#my hand fuckingn hurts

[oatmilkfishy]

Hello Solar Opposites fandom…I went insane and stabbed a piece of fabric thousands of times and made this 🩵💚

Still a WIP because I’d like to add some background stuff and more of Korvo’s right arm, but I’m pretty happy with how it turned out :)

[ducknotinarow]

[2k3 Raphael]

"Look, you are free to hate my father all you want, by angry at him all you want, I know I am too for what he's done," Yvonne tells Raphael, clearly annoyed at the terrapin herself, "But don't blame me for the sins of my father."

He had always told her other mutants were cruel; they wouldn't understand she was human once. If she was proven wrong, she'd have to return home. Have to admit he was right, and that her love for all creatures was wrong,

"I know he's a cruel man, but I am not him, I strive to be nothing like him...please don't act like I am Raphael."

| muse interaction (I KNEW YOU SENT THIS BUT I COULDNT FINDNIT FUCKINGN FINALLY!!!) Every time he came here it was because he needed to hide. The first time Splinter and him ever came to the shore line was because their way home was blocked and Splinter was sure someone was following them. So he strayed off the usual route and tuck out here to hide for hours. Where Splinter simply told Raph all kinds of stories about the world beyond New York. That sat out beyond the sea. Raph always wonder if that was why he felt drawn here even since, because even as a young kid he knew his dad was protecting him. So maybe when ever he felt lost, unsure, uncertain his feet carried him out here. The sound of oceans waves crashing against the sand. The cool in the air from being neat the wide ocean. The boats wading in the water. It just made him feel clam.

But not today. No he had someones voice in his ears. A truth finally spoken. A lie made known. And it had changed everything for him. Yvoone was his sister. Before she and Don got together Raph had built a friendship with her. She annoyed him and at first he had a hard time trusting her and what she said. But she grew on him he let her get close to him. He lowered a set of walls. To Raphael she was his sister no different then how he felt for his brothers or April even. She was family and he would rise hell if anyone hurt her. He would lie his life down to protect her. She was his friend, an ear to bend when it came to things he couldn't say to others. Figured out what mm well who his heart wanted and supported it enough to give him a push.

Trust was everything to Raphael. He didn't trust easy letting people in always came with a risk. But once you were in? Sure he may still have some walls up even among his brothers he did, but when he let you in he allowed himself to be vulnerable. Let you know you meant something to him. Suddenly though found memories of joking and calling Yvonne 'babe' the way he did hurt worse than any battle scar he wore. Now when he looked at her, he didn't know what to think. Raphael hadn't spoken a single word to her for what weeks now? It was easy to pick up on. Raph might not be the biggest talker sure but when he was avoiding you? it was easy to tell. He couldn't stand the sight of her.

She lied. Yvonne had been lying to him to all of them! He brought here here into his home! Where his family lived and hid from all that tried to kill them including Bishop. Especially Bishop. He remember how they threw Mikey on to that metal table so easily with a saw in hand ready to kill their youngest brother. His blood boil just from the name alone. And because of Raph he brought a Bishop into his home! He had a hard time trusting her at the start but she earned his trust! His mind was buzzing because deep down he knew. He knew he could trust her. And Raph did trust her like he trust any of his family. Yvonne had so many chances to show and prove she was only going to trick them in the end. He was smart enough to clue in on that. Raphael just - he just needed time he needed to air his thoughts out. He wondered how Donnie put up with all the question always going through his own head. Felt like his head had been constantly hurting ever since he learned the truth. Some reason a remark from Mikey about how he never had to think because Leo did it for him sprung up in his memory.

Raph right now wished Leo could tell him what to think about this. He needed to see Casey. Needed to talk to them about this.

Casey was good at tearing his walls down he knew how to work words out of Raphael. Something he never understood but Casey was always the right person to talk to. Casey was able to pick his brain about whats been eating at him. Eh he tried before but Raph wasn't in the mood to talk at the time. Casey knew when to pray him open and knew when to let him have his space. Raph didn't want space now, needed to talk before he did something stupid like confront her about this all. Casey kept him clam if he blew up well Casey could handle him. Couldn't be home, couldn't be out in the city he would use the first break in he picked up on as an excuse. So he was pacing waiting at the docks. That was the worst place he could have picked he forgot she lived near by them.

Everything was a blur and a mess and red. Nothing but anger seething in him the second he saw Yvoone. Because all he could see was her lie. As if it was laying in the air between them the moment his eyes locked on her. Raphael didn't give his usual smirk he didn't know how he normally did that in the moment. He forgot how he looked at her before, forgot hos he stood when she was around. All he could think was she lied to him. Gritting his teeth left to look at her.

Of course she was here! Fucking great was his first thought as he turned on his heels. She must have seen him and she is just like his fucking twin, had to fix things. If something was wrong between them then it should be talked about. Well right now Raph didn't want to fix shit he was pissed and he was trying to not have this blow out. She's talking now and its like nails on a chalk board to him. He's tuning her out best he can but he so fucking aware of her being here. He can hear how her wings fluttered in the air. How her voice is carried on the wind. And it's pissing him off.

Say it.

Say it right now.

Tell me he's lying even if he aint.

Stop jerking me around like this!

Raphael's fists curled in tight letting nails dig into his skin. He was doing this for her! why couldn't she see that! It was for the best he stay away till he could well he don't know that's why he wanted to talk to Casey! Leo and Splinter were not the right people to turn to. Sage advice that confusion and some damn lecture from Leo nah fuck that. Don? no, he likely already knew. Mikey? pfft yeah he didn't need a talk about feelings from Mikey. Maybe April even but not Yvonne he couldn't do this right now! "Oh for the love of! would ya shut ya fuckin' can Yvoone!"

Turning around as he let his burning gaze at her, heavy panting breaths escaping him "Ain't ya meant to be smart! Can' ya get it through ya damn skull I don' wanna even look at ya 'ight now! Damn ya think avoiding you wasn' a choice! Or ya too busy suckin' Don's face to put two an' two together!" Yvoone's seen him mad before who hasn't? She has seen him fight with his brothers. Seen him ticked off but Raph is sure this is the first time Yvoone herself has been on the receiving end of a Raphael tongue lashing. And that just twisted his insides worse. Its why he was keeping away! he didn't want to yell at her like he was now. But once his anger set off he didn't know how to stop it. Someone always had to stop him. But it was just them. "I should 'ave known! I knew ya was lying when we met! But I willin' to trust ya a little! I should 'ave known better! You are jus' 'ike him!" Raph shouted a step taken over to her but not to close the gap between them he was being mindful of it. It was to make her step away if anything. " what was it all was some twisted game?" now the anger was sparking as he thought about Donatello. Part of him knew Donnie likely knew but anger didn't care for logic it fed off the thoughts that sparked the flames. You dont go and mess with any of them especially not Donnie "Figure ya just string Don along ain't ya! usin' him! fluttering ya eyes at him, takin' advantage of him! Whats it called? womanly wiles?" Oh yes he was indeed going there. "Throwing ya self at my brother actin' like ya care just to lure him in? Ya may be a butterfly but ya actin more 'ike a snake!" He bite as he said it letting teeth snap at the word. Letting a smile take over his beak, it was right thought not even the laugh that came out of him was a real laugh.

"Like father like daughter ain't that right?" he paused and hums over something. "Yvonne Blackberry ain't?" he chuckles but their so much spite traced in his smile, eyeing her as if he didn't know her anymore. She was like a stranger to him. No. Not quite that? The stare he was giving was the same held towards any enemy of his. Burning, fierce daring them to take one, just ONE wrong step. Daring her to give him a reason. "Or would it be bett'a ta call ya by dear ol' dad's name?" he taunts a little moving his head in time with his words. If she hadn't clue in that he knew before there was no way to deny it now.

"An' don' ya fuckin' try lying ta me again! Don' waste the breath. HE TOLD ME!"

And if Raphael was sound of mind right now he would be able to express that was the issue here. his hands shook a little. Why didn't she tell him, sure at first? that made sense he could understand that. She was trying to build trust be hard if they knew who she was then and there. He could never trust Karai for the same reason. So why would it be different? Expect this was different.

Karai was still an enemy to worry about. Yvoone? she was family. Yeah emphasis on was. Who else knew he wondered? Who all was part of this web of lies? Leo? for some reason Leo knowing pissed of more than Don knowing and not saying anything.

"Look, you are free to hate my father all you want, by angry at him all you want, I know I am too for what he's done,"

He shifts his attention back at her, lowly growling when she has the never to be annoyed between them. Raph wasn't the one keeping secrets between them. Even things he didn't want to be made known she knew but she never once tried to tell him about this?

"But don't blame me for the sins of my father."

Nah that be too easy

"I know he's a cruel man, but I am not him, I strive to be nothing like him...please don't act like I am Raphael."

Raph scoffs suddenly "Yeah ya ain't him." his smile fade and he straighten up his stance when he goes to talk. It was one thing for Raph to just be mad and angry. He always was angry always spoke out of his anger, Raph was just a ticking time bomb just waiting to set off.

"Thing is least he had the damn back bone to tell me the truth." The thing that upset him about this all. She continued to lie to him. "What did ya 'itte mutation take the spine right outta of you?" he narrowed his indifference at her now. Spitting out to the ground before he turned on his heels and started to leave "no wonder ya turned into a bug. Never had a spine to begin with did ya?"

[cognitosclowns]

hot take anon back at it again with the brett brainrot- he's. a crier. not in a 'im not having a good time and need to take a minute' kinda way, but in more of a 'i love my s/o so fuckingn much how did i get this lucky' kinda way, both in general and when you're getting intimate with him. you intertwine your fingers with his while you're going down on him?? his back arches so hard you swear you hear it pop. you press your forehead against his? look at him all lovingly nshit??? he's kissing you like he'll die if he doesnt. just. god. god?? gd. god. i love him a whole hell of a lot and he means the world over to me ok byegsdJGKSDM--

YOU UNDERSTOOD THE MEMO. YOU'RE ON THE PLOT. YOU'RE TRACKING THE PLOT THROUGH THE ARCTIC, LIKE VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN TO HIS CREATION. 

NSFT BELOW, RABID SCREAMING <3 MINORS DNI

YES <3 BRETT IS A CRIER

he just,, has A LOT OF FEELINGS OK?? and sometimes it all bubbles up and just gets to be A Lot <3

So its no surprise that during sex he also?? gets teary eyed?

JUST,,, AAA

You’ll notice it first happen,, when you start kissing his neck? Something about how sensitive the area is makes his eyes start Tingling.

if you keep eye contact with him?? Whisper in his ear about how lovely he looks? Oh yeah expect some embarrassed tears!!

y’know when your face gets so red that your eyes start watering? <3 yeah. 

The moment he notices it happening he’ll,, 100% start apologizing bc.. He feels silly. He feels completely stupid for crying over feeling good of all things.

he doesn’t wanna worry you over nothing!!,,,, and he really, really, really doesn’t want you to stop just bc he’s getting teary eyed smdns!! The tears are good ones!! Please god don’t stop!! <3

Give Him Reassurance Please He Needs It

Genuinely just a little,, ‘its okay baby, let it out <3′ and he’s gonna be full-throat sobbing against your neck. <3 he bottles up his emotions,,,, and they all just kinda come out at once??? 

He just,, feels so cherished and safe?? That + the perfect physical sensations = some extremely happy tears. Eventually it peters out into these Lovely Long Hum-whines as he just,, lets himself enjoy the bliss <3333

If he’s getting railed??

Honestly that’s one of the only times his Filter slips, so expect some very shameless begging smdns.

Enough that his throat gets raw?? So his voice starts dragging n cracking??

He tends to get caught up in loops of,, a few words??? usually punctuated by sobs n gasps?? (need-it gasp need-it gasp need-it gasp). His brain is absolutely shutting down smdns its Essential Words Only.

He loves the kind of sex where its,, short hard thrusts <3 the kind that makes his legs turn into jackhammers bc it just,, Hits Right Where He’s Been Needing? Eyes rolled back, full sobbing. He’s in a state of pure bliss. His entire body is gonna be wrapped around you <3333 he wants you CLOSE dammit!!

His whoooole body curls into itself when he cums - might accidentally bonk your heads together, bc he just,, lurches <3. His fear of accidentally hurting you prevents him from digging his nails into your back - instead, lots of vvvv fast, light slapping?? Either open hand/fingers or his knuckles - never enough to hurt, just something to Work Through The High <3

He gets,, so mushy during the afterglow. Just quietly rambling about how,, special it feels to be loved by you, and how beautiful you look right now and Oh Look He’s Crying Again <3

SO UHHHH <3333 YEAH BRETT CRIES A LOT BUT IN A GOOD WAY. GETTIN IN TOUCH WITH HIS EMOTIONS, WE LOVE TO SEE IT <3

[deluluass]

hi

could yoy do please some yandere kuroo and kageyama headcanons? 💕

nsfw is welcomed 😊

My first headcanons 🤞🏽

Yandere! Kuroo Tetsuro

Content warnings: markers of a toxic/emotionally abusive relationship; dumbification; daddy kink; sex toy(s); mild public play/exhibitionism

😇SFW😇

This boy has a fascination for messy people.

And by "messy", I mean that Kuroo has a soft spot for those who put up some sort of front. A performative mask to hide their crumbling psyche.

Oh.

Those are his favorites. (Especially when they're not even aware that they’re hiding something.)

Maybe it's because they're so easy to manipulate? (Or perhaps it's a mild case of schadenfreude?)

It's the instigator in him.

He knows which buttons to push and at what time to exactly do it.

Kuroo lives for being that guy who causes a full blown fight by simply dropping a backhanded comment or two.

For being the final straw that eventually breaks the proverbial camel's back.

And then slipping back into the shadows to watch the Drama unfold.

So it's not unlikely for him to form an obsession for someone who's so emotionally vulnerable.

Someone who has the weight of the world on their shoulders; who has everything locked up inside to the point of bursting.

Because then it won't take much to have them falling apart and unraveling before him.

But he's also a caretaker, you know.

He's opportunistic and covertly callous and mischievous, yes.

But you've seen how much he tends to those close to him.

So when you do fall apart, you will do it in his arms.

He will take care of you.

He'll say everything you've always wanted to hear.

You're beautiful and wanted and loved and you don't have to be brave anymore.

Kuroo's here and he understands you.

From the barest changes in your inflection to your most subtle facial expression.

Other people won't catch it.

To Kuroo, though? Tell-tale signs that you're hiding your feelings again.

He understands you in a way that no else had; that no else cared to try.

And eventually that’ll be the very thing that you’ll hold onto.

Never mind that his every word has become an indisputable fact (when it shouldn’t be).

Never mind that the line between Kuroo just being a mindful boyfriend AND Kuroo disregarding your boundaries has become too blurry that it’s impossible to tell which is which.

Never mind that your entire world has narrowed down to just him and you.

Because all your friends have, one by one, made their way for the exit.

They tell you that they're so tired.

They've warned you- begged you, actually- to end this insidiously suffocating relationship.

"I know he's only been nice to you and to us, but there's just...something wrong about that guy," they say.

But until they pinpoint, exactly, what that "something wrong" is; and until you see it for yourself, you're sticking by his side.

Damn whatever people say.

So.

Kuroo's not the yandere who'd chain you up in his basement or something.

Not that he's above it, but because he doesn't really need to.

Not when he has you bound right where it really matters.

😈NSFW😈

Kuroo has perfected being a dom down to a Science.

He knows exactly when to be mean and hurtful and sweet and kind and giving to you.

Kuroo's very generous, methinks! But only if he believes you deserved it.

So you better prove that you earned it!!

He'll having you cumming and gushing into his hand if you pleaded just enough!!

Looked into his eyes all pouty and teary and pliant to all his wishes.

Very into treating you and talking to you like you're not capable of comprehending words.

Oh, darling. I know I'm hurting you. I know I am. But you like it, don't you? That's right. Fuck yeah, you do, you fucking slut.

That's because you're just a dumb little baby, aren't you? You'd be happy as long as daddy makes you cum?

And you'd nod and say yes so obediently as he pounds your little hole even though you can't hear him over the sound of your own moans.

ALSO!!!

HE IS A TEASE!!!!

A FUCKINGN!!!!!!!!! TEASE!!!!

Every seggsy time is edging time!!

Has a thing for slapping your ass until your cheeks are bruised and tender under his palms.

And for sticking a vibrator inside you while you're out in public.

Just to teach you a lesson whenever he feels like you're not learning enough.

"Do you want me to come back until you're ready?" the waiter droned, obviously suppressing the urge to roll his eyes when all you did was grip the napkin in front of you.

You couldn't even look at poor kid; couldn't even make out a sound. You're too busy stifling the tingling within your walls, prompting you to cross your legs beneath the table and squeeze your thighs together.

And Kuroo's just...scanning the menu. Sitting idly before you. He's resting his chin against his open palm, long fingers brushing under his nose, while you're practically grinding down the chair.

You feel yourself leak into the crotch of your underwear, sticky liquid squelching against the crack of your ass as the toy continued to vibrate, burning you up and melting your insides, the buzzing a white noise only you could hear.

His indifference was unflappable. Kuroo even managed to call out, "Excuse me. Sorry about that earlier. We're ready now," so smoothly despite your desperate attempts to catch his attention. Then, he recited a bunch of dishes that you didn’t have the appetite for. Like you’re not outright writhing and earning a few disconcerted looks from the table next to you.

All you wanted was for him to put an end to this. You've learned your lesson. You're not gonna disappoint him again.

Instead, you watched in agonizing fear as he reached for his pocket. And immediately, without a warning, you felt the toy shake violently inside you.

"Ah!" you cried, sharply folding your arms and legs, making the plates and utensils clink against each other as your wrists chafed against your hard nipples.

Your boyfriend halted, leaned closer, and looked at you in a convincing display of concern.

"Are you alright, babe?" he muttered, caressing your knee, his nails pressing down just a tad. Not too hard. Just enough for you to hiss in a heady mixture of pleasure and pain.

You managed a small, quivering "uh-huh" as you begged him with your eyes. Conveying as much message as you could.

"Daddy, I'll be good for you. I swear. I won't lie anymore. I won't make you angry. I won't do anything that you wouldn't be happy about. Everything I do from this moment on will be just for you, daddy. I promise, daddy-"

But Kuroo only huffed out, a small, faint grin tracing his lips as he turned back to the waiter and said, "One cream pie, please."

Yandere! Kageyama Tobio

Content warning(s): rape/noncon

😇SFW😇

Fourth wall break, if you will: thank you, anon, for putting these characters together because I Believe that they’re each other’s foils in terms of yandere-isms. And this is gonna be an interesting contrast to see (at least, I hope it would be).

So Kuroo’s all subdued mind games, right? Like, you have to do a whole routine of mental gymnastics if you want to dig deep and analyze how he had your head spinning. 

But Kageyama? 

Kageyama says fuck that.

Kageyama, genius though he is, is about as subtle as a metal bat to the head when it comes to his darling.

He has no qualms about tying you to his bed once the opportunity presents itself to him.

But it didn’t start out like that.

At first, perhaps Kageyama was just an aloof classmate whose entire life revolved around volleyball.

The one who couldn’t even take a time out of his day to hang out with the rest of the class on a weekend.

Though Kageyama has a knack for attracting hostility from other people, there comes a time (rare it may be) that it is offset by people who are sympathetic to his idiosyncrasies.

His darling falls under the latter.

That's what draws Kageyama to you.

Hearing stuff like "D'you know what they used to call him before? King!" and "King because he's an arrogant dickhead who thinks he's better than everyone" are not new to him.

But hearing these are: "Stop that. It's rude to talk behind a person's back."

"Kageyama's passionate about volleyball. More than anyone we've ever met. Ok so it's alienating for us! Whatever! But isn't it admirable that he's doing his best at a thing that he loves?"

Kageyama did not get it.

You're not his teammate.

You're not his..anything.

You had no cause to try and be nice to him and defend him and..understand him, really.

So the rest was history.

The beginning might have been awkward.

Every time he tried to talk to you, Kageyama, for some reason, always blurted out the wrong things.

But you didn't mind. You just liked being his friend.

And Kageyama liked having you by his side.

Kageyama liked it, especially, when you're in the sidelines and cheering him on. (This caused quite a ruckus in Karasuno.)

It should have been weird. Kageyama had not known anything else besides volleyball.

Your presence should’ve been that of a stranger encroaching on someone else’s property.

Somehow, though, you fitted in so perfectly.

Like you’re made to be there.

So he tells you: “You’re free, aren’t you? You should be watching me play by now” and “You should be waiting for me after class” and “Stop making excuses. You’re not tired. You can still drop by practice” 

You’ve tried to reason with him. (Even contemplated about ending your friendship.)

But it’s not like you’re ever gonna shake him off.

Besides, you know that he wouldn’t accept anything less than perfect.

😈NSFW😈

His darling was his first sexual experience. 

And like any beginner, Kageyama was pretty...uh..bad at it ngl.

Add that to the fact that he’s on the bigger side and your first with him wasn’t consensual.

At that time, all Kageyama knew was that he really, really wanted to touch you and kiss you and fuck you senseless until you acknowledge that there’s no running from him. 

Trust, though, that Kageyama will not settle for being bad or, heaven forbid, mediocre at it.

Nope.

Not. a. chance.

Doesn’t matter that you’ve spent the entire day fucking.

Kageyama will not rest- not let you rest, until he drags out a moan from you; until you’ve ruined the sheets with how much he’s made you cum; until he has you begging for more. 

Will experiment a lot.

Will test out how fast and hard he has to fuck you to get what kind of reaction he wants from you.

Very attentive even to your quietest gasp.

If you so much as show a sign that you’re finding whatever it is he’s doing to your body pleasurable- curl your toe or arch your back- Kageyama will amp it up to the point where you’re screaming.

He’ll have this haughty, shit-eating grin while doing it too.

“Yes, you can,” Kageyama growled. “Spread those legs and show me how you do it.”

You shook your head, your body protesting at the slight movement. You’re already on the verge of blacking out. And you don’t have to check the ticking wall clock to know that, by now, Kageyama, too, should be knocked out and dozing off beside you.

But he only grabbed your wrists, making you howl in pain as soon as he touched the cuts and bruises across the skin. Remnants of the nylon rope that bound them together not too long ago.

“Touch yourself,” he repeated.

Kageyama’s voice is a rasping noise to your ears, his hot breath causing goosebumps all over you as he pressed his lips against the shell.

“No-no more, Kag-Kageyama,” you forced yourself to say, though your throat was dry and aching from all your screeching. 

He clicked his tongue. 

You flinched.

And you didn’t think it possible for Kageyama to be more frightening than he already is. Until you’d done as he’d told and, like a wolf patiently waiting to pounce, Kageyama zeroed in on how you moved your hands, his own reaching for his cock.

He didn’t take his eyes off of you, groaning as you trembled and mewled under your featherlight touch. Kageyama stroked himself, grinding into his fist until pre-cum dripped from the head.

“That how you like it, huh,” he croaked.

Before you could even reach an orgasm, Kageyama had already pushed you on your back, mimicking the way you pleasured yourself. Only this time it was rougher, more unforgiving, and indifferent to your cries of “Stop! Stop it, I can’t- Enough, Kageyama!”

[thatfaerieprincess]

I’m so sorry for this ramble vent at 3 AM but I’m suddenly emotional and I can’t fall asleep bc I just keep thinking about it.... but maybe if it write it out my brain will quiet??

I hate that I have to give myself shots. I wish I could just take a damn pill, I’d take several pills if I had to. Fuck it was more of a hassle but I think I’d even go back to the IV treatment. I just... I can’t. I can’t do it. The weeks inbetween im like “sure it’ll be fine, I’m used to it. Just a quick press and then it’s done for another 2 weeks.” But then suddenly it’s shot day and I’m sitting there holding the fucking pen and my hand feels limp and I just can’t. I feel like I’m starting to take longer and longer than I was in the beginning... like I’m psyching myself out more and more each time. Last time I think I was sitting there for about 15 minutes holding the pen and pinching my stomach and close to fucking tears. Mom offered to do it for me like she used to, but I couldn’t even let her. I tried to let her, I was so close to just breaking down. But then she was holding the pen and about to do it and I freaked out and pulled away. I’ve gotten used to being the one in control since I left for school. But I just don’t want to have to do it. I know tons of people also have to do it... but even more people don’t have to. Why did I have to have this fucking disease that makes me one of the people that has to deal with this crap.... I just. God I’m crying again... I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore

I don’t want

why can’t I be

I’ll never be

I’ll probably have to do these shots for the rest of my life

At least until my body builds up an immunity the medicine and then I’ll have to switch again and the next one will probably be another fuckingn shot too

They say that some people have been able to stop treatment once their in remission, but my doctor doesn’t recommend it. You won’t know if you’re flaring up again until it’s too late. Better to just stay on it and not risk it.

Fuck I can’t

I can’t

I don’t want to

It’s 3 AM and I’m alone and I’m sobbing and I haven’t had a flare in so long it feels like I’m just giving myself shots for no reason

The medicine burns. It’s the worst part. I used to use numbing cream on the spot where I’d do the shot, but it doesn’t help. It just numbs the needle pain but u barely feel the needle bc all your focusing on is the burning of the meds themselves. It doesn’t hurt for long and I ice it to distract from the pain while it disperses. I get random phantom pain sometimes in the inbetween weeks, sharp stabbing pain in the spot where I give the shot even though it’s been at least a week and the bruise is healing.

Why me?

Why couldn’t I have something I could just take some pills for? I don’t

I can’t

It’s getting harder and harder to click the pen. My hand just stops and goes limp and I can’t make myself press it even though I know I have to

I’m just repeating myself and sobbingans I can’t stop... I

I don’t want to post this I’m sorry Im... I feel guilty for complaining... i can’t control the situation I am in and I probably just look like I’m seeking attention or some shit... but I promised myself I’d always be open to people about my health and what go through because I hate the stigma around chronic illness and health and talking about your health and I want other folks going through this to know they’re not alone, bc some days I’ve felt so alone and it sucks.

I’ve stopped crying so I’ll probably try to go to bed... sorry for the venting guys...

[stackcats]

I’m at a stage of getting over my dentist phobia where I don’t know what the heck to make of them. On the one hand they’re fuckingn terrifying, on the other I had a sharp decayed mass of ex-tooth an hour ago and now I have a nice white new tooth? That I can use? And won’t hurt? Witchcraft.

[hallelujuh]

hello yes i just finished lord of the flies (and then watched the 1963 movie immediately afterwards) & i rlly luv piggy so im gonna yell abt Just Piggy Things™ even if no one cares

piggy’s the first character we’re introduced to, after ralph ofc, so that means we’re supposed to get attached, and boy did i get attached..

ass-mar

the fact that he’s been called mean nicknames so long that his real name doesnt matter to him?? he doesnt care what hes called?? poor thing wtf??? hes like eleven hes too little for this

the Flashing Anime Glasses. especially the one w the fire when he starts laughing maniacally. same.

im talking about: “then he laughed so strangely that they were hushed, looking at the flash of his spectacles in astonishment.”

also: “’i got the conch,’ said piggy, in a hurt voice. ‘i got a right to speak.’” let him speak hes the only damn reasonable one. also stop hurting him hes been hurt enough goddamnit 

k but how much he loves ralph? and ralph is annoyed by him??? but then later he confides in him & cries over him & their friendship is my fav in the book so. they bond it just takes a while. but piggy was always good to ralph awe

“i was with him when he found the conch. i was with him before anyone else was.” he finally made a friend dont u take him from him ;-;

k speaking of the conch, in the first movie, his laugh when ralph’s blowing the horn for the first time??? aw??? a rare moment of joy in that sad ass movie?? 

‘63!film piggy is the sweetest & cutest i lob him. ‘90!film piggy was annoying as shit tho i refuse to talk about him.

in the ‘63!film when he puts his hands on his hips when jack says “shut up fatty” and then hides behind the tree when they all laugh at him.

god in the book it’s easy to forget theyre actual babies but with the movie u cant possibly forget and theyre so cute but defenseless it’s so sad

i kno these actors r like 70 or dead now but i wanna go back in time & give them a hug. especially piggy cuz hes a pouty chubby bub gOD IM SO SAD

one last note on the film before i get back to the book: the movie rlly encompassed how awkward i imagined piggy to be & i luv that. also his story time abt camberly was adorable + educational (for me, anyway)

how hurt he is when ralph tells the other boys his name, poor thing ugh :(

“’let him have the conch!’ shouted piggy. ‘let him have it!’” yes stand up for poor lil mulberry child

“piggy knelt by him, one hand on the great shell, listening and interpreting to the assembly.” hes so fuckin sweet??? hes like the mom of the island hes so nice to the littluns i luv him

and when he gets upset over the mulberry boy probably bein killed in the fire :’( hes the most sensible and the most empathetic of all the other boys. what a cinnamon roll. unproblematic fav. true neutral. 10/10. the best boy.

my second favorite line in the whole book: “then, with the martyred expression of a parent who has to keep up with the senseless ebullience of the children, he picked up the conch, turned toward the forest, and began to pick his way over the tumbled scar.” tired mama piggy lmao

he wants to make a sundial?? hes so smart aw

piggy thinking ralph’s patronizing smile was a friendly one :( :( he just wants a friendddd hes so naive & sweet im sadddd

i think it’s implied most of the other boys (particularly the choir boys & ralph) are from a nicer, more upper class part of england, &, despite his intelligence, piggy’s more lower class, judging by his cockney-esque accent (his use of ‘them’ instead of ‘those’, etc.) and also “piggy was an outsider, not only by accent, which did not matter…” idk why this is cute i dunno

“piggy arrived, out of breath and whimpering like a littlun.” me in pe. but also poor thing ;-;

“piggy sniveled and simon shushed him as though he had spoken too loudly in church.” i interpreted shushed as, like, consoled, more than, like, ‘quit crying, ya baby’, which was more what he was doing, but still…first of many cute piggy & simon interactions. i’d ship them but theyre like twelve so nah. but they cute as buddies

“this was too bitter for piggy, who forgot his timidity in the agony of his loss. he began to cry out, shrilly: ‘you and your blood, jack merridew! you and your hunting! we might have gone home-’” this hurts because if jack hadn’t gone hunting, they may have been rescued before simon or piggy died :( :( :( horrible vague foreshadowing

simon getting piggy’s glasses for him when jack throws em ;-;

simon giving his piece of meat (not a euphemism, goddamnit) to piggy.. god simons so sweet hes my second fav

“only, decided ralph as he faced the chief’s seat, i can’t think. not like piggy…he could go step by step inside that fat head of his, only piggy was no chief. but piggy, for all his ludicrous body, had brains.” why does ralph resent piggy sm. it’s like it psychically hurts him to compliment him, even just in his own head. jeez. just cuz someones fat doesnt mean they cant be smart?? the 50s were weird

“piggy came and stood outside the triangle. this indicated that he wished to listen, but would not speak; and piggy intended it as a gesture of disapproval.” aka ‘i’m mad at everyone so im gonna stand two feet away & glare at you all’ aw haha

when he tiptoes onto the triangle cuz hes done w his protesting ahaha aw

“piggy held out his hands for the conch but ralph shook his head.” idk i thought the mental image was cute. “gimme pls” “nuh uh”

what he says about the beast & life being scientific…me & piggy would be buds if he was real lmao

“ralph nodded to piggy. ‘go on. ask him.’ piggy knelt, holding the conch. ‘now then. what’s your name?’ the small boy twisted away into his tent. piggy turned helplessly to ralph..” honestly piggy & ralph are the mom & dad of the colony (jack being the asshole uncle) it’s so cute

“’that’s a clever beast,’ said piggy, jeering, ‘if it can hide on this island.’” sarcastic piggy is sarcastic

more sarcastic piggy earlier in the book: “you got your small fire all right” i lob him

indignant & shrill piggy… and his quote: “’what are we? humans? or animals? or savages?’” honestly lowkey want that tattooed

i fuckin hate jalph but admittedly jack’s jealous lil “’that’s right–favor piggy as you always do.’” is salty & gay lmao

the whole three blind mice convo…i luv

particular highlight in that scene: “’i’m scared of him,’ said piggy, ‘and that’s why i know him. if you’re scared of someone you hate him but you can’t stop thinking about him. you kid yourself he’s all right really, an’ then when you see him again; it’s like asthma an’ you can’t breathe. i tell you what. he hates you too, ralph—’” POOR BABYYY 

also “’i know about people. i know about me. and him. he can’t hurt you: but if you stand out of the way he’d hurt the next thing. and that’s me.” IN THE END ROGER’S THE ONE WHO HURTS HIM UGH :(

“’keep piggy out of danger.’” YOU ASSHOLES LET HIM DIE

piggy holding his breath until his asthma acts up & then the boys just leave him??? what dicks

“jack cleared his throat and spoke in a queer, tight voice. ‘we mustn’t let anything happen to piggy, must we?’” AND THEN YOU LET HIM D I E U SALTY BITCH QUIT IT

“piggy put on his one glass and looked at ralph. ‘now you done it. you been rude about his hunters.’ ‘oh shut up!’” why dont more ppl ship them?? compared to jalph theres nothing??? theyre like a married couple it’s precious. like i said - mom & dad of the island.

piggy getting braver & being more of a leader once jack leaves!!! im proud of him!!

“he [simon] sought for help and sympathy and chose piggy” k the two most humane & sympathetic kids on the island, and the two doomed ones, gravitate towards each other & look out for each other & it so sadd

piggy being “so full of pride in his contribution to the good of society” he didnt deserve his fate he was so good im so sad

samneric & piggy making a little mini feast for them?? thats so cute??? 

also “piggy broke into noisy laughter and took more fruit. ‘he might be.’ he gulped his mouthful. ‘he’s cracked’.” piggy u get teased for bein different why would u tease simon (behind his back too) for bein diffrent u hypocrite. noisy laughter tho aw

piggy & ralph laying by the fire & talking…ralph didnt deserve piggy honestly he wasnt even grateful until the very end for such a good friend in such a horrible situation??? ugh

“when he understood how far ralph had gone toward accepting him he flushed pinkly with pride” see? good friendship. piggy just wanted a friend & to be considered valuable. and ralph finally started appreciating him

“piggy took off his glasses, stepped primly into the water, and then put them on again.” prim: stiffly formal and respectable; feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper. idk why this is funny to me

when he gets annoyed and starts slapping the water & yelling. temper tatrum lmao. dont blame him

“piggy stirred the sand under water and did not look at ralph. ‘p’raps we ought to go too.’ ralph looked at him quickly and piggy blushed. ‘i mean–to make sure nothing happens.’ ralph squirted water again.” they’re so fuckINGN CUTE

“piggy touched ralph’s wrist. ‘come away. there’s going to be trouble. and we’ve had our meat.’“ SO MUCH OF THIS STORY WOULDVE BEEN AVOIDED IF THE OTHER BOYS ACTUALLY LISTENED TO PIGGY

“ralph sat down in the grass facing the chief’s seat and the conch. piggy knelt at his left, and for a long minute there was silence.” i luv their dynamic sm. ruler & adviser. no questions asked. ultimate loyalty. so good.

piggy trying to be all rational about simon while ralph freaks out…what a scene. also i luv how awkward their convo w samneric immediately after is

piggy wants to be rescued most and hes the one whos killed!!!! bullshit!!!! justice for piggy!!!

when ralph says piggy should write a letter to his auntie & he takes it serious & ralph laughs & piggy doesnt get it. awe.

the scene where they take his glasses ;-; u made my boi piggy hav an ass-mar attack u monsters,

PIGGY GETTIN ALL BADASS & DETERMINED & TALKING ABOUT WHAT HES GONNA TELL JACK 

“he held out the conch to piggy who flushed, this time with pride” and then “piggy sought in his mind for words to convey his passionate willingness to carry the conch against all odds.” the conch is the only constant on the island, the only dependable thing he has besides ralph, so hes so invested in it, hes pretty much deemed himself the caretaker of the conch, and it dies with him…

the scene where piggy reassures ralph & it says “the twins were examining ralph curiously, as though they were seeing him for the first time” is probably my fav scene in the entire book…it just really shows, in a couple of lines, the characters that ralph & piggy are, and what their relationship is like, and why they’re a partnership throughout the whole book. fantastic.

“’am i safe?’ quavered piggy. ‘i feel awful–’” fuckin foreshadowing, i hate it. imagine being practically blind on a cliff and then, minutes later, falling to your death. god it’s terrible.

piggy crying for ralph not to leave him actually hurts like psychically in my chest. him and simon were babies??? i know it’s fiction but kids are the sweetest things, not even fictional kids deserve to be killed so mercilessly??? im so fuckin sad

his last words…powerful and iconic.

i dont wanna talk about his death. im very sad

k ik it’s terrible but when he died his skull cracked open & his brain more or less fell out (”and stuff came out”, “with his empty head”), and thats p macabre but it’s also symbolic and genius bc when roger killed him he also took away the only thing he had going for him, the only thing that gave him superiority over the others - his intelligence. his brain. 

of course, have to end on: “ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called piggy.” cue me shutting the book, hugging it to my chest, and sobbing

[scumbagsblog]

Oooookay, i hope ypu are ready! For the "top 3": 1,2,7,11,15,18,20,25,33,34,39,41,44,53,55,71,73,76,77,79,87,90,91,92,94,97,103 i hope you enjoy it! Hugs~

1) Top 3 ice cream flavors: Cookies and cream, caramel, and vanilla2) Top 3 Disney movies: Tangled, Aladdin, and Lion King. Hands fucking down. 7) Top 3 music artists: Panic! At the Disco, My Chemical Romance, and Imagine Dragons11) Top 3 months of the year: October, December, and July - aka Halloween, Christmas, and my birthday15) Top 3 flowers: Forget-me-nots, carnations, and chrysanthemums18) Top 3 quotes to describe your life: “The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell” -Imagine Dragons, “I’m just a [wo]man, I’m not a hero” - MCR, and "The sun shines on everyone, everyone love yourself to death" - Imagine Dragons (yeah I know I’m an edge lord fuckingn fight me)20) Top 3 candies: Reese’s, Kit Kat, Milky Way25) Top 3 most used websites: Tumblr, YouTube, and Gmail (for school)33) Top 3 things you’d buy with 3 million dollars: I know this isn’t 3 things but I would pay off the student loans of myself and everyone I love until the money was gone34) Top 3 ways to treat yourself: Bath with candles and lotion, doing your makeup for 2 hours until you look HAWT, and then going out to eat with your significant other and feeling secure enough to eat whatever you want however much you want without being self conscious(I speak from experience that shit is LIFE)39) Top 3 “Friends” quotes: “So, the Ebola virus. That’s gotta suck.”, “We’ll flip heads for ducks and tails for clowns because ducks have heads!” “What kinda scary ass clowns came to your birthday party?!”, “Are you a pathetic loser?” “Yeah.” “Sit with me.” (Notice that all of these involve Chandler in some way and try and guess who my favorite character is. Spoilers: It’s Chandler.“41) Top 3 fruits: Strawberries, pears, and honeydews44) Top 3 crayola colors: Cerulean, purple mountains majesty, and scarlet53) Top 3 pets you’ve had/wish you had: Otis, Stella, and Romeo are my three favorite cats I’ve ever had/currently have55) Top 3 things you’ve wanted to say to someone in your lifetime: "I love you”, “I do”, “I’ve got a whole lot of updog over here” (one of these things is not like the other~)71) Top 3 songs of this month: “I’m So Sorry” - Imagine Dragons, “Take On Me” - Ninja Sex Party cover, and “I Will Always Love You” - Chase Holfelder cover73) Top 3 villains: Darkiplier, Antisepticeye, and then I guess Scar from Lion King76) Top 3 dream jobs: Novelist, singer, and screenplay writer/director77) Top 3 lucky items: My lucky rock (yes I have a lucky rock I’ve had it since I was six), lucky jewelry from my boyfriend, and I guess just a big dose of nonsensical “fuck you” confidence before doing anything scary79) Top 3 things you miss from being a kid: Playing with Barbies, going to my grandparents’ lake house, and not understanding shit about politics87) Top 3 SpongeBob episodes: BAND GEEKS, Krusty Krab Pizza, and the first movie (idc if that counts Goofy Goober is my jam)90) Top 3 TV shows from your childhood: Jimmy Neutron, iCarly, and Victorious (I specifically chose shows that no longer air)91) Top 3 meals you love: any Chinese food, anything involving mashed or baked potatoes, and anything with steak92) Top 3 kinds of tea: I hate to break it to you sweetie but all tea tastes like pisswater94) Top 3 holidays to celebrate: I kinda answered this earlier but Halloween, Christmas, and my birthday97) Top 3 items you can’t leave the house without: My phone, my lipstick(s), and my promise ring/necklace103) Top 3 pick up lines: “Did you just break wind? Cause you are blowing me away!” “Is that your phone in your pocket? Cause dat ass is callin me.” “Did it hurt when you clawed your way through the Earth’s crust ascending from hell?”

Lol this was fun thanks for all the asks :)

[twenty-seven-clubb]

thought stream 7 feb 2017

i am afraid of being awake. but oh am i afraid of being asleep. i am haunted by many things i cannot control in my sleep and when you just invite yourself i can’t ask you to leave. i don’t know how. i don’t know if i want to. i watch myself get hurt over and over through my dreams and i can’t imagine the nightmares i have given you. i can not imagine what i have done. i don’t know what i’ve done. nothing is an excuse but fucking hell i’d still do anything for you. for you to talk to me, to look at me, to see me, to come back, to love me once again. i know now is not the time but i don’t know how to come to terms with there not being any more time. any more time to heal, to hurt, to grow, to learn, to be, to love. everyone is telling me time and space and time and space and time and space and both time and space are socially constructed so how do i measure anything by these mediums? how will you? i knew i was going to lose you as soon as i had you, though i was so convinced this time was going to be a good one. i thought it would be my longest. i don’t know what to do with all these questions. they run through my head every moment of the day every moment of the day you do not leave my FUCKING mind i scream and scream every day to the point of the neighbors banging on my wall to shut up, probably. oh they hear my spells of terror and distraught and a simple knock through the wall should stop me? try again. if i can’t listen to those who matter in my life why would i listen to you. i feel a sense of pride when my knees hit the wall in the middle of the night, hoping i disturb you at some small degree at the least. speaking of a wall, i am happy i am not in my old bed. i was next to a concrete wall that provides an easy outlet for my terrible impulses. i would do anything to give into one of them right now. it’s 4:19. now it’s 4:20, congrats. i miss you oh i fucking miss you i miss your smell i miss you pets i miss your parents i miss your family i miss your bed i miss your couch i miss your blue blanket i miss your rabbit i miss my dog i miss your laugh i miss your smile i miss your kisses i miss your hugs i miss your eyes oh god i miss your eyes i miss your lips i miss bumping teeth and giggling when we kissed i miss laying with you i miss fucking you i miss the nights without sleep i miss doing drugs i miss you i fucking miss you i miss comforting you i miss holding you i miss playing with your hair i miss playing games with you i miss listening to music with you and now every fucking song hurts so fucking much i miss feeling safe and secure i miss feeling happy i miss feeling okay i miss being happy together i miss making you happy god i miss seeing me be the reason you were so happy i miss hearing about how gay you were about me i miss being gay about you to every fucking person i ever met i miss crying because of how happy you made me now because of how much i have hurt us i miss falling asleep with you i miss waking up and smoking with you i miss smoking throughout the night with you i miss fucking splitting cigarettes with you because i still can’t fucking finish my own i miss talking to you all fuckingn day I FUCKING MISS YOUR FUCKING VOICE i miss face timing just me and you and i miss seeing the whole family on facetime i miss your house i miss how you say ohmigot i miss hearing you say my name i miss hearing you moan my name i miss learning songs for you on my ukulele no fuck i still learn all these songs for you but i miss when they didn’t fucking hurt me i miss singing to you and serenading you i miss singing along to all of our fucking songs together i miss being fuckboys together i miss being small and cute and gay together i miss showing up to your school and seeing everyone that you talk to me about i miss telling everyone about you i know i said that but i still fucking do every fucking day someone asks about you and i say it’s over but only for now and i started believing what i was telling them and that’s what is hurting more because nothing ever fucking lasts god you were supposed to be the one i can’t even think of anything fucking better i miss holding my bear and pretending it was you holding me bad and not me clinging on with my one last hope i miss the summer god don’t fucking get me started on the summer i haven’t been this happy in seven FUCKING years and i ruined it again i ruined it again I ALWAYS FUCKING RUIN IT i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you god I FUCKING MISS SAYING I LOVE YOU I MISS BEING IN LOVE HOLY FUCK I AM STILL SO FUCKING IN LOVE AND THIS ISNT GOING TO GO AWAY NOT THIS TIME AND I FEEL IT AND I AM SO FUCKING SORRY I PROMISED YOU A LIFE OF HAPPINESS AND BEING TOGETHER AND I FUCKING RUINED IT FOR YOU TOO AND I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FUCKING TELL YOU I LOVE YOU AND I HAVENT FUCKING HEARD IT FROM YOU IN A WEEK AND I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING IT IS 4:40 IN THE MORNING AND MY LIPS AND EYES ARE STINGING FROM MY TEARS AND AT THIS POINT I FEEL LIKE I AM SCREAMING THIS ALL IN MY HEAD i miss watchin shows with you i miss watching movies with you i miss netflix and chilling with you as fuckboy as that sounds i miss watching you roll blunts and j’s i miss triggerfest for as fucked up as it was i never wanted to be more honest about myself with anyone before i met you i miss joking about you baiting me into being your friend i miss joking about tricking me into dating you i miss our playful tension i miss pulling your hair i miss my hand around your neck and i miss you doing the same to me i miss exploring ourselves together i miss hiding ourselves in each other i miss waking up next to you oh god i fucking miss that i miss crawling into your bed at 6am on the nights at your house i miss borrowing your socks and your tshirts i miss borrowing your chargers i miss borrowing your shirts and your pants i miss you i miss you i miss you god does this not have a fucking character limit because i will never fucking be done this will always be a work in progress somewhere else for now i miss holding your hand i miss you staying with me at college i miss holding your hand in secret over summer and i miss showing you off whenever i could i miss the day you asked me out and the day before how you said you would wait so the date wouldn’t have a four in it god can we fucking go back to the beginning i would do anything absolutely anything to start over with you i miss telling you how much you mean to me and i swear they still hold true i miss writing you notes i miss reassuring you i miss validating you i miss putting a smile on your face from the bad days i miss fucking everything i miss you saying that you look forward to a future because god listening to you get excited to be alive gave me more fucking life than you can imagine i miss hearing you say how you talk about me in school and i call you a faggot and then tell you i did the exact same everywhere i went that day there’s not a single conversation that i don’t talk about you but now i have to learn to bite my fucking tongue

i miss the endless nights staying awake and just in awe with how i got you and now i stay awake in awe of how i fucking lost you i miss my best fucking friend

i know you can’t read all of this and maybe it’s for the best. i don’t think i’d ever want to read this, either.