#my first time trying to winter it and i'm afraid i might have accidentally killed it

[swankpalanquin]

hibiscus is looking rough, but I think still alive... hopefully will be able to document it coming back to life

[kortsitron]

Hardest mission

Relationships: Steve Rogers × Male! Reader { Platonic }

AU: None

Warnings: Agnst, Hurt/Comfort, Mention of death

BTW: Please imagine in your hero suit something that would hide your face/part of face ( example - Bucky's mask from Captain America: The Winter Soldier )

Summary: You had the worst mission in his life and after it you have a mental breakdown. Steve finds out that you're not okay and tries to cheer you up.

[A/N]

I decided to try and make new "introducing to oneshot template". It might change pretty quickly, so don't be surprised. And please don't judge names, I had no idea which names I should choose XD

Enjoy! 💞

"What do you think you were doing!?" (H/n) yelled, standing in the middle of the hospital room, at afternoon. He was with his two cousins: Andrew and Casey. Both of them, got hurted while (Y/N) was on his mission. "Just because you found that I'm (h/n), don't means that you can go and watch me doing my job! What could happen if he saw you? He could kill you!" (Y/N) frowned and sat down trying to calm his nerves.

"We didn't mean to bother you." Casey said a they looked down embarrassed. "You're a hero, it's hard not to watch you fight." (Y/N) sighed irritated.

"Don't be mad, it's going to be the last time." Andrew added, not understanding seriousness of the situation. "We only got a few cuts. Everything is fine." He said as he sat back.

"It's have to be the last time. I don't want to see you near me while I'm fighting." Male stood up and went to the went then opened it. "Your parents will be here soon and you're going to tell them what happened." He groaned before jumping out of the window, running to the Avengers Tower. After a few minutes, (h/n) finally arrived and took of the mask from his face. The first person he meet was James Buchanan Barnes.

"'Sup (N/N). How was the mission?" Bucky greeted a male with smile on his face. (Y/N) glanced at him and rolled his eyes.

"It was umm... Fine I guess." He answered and crossed his arms.

"If you're in the mood you can go with me to spend some time with others. It's movie night." He chuckled.

"I won't go. I'm exhausted, I would to take a bath and spend some time alone." James nodded.

"Alright. Have a good night, pal." He said as he went to the other, while (Y/N) went to his room. When the door automatically closed behind him, he sat on the floor and begun to sob. The mission, thinking about death of people he cared about broke him instantly. His cousin and their parents were the only people that he had a contract with.

(Y/N)'s parents died around 8 years ago and after that his uncle and aunt took care of him. Because of the fact the grew up with his cousin, he became really protective when it came to them.

(Y/N) was extremely afraid of losing them.

After his cousins accidentally found out that he is (h/n), everything changed. Whenever they saw him in action, they could stop themselves from trying to came as close as it was possible to place of the fight. It was dangerous and it made (Y/N) afraid that something can happen to them. He just couldn't imagine Andrew and Casey being in hospital, fighting for their lives.

Male continued to cry, as he tries to mute himself by putting his hand on his lips. He didn't needed avengers to ask what happened. He didn't wanted to talk about how stressed he was sometimes. He thought it was okay. Keeping things to himself was fine in his opinion, even if he sometimes had enough.

(Y/N) went to the the bed, laid on it and glanced at the ceiling, letting the tears go down his red cheeks.

As the night went, after an 3 hours that (Y/N) in his room, taking a few naps and crying, he felt like going out of his room.

He changed from his suit to shirt and shorts. He made his way to kitchen to get some water. Male hoped that no one is going to meet him. He looked terrible and felt terrible.

Nobody was there at the moment. (Y/N) sighed happily and took a glass. As soon as he took it, the light was on and hit his eyes.

"Shit!" He murmured, rubbing his eyes, trying to adjust them to light.

"Language, (L/N)." The voice chuckled, watching (Y/N)'s movement. "Thought you're going to join sooner or earlier, but it looks like I was wrong." Blond haired male smiled.

"Didn't felt like it." He looked at Steve with puffy eyes. "Please don't ask, I'm fine, alright?"

"So this is the reason? Let me guess, last mission?" Steve rised his brow and crossed his arms, waiting for the answer. (Y/N) looked down and sat on the table.

"(Y/N), look at me and tell what is going on." He rested his hand against the table, taping with fingertips. (Y/N) begun to break.

"Alright. My cousins found out that I'm (h/n) and on the last mission they got injured a little bit. It's not the first time and I'm scared that something can happen to them." His voice broke a few times while talking and his eyes teared up. "I can't lose them." He whispered and sighed.

Steve sat in front of him, put his fingers under his chin to make him look into his perfect blue eyes. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why would I bother you?" Soldier shaked his head. "I-I mean, you have other things to do."

"I might have other things to do, but if I can help you with your problems, I would love to do that." He took (Y/N)'s hand and caressed it with his thumb. "You need a break."

"I guess I do." (Y/N) stood up, and looked at Steve, embarrassed. "Steve, wanna um... cuddle?" Steve chuckled and stood up as well.

"Of course."

[parasite-core]

!!! I'm not sure if you've answered something like this before, but a la TMA, what would your OCs be avatars of? And I'm curious about whether you have any OCs on the backburner! I tend to have a lot of OCs that Ive made but don't necessarily have a whole story attached to them yet, and I was mostly curious if you do the same thing, and what kind of OC ideas you would be excited about in the future!

Haha you asked at a good time, because my friend and I just started a tma AU of our OCs last week so I have thought about it extensively lately.

Lucien would definitely be an Avatar of the Vast. He’s very Simon Fairchild about falling from heights. But also he has a thing for stars and the night sky, so he’d have a very space-centric set of vast abilities, and his go to horror would be leaving people in the void of space, seeing and truly comprehending the sheer enormity of space and how much emptiness is in between everything.

Haruki would be an Avatar of the Slaughter. He’s actually acting as the first villain in our AU. Haruki uses a crystal knife that infects people with wrath. People who act on it become like Melonie was with the bullet, Slaughter aligned although not necessarily an avatar in their own right. People who try to bottle up their feelings and avoid their anger, afraid of losing control or of what they might do to others, will be devoured by it, the crystals overtaking them and feeding in their fear.

Roland was a victim of Haruki in the AU. But if he were an Avatar I think he’d be an Avatar of the Lonely. He has a hard time making connections with others outside his close friends, it took him a long time to open up to the party in his canon campaign, and he spends large parts of his story outside the campaign alone.

Kiyo would be an Avatar of the End. Death and their relationship with it defines their life so much, even if they would want to escape it, it’s inevitable they’d become a part of it.

Sai in the AU takes a role similar to Gerry. If she were an Avatar, I’d say...maybe the Corruption. She’s been known to turn people she doesn’t like onto insects, so that in a larger scale. Either that or the Eye, because she is extremely intelligent and likes to Know things.

Kaius in the AU is an archive assistant. If he were an Avatar, he’d be an Avatar of the Hunt. He’s a vengeful person when you wrong him, and he will hunt you down if he thinks you deserve it.

Morris in the AU is a former assistant to Jergen Leitner. As an Avatar...I honestly have a hard time picturing Morris as an Avatar. Maybe the Eye? But that doesn’t feel right. I could see the Stranger maybe. Yeah I think that’s the closest to true to him.

Umbrolus in the AU is Umber, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Because we decided it would be funny if it were him instead of Kleio (who is based on Jon). So in the AU he’s going to be an Avatar of the Eye. This happened because he got traumatized by the entity that Umbrolus would originally have been aligned with, which is the Vast. Umber is on the radar of four entities: the Vast, the Slaughter, the Eye, and the Lonely. He has a lot of potential to fall to any of them from his combination of character traits. Although the Vast traumatized him and now he can’t walk outside at night without almost going into an anxiety attack.

As for characters I have on the back burner, I have two at the moment.

The first is Calio Caecos, an oracle who accidentally stumbled into just the right set of magical artifacts and rituals to start becoming a lich unintentionally. Calio is a bit of a narcissist, and because the beginnings of lichdom have caused him to start looking unhealthy (a la Voldemort) he’s very upset about this and trying to find a way to undo it (not actually knowing that becoming a lich is what’s happening, he just thinks he was cursed or something). His backstory is going to just be a list of different things he touched/stumbled into/nearly got killed by/did that was a bad idea, which led to the lichy end result. This includes a year that’s basically the black out drunk Skyrim quest where he doesn’t remember a thing that happened during it because of one of the many rituals/artifacts he touched that he shouldn’t have. He’s going to be my character in a Reign of Winter Pathfinder game. I expect he’ll die quickly because I’ve already rolled his stats and they aren’t good, but I think I’m going to have fun as long as he lasts. He’s going to be a bit of a terrible person and a huge flirt, which I don’t usually do, so that’ll be different.

The other is a elf magus named Caladrel. I made then to be a one-off character in an arena fight against Umbrolus in the RP I was doing with him, but I liked them a lot after the scene was over so now I’m holding onto them as a possible backup character for either Umbrolus or Calio. I don’t know much about Caladrel yet, except that they travel around seeking challenging opponents, are honorable, but also don’t like when others hold back against them so they are willing to egg their opponent on if it’ll mean a better fight.

[threemoonsareshining]

i read through all the 'get to know me uncomfortably well' questions and honestly i couldn't pick because i'd love your answers to any of them so idk just answer the ones you feel like answering? is that allowed in these ask games? idk i'm making it allowed (also have a great day!) xx

Hi!!!!!! Oh my god you’re blessing my night with this message because let’s say... I haven't had the best day today, and I’m sure that’s allowed in these ask things, i mean are there even rules? I do’t know how many i’ll be able to answer but I’m going all in so let’s go

2. How old are you? 19 such an ugly age let me tell you

4. What is your zodiac sign? taurus and i’m not really into astrology and stuff so i don’t know if i can relate to my sign or not

5. What is your favorite color? i really like earthy tones, and i’ve always loved dark colors but i’m trying to broaden my horizons in terms of colors, unsuccessfully this far

6. What's your lucky number? i’m not sure if it brings me luck but i’ve always loved the number 5, maybe bc it’s my birthday, i think it’s really nice overall

7. Do you have any pets? yes!! i have 2 cats, i love them so much even though they’re not the friendliest cats in the world you know. I used to have fish but they kept dying not matter how hard i tried! It makes me a little sad but in the end it was just too much work and if i wasn’t able to take care of them properly i’d rather have no fish honestly

8. Where are you from? i don’t like to say these things but i think it’s pretty obvious if you pay a little attention to what i post every once in a while

9. How tall are you?i’m 1.64 or so, which is like… 5.3-5.4??? I’d like to be a little taller tho

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t own many, this year i bought some winter shoes but i just realised all my summer ones are either a little too used or i just don’t like their style anymore so yeah i should do some shopping (if only i had time to do that hah!)

12. What was your last dream about? i don’t remember very well but i think i saw my economics teacher riding a bike with no pants after i’d been fined by the police for having a water balloon war in the middle of the street, I wasn’t happy about that. I’ve had many dreams i was able to remember these last days, but they were more like nightmares i’d say, many of them about being kidnaped, other studies-related (i failed my math test again, i had to retake my college-access test… just terrible), and other were with people i actually know, which wasn’t the best thing ever honestly

15. Favorite song? Plant life by owl city, i’m going to paste the answer i wrote to explain why it’s my favorite (Plant Life by Owl City, that song just describes my soul at a spiritual level, like I could choose 1564 other songs by Owl City that describe me as well but this one is the one that I can relate to when i’m going through the worst times, but also gives me the hope that things will get better idk. And it’s funny because I still loved it before I had the level of English to understand the lyrics, and then I found out what they meant and i was like “woah this actually speaks to me in a way i can’t explain” it was a really weird feeling idk, that song is just me)

16. Favorite movie? billy elliot, actually it’s been a really long time since i last saw it. I remember i watched it like 7 times in a row in one week when i first saw it, i just loved it so much

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Just… someone that i’m 100% comfortable with, which should be a given, but apparently that isn’t that easy to find. Idk i’ve been thinking a lot about this lately basically because some of my coming decisions are going to be based on who i want as a partner, obviously not in a serious-for-life way, but in a way that i deserve right now. I’d like to have someone that doesn’t make me feel inadequate like almost everyone does, that doesn’t make me feel like a temporary asset in their life until they get want they want for me and just don’t care anymore. I don’t know, recent experiences have made me realise I need to figure out what I want and fight for it, not settle for someone just because it’s convenient, or because i don’t want to be alone... because in the end, if someone is making you feel like shit for being who you are and it’s acting like you are not important, even though they’re willing to be with you (even if it’s just for the physical part) that clearly makes you feel even more lonely

18. Do you want children? I’d say my #1 fear in life is getting accidentally pregnant (i know that shouldn’t worry me that much if i use protection and stuff), i meant a good reason i’m so wary of having sex is because i’d go crazy just considering the possibility that the condom failed or something. I think this answers the question, i really don’t want children, idk if i’d be able to take care of a kid, and above all, i don’t want to. Every time i see a kid in the street or in the public transport i pray he/she doesn’t interact with me because i just find it so so so difficult to be nice to them, basically because i don’t know how . Then i also look at their parents, their tired look, and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they love their kids and all but I don’t think everyone can find happiness in having kids, and I don’t think I’m one of those people that won’t feel complete until they have kids or stuff. Furthermore, I’m not willing to sacrifice my body and to suffer the pain of giving birth, that doesn’t even cross my mind. So if I consider the possibility in the future i think I’d adopt.

20. Are you religious? I already answered this so I’ll just paste it I’m sorry this is so lazy (i was raised catholic and as a child i was really really devote, i truly believed in god. But you know, as years go by, then you find out you don’t agree with a lot of things the Church preaches (being in a catholic school doesn’t help, i will never forget the day i heard a priest telling literal 7-year-old girls that their only duty in life was to have children). My environment was really really conservative and I was lucky to somehow realise how fucking wrong some of the stuff they were teaching us was, sadly, i still see a lot of kids in my school being brainwashed… it’s crazy to see the way some families think. Anyways, that contributed to me getting distanced from everything religious-related. Now i could say i’m somewhere between agnostic and non-practicing. I still pray every once in a while but i’m not sure if i truly believe it or it’s just out of custom, i just feel too hopeless and detached from everything to believe there’s something greater than us… this question is too hard!)

24. Baths or showers? I used to hate taking showers just because I didn’t have the strength to go through all the process of taking a shower but I’ve been trying to fix this mainly because 1) Personal Hygiene and stuff 2) Even though i don’t have the willpower to do it, i always try to think about how nice it feels to be clean after a shower, or how relaxed you are (even if it’s for a short period of time) after taking a bath. So yeah I don’t like either of them but they’re obviously necessary

26. Have you ever been famous? I haven’t been famous but I’ve been mistaken for a famous people more than once. The first time i was very young and a man asked me if i was that girl (idk who) that was on tv and I said no, and the other was more recent, last year, when someone mistook me for a youtuber

28. What type of music do you like? I love instrumental music, specially orchestral but i also adore celtic themes. And i hate to admit it but i love electro pop, the owl city - type, even though many people (aka my dad) may think it’s not the Best Quality, but i mean who cares at least I enjoy it

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I’m a mess so most of the time I have a coffee so I don’t die of tiredness throughout the day and if i have time i eat some fruit and cookies, not a lot honestly, which isn’t the most healthy thing to do but hey idc

34. Have you ever fired a gun? No. I really, really hate guns.

37. Favorite swear word? I never swear in public, just when I’m alone, I don’t think I can choose any word!

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep? Maybe 24 hours, the thing is that i sleep very, very little, but i always end up sleeping anyway

41. Are you a good liar? Even when I’m actually telling the truth there are people who don’t believe me so yeah hah not really

42. Are you a good judge of character? i’m really good at getting the vibes of people, sometimes i think i’m just overreading everything but a high percentage of the time i end up being right, so yeah not only regarding people but also with other aspects of my life… i like to trust my gut. However, i don’t always say it bc i’m afraid i might be wrong, but when my suspicions are proven, I’m like yeah i was right how weird hahahahhhhhhhhh, i amaze myself in this aspect honestly

46. What is your personality type? i think i’m intj, but i remember retaking the test a few months later and getting another result but yeah i can relate to the architect type, introvert, cautelous, focused on analysing rather than acting blah blah all that stuff (i love this stuff)

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 4 life, because I’ve tried to force myself to be more outie and let me tell you that didn’t go well

50. Left or right handed? left!!!

51. Are you scared of spiders? I’m really scared of them but i also cry every time i kill one bc i feel sorry for her (but it’s either my life or hers i’m sorry) although most of the time when i see i spider i face my fear and i put in in a box or something to release it outside

52. Favorite food? i’d eat ice cream every day of my life for every meal all the time just give me all the ice cream

58. Do you have much of an ego? My ego is so tiny sometimes i forget it exists and let people step on it like it’s nothing

61. Do you sing to yourself? I perform to myself, i love singing alone in my room. I used to care about my neighbour hearing me but you only live once right

62. Are you a good singer? i wouldn't say i’m a bad singer, nor a good one bc the problem is that my voice is not very strong, so it’s very hard to hear me. But yeah, i’ve been complimented for my singing in some occasions, and i really enjoy doing it on my own (i still don’y know how i was able to sing in public the only time i have done it)

63. Biggest Fear? that i’ll keep missing stuff due to my anxiety, oh that and having unwanted kids obviously

64. Are you a gossip? it’s always interesting to hear stuff and be aware of what happens around you but i‘ve always said that things would be better if everyone just… minded their own business a little bit more, you can’t get mad at someone if they don’t want to tell you something, it’s their life and they don’t owe you all the explanations after all

66. Do you like long or short hair? i have really long hair and i’d love it if it wasn’t so so so hard to maintain… i’m pretty tired of it honestly and i know i said i’d be cutting and donating it this year but… it’s such a part of my identity (which is so silly but it’s true, i’m introduced to some people as “the girl with really long hair”) and… i don’t know i think i’ve enough changes this year, so i’ll keep it for a little longer

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? i’m so scared of the sea i think i’d die

71. What makes you nervous? sadly, even the most insignificant stuff makes me nervous, and apparently, ignoring them doesn’t mae them disapear! so yeah i’m basically suffering at all times due to stupid stuff, i’ve just learned to ignore it enough so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of my life (most of the time it works but it’s mentally draining now that i think about it)

77. Have you ever drank underage? I’m one of those people that can say that never drank alcohol until it was legal for me to do it, I didn’t do it even when my mom offered me something at family gatherings… yeah i think that’s the reason i drink so much now

80. How many piercings do you have? I don’t like piercings for myself (i obviously don’t have a problem with other people having them) but i just think it’s an unnecessary way of mutilating yourself (i hate needles)

86. What are you allergic to? Ironically, I’m allergic to cats, even though i have 2. It comes and goes, and it’s not serious, i sneeze a lot, my eyes itch a little sometimes, but i’m willing to pay that price for my cats honestly

87. Do you keep a journal? I do, but it’s been months since i last wrote mainly because i always feel like shit after writing, so now i can’t bring myself to do it, that’s why i post so much about my personal life in here, because i’m not able to journal but i also don’t want to forget about what happens in my life

90. What makes you angry? Anger is a weird concept for me. I get angry very often, but I’m angry in general, not at anyone in particular, I just find myself unable to get mad at someone, the anger instantaneously turns into sadness, so I don’t know what’s worse. If I’m being mean to someone (most of the time my parents are the victims) it’s not because of them, I’m just angry for no reason and I just can’t keep being nice.

Hey congratualtions if you made it till the end, i was really bored so i answered a lot. Thanks for the message again 🐱🐱🐱🌳🌳🌳