#my hc of karkat is he is very.... damp. cries a lot and easily. and loves his friends so sososososo much

[kayforpay]

oh man. would love to see ur take on Karkat arguing that Gamzee should even be allowed to _live_ on Earth C....

It was always awkward to have to ask someone to speak on your behalf. If not for Karkat's wary first approach, Gamzee simply wouldn't have asked at all; what he had done, even if it wasn't entirely under his control, wasn't something he would forgive.

He had liked Nepeta, appreciated Terezi, and tolerated Equius. He wouldn't forgive someone else, even if they didn't have foggy memories of monsters that sounded like his friends, that looked like eels moving under their skin, and the desperate need to eradicate them.

But Karkat was, like usual, better than he was.

Waking up in control of his body was a shock. He had spent days curled on his side, struggling to keep even liquids down and in more pain than he could recognize. How had he detoxed without feeling it? Every nerve in his body was burning for a wipe, and he didn't even try to contact anyone. The fact that he had come through the end of the game wasn't even on his mind until he realized that the hive he was in had windows that didn't have automated shades.

Before that, he had hoped that the entire ordeal was a dayterror.

Then, almost immediately after he was aware enough to realize what had happened, Karkat let himself in. Reddish tears streamed down his face as he collapsed next to Gamzee's pathetic pile, his voice hushed as he gripped Gamzee's horns almost painfully to force him to look up.

"You're alive. Thank the stupid fucking human god. You're alive." He had pressed his forehead to Gamzee's own, had cupped his cheeks, and shook with emotion. "I'm so glad. I was so worried, Gamzee. I was so scared, I thought you were-- I thought you didn't win with us."

Gamzee had put a hand on Karkat's cheek (no way he could have known how warm his skin was in real life, how different it would feel when his body was his own again, how soft) and finally let himself cry.

The next month, since the humans insisted on taking over calendars and the world was more human than troll, consisted of everyone getting their footing again. The ones who had reached god-tier were still there, but he didn't actually know if that counted him or not. He wasn't privy to what he did, in the long gaps when Aranea had smothered his consciousness under a sickening blue blanket. For all he knew, he was faking the entire time, just for her amusement.

After that, once everyone found each other again, since the game had seen fit to mix sessions and revive everyone for, presumably, some kind of fucked-up bonus prize, Gamzee was immediately on the outside. He didn't blame them. Nepeta and Terezi were terrified of him; Equius was disgusted with both Gamzee and himself, and seemed more ashamed than anything when their eyes would meet.

Karkat told him, clearly, that they would start over. That he needed to "get to know the real Gamzee", that they couldn't just step back in now that they weren't wrigglers. It made sense, and Gamzee did his best not to act like they were close (though it was hard, when Karkat would come over and end up in his lap to cuddle). Even so, Karkat tried to defend him.

"The problem wasn't Gamzee. The problem didn't-- He didn't fucking kill anyone until the mind control got to him. Before that, he wasn't hurting people." He said, standing up from the awkward meal they were sharing with Kanaya, her human wife, Vriska and Terezi. "If we're going to punish him for having been mind controlled, are we gonna punish Terezi? Or Vriska, for doing it?"

Gamzee looked at the plate in front of him and swallowed. It was silent, awkward, but Kanaya had brought up the fact that she couldn't blame anyone for being uncomfortable. "Kar, you don't gotta do this. It's okay." He tried to speak more softly than before, not just for privacy, but because he made people flinch when he was too loud.

"It isn't! It isn't fucking okay, Gamzee! I-- I know you! I knew you, and you wouldn't do that. You won't do it again." He turned his entire body, and tried to hold back more tears as he continued. "It isn't fair for just you to be punished. I fucked up too. We all fucked up. Kanaya has a fucking hole in her stomach, Sollux is blind... I don't know what to do about the Beforans."

He moved slowly, putting a hand on Karkat's shoulder. "I'll be okay, bro. I'm okay. I'm just so motherfuckin' happy I got to be in my body again at all." It was a lie, but he was better at lying than Karkat was, and he didn't think anyone noticed.

"I won't." Karkat said, glancing to the table and then back. "I won't be okay without you. I can't do it again. You're not allowed to go before me, so don't be fucking stupid and try it. I'm the mutant, I die first."

Carefully, Kanaya cleared her throat. "I... Don't want to interrupt. But I don't think anything can be decided immediately. Maybe some ground rules?" Her eyes settled on Rose, apparently looking for support.

"I think that would help." Rose said, much more cocksure than most of the humans Gamzee had seen. She seemed like she meant it. "As long as Gamzee can remain sober, and can meet with... Someone, maybe Vriska?" She met Vriska's eyes, and they both nodded. "To make sure that you do, and that Aranea isn't influencing you again, well... That's somewhere to start, isn't it?"

He nodded, and Terezi fake-coughed, loud enough to make Karkat jump. "I mean, I think that's fine. Like Karkat said, we all fucked up. It isn't like we can just let one weird fucking clown go around but not the other. And Gamzee isn't trying to sew anything shut." She cackled, but Gamzee remembered, though it was brief, how she sounded when sincere, and it seemed to match.

Nothing set in stone. Someone probing his mind all the time, but not controlling it, at least. And the chance to be alive, in control, again. That wasn't nothing. That was more than he let himself hope for.