#my general hashtag college student life is a struggle right now. for many reasons

[cr0wc0rpse]

Trying to get academic accommodations for school means emailing my therapist and messaging my psych nurse through the patient portal and sending files to both and then having my psych nurse place say they’d rather have my therapist fill them out but they can if needed although it might not be as thorough and then having my therapist say he can’t fill out the document needed from my school for my school because of his credentials not being “high enough” and that he’d have to ask his supervisor person for help if the psych nurse can’t fill it out and then filling out more forms for my psych nurse place so they can fill out the form from my school for my school and now I have to wait and see what gets done and what else I need to do

[theritualofourexistence]

#CancelStudentDebt

You. Guys.

Background: Bernie Sanders and Ilhan Omar have called, on Twitter, for users to briefly state how their lives would be different without student debt, using the hashtag #CancelStudentDebt. It’s part of a campaign recently launched by Sanders that would instantly eliminate the $1.6 trillion dollars of student debt currently hefted by American citizens.

Even with that plan, I’m still not sure I’m voting for Bernie.

And if he somehow wins, I still don’t actually believe he’d be able to just poof away my student loan debt. 

For the sake of the “what-if,” however, I chose to tweet along with the hashtag... just a simple statement about how my life would be different if I didn’t have student loan debt. 

This is the exact text of my tweet:

“With no student debt, I’d be planning a future that included children, supporting my parents, and pursuing my dream job. #CancelStudentDebt”

I went on to say in a few follow-up tweets that I’m still pursuing my dream job... just much more slowly than I could without the debt I already have. I briefly explained what that dream job is (having my own practice and providing therapeutic services to those incarcerated or recently released) and that I have three jobs now that I’m using to work in that direction... but that I still feel the pressure of my loans every day, every time I choose to spend money on anything.

That tweet seems pretty harmless to me. Despite that, it has launched quite a shit storm. One that I was definitely not expecting.

First, I am a nobody. I have very few followers on Twitter. I basically use it to follow sports, a handful of celebrities, and whine to no one about the stuff I struggle with daily. 

The good: this tweet now has 200 likes. WHAT?! I think the most likes I’ve gotten on a tweet before capped out at like 25, at the MOST. It also has nearly 30 retweets. So folks relate. I approve.

The shit storm: over 60 mostly middle-aged white dude trolls were sitting on that hashtag, waiting for a simple little tweet like mine to come along so they could jump on it and rip it to shreds. 

In the last eight hours I’ve been called stupid and lazy more times than I can count. I’ve been told over and over again that I shouldn’t have taken out loans if I didn’t want to pay them back, that I should have picked a different major in college, that I shouldn’t have gone to college, that I should have gone to a cheaper school. I’ve been called a socialist (yeah, okay, not denying that), I’ve been called evil. As of 5pm, I’ve been called a cunt... by strangers... at least three times.

I never intended to start an argument about the benefits and or downfalls of eliminating student loan debt. 

I was simply saying that, without it, my life would be different. And easier.

I was raised to chase my dreams. I think a lot of people in my generation were. But our parents, likely the same dudes shit-posting on Twitter today, were well-meaning when they told us to dream big and to have the courage to chase those dreams. I don’t think they could predict the world we would inherit... and just how hard it would be to actually pursue those dreams.

I don’t think my dreams are outlandish. I don’t think they’re irrational. And trust me, I know what irrational looks like. 

Do I think my student loan debt will magically disappear? No, I don’t. Would it be nice? Yeah. It would. Would things be different and easier? Yes, definitely.

I can’t go back and pick a cheaper college. I can’t go back and pick a different major. I can’t go back and decide not to switch fields. I can’t go back and un-sign the loan papers I signed when I was 18 years old.

I was 18 years old. Maybe. I honestly could’ve been 17 because I’m a summer baby. And I have absolutely no memory of signing loan papers. I knew enough to know I’d have to pay them back. But I also knew that getting loans was the only way to pay for the program at the college that I thought would be best for me.

Turns out, 18-year-olds don’t know shit.

Maybe we shouldn’t let 18-year-olds make decisions about thousands of dollars.

Anyway, here I am now, unable to undo any of the decisions that saddled me with my current student loan debt. 

Today I was called stupid, lazy, evil, and a cunt, just for having a dream.

What a weird thing.

Some suggested I join the military. Maybe I could make that work... but let’s be honest, the military isn’t a nice place to be for pacifists. Also, enlisting when we’re on the brink of war with Iran just seems, objectively, stupid.

What do people get out of insulting strangers on the internet? None of the people who responded know anything about my life. Many of them told me to get a job and work to pay off my loans. Well, I’ve got a job and I am working and that’s not really enough. Many of them accused me of seeking handouts. Of never working for anything and expecting to be carried through life.

Those people don’t know how hard I’ve worked. But that didn’t stop them from calling me names.

I often forget that not everyone understands empathy the same way I do. It’s why I feel the way I do about a lot of socio-political issues. If you told me that my taxes would go up ever so slightly but that I’d be able to help millions of Americans achieve financial stability, I’d say sure. 

I don’t understand why people with a comfortable life--a home, a family, a steady income--feel so mad about other people wanting a chance to have those things too. 

All I want, really, is to be comfortable enough to feel like I can give back. To repay my parents for their constant support, to donate to causes fighting the good fight, to provide affordable therapeutic services to people in need with limited access.

Today, right now, I’m pretty sure I will die childless and still with debt. That’s the reality that I face every day. I work hard, despite that. And I dream, despite that. But the idea that maybe that isn’t my future is certainly nice... no matter how immediately unrealistic it may be. 

What did all those angry white people get from telling me to quit bitching and get a job and deal with the consequences of my actions? What good does that do? Who does that help? 

What good does it do to tell a fat, poor, anxiety-ridden 28-year-old that her dreams are stupid and unattainable and that she’s a lazy idiot for having them? 

What synapses are firing in your brain to make you think that that action has any kind of value? 

Remember, folks, that even if you’re looking at a computer and not a face, that screen-name is connected to a real ass person. I may have silly dreams but at least I am committed to not treating other people like garbage. I don’t have any interest in hurting anyone’s feelings, and I’m adult enough to choose my actions accordingly. 

Today, I sent a simple tweet out into the universe, and, in return, strangers called me names for hours. HOURS. It’s literally still happening.

Who does that serve? Calling me an idiot isn’t going to change the reality that forgiving student loan debt would change my life. That’s not an opinion that can be corrected, it’s simply the truth. 

So, regardless of who is elected and what happens with student debt... Regardless of whether or not I pay off my loans some day... Regardless of whether or not I die childless with debt still left to pay... think about how you interact with others. 

Hurting people for no reason is sick.

I’m a strong girl, because of all the hard work I’ve put in, of course; so I’ll be okay. But you don’t get anything from insulting others on the internet... so why spend the time and energy to cause that hurt when there’s nothing at all to gain from it? 

Here in America, if we’re lucky, we’ve only got 80-some years to dick around on Earth.

For the love of God, please just use that time to be kind to one another.