: I feel like I’m always obligated to answer Vienna Teng because her music remains important to me even if I’m not currently listening to it very often. Also big fan of Delta Rae, and most recently, Wu Qingfeng.


Last song I listened to: Spotify on my phone says “A Moment Apart” by ODESZA and spotify on my laptop says “下雨的夜晚” by Sodagreen. 


Song stuck in my head: the instrumental to “缤纷了每一天” by GBOYSWAG bc it plays in the bg of a scene i just rewatched lol. 


Followers: 637. wild.


Following: 733. also wild. i should probably clean up a bit that’s a LOT of blogs.

Do you get asks: honestly, almost never. I don’t post a lot of original content, nor do I engage super meaningfully with a lot of content regularly, so that’s not surprising. If I get asks, it’s usually from a friend.

Amount of Sleep: ha. I’m trying to do better because I KNOW that my mental health is highly dependent on it, but I routinely fuck up and fail. so like, usually between 7-9 hours, but then i’ll sometimes just do that good ol 5. I don’t think I’ve dipped below 5 in a long time though, which is good!


Lucky Number: 13 


What I’m Wearing: oh god, a sweater that my mom got for herself and shrunk in the wash, a polka-dot blouse i found in a donation pile at school, and a white skirt I bought when I was 10. so. that should give you a sense of exactly how fashionable I am. 


Dream Trip: given endless money and endless time to deal with any and all anxiety-related problems, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong until I’ve conquered all of my emotional baggage and return home triumphantly fluent in mandarin at least. I would also like to visit the baltics one day, and return to Japan and some countries in western/northern europe, but I feel like that would be thematically too challenging for one dream trip lol.


Favourite Food: scrambled eggs and tomatoes. idk if this is actually my favorite food, but it’s like. the food i always answer bc childhood.


Instruments: piano (above average in general, mediocre for how long i spent learning), used to play violin for 4 years (i am Bad at it), tried a year of flamenco guitar (also Bad at it), and did choir for a number of years (mediocre at it)


Languages: in descending order? English, Mandarin, French, Japanese with some scattered German and Spanish comprehension somewhere in there and then like 2 words in many other random languages 


Favourite Song/s: eek. that’s so hard please don’t do this to me. currently, it’s SOMETHING by Wu Qingfeng, though I’d be hard-pressed to pick one. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure the song I’ve had on repeat most often in the last few weeks is probably “恋语1910” by Modern Brothers (摩登兄弟) it’s just such a BOP i’m gonna listen to it right now.


Random Fact: you can say “同志” (tong2 zhi1 — comrade) to refer to queerness in chinese which i think is just the best thing


Aesthetic: unfortunately, it’s child who still doesn’t know how to dress themselves or trash grandma, though I admit that I absolutely LOVE the horrible current fashion of absurdist, pop, vaporwave revival?? it’s just like the art of wearing expensive garbage very badly, and as someone who DOES think capitalism is bad, it’s with great shame that i admit i covet that look so much lol. it’s just so anti-harmony. White t-shirt with what looks like 2 torn up sweaters stapled to it? fuckin iconique. 1830s-esque sleeves with some kind of modern fusion pantsuit/traditional chinese outfit paired with red stilettos?? amazing. plaid bathrobe with bright white sneaks and a mullet? a Look. Yes, I’m just linking to my favorite singers’ performances on Singer. they’re all good u should listen to them. pls i can only talk about this with like one other person pls someone else also fall in love with these bastards. i recommend the 2nd one first simply bc even if you can’t understand the language, tan weiwei’s vocal technique is just!! fuck. but also i put on the video of qingfeng singing and i’m literally on the verge of tears so you know.

Tagging, uh, crap, @pilferingapples, @bodhimcbodeface, @sauntering-down, @ribbonreverse?? if you feel like it no pressure idk

[ilovemybarricadebabies]

My incredibly personal story of how I fell in love with Les Mis, and by extension, Enjoltaire.

I was first introduced to Les Mis through singing “Castle on a Cloud” when I was an 8th grader in my junior/high school choir. At this time, the film of the musical had just been released. After hearing my choir director talk about it, I had an interest in seeing it in the movie theatre, but was never able too. However, that summer, on either July 12th or 13th, 2013 (I only remember the date because I distinctly remember watching it, and then learning about Cory Monteith’s death (despite never watching Glee), my mother came home with the DVD of the film, and we watched it. At first, I didn’t really understand what was going on, but I ended up falling in love with “Do You Hear The People Sing?” and I listened to that song on repeat for days following. Apart from “Castle on a Cloud”, “DYHTPS?” was the first song that I truly knew from the musical.

Then, my freshmen year of high school, we sang “Bring Him Home” at our Fall Festival concert, and then, in the weeks following leading up to Christmas/holiday break, we watched the film in choir class. But that still wasn’t what made me fall in love. I enjoyed the music, but at this point, I wasn’t big on musical theatre. But that all changed that holiday break.

When holiday break came around, I sat down with my laptop, and pulled up The Phantom of the Opera from my iTunes account (now, I know this my LM story, but we need to go through my POTO phase first), and I absolutely fell in love with POTO. It was like a switch flipped and my whole world had came into focus. POTO was my segue into the world of musical theatre. Everything revolved around POTO for weeks. As I went through my POTO phase, I introduced myself to more musicals. I started first with the more mainstream (POTO, Wicked, Les Mis, and so many more that are considered mainstream) and then, I found the musicals that weren’t as popular. And I went through a time were I felt that my love for theatre needed to remain a secret because there was another girl in my school who was obsessed with musical theatre and I felt somewhat intimidated by her, so I kept it secret from everyone except my family. There wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t checking the Playbill website or reading about musicals on Google. I followed all the musical accounts on social media that I could. During this time, I had listened to the entirety of Les Mis and I had also understood the story better thanks to Google. Les Mis quickly became my second favorite musical, but nothing was going to take POTO from this spot.

But as I entered my sophomore year, my POTO phase had pretty much ended, and my Once Upon a Time phase began, but that only lasted for about six months. I was still obsessed with musicals, but my main focus was know OUaT. Then, I was in between phases for a while. Finally, that spring, after begging my parents for months and months, they gifted me with a trip to New York City in May 2015 (my second time going to that city, my first was in June 2013 with my mother on a mother/daughter bonding trip, where we saw the musical, and my first Broadway musical, Once), and I was able to see POTO on Broadway.

However, nearing the end of my sophomore year, my entire world turned upside down when my parent’s divorced and everything that I knew had changed.

But then, on Saturday, June 6th, 2015, I found my way to FanFiction.net (I had been reading Wicked fanfiction, but I was getting tired of it), and I found my way into the Les Mis category on FFN.net, and I found my way to reading Enjoltaire fanfiction. Granted, I soon learned that most of the fanfiction on there was Enjolras/Éponine, and that wasn’t at all what I wanted.

Now, when I first watched Les Mis way back in June 2013, I didn’t really care for the characters, yet. I watched it for the entertainment reasons. However, once I entered the world of musical theatre, and I watched Les Mis again (this time it was the 25th anniversary concert), my eye caught on to the dynamic that Enjolras and Grantaire had and what Hadley Fraser and Ramin Karimloo did with said dynamic in the 25th anniversary. That was when I started shipping it, and it became my Les Mis OTP.

After making my way through the Enjoltaire category on FFN.net, I made my way over to Ao3, and that was where the rabbit hole began. Every spare moment of my time was spent either reading Enjoltaire fanfiction on Ao3 or in the Enjoltaire tag on Tumblr. If my phone was in my hand and my eyes were to my phone chances it was Enjoltaire fanfiction that I was reading. I went to the lake with my mom’s side of the family at the end of June 2015, and while I did chat with my family, most of the time my phone was in my hand while I continued to read Enjoltaire fanfiction. I had also shown my cousin the 25th, someone who had never seen it, and even she started to low key ship it. Also, at this time, I had watched the movie more times than I could count, and I had also gone down the rabbit hole that is loving Aaron Kyle Tveit. I had learned everything that I could and I had watched everything that I could get my hands on that had him in it. I also discovered that while the dynamic that Hadley and Ramin had in the 25th was nothing compared to what the movie portrayed, or I should say what George Blagden portrayed, in the movie. My Tumblr account was covered in all things Enjoltaire, it was wonderful. My life revolved around Enjoltaire. I started writing and gaining many, many, many ideas for Enjoltaire fanfiction (I have 8 stories on Ao3. One in the process of being published, seven are complete and available for reading). I loved both Enjolras and Grantaire, separately (Enjolras I loved just a little bit more because he was my favorite character, still is and will always be my favorite character of the musical and of all-time, but nevertheless I loved them both) and I loved them as a couple. They were, and still are, my babies and OTP of OTP’s. They are the couple that I have stayed with the longest. When I’ve entered my fandom phases in the past, I usually lasted with the couple that I shipped for about six months. I still loved them after that, but not to the extent of what I had. My love for Enjoltaire has stayed for over four years and is still going strong. These two will probably stay with me forever.

Now, by this point, I still hadn’t seen it live. It had been revived on Broadway in March 2014, with Ramin as Valjean. At this point, the show in London didn’t hold any of my attention because I had had no hope of ever seeing it there. I did my best to keep up to date with it, but I failed miserably at that. Most of what I knew about the London production came from Tumblr or Google. I did follow the London actors and the Les Mis London account on Twitter. I was also aware that it was the original production in London, but like I said, I had no hope whatsoever that I would be able to see it there. I would have loved to see it, but living in the U.S., I doubted that I would ever see it. The only version that I wanted to see and could afford to see at the time was the one on Broadway, and I wanted to see that version BECAUSE of the fact that Ramin was Valjean, and I had already loved and adored him because of POTO and the 25th anniversary. I followed this production as much as I could. I was rooting for it during the 2014 Tony Awards and was absolutely pissed when it didn’t win. I had had the opportunity to see Ramin as Valjean at the same time that I saw POTO in May 2015, but instead, I decided that the other show that we would see during that NYC trip would be Wicked because Matt Shingledecker (the Fiyero (who is my favorite Fiyero) at the time was someone that had caught my attention through Kara Lindsay’s Broadway.com Wicked vlog, “Think Pink”) and I just wanted and was desperate to see and meet him, so I chose Wicked, a decision to this day that I still don’t regret. And overall, to me, I didn’t care that it wasn’t the original version, to me it was a story that I loved and adored.

Now, we are getting into the personal part of the story. My junior year of high school, my parent’s divorce had grown to the point where I think the best word to describe it would be bitter. My dad was butting in to my mom’s business, and my mom wanted nothing to do with my dad unless it had to do with me and my two siblings or my two nephews. My dad would drag me into the middle of all of it because I was the only one of my siblings still at home. My parent’s divorce was a mess. Some of my teachers knew about the divorce, but they didn’t know that I felt like I was drowning. I had kept up with my schoolwork and still had good grades, but I didn’t talk about the divorce because I didn’t want to drag people in to something that they had no reason to be part of. I was clearly in pain and I felt so alone, but I was good at hiding it, that no one knew. The one thing that I clutched to, the thing that was my absolute fucking lifeline was Les Mis/Enjoltaire.

Whenever I needed it, Les Mis was the thing that was there for me. To be honest, it felt like it was the only thing that was there for me. The story, the music, and of course, boatloads of Enjoltaire fanfiction. The only thing that got me through the day was repeating the line: “Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise”, every minute of every day. If I was having a bad day or cheering up, the only thing that would pull me out of it was either Les Mis or Enjoltaire.

It was because of this that Les Mis became my absolutely favorite musical of all-time because it was the reason that I was still living. The story and music gave me hope and it was because of those two things that I knew that everything was going to be okay.

All while I was feeling like I was drowning, it was announced on December 2nd, 2015, that the Broadway revival was closing (by this time, Ramin bad left the production, Alfie Boe was Valjean, and John-Owen Jones has been announced as the replacement for Alfie once he left and would continue with the production until it closed) on September 4th, 2016. After this was announced, I told my father that he had nine months to take me to see the show, and he did because on May 14, 2016 at the Imperial Theatre, I was witnessing for the first time ever the story and hearing the music that I loved so much live. I was absolutely in awe of what I was seeing. To me, it didn’t matter that it wasn’t the original production, all that mattered was that I was seeing the story and the characters that I loved so much play out 100 feet in front of me. I was sobbing and my breath was taken away. My eyes didn’t leave the stage, once. I loved and adored every moment of it. On the day, the revival closed, I was working, and I was taking my lunch break when they live streamed the curtain call for the final performance on Facebook. I was sobbing as I watched it.

Then, I started my senior year of high school, and unlike my junior year, it was so much better. My junior year was my worst year of high school. Part of what helped me make it through my senior year was that my sister (who hadn’t been talking to my family for over 12 years) came back to the family. I now had someone to talk to about what had happened, and it made me feel so much better.

Now for the last year or so, I knew that my father had been planning to gift me with a trip to anywhere in Europe that I wanted to go for my graduation present. It was originally that I wanted to go to Italy, but then I changed my mind and decided on Paris and London. I chose Paris mostly because it’s one of my favorite cities in the world and it’s the settling of my favorite time period in Les Mis. Then, I chose London because I had always wanted to go there too, plus like Paris and NYC, it’s one of my favorite cities in the world. While we were planning the trip, my dad asked me what shows I wanted to see. The only shows that I knew for sure were Les Mis, POTO, and Wicked. Now, like I said earlier, I knew that Les Mis was the original production, but while that was part of the reason why I wanted to see it. The other reason, the much, much, much bigger reason, was because I knew that I would be once again witnessing the story and characters that I loved so much come alive 100 feet in front of me. And I got those three shows, as well as seven more, on the trip itinerary.

On June 5th, 2017 at the Queen’s Theatre, I was able to witness, my favorite show and characters that meant so much come alive, once again, 100 feet in front of me. While I was amazed with the revolving stage and how the original production was put together, it wasn’t what made the story special for me. Like the Broadway revival and every version of the story that I have listened to/watched, I was sobbing by the end and my breath was taken away. At the end of it, I didn’t care that what I was seeing was the the original production. All that mattered to me was that it just my favorite musical. On the plane ride home from London, I needed to experience it again, that I watched the movie on my iPad through Amazon Prime. Like with Broadway, I had been in a Les Mis slump, that all I wanted was too watch/listen to anything regarding my favorite show.

As the next year went on, I started college and I had to deal with people asking me why such a mainstream musical was my favorite, I didn’t know what to say. They had no business in knowing why it meant so much to me. Before I started college, the announcement of the U.S. tour cast was announced, and while I had already been hoping to see it if it came anywhere near me, once I discovered that Matt Shingledecker would be playing Enjolras, I was more determined than ever to see the tour.

When it was announced that the tour would be coming at the Orpheum Theatre in December 2018 in Minnesota which was the closest that it’s come to me, it took quite a lot of convincing from me for my father to get me tickets to see it for my birthday in December. He was reluctant because I had already seen it twice already, but all I needed to say was that it was my favorite musical and he got me the tickets.

And on December 29th, 2018, I saw my favorite musical for the third time, and once again, not caring what production it was, I was seeing my favorite characters and story come alive in front of me. I was sobbing and breath was taken away. After the curtain call and the lights came up, I cried for like another five minutes. And once again was in a Les Mis slump for days afterward.

Now, not to bring up a bad subject, but with the change that is occurring in London, while I am heartbroken over it, I also don’t really care. The staging of the show doesn’t hold any sentimental value for me, not like I know it does for some people. What part of Les Mis that holds the sentimental value for me is the story, the characters, the music, and of course, Enjoltaire. Without the story, without Enjoltaire, I wouldn’t be on this Earth anymore. This story had already meant so much to me that when I saw it live, it was just the cherry on top of a beautiful, wonderful, delicious ice cream sundae. I have/will watch/listen to the musical no matter what staging it’s given, or even lack of.

Now, while I am slowly, like snail’s pace slow, making my way through the book. I am determined to finish it one day. All of my knowledge that I know from the book is from the people that I follow on Tumblr, who have read it. While I’m slowly making my way through the book, I have read other passages in it, and from just those I know that I will love the book, and it will give me even more reason to love it more than I already do.

This musical has meant to so much to me that when I finally get the money for my first tattoo, it will be “Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise” on my upper arm between my shoulder and elbow, written in the logo’s font. That quote is my favorite in the musical and it’s the quote that has meant the most to me. It was my mantra my junior year. And after that tattoo, I want to get another Les Mis related one, but I want that one centered on Enjoltaire, but I’m not sure. Either way, I know that I will get the first one for sure.

And I think that pretty much covers why this musical means so much to me. And this story is obviously incredibly personal, just like I’m sure everyone else’s story regarding this musical is. But this one is unique to me because it’s my story.

[5hfanfiction]

The Maid - Chapter 3

“Who is this Lauren?”, Dinah asked as she opened the door, but I got inside at lightning speed without answering her question. “Jesus! Calm down. Let’s go to my room and talk”

We went up the stairs to Dinah’s room and sat on the bed. This girl had been my best friend since we were 5 years old, she knew everything about me and always helped me to solve any mess I caused. I wouldn’t say she was the most responsible either, but she surely was less clumsy and had more self-control than me.

Dinah was studying business administration at my same university. Her parents owned a fair amount of restaurants spread all over Miami and she wanted to carry on the business.

“Ok, so what’s up? Spill it.” Dinah questioned excitedly as she looked at me.

“So, remember I told you I was going to be working as a maid for a rich woman my aunt used to work for. You know, doing house work and stuff.” I sighed and Dinah nodded eager to hear more. “Well, my boss is… she is fucking hot.”

 “What! Wait, didn’t you say she was going to be some old lady? You like older woman now?”

“No.” I said as I rolled my eyes in response.  “That’s the thing. I never expected her to look like that. She’s like super young, probably in her mid-twenties and she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, China.”

“Really? And she’s rich? Then what’s the problem, Mila. Get that”, she stuck her tongue out and did a little ‘hump the air’ dance.

“Dinah! I’m serious. I can’t lose this job.” I exclaimed as I threw a pillow at her.

“Ok, Ok. But, can I at least see why you’re acting so crazy about her”, she said as she opened the laptop that had been lying on her bed and started typing something. “What was her name?”

“Lauren. Lauren Jauregui.” I informed and stared at Dinah as she typed.

“Well, damn. Is that her!?” she gasped and turned her laptop around allowing me to appreciate a picture of my new boss posing in what it seemed to be a black dress that reveled some of her pale skin near her chest and legs.

////PHOTO/////

“Mhm”, I wasn’t able to utter any coherent sentence after seeing that picture.

“Wait, I think I’ve seen her before. She was in some magazine list of the 20 youngest billionaires in the US” Dinah remembered and then slapped my arm.

“Auch! What the fuck?” I rubbed my arm and looked at her surprised and a little angry.

“I’m talking to you! And close your mouth, you look like a horny teenage boy”.

“Shut up.” I fired back and then sighed. ”I just can’t help it. I mean, look at her”. I pointed at the picture.

“I know, like damn, she gets the riches and the bitches”

 I smiled at my friend comment and slightly nodded because that statement was probably true. “Right. But that’s not all, she’s also super nice and polite, a little shy at times, but that makes her look even cuter. She’s just perfect….What I’m going to do?” I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

“What the hell are you talking about Mila? This is great. You’re lucky.”

After hearing her comment, I quickly sat up. “Are you serious?” I asked in disbelief. “How can being attracted to my new billionaire boss be a good thing?”

“Emmm. One, she’s hot. Two, she’s rich. Three, she’s rich. Oh, and you said she was perfect so I don’t see what could be so bad about it, Mila.”

“Ok, first of all I don’t care about her money, you know I’m not like that” I explained.

“I was just joking” she rolled her eyes.

“And second, why are you acting like she is also interested?”

 “Well, you’re cute and pretty popular with the ladies at college. I’m sure you could seduce her easily” she stated as she made a silly sexy face.

I chuckled at her and shook my head. “Maybe, but I don’t even know if she likes girls”.

“Like that has ever stopped you” she accused me.

I stared back at her with an ‘are you serious’ expression. “This is different, she’s my fucking boss, Cheechee”.

“So? Look, did you flirt with her at some point, because we both know that you are really flirty person, but how did she react?” she questioned.

“I didn’t flirt. I sort of like gawked at her with a dumb expression on my face because she was too perfect. I also, kind of stared at her ass, which by the way was huge, a couple of times but she didn’t notice, I think.” I confessed and Dinah looked at me with a disappointed look.

“Then, what about her? Did she checked you out or something?” she asked with furrowed brows as if she was interrogating me to solve a damn crime.  

I looked up as I tried to remember the whole interaction between Miss Jauregui and me. “Emmm, I believe she did look at me a couple of times and helped me tie my cooking apron.” I confessed and Dinah raised her eyebrows.

“She wants you. You’re so blind sometimes, Chancho”.

“No, I really don’t think so, Dinah. She was super shy and probably was just trying to be nice. The whole situation was sort of awkward too” I responded with a skeptical look. “Perhaps, she caught me staring and felt uncomfortable…maybe she has a boyfriend and felt weird that her new female maid was staring at her like an idiot. And, oh my God, I kissed her check too, I forgot about that” I covered my face with both of my hands in embarrassment.

Dinah laughed at my nervousness. “I swear I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“Shush”

“Fine. So, when do we start the plan ‘seducing Miss Jauregui’?” she sked excitedly.

“Dinah, have you heard anything I just said. She’s out of my league”

“Not until she says so, Chanch. Why are you being so negative, you usually are super confident when approaching girls? And don’t tell me that it’s because she’s your boss and you feel intimidated, you literally flirted with my Calculus professor the other day”

I looked at her with an annoyed expression. “Dinah, just drop it. You’re supposed to be helping me.”

“I am helping you! You’re just being overdramatic and a little bitch” she fired back.

“What?”

“Stop being scared and do something. If you like someone you should act, Mila. Plus, you have never been so nervous and flustered about someone, you must like her a lot” she tried to convince me and I grunted.

“I don’t know”

“Come on, Chanch. What if you don’t do anything and then regret it years after. You don’t lose anything by trying. You obviously need to start approaching her slowly and discreetly find out if she’s with someone. I’m sure you know all this.” I stared at her as I analyzed her words and reflected on what I should do.

She definitely had a point, I needed to live without regrets. If I liked her, I needed to act and make sure I had no chance to then finally give up. I looked up and saw Dinah staring at me expectantly.

“Fine, I’ll try and see if I stand a chance”, I gave in and closed my eyes, already feeling a little of regret.

“Yes! I bet from here to three months you will be dating her.” I just shook my head as a response to her excitement.

 I spent the rest of my day with Dinah, we decided to go out to the beach and talk some more, but the conversation pretty much consisted in Dinah interrogating me about what happened at Miss Jauregui’s house. When the sun started to hide behind the horizon and some stars made themselves present in the sky we said goodbye to each other and headed to our respective homes. Dinah said she couldn’t go out and do something fun that night because she had some exams on Monday, so obviously I accepted, I wasn’t in the mood for partying anyways. 

After arriving home and answering my mom questions about how my first day as a maid had went, I excused myself from the dinner table and went up the stairs to my room. I lied on my bed as I closed my eyes, it had been a really busy day and I was pretty exhausted. Nevertheless, I decided to log into twitter and instagram for some minutes before going to bed. As I appreciated some pictures my friends from college had uploaded I came up with an idea.

I typed ‘Lauren Jauregui’ and started studying the results, I tapped the first account on the list and immediately several pictures appeared on my iPhone screen. It was definitely her account, she had plenty of followers, but didn’t upload much. Most of the pictures were aesthetic captures of different natural scenarios and politically charged ones, the rest were either selfies or pics with friends and, what I assumed to be, co-workers.

Based on what she published and her little descriptions I could tell she was a really intelligent and informed woman, she wasn’t afraid of speaking her mind and I liked that. She was really good with words and you could sense her confidence through her statements, which called my attention because she had behaved really shy back in her house, still managed to intimidate me though.

When I finished stalking my new boss on social media, I decided to put my pj’s on and get some sleep. Apparently, it was easier said than done, because I spent three hours moving around trying to find a comfortable position that could help me fall asleep. My mind was drowning in thoughts and memories of Miss Jauregui. I depicted every little detail about her in my head, her warm smile; her lips that seemed to be calling mine; her eyes that looked at me so shy and inviting; and her voice that enchanted and spoke to me in the most alluring way.

My eyes started closing slowly and I felt my body giving up to sleep, but my mind was active and drowning with her.

Lauren’s POV

I was sitting in my office revising some papers for work, or at least trying to, because my mind couldn’t really focus on anything besides what had happened earlier. I spent the entire afternoon reviving the small conversations and interactions I had shared with Camila and I couldn’t help it, there was something special about her that charmed me no matter my efforts to avoid it.

The kiss she gave me had triggered all kinds of reactions in my body, even when it had only been a brief contact on my check. When I saw her leaning in, I couldn’t move, my body didn’t respond to any of my orders, and my gaze had been constantly switching between her pink lips and warm eyes. After feeling her full lips against my check, my heart started pounding fast and felt some weird tickling sensation at the pit of my stomach.

I made myself stop thinking about my new maid and started to actually prepare stuff for work. When I finished organizing everything, I headed to the kitchen because I needed something to eat, urgently. When I opened the refrigerator I noticed that there were some glass food storage containers stuffed with, what it seemed to be, meat and rice. They were organized by the color of their lids at the top shelf; I couldn’t contain my smile. Camila had worked really hard that day and had still managed to make some extra food for me to eat the days she wouldn’t be coming.

I started preparing the food Camila had left and put some rice and a piece of stake on a plate. After some minutes, I took my plate out of the microwave and sat at my usual spot at the dinner table. I contemplated the empty living room of my house as I listened to the sound of the waves crushing, I usually didn’t care about eating or being alone in general, but right now I wished someone would keep me company and maybe enjoy the meal together.

The first person that came to mind was Camila, it would be nice if she was here right now so that we could talk about interesting topics like we did at lunch. Thanks to our conversations I had found out that we had lot in common and that she was really cultured and intelligent woman, she also understood my struggling at talking or socializing with her, since I noticed her trying to make me feel comfortable, even when we were in my house and I’m her boss.

I always tend to stay quiet when I’m in a meeting or gathering with a large group of people and just listen to whatever nonsense they talk about, but with Camila, after some awkward first attempts, the conversation started to flow freely. I think it was also due to how our minds complemented each other and how we always found mores issues and topics to discuss, not matter how mundane.

Suddenly, I realized how much time I had spent thinking about Camila, and it really confused me considering I don’t usually think about someone else for more than two minutes when choosing Christmas presents. I had always considered myself to be a rather cold-hearted person, not in the sense that I would hurt someone and not care about it at all, but mainly in relation to my “love” life. I didn’t believe in love, for me that was people confusing desire and affection together, and if it actually existed, I was probably not capable of feeling it.

Camila had called my attention, there was no denying in that. She had managed to captivate me like no other. This must be what people called desire or passion, because Camila had attracted me with every single aspect of her body and this whole fascination was new to me.

 At work parties, I was always approached by numerous people, but never gave give them a second look and Normani would scream at me for hours about it. Lauren, she was really hot or Lauren, you could’ve had a great night of sex with him. I couldn’t care less about that shit, having a fifteen minutes long mediocre sex with a drunk stranger didn’t sound appealing at all to me, regardless of how ‘hot’ Mani described them to be.

However, as irresponsible as it sounded, I could see myself having a sexual encounter with Camila, which doesn’t mean that I would actually make it happen. She was my employee and the relationship we ought to share was strictly professional. I just needed to keep my dirty little secret hidden and buried in the deepest corners of my mind. 

——————–

“Good morning, Lauren”, Normani said as she opened my office door at Jauregui’s Coorporation at 10 a.m. in a Monday. “Did you have a nice weekend?”

“Emmm…yeah, like always.”

“So it wasn’t a good weekend.” She joked and I rolled my eyes. “When are you going to accept going out with me and go clubbing?”

“When I start to enjoy going, which would probably be….never” I answered as I looked at the news in my laptop. Now it was Normani’s turn to roll her eyes and I smiled in response.

“Lauren, I’m serious. We can go out and maybe find you some boy or girl just as boring as you”.

“Why do you assume I want someone?” I questioned as I brought a cup of Starbucks coffee to my lips.

“I’m not saying that, what I mean is that you really NEED someone.” She explained. “Like, you can’t just keep on living only using the pink vibrator I got you”

I almost chocked on my coffee and started coughing. I looked at her as my hand rested on my chest and she looked back at me with a hint of entertainment in her eyes.

“Oh my God! Mani, shut up. And what makes you think I’ve used it?” I asked with difficulty as I tried to get some air into my lungs.

“Oh please. You obviously had. We’re human, therefore we are curious and horny. A girl has needs, right?” she asked.

I didn’t answer anything and just stared at her trying not to react to her accusations, because what she had said was nothing but the truth. I had used the pink toy, multiple times actually. As she had put it, a girl had needs.

“See” she raised her eyebrows with a superior look.

I felt my cheeks get warm and I looked away from her gaze.

“Awww, little Lauren is embarrassed”.

“Shut up or I’m firing you” I stated as I pretended to be mad and turned back to my laptop screen.

“Yeah, right. Whatever. I need to go back to work”

“You go and do that. That’s what I’m paying you for” I joked.

My conversations with Normani were always like this, we basically made fun of each other and joked around, but with no bad intentions. She was the closest thing to a friend I have ever had, she knew what I liked and hated and how to deal with me in different sorts of situations. Even if most of the time I rejected her invitations to go out to parties, I really cared about her, but I wouldn’t confess that out loud.

I knew Normani also worried about me, hence why she has always tried to play cupid and look for a way to pair me up with someone. She was always saying that I deserved someone good to spend the rest of my life with or at least someone to have sex and get rid of the stress that made me grumpy in the mornings.

My friendship with Normani was one of the most precious things I had and I couldn’t even imagine how my life would be without her, if it already was pretty unamusing and boring.

When lunch hour came Normani and I went to the restaurant we frequented, it was really good and served lots of sea food and Cuban delicacies. It wasn’t anything fancy or extravagant, usually the most delicious foods were served at the more economic establishments.

As we waited I felt my phone vibrate inside my purse so I started to look for it with difficulty as I tried to avoid grabbing any other unnecessary thing I carried with me. When I finally found it, I turned it around and stared at the screen, the name that appeared caught me by surprise. ‘Camila Cabello’ I opened my eyes in surprise and started to panic, my index finger moved unsteadily towards the screen. I tried not to overthink the situation anymore and quickly unlocked the call as I brought the phone to my ear.

When I raised my head again, Normani had her eyebrow furrowed and she showed both confusion and interest.

“Hello?”

“H-hi, sorry to disturb you, Miss Jauregui”

“No, you aren’t disturbing, I’m just eating lunch” I explained and Normani studied my face in detail.

“Oh, ok. I’m just calling because I think I left my student ID in your house the other day. Maybe it fell out my purse and I didn’t notice, today when I tried to enter the university’s library I realized I didn’t have it”, Camila informed with a little concern present in her voice.

“Oh”, I said and internally slapped myself for being so awkward. “I really haven’t looked around the house so attentively since you left the other day, but when I get home I’ll look for it”. I turned to my friend and her eyes were opened in shock, but I just looked down and started playing with my napkin as I waited for Camila’s response.

“Thank you so much, Miss Jauregui. It’s really not that serious, but it’s just a hassle to get a new one so I hope it is somewhere inside your house”

“It’s really nothing. When I get home I’ll look for it”, I said as I nervously drummed my fingers on the table.

“Wouldn’t it be better for me to go and look for it myself, you don’t have to. Besides, it was my mistake”

“Oh, I don’t know. I mean, if you want to. Aren’t you busy with university stuff?”

“Not really, this week is pretty chill. So…emmm. Is it okay if I get there at seven?

“Yeah, yeah. You have your keys, right?”

“Yep”

“Ok…bye, I guess?” I said doubtfully.

“Yes, bye Miss Jauregui, sorry for bothering you”

“Don’t worry about it. Have a nice day, Camila”

And on that note, I ended the call and breathed out some air that had been trapped in my lungs since I had saw my maid’s name appear on my phone screen.

“Ok, what the hell was that, Lauren?” Normani questioned with a mixture of confusion and surprise.

“What was what?” I asked as I took a sip of my mango juice.

“Oh, girl don’t even try it. Who’s Camila?”

“My new maid” I responded calmly as we waited for our food.

“Your new maid?” she furrowed her brows in confusion.

“Yes, Normani. My new maid.”

“What happened to Señora Maria?”, she looked really worried now.

“She had some health problems and had to quit. Nothing serious, but it was too much work for someone her age”.

“And why are you telling me this just now?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think you would care”

“I obviously care, Lauren. You need to tell me about things, I’m your friend and I care about what happens to you, stupid” she crumped her napkin into a ball and threw it at me. I was fast enough and grabbed it before it hit my face. I looked back at my friend, but didn’t say anything in response, I just couldn’t utter any words that reflected my sentiments towards her. Normani sensed my internal conflict and awkwardness, so she opened her mouth to speak again.

“But, whatever. What’s going on with this Camila?”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “Nothing?”

“Yeah, right. You were literally shaking when you talked to her a few seconds ago. I’ve never seen you so flustered before, Jauregui” she insisted wiggling her eyebrows. I only huffed at her snarky comments.

“Is she cute?”

“What is this obsession you have with trying to pair me up with people?” I fired back, avoiding her question. But, as a result from her interrogatory, memories of Camila invaded my mind. Yeah, she was really beautiful, I thought to myself. She possessed something really unique, and maybe some people wouldn’t see anything special about her looks, but her beauty was hypnotizing, at least for me.

“I just want you to be happy with someone, because even when you are a pain in the ass sometimes, you deserve someone as amazing as you to share your life with”. I made a tight smile because I knew that would probably never happen. I was incapable of loving someone, I didn’t feel anything and I would never force myself to feel again like I did back in college.

Normani kept bugging me about Camila, telling me that I should try and see if I had a shot with her for the rest of our Lunch break. After eating, we went back to the building and I immersed myself in work, but I couldn’t help feeling nervous or anxious for some reason.

After reading like a thousand new ideas for softwares and discussing future projects for the company with our creative team, I was free to go back home. I organized everything in my desk and grabbed my purse. I got out of my office rather quickly and said goodbye to Normani.

I got inside my black Bentley Bentayga and drove out of the company’s parking lot. When a red light signaled the cars to stop I took a hold of my phone and selected Kehlani’s Everything Is Yours and turned the volume up, I needed to keep my mind distracted and not think about Camila’s visit. My trips were always like this, I loved music and these little rides allowed me to blast out my favorite songs freely, it helped me soothe my anger when there was some eternal traffic jam.

I parked my car and stared at my watched, which marked 7:45 p.m. I hoped out of my black jeep and head to the main door as I took my keys out. When I entered the house, I started looking everywhere to see if Camila was still here, but I didn’t see her. The first room I always walked to when I arrived home was the kitchen, so that’s where I went. I opened the refrigerator and took a can of beer, I needed something to refresh myself because it was pretty hot in Miami that afternoon.

I turned around and saw Camila approaching me cautiously, she was wearing some jean shorts and a white crop top that left her stomach muscles exposed. I gave her a polite smile and tried to not allow my eyes to wander through her body anymore.

“Hi”

“Hello” she said with a shy expression. “Any luck?” I asked as I took a sip of my beer.

She opened her mouth, but didn’t answer because the bell of my house interrupted her actions. I felt sort of surprised and confused, who could be calling at my door at this hour. The mailman?

“Excuse me” I pardoned myself and headed to the main entrance. I grabbed the handle and opened the door to found a smiling Normani standing on the other side.

“Hi. So, I thought it would be nice to have dinner together. I bought sushi” she confessed excitedly.

What the hell was she going here? Deep inside, I knew she was doing this on purpose, because she knew Camila was going to be there and Normani couldn’t compete against her curiosity. Before I realized she was already stepping inside of the house. Oh boy, this was going to be something.