#my fic tbr list is crazy long now

[hazel-islivingtrash]

hello, I recommend these itafushi fics! Twitch Streamer Yuji and Youtuber by kat_likes_writing https://archive.transformativeworks.org/works/37644364/chapters/93971224 Intelligent Disobedience by silverwordswrites https://archiveofourown.org/works/31743604 that's the spirit by akaashism (acciomerlin) https://archiveofourown.org/works/34084420/chapters/84792454#workskin first love, late spring by cityboys https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232274/chapters/69182757

Awesome! Thank you so much :)) I just put them on mark for later list!

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

So wooo it's been a while since I stepped foot in here, started posting around May (and then took down the first fic because I didn't like it) and I'm really glad I did because writing is the one thing that has really resonated with me my whole life. 

I reached 200 followers at the beginning of November and now I'm 6 from 300, which, again, is crazy! And I have a tag list now, it's unbelievable. Thank you so much to each one of you, I love you.

So I definitely want to give something back to this amazing community.

Starting today I'm going to try to do a monthly post dedicated to all the amazing stories I've read. 

This month will be a list of all the works that have stuck with me since I have been here, unfortunately I will never remember them all because my memory sucks, but I hope I have included most of them.

I am so looking forward to discovering many more authors (my tbr list is so long, so many fics so little time, I really hope to read more over the Christmas holidays) in the coming months and I hope to grow this little space more and more into something safe, friendly and nice for everyone.

(Feel free to add me on discord if you like and you haven't already, I'm always happy to chat and make friends, you can find it in my bio).

Anyway, let's cut to the chase, it's a long list of outstanding work below the cut: 

• The Wolf You Feed - @arcanefox207 Joel Miller x f!reader

Look, I'm so in love with her Joel. He’s hot, he's grumpy but also comforting, he plays guitar, he feels true to character. So precious.

• BDSMaid - @mountainsandmayhem

Basically, my Roman Empire. Everything about this is so damn good and this Joel? Hello? Please marry me? I will never stop screaming about him. Also, yes, it’s an AU but he feels so Joel, you know.

• Do your worst, Little Dove from Little Dove series - @mountainsandmayhem Joel Miller x f!reader

This changed my entire brain, okay. Probably the hottest thing I've ever read and if you're into sub!Joel this is something you should read immediately.

• Never made it as a wise man and following chapters - @almostempty Joel Miller x f!reader

Never laughed so hard for a fic and honestly, after this I learned that Wed could write whatever and I'll worship that.

• He knows - @almostempty

Lucien x f!reader

The way it’s written it’s out of this world, I loved it so much♥️

• Self esteem series - @almostempty

She managed to make me fall in love with fuckboy!Joel, which is remarkable because there’s nothing I hate more in this world than fuckboys, like I despise them with all my heart but I’m still here wanting to kneel in front of him. Damn, Wed, stop doing this to me. (Jk)

• Paris, Texas - @almostempty

Joel Miller x f!reader x Javier Peña

*laugh hysterically* I want to live in this fic. I want to be reader. No, actually I want to be the fourth.

• Unscripted desires - @gothcsz Javier Peña x f!reader

The way Kat writes Javi is something unique, I don't even know how she managed to write so much about him doing a fucking banger every single time. This one was probably the first thing I read written by Kat and I'm not going to forget my first love anytime soon.

• Blackmail - @milla-frenchy Joel Miller x f!reader x Javier Peña

I read this series in one day and I was so needy when I finished, jeez! Milla is so damn good and she’s an absolute queen at writing dirty talk, it's honestly unbelievable the way she delivers every single time and leave me speechless.

• Her - from 5 days collection - @milla-frenchy Joel Miller x f!reader

It’s so dear to my heart (odd to say this about a pegging fic? Probably, but I still stand by what I just said). It was so good that inspired me to write a pegging fic myself and she was so kind about it 🥹 And she was probably the first person engaging with me here and I’m so fucking grateful that she did. Milla, if I have people reading me it’s because you reblogged me and gave me a chance in the first place, I will never forget this.

• Table for Three - Who's your daddy - @aurorawritestoescape Joel Miller x f!reader x Dave York

I read those in my early days here and wow Kate definitely sets a bar in terms of hotness for me. So good. And she’s another person that I cherish so much, thanks for being so supportive and encouraging.

• Keep on your mean side - @aurorawritestoescape and @milla-frenchy Joel Miller x f!reader

These two are dead dove queens and this one is simply amazing 10/10 no notes.

• Cherry, Cherry - @baronessvonglitter Joel Miller x f!reader

You have to know something about Adriana, she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, just a beautiful soul. I’m still in awe of how she managed to write this series with so many characters and such a rich plot, it’s so sweet and comforting but also angsty and so good, I teared up a little bit at the end 🥲

• Daddy can fix it - @baronessvonglitter Joel Miller x f!reader

Handyman Joel lives in my mind rent free and the fact that this one feature a plus size!reader is the cherry on top ♥️ All bodies are beautiful and should be considered worthy of Joel’s love.

• Like a good girl should - @baronessvonglitter Joel Miller x f!reader

WELL. I mean. This one gave me an inexhaustible desire to be spanked sooo yeah. So hot.

• Flesh for fantasy - @syd-djarin Joel Miller x f!reader

I thought about that for days after reading it and it’s still one of my fav things ever, like my brain just exploded, I remember having a conversation with @almostempty about this. The fuck Syd, you just broke my mind.

• Pink - @netherfeildren

Joel Miller x f!reader

One of the first thing ever that I read in this fandom and honestly sets a bar so high I was afraid to start writing anything. The urge, the need that drips from every word, the way the shaving scene is still stuck in my brain. Wow. Just wow.

• Touch Tank - @thundermartini

Javier Peña x f!reader

So beautifully written and soft!Javi made my heart melt ♥️

• Spiaggia, amore e limone - @thundermartini

Javier Peña x f!reader

It sets in Italy, of course I am the biggest fan of this. And not only that, Javi is so cute, smut is so hot, everything in this fic feels like a warm hug.

• Trēs series - @whocaresstillthelouvre

Marcus Acacius x f!reader x Lucius Verus

This is the first time I've ever popped into an author's notes and I'm so fucking proud 🤣 Thank you Mallory, you made my day, my week and my whole month 🥹

Plus, this is so good, think about your fav indulging dessert… it’s this series.

• Fifteen - @whocaresstillthelouvre

Din Djarin x f!reader

So comforting and endearing, I love it so much. Like, she made me read Din. I rarely read Din, enough said.

• Do I move you? - @lemon-nomel

Joel Miller x f!reader

I’m so damn proud of her for finding the courage to finally publish this and I’m also honored that she sent me her draft to read 🥹 She’s the sweetest person ever and stood by my side all these months through hard and happy times. Thank you love, for everything and your writing is amazing♥️

• ma’am - @mssalo

Joel Miller x f!reader

Another sub!Joel I won’t forget anytime soon, wow, so damn beautiful, so hot, perfectly executed. I’m so weak for sub!Joel it’s honestly ridiculous.

• So Cal to North Cal - @lotusbxtch

Frankie Morales x f!reader x Joel Miller

It features two of my fav Pedro boys and it’s honestly so good. Would love to take a trip with them and not only that.

• Guilty pleasure - @for-a-longlongtime

Joel Miller x f!reader

Typical DBF!Joel? No, it’s not! And I loved that, no spoiler but my jaw literally dropped to the floor lol

• To Dig a Grave - @softpascalito

Joel Miller x f!reader

I love this series so much, angsty and sad but also comforting in so many ways.

• Wherever you stray, I’ll follow - @cavillscurls

Joel Miller x f!reader

I think this was my first omegaverse fic and it was incredible, so beautifully written.

• Big fat tally - @toxicanonymity

Joel Miller x f!reader

I will probably never forget Joel in a harness, it’s carved in my brain, thanks Toxi for providing this delicious image to me.

• In the woods - @tonysopranosrobe

Frankie Morales x f!reader x Santiago Garcia x Benny Miller

First sex pollen fic I read and I loved it so much. So desperate, so good.

• How do you sleep? - @thriftedtchotchkes

Joel Miller x f!reader

Honestly so good. Wow.

• each man mad’s desire - @pascalispretty

Marcus Acacius x f!reader

This is so beautiful, it’s like a poem, I still have no words.

• The Real Deal - @strang3lov3

Frankie Morales x f!reader

Oh this one was so damn good, please, this Frankie is perfect. I still yearn to have him.

• Bedridden - @strang3lov3

Joel Miller x f!reader

I’m still laughing, it’s so damn good, well written, funny, sick Joel is unbearable but still the hottest ever.

• Doctor’s pet - @evolnoomym

Dave York x f!reader

Oh this one. I mean I’m a secretary in a clinic, it’s clear I need to work for Doctor Dave.

• Ptolemaea - @lovely-vamp-princess

Joel Miller x f!reader

She just started this and it already feels so original to me, like something I never read before and I’m so curious to see how it unfolds.

• Smooth operator - @penascigarette

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel calls a sex line and OMG. They’re softer than I thought, so good and funny. Lovely, just lovely.

Happy reading ♥️

[separatist-apologist]

Hey MB<3 I just keep rereading your fics over and over and they hit everytime (like seriously they itch every scratch in my brain), but just wondering, do u have any elucien fics on your tbr rn, or recent ones that you recommend? I'm mostly looking for canon compliant bc that is crack to me but im not too picky, just looking for recs!

I ANSWERED THE WRONG ASK god kill me right now

You're so sweet. Sorry it took me so long to write this- I wanted to put together a good mix. I hope you like them- these are just one's I've read, there are more on @elucienweekofficials list of multi-chapter fics set in canon, too!

This is long so I put it beneath a cut. I tried to mix on-going fics with completed fics and not recommend the same ones I always do. If anyone finds this list helpful, be better than me and leave a review

I Believe The Word You're Looking For Is Friends by @kingofsummer93

Elain Archeron and Lucien Vanserra are haunted by ghosts of their past, unable to move forward, unsure where they belong.

Together they come to an agreement. He'll teach her everything he knows about Prythian. He'll take her anywhere she wants to go.

In return, maybe she can just stop slapping him so much.

All You Have Is Your Fire by @clockwork-ashes

'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Elain goes to the Autumn Court demanding an audience with the High Lord to save the mate she can barely stand to be in the same room with. She ends up having to stay much longer than she bargained for.

What If I Told You I'm Back by climbingmountains

Come one, come all, it's happening again…Elain and Azriel have been married for ten years. Koschei is defeated, their family is at peace. And if she feels a hollow ache of something every once in a while, that’s just the price one pays for love and duty.

Until she comes home one day to the news that her husband has a mating bond of his own.

OR: I listened to nothing but The Tortured Poets Department for over a month and had a lot of angst to release.

Mockingbird by @avabrynne

After Lucien reluctantly agrees to meet with Eris, he’s shocked when his brother reveals his biggest secret: he has eight-year-old twin daughters. Unwilling to entrust them to anyone else and with Beron's gaze on him more intense than ever, Eris has Lucien swear to protect the girls and take them with him.

When it becomes clear they can’t stay in the human lands even when glamoured to look human, Lucien turns to the Night Court. While it’s easier to handle outbursts of young magic there, Lucien needs help. Enter Elain, who bonded quickly with the twins after their arrival. On top of everything else, Lucien and Elain start to navigate their bond while also finding out a few more secrets, like who Lucien’s actual father is. It's an Autumn and Day Court family drama Elucien and ErisxOC fic!

ACOWAR (Eluciens edition) by @crazy-ache

One moment. All it takes is one singular moment to change the trajectory of fate. Following the events of Hybern, everything changes when Lucien instinctively grabs his mate—Elain Archeron—and brings her back to the Spring Court with Feyre and Tamlin.

In the midst of war and ruin, Elain and Lucien will have to face the bond that connects them together if they hope to survive the unintended consequences. To do so, they’ll have to prevail through games of deceit, powerful forces of magic, and deadly enemies. And hope their hearts survive the journey.

A retelling of A Court of Wings and Ruin (ACOWAR) and a Canon Divergent AU.

A Court of Ash and Sunlight by aturner1205

“I know you’d rather not get help from me. I know you’ve rejected our mating bond and I’ve accepted that. But I still want to make sure you’re safe.”

Her heart twisted in its cage, filling her whole body with icy tears that would not spill.

Tell him. He deserves to know the truth. Tell him.

And because this time the voice inside was hers, because it was strong and clear and right, she did.

“I haven’t rejected the mating bond with you, Lucien,” she said quietly, her chest pounding so loud she could hardly hear the words. “But I think I damaged it, because—because I’ve never felt it.”

The Scenic Route by @bonecarversbestie

Elain grows discontent with her role in the Night Court as she grapples with grief for her human life and powers that she does not fully understand. One evening she accidentally winnows to Lucien's doorstep and he agrees to take her back to Velaris via the scenic route.

Can I Be Close To You by @temperedink

Elain and Lucien have been feeling out their tentative new relationship for a while, and Elain is getting antsy about the slow pace she's set for them. But maybe it's time to take things to the next level.

Set a few years post-ACOSF.

Oceans Apart (Never) by angryramen

Living in the Day-Court with her mate seemed like a damning at first. But slowly Elain started to enjoy Lucien’s company. They conversed together in the Day-Court gardens and slowly became friends. He even promised to charter a ship to take her to the continent, somewhere she’d always wanted to go. But when the time comes to say goodbye…

The Heirs of Fall and Flame by arosebetweenthorns

Eris Vanserra has always been a complicated male. Born as the first son to a tyrant of a High Lord, he was raised on cruelty, learning never to reveal weaknesses. But as Eris' allegiances to his father's court are questioned, his loyalties forming with those across borders, he realises enemies in his own court - especially his father - may be too difficult for him to keep at bay, especially when he inadvertently sets his father's sights onto his youngest brother. Then there's Rhysand's Inner Circle to contend with - one particular shadowsinger that Eris can't seem to avoid... but does he even want to? --- Lucien Vanserra always thought his suffering at the Autumn Court's hands was behind him. But when his father shows a vested interest in him years after banishing him, it's clear he will have to fight to keep the fragile peace he's built himself. All Lucien wants is to be with Elain and begin a life of his own, but when Elain's life is threatened by his father, Lucien learns just how much he has to learn before life can truly begin.

This is a direct continuation of the events of ACOSF. Joint POV of Eris and Lucien.

A Court of Breaking by @aldbooks

A year after the events of A Breaking, Elain feels a tug on the bond and realizes her estranged mate is in danger. Lucien, now returned to the Night Court, wonders if he might have been too hasty in his decision to leave, and if there might still be a chance for him with his mate

Summer Heat by @zenkindoflove

Lucien nodded his head, looking for any cue that he was dismissed. “Got it. Keep everyone in line and try not to make an ass of myself in front of my mate. I’ll see what I can do.”

Summer Court is hosting the Summer Solstice Summit and the Night Court is sending their best emissaries to attend. It will be Elain's first time mingling in another court, and it's a good thing she has an expert guiding her: the mate she's been ignoring for the last two years.

Meanwhile, Eris has been sent to the summit to spy on Summer's developments. What he doesn't anticipate is entangling in a steamy, forbidden romance.

Post-ACOSF, Elucien, Eris x OC, Multi-chapter.

Healer In The Night by @infinitefolklore

Lucien has been away on the continent on a mission. No one has heard from him in over two months. Elain is worried. On a dark and stromy night, he shows up bloody on her doorstep. Elain nurses him back to health.

The Luck Of The Draw by @sad-scarred-sassy

Elain Archeron is determined to end her unwanted mating bond with Lucien Vanserra. She has resigned herself to a loveless life, convinced she will never be able to experience true love without the fabricated weight of an assigned mate.

Her plans take a sharp turn when her mate arrives with a proposition to accompany him on a mission to a foreign court. When no one else believes her capable of succeeding Elain decides to prove to herself and others that she is not as hopeless as everyone else thought.

Only this will mean she will have to face him, and with that all that she has sworn off, battling between not knowing where the mating bond's influence ends and where her true feelings begin.

[namesnamesandmorenames]

Okay I already said this but I just started my Library and Information Science Masters and I actually coincidentally started a fanfiction database around April when I was first accepted into the program. Now I have been in classes for like a month and a half and have been working out the bugs adding stuff for easier use on this database for 5 months. I’ve been using my current set up for the past week and I think it’s what I’ll be sticking with. I might go more in depth in what each record has and I have a separate Fandom Creators database but I think that the records for those are honestly more interesting than the views.

On to what I want to shout into the void about: The views!

I know there’s a good chance no one cares so here’s a break off point to avoid clogging up your feed.

Each of these are set up for different purposes- overview is for completed works. These are the Read Statues I use in this overview (please ignore how crazy the numbers are)

Reading, Read Next and To Read all seem self explanatory to me and have been there since I started this spreadsheet/database ages ago. Priority Creators are writers who I have read almost if not all of their published work and I want to keep up with them as they write more. But... It's not necessarily my ONLY favorite writers- Prolific Priority (dumb name everything else I came up with was too long. I wanted it to be at most two words) are for people who have an EXTENSIVE back catalog of fics creators I trust who I've read and loved their work but it's not keeping up like Priority Creators-- it's catching up. Fandom Firsts a bit self explanatory- this is a creators first and only work (for now) in the fandom I'm currently hyperfixating on. I don't necessarily prioritize them but I like knowing in case they end up becoming a favorite writer! Basically it's a fancy system to break up my TBR from being in the thousands lol. Off The Presses— Was this work released in the last month essentially? These will filter back into the other categories if I don’t get to them it’s just something I like to be aware of.

Podfics overview (self explanatory (I record podfics so I like sorting by those separately because if there's a podic I'm listening to it!)) it looks practically identical to the regular overview just filters for if there is a contributor listed or podfic box checked.

WIP Overview- one of my most useful views imo-

It has extra read status' of Up to Date and Updated- Up to Date being fics I'm subscribed to and hoping for updates and Updated being recently updated fics I wanna catch up on! It’s also just nice to keep track of when things were last updated before I start them. Off the Presses actually means something slightly different here than traditional overview— that’s work I haven’t started reading but have checked and it has updated within the last month— I’m not completely against reading abandoned work (I even have a separate fic status for it) but wanna be aware of it before I start.

By Title and Format I don't really use Title is fics I'd consider making into podfics personally but it's gotten out of hand and I don't record nearly enough to ever actually catch up on it, format was an attempt at having the Completed and WIP overviews in one place- it was cluttered and I didn't use it. Now it breaks down by one shot or multi chapters and then length but I rarely actually use it because it has to be a uniform division of word count and it's just a lot of scrolling when set to 10,000 but anything more than that would have 500 word drabbles with like 20,000 word oneshots.

Missing Information? Like I mentioned I will add sections, recently I wanted to track where in the canon timeline I read most fics and this is a view where I've been trying to go back and update that most easily.

Bulk Addition- despite my excessive fic TBR I will still browse for new and old fics that clog up my tabs just as bad as the next person and I will just put the info in here it's set up most like a spreadsheet with a WIP, One Shot, Multi Chapter breakdown because One Shot is the default so it's easiest to be quick and accurate this way.

Skipping Chart for a sec-- checking is just a big list where I can search without it being broken up by any status or filters so I can try avoiding duplicate entries or find something specific by name, tag or creator. It’s basically my simplest version of a retrieval tool.

Chart is my designated 1 chart Notion will let me have for free I can and do change it relatively often if I am interested in something- here are a few options I go back to:

How many words am I reading each month?

How many words are the fics I’m recording each month overall?

Is there a month that more works I recorded were published?

And most recently— Where in the canon am I most likely to read a fic for? (I have Ambiguous, Multi Season or True AU options if it is truly too hard to tell but clearly since I just joined the 9-1-1 fandom a lot of the fics I’ve been reading take place post s7.)

Like I said I might make another post looking at what is recorded in each record, I think it would be funny to look at it as if it’s an actual cataloging schema so I might try to use LIS vocab for this as if it’s serious lol.

[xjoonchildx]

a couple of things i wanted to tell you:

if you sent me an ask on kanalia, i promise i will answer it 💕 your feedback makes my heart soar, i’m just trying to space some out and not get too spoilery too early.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

i had asks in my inbox from a long while back, namely requests for lists. i’d always intended to answer them but things got so crazy at work that i fell super behind. please accept my apologies, i feel really terrible about it 😭

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️ my TBR list is super long and i’ve wanted to get to a lot of fics for so long but i was swamped trying to finish the kanalia chapter. now that i’ve posted, i’m going to commit to reading and sharing as many fics as i can over the next few days.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

you can find the new chapter of kanalia here.

you guys really are the best. thank you for being here 💕

[demarogue]

Fandom New Years Resolutions for 2023

I don’t want to do any of the Year In Review things because...well, it was a really intense, difficult year and I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked. However! I thought it might be fun to lay out my plans for 2023, keep them reasonable (keep them safe) and try to hype myself up to finish. 

Without further ado, my list that is likely to shift and change:

DRAGON AGE

Fics

Finish Letters to the Dead

Continue You’re Bad but You’re Mine (maybe even finish!? Who knows!)

Finish and post Something Unholy, a Morgon one-shot that was supposed to be for Satinalia but will now be for a random Andrastian holiday because I vastly overestimated the length of December

Solavellan stuff (DA4 has me in a deathgrip)

Some one-shots: Blackwall + Josephine, Comedy of Errors stuff, 

Art

Banners/cover pages for all my fics

Catch up on all commissions/gifts

Finally color my lovely Niva linearts from @dreadfutures

Morgon Tarot card (three guesses which one lol)

Morgon, Niva and Alethea portraits for pfps

ACOTAR

Fics

Finish All of Me Belongs to You (ASAP/early Jan)

Finish A Lily on Thy Brow

Nyx craziness

Past Loves, Lives collection (Young Bats, Amren being Made, Mor’s first time falling for a woman, I’m working on more ideas and for sure would take prompts, hit up my asks!)

A one-shot per month. Probably mostly Elriel but I’m planning to branch out, too

Art

Finish Elriel AU piece for @azrielslight (ASAP/early Jan)

Finish Elriel in the garden piece

Banners/cover pages for all my fics

Feyre slaying the worm

Feyre and her monsters

Buzzcuts in the Illyrian camp/battlefield hairstyle incidents

Some smutty Elriel stuff

18th/19th-century style Portraits of the sisters

RINGS OF POWER/LOTR

Art (Only art because I am not enough of a Tolkein scholar to dare to write stuff)

ALL THE WOMEN. Binders full of em!

also Aragorn and Halbrand. Maybe even together ;)

Lastly, I just want to read more fic. My TBR is so long – if you’re a longfic writer and I started reading and then disappeared into the hills, please know I didn’t lose interest!! I just had A Year, is all. I am excited to return to reading regularly and letting you all know how much I adore you and how unspeakably talented I think you are.

And just for funsies, with NO pressure to join in, I’d love to hear anyone’s fandom resolutions! I’m not going to tag specific folks because I don’t want to be pushy OR leave anyone out so suffice to say, if you can see this I am tagging you in spirit.

[theycallmequeerhat]

Very much loving your WN fic - I (Really) Do. I love your writing style and the story is just so compelling that I can’t wait for Mondays.

It seems like you have a good taste in books as well with Delilah Green Doesn’t Care and the Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Got me wondering what else might be on Bea’s bookshelf. Do you have any other similar recs for lighter reads like those? Thanks!

First of all, thank you!!

Second of all, here's a list of Bea's (my) sapphic shelf. Admittedly might have more, can add if I realize I've put something in the wrong place on my shelves at home. *I've not put Author's names in these because I'm not trying to turn into booktok. The people that have the energy and ability for tiktok deserve all the love and awards. I'm just a book worm and will buy/read anything that seems kinda sapphic.* That being said, if you can't find a book from here and want more info, just ask. I can send photos of covers, etc.

Sapphic Books

YA Romance Novels

-Last Night at the Telegraph Club- I can guarantee you that this would be Bea’s favorite lol

-A Scatter of Light- no where near as good as LNatTC. Also, you have to tilt your head and squint for this to be a sequel. Which obviously annoyed me.

-She gets the girl- cute y/a romance

-home field advantage- y/a. eh. had to google just now to remember what it was about

-A Falling in Love Montage- I will defend this book because I don’t feel like we get queer books like this. That being said, this book pissed me off.

-I kissed a girl- if you like low budget horror movies, this is your book. if not, it’s just okay.

-She drives me crazy-I thought Irene could do better. i said what i said.

-Her Name in the Sky- So accurate to growing up queer in the south. I cried several times. I also asked my mom to read it. She did. We then cried together.

-Ash- It has been so long since I have read this, that I’ve just moved it back to my tbr pile

Adult Romance Novels

-The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo-there's a reason this is getting developed into a movie/show. Netflix will probably ruin it, but there's a reason it's getting one.

-Delilah Green Doesn’t Care- probably my favorite sapphic romcom to date.

-Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail-I don’t like Astrid as much as I like Delilah so that probably impacted my feelings of this book. Well written, probably better than the rest of the list, but Delilah was SO good.

-One Last Stop- fun, almost fantasy, almost young adult, but it’s a wee spicy, so we’ll put it here.

-Count your lucky stars-possibly better than the first

-written in the star-super cute. there is a third in this series, but it's m/f and I'm just not here for that, as lovely as they might be.

-the Romance Recipe- spicy, legit started skimming the rest. preferred the porn to the plot.

-Read Between the Lines- Cute, i’d read more of this author

-The Perks of Loving a Wallflower- cute, regency, unrealistic, but totally fine with that, part of a series, but you don’t need the rest

-Bloodmoon: Bound <- Yep, I’m promoting my own book lol, though I doubt Bea would be into it. very nsfw. vampires, bdsm, it's a good time

Sci-Fi and Fantasy (My favorite and subsequently, Bea’s favorites)

-Crier’s War- i want a movie

-Iron Heart-i aggressively want a movie

-Gideon the Ninth-these books will change your brain chemistry

-Harrow the Ninth-like a fever dream you don't want to wake up from

-Nona the Ninth-i love nona.

-The Space Between Worlds-Bea would absolutely love this book. one of the coolest reads of my life.

-This is How You Lose the Time War-pure poetry. i read it, let out a weird noise between a sob and a gasp and then immediately re-read it.

-The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet- barely queer, but I’m counting it. no i won't elaborate, that would be spoilers.

Graphic Novels:

-Sunstone-If you’re in to BDSM. PLEASE do yourself a favor and order all of these now. i believe volume 8 is set to release in November.

-Lumberjanes- SO SO SO SO cute. and good. and innocent.

-Batwoman (The New 52)- 1-27 are amongst the greatest comics I have ever read. F*ck DC. They know what they did.

-Space Trash (really, anything by Jenn Woodall is queer. also, small run comic books, deserves some support, you can find them online)

Currently Reading/To Read this Year Shelf:

-Malice

-She Who Became the Sun

-The Jasmine Throne

-The Priory of an Orange Tree 

-A Closed and Common Orbit- Not sure if this will be sapphic

-Sorry, Bro

-These Witches Don’t Burn

-Melt With You

-I think I love you

[icycoolslushie]

250 Followers

👀 This some kind of double milestone?

Anyways thanks to all of you 💖

Y'all are appreciated.

It hasn't even been a week since my 175 follower celebration ajkjdlkaj

Update: I have 254 followers now I-

📚 Send me book recs! Especially YA

🎤 Send me song recs! (Pop please I don't really listen to other ones)

🍀 Cym cause I'm feeling particularly brave (fandoms here)

🖼 Send a request for a header/moodboard/etc

🪔 Send a request for a fic (can't promise how long it'll take tho)

🍧 Ask me anything! (as long as it's not too personal)

✨ Moots can ask for a special note to them <3

Also, if you voted for my tbr list last time, The Song of Achilles won! But I can't get it rn, so I read TFOTA, RB, and am on LOTR rn!

Once again, thank you so much!

@in-a-fever-dream @justanotherblackthornghost @finnick-annie @adoravel-fenomeno @underestimatedgenius @lucie-blackthorns @cherilyn-rose @darklingswhxore @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @im-fucking-bored-rn @thehotfaeriethreesome @writeforjordelia @ninacarstairss @peachesandinos-dot-art @tiredassbibliophile @pjo-tsc-trc-otherthingstoo @jurdan-my-beloved @matthias-is-alive @tyblackthornkinnie @herondalesunsetcurve @reyna-herondale @knife-wife-inej @queen-born-out-of-fire @queenlilith43 @clarys-heosphoros @clockworknights @ohcoolnice @damhalfblood @immortal-enemies @della-vacker-supremacy @ashiyaana @all-thestoriesaretrue @shadowhunting-hooligans @nevada-the-bookwyvern @dark-artifices-only @confused-as-all-hell @justmemyselfandthefridge @gabtapia @ddepressedbookworm @theenchanteddreamer @shadowhuntingdemigod @crazy-beautiful @crzyprsn42 & ALL MY MUTUALS I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TAG YOU BUT I MEANT TO SO IF YOU SEE THIS KNOW THAT YOU ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED 💕💕💕

[galvanizedfriend]

Ok, friend. Let the people know. What are some of your fave angst ficz?

Friend, I'm afraid I'm not gonna have anything new for you. lol You've read all the fanfics in the world and my favorites are probably almost all on your list as well because I stole several of them from YOUR list of favorite ever fics.

Some of these aren't EXACTLY angsty, but they have SOME angst or moments of angst that are V. V. GOOD. Even stories that aren't angsty can do with great moments of heart-wrenching emotional turbulence and I do not get why people shy away from that like it's coronavirus. But anyway.

Heartless by @hybridtunnelvision The Birth and Death of the Day by @little-miss-sunny-daisy Holy Water Cannot Help You Now by @eenasbabysmom It Takes a While do Settle Down by theviolinist The Parisian Deal by Borzoi Set Down Your Glass series by imperfect and chaotic

Also This is a Harvest by your-royal-self! It’s not all angst at all, it’s more like the whole spectrum, like a real journey, the journey those two dummies should’ve been on in canon. It has a super awesome finale but I was CRYING halfway through it because there was sooooo much emotion packed there! There was longing and some regret and the way they part, that conversation they have when Klaus leaves, IT BROKE MY HEART, OK? “Ask me to choose you, Caroline.” But then you fixed it real fine, so that was ok.

I have some fics on my TBR that I've been postponing for when work gets less crazy. I got some recs for angsty fics! I will come back here with updates just as soon as I get to those. 

I have to get back IN MY ANGSTY ZONE. I’m all fluff these days.

[thebigoblin]

This is for the TEEN WOLF fandom, especially STEREK FANS!

If you haven't already read these three fics, either because you're new or never got to read it because they are huge, I recommend to put this on your TBR (to be read) list. You won't regret it.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

by @isthatbloodonhisshirt

Rating: Explicit

Words: 400k+ (totally worth every hour you read!)

Summary:

“I apologize.” The cop finally looked back up at his face, seeming thrilled. “It’s just—it’s been so long. And we finally have you.”

That was a bad word. Not found.

Have.

Stiles wrenched his hand free and took a step back, but before he could even think up a gameplan, he felt a prick in his neck and jerked away, reaching up to slap one hand against it and twisting in the same moment.

One of the others had come up behind him while he hadn’t been paying attention, and his vision began to swim even as his eyes caught sight of the half-empty syringe the guy was holding.

(This is seriously epic! The whole brain power of this author, is like, fucking wowwwww!! The time they must have taken to develop such a great and completely original take on sparks and the whole shebang is just—just awesome. Trust me, you wanna read it. And then re-read it Multiple times).

Home and Raising Home

by @stiles-and-the-sourwolf

Okay, so they're technically two fics, but they are the same story!! So imma count them as one xD. (Ooh, and read them as suggested. In order. There's one more fic, A Little After Midnight, January First, that is to be read after chapter 5 of Home).

Rating: Teen & Up

Words: (counting all 3 fics) 350k+

Summary:

January seventh. Seven days since the start of 2015, and seven days since his father’s death.

The bastard, he thinks bitterly. The past year Derek Hale had made it blatantly obvious that he hated his scrawny guts, taking every given opportunity to shove him up against a wall, growl threats in his ears and roll his eyes whenever he stepped into the room, muttering some snide comment about how spastic or idiotic he was.

So why did he fucking volunteer to take him in?

(Okay, it sounds very angsty, and it is too, but oh man is it worth the read!!! It has sooo much feels, it will blow your mind. And and and! The backstory!!!! The FUCKING FEELS! It's blatantly beautiful and honestly disgraceful that this amazing person can write as well as draw!!! Because those drawings? Damn!)

And now one of my other faves:

A New Perspective

by @asterekmess

This is an ongoing series (so okay I lied. There's more than 3 fics... sowwy?) Teen Wolf retold with Derek and Stiles' POV, and just so imperfectly flawed with our favs problematic decisions that you'll love it!! S1, S2 and the summer interlude have been posted already, and S3A is coming in October, I believe. I can't wait!!

Rating: Mature

Words: 300k+ (and counting)

Summary:

When Stiles' late night stroll with his best friend ends in said friend being turned in a howling creature of the night, he does his best to cope with his now batshit crazy life.

-

The first installation in a series of episode-by-episode rewrites of Teen Wolf from Stiles' & Derek's perspective, including missing scenes as I imagine they might've been, and a few dialogue changes. Canon compliant for Season 1, but later seasons will be Canon Divergent.

(The writer is superbly talented, and her takes on Scott and Teen Wolf in general are literal genius. Go to their blog and scroll through!! And OH. STACKSON!!! BROTP!!!! aaAAHH. Love it).

Spotlight Saturday

Make a post recommending a someone else’s fic that you love. Whether it was posted this week or whether it’s been in progress for a while and is currently updating, tell everyone you know that they should check it out.

Reblog artwork and gifsets from other fan creators. Recommend someone you think others should follow - and why. Share the love for your fellow fans, creators and consumers alike. Be the Will Smith meme for your fandom.

Feel free to repost this header!

[alwaysmychoices]

About me

Tagged by @crazy-loca-blog. Sorry I took so long, but thank you for tagging me!

name/nickname: May (I have an extremely uncommon double first name, so this is the nickname I feel comfortable sharing on the internet)

pronouns: She/her

star sign: Gemini

Height: 5′8

Time: 2:09 am EST (oops)

Birthday: May 24

Favorite bands: I listen to more solo artists than bands, but I really like Coin, Fall Out Boy, Lord Huron, Glass Animals, the Lumineers, The Neighborhood, and Wallows.

Favorite solo artists: That’s really hard because I’ve recently had a shift in music taste, so I’m still finding artists and don’t actually know a lot of their names (I find most of them through curated playlists or just stumble across songs). Off the top off my head, I love Taylor Swift, Hozier, Finneas, JP Saxe, Olivia Rodrigo, and Lorde.

Song stuck in my head: Currently none, but because of TikTok, I’ve had Bo Burnham songs stuck in my head.

Last show: Death in Paradise

Last movie: Notting Hill

When did I create this blog: January 8th, 2018, but before that, I had a sims blog. That’s why this is my “side blog” even though I use it more.

What do I post: I post mostly Choices content, including my fanfictions for Choices. Sometimes, I’ll post something random or personal, but technically, this is supposed to be a choices blog.

Last thing I googled: Other than how to check when you made your Tumblr account, I last googled how to make an heir legitimate in Victorian-era England because my family was watching a show where it came up.

Other blogs: I have my “main” blog, which is an abandoned sims blog. It is called @alwaysmychoices-sideblog. I also have a blog where I save fics I want to read later called @choicesficstoreadlater. I have a blog where I save Sims CC I might want to download later if I ever boot up the game.

Why I chose my URL: I wanted to use Choices pun, and I wanted it to sound very moody because that was the aesthetic my blog originally had. I wanted something like “you were always my choice” but that was taken or didn’t work out. In the end, I did “Always My Choices,” and if you go on the desktop version of my blog, you see it worked into a quote. It’s kinda funny to see the blog aesthetic be yellow and upbeat now because I specifically chose it to feel brooding and angsty.

Do I get asks: Yes! I haven’t answered them all, but that’s either because I’m saving them to work on your request or really like to keep your sweet messages where I can see them.

Following: 289

Followers: 1137

Average hours of sleep: It depends. I have insomnia, so my hours are messed up but I usually end up getting about 8 hours right now because I’m on break

Lucky number: 6, 7, 524, and 29

Instruments: None, sadly

What am I wearing: pajamas

Dream trip: After quarantine, I have dozens of dream trips. I’d love to return to Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, and Bosnia. I spent a few months in Serbia, and I miss it all the time. I would also love to spend a few weeks exploring Russia because I think that would be an amazing experience. I’ve never been to Germany or Ireland, and they’re on my bucket list. As I’m writing this, I’m just coming up with more places I want to go!

Favorite food: probably homemade spaghetti? But it might be pizza, which is a little embarrassing.

Languages: I only really speak English, though I can occasionally string together a sentence in French or Spanish, which a tragedy considering how many years I studied them in school.

Nationality: American

Favorite song: It depends, but right now, it’s “Jackie and Wilson” by Hozier.

Last book read: I recently finished The Duke and I by Olivia Quinn (do not recommend). Right now, I’m reading The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab, which is amazing. After this, I’m hoping to read Six of Crows or People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry. I’ve built up a big TBR while in school, so I’m hoping to read a lot this summer.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: Star Wars universe (just not as a Skywalker because that’s too much trauma), the Percy Jackson universe, and maybe the Harry Potter universe even though I never read Harry Potter and only say that because being a wizard sounds cool.

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it!

@mvalentine @kalogh @stateofgracious @blossomanarchy @starrystarrytrouble

[useyourrwords]

Month in Review // The Month From Hell – March

This month has given me more breakdowns than I can count.

So maybe it’s not the single worst month I’ve ever lived but honestly, it’s pretty high up there!

Between a car accident, still going through the mess of changing names, pain, oh so much fucking pain, a new doctor who doesn’t know how to help me, and an altercation I wish to just forget, I’m just about ready to hide under my blankets and never leave my room.

Unfortunately, that’s not an option and so I am sitting at me desk at work writing this instead.

If you would like to buy any of the following books please consider using my Book Depository Affliate link!

         Month’s TBR

│The Dream Thieves││

│Skylarks││

│The Surface Breaks││

│The Female of the Species│││

│Sharp Objects││

│Blue Lily, Lily Blue││

│Truly Devious││

│Khutulun│tatterhood│Agnodice│Te Puea Herangi│Moremi Ajasoro│Sybil Ludington│Kurmanjan Datka│Andamana│Mary Seacole│Florence Nightingale│Gráinne “Grace O’Malley” Ni Mháille│Rejected Princesses││

│Empress Xi Ling Shi│Hatsheput│Agnodice│Trung Trӑc & Trung Nhi│Fatima Al-Fihri│Bygone Badass Broads││

     Read

│The Surface Breaks│Lousie O’Neill│││││★★★★│Read Mar 13│

This book was so unapologetically feminist, I loved it.

│The Dream Thieves│The Raven Cycle #2│Maggie Stiefvater│││││★★★★★│Read Mar 25│

I think I jumped into this book too quickly after finishing the first so it took me a while to get through it but I got there eventually.

│Truly Devious│Truly Devious #1│Maureen Johnson│││││DNF Mar 22│

I don’t think fiction audiobooks are for me! at least not ones I haven’t already read. I’m switching to Non-Fic/memoirs and I’ll try rereading a fave eventually to see how I go with that.

│I’ve Got This Round│Mamrie hart││││

After realising ficiton audiobooks weren’t for me I needed a win so I returned Truly Devious for this because i love Mamrie and there’s no way I wouldn’t love this. I was right.

│Skylarks│Karen Gregory│││││

I’ve just been super invested in this one. I don’t know if it’s because i wasn’t reading it regularly since I normally read ARCs while I’m exercising…and I’ve not been exercising like at all this month. I don’t know. I’ll give it another go next month if I have time but otherwise it’ll probably be pushed back to May.

│Rad Girls Can│Kate Schatz│││││

I switched to this ARC since it’s only 112 pages and I figured SURELY I can finish this before the month is up. Nope. So April it is!

│Khutulun│tatterhood│Agnodice│Te Puea Herangi│Moremi Ajasoro│Sybil Ludington│Kurmanjan Datka│Andamana│Mary Seacole│Florence Nightingale│Gráinne “Grace O’Malley” Ni Mháille│Rejected Princesses│Jason Porath│││││

│Empress Xi Ling Shi│Hatsheput│Agnodice│Trung Trӑc & Trung Nhi│Fatima Al-Fihri│Bygone Badass Broads│Mackenzi Lee│││││

I didn’t do much but at least I got my entries read for both of these!

Book of the Month

│The Female of the Species│Mindy McGinnis││││││★★★★★│Read Mar 31│

Once I realised just how little I read this month and made myself power through this one and omg it was soooo good and worth it. I needed this book this month.

│Average Rating: 4.5★’s│ 5│

Structured TBR Pass or Fail?

│Must Read:  3/5│ 0/1│ 0/0│ 2/2│ 3/3│ 10/10│ 5/5│

│Allowances:  1/1│ 1/1│ 0/0│ 0/0│ 0/1│

Clearly this was a terrible reading month. I got hardly any reading done. I started off relatively strong but then I stopped exercising (for reasons I’ll go into further later in this post) so that was less time spent reading. And then I spent far more time watching TV when I should have been reading because Depression. And the audiobook wasn’t really working out for me so I didn’t get that read either. FUN.

     Haul

│Barbed Wire Heart│Tess Sharpe│││

I loved Far From You so when I saw this was available on Netgalley I knew I needed it! And it wasn’t even a request, just one you could immediately download and my international blogger heart is v. v. thankful.

│Vicious│Villains #1│V.E. Schwab││

│Vengeful│Villains #1│V.E. Schwab│││

If you’ve been paying attention to my hauls sections you’re probably thinking “doesn’t Grey already have both of these books and the answer to that is yes absolutely but listen.

I have the paperback copy of Vicious in the old cover art because i bought it years ago…Well my mum bought it for me years ago but same same.

Then it was announced that with the long-awaited release of Vengeful we’d get all new cover art so I knew I’d be re-buying the first no matter what.

And then the collector’s edition came out for Vicious.

So I bought that and then Book Depository listed the hardback for Vengeful as a collector’s edition and so I ordered that as a birthday present to myself.

Only I don’t actually think it is a collector’s edition because it doesn’t say so on the cover or anything but oh well.

So I finally have both books with new covers only I don’t want to read them because if I do, I’ll want to annotate them and I don’t annotate collector’s edition as a rule for myself.

So I had to buy the paperbacks. I just had to. My hands were tied. Did I really have the money to? No, but I’ve had a hard month so fuck it.

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

 Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3

       Film & TV

Honestly I barely remember what I did actually watch.

Month’s TBW

│The Bold Type│Season 2││

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││

│I Am The Night│Season 1││

│The Umbrella Academy│Season 1││

│Russian Doll│Season 1││

│Sex Education│Season 1││

     Watched

│The Bold Type│Season 2││2017│ Sarah Watson│ Katie Stevens, Aisha Dee, Meghann Fahy│★★★★★│

This show is so fucking good, I’m not not so patiently waiting for the third season to come out next month!

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││2013│ Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur│ Andre Braugher, Andy Samberg, Stephanie Beatriz│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

The episode with the murder in the apartment and the making stupid promises to the mum and Jake slowly going crazy and Rosa with a different hair style every scene??? Iconic!

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││2009│ RuPaul│RuPaul, Michelle Visage│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

Between Miss Vanjie being the narrator of the season (and maybe my fave of all time), her hoemance with Brooke Lyn Heights, Yvie’s take no shit, own your shit attitude and Plastique’s fish???? I am in love with this season.

I could do without Silky’s obnoxious everything and R. Kelly style Untucked breakdowns but whatever.

│Russian Doll│Season 1││2019│  Leslye Headland, Natasha Lyonne, Amy Poehler│ Natasha Lyonne, Charlie Barnett, Greta Lee│★★★★★│

I am in love with Russian Doll and everything about it. It’s short, it’s smart, it’s quality TV and it’s fucking funny.

│Sex Education│Season 1││2019│ Laurie Nunn│ Asa Butterfield, Gillian Anderson, Emma Mackey│★★★★★│

This show is stupid funny but it’s also super intelligent and important. This is such a good show for teens to have easy access to and I can’t wait for the new season.

│Queer Eye│Season 3││2018│ Bobby Berk, Karamo Brown, Tan France │★★★★★│

This season had me crying my eyes out and I loved every second of it.

But my favourite moment is when Jody, on the first episode, comes out for the big reveal and the guys all lose their fucking minds! Especially Karamo’s and Antoni’s reactions. They were absolutely fucking gold.

│Game of Thrones│Season 1││2011│ David Benioff, D.B. Weiss│ Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Kit Harington│★★★★│

I mean, yes I am well aware of the problems Game of Thrones have and I am trash for it anyway. Is it as amazing as I initially thought?? Not at all but I’m in too deep now I can’t just not watch the final season.

So here I am re-watching the entire show with my mum to drag it out just a little longer and hopefully by the time we’re all caught up the final season, in it’s entirety, will be well and truly out.

I just have to try and avoid spoilers until then…which should actually be very easy because of something I’ll announce in my Month Ahead post.

Me after this month.

     Music

│YUNGBLUD│11 Minutes + Halsey│Loner│Falling Skies + Charlotte Lawrence│

│Dodie│Burned Out│

│Troye Sivan + Lauv│i’m so tired…│

│Noah Cyrus│Sadness│Good Cry│

│Julia Michaels│Anxiety + Selena Gomez│Happy│

│Steve Aoki│Waste It on Me + BTS│

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

Use Your Words Highlights

 Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3

 Top Ten Tuesday // Audible and Overdrive Are My Lords & Saviors – My Audiobook TBR

     Blogosphere Highlights

│Laura @ The Book Corps│#UNSOLVEDATHON: A BUZZFEED UNSOLVED READATHON — ANNOUNCEMENT AND SIGN UP!│#UNSOLVEDATHON BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│Why I’m Not Honestly That Excited for Game of Thrones: Season Eight│Eighteen Things I’ve Learned In My First Eighteen Years│

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│True Crime Tuesday: The Moors Murders│

│Jamieson @ Jamishelves│IF YOU LIKE THIS BOOK YOU’LL LIKE THIS TV SHOW !│

│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│Stressed About College? These Book Recs Are For You!│

│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│5 TIPS ON ANNOTATING YOUR BOOKS!│

│Marie @ Drizzle & Hurricane Books│10 YA BOOKS DEALING WITH ANXIETY│

│Avery @ Red Rocket Panda│DOWN THE TBR HOLE | USING THE #KONMARIE METHOD FOR MY PHYSICAL SHELVES│

│Fadwa @ Word Wonders│#DIVERSEBOOKBLOGGERSDISCUSS: THE FANTASY OF HISTORICAL ROMANCE│(SOME) BOOK BLOGGING PRESSURES & HOW TO FIGHT THEM│WORD WONDERS’ TBR EXPANSION: BOOKS WITH EAST AND SOUTH EAST ASIAN MAIN CHARACTERS│MY PRODUCTIVITY TOOLS – OR HOW TO BE A MASTER ORGANIZER!│

│Aurora @ Aurora Librialis│5 Book Quotes for International Women’s Day│

│Swetlana @ The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│6 Reasons To Watch On My Block│

│Qui @ The Black Lit Queen│Diversity vs. Representation|BLQ Quick Guide│

│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│How to Write Scenes that Balance Plot & Character // Scene and Sequel Sequences│

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

 Month in Review // I FINALLY CHANGED MY NAME – February

Month’s Goals

 Get my mental health plan

 Book a therapy session I have to wait until April ahhhhhhhh

 Get a massage from mum —I just always forget okay

 Try and take a mental health day

 Try and take a mental health day later in the month

 Keep my shit together —HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

 Start journaling —I will get to this eventually…

 Quit soft drink 

 Start floor exercises—I keep adding this and never get around to it. —I couldn’t even go for my walks for most of the month so…

 Try and read 5 books —I can’t even say I tried. 

 Don’t waste all my time on The Sims 

 Go to Writers Week

Considering how shit this month was I count 7/12 goals reached a fucking accomplishment!

My Nightmare Month

So it started well enough. I went to Writers Week on two different days and thoroughly enjoyed myself! but then i got into a car accident on the way to my third day.

Which was stressful and anxiety inducing. It’s been a nightmare to work through all the aftermath. I didn’t know if the accident would be covered by insurance or if I would even hear from the person who hit me. And then when I did get the good news of being covered I basically had to micromanage the insurance company because they did everything slow and I couldn’t afford slow. So that was loads of phone calls which is something that causes me anxiety so YAY.

It’s mostly all sorted out. I still need to take my plates in and get a refund on my rego which I tried to do a couple days ago and got frustrated so that’s a task for another day.

     I did get to go to the Fringe Festival and see Daniel Sloss’s new comedy special which was absolutely brilliant! He talked about rape culture and really put the onus on men and how they need to work and go out of their way to think critically of themselves and society and what they can do to dismantle rape culture. I laughed and sobbed. My mum nearly pissed herself laughing and it was a great night out with to die for Sri-Lankan food hot buttered squid will blow your fucking mind! and I discovered that I like to drink Pimms.

     Throughout the month I’ve still been sorting out my name change because that is a long and drawn out process of changing my name everywhere and hitting road blocks constantly has be incredibly frustrating but I’m nearly finished!

I have also been doing all of this while in incredible pain because chronic illness.

My March mood

     Basically my feet have been very painful, I knew the solution, doctor refused me, mum took me to a doctor who knows our history and I got the solution so I can actually start walking regularly again which will help my mental health loads.

My mum also took me to replace all of my shoes which was both expensive and needed so I have the best shoes for walking and working and running around doing errands and going out!

I was ready to end the month on a positive. Sure the start had rattled me a lot, and I was big depressed because of pain for most of it but I did have a few great experiences and I’d resolved almost all the long running issues.

     And then while I was waiting for mum to finish work a couple of days ago, I sat and read in the foodcourt.

A man approached me and invaded my personal space and stared at me, knowing it would make me uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that it distracted me from the fact he was trying to steal my purse.

Thankfully I noticed at the last minute and grabbed it back because I would have been a fucking mess if I had gone to all the trouble replacing everything in my purse with my new name on it, only to have to do it all over again because someone stole my it all.

The man walked off but I would be lying if I said it didn’t terrify me. The way he stared at me was so unnerving and I don’t handle people being in my personal space…like at all. Even people I know and trust have to always ask permission first. I don’t let men I know in my personal space at all because I know what men are capable of. But to have a man I don’t know get in my face with the purpose to make me uncomfortable, especially after the month I’ve had, was enough for me to completely come undone.

I’m thankful for the cleaner for checking up on me, even though I burst into tears, and I’m thankful for the girl who approached me after as well to try and be supportive.

She had fire in her eyes and in that moment I had wished that that was what I looked like instead of the girl I was, not being able to hold back tears and trying to keep calm in the middle of an anxiety attack.

More than anything, I’m thankful for my mum for being so supportive and understanding and being exactly what I needed her to be and for calling out the men who made things worse, while trying to help, when I didn’t have the strength to.

I’ve argued with myself on whether to share this and maybe I might delete it all before it gets published, but I think it’s important for women to share their experiences with how men have preyed upon them, whether sexually or not, and how men continue to use their power to get what they want from us, regardless of the negative impact it has on us.

I just—girls, women, know that if something like this happens to you, if something worse happens to you, it’s not your fault, it’s never your fault. The way you react to it is right because it’s your experience and your emotions. I’m trying to remind myself of that. 

And men, know that if you’re not actively trying to stop this shit from happening, aren’t pulling your friends up for those gross comments they make, then you’re part of the fucking problem. I don’t want to hear that you personally would never do this. That shit isn’t enough. It’s never been enough. This all lies at your feet and fuck you for helping to hold up a society that makes us think any of it is our own fault.

And if something like this happens to a girl or woman you know then ask her what she needs, ask her the best way for you to help. Because nine times out of ten the way you react naturally is going to be the complete fucking opposite of what she needs and you might make things worse. And that’s on you, not her.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

 Month Ahead // Writers Week, Comedy & Too Much To Do – March

Thank fuck March is over.

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

  from WordPress https://ift.tt/2YJsLog via IFTTT