#my heart just overflows for him!!! much like it does w lover boy & my other faves but!!! so sm!!!

[yuukimiyas]

this might not make a ton of sense but do you guys ever love a blorbo sm that you forget to be super vocal ab it? ૮꒰ྀི ∩៸៸៸∩ ‎꒱ྀིა

[yukiwrites]

The Pain of Distance

For Corrianderweek, Day 3: Thinking of Each Other, Even Apart

______________________________

The Rainbow Sage's words had been clear in guiding Kamui's path towards the Bottomless Canyon once and for all. The true battle would start once they all jumped towards the World Below.

In addition to the priceless information, the dragon princess' blade had received a new power -- once it conjoined with its sibling legendary weapons it would draw out the potential to slay an Old God.

There Kamui's ragtag army stood: at the borders of Notre Sagesse, stationed for the last night before they set out to fulfill their destiny. Needless to say, the princess was restless: sleep evaded her as did anxiety grasp her beating heart with its thin, unescapable claws. Sighing, Kamui sat under a far off tree, not wanting to let her allies see her look so disheartened -- they followed her for her enthusiasm, after all! She then did her own personal ritual to calm herself down; something that she's never failed on doing every single night since she left her rightful home, Nohr: She carefully took out the ring her beloved Xander had given her once upon a distant past -- so distant, in fact, it felt as though it all happened in a previous life.

Kamui closed her eyes, bringing the ring to her lips. But it hadn't been. She believed in Xander.

Memories of their rushed meeting at Cyrkensia flooded her mind, allowing her shoulders to sag visibly. Xander had believed in her then by simply looking in her eyes to see the love that still overflowed through them onto his own skin. He would believe in her again; she knew that.

She had faith in him. By believing in Xander, Kamui knew she could draw strength for her own self as well -- since she was only at her best while she had him by her side. She was only whole by having Xander with her, holding her hand, holding her diminutive body into his endless warmth... Ah, thinking of him truly did wonders to lighten Kamui's mood, though it brought an equally deep longing.

She wanted to see him! Oh, by the gods, she wanted to see him so very badly!

At her wits' end, Kamui barely fought back the tears, holding the ring so tightly inside her fist she felt her fingers growing numb.

The sensation of someone approaching snapped the princess out of her deviations, however, making her quickly stuff the necklace she hung ring onto, back under her armor. "Who's there?!" She got up, alarmed.

"Hush, do not make a fuss, child." A juvenile voice chided from the darkness of the forest, a small hand appearing out at the moonlight to call Kamui over. "C0me, and be quick about it!"

"Nyx?" Kamui tilted her head to the side. What could the young mage want, Kamui wondered? "Ah, are you feeling lonely? It IS your first night amongst so many strangers, isn't it? We can talk until-"

Nys groaned loudly, throwing her head back in disgust. "Would you please just come along quietly? And do not think me a helpless child! I am much, much older than you are." She lifted her hand before Kamui could even retort. "And no, I do not want to talk about it." She added, then sighed. "Just come with me, alright? I felt a very strange presence looming around camp and figured you, as the leader, should know about."

Kamui flinched, her hand instinctively reaching for her Yato. "Is it an enemy? Should we notify everyone?" She whispered, following Nyx's soundless steps closely. It was most interesting -- despite being shorter and supposedly a runaway, Nyx ported herself with the dignity and grace of a seasoned mage; the way her steps uttered no sound could only mean she was using magic to nullify it.

The mage took one finger to her lips, shushing calmly. "No... I do not think this is an evil presence per se, but it is most strange... Come, let us get closer so I can confirm it." Nyx led the way through tall and low vines, barely even touching the vegetation as she did so.

Once they've walked for a few minutes, Kamui herself started sensing something... odd in the air. It felt repugnant as only the Faceless did, though not in a dangerous way. It was most puzzling. "I think I know what you meant now, Nyx." She murmured, pulling a large leaf out of the way so she could cross from a tight tree trunk to another.

"Shh!" Nyx raised one hand. "There, see?" She pointed to an unsuspecting Faceless some good ten meters away from them, at the mouth of an extensive prairie.

Kamui squinted to be able to discern what was shadow and what was monster from the silhouette ahead of them, due to the poor moonlight shining down on them. Although one could not see its face due to the large steel mask, the Faceless seemed so at peace. It simply sat there over the grass, looking up at nowhere in particular, as though it was instructed to wait like a good boy.

There was something else, as well: the chains binding its hands and neck looked as though they were made out of gold -- they reflected the moonlight perfectly, as only very few artisans could aspire their golden crafts to.

"... That is no normal Faceless," Nyx stated the obvious, intent on adding, "those chains contain an astounding amount of magical power to bind it to obedience." Her voice was a bit above a whisper, but the moment the words left her lips, the Faceless made a sudden, sharp turn to look straight at them.

It then raised to its feet, walking towards the two in careful and slow steps, making Kamui dig her hand deep into Yato's handle, ready to strike at any suspicious movement. Well, more suspicious, anyway.

Nyx, however, stayed in place, observing the way the monster moved, her own magical power projecting itself towards the golden chains, tapping them to discern their origin.

However, as soon as hers and the monster's magic slightly touched, the Faceless started dissolving into dust. "Ah! Wait a moment-" Nyx gasped, running towards it.

As it dissolved, it simply knelt in front of them, extending both hands as though delivering something. Little by little did his body disappear, the hands the last ones to follow -- to their surprise, once they, too, disappeared, a letter with the seal of the Second Prince of Nohr took its place.

"LEO!" Kamui gasped loudly, accidentally bumping into Nyx as she ran past the mage to catch the letter before it was blown away by the wind. "What's this about- did Leo send this Faceless with a message?" She looked at both sides of the enveloppe before eagerly ripping it open.

"So it was like that..." Nyx pondered, placing one hand over her chin in thought. "This 'Leo' person must be a very skilled mage, to be able to rise a Faceless, bind it to obedience and make it travel this far out of the nohrian territory without alerting any other mages in the vicinity... Well, I was the exception, but that was to be expected. So that's what it was; I see." She finished her monologue, though it mostly fell to deaf ears as Kamui had started reading the contents of the letter. "So?" Nyx crossed her arms, trying and failing to peek over Kamui's shoulders. "What does it say?"

"T-there's-" Kamui's entire body trembled, her hands shaking so much she was barely able to discern what was written, "going to be an ambush at the Bottomless Canyon-" it took everything she had not to fall on her knees, her heart thumping so hard inside her chest she could barely hear her own voice. "B-but Leo says they'll arrive in time... Nohr is going to join us!" She laughed, not feeling the tears streaming down her face.

She was scared to read further -- the letter was almost at the end, but there was no mention of Xander anywhere... What if there was no word from him? Oh, Kamui couldn't bear-

As her thoughts spiralled in that direction, her own eyes focused on a dear, very much important word out of the blur that had become her sight: 'Xander'.

Xander! She thought eagerly, feeling her legs give out.

'PS: I can't make it very long because the length of the letter will influence the amount of magical power I'll need to use, but Xander was relentless in asking me to sign it as 'Altair'. Don't ask me why, though; I have no idea. Ask him once we meet, Sister. Yours, Leo.

- Altair'

"Ohh..." Kamui held the paper tightly into her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Her body shook with hiccups as her mind swirled with countless memories of hers and Xander's love.

The Separated Lovers.

The constellation they saw for the first and last time on the very day Xander had given Kamui her ring in a most wonderful proposal. "It'll change..." she sobbed, "to 'The United Lovers' s-soon... w-wahh!" She cried, curling over herself, her entire body longing to hear her beloved's voice.

To feel his touch, to embrace his warmth, to welcome his hot breath... Ah, how it hurt to long for someone she loved so deeply! She could only cry to voice her pain and emotion, crumpling the letter in a hug she could not yet give to the one she wanted to hold the most.

Nyx's awkward but resolute pat in Kamui's back set the princess off even more, the tears she had been holding back for so many months flowing without restriction.

She wanted to see him! So very badly!

Her wallowing echoed in the wind, being muffled by the loud gusts of the prairie -- giving her a place to cry and as much time as the night lasted.

At what seemed to be the other corner of the world, the darkness veiled an obscure castle built into a canyon. A lone, golden haired prince looked up to the stormy sky, wishing for good weather. "My Vega... No, my Kamui. Soon, my love. Soon, we will be together." He clutched his chest, closing his eyes. "Never to part again."

[kthyunngg]

To Be Afraid

|To Fall| |To Find| |To Be In| |To Rediscover| |To Yearn|

Member: Jungkook

Genre: Angst/Fluff 

Word Count: 5086

Summary: Love. It’s a strange thing. It can either make you the happiest person in the world or the most miserable. You don’t know when it comes or when it goes. Sometimes it’s not returned and sometimes it is. We don’t know how to deal with it, but we still yearn for it.

A/N: so 5000+ words happened. I started writing it and it seemed alright, but then I feel like it just go dragged on. I don’t know... Lately I feel like I’ve been lacking a lot in my writing so please let me know what you think about this. 

(also sorry for not being so active with updates. school is starting to get hectic again TT) 

They say that three time’s a charm, but is it really?

The first was in high school.

You were a part of a tightly knit group. The four of you spent all of your time together; going out on weekends, working together in group projects, hell, you even grew up together. Like all cliche movies, the group consisted of two boys and two girls. Almost naturally the four of your grew attractions for each other. This group of best friends soon became a living, breathing, double date. Of the two couples, you and Jimin were the first to get together. He was your everything. He was your first. Nothing could ever replace the emotions that that relationship brought to you.

“Jimin? Are you home?”  You ring the doorbell, but no one answers. You wait a few more minutes, but there’s still no answer.

He wasn’t at school today so you assumed that he was sick. You even skipped half a day to go home and make him some soup so he wouldn’t feel completely miserable. The last time that Jimin got sick, he couldn’t speak a single word. He’s not one to get sick, but when he does, it’s hell.

“Ji-��� You turn the doorknob and realize that it’s open.

Ah Jimin, that pabo

You don’t know why he would leave the door unlocked, especially if he’s sick.

“Jimin? Are you home?” You look around the house, but you see no trace of him. This leads you to believe that he’s in his room; on his deathbed.

“Jimin?” You knock softly on his door.

You hear the rustle of bed sheets and a few moans.

Aigoo. He must be extremely sick.

You open the door, but then you hear another moan. However, this moan did not sound like one that would come from a sick person. It didn’t even sound like it came from Jimin.

It can’t — No.

Your heart beats violently against your chest. Your hands are sweaty and shaking as they grip the doorknob tightly.

The longer you stand behind the door, the more you hear. Moans. Jimin and a girl. Saying each other’s names. You don’t know who the girl is nor do you care. Tears overflow your eyes. This cannot be happening to you. It can’t be true. This isn’t who Jimin is. You know that he would never do this. Not to you. Never.

One hand still on the doorknob and the other gripping the bag with the soup that you made for him. From what you can hear, they’re not planning to stop anytime soon. A small part of you is still holding onto the hope that it’s not actually Jimin. That your ears are playing a cruel joke on you. But you know. You know because that’s exactly how he sounded when he’s with you.

Mustering up what’s left of your courage and sanity, you push open the door forcefully.

“Jimin—” You were about to blow up in his face, but once you see him on top of another girl, both naked, you lose it.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” Jimin stares at you wide-eyed, but unmoving.

“You didn’t come to school today so I thought you were sick! W-what are you d-doing?” You realize that it’s a stupid question because you can clearly see what’s happening, but you can’t think of anything else to say.

“I—It’s not — I’m sorry.” Jimin gets off the girl, but before he gets off, she gives him one last kiss. You can’t believe it. First, the nerve of that girl, and second, the fact that Jimin also kissed back.

“How long?”

There’s a painful silence.

“6 months.”

You guys have been dating for a year.

He’s been cheating on you. For half a year and you didn’t even realize anything.

“Fucking hell Jimin! Half a year? God! Why am I so stupid?” You run your hands through your hair as you try to compose yourself, but tears you didn’t know you still had rush down your face. Jimin stands in his spot, not knowing what to do.

“I’m sorry Y/N.”

“No you’re not.”

No answer from Jimin. This confirms everything.

“We’re done Jimin, but I guess you didn’t need me to say…”

You stomp out of his room throwing the bag with the thermos onto the ground.

You’re at the door and only now are you noticing the second pair of shoes that belong to the girl.

Jimin was your everything, but to him, you were only a pass time.

That was your first. Your second ended on a slightly better note.

Your heart hurt for a few months, but then you realized that Jimin is not worth the time nor the hurt that you’re feeling. The relationship wasn’t real. There was never a relationship. You were so blinded by the young first love that you didn’t even realize the truth that was in front of you the whole entire time.

Years after, you spent time rebuilding yourself. You moved, you studied in university and worked some part time jobs. Somewhere along the way, somewhere along the late night lectures, you came across an interesting figure. Namjoon. When you first met him, it was hard to talk to him because it always seemed like he was analyzing every aspect of the world, but you came to admire that side of him. Both you and Namjoon would always arrive at the lecture hall early and after the two of you started to realize that, you started talking to each other. When you finally decided to pay attention to what he was saying and really thought of it, you realized that Namjoon isn’t just all talk. He makes some extremely good points and you marvel at how those words are really coming from a 22 year old.

Namjoon changed you. He changed the way you looked at the world and dealt with situations. He also changed the way you felt.

“Y/N. Can we talk?” Namjoon calls you in the middle of the night. You were about to go to bed after studying for reckless hours.

“Now?”

“Yes. I’m afraid that I can’t wait until the morning.” The tone of Namjoon’s voice makes you worry.

“Okay.”

“I’m coming over right now.” Namjoon hangs up and you wait for him.

A few minutes later, you hear a three soft knocks at your door.

“Hey.” You open the door and you see Namjoon, except he looks extremely anxious. You let him walk into your apartment and he takes a seat on the couch.

“Y/N. I have something to tell you.”

The two of you have been dating for 9 months. It has been brief, but compared to the first relationship, you feel a lot better. Nothing seems forced and the two of you are very open with each other.

“What is it?” You look at him with a lot of concern and sit next to him.

“I think..we should take a break.” You hear him say the words clearly, yet you don’t feel as broken as the first time.

“Is something wrong?” You keep your composure and look at him. He meets your eyes.

“I hate to say it this way, but it’s me. You’re amazing Y/N. Don’t get me wrong. I know you’ve been through a lot in the past and just to see you grow as a person was amazing, but I’m starting to realize that I can’t give you what you deserve. You deserve a lot more than me Y/N. I don’t want you to be tied down to me when there’s still the whole world that you haven’t seen yet. Please understand this Y/N.” Namjoon takes your hands in his. Your’s are ice cold and his engulf yours with the warmth which perfectly represents your relationship. Namjoon has been nothing but the support that you needed.

“Namjoon, I understand what you’re trying to say, but I also can’t see myself with anyone else. You’ve supported me through so much even though we’ve only been together for a months. You’re everything I need.” You try to turn the situation, but you can tell that Namjoon has already made his decision.

“No, Y/N. I think this break will be good of the both of us. Especially since we’re both coming out of a relationship. I want to make sure that we really feel what we do truthfully and not by a means of rebound. Please?” Namjoon pleads and you can’t do anything, but agree.

Although you’ve been out of your first relationship for years now, you still catch yourself faltering back to thoughts of you and Jimin. Once again, Namjoon speaks the utter truth.

“Okay. Let’s do that.” You say, barely in a whisper.

“Thank you. No matter what, I still love you Y/N. Together as a couple or not. Love is still love.” Namjoon gives you a hug and gives you one last kiss on the forehead.

There was no resentment, no regret. You felt nothing but gratefulness for meeting Namjoon. The relationship wasn’t long, but it made a lasting impact. You learned not to linger onto the past, to not be afraid to speak your mind and have differences. You learned that not everything will go you way and nothing is that picture perfect relationship. There will be ups and downs and maybe more downhill than up. But that’s okay! It’s all part of living and you’ve learned to embrace that.

It’s a year after you and Namjoon decided to maintain the friend status. It was a mutual decision. After a lot of thought, you both realized that you’re not actually ready for a relationship and that the two of you are more fit as friends than lovers. There were no hard feelings and no signs of hatred. Namjoon and you still keep in touch. In fact the two of you are practically best friends. This is completely different from your first.

As a single candidate, completely free in the market, you’re loving the single life. You’re not in a rush to find someone nor are you trying to find someone. Instead of forcing something that’s not meant to be, you’re taking your time to learn who you really are.

In the past year, you’ve gotten into art. Dance, music, visual, everything. Namjoon was actually the first person to expose you to the world of art, but it’s only now that you’re really finding that interest. Of all the museums with paintings decorating the wall, you’ve come to really enjoy the art you find on the streets. Street performers to be exact. They can sing, dance, or do sidewalk art, but you will still experience that same kind of amazement.

Recently you’ve discovered this one street performer that does two of the three, sing and dance. He seems fairly young, perhaps around your age, but he is extremely talented. The first time you saw him was when you were walking home to your apartment. There was a huge crowd right in the middle of the sidewalk so you decided to join in. You didn’t know what to expect, but it’s safe to say when you first saw the performer, you were pleasantly surprised. He was dancing to an upbeat song and his body never missed a beat. It was amazing.

After that time, you would make it an effort to never miss any of his performances. You could say that it was something like love at first sight, but more alongs of in love with the performance at first sight. For the next couple of performances, he also danced. There were a variety of them ranging from slow contemporary to fast, more hip hop style dances. It didn’t matter what style it was, all the performances were good.

However, it was today’s performance that really caught you. There were a few occasions where this performer would sing, but today’s song was slow and you really felt the emotion of the song coming to life. Embarrassing enough, after he was finished singing, you had a few tears in your eyes.

You waited for the crowd to disperse a bit and then it was just you, the performer and a few other people that have decided to stay. He must have noticed you standing in your spot because he walked over to you.

“Hey. I don’t mean to sound creepy, but I’ve noticed that you’re always at my performances. Do you live near here?”

“Hi! Yes, in fact I do. I live a couple of blocks down from here. Your performance today was extremely nice. Thank you.”

“No, thank you for always coming to watch. It’s always nice to see some familiar faces in the crowd.” You take a look at him and you already knew this from the beginning, but he’s not hard on the eyes. Not even the slightest. Out of the whim, you come up with a crazy idea.

“Would you like to go get a drink? I know this really good place a few minutes away from here?” Okay, so it’s not like skydiving crazy, but you’re inviting a complete stranger to have a drink with you! In your books, that’s enough adventure to last you a whole two weeks.

Though two cups of hot coffee, you learn that his name is Jungkook and he’s being doing to the street performance business for years now. This whole thing is just his hobby, but somehow people have come to love what he does for fun. He’s also an extremely outgoing guy, but also very sensible. Hours after talking, reluctantly, you had to leave because it is a weeknight.

“Can I have your number? So we can keep in touch?” Jungkook asks and you nod your head while you punch in your number into his phone. “Thanks. I guess I’ll see you soon?”

“Yup, it was nice meeting you Jungkook.”

“You too Y/N. I’ll text you later! You know where to find me!” He gives you a cute wave and you head back to your apartment.

A few months pass and you get to know Jungkook fairly well. You can sense that there’s something more to your relationship with Jungkook, but you can’t put your finger on it. You’re able to joke around with him like you did with Jimin, but you’re also able to have really deep late night talks with him like you did with Namjoon. However, unlike the other two, Jungkook has a way of making you smile for no reason. It’s actually quite hard to compare Jungkook to Namjoon and Jimin because all three of them are so different, but they each made you feel something.

You decide to give Jungkook an early visit before his show at night. You spend the entire mid-afternoon preparing some food for him as well so he doesn’t get hungry midway through. He has told you that sometimes he forgets to eat when he does his shows and you know how bad that is for your health, especially if you’re constantly engaging in physical activity.

Once you’re finished with the food, you pack it into small boxes and place it in one of those reusable grocery bags.You get dressed and grab everything you need.

The weather outside is a lot nicer than you expected. The sun is hanging low in the sky, filling it with a nice tinge of orange and the markets are busy as usual. Luckily you’re not too early and you see the Jungkook’s back as he’s setting up his speakers and everything.

“Jungkook!” You shout and quicken your pace to reach him. He turns around swiftly and scans the area until he sees you. Then he gives you a bright smile and waves.

“Y/N! What are you doing here so early? I don’t start until a few hours later.”

“I know, but I wanted to surprise you.” You smile.

“Ah, what’s that?” He points to the bag that you’re holding.

“Oh, I — uh, I made you some things to eat. I know how you said that you usually forget to eat because you’re so caught up with performing.”

Jungkook doesn’t speak for a few seconds which makes you extremely nervous. You can feel your face heating up and you guess that it is now as red as the sweater that Jungkook is wearing.

“Unless you already ate. I could just take it back—”

“No! No. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you Y/N! Here, we can eat over there.” Jungkook takes the bag and points to the fountain at the middle of the market.

The two of you walk over to it and take a seat on the edge. You take out the multiple lunch boxes, only realizing now how much food you actually made.

“Oh my. I didn’t realize how much I actually made.” You laugh nervously as you bury your face in your hands.

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to take a bite of the kimbap that you made. At that very moment, you swear you saw his eyes light up like the lights at the market during the night.

“You seriously made this?” Jungkook takes another bite.

“Yeah. Is it any good?” You take a bite for yourself, but you’re not too sure how it fits with Jungkook’s taste.

“Is it any good? Y/N! This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten aside from my mother’s. Oh my god! I’m coming over to your place for all my meals now.” Jungkook exclaims as he moves onto the lunchbox with the noodles. He lets out a sigh of satisfaction.

A blush creeps back onto your face as you watch Jungkook enjoy the food that you made.

“I don’t know about all meals, but I can definitely make you some food when I come to watch you.”

“Thank you Y/N! This is seriously so good! Oh my god, I could kiss you!” You freeze.

You know that Jungkook is kidding as he’s so captivated by the food, but for some reason, his words are making your heart beat ten times faster. You haven’t known him for that long so why are you feeling like this? There is something familiar about what you’re feeling, but it’s not something that you will ever get used to.

Is it even okay to feel this way?

Is it too soon?

You haven’t known him for that long.

Maybe his words just caught you off guard. Yeah. That has to be it.

Tonight you decide not to go to Jungkook’s performances. There has been a lot on your mind lately and you can’t seem to sort out everything. It’s like someone just dumped all your emotions on you all at once without any prior notice.

You’ve been a lot more emotional lately. Scared. Kept away. Quiet.

Your texts with Jungkook have become shorter and shorter and calls are almost non-existent now. Anyone would think that you’re being a bitch for suddenly changing attitudes like this, but for some reason, you didn’t care.

Maybe you’re afraid of letting your feelings free and maybe you’re afraid of what might happen if you let the world know, but you don’t want to be hurt another time. You’ve already been in two relationships, the first one which ended very badly, the second was out of mutual feelings. You don’t know what else can happen. The only thing that you’re sure of is that your feelings are growing stronger and stronger, but you’re also becoming stronger and stronger at suppressing them, pushing your feelings to the back of your mind.

The night haunts you with flashbacks to your first relationship. You’re 110% over those feelings, but just the idea of another relationship ending badly is enough to knock you off of your game. You can’t get rid of that feeling when you discovered that Jimin was cheating on you for half of your relationship. You can’t stand the feeling of knowing that everything was one sided and a lie.

It’s not fair.

You don’t deserve this.

Jungkook doesn’t deserve to be treated this way.

Suddenly, your phone lights up from the dark living room.

Hey Y/N. Are you okay? You didn’t come tonight…

A frown appears on your face.

Yeah..sorry. I’m not feeling to well this week.

There’s a small pinch in your chest for lying to Jungkook, but it’s not a complete lie; you really aren’t feeling well.

Okay. Get some rest then! I hope you get better soon

You read his last text and sink back into the couch.

How long is this going to go on for?

Weeks later, you’ve still managed to stay on the low. Nothing really got better. Your thoughts, raiding the quiet of a peaceful mind and you’re scared to even face Jungkook now.

Just then, your phone starts to ring, causing you to jump from your spot.

“Hello?” You pick it up without looking at the caller ID.

“Y/N?” A familiar voice rushes through your ear.

“Jungkook…Hi.”

“Hey, how are you? You haven’t been answering your calls lately and you stopped coming to my shows at night.”

“Sorry..I’m just not feeling that well.”

“Oh…Are you feeling better now?”

“A little…” To distract yourself, you pick at the sleeves of your sweater.

“Okay…Um…I got these tickets to go to a concert and I was supposed to go with one of my hyungs, but he bailed on me so I was wondering if you would like to go with me? You don’t have to if you’re not feeling well and we haven’t really talked in a while so—”

“I’ll go.”

“Wait, what? Really? I don’t want to make it seem like I’m forcing you.”

“It’s fine Jungkook. I think it will be nice.” You don’t know what you just got yourself into, but you can’t go back now.

Jungkook managed to get some extremely nice tickets, especially considering that it’s a BigBang concert. Your seats were somewhere near the front middle of the venue and everything was in the perfect view.

“I’m so glad that you agreed to come with me Y/N! This is so exciting!”

You knew that Jungkook is a huge BigBang fan because he would never stop talking about them. You also knew how much this concert would mean for him so you didn’t want to ruin it by sulking in your emotions so you tried to let yourself go.

Without a doubt, the moment the concert started, it was amazing. The atmosphere was unbelievable and it didn’t feel like you were in a stadium. You don’t know what it felt like, but it felt good. You could finally enjoy yourself and all your thoughts were pushed away by the music.

You and Jungkook started to sing along with the songs. Luckily you guys weren’t the only ones or else you would have looked like maniacs.  The lights are flashing around everywhere and it’s honestly the best feeling. At one point during the concert, you look over to Jungkook and notice how focused he is on the stage. His eyes are practically lighting up and his mouth is opened just to the slightest.

This is another quality that you admire about him. His passion.

You to turn your attention back to the idols up on the stage and you enjoy the rest of the concert.

During the slower songs, the fans start to sing along and it sounds amazing. You also join in with the singing and you admire the sea of the light sticks.

Then you feel something warm touch your hand.

You look down and notice that Jungkook is holding your hand tightly. You look up at him in shock, but he just smiles and stays focused on the screens. The thoughts come rushing back into your mind and you thank the gods for the loud music or else everyone would have heard you heart pounding.

What does this mean?

The concert ends, but Jungkook is still holding onto your hand. People start to exit the venue and the two of you follow them.

“Jungkook we should go before there’s a lot of people at the sub—” You train of thought leaves you once you feel Jungkook soft lips on your cheek.

“W-what is that for?” Jungkook shrugs.

“I just wanted to do that. Come on! Let’s go!” Jungkook takes the lead and guides the two of your towards the subway.

The ride back to your apartment was quiet. It didn’t help that there were a lot of people and you and Jungkook were squished into one corner of the train. The whole entire time you couldn’t look up at him. Everything that happened tonight replays in your head. This whole time you were trying to control your feelings and maybe forget about them, but then Jungkook goes ahead and does what he did.

“Hey Y/N. This is our stop.” Jungkook tugs at your arm lightly and you nod.

The walk back to your apartment is also quiet.

“Y/N, are you okay? You’re not saying anything.”

“What? Oh…yeah I’m fine. Just…tired.”

“Oh…” Jungkook slows his pace, but you continue to walk, falling out of Jungkook’s hold. The moment his hand is no longer holding yours, you feel this emptiness. You feel exposed. You don’t like it, but what can you do? This is what you wanted. To let go.

“Wait!” You turn around and Jungkook runs to catch up to you. You don’t get a chance to say anything as Jungkook cups your face in his hands and kisses you, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Your eyes widen. His lips are soft and warm, but yours are cold and hard. Your lack of movement causes Jungkook to stop and he pulls away.

“Sorry…I just…I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Jungkook—”

“Just here me out Y/N. We’ve known each other for what? Half a year give or take? When I first saw you in the crowd, you took my breath away. You’re absolutely beautiful, but when we started to talk, I knew that I didn’t want to stop. I hate how cheesy this sounds, but it was like something just clicked in my mind. Everything felt so right. Over these past few days where we stopped talking for a little bit, I missed you so much. I couldn’t stand it so I asked my hyung to hang out another time just so I could to this concert with you. Now, I know that you probably don’t feel the same way, but if I didn’t tell you today, I don’t think I ever would have. It was killing me, not being able to see or talk to you and it was killing me even more knowing that my feelings are only getting stronger and stronger. Y/N you’re extremely special to me and I just wanted you to know that whatever you do, wherever you are, I want to be with you as well.”

If you weren’t frozen before, you definitely are now. Jungkook is holding both of your hands while he looks at you with glimmering eyes. However, you frown and slowly take your hands back.

“Jungkook…I’m sorry.” You see the frown form on Jungkook’s face, but you turn and walk away. The moment your back is facing Jungkook, tears fall ruthlessly down your face.

I’m sorry Jungkook. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. You make me feel like the luckiest person in the world, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.

A month passed and you’re a mess. Namjoon tried to give you advice about this and he tried to get you to tell the truth to Jungkook, but you refused. You didn’t have the strength to do so. Jungkook called and texted you everyday, trying to ask what happened, but you never replied. During the day you were fine, having the distraction of work, but night was the worst. You didn’t know what to do with yourself.

You’re about to settle into bed, bracing for another sleepless night, but then there’s a loud banging at your door.

“Y/N! Open up please! I know you’re in there! Namjoon told me everything! Please Y/N! Just come out!”

Namjoon told him? How?

Hesitantly, you open up the door and there he is. Jungkook standing in front of your door looking better than ever, while you’re here in your pyjamas, looking like a mess.

“Y/N…” He says in a whisper.

“What do you mean Namjoon told you? How do you know him?”

“He was the first to contact me. I guess he found my contact information through social media or something. He told me what you’ve been through. All of it.”

“Oh.” You look down at your feet in embarrassment, but then you feeling Jungkook engulf you in a hug.

“Why didn’t you tell me Y/N? I would have understood. Do you know how much it hurt me to see you walk away that night? I thought I did something wrong!” You feel your tears soak through his shirt, but he only holds onto you tighter.

“I didn’t know what to say…I don’t know how to say it.” You wrap your arms around his waist and pull him in close as well.

“You should have told me a little bit though. I would never hurt you Y/N, you know that.” You nod and Jungkook wipes away all your tears.

“It’s just…You came into my life out of nowhere and these feelings came back. I didn’t know what to do because I’m always so happy when I spend time with you. I love you…” You whisper the last three words, a realization you had on that very night.

Jungkook pulls your chin up so that your eyes meet with his. He smiles softly and gives you a peck on the lips.

“I love you as well Y/N. More than you would know it. Hell, I spent a whole entire month texting you every day even though you never replied!” This makes you laugh a little. “Let’s take this one step at a time okay?” He holds you by your waist and you nod.

“Okay.” You whisper and lean into his chest.

“You don’t have to be afraid Y/N.”

Maybe three times will be a charm.

[tinslcys-blog]

SHE THINKS OF A WISHBONE & compares it to love , — the grotesque and voracious deed of splintering the brittle matter into two asymmetrical halves . the assertion of dominance veiled by a childish gaiety perceptible only when such puerile acts are being performed .  SHE THINKS OF A WISHBONE & admires her assemblage of lesser parts , & ponders , who gets to flee with a more prominent fragment of themselves , who will remain unscathed ? those who have loved and lost , or those who never will ?

heyO it is i , kit , back again once more w my smol trash child tinsley !! anyway , read my super long n extra n uglie intro mayb ?? does it even make sense idk ?? but it’s here n i’m too lazy to fix it ... n also ... plot w me bc i want to be everyone’s pal ?? 

.: AGE 6 :.  nothing fascinated the platinum locked infant more than the murder of crows who flocked to her terrance daily and the string of freshwater pearls her father fastened around her neck like a leash on her fourth birthday . they don’t do much, do they ? she had inquired in her limited and chopped vocabulary as the nanny tied a perfect plait — not the pearls , the dark feathered crows . i’d like that too , to be free as the beautiful collar of strung pearls had been clasped , an infantile jackie kennedy , and she had been escorted through the ornate corridors to the marbled and mahogany  parlor for an arranged playdate  — all kitten-heeled stomps rather than steps .

everyone has a purpose , a goal , we’re all living to survive , darling .

but as she watched as her mother , dead-eyed and frowning , penned the name of another politician’s daughter into the pages of a leather-bound agenda , she wondered how sincere her nanny’s statement had been . her mother was living for her , her father was living for supremacy , and she was living for them . their darling little doll , a piece in their childish games for monetary gain .

.: AGE 9 :. “ darling , dearest , shouldn’t you know ? ” a hum against the curve of an ear,  “ princes are taught to fight their father’s wars . beauteous boys that shed their innocence like a second skin and turn themselves into brutish men . loving them is a death sentence , dearie . loving them is like lying on the pointed end of their sharpened swords . promise me one thing ? ” her nanny tucked her in for the night , stroking strands of golden curls as she sat perched atop egyptian cotton sheets , protect your  heart . the happily ever after is often not happy at all .

“ of course . ” she lied .

that night she disregarded the warning and dreamt of a fairytale like love , a prince for a lover and an ending that rivaled the happiest of happily ever afters . a foolish girl wearing naivety for all to see and donning her precious and childish heart on her sleeve .

.: AGE 12 :. “ i’m tinsley roitfield , ” the mere introduction had created quite a stir amongst fellow peers , a flurry of awed whispers and stares of intrigue and envy directed at the politician’s belle .

“ love the necklace . ”

“ my parents voted her father for reelection . ”

“ is it true that her mother’s a french model ? ”

“ she’s going to be my friend . ”

affluence and influence , beauty and a good name . that was all it took . making friends was like stealing candy from a baby for fitzwilliam roitfield’s darling daughter .  but nothing was real .  if you’ve never sipped champagne , doesn’t sparking wine taste the same ? and fool’s gold glimmers just as stunningly as her mother’s 24 karat ring . and perhaps her nanny had been correct , her happily ever after is not happy , rather an imitation of the emotion the fairytales so effortlessly conveyed .

.: AGE 15 :. when the world had fallen asleep , the sun retiring for the night , she would do nothing more than dance . outside , bare feet  against dewy grass , pale moonlight flickering as she teetered on the precipice of the pool’s side , a balancing act , or perhaps her precarious yearning to be in control . twirling , swaying , steps counted until she reached the other side of the pool , the cicada’s song a gentle ambiance , and flutes of champagne tossed back as she presented the audience of stars with sloppily executed pirouettes . exhales emanating from tired lungs , leaping , sashaying , practicing grandiose freestyle routines that wouldn’t be brought unto the light of day , faltering when the alcohol infiltrated her veins , skinning porcelain knees , on the brink of slipping into the water before her .  but each step had been calculated , each falter had been perfected in itself , and as she would stare at the reflection of a girl , free from the responsibility that accompanied perfection in the water below , she would laugh . haunting and full laughter , giddy and girlish , peeling off and up into the night air . picturesque , with silken curls , cheeks flushed shades of carmine , and a shirt sleeve slipping from a blush pink shoulder . a charming girl . that was all she had been meant to be , but instead she had become her father’s charming mess of a fool , in love with all things unattainable . for before she had been capable of weaving the profoundly articulate , yet laconic sentences she had been well known for , she could dance . infantile swaying , an inexperienced child striving to perfect pirouettes , plies without the help of a much needed instructor , twirling barefoot across carpeted living room floors knocking into mahogany tables , shattering lamps . and while she had surely possessed desire and promise , what she lacked for in natural talent she had made up for in copious sums of money and perseverance . an entitled adolescent longing to appease a elegant matriarch and political patriarch , a deadly dynamic for a blossoming infant .  and while she had not been brought unto the earth with a finesse for ballet , she had been forged of steel beneath layers of porcelain flesh and silken slips , unbreakable . and while pure , dirtied ambition had been the downfall of many great men , tinsley roitfield had deemed herself invincible , for one as diligent as she could not ever be knocked off the pedestal she had been placed upon .

passion embodied within sinuous movements , unshed tears slipping from her pores as minuscule beads of sweat throughout rigorous practices , harsh critiques hurled her way , envious looks from other peers , for the beauty she conveyed — though it possessed a certain softness — was a weapon , far more lethal than a silver bullet . but such grace could not disguise the childlike rage beginning to bubble beneath the surface . and when she had been deemed the second best , she dropped what she then proceeded to claim a mere hobby two weeks later . after all, what was the point if she wasn’t the shining star ?

.: AGE 17 :. perhaps ballet had failed , but playing pretend ? why , she did so every morning . painting rosebud lips that perfect shade of vermillion , embellishing sun kissed skin with the finest of silks and satins and lace , giggling behind a champagne flute overflowing with vodka at her father’s joke , brushing elbows with beverly hill’s elite crowd , and straightening her valentino after ten minutes on her knees . playing pretty for the cameras ? she had been born for that . she had been bred to be adored . to be placed upon a pedestal . she had been graced with a face meant to be plastered across silver screens and billboards .  the scintillating beauty aged nineteen and a student of a multitude of various instructors , tinsley had devoted herself to the art of putting on a mask . a craft had begun in the mere hopes of impressing brilliant and beautiful parents . but , the desire to succeed had been instilled within her from the very start . her mother a compliant goddess in givenchy , her father an ambition man in uniform with latent instincts of a neanderthal , and their darling , darling viewed as a pretty little toy , her waved figure a burden unto man , for what good would it be should she not pose as their submissive and doting wife . after all , she was a roitfield , coveted , desired .

nighttime hours had been devoted to a man five years her elder . a handsome assistant to her father , slaving over given assignments far into the night as tinsley stole secret glances , touches , from her perch in the chair across from him . though brief , her love affair with one of father’s own had been , scandalous , a cursory lapse in infantile judgment as lips chastely kissed her elder , a driven being , such like herself . but how foolish she had been assuming that she had ever been anything besides a bit of fun throughout the rigorous midnight hours , and a doting girlfriend to shower him with compliments when daddy dearest was around . a mere instrument in his upcoming success , a falsified relationship with a politician’s saccharine fool as another tended to his ego on off days . but how foolish he had been as well . sweet like sugar , hard like ice . fool me once , i’ll kill you twice . the kind of girl you thought you could bring home to your mother , perfection complied into a pretty little package , long lithe legs , agility and grace , a knack for foreign languages , and a great tennis arm . but pretty , perfect things always had secrets to hide . and pretty , little tinsley roitfield thrived off the downfall of those who wronged her. doling out punishment where she deemed fit. and as promised , one week later a melancholic pout painted a cardinal shade of red had veiled the wicked and leering grin that had threatened to crack the innocent facade as she waved goodbye to father’s former employee . he had purloined a piece of her innocence , cracked the rose tinted glasses , and for that — she loathed him .

[recentanimenews]

Five Years Later, The Spirit of Japan Animator Expo Lives On

It’s been 5 years since Japan Animator Expo, a festival of animated shorts produced by Hideaki Anno’s pet studio Khara. Many of these shorts came and went like the wind, while others (like Endless Night and Denkou Choujin Gridman) were expanded into fuller versions that took the industry by storm. But what about the other ones, the fantastic stand-alones that currently languish in Khara's vault? Japan Animator Expo’s shorts are inaccessible at the moment, but if they ever see the light of day again I’d recommend any of the entries below. They’re all shorter than your typical episode of anime, but each of them packs more punch in that span than your average twelve or thirteen episode season.

    Two of my favorite anime series are FLCL and Gunbuster 2, and both were directed by Hideaki Anno’s protégé Kazuya Tsurumaki. Since working on those two series, though, he’s been hard at work in the bunker at Studio Khara crafting the Rebuild of Evangelion films. I’m certainly excited to see what comes of the last film in that series, but I can’t deny that part of me wishes Tsurumaki was given a chance at making something completely disconnected from Gainax’s past. Lo and behold, Japan Animator Expo gave him not just one, but two chances to do this! I enjoyed The Dragon Dentist, which he worked on with Otaro Maijo. But it’s the second short he directed for this project that I think best stands up as a unique experience: I can Friday by day! (second season), a very odd military science fiction drama rendered in candy and pastels. Tsurumaki was assisted on this project by Hajime Ueda (famous for the FLCL manga and ending animation for Monogatari) and Sushio (friend of Trigger). You can see their handiwork in the cute characters and expressive animation. I can Friday by day! is unabashed pop art, constructing its world with building blocks of spun sugar hiding something just a little wrong and off. I found this to be a more flavorful follow-up to FLCL than its official sequels.

  Content warnings: body horror involving (cute) automated school girls and boys.

    I’ve loved everything that Akemi Hayashi has ever worked on. From her touching episode of Space Dandy to the emotionally devastating twentieth episode of Penguindrum, she’s never done wrong in my eyes. One day they’ll give her a movie to direct and slay us all with, but until then we’ll have her fantastic short for Japan Animator Expo: Tomorrow From There (first season). A music video telling the story of a young woman struggling with her move to the big city, it perfectly captures the feeling of living in your mid-twenties and fearing that you’ve gotten everything wrong—and the excitement that comes when you see the new opportunities and experiences in front of you. The song is great, the environments all have a ton of character, just watching this thing gives me Pavlovian tears. If I’d recommend any single video from the Expo for most audiences, it’d be this one.

  Content warnings: Deep millennial anxiety, but otherwise appropriate for all audiences.

    Although Tomorrow from There is my sentimental favorite of Japan Animator Expo’s first season, its greatest technical achievement is probably 20min Walk From Nishi-Ogikubo Station. A young woman wakes in her apartment, only to discover she’s become very, very small. Meanwhile her boyfriend is terrorized by a hideous insect! If you’re familiar with Kafka’s Metamorphosis, you probably know where this is going. 20min Walk is one of the longer shorts in this project, but it’s easily one of the most impressive, pulling off shot after complicated shot. There are elaborate multi-planar set-pieces, there’s a segment at the end by master animator Shinya Ohira. And while it's hilarious to watch, there's a fair share of horror, pain and anguish in there too, the nightmare of miscommunication between two lovers. 20min Walk makes full use of the medium of animation, and is recommended to anyone looking to see that format stretched to its very limits. The only tricky thing about it is that the heroine is naked the whole way through, which makes it difficult to take screenshots of (I did my best!).

  Content warnings: Lots of nudity, there is a cockroach.

    Mahiro Maeda has had a fascinating career: he’s best known for his fantastic and visually ornate Dumas adaptation Gankutsuou, but he’s also contributed to projects like Shin Godzilla and Mad Max: Fury Road. Unfortunately, just like Kazuya Tsurumaki, Maeda’s been holed up at Khara for the past several years busy working on the Rebuild of Evangelion movies. Japan Animator Expo saw him really let his freak flag fly, resulting in the fantastic Kanon (an adaptation of a novel by Karl Capek, as Maeda does). But even better was his contribution to the Expo’s third season, Hammerhead, scripted by Dragon Dentist creator Otaro Maijo. Hammerhead is just under ten minutes of extreme violence, and certainly isn’t suitable for all audiences. But it overflows with some of the most outrageous and creative superhero fights I’ve seen, as well as some thoughtful if nihilistic mediations on why superheroes make the sacrifices that they do, and why the culture responds to them. We live in a world flooded with superhero media, movie and television screens filled to bursting with them. Hammerhead puts nearly all of it to shame, and is essential viewing for anyone able to deal with its violence. I'd love to see a feature-length version, but until then we have Otaro Maijo scripting an entirely different series next year to tide us over! Here's hoping it measures up to this phenomenal effort.

  Content warnings: extreme graphic violence and mutilation. For mature audiences!

    Takashi Nakamura directed and wrote the very good series Fantastic Children, which looked like a World Masterpiece Theater series but was at its heart an epic science fiction tragedy. Studio Colorido produced a fan-favorite McDonalds commercial some years ago, and more recently adapted Tomihiko Morimi’s Penguin Highway into a film. Together they made Bubu and Bubulina, which is nothing like Fantastic Children or Penguin Highway. Instead, it’s a throwback to classic cartoons, with rough line-art, a jazzy soundtrack and a girl with the power to make giant freaky-looking balloons. It’s also an unexpectedly melancholy story about a spirit coming to terms with its inability in life to find an audience. Bubu and Bubulina walk on and off the stage of Japan Animator Expo as if they’ve come from a long and varied tradition of shorts in which they are prominent stars. We may never see them again, but I’ll always remember their memorable appearance here. After all, they represent the Expo at its best: talented people empowered to make unusual art that wouldn’t find a home anywhere else.

  Content warnings: None! Appropriate for all audiences.

What will be the future of Japan Animator Expo? Khara's been busy with the final Rebuild of Evangelion film for so long, it's hard to say what they'll do next—perhaps work on Hideaki Anno's Ultraman film? There's certainly enough untapped material in these shorts to be expanded into future projects. But more than anything, I'd love for these works to be made accessible once again. Animated shorts may not be as marketable or popular as longer series. But in an industry bent on working people to the bone to produce as much material as possible, we need more projects like Japan Animator Expo that give creators the money, time and space to make work only they could make. Until then: keep an eye on the artists here and elsewhere doing their best, and do what you can to support good work.

  What are your favorite shorts from Japan Animator Expo? Have you seen The Dragon Dentist yet? Upset that we didn't mention ME!ME!ME!? Let us know in the comments!

---

Adam W is a Features Writer at Crunchyroll. If Mahiro Maeda is looking to adapt another novel by Karl Capek, perhaps he'd enjoy working on The War With the Newts? Adam W sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying? Follow him on Twitter at: @wendeego

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com