#my heat tolerance has gotten so fucking bad it makes me feel sick

[seilon]

i wish there was a cure for the sheer genuine dread I feel for summer like I really can’t stand it

[passionfruitmango]

Gonna do a vent post, thank you if you choose to read, I respect if you choose to keep scrolling! 💖

Oh my god today is so hard. Even finding the words to describe is embarrassingly hard.

Kinda broke down to my boss this morning. I don't know if I had a full mental break but I got really close. I want to say she heard me but I also have this feeling that until I'm screaming and crying my mental health isn't taken seriously.

I'm tired of consistently starting my week having to finish someone else's job before I can even start mine, so many of the previous shifts assigned job duties have become mine (because obviously your fryer won't heat up if the vents aren't fuckimg turned on, among countless other things) and I have been telling my boss for going on a year now where this coworker needs to be talked to about improvement. This person is the type to improve in one area and drastically reduce in another. Why do they still have a job genuinely? Because my boss is more worried about finding someone to replace them than writing them up for their mistakes. Boss is "scared they'll quit" LIKE FUCKING GOOD. PLEASE. LET THEM GO.

Any time the morning shift coworker does something theyre "supposed to" it's like they find a way to do it wrong enough that it makes more work for me. What has me fucked up is this coworker ASKED ME TO TEACH THEM WHAT I WANT LEFT FOR ME WHEN I COME IN, I TAUGHT THIS COWORKER, AND THEY BLATANTLY DISREGARDED MY TEACHING UPON DOING IT THEMSELF. so why waste my fucking time? Disrespectful as fuck.

I genuinely have gotten past the point of rage to full blown dissociating. It's either that or I'm crying as I'm trying to do my job.

Could I tolerate this all if I at least got some kind of positive reinforcement from someone with a title or even a teammate? Possibly.

Am I aware I deserve better than this job has me feeling? Gods yes but we all know when you live in a small town and have been working somewhere for eons, it's not exactly easy to find another job at the same base pay youre currently at.

Idk. Boss told me they'll take it upon themself to make sure everything is done but that's not the point. That's a band aid fix and I told them that (im also almost certain we had the same discussion 6 months ago and here I am again) If I come in tomorrow and have to deal with the same shit I've been dealing with for the last year? I'm just going home. I have hundreds of hours of sick time, im going to start using them when I'm sick of the shit I'm dealing with. Ffs im not getting a prize or even a happy team of coworkers by burning myself like this. "If I don't do it-who will" headass stupid fucking expression I used to gaslight myself into thinking this is okay

ITS FUCKING NOT OKAY. I'm stressed in my personal life and need change and the fact I've had to spell that shit out to my boss countless times??? Fuck outta here I could take a month off with solid sick time and still have enough left to do it for another month. Suck my ass im done being your bitch, figure out how to fix your store or figure out how to replace an employee that ACTUALLY does their job along with the one that doesnt!!!

I feel great having let that all out via text but im still struggling so fucking much. I just want to go home and sleep. And that's bad. I know I have things to do but I can't muster the energy because I'm using it all to fake normal through my work day. This isn't living. And I want to escape. All my old vices are begging me to come home. How do you tell your loved ones you're struggling when it's like they don't hear the words as they leave your mouth?

Genuinely. I feel like my mental health won't be taken seriously until I break. Why do I have to break first?

Buy a multivitamin, use the therapy light, keep on keeping on because everyone's fight is just as bad as mine. I'm just stuck in the dumps about it.

Do I need a friend? Or will they turn me into their shoulder to cry on when I ask if they'll be mine?

Editing to add other things on my mind that I'm only irritated about when I'm already feeling low:

Its been probably a month now since I paid someone for something I still haven't recieved? Like I understand life gets in the way and external circumstances, but telling me twice that I'll be getting tracking the next day and both times I've not gotten tracking? Atp just ask if I want my money back, honestly willing to cut my losses because the person I paid has gifted me shit for the same amount I'm currently out, I'm just feeling awkward and having trauma triggered because I've already asked what's up twice. And I'm pretty sure my reply from last time is still unopened and unread. :/

On the same topic, different person I paid, commissioned some art and it's also been multiple months with no updates. I reached out to their business page thinking it was something on my end I forgot to get to, yeah they have also not checked their business page. Again, I respect life happens. But a little communication would be DIVINE. Another situation where I will most likely be cutting my losses because I have learned not to spend/give more money than you're willing to lose. But im still irritated about it.

[xpeachesncream]

Hey Nikki! Could you do a perfectly wrong drabble of reader thinking she is pregnant? thank you <3

perfectly wrong | drabble [10]: why are there multiple kinds of pregnancy tests for Taehyung to decide between?

word count: 1.9k

warnings: cussing, implied sexual content, pregnancy scare (use protection and use protection well, folks!)

note: this ended up being a little longer than i thought lol sorry! hope you enjoy still. i also just whipped this up before going to bed so this is pretty raw - excuse any mistakes pls. love me still 🥺

"Fuck!" You yelled as you ran to the bathroom as a huge wave of nausea hit you yet once again this morning. You were abruptly woken up early in the morning due to the feeling, not getting much rest after the first time you hurled last night's dinner into the toilet bowl. Taehyung had just walked into your apartment, mouth slightly open as he furrowed his brows watching you run off to the bathroom.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He says, swinging the bathroom door open as you dry-heaved into the bowl, curse words trailing shortly after. He crouches to your level, rubbing your back and holding your hair out of the way.

"I don't know, I just woke up feeling--" He watched as you threw your head back into the toilet bowl, a little bit of the water you had taken down earlier coming back up. "Really shitty." You continue after you spit.

"Shit, did you eat anything bad yesterday?"

"I don't think so? Nothing seemed suspicious." You pointed at him weakly. "And you look perfectly dandy being that we ate at the same places." You rested your back against the wall, eyeing how god-like your boyfriend looked.

"I'm sorry, love." He pouted. "You okay to get up now? Let's get you in bed and I can run out to grab whatever you need me to grab." You sat there, pondering on your thoughts for a second. The food you ate last night didn't seem bad, but also you never know. However, you were starting to freak out mainly because of the countless, amazing, 'let me rearrange your guts' type of sex you've been having with your boyfriend. That thought always has to be taken into consideration.

"What's the date today?" Taehyung quickly whips out his phone to check the date on his lockscreen.

"The 20th. Why?" Your eyes widened. You were supposed to get your period 5 days ago. Albeit, you've always been on a weird, irregular schedule ever since you were younger. Getting on birth control somewhat helped regulate that, but lately it hadn't been wonky. You usually got it on the 15th. "Why, baby?" His eyes started to widen.

"I'm late, Tae. I should've gotten my period 5 days ago."

"Okay, let's not panic. We can't assume just yet, right?" He begins to slightly freak out, but he's doing his best to keep his emotions in check. He was worried as hell now, not only because you were hurting but because this?

Lord, please. If you get me out of this one, I won't slap Y/N's ass ever again.

Don't get him wrong, he really wanted to be a father. He had always dreamed of having a good sized family with the love of his life. But right at this moment? He wasn't ready. You weren't ready. You both were just trying to survive school and that was already work on its own.

"Right." You say, but you're fucking screaming internally. Jesus fucking christ?!

"Let's get you in bed. I'll grab you some gatorade and soup while you get some more rest." He says, helping you up. You loved his cologne and taking in his scent, but today you couldn't deal. You sat on the edge of your bed, immediately grabbing the trash can next to your night stand and puked a little bit more acid.

"God, I'm so tired. Let this be ooooover." You whined as Tae tucked you into your sheets and wiped your face clean with a warm, wet towel. He folded it in half, placing the towel onto your forehead to help regulate your temperature as much as possible.

"I'm so sorry, babygirl. I hate seeing you like this." He kisses you on the cheek. "Don't drink water just yet, it doesn't seem like you can keep it down. I'll come back right away, okay? Try to get some sleep."

"Can you grab a test?" He swallows the lump in his throat.

"Yeah, of course." He smiles toothlessly, watching as your eyes slowly droop and shut close, the exhaustion from all this effort hitting you out of nowhere. Tae was worried sick, and he honestly wished he could snap his fingers so that the things you need would just appear and he wouldn't have to leave you alone.

He gets to the closest convenience store that would have everything you needed in one place. He grabs you a few bottles of gatorade, making sure to grab you the blue Glacier Freeze bottles because he remembers you saying that's the only flavor you grew up drinking. He grabs a couple of ingredients to whip you up some chicken noodle soup later once you're able to tolerate the gatorade at the very least. He also grabs a few unnecessary things like snacks for you both [mainly him cause it's based off of his own cravings right now] and then makes his way over to the aisle that has the condoms and pregnancy tests.

Tests?

Multiple kinds?

How the fuck is he supposed to know? Does one differ by the other much? They all look like the same fucking stick. They all look like that game of pick up sticks.

His eyes go from one box to another, mouth slightly hanging from how overwhelmed he is right now. This one says 6 days sooner, but the other box has two sticks for the price of one? He's assuming that's a nice safety blanket to have an extra stick confirm your results. But there's also one box with two sticks AND the 6 days sooner message.

Then a box with 4 sticks?

"Hooooly mother of pearl, fuck it." He says, grabbing the one with 4 sticks and the 6 day message. That's the gold for him. It makes him feel a little better knowing he could look at all 4 sticks. Does Y/N even have enough pee for this? He's about to make his way out of the aisle when he passes the condoms and lube.

Heh, no lube cause I make my girl hella wet already.

But condoms? After today, he was highly thinking about it. But lord knows how much he'd hate to have to wrap it up like that. Condoms are for sure your friends, but that raw feeling when he's inside the girl he truly loves - Exquisite. Chef’s kiss. Absolutely irreplaceable.

He eyes the boxes one more time before a little elderly lady walks past him in the aisle. She looks at him, smiles, then looks at the condoms before looking down at his basket with the pregnancy tests.

"A little late for that, don't you think?" She chuckles as she jokes to herself.

Well, damn? Like that??

He purses his lips into a fine line before rushing out of the aisle and making his way to the self-checkout lanes. He quickly checks out, not realizing he had gotten a little distracted from his own thoughts.

Getting back to your place, he notices you're still sound asleep. He takes your trash out and dumps it down the trash slot outside of your door. He cleans up a little in your living room, folding your blankets neatly and lighting your favorite candle. He washes the dishes left in your sink as he waits for the stove to heat up. He starts to whip up that chicken noodle soup for you so it would be ready.

Once he's done, he grabs a bottle of gatorade and sits on the edge of your bed, gently brushing the hair out of your face.

"Here baby, drink some." He says, handing you the opened bottle. You stir in your position, sitting upright in order to get some of the gatorade into your system. You hope you can keep it down and make some progress. "I got you the tests." He shows you the box with 4 sticks.

"Damn, babe. Four sticks?" He clicks his teeth and points a finger gun at you.

"The more the merrier, amirite?"

"I should probably do those now." You take your time standing up with Tae right beside you, making sure you don't get dizzy or lose your balance. In the bathroom, you stand and stare at the box for a little, reality kind of settling in for you. This is actually happening right now.

"Hey, whatever happens, I'll be right here, okay? We'll figure this out." He reassures you, giving a kiss on the side of your head as you silently nod and open the box. You sit on the toilet, Tae helping you swap out the sticks until you no longer need to pee. He sets the aside the sink carefully, putting on a timer on his phone.

"Fuck. I can't just sit here and watch." You dig your head into your hands.

"I almost bought condoms." He chuckles, trying to brighten the mood.

"Taehyung and condoms? No way. My boyfriend would never."

"I would if absolutely necessary - and by absolutely necessary, I mean like today o’clock." You shoot him a look, the statement only heightening your anxiety. "But! I didn't, okay! We'll be fine, we can't assume."

"You're pulling out next time."

"I mean if you let me bust my load on your—"

"No, you're gonna cum in your own fucking hands after today." You furrow your eyebrows angrily.

"Baby." He laughs. "That's no fun."

"Taehyung, we're sitting in my bathroom waiting for four pregnancy tests to show their results!" His timer goes off and suddenly you feel sick again.

"I guess we'll find out if I'm daddy in a few minutes." You smack him on the chest.

"Don't ever."

"Please, ladies first." He nods towards the sticks.

"You!"

"Why me?"

"It's your sperm that did this!"

"Woah m'lady, it takes two to tango!"

"Pick up the goddamn sticks." He clicks his teeth.

"Fuck, fine!" He picks up the stick. "Oh my god, baby." He says, gasping with his mouth agape.

That's it. You're gonna fucking cry. Everything is turning into white noise. Yes, you wanted a family but all of this shit was happening so quickly you couldn't even—

"You're not pregnant." He says in the same dramatic tone.

"I'm going to fight you!" You shriek at him, grabbing the sticks to double check. You see one single line across all four sticks, causing you to breathe a sigh of relief. You start to cry a little, causing Taehyung to laugh and pull you into a hug. He knows how stressed you just were and he knows this moment alone must have taken a lot out of you. He can't help but wanna cuddle you in his arms for the rest of the day.

"Oh never again, love."

"Don’t get me wrong. I wanna have your babies but I’m not ready to right now."

"I fully agree, 100%."

"I'll call my doctor tomorrow just to make sure we're in the clear." He nods.

"Feeling a little better?" You shake your head.

"Honestly, I still feel like shit."

"Go sit in bed, I'll bring the bowl of soup to you." He kisses you on the nose. "I love you."

"I love you, too." And that's what you do - sit in bed while your man brings your bowl of soup that he delicately prepared over so you can get something in your system. Luckily, you were able to hold both that and the gatorade down and that's what your diet consisted of for the rest of the day.

The good ol' doc says it's nothing but a dumb stomach bug and that your birth control is just playing mind games with you, showing you the results to confirm the negative pregnancy test. He demands you take it easy and get lots of love in the mean time until you fully recover from whatever thing you ate that day that wasn't prepared carefully.

You live and you learn. Life is all about that, right?

"Never again, Tae."

"We don't mean that." He whines as he chases after you walking towards the car.

"You try being in my shoes during a pregnancy scare then!"

[constantlyunlightening]

Convincing

Kinktober Day 4 : Gunplay w/ Chisaki Kai

Other kinks/Trigger warnings: squirting, degradation, submission

This is not the fic I was originally gonna write for Kai. I actually had something a L O T worse in store and it’s an idea I’m throwing on the backburner for either another day of kinktober, or for a fully fleshed out fic after. Not sure yet. I just watched a compilation of Chisaki moments and this scene manifested itself, so here we are. :)

And it may not be as dark as the original fic I wanted to write, but keep in mind, Chisaki is a villain and I do write him as such. My portrayal of his relationships are not healthy ones. This particular one isn’t as bad as it could be, but still.

Disclaimers: Read/interact only if you’re 18+. Characters are all 20+ Keep in mind this is fiction and does include dark content - so stop/take breaks if you need to. This is not something to enjoy in real life but enjoy it as a story if you’re interested. :)

"Convince me, then."

Those words played over and over again in your head. The curse he had put on you now becoming your own personal mantra. You wanted to convince him. You needed to convince him. Every nerve within you pleaded for his touch but your germaphobe of a significant other needed convincing apparently. 

If that had been said to you in years previous, you would have had a fit. Having to convince your so-called lover to touch you was a red flag. Any other man before Chisaki Kai and you wouldn't have so much as entertained the thought. Zero tolerance. 

But for him? Within the last hour since he had told you to persuade him, he had gotten you to undress and fall to your knees before him. Oh but you weren't just sloppily down in front of him - that just wouldn't do. No, you had to have form. As his lover, you were an extension of himself who must keep herself clean, proper and worthy of a yakuza's lover at all times. He made that clear when he had agreed to commit to you. You were to obey every command, every order, every whim. And because it was him, you agreed. 

So, for him, you weren't just on the floor like a dog; you were kneeling- like a proper submissive. Legs tucked straight underneath your body, toes pointed, back straight and your arms folded behind your back. At some point when your position was right, Chisaki had thought it appropriate to pull a gun out from underneath his jacket, which was promptly held in front of you, the muzzle of the gun tapping your lips.

Your newly found mantra rang in your ears as you obediently opened your lips without so much of a word, letting him slowly push the barrel into your waiting mouth. Maybe you should have been more worried,  especially with his finger toying over the trigger. You had seen Chisaki kill people before. But the thing was, if he had wanted to kill you, he already would have. His quirk was scarier than this gun was.

Besides, if he did shoot, poor thing would have a mess all over his office.

 "You must be desperate if you're willing to put a weapon in your mouth," his voice came out slow, calm. As if this were simply another task among his daily objectives. "Are you really willing to risk a bullet through your skull for the sake of me putting my hands on you? Rather pathetic. You don't even know where this gun has been and yet you're putting it in your mouth?" There was that beat of disgust - only a mild disgust but present nonetheless. You felt a little sick for the way your core heated from his words.

You had overheard Kai preaching to one of his subordinates over "the carrot and the stick method" before - find a balance between the reward and the punishment. For someone who sat there and lectured someone about it, Kai was a lot more stick. Oh, but did he do mean so well.

You popped your mouth off of the barrel but only in order to let your tongue lick up the bigger trails of saliva for a response. You may not know where the gun had been, but it was his. You were positive he kept his gun the cleanest around. And even if he didn't…. 

You would do it if you could convince him.

The mask he wore on his face didn't do much to conceal the way his face started to twist at your display. Positively filthy. But, he had been the one to prompt the action, knowing you would follow his command. Filthy as it may be, it was surely within his wishes even though his marigold eyes were boring down on you with something akin to repulsion.

You met his stare head on as he pulled the gun out of your face and instead dropped to a squat in front of you. His knees were spread out a bit while he rested his elbows against his thighs, lazily poking the gun into the skin of your legs. "Get up on your knees more and spread," he stared simply and like you were under a spell, your body obliged. Your body shifted so your weight was brought forward onto your knees and your rear was no longer resting on your calves. A sharp push of the gun into your inner thigh helped urged your legs to space apart. 

"Yes, sir."

His eyes shifted to meet your gaze at your words and he quirked a brow at you, making you wonder if he actually wanted you to speak. He didn't comment though, instead opting to push the barrel of the gun against your folds, watching your slick coat over the metal. The metal was warmed from the heat of your mouth but it still sent a shiver down your spine. "You're sick." In some ways, you agreed. You just didn't care. You already loved a villain. You were sick and he was your disease.

His nose wrinkled again at the way your body seemed to react to the words. He pulled the gun away, only to see the sticky coating connecting the barrel to your heat. "Really sick."

You bit at your lip, deciding against defending yourself and after hearing a sigh, Kai stood up, pinching the handle of the gun between his fingers. He snagged a tissue out of the box on the table of his office and placed the sullied gun on that to put it aside for now. And when his gaze came back to you, you swallowed hard under the intensity. Hard to mistake him for anything other than in control.

"Stand up."

You scrambled to your feet at the words, trying your best to stay poised but the desperation in your movement was obvious. Had you pleased him? Surely he wasn't about to tell you to leave - you were completely naked. 

"Spread your legs." 

Another scramble to get yourself propped open and you could feel the adrenaline course through your veins as he took off his jacket, draping it over the back of the couch before moving in closer to you. Closer. Closer. He stopped inches before reaching your body and your breath got hitched with his simple proximity. You really hoped you had convinced him…

You had convinced him.

Finally you got the fucking carrot to the stick.

Before you had the chance to realize he had moved, his hand had dove between your legs and two gloved fingers were entering your core. You were seeing stars. It had been much too long since you've felt something there other than your own hand. It was still just fingers inside of you, but somehow him scissoring you open felt immensely better. In an effort to get your balance from the sudden intrusion, you were grabbing onto the fabric of his shirt as you focused on keeping your legs open. His nose crinkled again and you almost thought he was going to push you off him, but he kept his fingers stretching out your insides, the fabric gently scratching against you. 

"The more I touch you, the filthier you get," he stated as his motion switched from a stretching sensation to a pumping one, moving in and out of you, causing you to mewl. "And here, I should be your cure. Maybe you're beyond saving, hm?" Cruel words but you were too wrapped up in your victory to care. You struggled to quell the urge to rock your hips - you didn't dare to push your position and ruin your chances. "You claim to be a Yakuza's partner but you're acting more like some common filth standing at a corner somewhere. A whore."

His hand moved to contour around your body like he was grabbing you from the insides, and he punctuated his insult with a yank that made you bounce up onto your toes for a moment as his fingers rammed up deeper inside of you. The sudden speed and strength may have been enough to hurt but when he moved his clothed thumb to your clit, any complaints you may have had died out. It was just gentle grazes of that sweet spot, but combined with the way his fingers curled, pressing up against your walls, it was a killer combination.

 Quiet moans and whines escaped your lips as your legs trembled more and more every time Kai started to pick up speed. Faster, deeper… Your hands were tensing in his shirt and you tugged, earning you a heavy glare. "What happened to all that posture from before? You look like you can hardly stand," he commented and without bothering to actually get a response from you, he managed to find a spongy little spot inside your body and he found a rhythm fucking his fingers into that targeted spot. All you could manage was a cry as your eyes practically rolled back into your skull. 

"I'm starting to get bored with this," he droned on, despite the way he was now jabbing his fingers straight into your g-spot with a force that had you barely able to keep still. "If you're seeking satisfaction from this, you better find it quickly. Otherwise I may just leave you to fend for yourself." He could talk all he wanted but it wasn't going to take you much more. You felt a coil in your stomach ready to snap. Actually, you were starting to feel like you had to pee - which by all means should have been a danger sign for you considering your clean freak partner, but the euphoria of it all was making you forgetful.

Jab. Jab. Jab. When he returned back to your clit with his thumb, this time giving it a more thorough breed of attention, that's when your coil snapped. Your orgasm hit hard. It hit sticky and wet and squirting. Your chance to cum around his fingers was gone because as soon as he heard your wild cry, his eyes widened a fraction and his hand whipped out of you just fast enough to avoid the onslaught of your gush. You hardly even registered your hands being yanked off his clothes, until he released you and stepped back. No sympathy for you or your shaky legs. He let you fall to the floor in your messy pleasure and leveled a glare at you as your afterglow hit you while you sat in your self made puddle.

A whimper rose from your lips, dissatisfied at the loss of touch but a bit too blissed out from the orgasm to form any coherent sort of protest. A click of his tongue had your blurry gaze dragging to meet his visage. He looked annoyed for someone who had just made you squirt - how had he even known how to do that? "You made a mess," he stated bluntly as he used his clean glove to discard the one now covered in traces of you. He plopped it on the same kleenex with the gun before he grabbed his jacket. What was he doing now?

As he started to walk away, that's when you realized he was simply leaving you here. You were sitting in your own filth. Of course he was choosing to leave. You didn't think your legs were prepared to get up and run after him effectively. He took a last glance back at you as he got to the doorway. "Get yourself together and clean up in here. I can't stand looking at such a wreck."

And then he left.

[c-c-cherry]

HELL YEAH I HAVE SOME BRUNO :D

I fuckin love Bruno. Can’t really explain it, stoic/parental characters and found family tropes are just drawn to me and writing it just gives me immense joy! It’s time to dive right in this, babey >:)

Also I’m sorry for the recent inactivity. School’s been kicking my fucking ASS and I need to put in more time for that right now, so things might be slower until Holiday break. Hope y’all can bear with me a bit :)

//content warning for whump-related shit (sickness, major injury, drugs etc..)

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Pain Tolerance

-When it comes to physical injury, he can handle almost anything with grace

-With a job like his, it always helps to be quick on your feet and resourceful enough to save your life

-He’s not stupid, either. When he’s hurt in a way that he can’t fix himself, he doesn’t hesitate asking someone who actually can help

-He doesn’t particularly like it when people help him out because he’s supposed to be this omnipotent leader figure, but he won’t be stubborn when it comes down to it. He hates wasting time more than he hates showing weakness

-No one can tell him that Sticky Fingers ≠ instant stitches because that stand can get shit done

-Is it sanitary? Not really. Does it hurt a shit ton? Yeah. Does he care? Take a fucking guess y’all >:)

-This man is used to putting up with shit in order to survive and trained himself to take pain in waves. If he can just ride through it, he’ll eventually be able to function again

-Sometimes hesitating isn’t an option. Neither is acknowledging that the bullet wound in your side is bleeding out and logically you should be unconscious from how painful it is

-It takes a certain person to quite literally hold off on their own pain to help others (partly because they aren’t ready to acknowledge it) but Bruno is definitely that saviour-complex, martyr type

-He could have a fucking bullet still in his side but he’s too busy to worry about it because Narancia might have a concussion or Fugo’s arm is broken or they can’t find Giorno amid the stand battle the possibilities are endless

-The one thing he can’t seem to shake off? Getting drugged.

-He almost always has control over his surroundings with any other mishap but once his brain is messed with like that, he’s basically done for

-It doesn’t really help that he’s a lightweight with recreational things in general, but heavy stuff used for spiking or kidnapping absolutely fucks with him

-His stand completely shuts down, he loses control of all his surroundings,,,basically everything he relied on to get through stuff in the past is off the table

-It doesn’t happen very often, but when the gang has had to deal with him like that, its like watching someone’s entire self completely break down

-Suddenly any kind of feeling or pain is amplified and it’s unbearable. It’s awful seeing someone who’s usually so stoic act in such a manner, but it’s almost,,,,cathartic? It reminds all of them that he’s human and his stoicism shouldn’t be taken lightly

Injury

Rule #1 of Bruno’s moral code that doesn’t really make sense but you can’t really argue with him on it: DO NOT BRING HIM TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL.

-He’ll flat-out refuse to go

-Things are much easier now that Giorno is on their team, but things used to be borderline nightmarish during pre-canon missions that went awry

-He’ll have no problem recommending getting professional medical help to anyone else on the team, but there’s no way in hell you could make him go himself

-He hasn’t set foot in a hospital since his father was in one, and and plans to never go in one again

-To him, the medical system failed him (even though there was nothing they could virtually do)

-It’s an irrational way of thinking, but he refuses to talk about it either way

-Even when he is injured enough to require going to a doctor he can usually repress it, usually because he’s in shock, and his mind convinces him that he’s absolutely fine

-His refusal to acknowledge when he’s injured sometimes can get him in deep shit though

-Abbacchio is beyond counting on his fingers how many times a mission will be over and Bruno will be cooking dinner or reading a book and suddenly stop and get this look and Leone will be like “you good?”

-And Bruno just sets his book down and says:

“I fractured my arm and dislocated my elbow earlier today. I should probably look at it now, shouldn’t I?”

in the calmest fucking voice on the planet.

-Sometimes Bruno will just go on about his day and won’t have the chance to tell them calmly because suddenly blood is leaking out of the side of his head or they find him passed out oN THE FLOOR INSTEAD

-Needless to say it gives them all fucking heart attacks all the damn time

-Its actually so common post-canon that the gang has to do routine checks on each other to make sure no one is “withholding any injuries” (but they all know who the rule was really created for)

Sickness

-The. Most. STUBBORN MOTHERFUCKER

-Extremely irritable and hates not being able to do anything. Most people when they’re sick either get very clingy or very bitchy and we all know which one he’d be

-This is nothing like injury. He’ll KNOW he’ll be fine because it's just a fever, so to him that automatically means that no one is obligated to know and/or care regardless of how shit he’s feeling

-He either pretends it’s not happening at all, or he hides away in his room or some zipper dimension until he’s totally fine again

-Hates, and I mean HATES it when people try to take care of him

-Maybe he wants it. Maybe he doesn’t. Either way, he feels too selfless to “make someone do all that” for him

-Though Abbacchio and Fugo would refer to it more as self-destructive than selfless (but they aren’t exactly ones to talk)

-Seriously high fever? It’s just really hot in here, better turn the heat down.

-Can’t fucking breathe because he’s coughing so hard? No no, they still have another mission today to get through. Just have some tea and you’ll be fine

-So nauseous that he can barely stand up on his own? Probably just need to drink some more water today

-The KING of sick denial. The embodiment of the “parents don’t get sick because they don’t have time to” myth

-The times when they do catch him before he can disappear is when stuff is really bad. He’s gotta be too weak to move for them to pounce on him and force him to take care of himself, and even then he will only let Abbacchio do things for him because he doesn’t want to seem like a weak role model for the rest of them ;-;

-Bruno makes the best soup for when the rest of the gang catches something but Mista pulls out the good shit and makes the best fucking food for sick Bruno and it’s very wholesome and nice :)

Emotional Stress

-Bottles up everything, and I mean EVERYTHING until his limbs are fucking shaking and he’s unable to do anything else but sit there and cry

-He feels like he has to be stoic and emotionless most of the time, and although everyone knows that Bruno’s a bleeding heart, he’s also very reserved when it comes to what he really needs

-Things like nightmares or his father or things that happened to him in the past or things that you need to talk about to get off your chest are things that he keeps to himself

-Taking on too much and overworking himself is how he distracts himself from most things. He’d rather just pretend that things aren’t happening then confront it and end up breaking down

-It always comes out in the worst ways. He’ll start snapping at people when he normally would never, stops sleeping and eating, drinks too much even though he knows that it does nothing for him

-He hates the fact that he doesn’t tell people when he’s hurting, but he can’t bring himself to do it without thinking about how weak it would look on his part

-He zips himself away and cries in secret, but everyone can always tell when his nose is too red or the light is gone from his eyes later that day

-When things get bad, his hands will shake. It's almost an unconscious action that happens when he’s thinking too much about things or when he hasn’t gotten nearly as much sleep as he should, but it's extremely noticeable and he despises the fact that he can’t do anything to stop it

-His face and body will look completely put-together but the gang’s eyes will drift to the trembling paperwork that his hands are holding

-Fugo or Abbacchio will usually pull him aside and ask him if everything’s alright and the answer is always arguably a no

-It usually ends up with Leone dragging Bruno somewhere alone or kicking the rest of them out and just letting him let everything out

-Sometimes it’ll take hours and these giant “blow-ups” happen more often than they should, but Leone’s just glad that he’s communicating, even just a little bit

-Once things blow over, they actually talk. They find solutions as much as Bruno doesn’t want to, and things really don’t seem as bad once he starts actually talking about them

-The rest of the fam comes home and makes dinner/finishes up his paperwork for him and they all watch a warm-hearted movie together :3

-He loves giving people hugs because he’s all about that family love, but asking for one is a whole other story (good thing Narancia and his impeccable emotional intelligence always swoop in for a hug when Bruno looks like he’s on his last legs) :))))

-No one said opening up was going to be easy, but he’s got his supportive Passione fam to help him out when he needs it most :’)

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

I actually had some fics in mind while writing this list! If you want some Bruno whump to inhale, here’s what I was thinking of while writing this: 

The Mighty Fall by @lady-wallace​

Only Bend When It Breaks  and Night go Slower by roktavor

and Yet here he was by Your’s Truly!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #335

“on my forehead, a birthmark  /  remove it with the kiss of a knife  /  even if it causes me to die”

Do you recover well from surgery? Judging by the two surgeries I've had, oh yeah. I was hyper as hell when I came home from getting tubes put in my ears as a little kid, even though the doctor said I'd be very sleepy. Then, after my cyst removal, I was put on very strong painkillers but was still warned it was going to be a painful recovery, when it totally wasn't. I literally only took painkillers the first day. What addictions have you had? Caffeine, technology. Would you change your name if you became famous? Nah. If Cupid were real, would you hire him to make someone love you? No. I don't want somebody forced to love me. Ever been to an auction? No. Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy”) It kinda varies with gender. Women I tend to call "beautiful" or "gorgeous," sometimes "hot" or "cute," while men I usually refer to as "handsome" or "hot"/"sexy." The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? She's a bit younger. When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hm. I dunno. I have a hard time saying "no," so. When was the last time you had Pop Tarts? What flavour were they? Many months ago; I kinda stopped eating them because they're truly not filling and just a load of sugar that veils itself as an actual breakfast choice. But anyway, I liked the chocolate sundae ones. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Did you ever play Spyro? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! SPYRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those games were my CHILDHOOD, and it's half the reason I'm dying for a PS4 to play the remastered trilogy. Speaking of which, it'd be awesome if they remade the The Legend of Spyro trilogy as well. I might just like those games more than the originals, but that's a bold statement I'm unsure about. Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? I dated a Hispanic guy for less than a day. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? Ozzy Osbourne's, yes. I'm just fucking waiting for Mark to write one, but he's always said he has so little interest in writing about his life. DO IT, YOU FUCK. Do you own any succulents? No. I think they're pretty, though. Do you have a drone? No. What’s your favorite Netflix series? *shrug* What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Summertime. The heat, the humidity (at least here), the sunburn from just standing outside for ten minutes... I hate all of it. The ONLY two things I enjoy about summer is swimming and then flowers, though spring is the more floral season here anyway. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? They've... happened. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Pretty sure forever. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Once upon a time, that was the plan. Now, nah. I'd just want to be in a healthy, stable, and long-term relationship. What do you think about divorce? It's sad, but necessary for some people in order to be happy, which everyone has the right to be. I used to be very firmly against divorce except in extreme cases like abuse, etc., and I'm still definitely no fan of it and think couples should do their best to work things out, but it's incredibly unfair to believe that someone should be stuck for the rest of their life with a person they just don't love anymore. Getting married can be a mistake; don't damn people forever to be chained to their bad decisions. Do you remember the first time your heart broke? What was the reason? It was probably when Dad just abandoned us. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I don't think anyone's ever pulled a sick joke on me. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes; my little sister deadass tried to walk outside late at night. Thank God I was on the computer in the living room and stopped her. What song are you listening to right now? I just turned "Mutter" by Rammstein on. When is the last time you cursed? I'm not re-reading, but I have probably cursed fifty times in this survey already. It's so deeply ingrained into my vocabulary. Are there any words on your shirt? No; it's just a plain gray tank top. Why do you forward forwards? I never do because they annoy the fuck out of me. How many people are you interested in at the moment? Just one in a healthy and logical way. I can't be truly interested in Jason because like come on I haven't spoken to him in four whole years. My PTSD just ensures I never forget the memory of who he was, who probably no longer even exists. I mean, look how much I'VE changed in four years. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nnnnope. Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Apart from family, I have no idea. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Venus never does, but Roman can get on my nerves sometimes when I don't let him lay on me when I'm on the laptop in bed. He's a large cat (not overweight, just a big male cat) and blocks the screen big time unless he lies down properly, which he doesn't always do. He still tends to win when he tries to come over, but sometimes I'll block him with my arm, and this spoiled brat will actually slap it a few times before walking away lmao. Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Absolutely a pool. I want one badly. Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Especially lately, I don't get nearly enough. Like at the time I'm answering this question, it's 4 AM, and I've been up for almost a couple hours. I struggle with falling asleep, I will ALWAYS wake up at least once in the night, and I jerk awake from nightmares regularly still. It's a big reason why I pretty much require naps. Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We only have an attic. Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? No. I'm way too timid of a driver to get that outwardly pissy about stupid people. I'd just judge them in silence, haha. What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? Because of just how common they are, I'm going to assume this excludes birds, in which case it was probably a squirrel? Yeah, the normal brown ones are common. Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Since I was fucking stupid enough to post a suicide note on Facebook (I don't want to hear a goddamn thing about "attention seeking," I genuinely wanted to say goodbye), I almost never, ever, share things about my personal life. Even before, it was rare for me to actually share what's going on with me. All I really do now is share relatable, wholesome, or funny shit I find, as well as political things I'm in firm agreement with. What are some habits you have in common with your parents? I pace like my dad, and it drives people crazy because it apparently makes them anxious? I can't think of an obvious one I have with Mom, but I'm sure one exists. Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? I feel safest and most clean in a pool, but c'mon, swimming in the ocean is so much fun. When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? It depends on the book, it seems. Especially if someone else owns it, like in school or something. Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? My legs always hurt. I've shared enough as to why; it wasn't an actual, singular "incident." What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? OH MY FUCKING GOD. So in group therapy the other day, one of the girls had her bearded dragon out, and he was being aggressive. I think he tried to bite her aND SHE SAID WITHOUT REALIZING HER MIC WAS ON, "fucking dickhead," and everyone d i e d. She's a really cool chick, I'll miss her when I'm finished with PHP. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, surprisingly enough. I barely ever sing. Do you bite your lips a lot? Yes, especially when they're dry. .-. What part of your body would you never get pierced? Anyone who gets a piercing "down there" has a greater pain tolerance than this bitch right here. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? Juan had quite a few. I don't remember if Tyler did... but I think maybe a The Legend of Zelda-related one? Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? No; I love dogs. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Man, idk, I'm a little bitch when it comes to emotional movies. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is high up there, as is of course Johnny Got His Gun. Old Yeller, too. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Sara's gonna write a fuckin book series ok you can't convince me otherwise. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? Damn dude, what an ungrateful question. I'm just appreciative someone even thought TO give me something. Do you shave your arms? My armpits, yes, but not my arms themselves. How many people have you dated? I only count three as even remotely serious: Jason, Sara, and Girt. Have you ever performed in a play? I remember back in Sunday school as a tiny kid I played Mother Mary in one we did in class. Do you chew gum? I have been more lately since my doc upped the dosage of one of my mood stabilizers (which I think is actually helping); I mention that because apparently a side effect is dry mouth, and it's the fucking Sahara in there. He advises those who deal with it to always carry around hard candy or something like that for the sake of forcing salivation, so gum works for me. How old were you when you first started dating? I was in the 7th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but it was total puppydog love. I started dating my first "real" bf when I was just shy of 16. Are/were your parents strict? Dad, no. Mom, only to a degree that I feel was pretty reasonable. She only ever wanted to prepare us to be functional, independent adults. Didn't work so well on me though, ha... Do you wear glasses? Yes. God, I need new ones. I'm blind as hell. What do you miss most about your childhood? Being so outgoing and happy to just be weird lil me. Do you write “To-Do” lists? Not really, no, but I do have notes on my phone about a couple things, like a bulleted list of planned monetary investments by importance, as well as a list of drawing ideas. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? I don't, really. There's loads I like, but no one favorite. Could you survive as a vegetarian? I pretty desperately want to, but I don't know if it's realistic. I am so, SO picky, and without meat, it's very questionable as to where I'd get an adequate source of protein. I still want to try again though once I'm at my goal weight. Has anyone ever asked you for your autograph? Lol no. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah, but that was a looong time ago when I was actually some semblance of pretty. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? I used to be someone who firmly stood by nighttime showers, but now I'm all about them in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up and start the day with productivity. Could you handle living with a male roommate? I mean, I lived with my then-boyfriend once, but I'm going to assume you'd consider him more than a "roommate." We lived with our two other friends, though, also a couple, and I was totally fine with living with them. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes. Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is very scary, but all the movies I've seen bits of have always been super cheesy. Which do you prefer, Naruto or One Piece? I haven't seen either and really aren't interested. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I've never really watched his movies, but I'm a fan of his music. What’s you fetish? I don't have one. Have you ever been in the “friend zone?" Well, what I'd call a "fake" one with Jason after the breakup until I was blocked on Facebook. I know now he absolutely did not want to be friends; he was trying to appease me. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Definitely conservative. Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Yeah, me. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm certain Mom was, but idk about Dad. I think so. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. What was the last thing that you recorded? I think Mom and I singing "happy birthday" to my late dog Teddy; we knew it would be his last. Do you like the show Futurama? Not really. Have you ever been in a choir class? I was in the elementary school chorus, as well as the choir at my childhood church. Are you ashamed of any of your family members? No, only myself. Were you a chubby child? No. Did you ever have senior photos done? No, even though I wanted them. Who is the person you dislike the most? God, this is so petty... but it's the girl Jason dated after me. I know it's childish as hell to feel like she "took" him from me, and I just feel this horrible hatred towards her that is entirely uncalled for. I just can't get myself to move past it. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, as I'm unemployed and also don't have disability, so I literally can't. How do you usually celebrate New Years? I really don't do much. Sometimes Mom will grab a pack of daiquiris, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? N/A What was the last job interview you went to? At a local grocery store to work in the deli. Got the job, lasted there for not even two hours. :^) Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Autism and mood disorders, yes. I myself may have high-functioning Asperger's (yes, I know that term doesn't technically exist anymore, it's just the umbrella term of "autism," but w/e). Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, and it's pretty much guaranteed that, unless there's some sudden accident, my mom will die of cancer, too. Hers got too bad to entirely eliminate every trace of cancer cells, so it will inevitably re-emerge at some point, just obviously some place else given that she had a total hysterectomy. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? Office. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? I enjoy all of those, but sour I think tops the list.

[bitterlikesweets]

Love Bites Ch 16

This is the sixteenth chapter of a modern/vampire AU ereri fanfic. You can also read it on Ao3. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | Special | 15 | 16

Next

"Look, I'm sorry. It was my idea—"

"Yeah, no shit, now shut up and drink."

It took them at least five minutes to calm down, and another five for Mikasa and Eren to stop giggling every time they looked at Levi's scowling face, notebook still in hand (it didn't help that he kept muttering "shitty sparkly vampire movie" under his breath). But after Levi sent the two of them death glares, and Armin curled up in a literal ball on the floor beside Levi, Eren figured it was time to get back on track.

Levi drops his arm on the table. They've all gotten situated in new seats, with Levi at the head of the table and Eren and Armin on either side of him. Mikasa sits on the other side of Eren, but as Eren noisily scoots his chair closer to Levi's, she follows and ends up across from Armin.

"First things first," Levi says, looking at Mikasa and Armin, "Eren drinks from the wrist. He always bites in the right spot, so there's no need to worry about that."

Armin raises his hand, and Eren drops his head to rest his cheek against Levi's forearm, closing his eyes. So much informational stuff. He feels like zoning out.

"This isn't a school," Levi says, "but sure, Armin, go ahead."

"Oh, um." Armin laughs awkwardly and lowers his arm. "Right, sorry, uh… Is there a reason why he doesn't bite you on the neck?"

"Several actually—"

Eren really does zone out this time, moving his cheek from Levi's arm to the table so that he can easily lace their fingers together. Levi won't care if he doesn't really pay attention, right? He's told Eren all this before, anyway. There are a bunch of reasons not to drink from the neck. Concerns about turning, too close to the heart, super intimate—

Well, the "intimate" part of it probably isn't as much of a problem anymore.

"Eren."

Eren's eyes flutter open, and he finds himself looking up at Levi as the man leans over him.

"You're getting the full amount today, for the first time since you were sick. You might get more drunk than usual."

"Drunk?" Mikasa asks.

"Blood drunk. You'll understand soon."

"I'll be fine," Eren says, raising his head off the table.

He should be fine, anyway. That was the whole point of them spreading his drinking schedule out and starting with only a bit of blood at a time. All he needed was for his stomach to get used to it. Eren feels plenty used to it now. Who knows if he’ll even feel blood drunk this time around? Maybe he’s already built up a good tolerance. That's how alcohol ended up working out for him.

Eren just hopes his body doesn’t vomit all the blood out to prove him wrong.

He curls his fingers around Levi’s arm, bringing it up to meet his lips. His eyes slip shut as the warm liquid hits his tongue, and Levi’s free hand lands upon his head, pale fingers sliding into his hair.

“Is that, um—” Armin clears his throat. “Is that necessary? Does it help him, I mean.”

Eren’s only half listening. He’s distracted by the way Levi’s blood sates his parched throat, by the way the heat spreads through his veins. It’s as sweet as ever, like warm honey, but a little bit easier to get down. Warm honey with a metallic tang, a savory undertone.

It’s so nice that Eren forgets that this is the first time his friends have ever seen him drink blood—excluding that time with the wine glass on the day he met Levi. So nice that Eren forgets he should be worried about them being disgusted by actually seeing his fangs at work, by the proof that their friend isn’t a human anymore.

Even if he did remember, Levi is with him. Levi said he doesn’t see Eren as a monster. If Levi doesn’t, then his lifelong friends shouldn’t see him that way either.

Right?

“Not necessary, exactly,” Levi says. “I pull his hair to get him to stop drinking because he doesn’t remember on his own just yet. I could tell him to stop, but this is faster.”

“Oh, okay…”

“You won’t have to worry about it, if he ever drinks from you. I’ll teach him the right way by then.”

Eren lets out a little grumble at that, and Levi combs his fingers through Eren’s hair.

“Something wrong?”

Eren shakes his head, but his eyebrows are furrowed.

Something about the thought of drinking blood that’s not Levi’s rubs Eren the wrong way. Obviously, Eren knows that’s part of the reason he brought his friends here in the first place, but…

It just doesn’t feel right. He doesn’t want anybody else’s blood. He wants Levi’s. He’s with Levi now anyway. Does he even have to consider drinking Mikasa or Armin’s blood?

The tug at Eren’s scalp brings his attention back to the present, and he pulls away from Levi’s wrist with a slight sigh, swiping his tongue across the bite marks.

“You okay?” Levi asks as Eren slowly raises his head.

Eren hums a little, taking stock of his body. He’s not nauseous—thank God—and he feels warm all over, but other than that…

“Just warm,” Eren says, giving Levi a little thumbs up.

When the entire room lets out a sigh of relief, Eren rolls his eyes, dropping his head onto Levi’s shoulder.

“You guys need to relax,” Eren says, wiggling a disapproving finger in the direction of his friends. “I’m… totally fine… Big chillin’...”

Okay. Maybe not just warm. Eren can practically feel his thoughts slowing down. But that’s whatever. That’s fine. Totally nothing to worry about.

“‘Big chillin.’” Levi echoes with a scoff. “That’s a new one for you.”

“What d’you mean?” Eren asks with a frown. “I say that, like… all the time. I’m constantly in a state of chill. Big chillin’ all the time.”

“Sure.”

Mikasa whistles, dropping her chin onto the back of her hands as she looks at Eren with a small smile.

“There’s a lot about this that’s new,” she says.

“Whaat?” Eren asks. “Fuck off. I’m always like this. All the time.”

“Really?” she asks. “Have I been missing something or are you just constantly drunk whenever I’m not around?”

“‘M not drunk,” Eren grumbles. “I’m a heavyweight. Heavy. Weight. ‘S impossible for me to get drunk.”

Usually. It’s usually impossible for him to get drunk. Blood’s so weird that way. Can he get used to blood or is it always going to hit him this hard? Oh, but does he even want to get used to blood? He doesn’t want to get too used to it. He likes that it tastes super delicious every time. He feels like it’s only getting tastier the more he drinks it. Is he going to get drunker every time he drinks it? Eren’s not sure if he wants that. One of these days, he’s going to drink blood and just instantly pass out…

“Woah there, big guy.”

Eren feels arms around his waist, tugging him up and back until he’s leaning against Levi’s chest. Was he sliding out of his chair? Levi’s so nice, always noticing stuff like that… Eren’s so lucky.

He turns his head to nuzzle his face into Levi’s neck. He’s good though, careful to keep his mouth closed and his fangs away from any exposed skin. He’s so full right now anyway. He just likes to have his face there, to feel and hear Levi’s pulse thrumming beneath his skin.

It kind of makes his own neck itchy, though. Right where his bite scars are. Eren wonders why that is. Even when he scratches it, it keeps itching.

“Yeah, no,” Mikasa says. “This is definitely new.”

“I’m guessing he doesn’t get drunk often,” Levi says.

“Ne-ver. Never,” Eren cuts in. “Always the… DD when we go to bars. Mr. Designated Driver, they call me.”

“Nobody calls you that, Eren,” Mikasa says.

“And I’m usually the DD,” Armin says, “because I don’t drink, and you make me nervous whether you’re acting drunk or not.”

“Don’t tell Levi that, assholes… Stop trying to make me look not cool in front of him.”

“It’s not us that are making you look not cool, Eren.”

Levi just chuckles, and Eren smiles, pressing his face against Levi’s shoulder. It’s nice, hearing Levi’s laugh from this close. Levi’s arms curl a little tighter around him.

“You’re plenty cool, Eren.”

“Ah ha!” Eren exclaims loudly, lifting his head away from Levi’s neck just long enough to glare at Mikasa. “See? This’s why Levi’s my favorite. He’s not mean to me… unless I want it.”

“What?”

Levi lets out a sound like he’s choking, and Eren’s not sure why. He was just telling the truth. They both play at bullying each other. Levi calls him little shit… Eren calls him a dumbass... It’s all in good fun. Just teasing.

“Don’t read into that,” Levi says.

“Yeah, I definitely don’t want to,” Mikasa replies.

“See, this is new too,” Armin says. “It’s not just Eren being drunk. It’s that.”

“That?” Levi repeats.

“Him being so… affectionate.”

Eren’s not sure if Armin actually sounds bitter or if Eren's just not over the fact that Levi made him laugh earlier. Not that Levi’s not allowed to make other guys laugh. It’s just… Eren’s not used to it. Not used to seeing Levi around other people. When he does see Levi with other people, Levi’s usually bullying the fuck out of them. Unless it's Petra. But Eren likes Petra. Not that Eren doesn’t like Armin. He loves Armin—

“Eren hasn’t dated anyone since high school,” Armin continues. “And that relationship—”

“Armin, maybe you shouldn’t.”

“No,” Levi says. “You brought it up. Let me hear it.”

Eren loves Armin, so he’s not sure why it rubbed Eren the wrong way. Maybe it’s not about Levi being nice at all and more about how Armin reacted. Because Armin’s so bad with people. He avoids them, lets Mikasa and Eren take the lead first. He doesn’t go out of his way to talk to strangers, and there’s usually no way Armin is comfortable enough to laugh—

“It’s just that Eren’s last relationship ended pretty badly. Because Eren barely let the guy touch him, and when they kissed—”

Wait.

“Are you guys… talking about Jean?”

Mikasa sighs.

“See, I told you that you shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“I was just explaining why I thought how Eren acts with Levi is weird—”

“Noo,” Eren says, shifting in Levi’s arms and rubbing his eyes with his hands. “That’s because Jean… wasn’t right.”

“Wasn’t right how?” Levi asks.

Eren scowls. His bite scars are itchy again, even though his face isn’t near Levi’s neck anymore. Maybe it’s thinking about Jean that’s doing it.

“Thought I was into him,” Eren mumbles, “but whenever he touched me, I just… didn’t feel good. Tried telling him, but he didn’t get it. Thought I was just fucking with him. So I punched him in the face when we kissed. Haven’t wanted anybody but my friends to touch me since.”

Levi’s hands on Eren’s waist grow tense.

“And where’s this Jean guy now?”

“Hmm?” Eren shakes his head. “Dunno. We’re cool though. He thinks I’m nuts ‘cause I was the one who asked him out in the first place… Dating our friend Marco now, I think.”

“We tried to warn him,” Mikasa says.

“Eren’s just been like that for as long as we’ve known him,” Armin adds. “He doesn’t like to be touched when he knows it’s romantic. Even when it’s somebody he likes that way.”

“Mm,” Eren mumbles with a serious nod. “But Levi’s good. Like it when it’s Levi.”

And suddenly Levi’s hands are relaxed again.

“...You sure?” Levi asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Eren says, nodding again. “With Levi… Big chillin.’”

Mikasa snorts.

“That’s good,” Armin says. “I’m… glad.”

“Mmhmm…” Eren tilts his head, sliding slightly across Levi’s chest. “Probably ‘cause we’re soulmates.”

“...Huh?”

One of Levi’s arms moves away, and Eren frowns over at him to see Levi’s face buried in one of his hands.

“Whaaat?” Eren asks, trying to pull Levi’s hand away from his face. “We are! We’re soulmates. Vampire soulmates!”

“Vampire… soulmates,” Mikasa echoes.

“It’s a long story,” Levi says. “It’s not even—”

“We are,” Eren says firmly. “Say we’re not and ‘m gonna beat you up.”

Levi’s fingers spread slightly, and Eren can see a skeptical gray eye through the gap.

“Really. You’re going to beat me up.”

“Yeah,” Eren says, but then he frowns.

He doesn’t want to beat Levi up. He knows that Levi thinks it’s just a stupid myth. And it’s not like Eren has any proof. Maybe if he had some proof, he could feel a little more justified about beating Levi up. Let’s see, where could he get proof…

“If I call Erwin,” Eren says slowly, “and he says ‘yeah, vampire soulmates are totally real,’ then ‘m gonna beat you up.”

Levi just sighs and shakes his head.

“Sure. Go right ahead.”

“Vampire soulmates,” Mikasa says again.

“W-who’s Erwin?” Armin exclaims loudly, and Eren watches as Levi’s shoulders sag with relief.

“Good question. I actually need to get you his contact info.”

Levi’s arms retreat, and Eren frowns, the hazy heat in his head clearing his head slightly as he tries to wrap his head around what Levi just said. Why would Mikasa and Armin need Erwin’s contact info? Erwin knows a lot of vampire stuff, sure, but shouldn’t they just go to Levi if they have questions?

Levi completely pulls away, stepping out of his chair, and Eren slumps in his own seat, his head in his hands. He doesn’t get it.

“Erwin’s a vampire I know,” Levi says, coming back to the table with a pen and paper in hand. “If anything ever happens with Eren that you don’t know what to do about, Erwin will know. If not, there’s Hanji—another vampire. I’ll give you their number too—”

“Stop,” Eren says, lifting his head up.

Mikasa and Armin are looking at Eren with concerned frowns, but Eren’s focus is on Levi.

“Why?” Eren asks.

“Why what?”

“Why shouldn’t they just call you?”

Levi shakes his head.

“This is if I’m not around.”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

“If something happens to me—”

“No!” Eren shakes his head furiously. “No, nothing’s gonna happen to you.”

Levi’s expression goes soft, and he slides the page he was writing on to Armin before coming back to Eren’s side.

“Mikasa,” Armin says, snatching up the paper and rushing to her side of the table. “Let’s go.”

“Go?” she repeats with a frown. “Eren drove us here—”

“We’ll figure it out,” Armin hisses, grabbing her by the arm and yanking her out of her seat. “Now let’s go.”

“Okay, okay!”

And then it’s just Eren and Levi alone in the break room.

“Eren—”

“Why would you say that?” Eren asks. “Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

“It was just a precaution—”

“That’s not the problem!” Eren exclaims, his hands clenching into fists. “That’s not—why is it just you? Why's it just you that something bad happens to? I’m here. I’m with you.”

“Eren, I’m the one of us with the dangerous job—”

“Then take me with you!” Eren exclaims, grabbing hold of Levi’s arms. “I’m here. I’m learning to fight. I can help you. I can keep you safe.”

Levi frowns.

“I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“And you think I want you getting hurt?”

Levi’s eyes grow wide for a moment as Eren's grip tightens on his arm. A moment later and Levi lets out a quiet sigh, kneeling down in front of where Eren is sitting.

“I… see what you’re saying.”

“Say you’re going to take me with you.”

“Eren—”

“I’m serious!” Eren says, his eyes burning and his sight getting blurry. “I can’t—you have to say you’ll take me with you.”

Levi’s gray-eyed gaze lowers, and for a second Eren thinks that’s he really not going to say it. Is that Levi’s plan? To just go off on his own somewhere and die? Even leaving Eren out of it, it’s a stupid plan. What about Isabel, Furlan, and Petra? What about his family and the people who love him—

“...Okay.”

“What?”

“Okay,” Levi says, louder now, laying his hands over Eren’s knees. “I’ll take you with me.”

Eren’s grip on Levi’s arms loosens slightly, though he still can’t hold back his frown.

“I’m with you,” Eren says, scooting forward and leaning down, closer to Levi.

“I know.”

“I can help you.”

“I know.”

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to go alone?”

Levi sighs.

“...No.”

“No?”

“They told me ‘be safe,’” Levi says. “If I even told them I was going. Most of the time I didn’t.”

“...You’re a dick, Levi.”

For some reason, that makes Levi laugh, and Levi moves closer, resting his head on Eren’s thighs.

“Yeah.”

“You’re not allowed to do that to me.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious. I’ll beat you up.”

“Okay.”

Eren sighs, moving his hands from Levi’s arms to Levi’s shoulders. The heat of his anger is quickly cooling back to regular, blood drunk warmth, though he’s not quite as hazy as he was before.

“‘M sorry,” Eren says. “For yelling at you.”

Levi shakes his head.

“No, I earned it. I just… If something were to happen to me—just me—I worried that you… that you wouldn’t be okay. I wanted to prepare.”

“Not gonna happen,” Eren says, squeezing Levi’s shoulders. “I’m a whole ass vampire, you know? I can protect you. As soon as you teach me to fight, ‘m gonna be way stronger than you anyway.”

“You’re right,” Levi says.

“Gonna get waaay stronger than you and then we’ll be big chillin.’”

Levi opens his eyes just to roll them at Eren.

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“What d’you mean? I always say that.”

Levi heaves a huge sigh before getting to his feet, patting Eren’s legs one last time.

“Sure, big guy.”

Eren’s nose scrunches in annoyance.

“Don’t like it when you say it like that. ‘M a big guy, but that’s good.”

“Right, right.”

Eren’s eyes narrow as he watches Levi walk towards the door.

“Why’re you leaving?”

“Somebody needs to tell your friends that they don’t need to walk home, and you’re not able to do it.”

“Ohh… Okay.”

Levi pauses with his hand on the doorknob, looking at Eren over his shoulder.

“You be good and don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone,” Levi says, pushing the door open.

“Yeah,” Eren says, nodding, “I’m Levi’s good boy. Won’t do anything stupid.”

Levi trips on his way out the door, the tips of his ears burning red.

“N-not what I said,” Levi says firmly.

“Hmm?”

It takes Petra squealing and wolf whistling for Eren to realize, ohhh, he’s definitely going to regret everything he just said once he’s sober again.

[igirisuhito]

Title: Afflicted Relationship(s): Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito Rating: Mature Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / ? Chapter Summary: Monokuma has a fresh new motive! Monomi has been a bit too comfortable lately, so why not let the chains go and let the biggest secret they're trying to suppress manifest within the simulation under the guise of illness? Trigger Warnings: Vomiting, Illness, Personality issues Author’s Note: This fic is an AU of sdr2 chapter 3. Rather slow to update. Can’t tell you how long it will run for but if you like to keep track, I recommend subscribing on Ao3.

[Ao3 Link]

┈┈┈┈․° ☣ °․┈┈┈┈

"Hghh-GAH!"

My body shot up involuntarily, kicking me from my sleep. My breathing was laboured and sweat dripped down my forehead, was that a nightmare? As quickly as it had come, the nightmare had completely dissolved, feeling out of reach in the depths of my mind yet leaving a bad taste in my mouth

My body was hot, unusually so. It's so hot here on tropical Jabberwock Island but I was finally starting to get used to it. This heat was more...feverish. Have I come down with something? Can I even get sick here? Surely not.

…Can viruses travel across water?

Pocketing the thought in my mind to ask Tsumiki later, I buttoned my shirt and lifted myself from the bed. My body was heavy, exhausted, like I hadn’t rested in years. Vertigo made the floor deceptively uneven beneath my feet.

Oh god. Something is wrong.

I picked up my jeans from the floor and pulled them on, stumbling slightly as I tried to balance and get my legs in the right holes. I wrapped my tie around my collar and knotted it loosely before quickly slipping my sneakers on, not even bothering to redo the laces. I really should have had a shower with how sticky with sweat my skin was, but I really had to get to breakfast.

A weird thought floated through the back of my mind, it was almost as if I was…underdressed? This is what I wear every day…?

I stepped towards the door slowly. My heart was pounding in my ears, like I'd been running a marathon. Ohhh something was definitely off.

I turned the knob and stepped outside into the daylight. Crap the sun was bright. With slow steps, I made my way from the cabins to the restaurant where everybody usually met up.

My fingers glided along the banister as I stepped up the wooden stairs. This mundane task felt so much more difficult today. Upon making it upstairs and entering through the diner’s side entrance, I was confronted by the sound of loud sobs.

I assumed it was Saionji or Tsumiki, but the sobs didn't quite match those two. They were louder, less whiny. The sight that appeared before me was Owari leaning into Tsumiki's chest, bawling her eyes out and staining the nurse's white apron. It was such an unusual scene, I found myself glancing multiple times to see if it was actually happening.

"Ah! H-hinata! I-i-is there any ch-chance you could please give- give me a hand here?" The Ultimate Nurse stuttered out, clearly distressed and overwhelmed.

I attempted to step forward to help her with Owari, but my body was frozen, stuck in place.

Huh?

"My assistance won't make any difference to her condition."

A deep, unfamiliar voice spoke. I snapped my head around the room attempting to find its owner, but there was only there was only the three of us here.

Was that…? No, surely not. I don't talk in such a pretentious way.

"H-hinata…"

I stared at her with what I assumed was panic. Tsumiki flinched and was now clinging to Owari tighter than Owari had been clinging to her.

"Hey, what the fuck is going on here?" A familiar gruff voice broke the tension.

Kuzuryuu emerged from the stairs and looked towards the two girls clinging to each other desperately. He then glanced to me, expectant of an answer.

"At first glance it would seem the stress of Nidai's loss has finally tipped Owari over the edge and into despair, but it's rather something much more sinister."

There that voice was again! I could feel my lips moving and the words coming out, but there was absolutely no thought of these words going through my mind! The Ultimate Gangster appeared shocked as well.

"Wait what the fuck is wrong with you? You sound like fucking Komaeda."

"Huh? Who sounds like me?"

As if on queue, Komaeda arrived to the scene with Nanami in tow. The girl barely looked up from her device before sitting down at a table.

"Oi, say to Komaeda what you said to me!" Kuzuryuu barked at me.

Oh god this is going downhill so fast.

"I see no reason to repeat myself." Desperately seeking her help, advice, anything, I approached the dining table and sat myself next to the gamer girl.

Nanami paused her game to look at me with a wide eyed expression. "Hinata…" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Amazing! You've finally developed a personality fit for an Ultimate such as yourself!" Komaeda clasped his hands together excitedly. "What brought this on?"

It seemed whatever had possessed me and myself both agreed to ignore the Luckster.

Soon Saionji and Mioda were entering the room, Saionji giggling nefariously behind her small little hand.

"Hey guys look! Ibuki will do whatever I tell her to today!" Saionji yelled across the dining hall enthusiastically. "Ibuki! Go jump on Tsumiki!"

The colourful girl made a salute "Right away, Hiyoko-chan!" and threw herself at the Ultimate Nurse, who was still cradling Owari. Tsumiki screamed as she hit the floor with both Owari and Mioda on top of her.

"My my what's going on?" Sonia and Tanaka emerged from the stairs with a dejected looking Souda trailing behind.

"A new motive!"

A shrill voice shrieked excitedly. Suddenly, a familiar monochromatic bear popped up at the end of the dining table. Man, way too much is happening too fast, especially when I'm feeling like this.

"Motive?" Komaeda was the first to speak up, sounding almost excited.

"That's riiiight! The motive for the next murder! I've decided to inflict some of you with a bad boy I like to call 'Despair Disease!" Monokuma grinned a toothy smile as he addressed everyone in the room.

"I'm sure you've all gotten a good idea of what's happening by now, but I'll give you a nice little rundown regardless, just so you brainless bastards can understand." Monokuma pointed a furry paw at Owari.

"Akane Owari has Coward Disease."

Then to Mioda. "Ibuki Mioda has Gullible Disease."

Then to me. "Hajime Hinata has Apathy Disease."

Huh…me?

I was one of the motives…?

The words left my mouth too quickly once again. "There's no cure then, unless a murder occurs?"

The bear nodded. "That's right my hollow friend! Unless you take advantage of your 'no strings attached' state and kill somebody, you could be stuck like this forever!"

The room got suddenly hotter, forcing me to loosen my tie a bit so I could breathe. My eyes were becoming unfocused and everything was drifting away. The only sounds I could hear were Monokuma's rambles, Owari screaming about her fear of death, and the blood rushing in my ears.

Monokuma had made us the perfect candidates for a killing.

With this thought the world began to spin, even though I was still seated.

"Hinata-san…are you okay?" Chiaki's soft voice was distant as my head became unbearably heavy and the world slipped through my fingers. The last thing I felt was my forehead hitting the wooden dining table.

-

I awoke to the sensation of my muscles being stretched. Specifically, the ones in my arms.

"...ant…d...t...an…….'s t-...eavy…."

"urel….n…..t-m-t….ike…..you -an…ft another person, Souda!"

"I can't! It's not my fault he's so-"

"Ah! Hinata-kun!"

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I groaned. My head ached and there was sweat coating my body from head to toe. I could feel the hard floor on my back, pressing my shirt to stick damply to my skin.

A mess of fluffy white hair and sunken grey eyes was leaning into my gaze. The very sight of Komaeda made me want to close my eyes again.

The two boys were stood at either end of me, Souda still holding my arms up. His face was twisted into an uncomfortable look.

"You pick up heavy machinery almost daily, Souda. You're only feigning this weakness so that you don't have to carry me, right?" I mumbled, letting out an exasperated sigh and glancing back at the pink haired male.

Souda let go of my arms with a shocked expression, allowing them to fall to my side with a thud. "W-what?! I wouldn't do something like that to my soul-friend!"

I examined his expression closely, Souda wore a nervous smile. "How boring. It's not of any issue, I can walk by myself."

I set my palms down on the floor beside me and sat up. Komaeda reached out and uttered a "Wait" when suddenly I was overcome with an aching pain in my head. A small hiss escaped my lips and I faltered.

"It's so incredibly brave of you to try to move yourself, Hinata-kun! However, Tsumiki-san said you shouldn't try to in your state.” Komaeda spoke, concern apparent in his voice. “Souda and I planned to take you to the hospital, unless you don’t want talentless scum like me carrying you!”

“I don’t. I can take care of myself.” I had another go at lifting myself off the floor. My knees stuttered for a moment, but I managed to stand. My head was still pounding, but it was so much more tolerable than allowing myself to be carried.

Komaeda’s expression morphed into one of hurt, but his eyes gleamed with a whole different emotion; intrigue. “Hinata-kun…”

“Seriously Hinata! You could hurt yourself!” Souda objected, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I swatted his hand away and began to walk towards the stairs of the hotel. “Why are you two looking at me like that? You should have expected this.”

Komaeda and Souda stayed silent as I made my slow descent down the stairs. If my hearing was a little bit worse, I probably wouldn’t have heard the “stubborn bastard” Souda eventually muttered out.

I gripped the handrail tightly once I stepped off the last step, now finding myself in the games room. Son of a bitch- my head hurts so badly. It was almost as if somebody was shoving an ice pick through my brain. My body was still glazed with sweat and my eyes bleary. Whatever Monokuma had inflicted us with, it was pretty unbearable.

I know I’ve always been a prideful person, but even in this situation I should be completely fine with leaving my health in the hands of Tsumiki. Being the Ultimate Nurse, she would definitely be able to relieve my symptoms somewhat. But the very thought of seeking help seemed anything but of interest.

What is wrong with me? I thought Monokuma said I had apathy disease, not ‘huge prick’ disease. I felt like a completely different person. The very thought made my throat dry up.

On another note, what does apathy mean again? It means like...not caring, right? So I surely couldn’t be concerned about what Tsumiki thinks of me...I don’t get it. Something just feels incredibly wrong about putting myself in her, or anyone's, hands.

Shoving those thoughts down, I decided to make my way to the third island. The sun made my fever all the more excruciating and I found myself feeling faint, but I powered on anyway.

I crossed the bridge to the centre island, then took the bridge to the third island. I've never been so incredibly grateful for that red and white building to not be on the other side of the island.

I pushed open the door of the hospital building, finding myself in a small reception room. It was painted a dull blue-green colour, and bore a large white reception desk. There was also a small assembly of chairs, forming what I presumed is a waiting area. Kuzuryuu was lounged in one of these chairs in a seemingly uncomfortable position.

The Gangster jumped up the second he saw me, as it he had been awaiting my arrival. “Dude, did you fucking walk here? Did Komaeda and Souda ditch you?!” “Yes, and no. I left them at the hotel.” I explained, making eye contact with the shorter boy.

“Why the fuck would you do that? You’re sick as a dog! You passed out at breakfast, remember?!”

“I recall.”

“Then why’d you-”

“I don’t need to explain my actions to you.”

Kuzuryuu’s face twisted in a scowl, before he sighed and dropped all emotion from his face. “Man I don’t get this shit. Just go talk to Tsumiki okay? She’s in the first room treating Owari’s fever.”

I nodded and made my way into the hallway past the desk. There were doors on the left, labelled with numbers, patient rooms. On the right were windowed rooms with various…Monokuma displays?

Something about this place made my headache even worse.

I swallowed down the feeling and opened the door to the firsr room, stepping inside and quietly closing the door behind me. The room was filled with the loud sound of Owari sobbing her heart out. At this point, her voice was beginning to break, sounding hoarse and desperate. Tsumiki whirled around to face me, a wet rag in hand.

“H-Hinata! I-I-I’m glad you’re- you’re here. If y-you’d like, um, y-you can go rest in the second room. I’ll be- um, w-with you in a sec!” She stammered out, flashing a forced smile.

“I’ll stay there, as I assume the others will see me as a contagion risk, but I don’t wish for you to treat me.” I spoke sternly.

Tsumiki looked shocked, and then tears began to drip from her eyes. “I-I-I’m s-sorry! I-I didn’t know that- that I-I was in-in-inadequate in my n-nursing!”

I left the room before I had to listen to her cry any further, it was boring to listen to somebody act to so pathetically. As I stepped back out into the hallway, a rush of dizziness and nausea overcame me. I staggered slightly and leant an arm on the nearest wall, squeezing my eyes shut tight and trying to still the room around me.

Jesus Christ I feel like crap.

Light footsteps approached in my direction. I couldn't see who it was, but the sound of metal chain clinking against itself hinted as to who the footsteps' owner might be.

Komaeda's voice sounded cheerful. “Hinata-kun! Kuzuryuu-san told me you made it here okay! Ah, you look awfully-”

“I’m going to throw up.”

“Oh, I understand. It’s only natural for you to have that reaction upon running into somebody like me.” Komaeda laughed at his own self-deprecation.

“No, Komae-” I gagged on my words and quickly pressed a hand over my mouth.

Komaeda’s eyes went wide, followed by a soft “oh”. The boy then grabbed my wrist, pulling me into the second patient’s room. The room had a small ensuite bathroom, much alike most hospitals. I didn’t bother looking around too much, instead opting to make my way into the bathroom as quickly as possible. I spied the toilet and removed the hand from my mouth, opting to lean it against the cistern and sinking to my knees.

I heaved into the toilet, tears pricking at the corner of my eyes as my throat burned and my head screamed. This feeling was utterly...despairing.

After what felt like hours, my stomach had finally begun to calm down. I wiped my mouth with a groan and laid my face on the cool tiles of the floor.

“That’s kind of unhygienic, you know.” A breathy voice spoke from the doorway.

“It doesn’t matter.” I mumbled.

I heard Komaeda’s footsteps come closer, followed by a cool hand being pressed to my forehead. A quiet sigh escaped my mouth in relief.

“You’re incredibly hot, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda paused for longer than necessary, “Hang on, I’ll go get Tsumiki.”

He removed his hand from my forehead and I groaned out in annoyance. “Nooo.”

“Huh? Why don’t you want me to go get Tsumiki.”

“I don’t want to be treated.”

“Wh- why?”

“I want to see what happens.”

Komaeda laughed a wheezy little laugh. "Hinata-kun, normally I'd agree to anything you say, but an Ultimate like yourself shouldn't force yourself to go through something like this."

“Your opinion on the matter isn’t important, Komaeda. I’m just telling you not to get Tsumiki.” I stated firmly. “Besides, knowing the people here, it won’t be long before a murder occurs and I'm free from this.”

Komaeda tilted his head, looking somewhat intrigued by my statement. He had hardly reacted to my harsh words. “Not that I disagree, but why do you think that will be the case?”

I shrugged slightly and pushed myself up from the floor, now sitting up. The room was still spinning dangerously around me. “You’re all psychotic. That’s all.”

This statement seemed to tickle Komaeda, as he laughed and drew a big grin on his face. “It’s surprising how much more honest you are at the moment. Has your new apathetic outlook made you unbothered with hurting people’s feelings?”

I sighed. “You can sit here and philosophise all you like about the despair disease and its impacts. I’m going to go get a drink to calm this migraine."

I pulled myself up, slowly rising to my feet when a shocking pain pulsed through my head again.

"Ghuh-!"

My legs went weak and Komaeda reached out, grabbing hold of my torso to keep me from crashing to the floor below.

"You probably shouldn't try to do that." He muttered, gripping my waist tightly.

"No shit. Let go." I hissed, reaching out and latching on to Komaeda's shoulders.

The boy laughed heartily, making no attempt to remove his hands. "You tell me to let go whilst using my body to prop yourself up? You're awfully strange Hinata-kun."

Komaeda moved to my side and, removing one of his arms from my waist and now placing his hand over mine. "Please put your arm around my shoulder, we should just get you to your bed."

I sighed loudly in defeat and placed my arm around Komaeda's shoulder. The boy nodded and slowly started to move forward.

"I really don't need your help for this Komaeda."

"I know. Thankyou for allowing me to assist you, even if garbage like myself isn't worthy to."

I didn't bother to entertain Komaeda with a response. Instead I leaned more of my body weight onto the boy and groaned.

"It's alright, Hinata-kun, you're doing an amazing job." Komaeda breathed in a hushed tone.

The sound of his voice so close to me made me shiver, but it provided a momentary distraction from the pain.

My knees bumped into something hard and I looked up, realising we had made it across the room. Komaeda slipped his hand out from my waist and helped me lower myself to sit on the mattress.

"God I'm so hot." I murmured.

Komaeda pressed a cool hand to my cheek, making me sigh in relief. Using his right hand, he pressed his fingers into the knot of my tie, pulling it further undone from my neck.

"You should probably change into a hospital gown, it would at least be much cooler than wearing jeans." Komaeda spoke in a low voice.

He must be trying to help my migraine by being quiet. How…considerate of him?

"I...you're right." I sighed, bringing my fingers to undo the top button of my shirt.

Komaeda backed off, removing his hand from my face quickly. "Oh, Hinata-kun! Should I leave?"

I undid the rest of my buttons and shrugged off my shirt and tie. "Do what you want."

The boy nodded quickly, his cheeks were slightly flushed. "I-I'm going to get you a gown." And with that, he dashed out of the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

Weirdo.

I undid my belt and lifted my hips from the bed, carefully wiggling myself out of my jeans. They were awfully tight on my body, probably from the sweat of the fever.

I discarded my jeans and laid back on the bed with a groan. I probably shouldn't lie down yet, but I'm so goddamn sore and tired. The bed was hard and uncomfortable, but it was so nice to be off my feet for even a moment.

The door opened again and in stepped Komaeda, holding a folded up gown in his hands. "Ah, Hinata-kun, are you okay?"

"No." I mumbled, rolling over so I was now face-down in the pillow.

"I'm sorry, can I get you anything?" Komaeda spoke softly as a weight sat on the edge of the bed, most likely him.

"Water."

"Can do." The weight disappeared once again. "I left your gown on the bed if you want to change."

"Mhm." I mustered the strength to push myself up before scanning my eyes around the room. Komaeda was gone once again, I never heard the door click when he left, how strange.

I picked up the gown from the edge of the mattress. It was incredibly lightweight, but the linen was soft. I slipped my arms into the sleeves and pulled it up onto my shoulders. I then tied it around the waist loosely and sat back down on the bed.

Komaeda returned a few moments later with a tray holding a jug of water and a cup. He set the tray down on the bedside table and began to pour a cup of water.

"Are you feeling any better, Hinata-kun?" He quizzed, not taking his eyes away from what he was doing.

"I'm less hot." I mumbled.

"That's good." The boy turned to me, holding a plastic cup of water in his outstretched hand. I took it carefully with two hands, raising it to my lips and sipping.

The cool water felt like heaven on my burning throat. I squeezed my eyes closed tight and drank the whole cup, finishing with a pleased sigh.

"Ah, you probably shouldn't drink too fast, you don't want to make yourself sick again." Komaeda smiled and took the cup from my hands.

"That would be exciting though, wouldn't it? To be desperately seeking a release from pain only for it to make things worse? Actually, no, that's so incredibly predictable…" I babbled out, somewhat dazed and sleepy now that the ache in my throat was relieved.

"Haha, you're starting to sound a bit like me. How scary." Komaeda chuckled to himself, pouring another cup of water.

I slowly lowered my body back onto the bed, resting my head against the pillow. "Mmnn...it would be most unfortunate to have a mindset as boring as yours."

Komaeda gave a sad smile and placed the plastic cup onto the tray. "I think I'll go. I need to talk to Kuzuryuu-san about what everybody else is doing. Please call for Tsumiki-san if you need anything."

"Mmm."

The last thing I heard was the sound of Komaeda muttering to himself and the click of the door behind him. Fatigue took hold and I found myself falling into a deep sleep.

[evesbeve]

Request: try as he might, klaus just can’t figure out how to conjure Ben, and the others are getting antsy, but Ben *can* possess klaus, and it’s the only way Ben has to interact with his siblings. How they feel about it is up to you, but I’d love to see the siblings reactions to Ben-as-Klaus

I’ve had this ask sitting in my inbox ever since quarantine began so... months ago. This is kind of sloppy because I really wanted to get it out before S2, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

___

Title: take my face, and desecrate

Summary: The first time it happened, it was an accident. After all, possessing your brother is a simple mistake that can happen to anyone. Right? (In which Ben possesses Klaus, and they have to tell the others.)

(Read on AO3)

___

The first time it happened, it was an accident.

Klaus had just gotten out of rehab—almost ten days clean, the longest he'd been in a long time—and was on his way to meet with his dealer. Needless to say, Ben wasn't exactly happy about it.

But what could he say? 'Hey Klaus, maybe you should lay off drugs for a while, you know, since you overdosed and all?' No. It didn't matter what Ben said, so he didn't. The best he could hope for was for Klaus to go through the process safely. After all, Ben wasn't too keen on other ghosts following them, even if he'd learned to tolerate them.

Things were different this time.

For starters, there were barely any ghosts around, and even those that were there kept mostly quiet, hiding in alleys, not daring to take a step closer to Klaus. Most importantly, though, that… thing Klaus' dealer had just handed him, a crumbled plastic bag with Klaus' fix and a needle that was, hopefully, disinfected, it made Ben shiver.

"Are you sure you're not up for waffles or something?" Ben asked as Klaus led them in a dark alleyway.

"Out of money," Klaus said, his voice almost shaky. "And it's not like you can eat."

Usually Ben would have gotten upset at any remark related to him being a ghost, but there were other matters at hand. "It's never stopped you before."

Klaus suddenly came to a halt. He didn't spare Ben a single look as he leaned against the wall to take the cocaine and a metal spoon out of his pocket. He bit onto the spoon's handle so that he could empty the contents of the bag on it. "Doesn't matter," he said through grunted teeth. Ben's eyes were pinned on the bag—Klaus emptied a third of it, then shoved it back in his pocket with force. The lighter came out next, and Klaus held it underneath the spoon. "As I said, we're out of cash."

"Treating ourselves to a five-star alleyway then?" Ben asked. Bringing up the issue of where Klaus would be spending the night seemed like a good way to ignore the anxiety rising in his chest. "You think they'll have room service this time?"

A snort escaped Klaus, causing a portion of the drug to spill on the floor. Ben secretly wished all of it would.

His question was ignored, of course. Klaus was much too focused on his task now. Ben could tell by the way his muscles tensed up and his hands shook. An addict, thirty seconds away from his fix. A child, terrified of the ghosts that lurked in the dark.

Klaus took the needle out of his pocket, and Ben's shiver returned.

"Sure you wanna do this?" he said without missing a beat.

Klaus, now filling the needle with the drug, chuckled. "It's little too late for second thoughts."

"No, Klaus," Ben said. "I really mean it. You can't—"

Klaus groaned, taking the spoon out of his mouth and holding it with his free hand. "Right, you're just worried about me, as always."

Ben bit his lip, his eyes falling on the needle in Klaus' hand. Klaus didn't really do drugs that required needles—pills were much more convenient, you could just pop one in whenever—but when he did, he always had the decency of being careful, and that wasn't it; the needle was crooked, slightly rusty, and had definitely been used before.

"Listen, I know you want—need this," Ben said, doing his best to ignore how shaky his own voice was. He needed to be calm. Patient. For Klaus, and for his own sanity. "But hold on just a little longer, okay? We'll find something else."

Klaus huffed.

Patience, Ben reminded himself. He couldn't let this go south. "Klaus, I mean it, that needle—"

"That needle is what's gonna make the ghosts shut the hell up!"

But Ben had had it. And so he finally let himself be angry. "Oh please! There aren't even that many."

"Oh, so that's what this is about then?" Klaus gritted through his teeth, a smile that couldn't mean any good decorating his face. "Benny the Friendly Ghost wants to wait for his dead friends to appear before Klaus gets rid of them? I get that you're sick of me or whatever, but they're dead, Ben."

"That's not fair," Ben said. He knew it was just words, just Klaus being Klaus, trying to get to him as always, but it didn't make them any less hurtful. "You don't mean it. You're just mad that I'm right."

"No," Klaus said. "I'm mad because I need this and you're in the way." He threw the spoon on the ground, cocaine all over. It didn't matter; what Klaus wanted was already in the needle itself. He raised his sleeve and tested the needle's pressure a bit. "Only you're not really, are you? In the way?"

They're just words.

"Because you're dead. It's your word against the real world."

He doesn't mean any of it.

"Anyway, it benefits both of us. You won't need to yell me awake from another ghost ambush. You can take a nice stroll instead, or whatever it is that you do when you're not playing guardsman."

But words be damned, did they make Ben furious.

Without missing a beat or even thinking about it, he took a step forward to grab the needle, slap it out of Klaus' hands, to do something to stop this and then—

Ben wasn't really sure what happened.

The first thing he noticed was that he was, indeed, holding the needle. He could feel it in his hand, his fingers wrapping around its plastic texture coated with sweat from having heated it up too much until suddenly he could feel much more than that.

He could feel the midnight breeze against his skin. Could feel the weight of his clothes. The ground against his feet. The splitting headache, his eyes trying to blink it away, his nose wrinkling at the smell of garbage from the bin next to him.

Ben could not see Klaus.

"What the f—what the FUCK?!"

Ben was certain—almost certain—that the words had come out of his mouth, but that definitely hadn't been his voice. "Klaus?" he said again just to test things out, but nothing changed. He coughed, in hopes to clear his throat a bit. He kept telling himself that was all it was, a bad cough, completely ignoring the fact that ghosts didn't get sick.

'What the hell just happened?'

It was due to the echo in his head that Ben noticed; it wasn't Klaus that had went away, but rather Ben himself. He finally let go of the needle that still clutched in his hand, more than happy to finally see it fall. Only it wasn't really his hand. And this wasn't really Ben. At least not his body.

He turned his palm around, inspecting it. The word Hello was written on it, with black ink, never to fade away. On his other hand, Goodbye. Ben scanned his body from head to toe as well as he could without a mirror and felt himself—only that he wasn't really himself, was he?—tense up in his coat. Klaus' coat.

'Ben—'

"I don't know!" he yelled. Did he even need to yell, if he was apparently inside his brother's body? Could Klaus read his thoughts? If so, did he already know how confused he was, how scared he was, how—

'I do,' Klaus said, or thought, or whatever this was. 'Ben, how are you doing this?'

"I don't…" Ben mumbled, surprising himself when the words weren't in his voice once more. "I just wanted to take the drugs away."

'More like you wanted to punch me.'

"Same thing," Ben said. "I think. I'm—I can't think." He couldn't help the laugh that escaped him, wondering if that was his doing, or Klaus'.

Ben took a deep breath, leaning against the wall for balance. None of this made sense. It didn't make any sense at all. He couldn't possibly be possessing Klaus.

Unless.

"My name is Klaus Hargreeves, and I am an idiot," Ben said, to prove to himself that this was real, and maybe, just maybe, to piss Klaus off.

'Hey, rude!'

Ben smirked. "And Ben is my favorite brother, and always, always right."

'Stop lying.'

"And I will listen to everything he says from now on."

'Ben!'

"Sorry, sorry," Ben said. He tilted his head back, looking up to the night sky. "I just… Holy shit."

'That's an understatement.'

"It's kinda cool though."

'Wow, you're really taking this way better than I thought you would.'

Ben frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

'I'm high, aren't I?'

The frown didn't last for long. He found himself giggling again, and somehow, he could tell Klaus was laughing too.

Maybe things weren't so bad.

For an accident, it happened quite often after that. It took them a while to figure out how it worked, but in the end, this whole possession thing was indeed not that bad after all. Most of the time. Sometimes.

Ben really wanted to hate it, but it was hard, considering it was his only connection to the real world. He got to actually taste the waffles they got every Friday night, and interact with other people—he did not regret forcing Klaus to join a book club one bit—and even got to make a few acquaintances. He couldn't use his real name, but it was nice.

In exchange for sharing Klaus' body, Ben dealt with the drugs.

When Klaus' cravings became too much, he let Ben take over. Of course they never really went away—Ben couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit bad for all the times he yelled at Klaus to get his shit together—but he knew that being there helped Klaus.

Until Five came back. Until they learned about the apocalypse. Until Dave.

When Klaus dug up his secret stash in his room, and Ben found himself wanting to punch him in the face, he did. Ben didn't go through him, didn't go in him, he punched him, with his own body and limbs, like he had never died.

It was yet another power they'd need to work on.

It wasn't as if they had the time to understand it, though. It happened two more times after that; when their home was falling to pieces, and when Ben released the Horror for the first time since his death. After that, every day was a haze, as they frantically tried to stop the apocalypse.

So when they finally did, and their siblings requested to see Ben, neither of them knew what to do.

"We need to tell them," Ben had said while pacing in Klaus' room.

"Then let's show them."

A few hours later, they found themselves in the living room, surrounded by their family as they eagerly waited to talk to Ben again. Ben could feel the anxiety rising in his chest, and not even burying his hands in his pockets seemed to help. The others were expecting to see him—not Klaus. It wasn't as if they had much of a choice though.

Ben shared a reassuring nod with Klaus, and let the rest happen.

"There," Ben said, stretching his new form. It was oddly comfortable, more comfortable than having his own body manifested, although he supposed that was because Klaus hadn't learned how to do it properly yet.

There was a moment of silence, in which Ben found himself staring at his siblings—or rather, being stared at by his siblings. And yet, regardless of how intense their stares were, it was more than clear they had no idea who they were face to face with.

"Well…?" Luther said. "Where is he?"

Ben had to fight the urge to laugh, Klaus' urge to laugh, but a huff slipped out of his lips anyway. Ben glared at his brother; mentally, at least.

"Klaus," Diego said, as he fiddled with his blade. "Where's Ben?"

Ben swallowed, then took a deep breath. This was it. He'd been waiting for this moment for years, trying to come up with the right words to say, the right way to move, to simply exist, and now that it was finally here, he—

'Christ, Ben, do you need help opening your mouth or someth—'

"Hi," Ben said in Klaus' voice, shutting him up. Not that he could actually block Klaus out, but he hoped he got the message across. Ben cleared his throat, looking down and shoving his hands in his—oh, right. Klaus' leggings didn't have any pockets. He clumsily crossed his arms instead, leaning against the wall. "Hi," he repeated, the words coming out much more clear this time.

"No."

It was Allison who spoke first.

Even though she'd been the first one to apparently figure out what was happening, she was staring at him with the most dumbfounded expression Ben had ever laid his eyes upon. It wasn't as if he could blame her though. He'd hardly believed it himself, the first time it'd happened.

"What do you mean, 'no?'"

"Christ, Luther," Five mumbled, his tone stuck between annoyance and disbelief. "Can't you see? Or do you have that much of a pea brain—"

"I don't understand either," Vanya interrupted, and Five immediately shut up, as if he was ashamed of his comment. "You guys can see Ben?"

"Not… quite," Allison continued, taking a step closer to him. She scanned him from head to toe, again and again, a question hanging from the tip of her tongue. "You're… No."

"Yes," Ben said, because what else could he say?

'I mean, it's just a suggestion, but you could start by telling everyone what's going on. Although I'll admit, having them figure it out themselves is much more—'

Maybe Klaus did have a point.

Ben cleared his throat again. "I know that's not what you were expecting but…" he tried to look past Allison's gaze, but she was standing a bit too close for comfort, and looking past her only made him lock gazes with another sibling. "It's all we have. For now."

Allison shook her head, finally taking a step back. "I need to sit down."

It was at that moment that Klaus decided to burst into another flare of giggles, and this time Ben hadn't been prepared to block it. The sound that escaped him ended up being something between laughter and straight-up choking, which startled not only Ben, but everyone else in the room as well.

Ben pinched himself on the back of his hand and pounded his right foot on the ground in order to steady himself, finally taking over control again. "Are you going to let me do this or not?" he said firmly and out-loud, because Klaus was obviously not in the mood to listen.

"Let you do what?" Luther asked, helping Allison to sit down on the couch. "Klaus, this makes no—"

"It's not Klaus though, is it?" Diego interrupted. It looked as if he was about to jump at Luther with another insult, but he pointed his blade to Ben's direction instead. "Not just him, anyway."

Vanya was the next to get it. Her eyes widened, shock mixed with curiosity, the way they always were when she was intrigued ever since they were kids, and oh, how much Ben had missed that. "I thought Klaus was going to conjure you."

Ben shrugged, finally letting his mouth curl into a smile. Klaus did nothing to fight it. "That was the plan."

"This makes no sense," Luther said again. Ben could feel the next spiral of laughter building up inside him, and he almost let it out to mess with Luther. "Klaus, where's Ben—?"

"Klaus is Ben, you moron!" Five said. He was the first to actually voice their realisation, and he clearly wouldn't have been able to hold it in for much longer. His attention was turned back to Ben, strongly resembling Allison just a few moments ago. "The question is how?"

"Nice to see you too," Ben said. He hadn't expected Five to break into tears per se, but he was the slightest bit disappointed that his first reaction had been to play detective instead of asking him how he was or something.

'Don't take it too personally,' Klaus popped in. 'Remember the funeral? You know that's just how he is.'

'All too well,' Ben thought. And then, 'Now shut up, please,' because keeping up with five other people was hard enough already. Having an internal monologue in—

'—my body,' Klaus finished his thought. 'Technically you're the invader.'

'At least I'm not the annoying one.'

'I think they're talking to us.'

'What do you mean?'

'To you, actually.'

'What? Klaus, I don't—"

"… this been going on for?"

Ben blinked. Diego had been in the middle of talking to him about, about what, really? And when had Ben sat down? No, not Ben, Klaus had. He must have gained back control and settled on the chair next to the fireplace as they were arguing, and now everyone was staring at them, at Ben, and he had no idea what was going on.

"Sorry?" Ben said, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"I said, how long has this been going on for?" Diego repeated the question.

Ben considered replying honestly, but something, someone, in the back in his head told him to lay off the details for a while. "Long," Ben said, playing with his hands on his lap. "I've, uh… I've talked to you before."

"You've talked to us?" Allison asked, her eyebrow quirking up.

"No," Ben quickly corrected. "Just Diego. Once or twice." He tried to shove the rest of the words in the back of his throat, but… "More like, thrice, fourice, fice—Klaus, come on, these aren't even real words!"

Diego let out a huff, finally taking a seat of his own on the other chair. "Jesus, that's…"

"Crazy, I—we know," Ben said, and then forced himself to cough the rest of the sentence away, before it turned to a direction he didn't want to follow. Klaus had always been a pain in the ass to control when he wasn't feeling up to cooperating, but now he was sober, and his powers were much stronger than Ben's stubbornness.

'It's because I'm bored.'

'It's because you're an asshole.'

"What about the Icarus Theater?" Luther asked. "You were… You were you, back then. So why aren't you…?"

"In my own body?" Ben offered, and chuckled. Willingly chuckled. "The thing is, we don't really… know how this works. Manifesting, I mean. Not that this is any better, but—"

"Interesting," Five said, his chin resting on his hand. "Dad always talked about how Klaus had only scratched the surface of his powers, but this…"

Ben couldn't help but agree. It'd been years since that night in the alleyway, and he still couldn't wrap his head around what was happening. Having to explain it wasn't exactly helpful either.

"Mom made cookies," Vanya said, breaking the silence. "I could go and bring some, assuming, uh… can you taste them?"

Ben smiled. "I can. Cookies sound great."

'Booo, I'm not in the mood for cookies.'

'Too bad. We're having them.'

'You have too much of a sweet tooth, my stomach's gonna hurt for days.'

'Not my problem right now. Vanya offered us some cookies, and therefore we're having—'

"Sorry sis, it's gonna have to be a hard pass on this one," Klaus said, and it took everything in Ben not to punch himself in the face. "Maybe after some actual dinner, we could—Ben for Christ's sake, cut it out!"

'You're being so unfair. This isn't about you, it's about me and the others!" Ben finished his thoughts out loud.

"Uh, guys?" Luther said. "What is happening?"

Ben stood up, tensing his body up as much as he could, to stay in control. "Klaus is just being a wonderful brother—shut up! You're being a dick!"

"Kl—Ben?" Allison said. "Are you feeling okay?"

"We're fine," both of them said. It was an odd feeling. Ben felt his body shaking, even though it wasn't. Not really. "I just need to—we're sitting down again—no we're not—yes we are—stop being ridiculous, you're making a fool out—sorry, whose body were we using agai—it's not my fault you can't bring yourself to manifest a single—that's not fair—you're not fair—I swear to God, Ben, I'm going to—"

It all happened in a blink of an eye.

For starters, Ben was definitely not in Klaus' body anymore. He could see Klaus staring down at him with wide-open eyes, while Ben's body collapsed on the floor, as if he had been literally thrown there, and it hurt—

It hurt.

His fingers curled around the fabric of the carpet, and he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He rubbed his head with one arm, his eyes never leaving Klaus'. Once he got on his feet, he was going to kill him. He was going to kill him, because somehow he managed to make the pain permanent, and his head hurt, and—

"Ben?"

He jumped, his eyes locking with Diego's. Then Allison's. Then, slowly, everyone else's.

"You guys can see me?"

As always, it'd been an accident.

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“Illusion” ch 7!

Link to the full Ao3 work

Warnings: hangover, mentions of drinking/drugs

Also MC has a moment where she literally does this:

Uh oh... a hint of romance? Perhaps...

"Hey... you okay?"

Someone's voice softly pervades my mind, finally stirring it enough for consciousness to take hold. The first thing I do is wince, scrunching up my face. Ow ow ow! Fuck... My stomach feels like it's full of fire ants, crawling their way up my esophagus and into my throat. I splutter out a weak cough, someone pressing something cold onto my forehead. I can feel liquid dripping; whether it's from a wet cloth or my own sweat, I don't know. It feels good, though, on my burning skin.

"Hey, can you speak? I'm so scared..."

I open my mouth in an attempt to speak, but end up coughing instead. Ouch! It rips through my throat like barbed wire, but I manage to crack open my eyes. I see a familiar (albeit fuzzy) face peering down at me, her eyes full of worry and fear. "...Alice?"

She manages to smile, smoothing down my hair as she crouches next to my bed. "Thank god... I was worried you weren't going to wake up!"

I nod slowly, a little confused as to what's going on. Last night... we went out... and... That's where my memory runs out. "What happen- OUCH!" I cry out a small exclamation of pain as I sit up, my head throbbing. "Ow, ow, ow... Am I hungover?!"

Alice nods slowly, rubbing my shoulder. "Probably... geez, you really don't hold your liquor well, do you? I leave for one second and you wander off and collapse drunkenly in an alley!"

"You left?" I blink slowly, putting the puzzle pieces together with much difficulty. "I-I didn't go with you?"

"No, I asked if you wanted to, but you said no," Alice explains. "I don't blame you, Margery puke is something I don't want to see, either."

Right... Wren came in... he told us Margery was sick... and then... 

Did I drink anything after that? I suppose I wouldn't remember...

"Come on, you need a shower. You probably have alcohol poisoning or something." With some difficulty, Alice pries me out of bed, wraps me up in a blanket when I start shivering, and leads me out into the hallway. "Everyone else is out and about, I managed to get the Captain to give you the day off.

"Oh..." I say softly, for some reason feeling very upset by this news. My eyes even start to water a little. "That's... good, I guess."

Something doesn't add up. I was in an alley? Drunk? Wouldn't I have just stayed at the bar if I passed out? Unless someone dragged me out-

"Oh, good morning, you two! I'm glad to see you awake~"

...huh? That voice...

I look up and have to squint, but finally the face of the taller man grows into focus. OH... FUCK! 

"J-J-Julius?!" I stutter out, a lot louder than I mean to. I feel my face heating up for some reason. Ah! Get a grip! Why am I reacting this way... he literally just said good morning! "I mean... uh, good morning to you, too?" I wish I could shrink down and disappear into the blanket that's wrapped around me.

Despite the fact that I'm definitely blushing an embarrassingly dark shade of pink right now, Julius just smiles and lets out a relieved sigh, but the corners of his eyes crinkle with worry. "Ah, you're probably exhausted, I'll leave you to nurse that... hangover." He pats me on the shoulder, his hand lingering for a few moments longer than normal before letting go to brush past me. I stand there, still kind of stunned, before my senses hit me again. "Oh-" I turn around to see him glancing back at me. "Let me know if you need anything. You know where to find me!"

He finally disappears around the corner, and I let out a heaving sigh. Jesus, I must be really out of it... I hear a giggle and look over to see Alice smirking at me. "What was that?"

I suck in a breath through my nose and look away. "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You're red as a beet! And you basically moaned his name!"

"What?! And I'm sick, of course I'm red! There was no moaning whatsoever!!"

"Hmm, whatever you say~"

"Alice!"

Eventually she stops teasing me, and I start to feel better after taking a shower. However, my stomach still feels all wonky and I end up throwing up into a toilet for about seven minutes straight. "I was wondering when this was going to happen," Alice says sadly as she hands me a glass of water after the "tide" has retreated. "You didn't throw up at all last night, and Julius said you hadn't when you were in the alley. I guess it has to happen sometime."

I nearly choke on my water. "H-Huh?! Julius... he was the one who found me?!"

"Yeah, actually. I guess you were lucky, he always knows what to do-" Alice freezes up as I suddenly clap my hands over my face and shamelessly burst into tears. "What? Hey, hey, it's not a big deal!"

I shake my head a little as I feel her arms wrap around me.

"Everyone has this happen... it's not something to be embarrassed about! Julius doesn't care, he's seen it all, I'm sure!"

Her embrace doesn't melt the growing icicle of fear away.

I'm not embarrassed... I'm happy.

Because... I can't put my finger on it, but I think something bad happened last night, I was in danger. But Julius...

I don't know why I can't shake that uneasy feeling throughout the day. A nagging suspicion in the back of my mind keeps kicking me, trying to force me to face the very real chance that I wasn't drunk.

If I wasn't drunk, then what was I?

At about five in the evening, Alice gets dressed to leave our room. "I have a patrol, it's going to go until tomorrow morning," she groans, even though this kind of mission is usual for her. "Are you going to be okay? I know you said that you don't think you have to worry about anyone here anymore-"

"I'll be fine!" I give her a smile from my bed, still sipping water. "See you later!"

Alice bids me farewell before leaving me alone once again. I sigh and flop back on my bed, closing my eyes and scraping the corners of my mind to find an explanation for these badly-fitting puzzle pieces. The dread won't go away, so it must mean something, right?

My friends... they wouldn't hurt me...

But the last thing I remember drinking, the Cinnamon Whiskey, it was bitter, not sweet or spicy.

I open my eyes again to stare at the ceiling blankly.

Did I really drink after that? I don't remember at all...

Suddenly, I get an idea. Without hesitation, I get up and pull on some clothes before running off towards Captain Hervey's office. Luckily, he's inside, working on some papers. "Oh, it's you," he greets sternly, getting up out of his chair as I close the door behind me. "I was wondering when you were going to show up... how are you feeling?"

"Er, good, sir," I reply, feeling my face heat up. "I'm really sorry about being a nuisance... I didn't mean to get so drunk or anything, to be honest, I don't really remember drinking very much, but it happens, I suppose."

Hervey eyes me curiously before letting out a hearty laugh. "It happens! You've got to work up your tolerance somehow, I suppose!" He suddenly grabs my head and shakes me around playfully, a little more rough than my stomach can bear right now. "Just don't embarrass the squad, that's all I ask!"

"Ah! Y-Yes sir!" He finally releases me and I straighten up. "I was wondering... do you still have last night's bar tab somewhere? I'd like to see it."

"Huh? Why?" I shrug, earning a sigh from the captain as he turns to rummage through the trash. "You're lucky... I just paid the tab, and was about to take out the trash." Hervey always pays for our nights out, which is why he has our tab. "Here, now scram!"

I catch the crumpled up paper he tosses me, squeak out a thank you then run back to my room. This should tell me something...

Once in my room, I uncrumple the tab and start skimming through it. There, that's the inn... and there's the drinks we got...

My blood runs cold.

According to the tab, we were served just five cinnamon whiskeys.

Just... five. 

Wait... if we just had five... then what the Hell did I drink later?! 

I loosen my grip, and the paper wafts down to the floor at my feet.

I... I can't have been... drugged?

The cinnamon whiskey was bitter.

No... I-

But, who would have done it? Some random guy at the bar? I didn't notice anyone else come close to us... then, the bartender? No, that would be too easy to trace! Then...

It was one of them... Giles, Elia, Nigel, Alice...

Maybe not Alice, but right now the dark cloud of paranoia won't let me let go of that option.

So... it wasn't just one of my squadmates. It was one of my very own friends...

The hope I started to feel is gone, leaving nothing but an empty, taunting shell. Because, it's not over. Once again, someone is trying to intimidate me, to harm me, to make me fear the people around me. They've succeeded.

Thank goodness Julius found me... who knows what would have happened, then? It explains the severity of my illness this morning. This isn't a hangover, it's the product of some potent, poisonous drug. My hands tremble where they rest on my bare knees, and suddenly my nightgown is not nearly enough to shield me from the chill of this room. 

I'm... still in danger... but why?! I ball up my fists, feeling hot tears on my cheeks again. At this point, I'm feeling more frustrated than afraid. Why would someone target me like this? What did I do?! How do I make it stop...

Suddenly, I've been sitting there in silence for a long time, longer than I meant to. I look up sharply at my door, faint light from the hallway spilling under the crack.

I... I'm alone... Alice... she's going to be gone all night...

The frustration decidedly turns into fear. Visceral fear. I could die tonight. Someone could kill me in my sleep.

So... I won't sleep!

I move mechanically, slipping off my bed and turning on a light. My fingers are shaking, fumbling at the lamp.

I...I'll be fine! I can do this alone... and in the morning, I'll tell Alice, and we'll tell the captain-

No. I won't be fine.

I...I can fight them off... I have magic!

My hands clutch my Grimoire as I sit cross-legged on the floor, staring with wide eyes at the door. There's no strength in my gaze.

They haven't even gotten here... but they've already defeated me...

My blood freezes in my veins as I hear a footstep.

Then another.

I-it's coming closer...

I can it so clearly. They're getting closer.

Okay... get ready...

I hold up my hand.

You can do it... if you cast Fear Landscape now...

The footsteps slow as they near my door. I squeeze my eyes shut.

Do it... please...

My body refuses to move. My magic refuses to move. I'm completely petrified with fear.

I... don't want to die... please...

The footsteps speed up, and disappear down the hall.

I stay sitting there for a moment, before my eyes snap back open, blinking away tears.

I'm pathetic... I'm right, they've already defeated me...

My Grimoire thunks to the ground as I drop it, and I stare at the pair of useless hands I've been cursed with.

There's an escape... maybe I should just leave now... I'll be to the castle by morning. Lawrence will protect me, right?

No. A life with Lawrence would be worse than anything I have to face tonight. No matter how nice or comforting he tries to be, he can't erase the past. He'll never bring me the same warmth from his smile as...

...

That's right... there's someone still here that I can trust!

The realization fills my limbs with purpose, and before I know it, I throw open my door and sprint away as quietly as I can. I turn a few corners, climb one set of stairs, and there it is, that room, his room!

I skid to a stop before I slam into the door and knock on the wood urgently, glancing behind me. Please be here! Please- I feel like a rabbit, being chased down by a ravenous pack of wolves, ready to tear me apart the moment I falter. Please... please!-

Mid-knock, the door opens, and Julius pokes his head out. "Oh! Good- evening-"

He doesn't get to finish as I push my way inside, bursting right past him, and slam the door shut with a loud bang. I gasp in a breath, adrenaline still filling my veins as I lean against the closed door.��I did it! I escaped... I should be safe now... now that I'm...

I suddenly go pale.

...oops. I just broke into Julius's room, didn't I?

I turn around slowly to look back up at Julius, who is speechless, his mouth open wordlessly. Finally, he blinks a few times. "Er... to what do I owe the pleasure of this late-night-visit?" He closes his eyes as he smiles, still emanating that comforting aura that I was seeking out.

He looks... so warm... so... safe...

Safe.

It's something I desperately want to feel right now, but even here in this room, locked away from the danger outside, I can't relax. 

"...what's wrong?"

I get snapped from my thoughts as Julius gently touches my shoulder. I slowly look up at him, at his concerned face. He knows something is wrong...

"Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me, alright? Even if it's something, er- girly, although I'm sure Malota is better suited for that kind of- Ah! Why are you crying? Did I say something?"

I shake my head, and without another moment of thought I let the tears fall, and fling myself into his warm, safe chest.

OooooOooooOo ;.; Nice! Please comment and lmk what you think 0.0

I’m having so much fun writing this rn  I hope ya’ll like it too <3

[breakingsomething]

the fall part fourteen - check in

basic summary: chase and lucas vibe. henrik gives someone an apology. marvin is emo.

trigger warnings: internalized homophobia, references to past domestic abuse (not much but i'm putting a warning just in case), alcohol, emeto

tagslist: @synonymsforzombie @spicydanhowell @skyewardlight @dreaming-of-stories-and-stars @cest-mellow @graveyardlettuce @lower-your-expectationss

chase was feeling a lot of emotions, but mostly he was just angry.

"i just don't understand how i'm supposed to keep being a peacemaker for marvin and henrik," he was saying. he and lucas were sitting in a coffee shop at the very back of the room, lucas stirring his drink and listening to chase vent quietly. they'd finally been able to find a time where both of them were free to meet up, and it was going smoothly so far, so to speak. "they're always fighting and i want to agree with both of them because they're both making points but i can't help but feel i'm being yanked in every direction here."

"yeah, that's sucky," lucas murmured. he pushed up his glasses, which had fogged up in the heat of his coffee. then he shot chase a small, nervous smile. "sorry i'm bad at knowing what to say. it might seem like i'm not listening, but i swear i am. i just don't have any good advice."

chase sighed, his rage at his brothers slowly dissolving. "nah, it's ok. i'm not expecting you to solve all my problems." he scratched his head and laughed softly, feeling his face heat up. "i honestly don't know why i'm telling you all this. i barely even know you - we met, what, a couple months ago? three months, maybe? under the dumbest circumstances imaginable. very, very sorry for that, by the way."

"it's cool!" lucas laughed, waving his hands. "it's honestly cool, don't worry. i do find it funny how this all started as a favour for naomi, and now we're here."

chase winced. "yeah. my family tends to - be like that. dragging people into our messes somehow. it used to be anti causing all the problems, and now it's - well. you know."

lucas snorted and turned his head away, glancing at the line of people waiting for their coffee. lucas was the type of man who looked as though he fit in perfectly in a place like this; fluffy blonde hair, black rectangular glasses, even a fucking indigo hoodie over a dark red button up. he looked like a stock image of a hipster. he looked like he spent all his time in coffee shops with a laptop and earl grey tea in front of him, a hipster siren calling all those who wanted to live some sort of cliche romance movie. chase bet that if he opened up the man's plain grey bag, he'd find books and art supplies inside. it was immensely attractive.

chase blinked. no it wasn't. that wasn't something he should be thinking, what the fuck? why had he just thought - he hadn't really just -

lucas spoke again, interrupting his thoughts. "i don't know a lot about your family, aside from what you, naomi and marvin have told me. but i know that they definitely need to maybe… talk it out. go to family therapy, i don't know -" he clapped a hand over his mouth and laughed out of shock. "oh crap, it is absolutely not my place to say that, is it!"

chase threw back his head and laughed, glad for a distraction. "no, no, you're so right," he giggled. "i love how - i love how you've literally known us for three months and already know that like, all of us need some kind of therapy. are we that obvious?"

lucas shook his head, wiping his eyes. "ah, man, i need to keep my mouth shut. i am very sorry for calling out your whole family like that."

"it's fine, it's fine," chase said. he fanned his face, suddenly realizing how hot it was in here. to be fair, he was wearing three layers; a plain white longsleeve, a dark blue ac/dc shirt, and a black jacket on top of that. along with ripped jeans and a beanie. he looked the polar opposite of lucas. it was quite funny, actually. "we deserve to be called out."

lucas smiled and sipped his coffee, glancing to the front of the shop out the window. "man, it's so warm," he said through his cup. "to think it's september and it was storming so badly only three days ago."

chase nodded slowly, glancing down at his barely touched cup. he didn't want to think about the storm, honestly. that had just been a nightmare. "hmm. weird storm, yeah. everything's a bit weird lately."

for instance, he'd just called lucas "attractive" in his head. that was strange enough. why was that the thing he was focusing on? why was he freaking out about this?

lucas was a friend. just a friend he wanted to talk to and do normal things with. could straight guys call their friends attractive? chase decided to believe he could.

"they shouldn't treat you like that, though," lucas said. his dark eyes were warm under his glasses. "once again, maybe not my place to say. but i feel like they shouldn't use you as, like, a substitute therapist."

chase winced. "i mean, that's kind of what i'm doing to you, isn't it?"

lucas set down his drink and shook his head, shifting slightly closer to chase. "it's different. you're not expecting me to solve all your problems for you. you just need someone to listen." he smiled. "i get the feeling it's been a while since you had that."

chase flushed, blinking. "uh, yeah. i guess… i guess, yeah." he decided not to mention his old therapist and just looked at his legs, folding his hands together. lucas had glanced away by the time he looked up, but he was still a little bit closer to him than he'd been, and his hand was resting on the table next to chase's cup.

"thanks for listening," chase murmured gratefully. "i suppose it has been a while since i had a friend like… like you."

lucas widened his eyes. "oh! oh, thank you! i mean, i…" he giggled, rubbing the back of his neck. "i'm assuming that's a compliment. you're… you're sweet."

a grin spread across chase's face. "i - thank you too."

chase wasn't sure when their faces had gotten so close, only inches apart. lucas blinked, looking up at him through his pale lashes. his lips were parted slightly in surprise, like he'd just come to the same realization that the other man just had. chase's breath hitched, and his stomach suddenly dropped fiercely.

and it hit him that they were in a public space with everyone's eyes able to turn to them at any moment and what was he doing, getting so close to a guy like this, he wasn't supposed to, anyone could see him and he couldn't fucking stand it -

"i'm sorry!" chase yelped. he shoved himself away, heart racing so fast he thought he'd pass out. he didn't dare to turn and look at the rest of the room. "shit, i'm - i should - i have to go!"

"wait!" lucas cried, startled. chase ignored him, adrenaline hitting him all at once, leaping from his place on the booth and darting around the table. "chase, i'm - i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, i'm so sorry!"

chase couldn't look at him or he was going to be sick. "it's ok, i just have to - i'm sorry," he managed. "i'm sorry, i'll call you later, i'm -"

he ran from the building as quickly as his legs would allow him. lucas didn't follow.

chase wasn't sure when he'd started crying. he was certain everyone was staring at him as he speedwalked down the road, both hands clamped over his mouth. fuck, it felt like being a kid again, like he was twelve and his mother was telling him that it wasn't right for boys to like other boys, and chase would nod and agree because it was all he knew, and then he grew up and married a woman and was so relieved it was her he fell in love with and not him, not a boy, not anyone else -

god, he was just so fucking angry.

-

henrik hated the sound of doorbells.

it was such an anticipatory sound; the sound of knowing you were about to have to interact with someone. it automatically made him tense up, back straight, poker face on, hands in his pockets because he didn't know what else to do with them. eyes clenched shut for just a moment as he heard someone walking to the door on the other side. maybe this hadn't been the best idea.

the door clicked open.

"henrik?"

ok, she didn't immediately sound like she wanted to kill him. that was a good start. he cracked his eyes open, and flashed a small, sheepish grin. "hallo, ellie."

ellie just blinked. white teeth peeked out from behind her lips, strands of loose dark hair falling into gingerbread eyes. her voice was clipped and professional. "it's good to see you."

a breath fell from henrik's mouth. "i'm sorry," he immediately blurted out. he couldn't stay still, shifting back and forth, bouncing on the balls of his heels. "i shouldn't have dropped you the second i thought i couldn't handle it anymore. you deserved better and i was the dickhead."

a brief moment of thick silence passed over them.

"let's walk," ellie said eventually. "around the city, or something. i've been meaning to go out anyway."

a smile cracked on henrik's face. "yes! yes, let's do that," he said enthusiastically. ellie held up a hand, eyebrows drawing together over narrowed eyes.

"first," she said cautiously. "i have to ask. we're not doing the - the romance thing anymore, i take it?"

henrik was briefly stunned. "uh, i - no, i wouldn't think so, no," he stammered awkwardly. he swallowed, a hand rising to the back of his neck. "yeah, i feel like that maybe wasn't working out for us."

to his surprise, she laughed. "thank goodness for that," she breathed, sounding relieved. "i didn't think that was working either, yeah. but…" her eyes met his again. "i'm glad you came back."

a sudden warm feeling took over him. "me too," he murmured. "me too."

-

henrik had never had many friends.

that was just fact. from his creation on, he simply had "colleagues" and "acquaintances," people he tolerated when he had to. after his wife left, chase had been his only friend - and then they'd discovered they were brothers by blood too, anyway, so there had been a lack of choice in that department. he'd been content like that. content without any kind of social life. it had just been easier that way.

but ellie was so warm. like a soft flame. it was cliche as all hell to say, but it was the closest way to describe her that henrik could manage. from the day he'd met her on her first day in the surgery, he had taken a liking to her. everything about her stood out to henrik, like she was the only colour in a crowd. like a rainbow. henrik hadn't felt anything close to that in years.

they were both at the hospital on and off. henrik was allowed more leeway with his absences, maybe because no one ever died on his operating table, maybe because he was one of if not the best surgeon on the ward. ellie was not given leeway. neither of them were a hundred percent certain why, but they had a feeling it was definitely gender related. they knew ellie was just as good as henrik was, despite henrik's secret healing abilities. she didn't deserve any less.

they had somehow started dating. henrik hadn't dated anyone since emolie, and in the beginning, it had been terrifying. for both of them, actually; ellie's ex was an awful person, and it had been hard for her to trust him. it was only after henrik gained the courage to tell her about his ex wife and what she had been like that they managed to properly communicate. that had just helped them bond more. it felt good.

and then it had all gone downhill. ellie left work entirely for her mental health, leaving henrik with just his bastard colleagues again. he began to be filled with that same old overwhelming fear again, the same distrust and paranoia his ex wife had given him. and he'd started ignoring ellie. that was how it had went. he had been an asshole.

he told ellie all this as they walked through the darkening streets, keeping his gaze down towards his blue trainers. despite usually being good with eye contact, he didn't dare to look at her. maybe he was afraid to. he didn't know. in any case, he should have done this months ago.

once he'd finished, everything went very quiet. henrik, in the sensible parts of his mind, knew ellie would never hurt him. he knew she wasn't anything like emolie, despite the similar names. but even knowing all that, he still flinched when she finally spoke. "henrik, you should have told me."

"i know," he mumbled, kicking a rock into a gutter. "i know. i've been an idiot."

ellie placed a gentle hand on his arm. "hey. i understand. i - i often had some of the same… the same thoughts. even though robert was - everything with him was years ago."

"it's the same for me," henrik said softly. a dog barked in the distance, and two shopkeepers talked loudly as they rolled down the shutters for the night. "emolie left a long time ago too. yet i still - i thought it was just me that had this paranoia."

ellie shook her head. "no, no. i get it. i've been going to therapy, and my therapist says that's perfectly natural for people who've experienced abuse."

henrik flinched.

ellie noticed. "are you ok?"

henrik licked his lips, which were suddenly very dry. "mm. i don't know. yes."

ellie giggled. "you don't sound sure."

henrik was about to respond, but someone across the street caught his eye. black jacket, red beanie, blonde hair. henrik furrowed his eyebrows. "chase?"

the man looked up, and yes, it was definitely him. he caught henrik's gaze and stopped, eyes widening visibly. he was crying. then he turned and raced down the street even faster than he was going before, face burning and arms crossed over his chest.

"is that your brother?" ellie asked. she'd only met him once, but chase was a hard man to forget. "is he - is he ok?"

"no idea," henrik muttered, then waved at her apologetically. "i'll - i'll be right back, i swear. chase!" he began to run after his brother. "chase, what - chase!"

"fuck off, henrik," chase spat. he stopped, but didn't turn round as his brother caught up to him. "please, i don't want to talk."

"well, can you at least tell me you're ok?" henrik asked. his mind was going a hundred miles an hour, trying to figure out what could have upset him. he tapped his shoes against the floor. "weren't you out with lucas?"

chase scrubbed at his eyes. "i was, yeah." he glanced up, wincing at henrik's expression. "he didn't do anything, hen. i'm just a fucking idiot. please just go. seriously, i don't fucking want to be around people right now, ok? i don't - just go."

henrik hesitated. "are you sure -"

"yes!" chase suddenly cried. he clutched at his head, sobbing. "fucking shit, henrik, i'm fine, just - ugh!"

he ran off down the road again, the only sound being the slapping of his shoes against the concrete. henrik didn't follow him.

ellie was right where he'd left her. "what happened?" she murmured softly. she looked genuinely worried, too. henrik's heart clenched.

"i don't know," he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. he was so tired. but he also didn't want to pressure chase at all. "i'm - look, ellie, i'm so sorry. whatever happened to me in my past didn't excuse how i treated you, and i swear i'll message or - or visit you again. i'm…" he shook his head. "i'm sorry it took me this long."

ellie took his hand, the contact making him gasp softly. "i'm sorry too. i never thought about what you wanted or how - or how you were feeling. a sick part of me was convinced that i somehow had it worse. and i know how fucked up that is, i know -" she paused, her laugh slightly hysterical. "i'm gonna shut up for now. go after your brother. i'll see you soon, henrik."

he had a lot more he wanted to say, but he knew it could wait. chase needed him more. so with an awkward nod and a trip over his own feet, he began to jog down the street to where chase was going.

-

marvin was a fucking idiot.

he couldn't believe he'd trusted anti as much as he had. henrik had outright laughed at him when he told his brothers what had happened; how he'd spoken to anti late at night, how he'd asked him if they could talk in the morning, how he'd fallen asleep in front of him instead of keeping watch. and yeah, maybe he was a fool. maybe he should go out and buy himself a new phone to replace the one anti had stole, along with a new table to replace the one anti destroyed, since that was his fucking fault too. like everything was lately. maybe he should do that.

instead, he'd spent the day in bed, half asleep and fucking miserable. he was well aware that now wasn't the time to be wallowing in self pity, but he'd honestly stopped caring. anti could do what he wanted. jackie could do what he wanted. marvin apparently had no bloody say in anything anymore.

he got up once to get a glass of water for his slowly worsening headache. of course, it was then that chase came in, slamming the door shut behind him.

"can you not do that?" marvin snapped, whipping round to face him, but he softened when he saw chase's tear stained face. "oh hey, what's wrong?"

"don't start," chase hissed. his eyes were red from crying, and they were blazing with anger. "i'm fine, don't start with the p-pity."

marvin crossed the room to stand by his side. "did someone hurt you?" he asked, concerned. chase pushed him away, shaking his head.

"no, they didn't, ok? i'm just a fucking idiot and it's my own fault," he said angrily. "it's not always to do with you guys, for fuck's sake."

marvin felt his face heat up. "hey, don't get mad at me. that's helping nobody here. what happened, man?"

chase wiped his face roughly, more tears escaping. "shut up!" he demanded, wrapping his arms around himself. "you don't have to know everything just cause you're big brother now, you don't get to -"

"jeez, chase, what the hell got into you?" marvin shouted over him, taking a step closer. chase scowled and stepped back. "did i do something? if i did, just tell me -"

"i said it was my fault!" chase screamed. and there was something in his voice that made marvin stop and move back, blinking rapidly. "ok? my fault! let me take responsibility for my own actions f-for once, fucking hell, you don't have to be jackie! you can go back to not noticing shit if you want, we'll be fine on our own!"

marvin's chest tightened painfully. "chase - what are you talking about?"

"did you even notice - did you even notice the time when henrik had that panic attack where he hurt his hand because he was trying to get out of a lift?" chase asked, laughing without warmth. "you didn't! you spent that whole weekend out of the house with some guy, didn't you? did jackie ever bother telling you? do you remember the aftermath at all?"

marvin tried to catch a breath. "no," he whispered, mouth dry. "no, but - you can't expect me to -"

"were you - were you th-there for my last relapse?" chase spat, and marvin's heart dropped. "no! you weren't! i doubt you - ha, i doubt you even know it happened! are you surprised? stupid, fuckup chase, ruining all good things for himself yet again!" he laughed, running his fingers through his curls underneath his beanie, which slipped back and fell into his hood. with his hair pulled back, marvin could more clearly see the bald spot where chase's old scar lingered. "you didn't care then, so why should you care now? stop trying to be jackie! you will never be jackie!"

marvin's breaths were getting quicker, blood pumping in his ears. "chase," he said, trying to keep his voice calm. "chase, i've never been -"

"you have!" he cried. "you have, you're trying to replace him and it's not working, you're just making everything worse!"

marvin's fingers were burning, his whole body tingling with grief and magic. "stop yelling, please -"

"just stop trying to fix everything! i want things to go back to how they were before! stop changing, just because jackie changed -"

"chase, shut up, shut up -"

"i want jackie and jamie back, god, i hate this, i hate you, i hate myself -"

"stop it, chase, pl-please, i can't -"

"this isn't fair, just leave me alone -"

"shut - up!"

marvin wasn't sure what happened. it was a rush of anger, self hatred, of leave me alone i want you to stop because you're saying everything that i know is true and it hurts so bad make it stop. then chase and marvin were both on the floor. marvin's head was spinning from the crack to the floor it had taken, his hands burning with unrestrained magic. chase sat up, groaning, rubbing his head. the door behind them clicked, and marvin knew immediately who it would be.

"what the fuck?" came henrik's cry. marvin scrambled to his feet, chase following. "marvin, shit, what did you do?"

"wasn't his fault," chase said quickly, wiping the tears off his face and grabbing the counter for support. "i was being a dick, i shouldn't have -"

henrik whirled on marvin. "you - you used magic on him?"

"it just exploded, it w-wasn't intentional!" chase fretted, waving his hands to get the doctor's attention. "please, hen, i was saying shit 'cause i was upset, i -"

henrik gently pushed past him and faced marvin, anger darkening his face. "after what's happening with jackie, you turn on us too? are you going to hurt us next? what the hell is wrong with you?"

"henrik!" chase grabbed his arm, trying to pull him away from marvin. "please, stop, i swear he wasn't doing it maliciously -"

"maybe jackie didn't start hurting maliciously!" henrik shouted. "i have to keep us safe! marvin already wants us letting murderers into our house -"

"you agreed -"

"and look where it got us!" henrik shoved chase behind him like he was shielding him, glaring up at marvin and pushing him onto the ruined table, riddled with stab wounds. "look at us! i thought - i thought we could handle this ourselves, but we can't, this is pathetic! look at us!" his voice broke, and he suddenly backed down, clamping both hands over his mouth. "oh mein gott, look at us."

he slumped down on the floor, leaning his back against the oven. chase crouched down in front of him, glancing helplessly up at marvin like he hadn't been screaming at him minutes prior. like he hadn't revealed exactly what he thought of marvin, like he didn't think he was just a copy of jackie. but then again, "copy of jackie" was the best they had. maybe marvin was a better copy of jackie than he was a brother.

slowly, numbly, he stepped over his brothers towards the door. his ears were ringing, though whether it was his tinnitus, anti, or the angry echoes of his own magic, marvin didn't know. his head was spinning like he'd been hit, which, well - he had hit his head off the floor. that was his fault. just like everything else.

he left and didn't turn back.

-

ok, getting as drunk as he was when he was so upset had, in fact, been a terrible idea.

he laughed to himself in spite of it all. yes, he was laughing out loud by himself in the middle of a club, sitting on the sidelines and knocking back his fifth lemon vodka of the night. he was at his favourite nightclub, cheers - the nightclub that had a reputation for an incredible amount of stabbings. it was also the most fun to hang out in, even by himself. though it appeared he wouldn't be alone for long; a dark haired man with a green bandana and a half unbuttoned dress shirt was sidling up to him, glass in hand.

"haven't seen you here before," was how he introduced himself, a smirk on his face. marvin barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't see how new this guy was to this kind of thing.

"y'must be new round here, then," marvin smiled, voice only slightly slurred. he raised an eyebrow at the man's flushed face and shifted aside in his booth to let him sit beside. "i happen to come here quite often."

marvin was never sure what he wanted anymore. did he want to go home with a random guy to help him think of anything else but his out of control magic, his brother's horrified, furious faces, his burning hands and spinning head? he didn't think he did. then again, maybe it'd be nice. maybe he didn't care. fuck, this was awful, but here he was anyway.

the other man sat down, too close to marvin, his fingers brushing against his thighs in a way marvin normally wouldn't allow so soon into a hookup. he didn't say anything. he just tilted his head, leaning closer to the man's face. "what's your name then, stranger?"

"matthew," he murmured. his eyes were brown, his face pale. marvin searched him for any interesting features, anything that he might remember him by afterwards. there was nothing. "and you?"

marvin didn't even hesitate. "adrien," he lied, and turned his head to sip his drink. the world was spinning. he wanted it to stop. "'m adrien. who you with? anyone here?"

matthew shook his head, biting his bottom lip in the most unsubtle way possible. "nope. just me, myself, and i." he grinned, showing gap teeth. marvin stared. he suddenly realized that he absolutely couldn't do this, not tonight.

someone was standing behind them, blocking the light.

"hey," came a deep voice. "leave him alone, asshole."

marvin and matthew both turned. a tall, muscled man with chin length black hair and a thick beard was behind their booth, glaring at matthew. "fuck off away from him," the man said. "can't you see how drunk he is? bloody dickwad. get the fuck away."

matthew opened and closed his mouth, eyes bulging. like a fish. marvin giggled a little at the image, and the tall man helped marvin to stand as matthew scurried off to a different corner of the club, only looking back to sneer at them angrily.

"hey," marvin protested as the stranger led him away. "i wanted to sleep with him."

"no you didn't," the stranger said. he kept a firm hold on marvin's arm as they walked, steering him towards the door and out into the cold autumn air. the sudden lack of lights and loud music made his head clear slightly, and he yawned, thinking. the man kept talking. "you have a girlfriend, anyway."

"naomi's not my girlfriend," marvin said loudly, stumbling on the front steps. "she's my best friend. i set her door on fire once. i also made her really sad, sent her into a breakdown, d'y'know? who are you? i don't know you."

the man visibly rolled his eyes. "you know, for such a smart man, you're not very bright when you're drunk," he muttered. marvin noticed that the more he spoke, the more irish the man's accent became. "do you always use such bad coping mechanisms? christ, and i thought i was bad - actually, wait, i'm one to talk. especially about - shit. you know what i'm saying."

marvin actually had no clue what he was saying, but he listened to the man ramble anyway. he couldn't seem to stop talking. "i thought i could leave you alone for five bloody minutes, but no, you flip out and decide the best way to cope is to fuck some guy in a sketchy ass nightclub - what is wrong with you, man? go to therapy. do you go to therapy, kitty? you definitely should. swear to god, you lot are like a bunch of kids. i could kill you right now and you wouldn't stop me, would you? pfft, you're not even gonna remember this tomorrow morning. fuck's sake."

it was a while before marvin realized he had no clue where they were. "where're we going?" he slurred. his hands were empty. how long had they been empty? "i lost my drink."

"you didn't lose it, i took it. this body can actually handle alcohol, you know that? how weird. and i'm taking you the fuck home, asshole. you're lucky you're not as much of a dick as your brothers."

his brothers? marvin's head shot up, and he gasped loudly. "i can't go home!" he cried. "henrik'll kill me! man, i can't - don't have your name, sorry - can't go home, i can't, i can't."

the man groaned loudly. "oh, fuck's sake," he grumbled. "gods, i'll call us a taxi to take us to the nearest hotel. christ on a goddamn bike, i hate you..."

marvin leaned his head on the man's chest while they waited for said taxi to come. the man cleared his throat. "ok, i know you're a clingy bastard, but can you get off of me? i don't like being touched without permission."

"you're warm, though," marvin mumbled. "'m tired and you're warm. my brothers all hate me now, they do. i have - my big brother, jackie, he's gone all evil 'n shit now. i wasn't good enough for him. my other big brother stabbed my table. stole my phone. henrik laughed at me for it."

the man hissed through his teeth. "yikes, your big brothers sound like right douchebags," he said, sounding like he was holding back a laugh. "especially that second one. who stabs a table? what an asshole."

marvin nodded sleepily in agreement. "yeah. i trusted him but he let me down 'n my little brother laughed at me for it. i wanted to ask him about m'other big brother. his name's jackie, i love him so much, but he was so horrible." the other man visibly flinched. marvin obliviously kept going. "i wanted to know what he did. you know he - he cut off my brother's t-tongue? he cut it right off. i can't believe he'd ever -" marvin's stomach lurched. "i'm gonna be sick."

not a second later, he did exactly as threatened. the man yelped and jumped away, making disgusted noises. "oh, kitten, gross," he groaned. "fuck's sake. look, the taxi's here, thank the stars. mind your step, don't stand in the vom - ok, here we go."

marvin laid his head on the man's shoulders the whole drive. some part of him screamed at him to not be an idiot, don't get in a taxi with a stranger, especially as drunk as he was now - but another part of him felt like this man was familiar. it felt right. he wasn't sure why. "what's your name again?" he managed at one point, right as the car began to pull over.

"doesn't matter," said the stranger. he unbuckled his seat belt. "we're here. get out, asshole, come on."

"have a nice night," the driver told them. the man didn't say anything in response, just helped marvin up and onto the pavement on shaky legs. he squinted at the building in front of them.

"i don't have the money for a hotel like this," he said. he swayed on his feet, his stomach roiling. "i need to go somewhere else."

"i'll fucking pay," the man said. he was rifling through a wallet, making faces at the contents. "apparently i'm bloody loaded, fantastic. come on, magician, act like you're not drunk for two minutes."

"i'm not drunk," marvin announced loudly.

the man clapped his back. "that's the spirit," he said cheerfully. as they went inside, the bright lights of the hotel made marvin's eyelids feel even heavier. he closed his eyes and clung to the man's arm tightly, yawning.

it felt like only a second later that he was being shaken awake again. "i didn't know it was possible to fall asleep standing, but here we are," the stranger joked. "i got you a room. here's your key. room 146. now go."

marvin blinked. "huh?"

the man heaved a sigh. "oh, boy." then he cleared his throat, speaking in a much louder voice, like he was talking to a child. "i got you a hotel room so you don't have to go home and face the consequences of your own actions. go inside before i change my mind and gut you."

another yawn ripped out of marvin's throat. "mm. ok." he was too tired to question it. he took the key from the other man's hands and inspected it. "ok. so what… what's your name again? i think you told me, but i have a bad memory. i think. i don't 'member."

the man facepalmed, dragging his hands down his face. "my fucking gods. the fact that i haven't murdered you yet astounds me. my name is... berlin, if you really must know. although you'll definitely forget that in the morning. now get to your room, i'm not standing here forever."

marvin just nodded. the night had been so weird already, this might as well be happening. he wasn't even paying attention to his surroundings, just letting himself be guided and eventually, somehow, collapsing on a bed and falling asleep.

-

anti wasn't sure why he'd done it.

maybe it was just the euphoria of realizing that out of all his powers, he'd been left with possession. he'd been following kitten around for days, just to keep an eye on him. partially because he felt very slightly bad about stabbing his table and stealing his belongings, partially because… the magician had been kind to him in a way that literally no one else had for so long. anti wasn't entirely certain of why he did anything anymore. it was kind of annoying, actually.

he'd taken the body of some man smoking in an alleyway and spent about ten minutes talking out loud to himself as he paced and finished the cigarette - might as well, didn't want to waste it. anti swore he'd almost forgotten how to talk after so long the way he was. drinking and eating without pain was so weird, so strange. it had been amazing. he'd been so caught up in exhilaration of being able to speak that he almost completely forgot about kitten, who had apparently decided that hooking up with a stranger would solve his problems. anti decided to spare him the embarrassment and scooped him out of there, even renting him a hotel room using the money he'd been planning to nick for himself. see, i can do nice things! he thought to himself. take that, doctor!

it was only afterwards that he really questioned why. this wasn't just something he did for no reason; when anti did nice things, it was always for his own personal gain. he hadn't gotten anything out of this but a fucking headache. what had been the point?

a year ago, anti would have been delighted at the thought of kitten suffering, of him hurting, crying, drunk and alone in a sketchy nightclub. now… anti didn't derive as much pleasure from the thought as he normally would. not that he was getting attached to kitten. he'd already formed something like that with one person, and anti liked to keep all his eggs in one basket, thank you very much.

he was just waiting, he told himself. waiting for the right time to strike. waiting for the perfect opportunity. waiting for…

he knew he was lying to himself. but he closed his eyes and resolved to let himself just a little longer.

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Butterfly Fly Away

This short one shot might be a bit of a personal story for a lot of people. Trigger warning it does take place during a period for my OC. I tend to get massively overheated during them if I do anything strenuous or sometimes for no legitimate reason whatsoever they just happen because they feel like it with no rhyme or reason for it. The OC that I am using is in a Promare AU, my OC Keiko Katsuragi. In this AU she is a member of the Mad Burnish and Lio Fotia’s younger twin sister!! I thought that this universe just meshed super well with her personality. She still has the same personality and dresses in the same way but I just REALLY wanted a non scared Keiko au and this is what I came up with.

I had woken up to spotting in my underwear. I sighed knowing that was why I was slightly warmer than normal today. I had struggled with heat tolerance ever since I started getting my period when I was fourteen. To me it just meant that it was a day of being useless and leaning on my brother for absolutely everything. He kept a log of all my periods to make sure that I wouldn’t overwork myself and get sick. I knew that if he found out I would be stuck in bed all day. I promised Meis and Gueira that I would do the shopping for the time being with them. We did all need to eat despite the stress that it brought me. I pushed the sweat off of my forehead taking some deep breaths. It is just the store. It’s not so bad really. You just need to get the necessities and then get out of there. Maybe they’ll even be a bit more than we’re used to and I can get a treat for myself. Some mint chocolate chip, rainbow sherbet or birthday cake ice cream. I tied my hair back into the usual twin space buns grabbing my leather jacket and putting it over my mint tee shirt. I grabbed my favorite shoes and put them on carefully already feeling way too warm.

“I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I just have to get to the store. I just have to get to the store. I’ll feel better once I’m back home. How much money do I have for something for myself?” I wondered aloud looking into my wallet seeing that Lio had put a hundred dollars in twenties with a note to the back of my wallet. 

Kei, 

Get yourself something, if you get a stuffed animal try to restrain yourself to just one. Whatever you don’t spend, keep it yourself. 

Lio. I shook my head with a small laugh at my brother’s antics. Most of the stuffed animals that I bought were for the younger Burnish that we took care of. I hadn’t bought one specifically for myself in too many years. I put my wallet into my backpack and put that over my shoulders. I clutched my stomach in sheer agony taking a deep breath.

“You’re not pregnant time to run your stomach over with a 50 pound bus.” I snarked and sighed a little bit groaning. I had to do this for the sake of my best friend’s. They were counting on me. This was one of the few parts of the job that I looked forward to doing. I didn’t like causing fires but I did it because I enjoyed feeding off of the enthusiasm of my two best friends. 

“What’s that about 50 pound buses?” Meis asked me leaning in my bedroom entryway and I sighed collapsing against my bed. 

“If you tell Li I don’t know what I’ll do to you but it’ll be something. If I could think more clearly I could come up with a good threat but the only one that I have is that I won’t talk to you for a week.” He blinked a little bit in confusion before the resolution dawned on him and he closed my door.

“You got… it didn’t you?” I nodded my head and an embarrassed blush on my cheeks and I clutched my stomach in agony.

“Yeah I did but if Lio finds out I’m stuck here. I promised that I would do the shopping and it’s the one thing that I’m good for around here.” My best friend put his arm around my shoulders drawing me into his side a little bit. 

“You don’t need to do the shopping, when you’re sick then Gueira and I go and do it. Those are the bosses rules for a reason. He just wants to look out for you and make sure that you’re safe. When you have your hot flashes and you get sick it scares the absolute fuck out of him. It’s not just a guideline it’s a general rule for your own health and safety. I mean I won’t tell him if you promise me something. Just get the things that are on the list and get out. You get a few things for yourself as well. It’s been way too long since you’ve treated yourself Keiko.” Meis lectured and I knew that my best friend was right, as he usually was. 

“H-He gave me a hundred dollars and told me to buy some stuff for myself. I really want some ice cream. Maybe a new stuffed animal for myself this time around.” My best friend cackled with laughter a sound that never failed to bring warmth to me.

“We’re sending you to the all mighty Costco so I’m coming with you anyways. Don’t need you getting lost on me.” I stuck my tongue out at him muttering that was a one time thing and he just lightly shoved me.

“And why did you get lost again? Oh that’s right you were helping a cute kid get a stuffed animal out of the bin so you decided to crawl up the side of the bin to get it for you because you’re too short.” I sputtered in embarrassment at the fact that he was still teasing me about that even three years later.

“I-wah- you are cruel to me Meis, what the hell did I ever do to you?!” My best friend just laughed at me crossing his legs on my bright pink bed sheets.

“Hmm give me a minute here let me think because there’s a lot of trouble that you’ve gotten me into over the years…” I kicked his foot gently but my stomach cramped up in the middle of it and I froze, doubling over.

“Alright I’ll play nice, I’m really sorry about this Keiko. Just breathe hun you’ll be alright.” I huffed cursing my womanly fate.

“Gah why me…” My best friend hugged me and I sighed a little bit hugging the long haired goofball back.

“Because you can’t be a badass all the time, even the boss needs breaks too. I feel like if you weren’t around then he’d never take any.” I chuckled a little bit looking over at the picture of the four of us on my nightstand. “

You might be right even when I am around he’s still the biggest workaholic I know.” Meis looked at me with a small smile on his normally more stoic face. “Hey you’re good at a lot of things Keiko. You’re awesome at listening to people, that's your best quality, you're always able to help people through that. A lot of us stopped giving a shit about most of humanity a long time ago but you’ve still remained optimistic that the world will one day become a little bit kinder towards us.” Meis reasoned and I felt myself tearing up at my best friend’s kindness.

“Do you think Gueira might come too? I have a feeling that I’m going to need more help… I might just sit in the cart and boss you two around. Sorry I feel like if I even try walking for an extended period of time today I’m going to pass the hell out.” I asked him and he instantly took control of the situation texting his boyfriend. 

“And don’t worry getting your smoothie is on the list too even if you do get sick I’ll just freeze it in here and you can have it when you’re feeling better. Oo check this out Keiko.” He tapped my shoulder on the Costco website and I looked at him with my eyes huge. What he was looking at was a big Care Bear that was Share Bear my favorite.

“Um I think I might need that.” My best friend laughed at me already five steps ahead of the situation putting in his own credit card information and it said that it would be waiting for us when we got to the store. 

“Thank you Meis.” I thanked my best friend and he just shook his head at me staring up at my ceiling.

“Another cool thing that you did was make those glow in the dark flames for the kids. It really helps keep the darkness away and I know that they appreciate that. You have the kindest heart of anybody that I’ve ever met aside from the boss.” I laughed a little bit agreeing with my best friend. The kindness gene had definitely been passed down through the Fiota family since we both had it and so did our mother. 

“Sometimes I wonder if that kindness is enough. Like if people think I’m stupid for always going on about how one day things will be different. It’s hard enough for me to keep smiling. I do it for Lio mostly because I know that my smile makes him smile. If that’s what I need to do then so be it.” My best friend tangled his fingers with mine and a sad smile on his face. It was at times like this when I thought to myself just how needy I really was. I constantly relied on touch to make me feel better. A hug on a bad day, a cuddle on my period from one of the three most important people in my life. It must be so exhausting for them to have to take care of me. 

“You stop that thought right now. You are not exhausting to take care of. I love taking care of you, so does Gueira and most of all the boss. All of us love you so much Keiko. You’re the heart and soul of the Mad Burnish. Without you well we wouldn’t all be together. You introduced the three of us and together the four of us all equally are trying to make the world a better place. You aren’t needy I mean look at Gueira, it's hard for me to get him away from me for five damn minutes.” I looked up at my bedroom entryway seeing the other general there with his arms crossed and pouting.

“I leave for two minutes to go and check inventory and this is where I find you?” He asked his boyfriend jokingly and I clutched my stomach rolling over to my side.

“Keiko!! Are you alright?” Meis mouthed to his boyfriend period and the other boy sat at the foot of my bed.

“Do you want me to get the boss?” I shook my head animatedly not wanting to put my brother out of his way.

“Not if you can help it. I don’t want him to put me on the bench for stupid grocery shopping. It’s the one thing that I can do around here that makes me feel truly useful. Plus it’s Costco and I am getting my very berry smoothie if it kills me.” Meis laughed at me squeezing my hand encouragingly.

“I already offered to get the boss and she denied me too babe. Looks like we’re both on shopping duty with her because she’s staying in the cart. We’re going to do everything that we can to keep her safe today and not overwhelm her too much.” I reached into my wallet and took out forty dollars.

“Take it Meis, just consider it payback for the Share Bear. I don’t know how I’m going to lug that thing around when we have to leave again… you really shouldn’t have bought that for me.” I protested and my best friend just laughed at me nudging my shoulder.

“We figure out that problem when we get to it. I mean I have that apartment and we could just keep it there if that’s the case. It’s a piece of shit apartment but it works.” He shrugged his shoulders and I saw Gueira snuggle into his boyfriend’s side.

“Besides this is the home base it’s the closest thing that we’ve got to a perfect hiding spot. We’ll be fine here Keiko.” He reminded me as an afterthought and I smiled softly at my best friend kicking my feet back and forth.

“Do you still have enough to get yourself some ice cream tubs?” Gueira asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile.

“Yeah I still have plenty and the items at Costco are cheap. Let’s go thing one and thing two and then I can come home and pass the ever loving hell out.” I tried to stand up but a wash of heat came over me.

“Keiko!!” Gueira rushed to my side and put his arm around my waist taking his boyfriend’s other hand.

“I’ve got you, let’s just pray that the boss doesn’t see us on our way out.” He joked and I laughed a little bit at him. 

“He said something about an early morning meeting today so we should be fine. We are taking the car?” Meis nodded, swinging the car keys around with his finger smiling softly at me. Taking the car was for the big shopping trips so they were only made once or twice a year.

“We’re doing delivery today as well so the list is really long today. Costco trips are a big deal for us. Time to go and get some food to make the people happy!!” Meis cheered and I smiled softly at my best friend as we walked down the hallway and out to the car. I climbed into the familiar backseat of the car wishing that my brother could come with us.

“Remember your fucking seatbelts kids.” He lectured and I stuck my tongue out at him while Gueira muttered yes mom next to him. I watched the desert go by and I looked out the passenger side window. The atmosphere of the desert though big and vast brought me comfort. I had once wandered those deserts with my brother. But now we didn’t have to roam aimlessly anymore. We had a family even though it was small and a little bit dysfunctional. 

“You’re really quiet back there Kei, are you feeling alright?” I nodded my head with a sad smile on my face.

“I’m fine Meis just memorizes that’s all. I was remembering when Lio and I were on the run before I met you guys.” Gueira smiled softly at me looking at the wasteland in front of us and the shopping center that catered to our kind just ahead.

“This was the desert right? That must have been really hard on both of you. I know that he did everything for you. He loves you Keiko.” Gueira mentioned and I laughed a little bit. It was hard but at the same time I loved those early days just my brother and me against the world. “I love him too, he's everything to me. Aside from you two lugheads anyways.” I joked and Meis halfheartedly glared at me through the mirror at the front of the car.

“Lughead she calls me a lughead after I buy her this massive stuffed animal I can’t believe this shit.” I laughed heartily at my best friend until my stomach let out a massive cramp and I whimpered in pain. Gueira went through his bag and found an apple, a bottle of water, some saltine crackers and three Motrin.

“I thought that your… you know what thing might be coming so I came prepared.” He told me and I smiled softly at my best friend taking the items from him. I untied the rubber band around the taking one of the slices.

“Thanks Gueira, that means a lot to me. I guess everybody has to be carrying this shit around this time of the month though.” I sighed cursing my fate and chewing on the slice of my favorite fruit treat.

“Not really, I just wanted to. The boss keeps that shit to himself he only logs it so that he can make sure that you are off your feet for the majority of the first two days. It’s not like he goes around the compound telling everybody to look after you. He likes to take that job for himself.” I sighed a little bit leaning against the back of the car seat.

“He’s right Keiko. He doesn’t even give that log to us. It’s between him and you we’re just not as much dumbasses as you give us credit for. We try to be a bit more on the lookout and be more protective around this time every month. To us you’re like a sister so I guess we kinda took after the boss in that regard.” My best friend reminded me and I sighed a little bit at the exhaustion that I must be causing everybody. 

“I love you both, so much…” I sighed out and Gueira just grinned at me with a bright smile on his face.

“Love you too Keiko!!” He cheered and I smiled softly at him. I got out my phone and my headphones since the only thing that would get my cramps to calm the ever loving hell down would be to tune them out with music. I knew that if my brother were here he’d be wanting to watch Hello Dolly with me. I closed my eyes taking the Motrin that I hoped would help me to feel better. Surprisingly even though my brother acted tough as nails he just adored this soundtrack. He would probably never admit it to anybody other than Meis, Gueira or myself but it still made me smile. He could be tough as nails but deep down he was a really big softie.

“Listening to Hello Dolly?” Meis asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile drinking from the water bottle.

“It helps I don’t really know why partially because it reminds me so much of Lio.” I heard Gueira’s cackle of laughter that came out of his entire being and it made my heart warm. The laughter of my friends would never fail to light me up inside. As a burnish the people that I had in my life as best friend’s meant more to me than just about anything else. Having Meis and Gueira in my life changed just about everything. Before them Lio and I were often alone but with my two best friend’s at my side suddenly the world was filled with laughter. I never wanted to lose the ability to make my friends laugh.

“I think it’s really nice for the boss actually. Without her I think he’d probably take a break and now once a month he has to in order to make sure that she doesn’t overheat.” I sighed a little bit, already feeling like the baby. I was already a lover of all things cute and feminine so most of my interests were geared towards younger children. I didn’t need to be treated like a child. I shouldn’t need to be treated like a little girl.

“Nobody thinks that you are a baby Keiko least of all the boss. You might love girly things but that’s a big part of who you are. Maybe it’s over compensation for the lack of a childhood that you had on the run for a good majority of it. Your mom was notified as a Burnish when you were how old again?” Meis asked me and I took another wedge of apple sighing a little bit. I never liked talking about my mom. It was that I missed her more than anything in the world.

“We were nine when the freeze force broke down our door. We used to light bonfires in the backyard and I guess one of the neighbors called on them for her. We were just kids and of course we protested but Lio always made sure that I had somebody to lean on. I think he had to grow up way faster than me due to that. I was always really clingy with him though so that’s nothing all that new.” I told them sadly and Gueira looked at me with a sad expression on his face. His other hand that wasn’t holding his boyfriend’s took mine.

“I know that the boss would do it all over again if it just meant another day with you Keiko. You two have always been closer than siblings but I’ve admired that. Have you two ever fought?” I shook my head with a small laugh. “At least that I can remember the only time we ever fight is when we bicker. I mean I know sometimes he dislikes what I do, mostly the flirting I know he hates that. But only because he doesn’t want me to get hurt. I can take care of myself… usually.” I waved my hand a little bit and Meis just laughed at me. “I swear he has a ‘somebody is flirting with my sister’ alarm in his brain and he’s just there before we even know what’s going on. At least if we aren’t right next to you which is rare.” I muttered I have three brothers great under my breath.

“And you love all of us sunshine so fucking deal with it.” I pffted my long haired best friend jokingly crossing my arms. 

“Count your lucky stars that I do Meis.” I shot back at him gently kicking his foot with mine and I swallowed my Motrin praying to the gods that it would work. 

“I’m surprised that even when you two were traveling alone together that you two never had one major blowout.” I shrugged my shoulders. I think it was because Lio and I were just different enough.

“I think it’s because we are a lot alike but we like different things and react differently in certain situations. He pretty much had to be mother, father and older brother all rolled into one person. I don’t know who told him that even though he’s older than me by five minutes that means that he can be extremely protective over me.” I huffed and Meis pulled up in front of the supermarket that was basically five stores in one.

“Alright, do you need help getting out of the car your majesty?” He asked me with an over exaggerated bow. I rolled my eyes and tried to get out of the car by myself but got a sudden wash of heat and flailed a little bit.

“Keiko!!” Meis caught me and carefully put me down on the ground next to the car as Gueira rushed around.

“I’m halfway tempted to just leave you here and go get your stuffed animal and make you stay in the car. I don’t need the boss bitching me out for you getting extremely sick later.” Meis lectured half heartedly and Gueira came around offering me a hesitant hand up. “

She’s just going to be sitting in the cart and I’m driving it so she’ll be fine babe chill.” I took my best friend’s hand on wobbly legs but sighed a little bit.

“I can walk on my own…” I whined but Gueira was already pulling me forward and Meis had his arm around my shoulders for extra support.

“Yeah yeah we’ve heard that one before we’re allowed to treat you like the princess you deserve today Keiko. Just let your stubbornness go for a bit.” Meis warned me and I laughed a little bit as my cramping slightly eased up. Gueira went and got a huge cart and I carefully sat down in it as he started pushing the cart through the front doors. He showed them the free membership card that I had. I hummed quietly as we went down the aisles and Gueira stopped at the large tropical skittles box and he handed it to me.

“Alright that’s one of your sweet treats you get four more.” Meis reminded me how many I had to get. They always forced me into picking out five sugary things for myself. Usually they were candies that I kept in my room for movie nights. We walked down the snacks aisle and I looked around the store seeing that they had the bag of animal cookies.

“For Kathryn.” I told them and Gueria nodded his head ruffling my hair softly and I was in a bad mood so I let him. Usually I would at least try and bat their hands away but I didn’t really feel in the zone today.

“That one doesn’t count as one of yours because you are getting it for somebody else.” The list keeper reminded me and we went through the non perishables where most of our food was that we had asked for. Meis went through the rest of the list before looking at me.

“What other treats do you want hun? You’ve got four left.” He told me and I glanced out of the cart pointing down the ice cream isle. “What flavor do you want to get Kei?” Gueira asked me and I looked at all the different Costco sizes before picking the birthday cake one.

“Three more.” Meis held up the three fingers and I hummed in thought before pointing down the pastry isle.

“If you want to get something from here it has to be only for you not the rest of the team.” He told me and I sighed at Lio’s rule. He was the one who told them that I wasn’t getting anything for myself and had insisted that I get at least five sweets every time we went to Costco and three when I went to the regular store. 

“Are those cookies on their cupcakes?!” I looked at them in awe and Gueira picked them up winking at me. I could freeze them and make them last longer there. Plus their cupcakes were easily one of my favorite cheat treats.

“Two more are mandatory and then you can get your smoothie and stuffed animal.” I grinned excitedly. I couldn’t wait to get my new stuffed animal and I saw that they had the variety pack of fruit candy that Meis already knew I wanted and he put them in the cart putting up two fingers.

“The gummy collisions and then we can go. I'm not feeling so great…” Meis sighed a little bit feeling my forehead.

“You are getting super hot, baby let’s hurry this up.” He warned his boyfriend and Gueira nodded grabbing the last of my favorite candy and then hurrying to check out.

“We bought a stuffed animal online, the Share Bear.” Meis explained showing the receipt and the worker came back and I instantly hugged my new best friend sighing softly.

“Hun you’re really burning up let’s get that off of you…” Gueira took my leather jacket and I melted into my new giant plushie.

“Babe I think she’s having a hot flash. We’ll come back later and get the smoothie.” Meis shook his head looking at me with pain on his face.

“I’m sorry that you felt like you had to do this Keiko. It must have been so hard for you. You were in a lot of pain this morning. I should have demanded that you stayed at home. I’m going to get your smoothie. Baby, do you think that you can get her into the car? I’m calling the boss.” Before I could protest Gueira was already pushing the cart outside to our car. He carefully lifted me onto the seat and took off my shoes.

“Might want to lose the leggings and skirt too, just giving you a fair warning. I know that you’re having a hot flash now and you’ve got to shed the clothes. I’m sorry about this Keiko. I know that you hate this because it’s awkward but I don’t want you throwing up in the car.” He reminded me and I sighed just doing what I was told. Meis came back with a wet washcloth and my smoothie that he put in the front.

“I’m not taking any chances with you back there. I don’t want you getting sick. Boss was really worried about you. He'll probably wind up beating us back.” He put the washcloth on my head and kissed my forehead gently.

“I’m sorry…” I apologized and Meis just smiled softly at me scooting me over a little bit so that I could lean against him.

“It’ll be alright, there’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s not like you can control these damn things. I only wish that we could make them better. Drive like the wind baby. Let’s get her home.” He told his boyfriend and Gueira grinned peeling out of the parking lot and down the desert road. I grabbed my Share Bear and hugged her tightly while Meis took my hair out of its space buns brushing it away from my sweaty forehead taking my water and pouring a little bit onto the cloth and putting it back. I sighed at the cool texture and he ran his fingers gently through my hair. I settled my back against him and Meis just smiled down at me.

“Feeling any better?” I nodded my head tentatively before I felt the tell tale signs of vomiting coming. I saw the base in front of me and willed it to come later. I saw my brother standing looking worried out of his mind. Gueira stopped the car and instantly Lio was rushing toward the back seat on my side of the car.

“Keiko!!” He opened his arms and I felt tears come to them. He really had come for me even though I knew how busy he was today.

“Don’t worry about that I pushed it all back until four days from now. Until then you are not leaving my sight. Thank you for calling me Meis.” My brother carefully unbuckled my seat belt and Meis took my new stuffed animal from me.

“When I told you to get a stuffed animal… that was not what I was expecting. I don’t know why I’m even surprised at you anymore. It’s adorable. It suits you.” He joked picking me up with surprising effortlessness. For somebody so lithe and petite (the gene was cursed because I was tiny too) he had a hidden strength to him due to years of the two of us being on the run.

“I’m sorry Li…” I apologized and my brother just kissed my damp forehead with a small smile on his face. 

“Don’t apologize for things that are not your fault. We have got to work on that. It’ll be like the eye contact problem that you used to have. With a little bit of training and hard work I know that you can do whatever you put your mind to. There is nothing that you need to apologize for. It’s not like you can control when these things happen and when they don’t. Did you get your five sweets?” He asked me and I nodded my head with a small laugh. He moved the hair out of my face and his brows furrowed together a little bit.

“Are you going to be sick?” I nodded my head with a nervous grimace and he instantly took off like a shot for my bathroom. He flung open the door and carefully put me down as I went over to the toilet. I hated this so much. Vomiting was the worst of this but my brother just rubbed my back carefully shushing my sobs of pain. 

“Shush it’s alright Kei. I’m right here just get it out and you’ll feel a lot better most likely. I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of this torture every month.” He apologized and I wretched up the rest of what I had in my stomach. Lio just pulled me back from the vomit and flushed it down the drain.

“Oh Keiko…” He sighed a little bit and wrapped his arms around me. I gripped my brother tightly and he just ran soothing fingers through my sweat soaked hair.

“It’s going to be alright little sis I’m right here. I’ll protect you and look after you. Just like I always have. You’re always going to have me in your life. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I know what thoughts plague you during this time but trust me when I say that you are not a burden. I love you so much.” He reminded me and I wondered if Meis had told him just how bad my self esteem was today.

“Let’s get you horizontal, I’ve got you.” He told me picking me up like I weighed nothing and carrying me over to my bed laying me on top of my sheets. “I’m going to go and get you a cup of cold water. I’ll be right back I promise.” He told me squeezing my hand softly. Meis came into my room and sighed a little bit sitting on the edge of my bed. 

“Hey hun, I’m sorry about all that in the car. I know that you tried to hold the vomit back and I’m proud of you for that. But you didn’t have to. I wish you would’ve told me that you were getting sick.” I sighed a little bit turning over onto my side with a sad expression on my face. My best friend tilted his head with a small smile on his face. He wasn’t angry with me. He was still the same Meis that he always would be to me. Still goofy, overprotective, spicy mom friend that he always would be.

“I didn’t want to be a burden on you…” I trailed off and my best friend sighed a little bit but kept his smile.

“Not a burden if you’re not feeling well. How many times have you taken care of me when I get my stupid ass hurt? How many times have you given up one of your prized stuffed animals to the younger children? Far too many times if you’re asking me. We love you Keiko. More than anything. You are not a burden and are in fact one of the best people that I’ve ever met. From the first moment I met you I knew that you were something special. Something to be kept safe and for the last ten years that’s what I’ve tried to do.” He pushed a sweaty lock of hair behind my ear and grabbed the book off of the shelf that was sitting there. My best friend sat on the other side of the bed and opened the book that had been with me since I was a baby. It was the one thing that Lio got for me before we had to run away from home. 

“Once when I was six I saw a magnificent picture in a book about the jungle, called True Stories. It showed a boa constrictor swallowing a wild boar. Here is a copy of that picture. In the book it said boa constrictors swallow their prey whole, without chewing. Afterward they are no longer able to move and they sleep for six months. In those days I thought a lot about jungle adventures, and eventually made my first drawing using a colored pencil. My drawing number one looked like this…” Listening to Meis’s soft voice read to me my favorite childhood story is what lulled me to sleep eventually. I did feel the bed dip a little bit and felt myself be covered with blankets. Arms wrapped protectively around me and I sighed a little bit melting against the person that was protecting me, I assumed that it was Lio. He was always protecting me no matter what. When I felt better I would have to do something for him in order to thank him. He wouldn’t let me do much but at the very least he would let me cook something for him. I owed Meis a huge favor now too one of the million that I probably owed my goofball. I woke up to a fresh mind a few hours later seeing a cold glass of water that had sweated it out for a few hours.

“Kei, how are you feeling? Any better after your nap?” I could hear the worriment in my brother’s voice and I smiled weakly. “A bit better, I’m sorry that you had to come away from your hard work today. Did Meis and Gueira deliver the rest of the food?” My brother sighed running a hand through his shoulder length mint green hair. 

“What on earth am I going to do with you Kei? Even when you’re sick out of your damn mind you still can’t help but worry about the sake of other people. Yes I had Meis and Gueira deliver the rest of the food. They wanted to stay with you but I knew that when you woke up you would be really upset that they stuck around. And don’t you dare apologize for making me come home. I wanted to come home to you and I knew that you needed me. Whenever you need me I’ll always come for you. It’s part of being a sibling. I should have kept a better eye on that log. I thought that you had another few days. I’m marking it right now.” I saw the log in his lap and I couldn’t help but smile at the colorful stickers that I had put on it.

“Li, do you think that I’m a baby?” I asked him and he blinked a little bit in confusion before the idea dawned on him. 

“Because of this?” I nodded my head gesturing to all around me and including my new stuffed animal.

“Well mostly because of everything. I act like a little kid so much of the time. Sometimes I wonder if it’s annoying. If I’m holding you back from being your own person. If you’ll ever get in a relationship or if you’ll just be stuck looking after the baby sister.” Lio looked at me, his magenta eyes shining with the emotion of the moment.

“Look at me Keiko.” He told me and I looked up at the brother that had to look after me for so much of his childhood.

“You are not a baby. You like cute things but that does not make you a baby. It makes you unique and you wouldn’t be my little sister by five minutes if you didn’t have these qualities. You kept your imagination and your heart. It has helped you to become a much kinder individual and taught me that no matter what you can be anything that you want to be. You’re still a badass general of the Mad Burnish but you’re also still so much your own person. Without these things in your life you would have no outlet. No way of being actually happy with the way that things were. Maybe it was part of your lost childhood having to give up everything in order to live a free life away from the prisons. Without your happiness I probably wouldn’t have made it out alive the same person. You reminded me of what it is like to have a childlike sense of wonder about things. So no in my opinion you are not a baby. You are a child at heart and there is a big difference between that and being a baby. You’ve always loved the same things. Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake, Spongebob they were always part of your life Kei. It’s just that you kept them there where most people eventually forget what their childhood was like. What is the main message of your favorite book again?” He lectured and I settled against my big pink pillow that my brother put behind my head.

“Growing up isn’t the problem, forgetting is…” My brother settled back against my shoulder and he played with the ends of my hair. 

“That’s right sweetheart, you are always so open about loving your childhood favorite characters. I know how much Share Bear means to you. I was mostly joking when I told you that I said it was too big. You deserve a treat yourself every once in a while. Whatever makes you happy Kei.” He told me and I melted into the hug that he was giving to me. Lio made sure that I was sitting up straight before handing me my water. 

“Is it still cold?” I nodded my head with a small smile. He gave me a tums as well that would help me to feel better in the stomach area.

“Besides it’s not your fault that I haven’t had a boyfriend yet. What about you? Why haven’t you had one yet? You clearly flirt with enough men.” I stuck my tongue out at my brother laughing a little bit.

“Mostly because men are cute and handsome like I don’t know. All of my thoughts when I see them are like I want to be cuddled in those arms. I don’t really think that’s normal. I should probably ask Meis he knows more about this stuff then I do.” My brother softly hummed a little bit, still trying to keep me calm.

“I have served your sweet treats and they shall suffice until the next shopping trip. Thank you for following those orders. I know that they might seem silly and ridiculous to you but I wanted shopping to be things for you as well when it could be.” I laughed a little bit at my brother wishing that I could have one of my cupcakes but not wanting to push my stomach more than it was worth. 

“You do look a ton better Kei but let’s still take it easy. Are you hungry?” I nodded my head tentatively and kissed my forehead softly going over to my ordering station.

“How about buttered pasta with parmesan will that work with your stomach?” I nodded my head with a small smile looking down at my tank top and underwear that I was still wearing.

“Ah no wonder I’m freezing.” I joked and went underneath my bed to find my pajamas.

“Want me to leave for a little bit?” Lio asked me and I nodded my head but my brother just smiled at me. 

“I’ll be back in fifteen minutes. You should probably want to shower as well.” He teased gently and I rolled my eyes at him. He left me alone and I went to go and do what I needed to. Putting my warm comfort pajamas that had Never Stop Dreaming on the front of them just brought back so many childhood memories back. I brushed my cotton candy hair out with a small smile on my face.

“Feeling better?” I nodded my head flopping onto my bed next to my brother who just laughed a little bit at me.

“I’m glad, you really scared me earlier. I know that you don’t mean for these things to happen to you but whenever they do and you wind up vomiting I always go into super overprotective mode. I wish that I had a reasoning for it other than must protect but I really don't.” I smiled brightly at my brother leaning against him a little bit.

“I didn’t mean to scare you that bad Li. I’m really sorry about all of this. Hard to prove to the world that it’s wrong when your sister gets sick once a month and you feel obligated to take care of her.” He ran some hands through my hair that I had just towel dried and brushed out the knots. I sighed at the affectionate touching from my older sibling.

“It’s not out of obligation Kei. I love you, you’re the other part of me, my twin sister and my best friend who I would do anything for. Besides, even people hellbent on changing the world need breaks every once in a while and once a month I get to take three days off to take care of you. I don’t know about you but that’s all the relationship fulfillment that I need.” He smiled softly at me kissing my forehead and there was a gentle knock at the door.

“I’m back boss, all the food has been delivered to its rightful place. Oh Keiko you are awake!!” Meis looked so relieved and I couldn’t help but imagine him panicking somewhere deep down pulling his own hair out and Gueira trying to console him. 

“He was SO worried about you Keiko.” Gueira teased and I saw my best friend throw a halfhearted glare at his boyfriend.

“So what if I was? I felt like it was my fault for not forcing her to stay in the car or better yet here at home.” I laughed at the two of them interacting off of each other shaking my head at them.

“Good job, both of you. I know that it couldn’t have been an easy day for either of you.” I smiled sadly at Meis for having to spend most of the day worrying about me.

“I’m sorry about everything today Meis. I really just wanted to be useful.” I apologized and my best friend sat down at the foot of my bed.

“Don’t you  fucking dare apologize to me hun you did the best that you could. Kathryn was really happy to get her frosted animal cookies. I told her that you got them for her and she promised that she would save one of them for you for when you’re feeling better.” I smiled softly at the kindhearted girl knowing that I would go back to the big store once I did feel better and get her a stuffed animal.

“I love that idea but this is your money you are spending it on something for yourself.” Lio reminded me and I sighed a little bit mentally face palming at the memory.

“Right, right maybe next time when I have more of my own money I’ll buy her one.” Gueira laughed a little bit at me kissing my cheek as he flopped next to me.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile as he looked at one of my gummy lifesavers.

“Yes you can have a bag of them.” I told him and he cheered taking one of them and opening the bag to me. 

“I think you’re mostly better, have some candy.” Lio waved his hand and I cheered with a bright smile taking one of them and sighing at the flavor.

“Did the reading help at all?” Meis asked me a little bit nervously and I nodded my head with a small smile hugging my friend. 

“Thank you Meis for everything today. I love you.” I told my friend and he just huffed a little laugh smiling at me. “Love you too Kei. I’m just so relieved that you’re feeling better. You scared the fuck out of me earlier.” I rubbed the back of my neck a little bit and heard a small knock on the wall. I looked up seeing a massive tray of food.

“I ordered enough for everybody and proteins for the rest of us because I figured that you two would be coming back sooner rather than later. What do you want to watch Kei?” I hummed in thought getting my bowl of pasta grateful that my brother had ordered so much food because I was low key starving.

“Ponyo?” I asked and my brother just chuckled a little bit grabbing the dvd that I had since I was a kid. Even when I couldn’t watch it I still kept it with me. I settled next to Meis and he put his arm comfortingly around my shoulders while Gueira was on the other side. My brother hopped up onto my left side and pressed against it comfortingly. Watching movies with my found family and my biological family were some of my favorite moments. It was rare when all four of s were able to actually take downtime. I knew that there would be more days like this when I felt useless but also at the same time also knew that I could lean on my family no matter what and that they would always be there for me. 

[emmyrosee]

His Little Lamb (18+)

OH LORD OKAY- tune me out because this isn’t important but I feel like I should put a tiny warning; this is one of the most messy things I’ve ever written (yes, I know, crazy right?)  because of certain things that are going on in my neck of the woods. HOWEVER, this has also been in the works for about a week and a half non-stop, so there was no way in hell I was not gonna not publish it. I crave validation, what can I say? I’m also incredibly, indescribably sick, so there are certain parts of this that I am very proud of, while others are rushed and messy. This is also written in First Person, which I very rarely do, so please (nicely, I cry easy) tell me how I did with that.

Regardless of my garbage, I hope you enjoy :)

WARNINGS: (I honest to God don’t know what to put here smh) SMUT. SMUTTY SMUTTY SMUT WITH WEIRD TRACES OF FLUFF. DUNCAN’S KINDA A BULLY.  ORAL, MALE RECEIVING, LIKE, A LOT. RIDING DUNCAN, PUBLIC (i think public?) SEX, DON’T READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!

Fratboy!Duncan x Fem!Reader; after a fun night with the legendary Duncan Shepherd, he becomes smitten with you, and you soon learn the truth about the fraternity’s strange system of dating by the hands of The Shepherd.

When I stepped into the warm night of September, walking to a party that I had heard about on campus, I hadn’t expected a domino-like effect, leading me to meet the campus famous fraternity brother, Duncan Shepherd. I had definitely heard of him and his crazy, famous parties from girls around, almost like a modern day, scholarship winning Jay Gatsby.

Of course, no had told me that you don’t challenge this modern Jay Gatsby at anything, unless you’re ready to prove your talents and worth to him.

Especially beer pong, apparently. Or so I’ve learned.

“Yo, I wanna play!” I squealed, plopping down to a tall, handsome brunette on some random couch. A game of beer pong had just wrapped up, and a new set had been put up immediately after.

The man grinned before taking a sip of his drink, “You any good, doll?”

“I’m not too bad- never lost through high school, but I haven’t played since I’ve gotten here.”

“You think you’re good enough to beat Duncan Shepherd?” He asked, brows cocked.

I shrugged, “maybe. Don’t know if he could tolerate losing to a chick though.”

He chuckled, “why don’t you ask him?”

“Where is he?” I asked smugly. The man bit his tongue as his answer, making a shiver shoot down my spine. “Oh my God,” I whispered, blushing from embarrassment. “I-“

“No worries, but you couldn’t beat me a beer pong if you tried, doll,” he sneered, standing up and grabbing the small ping pong ball.

I grinned, relieved at his chilled and lax nature. I grabbed my own ping pong balls, “try me. Loser has to strip.”

“Hope you’ve got a cute bra on,” he purred.

There was not one unimpressed person in the party.

To his amazement, I sunk my last ping pong ball into the last of Duncan’s red solo cups. The crowd went crazy, chanting my name as I stood in just a tank top and pants while Duncan was left in his jeans with a grin.

“Impressive, baby.”

“Thanks, handsome man,” I said, crossing my arms, “but I want my prize.” My eyes traveled to his jeans, smirk on my cheeks.

Licking his teeth, Duncan nodded, “Ight, Ight, it’s only fair.” His hands traveled to his zipper and he teasingly undid it, everyone standing around cheering him on. “Ta-da.” He sang, dropping his jeans around his ankles.

Of course it was a marvelous sight. It was Duncan Shepherd, it had to be

Black, tight underwear left little to the imagination, meaty thighs shameless in their display much like the man that possessed them.

“Alright you damn show horse,” I couldn’t help but tease, walking up to him and wrapping my arms around his neck, “you can stop making the other boys feel bad.”

“That’s my forte, doll.” He snickered. “And if I’m a show horse, I’m desperate to know what that makes you.”

“Wouldn’t I be your Little Lamb, Mr Shepherd?” I asked, pressing my hips against his. His underwear did a poor job of separating us, the surprise friction making me bite my lip.

“Creative,” Duncan said, grinning. His arms wrapped around my waist, “you wanna get outta here? Come back to the house?”

I chuckled, “I feel like you’d be bad for my grades.”

Duncan scoffed, “Nah, I’m harmless. I gotta be. Dean’s always on my ass about shit, gotta stay on my toes.”

I giggled coyly at him, slowly moving my hands down his chest. “I better get back to my dorm,” I said, pouting. “But thank you for the show, Mr Shepherd.”

“Any time, little lamb,” he purred, pushing a strand of hair out of my face. “Want me to walk you back?”

“Sure,” I agreed, “it’s not far from here.” I smiled up at him, pulling away.

“Let me just grab my clothes, doll.” He whispered. He quickly buckled his jeans and slid on his discarded clothes before reaching for my hand and guiding me out of the party.

We walked back to my dorm in comfortable silence, hand in hand underneath the bright street lamps and dazzling stars. Duncan was different from the standard frat boy image- his face was older, the dark stubble on his face contrasting the innocent brightness of his eyes. The firm, protective grasp of his hand in mine was comforting and warm, making a heat wash over my body.

We passed the threshold to get inside my dorm complex, the luxury of having a room on the first floor suddenly seeming like a betrayal to cut our time short.

“Here we are.” I said, letting go of his hand. He sighed gently before jamming his fists in his pockets.

“Yeah,” he said, “I guess we are.”

“Thank you for keeping me safe, Mr Shepherd.”

“Any time, doll,” he said with a smile. He leaned against my doorframe and watched me fumble around with my keypad.

Finally, my room unlocked and I was allowed inside, giving Duncan a kiss goodnight as compensation.

That’s where I thought it would end.

I was quite wrong.

The next morning I had gone out to breakfast with some friends as we walked around campus, some of them more curious about my night with Duncan than I was ready to tell.

“How big was his dick? Word around campus is it’s 8 inches.”

“Did his stubble feel weird on your thighs?”

“No hickeys that I can see, huh? Kinky.”

“You guys,” I scolded, “nothing happened. He walked me home like a gentleman and that was it.”

“Boring,” they crooned.

Despite my assuring that nothing happened, my friends refused to let it go, all day that we were out they demanded to know about the events of the night before.

But Duncan’s true impact on the campus was only cemented in my mind when I met The Shepherd.

A small envelope on my door would be my entrance to his realm, and I was never more curious than when I saw who the letter was made out to.

Little lamb read the crude writing.

Picking up the small, white envelope, my heart pounded in my chest, shaking hands made it difficult to open.

I couldn’t pin point why I was so nervous. Maybe he was angry that I beat him. Maybe he was just trying to ask me out.

Finally, I opened it.

Little lamb,

Interest has been piqued. The Shepherd wishes to speak to you. Tonight. 830.

Be there.

Confused, I slipped the letter into my pocket and swiftly walked into my dorm, disappointed that my roommate wasn’t there to give advice.

I wasn’t even sure if I should go. I had a great time with Duncan, he seemed normal enough for a rich frat boy, but it’s always a stupid idea to go somewhere and have no one know.

I looked at the clock, pissed to see the red lights flashing 5:30. I had to make my decision and make it quick. If I went, god knows what would happen to me, what him and his friends would do.

However, if I didn’t go, he could get relentless, and I’ve learned there’s nothing scarier in a man than rage.

Fuck it, I said to myself, let’s go.

The three hours leading up to me going to meet Duncan flew by in a blur, and I had to dash out the door in order to make it to his frat house on time.

I knocked on the large door, and within seconds, a tall, broad brother peeled through the door, “name?”

“Uh... Y/N?”

“Business?”

“I’m uh, looking for The Shepherd?” I asked, looking back at the note. The man’s eyes widened and he swiftly unlocked the door.

“You must be Duncan’s little lamb.”

I shrugged, “I guess?”

“They’re waiting for you,” he said lowly, stepping out of my way. I nodded at the strangeness and entered the large house. I was impressed and a little freaked out with the decor, the school’s colors shamelessly splayed everywhere. Couches, pillows, pictures of past fraternity brothers hung, judging me for coming here, as if knowing something I didn’t.

“Ah, there’s my little lamb.” Duncan’s familiar voice called as I turned into the room. I nodded despite the strange nickname, “yup. I made it.”

The rest of the brothers clapped and whistled at me, making me blush in embarrassment.

“Welcome to the house, little lamb.” He proudly opened his arms to his house, making his friends all clap and hoot like wild beasts.

I chuckled awkwardly, waiting for the brothers to calm down.

Once they did, Duncan’s attention was refocused on me, sending a shiver down my spine.

“Now then- change into these,” Duncan commanded, tossing a pile of clothes at me.

I caught them, and my jaw dropped at them.

The too-small piled consisted of Duncan’s letterman jacket, the same one he was wearing the night I beat him, and a kilted mini skirt, much, much too short for any sort of imagination.

“D-Do I have to?” I asked, voice trembling.

“Well, if you really wanna roll with the Shepherd, little lamb,” he husked, tipping my chin up with soft fingers, “you gotta prove the pack.”

“H-how?” I quivered.

A smug grin spread across his cheeks, his thumb tracing my lower lip, “you’re gonna put on a little show for us, and in turn, you become one of us. We protect you from the wolves, my pretty little lamb.”

“I... I still don’t understand!” I cried, lips trembling in fright.

Duncan crouched down in front of me, mockingly pouting his lip out, “come on dolly, don’t want that pretty face to cry,” his large thumb swiped under my eye, taking up the tear before brining the salty liquid to his tongue. “I’ll take care of ya, don’t you worry.”

“W-Why me?”

“What can I say? Got me interested.” He licked his teeth under his grin, standing back up, “Alright boys. Let’s give her some privacy to change, I’ll be back in five to check on you, little lamb.”

The boys all left, Duncan even winking at me as he closed the door.

As anxious and tense as I was, I did as I was told and began to undress, the fright in my chest making it hard to breathe.

This was a mistake.

I just knew.

Duncan’s letterman jacket taunted me like a predator to its prey, the much-too-tiny-skirt to match is just as rude to my self esteem.

I contemplated leaving, just walking out with not a word. I had no reason to be here, I flirted with him for a night and now I’m his ‘little lamb?’

So weird.

Of course, this conclusion and idea to leave had blossomed as I had already slid on Duncan’s jacket and the miniskirt, not sure how I looked due to the lack of mirrors. Probably to save girls from having to look at themselves, the shame in my chest would’ve been cemented if I had seen my lack of rational thought.

I jumped as the door slowly opened, Duncan’s familiar face filling the frame.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered, sinful smirk on his face, “you’re gonna be quite the show, baby.”

“You still haven’t told me what this is about...” I said, pulling his jacket around me to shield me a little.

Duncan threw his arms out, “what’s there to say? Every brother gets his name and his chick. I’m the Shepherd, you’re my little lamb. Michael’s the devil, his girl would be his angel. Get it?”

“I could do without the theatrics, Duncan.” I said, a lace of anger in my voice. He shrugged and called his friends back in, the catcalls from them rang in my ears like a gong to remind me just how vulnerable I am to their smitten eyes.

“Are you wearing your panties, baby girl?” Duncan asked, rubbing his stubbled chin.

“Yes?” I answered. The shakiness in my voice gave away my confusion as to why I would have to remove them.

Duncan clicked his tongue, “no no, thats not gonna fly. They’re gonna have to come off, baby.”

“Why?”

“Because,” he lowered his voice, “tradition. Off. Now.”

After a brief moment of pause, I tenderly pulled my underwear over my knees and down my legs, tossing them aside neglected.

“Good,” he purred. “Touch yourself.”

I froze, “w-what?”

“Touch. Yourself.” He commanded again, just as stern as the previous time.

I looked between the men encircling me, heart beating faster and full of embarrassment and in a weird way, arousal.

The heat resonation off of my core betrayed her, and I bit my lip anxiously.

“I...can’t do it in front of people-“

“You’re dripping, doll.” One of his friends piped, “the skirt doesn’t hide it, in case you were wondering.”

“Awww,” Duncan cooed, smirking smugly at the embarrassed girl before him, “someone must like all this attention, huh you little slut?”

I looked up at him, like a deer in headlights, opening my mouth to speak but no words come out.

Crouching down in front of me, Duncan gently grabbed my wrist and guided it down to my heat, long fingers gently pressing my own to my clit. My jaw dropped as delicious pressure circled tightly on my sensitive bud.

“That’s a good girl,” Duncan whispered, “keep going, little lamb.” He stood up, slowly sliding off his leather jacket and tossing it to the side, keeping his eyes locked on me like a predator to his prey. “Put a finger in there, baby girl. I want you nice and wet for me.”

I obeyed, much to my own confusion, and I slowly pushed a finger inside, eyes rolling back in my head as they found the spongy wall inside of me.

The men encircling me had begun to palm themselves at the sight, but Duncan stood as still as he could, watching my show with no sympathy.

As I started to become erratic to the touches to my clit, I couldn’t help but began to sweat in Duncan’s letterman, skirt becoming damp with my fluids. I was almost disappointed in myself, hoeing around in front of these complete strangers for a status that in 5 years won’t even matter.

But right now, being ‘Duncan Shepherd’s Little Lamb?’

That’s all that matters to me.

“Ahh!” I screamed, tossing my head back in pleasure, “p-please! C-can I cum?”

In mock sympathy, Duncan tilted his head, “naw, can my little lamb not take a little fingering?” He straightened his neck, “don’t you dare cum on those pretty little fingers, doll.”

“But-“

“Don’t. You. Dare.”

Alongside the chuckling from Duncan’s friends, their own cocks straining against their jeans, I merely mewled at myself, sliding my fingers hesitantly out of my dripping heat. “N-now what?”

He took a condom out of his shallow denim pocket and grinned, “now’s the real show, little lamb,” he sat on the large couch, thighs spread wide as he pat his left muscle, “hop on.”

I couldn’t move. I was so stunned that I was actually here, let alone about to let Duncan ram himself inside of me while horny yes-men watch.

Slowly, I began to crawl over to Duncan, other men whistling at the exposure of my slick thighs and red cunt peaking from under my skirt.

I pulled myself onto Duncan’s lap, legs spread wide and open over his. He smiled down at me smugly and grabbed my hips tightly. “You ready for me baby?”

“Y-yes.” I whispered, tilting my head away from his gaze. I was snapped back to him when his soft lips attacked my neck, biting and sucking roughly. His hand left my hips as he began to undo his jeans, tent bigger now that I was so close to him.

He slid his hard member out, “Alright boys. You know the drill.”

One by one, jeans and pants were dropped, cocks being strained against boxers.

“Ready, Shepherd,” the crowd said, grabbing their cocks and teasing them.

Face completely red from embarrassment, I merely listened to the sounds of skin slapping skin, hands laying on Duncan’s chest as if to ask to wake up from this dream.

But this wasn’t a dream.

And I made the choice to stay with him.

Instead, Duncan gently adjusted me to sit on his length, sliding it inside with no hesitation.

“AH!” I cried, screwing my eyes shut and throwing my head back. The stretch of Duncan inside me was indescribably delicious, and I hated myself for liking it. Duncan gripped my hips again, slowly setting a pace for me to bounce on.

“Oh, and one more thing, little lamb,” he husked, licking the bite that he just created on my neck. “You’re the last to cum.”

“No! I-I can’t hold that!” I whined, bouncing harder, “please!”

A hard, commanding hand came down on my ass and I arched her back with a loud moan. “Don’t be a brat, little lamb,” Duncan growled, roughly grasping my jaw. “You’re not gonna like me if I’m mad.”

“Y-yes sir,” I whimpered, slowly getting back to my original pace on his lap.

“Fuck,” he groaned, “keep going, baby girl.”

“Yo, Duncan,” one of his friends interrupted, “can I get some of that?”

Duncan looked over my shoulder at someone, although I wasn’t sure who was asking.

“Yes,” came Duncan’s answer, “let’s make this more interesting.” He gently pat my ass to make me get off, but everything was so tense I couldn’t move. The lack of release and the thick air in the room were absolutely the cause. “Come on doll,” he commanded, slapping my ass hard again, “move it.”

“Where?”

“Next to me. Hands and knees.” He commanded.

Numbly, as if to know what was coming, I obeyed, arching my back like a cat and waited for the pressure between my hips to return.

Which it did, of course.

I bit her lip in awkward pleasure as Duncan slid into me, new position making it harder to predict his next move.

“Jim,” his husky voice called from behind me, “you’re up. Come ‘ere.”

One of Duncan’s frat brothers, a tall, handsome brunette apparently named Jim looked down at me sweetly, almost sorry for me, stroking my bottom lip comfortingly.

“Are you ready for me, beautiful?”

Despite the quick, hard thrusts of Duncan’s hips and the poorly made ponytail in his hand, I nodded, parting my lips slightly to welcome Jim’s hard, flushed member past. In tandem with Duncan’s thrusts and pace, I took his cock deeper and deeper down my throat, shaky hand gripping what I couldn’t manage. Jim groaned in sweet arousal, grabbing the back of my head gently to help me slightly with my bobbing.

He was strangely ginger with his touches, contrasting with the rough forcing from Duncan.

But we had to move on.

Once I laid my tongue flat against Jim’s head, hollowing my cheeks to finally break him in order to find my own release, I knew it was over for him. “O-Oh fuck, that’s it babe- I’m gonna cum,” Jim groaned, tugging my hair. He stayed true to his promise, spilling his seed down my throat. I swallowed it greedily, heat coating the back of my throat like honey. What else could I do?

The other brothers who participated, quite literally, came and left.

After Jim came Derek, a lanky blonde who was not nearly as gentle as Jim.

Then Seth, brunette hockey player that I knew from around campus.

Then Michael, another tall blonde that looked at me with even less sympathy than Derek.

Then Andy.

Brad.

Brendan.

Josh.

James.

Evan.

Dominic.

Finally came Matt, who instead of making me swallow, gave me a facial, sticking to my eyelashes and heated cheeks, smirking as he did.

I genuinely didn’t know which she appreciated more- the facials because I could merely wipe him off or the constant stickiness of various boys down my raw, aching throat. The ordeal had been over, and finally I could be with Duncan alone.

My hips and pussy hurt like nothing I’d ever felt before, secretly hating Duncan for keeping his promise of a show. His constant and relentless pounding had my entire existence molded around him, so close to that delicious brink of stars.

Tired and overstimulated, I choked back a sob when Duncan finally whispered “cum for me, my brave, strong little lamb.”

Everything in me snapped, I don’t know what came over me. Once I was given the chance, my thighs collapsed, arms gave out and it was only then that I cried from a mix of pain and pleasure from my abused walls.

Duncan followed, spilling his hot cum inside his condom before slowly pulling out and throwing it away, his own walking shaky. “Come here, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up,” he whispered, gently picking me up and carrying me to the bathroom. I wanted to protest and tell him I could walk, but my everything fucking hurt. He set me down on the cool countertop, making me arch and whimper against the contrast to the overheating of my body. It felt really good, the cool granite on my thighs, but it would feel even better if my body hadn’t been so stimulated just seconds before.

Duncan smiled and gingerly dabbed me with a warm, comforting washcloth, cleaning me rather poorly of sweat, jizz and my tear tracks.

“I didn’t think they’d ask,” he admitted, earning a exhausted glare from me. “You really did impress us.”

I said nothing.

He sighed, “I get that you’re pissed at me. I don’t blame you.”

“I’m not pissed,” I said, voice breaking. “I’m in pain and tired from it.”

He tilted his head adorably, like a small puppy and I nearly forgot just how much I’d endured to see him like that.

“Your clothes are fucked,” I tried to joke, voice gone from the maltreatment of my throat.

Duncan chuckled, “that’s not my worry right now.” He handed me a small Dixie cup full of mouthwash, “here. Stay the night. I’ll get you home once you can walk again.”

I nodded, gratefully taking the minty mouthwash from him. I swished it around until it was a pure froth, spitting it and whatever else came up back into the sink.

“Here, I’ll get you some clothes,” Duncan said, leaving the bathroom to only return moments later with a black shirt and boxers, “may be a little big, but it’ll work, right?”

I nodded, sliding on the roomy clothes. They smelt like him, that kinda helped the recovery.

“Let me be the first to say congratulations, little lamb,” Duncan whispered, gently picking my exhausted body up again and carrying me to his room, “you’re one of us now. Top of the food chain, baby.”

I weakly smiled, hand caressing his stubbled cheek, “I can’t wait for you to show me what you can do when it’s just us, Show Horse.”

I felt the tent in his pants grow again.

Taglist💕~ Thank you for your support, baby!

@sojournmichael

@rosegoldrichie

@avesatanormalpeoplescareme

@peachesandfern

[bae-leth]

I had a bunch more stuff I wanted to say about Faris and Natalia’s relationship in the Fraldarddyd family AU but I thought it would be easier on everyone to put all my thoughts in one submissions instead of sending a dozen asks this time. Also, lol, I can’t believe I keep coincidentally giving these characters the names of your relatives, what the heck???

Let’s just go over Faris first. He’s a friendly and social guy. He’s obsessed with the stars and can talk about them for hours if given the chance. He’s a smart guy and super politically savvy, perfectly at home in even the most cutthroat political climates. He’s known to be very mischievous and prone to pranks, though the less he likes you then the harsher his pranks can be. He and Natalia are the same age but he’s a couple months younger, which she loves to hold over him especially after he grows taller than her. He and Zain are pretty close despite Zain loving to give his little brother shit whenever possible. I see him being magically gifted, so I imagine him as a Warlock. I see him mainly taking after Claude in terms of looks (I don’t really have a spouse in mind for Claude in this AU so I’m leaving that part kinda vague).

Strengths – Reason, Authority; Weaknesses – Axe, Brawl, Heavy Armor; Budding Talent - Lance

Zain is two years older than Faris and basically anyone who meets him considers him a stern and serious no-nonsense kind of crown prince. This is how he’s like around most people. However he allows himself to relax and show off a much more playful, emotional, teasing side around people he trusts wholeheartedly (his immediate family and a small handful of friends). He resembles his brother in having the same eye color and skin tone, but Zain looks much more rugged and mature. Unlike Faris he is perfectly at home on the battlefield, being a renowned Sniper with plenty of victories to his name. He never became a Barbarossa like his dad cause he’s scared of heights. He enjoys the ocean a ton, so he’s always up for ocean voyages and will take any and every chance to explore coastlines.

Strengths - Bow, Axe, Authority; Weaknesses – Faith, Flying; Budding Talent - Riding

The whole engagement thing between Faris and Natalia is largely unofficial and both sides mainly just want their kids to become close to promote good relations between Fodlan and Almyra. Although things would really work out the best if the pair did become romantically involved but no one is really pushy about it. Especially since Faris and Natalia just do NOT like each other. Honestly the only thing stopping the first meeting between the royal children from being a complete disaster is that both Faris and Zain quickly become attached to Artemis (prince of stealing hearts without even trying). Faris and Artemis latch onto each other since they have so much in common (second princes, good at magic, similar weaknesses, bookworms, etc) while Zain ends up considering Artemis like another little brother while Artemis really look up to Zain (it’s thanks to Zain that Artemis’ budding talent is bows). Also Zain actually ends up being friendly with Natalia too (he likes her strong, honest personality and honestly he finds the disaster that is hers and Faris’ relationship hilarious, plus she thinks he’s super cool and likes sparring with him). So it’s literally just Natalia and Faris at odds with each other.

“If you like Artemis so much, why don’t you marry him instead?!” “Maybe I will!” “Fine!” “Fine!” “FINE!” “FINE!!!” *Zain and Artemis in the background, talking about their favorite desserts and not getting involved in their siblings’ fight*

“Claude I’m starting to doubt if this will work out. The two of them hate each other.” “Well Felix hated you plenty for a few years and look at you now. Adorable little lovebirds, a love story perfect for the bards to sing of!” “Listen here you little-” “Felix please.”

In order to try and help Natalia and Faris get along they’re both sent to visit each other’s homeland a bunch over the years. Occasionally the whole family goes but the rulers can’t keep running off all the time. So most of the time it’s Natalia (and Artemis because Natalia barricaded herself in her room until her dads agreed to let her take Artemis along “to see that stupid Faris’ face”) visiting Almyra for several weeks and then a little while later it’s Faris visiting Fodlan, particularly Faerghus, for several weeks (only bringing Zain when he’s in a particularly bad mood thanks to Natalia since Zain keeps making fun of him otherwise).

Faris is kinda sorta okay when he’s in Faerghus, even though it’s absurdly cold most of the time. Hell, every time he thinks he’s wearing enough the weather proves him wrong. Natalia keeps laughing at him when he has to dress up like a marshmallow in order to go out in Faerghus winters. Natalia is very brutal in snowball fights…RIP Faris. He definitely prefers to stay inside by the fireplace, though Natalia is insistent on dragging him outside. It usually ends in him spending the last few days of his stay sick in bed.

Natalia, like Dimitri, is dead in heat so every time she goes to Almyra she spends around a week just laying on her bed wearing as little as proper manners will allow. Faris alternates between “helping” by practicing his ice magic on her or otherwise relying on her need to do better than him to goad her into playing with him. Though he had to lay off on that after Natalia got heatstroke once.

Natalia considers it a personal insult that her beloved horse absolutely adores Faris when he’s usually very picky about who he allows near him (“Ares, how could you do this to me?!” *neighs* “Oh don’t give me that attitude young man!”)

Faris, in the meanwhile, is not pleased by how his retainers-in-the-making are absolutely smitten with Natalia (“Did you see her in yesterday’s spar with the new recruits? She could break my spine and I’d thank her.” “Please, sweet embrace of death, come for me.”)

Artemis and Zain start being regular pen pals as they compare archery notes, seek advice from one prince to another, talk about recent events in their homeland and in their lives, and complain about their siblings/commentate on whether or not they’ll get together.

“I don’t know, Zain, after that incident with the birds Sister said, and I quote, ‘The next time I see that scrawny piece of *ahem* garbage, he’s dead. Almyra will be down a prince and they’ll be all the better for it.’ So I’m saying no.” “I’d agree with you, especially since Faris has been disturbingly interested in researching dark magic after eating those ‘super special Faerghus delicacies’ Natalia brought last time. But for as social as he is my brother is normally never so obsessed with anyone, so I think we may have a romance for the ages on our hands, my friend!”

The two of them play PLENTY of stupid pranks on each other over the years. Sometimes they flat out got into physical fights with each other. The people of Fodlan and Almyra have long since gotten used to the sound of Faris and Natalia yelling at each other and then the sound of crashing and punching.

That being said, not everything was bad between them. That one time Natalia got heatstroke, Faris was genuinely apologetic and worried about her and kept her company while she was bedridden. Likewise Natalia does feel bad when she keeps getting Faris sick while trying to show off Faerghus to him and will read him adventure stories to pass the time. Also I love the idea you mentioned of Faris trying to help Natalia get over her low spice intolerance (to mixed results, Natalia’s just glad she no longer downs an entire pitcher of water on her own after eating Almyran food). One time when a Faerghus noble child made a snide remark about Faris being Almyran, Natalia tackled the brat to the ground.

Faris, holding a tissue to Natalia’s bloody nose: “I thought you didn’t like me.” Natalia, very obviously confused: “??? What does not liking you have to do with you being Almyran?” Faris: “Heh, I suppose you’re right for once.”

“Zain, I think I want to change my opinion. Sister and Faris may have more of a chance than I originally thought.” “What did I tell you, Artemis? Romance for the ages…”

As the years pass and Natalia and Faris both grow and mature and mellow out, the two of them start to consider each other friends. They speak more, debate more, discuss their interests more, and slowly start to enjoy spending time together. Eventually it gets to the point where the two of them joke around about their kinda sorta engagement to each other. Natalia singing the absolute worst love songs while Faris writes the cheesiest poetry and love letters imaginable. Calling each other cutesy pet names, those kind of shenanigans.

Honestly, they mostly do it just to fuck with poor Zain and Artemis, who didn’t ask for this bullshit but are stuck with it anyways.

“Artemis, I need you to kill me, I can’t tolerate them anymore.” “Come now, Zain, it’s not so bad! Hey, why don’t we go for a ride on Altena? That always calms me down!” “I cannot stress enough how much I would rather die than do that…” “What are you trying to say about my sweet Altena, huh?” “Would you stop taking it as an insult against your wyvern every time?!”

Natalia starts teaching Faris about fighting with lances. And Faris helps Natalia grow more used to handling politics.

Honestly, there was something special growing between them for quite some time after they started getting along better, but neither of them really recognized what it could be. But they kept getting closer and closer as time passed. At public events they stuck by each other’s side and often danced together. They were seen going off on rides together or just taking walks while talking.

Faris is the first one to recognize his feelings when he comes along to help Natalia out with a skirmish. The pair make a great team in battle, covering for each other’s weaknesses well. Faris, too exhausted after a large number of enemies surrounded him, is almost taken down from behind when Natalia saves him. His joke has a fair amount of relief and gratitude in it when he says “Thanks for the help, sweetheart!” But WOW when Natalia turns to him with the most dazzling smile on her face, looking like she practically glowing with the sun behind her, Faris feels like his heart stops. “Anytime, honey!” And Faris just keeps staring after her as she rushes off after another enemy.

Natalia was always pretty but Faris has never actually acknowledged how pretty until that moment. And his heart won’t stop racing, her smile and voice still in his head. And oh fuck, oh shit, he knows exactly what this is…

“Zain, you umm…you wouldn’t happen to know when the next visit to Fodlan is, would you?” “…Why do you ask, my dear little brother? :))))))” “…Are you going to tell Arty about this?” *Zain, pulling out a piece of parchment and quill* “What gives you that idea????”

Faris regrets everything when his parents and brother don’t let him live it down that he’s now realized he’s in love with Natalia. “Whatever happened to ‘I’d rather become a hermit and die alone and unloved on a barren mountain than ever marry her’ Faris? Seven-year-old you was soooo dramatic!” “Father, please.”

Things don’t change too significantly after Faris’ realization. But there are changes. He’s noticeably softer around Natalia, smiling gently around her or going along with her wishes more easily. Most of his pranks towards her tone down to being things that give her pleasant surprises. The most significant change comes from the love letters and poems purposefully written badly for jokes slowly becoming more sincere sounding and really sweet.

Natalia doesn’t know what to make of the changes. They’re odd but she’s more surprised by how much she enjoys it. She even reads Faris’ letters and poems over and over well into the night. A warm and peaceful feeling spreads through her every time she gets a new letter from Faris or he holds her closer than usual during a dance.

She doesn’t realize it’s love until sometime later when she visits Almyra. Faris is so bright and excited as he drags her outside in the dead of night because the skies are so clear that you can see way more stars than normal and it’s soooo beautiful. Faris happily explains the stories behind all the different constellations and laughs so happily recalling some of his favorite tales. Natalia stares and stares at him and thinks that she could watch him smile and laugh like that forever. At some point Faris starts holding her hands and pulls her close to him as he keeps pointing out constellations and telling her stories. And Natalia tries so hard to concentrate on his words but all she can focus on is his hands and how warm they are and so much bigger than hers and how she wants him to keep holding her and-Oh. Ooohhhh…Oh fuck…

“So, Sister, you enjoyed your last visit to Almyra a lot, didn’t you?” “Hmm? What gave that away, Artemis?” *Natalia, lying on her bed surrounded by all of Faris’ letters and poems to her, giggling to herself as she reads them* “…Just a hunch.”

“Felix, it seems Claude was right. He tells me Faris is rather obviously smitten. And it’s easy to tell Natalia is in love. While I’m sad at how quickly the children are growing up, it’s wonderful to see them so happy, isn’t it?” “Uh-huh yeah sure, do you think this blade is sharp enough or should I take it back to the blacksmith? I want it ready before the Almyrans come visit next month.” “…Why are you-?” “You know damn well why.” “Felix.”

“Well it seems you and I will get to call each other ‘brother’ soon enough, Artemis! Or well, hopefully soon enough. It depends on how long it takes our stubborn siblings to take those final steps.” “Agreed. But I’ve already thought of you as my brother for a long time now, Zain. We’ve known each other for so many years! Your one of my dearest friends and my brother in all but blood. :)” “…” “??? Zain, are you crying-?” “*sobs* NO, I’m not!”

[everyonesawhoregrace]

Tough Love   (2) Michael Gray Fanfic

I try to maintain my emotions, I try to stand there and not looked shocked or disappointed, it even remotely upset. For heaven sake, I have no clue of what I feel. But I think I fail tremendously, because Mary looks over at me and her jaw literally drops to the floor once Henry says my name out loud. 

“Oh fuck!” She gasps, putting her hand over her mouth. Her eyes widen, which only makes me more nervous. 

I look away, feeling his glare. I look away and my eyes circle the room, feeling my body heat up. Christ. I feel like my hearts about to fucking explode. My face might just burn off too. Fuck.

“Leave. Now.” His voice booms with power.

I look up, fearful that he might be talking to me, but his eyes fall on the guards, who get up and walk away. He mentions Mary who nods various times like some sort of puppet, she exits too. And shuts the door. I almost lose my cool with her, she’s absolutely ridiculous. Leaving me here with him.

I flush, glancing down at my fingers. I take a deep breath, telling myself to speak. 

“You work here?” He asks, and when I fix my eyes on his, Michael’s eyes blaze into my skin. 

“Yes.” I whisper, “I’m a nurse.” 

“Nurse.” He nods, but frowns, pouting. “Like when we were kids, and you’d insist on checking our temperatures when we were sick.” He chuckles, “You remember?” 

How could I not? I was always a little excited when the others fell ill, it meant the nurses would come by and check on them, I would try to learn alongside. Shadowing and doing things to help as best I could. Henry picks up his smokes, putting a cigarette between his lips and lighting it up. 

I watch in dismay, “You smoke now?” 

He sucks on it , pulling it back and looking down at the stick and nodding, “I guess so.”

I pale, and Henry runs a hand thorough his hair, putting it back between his lips. He studies me, drinking me up, as I turn away, wondering how he ended up with the Blinders. His green eyes fill with darkness, as I remember the last time we saw each other was when he left with Mr and Mrs. Johnson.

There is no way in hell such a holy pair would let their foster child end up with a gang. That day he was picked up and saved by the Johnsons, I remember being left with Father John Hughes. Crying my eyes out as he was whisked away with that family, and I was left with Father. 

That was almost a decade ago. We were only 12 when he was taken from me.

“I wrote you.” He croaks, shutting his book before helping himself up to stand. My instinct is to help him, but he’s got a cane to help him rise. “You never wrote me back, June. Why?” He accuses me of something I did not know of until now.

“When did you ever write me?” I seize, my gaze narrowing. 

Henry is no longer a little boy, no, that part of him has expired. I see a man of staggering difference than the person I knew growing up. Everything about Henry has changed, and that boy filled with life has morphed into a man of height and healthy weight. 

He stands there, and I can’t help but wither under his stare. “I wrote you every weekend, made sure to be careful. I-I made sure to address formally to make it seem like it was a foster family or something. I wrote you every weekend and for months I sat by the post office waiting for your letter to me back.” 

His words tug at my heart, knowing how much we once meant to each other. There was no words ever exchanged about our feelings, but there was no need for it to be expressed. We were children who had hope of seeing each other again! The love we had was innocent and shy, just like us. All of these picture perfect memories that I had locked up and forgotten about come rushing in. I missed you so much, Henry. The world stills as I reach for those memories and allow myself to feel again. I needed you, and you weren’t there, God. I needed you.

“Father Hughes, he-” I swallow, biting down. “He must’ve read them and threw it out, I had no clue, Henry.” 

He leans into his cane, “It’s Michael now.” He emphasizes on the name, and it sounds weird coming out of his mouth. Michael.

Ah yes. Michael Gray. “That your real name?” 

There is a pause, before he nods. “Yeah, I-I ah, I met my mum, June.” 

Like a flame that dies, I look at this man and try to erase the awful things I thought of him. He had promised to write me and didn’t, promised he’d get me out of that fucking awful place and didn’t. Promised to save me, but the only saving he did was saving himself. The second Henry was in the care of a good family, he never dared look back at the church. 

“Who is she? Your mum.” 

“Polly Gray,” He grumbles, sitting down on the bed in a sigh. “Of Small Heath, Birmingham.” 

“Gypsy?” 

He nods. 

“She’s the one who got you in?” 

“In what?” 

“The Peaky Blinders.” I say the words as if they taste bad.

He scoffs, “What do you know about the Peaky Blinders?” 

“Enough.” I reply, mentioning the men who stand outside. “You must be high up in the branches of the gang if you have men twice your age lookin’ after yous.” 

Again, a pause. His mind is probably trying to get out of the truth, something he hasn’t left behind from his childhood. Henry-Michael always had a way with words, he could get out of murdering someone if he liked. It was almost like something he could switch on and off, his cheeky, smart self. Suddenly, the thought of Henry-Michael mortifies me, had he ever claimed a life? Perhaps cut a smile.

His mouth presses into a hard line, but then, almost as if to change the subject, his lips lips lift and he tries to stiffen out a smile. “I missed you..really. I thought I’d never see you again.” 

I swallow, a lump in my throat as I smile too. “It’s nice isn’t it? Seeing the family you were kind of forced into.” 

“Yea.” His tone changes, less formal, more boyish. More Henry like. “How did you get out of The Hell Hole?” He continues to smoke, nearly finishing the thing off. 

The Hell Hole, what we used to call the orphanage. I move to the table, pulling back a chair to sit down. I cross my legs, knowing it’ll only heighten my dress. But I do it unconsciously, and when Henry-Michael stares at the new found skin. 

I pull down the dress and clear my throat. “When I turned sixteen, they let me go to public school in Glennrich. I had a little bit more freedom. I packed up my bags, and in the morning of the third week of school, I left.” My voice goes low, as the memory of running away comes back, “And I never looked back.” 

“Sixteen.” He whispers. “You tolerated another four years there without me...” 

Henry was my guardian angel in the orphanages. He had gotten me out of at least a dozen beatens and rapes with his smart mouth. Granted, he received beatings for protecting me but he always came back to the rooms with a smile on his face. Don’t worry, he would tell me, they’re not going to hurt you anymore Juney. When I get outta here, I’ll make sure these bastards get what they deserve.

I look down at the bit of dried blood on my dress, I didn’t mean to hash up stuff from the past, but my mouth opens and I speak without considering it. “You said you were going to tell the police of what they do to the kids at the orphanage.” 

“I tried!” He’s curt, and the way he raises his voice strains him. He flashes a pain, which only makes me wince. “I promise,” He huffs, “I tried.” 

He closes his eyes and I get on my feet, approaching him, “Okay, okay. Are you alright?” 

“Yea,” He pushes out a breath, “The doctor said I had some internal bleeding.” 

Without thinking, I grab the stick from between his lips and put it out into the ashtray. “Internal bleeding is no joke, Henr-Michael.” I sigh, turning around. “Have you been taking your medication?”

We’re close, and he only takes advantage of the moment and really examines me. As if his life depends on it, he studies me, shifting to get a better look of my face. He blinks, and when he’s ready, he murmurs. “It, ah, it makes me drowsy,” 

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t doing the same. I lick my lips, he looks so vulnerable. And the way his eyes scan my face only makes me blush, and my stomach gets all knotted. He doesn’t shy away, like I had imagined. But he lifts his hand ever so slightly, and touches the back of his fingers against the side of my face. 

He grits his teeth, as his fingers stroke my skin. “Do you know how many nights I’ve stayed awake thinking of you?” 

“Henry,” I turn my head, pulling myself away, I press my lips together, eyebrows pulling together. I wrap my hands around myself, a way to shut myself out and exit this conversation. “I mean, Michael. I-” My mouth goes dry. 

The doors push open and we both jump, staring at the woman who looks at us like we’re ghosts. I don’t know her face, and I’ve never met this woman. But she seems to be entitled enough to barge her way past the guards and looks Michael with these wide worried eyes.

This woman before me is his biological mother. Standing tall, just oozing with power.

She is Polly Gray.

[cabeswaterlovesthem]

Vancouver Crowd

I don’t know if anybody else has headcanons for these boys but I have noticed a lack of them. So here are some bits I’ve written up for each of the boys of the Litchfield House please feel free to add on to these! I used what little info we had about them from the books to form some bullets. 

HENRY BROADWAY AKA CHENG2

Known as Cheng2 not because we was the second Cheng, but rather the second Henry. He sort of embraces this though because him and Henry have been best friends since private primary school and have been attached at the hip for years.

Cheng2 was always the shy one which is how he ended up being the 2. He didn’t really like to let anybody get too close to him and prefers to have only a few close friends over a big group.

But the reserved side of Cheng2 ceased to exist when he started at Agliony. Henry managed to form a group around him that made Cheng2 feel comfortable and included. Soon, his louder side was coming out.

One of the things about being the shy guy was that he spent a lot of time not really talking to anyone so, because of it, when he does open his mouth, usually it’s to say something unbelievably stupid like “Holy fuck, we got girls?” but yah know.

He’s a fucking economics wiz and plans on majoring it. He’s pretty much Ivy League bound which is fine by him. He doesn’t know what getting burnt out feels like. He works incredibly hard for his good grades and hasn’t found that they have come easy to him like some of his other friends. But he lives for success. He has goals and he’s going to achieve them and nobody is going to stop him.

That’s probably because he’s constantly drinking a red bull to stay up studying until 4am and then smoking a bowl to fall asleep. The other perk of being The Shy Guy at school is that nobody knows when you show up high to class. He’s taken advantage of this fact multiple times.

RYANG (WOO?)

Ryang (aka Mrs. Woo’s nephew) is a piece of fucking work my guys let me tell you.

Ryang is always pissed about something happening in the world and has to do something about it. If there’s a charity drive happening at Aglionby you can imagine he is behind it.

There are about 20 cats roaming around Litchfield House and they’re all there because Ryang saved them from a kill shelter two summers ago. They all have names after famous activists (although one is named Beyonce after a long winded argument with Henry in which Henry sorted every good thing Beyonce has ever done for the world) and they all have collars.

Ryang can often be found sleeping in a bed with five cats because all his anger exhausts him so much that he needs to take a lot of naps. This is extremely frustrating to Koh who likes to cuddle but is slightly allergic to cats and all the hair that collects in Ryang’s bed is just too much.

He drives a motorcycle and has his own custom helmet made that Koh designed for him. Did I get to the part where they’re both in love with each other but won’t admit it? Maybe that’s a story for a different night.

One time Ryang tied himself to a tree on Aglionby’s campus to save it and all the Vancouver boys rallied enough support around him that the tree stayed and the plans for a new media center were moved to another location on campus.

His favorite kind of music is classic rock and, no offense to Henry, but he can’t stand pop. He only tolerates it when he’s drinking with the guys. He also lightens up a bit when he’s drinking and is often the one to initiate weird games.

But otherwise, he’s generally standoffish but Koh softens his edges a lot. He doesn’t mean to be standoffish, but he’s staunch in his opinions and demands his peers learn to be better. It comes from years of dealing with privileged white boys in his classes.

Him and Cheng2 often have heated discussions about policy and the latest United Nations topics.

KOH

Koh is almost the opposite of Ryang. He’s a ball of energy who is actually quite liked by everybody. He is on the student government at Aglionby because of his generally positive attitude and friendly nature.

He’s acquaintances with pretty much everybody at school and has a way of making everybody feel included.

Probably because he’s a team player from being a fricken soccer star. It’s insane how good he is. He works out for it but most of it is absolutely natural skill and when he’s not at Litchfield he’s probably on the pitch.

Koh is crazy smart but he couldn’t give half a shit about half his classes. His interests include the finer things in life like golfing on the weekend and drinking fancy drinks at a club house. He’s a little flippant with his money which drives Ryang fucking nuts sometimes but he always shuts him up by showing up to every single one of Ryang’s fundraisers- even if they do start at ass o’clock in the morning.

His grades are good but he really doesn’t try and honestly? High school is a bust. He already has plans to go to business school and take over the family’s pharmaceutical company (but hopefully only after he plays in the premier leagues for a bit).

There is one class that he tries in and it’s music. He sort of loves mixing records together and will often steal the speakers away during parties to control the music. He doesn’t really think he can pursue it, but the boys have been really encouraging him to not give it up. Secretly Koh wants to be encouraged….

As much as him and Ryang are polar opposites in a lot of ways (he’s materialistic where Ryang is minimalist) their heated debates are usually dripping with tension. And when Ryang sneaks downstairs into Koh’s cat-free room to sleep, they don’t talk about it in the morning.

(To be perfectly honest, the book wasn’t clear about whether or not SickSteve, Logan, or Lee-Squared live at Litchfield but I don’t care for the sake of this headcanon. They live there now. Welcome home, boys.)

SICKSTEVE

Bruh, you know what you have to do to get a nickname like that? A lot of sick shit that’s what.

SickSteve is the epitome of awesome and has the wildest stories. Like one time he went to the Vatican and puked in the holy water because he was too hungover.

And another time he skateboarded off a roof into a pool and broke his arm.

Literally there isn’t a weekend that Steve doesn’t have a story for on Monday morning. And it isn’t like he’s trying hard to do shit- it’s just his nature to be wild.

He owns a BMW but it’s his third one so far because he keeps finding ways to fucking total them by accident trying to do donuts too close to a building or some shit. It’s literally insane.

The crazy thing is he’s so calm and nonchalant about it all. Like you would not at all guess by his demeanor at school that he’s such a crazy guy, but the minute he starts telling you a story your jaw can’t not hit the ground in shock.

And he’s always somehow convincing the guys to pull stupid shit with him. He’s crazy persuasive about it and thanks to him most of the other guys’ lives have gotten a lot more fun. He’s the reason for their toga parties 99% of the time because they just want to see what will happen after he takes a few shots and a hit of weed.

But perhaps the wildest thing about Steve is that he is the biggest movie buff any of them have ever met and can quote over a hundred movies from start to finish. It would be annoying if Steve didn’t turn the volume down and improv half the time. He’s just got this good humor about him that everybody likes to be around but will shrug when you tell him he’s funny.

LOGAN RUTHERFORD

He’s basically their classic fuckboy who they constantly rag on for having a white boy name.

Logan is the resident lax bro of the house due to the fact that 1. he does play lax and 2. he’s actually that obnoxious about it.

He wears bro tanks and backwards hats and spends a ton of time at the gym. Protein shakes are pretty much his staple and he tries to convince the whole house to get into shape to no avail. So instead, they dedicated one cabinet to all his health food junk and tell him they weren’t going to touch it anyways.

He’s the beer pong champion of the house and likes to brag about it a lot. He’s also the one who supplies most of the alcohol as his family lives in town and his brother is attending college nearby.

His family is old money which is weird for their little group. Nobody knows the backstory though because Logan doesn’t get along with his father. His parents are divorced and he was raised by his mother and step father instead. Thankfully the divorce settlement was insane so his mother made out like a bandit. Which Logan thinks is karma because his father is a dick.

He gets pretty terrible grades in school because he’s more focused on sports and it pisses his dad off when he sends his report card.

He seems like he doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of them, but the truth is that Logan has a really big heart, he just keeps it on lockdown. He had a tough time growing up that he doesn’t talk about a lot but has opened up to his friends about. Because of that, they put up with his bro bullshit for the guy who would drop absolutely anything to be there for them if they asked.

More than once he’s been the friend they’ve called at 4am to come pick them up or the one they’ve gone to crying after a really bad day. He’s a good listener and a great hugger and knows how to make things better with a smile and some froyo.

LEE-SQUARED

He’s known as “Lee-Squared” because he has a twin sister (who Cheng2 has a huge fucking crush on which drives Lee-Squared absolutely nuts). 

Lee is actually his last name but he prefers to be called that anyways so it works out. 

He’s incredibly insanely close to his family and it’s hard to be away from them during the school year. He’s from California and fucking hates the east coast winters to be honest.

He’s got the west coast sort of attitude too. Super laid back. Absolutely surfs in the summer. Is cold 99% of the time and is always turning the heat up and driving the house nuts. Smokes a shit ton of weed with Cheng2.

Generally he’s pretty quiet, even when he drinks. He’s big on observing and people watching over participating in events. 

He’s the only one who will eat Logan’s healthy meals and goes running with him sometimes. 

Lee-Squared is also a huge fucking nerd who loves reading and writing and psychology and anything that involves personal connection. He’s taken up yoga and mediating and is always looking for ways to find his calm.

The reason why is because while his exterior is calm, his mind is usually moving a mile a minute. He’s got pretty bad internal anxiety but he doesn’t like to talk about it a lot. He’s pretty self deprecating and second guesses himself a lot. Him and Logan talk about it sometimes and the runs with Logan sometimes help him turn his brain off for awhile. 

Him and Logan become even closer after sharing their backgrounds and really support and love the heck out of each other. They don’t externally appear soft ever, but truly they are. 

Anyways, all the Vancouver boys are good good boys who I love and adore thanks for listening! 

Edit: I worked really hard on these and did as much research as I could but I may have missed things from the book so feel free to point them out and I will add them! Like someone mentioned Koh was on the soccer time so I have since amended my headcanon. So as a general disclaimer, I tried my best here but do not be afraid to be like, “Hey, actually, this makes more sense based on their character!”