#my grandma (grandma's sister to be exact) told me to not be too picky when picking men lest i end up like my mom

[erospourfemme]

just found out some lore abt my dad that made everything clearer and it confirmed my idea abt him being schizophrenic way before he got Alzheimer's. it all makes sense

[miss-tribulationperiwinkle]

You Were the Adult.

Sometimes I wonder what you thought of me, if you ever did. I know it was hard to pay attention to me, I came with a bunch of other grandkids, all boys, and I never really asked for attention. Sometimes I wonder if you knew I was a girl. I mean, I was biologically born a girl and I always identified as a girl, but still. Maybe you were paying so little attention that you never really noticed that. Or me, for that matter. 

I never thought much of you, as you never thought much of me. But you were the adult. I was just a kid, trying to survive family meetings among a bunch of boys who didn’t want me to play soccer with them. I tried liking soccer, you know? But I just wasn’t good at it. I was better than my brother, though, and you did pay attention to him. 

You know my heart broke the time you organized a granddaughter's lunch and didn’t invite me. Why would you do that? My two sisters were invited. Did you just forget? Or did you not want me there? I never spoke much, so I don’t see the harm in feeding one more silent mouth. Every adult around me noticed that it was wrong that you didn’t invite me, were you aware that you were an adult too? I was just a kid. 

And then, you made all of these excuses up. You had your chance to make things different. But when my 15th birthday came around, it was just completely obvious you didn’t care about me. I remember my sisters 15th birthdays, how they went to the best dressmaker in town -and the most expensive one- to have their dresses made because you paid for them. I remember growing up thinking I wanted the exact same dress that Rose wore on Titanic in that scene where she wants to jump off the ship. That was what I was going to ask for.  But when the time came, I was not interested -at all- in being the center of attention, even for one night, so I decided that I didn’t want a fifteenth birthday party. Could you imagine all the fights I would have had with my mom for not wanting to wear high heels and make-up? I’m so glad I didn’t even try to plan a party. But I had an awesome day with my friends, we flew kites and ate all my favorite candy and listened to the Beatles non-stop. Your gift for me? Some money to get me clothes for that day. It wasn’t even enough to cover the cost of a pair of pants and a t-shirt, so my parents had to pay for that too. Can you see that I had proof that you didn’t care? 

Look, I didn’t care about the money, but everything was pointing to the obvious. One time you told my mom that the problem was that I didn’t show any affection. I wonder what you would think now that we know I’m autistic. You didn’t have to know then, no one knew, not even me. But you were the adult, I was just a kid. 

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if my grandma, your wife, had been alive when I was born. Would she have acted differently? I know we are different. She liked fashion and I don’t, she liked relaxed plans, I like organization, she liked all kinds of food, I’m a picky eater. But there are some other things. She was left-handed and I’m the only other person in the family who writes with her left hand. She was a teacher and I was a teacher. She would go to the theater in Buenos Aires, and I’ve been doing the same thing for years, though I go to see musicals and she wasn’t into them. 

I have a picture of her in my desk in which she’s on her bed, reading a book, and I love it. She reminds me of me. I like to think that she would have liked me. After all, she would’ve been my grandma and I would have been her granddaughter. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if there is a heaven and if you two are together there. I wonder if you ever talk about us and if she asked you about me, I can’t help but wonder if you remember me. Did you tell her I don’t like kisses and hugs? Or did you remember anything worth-telling about me? I wonder if she ever reminded you that you were the adult and I was just a kid.

[shorilicious]

Sexy Zone Q&A – 14 honest answers

Q1. What’s your favourite fashion coordination?

Shori: I like a clean, smooth and simple style. When winter comes I don’t really use small things like scarves, I rather combine my outfit with a cute coat. Kento: Recently, I like a refreshing tuck in around the waist. Fuma: From oversized tops and skinny jeans with sneakers to a formal style with a shirt and tuck in, I like wearing various styles depending on my mood. Marius: I think L.A. fashion. It feels casual but also trendy. A t-shirt with shorts and then just a shirt on top, I like a rough style like that. Sou: Guys in Harajuku do that a lot, they often wear genderless fashion that is also okay for girls to wear. I’m getting into that kind of style, I wonder if that’s Masuda-kun’s strong influence~

Q2. In private, which item do you want to purchase?

Shori: A new compass to attach to my bicycle. Although it’s working together with my navi, I don’t need detailed routes to know my direction, so I can enjoy nature while cycling. Kento: Coloured sunglasses. Maybe with blue lenses. You can see better through them than through black lenses. Even when I attach them to my chest it will be on point. Fuma: To change my image a little, I want to collect various types of hats. Marius: The mobile phone I’m using right now is a little old. Because I want to replace it soon, I want to buy the newest model that’s rumoured to be released this autumn! Sou: Since I sweat during concerts, I want to buy a fancy designer towel that’s a little rough on my skin. There are many simple ones but there aren’t any stylish ones of that type!

Q3. Do you specify it finely when you go to cut your hair? Shoi: Relatively. Because I’m a public figure I have to worry about things like that (laughing). Kento: When they finish it to a certain extent, I go like „Shouldn’t it be to the nape of my neck? Cut it a little more“, I will instruct them in details. Sometimes I also show them pictures of foreigners. Fuma: Of course. I never just leave the decision to someone else. The image that I want to portray in myself, I have to firmly tell them in words.   Marius: I will leave them do the basics, but occasionally I’ll say „don’t cut here“. Sou: „How much centimetres is about here?“, I’ll say it like that. I have my own image of what it’s supposed to look like. I try to tell my hairdresser exactly how I want it.

Q4. What’s the most addicting food to you right now?

Shori: If you eat too much of something that’s bad for your body, you start feeling like you’re not healthy, so I’m not biased towards what I eat. As of now, I don’t have any health problems at all! Kento: Fruits in general. Especially cherries and Bing cherries. Fuma: I don’t eat a lot of sweets but I like to eat only gummy candy when I feel a little hungry. The soft types with grape or orange taste are my favourite. Marius: Chinese food! Any Chinese food is delicious. I also really love the flavour of Chinese cuisine. What I’m addicted to especially are their sauces! Sou: Grilled fish such as Okhotsk mackerel or salmon. I always make sure to ask if they serve it when I go for dinner.

Q5. Which restaurants do you often go to?

Shori: Japanese ones. There aren’t many that I go to by myself but I really like creative dishes that are based on Japanese cuisine. Kento: Something like a cafe bar. I like places where I can spend time with adults and seniors, and where I can eat my favourite omurice and carbonara, sometimes also pork belly with rice. Fuma: Tonkatsu restaurants. From simple shops to a little expensive ones, I’m always going to various tonkatsu restaurants. Mixing the sauce and mayonnaise in mustard, I like using that as a sauce. Marius: Italian. Because it feels casual, it’s easy to enter the shop. There’s also many menus and everything sounds good, so I’m relieved. Sou: I wonder if I often go out for meals. I like set menus because the balance of the food is just right. I try to gather as many points on my point card as I can (laughing).

Q6. What would you want to eat if you were to have your last dinner?

Shori: Definitely not my mother’s home cooking! But I would dislike anything to be my last~ If you don’t know that it’s your last if would be different but knowing that, I think it would be painful to make anything. Kento: My last day won’t come! I was asked the exact same question by an acquaintance before, so I replied „Why are you making the assumption that my last day will come in the first place?“ and instantly striked back (laughing). Fuma: I guess my mum’s stew of cubed fish~ It’s not very tender but super delicious! It’s my favourite thing ever since I was a child. Marius: Salad. If I eat it at the end, I want to make something with vegetables instead of meat or fish like in the main dish. I want to eat it with my dad’s special dressing. Sou: Miso soup! After that white rice, dried plum and it would be perfect if there’s natto.

Q7. What does your family call you?

Shori: It’s pretty simple, they just call me „Shori“. When I was little I was also called something different but it’s embarrassing so I don’t want to tell (laughing)! Kento: It’s „Kento“. Only my grandma calls me „Ken-chan“. Fuma: My little brother and sister call me „Fuma nii-chan“, but mostly I’m called by „Fuma“. I noticed most people around me call me „Fuma“, I guess I have a pretty simple name. Marius: My mum says „my treasure“ in German to call me. Sou: Normally I’m called by „Sou“. Since people often call me by „Matsushima“, it feels refreshing. Kenty calls me „Macchan“ (laughing).

Q8. What is the most relaxing place in your house?

Shori: It’s on my bed. Because I don’t have a sofa in my room, it’s normal that it’s my bed. Although I’m not picky about my bedding, I chose a good pillow since my shoulders are never stiff! Kento: It’s a place where I can dream, whether it be my bed or sofa. What I dream about? Of course I dream about spending time with you ♪ Fuma: My bed. Although I feel a little guilty about lying down on our family living room sofa, if I lie in my own bed to whine I will be excused (laughing). Marius: The living room sofa. Because it’s huge so I can sleep on it, I often take a nap there. It’s the best because there are many big fluffy cushions! Sou: The toilet! I like narrow spaces and if the seat is warm as well I feel relieved (laughing). I play with my phone there and just take things slowly without even noticing.

Q9. Do you have any habits before sleeping?

Shori: Watch movies and foreign dramas. I just waste my time away until I fall asleep. Kento: I charge my phone. I would feel uneasy if I don’t charge it until it’s completely full. Actually it seems like my battery lasts longer if I only charge it until about 94% (bitter laugh). Fuma: I don’t have any. I don’t even prepare for tomorrow. I think tomorrow about tomorrow (laughing). Marius: I take care of my skin. I don’t do too much, after taking a bath I just apply face lotion and a serum, but it’s also a habit to put on body cream before I go to sleep. Sou: I don’t have any. After doing muscle training and taking a bath I crave to drink milk though (laughing)!

Q10. Do you believe in ghosts?

Shori: I feel that compared to the past I believe in them about 40% now. Kento: I believe. Unfortunately I haven’t seen any though. I believe that there is a superior guardian deity following us but because it rejects ghosts, you cannot see it (laughing). Fuma: I don’t believe. I don’t have anything against people who do believe in it and I indeed think that there is something like a „spirit“ but it’s hard to believe that they come in the form of a ghost. Marius: I believe. There have been a few times when I felt them as a child, I have also seen them. That’s why I don’t feel like they’re „scary“ anymore! I’m used to them (laughing). Sou: I believe. In a popular place where „ghosts appear“, my family has seen them but only I didn’t. I don’t want to be scared but I would like to meet my pet dog Muku who went to heaven...

Q11. Which junior are you paying attention to at the moment?

Shori: Tokyo B Shounen’s Sato Ryuga! Since we have the same last name I wonder if he will follow my path~ (laughing). I’m just joking but I feel like he will be good in the future. Kento: All of Johnny’s Jr. Since everybody is always working hard and because we’ve walked the same road, I totally understand their efforts. Fuma: Kishi (Yuta). Even if he makes mistakes I cannot hate that guy, he’s just genuinely cute (?). Even though he has a comedic character (laughing). But his face is also turning cool so I look forward to the future. Marius: Vasayegh Wataru who’s a hafu like me. I wonder how tall he will grow? Sou: Two juniors that look like my little brothers! They were also backdancing for Summer Paradise, it’s Murakami Maito Raoul and Miyazaki Emirio. They’re so cute! I was playing a lot with them in the dressing room (laughing).

Q12. Where do you want your first date with a girl to be?

Shori: Although it’s clichéd, I want to go to an amusement park. The attraction I want us to go to together is the haunted house! When my partner gets scared...I want to see that (laughing). Kento: First I want to see a movie. While watching, I can stay next to her the whole time, then since we’ve seen the same movie, we can have a conversation about it that will blow us away. Fuma: A festival with a wide space and great view, I think it will be easy to hold a conversation there. Marius: I want to go to an aquarium. There’s a romantic mood and it’s perfect for a first date? I want to see the jellyfish together! Sou: The amusement park is a place where we can have the most fun. While we’re waiting in line and she says „ah it’s so hot“, I can go and buy her juice!

Q13. How far can you do matching clothing with your girlfriend?

Shori: If I’m told to do something I would do everything but I would not walk around the city in matching clothes! Although if there’s something like an event it would be fine, we can become twins (laughing). Kento: To go out in a matching outfit, I wonder if I have a little courage to do that (bitter laugh). But I don’t dislike it, I’d enjoy having a cute matching sweatshirt to wear at home. Fuma: It’s impossible for me when it comes to clothes! About accessories... I can’t do that either. Thinking about it, I guess I can only match our phone models~  But of course we can’t match our phone cases (laughing). Marius: I think if it’s a hat or pants. It might be nice if we choose our shoes’ brands and design together. But wearing matching shirts might be a little embarrassing (laughing). Sou: I’m okay with anything. Clothes and shoes and even the whole outfit! When I did the concert with Marius, I saw some fans in matching outfits and thought it was really cute.

Q14. Tell us some kind words so your long distance relationship girlfriend doesn’t feel lonely!

Shori: (I don’t want a long distance relationship...) I’m sorry for making you feel lonely. Kento: I will teleport to your place right away. Fuma: Next time let’s go to **. Until then let us both do our best. Marius: It’s okay because you’re always in my heart! Sou: (very manly) You will always be in my heart, okay?

Keep in mind I am not a native speaker therefore there might be mistakes in my translations. Also I’m not exactly translating word for word. Feel free to correct me in my ask box any time you want, I’d appreciate it! I apologize if someone already translated something before me and I didn’t notice, I hope you don’t mind.

Credit goes to yoshiko_mama @ LJ for the scans, thank you!