#my initial thoughts differ from this but my brain changed course lol

[itshermocrates]

Some thoughts on Vander and Silco's relationship

I already talked about this when Arcane S1 first came out, but now that the show is over and we got to see a different reality where everyone has a good ending (except for Vi I guess) I want to bring back my Silco x Vander thoughts

So yeah, vanco ?? silder ??? post

Even if in Arcane S1 there’s some sort of parallel between Jinx/Powder and Silco + Vi and Vander, in my eyes those two were made for an old man yaoi story

Now that we have seen Jayvik’s evolution and that glimpse of them together in a “better future”, I realized that Vander and Silco (+ Felicia) could have something similar to what was happening initially with Jayce and Viktor (+ Mel)

Two best friends working together for a common cause, one hopelessly in love with the other while his partner can’t see ―or doesn’t want to recognize― his own feelings. Since I already have a Jayvik analysis in my drafts, I’m going to focus on Silco and Vander

This will be half a theory - half a fic + I also posted this on BlueSky so yeah, if you see it there it was also me lol

[Pinning, Unrequited love and love confessions that go wrong ahead]

I think Silco and Vander were the perfect duo back in their youth, together they had the brains and the strength, using both charm and cold logic to make people eager to follow them. What Silco lacked, Vander was able to provide and vice versa. Together they were the greatest leaders Zaun could ever ask for.

They not only completed each other like two puzzle pieces, but also shared a bond that had been nurtured since childhood. They had been facing hardships and Piltover’s aggressions since they were little kids, so it was natural that the years of friendship brought them impossibly close.

Some even said that they could have entire conversations without exchanging a single word.

At some point Silco developed a crush on Vander, how could he not? Despite his strength and sometimes scary appearance, Vander had always been the big sunshine boy who was looking after him. That urge to protect and take care of others seemed to be part of his very essence, and if someone benefited from this, it was his best friend.

Of course, they needed to fight and get dirty in the deepest hellholes of Zaun, but even when Vander got his knuckles drenched in blood, Silco could only see the kind man with bright eyes and a dream for a better life that Vander truly was.

Silco really thought that this new beginning for them was only possible because Vander was there with him, since when hope seemed completely lost, when the circumstances took another member of their little family, Vander always remained firm in his stance. They would find a way, they would fight back, they would keep pushing forward and they wouldn’t stop until they finally had the future they deserved.

Oh, wasn’t he convincing? Always the beacon in their times of need, who else could lead them out of their misery?

Vander’s kindness was disarming, and his light was so bright that Silco couldn’t help but fall in love with him. He loved him so deeply it made him feel sick, but he could do nothing about it. Vander had been in love with Felicia for almost as long as Silco had loved him, and even if she wasn’t really interested in him, there was no way that man could get over his emotions.

Just like Silco himself couldn’t make his own feelings go away. He pinned for years, forcing himself to hide how he felt so nothing changed between them and he didn’t lose his best friend. He had to protect their friendship, but, above everything else, he had to protect their dream of a free nation for Zaun.

Silco pinned and suffered in silence until he couldn’t take it anymore, until his unrequited love felt like an open wound badly infected, moments away from killing him. Then, and only then, he confessed.

Vander didn’t make a huge deal out of it, he was understanding and visibly confused. It was an awkward situation, but he could be nothing but kind, even as he broke Silco’s heart. Of course, he didn’t feel the same.

Or maybe he did, but he was too blind to see it, too infatuated by the idea of a future with Felicia to give a shot to a real future with him.

Vander had used a very familiar word to excuse his lack of introspection, one that served him as a shield while unknowingly harming Silco as if it had used the sharpest of blades.

“Silco, you’re my brother…”

They used brotherhood a lot to describe their relationship. Their found family, their friends, their allies in the Zaun revolution and even the fucking pilts, they all could see how deeply they cared for each other. And every time that was the reason they assumed to be behind their bond.

No one could ever deny the love in their eyes, the protective gestures, the smiles... It was obvious, but everyone assumed that what they shared was a blood bond. For Silco it was much more than some stupid liquid running through their veins, what they shared had been built over years of companionship, years of pain and struggle, blood was fucking nothing in comparison. Their souls were connected in a way no one could ever imagine or understand.

And Vander knew this. He knew how strong their bond was, but he hadn't really asked himself if what he felt for Silco was something more than brotherhood. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do if it wasn’t the case either, but he didn’t go as far as to truly consider it.

Vander didn't know how to react to Silco's confession, he didn’t want to hurt him or change their world forever. He was happy as they currently were, it was easy to live with Silco as a brother, but he didn’t know what was waiting for them if he ever allowed himself to analyze his own feelings.

Because of this, and completely unaware of the pain he was causing, Vander uttered that seemingly harmless word that Silco couldn’t stand anymore.

Brother.

The softness in his tone didn’t make it any less devastating. The pain in his eyes, as he knew how badly he was breaking Silco's heart, didn’t make it easier to hear.

The countless "I love you"s he pronounced after that, reassuring that even if it was not the same feeling, Silco was still one of the most important people in his life didn’t soothe the agony of his reopened wound.

None of that mattered.

Because he didn't feel the same as Silco.

The same word that once had been forced on them was now stronger than anything he had built together.

Silco didn't want to feel that pain, he couldn't allow it to stay inside his chest, not when it was so profound.

So he decided to leave The Last Drop. It would be only for a couple of days, to distance himself a little from the source of his pain and try to stitch close that damned cut.

During that time, alone and completely heartbroken, he focused on thinking of ways to achieve the goal they had been fighting for since they were teenagers. The Zaunite revolution and Zaun’s independence. He ignored his pain and used all his anger to plan their next move in their fight against Piltover, thinking of new ways to finally defeat their enemy.

It was during those days, blinded by the pain of his aching heart, that he understood they could only win against Piltover if they showed their true nature to the world. He knew by then that they needed to be more aggressive in their methods and destabilize, not only their government, but also their peace.

Let their own people know what monsters they had for leaders.

Let the people of Piltover suffer the same pain they had suffered since the very moment the City of Progress came to be.

The fight had turned into a way for him to forget his own suffering, and in his anguish, provoking pain to others stopped feeling wrong at all if that meant they could get closer to their goal of freedom.

It was at this point where the conflict with Vander started. Suddenly, the word "brothers" didn't quite fit them anymore, it seemed too caring for them. Now it was a word pronounced in a low voice, and when it was Silco the one saying it, his tone could only express disgust. He rolls his eyes as if the word was some sort of sick joke he hated to voice out loud, a reminder of what could never be.

Silco’s pain is a heavy weight preventing them both from going back to what they once had, and seeing this wounded Vander every single time his friend reminded him of his rejection. This, and how differently they started to approach their fight, made them step further and further away from the other.

And when they saw each other during important meetings, Silco threw the word “brother” extremely carelessly, always with the intention to wound Vander instead of calming him and expressing how much he still loved him.

It had turned into a word that neither of them could ever forget, and that would hunt Silco until the end of his days.

It had turned into a word that neither of them could ever forget, and that would hunt Silco until the end of his days.

[There's still a lot of resentment in Silco's expression, and in this scene before saying brother, Silco rolls his eyes. The man was PISSED]

In conclusion, I think "brother" was Silco and Vander's equivalent of Jayvik's "partner" and I bet Viktor was pissed as hell everytime he heard someone reffering to him as Jayce's partner AND JUST THAT, for both scientific pride and his hopeless crush on Jayce Talis.

[backseatconfessions]

Sammys's girl

a/n: Hey. It’s been a minute, huh? Almost four years, lol. Well, I thought I’d write something small again, and what better way to get back into it than with a little piece about Dean fucking Winchester? The Winchester brothers are my current drug, so you can expect more of that to come. Enjoy!

summary: Pressing his ear against the wall, Dean’s mind swirled with a whirlwind of emotions he never expected to feel. His brother Sam, the one person he’s always protected, was now with someone Dean couldn’t stop thinking about. The sounds from the next room making his chest tighten with a mix of jealousy and something far more dangerous.

warnings: Jealousy, Inappropriate thoughts about a sibling’s partner, Sexual content, Mature themes, Explicit language, Emotional conflict, Tension and discomfort

Dean Winchester had never been jealous of Sam’s love life. Why would he? There had never been a reason for it. Dean had always done his own thing, taken his life as a hunter for what it was—restless, dangerous, with no room for commitments. Relationships in this job were nothing but a ticking time bomb, so he never even considered them. One-night stands were easier. No strings, no complications. No drama, no risk, no heartbreak.

And then you came along.

The brothers had met you on a hunt. At first, you were just some stranger, a witness with too many questions. Then you became an ally. And before Dean even realized it, you were just… there. Always. What had initially seemed like an unnecessary burden—one more person to protect, one more soul to lose to this life—turned out to be a damn blessing. You weren’t helpless. Quite the opposite. You were sharp, capable, unafraid to challenge Dean. At some point, it became natural to have you sitting in the backseat.

But then something changed.

Dean knew his brother better than he knew himself. He noticed the shift in Sam’s gaze the moment it happened—how his eyes softened when they landed on you. And worse, he saw the same change in yours.

He told himself he didn’t care. That it didn’t matter. Maybe it just bugged him that you two had kept it a secret for so long. Yeah, that had to be it—the secrecy. The feeling of being left out. But then it wasn’t a secret anymore. And Dean realized that the deception hadn’t been the thing tying his stomach in knots. It was the way Sam held you. The way you leaned into him, like he was your damn home.

Dean was happy for his brother. Really. After everything they’d been through, Sam deserved happiness. But fuck if it didn’t eat him alive every time he saw Sam’s hand wrapped around yours. Every time he had to watch you kiss him like he was the best thing that had ever happened to you. It burned, but Dean said nothing. He wasn’t the kind of guy to let anyone see when something cut too deep. So he shoved the feeling down, just like he did with everything else that had the power to hurt him. He laughed louder, teased Sam harder, played the cool big brother while feeling like a goddamn idiot inside.

Because for the first time in his life, Dean Winchester wanted something he couldn’t have. Not that he’d ever admit it. Dean Winchester wasn’t jealous of his little brother. Not once. So why the hell did it feel like his stomach twisted into knots every time he caught you looking at Sam? Laughing at his jokes, even the bad ones. Reaching for his hand without even thinking. Giving him those looks—those damn looks Dean had never gotten, not from someone like you. Of course, it ended up like this. Sam was the one with the college brain, the stupidly perfect smile, the goddamn puppy eyes. Sam had always been the guy women actually wanted. Not like Dean, who was good for a night but never for more.

And maybe that was the real reason it gnawed at him. Because you weren’t just anyone. Because if things had been different—if life had played out another way—maybe, just maybe, you could’ve been his.

Dean didn’t dwell on what-ifs. That was a surefire way to lose your mind in this life. But damn if they didn’t creep in anyway. Late at night, when the motel room was too quiet, when the whiskey wasn’t enough to drown out the thoughts he didn’t want to have.

Maybe, if he wasn’t so damn good at pushing people away, he would’ve done something about the way you made his chest tighten. Maybe, if he had just fucking tried—

But it didn’t matter.

You weren’t his.

You were Sam’s.

And Dean Winchester never stole from family.

So he swallowed it down, let the bitterness settle deep in his bones, and kept moving forward like he always did. Because that’s what he was good at—taking the hits, standing back up, pretending it didn’t hurt.

But some nights, when sleep wouldn’t come, he let himself wonder.

If things had been different… would you have ever looked at him the way you looked at Sam?

And if you had—would he have let himself have you?

He couldn’t help but sink even deeper into those thoughts. If you had been his—how would your skin have felt beneath his fingertips? What soft, sweet sounds would you have made if he had touched you just right? Dean felt no shame as his hand wrapped itself around his dick. Ever since you and Sam had gotten together, you always took your own motel room. So there was no reason not to let himself indulge. A quiet groan escaped him at the thought that it was your soft hand touching him—not his own. 

He imagined your lips parting ever so slightly, just enough to let soft, breathy moans slip past them. His strokes grew quicker and he was panting hard. If he closed his eyes and focused hard enough, he could almost see your big, innocent eyes locked on him. He could almost hear the soft sounds slipping from your lips—until it hit him that he wasn’t imagining them at all. They were real and they were coming from the room next to his. 

Had you and Sam been together like that? It never crossed his mind before—probably because thinking about his brother being intimate just wasn’t something he ever did. And rightfully so. 

What Dean did next, was something he’d take to his grave. 

He pushed the thought of his brother aside and pressed his ear to the wall. Now he could hear you, clear and unmistakable. 

“Fuck, Sammy…”, you moaned. “Always making me feel so good…”

Dean visibly winced at those words, but the next thing you said made him shut his eyes.

“Please, please, please… Ruin me, Winchester.” 

There he was, standing in his motel room, his ear pressed against the wall that connected to yours, stroking himself to the sounds of you being pleasured. Dean imagined himself between your legs. He’d eat your pussy like a starved man, worship your body in every way imaginable. He’d take his time, tracing every curve of your body, his hands exploring with a slow, deliberate touch, seeking out the places that would make you gasp, make you shiver. Each soft caress would be a silent question, testing, learning, until he found the exact spot that would have you melting under his touch. He was drawn to the idea of hearing you lose yourself in the pleasure, curious to see how far he could push you, wanting to hear the highest, most breathless note you could reach.

He’d savor the moments, the way your breath hitched with every shift of his fingers, how your body would arch toward him, craving more. It was like an unspoken dance, each movement a step closer to the edge, both of you lost in the rhythm of it all.

The sounds from the other side of the wall were enough to drive him mad. Every moan, every breathy exhale of yours was a trigger, setting off a chain reaction in him he couldn’t control. And it wasn’t just the physical sound—it was the feeling behind it, the way it seemed to echo in his mind, a constant reminder of what he couldn’t have.

He came hard, coating the wall. Fuck. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this, wasn’t supposed to want this. It didn’t matter how badly his body reacted to the sound of you. Dean pulled his ear away from the wall, the heat still simmering inside him, but the reality of it crashing down like cold water. This wasn’t right. He’d gone too far—had let his mind wander where it shouldn’t have. His brother was happy, and that should’ve been enough for him. But why the hell did it feel like a betrayal of something deeper than he was willing to admit? He turned away, stumbling back toward the bed, his mind racing. This feeling—this burn—wasn’t something he could ignore forever. But for now, he’d have to. For now, he’d bury it. Just like everything else.

[chadfallout76podcast]

"Deah Shroud!: A Nick Valentine Mystery" EXPLAINED and AMA

It never occurred to me to do this last year, but a lot of people have asked me questions about our Fallout 4 play in the last year in the Discord, so I wanted to open an AMA but also explain "Death Shroud!" and some of the broader themes involved in it.

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

Part 1: Pre-production

Before I get into the story, I wanted to explain how this production even came about. Over the years after working together on some official community projects with Wes Johnson through Bethesda, we became good friends. I took a couple of his acting classes and he talked about the Fallout For Hope charity initiative I started and asked for help in organizing the gaming community for his Alzheimer's Association fundraiser. The idea was to host a month-long digital event of discussion panels, game shows, improv and a play with as many different voices of video games, film and TV as we could round up. In our second year of his VoiceAPalooza fundraiser, I wanted to do an original old time radio show and see if could bring back as many of the cast that we could from Fallout 4. It was Wes who first suggested an adventure with his Silver Shroud character (that he voiced in Fallout 4's radio plays) teaming up with Nick Valentine (voiced by the amazing Stephen Russell). Valentine is, for me, one of the best written, unique companions in Fallout lore.

So, I reached out to Stephen Russell who had joined us before for charity work and he was all in on bringing Nick Valentine back to life! After that things moved fast with Bethesda's Pete Hines and Emil Pagliarulo joining us to have some fun for a good cause. We tried to get EVERY companion from Fallout 4 that we could, but schedule wrangling is tough, and some people are just impossible to track down or find. Matt Mercer would've loved to have joined us as Macready, but unfortunately scheduling didn't work, so the best we could manage would be a holotape (the only reason our snarky gun running merc had to take the big sleep in the story).

After having everyone plugged in to reprise characters, it was time to put fingers to keys and find the story...

Part 2: The Deep Lore

The origin of this story started with a thought: how would the NPC's and characters we love perceive modification of their universe by us? We, as players aren't the true creators of this universe or these characters (Bethesda is). If anything, we the players are the equivalent of "lesser gods", reshaping it in new ways, unexpected and subjective ways, and sometimes even chaotic ways (I'm looking at you avalanche of adult mods with realistic jiggle physics and Thomas the Tank Engine Vertibird).

It started with a mental image of the small ways in which we start out modding games, or even the first mods we (using the "Engine of Creation) actually create. I had a mental image of Magnolia doing her thing, singing away sultry in a crowded and smoky third rail when she looks one way, back the next and sees new curtains. A subtle thing, something a little startling, but in a universe where recreational drug use is met with a YEEE YEEEE WHEEEE...a change you simply dismiss as being overtired or a little too juiced.

I'm a sucker for old time radio. I grew up listening to classic radio horrors like The Whistler, Suspense, and Lights Out on vinyl records and cassette tapes when I'd spend summers with my grandmother on a little island off the coast of Canada. Getting the tone, feeling and sound to stage an old-time radio show was the easiest part of this whole process...it's baked into my brain lol. The key of course is finding the right narrative voice.

Enter: Bill Lobley. If you play Fallout 76, he is the announcer for the "Tales from the West Virginia Hills" holotapes, but before that he's a prolific voice actor, maybe best known for his role as the truly vile Jeremiah Fink in Bioshock: Infinite. He has a FANTASTIC transatlantic voice for old time radio and was perfect as narrator in the script.

Part 3: What Is Going On?!?!

I had the base idea, the voices to pull it off, but what was the meaning and message of the whole thing? I always start there. From a meta experience level, the story is about dealing with subjective reality that’s being torn apart. After Fallout 4 launched in vanilla, we the players changed that world and reshaped it with mods. The small changes in perceived reality are meant for the omniscient player (us) and are not meant to be perceived by the characters themselves...and yet, what if they were? And if they were...WHY?! The answer was right in front of me: there's a difference between something born into a world and something MADE into a world.

You take someone like Magnolia or Nick, both synths, that obviously weren’t naturally born from two people. They were conceived as an idea...a human idea sure, but still they were made, not born. Without even needing to say in the script, the Trickster from the Grognak comic books who shouldn't exist yet does IS also an idea. Some MADE into a world but not born...a different world sure, but still the creation of it. Nick, Magnolia, any synth as ideas themselves would sense that the world was wrong and being changed in a way no one else would because of fundamentally who they are and what they represent.

Everything that unfolds is because Nora as a keystone event in the Commonwealth, a focal point of the causal nexus making her a unique entity in that world. A causal nexus is the link between a cause and its resulting effects and ignore the science mumbo jumbo, because here's an example of how that works:

The Sole Survivor, Nora, listened to Kent's message, chose to answer him and put on the outfit of the Silver Shroud. As a unique figure she shifted perceived reality of everyone in the Commonwealth by becoming the Silver Shroud, acting like him and making people believe that a fictional character exists.

Unfettered belief and faith in an idea = manifested reality.

Rejected belief and faith in the idea = dispels that reality.

This HAS happened before in Fallout lore in the instance of people with horrifying backstories and personal tragedies choosing to become someone else such as the Mechanist (Fallout 3 and Fallout 4) or even the Ant-Agonizer (Fallout 3). This time however it was a unique figure who did this, a figure fated and meant to reshape the Commonwealth for good, bad or ugly.

This opened a door, the door through which another figure could influence and enter a new universe provided it take the form of something already in it...a reality side-step into the form of the Mechanist. Concurrently, the moment that happened, reality counterbalanced by making the Silver Shroud who was already believed to be real BECOME real as the ying to the Mechanist/Trickster's yang.

Now at home in reality, the Trickster found himself very much alive and unbound by story but had very little power to do much at all. He needed something more, an idea and faith that already existed in the Commonwealth with the infinite universe of ideas made, but not born like himself. His goal wasn't power, it was to sow chaos, reshaping reality into a realm for any and every idea despite the consequences to reality itself.

So what did he need? The belief in the Old Gods and a focus point of belief in the idea: a staff. The universe is as adaptive as it is remarkable and where the Mechanist had its opposite: the Silver Shroud, the Trickster needed its twin: enter Sheogorath...because what better staff to tear apart and reshape reality than the Staff of Sheogorath. There is a quest added in the new Skyrim Anniversary Edition in which you can build it for yourself with a few items: Branch of the Tree of Shades, Ciirta's Eye, Fork of Horripilation. In this universe it would have to fashioned with things FROM this universe.

Two eyes were needed:

The eye of a True Believer: Kent Connolly

The eye of a True Seer: Mama Murphy

Affixed to the top of a staff of the purest heartwood from a Twice Born Tree. Living wood from Harold, born a man who eventually mutated into a living tree.

Lastly, it had to be soaked in the tears of ages end: barrels of radiated blessed waters courtesy of the Cult of Atom.

The Trickster had no magic of his own in this universe in which to act, but thankfully courtesy of some powerful allies, he was able to make contact with shadowy cults and worshippers of the old gods who gave him the name of someone truly of faith in the old magic to make all of this work: Jebediah Blackhall, who in this spin of the universe did unfortunately get his hands on the cursed book: the Krivbeknah.

Finding allies was all too easy, as the events post main quest left the Commonwealth changed. To many, the Sole Survivor and his/her companions would be hailed as heroes. To others, they would be villains, particularly in light of what Nora CHOSE to do to the Railroad to end the synth threat for good. That's a lot of blood on the hands of heroes...

As the Mechanist/Trickster, Blackall and the Lombardos began using the staff, its changes and shifts in reality rippled backwards through time, as changing one specific thing would change its entire existence. You change some curtains and the manufacturer of those curtains only every made one pattern...the world object becomes changed universally. Tapping into the Engine of Creation to make these changes, leaves anyone MADE not born aware of them as they don't fit into the design as it shifts around them. Nick, Danse, Magnolia would all feel and see it, be thrown off for a bit before settling into the changed reality state.

At the climax when everything starts falling apart and you get everyone from GlaDOS and the Joker strolling on in, the only way to end it all is to separate the Trickster from the Staff and restore the saved intended state of reality. The Silver Shroud finds himself powerless against the Trickster...only someone from this universe would be able to intercede, hard wired into the Engine of Creation itself as an existing element connected throughout its framework and history. After sending the Trickster off packing to the moon (thanks GlaDOS), but its a little too late for reality. It collapses around them, finding themselves elsewhere...the point between the mind, creation and the outcome of reality.

After the Shroud fades away, Nick has the power and choice to roll the universe, his universe back along the tapestry of choices that led him here. They all were haunted by the choices they made the first time around, something Nora couldn't live with...that ultimately led her relationship with Danse to fall apart. So Nick decides to go back further, as far back as he can go and he finds himself back in his office with Ellie waking him up.

There are consequences to what he's done, that he's not yet aware of, ones that will become clear in our next episode. The synths remember, as he remembers...Danse, Magnolia and everyone else remembers the fall of the Institute. They all find themselves at their starting point, moving towards their intended fated position to encounter the Sole Survivor. For Nick? He's starting down the path that will led him to be held prisoner and meet the Sole Survivor for the first time.

As he'll soon discover however, things don't play out the same way this time. Moreover, while he was rolling back reality to an early saved state, he made a huge mistake and completely forgot about something and someone so incredibly important...

You'll have to wait to see what that is...

[skzdarlings]

ooooohhh!!! that ask game is so fun!!! I have so so so many questions about all your fics and thought processes, I'd spend all week asking you everything I wanna know and picking your brain!! your so talented and I feel like I'd learn so much!! but imma contain myself to just one..... (maybe two, but I don't want to overwhelm you!)

↻ FLIP FLOP: send me a scene from one of my fics and I’ll describe or write it from another character’s POV!

right from the beginning I've been so so curious about Felix's POV in The Bodyguard series and there's so so so many moments I'd want to see from his perspective, but the one I'm most curious about is when the reader gets taken by Miroh's men and he chases after her and rescues her then drives into a cornfield to fuck her.... that whole sequence had me out of my MIND and I would LOVE to see it from Felix's pov. like, i HAVE to know what he was thinking and feeling throughout all of that!! (if that's something you're up for, obviously 😊)

I'm sorry to hear the writing isn't going well, i know how that feels. but I hope you know that you are superb and an inspiration!! I hope you have a wonderful week!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼

-yongbbokkie 🤗💙

ahhhhh love ya thank you so much!! your username popping up always delights me, send me anything bc i am more than happy to answer!! <333

i will probably just describe rather than write the scene bc lbr i can't be trusted not to drop another 100k words, but YES. that scene! oh wow where to start. this is gonna be a long rant lol sorry

felix slowly develops a lot of feelings and emotions over the course of that story, not just romantic ones but also sadness and anger and fear. by that chapter in the story, it is clear he is starting to feel everything a lot more strongly than he did before. that includes a lot of frustration, anger, and resentment towards reader's father and his operation. reader even mentions felix's frustration with her father's men, that he thinks they're badly organized and incompetent and that he's better than them. felix also seems to think similarly of her father. i do not think he is even a little bit happy to be trapped in this bargain lol

said father definitely underestimates felix overall. he thinks he has a well-behaved guard dog on a leash and is seemingly unaware he has barely managed to tether a very dangerous and angry wolf.

in that scene, when she first texts felix her whereabouts, felix's reply is mostly dry and a little annoyed (he isn't happy when he gets behind). he says something like 'thats what your father gets for sending his men to watch you.'

he turns on her location so her father's men can pick her up. he would be the first to see when she suddenly changes direction, moving too quickly away from the scene. he probably tries to contact her but obviously gets no reply.

he immediately knows something is wrong. he knows her. he isn't surprised by her initially slipping away (hence his dry retort) but he knows she runs so someone will find her, that she acts out so she will get attention, so it makes no sense she would turn and run now.

he knows it's not right. he tries reporting it but gets ignored, hand-waved, her father's team eye-rolling and saying they have it under control, that she's just being a pest like always. he knows that's not true. he knows her too well and this is not her. when her location tracking abruptly stops in place, it confirms it for him.

he knows there's zero point in trying to get through the arrogant blockheads so he takes matters into his own hands. he takes a truck - i imagine there are landscapers who upkeep the property and there was one nearby - and he swings in and drives off.

felix was not just another worker under miroh but a very particular kind. i imagine he knows miroh's maps of the city different than someone else. when he tracks her last known direction, it's like the rest of the map glows on the screen. it's practically second-nature to fill in the gaps.

there is a part of him that probably doesn't want it to be true - doesn't want to risk going back that way, doesn't want to know who's waiting on the other end, doesn't want everything with miroh to blow up in his face now when he isn't ready for it.

but more than all that, he can't lose her. and he certainly won't lose her to miroh the way he lost everything else. he goes straight towards the facility he knows exists, quickly and swiftly finding the car that took her.

i think there's a part of the old felix that comes back during that confrontation, that the adrenaline of the entire encounter and the threat it poses completely takes over him.

i think it isn't until she's in his arms that it goes away, that he realizes they're both here and alive and that tonight could have gone very, very, very differently. i think a part of him was expecting it. he has been resigned to his own death for a long while, before he even came to this household, and when she throws herself at him with all that passion and affection it's probably the first time he realizes he really, really doesn't want to die after all.

they're sitting in that car and he tells her father that he has her, that she's safe, that he'll bring her home. i think all his options and possible paths run through his head in the split second before he turns the phone off - considers bringing her right back home and pretending none of this happened, considers driving off with her and never looking back, or -

what he does, which is give into the adrenaline and passion and newfound life right now. he doesn't want something to happen before he's been with her the way he can't stop thinking about. she's a terrifying firework of emotion and bravery and insanity and he doesn't understand her half the time but he wants to, and it's absolutely crazy to him that she would ever look twice in his direction.

(he probably thinks he owes chris a huge apology because, whoops, turns out it's really easy to lose your sense after all.)

he probably tells himself it will only happen that one time because he intends to go back to being solemn and alone etc etc... of course, she's not gonna let that happen, as she drags that half-feral wolf kicking and clawing into a semblance of human happiness - but that comes with time, of which they eventually have a lot ;)

[theropoda]

...... i have. PRAWBLEMS. with the ending but honestly i felt very unwell and gross rn so i had difficulty focusing in the first place, maybe if i watch it again when i feel better ill feel different. under read more bc this got long lol

disclaimer before anyone GETS at me: i am not a critic. im literally just some guy watching a tv show, and i am really more confused than anything so if you really enjoyed the finale and feel like it was the perfect way for the show to end im happy for you! i don't have any intent on arguing it Absolutely Wasn't. this isn't a Hatepost. just me airing my thoughts. that are probably really incoherent bc again, i feel unwell ;_; brain is more focused on my stomach than this damn show

i knew how this was gonna end, i did watch the end of this show before, ive always been familiar w house because i watched episodes of it on tv as a kid with my mom and sister and knew major plot points like amber's death and wilson's cancer and house faking his death and everything but. the details were lost on me. now that i know the details something about them just doesn't jive with me and feel right.

probably related to my earlier post about how even in the final season so much of house is the same. he tried to change for the better but he was still back. i mean the entire premise of the show is about "the disabled addict doctor who struggles to be a person" so if any of these magically stopped being there that'd be stupid ESPECIALLY him being a disabled addict which are so central to his character. so im definitely not complaining about that.

initially i thought him faking his death was insanely reckless but what other choice was available. if he went, Hey, im here! im alive he'd absolutely be going to jail. in jail so far away while his best friend, maybe his only friend would be dying alone. of course he did that. his only choice was ttofake his death to be with wilson. throwing away his whole life and legacy and career and reputation to be with him.

hilson endgame real but also, while watching the whole show i kept going from "tumblr didn't lie these guys are gay" to "Tumblr may have oversold it a bit". but that might just be in the nature of its episodic structure. not e everything is abt wilson there's other people in house's lofe but in that final season everything does speed up, suddenly and become about wilson. which brings me to the whole cancer thing. in my memory of the show from watching it as a kid, Wilson's cancer came up as a plot point WAY earlier and there is much more time to discuss it in the show. to ponder and delve into it, what it means for wilson, for house, for the show. but actually watching the show it feels very sudden....! i felt like the entire cancer thing, which plays so damn heavily into the SERIES FINALE, wasn't explored enough...? it felt rushed. but it might feel like it because well there's a difference between watching a show as it comes out on a schedule vs binge watching it on demand.

and another thing that irked me is- but this is more of a "this personally makes me Feel Sad and Weird" as opposed to genuine criticism is how EVERYONE thinks house is dead except Two People. that's crazy. i have a Thing for closure and knowing things, the truth, im a little paranoid about that, but it just feels insane to me that house's own parents, family, former and current colleges, lovers, everyone... they all think he's dead when he's not. i see how that is, in terms of the Narrative, a good thing? house is truly FREE now. and if other people knew they'd probably call the police. but also that's just kinda horrifying.... I don't know. idk. also wtf cuddy wasn't there at the funeral? D: obviously i know how their last meeting went but they were such big part of each other's lives im rlly shocked she wasn't there! or even showed up at ALL in the ending scene where we see where everyone's life has headed, a little scene of her, Rachel, and someone new

and also. ._. how did that fire even start in the first place?..... did i miss something....? uaaaaah. i should watch it again

ugh but despite my peeves. i want to pass this off as Just another show ive watched, time to move on to the next, because a big part of the reason i started house and kept going and even chose to watch it at the times i did was because i have been going through some rough shit mentally for the past. entire year plus. i have relied on it to keep me distracted. i want to just move onto the next distraction but i have become so attached, it's hard to not feel :/ and :( about 1) the fact it's over now 2) it ended in a way that makes me feel funny, and not in a good way. aaaahhhhh.

[nahalism]

Have you ever beaten yourself down or felt defected because you couldn’t uphold a routine?

I am going through something like this now. I see people around me who, of course to varying degrees (but some excell in) getting their diet, sleep schedule, studying/working, exercising routine in check, having a plan. And whenever i try, for the love of me, i just cannot uphold it. I can’t be consistent, my brain just doesn’t work like this but i keep hearing that it has improved peoples’ lives so much, developing a routine and sticking to it. And i know me not having one is probably not in my favor (studying whenever i have the ”inspiration” to because otherwise my brain just shuts off no matter how i try to trick myself instead of regularly and smooth sailing through assignments as a result) can’t go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day INCLUDING WEEKENDS can’t eat regularly. So i try to improve myself and chase this but all it does is reflect to me that i am just not able to and it makes me feel even worse about myself. And i personally know people who ARE able to do all of that and i can see it pays off in so many ways, in their life. My thoughts get in the way, my feelings get in the way and they make me pretty much not functional for periods of time and i am not sure if these people experience the exact same „wall” and they consistently push through it or if maybe my wall is just a big higher and stronger than theirs sometimes. I feel like my brain is against me, truly. (Probably relevant to mention that i do have some mental problems overall which could be affecting all i mentioned and the way i function, it still feels so defeating to me)

such a long message, i am sorry. i hope you are love lately x

hey beautiful <3. my reply will be equally as long if not longer so no need to be sorry :)

yes. lol just, yes. ive been through the exact same feelings that you describe and even though i struggle less now, i struggle less only as a consequence of my ability to be kinder and more tolerant of myself, not because ive magically changed into someone different. — ill try to explain what i did to help but ill be honest, theres only ever been one solution for me which is to do the work. its hard, its lonely, no one comes to help, or to save you, they even stop pretend ing to care. people will try to support you, but despite best intentions may fall short or lack the capacity to give you what you actually need. so you have to be the one. you have to carry yourself over the finish line, often at the cost losing things, people and parts of yourself that you think you love and cant do without (its soul wrenching but worth the initial discomfort, i promise). every breakthrough is hard earned and often doesnt even feel like the cherry on the top that its supposed to be. so the only way to find the will to keep going is to enjoy the challenge of the journey and learn to love what choosing to 'carry your own cross' is developing in you.

1) the first thing i had to do was make that cross worth carrying for myself. not because id been told to do it, had to do it, or because 'self care' is important, but because I was priority enough to myself that i found the willpower to see it though. to make that possible i had to understand why i was my number one priority, and then make my actions reflect that. it sounds heroic but it looked like excavating my soul, saying no to anything i didnt want to do, and anything i did out of obligation. that included essays, exams, my job, friends, family. maybe that sounds extreme but i realised that all those things meant nothing if the person who was meant to be showing up for them didnt want to be alive/was in anyway unhealthy, or was so dysfunctional that they showed up as a semi sane version of themselves. my whole personality was a trauma response, and even despite the trauma i had to look at what i was doing to create the circumstances i was unhappy with. going from responding unconsciously to consciously choosing my actions was brutal. all of this sounds empowering but it often looks and feels shambolic & looks like being a fuck up. i literally appeared to the outside world like someone who had gone off the edge and was failing at life. for context, making the choices im talking about led to me retaking a year at uni, being a ghost to everyone and everything in my life, having panic attacks every night because despite feeling like i was doing the right thing i had no evidence it would work and no idea how id make it out & all this lasted for way after i graduated so people were looking at me crazy :). HOWEVER, its also how i learned to draw, how i restored my relationship with myself, how i found the passion and excitement to work toward a goals i had set (not the ones set for me). i also became confident for the first time in my life. like actualll self esteem and self knowledge. i hated being seen or perceived due to things id been through, and still struggle with that now tbh. so when i look at the fuller version of myself im embodying today, the multiple ways ive put myself outside of my comfort zone, (and the versions of me i know are to come) i know that the first steps began with following my gut and taking that initial leap of faith that honoured the truth of who i felt myself to be, not the pattern id been following/living in.

2) that first step is important cause when what you do what matters to you, you gain a different willpower (aka passion) that fuels what you do and why you do it. i spent my whole childhood with e.d's and unable to consistently work out/find working out pleasurable. however once i built a relationship with myself and understood what a body was and why it deserved my respect, working out stopped being about the pressure to be a fine babe, and about desiring mobility, full function of my vehicle and longterm health. i say that to say, sometimes its not that your undisciplined, but that your trying hard at the wrong things. (an undisciplined or inconsistent person doesn't keep trying at things despite failing time and time again...). another way to look at it is — a goat is not meant to be a sheep, nor a sheep a goat. theres nothing wrong with being either, but you have to know which you are. (this takes us back to point one: are the things you put pressure on yourself to do/be/accomplish, authentic to you or are you imposing them of yourself because of pressure/expectation/superficial reasons). if its the later, you cannot wait till you have the answers to change the direction your moving in. you have to pivot, take the next step in the direction that feels purposeful and deeply honest to you, and trust that even though you cant see the whole path, the next step will be revealed as you continue to walk forward. the mental illness doesnt go away, but it fades as your tolerance increases. its not meant to be easy, if you can remember that then you'll be okay.

3) you dont have to do it perfectly. you just have to do it. over time, ive had routines w/ varying success. my overarching interests, goals/priorities are the same, but they fluctuate which means i can struggle with consistency and seeing things through (not cause i dont want to be consistent but i feel like i change so rapidly as a person that i almost forget why i set certain goals for myself and why building the routine/proficiency in skill was important to me in the first place). in this sense, its hard to accomplish a goal if you dont relate to the version of yourself you were when you set it. so part one to this point is, i have to use my quirks to my advantage. i know that i tend to cycle through my interests every 3 months ish. so, i set goals that can be accomplished in 3 month cycles rather than over the course of a year. in doing that i achieve small steps toward the larger, more diverse vision of my life i have for myself, meaning i could have one goal - lets say financial freedom - and 3 projects over the course of 9 months that feed into that goal. this works for me because i know i can sustain deep focus over the course of those three months and so will accomplish what ive set out to do. — but whats key for you, is that you find out what works for you. if you start to embrace your needs and what makes you different, you can also embrace the ways it makes you and your approach unique and innovative. rather than a hinderance or a source of 'why cant i be like/function like everyone else'. ——— that leads on to the second part, which is learning to carry the good with the bad. e.g. — whilst the way i fluctuate makes me multifaceted, it also means that one month im focused on art (my style) & reading, the next i might be on philosophy and writing, right before i get back to gardening and portrait practice, then cycle back to learning languages or an instrument. that level of commitment to multiple disciplines means what could take me 3 months to accomplish if i had a single minded focus, gets dragged out into a year long affair. lmty, its almost as frustrating to make slow progress as it is not to progress at all. so sometimes i feel like ive come so far only to have achieved the bare minimum. ive had to learn to appreciate that slow and steady approach (rather than chasing immediate perfection which leads to burn out) and be grateful for the fact that even though its taking long, at least im moving in the right direction. eventually ill learn the skill of expediting each of my processes, but right now this is where im at. extending that kind of grace and mercy to yourself is the biggest part of this all. because if i know im not good at structure, and im specifically struggling with it at this moment, maybe i dont need to hyper-fixate on having a morning routine right now. maybe for the next few months, its not about doing yoga the moment i wake up (even if i know thats best for me) maybe i just need to do yoga at 'unspecified time today'. maybe i dont need to sleep at 10pm. i can actually start work at 10pm, and go to sleep at 6 am. as long as i do yoga, as long as i go to sleep, as long i *insert task*, that is enough for right now. infact more than enough, its a victory. so, work on your own schedule and embrace it. trust that you've set goals and failed before but that you are still here and still committed to getting it right next time, which means you are a trustworthy person who can rely on themselves to show up for themselves. the more you practice not giving up, the smaller the gap between your ability to take action, which means the greater your ability to develop the skill of routine. perhaps not a conventional routine, but routine just means habit. over the course of your life, you are building the habit of not giving up. or of consistently coming back to & developing skills you wanna build. that is the desired outcome, not the structure of how you achieve that, but the fact that you have achieved some form of taking action consistently.

last thing i want to leave you with is the way i see and feel you. you could have asked me anything, you could have asked me nothing at all, but you chose to ask me about how to improve your situation. in that sense, your words have betrayed what your will and your desire is. the things we desire today, dictate the person we become tomorrow, and so i know without a doubt that its not a matter of if, but a matter of when you achieve these routines, their outcomes (& so much more, you cant even imagine whats on the other side). <3. it takes a very special kind of grit and resilience to fail and to try again. you inspire me and remind me of the qualities that make humans truly beautiful, truly necessary and truly precious. so dont give up, dont go under. none of this is meant to break you, just pull out what is inevitable to who you are and what you are meant to be. it is going to be hard, but you are not alone even when you are alone, and when you make it out the other end you become a testimony for others, (& evidence that they arent alone either). keep fighting, i believe in you, sending big love & a big hug xx-xx

[thedarkmistress16]

Tell us about your fav show! What gets you hooked? What makes it special? - What are the good and bad points of the show? The plus and minus? Something that you like and don't like (if there's any). - And lastly, your first impressions and expectations (before watching the shows), and your thoughts as the show goes. Is it different than what you expect? Surprisingly good? Is it okay-ish or perhaps, worse? Is it actually way better?

one of my faves is def cyberchase! Despite knowing it's for kids in elementary/just learning math, I always come back to binge the whole thing every now and again... at least until around season 6 or 7, lol.

Initial Intrigue

I think what gets me hooked about it is the va work- it feels like everyone has a personality and is having fun in their over-dramatic roles, making me want to continue watching to see and hear more of them.

What makes it special to me are the lessons/problem-solving techniques each episode provides for education purposes, believe it or not. They live rent-free in my brain in the sense that I can easily depict in my mind which episode I'm thinking about or want to watch just from the main math adventure alone. It helps that i've binged the show more than five times as an adult, XD. Also, I think the accompanying For Real segments are special too, as the real-world examples help drive home the lesson in your head and are almost just as prominent when trying to remember the episode for me.

General Aspects

The good parts, I think, are the writing of the characters and the setting of cyberspace. The kids, while they sound annoyingly expository at times because educational kids show, each of the main three have a personality that is shown through the mistakes they make, how they speak to each other when emotions and stress are high, and how they usually approach problems. I'll always remember matt is a sports kid because of that one scene in Whale of a Tale in which he corrected Glowla's addition by referring to friendly numbers and making a ballpark estimate. And that's just one instance. And for cyberspace, the way the sites exist gives many possibilities for future cybersites for the utmost creativity.

Some of the bad parts is that the show can get hand-holdy in explaining the math, leading to becoming annoyed when the answer is obvious and ends up being stretched out to pad the runtime, on top of when the show's formula stays the same. Speaking of, the show is a mix of episodic and continuing previously established continuity, and can lead to inconsistencies with characters and plotlines (par for the course on many shows to be fair). Sometimes this resets them and other times it's just plain stupid given the context of the show on a back-to-back viewing.

Personal Aspects

Now what I personally like about cyberchase is what I have mentioned above, but more about the characters rather than the lessons. The show's pretty batshit crazy and interesting depending on what episode you're on, and I think the tone is balanced well for dangerous leaps of faith and Matt making fun of Jackie's overly-dramatic ass. It feels like I'm in the adventure with them despite not being a character myself, as in feel the energy of the scene, and I think that's neat.

The thing I personally don't like is how the voices of the characters change over time because of the change in vas, but I can understand that- it just sucks as it takes away my immersion a bit on every rewatch. Also, I didn't mention the elephant in the room but it's an objectively awful thing about the show- or at the very least, majorly disliked by fans including me. I didn't specifically mention it, but it popped into your head, didn't it?

Later Expectations

While I don't remember what baby-faced me thought of the show at the time of first watching it, I can tell you my thoughts on catching up on a few season 9 episodes for the first time. I was def making fun of it in the first half, ngl. And then I was starting to remember the episodes, and realized I had already seen them before but forgot them. I think around the Digit food pyramid episode was where I was enjoying the writing to the point of laughing at varied points because of things I hadn't noticed before (but also because I had a new appreciation for healthy foods a while back and totally wanted to eat that salad when I saw it again). So despite that season not being about math (will always be butthurt about that), it was better than I expected on rewatch. Doesn't mean it was good, because I'd still watch the earlier seasons any day, but I wouldn't be upset at the thought of watching them again.

[trayoftrinkets]

Trying to put into words certain thoughts about media consumption that has been floating around in my brain for quite some time now.

So... I think I can finally conclude that I am not cut out to watch dramas as they air.

I'm more of a binge-watch or watch three episodes a day kinda girly. Now, I did grow up watching telenovelas but maybe I got too much into movies or short form content or got too used to bingeing that I really cannot wait an entire week to watch the next episode. One reason for this is that I don't like losing continuity in my watching experience. I need that flow that bingeing offers.

I'd possibly be in an entirely different headspace by the time a week has passed which really disrupts my line of thought. I now understand that it is easier for some people to pick it back up after a week, but not for me.. it's really kinda hard. And once I've lost that continuity, it is quite hard for me to get back into it. Idek if this makes sense but that's how my brain works. For me, this has always been something obvious and thought it was like that for everyone but it doesn't work like that for many, I've realized.

Also , I think I need a sufficient amount of information to form opinions. I am a bit slow, and I have one too many questions than I have finalised observations. So, it's all half-baked opinions that drastically change over the course of my watching experience, and I refuse to ponder upon them for too long if they lack substance or does not appeal to me that much. I'm more focused on my final thoughts than the initial ones (though I do think it is interesting to note how your thinking process evolved over the course of the drama).

Also, I hate jumping to conclusions, and trying to predict what is going to happen next (but like, of course, I'll have a rough idea in my head but I won't think too much about it because I like learning things as they unfold, it gives me a sense of excitement to see the pieces fall into place on their own - AND THIS IS EASIER WHEN YOU'RE BINGEING SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU GET THE ANSWERS ALMOST IMMEDIATELY and won't keep you guessing), because personally, for me, that would make me quite biased. And I'm afraid I'd end up disappointed if the expectations in my head are not in line with what happens in reality. So, to be as objective as possible, I tend to remain as detached as possible. This is also one reason I do not even read reviews until I have completed watching/reading something. I'm easily influenceable, lol. And I leave that power to my closest oomfs.

And for me, personally, the important part is listening, in entirety (from beginning to the end), to what the Creators have to say before forming my own personal opinions. There is a story that is being told to me and I can hear that story in two ways: as it was intended by the storytellers, and my personal interpretation of the story. I feel like I need to find the perfect balance between the two to be able to come to a proper understanding. Therefore, I like watching things as they unfold, and I need the bigger picture, the final ending before I can say anything.

AND THAT SUCKS SO MUCH because I love interacting with fandoms and discussing stuff with people. I love reading theories, even though I try not to get invested too much. It is so sad that a show and its fandom is the most alive when it is airing but I won't be able to partake in any activities because my brain is built different, and my habits are not very flexible. I hope I can find a middle ground for this. I guess, this is one of the reason that I prefer Danmei fandoms over BL fandoms. Because people move onto the next show pretty quickly, but in case of danmei, the brainrot is often perpetual and ever-present.

[boldlyoptimisticobservation]

Brain dump sorry

This is my first post here, it's more for me. To empty my thoughts, I've heard it's good for your mind.

Less than an hour into my 29th birthday, I have never felt more lonely and lost. In some ways I feel lonelier than ever when I'm far from that physically. I feel that I'm constantly suffocated, lying to myself that I'm happy but it's not so simple. I feel massively privileged and lucky compared to how others are living in the world amongst all that's going on. Yet, I felt I had a greater purpose here. I grew into this young, confident, strong man who feared nothing. Nowadays, I'm far from that version of myself.

I think of my old version of myself a lot, the fun party goer, part of a football team, popular, lots of friends for that moment and I was constantly chasing my dreams. Finish my undergraduate, finish my masters it's the right thing to do. It's going to give me a fulfilling career, it will help me land a well earning job. Though I can't help but feel angry at my younger self for choosing such a stupid degree not once twice.

I chose Sport Science thinking I'd be working with athletes which would be so cool, while on my undergraduate course I quickly noticed how I wasn't actually that good at any of it, I felt at a disadvantage as I came from abroad and my knowledge was so behind compared to my peers, then I thought okay let's do a masters and specialise in something. So I study Nutrition, thinking it had a placement for work experience which would help me even further. I find myself now 5 years since graduating and I'm back to an entry level job.

I think this is where a lot of my unhappiness stems from, I was destined for more. I started off with a good role to begin with, with very good pay much more than my current salary. Then Covid-19 hit, so I lost that job after performing so so well. I found a remote role where I performed exceptionally apparently, it was a good entry role but with no progression clearly laid out at the time. I got offered a job at a university thinking this is it, this is my career path. I'm gonna become an academic, I will have all these publications and I will be a prestige name in my field (LOL), I can become a lecturer a very credible role. Few months into this research post I started to realise, just how much of an isolated job it was working on a review study. I went to the office so I can be around people but I just could not focus, my head was scrambled. I somehow managed survive for a while, people initially thinking I was doing well but this started to fade away. More or less for 3 or 4 months, I just could not perform my job. Initially my manager was supportive in terms of my inabilities but her attitude did change, understandably so. I was kind of hoping she'd be able to guide me past this barrier in my job but she couldn't. I ended up spending my time gambling, trading crypto and stupid shit like that. I'd head to campus but instead of going to the office I'd go to the library thinking it would help me focus, instead I felt no accountability so I did what I wanted, anything but my duties at work. It was such an isolated role, my manager would rarely check in and she was a super busy woman managing many research assistants and more. So I easily just went under the radar getting past with minimum progress in my role.

I was absolutely failing, I've never failed at something to this degree before. I'm clearly an academic person, I managed two degrees yet what the hell was going on? I needed help but I didn't know what in and so it became impossible to be helped. At the time my partner was pregnant and so this was weighing on me naturally, but I felt I had to change my circumstances and find a new role elsewhere. I applied optimistically for a PhD style role at a different university in a different topic. This time my manager was not as chill as my last one, I was hoping this would help me get my shit together. I lasted 3-4 months, my newborn child had just been born, many sleepless nights and I brought the same lack of ability from my last role to this one. So I ended up handing in my resignation just before my full enrollment in the PhD programme as I was quickly noticing my failure once again.

Now I'm back at that remote job before the academic roles, back at level 0 after 5 years from graduating. I'm now contemplating a career change entirely, I've gotten myself into stupid amount of debt from being reckless..

What happened to my old version of my self? I used to be so driven , a go getter and chase my dreams. Now I struggle to get out of bed, hardly exercise and see no prospects for my career going forward.

I have a son which brings me so much light, I will continue this later. I think writing some of this shit down helps.

#mentalhealth

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

Tell the story backwards

You know, sometimes there is a small detail that triggers something in your brain that makes you see another perspective on something you know. 

Maybe you already did the connections and I am late to the party 😅, but this is my own recent journey through this clip and photoshoot (but mostly the clip).

I already pointed out that the teaser clip for Ruin is reversed. But I didn't try to reverse it until not so long ago. Because I thought it was easy to determine mentally what was the initial take. But well… imagining something and seeing something are two different things, one should know lol.

So that was when I noticed just a few days ago that the clock on the fireplace had a central position in the global picture that everything began.

Don't get distracted, this is the clock that I am showing there 😅 

Now, before returning to the "time" component of my analysis, I want to point out that the recurring visual theme of darkness for Joey's character and light for Madeleine's is back here too. And this is really present in this photoshoot. Madeleine is often shown in the light or toward the light, whereas Joey is often shown in a darker space or in a darker way.

The arrow of time

So ! Seeing the clock as central, I began to think about time. And my mind spiraled around the idea of time. What if time was important ?

In their songs the passing of time is something important but not really marked per se. Like we know time passes and there are a lot of memories but the songs are more like windows opening on specific moments of someone's life. In Ruin particularly, I have this feeling. This isn't totally chronological but I can imagine there is like one big story that links all the songs together. 

So I wondered. What if that clip was a window to those kinds of moments too ? So I just experimented to see what happens if I reverse the clip and what it is as they filmed it.

First, it changed the way my eyes read the picture. I should have known of course, as I studied that at the uni but I don't go on analysis mode for everything. And I surely didn't do this for this clip when I first watched it 😅.

Zoom out, like it was shown, my eyes mostly stayed on them. Because the room is pretty dark (and they are captivating 😌). But zoom in, my eyes wandered a little bit more on the room before focusing on them. And you know, there is a lot of stuff in this room 😅. Like, did you notice how much alcohol there is ?

Secondly, the scene changed in my mind because I noticed what was really happening between them. And with the song chosen for this, it made sense : Secret World.

For me, the top layer (if I can call that like that) of that song is about youth and passion. About enjoying recklessness while you can. And the rest of the album is pretty much all that went wrong but with a strength in it that helps to go through.

What we see in the clip is nothing of youth and passion, recklessness or anything. This is more of an uncommunicative couple "trapped" together. Maybe it's the turning point in their relationship. So showing us something backward is like the silent wish that things would get back to what they were.

The smile I didn't see before.

If I had to put a word on the feeling that I have while watching this clip, it would be "unhappiness". Madeleine's seems to fade, as she is the only one that looks at us and then looks away and shields herself, her hair hiding her face. 

And I realized while looking at it the other way round why I have this feeling of "fading". It's because she smiles, but reversed, the smile fades to a neutral expression. Whereas, in the correct order we see the smile growing on her face. And her body language is more coherent, especially with Joey's.

Madeleine's character is shielding from Joey's and avoiding his gaze. And she puts us it the confidence, smiling at us at the end. He tries to reach for her while bending to grasp his glass. She turns away, so she closes any interaction they could have had. He doesn't try any further and shields himself in turn.

I have reversed and cut the clip so you can watch both side separately.

The prison of "us"

I said that I have the feeling they are trapped with each other. The composition of the scene and of the picture itself does for most of it. 

First, the format. The ratio is 21:9 I believe, so the picture is quite large and a bit squeezed vertically. And it was shot in a wide angle lens which changes perspectives. 

If you look at the room in two different formats, it gives another impression of the dimensions and space.

In the first shot we can see that there is much more height and the walls seem closer. Also this is a 1:1 Instagram format which makes it like a box. In the clip everything seems wider but with a little bit of claustrophobic feeling. Because everything goes rapidly into darkness around the edges and the verticality is annihilated by the format.

Note : you can see the bottles on the right side on this (bottom) shot.

Then the elements of the picture make strong vertical and horizontal lines, but mostly vertical.

Usually, verticality gives power and height but within this format ratio and inside a dark room, it is more like the bars of a cage. Even the mirror behind them doesn't help to open the space, as the light is too ambient to create an open area. The room is big but the darkness eats the light. And this "prison" feeling can be confirmed by their body language. 

With just this clip, I could write stories. I love it 🥰.

Now I have a little bonus.

Because I went all the way down into my experimentations with time. When I reversed the clip I reversed the music also. And believe it or not Secret Worlds is listenable backwards for the most of it 😅.

Of course, the words are alien and the drums slightly of beat because the sounds are reversed but the melodic parts are incredible. So here is my favorite part backward of Secret Worlds.

Sorry I had to use the clip in slow mo to share because I can't send audio via the app.

See you around 😈

[true-blue-megamind]

Do you think metro man knows hes an alien?

FAN THEORY... Um... SUPPOSITION SUNDAY? – Does Metroman Know He’s Alien?

Well, I have to apologize for being weeks late yet again. Although I try to take life one day at a time, recently my days have been forming gangs and jumping me in large numbers when I least expect it. I am seriously considering changing the name of these posts to “Fan Theory Sometime Eventually.” LOL. In the meantime, however, here, at last, is a new Megamind fan theory blog article! Enjoy!

Please note that I’ve previously written about portions of this on another site, so it’s possible portions of this post may be familiar to some. I have, however, expanded upon it.

And finally, even though, whenever I say this, the Blue Defender himself threatens to send his most destructive brainbots to my home with the information that their favorite wrench has been hidden somewhere in the walls… SPOILER WARNING!

This may, at first, seem like a bit of an obvious question, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder. Does Metroman know he’s extraterrestrial? We have absolutely no evidence that he is aware of his birthplace. In fact, after a little research, I began to realize that it may be possible that, despite his superpowers, he could believe he’s human. What do I mean? Let’s take a look!

Of course, anyone who has seen the film is already aware that Megamind and Metroman share a similar origin story. Both are refugees, and as far as we know the sole survivors, from two different alien planets destroyed by a black hole. It’s clear that Megamind remembers leaving his home as he is the one who narrates the story of his early life, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Metroman would as well.

It's important to remember that the blue man’s species obviously possesses incredibly advanced mental faculties while there’s no evidence that his former nemesis’ people were the same. Although not stupid, Metroman certainly lacks Megamind's genius. Could he lack his early-developed memory as well? Furthermore, the former hero is far closer to natives of Earth in appearance; could there be other similarities too? If, indeed, Metroman's brain functions are similar to that of a human, it's likely he would not be able to remember his homeworld. (How many of us can recall anything that occurred when we were infants?)

That, however, is not the only reason to suppose that Metroman might not realize he is extraterrestrial. Keep in mind that the movie Megamind is, among other things, a parody of DC Comics, especially Superman. This means two things. Firstly, like the DC universe, presumably there are other superheroes in existence. After all, in the original script, there were going to be other supervillains in Metro City, some of which had extraordinary powers. There is also the fact that, after Megamind’s first fight with Titan, the mayor readily welcomed the latter as their “new hero.” Clearly the idea that another superhero might show up was not entirely unexpected, and that would not likely have been the case if Metroman had been the only one known to be on Earth. By extension of this logic, it is not unreasonable to suppose that the former hero may have believed himself to be a human with unusual abilities.

Secondly, the former hero himself is a direct spoof on the character Superman. In fact, the writers of the original script even explained during an interview with Comic Book Movies that they were initially inspired by the question: “what would happen if Lex Luthor defeated Superman?” It can, therefore, be safely assumed that there would be some notable similarities between Metroman and the Man of Steel. Indeed, this seems to be the case. The two share the same basic origin story, the same human-like appearance, and many of the same powers. In the earlier script, then called Mastermind, Metroman, similar to his DC counterpart Clark Kent, even has another name: Wayne Scott. If this pattern holds true, then it's possible that Metroman may not have remembered where he came from.

Why do I say that? Because it certainly seems that Superman initially did not, although he learned when he grew older. In several of the comics, such as the 1986 edition "Man of Steel," Superman's adoptive parents tell him about his true origin after he graduates from high school. The question, then, becomes whether Metroman’s Earth family would have done the same.

Several weeks ago, when I first received this question, I posted about it on a fan theory Reddit page to get some feedback from others, and many seems to agree with my own assumption that it does not seem very probable. After all, their respective adoptive families are one aspect in which Superman and Metroman most certainly differ. Indeed, despite their similarities, the two are raised very differently. The former finds a home with a hardworking, morally-upstanding farm couple while the latter is taken into a wealthy household and essentially raised to be a spoiled rich boy.

Furthermore, while Ma and Pa Kent clearly try to do what is best for their son, Lord and Lady Scott seem to notably lack the strong family bonds and selfless love displayed by their counterparts. Lady Scott readily believes that her husband would simply leave an infant for her under the Christmas tree, no more than another item among a pile of presents, which does not bode well for her insight or her empathy. She immediately dotes on her new baby boy while her husband appears distant and disinterested. (He never even bothers to look up from his newspaper.) This plays into one of the film’s major themes, Nature Versus Nurture, and could explain why, unlike mild-mannered and basically good Superman, Metroman seems to be rather arrogant and self-centered. After all, he basks in public admiration, throws babies around to show off, and abandons people who need him to start a music career.

If the circumstances of his upbringing are to blame for those behaviors, it makes Metroman oddly sympathetic. In some ways he is as much a victim of poor child-rearing and early expectations as Megamind himself. That, however, is another subject for another post.

What concerns us now is the fact that all of this information presents the only evidence available to determine what sort of people Metroman's Earth parents are. If they are more selfish and less honorable than the Kents, as seems to be the case, then whether they chose to inform Wayne about his origins would likely be based upon self-serving reasons.

This is a vital point because, as mentioned before, Lady Scott appears elated to have a baby to call her own while Lord Scott hardly seems to notice the boy’s presence at all. Neither would lead viewers to believe they would be eager to inform their son of his apparent extraterrestrial origins. (Indeed, to be fair, even if they had wanted to tell their son where he came from, it doesn’t seem likely that they would be able to tell him any more than that he arrived in what looked to be a spacecraft.) Furthermore, because Wayne Smith appears to be an only child, as far as we know, it's doubtful whether doting Lady Scott would want her sole son to know that he wasn't really hers. As for Lord Scott, it doesn't seem likely he would care enough to bother.

Finally, there are people's reactions to worry about. Lady Scott would probably want to protect her only child, and that might have meant keeping the truth about his extraterrestrial origins a secret. Megamind is obviously alien, and most of the humans around him seem to have a problem with that. He's ostracized in school, of course, but adults don't appear any more comfortable with his inhuman appearance. This post by Demishock takes the time to transcribe the Hometown Boy Makes Bad newspaper article appearing in the movie's title sequence. In that clipping, the prison warden both states that "hardened criminals" are afraid of Megamind and says: "It's not like he's a normal kid... I mean, have you gotten a good look at his gigantic blue head? I don't know where you come from, but where I come it's just not right."

This makes it yet more improbable that Lord and Lady Scott would tell Metroman where he came from. Aside from any other personal reasons, they might well view it as potentially problematic for both themselves and their son. Clearly, many citizens of Metro City are decidedly not alright with having an extraterrestrial among them, and that could be another possible reason why Metroman's adoptive parents might hide the truth. Even if we give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they did grow to love Wayne, they might still be unlikely to tell him that he arrived from space for fear of seeing him endure the same biases as Megamind. Letting their son believe that his powers had come from a genetic mutation, lab accident, or some other source might seem infinitely preferable, especially if, as many suspect, the Smiths wouldn’t want anything hurting his social standing and, by extension, their own. After all, Wayne Smith looks human enough to be accepted. It seems unlikely that the doubtlessly affluent and influential Smiths would counteract that knowing that it could make their golden boy a pariah.

So, does Metroman know that he’s an alien? There is not sufficient evidence to answer that question with certainty, but it does appear plausible that he might not. At any rate, there are enough hints in the film to lend significant weight to the fan theory that he spent many years believing himself to be human. That, of course, has opened the door to a plethora of related theories: did Megamind recognize the city’s only other alien and try to tell him where he was from? Did young Wayne reject the idea, and could that be a part of why he was so keen on bullying the blue boy? Was the final realization that he wasn’t who he thought he was part of what propelled Metroman into the midlife crisis that led him to abandon heroism altogether? We may never know, but if any evidence exists, you’ll probably see it someday in another Fan Theory Thursday. Until then, I hope you enjoyed reading this one! I’ll see you next time!

[happysmilebtr]

COLOURING BEFORE & AFTER TAG:

tagged by the lovely, kick butt and awesome sauce content maker @digitalgirls​ (thank you very much for the tag!) and another lovely mutual but for the life of me my peanut brain forgot who it was so thank you also to you too if you see this!

tagging (only if you want too!): @jinniebit​ @snug-gyu @soonhoonsol @woozification @seokmins @injunnies @chogiwapadada @jeonwonwoo

welp here you go guys! my poopy gif coloring lol. i haven’t giffed much as i just started 2ish years ago now(?) and i am now working a full time job so alas, i don’t have much to really show improvement but i do feel proud with some of my colorings and here are my top 5 (plus bonus two in the read more section hehe) i guess my coloring is more so with making things brighter if that makes sense? keeping things natural but bumping up the vibrance as you can see in certain gifs like the lights one for example. i do feel content with my giffing, granted the quality could be better but that is due to me using ezgif as a converter for making gifs on photopea (i know i can use vs but vs SCARES me like everyone that uses it? you guys are officially badass like gandalf in my books! i bow down to you all lol)

if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts of my coloring for each gif plus see the bonus ones that are too tiny to show in a normal gifset, readbelow but if not thank you for checking this out!

gif one: starting off with my proudest one of the bunch, this gif is from my baekhyun countdown series which you can view right here oh my when i say i am proud of this, i am SO proud of this. first of, this short video is pale, REALLY pale. more pale than casper the ghost lkdsalkjda so i struggled with making sure to not overdo the coloring where baekhyun is weirdly colored but making sure it’s no longer so bright ya know? with what i work with, i think i did a good job? it was during this series i started using a gradient map as well for my coloring and ya’ll....use gradient maps lol. i would have used them earlier but i had no clue how to well, use them as silly as that sounds! i found a tutorial on how someone used them and since then i use that. usually use brown to grey to make things neutral but also make sure skinetone is as natural as possible but of course that isn’t always the case, this is something i struggle with as you can probably tell so i am trying my best! overall, a very pretty gif coloring i think! simple but pretty!

gif two: ah yes....my og fav hehe. this was during the 17 days of 17 event that happened last year almost now and this was for of course, scoups day and i am proud of it still! granted, i would do things a tiny bit more differently even though this is just what, a 6ish months difference in giffing from the first gif? regardless, this one is my favorite and all because of one silly thing...the color changed background. as you can tell in the circle, the original was purple with the lightning background and i actually did save my coloring originally with this background still! however, i was playing around with coloring and by accident, just out of curiosity, i changed the color of the background and when i say i was super shocked...i was lol. in a good way of course! don’t ask me why but at the time, i just loved this small change. i thought it was so cool and it made me so excited so i kept it. could i have kept the purple? for sure, it bothered me to this day if i made the right call because a mutual of mine said the purple looked better against scoups skintone which i agree so it eats me to this day lol. (no ill feelings to my mutual! i liked having the feedback because sometimes that initial excitment sometimes isn’t the right call and i like being told the truth!)

gif three: another of my baekhyun gif series which again.....WHY DOES SM OR WHOEVER EDITS THESE VIDEOS, MAKE THINGS SO PALE!?!??! like bro....this one baekhyun IS truly casper the ghost dsaldasl. i managed to save him in this gif set but when i kept doing double takes myself when giffing, i always went “wait, is THIS how it originally looks!?” like i was so surprised with the coloring difference

gif four: featuring my queen, lights. the only non kpop gif lol. she is the reason i got into gif making actually! my first ever gifset is for her mv “prodigal daughter” (which yes you should all take a listen too just saying) so you can thank her for my gif making! this was from her i think 3rd mv, “in my head” which you can check out the gifset here! this is a perfect example of my coloring i think, the making things vibrant but keeping it somewhat natural and for me giffing this without gradient map i feel dang proud lol. it was either this gif or another one of lights but i went with this one instead to showcase i guess my usual coloring ya know?

gif five: and lastly a baekhyun gif once again. this one is originally meant to be with a pink coloring overlay and font as seen in the original gifset but i kept the original coloring because i liked how it turned out overall! i decided to switch things up with my editing by using unsharp mask and instead of using 30% i did 135% and kinda liked the result of it! i do admit, if you are someone like me and are stuck using ezgif, make SURE the file is super hq! while this does look nice, imo it looks better with good video quality when making the gifs as i did this setting for the last 4 gifsets of the baekhyun countdown and for ones like this one, it looks nice but some weren’t very high and you can tell it looks a bit meh. this is i think my current giffing editing and i feel proud of it! this one is very natural in coloring but everything is more “pop” if that makes sense, things are more defined than smooth, the neutral colors look lively, etc. 

BONUS:

you guys thought i would leave out these ones? oh no lol. so these two gfs are from my txt “good boy gone bad” mv and seventeen “hot” mv gifsets i made! i remember seeing this gifset style being HUGE back in late 2017ish up until 2019 if memory is correct by an old school content maker. i saw they had a tutorial on how they did their sets back then so i followed it and made my own for these mv’s and man i loved doing them. not only was the setting up the scenes to use was fun but finding the right font that fit the mv vibe was fun and of course, the coloring. for txt’s, there was alot of greens as you can see here and while i like me green, i wasn’t happy with just how dark and swampy it looked lol. i get it was the aesthetic in general but i wantted it to pop alot and thus the blue/purple tones in the overall gifset which i think looks really beautiful! then for hot, i didn’t plan on the pink coloring lol. i originally wanted to do the usuals, brighten and and make the colors pop out but by moving around to color the orange colors, it turned more pink so i went with it (you can see the difference towards the end of gif of how different the pink and orange are!) still my proudest coloring on both and still am proud for the “hot” as that was originally my top set with notes until somehow baekhyun and his doggo took over xD

[hyunjilicious]

a helping hand [henry cavill] - part 3

A/n: I know it took me ages, and I'm sorry, but it's finally here!! I don't know when part 4 will be up, but I know the plot, and by the time you finish reading this, you'll know it too!! Filth is coming. Also, since I posted the first 2 parts weeks ago, under the cut you'll find a small summary of what happened so far! Ofc, I'm linking the previous parts as well! Have fun reading, sorry for taking me so long, and please, don't hesitate to tell me what you thought! (I’ll reblog it with the taglist, otherwise it doesn’t show up in the tags!)

Summary: after Henry lost it during a fit of jealousy, he sneaked into your apartment, his actions having some very different repercussions from what he initially intended. SMUT 3.9k

Warnings: please be over 18!!! mentions of smut, masturbation (male receiving), sightly/some somnophilia, stalker-ish/obsessed Henry, cum play if you squint and ofc, mentions of filming and sharing pornographic material. 18+ please!!!!

You can find part 1 here and part 2 here!

Quick recap: Henry's crush on his very sweet and younger neighbour (you lol) grew into something else when you asked him for help with taking some pictures for your onlyfans account. Following this, your relationship reached a very teasing level, which prompted Henry to take matters into his own hands, even if that meant crossing some lines. So when he found out that you and a specific man from your past were on a voice call, he just had to know what exactly was being discussed. This jealousy fit had him using his spare key to enter your apartment and eavesdrop, and this is where chapter 2 ends. Have fun reading the next part!!!

“No” you sighed, waving your arms around, desperate to get your point across. But it was mostly useless, nothing even remotely decent would ever manage to penetrate Steve’s thick skull. He was a dumbass with a heart of gold, so you couldn’t even blame him for messing things up on purpose, you just learned the hard way not to take his advice under any circumstance. “No, Steve. I won’t do that. Not a chance!”

“Hun-” he scoffed, rolling his eyes as a smirk showed up on his lips, “When have I ever been wrong?”

“Really!?” you giggled and then sighed, “Listen, I gotta go to the bathroom and you’d better forget about this topic by the time I come back”

“Wait, wait. Ok, fine. Scratch that” Steve laughed, stopping you from getting up, “When have I ever been wrong on purpose?”

“Listen, I know you’re just trying to help” you smiled, “But I don’t think your experience in seducing girls with daddy issues benefits my situation in any kind of way”

“‘Course it does! I can give you some perspective!”

“Perspective on what?” you mocked, playfully frowning at him through the screen on your laptop, “You and Henry have nothing in common”

“The dick for one” Steve joked but when he saw you roll your eyes, he became serious, “I’m just tryin to help you hook up with the guy! That’s all”

“See!?” you laughed, already exasperated by the conversation, “I’m not trying to hook up with him, I want something more…”

Your sentence was cut short by the sound of a door closing. Your blood ran cold and your hands froze, eyes staring blankly into the camera.

“Y/n?” Steve asked with worry, “What’s wrong?”

“Wait here” you mumbled, pushing the laptop off of you and rushing to the door of your bedroom. You pressed your ear against it, and listened closely, the sound of a lock being turned chilling you to your bones. With shaky hands, you stumbled your way back to your bed, and looked into the camera, directly at a somewhat already worried Steve. “I gotta go-”

“Wait-” Steve tried to ask, “Are you-”

“Yeah, I’m fine, talk to you later” you hurriedly mumbled before ending the call. Your fingers flew across the screen of your phone, finding Henry’s name and pressing the green button in the blink of an eye.

And had he not been this utterly stupid and reckless, none of this would have happened. His impulsivity got the best of him, and panic rushed through his veins when he heard you were about to head to the bathroom. Pressure did him no good, and the first thing that came to mind at that point was to bolt out of there, knowing there was absolutely no way to explain what he was doing in your apartment. But his shaky hands were of no help, and the dexterity he earlier proved himself capable of was nowhere to be found. However, he didn’t care. He just stormed out, happy to finally breathe again as soon as he was out of your apartment - but when his phone vibrated in his pocket, he felt like dying all over again.

With your heart beating inside your throat, you grabbed your bedside lamp into your free hand, and curled yourself into a ball in the corner of your room, opposite to the door, the sound of the ongoing call being the only thing you heard over the loud buzz in your ears.

“Yeah?” Henry’s voice rang loudly when he finally answered, making you all but jump with fright.

Had you paid more attention, you’d have noticed he too sounded out of breath, but you were too out of it to tell. All you could think about was the psycho what was at your door.

“Henry-” you cried, voice shaky as the intake of air was no longer satisfying. You were hyperventilating, sweating from every pore, scared out of your mind.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice more stern now. “Y/n? Are you ok?”

“Yeah- yeah…” you said on autopilot, mind on standby. “No…” You whimpered, “Henry, can you- I think someone is trying to break into my house, I-”

“What!?” he gasped, “I’m sure no one-”

“Henry!” you cried into the phone, “Can you please look through your peephole? Please?”

He sounded confused, but you didn’t have to ask him twice. You heard a bit of shuffling before his voice reached your ears again, “There’s no one there, there’s no one at your door, you can relax”

“No-” you whimpered, unable to calm down, “Henry, please-!”

“I’m coming over right now,” he said.

“No! No, what if they’re still in the hallway?”

“There’s no one there, love” Henry tried to reassure you. When you heard him unlock the door of his apartment your heart stopped, but after that, everything was quiet. 

“Are you ok?” you muttered, wiping your nose with your sleeve.

“Yes, love. I’m fine” Henry lightly chuckled, “I’m at your door, can you open up?”

“No” you scoffed, “What if someone got in?”

“No one got in” he tried to explain, but your adrenaline soaked brain refused to comply.

“Henry, take the spare key I gave you” you suggested, “And grab a knife”

Seeing how affected and terrified you were, Henry didn’t argue with you anymore. In a matter of seconds, you heard the door of your apartment being unlocked, Henry assuring you through the phone that it was him. When he walked inside, you remained hidden in your spot. He checked the kitchen and the living room, coming up to finally enter the bedroom. When your eyes landed on his massive frame, you breathed out relieved and rushed to him, throwing yourself into his arms. There was no other place on Earth you felt as safe as you did when he was holding you.

“Shh, you’re ok, you’re good” Henry cooed, cradling you to his chest, “I got you, baby, ok? I’m here”

But there was no stopping you. You broke down entirely, holding onto him as your legs gave in, turning into a mess. Henry carried you to the bed, sitting you down and allowing you to calm down at your own pace.

“I’m here, ok?” he asked again, rubbing your back, “I won’t let anything happen to you, Y/n, you know that. You’re safe, I got you”

It was impossible to tell just how long it took you to fully calm down, but it was safe to say that it would have taken hours longer had Henry not been there with you. When you were finally able to properly breathe again and hold a conversation, you looked up at him, big doe eyes hoping to convince him without too much of a fuss. “Can you stay here with me, please? I can’t be alone right now”

With nothing but sympathy in his eyes, Henry leaned down and kissed your forehead, “Don’t you think it would be better if we went over to my place instead?”

“No” you shook your head, “And leave the apartment unattended? I don’t think that’s a good idea”

His heart broke. Being his usual, impulsive self, Henry managed to break you down and terrify you to your core. As much as he wanted to reassure you everything would be fine, he couldn’t. He couldn’t just tell you it was him who broke into your apartment in the middle of a jealousy breakdown. So, he settled for the second best option, and really, he couldn’t complain.

It was late in the afternoon on a Sunday, no locksmith on the clock. Seeing how you’d have to wait until the next morning, he was more than happy to spend that time with you.

As time started to pass, you also started to relax. 

The day slowly wilted a way, as both you and Henry made yourselves busy around your apartment. He wasted a couple of hours installing games on your school laptop as you took a bath, he then cooked you dinner, and by the time the night rolled around, you were your usual bubbly self again. And after watching and laughing your hearts out at Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets, sleep started to creep up on you.

Henry placed one of your kitchen chairs under the doorknob before turning to give you a massive hug, “No one can get in, darling. I promise”

“Thank god you live across the hall” you confessed, snaking your arms under his hoodie as you gathered yourself as close to him as possible. “What would I have done otherwise?”

“You don’t have to worry about that” Henry kissed your forehead, “I’ll always be here when you need me”

And in that moment, right there, stopping yourself from kissing him turned out to be the most difficult thing you ever had to do. Instead, you settled for his cheek, before hiding your face against his shoulder. “I’ll always be here for you too”

“Thank you, angel” Henry breathed out.

There really was nothing on this earth you loved more than this man. 

Getting ready to go to sleep, you changed in your pajamas, while all Henry did was take off his hoodie. With your toothbrush lodged between your teeth, you lingered in the door frame, watching the muscles of his back flex as he bent down and put his phone down to charge.

Toothpaste and drool could very well have dribbled down your chin as you stood and gawked, only releasing you were staring when Henry turned around and a smile made its way up his lips. “Yes?” he laughed, but all you did was look him up and down, before returning to the bathroom with a shake of your head.

“Oh, Y/n?” Henry called again, following you, “Where can I find a blanket or some sheets?”

First you squinted, but then you decided it would be best if you just finished brushing your teeth before anything else. After rinsing your mouth, you turned to look at him, utterly unamused. “What for?”

“So I don’t have to sleep on leather?”

“You’re sleeping with me” you rolled your eyes, grabbing his elbow and dragging him into the bathroom so he could get ready for bed too. “Not up for discussion”

“Ok” Henry chuckled, looking at you in the mirror. “But I snore”

As if that would make you reconsider. You walked away and into your room, settling under the covers, without another word. About 10 minutes later, Henry joined you.

He fit in like a piece of puzzle and you didn’t even try to keep yourself from cuddling into his side. Sinking his head down between the multitude of pillows on your bed, you giggled, crawling on top of him. Without thinking too much about it, you kissed your way down his neck, peppering tens of kisses against his naked chest. You felt his heartbeat under your palm as he breathed in and out slowly, smiling down at you as he enjoyed the view.

“Thanks for doing this for me” you mumbled, rubbing your hand up and down his chiseled abdomen.

“Really, Y/n” Henry said, wrapping his arms around you, “There’s no need to thank me. Plus, you think I’m not enjoying this?”

“Oh shut up” you giggled. The amount of small talk that followed turned out to be exactly what you needed in order to allow your eyes to peacefully close. Despite the events of earlier in the evening, you now felt safer than ever before.

It was just a matter of time until soft snores started escaping past your lips, your chest rising and falling every so softly as you drifted out of consciousness.

But Henry’s mind was nowhere near relaxed enough to drift off. No. You were too close to him, too innocent and vulnerable for him to just let this moment pass. The way you had just thrown one of your legs over his lap drove him insane - your bare thigh too accessible to him.

At first, he just tested the waters. A peck to the top of your head, and a small caress against the back of your hand. You were completely out, and that accentuated his need further.

Slowly moving his free arm down his body, Henry brushed his fingers over his clothed member, grunting out loud when he felt the sensibility in his tip. He bit into his bottom lip out of need to keep quiet, teasing himself just a little as he struggled to decide how to go about things. With the way you were laying right now, it was next to impossible for him to free himself without moving you. And even though at the beginning he tried to avoid that, when you stirred in your sleep, your body rubbing up against his, he lost all kinds of patience.

As softly as he could, Henry pushed your leg back, just a little. Even in your sleep, you craved his touch, as when you felt movement, you involuntarily shuffled closer, but much to his relief, your legs remained on the mattress.

Eagerness controlled his actions as he pushed his pants down his thighs, propping his hips up with difficulty. When his underwear was pulled down and his cock sprung free, Henry hissed with unmatched satisfaction. With his hand wrapped around his base and his eyes on you, he swallowed thickly, his heart beating out of his chest with a demented sense of bliss.

"My baby-" Henry cooed, rubbing his lips across your hairline as he started stroking his cock.

His movements were slow but not calculated in any way. His brain was occupied, forcing his hand to work on muscle memory. But still, he teased himself, rubbing his thumb across his slit just like he liked to think you would. 

The fear of getting caught was at an all time high as you stirred again. He froze for a second, "That's my good girl-" Henry whispered, looking down at your sleeping frame. As much as he wanted you to take an active part in this, he knew better than to risk it. 

It was getting more and more difficult to breathe, his back sweating profusely as he pumped himself closer to the edge. His hips bucked, causing the bed frame to creak. Instantly, he stilled, eyes on you, but all you did was rub your cheek against his chest, completely unaware of your surroundings.

"I'm so close for you, my darling" Henry groaned, his throat paper dry as the words left his lips. All he could hear was his own breathing and the unmistakable perverse sound of slapping skin, but still, even above all of that, you kept on peacefully snoring. 

The arm Henry looped around your frame was now traveling lower, his palm exploring your side until he reached your ass. He softly gripped a handful of your bum, squeezing hard enough to make up for the struggle of not allowing himself to finish too early. But it was reckless and maybe he shouldn't have done so, as his touch all but woke you up. 

Still overwhelmed with sleep, you barely pushed yourself up, eyes closed as you slightly changed your position. You were now laying higher up his body, your head almost falling off his shoulder. Your breathing tickled the side of his neck as you snaked your arm up and looped it around his frame. Biting down hard on his bottom hip, Henry felt ridiculous amounts of blood rush to the tip of his cock as you refused to settle already.

Rubbing the tip of your nose across his jugular, still mostly out but not fully, you peaked your eyes open, “Henry-?”

“Y- yeah?” he swallowed thickly, freezing in his spot.

“Why’re you awake?” you mumbled.

“Just woke up- had a weird dream, that’s all”

You believed the lie without an ounce of doubt, “Wanna talk about it?”

“Yes” he whispered, “But in the morning. Sorry I woke you up, go back to sleep, darling”

“Ok” you sighed, kissed his bare shoulder and allowed yourself to drift off again.

Henry licked his lips in a haze, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as sweat worked his entire body. God, how he regretted getting himself in his position, but his cock was full on hard, all but leaking at the tip, not so patiently waiting to receive any kind of attention again. He sucked in a deep breath, eyes on you to make sure you were asleep. 

His heart skipped a beat as your mouth popped open, but your light snores came as the strongest form of reassurance, and he resumed his work. The anxiety of getting caught fueled him, and the heels of his feet dug into the mattress, his hips bucking upwards as he furiously pumped his cock.

It was all getting too much. He was close. Henry threw his head back trying to suppress a moan, but he miserably failed. A choked back wail escaped his now dry lips as his whole body tensed. He squeezed you closer, his fingers lewdly digging into the sweet flesh of your ass. He was crossing many lines but that didn't stop him. He didn't see things clear anymore. His chest heaved, rushing up and down as he fisted his cock, biting into his lower lip as he watched your peaceful expression. 

It was pure, dumb luck that he managed to spot a pack of napkins laying on the night stand mere seconds before he came. His juices eagerly ran down his shaft as he flew through his orgasm, his saviour napkin proving almost useless. 

Coming down from his high, he all but managed to calm down, but his mind was still set. He would never get enough of you. And no matter how many times he'd cum, he'd still be down to go again. You had that power over him.

"Fuck…" Henry panted. And in the blur of the moment he created, he didn't even stop to process his thoughts. Gathering the few droplets of cum that landed on his stomach, he brought his hand up to your face, his thumb rubbing across your lips. 

In that moment, then and there, when you unconsciously wrapped your lips around his finger, he almost lost it all over again. 

"Holy-" he cried again, kissing your forehead. As eager and willing as he was to keep going, Henry stopped himself. He tucked the napkins next to the foot of the bed, pulled his pants back up his hips and settled under the covers. 

Sleep didn't come easy, but he eventually drifted off. Unfortunately, the clock had almost struck 3am by the time he closed his eyes, and no later than 6:15, your alarm went off.

"No" you protested, wiggling around in search of your phone. "No school- no, thank you"

Eyes closed and cheek squished into the pillow, Henry raised his arm and found the phone with ease, handing it to you without a word.

Squinting under the bright light of the screen, you dismissed the alarm and snuggled back into Henry's chest, his arms wrapping around your body in an instant.

And as heavenly as this felt, it only lasted for about 5 minutes, until your alarm went off again. 

"Just turn it off" Henry laughed, kissing your forehead, "I'll wake you up after I make breakfast"

"You don't have to" you protested, throwing in a whine or two as you curled yourself around him.

"I want to"

"No"

"Y/n…"

"Ok fine" you sighed, "Thank you"

"No need darling" Henry chuckled and stood up. He once again pecked the top of your head and then he was gone. About one second and a half later, you were asleep again, only to complain when Henry woke you up.

"It's 7" he stated, gathering the blanket in his arms and allowing the cold air to reach your body.

"Give it back" you cried.

"Is that how it's gonna be?" Henry threatened, and despite his dominating tone, you still refused to take him seriously. When you hid your face between the pillows, he deeply sighed, but satisfaction was still audible in his tone. "Fine then"

Taking you completely by surprise, Henry bent down and gathered you in his arms, throwing you over his shoulder with absolute ease.

"Henry-" you yelled, "The fuck-"

"Not gonna be late, Y/n" Henry laughed, "Not on my watch"

"God" you giggled along and allowed yourself to be carried to the kitchen. 

As soon as he walked out of the bedroom, a delicious smell reached your nose. It was probably the first real breakfast you'd had in weeks, so you weren't going to complain anymore. Fresh coffee, toast, avocado, pancakes, hard boiled eggs and a multitude of veggies and fruit awaited on the table.

"I didn't even know I had all this food in my house"

"You didn't-" Henry shook his head, sitting down beside you, "Grabbed them from my place"

"You shouldn't have, but thank you"

"No need" he assured you, "Dig in"

When you were done, and right before you headed to the bathroom to get ready, you turned to him again. "Do you know the number of any locksmiths? I really wanna change the locks"

Following a quick Google search, Henry found a multitude of ads, and after choosing the most trustworthy looking one, he dialed the number as you patiently waited beside him.

Everything seemed to go perfectly well, until he frowned, "No, today pl- [...] No, I'm not locked out of my- [...] You sure-? Ok, ok fine. Ok, tomorrow, first thing, ok, thanks"

"They can't come today?" you pouted as soon as he hung up.

"No, I'm sorry" Henry shook his head, and seeing the disappointment plastered on your face, he spoke up again. "I can stay one more night, if you want to. I'll sleep in the living room-"

"What? No" you scoffed, "It's not that…"

"What is it then?" he questioned, starting to get worried.

You hesitated. "Its no-"

"Don't tell me it's nothing" Henry commanded, pointing a finger at you. A smile appeared at the corner of your lips as you rolled your eyes.

"Ok, fine. I just- I just had to film today for the- you know… That's all, but I can do it some other day"

Henry didn't answer until a smirk tilted the corner of his lips upwards. "Or I could help you?"

"Help me?" you gawked.

"Yeah" he nonchalantly shrugged, "Helped you once before, didn't I?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah" he smiled, "Only if you me want to, of course"

Your knees weakened and your heart was beating in all the wrong ways, so all you managed to do was giggle and shake your head in disbelief. "Well, yeah... I want to"

How were you going to tell him that the video was supposed to be of you fucking yourself with a baby pink dildo? And how exactly was he going to help? You had a long day ahead of you and the ridiculous amounts of school work you had to get done in the meantime didn't allow you to give these questions any kind of priority. All you wanted was for the evening to come around already even if you sweated profusely just at the thought of what was to come.

[ryoryeonggu]

To begin with, I’ve never been related to any characters like Jang Han Seo. It was oblivious that he was suffering from depression, anxiety and PTSD resulting from the abuse that he had been endured at home, but it seemed like he had the sign of social phobia as well. As we could see in the drama, his life completely revolved around his brother, he had no friends, no interested in dating or attracting to anyone (if we can count Han Seung Hyuk as his “friend” since he might be closer to him than anyone other than Han Seok and before Vincenzo). It might be because of the tittle as The Chairman of Babel and being born in a wealthy family which make him aware that people wanted to get close to him only for money or taking advantage of him to get what they wanted. But the things is, he seemed to avoid any chance of building relationships that have the potential to be more intimate or more complex than basic communication, rejecting even the slightest touch, not just with Han Seok - the one he's afraid of but almost everyone else.

For example, back when Vincenzo (the one he became extremely close to later on) was only a stranger and he pretended to be a fan to approach Han Seo. He appeared to be extremely enthusiastic and just only showed the want of touching Han Seo, Han Seo immediately flinched away and made a clearly uncomfortable expression. He looked at his hand like a gun pointing at him. 

Example 2, when Han Seung Hyuk - the one who had close relationship than anyone else besides his brother at that time, just about to go closer to him and he already gave the big “Don’t touch me bitch” energy and make a gesture for him to go away. 

This is the first time he had met his sister-in-law (applying for both his blood and adopted brothers). It didn’t go well.

Han Seo himself had proven to be an extremely clingy person and liked to actively skinship towards the people he was close to, but for others, when being touched, his body will immediately generate rejection and fear as a reflex.

Jang Han Seo had another trait that he was completely used to people ignoring him, not taking him seriously, but if someone liked him, complimented him, spoke well of him, then he didn't know how to react naturally as if his brain was immediately shut down. I totally understand this, because I have the same problem, if someone insults me even with the most hurtful things, I'll be like "you say nothing that I don’t already know. I also insulted myself like that every day so we have the same opinion bro” xD But if people compliment me with kind words, I will be extremely surprised, even scared and panic. I will be worried sick about how to make people continue to think well of me and what if I do something wrong later that makes them no longer like me. But of course, when the anxiety reaches a certain level, my mood will turn into: "Nevermind, let's care about it later. Who give a f*ck if they like me or not" lol But Jang Han Seo wasn’t like that. He remembered and held on to the praises of others stubbornly. Many people think that Han Seo betrayed Han Seok just because of Vincenzo, but in fact, the first person to put that thought into Han Seo's head was Han Seung Hyuk. He did not convince him with the benefits, fame, and money of being the true chairman of Babel, but that how he, on behalf of Babel’s member and as an employee of the company, valued and needed him. He hyped him up as the "sharp, ambitious and not murderous" ideally chairman, the only hope of Babel’s bright future and the only person that the people in the company could depend on. Before that, although he was really angry that Han Seok constantly rejected his offers, Han Seo kept saying "Are you telling me to betray my brother? Do you even know what you are saying?" showed that he completely accepted that he wasn’t able to run the company and continued to live in Han Seok's shadow, until Mr. Han opened a new vision for him. Han Seung Hyuk's words couldn’t tell that he was really meant it or not, and maybe Han Seo already knew he was untrustworthy, but it sparked the thought that he could actually do better than his brother and be capable of turning Babel into something good. When negotiating with Vincenzo, he mentioned not only that he wanted Vincenzo to spare his life but also Babel (not just the company itself or its property, but also the employees whose life depended on the company’s survival) Then Vincenzo came. Before Vin hyung appeared, Jang Han Seok was completely Han Seo's ideal model for him to look up to and learn from. He yelled at people’s face and throw hockey balls to their stomach to show his authority (like how his brother beated the shit out of him with a hockey stick when he messed up in the previous episode), making people afraid so they could listen to him (but most of his efforts failed miserably because he just looked like an adorable bratty angry kitten). Then Vin hyung appeared, encouraged him to study harder and gave him a completely different role model, the man he wanted to become. And that's when he started to change, showing his true self, he let his hair down, started to wear clothes that looked comfortable and youthful, laughed more often and looked more alive. After his brother went to prison, he turned into a friendly, gentle and loving chairman and didn't shout at anyone anymore xD Continued to episode 19, when Vincenzo mentioned the possibility of Han Seok being released from prison early and would come to him first, advising him to fly away to a foreign country, Han Seo, although trying to hide it, clearly shows his fear (of course when you've been terrified of something all your life, fear can't disappear within a day or two), but still refuses to run away because "I made a promise to you." Even when Vincenzo made it clear that "you can keep your promise to me later" and still tried to convince him, Han Seo was still determined to stay and fight to the end. Simply because Vincenzo showed his belief in Han Seo, that he had potential, he could change and become a better person, a trustworthy person that could count on, and because of that, he would do it everything to live up to that expectation (which he has proven he could - or at least tried to - do everything, except murders xD). Others' faith in him is Han Seo's biggest motivation, because he's probably used to being seen as a useless person without any value, a piece of trash that doesn't deserve to exist, not only for his brother, but also for his parents, who see his birth as an accident, a mistake of a casual cheating hook up, not a miracle result of their desire to have a child. That is also the reason why Han Seok completely failed to convince his little brother to betray Vincenzo by promising to give him all of Babel, it could be seen in Han Seo's reaction that there was not a bit of greed or joy, but a complete shock at his brother’s brutal request, and he still didn't move at all. It was only when Vincenzo took the initiative to kneel and asked him to do what Han Seok told him to do, Han Seo finally was able to stand up, and when Vincenzo said "It's okay", implying that he would’ve fully understood if Han Seo had chose to kill him for survival, in that moment he already knew what he had to do, even at the cost of the life that he treasured the most. Because what Han Seo longed from the beginning was never Babel, but rather to become a kind of meaningful existence, not only for others but also for himself.

[hummingbirdsalt]

Batfam as Borrowers

Because I'm always down to combine my favorite pieces of fiction with the concept of borrowers 😌 This'll just be a mess of ideas so... buckle up lol

Borrower!Bruce, like his canon counterpart, lost his parents at a young age.

There's no shortage of danger when you're only inches tall, and I kinda sway towards their death having something to do with a human. Not a deliberate act, but something unintentional and mundane, like rearranging furniture. The human doesn't even know such tiny people exist, let alone that they're in just the right spot to be crushed.

Bruce is traumatized, and left with an even greater fear of humans than his kind already has. Seeing the damage they can cause, even unintentionally, sticks with him.

Borrower!Alfred is here, too, 'cause I said so. He's been something of a neighbor, living in a different section of the house but visiting frequently. He takes Bruce under his wing after Thomas and Martha's death, and teaches him how to borrow.

The thing is, I want Bruce to be a loner for a while... we're certainly not gonna kill off Alfred, so let's just say they get separated. That's sad enough already, though it does leave a glimmer of hope that they'll see each other again.

Now alone, Bruce doesn't like to stay in one place for too long. When it comes to making a secret space for himself inside a wall/under a floorboard, it's a hideout, not a home. With his frequent moves, meeting other borrowers isn't too uncommon. He usually keeps interactions to a minimum, just giving or receiving basic info about the house and its humans.

But things change when he meets Dick. The young borrower is alone, and hurting in a way Bruce finds all too familiar. There's no way he can leave him.

The next time he goes in search of a new hideout, Dick comes along. Bruce tells himself that eventually, he'll find someone better-suited to take care of the kid. But every time they cross paths with another borrower, that initial feeling persists... he can't leave him.

He can't leave the next one either. Or the next. Or the... well, it's not like he went looking for all these kids.

I just love the idea of Tiny Tired Dad Bruce ❤️ And I'm very open to hearing thoughts about the various batkids as borrowers, because I don't claim to have in depth knowledge. Of course, there's a lot of freedom with this AU, but it's nice to integrate things from canon!

Off the top of my head, I like the idea that Dick is still something of an acrobat. For whatever reason, it's how his parents taught him to move about, and he is constantly climbing things or jumping around in such needlessly dangerous ways. Bruce gains several gray hairs just watching him.

For Jason, maybe they meet him when he tries to steal food from their stash? It's nothing malicious, just desperation from a kid who barely knows how to take from humans.

Cass is just... the Best Borrower. All of them are baffled by how well she can evade detection even in the most high-pressure, human-is-literally-one-move-from-seeing-you situations.

I realize that not every batfam member has a child/parent dynamic with Bruce, and I don't wanna change that, but it does complicate things. Like... am I gonna kill off Jim just so I can include Barbara??

Maybe 😏

sjsjdndkfgj NO. But we need the lonliness, we need the Angst. So at the very least, they've all been separated like Bruce and Alfred, and may see their loved ones again. Or you can imagine death, if you want that extra shot of pain lol

For Barbara, all I know for sure is I don't want to erase her disability. It'd be cool to see her design and create her own tools for mobility in a uniquely borrower way.

Also... Damian. Is borrower!Brutalia a thing?? Or is he adopted in this 'verse?

Either way, Damian is absolutely that borrower who carries a sewing needle/pin/whatever tiny sharp weapon is available. He is ready to stab.

Admittedly, I'm running out of steam, and my brain has yet to conjure anything specific about Duke, Steph, or Tim 😔

But no matter the specifics, or how the character dynamics exist in this world, they're undoubtedly a family. A dysfunctional, ever-growing family that Bruce does his best to lead. Sometimes he fucks up, of course, but he's fiercely protective, and all of them know that their safety is his top priority.

As the family grows, the moving becomes less frequent. It's difficult enough getting everyone to agree on finding a new place, nevermind the nightmare of packing. Plus, Bruce is pretty sure the kids are trying to wear him down.

So when they make what is likely to be their final move, they decide it ought to be a big one. In fact, they end up all the way over in Metropolis 👀

I'm gonna write a follow-up to this post some other other time, and we can talk about Clark's role in all this!

(also don't ask me how a bunch of teeny people can logically travel that far... just know my brain is rotating scenes from Mouse Movies like The Rescuers or American Tail where mice stow away on human transportation 😂)

[accio-victuuri]

BoXiao : Endorsement CPNs

Just listing a few of my favorites, where we clowned so hard with what appears to be bxg biased signs from brands. Mostly 2020-2021. This was supposed to be a simple post but it got a little bit out of hand. So. Here you go. Enjoy!

Note: If you don’t like CPN posts, just scroll along. If you don’t like BJYX — this is not for you. don’t hurt yourself and skip this post.

1. RoseOnly - I will not add the RoseOnly x Peace Elite collaboration here anymore cause most of the people reading this should be familiar. A little bit of my thoughts on that are here.

Now let’s move on to other clownery, cause when I said we did see some 👀 before, I meant it.

• GG’s campaign with them where he showcased a bunny with rainbow colored flowers. They could be showcasing all the kind of flowers they have or LGBT friendly advertising. After all, All love is love. 🌈

• For Roseonly’s 8th anniversary, GG had a campaign and VCR w/ them and that big 8 flower. 8 means bo. It’s truly used for the anniversary but of course we CPN cause we are clowns.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwGnDR4zspI

• During Web’s promo for rules of my world and when his teaser photos came out— RoseOnly released a photo of a black rose ( same color as Web’s clothes in the teaser ) with the caption:

You’re the coolest guy in my heart.

• When they were doing a teaser for their new endorser, some people were pointing out that the silhouette looks like Bobo. lol. Twins!

• All the references to the Lonely Planet and Little Prince for this promotion. We all know that they both love LP and whether this is CPN or a personal preference— we’re claiming it!

• The green rose they once advertised with the caption I ONLY LOVE YOU. and with the green rose symbolizing innocence, simplicity and forever young. Green and those keywords, who do you remember?

• In 2019, they did a selling bundle with Shu Uemura which was a brand Web was endorsing at that time.

• In a live, the color green and red rose were together — GG and Web colors.

• An Ad in their online store where the display is the Leo rose which is Bobo’s zodiac sign. and GG is holding Libra. Leo x Libra. And with the caption below for their advertisement. We know Web is the Leo of all Leos but it’s still 👀

The proud Leo has a child-like arrogant temper. Some people think they are not easy to get along with, but they don’t know that they just have not entered their hearts. Actually, Leo’s tenderness is only for the right person.

Some other thing that I will add here for reference but I don’t necessarily believe. Link from weibo.

• When GG was announced as their brand spokesperson and Web gave a clue in his post. Also GG making 3 different posts and kadian combinations.

I’m adding in this collab they had with Eleme, the same time Web was endorsing the brand.

I’m sure I missed a couple more from RoseOnly but that just depends on how clear your BXG glasses are. To me the most important is their Lonely Planet / Star campaign with GG last year.

2. Shu Uemura - This is one of the OG brands that Web endorses and who loves him very much. They signed him when he was not yet a big star and flew him to different countries. They treat him very well. 🤍

• The most recent one is from their Ad with Bobo and a red ribbon which made us all think of WWX. I can understand from an Ad perspective that it’s perfect to pair up with a red lipstick — but our brains are wired to CPN. Soooo. And this is not their first offense with stuff like this.

• This Ad featuring Bobo : - "博"君一笑 BJYX.

• For the promotion photos of this eyeshadow palette, the colors and look is similar to GG’s painting for the Guangdian album cover. Yes. This was done some time after the song was released.

• This one is more of a coincidence. Years apart, both on the same day, they posted about a collaboration with One piece. It’s their favorite Anime. GG as Luffy & Web as Roronoa Zoro.

3. Qeelin -  will be very lazy with this one and copy/paste from my jewelry post. Take note that this Bobo design is not new and had always been a classic from Qeelin.

4. Kai Xiao Zao - Ah! KXZ! The brand that loves GG the most. So what signs did they give?

• Their recent new product is wontons. Who do we know that likes wontons? It reminded BXGs of the unofficial BTS when Web was nagging GG to eat Wontons.

• They used a well known BXG idiom:

"你是夏日限定, 也是来日方长"

5. Chunzhen - Endorsed by Bobo, and this is under Mengniu. It caused some drama— cause GG & Web are technically promoting the same company. but like, there are so many other c-ent artists endorsing this brand.

• They posted for this year’s Qixi, stating in the Caption that Bobo is able to balance love and work. Really? How did they know? And they had made a character called XIAO ZHEN for qixi ( a cartoon girl with blue hair ).

• Zhenguoli ( endorsed by GG ) and Chunzhen drinks which are under the same company posted graphics of the two drinks together. 👀

• Also since it’s both under the same umbrella company, and both yogurt drinks— you can see their boxes together in shops.

6. Stride - In Bobo’s box set initial release, 3 flavors were included and one of them is passionfruit or bai xiang guo ( bxg ). Of course, bxgs bought it because we were represented. ✌🏼

Also in a message, the brand acknowledged BXGs but later had to delete it because of well— you know who.

Dear Moto/Passion Fruit fans,

Thank you for your support to Hyunmai's spokesperson~. The gift box endorsed by Yibo is temporarily sold out, it is recommended You first collect and purchase, if it is sold later.

Please buy it as soon as possible~

7. Swarovski -  endorsed by Web 🤍

• They had turtle charms and bracelets, which endeared them to BXGs.

• They had a bracelet where you can put charms and in their Ad, it spells YIBO. of course. However a BXG noticed that on their recommended letters to add next, the letters are XZ + heart with a dot.

• Last year’s promotion of a lock necklace— Web changed his Weibo header. ‘Lock love, lock you.’

• His May 2020 Mother’s day promotion video that includes a confession (?). I know this is far off but the line used:

“ I love you, want you to see. I am Wang Yibo, this is my unique confession" is so similar to GG’s Bazaar confession.

8. Budweiser -- What we basically CPN about them is that they are an LGBT friendly brand and it’s always a plus when our boys endorse those kind of companies.

• Here you can find the CPN on the can that GG supposedly created with them.

• Their ad about ALL LOVE IS LOVE.•

 An earlier Ad that had two male leads. and another one recently released with same sex couple. 🌈

Also they did a collab with G-shock which is a brand that Web endorses.

9. Man Han Feast Noodles

• The most recent one is GG playing the Guqin ala LWJ and looking out the window to see the moon ( again ala LWJ ). Best part is GG looking like he would burst out laughing and they kept in the Ad.

• In their Mother’s Day post one line says “if you love someone you’ll always encourage them to eat more”. Sounds like a familiar gesture right? Who do we know nags each other to eat?

10. Zenith Do I even have to explain this? 

• GG chose a rainbow watch from Zenith collection for Qixi Festival. 🌈

11. Mengniu - Oh well, just last week they had to clarify as an Ad from them was seen with the words: "并肩于雪山���巅" = BJYXSZD. (Side by Side at the snowy mountain top)

12. Anta/ Li-ning - I’m adding it here cause the store owners in this video brought out GG/Web standees together 😂 Context is, there was a BJYX gathering going on so they took that out cause they knew the attendees loved them.

Plus this shopping app that put them together.

I’m capping this post here and will update this sometime in the future. However the ones I added here stood out to me or I experienced when it came out. I wanted to add Luckin Tea / Lays / Olay but that will be for another time.

As with all the CPN, feel free to not believe any of these and just take it as a coincidence. Or people clowning and reading into things more than they should. lol. Whether these are intentional or not, BXGs are always there to support the boys whenever they can. 🙏🏼