#my friend and I were parked in my car (I'm 20 usually passing as M but my license still has my deadname etc and my friend is a baby so 17F-i
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uuughhh fuck cops
#my friend and I were parked in my car (I'm 20 usually passing as M but my license still has my deadname etc and my friend is a baby so 17F-i#a hs senior still. And I only just turned 20#Our age difference is two grades yknow)#and straight up we were parked at our hs hust talking for like 10 minutes when a freaking sheriff pulled up shined his lights and approache#We were literally 2min from their house btw. Fr#And we explained that we were just talking yknow but ughh he took both our IDs and looked us up and everything. Even asked if we had illega#Substances in the vehicle (I wasn't thinking and while grabbing my wallet from the backseat put my jacket in the back so yea ig)#He asked how old we were first too and yeah just ugh#We're both gay in the wrong directions too like smh and yEah their parents know where we are#Who would do drugs and/or sex in the high school parking lot on a Saturday. HUH#Meanwhile I would literally do this for HOURS at a time while in hs. Srsly.#And the first time I do it in a year+ for TEN MINUTES. cop. Wtf#I think the only reason we got away without loitering fines was 1. We have clean records and 2. It's public property. Idk if you can charge#that yknow#Imma look it up but anyway#Fuck cops#Acab always#My friend is a woc btw. So I was a little on edge cause of how our area is especially#But yeah to him it probably looked like creepy college guy preying on hs girl but i sweear nooo xD#I was also outed to him obviously and 😀 that was. A moment. I saw a look in his eyes after lol#Cause my voice is DEEP now#: )))
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100 Roseanne Prompts
I usually try to stick to quotes that can work for everyone but some of these were too good to skip. Break at 15 like always. Request a show
1 “Hey, all our lives suck.” — Roseanne
2 “Here's why you can't trust your kids 'cause they're stupid. That's why we don't give 'em cars or booze.” — Roseanne
3 “Etsy is like a yard sale except online because nobody can afford a yard anymore.” — Darlene
4 “All of your relatives died from alcoholism. The ones that didn't drink were killed by the ones who did.” — Roseanne
5 “Did all of your children's deliveries go according to your birth plan?” “Um, they found their way out, if that's what you mean.” — Andrea & Roseanne
6 “You gotta pick your fights in life.” — Roseanne
7 “Okay, he doesn't have to wear pants, but he's gotta wear underwear.” — Dan
8 “It is not my fault that I just happen to be a charismatic person who's always right about everything.” — Roseanne
9 “Why are you picking on me? What, did I take the last doughnut, or something?” — Darlene
10 [Person B is embarrassed after walking in on Person C nursing her baby] “Oh, now, NAME. It's not like you've never seen breasts before.” “NAME’s my friend. As far as I'm concerned, she has no breasts... It works for me, okay?” — Roseanne & Dan
11 “The car has heated seats? Thank God, I thought I was going through the change.” — Roseanne
12 [stoned and laying the bathtub] “Is this the sink? Am I shrinking?” — Jackie
13 “In this house, I'm in charge and father knows squat.” — Roseanne
14 “What's up? I smell fear. I love that smell! But what's up?” — Roseanne
15 “Do you have anything sharp I can stick in my eye?” — Dan
16 “You are really, really gettin' on my nerves today, man! I mean more than usual!” — Dan
17 “Well, you think you can stop me from seeing NAME, huh?” “I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow.” — Mark & Dan
18 “You were always trying to push us apart. You were always putting me down!” — Mark Healey
19 “My marriage is not based on me listening!” — Roseanne
20 “Why don't you just kiss my butt?” “Well, haul it on over here, Jumbo!” — Becky & Darlene
21 “You are just evil!” — Jackie
22 “Oh good, go for the guilt. You better take a looong, hard look at yourself, NAME, 'cause if you are this obsessed with my life, there is obviously something missing from yours.” “Just figure that out?” — Jackie & Roseanne
23 “I thought you were just gonna go over there and scare him/her?” “Well, it started out that way.” — Roseanne & Dan
24 “Being your own boss isn't that great of a deal. Last week I sexually harassed myself.” — Dan
25 “Hell, even I don't hate her that much.” — Dan
26 “Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous.” “Just don't shoot any milk out of you nose, and you'll be fine.” — Becky & Roseanne
27 “Please, NAME, I don't want you to help me, I just want you to leave me alone ... Please.” — Darlene
28 “Don’t toy with me, NAME.” — Roseanne
29 “We, have had a fight, and we're not speaking to each other.” “Oh, well, what was the fight about? Maybe I can take a side.” — Roseanne & Jackie
30 “He/She wanted to do something; I didn't feel like it.” “Yeah, well, so what are you going to do?” “Nothing.” “That's what you did last weekend!” “Yeah, well I'm not finished.” — Darlene & Roseanne
31 “No, NAME always was the bad influence.” — Roseanne
32 “Talking - it's like yelling, only not as loud.” — Roseanne
33 “Yeah, but you know what they say, NAME. They say, ah, when you really love something you should, you know, make it go away or get rid of it, or whatever.” — Roseanne
34 “You're acting like a crazed psychopath.” [snorts] “Well the voices in my head disagree.” — Dan & Roseanne
35 [on getting married] “I always thought it was the smartest thing I ever did. You obviously don't agree.” “No, I do agree with you, it was the smartest thing you ever did, but we're talking about me now!” — Dan & Roseanne
36 [Person A and Person B bury the hatchet] “So, I guess we've finally approached the end of Bitch-Fest YEAR.” “Oh what a time we had!” — Roseanne & Darlene
37 “You can't tell NAME what to do. She's a big girl!” [snarls] “Compared to who?” — David & Roseanne
38 “What kind of list is he/she making? Not that it's any of my business.” “A hit list.” — Beverly & Dan
39 [feeling for pulse] “I think he’s/she's dead.” [steps back] “Check again.” “I know how to count to zero.” — Roseanne & Dan
40 “What was the second thing you noticed about me?” — Roseanne
41 “Aw, get off the sympathy wagon, NAME; there were plenty of guys/girls standing in line for you to treat 'em like dirt. I was just the lucky one.” — Dan
42 “You are rotten rotten kids, and I can't even believe I'm related to you two!” — Jackie Harris
43 “You'll just do something stupid that you're going to regret later.” — Roseanne
44 “I'm your husband/wife. That's my right.” — Dan
45 [finds present] “You're not going to open it, are you? It's two days away.” “Yea! Well I need time to practice pretending like I like it.” [pulls something ugly from the box] “Oh man, I should'a opened it a week ago.” — Jackie & Roseanne
46 “Oh, this is going to be soooo great!” — Darlene
47 “What's the catch?” “No catch, can't we do something nice?” “I don't know, you never have.” — Roseanne & Becky
48 “Oh my God. You're kidding me!” — Roseanne
49 “Save your breath, NAME, you're not gonna talk me into dropping this lawsuit.” “Well, maybe I can talk you into begging for your life.” — Fred & Roseanne
50 “I'm way more powerful than any law!” — Roseanne
51 “Well NAME, I guess you're just not the man/woman I thought you were ... and I wasn't too happy with that one!” — Roseanne
52 “We should've known, NAME, men stick together no matter how butt headed their argument is.” — Becky
53 [about Person b and person c’s sex life] “You're kidding? You guys have a night?” “Yes, we have a night. It's not only Wednesday, but it's always Wednesday.” You have a time too?” “Yeah. Twenty minutes, or until he gets a cramp.” “Well, you should make him wait half-an-hour after he eats.” — Jackie & Roseanne
54 “Oh, c'mon. Just because you guys aren't having "Wednesday", doesn't mean he’s/she's out ... "Wednesday-ing" somebody else.” — Jackie
55 “What's the matter with you, boy/girl? Can't keep your pants on?” — Dan
56 “Damn women! Who the hell do they think they are!” “We are sugar and spice, and everything nice. So bite me!” — Dan & Roseanne
57 “Have you met NAME?” — Roseanne
58 “Gee, I'd love to NAME, but I'd rather stay home and drill some screws into my toes.” — Darlene
59 “Remember one thing, NAME, I'm your worst nightmare!” — Jackie
60 “You always say how you want better things for us.” “Ah, yea, but I was talking about me and your Dad. You kids already got it too good.” — Becky & Roseanne
61 “You are a controlling bitch!” — Dan
62 “Boy I'll tell you, I wish I had never m - -“ “What? Say it.” “Nothin'.” “Well that makes two of us.“ — Dan & Roseanne
63 “Ooohhh, we all know what this is about, don't we? You're just jealous because I've made something of myself.” “Yeah, an ass ... And where do you get that hoity-toity accent anyway? You're from PLACE!” — Ronnie & Roseanne
64 “I can't believe that I wasted TIME hating you for something as stupid as a wedding, when there's a very good reason to hate you. You're a bitch!” [gasps] “I'm a bitch? Hah! I bow to the queen of all bitches.” — Roseanne & Ronnie
65 “Look me in the eye and tell me it was an accident. And remember ... I can tell when you're lying.” “It was an accident ... could you tell?” — Roseanne & DJ
66 “I could go for something to eat.” “Yeah? Well, then go.” [motions toward the door] — Arnie & Roseanne
67 “You're going to flunk marriage if you can't pass the oral ... oh my God ...” “We know too much, we know too much.” — Dan & Fred
68 “NAME, where'd you get those jelly beans?” “From the bin at store.” “NAME, I told you, you gotta finish eating them while you're in the store, 'else it's stealing!” — Roseanne & DJ
69 “I never thought I would say this ... I'm too depressed to drink.” — Dan
70 “Let's just cut the crap, okay. You're talking to NAME’s mother here, the mother of all mothers and she is majorly mad.” — Roseanne
71 “NAME, NAME, NAME. I have raised two of the best damn liars in the free world. Don't embarrass yourself.” — Roseanne
72 “This is for the pain.” “Owwww. Make it a double.” — Nurse & Jackie
73 “I hate to see you laying here in pain like this.” “Well actually, ever since he/she gave me that shot, I'm feelin' kinda neat.” — Gary & Jackie
74 “I want someone who will love me and support me no matter what. Just like NAME does for you.” “Are you insane! You know how many years I had to put into NAME? You think he/she came out of a box like that!” — Jackie & Roseanne
75 “What do you think your punishment oughta be?” “What do you mean?” “NAME told me everything.” “That little rat.” “But I told him/her I wasn't going to do anything until I get your side of the story.” “Well first we, wait a minute, uh, uh --“ “You're getting good.” — Roseanne & Becky
76 “I worked it out with NAME, he’s/she's gonna stay here and babysit and I'm gonna go out.” “Why would he/she do that?” “I have dirt on him/her. “ “What kind of dirt?” “Now if I told you, I'd have to stay home.” [person a leaves] — Darlene & Roseanne
77 [Person A is acting like a hunchback] “I brought the baggage master, where do you wish me to put it?” “Just put it anywhere Igor.” “Maybe later you and me.” “We'll see.” You're so kind.” [ kisses hand] — Dan & Roseanne
78 [about child’s behavior] “NAME you did stuff like that when you were NAME’s age right?” “No, the boy's odd.” — Roseanne & Dan
79 [offering to the family] “Hey, I got one more pancake.” “I want French toast!” “Well, you better move to Europe.” — Roseanne & DJ
80 [Person A, angry, grabs keys and leaves the house] “Oh God. This is really bad.” “Yeah, I know.” “Oh no. I mean, this is really bad. I'm parked behind him/her.” — Jackie & Dan
81 “Yeah, I do. And we're not going to put him/her through that again, are we?” — Dan
82 [comes in through the front door] “NAME, you all ready to go?” [whining] “I don't wa-haant to-o-o-o! I feel like a used piece of gum that somebody stuck under the table, just waiting for the excitement of drying up and hitting the floor.” — Jackie & Roseanne
83 “You HAVE to take this job ... you're the only one that applied!” — Marsha
84 [grabs the syrup bottle and comes up behind PERSON B] “Remember me, NAME?” [look of terror] “Not Mrs. Butterworth ... please not Mrs. Butterworth.” “Remember how your brother/sister NAME told you how I came to life at night in the cupboard? Remember how I would chase you around even though I have no legs? Well I'm back and I just want one more sticky kiss!” [PERSON B screams] — Roseanne & Jackie
85 “I hope I see you later, I mean, a lot later.” — Roseanne
86 [after the birth] “I didn't call you any horrible names back there, did I?” “No more than usual.” — Roseanne & Dan
87 [about kid dressed as a lawyer] “That's the scariest costume all night.” — Roseanne
88 [going through the candy bowl] “This is all sugar in here.” “Not true, there're chemicals too.” — David & Roseanne
89 “You should be giving children the stuff their bodies need.” [gets fruit from the kitchen] “What the hell is that?” “Wait a minute, honey, I've seen this before, it's food that doesn't come in a wrapper.” “That's unsanitary.” — David, Roseanne & Dan
90 “Did you see the Great Pumpkin last night?” “No, NAME wore pajamas.” — Jackie & Roseanne
91 [discussing Person C] “She's rude and selfish.” “I know, but, inside she's just a ... scared little girl.” Yeah, and I know what's scaring her, the raging bitch on the outside.” — Dan & Roseanne
92 “I'll be back later to give you your present.” “Why can't I just open it now?” “I haven't bought it yet.” — Jackie & Roseanne
93 “And don't you ever feed my dog!” “If I get drunk enough, I'll fight your dog!” — Roseanne
94 “I really don't think it's wise for anyone in this family to be giving away livers.” — Beverly
95 “Say 'I'm not taking any crap from anyone'.” “I am ...” “Stop! It's not 'I am', it's 'I'm'.” “I'm not taking any... do I have to say the C word?” “Yes you do, NAME, because that's the most important word.” “I'm not taking any crap from anyone.” “That was good but are you serving tea, NAME? Get mad and say it.” [louder] “I'm not taking any crap from anyone!” “Good, now personalize it, make it your own.” [louder] “I'm not taking any damn crap from anyone!” — Roseanne & Doris
96 “Hey, where's my 'My other mug is a shot glass' mug?” — Roseanne
97 “Why are you gettin' so mad at me?” “Because you are making me defend NAME.” — Becky & Roseanne
98 “I am not sexist. I'm much too frightened of women to be sexist.” — David
99 “Get me a beer.” “Get it yourself, slob!” — Mark & Darlene
100 “I can't believe you're jealous over this.” “Why not? It's very typical of me.”
#roseanne quotes#roseanne prompts#dialogue prompts#writing prompts#roseanne conner#dan conner#darlene conner#dj conner#becky conner#mark healy#david healy#jackie harris#beverly harris#quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy#i live in covid 19 hell
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