#my incuriosity and my assumption that ppl wouldn't want to talk to me abt themselves/their lives
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low-key i hate being apl because i think it makes me be kind of a leech socially.
like if i cant help you then i don't know why im talking to you. its not personal, i just have no concept of being friends for the sake of it.
but i still need social interaction so when people show interest in me, its not like i push them away? and idk how to let them know that even tho i care about their wellbeing, i kinda don't really care about making an effort to keep them *in my life* specifically. so they're caught by surprise if something comes up and im just willing to let the relationship fall away if it seems like too much to reconcile. ive cultivated skill and interest in conflict resolution, but im still not super motivated to explain my position to people if they're too far off from where im at.
#ill be talking to my favorite people and i just have no curiosity about them.#i just.#like? can't bring myself to care enough to ask follow ups about their life trying to understand them or something.#very rarely do i feel any natural curiosity about someone's life#sometimes i try to think of questions to ask someone and it just feels soooooooo fucking fake that way#maybe i should fake it till i make it#i do think part of this is just that i cant even simulate a fun exchange enough to be able to anticipate the possibility of one#like... i just assume that people answering my questions are basically having a bad time and im imposing on them#unless they are VERY warm to me#or otherwise show a lot of interest in talking to me about whatever#AND LIKE at the same time im like ok but that's literally normal? that's normal criteria for wanting/trying to get to kno someone#why would i make an effort for someone who doesn't show warmth and willingness#but the thing is that these are two separate things#my incuriosity and my assumption that ppl wouldn't want to talk to me abt themselves/their lives#these live on different layers of cognition they don't have a direct effect on each other#but maybe if i modify the assumption then i could lower the threshold over which questions enter my conscious mind#what if i just assume that people want to speak to me unless they tell me they don't#seems... wack. from where im standing now. but i guess i need to move to see#/ᐠ 🝦 ﻌ 🝦マ#apl#aplatonic#actually aplatonic#?
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