#my god that was a home. i havent been to one like it there was a huge hallway
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anyway. it’s been a rough week
#on my last day of my family vacation and like… it was awful. emotionally#my family are so fucked up lmao and i barely got to talk to either of my sisters bc they both brought plus ones :) :)#and i’m still reeeeeeeling from one of my best friends from college revealing she had a full on affair w a coworker a few years ago#while she was living w her gf… and the fact she kept it secret from me for sooooo fucking long like come on#it explains everything it explains why i havent felt close to her in years there was always this between us. and in all that time the amount#of convos we had abt feeling disconnected and me thinking maybe even I had done something or failed somehow. NOPE!! she’s been lying to me#for years :)))) and years :)) and this isn’t even the first time she’s kept a huge secret LOL#AND. oh my god. my current roommate is finally at the end of her abusive relationship and is actively suicidal rn#she’s watching my cats alone while telling ppl she doesnt care if she lives or dies.. girl no offense but you HAVE to survive one more day#for the sake of my fucking cat. bitch. so i have to deal w that when i get home and it’s going to take up all my time. i just know it#UGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND I STILL CANT FIND A THERAPIST!!!! ive been without one since mine quit being a therapist a year ago#😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 pray for me lmao!
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sry my beef eith that pastor is unending i fucking hate that guy like ugh . he soent maybe 5 minutes talking abt the actual ppl who actually died and then spent 2 hours just preaching and telling us we were all going to hell. is that how it is at all christian funerals. protestant i think if that means anything.
#like he tried to talk himself up abt how close he was eith alda mae and didnt even pronounce her fucking name righttt#and i remember talking with my papaw after granbys service and he was like I fucking hate that guy .#but its like her whole side of the family is buried in this one specific cemetery and her mom was at that funeral home and then a year later#alda mae went to that funeral home like. yk. its judt like The funeral home for that part of the family but god all of us fucking hate it#like nobody liked the service. even if the guy was aldas pastor maybe the extended family liked it better#but like. my immediate/immediate extended family (papaw cousins aunts uncles and then like. immediate) All of us were pissed w how grannys#funeral went. yk. UGH it made me so mad.#nd like. idk. idt thats what my granny would've wanted like . she was religious but i dont think she wouldve wanted the guy preaching to us#abt how we were going to hell. like i think she wouldve cussed him out DJFNFJNG. yk. my granny was not like. a good person . tbh.#tip if an older southern relative you rly rly rly love dies Donttt check their facebook bc yr sad and you miss them and just want to see#their face again. it will rly sour your opinion on them quite quickly. but yk. it did make me mad that service. bc i love my granny and that#service was justtt awful. but it was nice being in the cemetery yk. i cleaned up my great grand tombstone my aunt shae got to see her dad nd#everything. i still havent been able to actually see grannys proper tombstone outside of findagrave but i wanna try n visit this year . if#we get a car. you know. bc the picture is nice its a joint one for her and my papaw. who is not dead yet Obviously and hopefully wont be for#a longgg time hes young. i think hes like 60ish. so hes still got a while thank god. but mannn. wtvr.
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im GOING to write today ........ i WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the sky speaks#i havent used twitter in so long and lemme say i missed using tumblr like twitter. just putting my long rambly notes into a single post#anyways onto the rambling#i havent been writing or drawing like at alllll#too busy#also was so sick#but now that i have my new job and i know what my schedule is gonna sorta look like#3 days at joann 2 days cleaning w mom and 2 days nothin#PLUS i dont have to spend money on therapy til after the new year now#and mom is coming home and she seems rly optimistic abt sobriety#im feeling like i can finally create again !!!!#i have 2 creative presents i need to do before christmas#but aside that and 1 prompt still in my inbox (that i rly wanna do anyways) everything else i wanna do is all for Me :)#im kinda put out bc a lot of stuff i wanted to do this fall got shelved.. i wanted to make bday art of kirishima xinyan and kazuha.#i wanted to open comms. but im way too rusty w art rn to be confident doing that. maybe after new years?#god i wanted to come out to my parents properly. the day my mom went to rehab was national coming out day.#it was also one of my last therapy sessions. i came out to her instead#i still managed to do stuff tho. started my new job and got together with friends TWICE !! and i've kept up w doing my moms job alone#idk where im going w this anymore ive lost steam. but yeah. i wanna write today! idk what yet. i hav so many wips i could work on..
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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2005 British Grand Prix - Juan Pablo Montoya, Fernando Alonso + Kimi Räikkönen(my personal post-race highlights)
+ Bonus Jenson Button
#me at this race: 'go girl give us nothing!'#sry it just wasnt very exciting and yes ik there is important context but still! no champagne! how was this more boring than the US podium#but gotta respect kimi for still taking a swig despite champagne spraying not being permitted#also sry ik that last gif of nando is super random i just think it is very cute when they drop the bottles down to their teams#okay i think everyone def cursed jenson into not getting a podium by constantly talking about how cool it'd be if he won his home race#but heyyyyyy p2 on the starting grid so thats sick and im glad they showed him post-race#also i will never get over how good the 2005 bar honda racing suit looks like MY GOD ITS PEAK#(ugh ik its reasonable since im back in school but im still kinda disappointed i havent been able to keep up with my prior race a day plan)#(went from 9 races in one wk to barely 3 races across 2 wks wow my range is incredible!! *crying inside*)#juan pablo montoya#fernando alonso#kimi raikkonen#jenson button#we do a little bit of f1#2005 british gp#(2005: 11/19 races watched)#formula 1#f1
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk
#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk.#hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just ....#god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go#in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car#and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour#in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot#i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh#yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half#and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more#and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually#has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for.#entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ.#so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my#hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that#so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he#check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked#and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding#and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing#(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk#i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used#and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i#and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really#appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really#understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway#from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out'#and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that#i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like.#after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away#but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is:#crushposting
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now that ive experienced spending time with other people, its so much harder to be alone.... god i really didnt want this to happen. god, yea. the loneliness really isnt tolerable when i know what its like to have company
#HHHH SO tomorrow is our final and bc my grades dont matter. and tmrw will be the last coear day in taipei before i go home i plan to go#to yangmingshan to see the calla lily festival bc i havent been. so I'd skip class but no one can skip with me bc they need to test well#and like. I'd be p much alone if i went to class bc its a test day. and legit all we'd do is test. bc its our final#but im like :((( but what if i miss out :((( LIKE WHAT. ON WHAT COULD U POSSIBLY MISS OUT ON#YOU HAVE FRIDAY... but like. its rlly hitting me that friday is like. my last day with most of my classmates. and im gonna be travelling#alone for the rest of my time here. and i... i shouldve made connections sooner. im such a fool#i know i can ask my classmates to have dinner with ne one last night before i leave bc I'll have time on the 28th. but. But...#HHHHH im really going home.. god thats weird#god.... anyways. it will be fine. the nature is worth it. i know ill go and forget all my worries anyways
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#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like.#i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i#understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom#i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking#4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am#and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself#i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies#in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still#not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight#or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week#because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of#knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and#i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally#Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead#then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just#i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it.#but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i#want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess.#and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk#that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.
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The sads
#vibes#astronaut#art process#space#art#process video#spacesuit#ink#traditional art#just learned my childhood best friends dad passed away like... half a year ago#this friend and i honestly havent been super close or friendly for years since shits hit the fans and we grew apart#but im still thrown and gutted#i feel selfish but this man was a part of my childhood that i treasured#i for real have all the patience for however people grieve and handle their affairs idc#but i have this like desperate need to message her which i wont do other than some condolences becayse god knows ive been toxic enough#blowing up her phone in the past when she didnt wanna hang out#what a complicated web of pain this has crashed into#it really reminded me how i stopped being welcome in that home too#and how guilty and obligated i feel to people who dont really want me around one way or another#i called my mom and visited even though shes really transphobic and keeps trying to convert me#i just wanted to appreciate that shes alive
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i love (mental illness) why do i randomly go completely fucking delusional ????? i swear from my point of view i make complete sense but the people i talk to just get very confused n concerned ?//1/11/
ok girl! anyway anyone else ever only able to express their feelings through acts of extreme violence n destruction either inflicted on others or themselves. why do i express love through literal downright abuse n mutilation. ohhh i love him so much i want to gut him n feel all his warm organs in my arms ^^ < babe that is NOT normal behaviour
#aughhghhhh#one day ill post normally again i swear.#i used to be an artist ... goddamn#theyre not even giving me any medication for my bpd like besties u saw my leg ^^ im gonna completely carve up the rest of my limbs again-#in time. like ermmm ok. ^^ cool. keep delaying that mental health report#im still not allowed back in my college campus from when i climbed their roof n broke their window n stole knives#n im expected to finish all my course content in 11 weeks or ill completely fail!#with nothing for the 3 assignments ive already submitted that have been graded. killing myself#theres literally nothing 2 help me im broken forever actually. theres nothing anyone can offer that would help its so sad. like babygirl i#wanna live actually!#i have a future i want for myself (literally just being able to make it n have a stable home somewhere)#n thats so impossible for me !#ud think they could at least give me more hours on my course.... i literally have a disability that means i get less time i can work on thi#things#n they literally dont . they havent given me any sort of accomidation since i started here#n this fuckin college is the best shot i have at completing a course they literally specialize in “special kids”#killing myself#god
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everything is terrible actually
#I really just need a hug I think#I havent had real serious physical affection in so long#I know I dont deserve jt no one does and Its a fucked up thing to make other people do things to help me#But fuck dude I just want someone to come up to me and grab my hand or hug me#My platonic partner used to do it all the time but we're on a break and I need to rely on them less#I keep befriending people who dont like physical touch and I am gonna stab something#Truly I just need one person who I can lean on or cuddle with casually#Ideally more than one!! But like. Idk#I need to get over myself this isnt an actual need im acting selfish and entitled#I know that the only real answer here is Get Over It or die#And ive been trying to get over it for years#Ive stopped initiating physical touch bc I dont want to make people uncomfortable#And im worried that that means that people assume I am uncomfortable with it#Bc I never mention how deep a need it is to me to know im even just being tolerated#But if I mention that theyxll feel pressured#Ugh#The worst part is I cant actually kms bc of this until at least after May is here cause I know that she's good with that stuff#And maybe once shes here i'll be okay#Happily codependent with the person ive been close with for the longest time since fourth grade#But ughhhhhhhhh terrube to have to wait over 400 more days. I will do it for her but oh ny god I am rotting from the inside out#I do not want her to come home to a decayed corpse but I dont knkw how much longer I can keep this up#(Not talking specifically abt touch that would be weird and dramatic as shit this is generally Everything)#May forgive me if u come to seattle and im a shell of the person I was when u met me
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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hoping to god the library has 2010 augh
#i thiiiiink im in the home stretch of 2001 and ive been flying thru it today#i havent rly picked it up since like. late september. oops#but ohhhhh my god its good#i do see why its his most popular work#i loved childhoods end but this one is just better in a way i cant rly describe?#like i dont rly have criticism for childhoods end 2001 is just More i guess?#like it feels like it has a stronger identity#2001 liveblogging
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period FINALLY fuckinf started. took its sweet time with it huh
#ive been cramping and having stupid digestive issues for a solid week. at my wits end fr#been putting off taking proper painkillers for them bc i can only take them for 3 consecutive days#and cramps are MUCH worse when it actually starts so i didnt wanna be rawdogging em.#but i got woken up from the pain last night and was like fuck it i just want to sleep for once so took them regardless#but yeah actually bleeding now thank god. just a few rough days and itll be over for this cycle#ughhhh. anyway i have a few hours off work for this drs appt and the bus was early (or the prev one was very late lmao)#so got 20 mins to kill at home.. sooo weird to be outside of work on a weekday in daylight hours lol i left for work before dawn#and ill be home after dusk tn. sighhh. well at least i get some daylight today i don't usually get any bc my lunch break is too short#to feasibly leave the building AND eat 😔 im rlllly gonna need my sad lamp this year#mmm anyway im gonna read a bit i think and then head out early just in case the clinic is hard to find..i havent been to this one before#hopefully all goes well 🤞🤞🤞🤞#.diaries
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Unfortunate to say but with my eyebrow bandaid and the red splotches on my nose, I kinda look like I've been in an accident. Or perhaps a fight.
Unfortunate. Considering I have class in the morning.
#speculation nation#might try putting a bandaid on my nose tomorrow. after im back home.#eyebrow bandaid has been very essential tonight bc it's so ITCHYYYY i want to SCRATCH ITTTTTT#but the bandaid is in the way. protecting my scab from my fingers. dear god what is wrong with them lately.#always had the dermatillomania but since a week and a half ago my fingers have been RAVENOUS.#i dont THINK it's bc of the adderall bc i started that almost a full week before the fingers started this#i am simply. doing my best to deal with it.#i did look for tips online and someone recommended this weird picking rock thing. so i ordered one.#it'll come in sometime in the next few days.#if my fingers arent satisfied by then maybe the rock will help. give them something else to pick at.#..... i also just realized i havent been crocheting lately. 🤔 i wonder if that could help release the demons currently infesting them.#for now. They Hunger.#i also have bug bites on my leg and stomach and theyre so itchy like So itchy and it's so unfortunate :(#the leg one is worse. it's like right where my shorts ride on the inner leg. HORRIBLE.#i have a bandaid on it and even still the whole area radiates itchiness. if i didnt have the bandaid itd be raw by now.#oh bandaids... the essential service you provide... protecting me from my own fingers...#i can still scratch around them and kinda under them but they remind me im not supposed to scratch. and it helps.#im still gonna go Insane but im doing my best to mitigate it. havent made myself bleed yet despite the extended episode!#i'll call that a win lol
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