#my grandpa's funeral is tomorrow. i am in michigan still and will not be attending and have said so

[dredshirtroberts]

i hate dreaming about my parents. i know why it's happening right now but i also hate it. i didn't realize how deeply imbedded the fear from my nightmare that my whole computer could be taken away from me by my dad just from him changing my password (he can't do that he is not Tim Apple). It's not an unreasonable fear for me to have, either. he did it to my email address i'd had for pretty much my whole online life because I cut him and my mom out with no deadline. I'd planned for it but i think there's always been a lingering concern that he could just... figure it out one day that he has that power and he could take it away from me. (he can't, that's not how this works, that's not how any of it works). It's him-specific because i view the way i acquired all of my access to the internet especially through my personal computer is through him granting me access to a computer unrestricted, giving me an email address to use, allowing me to make an account for myself. Hilariously in these moments i also forget how very independent and non-reliant on them they wanted me to be so it makes sense that as few things as possible are actually under my dad's control to take away, but they did in fact do this when they had the ability to and so it's again not completely unreasonable to fear, just kind of unreasonable because that's not how apple accounts work especially now that i'm an adult.

...i need to switch to literally anything not apple at some point, i really really do.