#my intrusive thoughts aren't much better I can't judge

[uncrownedjules]

Shoutout to the guy at Costco who felt such a strong, primal urge to write the word "Fett" beneath the "Boba" in Boba Tea. You are seen and appreciated, you big dork

[habizuh-supports]

uh okay,..... just be prepared.........

you are a god, you are a creator. you craft and expand on countless universes, communicate with those in them. you do this to voice your own thoughts and feelings, to help others feel better, just because you want too, or make others cry. you're very talented. that, or you've had a lot of practice. either way, i truly think that if you leave this world, whether you choose to or not, you won't only make the people who care about you feel guilty/sad, but lose a future you could have had. i think your favorite character from the outsiders is ponyboy. or, at least you like him. ponyboy has a lot of potential. through his writing skills, being a track star... but he's also into some other things. has issues (canonically with substances and emotions)... idk if you relate to him or not, but from what i can see, you are kind of like him. take this as a compliment; you're talented at creating and aren't afraid to show your inner thoughts or emotions to a certain extent- at least on this site. idk about substances, but intrusive thoughts and emotions can be complicated. but i beg you not to let that stop you, to try and get help, wherever it may be. i'm certainly not judging. you can always use my dms if you feel like venting; if you ask, i won't read them. if you ask, i will help to the best of my abilities. if you ask, i will be there, whenever i can. there isn't much to live for besides yourself, the people you care about, and the people who care about you. from what i could see, i think you only live for one of these things, which i guess is fine. but one day, you will have to live for yourself. until then, until you find your passion, whether it be within writing or law or anything under the sun- there will be people, including me, who will undyingly, willingly support you. even if just virtually. maybe you truly wish to be dead, and i can't do much to stop those thoughts. but i will try; i think that the day you die... that's the day my world loses something. you are cared about. you are loved. countless people love you. i love you.

Kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn kill me rn

[wyldwon]

.”..... Trigger***

It's long but I'd appreciate anyone who would read, to see if I'm not alone in how I think🥺

I can't seem to quit obsessing over the fact that I don't look like the pornstars my husband looked at. The phrases, "I'm not good enough" and "there's nothing special about me" run through my head all day long. Last night I was telling my husband I feel its dumb to have confidence in front of him. What's the point? It's as if I'm making fun of myself. What I mean is, if a beautiful all done up actress or model came on our tv with an awesome body, great hair/makeup, and nice outfit, there's no way he wouldn't think the same things I would..."wow, that woman is very attractive, stunning, hot, whatever"! So why should I feel confident in front of another woman who clearly looks BETTER than me? It's so dumb. I don't want to look like an idiot and be like "oh no, I look better than that!" Or "she's got nothing on ME!" I feel like a fool to even TRY to be confident in front of him for these reasons. I can feel confident in front of ANYONE but HIM. That's the truth. I could let my guard down in front of friends because I don't need to please them or feel judged by them. I feel judged by my husband because he's the one I get naked in front of, the one I have sex with, the one who ignored my needs to go wack off to THEM. Anyway, as I'm sharing these thoughts and feelings with my husband last night, he says, "Jen, some people just look better than us!". It hurt me SO BAD! Why would he ever say such a thing to an already hurt and wounded, very fragile wife? I mean are men fucking IDIOTS????? So what I heard in my betrayed wife ears was, "Jen, some other women look better than you!" HOW will I EVER overcome my insecurities and intrusive thoughts when I will never win? How can I ever compete? I'm the loser. I will never feel comfortable going anywhere with him if I feel he's thinking other women are "better looking" than me! Men don't have to deal with the oversexualization of men everywhere! Men don't have to deal with the same insecurities as us because we aren't tempted like them. My husband could joke that HE looks better than Thor or Captain America and he seriously knows he doesn't....that's why it's funny. But since I'm his wife and didn't have a masterbation addiction to touch myself while looking at them or other men, he could joke like this. It's like the image I'll post in the comments because it's true for lots of men and women.

I have ptsd and anxiety from this so bad. Dday was April 2019. Since then, my husband went straight to a CSAT, did a polygraph, a disclosure, and read books. He keeps accountability software on his phone and has internet turned off (however I know safe mode exists, just not sure if HE knows it does). I'm not healing in my own mind. I started taking cbd oil to try to ease my symptoms since they're so bad. Literally cripplingly my daily life. I forget what I'm doing, I don't have much motivation, I lack interest in things because my mind is elsewhere in my horrible thoughts....”....