#my girl literally put her life on the line to give mel a chance

[salsatabasco]

Basically what Vi usually does but with an endgame in mind cause Cait is a planner.

loved the ambessa vs mel and cait fight scene because it was just caitlyn acting like a human chewtoy the entire time, like girlypop was out there in a worse condition she's ever been, eyes still red from the gases cant see shit, probably concussion from getting knocked out with a rifle, dagger still in her fucking guts ambessa absolutely ragdolling her around the whole time but she still kept getting up every time to be annoying just a little longer and get ambessa's gay little magic bracelet off. queen. also whats wrong with you

[calypsoff]

Seven. Part 2

I am still angry; I am so angry at everything. Pushing the motel door open, it banged on the wall harshly, I am angry at that bitch and she is still here following me, the fucking nerve “TJ, take Seiko and take her into our room” Barry said behind me, turning around facing her. Seiko is still here in front of me “let’s speak like adults, did you cheat on me with Rihanna?” she is being deadass “do you know how crazy you sound right now? Me? Rihanna are you crazy. I ain’t cheat, you are losing your mind. Either way we are over” I pointed between us, I want her gone “Seiko, let me speak to him yeah? Then we can take it from there” Barry stood in front of me “speak to your damn friend, he has lost his mind. I wish he never took me to see that bitch!” Seiko is fucking crazy, this toxic bitch is actually bringing out a shit side to me “just take her yeah, I will come to the room when he has calmed down, when everyone has calmed down” I feel so stressed, I feel her voice is ingrained in my mind and it’s not because I dislike her but because I have been trying to hide away from her mostly, I feel I am at this crossroad where I keep making stupid jokes to make it seem like everything is ok when it’s not, it’s really not. I see pictures and I am like I could have that but she’s just up there, top tier “so shall we finish what we started, you came back and said nothing really happened, all was good and shit. What the fuck? I am trying to comprehend this; see in High School I thought you both dating like I saw it. We all would be hanging out but you two would be stuck together, like twins. Then you would play her off because we would tease you but wow, she actually admitted to loving you or love you now?” turning to Barry “yeah” I breathed out.

Sitting on the bed across from Barry “she loves me, she said she loves me, and she said it twice. I think twice but I didn’t say it to her, I mean I just went there to see what is up. I didn’t expect to go there to see her, to sit in that SUV and feel what I did with her. My intention was not sex, I promise it wasn’t because we never had sex that time, even thought you assume. Robyn at the time, I tried it and she wasn’t ready, she didn’t want it. I was ok with that, but she left, I always thought it was me. But y’all ran with the fact I did when I didn’t so yeah, she said that she was scared at that time, she was a virgin she lied to look cool I guess, but it’s like. When I was looking around the apartment, I stood in the bedroom overlooking central park. I felt her there, I felt her every time near me. She did initiated sex, and I think she knew that I wouldn’t after I told her I thought it was my fault but without even thinking, without even trying Barry, I made love to her. It happened, it just happened, and I couldn’t control it at all, I just felt the connection go deeper then me knowing my school friend. Like I was holding her hands having sex with her, looking into her eyes. Bro, it’s bad. And then she got me angry on the last night, and I was like fuck it. And I fucked her without even caring and I hated that. Because I think I hurt her in a way, not sure but I laughed it off. I don’t know bro. I am in this mess” I laughed; Barry stared in shock “I need a moment” he said.

Barry really meant it when he said he needed a moment, this nigga is thinking hard “so you made love to her without you even realising?” nodding my head “so what is the deal, why are you still here then?” I laughed “it’s not easy Barry, like people think I should jump and go to her because she is Rihanna and she’s got money. Yes she does, but I am a man bro. I haven’t seen it first hand, but I looked at every picture on her Instagram and she lives that life niggas want, man. She is taking pictures with the biggest rapper out there, private jets, driven everywhere, five star apartments. You know? And there is me, borrowing off you to get there and I still owe you eight hundred dollars, I need to be in line with her to be at her level. She is so unreachable to me; my fear is that. My fear is that I can’t reach her, and I want to reach her, but she’s above me no matter what words she tells me, no matter how she says I am not that, she is. She is there but I can’t get to her, I am just stuck” it takes a lot to admit to it, and I have verbally now “you seemed pretty sad since you have come back, TJ even said it must have gone bad, but it has gone bad I guess, you have formed this feeling with her. You can’t explain it, but we know, we both know. But I see it, I get it. Like Rihanna is out of our reach but I don’t think she is out of reach for you bro, I think she loves you like you said so I think maybe you should take it slow. If you want to make some easy money I would say drug deal but then you just ruining your chances. Ok let’s take it out of the equation, let’s say you go to her as you. What would she treat you like?” I paused thinking, sighing out “good, I know Robyn would treat me good. She just wanted me to give, and I couldn’t. I uhm, I just closed off and got angry at myself. I paid for this fancy meal she took me on, we argued again then” Barry chuckled “nigga, get her pregnant. Be a stay at home dad, that is the plan” I laughed shaking my head “but I know you, you feel bad. I can’t believe you roughed her up in bed? Was you that bad?” nodding my head “I think I was; I was angry. The hug was cold, I tried to catch her attention by holding her hand, but things were sore between us, so yeah. I have a lot of shit to think on” rubbing the top of my head “she loves you, and if we being real you do too” putting my head down.

Staring at Mel laughing to myself “eat your damn breakfast bitch!” I spat, Mel put her hand up and got up from the chair “she is suffering bad” Leandra said, watching her run off. She deserves it, I had to drag her ass back to the home, not only that she started drinking when we got back again, I don’t know why she was trying to go all out, maybe something is going on with her “so girls, did you all have a good night? Are you all staying with me here? I have the River Island meeting, bitch is about to design some clothes” I clapped my hands together, I am so excited “of course, we can just discover London while you do that. But I was speaking to Monica, she said that she is so proud of you. Something you always wanted to do, to design clothes” I am actually nervous and excited about this venture “Jay Brown is coming tomorrow so that will be fine, that nigga be making me work! Like nigga please. I need to breathe but yeah, I got that venture and then album, and then tour. It rolls on like that. Make that money” my phone started to vibrate on the table, frowning looking over “uh” why is fuckyopictures trying to facetime me through Instagram, that is odd but will ignore it “who is that huh?” Leandra peaked over to see “nobody” waving her off, the call stopped. I am not giving him any facetime privilege; he lost that one a while ago. Going onto Instagram, tapping on my inbox and ignoring the amount of random shit that is being said, tapping on fuckyopicture, he doesn’t even message me on this anyways.

Badgalriri:

???

Pressing send and placing my phone on the table “very secretive I must add, I really don’t understand why are you being this way” rolling my eyes “its that skinny man she likes, erm. Christ? Chris? Whatever. He is a tall skinny man with a tiny little nose” Jen is such a bitch “shut up, please ignore her” Jen just cackled “oh is it that Christopher, oh ok. You both getting on?” she winked, looking at my phone, he has messaged back.

Fuckyopictures:

Did you enjoy when we met last time? Was the sex good?

Badgalriri:

You got a fucking nerve

Fuckyopictures:

So did you?

Badgalriri:

Why aren’t you just normal!? Seriously, you text me dumb shit like that. This is why I don’t bother, and don’t bother facetiming me either.

I am literally over him, like he’s just full of shit and at that moment my phone started to ring, he has a nerve to call me also “what?” I answered “because I didn’t want to answer your facetime now you calling me? What? You’re going to ask me something stupid now” I snapped, I snapped because I am sick of it, he can’t have a normal conversation with me “I didn’t facetime” he said, I sniggered “you did, you tried to facetime me on Instagram, just because I followed you don’t mean you can use that privilege to contact me on there” the phone line went silent “that isn’t me, the bitch is on my Instagram. You didn’t say anything to her, Barry you better get her before I do” what bitch is he on about, then I realised “oh, your girlfriend huh. Ok, well this is fun. Well have fun with dealing with that. I am eating breakfast, bye” disconnecting the call “girlfriend? Oh my god, what drama have you got yourself into” placing my phone on the table “short story, Chris has a girl that he refuses to get rid of, she doesn’t trust him, has his passwords. We had sex and I guess she knows and is messaging me on there, I am now waiting for a shade room post on me whoring myself” Leandra cackled “fuck me, girl you having sex with regular hood niggas now? I mean ok you knew him before, what happened? You know this is going to blow” I shrugged “I stopped caring, I did care but I stopped. I didn’t text her anything that confirms we did anything so there is that” she can go and cry into a pillow or some shit, I don’t care.

New Year’s Day and I have nothing to do but just rest, me and the girls are re-watching Bridesmaids, but my mind is not really in it, looking down at my phone and it’s like he knew I was going to text him because he has text me first.

Twin:

Sorry about her messaging you, she doesn’t have my passwords anymore. We split….

Robyn:

That is nice to hear, she sounds like a psycho

Twin:

She is…. So when can I see you again?

Robyn:

Idk………. I am here for two weeks now and then Miami. I am unsure when I will be near the vicinity, I have my album to work on and this clothing deal I did. Couple of shows around there too. I will let you know when I need a service

Twin:

Lmao! Uhhh well when you can fit me in your busy schedule I don’t want to service you but I would like to see you but I guess you too busy for me

Robyn:

Busy yes but you can call, hope you had a good New Year anyways. Least you started it being single! You didn’t even like the girl anyways but I full on expect some drama to appear with that.

Twin:

Just remember me when you can make time….. like I did you

I am not even sure what he wants me to do, fly over to him when he has half assed done things. Now possibly got his psychotic ex speaking to the blogs with the notion that Chris and I had sex, it’s not a lie I am busy, but I am not going to put myself out there like I did before. I will probably be able to pop over to see him when I go back to the US but I will mention that closer to the time I guess, let him sweat it out but it will be for sex I can imagine.

[letterboxd]

Family.

“We’re trying to say: stop thinking about Manson as the embodiment of all evil. If he got a record deal, maybe nobody would have died.”

Jack Moulton talks cults, Trump and noise-cancelling headphones with American actress and screenwriter Guinevere Turner. Charlie Says is her latest film with frequent collaborator, Canadian director Mary Harron.

Of the serial-killer films currently in release, Charlie Says is the one that puts a strong focus on the women who often remain in the background of these retellings. Leslie Van Houten (Hannah Murray), Patricia Krenwinkel (Sosie Bacon), and Susan Atkins (Marianne Rendón)—the three women who killed for Charles Manson (Matt Smith)—are imprisoned in isolation in a California penitentiary, as well as psychologically imprisoned by Manson’s delusional ideas.

Then graduate student Karlene Faith (Merritt Wever) is given the job of rehabilitating the young women—as long as they are prepared to confront the horrors of their actions.

Turner co-wrote the 90s urban indie lesbian feature Go Fish directed by Rose Troche, which preceded her meeting with Harron. Charlie Says is their most recent collaboration, having partnered previously on American Psycho and The Notorious Bettie Page.

What interested you in writing a film about Charles Manson? Guinevere Turner: When the producers met with me they said they wanted to focus on the women as we definitely never got a sense of a story told from their perspective before. Once I found Karlene Faith’s book The Long Prison Journey of Leslie Van Houten [Faith’s study of the rehabilitation process and elongated incarceration of the three Manson Family girls], I saw a whole side of the story that literally never gets represented.

I got very excited that I could make a good movie out of this and it would also be an interesting commentary on what it says about society that we always treated these women like they’re interchangeable. Nobody’s ever asked “what happened to them?”, “what made them do what they did?” and more importantly “why did we stop talking about them?”. We never stopped talking to Charlie! There was a real opportunity to talk about men and women, who and when we pay attention to historically.

Did you get the chance to work with Karlene Faith in person before she passed away [in May 2017]? Yes, she was fantastic. It took a while to persuade her into talking to me at first. I slowly gained her trust via email, then we would talk on the phone, and eventually I would be visiting her apartment in Vancouver and we became friends. For about two years we were as thick as thieves.

Her book was obviously a huge resource but she was also useful for research as she was a woman of that time. She gave me a great visual, listening to her activist life outside of prison. When she met the girls for the first time she had all these assumptions that they were gonna be freaky psycho-killers and she was blown away by how sweet they were. She was immediately turned by them and she wanted to help them.

What were some of the unexpected realities of living in a cult environment that you wanted to portray? So I grew up in a cult environment as you probably knew so I assume that’s why you ask that question. [Ms. Turner spent the first eleven years of her life as part of the Lyman Family. They were devotees of Mel Lyman who believed he and his commune members would eventually live on the planet Venus. Though parted from her mother after birth, she and her younger sister were ejected from the Family when her mother eventually decided to leave. Ms. Turner considered returning at eighteen but chose to go to college instead.]

Yes, I read the article in The New Yorker. For me, I was excited to bring this knowledge in my DNA of what it’s really like living in that environment to represent both the good and the bad parts. You have those semi-orgy scenes and people doing acid, but also scenes where everyone is sitting around for dinner. That grounds it a little more. At the end of the day, it is a family—albeit an infamously weird one—but it is a bunch of people trying to live together.

While there’s the “everyday” quality to it I also wanted to show the volatility. It can be beautifully tranquil one moment and then turn on the dime into something scary and destabilizing. I feel like those things were true of my childhood. Mary Harron heard me talking about my upbringing for decades and she would always say “you should write about it”. I didn’t want to write about it specifically, but when I found this movie I thought I could bring something personal to the project that no other screenwriter could.

We’re curious about how you like to write. What music do you listen to while you work and are there any films you used as inspiration? I can’t listen to anything when I’m writing. I have noise-cancelling headphones that don’t cancel noise enough. I could live in an actual sensory deprivation tank while I write and I would be so happy, but unfortunately you can’t bring computers underwater. So, no music.

I watched a lot of movies of the era, especially unconventional movies about Jesus such as Jesus Christ Superstar (1973). Those were interesting aesthetically.

There’s a shot in the movie where they’re walking up the side of this mountain and I just loved that iconography. We were short for time on the day and I pleaded with Mary to make it happen. It made me so happy that it became one of the images they use for the promotion of the film. It does feel like this biblical journey and we were trying to capture that vibe.

What do you do to ensure the female gaze is considered from the script? I find a lot of that is intuitive. For example in this script, there has to be nudity but you notice that every time someone is naked in this movie it’s really uncomfortable. That’s one thing in terms of subverting male gaze, is that there’s no way that any person could see those scenes as objectifying the body for more than a nanosecond because of what’s happening.

It’s all about power, so I like that it’s portrayed as being uneasy. Even when Matt Smith is naked, Charlie is exerting power over someone else and she’s repulsed by him. That’s one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

How does your acting background feed into the way you write your characters? I think because I’m an actor I deeply feel the reality of what’s available for the average female actor to play. There’s tons of “someone’s girlfriend” and all the tropes, so for me when I’m writing I’m asking myself what about this is going to make an actor say “yes please, let me play that part!”.

I need to present something complex and challenging that they don’t often see. As someone who’s auditioned for many characters that I thought were poorly written, I try and give even the small parts something that will make an actor excited to play them.

What makes your creative partnership with Mary Harron work so well? It’s funny because we’ve never really asked ourselves that. Of course in the last week we’ve been asked that a lot while we’re in the same room and we look at each other like confused animals going “why does it work?”.

We realize that we have a similar sense of humor so we laugh a lot even while we’re writing all this dark stuff. The main factor is that we really trust each other. One of the hardest things about collaborating is that you’re not sure if someone is shooting down your idea because it doesn’t work or they’re jealous that it’s good. You need to trust that you can test stupid ideas with them.

When we first met in 1996 [shortly after Harron’s directing debut I Shot Andy Warhol and Turner’s writing debut Go Fish] we immediately had an affinity for each other and started writing together. It was as easy the first time we tried it as it is now. There’s not even much of an evolution. I feel really lucky for that because as a screenwriter it certainly means I have a lot more access to the movie than usual because the director is always checking in with me.

Despite all of the bleakness, it’s clear in the film that these women just wanted to be loved. There’s such a deep sympathy for them. What interests you about the line of responsibility for those influenced by dangerous charismatic leaders? I’d say everything about that interests me.

I’m drawing parallels to politics today such as the alt-right people that Trump influences, for example. We’re seeing echoes where people are mindlessly following a person who is validating evil, dangerous, and disgusting ideas. For these women I had to constantly remind myself that they did commit these horrible crimes.

I feel like Charles Manson and Donald Trump are apples and oranges except for the fact that they strike me as people where their only real fuel is power and that half the time they don’t know what they’re doing or saying, they’re just terrified of losing it. They almost have no internal life. They just feel when they have the power and when the power may be taken away and what they do to keep it makes people do terrible things. It’s like an addiction.

Matt Smith as Charles Manson in ‘Charlie Says’.

I’m sure you’re painfully aware that we have four Charles Manson films coming out in a short space of time. There’s Tate, The Haunting of Sharon Tate, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, though I’m certain Charlie Says was conceived before all of these. How do you feel about being a part of this cycle? I started writing the movie in 2014 and most of the time movies are made two years later but that’s not how it worked out for various logistical reasons. So on the one hand, I cringe that it’s the 50th anniversary [of Sharon Tate’s murder] and that’s when our movie’s coming out—it feels tacky but it’s definitely not on purpose.

Which seems to be very deliberate on Tarantino’s part… But the way independent films work is that you try and get them made until you get them produced. You don’t have these luxuries of when exactly they’re going to come out. That said, we have landed in a zeitgeist moment which is nice in terms of people paying attention to the movie. I don’t know much about Once Upon a Time in Hollywood but I’m sure Tarantino has a radically different approach from ours.

While they share some similarities, your depiction of Charles Manson doesn’t work in quite the same way as American Psycho’s Patrick Bateman. How did you decide the ways you wanted to humanize Manson? I think the first thing that’s similar between how we portrayed these two characters is that while they’re these powerful frightening people, we’re demystifying them and grounding them in an essential pathetic loserness. Mary and I don’t talk about how we can make another movie that takes down toxic masculinity, that’s just where we end up sometimes.

With American Psycho the stakes of social responsibility were different. We were asking people to put your baggage with the book away, we’re women making this, and we are trying to turn it into something that’s a critique of masculinity in a funny and dark way.

For Charlie Says we’re trying to say: stop thinking about Manson as the embodiment of all evil. We want to stop giving him that power and show that he was a conman who was just a failed musician. If he got a record deal, maybe nobody would have died.

Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in ‘American Psycho’ (2000).

I have to say, American Psycho holds up really well for the Trump era. One could argue that it works better now than when it came out.

How do you respond to the way you’ve already satirized these sociopaths in power and how that affected the increasing appreciation for the film over the years? It’s gratifying, because [American Psycho] was not particularly well loved when it came out. That’s disheartening when you work hard on a project that you think is more worthy. That said, it being more relevant now is terrifying. I watched the movie again recently and there’s a little part of you that cringes when we make Trump jokes because Donald Trump was a different kind of funny at the time.

‘Charlie Says’ is in US cinemas now, and available on VOD and digital from May 17.

[scornedlove]

Chapter Twenty

CHRIS

Just as promised, the next two weeks flew by, and Nicki’s wedding had arrived. I forgot how dramatic brides can be but was quickly reminded when I was pulled to Nicki’s dressing room by her maid of honor, Katy, whom I met last night at the rehearsal dinner.

“Nicki’s been psycho all afternoon and I can’t get through to her. She’s literally all over the place. You’re her brother, can you please go talk some sense into her?” she pleaded in a panic.

“Of course, but do you mind showing my date where she would be sitting?” I asked, referring to Tae, who was looking stunning in a perfectly fitted blue dress that had cleavage pouring out of the top. She was making it hard to keep in mind that she was celibate.

“I’d actually like to look around until things are closer to getting started” she replied, without looking up as she texted on her phone. I swear that thing was always glued to her hands.

“Hey” I uttered, putting my hand over her phone, demanding her attention. “No work today, just enjoy yourself”

“Oh, I’m just checking on my mom. She was dealing with my sick grandma when I left” she explained, and quickly put her phone down to her side. “But she’s okay. So, you go make sure Nicki is okay, I can only imagine how nervous she is right now”

 “Yeah, you’re right, let me get back there” I nodded before we took off in separate directions.

The wedding was supposed to start in a half hour, so when I walked into Nicki’s room and she still looked like she had just woken up, worry had set in.

“Hey Nick. What’s going on?” I asked as soon as she opened the door. Her face was clammy and she looked frustrated.

“I’m losing my shit Chris” she exclaimed, quickly pulling me in the room and closing the door. She started pacing and fanning herself with both hands.

“What do you mean? Why aren’t you dressed?”

“I woke up with morning sickness and I’ve vomited four times already. There’s literally nothing left to come up. I think this might be a sign” 

“What kind of sign?”

“I don’t know, maybe my body is telling me I’m about to make a huge mistake”

“No, your body is telling you that you’re pregnant” I laughed, but she didn’t.

“Christopher, this is not a joke. My life is about to change dramatically. I’m going to be a mom and Sam still hasn’t found a new job. I don’t want this to be something I regret”

“You and Sam have been together forever and not once has this man given you a reason to leave him at that altar today. Take it from me, I’ve been on the other side of this shit. The difference is I deserved it, but Sam.... he’s always been there for you, no matter what.”

“But what if everything changes after we’re married?”

“It’s supposed to change, for the better” I urged her to see the bigger picture. “There’s not many genuine people who will actually bend over backwards to make someone else happy, and that’s all Sam has ever done”

“I don’t know Chris” she repeated again, wearing my patience down.

“Ok, fuck it. Don’t do it. I’m going down there right now to tell Sam that you just realized you don’t want to do this” I tossed my hands up in defeat and left the room.

“Wait!” she stuck her head out behind me and yelled.

ROBYN

“I never even put two and two together” I laughed. It never occurred to me that Katy’s friend and Nicki were getting married the same day, turns out Katy was Nicki’s maid of honor.

“So how well do you know her? We’ve been best friends for at least three years now” Katy grinned.

“I don’t know, about five years. She’s like a sister to my ex”

“What a coincidence” she grinned, before leaning in to me and lowering her voice. “I just can't believe she’s been acting like a fucking bridezilla. She's been giving me hell all day. Is getting married really worth all the hype?” she asked, rolling her eyes. “In fact, I better go check on her. Hopefully Chris was able to calm her down”

The mention of Chris’ name was like magic, because he immediately popped into my line of sight, walking in my direction. Or so I thought. Katy walked off and he stopped directly in front of her. They shared a few words, then took off in the same direction.

“Friends” Mel snapped her fingers after catching me in a daze.

“Relax. I told him how I feel, but I’m not going to beg anybody to be my man”

“Good. Now keep that in mind for as long as he has a girlfriend. I’ll be damned if you end up as your ex fiancé's side chick” she teased, as more people began to take their seats. 

“Excuse me” a lady called out, tapping my shoulder. “I just had to tell you; your dress is amazing”

“Thank you, yours looks great too” I replied truthfully. I’d never met this woman before and was wondering why she was sitting in the section reserved for family.

“Wow. Your eyes are soooo pretty” She beamed, getting extra close. “Are they contacts?”

“No” I chuckled, shaking my head. “But I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard that question”

“I’m Tae, by the way” she laughed, offering out her hand, so I shook it. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Robyn”

“I don’t mean to stare, but you are so gorgeous and your accent is bomb. Where are you from?”

“Barbados” I replied as the music finally began. Everyone got quiet, including Tae, who scooted back to her seat and pulled out her phone, I’m assuming for pictures.

Everyone marveled at the bridal party as they walked two by two down the aisle. Then came the bride. Everyone stood in awe as Nicki and Chris slowly walked down the aisle side by side in all white. Even through her tears, Nicki was stunning, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Chris. Apparently, he noticed, because as he was passing my row he winked. After lifting her veil, he kissed her cheek then took his seat in the crowd, right between Tae and me.

He was too close for me to focus on the wedding that was happening in front of me. His cologne was all in my space and his leg kept touching mine, but somehow, I managed to keep my emotions at bay. The few minutes it took the officiant to marry Nicki and Sam felt like an hour, but it was finally over and I couldn’t be more grateful as Mel and I slipped out together.

As hard as it was, Chris’ presence was forgotten after a few shots of vodka and I was actually enjoying myself, anxiety free. Mel and I were both on the dance floor, letting loose when Tae squeezed past a couple, that was damn near fucking on the dance floor, to get next to me.

“There you are! You left so fast; I didn’t get the chance to ask where you got your dress” she exclaimed.

“Actually, I designed it myself”

“Wow! Is that what you do?” she exclaimed, even more impressed than before. I nodded and the smile on her face broadened.

“My friend is getting married in three months and were still looking for dresses. Do you have a card or something?”

“Yeah, my store is in Santa Monica” I replied, pulling a card from my purse and handing it to her.  We found a seat in the reception area so she could show me designs and ideas that they were leaning towards. Our conversation started off about fashion, but the next thing I knew, she was showing me pictures of an older brother she was hoping to hook me up with.

“He’s cute right?’ she asked holding her phone up to show me. “He’s a really good guy and I think ya’ll would look so cute together”

“Yeah, he’s cute, but I have a boyfriend.” I lied, barely even looking at the picture. Who meets someone and tries to hook their brother up all in the same breath? 

“Damn. You would make a cool as sister-in-law, plus you could give me a niece or nephew with those pretty eyes.” she chuckled. “Let me know if that boyfriend of yours ever gets to acting up. I promise my brother is a good catch.” 

“Where’s your brother tonight?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Back home. We’re from Texas. I’ve been coming out here every six weeks or so to help my friend with her wedding planning. She’s getting married in August so I’ll be doing that for at least another few months”

“Well you’re a good friend. I had to hire a wedding planner when I was engaged”

“Oh, so you’re divorced?”

“No, we actually didn’t make it down the aisle”

“Well at least you found out it wasn’t meant to be before actually sealing the deal. Divorces can get really ugly”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Kind of. My parents were divorced and they treated each other like shit through the entire process, scarred me for life. I always said I’d never get married because of them, but now I don’t know. I’m dating this amazing guy now and he is literally the whole package. It’s still early, but he could be the one.” she beamed. It was obvious she was in love by the way her eyes seemed to sparkle when speaking of him.

“Well I hope it all works out for you” 

“What about you? Is the guy you’re dating the one?”

“I don’t know” I shrugged. 

“Well maybe he isn’t. I think it’s an obvious feeling, something you can’t ignore. I still think you should give my brother a try” she winked.

“Nicki’s about to toss the bouquet” one of the bridesmaids interrupted us and I couldn’t have been more grateful. Tae, along with at least a dozen other girls jumped up to follow her. I was thankful for the interruption but uninterested in participating. There wasn’t anything exciting about getting knocked around for a bouquet.

“Thank God I already have my husband, these bitches out there stretching like they’re about to jump hurdles” Mel laughed, as she took a seat next to mine. “Who’s that girl you were talking to?”

“I just met her. I guess her friend is getting married and she’s been looking for the perfect dresses” I explained as Nicki did her countdown. 

“Oh yeah? The best thing about weddings is networking” she nodded. “Although, I didn’t realize you were customizing pieces for people”

“Well I did design my own wedding dress.  I haven’t really put much thought into it before, but you know I’m always up for a challenge” I replied as Nicki tossed the bouquet. The women went crazy, and a couple of them ended up on the ground rolling, until one finally gave in and let go. 

“Babe! I got it!” Tae exclaimed for everyone to hear before jumping up and running over and kissing some guy right in the mouth. Mel and I couldn’t help but laugh at how serious she was about that bouquet until she pulled away and I realized the guy she had just kissed was Chris.

“Robbie. Don’t do it” Mel warned when I jumped up out of my seat.

“Relax. I’m just going to get some air. I’ll be back” I replied rolling my eyes.

“Get it together. Get it together.” I repeated over and over, once I got outside. Just when I got my emotions under control, I heard someone vomiting so loud, it made me gag.

I followed the noise until I found Nicki by the side entrance of the hotel, dry heaving.

“You good sis?” I asked, grabbing her hair out of the way and rubbing her back at the same time.

“I'm okay” she sighed, when she finally caught her breath.

“Good, because I wouldn't want you to ruin this beautiful dress”

"It really doesn't matter. My makeup is ruined, my edges are sweated out, and my feet are so swollen that I can barely even fit in these shoes. The one day I’m supposed to be beautiful and I look like shit"

"Stop. You are beautiful and Sam is the luckiest man in the world, he gets to spend the rest of his life with you."

"Yeah he is kind of lucky huh?" she giggled as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Yeah and you're lucky too. Sam is a good one”

"Thanks. This baby just has me on an emotional roller coaster” she confirmed my suspicions. 

“You’re pregnant?” 

“Yeah, and that’s not the reason we decided to move up the ceremony” she added.

“Who cares? As long as you’re happy. I know how stressful this wedding shit can be, but it’s done now so you just hang in there a little longer. Are you guys going on a honeymoon?”

“Yeah, we’re going straight to Jamaica when we leave here” she grinned with excitement.

“Good. Ya’ll get to take some time out to enjoy each other since ya’ll are always so busy with work.”

“Yeah I need this vacation” she agreed. “I’m sorry I haven’t been all that great with picking up the phone lately. How have you been?” She asked, turning the focus on me.

“Good. Business is good, so I’ve been busy too”

“But are YOU good?” she clarified her question.

“Yeah. I’m in a better space these days. Thanks for asking” I smiled. Even though we’ve been distant since Chris and I broke up, I still considered her a good friend.

“You know, I'm sorry you and Chris didn't work out, I always thought you guys would end up married. Anyway, you look great and he’s happier than I’ve seen him in a long time.”

“Is he really?” I blurted curiously. I didn’t want to believe he could be all that happy without being with me, at least that’s how I felt when it came to him.

“He seems to be. I met his girlfriend today and she seems nice. I’m happy for him. As crazy as this may sound, he never meant you any harm. I know my brother, he’s been through a lot, but he really is one of the good guys.”

"There you are!” Katy announced, out of nowhere. “Sam’s looking for you inside" It was time for them to wrap it up and the groom was ready to take off with his bride, so my prying was cut short. We said our goodbyes, then I grabbed Mel so we could leave before the rest of the reception did. My buzz had just started to kick in and I’d planned on staying longer, but I wasn’t ready to accept the fact the Chris has truly moved on and I refused to be in the same room as him and his ‘girlfriend’.

CHRIS

The wedding was officially over, Nicki and Sam were already on their flight to Jamaica, and Tae and I were on our way back to my place when I finally exhaled. I halfway enjoyed myself, but after my own experience, weddings give me the heebie jeebies, and I was glad to be done with it. After Trey’s wedding in August, I don’t think I’ll accept anyone else’s offer to be in their wedding. They are stressful and obviously not my thing.

I honestly didn’t know if I could even see myself walking down the aisle anymore. I still embrace the possibility of getting married and starting my own family, but I don’t think I’d go through the trouble of having a big wedding. 

“I really hope Trey and Lala’s wedding turns out at least half as beautiful as Nicki’s. Everything was perfect” Tae stated, breaking the silence. We were both exhausted from dancing most of the night, but I could tell she was a little tipsy on top of that.

“Yeah, it was so perfect that you wouldn’t even know the bride was considering leaving the groom at the alter” I chuckled as her eyes popped wide open.

“Really? Why? Did he do something?” she asked in surprise.

“Nope. That man has been a perfect gentleman to Nicki since the beginning. I think it was just the pregnancy hormones mixed with a little pre-wedding jitters”

“Wow, I guess that happens a lot more than you would think. I feel like it’s something simple: if you love 'em, marry 'em. People overthink things and work themselves up for no reason all the time” she replied shaking her head.

“Yeah, I see what you mean, but on the other hand, marriage is forever. At least that’s how I see it anyway. I think it’s something you should overthink, but not on the day you’re supposed to be walking down the aisle. You should think about it while you are dating, and even more so after someone proposes, but definitely way before the actual wedding day.”

“So, have you been thinking about it?” she quizzed, stifling a yawn. 

“About what? Marriage?” 

“Yeah, you said it’s something you should think about while dating. We’re dating. Has it crossed your mind yet?” she repeated.

“Honestly, no. We’re still trying to get to know each other, still in the early stages”

“True, but I also feel like sometimes you just know, you just feel it” she replied before drifting off into a daze. I didn’t voice it, but I understood exactly what she meant. I had the same feeling the first time I met Robyn, but I knew there was no way I could admit that to Tae without her feeling weird about it.

I had intentions of introducing Tae to Robyn tonight, but before I got up the nerve, Robyn was gone. For some reason, I still wasn’t comfortable talking about Robyn with her. It was like I needed them to see how great the other one was without an awkward situation. 

I glanced over at Tae and couldn’t help but chuckle because she was passed out with her mouth wide open. She was a good girl and deserved to be treated as such, so I promised myself I wouldn’t fuck her up like I did Robyn. I was going to put everything I had into this, which meant I had to introduce them soon.

[3rvr]

Carlos

It’s Saturday night and Carlos King (of stirring the pot) took over Own Network from 8-10:30 Pm, he got his shows back to back. #MoneyMoves I love it.

First Love and Marriage: Huntsville 8-9pm

This season been good. Mel’s pajama party carrying this season. 8 episodes in and they still talking about what happened at Mel’s party. 😩

Tisha and her mother Wanda came with the drama this season. Tisha got her mom all in Jaylin’s house showing out. Wanda in there talking to be people children crazy. I was like Oop… now if someone say anything back to her, Tisha and her mom going be like “now that is my mom.. show some respect” 😑 Mel and Stromi face was priceless.. they was looking at her like “Tisha if you don’t get ya mom” 😩. Kimmi was the host so it was only right for Kimmi to get Wanda together; in her son’s house that she invited Wanda too. At a housing warming party. 😩

It was a lot going on this episode at the house warming party. Mansau speaking to Mel and bringing up the fact that his wife (Tisha) and Mel did not speak was a fool.

Then the fact that Mansau and Maurice brought up Martell to Mel 😩 playing games. Mel was looking at them like that was speaking another language. Stop trying to merge Martell with Mel story this season… I’m not here for it.

Besides, the girls already got enough drama with Mel name in their mouth this season so… I’m not trying to see Martel add to it.

Every episode I’m like “I see why Mel been cutting this cast off in her real life”.

Martel trying to paint Mel as a bad co-parent, that cheated (after he cheated first ..serval times) 😩

Destiny acted a fool last season at Mel’s event, then stirred the pot at the reunion which kicked started the issue with Tisha and Mel. The fact that Destiny acting like she don’t know why her and Mel is not friends around the rest of the cast is crazy to me. Keep in mind Mel told Destiny to her face why she not cool with her. And Destiny turned it around and put it on Mel having an issue with Tisha. No “honey (what she called Stormi) Mel not cool with Destiny because how she acted last season, then talking shit about Mel to Tisha (acting like she wasn’t). Keep in mind Destiny is originally Martel friend and still is… they pop up on each other and do special favors mmh…. Plus knowing Martel have nothing nice to say about Mel, so Destiny asking him about Mel was her way to start more drama… giving them a story line off Mel name. 🙄 Literally everything chance she get to bring Mel up she would… annoying. ✂️

Tisha .. girl… 🙄 She been had an issues Mel and now she using her mom to verbally go at her. Mel cleared Tisha at the table and left 😩 Tisha know her husband (and his alleged Infidelity) is the talk out their town. Plus he put it out there on social media (for a story line) so everyone talking about it…. And not just Mel. Tisha was mad her cousin was invited to Mel party and not her 😩. ✂️

Tiffany better walk light because she keep Mel name in her mouth around people she know she don’t deal with (Martel, Destiny and Tisha 😩) .. a brewing issue in my perspective. Mmh

I like Stormi so far. Unlike Destiny … she fit the narrative (she put Married in Love and Marriage, plus she from Huntsville (unlike Destiny). New to the cast so she been asking questions about what she saw on the reunion episode.. so it’s rubbing people the wrong way. I think she handling the girls well.

But … this season of Huntsville a fool.

And the new series Love and Marriage: DC is good so far … and The Night Cap with Carlos.

Carlos getting paid to stir the pot on his Night Cap show. Real and Raw .. if only we could get the behind the scenes footage 😩 the statements made on that show. And Carlos don’t let nothing slide, he squeeze all the juice out of people. I low key love that.

I look forward to Saturday nights in. 😌

Drama aside, the Love and Marriage series give me a good perspective on the married life.

[mcl-mia]

Wizardess Heart Boys and the Relationships Between Them

//it's 4 a.m. as i'm starting this, so you know what that means! more ramblings about wizardess heart because i can't seem to sleep.

so, as many people in the WH+ fanbase know, solmare likes to do a lot of group events. like, a LOT a lot. these days, only some of the most popular characters tend to get their own events and spin offs (still waiting for azusa and leon's birthday events, solmare). most often though, solmare likes to do group events in pairs and forces the players to choose between one ending/one character. in all honesty, this isn't necessarily a bad thing! it's really good for developing relationships between characters that exist in the universe. but... the problem is that solmare just doesn't go through with all that they could, or are even ridiculously repetative with what pairs they go for. so, let me just express my problems with a few notable ones that come to mind, and give solmare some ideas on what they COULD do (it's unlikely that anyone from their HQ will see this anyways, but a girl can dream).

to start off, let's start off with the ones i'm not too pleased with.

Elias and Joel: look, i really like the idea of these two interacting. the whole tsundere/brutal honesty pairing is not a bad idea at all, but their relationship is executed so awkwardly. EVERYTHING revolves around them being rivals or competing for liz's affections. not only is this extremely tiresome to see at this point (especially when it seems as though joel apparently has no friends whatsoever), but it's hilariously inconsistent. on joel's profile, elias is the one introducing joel, and elias states that he LIKES joel. when i saw they were being paired for the first time in the overnight field trip event, i was excited to see them get along! but nope. for some reason "unknown", they pretty much hated each other. can't y'all just let joel have one friend without him being a jealous pissbaby, solmare?

Serge and Cerim: solmare, you could have done so much good with these two. you have cerim, a sheltered boy who knows nothing of the outside world and desperately wants to explore it, and serge, who has literally travelled the world... and all you think of doing with them is pairing them for ronny/taffy antics. that's it, that's all their ever paired for (maybe for pastel aesthetics sometimes). they just never DO anything with cerim and serge themselves, it's always overshadowed by ronny and taffy and how much they love their masters. they have SO much potential to be great together, but nooooo.

Guy and Leslie: this one just kinda pisses me off because we're never really given any context OR content for it. in leslie's route, guy states that he and leslie are "more like brothers", but why? WHY are you two more like brothers, and how did you get to be so close? and why is this "closeness" never shown? i know that everybody sucked leslie's dick in his route, but they should at least back their friendship up in event stories (they are together in the 3rd anniversary story, which is a decent start, but give us MOOORRREEEE).

Elias and Luca: the most yaoi bait couple of all yaoi bait in wizardess heart. don't get me wrong, i'm still a fan of their dynamic and what they represent for each other, but ohh my god i wish that they had more time together. these two have an interesting rivalry, and it's honestly such a shame that solmare almost never does anything with them. just... just ONCE i want for them to just chill and say "you're not as bad as i say you are". in luca's route, elias is shown to still care for luca and his wellbeing, but elias never gets a chance to even say it. likewise, luca never really gets a chance to say that he doesn't really hate elias per se, but is rather just more annoyed due to his own insecurities. as others have pointed out, elias and luca has what each other needs (in the sinplest way possible, elias needs to relax more , and luca needs to be a little more serious), and it's such a shame that the relationship between these two is pushed aside. especially when they have one of the most interesting dynamics in the entire game (and has the potential to be a healthy rivalry).

Klaus and Elias: (man, a lot of these involve elias, huh?) as someone who has two older sisters herself, klaus and elias' relationship disturbs me at times. on several occasions, elias mentions how cruel his brothers could be to him at times, but klaus is most often named as the perpetrator (well, technically klaus is the only one who can be named, since we still don't have the name of the eldest goldstein brother). klaus has been mentioned AND shown to have crossed some lines (at one point elias has mentioned how klaus left him stranded on a mountain for two days in order to force him to learn how to ride a broom, and don't even get me started on the mess that was the performing festival), which often makes elias appear to be afraid of klaus. not only that, but klaus is also shown to be a mentor figure to elias; someone who elias looks up to (and even puts him on an unreachable pedestal in a way). klaus will often comment on what problems he has with elias' spells, but the way he comments on them makes them come off as more as insults rather than pieces of contstructive criticism. sure, you could write that off as klaus not "sugar coating" things, but there's still a definite line between giving someone a critique and insulting the way they do things, and klaus tends to lean more towards the latter. he'll say "you need to be more creative with your spells" to elias, but he leaves it at that (which is especially hard for elias when the boy has lived his whole life by textbooks). he doesn't offer tips to help someone improve, he just says what's wrong with what they're doing. THAT is what can be so damaging to elias. do i think that klaus doesn't care about elias? absolutely not. i just think that klaus doesn't realize how much he's really hurting elias with his words and actions (granted that elias doesn't really tell klaus this, but how can he?). i really, truly wish that we could get more genuine moments between the two where elias can be upfront with klaus about how he feels, and for klaus to completely recognize elias' strength and hard work. i really, REALLY want their relationship to be healthier than it is.

now that that's all said and done, let's give solmare some ideas for pairs, because goddamm solmare you need to give us new pairs already.

Sigurd and Serge: you CANNOT tell me that sigurd not only doesn't know serge, but also isn't bros with him. tell me sigurd's side of the story about the real randy's death. more specifically: how much he was involved, more about klaus' reaction/ways of coping with the situation, and how he views the situation as a whole (i.e. does he think serge is to blame, does this damage his relationship with him, did he want to console serge as well but never got the chance, etc.).

Sigurd and Elias: listen. i crave a desire to see sigurd act like a big brother to elias and baby him to all hell. give me this, solmare. DON'T LIMIT ALL OF SIGURD'S INTERACTIONS WITH THE GOLDSTEINS TO JUST KLAUS. DON'T DO THAT TO ME.

Azusa/Serge and Leon: this are pairs that i have been wanting for so long. i put them in the same category because their context is still the same: azusa and serge are deeply connected to unicorns and leon himself is a unicorn. i wanna see leon getting an attachment to serge because leon can feel something special about him. give me leon roasting azusa for being "weird and suspicious". SOMETHING along those lines, solmare.

Joel and Vincent: YAOI BAIT NUMBER 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. but for real though, i want to see more interactions between joel and vincent that don't really include liz. they had really great chemistry in the gedonelune costume party event, and i would really love to see more of that, but they're almlst never paired together. >:(

Guy and Glenn: i've expressed this before, these two are connected by one really big asshole in their lives, and i just... really want them to talk about it. they were both abused by the same person, and i think it would be great if they got a chance to do some serious talking about it.

Luca and Joel: a more fluff-based pairing, these two can have some of the best witty banter, i can feel it. joel is a complete savage and luca is a little shit, it's a match made in hell.

Yukiya and Leon: also a more fluff pairing, but LET THE TWO FURRIES PUREST BOYS IN THE SERIES BE FRIENDS GODDAMMIT. they're so chill too, and i just want them to like go on a picnic or something and be surrounded by all the wildlife like the true disney princesses they are.

Klaus and Azusa: not going to lie, i really want to see how the most popular boy and the least popular boy interact with each other. grump vs. grump. only one will survive.

Azusa and Glenn: okay, to be honest, i really want these two to interact in the form of a magic battle. not one to the death, but i really want to see how glenn's staff and azusa's symbols match up. but if we really want more story stuff, having glenn and azusa talk about their younger siblings (and how they both lost them, although glenn eventually got his back) would be really great.

Yukiya and Sigurd: these two boys both come from big families (and are the eldest child), so i would love for them to trade stories about their younger siblings. maybe they could do some holiday shopping and recommend gifts to each other.

Mel and Yukiya: these two boys give no fucks whatsoever, and i would really love to see them out do each other in that department.

Cerim and Vincent: kind of in the same vein as cerim and serge, but without the familiars doing all the talking. vincent could tell cerim all about his adventures (or at least the ones that aren't top secret), and could maybe even get cerim to loosen up a bit.

so... yeah. there's my super long post about relationships between the boys. here's hoping that solmare will do some of these in the future.

but you know what would also be cool? an event that's just about the boys and their relationships with each other. no liz, no thinking about liz, no being jealous of each other, just wholesome boys content. give me that, solmare. i'd sell my soul for that (and i'm sure many others would as well).

[beccas-a-cipher]

Remember Me

Originally posted: 10 September, 2018

I just realized how many Ghost!Chase things I wrote in between the seasons... huh

The song is from the Magiclicas stream playlist and I think it really fits Chase/Melissa/Michael When it mentions an undefined song later, this is the one I'm referring to. It’s “These Feelings Won’t Go Away” by Love Caliber

Melissa thought she was possessed by a demone scuro.

Everyone told her she was not. Kai had confirmed this multiple times, being the expert on what having a demone scuro in your body feels like. But Melissa still remembered her very first class as a Magiclica where the demone scuro tried to torment her mind, and this feels almost worse than the school officer's creepy "you stop right there young lady!" that had blasted in her head the first time.

The sound manipulation Miscela hadn't slept properly in forever. Every night there was flashes of that night when her life truly fell apart at the seams. The explosion, the fear, the attempts to be brave, the revelations that were made. 

But what truly woke her from her rest each night was his voice. The broken, weak singing that haunted her dreams and woke her sobbing and in a cold sweat. The pained smile and resolution in his eyes that told her that he truly thought he had done one last good thing in his life. Those last moments with him in her arms before he quite literally disappeared off the face of the earth forever.

No one knew of Melissa's constant agony. She had obviously mourned along with the rest of her friends and the school at his death. But when the others slowly started to recover and move on, she had pretended to be alright as well and found just how easy it was to wear a fake smile when that was what people wanted to see. But she never truly recovered. He was always on her mind, in guilt or in happiness or in a simple, neutral memory. She would rather have died than him, but even her constant pleading to Connor once he woke up wouldn't change the past.

The school had put up a memorial statue in the main hall, but Melissa felt it never did him justice. It didn't capture his smile, only a determined, grim face as he ran into his doom over and over again in Mel's mind. 

Melissa shook her head, her teal hair flying around her face. Get your head in the game, Mel. Don't think about the past. Just look to the future for once. She had no idea how this was going to go but this date with Michael might be what she needed after all this time.

Yes, Michael, as in her first date from her first year at Everston and from the Eversingers. They had both tried to move on from each other, but after he was dumped several times and Melissa's boyfriend died they decided to give each other a chance to heal. 

Melissa stood waiting outside the Everston parking lot. She had already been there ten minutes and there was no sign of her date, despite that it was him who asked her out and decided the time and place to meet. She was already regretting agreeing to this, but it was too late now to back out.

A sole car pulled up with its headlights on as the sky turned to twilight. 

"Hey, Mel! Sorry I'm late, traffic was slow," Michael said once he rolled down his window.

Melissa shrugged. "It happens. Where are we heading?" She had dressed adequately for a first date; nothing crazy fancy (at least she hoped. She hadn't been on a date in years, if truly ever.)

Michael had a confident grin on his face. "I thought we might go to... a karaoke bar that just opened?" 

Melissa blinked before letting a small smile onto her lips. Even if she didn't feel for Michael like she once did, she couldn't deny that he knew how to treat a girl right when they weren't total jerks to him. 

"Here we are!" Michael announced for no particular reason as he obviously pulled into a parking spot outside a normal-looking building with a neon blue arrow that said "KARAOKE" pointing into it. There was already a small line outside but Michael headed straight for the entrance. 

"Name?" said one of the doormen. 

"Michael-" the storm-eyed Cipher started before the doorman stopped him.

"You're the Cipher, right? Ciphers don't get priority. Go wait in line, please." The doorman barely met Michael's eyes as he pointed to the line.

"But-"

"Sir, please wait your turn along with everyone else. Only Magiclicas are allowed to use this access."

Melissa stepped up beside her date. "Um, excuse me, but I'm a Magiclica. Can I bring him in with me?" She hooked her arm through Michael's, getting an interesting look from the doorman. He sighed in defeat and let them step past.

"Whatever, darn rebel teenagers. They're gonna break up before they're outta school..." Michael chuckled as the man's voice faded away. 

"He has no idea," then he met Melissa's wandering gaze, humor glowing in his bright blue-grey eyes. 

Melissa gave him the small smile he was looking for in return, even if her heart was not in the action. He was clearly happy being with her, so the least she could do was try to act like she wanted to be here and let him enjoy himself. 

The couple took to the dance floor. There was already another line for the microphone, so they decided to hopefully wait a while before they burst everyone's bubble and showed off their singing skills. 

Michael had a carefree smirk on his face as he and Melissa moved how ever they felt to the music. He was a much better dancer than Melissa, but he had always had a little more natural smoothness than she did anyway. 

But then Melissa's almost-happy moment ended as someone chose a new song. She recognized it immediately- how could she not, she'd listened to it on repeat for days on end in an attempt to drown her grief in music. 

Her movements stopped as the singer started singing. Those last moments flashed in front of her- a yellow streak being hit by a stream of light, then slowly condensing into the boy she literally just kissed and truly felt for. His surprised and already weak expression as he knew he was taking his last breaths. The breathless attempt at a song to console her before he was gone.

"Mel? Are you alright?" Michael asked with his eyebrows creased into a concerned frown. The bluenette backed up from her partner. 

"I... I can't do this.. I'm sorry Michael, I have to go, I can't-" Her feet were on autopilot as she hurried to the door. Michael called her name after her, but Melissa was already out the door and on the verge of a panic attack. Tears were streaming down her face despite her attempts to restrain them for so many years. 

This was a horrible idea, Melissa patronized herself, and you knew this. You should have never gotten his hopes up. Ivy's already moved on and gotten a boyfriend before you've even been able to handle one date... 

She barely realized where her feet had taken her. Melissa found herself in the forest, right outside a small abandoned shack. The repairs the group had done last-minute to try and make the shack a little more stable for her and Chase to hide in for the night were nearly invisible compared to the rest of the aged wood if they hadn't rotted away already. There were a few open and closed chip bags from the stash they had put together, left to the wilderness to spoil. 

Melissa sunk to the ground as the memories swarmed her. The kiss, Mister Foley taking her away from this relatively safe haven, the Spero attack, her father announcing to the world she was his daughter, the death, and the events afterward from when the security showed up and took her and the other survivors into custody for questioning. Since there were no bodies, the police refused to believe that two people had actually died there until there was further evidence that proved their claims. So the investigators were rather brutal in their questioning, and even if some of the others handled it better Melissa was basically a shell-shocked, sobbing mess. They wouldn't release her until she had told everything, and then they kept her in custody for her supposed relation to Ichiro despite her adoptive parents fighting to comfort their daughter. 

“Remember me,”

Melissa wasn't sure if she had heard the faint whisper of the lullaby. She lifted her head ever-so-slightly, looking for the vaguely familiar voice that had sung the words that tormented her.

"Though I have to say goodbye, remember me, don't let it make you cry."

"Too late for that," Melissa sniffed. She was sure she was dreaming, although it was yet to be determined whether this was a dream or another nightmare.

"For even if I'm far away I hold you in my heart, I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart."

Melissa's thoughts flashed to the clips of him singing parts of this lullaby to her in their last moments together.

"Know that I'm with you the only way that I can be, until you're in my arms again..."

"Remember me..." Melissa whispered. She had listened to the short lullaby from some movie over and over again, committing Chase's last words to memory so she might never forget his dying wish. Then the floodgates completely opened, and she was crying all over again. 

What Melissa didn't expect was for someone to embrace her in her weakest moment. 

She let out a small gasp of surprise and opened her eyes she hadn't realized were squeezed shut to see a faint glow around the body of a violet-eyed boy that was looking at her. His gaze was full of concern and sadness and didn't quite hold the light that she had almost grown addicted to in their quiet moments together. 

"Don't b-be so sad, M-Melissa," he told her simply.

"How can I not? I should have never taken you for granted, or anyone." She buried her face in the fabric of her evening dress. This was most definitely a dream and she didn't care that anyone around here might call her insane for confessing to the ghost of her past lover.

He was silent for a moment. "You look beautiful," he complimented finally. Melissa laughed dryly. 

"Like looking nice does me any good..."

"M-Mel, look at me," He said. She slowly complied, finding his dull gaze and blonde hair once again. 

"You n-need to let go. Y-you c-can't be happy until y-you let go of the past a-and l-look for the future. The f-future can't come without your c-compliance." Melissa was somewhat intrigued by this statement but decided to ignore it.

"How can I move on, Chase? How can I find my way without you? Everyone else has gone their own way. Quinston is off in another city with Kai, Ivy is happy with her job and her new girl friends, and Jax abandoned me long ago even after I tried to make up with him. You're the only one I have left, and you're not even really here!" She cried and pushed him away. As expected with a ghost, her hand partially phased through him but also moved his image as well. He looked mildly surprised, but then grabbed her hand and had a determined aura as he looked at her once more. 

"Maybe it's n-not that they've gone t-their own way, b-but that y-you didn't follow." That felt like a slap to the face for the bluenette. His eyes held such affirmation it almost made Melissa believe there was something more to what he was trying to tell her.

"...You think so...?" she asked slowly. His strong posture gave away and he hugged her again.

"Trust me. We w-won't be like this f-forever. You just n-need to start heading in the r-right direction." 

Then he let go of the living girl, standing up in his Everston uniform and looking out into the woods somewhere. Melissa protested as he took a step forward, a step away from her again. 

Chase glanced over his shoulder one last time. "Trust me." Then he was gone and Melissa was waking up. 

She wasn't sure what just happened, but she felt infinitely better than she had when she first found herself at the shack. 

Was that really all just a dream? But her eyes felt dry as if she really had been crying with him. The cricket's song was audible as she went out into the dangerous world once more. She duly noted that before it seemed rather quiet. 

"What was it he was trying to tell me...?" Melissa asked herself aloud. He was trying to tell her something else in that conversation. She didn't know what exactly but his tone betrayed his words face value.

Trust him. Try to move forward and not stay in the past. 

As Melissa contemplated her vision, out of the corner of her eye she swore she thought she saw two clouds- one a deep blue, the other a bold yellow combined, but when she looked at it fully, it was gone. 

Trust him and move on.

—————————

Word count: 2300

[tokyoteddywolf]

Fuck It I'm Gonna Minific From A Phone

A little Self Story bc I need to write SOMETHING and my Voltron fics are reserved for a computer with a proper keyboard.

————————————————- Huffing, the teenage girl smacked her head onto her desk for what felt like the thousandth time that day. ‘When will this suffering end?’ She thought, tugging her scrunchie out and letting her copper and red streaked hair fall out in curly waves, brushing against her shoulders. She idly played with a particular ringlet as her English teacher ranted about Shakespeare or something similar up front, near the whiteboard. Lucky her, she was sitting in the very back, which meant more chances to daydream. Vaguely she thought that she should shower when she got home, since her hair was feeling a little oily and looked dusty, and earlier this morning she’d broken a comb trying to smooth out a few tangles. Curse her genetics for giving her father’s fluffy curls and her Mum’s wavy thickness to her unruly hair. She didn’t care if her hair was classified as “perfect curls or waves”, all she knew was she never had to use a curling iron to get perfect ringlets, and straightening the damn thing was an hour long process she had no energy for. Not to mention water was her number one enemy, always causing it to either curl or frizz when dried. Or both, which was normally why she kept it tied back with a scrunchie. She snapped back to attention when the bell rung, and she gathered up her things and left that godforsaken class. She said hello to a few friends as she passed them in the hallways, and played her usual game of How Gay Am I For That Girl as she walked to Algebra class. Humming along to the tune on her headphones, she slid into her seat once she’d arrived and waved an awkward hello to her pal Nathan, or Omega as he called himself. Things had been a bit strained between them, mainly because Nathan had a crush on her and she only saw him as a brother. She always felt bad when someone liked her, not that it had ever happened before to her knowledge, mainly because she was Aromantic. She turned to her notebook and hummed quietly to herself, remembering the conversation she’d had with her Mum the other day. “Boys are like static cling sometimes!” Her Mum had sighed, brushing silver and black hair out of her hazel green eyes. “So, you never really felt like dating anyone?!?” She’d responded, actually a little shocked. “No, actually. I stayed single my whole life til I met your father. He’d actually just stuck around me, and we ended up getting married, before that divorce. Every boyfriend since has just stuck to me until I agreed to one date, and I guess I just never had the heart to say no until I got fed up enough.” The older female had explained with a wry smile. “So you must actually be Aromantic like me! Huh! Ya learn something new everyday…” the teen had muttered, before grinning at her Mum. “So once we kick Steve out, no more boyfriends? Promise?” She’d asked, adding puppy eyes for full effect. Her Mum had laughed and nodded agreement. She shook out of the memory when a sheet of complicated looking equations was passed over to her, and she sighed. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, so she huffed and at least tried to figure out what the fuck X equaled. An hour and a half later, she was slumped against her close friend and brother figure Sam, who didn’t complain and merely continued to eat the nachos she’d gotten for him. He never had any money for school lunches, and she’d felt awful when she saw the sad little sandwiches he’d had to eat. She’s started with handing over her leftover food she hadn’t eaten, since she was worried he wasn’t eating enough. Then it turned into her handing over her food at every lunch period since her new meds that controlled her anxiety and ADHD also acted as a hunger suppressant, leaving her appetite nonexistent. She ate, of course, usually when she saw food she liked, such as the fish or the egg rolls, or usually just survived off of the fruit cups and milk cartons. Sam glanced over at where her head was pressed against his leather jacket covered shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “Tough day?” He asked nonchalantly, dipping a chip into some of the liquid cheese and sour cream as she grumbled and looked up and stared at his sideburns. “You have no idea. I might not live through fifth and sixth period.” She groaned, absolutely limp against his form. They had that weird sibling dynamic where physical affection wasn’t all that unwelcome. Sam chuckled and patted her knee sympathetically. “You’ll survive. If I can listen to Mel whine about her problems all day and still keep my sanity intact, then you can survive the next two classes today.” She snorted out a half laugh. “Well, yer her boyfriend. Listenin’ to her is kinda yer job.” She drawled, slipping into her Texan accent. What? She was tired! Her ADHD had kicked her ass the night before, so she’d been up til nearly three in the morning aching to go run or something before she managed to settle down enough to get SOME sort of rest. Sam rolled his eyes and munched on another chip. “Can’t argue with that.” He hummed, shrugging. She sighed. “Honestly I just want to take a nap but I have stuff to do…” Sam rolled his eyes again. “Don’t we all?” He joked, reaching up to ruffle her hair. She purred delightedly at the attention. She adored head rubs, but it was something she only let trusted people do. Which was rare, since she literally had no trust in anyone, anxiety only worsening the problem and making her believe that, even though she had a good life and friends and family that really cared, everyone would turn on her and abandon her and pretty much show that everything was one big lie, a joke. She and Sam started chatting about story ideas, since they had their own little AU called the Squad AU, just a little story about their OC’s and the trouble they get into in different universes, some already existing and some made up. The bell rang again, dismissing the lunch crowd, and she gathered up her things and bid goodbye to her pals as she moved to the class in the library. She grinned as the class door unlocked and she entered the computer filled room, sliding into her favorite spot and swivel chair, adjusting the tilted computer screen and lowering the chair so her chest could have a rest on the wooden table and give her aching shoulders and back a rest. Cracking her neck and back, rolling her shoulders, she popped a few finger joints and logged in, already working on an essay paragraph so she could do what she really wanted to; free write. She actually had a deal with the teacher, after several talks and lectures. After a while, he’d given her a deal: as long as you write a poem a day or an essay paragraph, you can take the rest of the class off to write your creative stories and documents. She’d finished the poem assignment a few days ago, so now it was just a paragraph for an essay a day and she could go back to writing plot lines, head canons, fic ideas and short stories as much as she liked. Once finished with the paragraph, she pulled up a familiar document, the plot line for a Shance one shot she was making, and started adding in more details to the document. Humming, she checked over everything and made a few changes before deeming it ready to be written out as an actual story before opening a new document and starting a new plot line, this one for another one shot idea she’d had last night during her little hyper episode, though to be honest she’d seen the same thing around a few times already but it never failed to make her smile or giggle. She had to research a little for it, but that was okay and she had the bare bones of the idea down by the time the bell ring. She saved everything twice before closing everything and logging off, ready for the long exhausting march to sixth period over in the second building. Once there, she greeted everyone with her usual “Man I feel dead inside!” and slumped into her tall chair, grateful for the cold black plastic table top against her cheek as she rested her head against it. A pencil shooting across the table had her glaring up at her frenemy, Nicholas. “Nick, for the love of everything holy, could ya fucking not?” She growled as the taller boy grinned at her from two tables away, his face blurry since she’d left her glasses at home today, but she could still practically FEEL him smirking. “But messing with you is more entertaining than anything else.” Nick chirped, twirling another pencil in his hand before flicking it at her. She flipped him the bird and nuzzled into her bag, to tired from the jog up the stairs to respond back for the moment. She rummaged around in her bag before pulling out a bag of chips and throwing it at him. “Here. Now shut up and leave me alone.” She hissed, glaring at him as she fumbled with her scrunchie and retied her hair back into a ponytail, or bunnytail since it was short and fluffy and curled down to brush against the back of her neck. To be fair, they were friends, sort of, since Nick went to her Grandpa’s church and she usually saw him there whenever she visited. But, they had a mutual hatred and respect for each other. A weird dynamic, since one moment she’d be sharing food with him and he’d be chatting with her about the logistics of a show, but the next they’d be at each other’s throats with scissors and flailing arms. No real harm was ever done, but it did annoy her to no end when he threw things like pens and popsicle sticks at her. She put on her headphones and ignored him the best she could, occasionally throwing a pen back or discreetly flipping him off, and started doodling in her notebook again. “Oh thank God, I’m free!” She declared as she exited the school, her scarf getting tossed into her face from the wind. Tucking the blue fabric back around her neck, she mumbled to herself as she walked the short distance to her house. “Well, at least until tomorrow.” She sighed, waiting for the crosswalk to turn green so she could cross the street and get home. It was a nice day for once, windy but not freezing cold like the winter they’d just left. Her skirt pressed against her legs as cars blew past, her scarf fluttering over her shoulder as she plucked her loose curl, the one she kept shorter for aesthetic purposes, out of her eyes in time to see the light turn green. She finally got home, and after fending off the excited dogs that swarmed her when she got inside, carefully dodging the hard whip-like tail of her boxer pit bull mix Kane who was a total sweetie, she managed to get into her room and shut the door to be alone. Ignoring the mess on the floor, she flopped onto her bed and sighed into a pillow before checking Tumblr, bored already. “Well, today was boring.” —————————————— I’m ending it there. See what happens when I’m not allowed to write for so long?!?!?!?

[deeperthanloveff]

Chapter 38

Chris

“Mmm damn baby” I said stroking Kae once more before pulling out of her gently and kissing her lips.

She rolled over on top of me and I knew she wanted more but I needed a minute “woah, give me a few minutes you got way to much energy tonight.” I said squeezing her small waist.

She giggled “you got five minutes.”

I chuckled and pushed her hair from her face “yo what is good with you? You’re never this horny.”

She straddled my waist and the sheet dropped from her body revealing perky breast and a small pudge signaling my growing baby “well when you mix pregnant and engagement I think it might be a horny trigger.”

I laughed “so you saying I should’ve married you years ago huh?”

“Maybe you should’ve, but this ring makes up for your lateness” she said staring at her hand.

She was truly happy and so was I. Kae was going to be the final chapter in my life. We had a baby on the way it just made sense. I could never put Robin through a round two of this either. Shit I didn’t want to go through a round two of this myself. I should’ve cut the shit two and half kids ago. But, I’m done telling tales I’m going to do right by my lady trust.

“So how do you feel about getting married pregnant?” I asked laughing when she gave me a crazy look.

“Absolutely not! I’m going to spend my pregnancy planning so that a year from today. The day you proposed will be our wedding day, and by then I’ll get this body in order for my dress and our honeymoon” she said glowing as she gushed about our future together.

I could literally feel the happiness and excitement radiating from her. All this girl ever wanted was to be mine I don’t know exactly how I missed it before, but I guess back then I was young and dumb. Then I met Robin and I thought she was gonna be it for me. All this time maybe I should’ve just did right by Kae.

“I love you, you know that?” I asked cutting her off from her wedding plans.

She giggled and bent down to kiss my lips ever so gently “mmm I love you too baby so much” she said as she began planting fiery seductive kiss after fiery seductive kiss on my lips.

With in no time CJ was back standing ready to play and she was more than willing to play with him as she slid down my shaft. I watched her please herself and me and thought to myself if I had to deal with this for the rest of my life then I was gonna be A ok. I had to let Robin be great and stop holding her back.

This was it no go backs.

_____ *Two Days Later*

I pulled up to Robin’s store to drop the kids off. She asked that I just come here rather than to the house and I obliged. We haven’t really been speaking much and I get it. Her sister said she told her about the proposal and she’s just been really to herself. I’m also sure she saw The Shaderoom & Balleralert post Kae’s instagram pictures from our proposal and romantic weekend so I’m just going with the flow. I don’t believe I could ever hurt Robin more than I’ve hurt her throughout the years, but she likes to act like she’s good so I never really know.

“Y'all ready to see mommy?” I asked Kyia & Christian and they nodded.

“Aight Chris unhook your sister and slide over so you can get out” I said killing engine and unbuckling my seat belt so I can get out.

I ran around the car and opened the door of course with the paps swarming the car “aight y'all can get pics just back up because I got my kids” I said to them before picking up my daughter.

Little Chris climbed out the car and closed in the door grabbing my hand “daddy will people take pictures of me to when I’m your age?”

I chuckled as we walked toward her store “sure if that’s what you want they sure will. Just be better than daddy ok.”

He smiled and looked up at me “yay ok!”

When we walked in the store Mercedeh was behind the counter on her phone “hey Merc where’s Mel?”

She looked up “hey guys, she’s um in her office, just wait until she comes out.”

I raised my eyebrow at her “why? I brought the kids.”

I ignored her and made my way towards Robin’s office with Mercedeh yelling “Chris wait!”

I pushed her door open to see her sitting on some dudes lap them sucking face “mommy!” Little Chris sang running in behind me.

Normally I would flip. This time I ain’t even have it in me. I was just wondering why she’d have some nigga here when her kids were coming, but Robin did this once so I’m sure they knew him already. Judging from the way Mercedeh was acting I’m sure I was the last to find out about son.

“Hey baby” she said smiling at him getting up, her eyes on me the entire time.

“Imma give Kyia to your sister. She’s falling asleep. Call me or text me if they need something” I said turning and leaving out.

She of course ran behind me “Chris wait, don’t just leave like that!”

“I gotta go Robin, Kae is waiting for me to take her crib shopping. Wassup?” I turned asking her normally.

She looked confused as hell “Luke is just a friend.”

I chuckled “damn you kiss your friends like that? It’s cool Rob you don’t gotta explain do you.”

“Chris don’t make me feel bad about this” she said looking down at her five inch red bottom heels.

I shrugged “you don’t gotta feel bad we ain’t together. Do you.

She sighed and looked at me “you picked her over me. You don’t get to have the I don’t care attitude.”

I chuckled “Robin stop, I do care about you I do so cut your pity party. You got Luke, just watch him around my kids. Good day ma'am.” I said handing a now sleeping Kyia over to Mercedeh gently so she wouldn’t start to cry if she knew I was leaving. I kissed her small head and headed along my way.

“Bye daddy” I heard Christian say.“

"See you later lil me” I said walking out to my car.

I got in my car and headed home to get my fiancé we still had a baby to prepare for. I was not about to stress about Robin acting out.

Robin

I looked at Mercedeh and she gave me that I told you so look. I scoffed and walked back into my office to see a waiting patiently Luke. Luke James, fine ass Luke James. We’d been seeing each other for a month now. I met him a few months ago and he asked for my number, but I was so into Chris I’d never go out with him.

When Chris told me Kae was pregnant again we got close. He’s really sweet and patient with me. I explained to him that I was trying hard to get over my ex husband, and he said he was going to be the man that made me forget. Every time I was with him I did forget and it felt good real good for what it was, a distraction.

“You in trouble?” He asked smiling at me.

“No he was so calm I was taken back” I said truly confused.

“Is that not the reaction you wanted?” He asked me.

“I don’t know, I just know he’s such a hot head. I’m just more shocked than anything, but did you still want us to get lunch?” I asked switching the subject.

“You know you gotta tell me what he’s done to get you so hooked. If you don’t open up to me we can’t grow together Robin” he said getting up to meet me in the middle of the room.

“I don’t know it’s been 7 years you know. I’ve loved him since the beginning. He was there for me and wanted me when no one else did. He helped me through my past and things just got sour. He made a mistake and I couldn’t handle it so I ran. I guess when I realized I shouldn’t of ran him and his ex made a family and it crushed me. It still does watching him love her the way he did me, but I gotta understand what we had we don’t. I went bat shit crazy so he could come back” I paused laughing.

“I got to let go. Let go and-”

“Let a man get a chance, can we try that?” Luke asked brushing my curls out my head.

He gently caressed my cheek and I grabbed his hand “I’m scared Luke. I don’t want to waste your time”.

He chuckled “I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going to drive me away like you said you did Odell.”

I smiled at him but I kept feeling like he’d grow tired of me never loving him fast enough the way he loved me if we grew to that. Then there’s, Odell I always feel like maybe I should’ve just let him in. O wanted to marry me and us to have kids, I don’t know why I let things get so out of hand. I was willing to try with Luke though, because who knows maybe this was my future. It’s just that everyday that has passed since Chris proposed to Kae I keep looking at my old wedding rings wishing I never took them off. He did everything to put a stop to our divorce but I hated him. He’s loved me for so long I should’ve just let him love me like the fuck he asked.

“Why are you so perfect?” I asked him.

He chuckled “I’m not, I’m just good people.”

He placed his hand on the small of my back and bent down to meet my 5'3” frame. He gently kissed my lips and I immediately returned the favor. His lips were soft like cotton and I could feast on them all day. His kisses set a fire in my draws that needed to be put out, but it was to early for all of that. Just as I pulled back from our kiss my phone went off.

“You gonna get that?” He asked.

“Do I have to?” I asked making him laugh.

“I think you should then we can grab a bite. Sound good?”

I shook my head yes and answered my phone that was in my hand the entire time without looking “This is Robin.”

“So I’m in LA, can we talk?” His voice boomed through the line.

The sound of his voice made me instantly smile but I was confused about why he’d want to talk “me? I mean yeah, but why now?”

“Robin, I just think we need to hash some stuff out. You owe me that” he said and I agreed.

“Yeah O, just text me the details we can talk” I said.

“Alright, later” he said hanging up the phone.

I looked at Luke and I opened my mouth to tell him what happened but he stopped me “relax you don’t have to tell me everything. Let’s go though I know you’re hungry.”

I grabbed my Chanel purse and smiled picking it up because I remembered when Chris bought it for me on our second wedding anniversary. I’d thought he forgot about it because he was acting so busy, but of course he was being slick because I woke up to it on the pillow next to me along with clues to finding my other gifts. He was always so thoughtful, my smile made him feel like everything would be alright. I guess it’s true what they say you never miss your water until your well runs dry.

“Robin you alright?” Luke asked getting my attention.

“Um, yeah but would I be the worst if I asked for a rain check? I suddenly just want to get some pizza and watch Scooby Doo with my babies” I said truthfully.

“Yeah, I figured once they got here you’d just want to be with them anyways. I’ll FaceTime you tonight. I’m gonna just go to the gym” he said kissing my forehead before leaving.

I sighed and sat down at my desk holding my head in my hands. There was no way out of this one. A part of me felt like Chris refrained from picking me because he thought he’d be putting me through what he did before. I don’t think me telling him I was ready to sign up for whatever came our way was enough for him. I’m not who I was before. I don’t scare so easily anymore. All I wanted was his word and his love, but it’s time for me to move on.

“Hey, Ky was whining for Chris so I think you’ll be able to sooth her cries until Chris calls later to sing to her” Mercedeh said bringing in my big baby rubbing her eyes.

I reached out for her and immediately clung to me once she saw my face “awe moms baby. Want us to get pizza and go home with big brother?” I asked her and she nodded.

“Ok daddy is going to call you later, don’t cry baby” I said rubbing her back.

“Hey can you close up for me tonight? I’ll call Ashley to come help. I just want to get home, is that ok or you’d rather I stay?” I asked looking at her as she typed away on her on her phone.

“Ashley just walked in the door so you’re good. I put the kids bags in your car a few minutes ago, so you can go. Robin just don’t use being home all the time as your excuse to mope over Chris. Call Odell he loves you and let him” she said pushing her hair out her face.

“You always were team Odell” I said laughing as I held Ky against my chest.

“Yeah you were too, I don’t know what happened but he came by here yesterday looking for you. He said he’s not over you, so you better let the nigga that wants to put a ring on your finger put it” she said making me smile.

“Well girl he called me today, he said he wants to talk and I agreed. He texted for me to meet him at NOBU tomorrow night. So we’ll see, but what about Luke?” I asked.

She smacked her teeth “girl please forget him for now. You can drop the kids at my house and get them in the morning. August loves them and get your man. Chris made his choice now you need to make yours.”

I nodded and said nothing. She was right, but it didn’t change the fact that I wanted a different out come. I guess I was just going to stop fighting the inevitable and trying to change shit I couldn’t.

“I’ll let it go, just bare with me. It’s not that easy but I’m trying. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have to see his ass every week, but I’m trying” I said standing up with Ky grabbing my stuff so we could leave.

“You’ll be ok Robin, you were ok before and you’ll be ok now” Mercedeh said pulling in my office door as we left.

“I know girl, hey Ash” I said quickly changing the subject.

“Hey girl, gimme my baby” she said rushing over and grabbing Kyia.

Those kids loved their Auntie Ash “hey how’s my bun in the oven?” I asked rubbing her belly.

“Girl I’m over being pregnant, I got three more months of this hot shit. But what’s up with you? How you been doing?” She asked placing Ky on her feet and holding her hand cause I’m guessing she was hurting her back.

“I’m good for the most part. Meeting Odell tomorrow, so we gotta see how that goes” I said sighing.

“Mmmm well you know I’m team his sexy ass, but what about chocolate Luke?” She said making me laugh.

“You laughing girl but these niggas want your Latin/Surinamese ass you crying over Chris” she said smiling.

I giggled “whatever. Christian baby say bye and let’s go. Mommy is tired chile.”

Chris looked up from playing on Cedeh’s phone and did exactly what I said before grabbing his sister’s hand “come on mommy.”

“I’ll be ok y'all stop worrying about me. I’m going to have my happy ending to y'all. I just gotta feed my babies before I do” I said making the girls laugh.

I had to keep everything around me on the up and up. It was the only way I’d be ok. It also helped that I had numerous kinds of male attention. Chris would always be my heart, but I guess I just had to let go.