#my feet hurt man I’ve been working since Thursday and as soon as I get home I take my bath and jump in the bed ready to start the next work

[tariah23]

Almost healed from the flu. And two more days of work uhh, this sucks.

[bnhabadass]

Pairing: Shinsou x Reader Genre: Angst with happy ending, NSFW Word Count: 4,049 Synopsis: Shinsou is sick and tired of seeing you go out on all these disappointing Tinder hookups, especially when you always seem to ask him to satisfy you afterwards. But there must be a reason why you keep going on these dates, right? A/N: This is my piece for the bnharem roommates collab. I always forget how much I love writing Shinsou’s character but this definitely brought my spark with him back. Make sure to check out everyone else’s collab pieces on the masterlist!

Another night of tinder swipes. Another night of late night walks through desolate and windy streets. Another night of sleepy dinner and listening to the same old boring stories that every date has to offer. Another night of disappointing sex as he can’t seem to find the hole and his finger nails are sharper than they need to be. Another night of two pump chumps who ask, “does that feel good baby?” and another night of lying through your teeth as you fake moans and count the seconds before you’re allowed to leave.

It’s just like any other Saturday night where your toes are crushed in the tips of your heels and you shiver as you walk back to your apartment, keys clutched between your fingers just in case someone tries to pull something and you need to think quickly. You have your routine ingrained in you, like second nature.

The walk back home is cold and clammy. You can’t shake the feeling of the little hairs on your arms and legs springing up like a cat in shock as the wind pushes right past you. The only thing you could think of to keep yourself from toppling over from exhaustion was the heat that would be coming from your room back home, the fuzzy blanket you’d lie under, and the man awaiting your return to greet you with surprises like no other.

When you did open the front door, heat wafted towards you and your achy muscles began to relax.

“Rough night?” The voice from inside cooed.

“‘Oh baby do you like that?’” you mocked. “‘Does that hurt so good?’”

The person sitting on the sofa with a book covering their face laughed. “Please tell me he did not say that.”

You kicked off your heels and rolled out your ankles. “Shinsou, I swear to god, you have to meet some of these people. This one guy was ridiculous. As I was sucking him off he told me I reminded him of his mother.”

The purple haired young man gagged. “And you still sucked his dick?”

“That’s the best part,” you laughed. “He finished right after he said that.”

Shinsou grimaced. “Why do you keep going on these dates when everyone you end up sleeping with sucks.”

You collapsed on the couch next to him. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because a certain someone always ends up taking care of me after.” Laying your head in his lap, you smiled up at him.

Shinsou gave you a lazy smirk back. “So that’s it, huh? I actually know how to use my tongue so you’re purposefully coming home unsatisfied.”

“I wouldn’t say purposefully,” you said with a mock offended tone to your words. “If there ever is a man out there who did know how to please me then I can guarantee I wouldn’t be coming home every night I have a date.”

He propped his cheek up against the palm of his hand. “But that hasn’t happened yet, has it.”

You loved this, the flirty and dangerous aroma in the air. It was intoxicating and you craved every bit of it.

“So what are we going to do about it?”

You leaned up and kissed him, and then that kiss led to another. Soon you had gotten up and moved into Shinsou’s bedroom. Your tights had been stripped down and your dress was pulled up over your ass.

Getting onto his elbows and knees, Shinsou readied himself to lick his first stripe along your folds and make you melt beneath him.

The week went by, like usual, and your relationship with Shinsou remained the same, just like usual. You’d each come home from work, him tired from training and patrols and you exhausted with paperwork and having to deal with bothersome coworkers taking up all your spare time.

Nothing happens during the week. The two of you laugh and joke around like best friends, like neither of you have seen each other naked, and you’re sure you’re happy this way. That’s what Shinsou keeps telling himself anyway.

You never seem to notice the way his eyes linger on you for a split second too long or the way he glares at your phone over your shoulder as you swipe left or right on dating apps. You’d think that if he was jealous he would try to distance himself, to back away from the trouble you might get in and the disappointment you’d find after each hookup. But no, Shinsou cares too much about you to let you go out on your own without knowing who, where and how you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

“Hey Shin,” you call from the couch on Thursday night. You’re lying down with your feet propped up against the arm rest. Shinsou has to move them out of the way before plopping down himself.

“What’s up.” His large palm rubbed up and down your legs as they rested on his lap.

“I think I matched with someone who won’t be horrible in bed.” You showed him your phone, and as he scrolled through his profile you could feel the itchy heat of embarrassment rising to your face.

Shinsou’s heart seemed to stop. His eyes widened when he read the words “pornstar” and “Onlyfans'' in the dude’s bio. Handing your phone back to you, he kept his eyes trained on the floor. “That’s great. He seems like he knows what he’s doing.”

“Yeah.” You took the phone back and resumed looking through his photos. “He messaged me earlier and we have a lot in common too.”

Shinsou nodded. Why did he feel so weird? He knew that not every guy you matched with would be a disappointment. He had been telling that to himself for months now, but watching the nervous smile that crept up your face as you received a new message from this guy made Shinsou want to scream. “I’m gonna go for a run,” he said, lifting up your legs to stand up from the couch.

“Really? It’s dark out. Are you sure you want to go running?” You didn’t look up from your phone.

“Yeah I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, stay safe. Oh! Did you still want to watch a movie tonight?”

Shinsou froze. “Um, maybe not tonight. I’m not sure. I’ll see if I’ve cooled down a bit after my run.”

You looked up from the screen, slightly deterred. “Oh, okay. Have a good run.” You weren’t exactly sure what he meant by that. He hadn’t seemed to be bothered by anything earlier, so why was he acting weird now? You were sure you hadn’t said anything to make him upset and when he told you about his day, he didn’t seem bothered by anything that happened at work.

Rolling over on your side, you continued texting this new guy, a new sense of nervousness clouding your vision.

It’s Saturday night and you’re putting on your makeup. Your hands which have never been shaky before have fucked applying your eyeliner three times now. You’re not sure why you’re so nervous. You’ve met up with guys every weekend for months now. Could it be that this guy is different because he knows what he’s doing? Yeah, that must be it. You’re worried that you won’t be good enough for him, right?

Still, that didn’t seem like that was it. You were so excited talking to him at first. He made you laugh and you wanted to meet up with him so bad, to see his charm in person. But then you showed his profile to Shinsou and things started to feel different, like somehow they were falling apart.

You haven’t spoken to your roommate much in the last couple days. His usual pokes and prods at the men you tend to meet up with were replaced with silence. You haven’t joked around like usual or spent time together unwinding after work, and you were worried. It hadn’t been this distant between you since one of your female friends told you about a guy she knew who was looking for a roommate and the two of you met for the first time.

Since then, you haven't gotten anything but closer. You began your weekly rituals of getting takeout and watching movies and getting drunk after particularly rough days at work. Living with Shinsou was the happiest you have been in a long time. So why did that change?

Stepping out of your bedroom, makeup incomplete and dress unbuttoned, you peered into the living room where Shinsou was working.

He sat shirtless on the couch, legs propped up on the automen with his laptop balanced on his legs. His wild purple hair, which had gotten longer since the two of you met, was loosely tied back with a hair tie. His gray sweatpants were untied and you were sure that if he were to stand up they would ride low on his hips.

As you stared at his profile, you couldn’t help but admire how his chiseled face, adorning a pair of reading glasses, looked so serene as he stared at the work ahead of him. He looked calm, calmer than you’ve seen him in a while, and that made his face more youthful. Shinsou stretched out his arms and you could hear his corded back crack before he went back to typing away.

You ran back into your room and slammed the door. Your face was hot and flushed. Beads of sweat permeated on your temples. How could such a simple act of stretching make you feel so hot and bothered and worked up and oh no. How is it that you were so blind? You were in love with your roommate.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

You paced back and forth, rubbing all of the makeup off of your eyes in the process. You stared at your blackened fingers and rubbed them on your dress, not caring that it would dirty. Thinking back to all the moments you cuddled as “friends” and all the times you would lay together after a disappointing date, you were able to pinpoint each exact moment where your feelings grew.

You sat on your bed and watched as your hands shook. You couldn’t go on this date now. You don’t care about the guy, no matter how good at sex he might claim to be. The entire time, you’d just be wishing you were on a date with Shinsou. Granted, every date you’ve been on, a little part of you has wished it was with Shinsou. Every week you couldn’t wait until it was over so you could be enveloped yet again in his flirty aroma that was so, so addictive.

So that was it, you wouldn’t go on the date and things would go back to normal between the two of you. But would they really? What would you say if he asked why you cancelled? All you wanted were things to go back to the way they were. You wanted to bask in the flirty air and feel Shinsou hold you close and caress every curve of your body with so much love and tenderness.

You stood up and looked at your blotchy face in the mirror. Surrounding your eyes was a mix of black and shimmery gold swarming together. You wiped them off along with the rest of your makeup. You won’t be going out tonight so there’s no point of dolling up.

What am I going to do?

You slid off your dress and slipped into a pair of pajama bottoms and threw on a tank top. The least you could be is comfortable in such a stressful situation.

I can’t act the way I used to, knowing how I feel now.

You may have been an idiot for this, but you decided to face your situation head on. Without doing so, who knows how you wouldn’t go crazy living under the same roof as the man you’re in love with.

You stepped into the living room. Shinsou was still typing away and looking over reports, so you cleared your throat to get his attention.

“Hey, you about to go out?” When you didn’t respond, he looked up and his face fell. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you dressed?”

You couldn’t look him in the eye. As soon as you heard him speak and the amount of concern in his voice, you just wanted to cry. The sting of acidic tears and mucus welling in the back of your throat made you want to throw up.

“Did something happen?” He took off his reading glasses and scooched over, letting you take a seat beside him.

But you didn’t move, just kept staring at your cold feet against the hardwood floor.

“(Y/n), talk to me.”

You looked up at him and tears began rolling down your face. You felt so pathetic, that you would be crying over love of all things. Love was supposed to be magical, right? Not embarrassing and tear-ridden. “Can you,” you started, but you needed to take a step back when you heard your achy throat cracking as you spoke. “Can you give me a reason not to go?”

Shinsou adjusted himself. He was clearly trying to make out what you were saying. “What? If you don’t want to go then don’t. No one’s forcing you to go on this date.”

You couldn’t help crumble at what he said. If only he knew what you really looked forward to after each date and what you were really thinking about when you were out with these other guys.

Shinsou stood up as you crumbled to the ground and squatted down next to you, wrapping his arms around you. You sunk into his chest and sobbed against him. It felt so unfair that with his arms around you, you felt whole, like you were two pieces of a puzzle.

“Why do you need a reason not to go on this date? Is he pressuring you or something?”

You shook your head against his chest. “I don’t want to go on a date with him.” On one hand, you thought your subtle hints would get through Shinsou’s thick skull, but it seemed as though they were a paper plane trying to penetrate a brick wall.

“So find some other guy.”

Why was he being so dismissive? You didn’t want just some other guy, you wanted Shinsou.

“Look, you’ve found plenty of other dates in the past, just because you don’t want to go out with one guy doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.” He kept rubbing circles in your back. “Why don’t you call up a past hookup or something?”

You pushed away from him. “How could you say that,” you whispered. “I don’t want to go on a date with one of them.” Your voice began to raise. You had never raised your voice at Shinsou before. “I want to go out with you, you idiot.”

There was a moment where all you could hear were the little noises throughout the apartment like the ticking of the clock in the kitchen or a fly buzzing close by. Then, you slapped a hand over your mouth. You didn’t mean to say that outloud. You didn’t mean to raise your voice or push away from him. But you did blurt it out, and Shinsou looked at you with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

The hair on his arms and the back of his neck raised up like static. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he should look at you with shock or look away in embarrassment. He was completely and utterly confused.

“Shit,” you whined from behind your hand. “Forget it.” You rubbed the tears under your eyes away and went to stand up. “I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Wait.” Shinsou grabbed your hand before you could fully stand up. You had never realized how small your hands were compared to his until now. “You can’t just say that and then walk away.”

He was right. You sat back down on the ground, his hand still grabbing onto yours, playing with your fingers. “Okay,” you mouthed, knowing you wouldn’t be able to get any sound out if you tried.

“Why do you go on all of these dates?”

You thought about it for a moment. You were never really sure why you bothered hooking up with so many people, but sitting on the ground with him, you had a pretty good idea. “Because we’re roommates.”

“So?”

You kept your eyes on your fingers intertwined with Shinsous. “Because realizing you’re in love with your roommate is shitty, so the least I could do is hope that after an unsatisfying night of sex, you’d be willing to provide.”

He stopped playing with your fingers and instead, squeezed your hand. “And I hated seeing you with these different men so much that any chance you gave me I ate up.”

You blinked once, twice in confusion before meeting Shinsou’s eyes. “You...”

“Mhm,” he nodded.

The heavy weight of tears on your chest finally lifted. You could finally breathe freely. There was silence among you before the two of you burst out laughing. You rested your head on his shoulder as your chests heaved up and down. When you took your head away to look him in the eyes, he leaned in and kissed you. You didn’t hesitate to kiss back and wrap your arms around his neck.

Shinsou dragged your body closer to him, so you were straddling his lap, and weaved his arms around your figure. He was a good kisser, which you already knew, but you had never taken the time to feel his passion until now. Shinsou made sure to tease you with a darting tongue and hands which traveled down your figure and stopped at the base of your hips.

You weaved your hands through his soft hair and pulled his hair tie out. His fluffy purple locks were so fun and tempting to tug on. Kissing him with this amount of love and emotion enthralled you, and you felt a little disappointed when he pulled away.

“Would you like to move this to my bedroom?”

And you bit your bottom lip before nodding, a smile creeping its way up along your face. You stood up and followed him into his bedroom eagerly.

After Shinsou closed the door behind you, he turned around and snaked his hands up your back. You giggled at the contact and let him pull the shirt over your head. You weren’t wearing a bra, so Shinsou immediately leaned over to take one of your nipples in his mouth. He sucked it until it puckered and let it go with a loud pop.

“You know,” he said, backing you against his bed. “I’ve never been able to say until now how truly beautiful you are.”

“Shinsou,” you sighed, taking a hold of his purple locks. You collapsed onto the bed and let him kiss his way down your front side. His kisses were rough but full of love, and you know they would leave bruises behind.

He slid your pajama bottoms and underwear down your thighs until they pooled on the floor at your ankles. “Everything you do is gorgeous, even the way you’re sprawled out under me, under my command just waiting for me to touch you.”

You could feel your pussy clench at his words and your thighs shook in waiting.

He kissed the top of your pussy and trailed kisses around your thighs. You watched as he hiked your legs over his well muscled shoulders while keeping eye contact. His long tongue darted out and he licked one long stripe between your folds and suckled on your little sweet bud.

You arched your back and let out a choked moan. Out of all the nights you’ve slept together, this was the first time you really saw him for all the love he gave you.

Shinsou kept his face right in front of your dripping hole just for a moment and let his hot breath tickle your needy clit. He chuckled at your squirming form and teased you even further with kitten licks and hands that reached up to squeeze your breasts as he dove in to lap up your juices.

Your hands grasped at his, keeping them firmly clenched onto your chest as he delved in deeper and deeper into your wonderful taste. You could feel your orgasm quickly building up. Your toes curled and knees jerked up, hips bucking your clit further up into Shinsou’s mouth. You let out a loud moan and sigh of relief and surprise when you could feel your juices spraying onto Shinsou’s face and watched as they dripped down his chin.

You had never squirted before. You could feel a calm wash over you as you settled down. Shinsou wiped his hand down his chin. “That was fucking sexy.”

He kissed your lower lips one last time before standing up and allowing you to scooch further up on the bed. You were exhausted but it didn’t matter. Watching Shinsou strip down and seeing his cock spring to life only made you want more of him.

He crawled over you and kissed your lips. He tasted like a mix of your juices and honey, probably from that tea you saw him drinking not too long ago. Whatever it was, it was addictive. “Are you ready?” he asked as he positioned the head of his cock in line with your opening.

You nodded, heaving up and down and running your hand along the side of his face. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Shinsou was thicker than most of the people you had slept with, and you always felt the stretch of him penetrating you every time he pushed himself in.

Knowing that it probably hurt a little, the stretch of it all, he paused every so often and kissed your face, allowing you to warm up before he bottomed out inside of you. You were just so tight and welcoming, it took all his strength not to pound into you immediately, to take it nice and slow as he rubbed against your clit with his thumb.

Your face was hot. It was odd to you that it had never felt this way before, that until now you had never been this nervous to feel his cock pulsing inside of you and to feel his mouth nip at your clit and nipples. You had closed your eyes and focused on your breathing.

Shinsou reached over to tickle the palm of your hand. As you looked up at him, he cupped your face and smiled down at you before he started to thrust his hips.

You squirmed and writhed around as he bucked deeper in and out of the hole that seemed to suck him in further and further.

He felt it was so unfair because he never seemed to last as long as he wanted to when he was with you. The way your aching pussy clenched around him so tight was euphoric. He wanted to let his dick bask in your warm, gushing cavern forever.

“You’re beautiful,” you heard him whisper as he sped up, his orgasm fast approaching. “You’re perfect.”

And again, you squirmed around as that cord built up inside of you and snapped, leaving you gushing around Shinsou’s cock and heaving up and down underneath him.

Shinsou didn’t last much longer. He came almost immediately after you did, feeling your walls clench around him oh so tight. He rolled over next to you and laid his head in the crook of your neck. His hair tickled your nose as you nuzzled into him.

“We should clean up.”

“After snuggles,” he yawned.

You laughed. He’d never been this clingy until now. He had never praised you so much until now. “What does this mean?”

“Hm?”

“For us?”

Shinsou rolled over to look at you. “It means you’re gonna sleep in this bed with me tonight, and tomorrow morning I’m waking up early to make my girlfriend a pancake breakfast. Okay, kitten?”

You had to keep yourself from squealing at the nickname. Instead, you closed your eyes with a goofy smile on your face. “Okay.”

[writingsfromhome]

Sorry x Rare

A/N: I got two lyric requests for Sorry by Beyonce and Rare by Selena Gomez. They were both sort of two sides of the same coin so I wrote them together it mostly goes from rare to sorry. Thanks for the requests, fingers crossed it lives up to what you wanted! <3

Synopsis: You and Harry have been together for a long time but he’s not the same man you fell in love with anymore.

-----

I move my dinner around on my plate, my gaze on the man pacing outside the restaurant on his phone. My man. But it didn't really feel like that these days. These days, Harry was a stranger to me--late nights, phone calls interrupting dinner, waking up to find him gone and not even sure if he'd come home at all.

I watch him remove the phone from his ear in a rush, stare at it, and then shove it aggressively in his pocket. He walks back in, cheeks pink and huffing.

"Should we ask for the bill?" He sits down in a flurry. I stare at his barely-eaten meal and my own dinner mashed to bits.

"We've barely had dinner."

"Babe, we've been here for over an hour since..." he takes his phone back out to inform me of how much time exactly but something must catch his attention because his sentence dies on his lips. I stare, he was so distant lately. "I'll drop you off at home, I've got to meet the boys they decided to talk business-"

"It's 8pm on a Thursday," I state the obvious. "Can't you catch up with them la-"

"This isn't an argument Y/N," Harry finally looks at me. He was done discussing it. He lifts his hands to the waiter and a minute later dinner's been paid for. He wasn't my baby, I think as we stroll outside to his car. I don't know who this man was.

***

I wake up the next morning with the weight of Harry on the other side of the bed. I could smell him, the booze sitting in his pores.

“Ugh,” I groan, not wanting to smell that first thing in the morning. I get up and start my day before I head to work. Soon, Harry appears squinting as I stir sugar into my coffee.

“I need a coffee,” he says, his voice hoarse. It used to sound sexy but now it was just another reminder that things changed. We lived like roommates and it hurt that he never wanted to talk. Half the time, he acted like I wasn’t even there.

I watch him settle with his coffee, taking the first sip and letting out a deep breath. A memory comes to me suddenly, the first year we were dating,

“I think this is the best coffee I’ve ever had,” it was the first night Harry had stayed the whole night and I’d made him coffee in my outdated coffee maker. It came out burnt half the time but that morning’s cup was decent. We’re swaddled in my blankets--the room I rented back then had poor circulation in the winter.

“I think you’re still slightly drunk,” I lean my shoulder against his and cup the warm drink. “I’ve definitely had better coffees.”

“Maybe coffees are just better the morning after,” he says, glancing at me and I know he can see the flush on my cheeks. He knew I was shy talking about certain things in the light of day.

“We can say that,” I mumble into the cup. “It’s just nice to have a heat source.”

“Here,” he takes the cup from me and reaches over to put both on the nightstand.

“Hey I wasn’t done with that.”

“I know but if you’re cold, I know this other heat source--it even works for hypothermia.”

His statement causes a blood rush that warms me already but I don’t say no to what he has in mind. I could make us another cup later.

Harry catches me staring when he looks over and raises an eyebrow. I snap out of my thoughts and twist my lips into a smile, looking back at my own drink bitterly. Who was this man in front of me? Out loud, I ask: “How was your night? You came in late.”

“I was out with the boys.” he says in a tone that meant he didn’t want to talk about it. “It got late.”

“A text would’ve been nice,” I say, still looking at my cup.

“S’not like you were waiting up,” he turns to walk back towards the bedroom.

“Learned not to,” I mumble but I know he’s heard me with the way he pauses. But he didn’t care enough to argue, dispute it, nothing. He leaves.

***

"Guess who just made a commission that's more than I used to earn in a year?" April walks into the small office, an infectious grin on her face.

"You sold him on it?" I put away the file I'm working on and jump up to hug my friend.

"I had to flirt a little--give him a vivid picture of what he could have there, and he signed! I'm bloody brilliant."

April was my American ex-pat who I met when she was looking for a flat a few years ago. And now here she was, working for me at the small real estate office I managed with a few other people I considered friends.

"Do you know if he was single?" I tune back in to hear Janelle asking.

"No, don't give her bad advice!" I scold Janelle. “We don’t date clients.”

"I'm miserably single," April pouts. "I'll take advice even if it’s bad."

"Bad advice is to stay with your college sweetheart to the point where you're not sure he even cares about you." I say to no one in particular. It was just us in the office today, and they knew everything about my life so I didn't care much. But the pin-drop silence that follows is different. I look up to see my friends eyeing each other. "What?"

"Nothing." They stay tight lipped but I push and they crack. "Well, so...we know things are rocky between you and Harry..."

"Things aren't rocky," I clarify. "They're just...nonexistent."

"Right," April slides closer. "Soo, we saw him at the club yesterday."

I raise my eyebrow, "He told me he was meeting up with his boys."

"Oh!" They sound surprised I know, but they look at each other again so I push them. "He was...there was a girl? Sitting on his lap for most of the night? Like, nothing happened I don't think so?" She turns to look at April at the end of each sentence.

Personally, I feel gut-punched even though I suspected this. I knew he wasn't where he said he was going to be sometimes, or with who he said he was going to be with. But he cut our own dinner short last night to be with strangers yesterday? I grip the pen in my hand.

"Y/N honestly...you know we love you and support you. But, you're a special girl and you deserve better than that sod."

"Yeah," Janelle puts her hand on my shoulder. "You're a gem Y/N. There's someone else out there who's gonna see how rare you are."

"I know," I blow my cheeks out. We'd had different conversations like this before, although never this direct. I guess we'd never had direct proof of what my husband was doing until now though.

"He's an idiot not knowing you're so rare," my friends try to comfort me. I feel my eyes well up and I swipe at them. I wasn't going to cry at work but they must sense the tears because they excuse themselves, "We're going to get you a tea, and some pastries to celebrate April's sale. April?"

I keep my face buried in my hands as they leave, take a few deep breaths. "I am rare," I say to myself but even that makes me laugh bitterly. Harry and I had been together for 5 years and here I was trying to count up all the reasons we should stay together when he didn't even care. He was out with other women, and I was waiting around for him.

"I'm rare," I say again. "I'm special, I deserve better. I...deserve better."

When will u be home tonight? I text Harry before I lose my nerve.

Busy he says. That’s it. And then, Why?

What time? I ask again.

8 or so, he responds.

Okay, we need to talk then. I put my phone away, too scared what he might text back. A tear falls from my cheek onto my keyboard, landing on the letter H. It mocks me. I wipe it off, and before I can think about what I'm doing I smash the letter down with my fist. I stand up and walk to the back of the office, a window overlooks the busy street. I'd had enough, I decide. Fuck Harry.

I’m not sure how long I stand there stewing, but my friends walking in with pastries and tea ends the emotional boiling pot from overflowing.

"Thanks," I take the cup from them.

“So we were talking and...” April looks at Janelle and she nods. “You should come out with us some time. Like...tonight. Dance with us, with other people...”

“I...I’ve got something at 8,” I come up with an excuse. As angry as I was, I wanted to have this conversation. It was long overdue.

***

I check my time again, the last text Harry sent me Ok. But it was 8:25 and Harry still wasn’t home. I’d give him five more minutes, I decide. I’d already tried to ring him with no answer.

I stare at the ring on my finger, it was supposed to symbolize a promise he made to me. What a fucking joke. I should’ve never said I do in the first place.

Was it young love, I wonder. Did we do this too fast and we were just set up to fail? But I remember the good memories, the soft and sweet times between us.

“I-I’ve never done something like this before,” I tell Harry. “I hate heights.”

“Listen,” he crowds around me, blocking my view of his friends who are walking up the narrow trail like it was any old walkway. “You go in front of me, I’ll have my hand on your back the whole time. I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

I look up into those gentle eyes and swallow my fear. “Okay.”

“I promise it will be so worth it,” he gushes, his excitement uncaged now that I’d agreed. “There’s no lights there so the stars are so bloody bright--I know you’re going to love it!”

I can’t help it, my lips crack into a smile at his boyish excitement. He catches it and pauses, a breath in this whirlwind of a night. What started out as a house party turned into a walk to a local beach which turned into a hike into the woods and up a precarious--and very steep--ridge to get to an isolated lookout. Only with Harry did I find myself in these situations. And I loved it. I loved him, I realise then. My expression must change because he tugs on my hand, probably worried I’d change my answer.

“Walk ahead,” he instructs and I nearly tip toe on the ridge that’s at least 30 feet across. But his steady hand on my back pushes me gently and I walk across confidently until I look down 2/3 of the way. I freeze in place but Harry’s ready. “Y/N, you’re safe here. Look at me-look...”

I crane my neck and he grounds me, oh my god how did I just realise now how in love I was with him? He squeezes my hand, asks if I was okay. I had to be, I couldn’t stay stuck in the middle.

Inch by inch we finally make it to the other side and I jump off with a yelp which sets Harry off in a burst of laughter. Pretty soon he’s lifted me over his shoulder and carries me to the lookout on the edge. My feet had been through enough, he’d said.

And he was right--it was so worth it; the view with all the stars laid out. The buildings and their light pollution below were blocked out by the outcrops and it made the stars twinkle in all their glory. It made it the perfect place to be with the person I loved.

“Isn’t it the most incredible view?” Harry whispers in awe behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist.

“I.....I have no words apparently,” I laugh and turn in his arms. “Thanks for pushing me, this...it was worth it.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ears and gazes at me in a way that makes me want to squirm. But I hold his gaze.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asks with a smile.

“Compared to the view,” I glance behind us. “I guess I’m alright.”

“No,” he guides my face back towards his. “This view over that one, any day. M’just that lucky.”

My words die on my lips as I’m overwhelmed by this feeling between us, the one I thought would keep us together like this forever.

He raises an eyebrow when I go silent and I shrug, “I’m all out of words today.”

I close my eyes as he kisses my temple. I turn back around and we spend the moment in silence, drinking in the view. His friends chatter around us but they’re background noise. My life felt like a movie right now.

Before we leave as a group, I tug Harry back. This was a good as place as any to tell him. I press my lips to his, and it takes him a second but he’s kissing me back. Before it can get carried away I push away and tell him what I’d been thinking all night, “I love you.”

He takes a step back, and then he’s grinning and pulling me back. “I love you! I love you listen, I’ve been wanting to say that for weeks!”

“Weeks?!”

“Yeah weeks! My sister said it was too soon, I might scare you off!”

I think about a few weeks ago, I was intensely shy around him even then. Maybe she was right, but the idea that he talked about me to his sister makes me flush. I wrap my arms around his waist “I just...this moment is so perfect. I never want it to end.”

“It doesn’t have to.” he’d promised. “I’m yours forever Y/N.”

When 8:30 comes and goes I call April, she lets me know where they were. “We’re so happy you’re coming! Are you sure you don’t want us to meet you somewhere else?” she shouts into the phone. When I tell her I just wanted to be where they were she reminds me to text them when I was nearby.

I have to dig into the back of my closet, past the pantsuits I wore to work, the casual dresses and loungewear. I still had some of my old party clothes, just a bit tighter than they used to be. But for where I was going, it would fit in.

Before I leave, I take a pen and scrawl a note: “Great talk"

My friends spot me as I walk in. The music is instantly too loud, the lights too bright, and there are too many people. But one of my them shoves a drink in my hand and pretty soon it’s the best place on earth. It was exactly where I needed to be. I turn off my cellphone and enjoy myself.

After a certain point, I don’t even know who I’m talking to, but pressed up against a body, feeling wanted, it drives me to keep dancing all night. Eventually, I crash at April’s and don’t roll out of hers until 11 the next morning. Harry’s barely an afterthought until I’m tucked in the taxicab taking me home and turn on my phone. 8 missed calls, 2 voicemails and 13 texts.

I’m shocked at the volume, Harry hadn’t blown up my phone like this in over a year. I listen to one voicemail: “Where the hell are you? I come home an hour late and you’re bloody gone with this stupid note here. Pick up! I’ve called you a billion times.”

I stare at my phone, I hadn’t heard Harry this passionate since...well it was a long time. And all it took was going out late and not answering his calls, giving him a taste of his own medicine. It almost makes me angrier; I had to partake in this juvenile dance to get his attention, even though we’d been married nearly 2 years.

He’s on a call when I get home, talking numbers or something. I head directly to the shower, clean up, and take my sweet time. It must’ve driven him mad waiting for me because by the time I’m out he blows a gasket.

“What’s this stunt you pulled last night? Wanting to talk and leaving me a stupid sarcastic note just because I’m late? Where were you?”

“Out,” I shrug. “I didn’t know you were late. You didn’t text.”

“I didn’t tex--oh I see, now we’re being petty yeah?”

That irked me, “I’m not being petty. It’s not like I get the same courtesy when you’re out late!”

“I’m busy, I can’t always be texting you!”

Excuses, I laugh and he looks at me like I’m crazy. “Busy what? Screwing other women-”

“Don’t be making shit up-”

“I’ve had people tell me that they see you with other women Harry! S’not a far stretch!”

That quiets him. Finally, he comes forward to stand inches away. “Y/N, c’mon. You and me...this is stupid. Sure I go out to party but I’m not-”

“Stop.” he was actually trying to talk his way out of this. And because I’d rather step in front of an oncoming train than cry in front of him, I head to the front door and walk out. I’d find someplace to crash today, but I wasn’t doing this.

***

“How’re you doing?” Janelle asks. I’d shown up at her doorstep and she set up her guest bed. She had plans so I spent most of my time burying myself in work, trying to get rid of all that angry energy pent up in me. Janelle had just come home.

“I’m just trying to move on. I don’t want to talk about him, I just don’t care at this point--I’m fed up!”

“As you should be,” she agrees. “Listen, I know we had a crazy night yesterday but I’m going out with some friends today and...maybe it’ll help you?”

I think about the killer headache this morning, but I also remember how good it felt to forget for a bit. I agree. Before I know it, Janelle’s found something that fits me and we’re back at a different club than the night before. Her friends are familiar faces but after a few drinks we’re all best friends. It feels great. Until I spot Harry’s face.

“That’s enough,” his face looms over mine as he pushes away the man I’m up against.

“What the fuck Harry...” I trail off as he pulls me away from the middle of the crowd. I try to pry his hand off but there’s too many people and he’s moving too quickly...and I’ve had a lot of drinks. “Let me go!” I say when we finally step away. We’re in what must be a private room. He seemed familiar with it--of course.

“So just because you heard I’m out and about some nights, you decide to come here and fuck around with random men?”

“Excuse me?” I stare at him, he was out of his mind. “I’m out having fun with my friends! I’m not here because of you.”

“Really? You come to the same place I come to all the time and dance with these strangers? And you’re drunk as fuck!”

“Since when did you care?” I ask. “Just leave me alone. You’ve been doing that perfectly fine the last few months.”

“I’m your bloody husband Y/N, you can’t just-”

“Then act like one!” I shout, and in the muffled quiet of the room with the bass thumping through it rings out. “I don’t need you! And you made it clear you don’t need me. These rings are a fucking joke, here-” I take mine off and throw it at him.

“You don’t mean it-”

“I do.” I give him a level stare, suddenly clear-headed. Maybe I’d process it later, but right now I was finally seeing what he’d become. He deserved to feel how I felt, and quite frankly, I didn’t give a fuck. I flip him with both hands, “Quite frankly Harry, you can suck my d-”

“Harry!” A shrill voice rings out from the entrance that now carries the loud beats of the dance floor, swallowing my words. “Liam told me you were here!”

I glance at the brunette in the doorway and back at him. I couldn’t even muster an eye roll; I had enough.

“Y/N!” Harry calls my name as I walk out.

“No it’s me, Becky?!” she tries to correct him. I can’t help but laugh as I make my way back to my friends with a drink in my hand, feeling free.

***

“Y/N, it’s Harry. I don’t know how it got this shite just please call me back. Just give me five minutes that’s all I n--message deleted”

“He’s moved on to the office phone then?” Janelle asks, her desk was beside mine so she’d heard him as I checked my messages. It was two weeks since that glorious night when I’d dumped Harry’s ass. Although a lot of my things were still at our house, I was just staying in a hotel right now while I figured things out. One thing I knew for sure though, I didn’t want to see him again.

“It’s pretty pathetic,” I say. It was also pathetic how long I’d stayed waiting around for us to be magically fixed. But that was something I was working on getting past.

“You’re glowing without him,” April says from where she’s getting her files together. “Haven’t you got that showing out east?”

“Yeah, oh god is that the time?” I rush to get my files in order. “I’ll catch up with you later-”

“We’re still getting drinks after?”

“Yes, drinks!” I call out as I leave the office and head down to the lobby. I don’t expect Harry there, and I barely have time for him as he comes up to keep my pace.

“Harry, I’ve got somewhere to be please leave me alone.”

“Y/N, wait just please listen to me.”

“No.”

“2 minutes!”

“Not even 1,” I spot my cab out front and head towards it. I’m about to get in but Harry holds the door. “Harry let go I’m going to be late.”

“Just let me talk to you, please!”

I finally look at him and he’s quite a sight. His hair is matted and without it’s usual bounce. He’s got a rough look and a 5 ‘o clock shadow.

“You had plenty of time to talk to me for months, you were too busy at the club. Sorry not sorry,” I tug at the door and he lets go, I don’t spare a backwards glance as we drive away.

One of the showings is successful, I manage to sell the family on the home and we set up a meeting to go over details at my office later in the week. I’ve got a bounce in my step as I return to the office. I tell the girls I’d meet them at the bar as I finalize my papers at the office. My bounce falters when I go head out after 5 to see Harry waiting outside the building.

“Y/N,” he calls out when he sees me. “I’m not going to leave until you talk to me.”

“That’s called stalking,” I say. A few people walking past us turn to glance at him and he notices. He moves to the inside lobby and asks me to follow. With a big sigh I do.

“I know what I did.” he begins.

“Congratulations,” I roll my eyes.

“No wait, I know what I did to you. And sorry can’t cover it. Just let me make it up to you, we have history and-”

“You don’t get it.” I stop his monologue from going any further. “I’m gonna be just fine. Without you. You didn’t care about our history until you couldn’t have me. I don’t know what happened to you Harry, but you’re not the man I fell in love with-”

“I know,” he says, tears of frustration coating his lashes. “I fucked up, I-I didn’t see what I had right in front of me and I just-”

“Let her slip away? Is that the best you can come up with?” I scoff. “You know what Harry? I’m done with this! Boy...bye.”

“Y/N just--” he grabs my arm before I can leave and pushes something cold into my palm. My wedding ring.

“I don’t want this,” I push it back in his hand.

“Please just take it--hold onto it,” he pushes it back into mine and closes my fingers over it. “I can’t...I can’t hold onto it just take it! You don’t even have to think about it-”

“Harry,” I soften my tone. He was desperate and even though some part of me thought it was about time he felt this type of way, my heart hurt a little. I didn’t want him to see that though so I just tuck the ring into the pocket of his button up and pat it. “Goodbye Harry.”

I walk away with my head held high even though he calls out to me. I walk the few blocks to where my friends are waiting and their warm smiles are enough to help me push the memory of Harry’s teary eyes, and the real history we did have once upon a time away. I was done with him, no longer thinking about him.

I just kept telling myself, I was rare like a gem and I had to see that. And maybe one day, someone else will too.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au. 

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy. 

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

*

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.” 

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon. 

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.” 

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year. 

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there. 

“Hm,” 

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.” 

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be. 

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends. 

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he���s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?” 

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

*

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort. 

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with? 

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?”  “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look. 

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind. 

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt. 

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you. 

“Do you want to break up?” 

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.” 

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders. 

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised. 

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes. 

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful. 

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

*

*

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach. 

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall.  You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times. 

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside. 

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed. 

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?” 

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?” 

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...” 

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night. 

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...” 

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him. 

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did,  didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?” 

“Maybe...”  

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

*

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to  ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.” 

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...” 

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed. 

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?” 

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...” 

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?” 

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him. 

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening. 

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his. 

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.” 

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next. 

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated. 

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you. 

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.” 

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together. 

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car. 

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her. 

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.  he’s not my- We’re not married.” 

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently. 

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you. 

“Where do you want to eat?” 

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car. 

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

*

*

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new. 

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation  ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.” 

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?” 

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps. 

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt. 

*

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took. 

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,” 

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,” 

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now. 

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens. 

[snelbz]

Light Up the Ice - Chapter 9

A/N: Well. It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? I’m sorry, guys, but this story just...wasn’t coming to me for a while. But now we’re back and I am so excited. Since it has been over a year and a half since I updated this one, please forgive us if there are a few details that aren’t perfect from the first chapters. Feels good to be writing my babies again.

Written with @tacmc.

Rowan woke up to the smell of cooking bacon and fresh coffee and he sighed contentedly. It had been two days since the hit that put him out of commission. He was hoping the rest and relaxation he’d enjoyed with his girlfriend would handle it, but it seemed that his body was protesting its natural healing process.

He groaned as he rolled out of Aelin’s bed, smiling when he found Lumi curled up in the hoodie he’d left in her chair in the corner. After giving her a scratch behind the ears, though the cat pretended he didn’t exist, he padded out into the living room, finding Aelin at the stove quietly humming to herself.

“Good morning,” he said, yawning as he pulled out a bar stool and sat down.

Aelin turned, and he was once agIn floored by how gorgeous she was, straight out of bed. That first night, when the fire alarms had pulled them all from sleep, he’d been convinced she’d scrambled to do her makeup before coming out onto the lawn. Waking up next to her two days in a row had proven to him that she was naturally beautiful and he couldn’t help but stare.

“Good morning,” she smiled and set a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. “Hurting today?”

“Aye,” he said, stretching his arms in the air. He felt every muscle tense in his upper body and before he could say the words, Aelin beat him to it.

“I think you need to give the team trainer a call today,” she said, placing a plate full of bacon on the counter next to her.

Rowan stared at it, wanting to reach over and snag a piece, but was fairly sure she’d catch him when he grunted in pain trying to lift it. Plus, she was dumping nearly a dozen eggs into a skillet to scramble, so he was hoping she’d be feeding him soon enough. He nodded. “I was going to do that today. I was texting with him last night and he said he and the massage therapist could come here today.”

Aelin smiled. “That would be perfect. I have to go

to work in about an hour, so I’ll feel better knowing someone is here with you.”

He rolled his eyes. “You do know I’m a grown man, right? Lived on my own for about seven years?”

Aelin stuck out her tongue and continued cooking at the stove, before setting a plate down in front of him piled high with eggs, hashbrowns and crispy bacon.

“Have I mentioned how much I love you?” He asked, as she slid onto the stool next to him.

She smirked and said, “Once or twice, but don’t worry. I’ve got a drunk voicemail to listen to if I ever forget.”

She winked and Rowan felt his cheeks heat, but regardless, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead and began to eat.

After his second full helping breakfast, Aelin got Rowan set up on the couch, babying him the entire time, much to his dismay, and he sent a text to the trainer asking him to call him when he got to the arena that morning. Aelin was getting ready and Rowan was playing NHL on his Xbox when the trainer finally called him back.

“Hey, man,” Rowan answered, pausing the game and propping the phone between his ear and shoulder.

Dorian’s voice came through the receiver. “How ya feeling?”

Rowan groaned as he rotated one of his shoulders. “Like I got hit by a truck.”

With a snort, Dorian chuckled. “Have you seen most of the Pirates’ team? They’re ridiculous; all of them are huge, freaks of nature. Rolfe is no exception.”

With a nod, Rowan cringed. He hadn’t realized the captain of the Skull’s Bay Pirates had been the one to lay the hit on him. “Well, whenever you and Sorscha have time, I’d appreciate it if you could make a house call.” There was silence on the other side of the line. “Dor?”

“Sorscha’s last day was Thursday of last week, I had no clue you didn’t know,” he explained. “The new therapist started yesterday.”

“Oh.” Sorscha had been the team’s massage therapist for years and Rowan vaguely remembered rumors that she’d be leaving them. He just never had them confirmed. “That’s fine, how’s the new guy?”

“She is...a piece of work,” Dorian admitted with a sigh. “You’ll meet her when we come by. You free for us to head that way?”

“Yeah, man, the sooner you get me back in working order, the sooner I can get back on the ice,” Rowan replied, debating on saying something about the home game they had that night.

With a chuckle, Dorian said, “Don’t even think about it, man. You’re not playing tonight. We’ll leave in just a bit and see you soon.”

The call ended and Rowan dropped his phone on the couch. He looked at the clock and hollered, “What time are you off tonight, Ace?”

She poked her head out of her bedroom and said, “Four o’clock, why?”

“Wanna go to the game with me?”

Aelin blinked at him. “You aren’t playing, Ro.”

“No,” he said, standing and stretching - and groaning. “But we can go sit in the player’s box and watch.”

“You want to sit next to me for an entire hockey game and hear my commentary?” She asked, grinning.

Rowan’s grin matched hers as he held out a hand, stepping towards her. She placed her hand in his and he gently pulled her towards him. “I promise I won’t be thinking too much about the game with you there with me.”

Aelin ran her palms down Rowan’s chest. “Well, that’s a tough argument.”

Rowan’s grin widened as he leaned down to kiss her. “You’ll go with me then?”

Aelin nibbled on her lip as she nodded. “If you get your ass on the couch and promise to take it easy today.”

He groaned softly. “Fine. If that’s what it takes.”

“Thank you,” she said, rising up on her toes to kiss him once more and turning back to finish getting ready. “You also have to make an appointment with your trainer.”

“He’s on his way with the sports therapist now,” Rowan said, watching her walk back to her room, enjoying every step she took. He really did try to focus on more than just her ass, but the leggings she wore weren’t helping his cause. When she looked back at him as she paused in the doorway, he had just enough time that she didn’t catch him - not that he thought she’d mind.

“Looks like we’ve got a game to go to then,” she winked, and disappeared into the bedroom.

About thirty minutes after Aelin left for the café, Rowan’s phone rang. “Hey, man. You here?”

His trainer and friend’s usually cheery voice was distinctly pissy. “Open up, Whitethorn. I’ve been knocking on your door for two minutes.”

“Oh, shit.” Rowan was up on his feet with a quiet grunt and ran to the door throwing it open. Dorian stood in front of his own apartment door, down the hall. He called, “Sorry, man, I’m staying with my girlfriend.”

Dorian’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’re Aelin’s boyfriend?”

Rowan paused and blinked. “Uh, aye? You know her?”

“I grew up with her, we’ve been friends for years,” Dorian said, the light tone returning. “I told the therapist your apartment number and she’s grabbing her table from the car. I should probably call her-.”

“No, it’s fine, I need to grab a few things from my place anyways,” he shrugged, grabbing his keys off the small table by the door. “We can set up in there so I don’t have to move Aelin’s furniture around.”

Dorian snorted. “Good call.”

Rowan unlocked his apartment and let Dorian in, turning on the lights and carefully moving things out of the way. Painfully.

He grabbed one of his least destroyed game worn jerseys and tossed it over his shoulder. He very much wanted to see her wearing it. “Aelin’s coming to the game tonight,” he said, grinning.

Dorian shook his head and chuckled. “I don’t even know who she is anymore.”

Rowan’s grin only widened.

“Hey, uh, can I come in and see Fleetfoot?” Dorian asked, looking out toward the hallway.

Rowan blinked and said, “I mean, sure.”

They headed back down the hall to Aelin’s apartment, leaving Rowan’s door open for the therapist to carry her gear in. As soon as they entered the apartment, Fleetfoot was bounding towards Dorian, excited like Rowan had never seen her.

Glancing up at Rowan while he rubbed her belly, Dorian grinned. “I gave her to Aelin our junior year of college. I promised if she got all A’s on her finals, I’d get her puppy. Guess who got straight A’s the entire semester?”

Rowan couldn’t help but laugh, smiling and shaking his head. “Sounds about right.”

Dorian’s phone chimed and he stood, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. “Oh she’s all set up and ready for you. Just head back down here when you’re done and we’ll talk about getting you on the ice again.”

“Aye, sounds good,” Rowan said and left, heading for his own apartment. The door was shut now, but he assumed it was just for privacy. He’d had to get sports massages before. They were basically a glorified regular massage. They focused on specific muscles groups, some quite intimate and quite awkward, but for the most part the etiquette was the same.

A dim room, quiet music or white noise of some sort, a special table covered in a white sheet, and the fact that you typically undress and are under just a towel.

Suddenly, Rowan froze with his hand halfway extended toward his doorknob, as he realized he was about to essentially be naked, alone in his apartment, with a woman he’d never met, as she rubbed her hands all over his body.

He’d had to get sports massages before. Just never while he’d had a girlfriend.

Maybe he should ask Dorian to come in and talk while she worked on him.

With a sigh, Rowan realized he was overthinking things. This was her job and he was judging her before he’d even met her. She was probably extremely professional and he was worrying for no reason.

With a shake of his head, he entered his apartment and asked, “Hello?”

A young woman rounded the corner, wiping her damp hands on a paper towel. Her long, black hair was braided back, and by the time her obsidian eyes met Rowan’s, he was frozen in place. For a moment, she didn’t react, and Rowan couldn’t breathe.

And then her eyes lit up and a small grin spread on her thin, red lips. His blood ran cold. He swallowed. “Maeve. What...the hell are you doing here?”

“Ah, Rowan Whitethorn,” she cooed. “We meet again.”

[gucciwins]

Hate or Love

Harry and Y/N are stuck between two emotions, love and hate.

Word count: 5424

A/N: enemies to lovers, and yes there is a bit of smut. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

"What does the note from Harry say this time?"

Y/N doesn't have to turn around to know it's Dani who could not hold back her laughter. She turns her head to give her a stern look, ignoring the smile on her face. She turns her attention back to the folded sheet of paper addressed to Miss Cupcake. 

Y/N sighs. Her name is definitely not Miss Cupcake. Her neighbors know how to push her buttons. Hard. 

Asshole.

The door to her bakery swings wide open, and Sailor makes herself known. "Book club, ladies!" She yells. "I don't want to be late." Sailor stops right in front of them. Her eyes flicker to Dani's then Y/N's last to the note in Y/N's hands. A smile takes over her face.

"Stop. You both are too happy about these notes. It's ridiculous. May I remind you he's rude and very uptight." She slams the note down on the table. 

Dani gets up and makes sure to push her chair in to keep it nice and clean because she knows that's how Y/N likes the bakery. 

Dani and Sailor are wearing matching grins, and when together, they become a lot to handle. Dani is always the sweeter one, but not at this moment, she can melt the glare being sent to them both. Hand on her growing pregnancy belly and the other offered to Y/N. "Come on, let's see it." 

Y/N knows not to fight her and hands it right over. She knows that she loses all fights to her when she's cute and very pregnant. "Take it. It’s not even important."

"Sure, hun."

Sailor practically skips over to Dani as they huddle together to read the paper. Dani laughs before clearing her throat, obnoxiously. 

"Miss Cupcake-" She sends an amused look over to Y/N, and she rolls her eyes waiting for her to continue. "As I've mentioned in previous notes, I don't think your cat knows where it's home is. May you please get this under control, or I'll be forced to take action to fix this situation of ours. H" 

"That wasn't so bad. It's sweet." Y/N rolls her eyes, knowing it's hopeless. 

"Y/N, you should definitely go on a date with him. He's got a nice sense of humor. You agree right, Sail? If I didn't have Marco, I'd want a chance with him." 

Pregnancy makes Dani crazy. 

"Nope. You are both out of your mind." 

Dani waves the note as if the answer is right in front of her. "It's obvious he's only doing this to get you to talk to him. He wants to rile you up, which is obviously working."

"You can't really believe that. He hates me. And Alpine, obviously. He's the biggest sweetheart, he always comes home for a cuddle. I don't understand why he keeps going over there, I give him his favorite snacks, let him take over my pillows." Y/N sighs. 

Sailor taps her finger on her chin before pointing at Y/N. "He doesn't hate you."

She shakes her head in denial. "No, he does. He has from the moment he moved in."

Dani disagrees. "You almost hit him with a hockey stick when you first met him."

"Nope, you can't judge me for that. He started moving at four am. It was still dark, I got scared. My first thought, just like everyone else's, would be that someone broke in." She shakes her head at her friends. 

Sailor nods in agreement. "I think I would have hit him before he was able to get a word out. I understand your reaction."

Dani snorts at her. "Fair enough. I still think that you just got off on the wrong foot. He doesn't actually mind Alpine, but he does send you the notes because he can never use his balcony." She stops for a second before pointing her finger very close to your eye. "You're also partaken in the game."

"Me?" Y/N says in disbelief. "I'm an angel." 

"Yes, you. You're just going to ignore the catnip incident." Dani smirks

Heat rushes to Y/N's cheeks rather quickly. "Once. I did it once, and I was half sober." 

"Half sober?" Dani raises her eyebrows. 

"I don't get drunk, so yes, half sober." 

"I'm sure it was like two times, you called me after each time." 

Sailor throws Y/N a big grin. "Two times. You threw catnip on his balcony two times."

She shrugs. "Maybe I did, or maybe I didn't."

Sailor walks over and throws her arm over Y/N's shoulder, laughing. "Naughty, girl. You're bad, probably learned from me." 

The room fills with laughter at her comment, they calm down a moment after. Her face is still hot from her secret admission. 

Sailor's phone rings, and quickly after checking the screen, she nods as if answering the text. "As much as I want to know more, Abigail texted me. The girls are waiting for our arrival." 

Y/N lets out a slow breath of air. "Lead the way."

Dani leads the way, she looks back at Y/N over her shoulder. "Can't wait. Hot neighbor, here we come."

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

The first Thursday of the month. One of his favorite days, just like the third Thursday each month. It brings Harry lots of joy seeing his neighbor after each note. The color on her cheeks, stomping into the store as soon as she walks into the store. It's satisfying and sexy as hell.

Harry enjoys her sass and her beauty; their fun little game has allowed him to accept his new routine. He didn't expect to run a book/coffee shop. But he could never say no to his grandmother when she announced she was ready to retire. After losing his grandfather, she hasn't been the same. Gemma and Harry try their best to support her. He runs the shop, and Gemma visits as much as she can with her kids. He's lucky his mum runs the book store allowing him to focus on the rest. 

His grandmother never mentioned the book club of ladies that came included with the store. It's only two days a month, but it's nice. He enjoys having them there. Dot, Abigail, Margie, Sailor, Dani, and Y/N are the core of the group and a few others that attend sporadically. 

Y/N, his neighbor with her business next door and her apartment above and right next door, is Harry's favorite. She brings the delicious treats, everyone, raves about that she shares even though he knows it pains her. Bless her good manners. She's also a stunning woman. The most beautiful person he has ever seen. A true masterpiece. 

Harry walks over to the group, he stands directly behind where Y/N is sitting. "Good evening to you all." 

Harry knows all the other ladies have picked up on their flirty game. They caught on pretty quickly, everyone but her. Y/N's great, but how can someone so cute have no clue that he’s interested. Harry knows there has to be something there because she steals glances at him. 

"Would you all like your usual?" Harry's gaze moves across the group, catching everyone's collective yes's. "I'll get right on it." 

Harry walks out a big grin on his face. He's quick to finish their orders and bring them out. He heads back for the last two when he stops from entering the back room when he hears Y/N voicing her thoughts. 

"It seems unrealistic. No man will sweep you off your feet then kiss you breathless. Even less press you against a wall and kiss you until you forget your own name. The men we read about are fictional and hard to find if there are any left." 

Harry would love to kiss her, give her all the pleasure possible. He'd give it to her whenever she asked. 

The women are nodding along to her. Dani spots him standing there, and Harry has the sudden urge to go back to the station. She has a hard gaze set on him, and he feels like it's trouble waiting to happen. 

She smirks, her eyes not straying from Harry's "Oh, I believe there are men still out there. Don't you, Harry?"

Shit. 

Just as quickly, all eyes turn to me, and he plasters a grin on his face as he sets down the drinks for Dani and Sailor. He is quick to gather his thoughts, knowing they are waiting on him. "Yes, those men are out there. No one is perfect, but they are passionate and kind. The right partner brings out the best in you, all bets are off all is fair game for them both. Think it makes a relationship stronger and definitely spices up the bedroom."

Y/N mutters something under her breath that sounds like, "Okay, sure."

Harry is quick to look her way and catches her gaze. "Sorry, I missed that Y/N."

"What?" She questions back as her blush deepens, not breaking the stare. 

"You don't think that man is out there. You don't think a man can be passionate?" Harry wants her to see it in him. 

She shakes her head, causing loose hairs to fall out of her messy bun framing her face. He wants to reach out and brush it back. "No, they exist. I do believe they are out there. It's just incredibly rare, and most likely already taken. 

Harry nods, agreeing with her, as do. the ladies around her. "Could be that you aren't looking in the right places. Maybe," Harry pauses, looking her right in the eyes. "you aren't open to finding someone like that. or you're just picking the wrong ones." 

She leans back, and a look of hurt passing through her eyes, and Harry feels terrible. He didn't want to come across as an asshole, but that is precisely what happened. Hae's doing it all wrong. Harry hears the small chime of the door opening and takes that as his cue to leave. "Excuse me, ladies. Sorry to interrupt." 

Harry is happy to leave, unsure if he stayed there any longer he'd do something stupid like actually kiss Y/N. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

Y/N is whisking the batter for cupcakes when her thoughts drift back to Harry. 

Maybe you aren't open to finding someone. 

Three days since the book club and his voice is stuck in her head on a loop, it drives her crazy. He hurt her, but maybe he's right. 

Or you're picking the wrong ones.

He doesn't know her, how can he be right. Y/N is going to drive herself crazy thinking about this. Maybe every guy she's met has been perfect, and she's the one who ruins it. Perhaps, she's meant to never be loved. She sets down the bowl and whisk and sighs. Love might not even be for her. 

"Looks like lots of fun being in here." 

Y/N jumps and turns around quickly to wipe her face of the tear that slipped down her face. That male voice is unfamiliar in her back room. Her heart continues to pound as her eyes meet bright green ones. 

She sees his eyes shift to her outfit before landing on her eyes. She knows they're puffy and red because she got little to no sleep last night. Harry's got a shining smile, and she currently doesn't want to deal with his remarks no matter how right or wrong. 

He looks good in a loose white t-shirt and mustard flared pants that compliment his thighs well. Y/N stops staring when she reaches his eyes once more and sees the smirk on his face with a hint of concern. Y/N can't believe she's attracted to Harry, hell she might like him. She looks behind Harry and sees the piping bags waiting to be filled with pink frosting. She'd like to lick it off Harry. Y/N takes a step back to shake his thoughts out of her head. 

"Did you need something, or was ruining my day the only thing you had on the agenda?"

"Harsh." His hand flies to his chest in mock. That feeling is quick to disappear, and it's replaced by what looks like concern or even worry. "I heard a noise when I came back from a small delivery thought I'd check it out. These close back doors come in handy."

"Well, all is good here. Your presence is not needed." Y/N shoots him a fake smile, hoping it'll get him out of here. She feels guilty, she might have been a little mean. She was never known to be mean, but she doesn't know what it is about him. 

There's so much to say to Harry, but she knows he won't even hear it. Harry probably doesn't even realize how the words stayed with me, especially after saying it in front of the other ladies. He's judged me just like everyone else has, and for once, they might be right.

Maybe the men she chose did suck. She hated having high expectations, but it's what her mother taught her to do. Allow yourself only the best love and not to stop until she finds it. Until now, she's still looking. Maybe, she should stop.

Harry takes a step inside, he's four steps away. He looks too good, and what she wants to do is say he was right about her. That she wants him to show her what she's been missing all along. Then he'll grab her by the waist, sit her on the table and kiss her senseless. 

Too bad, life isn't a romance novel. 

She turns back around, going back to whisking. "Your grandma's cupcakes will be ready soon. Brandon is going to box them up, take them over, and save you the trip. 

"Did I do something?" She hears him take a few more steps, meaning he's right behind her. "I can tell you're upset. I can help." 

Y/N grips the table, trying to keep her calm. "You just made me realize that I was the problem in all my past relationships. That I'm the problem, all those past guys were never good to me. That it's my fault I was—" She cuts herself off before sharing more than she intended. “It doesn't matter, I see your point."

She can't see Harry's reaction, but she knows he's shocked. She's waiting for him to say something.

"That wasn't what I meant when I said that," Harry says slowly as if she'd turn around to hit him. 

"Tell me what you meant then." She meant to say it softly, but it came out harsh. 

"Y/N, there is someone here for a cake and want to have a consult with you." A worker of hers peeks through the door. 

"I'll be right there, Tamara. Please have them wait for me in the consulting room." Y/N shoots her a smile, and she leaves. 

Y/N heads to the sink to wash her hands and then leaves through the door Tamara left through. All without another glance or word to Harry. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

It's nightfall, and Harry feels awful. If Harry didn't know why he was feeling so bad, he'd think he would have a heart attack. The way she broke down on him. Harry hurt her, he didn't mean to, but he did. He's the biggest idiot. Instead of having her fall in love, he made her hate him. 

Harry had just turned off the lights and headed to his room when he heard a knock on his door. He turns the hallway light on before heading to the door.

Y/N and Harry share the main door to get access to the apartments meaning someone has to buzz to get in, but since it's a knock. Harry knows it's her. He's never been more thankful to see her beautiful face. 

There she stands in all her beauty. Her hair is a mess atop her head, makeup-free face, and a pair of short cupcake pajamas. Very fitting for his nickname for her. Her stunning eyes stare into him, sparking and ready to attack. 

She lifts her hand to point the finger at him.

"I'm angry with you." 

Harry nods. "Okay."

"You started this downfall I fell in. I can't stop thinking about all the dating and pleasure. I don't like it, and I don't need it, you got it?" 

Her cheeks go red before her next words. 

"It's not my fault. I haven't been able to find a good guy. It's also not my fault; they didn't treat me well." 

"Okay."

"I know my worth, and you and your words aren't going to mess that up. I'll keep my standards high, and I'll keep respecting myself." 

"Okay." 

"Harry, you're driving me crazy. Stop saying okay."

"Ok—" He's cut off by her finger landing on my lips. Her touch sends chills down his body, and he honestly craves more. Harry wants to take that finger in his mouth, lick it, and suck it as he wants to do the rest of her body. 

A gasp leaves her mouth, and Harry swears must be having the same thoughts as him. It's sexy, and Harry only has so much self-control. Harry wants to take a step forward, wrap his hands around her hips to pull her close to finally feel his skin against hers. Six months, he's been waiting six months for the very moment he could make her his. 

She's quick to move her finger away. She doesn't know what to say, and for a moment, neither does Harry. Her eyes meet Harry's finally, and he sees the desire burning in her. He steps close, giving her a chance to stop him or tell him, no, but that small nod is all he needs. 

Y/N is in his arms, and her mouth is on his. They attack each other like they're starving. 

Harry wants her. He wants her forever. 

All his life was leading up to this very moment. She's letting him in, and he couldn't be more grateful. 

Wine and chocolate Harry tastes that on her tongue. 

Intoxicating 

She moans into his mouth and presses closer, his hands begin to wonder as do hers. Her fingers tightening in his hair. She's driving Harry crazy, igniting a fire deep inside him. His hands grab her ass tightly, needing her close. 

Y/N breaks the kiss, her breathing harsh and warm in my face. "More...Harry, I want... more." 

That's all Harry needs to drag her into his apartment, shutting the door. He presses her against the cool wood, all thoughts the only focus is bringing her the pleasure she deserves. She bites his lip, and Harry lets out a low moan. She gasps when she feels how hard he is against her, wrapping a leg around his hips to get them even closer. 

Harry groans, he bends a little to grab her other leg. "Hold on, baby."

She holds on tightly, her hands around my neck. Harry tries his best not to lose control, he doesn’t want to come in his pants. He would never recover from the embarrassment.

Y/N arches her back, and she exposes her beautiful throat to Harry. He doesn't think twice before attacking. Biting, sucking, licking. He gives it all to her. Her moans and whimpers allow him to keep going knowing that she is enjoying it. Harry has never been this hard in his life, he wants this forever. 

Harry feels her breast and looks down to see her nipples straining against her top's thin fabric. He tugs on one through the material, and Y/N writhes against me, rubbing herself desperately against him. Harry's just as desperate feeling the friction. 

Harry shifts her weight in his arms to move one of his hands between their bodies, finding her sensitive spot. He wants to see her come, he craves it. 

Harry returns his lips back to hers simultaneously, his fingers slip between her shorts and find the right spot. Harry's the one holding her, but Y/N's the one in control controlling our kiss and moving against his hand that is against her wet silk panties. 

Harry swallows every moan and whispers she lets out, it's all for him. She lets a loud moan against his lips then breathes out his name. Harry knows he's ruined forever after watching her come. 

Harry knew how amazing she was from the moment she almost hit him with a hockey stick while wearing her sunflower pajamas. He didn't expect her to change his entire life. 

He helps her come down her high as they both try to catch their breaths. As he set her down, he didn't pull away, keeping his hands on her waist and lips close by. Harry feels on fire, having her so close still. Harry brushes away the hair framed around her face, and he cups her cheeks, he's making sure he has her full attention. "Let's make one thing clear. Every single man you dated was an idiot. Any man and I mean any, would be lucky to have you." 

Y/N swallows. "Okay." 

He nods, "Okay?"

She nods her head up and down. "Okay, yes." 

Harry slips his hand in hers and brings it to his lips to kiss her soft hands. "Let's get some sleep." 

Harry leads the way with a smile on his face. As soon as they enter the room, he scoops in his arms and drops her gently in the bed, he climbs in the act. Once they are both comfortable, he drops the covers over them.

Harry hugs her tight. He's never been happier than he is right now with her in his arms. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

"Can you repeat that?" Sailor's and Julia's voice blasts from the phone speaker. Y/N's thankful they aren't there to witness her embarrassment. Her face feels on fire. 

"Uhh...I left. I walked right out." 

Silence fills the air of the apartment. 

Dani sighs. She knows it is Dani because she's dramatic and likes to really drag it out. As much as they tease her, they love her, and she loves them. 

 "Explain, please." 

Y/N takes a sip of her chamomile tea that always helps her relax, but that's not the case this time. "Well, you know what happened last night. I woke up a little freaked out in his arms. Not that it was bad, it was amazing. I panicked."

"Continue," Dani urges her on. 

“I gave him a wave and walked out." Y/N knows that's embarrassing and doesn't want to see Harry. 

Dani is the first to laugh then Sailor follows suit. 

Y/N lets out a little laugh because it was funny, not her proudest moment. 

"Harry seems like an understanding person. Talk to him." Sailor suggested, all while still laughing. "Please stop embarrassing yourself."

The doorbell rings before she gets a chance to answer. "I've got to go. My pizza has arrived. Thanks for listening." 

The girls say their goodbyes and hang up. Y/N stands to go check the intercom but is only greeted by silence, she slips her shoes on to go check downstairs. Instead, she opens the door, Harry stands in front of it with her pizza in hand. The smile he gives her is one she hasn't seen before, but she'll be craving to see more. His dimples in full display, his eyes crinkle in a way she's never noticed before. She likes it—a lot.

"Hi." She glances down, and she's suddenly reminded of the clothes she threw on after her shower. Not her cutest top and shorts. Definitely, nothing impressive. 

Her nerves lessen when she catches his eyes roaming her body. She sees the lust in his eyes, the desire growing as he reaches her face. She wants to kiss him, but that's not the smartest move. "Is that my pizza?" She points to the box in his hands.

He nods and lets out a small laugh, "Yeah. I saw the delivery guy and thought I might convince you to share it with me." 

"Oh." 

"What do you say?" 

"Well, what do you have to offer? I'm not keen on sharing my pizza." She raises an eyebrow at him. The playful banter is back, but now the butterflies in her stomach are in full attack. 

Harry moves the pizza box to his side, allowing him to step forward. 

"Because—" He captures her lips with his. "I know," his lips brush along her jaw, "how to repay you." He sucks gently on her neck, a shiver running through her body. 

She knows exactly what he's referring to, and she's more than happy to accept. He pulls back and has a smirk on his face remembering the effect he has on her. Y/N bites her lip, allowing Harry to think she's thinking it over when his hand connects with her butt in response. He then squeezes, having her lean forward and fall against his chest. 

"I want all of you." She feels his chest rising faster, having her so close. "Please, no more running, Miss Cupcake." 

Y/N takes a breath to try her best to get herself under control, but she can't because all she smells is him. He smells like home. The smell of coffee and sugar mixing perfectly together. 

"Sorry, Harry. Last night was really amazing, but it just got to be too much in the morning. I mean, you know I've never done any of that." She pauses for a moment, mind-spinning because they do know a lot about each other. Life kept pushing them together. "And…I wasn't sure if it was a one-time thing or—"

His lips are on hers, his tongue urgently demanding entry, all words completely gone. A thud is heard, and the next second Y/N is in his arms, and she never wants to leave. His hands are in her hair, she moans the only noise filling the quiet apartment. 

Y/N pulls him closer by his shirt. She feels Harry flex as her skin touches him. Alpine lets out a cry from the chair he's sleeping on, pulling them out of the moment. 

Harry clears his throat, and she knows he's as messed up as her. She's trying her best to get her thoughts in order. "Would you like to come in?" 

Harry's eyes go wide, shining bright. "You're willing to share your pizza with me?"

"On the condition that you behave." Y/N laughs at his shock expression as if he could not be on his best behavior for her. 

Harry picks up the pizza box from when he dropped it. "Not fair, especially when you tempt me looking like that." 

"This turns you on." Y/N is surprised, closing the door as Harry makes his way to her couch. 

"Oh, baby. You're stunning. You make me lose my mind every time." 

She's blushing. Harry really likes her, she didn't expect that confession. She had gone most of her life not liking her body or looks, but over time she's come to love who she is. It was not easy, and there are still bad days, but having Harry tell her this makes her feel special. 

"Harry, have you liked me the entire time?" 

Harry's grin is sheepish. He holds his hand out, and she grabs it without a second thought. "Yes. God, yes, how could I not. I watched you go on a date with those idiots, giving you the time you needed to figure out what was right in front of you." He kisses her knuckles before he raises his head, allowing her to see his smirk. "Enjoying our game."

"Harry" It's all she manages to get out. 

"Don't gotta say anything. I'm all in." He tugs on her hand, having her land on his lap. "Don't think I'm ever letting you go again."

Y/N loves the sound of that. She doesn't know why Harry thinks all of this about her, but she's all in. 

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

Eight Months

"Honey?" 

Harry can't help the grin that takes over his face when he hears Y/N call him that. It'll never get old. 

"Yes, what do you need?" He's wrapping the towel around his waist, coming out of the bathroom. 

"Bedroom, please." 

She is quick to look over her shoulder as Harry walks in. He sees her eyes lingering on his butterfly tattoo, her favorite he's come to learn. Harry loves it when she looks at him, he sees all the love she has for him.

Y/N is holding something, and as he steps closer, he is quick to recognize it. He cracks a smile. He doesn't bother keeping in his laughter. 

"I did not remember that was there." 

"Harry, please tell me why you have catnip hidden behind a Spice Girls ‘SpiceWorld’ hoodie?" She lowers the catnip and slowly closes the distance between them. 

He clears his throat, running a hand through his hair. "All I wanted was sweet Alpine to be my friend." 

She shakes her head. "You're telling me that you put catnip on your balcony so he'd come over?"

Harry nods. Of course, he did; it was his most excellent idea. "Yes." 

"So did I." She whispers. 

Harry's eyes go wide. "You did?" He pulls her against him, causing her to let out a small shriek. "Do you have to be so perfect and crazy?"

"Just for you, Honey." She leans in close, breaths mixing together. "Two big reasons you love me." 

Harry nods. "Two of the million reasons." 

He reaches for her shirt and slips it off relatively easy. "Will you let me show you other reasons with my mouth, and my tongue and. . ." He cuts off as he grinds into her. His hands gently cupping her breasts. He drops his head and licks a path down her throat.

A sexy moan leaves her lips. "This is going to be quick, you in these black leggings always drive me crazy." He kisses your neck, and he guides you to the bed. 

Harry slides his hand down her leggings, and just as he was suspecting she's soaking wet. She's ready for him. He's quick to take them off, making sure there's no tear before letting his towel drop. 

Harry sinks in one swift move, making them moan in unison. "Fuck, baby. You feel so good." 

His thrusts are fast and hard, never slowing down. Harry can tell she's close when she begins to fist the bed. He leans down close, missing the feel of her lips against his. "Come for me, baby." He goes a few more, not slowing down, he feels her walls tightening.

"Harry!" She moans, just as her high hits. Harry is quick to follow, her expressions always helping him find his release. 

Harry falls against the bed pulling Y/N to lay on top of him. He wants her close, he always does. 

"I love you." He locks eyes with her wanting to see them sparkle.

The sweet smile she gives Harry is his favorite. "I love you."

Harry sits up against the headboard bringing Y/N closer to his chest. He begins to look around his almost empty room. The idea to turn their apartments into one was brilliant, but it has been a lot of work. Harry isn't fond of getting rid of items in his closet, which is why Y/N was there earlier.

"Are you happy, Harry?" Y/N asks as she traces a sparrow on his chest. It's soothing. 

He brings his hand down to her cheek, and he lifts her face gently to have her look at him. "Never been happier." She leans in to kiss him but doesn't allow him to deepen in. "Are you?" 

"Very." She kisses his dimples and settles back on his chest, continuing with what she was doing. 

At this moment, Harry knows he's never been happier, and they has a lifetime of happiness waiting for them.

* 。˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。 * 。 • ˚ ˛ 。* 。• ° 。* 。 • ˚

Thank you for reading. I love you

Please come by and talk to me about what you thought of Hate or Love 

[smallheathgangsters]

Second Youngest | Part Three

A/N: The final part is finally here! So sorry for the longest wait ever, but I do hope you enjoy and that I didn’t disappoint you. Lots of love! xx

Tag List: @sophieshelby @annabethgranger123 @marvelschriss @bloodorangemoonlight @chill-bee @savannah-elliott @the-number7 @mayakblack @thekillingjoke-haha @soleil-dor @theshelbyclan @erinwhelan99 @saniyaah @loveforweasleys @livingforbarnes @multi-fandom-iimagines @lovemissyhoneybee @peakyblindersengland @lucillethings  @callmesunshinexx @simonsbluee @anyasthoughts

Shelby!Sister Reader

Word Count: 2483

Type: angst

---------------------------------------------

Alfie. What a man. Impressive, but so scary and intimidating at the same time. Thinking about him sent shivers down your spine, although you were never sure if in a positive or negative way.

He clearly wasn’t a good man. Not to his employees, not to his business partners, not even to himself. To you though, he was strangely kind. Kind in a way that meant he didn’t yell at you the way he yelled at Ollie. Or how he asked you to do something instead of demanding it. They were subtle things, gestures that might not stand out very much. But that didn’t mean you weren’t able to notice and appreciate them.

You’d been afraid that life would go downhill again after it had just gotten better. Your former boss was a lovely man and he had treated you more than well. When Alfie stepped into the room and introduced himself to you, your heart had sunk. He had seemed violent and messy and anything but a serious, successful entrepreneur.

Luckily, it had turned out better than expected. You knew he was into the same shady business as your family and that his ethics were more than questionable. It was painful for you to watch how he treated people, though over time you got used to it, especially since he spared you. Not once had he raised his voice at you. He even complimented you from time to time, mentioning your hard work and that he appreciated your commitment.

Of course, you would have preferred staying with your old boss. He didn’t make your skin crawl every time he entered the room. His tone has always been cheerful and motivating, the work had been morally a lot less worrying and the office had been filled with sunlight and cute little plants. Alfie’s place was dusty and dark, and you were often working by yourself.

Still – it was a hundred times better than what you had to endure in Birmingham. With your family.

Every day you wished you could write to Finn. Sweet, sweet Finn. You missed him so much. But you had to make sure that no other family member found out where you were located. And the last thing you wanted was your little brother getting in trouble because of your foolishness.

It was a stormy Thursday evening. There was still so much to do, the paperwork piling on your desk, waiting to be taken care of. Alfie hadn’t been around all day, but Ollie had come by more than once to bring you more assignments. You sighed and looked out of the tiny window up in the corner. Your office room was located underneath the bakery, hidden away from daily life and anybody who could be suspicious about what was going on behind the flour and eggs.

Suddenly, Ollie poked his head through the door frame.

You let out a scoff, loud enough for him to hear.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to bring you more work,” he defended himself, lifting his hands as if he was surrendering.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, leaning back into your chair and regretting that you had made your annoyance so obvious. Ollie was a nice guy and he asked you if he could help you with your papers every single day. Even though you declined every time, you very much appreciated it.

He leaned against the frame and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s okay, I understand. Today was stressful.”

“Are you done?” you asked your colleague.

He nodded. “Joining me? We could get a drink somewhere.”

You let out another sigh and shook your head. “Not today. I need to get a few more things finished up before I go. I really don’t want to stay longer tomorrow.”

Ollie chuckled. “I understand. Have a nice evening, Y/N.”

He waved at you politely and then left, leaving you behind your desk with your typewriter. Before getting back to what you had been working on, you lifted your head and studied the clock. It was already seven. You decided to stay another hour.

Eight o’clock came around faster than expected. You had managed to do half of what you’d intended to, but you were starting to get incredibly sleepy, so you knew you would only start making mistakes from now on.

You pulled out the piece of paper from your typewriter, pulled open one of the drawers underneath the desk and placed it inside. Then you closed it maybe a little too forcefully, making you flinch at the slamming sound. You clearly were stressed, but the week was over soon, and you couldn’t wait to go on a relaxing trip to the countryside on Saturday. Have a picknick on the greenest field with the prettiest flowers. Enjoying the sun and gentle breeze. The smell of freedom and the calming tranquillity.

You sighed to yourself yet again, the images buzzing around in your head, and grabbed your purse. Your fingers rummaged around in it, trying to find the keys to the bakery. After a couple of seconds, they pulled out the cool metal.

You walked out of your office, closing the door and continued to the main entrance. You weren’t even halfway there, when you heard footsteps. Two, to be precise. Two steps into your direction.

You stopped in your tracks, your hand closing tightly around the keys, making them clink loudly. Slowly, you turned around, scanning the large hall.

Alfie had always promised to keep you safe. Or at least that was the reason he gave for why you were the only employee without a gun. He had said that you would never have to worry about anyone hurting you or even getting too close to you. And you had trusted him, hadn’t even questioned his decision. He had sounded so convincing, as though there was no doubt in what he told you.

Now, you regretted trusting his words. Because you knew you were the last worker to leave the shop and you were clearly not alone.

“You really thought you could outsmart us, Y/N …”

Tommy.

He had found you.

And with another step he slowly started coming out of the darkness. The distinctive sound of him clearing his throat gave you the worst case of goose bumps.

You were scared. So scared.

There was no way he’d let you go. Let you stay here.

There was no place for peace in this war. You had thought you had escaped for good. But apparently you could never escape the Shelby curse.

“H– How did you find me, Thomas?”

You could have slapped yourself right then and there. Your voice sounded pathetic and frightened. Not the impression you wanted to give off. Especially when facing your older half-brother.

He chuckled. To himself. Mockingly. “You chose Finn to help you.”

You gulped, your fingers closing even tighter around the metal in your hand, slowly beginning to hurt yourself.

“Finn only had to look me in the eyes once and I knew he was involved in your very clever escape plan,” he explained while taking another two steps towards you and fishing out a cigarette. He placed it carefully between his lips but didn’t immediately light it.

His eyes had always been very empty. Even today. Cold and empty.

The difference was, today they looked disappointed. And furious. Furious about somebody thinking they were smarter than him. Somebody thinking they could get away without facing the consequences. Somebody underestimating him. Gravely.

“And when I found out you were hiding in Solomon’s bunker, I knew I had to put an end to this foolishness of yours.”

You gritted your teeth and tried to move backwards, as discreet as possible, with a loudly thumping heart. The main entrance was facing your back and all you wanted to do was turn around and bolt. Out of the bakery and into the night. As fast as possible.

But you didn’t trust your brother. You didn’t trust Tommy not to shoot you. Because he obviously had no sympathy for you at all.

The clicking of a lighter filled the air and the cigarette between Tommy’s lips caught the flame. “A Shelby on the Solomon side of the business? You know I can’t accept that, Y/N. It’s bad for my deal and my reputation.”

You sucked in the cool air through your still gritted teeth. “Please just let me go home.”

You had wanted it to sound like a demand. But as you had expected, it had come out like a plea.

“I can’t let you do that.”

His voice was lacking every sign of emotion. Making it the scariest you had ever heard.

“I’ve done nothing wrong, Tommy.”

Another step backwards. How much more until you got to the door?

“Perhaps not maliciously, but you’ve caused a lot of trouble already and I don’t want to clean up your mess,” Tommy explained and took another drag of his cigarette.

All of a sudden, panic overcame you. Your feet started moving on their own, in direction of the exit. A rush of adrenaline overcame you, although that ended very promptly when you felt a strong hand wrap around your upper arm.

“Stop running away, Y/N,” Tommy’s growled. “I’m taking you home.”

“Home?” you yelped, struggling in his grip, trying to get him off. “Small Heath was never my home, Tommy!”

“So, you think the basement of this Jewish bastard is your home?” he huffed, tightening his grip even more.

You let out a desperate cry. “At least he made me feel welcome!”

“Shut up, Y/N,” you heard Tommy grumble, his voice coarse. Then, you heard the cocking of a gun. “I don’t want to shoot you. Please do as I say and come with me. Civil.”

Only a moment later you felt the barrel against your ribcage. Your heart stopped for an interval, trying to cope with the stress you were under. Your breath was shaky and your body stiff as a board.

“Please …” you begged again, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. You knew it was stupid to show weakness, but you just couldn’t deal with it anymore. With Tommy and his obsession with power and control. With the Shelby name haunting you. With the fact that you would probably never get away. They would always find you. They would always get you back.

Suddenly, there was a door being slammed. Both yours and Tommy’s head shot up.

“Thomas, fuck off.”

“Alfie, stay out of this.”

“Stay away from my employee.”

“I said stay out of this,” Tommy repeated, pressing the gun even harder into your side. “If I shoot her, she’ll be no use to you anyway.”

Alfie, who was stood in a doorframe slightly above the ground, slowly moved down the few steps, closer to the scene. “You’re not fucking shooting my employee.”

Even though Alfie was technically defending you, you despised how they both talked about you in the most objectifying way possible.

You began twisting in Tommy’s grip, trying to free yourself, since he was now busy with Alfie’s interference. But your half-brother wasn’t one to easily get distracted.

“I’m going to fucking shoot you if you don’t stop,” he hissed, now visibly angry. Tommy aggressively pushed you towards the large main door, trying to take you out of here and with him.

“Fucking get back here, Thomas!”

Alfie started getting pissed. And you knew, that meant nothing good was going to happen.

“I said stay out of this. This is about family, not about business! We can talk business some other time.”

With that said, he forcefully threw you against the steps leading up to the exit. You fell onto your knees and hands, scraping them badly. You let a sound of pain slip out of your mouth and immediately pressed your eyes and lips together, trying to suppress any more noise and tears.

Straight away, Tommy’s gun was on your body again. This time, right against your temple. “Don’t move.”

But why should you obey? What was the benefit of obeying him? You were terrified for your life, though you’d rather be dead. Rather get shot in the head than accept the fact that you were defeated. By your family. That they had ultimately broken you.

Your mind had no time to catch up with what happened next. The only thing you were more than sure about was that a gun was fired. And a heavy weight had fallen onto you.

The scent of cigarettes and musky aftershave crept into your nose, making you realise that it was Tommy. Making you realise that the pressure on your body was Tommy and the warm liquid spreading on your clothes was blood.

You wanted to scream. And cry. But every single sound you wished to make was stuck in your throat, keeping you from breathing properly. You weren’t only trapped underneath your dead half-brother. You were trapped in your own skin, unable to move and say anything.

“Get up.”

As if nothing had happened. As if Alfie had not just shot Tommy. Demanding you to get up, while he pushed away his lifeless business partner and offering you his large, dirty hands.

And you knew crying, not accepting his offer or resisting him would do absolutely nothing for you. This life didn’t give you a chance to breathe. Either you got over this evening right away or you’d lose everything you’d fought for.

And Tommy was not worth it.

Not even a bit.

So, you grabbed Alfie’s hand and let him pull you up. You accepted the handkerchief he held out and cleaned off the blood as good as possible.

“Alfie …” you said carefully, looking up at him cautiously. “Why did you shoot him?”

He frowned. “No one fucks with my business.”

You bit your lip and handed him back the cloth. “Wouldn’t it have been better for business, if you’d just let him take me?”

He shrugged, scratching at his beard. “Maybe,” he mumbled almost incomprehensible. “Your brother–“

“Half-brother,” you corrected.

Your interruption made Alfie eye you up and down. “… half-brother used to be my favourite Shelby. Though, y’know, that may have changed over the past few months.”

You snorted, almost a little too confidently. “You’ve only just found out about my identity, Alfie.”

Your statement made him laugh, confusing you.

“You really thought I didn’t know you were a Shelby?” he asked and stepped closer to you, piercing into your eyes with his. “I know a Shelby when I see one. Even the ones that are nothing like the rest of the pack. Your true nature sits deep inside you and always will.”

Then, he backed away before turning his back on you.

“I hope you know how to hide a body, Y/N.”

He opened the door to his office and let it slam shut. Leaving you alone with Tommy.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

wings & the way down - part 5

Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word count: 1465

Warnings: One scraped knee, one cranky Spencer, and several mentions of homophobic high school bullying. 

Catch up right over here! 

Thursday, January 9

Of course they chose today, Spencer thinks bitterly, inspecting the damage to his bike chain. 

At least there wasn’t anybody around to see the fall; no sports practices on Thursday, and chess club ran late. There are only a couple cars left in the senior lot. 

So, yeah, no witnesses, but…god, that stings. No broken bones, but there’s plenty of broken skin, and the knees of his favorite jeans are shredded and bloodstained. 

His eyes feel hot and itchy, but there’s no way he’s going to cry, not here, not now. He has things to do. He can handle it. He’s fine. 

And in a few months, he can leave, and he’ll never have to see Charlie fucking Hankel ever again. 

Spencer grits his teeth as he gets gingerly to his feet. His knee throbs when he moves, and Spencer hisses at the pain, trying to bend down and pick up the bike without putting too much weight on it. 

Someone’s coming out of the school doors, and Spencer almost ducks his head and starts walking before he realizes it’s Emily. 

“Spence!” she calls. Just behind her, looking up from his phone as he hears her shout, is Derek. 

Of course. 

Emily winces sympathetically when she sees the damage, but she doesn’t look surprised. Derek, though, goes all wide-eyed when he realizes Spencer’s hurt; he half-jogs over. 

“Shit, you okay? What happened?” He reaches out and puts a hand on Spencer’s shoulder in a gesture that’s probably supposed to be comforting. Spencer shrugs it off. He’s standing close enough that Spencer can smell him, and that’s — 

Nope. Not gonna think about it. 

He looks down at his ratty Chucks so he doesn’t have to see the genuine concern in Derek’s eyes. 

“The usual?” Emily asks Spencer, which, duh. “Hey, wait, how do you guys know each other?” 

“We met in the park the other day,” Spencer mutters. 

Emily waits, one eyebrow raised, but he doesn’t volunteer any more information. She looks between the two of them shrewdly — Derek’s got his hands in his pockets, hunched a little like he’s anxious — and Spencer wonders what she sees. She’s gotten herself a reputation for being the rebellious, no-fucks-given type, but she’s a hell of a lot sharper than most people give her credit for. 

“Do you need a ride?” she asks, before the pause can get too awkward. “I gotta get home to my French tutor or my mom’ll shit bricks, but I could drop you somewhere on the way.”

“No worries, I’m fine. Don’t think my bike would fit.”

Emily drives a cherry-red convertible Bug that’s basically the same size as his bike. She also drives like an idiot. 

“Suit yourself,” she says, and waves at both of them as she goes. “See you Saturday, new kid!” 

“We’re working on a project together,” Derek tells Spencer, even though he didn’t ask. “Hey, I’ve got the truck, we can just throw your bike in the back and I’ll give you a lift.” 

“I’m okay.” 

He is. He will be. He can take care of himself just fine. 

“Your knee looks rough, man, you really shouldn’t walk on that.” 

Spencer stares at him. He’s about a second from screaming, he’s so done, and maybe some of that shows in his face, because Derek recoils slightly, hands raised in surrender. 

“Shit, sorry, I was just trying to help.”

Aaaand now Spencer’s an asshole. 

“Yeah, okay,” he sighs. “That’s — sure.” 

He walks (limps) his bike over to the truck he remembers seeing at the Morgan’s, Derek slowing his pace so that Spencer can keep up, which is infuriating. Derek lifts the bike into the bed of the truck like it weighs nothing. 

It’s not until they’re pulling out of the school lot that Spencer mumbles, “Sorry. Just been a rough week.” 

“Yeah? You wanna talk about it?” 

“Not really,” Spencer says, attempting a smile, but he’s never been very good at hiding his feelings — which is even more problematic than usual, right now, because he can’t stop staring at Derek’s profile as he drives, or the confident, capable way he shifts gears as the old truck wheezes onto the main road. 

“Fair enough.” 

The fact that he’s not pushing for answers makes Spencer feel like even more of a dick. 

“Turn up there, by the way,” Spencer tells him, and then, when the silence starts to stretch awkwardly, he asks, “How’s your first week going?” 

“Not bad. Met a couple cool people. Emily’s a badass.”

Spencer snorts. “Yeah. She really is.”  

“You guys hang out a lot?” 

“Not really,” Spencer says, because they don’t, at least not outside of school; he doesn’t really hang out with anyone. “We usually sat together at lunch, last semester, but we don’t have the same lunch period any more.” He doesn’t want to admit how much he misses that. Emily’s one of the few people who’s always been nice to him — other than JJ, which doesn’t count, because JJ is nice to everyone — and beyond that, she’s the only person who’s ever really stuck up for him. 

“Apparently we have a friend in common. She used to go to school with my girl Penelope, I guess, and we’re gonna all hang out this weekend. You wanna join?” 

He comes to a stop at a red light and shoots Spencer a sweet, easy grin, and Spencer just blinks at him for a second. 

“Why?” he blurts out. 

Derek laughs. “What do you mean, why?” 

“Why do you want to hang out with me?” Spencer sputters, and when Derek gives him a blank look, he gives an exasperated sigh. “You’re new. And you’re — I mean, you’re good-looking —” 

“Aw, shucks.” 

“— and you’re a jock and you’re cool. And you’ll have it easy, you’ll have friends, you’ll have girls falling all over you, but — not if you hang out with people like me and Emily.” 

He says quietly, “You two are the most genuine people I’ve met since I got here.” 

“Yeah? You know what genuine gets you around here?” Spencer snaps, before he can stop himself. “Messed-up bike chains and a whole lot of time shut in lockers. Not to mention —” 

“Wait, really? Somebody did that on purpose?” 

Spencer rolls his eyes and barrels on. “Emily gets by, because she’s loaded and she’s pretty and she knows how to fight back. But I — the second day of high school, when I was a freshman… this guy was making fun of my clothes, and he said, ‘What, are you gay or something?’ and I said yes. Because I didn’t know it was something you were supposed to hide, and —” 

“Oh,” Derek says quietly. 

“Yeah. And I’m not — I’m no good at hiding, and it wasn’t like I’d be cool anyway, it’s not like the kids who run things around here would be inviting me to parties even if that hadn’t happened, but it’s not —” Spencer is babbling, and he makes himself stop, take a breath, before he continues. “Just… trust me, okay? You could have it so easy.” 

Derek’s quiet for a long moment, and Spencer realizes they just missed the turn to get to his house. Maybe it’s better that Derek doesn’t pull up out front, though. He doesn’t know what kind of day his mom is having. 

“Turn right up here,” Spencer mutters. “You can just drop me at the end of the block.” 

Derek parks there without a word, and then he parks and gets out to help Spencer with his bike. Spencer goes to take the handlebars, but Derek doesn’t let go, at first. There’s a fierce, intense expression on his face that Spencer can’t quite read. 

“I’ve been one of the cool kids, and it’s not — I don’t care. That’s not me.” Spencer opens his mouth to argue, but Derek cuts him off angrily. “No. I’m sick of hiding shit, it doesn’t get you anywhere, and — fuck it. Just cause people think I look or act a certain way… I’m not interested in those people.” 

It’s Spencer’s turn to let out a soft, “Oh.” 

Derek sighs. He seems to shake himself out of it, and his voice is calm when he asks, “So how about it? Will you come over Saturday?” 

What the hell is Spencer supposed to say to that? 

“Yeah, okay,” he mumbles, and Derek gives him one of those disorientingly bright smiles as he steps back, releasing the bike. 

“Cool.” He gets back in the drivers seat as Spencer stands there, just watching, but before he closes the door he calls, “See you soon, pretty boy.” 

Spencer raises a hand in a wave before wheeling his bike around and starting to limp home. 

.

.

.

[bonjour-rainycity]

Odin’s Ward ~ Chapter 14

Link to previous part:

https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/638547377817550848/odins-ward-chapter-13

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Word count: 3943

Warnings: Mentions of violence (non-graphic)

True age: Y/n: 1449 // Loki: 1575 // Thor: 1827 // Audunn 3213

Human equivalent age: Y/n: 23 // Loki: 25 // Thor: 29// Audunn: 51

Loki’s POV

“He planted his seeds in my half of the land,” the farmer spits, red in the face with anger. Odin’s expression is calm, but I, as much as this annoys me, know him well enough to tell when he is putting on a facade.

“I should get what’s sown! It’s my land!”

“But they’re my seeds,” the other farmer counters, face equally splotchy.

I sigh deeply, unfathomably bored with these trivial exchanges. It’s the third Thursday of the month, a time when peasants and nobles alike can bring their concerns before the Royal Family. We occupy the throne room, an intricate chair for us each placed in an intimidating line. I sit to my mother’s left, Thor to Odin’s right. A familiar anger boils within me. Of course the Golden Child sits at the King’s right. Not that I want to be any closer to Odin, but Thor’s position clearly communicates his status: he is next in line for the throne. The bitterness builds. Really, was there ever any contest?

Without warning, Farmer One lunges at Farmer Two, knocking him over the head with a sharp punch. I keep my calm exterior, but internally, my interest piques. Maybe this won’t be a completely wasted day after all.

But to my disappointment, four guards quickly put the skirmish to an end. Both men are taken to the dungeons.

Problem solved, I guess.

The interest I felt only seconds ago abandons me as I see a nearly identical pair to the last come forward.

I slouch.

“Stop her!”

The shout, which comes from a guard outside the throne room, is followed by a loud clamoring as armored guards chase after an unknown offender. And although I logically know it’s probably just some widow trying to cut in line, my hand inches towards my mother, ready to take her to safety if need be. Thor stands, putting on quite the show of a dutiful son. I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. Against all odds, the noises don’t subside—they get closer to our location. Mother shoots Odin an alarmed look.

But when the intruder enters the throne room, my stomach drops to my feet.

I straighten, back stiff with tension and I can do nothing but stare on in complete shock. I feel my fingers straining with the grip they have on the throne’s arms, but I barely take notice. All I can notice is the shaking, muddy, tear-stained and windblown woman standing in front of me.

It’s Y/n.

A messy, frightened version of Y/n, to be sure, but it’s still her.

My heart aches with a feeling I thought I had long-ago purged.

Thor is the first to break from the shock and hurries down to Y/n, waving away the guards who have attached themselves to her arms. Noticing her tattered dress and shivering form, he takes off his red cloak and wraps it around her, looking at her with the concern and surprise I’m sure we all wear on our faces.

In a hoarse but firm voice, Y/n addresses us. “May I approach the King?”

In a pinched voice, Odin responds. “You may.”

Y/n curtsies as best as she can and takes two wobbly steps forward. Thor hovers near her uncertainly, obviously wondering if she’s about to collapse.

Y/n gives me a fleeting look and my mouth runs dry.

She turns her attention back to Odin. “I’ve come to request aid from Asgard. Two days ago, my husband raised an army against my father. Since then, the realm has been thrown into chaos. Brother murders brother and citizens switch sides as the tides of the battle change. It’s civil war.” She swallows, finding it difficult to continue. “Casualties are estimated at three thousand so far, but I have been gone for several hours. That number has likely risen.”

Odin has the nerve to sound dubious when he speaks. “And just how did you end up here if the realm is indeed engulfed in chaos as you say?”

Through my shock, I still find room to be annoyed by Odin.

Y/n seems to steel herself and looks him right in the eye. “My husband locked me in the dungeon with others deemed to be a threat to his reign. I believe he would have killed me if it were not that his claim to power dies with me. He’s been so preoccupied with trying to overthrow my father that those loyal to me were able to take advantage and help me and my maidservant escape. It took a long time but we were finally able to sneak through the castle and into the observatory, where we took the Bifrost to Asgard.

Odin purses his lips, seeming unaffected by Y/n’s story. “And this maidservant. Can she corroborate your tale?”

Y/n’s face flushes. “It’s not a tale! Your Highness, people are being slaughtered. Look at my shoes!” She kicks one off and holds it up for us to see. Mother stifles a gasp. Y/n’s shoe is caked with blood. Dark, clotted blood sticks all over the bottom and side of her shoe. Upon further inspection, I see that it continues over her ankles and the lower parts of her dress. “Blood like this is running through the castle halls. I can only hope the fighting is confined to the castle and that the carnage has not yet reached the lower town.” Y/n takes another step forward, stronger this time. “Your Majesty, please. They may live far away, but they are still your people. I fear that if we wait much longer, Audunn will take control and anyone loyal to me or my father will be executed.”

Odin squints, mulling over his options. “My help does not come freely.”

Oh how I hate this man.

Y/n grits her teeth but nods. “Then let us negotiate quickly.”

“Asgard’s army will step in and restore your father to the throne. Your husband and his supporters will be put to death or imprisoned.”

Y/n’s lack of reaction is noticeable.

“Your husband’s death does not trouble you?” Odin’s voice seeps with judgement.

“Audunn has made his choices. He must suffer the consequences.” Knowing Y/n so well allows me to detect the malice in her voice. I stifle a mirthless chuckle. So it seems we’ve both been hardened by the world.

Odin nods. “Very well. Since you will be without a husband and my son is still unmarried, I propose the obvious solution.”

My heart stops.

No.

“You and Thor will wed.”

“Father!” Thor’s explosion is the loudest, but Y/n provides her own objections as well. I swallow mine down, retreating into myself. He will get everything that was ever dear to me. I really shouldn’t be surprised at this point, nor feel the hurt, but still, it stabs deep into my chest. I put a lot of effort towards not letting my pain show.

“Father, you are well aware of my intentions to wed Jane. I love her! Y/n is like a sister to me, I would never consent to be her husband.”

“I will not have the next Queen of Asgard be human!” Odin slams his staff into the ground. “For all I care, you can take Y/n as your wife and keep Jane as your mistress. But make no mistake, Jane will never be your wife, nor will her children be heirs to my throne.”

Odin’s proposal clearly sickens Thor, but Y/n just looks blankly at the ground, noticeably quiet now. The two men continue in their argument, each getting louder than the other with every new point.

“Thor please,” Y/n interjects, her voice breaking on the last word.

Silence rings through the room as all eyes turn to her.

She addresses Thor directly, desperation evident in every inch of her body. “My people are dying. An entire realm will be condemned to slaughter and chaos if we cannot reach an agreement today. I am familiar with a husband who keeps mistresses and am very good at being discrete.”

The heart that I thought had long ago hardened breaks a little.

“I promise our marriage will not interfere with any more aspects of your life than absolutely necessary. We can work out the specifics later but for now, I beg for your cooperation.”

Her earnestness is clear and, with a defeated nod, Thor agrees to make my once lover his wife.

Unable to stand it any longer, I stalk from the room.

Y/n’s POV

Loki strides out of the room, looking bored. That’s it?

It’s not like I expected loud objections and an offer to marry me himself,—it has been over two hundred years and all—but I did expect, at the very least, some recognition. Loki gave no indication that he knew or cared who I was. Even through the shock and exhaustion and fear, hurt still manages to find its way into my heart. I try to shake it off. The task at hand is much more important than my feelings.

“If you are ready, Your Majesty, my people will be eagerly awaiting Asgard’s aid.”

Odin doesn’t look at me. Instead, he gestures to a guard. “Have the warriors gathered and ready within the hour. Thor and I will accompany them to Alfheim.”

Frigga interjects before I can. “What about Loki?”

If he stays in Asgard with me and Frigga, the people might view him as cowardly for not going to fight with the men.

Odin purses his lips unpleasantly. “He has not yet regained my trust.”

What?

Frigga looks away, her mouth set in a hard line. Odin exits the throne room, sparing no one any further glances. As Thor passes me, he gives what I think he hopes is a reassuring smile.

“All will soon be well, Lady Y/n.”

I nod, hoping he’s right. When he’s nearly exited the room, I remember his cloak.

“Wait,” I call, hurrying to him. He drops slightly so I can throw the cloak over his massive shoulders and secure it under his chin. Shame keeps me from looking him in the eyes. After all, if he dies, it will be my fault. I don’t want to marry Thor, but he was a dear friend to me at one point, much like a brother. I don’t want to lose him. “Be safe.”

He nods and gives my shoulder a hesitant squeeze. Then, without another word, he follows Odin out of the room. I can tell it will take him a long time to accept our eventual marriage.

Not like it will be any faster for you.

“Come, sweet Y/n.” Frigga’s voice startles me and pulls me from my thoughts. “I believe you need a hot bath, some supper, and a change of clothes.”

I let out a noise that sounds scarily similar to a heaving sob. “Yes, please.”

{***}

The water is hot and the steam curls the ends of my hair. One servant scrubs the dirt from my nails and another, my back. I sigh, feeling some of the tension finally beginning to leave my body.

Then, comes the guilt.

I’m here in Castle Asgard being pampered by servants, sitting in the company of the Queen, while my people are dying. To distract myself from the strong desire to wallow in guilt and despair, I decide to question Frigga about something that’s been bothering me deeply since my arrival.

“Is Prince Loki alright?” I try to sound casual but don’t quite pull it off. “He seemed…not like himself.”

Frigga exhales heavily, and heartbreak settles in her expression. My stomach clenches in anticipation. Whatever it is, it can’t be good. “It is not really my story to tell…but you have a right to know and I doubt he plans on telling you himself.”

I dare not breathe as I wait for her to continue.

“Odin and I have never been the perfect parents. We’ve made many mistakes over the years, but one has stood out amongst them as the most damaging. And my poor son bore the brunt of the hurt from something that isn’t even his fault.” Frigga takes a moment to fiddle with her hands, not meeting my eyes. “Loki is adopted.”

What? I feel my brows furrow as I try to make sense of this. How is someone just adopted into the monarchy? Royalty is based on blood and marriage, not adoption.

“During the last major war with the Frost Giants, Odin came across a baby. A Frost Giant baby — a son of Laufey, no less.”

I heave a sharp intake of breath. “What?”

She continues, giving me a teary-eyed look. “The baby had magic and unknowingly used its abilities to capture the likeness of an Asgardian child. Odin felt for him and brought him home. You have to understand, Odin and I had been trying for another child for over two hundred years, without success. It had seemed Thor would be our only child, but then the gods dropped this blessing into our laps.” The tears fall then, and she cuts me off as I try to interject with questions. “Because Loki is a blessing, you see. He is my son just as much as Thor is, and I would not trade him for a biological child.” Her voice takes on a desperate, scratchy quality that I’ve never heard from her. “I love Loki. He is my child. And he is part of this family!” Frigga sniffles pitifully and, if I were not naked and soaking with suds and water, I would jump up and hug her. “Unfortunately, Loki does not see it this way. He did not find out the truth from us, but by accident.” A pained look crosses her face. “He thought he was a monster. He still thinks that. And yes, some of his recent actions have been like those of a monster, but I know he isn’t. My poor child is hurting, and he does not know how to handle it.” She takes a steadying breath and turns her eyes to the ceiling. “Odin has essentially sworn Loki off, and Loki has done the same for the rest of us. He still holds some affection for me, but all is lost for his father and brother. He even tried to kill Thor and Jane. Thankfully, the attempt was unsuccessful, but that makes it no less terrifying. It’s a horrible thing to have your sons on opposing sides. After that, Loki—” she shudders violently. “He—he fell off the Bifrost. Well, he was going to fall, and Thor tried to pull him back up, but-but Loki let go.” Her voice breaks and the tears fall freely now.

He…tried to kill himself? I feel a lump rise in my own throat and my breath stops all together. The bath water seems to turn ice cold. My mind races to try and draw the connection between the Loki I knew and the Loki in Frigga’s story.

What happened to him?

“He fell for who knows how long. It was many months before he resurfaced again, though he was not the same person. Not at all. My poor son! He had been brutally tortured and his anger only amplified during his time of isolation.”

I feel my muscles tense and lock into place. Someone tortured Loki? The fury I feel surprises me, scares me even. Never have I wanted to hurt someone like I want to hurt the person who caused Loki pain.

“Loki had grown up his whole life to believe he was destined to be a king. When he realized his true parentage, Loki knew Odin would never allow him to rule.” She frowns. “Odin should not have encouraged him so during his childhood only to rip the possibility away later. But the entity who tortured him—he still won’t tell us who—made Loki believe that he could be king of Midgard. Loki used the Chitarui to attack a Midguardian city and try to force the realm into submission to him. Many people died.”

My heart beats so loudly that I’m sure everyone in the room can hear it. I’m surprised the vibrations aren’t causing waves in my bathwater. As much as I want to cover my ears or run out of the room and denounce Frigga’s words as lies, I can’t. Because no matter how horrifying and outlandish this story sounds, I can’t ignore the fact that the Loki I saw an hour ago was not the same Loki I knew two hundred and fifty years ago. Yes, people change, but not like that. Something really, really awful must have happened to bring about this new Loki.

Frigga continues, sounding weary. “A Midgardian fighting group Thor associates with defeated Loki and the Chitauri. Loki was brought back to Asgard in chains. Odin sentenced him to a five hundred years of imprisonment. There was nothing I could do to lessen the sentence and, of course, Loki has too much pride and hatred for his father to try and lessen it himself. But not long after his imprisonment, the Dark Elves launched an attack on the Nine Realms.”

I furrow my brow. I hadn’t heard of this. How had Alfheim not been aware?

“Loki broke out of prison and aided Thor in the fight against the Dark Elves.” Frigga gives a tearful smile. “Finally, they were on the same side! Loki nearly died in the fight. He protected Jane with his life. Thankfully, Thor was able to bring him back to Asgard in time and the Healers and I saved him with our magic. At mine and Thor’s behest, Odin begrudgingly ended Loki’s imprisonment. We all agreed that Loki’s sacrifice and willingness to protect the Nine Realms atoned for his crimes. I truly thought that was the turning point and that my Loki would be back.”

She sighs, looking at her hands once more. “But Loki is still a changed man. The lies, betrayals, hurt, and anger penetrated too deeply into his soul. Now he is cold, distant, spiteful, and he always wears a mask. No one can ever guess what he is feeling, because he refuses to give any indication of it! I worry he is not letting himself heal. And he is trying to push away the people he loves most.” Her voice softens, and she places a tender hand on my soapy cheek. “Do not be surprised if he does the same to you.”

{***}

Since my most immediate needs have been taken care of, I have ample energy to worry.

My stomach, in a near-constant state of unease since my escape from the dungeons, churns. My mind darts from thought to thought as I try to cope with fears for my people and my father, my anger at Audunn, shock at all I’ve experienced, pain and frustration at my engagement to Thor, and deep, deep hurt for Loki. There’s some anger there, too. Maybe more than some.

I huff.

Definitely more than some.

How could he be so stupid?! Yes, it’s absolutely terrible what he went through, but resorting to realm-domination and murder? Uh-uh. No way. Unacceptable. And the attitude on him! What the Hel is that?

“Ugh!” Some of my frustration leaves me at the spot where my foot kicks the table.

It immediately returns upon registering the pain.

“My Lady, please sit down!” Ragna worries over me, trying to pull me into a plush, high-backed chair. “You have been through so much, you need to rest.”

I scoff, yanking my arm from her grip. “There’s too much going on to allow time for rest, Ragna. And yet there’s nothing I can do about any of it!” I drop my arms to my side, defeated. “I hate that there’s nothing I can do.”

She frowns, unsure of how to help me. It’s then that I notice how tired she looks herself. A deep scratch runs from her temple to her hairline—she got that from a rogue guard when we were escaping Alfheim. She’s been through just as much as you have.

I give her a weak smile, hoping I look reassuring. “You and I both have been through a great ordeal. Please, let me call a servant to show you to your quarters. Take as long as you need to bathe, eat, rest, whatever you need.”

Ragna hesitates, but she’s so tired that she’s swaying on her feet. I nod encouragingly. “Al-alright, My Lady. Thank you.”

“Of course.” I go to the wall and pull on the string that will ring a bell in the Servant’s Quarters. Within minutes, a young serving maid enters the room with a knock and a curtsey. I send Ragna away with instructions not to come back until she is fully fed, cleaned, and rested.

But once I’m alone, the thoughts come racing back. While there’s nothing I can do right now to help Alfheim, there is something I can do to help myself.

I let out a loud, guttural groan, knowing what I have to do.

{***}

I haven’t been in the palace in over three centuries, but little has changed. Queen Frigga insisted I retake my old living quarters, so the path is one I know well.

He doesn’t seem surprised when I bypass a servant and enter his chambers without knocking.

“Leave us.” While my throat feels tight, the command is clear, and the five servants hurry from the room.

Loki doesn’t look up from his book when he says his first words to me in two hundred and fifty years. “Well, that was rude. What a terrible first impression the future queen of Asgard has given them.”

I scoff, crossing my arms, trying not to let the jab at my imminent marriage to Thor hurt me. “You want to talk to me about manners? All you do is scowl and stalk out of rooms.”

He gives an unaffected shrug. “Think what you like.”

The silence weighs on me and I can feel my heartbeat echoing through my body.

“Stand up.”

Now it’s his turn to scoff. “Why? Planning on impaling me with your dagger?”

Tempting. “Stand. Up.”

He sighs but humors me, setting down his book to stand with his arms spread mockingly wide. “Happy?” He fixes me with a hard, emotionless look.

I steel myself and barrel forward, throwing my arms around him in a tight hug.

He stiffens. “Lady Y/n, whatever you hope to achieve—”

“Shut up.” I squeeze tighter, turning my face so my cheek is against his chest. He sighs again and lets his arms hang, refusing to hug me back. I press on, forcing myself to say what I came here to say. “Listen. You’ve done some really bad things and turned yourself into a pretty awful person to be around.” I swallow, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. “But regardless of where we stand or what is in the past or future, you need to know that I am always on your side. I want you to get better. I don’t want you to feel pain or be sad or hurt or anything bad. But you have got to stop self-sabotaging. You need to let yourself heal. The people who love you can only protect you from so much.”

I push away from him and leave the room without another look.

A/n Happy New Year! My requests are open so message me if there’s something you would like for me to write :) Let me know what you thought of this chapter and if you would like to be added to the tag list!

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/639618035738607616/odins-ward-chapter-15

Masterlist

Tag list: @80strashbag @dark-night-sky-99 @what-am-i-doing10 @chxrryycola @ravenclaw5606 @hiddlebatchedloki @jooordanharrrop

[amarauder]

Criminal Girl Relates to Garfield - Percy Jackson x Reader

                                005. criminal girl relates to garfield 

PAIRING; High School AU!  Percy Jackson x Reader

REQUEST; Not Applicable

GODLY PARENT; Not Applicable

DATE; June 12th, 2020

WORD COUNT; 8053

WARNING; Bruh so freaking much. friends and families being dicks, panic attacks, crying and pubic humiliation, you're gonna read this and just keep cringing because of reader's dumb ass.

A/N; I think I like High School and Soulmate AUs too much. This isn't a soulmate AU. It was going to originally be but it just didn't match with the plot so I didn't. Still this is my first one and I had so much fun writing it. I think I just related to this reader more than normal. I think this is my favorite one shot to be honest. I'm so happy, I feel like I've fallen in love with writing again. The last few one shots I've just had the best time writing them and it's been difficult to stop writing.

TRAILER; Reader is Percy Jackson's soulmate, potentially a criminal and more than kind of cute.

REQUESTED BY; Not Applicable

-

Y/N was more than ready for this week to be over. It had started out horribly and only got worse as the days ran their course.

On Monday her Aunt's insane dog, that she had been forced to dog sit, had torn up her favorite shirt. On Tuesday she had forgotten her entire binder at home and received zeros on all of her assignments, and then one of her exams for being blamed for talking when it had really been the kid behind her. On Wednesday, Y/N was supposed to be presenting one of the most important projects of the entire semester in her first period only for her car refusing to start. Of course, when her Dad came home it ran perfectly. Thursday she had found out her position as President of the Economics Club had been handed over to some kid she didn't even know, despite how long she had been working for it. Friday, she had found out her best friend since kindergarten had lied to her face and was hanging out with a girl she loathed.

Her best friend ditching her had hurt her the most. It left an ugly slimy feeling in her chest that felt like some kid attempting to learn CPR for the first time, except she was the mannequin every time she thought of them hanging out together. Despite the chest compression, her self-depreciating thoughts never seemed to leave her. It was like she was trying to torture herself which didn't hurt any less.

To say the least, Y/N was completely drained. Blinking took way too much effort, and yawns seemed to be effortless. The kind of tired that took over after crying too much, so stress relieving that the tightness in her chest released, leaving her slap happy.

After grabbing two boxes of mac and cheese and a huge jug of orange juice, Y/N was on her way to her car. The bagger asked her if she needed any help carrying everything to her car.

She stared blankly at him for a few seconds before looking at her three items. He smiled sheepishly and Y/N felt fortunate to have been blessed with more brains than him.

It wasn't until she reached her car and caught sight of her reflection that she wondered if he had asked because she looked so miserable.

His so called thoughtfulness really didn't make her feel any better. In fact she felt worse. It was like when her Mother's wine group would come over and compare stories of who had been more disrespected. From grocers deciding they were age appropriate to buy wine without asking for an ID to being called Ma'am instead of Miss, Y/N had heard it all. Somehow it all had to do with old age and the grocery store. The wonders of Motherhood in the suburbs.

Placing her groceries on top of her car, she tried to unlatch the trunk. It wouldn't budge.

Hmm, Y/N was pretty sure she had left her it unlocked. Whatever. She wouldn't put it past herself if she had forgotten to lock it.

But when she tried to unlock it, nothing happened. Her car didn't beep or flash it's stupid lights, or anything. The battery in her key had been flickering on and off all week, it was the reason her car wouldn't start on Wednesday morning. But her Dad had said it had at least a few months of life left, not three days.

Her stomach dropped and she felt unshed tears build up in her eyes. Not now, not today. She had enough this week.

Her thumb hovered over the unlock button once more. Y/N almost didn't want to press it, because that would mean finding out her fate and she just wasn't that kind of girl.

She did it anyway. And the old piece of junk sat there like it was ready to retire to the car graveyard. Y/N wasn't ready for her freedom to retire so quickly.

Feeling her tears build up again, more rapidly this time, she dug the palm of her hand into her eyes and leaned against the car. Her throat tightened. She promised herself she wouldn't cry anymore today. She promised...

"You're okay, you're okay, you're okay," she whispered to herself, her voice to low to crack. Face screwed shut and her toes curled to will the tightness in her throat away.

The tears eventually made it through which only made her want to cry harder. She was so embarassed. Thoughts ran wild, making her panic harder to control.

How was she going to get home?

How was she going to pay for her car to be fixed?

She really didn't want to go back to walking.

Wouldn't her parents be mad?

What if this was one of those stupid kidnapping schemes that she had seen during a school assembly?

Don't be stupid. Calm down. Focus.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a lady with her dog, eye Y/N warily. A man sitting in his car with his feet propped up on the dashboard and a cigarette hanging between his finger laughed at her despair then ended up in a coughing fit. A woman ushered her child away, who was pointing at her, and gave Y/N a dirty look.

Y/N remained like that until her Mother's advice that she never took to heart rang through her, "Pick yourself up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Life isn't that hard."

She was right and Y/N wiped her tears away hurriedly.

As the knots in her stomach washed away, a new one settled it self in her chest. She was pissed. Furious at life for making her feel like shit, betrayed by her best friend, grades flustering down to nothing, and a position she worked harder than anything in the world for was snatched away before she could even think of savoring it.

It was just shit and completely unfair.

Wiping her tears, Y/N turned towards the driver's handle and pulled on it so hard, that her feet started to slip and she fell on her but.

She could have screamed, but instead she started to curse loudly and kick her car still laying down. She just about to kick the car for the sixth time when someone said behind her, "Uhh, hey, it would be really cool if you could stop trying to destroy my car? I don't know what he did to you, but at this point I think you're in danger of giving him PTSD."

Turning around, she noticed a blurry figure. Tears were still in her eyes making it hard for her to make out who it was but she could tell closing her eyes that he felt awkward. Hell, her guardian angel, no devil at this point, probably felt awkward.

When she blinked her tears away she saw him look suprised, and stumble back a few steps as if her presence shocked him. Which was stupid because unless there was some other person trying to break into the car, she didn't know why he was acting like she had come out of nowhere.

"This is my car, dude."

The teen scratched his neck, then pressed his car keys and suddenly the piece of junk came to life. She blinked hard, trying to comprehend what had just happened in front of her.

A flash of heat surged up her body that couldn't have came up from the exhaust pipe right next to her. She couldn't have been more aggravated and embarrassed. The guy seemed to realize that, because he shifted his weight to his side as he glanced at her. He was right, she was an idiot.

Quickly mumbling an apology, she ran off into the parking lot. Her car had to be around here somewhere and Y/N had never been more than ever determined to find it, or maybe just determined to get away from this situation as soon as possible.

She found it in the exact same spot, just a few rows away. Her brain kept replaying and replaying her embarrassing moment over and over again, leaving her to cringe and try to shoo it away.

If there was a list for the most embarrassing things Y/N had ever done, this would be on the top of the list. She could imagine herself years later, watching her husband struggling to change their kid's diaper as she laughed and talked about this. But right now all Y/N wanted to do was forget that she even existed.

It almost funny the amount of relief she felt just to have her car unlock. Her car, her piece of junk did it's little half-hearted beep, but it sounded rejuvenated as if it knew what she had gone through just for it.

She started the engine, and then let her forehead rest against the wheel in relief. At least that went well.

She was in the middle of her breather when a knock on her window startled her. Y/N took a few more seconds to herself before looking up and seeing the boy from before looking more awkward than when she he was before.

She rolled down the window, and right when he opened his mouth to speak the engine died.

"No," she whispered to herself, her stomach sinking, "No, no, no."

"Um, here's your groceries?" the boy said with a smile, but Y/N only opened the engine after getting out of her car. He stood there for a second before setting them inside the drivers seat and following her. He leaned over the hood and started to hack violently. The engine was fuming and Y/N wanted to cry for what seemed the millionth time that day. "Did you beat this one up too?"

She gave him a look but he only smiled sheepishly, "Sorry, it just slips out sometimes."

"It's okay... You're a boy."

The boy smiled. Did she just notice now? "Nice observation."

"Do you know anything about cars?"

"I know they aren't supposed to smell like that."

Pursing her lips, she rolled her eyes, "Thanks, so helpful."

"I try."

Letting out a laugh of disbelief, she leaned against the car and groaned. What was she going to do know? Even though breaking into the guys car was one of extremely embarrassing, she had been filled with a little bit of hope. The shitty day would end and she could go home. But now... There was no decent solution.

"Umm, would you want a ride in my car?" Y/N raised an eyebrow and he tried to hurriedly explain, "It's just I saw the sticker on your back window and we go to the same school. My Mom would kill me if I just left you here, so..."

-

The car ride home was so awkwardly silent, Y/N had even asked for his name.

"Percy Jackson," he said and flashed her a smile that she didn't return. She was too tired, and this guy was too happy. He probably shit out sunshine rays and Y/N just... was not about that life. Plus, his name sounded irkingly familiar, as if he had been in one of her previous classes.

"Nice to meet you," she said after a while, her imaginary Mother shaking her fist at the girl during that silent moment, "I'm Y/N L/N."

"Y/N," he repeated, and she almost looked for that feeling that all her friends talked about. The one where their stomachs churned pleasantly and it seemed that they don't even remember what happened before and after seeing him. All the memories from that day were separate. The life they knew before and after her friends met the one. But there was nothing, no shocking realization or fireworks. She could have just met Zeus himself and Y/N wouldn't be able to tell the difference. "Nice name."

"Thanks," she whispered quietly and played with the hem of her shoe. She had originally placed it on the dashboard but Percy sucked in a harsh breath and then the foot was back balancing on her thigh.

"Ya," and then it was awkward silence again.

Inside her mind, Y/N was cringing. This boy was nice, way too nice, and probably the most good looking kid she had ever seen. It was a wonder how she had never noticed him, or at the very least seen him around her school. Now, she had murdered his car, almost broke into it, screamed at him about her engine, and he decides to drive her home because well, she didn't know. It shouldn't matter because she was just repaying him by being awkward.

"Umm, why are you being so nice to me?"

What? God, why was she such a nerd? And an introvert. She needed to go out more.

"Uh," he said and glanced at her as she pointed to the left and he put his blinker on, "I don't know what you mean."

"I beat up your car, probably would have made the stupid alarm go off if you hadn't stopped me and then you follow me to give me my groceries that I had forgotten. My car doesn't start and you offer me a ride home even though you don't know my name." Y/N finished with a huff. Surprisingly, she felt better as if she had just finished crying and got it all off her chest.

"So?"

"So? It's not very high-school boy of you."

Percy laughed, "Well, I'll try harder to be more high school boy if you want."

"No, I like whatever you've got going on here," She said and waved her hand at him.

"Good. I don't feel like pulling over and dropping you off at a random street. Besides, Mom would be pissed at me. When I tell her what happened today, because I'm sorry but I have too. She's going to wonder what took me so long. But, umm," he paused for a second to collect his thoughts, "When I tell her what happened, she's gonna ask if I brought you home or not, and this way I won't have to lie."

He flashed another smile at her and she felt a slight tingle on her face that her friends talked about. But then again, maybe it was her nose going numb from the air conditioning. It was like this boy secretly lived in Alaska. "I'm a shit liar, by the way."

"Couldn't have guessed."

"What gave me away?"

Y/N stared at him for a second before laughing, "You said it."

He had the audacity to look embarrassed, yet please at the same time. "Well, you looked like you needed some cheering up."

Her laugh died from her eyes as the words sunk in. It was not the first time Percy put his foot in his mouth, sometimes he wished he could actually think before he would speak. He would try, but it's not socially acceptable at his age for long periods of silence in between conversations to take place so he can run over his words.

She huffed and crossed her arms, and it felt like Percy's insides were crushed between the space of her chest and twisted limbs. His hands tightened on the steering wheel. He gave her a gentle little thing that somewhat resembled the corner of his lips titling up.

Percy didn't know her at all, but she seemed like the girl that was disappointed with the world. Y/N was too pretty to be disappointed. Percy's Mom had always told him that the prettiest people in the world were dreamers, and the world never held up to their expectations.

Percy didn't really like that for Y/N.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, her face never wavering from the road ahead.

"Umm, what's your favorite animal?"

He took Y/N so off guard that she answered, "A cat."

"Why a cat?"

Y/N hesitated, who questions their favorite animal? "Umm, because I relate to them, I think."

"Why because you like lasagna and are scared of accordions?"

"I'm sorry, what?" He had her full attention now. She wasn't even trying to pretend to be mad at him. Her entire body, despite the restrictions of the seatbelt, was turned towards him.

"Have you never heard of Garfield?"

"Of course, I have." Y/N answered, "Who hasn't? But I thought Garfield was scared of scales and diets."

"He is. But he's also scared of accordions. I have to impress you with my extensive Garfield knowledge somehow right?" Y/N snickered, her fingers massaging her forehead. This boy was something else, she liked it.

"Well, do you relate to Garfield?" he asked a minute later.

Y/N laughed so hard that the back of her head hit the seat and she snorted, which only set her into another laughing fit. "I'm sorry," she said still giggling a little bit, "It's just who relates to Garfield?"

"A girl who tries to break into cars, I guess."

Y/N didn't think Percy had it in him to be so sarcastic. After spending a little under fifteen minutes with him, she had judged him as the boy who apologized despite doing nothing wrong and had fallen in love with his best friend but would never tell them. The boy who lived next door type.

He was sweet, and funny, and so incorrigibly cute that Y/N was shocked that she had been able to have a decent conversation with him.

So, she did what she did best with cute boys: pretend she wasn't attracted to them.

She shoved his arm even though he was driving, ignored him after with a fake pout, and even refused to say goodbye to him as she got out of the car. He had laughed at all of her antics and kept repeating his goodbyes over and over, getting louder and louder with each one.

After the door was shut, she snuck over to the window where the curtains were drawn and peeked through. He was still there, staring at the door. She watched him until he drove off.

A surreal giggle peeked through her, her smile seeming unable to wipe off. Her body thrummed with energy. For the first time in a while, her chest felt light and airy, as if drugged with hope.

-

The magical energy in the form of Percy Jackson had worn off by the time school started that Monday. She had gotten to school as late as possible that day, her stomach twisting and turning itself. The last thing Y/N wanted to do was see her best friend. Y/N had ignored her the entire weekend, all her calls and texts had gone ignored. Her own actions had almost been surprising to her, she had a knack for forgiving others who didn't deserve her mercy. Y/N supposed she had finally had enough.

Fortunately, she had gotten through the entire first half of the day without seeing her by ignoring her texts and calls, dodging her attempts at meeting Y/N at her own locker, and even purposely coming into Y/N's class with the excuse of office aid.

It was now lunchtime and Y/N was lucky enough to have her first meeting of the Environmental Club scheduled today. Her best friend would never even think of stepping in here, Y/N had too many good friends who would love to give her a good shove.

Even though she was thankful to have somewhere to hide from her friend, Y/N was anxious to enter the classroom. Her nerves felt fuzzy from toes to her hairline, which only made her more nervous. Y/N had a habit of stumbling over her words when she was nervous, and she did not need that today.

The meeting room was just an empty classroom with her biology teacher from freshman year eating a sandwich in the corner of the classroom. Y/N was almost 100% sure he was a biker version of Santa Claus. Sure, he was a lot less generous with his grades, but he looked exactly like the Santas at the mall just with tattoos and a tommy bahama shirt.

The turnout varied. There were the usual, Y/N, Triton the President of the club, this random freshman named Tyson, Grover and his girlfriend. That was about it. Sometimes it was just them. Other times, usually when there was pizza, a lot more people showed up.

Today was one of those days. A group of giggling freshman girls eyed Triton appreciatively, while a girl named Ella and Tyson went over notes in the corner. Grover smiled and waved from the pizza stand and Y/N grimaced but waved back.

Gods, this was going to be at the top of her list of embarrassing moments, right next to having a mental breakdown with Percy's car.

Triton started off the meeting with his usual greetings of putting Y/N in charge. He grinned down at her menacingly once he announced she would be taking over the rest of the meeting. She had never wanted to flip off someone so much that Y/N pressed her hand against her thigh and flipped him off secretly.

Triton moved off the stand and sat on his phone by Tyson and the freshman girls, they giggled and moved closer to him.

She rolled her eyes and smiled at everyone from the platform despite her trembling fingers and her tongue feeling as if it weighed tons.

Y/N tried to focus on the light from the windows lighting up dust like tiny stars and the way the crank from the air conditioning reminded her of boring days in this classroom where there wasn't the threatening future looming over her.

Triton expected her to announce her own failure. She wanted to cry.

Triton was the biggest asshole she had ever met. He had been held back so many times that no one truly knew how old he was, and nobody dared to ask. The one thing he somewhat cared about was this club. He had been President for the past how many years he had been here despite that he did nothing.

As it was her Senior year and Y/N had never worked so hard to keep a club going, she decided to run for President. It turned out that Triton was finally graduating but it never occurred to him that he would have to give up his position. Y/N had never seen him so mad in her life, and he decided to punish her for his graduation.

She took a breath and smiled at everyone. She could do this. "Hey guys. So thank you for coming today. Pizza will be served at the end of the meeting, as per usual." She said and leaned against the podium. Her voice was shaking but Y/N had to pretend she didn't realize for her own sanity. Looking more casual would hopefully calm her down. Maybe looking around the crowd would help. "Umm, today we are revealing next year's President which is really exciting-" As people started to clap, she choked on air, and suddenly she was stuck in a coughing fit struggling to catch a breath. Percy had been sitting in the back. They had made eye contact and then she had forgotten how to breathe.

Hands were on her back, and she was guided outside the classroom then sat down by the lockers. The feet left and she coughed some more but it died down. The tickle in her throat felt like someone was itching her throat with a feather. Y/N had to clear her throat multiple times to try to get it to go away but nothing worked. Her lungs burned as she filled them with air. She felt her hands shaking violently again and she leaned her head against the lockers.

She hadn't even gotten to the announcement part.

A water bottle was handed to her but she didn't move to open it. Pretty, tan hands did it instead, she watched them languidly.

"I think I have a knack for creating your breakdowns," Percy said with a smile. She looked up at him with her hand still against the locker. Her lips felt too heavy to give him a real smile, so she settled for a shuddering breath and closed her eyes. "I don't know about you, but sleeping in the hallways isn't really ideal."

Y/N snorted and her chest fluttered. She sat up then and took the water. Her throat was so parched it burned as the water went down.

"Ya, I'm not one for naps on floors that haven't been cleaned since the school opened either. Just when I start yacking so hard, you have to bring me outside."

Percy laughed and it was so contagious that she caught herself giggling with him.

"How's Garfield?"

"Garfield?" Y/N questioned.

"Ya, you know," Percy said and stuffed his hands into his hoodie. She wondered how often he did that. "Garfield, your car."

"What?" Y/N said laughing as she looked at him. He was already looking at him and Y/N hurriedly turned towards the lockers in front of her again. Yay, now she made things even more awkward. But Y/N couldn't help it, he really liked eye contact and Y/N didn't. End of story. "I've never named my car anything."

"I had a feeling. You don't seem the type, so I named him for you. Garfield in honor of your favorite animal."

Y/N hit him with the water bottle. If any other person had done this, then they probably would have remembered to put the cap on. It was too bad she was a world class idiot. However, to her horror, Y/N had only realized that would happen once it did.

"Shit, I'm so sorry." Y/N scrambled around for anything to dry the water with but all she found was a disgustingly dirty straw wrapper and a dried piece of gum. Y/N didn't know him that well, but she figured he wouldn't want to use that. She settled for using her own shirt instead.

Percy was laughing the entire time, and was pushing away her hands. It was like Percy was made just to embarrass her, as if baby bunnies were going to die everyday if she didn't embarrass herself every time he was around. "Y/N, Y/N," he repeated, grabbing her hands and placing them in his lap, "It's fine." She wouldn't look up at him and continued to look at their hands. He was so close to her that her focus had gone out the window. Her hands were abuzz and Y/N felt another coughing fit coming along.

It was just like her friends had explained. Oh god, it was exactly the same. Her tirade of a crush smashing Y/N with the weight of it.

"Y/N, I don't care honestly," her heart pounded in her throat and Y/N started to laugh nervously. She was screwed. "If anything it will just piss off Octavian which makes this even better." Percy said, mistaking her panic for spilling water on him. Gods, he probably thought she was a freak.

Fortunately, Grover came into the room. She had never been more thankful for him, Y/N had a feeling that if Percy spend anymore time this close to her she was going to either faint or have another coughing fit, maybe even both. "Come on, Percy. Triton just announced that you were President, he wants a little speech."

"Speech?"

Grover shrugged, "That's what he said. Although, I have a feeling that you could tell him that the world was dying and he would be crying tears of happiness."

He patted Y/N's head, and she tried to engrain this feeling into her brain. "You'll be fine right."

She nodded, and his hands left her. It was like a light switch had turned on and suddenly her brain started working again.

Y/N grabbed Percy's wrist before he left, "You're the President."

Percy nodded and Y/N muttered a little, "Oh," under her breath. She didn't know quite how to feel anymore. How had she not noticed before? It must have been why his name sounded so familiar, but she couldn't put a finger on where she had remembered him from.

Percy went to kneel next to her again, but Grover cleared his throat. He looked torn, and looked at Y/N then Grover and back again before leaving with a hand on her shoulder. She didn't shy away but wouldn't look at him either.

Just as they crossed the threshold Y/N heard Grover tell Percy that Y/N was supposed to be President. Her lip quivered, but she pressed them together. She could practically feel Percy's glance at her. She wanted to hit Grover in the back of the head and also wanted to run away. If she wasn't so emotionally drained she probably would have.

-

Y/N met her fate at the end of the third period. Her next class was a free period, fortunately. It gave her just enough time to wait in line for the food line.

"Hey, criminal girl," someone whispered into her ear. She just about jumped four feet.

She turned around to see Percy. Her chest hurt a little, and she wasn't sure it's from the scare or Percy giving her all of his attention. Y/N settled for both.

"Umm, hey," she said and eyed the two boys behind him. The pair looked almost identical, except for their different sized scars on their face, and the one on the left was taller. They were giggling like elementary school children and making suggestive faces at her. "What are you doing here?"

"Hoping to cut in line with you," Percy says, a plea in his voice.

Y/N meant in a general, in a what are you doing here talking to me? kind of way. If Y/N were Percy, she would have stayed as far away from his as possible. But then again, she knew that wasn't true. Percy could have told her he was half god and the son of the god of fish poop and Y/N would have swooned.

"What are you doing here?"

She gave him a look when he started to snicker, then marched past him and threw out her hand with a smile, "Y/N L/N."

Both boys looked shocked that she had started to talk to them and Y/N couldn't lie. She was just as surprised by her actions. Fortunately, they didn't seem to mind and kickstarted into action. The taller one of the left with a faded scar running down the side of his face said, "Luke Castellan. Nice to meet the girl Perseus hasn't stopped talking about for the last few days."

"Your name is Perseus?" Y/N asked a shit eating grin creeping up her face. Percy looked like he just found out Gaea was coming after him. She turned back to the Luke kid who had turned red from trying not to laugh, "I want to personally thank you for that information. It's priceless."

Percy grumbled.

"Hey Y/N," the other one said. She was surprised he knew who she was. Jason was less boisterous than the other two, but still just as mischievous. He had a a type of quiet confidence and grace to him that made her want to hang onto every word she gave him. Y/N also spent a day with him each month, trying to figure out the balance of money she could spend on the club. "So, you're the girl who tried to steal the piece of junk."

"Hey!" Percy exclaimed, "Leave Blackjack out of this!"

"Blackjack?" Y/N questioned.

"My car," Percy said softly to her then scratched his neck.

She laughed quietly, then studied the three boys. "Are you two related?" Y/N asked and pointed to Jason and Luke.

"Nah, I'm dating Jason's sister but Percy and Lightning Skull over here are cousins."

Y/N nodded, processing this information. How had she not seen Percy around? Jason Grace was the Senior Class President, she had to attend monthly meetings to go over the Environmental Club treasury.

A voice cut through their conversation, making Y/N look over Luke's shoulder to see who it was. Piper McClean, the TV anchor and Speech and Debate finalist was walking over with a smile. Her grin was directed at Jason, but just being in the crossfire felt like a gift.

It seemed Jason felt that way too because he suddenly straightened up and turned red in under 2.5 seconds. He walked away with a halfhearted gesture that could have passed as a wave goodbye.

Luke snickered then pointed towards the potential couple with his thumb, "I'm gonna go find Thals while the idiot is love sick."

The line had moved up while Y/N had been distracted, and she flashed a smile at her fellow seniors then ran up to join Percy. He was already forking out some money to pay for whatever food he wanted.

"They seem nice."

"Hmm," Percy said, not looking up from his wallet, "Oh, ya. I've known Jason since Summer and Luke for even longer."

"I thought you and Jason were cousins."

"We are," Percy said and smiled triumphantly when he found a ten dollar bill. She couldn't help but bask in her contentment. Her breaths were coming in deeper and easier. She felt like she had fallen into Sally from Spongebob's little bubble house, there were no threats to take away this short-lived happiness at the moment. "My Dad and my uncle don't get along. Besides, my Dad left when I was young. It wasn't until Jason came over the Summer after meeting at Summer camp and my Mom hugged him for longer than normal that she told us."

Y/N didn't know what to say. She was fortunate enough to have all her family members with her, it wasn't perfect and her parents seemed to really adore fighting. But something is better than nothing. "Shit," she paused, "I know we don't know each other too well, but I'm sorry, Percy."

Percy shrugged with a smile. His hands were buried deep into his hoodie. He looked like the main protagonist in some cheesy coming of age movie, where a cheerleader decides to scoop up the hot but oddball kid in her Shakespeare class. "I mean, you can't really miss something you never had."

Y/N tilted her head from side to side and considered his words, "I never thought of it that way."

"That's why I am known as a secret genius in these halls."

Y/N laughed, "Known? My ass." She was impressed with herself. Y/N hadn't embarrassed herself yet, and she even had introduced herself to one if his friends.

"No one's gonna know the new kid."

Now, that took Y/N by surprise, "You're new? That makes so much more sense." She leaned her head against her hand which was resting on the sill of the window as they finally reached the front of the line.

It was why she had never noticed him before, why Jason and Luke were hanging out together, why Percy knew Jason. It just all seemed to connect under seconds.

"Hey Rachel!" Y/N grinned, perking up from seeing her old friend. Rachel had been on her sports team freshman year. Y/N spent most of her time on the bench, still did, but Rachel had been there along with her so it was okay. She was a good friend and an even funnier person. Rachel had no licensee, which left Y/N's sophomore season screaming the entire way to their away games.

"Hi," she smiled and Y/N wanted to laugh. Rachel's smile was incredibly contagious, something about it being too mischievous to be anything good. "What can I get for you two?"

They ordered and Rachel nor Percy wouldn't let her pay. "It will make your payment easier for breaking into my car. Then you can drive me home and buy me lunch. Maybe even a little beating up the car sesh."

Y/N looked at Rachel wide eyed. Her heart picked up at the thought of spending time with him outside of school. "You never said anything about a repayal." She objected, and tried to swipe food from him.

He pivoted and held everything over his head, out of her reach. She crossed her arms and glared at him. His green eyes twinkled, and she marveled at how shockingly handsome he was. It truly wasn't fair. If she had his beauty, she would have used it to her advantage but then again, he probably does.

"Well, you kind of beat up my car, criminal girl. I was hoping for at least a thank you."

Y/N rolled her eyes. He had this way of backing her into her own corners. He turned his back and continued his purchase, shooting a victorious look over his shoulder as the receipt printed out.

Y/N stood alone by the cashier for a whiplashed moment. Jesus Christ. What the fuck was going on? She felt like she was meeting Percy over again. He acted so differently than when he was in the car.

It was like she'd been sucked into a tornado, tossed around, and then spit out alone in the front of the lunch line.

He threw away the cover at the trashcan and Y/N reluctantly walked up next to him, the condiments were right next to the trash can. He grinned at her and she struggled not to return it. "We're going to spend a lot more time together, so you're going to have to turn that frown upside down."

Y/N snickered and elbowed him. He grinned and leaned against the trash can. She eyed him and wrinkled her nose. So disgusting.

He quickly got off it, as if he hadn't realized what he was going. Percy brushed off the sleeve of his hoodie then smelled it. It only made Y/N laugh harder and shake her head. "What do you mean spend more time together?"

"Well, one you owe me," he said and shot her a look. The smirk on her face made her wary. "And the Environmental Club rulebook states that co-presidents have to spend loads of time together."

He was walking backwards and Y/N couldn't lie she was impressed until he stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not co-President then."

"What if I told you, you were." Percy said, studying her. Her head shot up so fast, her vision blurred. It was as if an airplane from the sky had just dropped a bunch of wooden skewers right on her. They didn't hurt her, she was more shocked than anything. "Grover told me what happened and I just thought it was entirely unfair what Triton did to you. And you're fun to be around so during my speech I said that you were co-president but couldn't come in cause you were still coughing. Everyone seemed to believe it, so."

Y/N was quiet. She had never been so touched in her life. Being everyone's second choice sucked, but Percy had just admitted he thought she was fun. For a lot of people it wouldn't seem like such a big deal but Y/N felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

"I mean, you don't have to do it, if you don't want to. I can always tell everyone it had been a mistake. You're just a cool person and stuff. I would have a better time being president if you were doing it with me."

"I'd love to, Percy."

"Really?" Percy looked up from where he was tracing the sidewalk with his shoe. She had never seen him so happy yet shy. Y/N bit her cheek to keep herself from smiling too big. She felt tingly all over, it was stupid but she liked it. It wasn't electricity like how her friends had said they felt with their boyfriends, Y/N had never been electrocuted so she didn't know how it felt. But somehow she knew that Percy was more than just tiny shocks.

-

They were assigned their first project together a week later. Co-Presidency was a lot more fun than she had thought. Percy had used the excuse of inviting Y/N over to his table for lunch to 'discuss tactics'. Y/N knew that wasn't what he meant but she didn't mention anything.

Her best friend had asked to speak to her when she was studying with Percy. It was more like Percy whining about how senior year was supposed to be easy and how his life was so hard, while Y/N asked him questions from her stack of flashcards.

But the second Percy saw the panic on her face, he had asked her politely if she could talk to Y/N later because he had a test next period and really needed the help.

Y/N had thought he was bad at lying.

Once she left, Percy had put an arm around her and brought Y/N closer to him. He whispered into her ear, "I got you, criminal girl."

She smiled at her lap, and risked a glance at him. He was staring at her as if she was some question on a test he couldn't figure out. He held her intimacy of being understood in his hands.

She leaned into him.

-

At the end of the day, Percy met Y/N by her car. Their cars were amongst the last few left, except for some of the athletic representation and staff. Her shoes squeak against the pavement, but he doesn't even flinch; he just smiles at her.

She knocks his hat down as a makeshift greeting and a way to distract him so she doesn't see her double-checking it is in fact her car. Y/N already made a fool of herself before, she didn't want to do it again.

Unfortunately, he notices because he snickers behind her and jabs her sides. Her heart leaps into her throat then drops down to her feet, like some rollercoaster ride. She has to lean against the car to calm her racing breath. He laughs even harder at that and grabs her keys from her purse before getting in the passenger seat.

Once Y/N feels confident enough that she won't have a stroke around him, she gets in the car. Percy already has plugged his phone into apple car play and is playing some dumb song from his playlist. She faintly recognizes it as some song from the Little Mermaid.

"I don't think I needed the keys to get in here, did I?"

Y/N laughs and starts it, fortunately Garfield doesn't stall, "Probably not." She is about to pull out when she remembers that Percy is still in her car. "Now, get out. I have to go home."

"To do what?"

Y/N huffs and feels embarrassment climbing up her spine like the slimy snake in Adam and Eve, encouraging her to make up some lie so she can look cooler. But unlike them she doesn't fall into that pit, "I dunno."

"Okay, so no plans for the rest of the night then."

Y/N gives him a look that lets him know he isn't even a quarter as casual as he thinks he is. Percy takes it in stride, since Y/N answers his question despite his glaring obviousness. "I mean the only thing I planned on was going home and finishing my book, unless someone has a better idea."

She hopes Percy supposes he's supposed to be that someone, but sadly, he hasn't thought this far ahead into the conversation. He fumbles, stammering out little nonsensical half-sentences, but Y/N is blissfully unbothered. "Don't we have to work on the project?" His head is leaning against the headrest and Y/N wonders how someone stuttering can look so casual, and composed, and pretty.

He lights up then, and Y/N smiles unconsciously. Her heart beats a bit faster when his eyes met her own. She doesn't look away, and she feels this pull. The rest of the world turns into white noise, non-existent and unimportant. Y/N wants to reach out and touch him, just feel his skin against her own. It's addicting and exhilarating. "Ya," his voice comes out deeper than normal, and he has to clear his throat before speaking again, but even then it comes out softer than normal. He's doing this thing with his eyes, it makes her stomach flutter. And even though she shouldn't, she wanted to kiss him. "That's a good idea."

They stared at each other unapologetically as they sat there. Her eyes traveled from his aqua green eyes that resembled the ocean so much that she felt a serene feeling wash over her, as if she had just taken a whiff of salt water. Then, she realized that it was just Percy. Something about knowing how he smelled made her heart pound. She wondered how he kissed, whether he liked to go fast or slow. She knew that with him it wouldn't matter to her. Her eyes moved down to his throat and watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. She saw the tilt of his lips and a flash of a dimple, the dip of his collarbone, the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing.

By the time she looked back up, neither of them moved, even though Percy had just admitted that he wanted to leave.

And then suddenly he was moving. He put his phone in the cup holder, and his fingers brushed against hers in a split second of what felt like life. Then he slid across the seat and slipped her cheeks into his warm hands, his fingers raked through the back of her hair, and Percy kissed Y/N.

He barely touched her. Just a light brushing of lips against hers, the slightest feel of his breath on her face.

It shot through her in milliseconds. Even though it was just a press of lips, her breathing was ragged.

His hands were still stuck in her hair, and he was still so close to her. It made her a little breathless.

They stayed there, just taking each other in, neither moving or breaking eye contact. He looked at her like it was work not to look at Y/N. It's silent until it's not.

"You know those people you just sort of... vibe with?" Percy whispered, his eyes closing as he leans his forehead against hers. Her breath shudders.

She was glad he asked the question before invading her personal space again, her focus always went out the window. "Vibe with?" She giggles a little at the choice of word.

But Percy doesn't, he looks at her with a kind of seriousness that silences her immediately. Then, she thinks about his question, really thinks about it. Y/N was familiar with it. There are some people that when you meet you just click with, their vibes just vibe with yours. Those are the people you want to keep in forever because at the end of the day, they are who you want to be and Percy is more herself than she is.

But instead of staying that she just nods, and their noses brush. His lips quirk up. "Well, you are that person for me, I think."

Y/N smiles, and plants one of him. When she peels herself away from him, he chases her lips and she lets him. Choosing instead to murmur against his, "You're that person for me too."

[hopesbarnes]

Black Swan (2)

Summary: Y/N used to be a Russian spy under the code name Black Swan. But that was a lifetime ago, now she’s a part-time avenger, dance teacher, surrogate sister to Natasha Romanoff, and trainer to new Shield Agents. She’s come a long way from the days of killing targets and being tortured. But when someone from her past comes around will she be able to ignore her history anymore? Or will she end up falling in love with the only man her sister ever loved?

Warnings: Mentions of past hydra abuse 

A/N: Italics is a flashback! Taglist is open, send an ask. Make sure to check out my 900 follower writing challenge in my bio!!

It had been an especially gruesome day. Training seemed to last all morning and it felt like every inch of you was bruised or broken. It probably was. Luckily, you were given the afternoon off for ‘studies’. It happened very little that you were given any time without being watched, so everyone took advantage and relaxed. 

Natasha came up to you with a pleading look, “Пожалуйста, прикрой меня (Please cover me)” she said. 

“Куда ты идешь (Where are you going?)” You asked, despite the fact you were pretty sure where she was headed. 

She smiled sweetly, “на свидание с Джеймсом (On a date with James)” 

She was so naive when it came to him. From the moment they met, she was infatuated.  “будь осторожен, не попадись (Be careful, don’t get caught)” I said before adding “повеселись (have fun)”.

 You wanted to protect her from heartbreak, or something worse. But at the same time, she deserved to be happy. She ran away and you sighed. Nat was head over heels for the man, and you just hoped it didn’t interfere in training or get her in trouble.

James had arrived an hour ago and looked the same as he did over two decades ago. It was as if time had frozen and you were years younger. But if you’re being honest, Natasha and you looked the same too. All that genetic testing and drugs pumped into you slowed your aging amongst other things. 

 Memories started to come back when you saw him, some more pleasant than others. In particular, you remembered one of the times Tasha snuck out to see him. She used to be so innocent before the world hardened her. Seeing him was even harder on her. She couldn’t even stay in the same room as him. She left moments after he arrived with a shaky “I have to go do something”. Everyone seemed fine with that, but you knew she was freaking out inside. Sisters always knew when something was wrong.

You mistakenly called him James before he mentioned that he preferred to be called Bucky. When you had said his name he looks at you with confusion, as if he’s trying to search his brain for a memory that he’s unsure exists. He says he has few memories from the past, and all of them were right before he was ‘wiped’. You don’t mention the red room where he spent some of his missing time. Probably a blessing in disguise, all that happened there was bloody. Not worth remembering if it could be avoided.

After some polite small talk with Steve and Bucky, you excuse yourself to find Nat. You’ve seen her at her worst and know when she’s not alright. And this was one of those times.

You knock on her door, but don’t wait for an answer to enter the room. 

“What if I was naked?” she yells out annoyed when you find her attacking a punching bag viciously. 

You laugh, “As if that would stop me!” she joins you in laughing but continues to brutalize the bag. “Hey, what did that bag do to you сестренка? (sis)” You tease. 

She huffs in annoyance. “Does he remember?” 

“No, but when I called him James he looked like he was trying to. It might only be a matter of time,” you reply honestly. She should be ready for her past to come back.

“Duly noted,” she says. 

“I’m guessing by the state of this bag you remember though,” you say pointing at the bag missing stuffing. 

“Not hard, no matter how many times they cleared my head he always came back. It’s like he’s forever etched in my brain in grave details.” You nod and she slumps down against the wall. You go over and sit next to her and she rests her head on your shoulder. 

“I really did love him at one point. In fact, I think he’s the only guy I’ve ever loved.” You feel wetness on your sleeve but don’t dare to say that aloud. 

“Oh honey, I know,” you say stroking her hair. “But he’s not that person anymore, and neither are you.” She hums in agreement with this. 

“Do you think we can keep this between us. It’s not in any file and you are the only one who knows.” You’ve only heard her this broken a few times before. 

“I was never going to tell anyone, любовь (love). You keep a million things quiet for me, and I a million for you. That’s what sisters are for.” You both just sit in silence with her leaning against you for a while. 

A few weeks had gone by since Bucky moved in. He got into a schedule, and the initial awkwardness died down. Tasha still couldn’t be in a room with him for more than 5 minutes, but she’s slowly coming to terms that he isn’t going anywhere. 

You started putting together the girl’s solos for competition and finished the large group before moving on to a small group of the younger girls. You also started to train new SHIELD agents, a compromise you made to get off the field more. They all picked up skills easily and were quick on their feet. You were only needed for one mission at that time, and it was a quick recon that only took three days. Child’s work really.

It was a Thursday afternoon and the rest of the team was doing some press to promote the image that Avengers wasn’t just a group of superheroes who sometimes ruined cities. This left you and Bucky alone in the compound. You tried to avoid him, but he was everywhere. 

In the gym? He was working out. In the library? He was reading a book. In the garden? He was planting seeds. By the time you ran into him in the kitchen you had run out of excuses for why you kept leaving. This meant having to stay sitting on a stool and pretend you didn’t feel insanely uncomfortable around him. You resented him so much, but it’s hard to resent someone who doesn’t remember you at all.

“I know you,” he says frankly, pulling you from your thoughts. It takes a moment for the words to completely register.

 “Uhm yeah? We’ve been living in the same building for a month now.” You hear yourself say, praying that it’s what he is referring to, but knowing it’s not.

 “No, I knew you. From when I was the soldier, right?” You sigh. You knew he would remember eventually but you just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon. 

“Yeah, we knew each other,” You confirm. He frowns as if this was the harder of the replies you could give. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“It wasn’t a particularly fun time for me. Plus, I uh- hated you. Probably still do. It’s unclear, you returning is super confusing for me.” He laughs at this, and you’re left confused. Who chuckles when you admit to hating them? 

“You think this is confusing? Try not remembering anything but snippets of your life! It sucks!” he's hysterical now. As if you had just told the funniest joke ever. “Russia right? I remember the cold.” 

You nod, “Да, добро старый отчизна (Yes, good old motherland).” He laughs again. 

“не очень по-матерински, да? (Not very motherly, huh?)” This makes you join in with his laughter. 

“So, you hate me?” he asks. 

“Hated,” you correct. “I’m unsure how I feel about you now.” 

He looks apologetic at this and says “I’m sorry for whatever I did to you.” 

“It’s not like you hurt me, and I know it wasn’t you. God, they were horrible,” you tell him before asking, “What do you remember about then?” 

He thinks for a moment before saying, “Not much. Lots of blood.” He says shrugging, blood was sadly a normal occurrence in both your lives. “A building with people telling me what to do. The cryo. But I remember you, and other girls. Why?” Deciding that this would take some time, you get up to make some coffee. 

“Hold up, let’s get some coffee and I’ll tell you about back then.” He nods.

After pouring two cups of coffee, both black you guide him to sit on the couch with him and get comfortable. 

“So around 30 years ago both my parents died. I was 18 years old and had no idea what I was doing, or how to protect myself.” he looks astonished by this. 

“But you look 25!” he exclaims. 

“You don’t look 100,” you add and he makes a face in agreement. 

You continue with your story. “I met a man and fell for him. Thought he was the love of my life. Turns out he was just looking for someone to turn into a spy for the Russian government. Within three months I was put in the red room or Красная комната as it was called. It’s where they trained their female spies. They took me because I was a ballerina. It had created was discipline, strength, and flexibility. All things you want in a spy.” 

“Steve said you were a dancer,” he says, “You don’t need to say anymore if you don’t want to. I get it.” You shake your head. 

“I need to do this,” you admit to him. He nods encouragingly.

“We also were experimented on. Injected with their versions of the super-soldier serum. Close to what they put into you. They did other medical things to make us into the best spies. I was put through the ‘wiping’ a few times, but it never stuck for the important stuff, just made little details fuzzy. We trained to be silent and deadly. They had me be part of the national ballet, as a cover. In between shows I was sent on missions to kill people, or steal information. Nobody ever expected a girl who wore tutus in front of thousands of people. I got the tag, Black Swan, after the ballet and it stuck.” 

You pause to take a sip of your coffee. “That’s where I met Natasha, she was also part of the red room. She was a few years younger and I tried my best to protect her in any way that I could.” 

“Where do I fit into this?” he asks. 

“You trained me. In all combat-related areas. Taught me how to shoot a gun, where to hold your arms to snap someone's neck. How to tackle someone twice your size.” He looks ashamed of this. “I know it wasn’t you, and if you weren’t there it would have been someone else to train me. It’s not the entire reason I hated you but it’s a part of it.” 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Your past still haunts you. “Is that why Natasha leaves the room whenever I’m around?” He asks. You nod. “Thank you for telling me all of that, I know it’s hard.” You smile back at him. 

“Okay! On that note, how about we watch a movie. Ever see Mean Girls?”

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[cordonian-literature]

The Aftermath - Ch. 5

Test Day

Summary: Bastien tells Liam about Gabriel

A/N: did my best to do as much research as possible. also im not sure if the tags are working or not? 

Word Count: ~3.0k

Warning: Mention of character death

*All characters belong to Pixelberry, except those that are unique to my story (I’ve also used some characters and fictional instances from Donna Tartt’s “The Goldfinch”)*

Catch up here!

Tags: @captain-kingliamsqueen @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @gkittylove99 @lovablegranny @loudbluebirdlover @mom2000aggie @kingliam2019 @queenrileyrose @shanzay44 @cordonianroyalty @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @cinnamonspongecake @queenjilian @kuladekiwi @twinkle-320 @iaminlovewithtrr @charlotteg234

I hope I got everyone tagged! If I missed someone, or if anyone wants to be added/removed, let me know! 

- Liam -

On Friday evening, no one was given a chance to see Riley. Different specialists checked her routinely, discussing their findings with one another. Liam asked politely at different times in the day if he would be allowed to speak to her for a few moments. They didn’t let him go in, claiming that the doctors needed their time to properly assess Riley’s condition.

A little before sunset, a sleep deprived, starving, agitated Liam marched up to Riley’s doctor and demanded they be given information about her health. 

The doctor leads him away from Riley’s door. Drake, Maxwell, and Bertrand follow. 

“I don’t know how much Riley Brooks’ mother has told you about her daughter’s condition,” the doctor states. “But rest assured that we are doing everything we can to help her recover.” 

“Really?” Drake spit. “All you’ve done is push different doctors into her room all day. From where we’re standing, none of them did anything—.”

“Please,” the doctor interrupts, holding up a hand. “Riley’s condition is very serious. She’s suffered a head injury. The procedure on Sunday morning was to repair a part of her skull and to stop internal bleeding. Since she’s woken up on Wednesday, we believe that she has something called post-traumatic amnesia.” 

“Which is?” Bertrand pesters.

“Short-term memory loss from the moment of her injury and for sometime afterwards. It can last from hours, to days, to weeks,” the doctor explains. 

“Short-term?” Liam forces out the words. “I’ve known that woman for the past eleven years. When I walked in she didn’t recognize me. I don’t believe that is what you call short-term.”

“Well... because you all came in and asked questions, whose answers you say that she should know, we believe that she may also be suffering from retrograde amnesia. She won’t be able to recall a significant number of events and persons from her past, even though all such events occurred before the incident and the development of the amnesia.”

“How long will that last?” Maxwell asks. 

“That part, we are unsure about,” the doctor states. “But, we’ve done some assessments and the post-traumatic amnesia seems to be wearing off. We think that the worst of it ended yesterday.” She pauses and looks at the men around her, analyzing their expressions. “We asked her about you folks—,” she gestures at the four men around her, “—her kids, her mother, and the detectives who came in to ask her questions yesterday, she said she didn’t remember a thing. We believe that’s the end to the PTA,  but we’re going to run a couple more tests to make sure.” 

Liam’s heart drops to the pit of his stomach. When he moves back towards the chairs in front of Riley’s hospital room, he goes involuntarily: his shoulders slump and his head hangs low as he throws himself onto a seat. He buries his face in his hands, desperate for this feeling — this keen, despicable sense of despair, one he thought he had forgotten long ago — to end, once and for all.

“So we are nothing to her once more?” Bertrand breathes, the corners of his mouth pulled downwards.

The doctor sighs. “Unfortunately, yes, but again, we believe that’s the last of her short-term memory issues. On the case of retrograde amnesia, patients who have suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury don’t suffer from long-term memory loss for a great amount of time. If I were you, I would still have hope.” She pats Bertrand’s arm. 

A nurse sitting at the reception desk calls to the doctor: “Doc? You’re needed in the ICU.”

“I’ll be back,” she says, and then turns to leave.

Drake, Maxwell, and Bertrand join Liam and take a seat. Each of them has to force themselves to not look through Riley’s room window. If they looked, the pain would multiply. The bandages on her head and the empty, lost look on her face reminded them how she had slipped from their grasp again, even though she was right in front of them. 

After a few moments of watching doctors and nurses walking in and out of Riley’s room, Drake suggests to Liam, “Why don’t we go to the hotel tonight? Get some food in you. Rest for a bit. We’ll be back in the morning, soon as visiting hours start up again.”

“Your Majesty, I think that would be for the best,” Bertrand adds. “It isn’t healthy for you to be going on without sleep and food for so long.” 

“C’mon, Liam,” Maxwell joins in. “Bertrand and I will go with you guys.”

Liam rubs his hand over his face. The rest of them notice his red eyes, unshaven face, and how pink the edges of his mouth are. Silently nodding, he stands, and his friends follow him out of the hospital.

...

As soon as he got inside his hotel room, Liam collapsed on the bed, physically and emotionally exhausted. He didn’t dream; instead he dove into a blank abyss from which he returned from in what felt like no more than eight minutes.

When he woke up, it was already nine thirty. His mind urged him to get up and go back to Riley’s hospital bed, but his feet felt sore and his eyes burned when he opened them. He managed to kick off his shoes and shrug off his clothes on his way to the bathroom. He almost fell asleep in the shower, but the warm beating of water on his face gave him the energy he needed to get back to Riley. 

While he puts on some new clothes, there’s a heavy knock on the door. When he goes to open it, Drake holds up two large paper bags and two cups of coffee in a drink carrier. “New York bagels,” he says, handing Liam a bag. 

“Thank you, Drake.” Liam sits on the edge of his bed and dives into the large bagel, his stomach desperate for some food after having starved himself the past three days. Drake puts his friend’s coffee on the bedside table and opens up his own bag.

“I’d say I didn’t know you were that hungry,” Drake chuckles, shaking his head, “but looking at you now, I can tell you haven’t eaten in days.”

Liam’s already done with more than half his bagel. “Truly, I didn’t realize, either.” He takes a long sip of his coffee. “I’ve been so focused on Riley, making sure she’s been getting proper attention... and what I would say to her, given the chance.” Liam stares down at the floor with his meal in his hands while Drake continues eating.

Noticing Liam from the corner of his eye, Drake tells Liam, “Riley wouldn’t want you doing this to yourself.” 

Liam scoffs. 

“I’m serious. Just because something happened to her doesn’t mean she’d want you to hurt yourself, too.” 

They sit in quiet for a few more moments while they finish their meal.

Drake sends a text over to Maxwell, letting the Beaumonts know that him and Liam were on their way back to the hospital, when someone else knocks on the door. “Your Majesty?”

“Come in, Bastien,” Liam allows while he puts his shoes back on. 

Bastien walks in and regards Drake and Liam for a moment. “Your Majesty.” Bastien clears his throat. “Riley’s mother, Charlotte, will be at the hospital today with her grandchildren.” 

Liam stiffens for a moment. Her grandchildren. Riley’s children with Theodore Blaise. He must have been a worthy man to have deserved her.

“Great.” Drake sighs. “I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but she doesn’t seem to be a big fan of our’s.”

“Will she be visiting Riley?” Liam questions. 

“That is... part of the reason they are going,” Bastien continues.

“Ah, she also works there, doesn’t she?”

“Yes, Your Majesty, but she doesn’t work today.”

“Then... what is she going for?” Liam notices the look of reserve on Bastien’s face. “Is everything alright? Did something happen to the children?”

“Not exactly,” Bastien begins. “To be frank, the boy, Gabriel, will be of our concern today.”

“What does that mean?” Drake walks closer to Bastien.

Bastien sighs. “On Thursday evening, the Duke of Ramsford alerted me that he believes Gabriel Blaise is actually your son.”

Liam stands. “What?” he spits. 

“He is ten years of age and his birthday was recently. It aligns with the time that you and Lady Riley were having an... intimate relationship.”

Liam blinks. “She... she....” He looks around the room in a daze, his mind blurred with memories of Riley during the Engagement Tour. Could she really have been pregnant? How did I not notice? Why didn’t she tell me? 

She wouldn’t have done that. She knows how much I’ve wanted a family. He breathes in heavy air, his eyes burning. She wouldn’t have done that to me, she wouldn’t have taken that from me.

Did I break her so badly that she wanted to keep my own son away from me?

“Your Majesty?”

Taking a moment to calm himself, Liam states, “Bastien, that is absurd.”

But is it? If she got pregnant around the end of the social season, or even some time during the Engagement Tour, she would have had the child around this time of year.... 

“Your Majesty, the only way to be certain is to take a paternity test. Charlotte Brooks agreed to bring the child to have it done today.”

“The hospital does paternity tests?” Drake asks. 

“I contacted them, and they said they only did genetic testing, but they recommended me to a lab center in Brooklyn.” Bastien holds out a piece of paper with the lab’s name on it. “I’ve alerted Mrs. Brooks, and have sent a car for her and the children so they would arrive safely.”

Brooklyn. Where we saw Riley for the first time all those years ago.

Liam nods, his head and heart still shaking with the thought that him and Riley had a son. Cordonia had an heir. For the past eleven years he believed that he would never become a father, but all this time, he already was one....

While they walk downstairs, Bastien explains that Charlotte Brooks gave permission on Riley’s behalf to have the paternity test done due to her condition, and went to get a DNA sample of her daughter this morning to increases the validity of the test and to make sure Gabriel will be tested accurately. 

Liam sits quietly, simply nodding at everything Bastien said. No matter how much he wanted to believe that there was a chance Riley’s son was his, he didn’t want to think about all the complications that would come about from the test being positive.

And how she never told him. He believed he deserved a life without Riley after all he had done to her, but had the bombing never happened, had Riley never gotten hurt — had her damned husband never died — would she have ever come back to tell him that he was a father? Would she have let him continue to live a life in ignorance?

The boy is ten years old. He experienced ten years of life without me. I experienced ten years of life without him. Did she think I couldn’t handle fatherhood? Did she think I wouldn’t take on the responsibility? What did I do so wrong? Why did she marry Theodore? I ended my engagement because of her, and she married another man to act as the father of my child?

Liam’s frustration and despair were increasing exponentially, and they were nearing the lab. he decided that whether the test came out positive or negative, he wouldn’t allow Gabriel to see his frustration. There must have been a reason Riley did such a thing. He would continue to hope that she would get a chance to explain. In the meantime, that child was was still Riley’s; the mere fact that there was another being on this planet who held even the slightest amount of Riley’s personality or looks made Liam’s heart swell. His son or not, he would protect both of Riley’s children in every way he didn’t protect Riley.

- Gabriel -

Grandma scheduled Ella to have a private ballet lesson on Saturday morning. I thought she was gonna let me take a private soccer lesson, but instead she brings me to Brooklyn in a car that wasn’t her’s or Dad’s. When we get to a small building, Liam and Drake were inside waiting with another man I didn’t recognize. I wondered why they were here, since Mom was back in the hospital. Liam smiled at me and I smiled back, deciding that I would just ask Grandma about it later. 

Drake stayed behind while the rest of us were led into a room that looked like the inside of a doctor’s office: there was an examination table that Grandma told me to sit on, and another longer table were there was a jar of pens.

Two men came in: one wore a professional suit with a bunch of papers that Grandma and Liam started signing on the flat table, while the second one had a lab coat on who took out a very long Q-Tip and walked towards me. I give Grandma a questioning look, but she pats my arm and tells the man, “Go ahead.” 

He dragged the stick against the inside of my cheek. Then he put the Q-Tip in a little tube and then takes out another Q-Tip and repeats the whole process with Liam. I wonder if he’s about to do the same thing with Grandma, but instead she pulls out a tube from her purse and the man takes his three tubes and leaves.

The second man with all the papers is still here, looking over his bushy eyebrows at everything Liam and Grandma just signed. Liam and his friend look over expectantly at Grandma, who pulls out a piece of paper. 

“The birth certificate?” says Liam’s friend. 

Wait, is that mine? Or his? Or Grandma’s?

“Yes.” She hands him the paper and he begins to look over it. 

Both men furrow their brows. Liam’s head jumps back in confusion. 

"Full name,” begins Liam’s friend. “Gabriel Liam Blaise. Mother, Riley Brooks Blaise.... Why is the spot of father empty?”

“It’s allowed in the U.S.,” says Bushy Eyebrows. “If the mother is married to someone who is not the father, or if the father was not at the birth and did not sign and send in an Acknowledgement of Paternity form, then the name of the father is left blank on the certificate.” 

“Riley was already married to Theodore by the time Gabriel was born,” Grandma explains, “which is why the last name is Blaise. She thought that it wouldn’t be appropriate to have his last name be Rys since she planned to pass Gabe off to the public as Theodore’s. But she still put your first name as his middle name. It was her way of connecting you both, since neither of you knew of the other’s existence.”

Grandma takes a moment and scans the men’s shaken faces — even Bushy Eyebrows glances between everyone with wide eyes. Liam looks like he’s mixed between anger and sadness. His friend continues to examine the paper.

“As far as I know,” Grandma states, “Gabriel is your son.”

At this point, I have absolutely no idea what was going on. Grandma never explained anything to me before we got here, and now I was too scared to speak up and ask questions. 

A part of me thought that she was giving me away since Dad had died. But she had told Liam that I was her son? Did that mean he was my father? But I didn’t even know who he was? And what about Ella? Was Grandma going to give me away and then keep my sister? Would I never see her again? Could Grandma not take care of us by herself since Mom was in the hospital? 

“Do you know why Riley never told me?” Liam asks Grandma, his voice breaking.

“Oh, she tried to,” Grandma reveals. “But only once, I believe. Riley didn’t tell me anything about it, but as far as I know, it didn’t go down well.”

Liam looks down at the floor, then pushes his shoulders back and looks at Grandma. “If the test comes back positive, then I will have to present him as my heir to the people of Cordonia.”

Grandma frowns, and she looks offended. I half expect her and Liam to start arguing, but Liam’s friend says, “Perhaps it will be best to discuss the specifics when the results come back. They told me it usually takes three to five business days, but I have made sure that this will be their top priority, and we could possibly get the results back before Monday or Tuesday.” 

Bushy Eyebrows stands, shaking everyone’s hands but mine, and then leaves. We all walk out of the building together. Liam and Grandma nod at one another, and Liam gives me a pat on the back before getting in the car with Drake and his other friend.

Grandma and I get into our car and drive away, on our way to pick up Ella from her class. 

“Grandma?” I begin. I wanted to know what happened in there. I wanted to know if my family was really getting rid of me. “What was all that for?” 

She sighs. “Nothing for you to worry about right now, baby. I promise in a couple of days I’ll explain everything to you and Ella, but right now there’s nothing to worry about.”

“But Grandma, I... I... why did you tell the man that I was his son? Did you say that because Dad died? I thought I was Dad’s son. Grandma please, I’m so confused.” A couple tears fall from my eyes as my chest tightens. If those guys take me away while Mom is in the hospital, will I ever see her again? Will I ever see Ella or Grandma again? I didn’t want to go anywhere with those men. I didn’t even know them until Wednesday, and I still don’t technically know them.

“Gabriel—!” The sting of her tone shuts me up, and I lean back into my seat, doing my best not to cry. 

When Ella gets in the car, she asks me what’s wrong. I shake my head and continue silently crying to myself the rest of the ride home, wishing that Mom and Dad were with us again. 

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Out of Action or Lessons to be Learnt

Quick Tag List: @kuruumiya @spacelizardtrashboys @stupidbluegirl @enigmaticandunstable @nattinngrst

This Passage Contains Potentially: swearing, violence, blood, angst, whump, fluff and smutty content. Chapter-specific warning: This chapter contains mention of pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness, and food cravings as well as mood swings

Summary: Kirby tries to survive the new developments in her life, Rod becoming slightly overprotective doesn't really help much.

Kirby's POV:

After the show on Sunday (24th June) Roddy decided to invite Orton and Schultz out to dinner with us.

"So you got your woman pregnant?"

"Yes, David. Why'd you ask?" I answered for Roddy

"When's it due?"

"Well, Schultzy," I had to do some calculations in my head, "Around the end of next Feb."

"So, Rod, Kirby, y'all got any ideas for names yet?" Orton quizzed

"I ain't got no names, you got any names, Kirbs?"

"I like the name 'Casey' it's a good, neutral name, y'know."

"Your woman's a quicker thinker than you, boy."

"Yeah, Rod, ya married a feisty one."

"As Kirby'll tell ya lads, it's a marriage of equals."

We finished our meals, paid and left, heading to the next show. Tuesday, Twenty-Sixth, Providence, Rhode Island. Then the next show, Wednesday, Twenty-Seventh, Columbus, Ohio. After the Wednesday show Rod and myself spent some time with Orndorff and Orton. Then the next show, Thursday, Twenty-Eighth, Rod was meant to do a show in Dayton, Ohio, without me but he no-showed.

"Rod, McMahon called, something about a show in Dayton?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell them I was looking after you."

"Roddy, I'm fine, you should've done the show."

"Kirbs, I care more about making sure ya alright than doing every show, I need to know that you're okay."

"Roderick. Would you listen to me?!"

"Kirby, don't you go telling me what to do!"

Rod had gotten right up into my face, soon he seemed to notice the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Kirby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Woah, Rod. Rod, it's alright, you're okay, Hon. Roddy, come here."

I pulled him into my arms, feeling him gently caress my stomach.

"Kirbs, d'ya think I'll make a good father?"

"Of course you'll make a good father, Rod."

The following day, the moment I woke up I had to rush to the bathroom and throw up, Rod rushed in after me, checking that I was alright and helping me clean myself off. We had to attend a show in Elizabeth, New Jersey the next day. The next show after that was Tuesday, the Second of July, Glen Falls, New York, after the show Rod asked me to come with him to a local bar to meet an 'old friend' of his, or in other words, Rod was asking me to keep him calm.

"Kirby, this is Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine. Greg, my beautiful wife, Kirby Piper."

"You're the gal I keep hearing about from people."

"Well, that depends on what you've heard."

"I heard that you were, or are, pregnant."

"That's true," Orton butted in, "Rod and I got told that on TV."

"Yeah, Piper's Pit, last month. I'm glad you found yourself a person who makes you happy, Rod."

"I, uh, I watched the matches you two had in Eighty-three."

"What did you think of them?"

"They're good, excellent even, though, the dog collar match. I can't watch that ever again."

"Why not?"

"Cause I worry about you, every time I watch it, Roddy."

The next show was Thursday, the fifth, in Hazelton, Pennsylvania. Jimmy Snuka and Roddy. I accompanied Rod to ringside, grabbing a seat at ringside. I had to run to the back about five minutes into the match. Rod rushed to the back after me, I could hear him getting counted out.

"Kirbs, Kirby, are you alright?"

"Rod, Rod, c'mere you idiot."

"Ya tired, Honey?"

I placed my forehead in the crook of his neck, "I'm exhausted right now."

"C'mon, I'll take ya back to the hotel and let ya rest."

Rod drove us back to the hotel and Orndorff stopped by with a new guy.

"Hi Paul."

"Hey, Kirbs, are you alright?"

"I'm better than earlier."

"She was non-stop apologising to me on the way here. Adrian, this is my wonderful wife, Kirby."

"Hi, you're, uhm, Dick Murdoch's tag partner?"

"Yeah, Adrian Adonis, nice to meet ya."

"Kirby Piper, pleasure to meet you too, Adrian. Rod?"

"Yes honey?"

"Can I slap Snuka?"

Rod let out a chuckle, "If you want to, hon. It would make my day."

Orndorff and Adonis shared a knowing look before Paul spoke up.

"Why do you two want to attack Snuka?"

"Because he's a dickhead." I stated flatly before covering my mouth in shock, "I didn't mean to say that."

"Why not, you're right. If he hurts or threatens you, he's dead meat, honey."

"Rod, don't. You can't be in your children's life if you're locked away in prison."

"Children, plural?"

"We all know that this child ain't gonna be the last." Adrian added

"True. Thank you Adrian."

"So, what was your reaction to the pregnancy, Kirby?"

"Uhm, well, if I'm honest with you, Adrian, at first I couldn't believe it. I think my first words were 'oh no'."

"Your first reaction was 'Oh no'?" Rod stated, sounding slightly hurt

"Rod, I wrestle for a living. Pregnancy lasts between eight and ten months. That means I'm out for a long while."

"Alright. Alright."

"I love you, Roddy."

After Orndorff and Adonis left Rod changed his focus back to me.

"C'mere you," He pulled me towards him, chest to chest, before kissing me roughly and backing me towards the bed, "You sexy goliath."

"You are such a hot head, Roderick."

"You married me though, didn't ya." He hoisted my leg, pressing his groin into mine.

"As if I'd turn you down, my love."

On Saturday (the seventh) I was at ringside, watching Roddy lose by DQ, the moment Rod left the ring he walked over to me, pulling me to my feet only to dip me into a kiss.

After the show we went back to the hotel with Valentine, Adonis and Orndorff.

Me and Paul were in the hotel room just chatting away when we heard a crash from the hallway, followed by several smaller crashes and then a banging at the door.

Greg threw the door open and Paul helped get Adrian and Roddy inside.

"What the fuck happened?"

The room went silent and Greg went to get help as me and Paul watched over Adrian and Roddy.

"Roddy."

No response. I took my shirt off (a plain white T-shirt, which would not be white for much longer) and used it to try and stem the bleeding from the cut on his outer thigh.

"Rod."

He groaned in a pained response

"Roderick, talk to me."

We spent the night in the hospital, Rod needed stitches to the wound on his thigh and Adrian needed stitches to the wound on his right pectoral, Adrian would be in the hospital for two days at the least and both would be back in action by Friday.

Jesse came to visit and Rod introduced him to me and vice versa, introducing me as 'My beloved wife, the mother of my unborn child and the woman who saved my life, twice.'

While Rod slept off the pain in his leg, Jesse raised some questions to me.

"Did you see him get hurt?"

"No, Jesse, I saw the injury after Valentine dropped him on the bed."

"How long have you two been together?"

"We've known each other since January, Schultz introduced us. We started dating each other at the end of January, from the twentieth. Got married on the first of June, not too long after that, he got me pregnant."

"This is the, second, time."

"Second time for what?"

"Roddy being injured."

"Yeah, same leg too."

"Some fans are fucking insane."

"I'm just glad they haven't gone after me, Rod would lose his mind if anything happened to me, or the baby."

"You should hear him in the locker room."

"He's always talking about me?"

"Always, usually to Adonis. Those two are usually stuck to each other by the hip. If he's not with Adonis, he's with Orton, or Schultz, or Orndorff, or Valentine, or even me."

"He constantly talks about me?"

"Either you, or more recently, the baby."

"He's the kindest, most respectful man, I've ever met, Jesse."

"Thank you, baby." Rod mumbled out.

"Roddy," I jumped slightly, rushing from Jesse's side to sit next to Rod on the hospital bed, "Are you alright, my love."

"C'mere," Rod pulled me in, lazily and sloppily kissing me on the lips.

"I, uh, I got you guys this," Jesse handed Roddy a book, "I know it's early, but you can never be too prepared y'know."

After Roddy was released from the hospital, we decided to spend the night alone.

"Roddy, I, good God I don't want this to come off as if I'm scared. Rod, I don't want to let you out of my sight."

"Kirbs, come here," He pulled me into a hug, "If I never let you outta my sight, then ya never have to let me out of your sight."

We slept and I got up earlier than Rod, I did my morning routine before deciding to flick through the parenting book that Jesse gave us.

Around half an hour later I finished going through the book and heard Rod yawn and the hotel bed creak under his weight.

"Morning."

"What a beautiful sight to wake up to."

"Roderick, you charmer. How's the leg, my love?"

"Slowly getting better. Kirbs?"

"Uh huh?"

"Damien said that, your Da, called him, as in Damien. We need to go to our place and pick some stuff up that your Mam and Da sent over."

"If we leave after you get dressed, we can get home, spend Tuesday and Wednesday there and then drive to the show on Thursday so we can be there for Friday."

"I love how your brain works."

"I love you too, Rod."

By the time we got back to the house it had actually taken us around a day and a half, we reached the house, got what mail had accumulated and left for the show in Chicago, getting to a hotel on Thursday night.

I had separated the mail into four stacks, bills, family mail, fan letters, and unsorted as of yet.

"Bills, fan letter, fan letter, somethin' from my family, fan letter, fan letter, family mail, bill."

"Kirbs?"

"Cannae talk right now, Rod. Family mail, fan letter, fan letter, fan letter, family mail."

"Kirby?"

"Cannae talk right now, Roddy. Bill, Bill, fan letter, bill, family mail, fan letter, fan letter."

"Kirby, my love, Kirby?"

"I Can nae talk right now Roderick. Fan letter, Fa-"

Rod cut me off by grabbing my face and kissing me roughly.

"Kirby, you can go through that later, right now, ya need ta sleep, baby."

While Rod was doing the show, I stayed at the hotel, and went through all the mail. I ended up going to a local supermarket and an ATM in order to pay the bills, sending money off to each company and opening my fan letters, many of which were actually hate mail, ignoring the hatred of both me and my husband, I opened some of the mail my family had sent, most of which were small boxes of my things or wedding presents.

Rod walked in with Jesse and Adrian close behind him.

"Oh, there's ma beautiful wife."

"Did ya win, love?"

"Double disqualification."

"Oh, Hon."

"No, it's fine. What's in the mail babe?"

"I've dealt with the bills, uhm, wedding gifts from my family, some of my old stuff from my younger years. I've put most of it in the back of the D200. I haven't opened your fan mail."

"Kirby?"

"Yes, Adrian."

"How's the baby?"

"The baby's fine. How are you guys doing?"

"We're good, Kirbs" Jesse stated, rather matter-of-factly.

We spent around an hour hanging out with Jesse and Adrian before Jesse departed, Adrian stayed with me while Rod went out to get the boys some beer.

"So, Roddy's good to you?"

"Yeah, He's the best man I've ever had in my life. He's not possessive, he's rather protective, especially when he's jealous, he tries his hardest to make sure I'm happy and the baby's okay."

"You know, he's my best friend, right?"

"I suspected that you two were close after seeing you guys stick around each other at a couple shows."

The door swung open and Rod placed an ice cold beer against Adrian's neck.

"Hey, hey. stop that man."

"Boys, don't fight, especially when there's a pregnant woman nearby."

"I'm sorry baby, c'mere."

Rod put the rest of the six pack on the floor and walked over to me, kissing me gently on the forehead and then on the lips, several times, getting needier every time and deepening the kiss, backing me up until he could straddle my lap before realising what he was doing.

"Sorry about that, Adrian. I got a bit carried away. She is the most attractive woman I've ever met."

"Nah, don't worry about it, you two are married. You should show that you love each other, you've got a kid on the way and before ya know it, you'll be parents. Ya kids have gotta know that ya love each other, and that love is meant to be shown, ya know."

END OF OUT OF ACTION or LESSONS TO BE LEARNT

[shijiujun]

love in the dark | 2,189 words | TangFei

It’s the second time in three years they’re in this situation — stuck in a lift and sitting close to each other on the floor as they await rescue. Tang Yi can’t bring himself to hate it, because Shao Fei is here by his side, just like he was three years ago.

(an excuse just to briefly write chaotic but competent secretary!shao fei and also a tang yi who lets shao fei take care of him without much thought, for once)

--

For @florbexter ‘s July collection - Out of Order and taking one of her prompts out from her list! As always, flor is a hard carry for the Trapped fandom <3

--

“… you really should stop having coke in the morning so often,” Tang Yi says, looking at the man seated opposite him at the dining table with obvious disapproval. “Give me that.”

The man in question looks up suspiciously, then hugs the can of coke to himself, “You said I could have anything!”

Tang Yi opens his mouth to refute him, but Shao Fei, with his wide, innocent-looking eyes, is staring at Tang Yi as if he cannot believe that the man will go back on his word.

“I know I said I would fulfil a request of yours for inking that difficult deal on my behalf, but… don’t you want something else? New interns? A new car? How about a new coffee machine for the secretary’s pantry? Or even a few more suits? The last one is a good idea. You haven’t gone for a fitting in a while and there are a few new batches of prints for the autumn collection-“

“Tang Yi, it’s just one can of coke, I’m not even drinking a bottle,” Shao Fei interrupts with a frown.

“And no, I don’t want new interns because you hate having to deal with them and I don’t want to end up babysitting them either. Why would I need a car? Wherever you go, I go. Coffee machine? You buy a new one and I give it a week before Jack and Zhao Zi have it shifted to some other floor for themselves. I’ve got all the clothes I need. You won’t deny me this guilty pleasure, right? Tang Yi! Ah Yi, Xiao Yi Yi~”

He’s not wrong on any count. As always, Tang Yi finds that in front of one Meng Shao Fei, there’s really nothing that he wouldn’t give him. However, they’ve known each other for the better part of three years, and it really doesn’t hurt to try.

How long has Shao Fei been his secretary now? Almost three years in two months, Tang Yi notes.

And to think that Tang Yi was so resistant towards the idea of having a secretary and personal assistant for years, having a huge dislike for strangers following him that closely.

Now, Tang Yi and Shao Fei spend almost every hour together — working in the same office, staying in the same house, going on holidays, and hanging out lazily on the couch on off days among other things.

“Okay, just this once,” Tang Yi acquiesces, then reaches for Shao Fei’s mouth with his hand, his thumb wiping away at the remnants of coke on his lips.

Shao Fei doesn’t pay Tang Yi’s touch any mind, almost leaning imperceptibly into it as his attention is captured by the incoming messages on his phone.

“Hmm, we’ve got to go soon, Bai-zong is arriving at the airport early and I think he’ll make his way straight to us to talk over the deal,” he says, quickly firing off some replies to the messages he’s reading. “That gives us an extra hour before lunch, which means you’ll be able to attend that mini party going on in the marketing department? It’ll be good to turn up and show that you actually care about your employees…”

“I do care about all my employees,” Tang Yi returns dryly, getting to his feet. “Did you get the gifts for Bai-zong and also Xiao Man’s farewell party?”

His secretary looks up, a little affronted at the insinuation that he’s not fully prepared, “Of course! Tang Yi, how can you doubt me-“

“Alright, just get ready,” Tang Yi smiles, touching a knuckle to Shao Fei’s cheek in mock-admonishment.

===

Everyone is fond of Shao Fei, even though he’s not the type of character that most people will think of first when they look at the secretary role. Shao Fei is loud, boisterous, and sometimes even impulsive, creating trouble for Tang Yi when he’s not looking. It’s always the minor things though, like tripping over his own feet and dropping a tray of hot coffee onto his very expensive rugs once, or getting mad at a potential client for harassing Tang Yi.

Since Shao Fei assumed the role however, Tang Yi has to say there has not yet been a single misfiled document, late reply to an email or forgotten appointments. He’s also getting less complaints from his employees as a whole because Shao Fei is pretty much a guard at his door, fielding important requests from ridiculous ones. And since Shao Fei actually is a black belt in both Judo and Taekwondo, he plays the role of Tang Yi’s bodyguard from time to time if the situation calls for it.

Tang Yi remembers all of his employees’ names because this is his company, after all, but Shao Fei knows everyone. He speaks to every person they come across, and even when Ke-shu, the janitor that’s in charge of cleaning Tang Yi’s office and Shao Fei’s desk, comes in every morning to take out the trash, Shao Fei ends up chatting with him, asking after his granddaughter and if his knee is feeling better.

Shao Fei took a week off once, and it was only then Tang Yi realized just how much work he was handling.

“When are we flying to Beijing again?” asks Tang Yi, stepping into the lift.

“Next Thursday,” Shao Fei replies without even pausing. “I’ve already booked the tickets.”

It has been a while since the both of them took a break, and Tang Yi says so after some consideration, “We’ve got a bit of time this month right? Let’s extend the trip by a day or two.”

“Hmm… we could,” Shao Fei agrees carefully, his mind running through the meetings he has to reschedule if they do that. “Nothing important in the days after that inspection with the team in Beijing-“

He’s cut off when the elevator suddenly shakes with a loud scratching noise from the outside, and almost falling to the side if Tang Yi did not grab for him. The lights flicker on and off several times before the lift comes to a complete stop, and they’re plunged into darkness.

Shao Fei draws Tang Yi in unconsciously with one hand while the other pats at his pocket for his phone.

“You okay?” he asks, his hand sliding across Tang Yi’s back.

“… yeah, I’m good,” Tang Yi replies.

He tries to sound as nonchalant and steady as possible, but his voice still shakes a little. Shao Fei catches that tiny detail, and without another word, he brings the both of them to the corner of the lift next to the lift buttons and hits at the correct one to ring for help.

Tang Yi isn’t fond of enclosed spaces, and certainly not spaces that do not have light.

After communicating with the security guards in the building that he and Tang Yi are stuck in the lift, all they can do is wait for help. With that done, Shao Fei switches the flashlight on his phone on and leaves it on the floor so the entire lift is illuminated.

Looking at Tang Yi finally, Shao Fei frowns, noting how tightly wound up Tang Yi is against him. With any luck they’ll be out of here in another couple of hours, so he lowers himself and Tang Yi to the ground to sit.

“This reminds me of our first meeting,” Shao Fei chuckles, encircling Tang Yi’s waist with both arms. “We were stuck in a lift together too like this, do you remember? I can’t believe the both of us have the luck to be stuck here together, again.”

“… of course I remember,” Tang Yi exhales, letting himself lean into Shao Fei entirely and consciously forcing his fists to unclench. Then, “I really should get the lifts changed. Breaking down twice in three years?”

“That’s not too bad,” Shao Fei murmurs, resting his chin on Tang Yi’s nearest shoulder. “If we didn’t get stuck together three years ago, you wouldn’t have gotten the chance to know me and then you’d be down a secretary!”

After a short moment, Tang Yi laughs, “You mean when you nagged at me until I gave you a job?”

Shao Fei rolls his eyes, the banter on this subject familiar to him.

Now that he thinks about it, it’s a miracle and a half that they are here today, all because of a malfunctioning lift then.

The scene was almost identical to the current one. He was rushing for an interview in Shi Hai Corporation’s public relations department when the lift broke down, and it would be a few months later that Shao Fei found out why Tang Yi is so afraid of the dark and small, closet-sized spaces.

Then, however, Shao Fei began talking away to the handsome man crouched stiffly on the floor next to him, trying to distract him as much as possible, not knowing that this was the CEO of the company he was interviewing for. At the end of the whole ordeal, Tang Yi knew so much about Shao Fei that it would have been comical, if not for how much he hated the lack of light and fresh air in that metal box they used for vertical transportation.

When they finally got out, Shao Fei obviously missed his interview time by a few hours and with a soft sigh, he stuffed his printed resume into his bag and headed home instead.

Who knew that Tang Yi would give him a call himself a day later and ask if he was still in need of a job?

Half a year into his role, Shao Fei broke his arm protecting Tang Yi from an almost car accident, and Tang Yi forcibly moved him into his mansion.

He moved into Tang Yi’s house, into his bed and then into his heart and soul — and Shao Fei hasn’t left since.

“Don’t be afraid,” Shao Fei murmurs into his ear, and Tang Yi likes this even more than the previous experience he had with Shao Fei here, because today he’s being unabashedly held in Shao Fei’s arms. “You have me! Hold out just for a bit more.”

His heart aches for Tang Yi, and not for the first time, Shao Fei wonders if it’s acceptable to run to Yilan and sock Tang Yi’s foster father - from before Tang Yi found Tang Guo Dong, his adoptive father - in both the eyes and the nose for being cruel to a young, defenseless child then.

“Mnn,” Tang Yi nods in agreement, turning a little to look at Shao Fei. “I have you.”

Shao Fei’s phone finally runs out of battery less than an hour later and they sit for a while longer in absolute darkness, but the irrational fear that usually comes is absent today for some reason. Feeling the warmth of Shao Fei’s body around his and his arms hugging him so tightly, Tang Yi wonders if this is why he feels so anchored and safe.

They don’t have to wait too long for rescue. Hearing the metallic, loud clangs of equipment against the exterior of the lift, one moment they’re shrouded in darkness and the next, the door is pried open, allowing light to flood their surroundings.

Tang Yi’s eyes can barely open against the glare of the bright sunlight as his vision adjusts accordingly.

“Tang-zong! Meng-mishu! Are you both okay?” one of their staff asks, frantic as he stands behind the two firefighters trying to get them out.

“Trust the both of you to get stuck in a lift together again,” Jack is there too, and somehow that head of flaming red hair has never looked as welcoming as it does now. “The both of you okay?”

“We’re good,” Shao Fei answers next to him. Then to Tang Yi, “Tang Yi, let’s go!”

Tang Yi can only stare as Shao Fei offers his hand to him, his lovely smile so bright and his body almost glowing, bathed in the morning sunlight before Tang Yi’s eyes.

Ah, he thinks to himself, this is why.

Paying their audience no mind, Tang Yi puts his hand in Shao Fei’s, and uses the grip to tug Shao Fei in. Kissing him in front of prying eyes softly, tenderly.

“… what’s that for?” Shao Fei asks when they pull apart, his cheeks dusted with pink.

It’s not like their relationship is a secret at the company, but they’re not all that public with their affection for each other either.

“Nothing, just… I love you,” Tang Yi smiles back.

A few of their staff, including Jack, are gathered to watch them get rescued, and at the display of affection, plenty of ‘awwws’ and ‘oooohs’ go around. Jack opens his mouth to tease, as is expected of him, and Tang Yi chooses that moment to glare at him.

“Say one word and you can go without your bonus this year.”

Next to him, Shao Fei cannot help but burst out into mirthful laughter, his hand interlaced with Tang Yi’s.

Indeed, there is nothing to fear, not even the dark itself-

-as long as Shao Fei continues being his light.

==

Notes:

*zong from 总裁 - CEO *mishu from 秘书 － secretary

[nazario-sayeed]

Afterglow (Ethan x F!MC)

A/N: This is probably the most challenging fic I've written to be honest, mostly because I had to write a character that doesn't exist and that's hard. I'm satisfied with the result though. I got the idea after the open heart team said something about new characters we're meeting in book 2. As the name implies, it was heavily inspired by the song Afterglow by Taylor Swift. I had a whole ass playlist for this fic but that song was my main inspiration. English is not my first language. Tag list is under the cut. 

WC: 4950 (sorry about that) 

Rating/ warnings: Angst, alcohol abuse, mention of sex (nothing explicit), jealously uhhh i think that's it 

Masterlist

"Sienna, thank god I found you! I've been looking all over for you"

"Are you okay? What happened?" Sienna was confused to see Lexie almost running into the locker room, out of breath.

"I'm fine, but... something weird happened." she paused. "You know Dr. Marino, right?"

Dr. Leonardo Marino was invited by Dr. Banerji to spend one week working with the diagnosis team in Edenbrook. He was brilliant, charismatic... and incredibly handsome. A significant amount of the hospital staff had spent the whole week making heart eyes at him. They weren't to blame, though: he had a bronze skin, dark eyes, a perfectly cut hair, an undeniable gorgeous face that looked like it was sculpted by Aphrodite herself and an italian accent that made most people melt.  

"Yeah, of course. What about him?"  

"Uh, he kinda asked me out?" Lexie said, not sure it had really happened. Sure, they had been working together all week and got along pretty well. She noticed he was specially friendly to her- but she thought it was just his personality.

"Oh my god, Lexie!" Sienna screamed and grabbed Lexie's arms, beaming. A few curious heads turned to them, and Sienna giggled. She continued in a quieter tone. "What did you say?"

"I said yes" Lexie said with a smirk.

"Really? Oh Lexie I'm so happy for you!" Sienna hugged her roommate, before stepping back back and biting her lip with hesitation.

"What is it? Why did you make that face?"

"I really am happy for you, don't get me wrong, but I thought you weren't over… you know" she didn't say his name nor she had to. Lexie knew who she was talking about, of course. Ethan freaking Ramsey. Lexie sighed.

"I'm not over him. You know that. But I can't let it keep holding me back, can I? Besides, Dr. Marino is leaving town in a couple of days. It's just casual." She said, leaning back against a locker. They both knew Lexie was hurting more than she let on. Sienna decided not to say anything.

"I hope you have a great time. He's a catch, Lexie! Tell me everything when you get home, okay?" They hugged and Sienna went home, leaving Lexie to get ready for her date.

It had been a while since Ethan and Lexie had decided they couldn't keep seeing each other. It wasn't much of a decision, honestly. After both of them went back to Edenbrook, Ethan simply pretended nothing had happened between them, so she had no choice but to follow his lead.

That didn't mean it was easy for her, or that she didn't miss him. Because she did. But she couldn't do anything about it and Ethan kept pretending everything was fine. If it wasn't for a few pained looks she sometimes caught him giving her, she would've thought he was indeed fine.

So she kept trying to move on, even if all she wanted was to run to him and tell how she truly felt. Getting ready for her date and pretending to be excited for it was just one of her ways of pretending she had moved on.

Lexie and Leonardo had agreed on meeting at Donahue's after work, so it wasn't like there was too much Lexie could do to get ready. She was wearing the clothes she had worn when she left her apartment that morning and just a bit of makeup to at least seem like she had made an effort. As she crossed the door to the bar, she realized she was feeling really numb about it. She wasn't nervous or excited at all.

Leonardo was already waiting for her in a booth. He smiled when he saw her, and got up to greet her.

"Hi, Lexie. You look beautiful" he leaned over and kissed her on both cheeks, and she blushed even if she didn't mean to. She wasn't used to his warmth.

"Oh, thank you Dr. Marino." she sincerely doubt she looked beautiful after a 12 hour shift, but she wasn't going to argue with him.

"We're outside the hospital, you can call me Leo." he said with a smirk.

"Right. Sorry, Leo" she smiled and they sat down, facing each other.

As he ordered them drinks, she realized she was nervous after all. But only because she had no idea of how the date was gonna go. She didn't know what were his expectations or if she could meet them.

Things went really smooth, to her surprise. The conversation didn't feel forced, and he was a very nice and smart man. But that was it. No butterflies on her stomach, no accidental touches that made her heart jump out of her chest. No chemistry. She knew a lot of men and women who would love to be in her place, but she wasn't feeling anything at all. Leonardo was being respectful but flirty, smiling at her, trying to make her laugh and even gently touching her hand once or twice. One of the most handsome men she had ever met was trying his best to please her and there was only one thing on her mind: He is great, but he is not Ethan.

After a couple of hours of talking and a few drinks, she excused herself and went to back of the room where the bathrooms were. She wanted to splash some water on her face or text Sienna- just an excuse to leave the table for a few minutes.

She leaned against the sink and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

'its not going great tbh. hes fine but im not feeling it'

'im sorry :( does that mean you are coming home soon? we can open a bottle of wine and talk about it'

'sounds tempting. i'll hang here for a while but i think i might leave soon. gtg now, bye'

'good luck!! :)'

Hanging with Sienna sounded more fun that staying at the bar. She should make up some excuse and just leave.

Lexie rubbed her hands on face and closed her eyes, letting out a long sigh.

"What is wrong, Anderson? The date isn't going well?" she heard his voice and froze. When she opened her eyes, Ethan was standing by one of the men's stalls.

"Dr. Ramsey? I didn't know you were here at the bar, I...I didn't see you." She said, feeling her heart beat faster than it had all night. Pathetic.

"I was at the back when you arrived to your date" He couldn't hide the bitterness on his voice when he said the word date. He looked… off.

"Um, are you okay?"

"I'm fantastic." when he moved closer to wash his hands on the sink she could smell the alcohol on his breath. It all made sense.

"Dr. Ramsey, you're drunk!" she blurted out and it sounded more like an accusation than she intended to. He simply snickered.

"I did drink a lot of scotch. I guess I am." he said with fake amusement, drying his hands on his pants.

Lexie bit her lip, nervous and not sure of what she should do. Ethan being drunk on a Thursday night on a bar where most of his coworkers liked to hang was a bad idea to say the very least. It could damage his reputation- he wasn't a young, careless intern anymore and he shouldn't act like one. But he is not my problem, she thought to herself.

"You should go home, Dr. Ramsey" she said, trying to not stand too close. Even with all the scotch, if she got too close she could still smell something that was so uniquely him. Sometimes, she would walk by him at the hospital and smell his cologne- then all she could think about was his smell on her sheets after their last night together. It was hard to focus on anything else when that happened.

"I can't. Reggie took my keys after my third glass."

"Then grab a taxi or an uber" she nervously glanced at her watch. She should really get back to Leo, but she shouldn't leave Ethan like this. She couldn't.

"Go, Anderson. You don't want to worry your date. And you certainly don't have to worry about me." she could hear the hostility on his voice and it hurt her more than she thought it would. Apparently drunk Ethan was more of an idiot than regular Ethan.

He walked away and she could see him stumbling on his feet. She mentally cursed him and walked back to her table, where Leonardo was sitting with a new drink and a concerned face. He certainly had seen Lexie and Ethan leaving the bathroom basically together. He noticed the hesitant look on her face.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not exactly. Dr. Ramsey is drunk and I… I can't leave him like this. I need to drive him home, I'm so sorry." she tried to look guilty. The disappointment on his face was clear, although he tried to hide it.

"Oh. I understand. I'm sorry too." he smiled sadly.

She squeezed his hand softly, not sure what to do, then simply turned back and walked to where Ethan was sitting at the bar- with another glass of scotch on his hands. Lexie took it out of his hands. He turned to her, looking angry.

"What are you doing?" he tried to reach his glass but his reflexes were too slow, so she easily dodged him.

"Reggie, can I have his keys? I'm taking him home." the bartender looked grateful as he handed her the keys and took the glass from her hand.

"I don't need a babysitter, Anderson. Go back to your date and leave me alone" Ethan said, sounding exactly like a stubborn baby.

"Well, you're certainly acting like a child. Let's go, Dr. Ramsey" she was getting annoyed at his behavior. He reluctantly got up and headed for the door, not even looking back. She sighed and followed him. As she stepped outside, the cold Boston wind hit her and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to create some heat.

Lexie looked around for Ethan and found him already walking- no, stumbling to the hospital. She had no option but to follow him.

They walked in silence to his car on Edenbrook's parking lot and quickly got inside the car, turning the heat on as she drove away to his house. The silence was far from comfortable, so she decided to just say what was on her mind knowing she might regret it in the morning.

"What the hell was that, Ethan? Are you trying to ruin your reputation?" she was almost yelling at him. She had her eyes on the road, but he could see her face turning red.

"I'm off the clock, Anderson. I don't own explanations to anyone about what I do outside the hospital, much less to you"

"Well, the next time you decided to act like a drunk asshole, you should at least do it at a bar that isn't literally 5 minutes away from where you work! Are you really that blind that you can't see how much this could hurt your image? Or are you just that stubborn?" there was no hiding the frustration on her voice now. Her knuckles were white where she gripped the steering wheel.

"I don't need your advice on how to manage my image or my career, Anderson" He spit back at her.

"Fine. You do whatever you want. Why should I give a shit, right? You know what you're doing." she laughed bitterly. Lexie could feel angry tears threatening to form in her eyes and didn't even know why. She bit her lips trying to hold it back- she didn't want to make it all worse by crying. He crossed his arms and didn't say anything else.

The few minutes that it took her to drive to his apartment felt like hours.

As they got out of the car, he was a little less drunk- just enough to feel slightly guilty, but not enough to walk straight. Lexie was still feeling mad, but as she took in the shape he was in, she decided she would let herself feel angry tomorrow. Tonight, she needed to help him.

"Come on, let's get you home" she surprised herself and him with her gentle voice.

"I can get to my apartment just fine, you should go." he tried to argue but his slow voice betrayed him, and he found himself leaning against her shoulder for support.

"I'll go as soon as you're asleep on your bed with a bottle of water and some aspirin on your nightstand" she said, which made him chuckle.

Lexie had to almost drag him to the elevador. She was trying not to think too hard about where his body was touching hers, or that she could so clearly smell his cologne. Her heart skipped a few beats. To feel him so close to her was the best and worst kind of torture at the same time. She couldn't help but remember what had happened when she was at his apartment a few months ago.

Jenner bounced on them as soon as they went through his apartment door- it was almost enough to knock Ethan off his feet. He calmed the dog down and went straight to his bar, grabbing a bottle of scotch.

"Ethan, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked in shock.

"Just one more glass. Will you join me?" he didn't even bother using a glass and took a big gulp straight from the bottle.

"Ethan, please, just go to sleep." Lexie was almost begging him. She just wanted to get away from there, get way from him. It was too much.

She tried to reach the bottle but he dodged her. His eyes were kinda red and his hair was a mess- but he kept drinking.

“Why are acting like such an idiot today?!” she yelled in frustration, covering her face with her hands.

“Because seeing you on a date with someone else drove me fucking insane, okay?” he yelled back, feeling as shocked with his own words as she looked. She just froze.

“What?” her voice broke.

“You want to know why I’m being such an idiot? Because I can’t stand to see you on a date with someone that isn’t me. That’s why. I wanted to punch his face every time he touched your hand, or when he said something that made you laugh. But I couldn’t do it, so I just drank” his voice was a mix of anger and hurt, and every single word felt like a slap to her face. But her surprise soon was replaced by rage.

“You don’t have the right to get mad over who I go out with! You were the one who chose to act like nothing had happened between us for months, you were the one who didn’t even give us a chance! You think you have the right to feel anything when you see me with another man? Because let me tell you something: you don’t! It was your choice to walk away, it was your choice not to fight for us, it was your choice to leave me.” her voice broke and she had to stop and take a breath, trying to hold back the tears. Before he could say something, she continued “You don’t get to drink your ass off and act like a jerk when I’m doing what I can to try and get over you. I only went on date with him because you chose not to be there for me, Ethan.”

When she finally stopped yelling, the tears had found a way to spill from her eyes even if she had tried to fight them. It felt so good to get it all out of her chest, but it also hurt so fucking much. She tried to stop the tears from falling even more but she didn’t seem able to, so she simply turned back and grabbed his kitchen counter as support. She felt pathetic and weak as she literally sobbed on his kitchen.

Ethan stood frozen in place for a few seconds, letting the truth of what she had said wash over him.

"You think I don't know that? You think I haven't been missing you ever since I went back to Edenbrook?" his voice broke the momentarily silence between them. He sounded so vulnerable. "Lexie, I don't regret most decisions I've made, but I do regret letting you go."

She quickly wiped her tears and sniffed once more before turning back to look at him. Those ocean blue eyes would be the death of her. When she spoke, her voice was merely a whisper.

"So why did you?" Of course she knew why. She had gone over the reasons why on her head over and over again. He was her boss, it was complicated and unethical, blah blah blah. She knew that. But she also believed that if he really wanted to be with her like she wanted to be with him, they would find a way.

"I don't know." his mind was still foggy. At that moment, he couldn't believe he had ever let her walk away. All the reasons seemed so stupid.

"Ethan, I think I should go, I…" the tears were threatening to come back and she didn't want him to see her crying because of him again.

"Christ, this isn't a conversation I wanted to have drunk." he said more to himself than to her. He rubbed his hands over his face and took a deep breath, looking at her again. "Look, Lexie, I don't know why I let you go. I was too stubborn, I was focusing on the wrong things… I thought it was the right move when in fact it was nothing but a mistake. But you know that I never make the same mistake twice." he walked slowly to where she was- partly because he didn't want to scare her off, partly because he didn't trust his drunk legs. She was standing frozen and he gently caressed her cheek with one of his hands. "Don't leave me again. I'm sorry, Lexie. Please stay."

Her face betrayed her surprise and pain. It was all she had wanted to hear for the past months and yet she felt her heart break into a million piece. Even though everything in her mind told her to turn back and leave, she couldn't. It was a treacherous situation, but she knew she would do anything he asked her. Instead of leaving, she leaned into his touch.

He moved his head towards hers but instead of kissing her, he touched his forehead to hers, She gently removed his hand from his face and brought it to her lips, placing a soft kiss to the back of it.

"We don't have to make any promises today, okay?" she whispered and he simply nodded. She smiled and stepped back, clutching his hand on hers. She was afraid that if she let it go, he might not come back.

"Come here." She led him to his suite and as they crossed his room to go to the bathroom she tried not to think too hard about the things they had done on that bed, even if she hadn't been thinking about anything else for months.

She sat him down at his toilet turned the shower on. She stood in front of him and slowly helped him out of his clothes, letting her fingers softly graze his body as she undressed him. It wasn't a sensual touch or anything- she just needed to feel his skin under her fingertips to make sure he was real, to make sure the whole thing wasn't some kind of twisted dream.

She stood up and looked down at him: drunk out of his mind, naked, looking more vulnerable than she ever remembered seeing him, and looking up at her with those ocean blue eyes full of… something she couldn't quite place, but she knew it was a good something. She smiled down at him and reached out to run her fingers through his hair. He leaned into her touch.

"Lexie... I'm sorry I was such an ass today. I'm sorry you have to see me like this." his voice was broken. All at once, she forgot any anger she had felt that night. She only wanted to be there for him, she wanted that moment to last forever- both of them letting their feelings for each other show, standing vulnerable in his bathroom with the steam from the hot water surrounding them, making everything look almost ethereal.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. Let me take care of you now, okay?" her voice was so soft she didn't even recognize it. Ethan closed his eyes and simply nodded.She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, trying to let some of her affection for him translate into that touch. His breath caught in his throat.

She helped him get inside the shower but as she was trying to leave him- she wasn't sure of where they stood at that point, but she didn't want to push him too far- he grabbed her hand.

"Can you stay, please? Just… stay." he pleaded. Anything, she thought, I will do anything you ask me to.

"Of course. Just give me a minute okay?" she smiled at him and he nodded, sitting down on the bench on his shower wall and letting the water pour over him. She stepped out and peeled off her clothes, taking a moment to fathom the whole situation. Was it really happening?

She stepped back into the shower and smiled shyly at him. The weirdest thing was that there was no sexual energy in the air. She couldn't quite describe what was happening at that moment, but it felt almost pure. They were both vulnerable, and open, and just there. Letting go.  

They stood there in silence- he sitting on the bench, and she taking care of him- but it wasn't uncomfortable like inside the car. It was peaceful. Lexie helped him wash his hair, his body, wash away the alcohol and the regret. Suddenly, one word came to her mind: intimacy. That was what she was feeling at that moment, it was the energy surrounding them. He had literally been inside of her, but in that moment she felt closer and more connected to him than ever before. For the first time that night everything felt so simple. They could almost forget all the complications attached to their relationship. In that moment, none of that mattered.

He finally stood in the shower, facing her. She looked up at him and felt her heart skip a beat as he brushed one hand over her cheek.

"Thank you, Lexie" he whispered, then leaned down to press his forehead to hers. She knew where this was going.

"Ethan, we shouldn't..." she whispered back, her throat closing. She couldn't go through this again, she couldn't. She had said to him they didn't need to make any promises that night- but if they kissed, there was no going back for her. She didn't know what she would do if he leaned in but she also didn't know what she would do if he pulled back.

He moved his face lower and pressed a kiss to where her neck met her shoulders, making her hold back a small moan.

"I'm so sorry, Lexie. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I was an ass today. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm just sorry" he said, his voice cracking. She couldn't tell if the drops she felt on her shoulder were from the shower or his eyes.

"It's okay. I'm here" she said softly, wrapping her arms around him. His lips moved up again and slowly found hers in the most perfect kiss she could imagine. It was slow, soft, vulnerable and intimate. It wasn't a kiss like the ones they shared before. It was a quiet answer to all of their doubts.

God, she had missed those lips, those hands on her body, his taste- even if she could only taste the scotch. She had missed him.

Eventually, they broke apart. She was smiling despite of herself, but he looked serious. With their hands still around one another, she asked:

"Is everything alright?" she didn't want to admit that she was afraid of the answer. She couldn't have her heart broken by him again.

"Lexie, what is this for you?" he asked with a serious tone.

"What do you mean?"  

"This. Us."

Oh. She wasn't expecting that question right away. She searched his eyes and found that he didn't look drunk at all anymore.

"It's… I don't know, Ethan. It's not casual, that much I know. It's something I've been wanting even before we first kissed and haven't stopped wanting ever since." she admitted. She couldn't put into words exactly what they were for her, but her answer was as close as it could get. He seemed relieved.

"That's good to hear. You know me, you know these things aren't easy to me. I know this is too much to ask this soon, but I just needed to know if we are on the same page." he smiled and kissed her cheek. She was naked in the shower with him- the same man she had sex with twice- but that kiss on the cheek was what made her blush.

They took their time finish their shower; washing each other and getting lost in gentle kisses. The kind of closeness they experienced in that moment had nothing to do with sex; it felt somehow even more deep and intimate.

After Lexie dried herself and put on one of his bath robes, she went searching for her phone and found it under her clothes on Ethan's bathroom floor. There were multiple texts from Sienna; it was only then that she realized how long it had been since she told her roommate she was leaving the bar- and she never made it home. She discreetly closed the bathroom door and dialed her number. Sienna picked up after a couple of rings.

"Lexie, where the hell are you?" she sounded so concerned, which made Lexie feel guilty.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot to call you. Tonight was eventful, Sienna. But I'm fine."

"What do you mean with that? Where are you?  Why are you whispering?"

"I'm whispering because I'm in Ethan's bathroom, wearing his robe and I don't want him to hear me" she whispered furiously. There was a long silence on the other side of the call.

"Oh. Are you spending the night?" Sienna asked; Lexie could almost hear the grin on her voice.

"I think so. Yes. I'm not sure what's going on right now, but I'm fine and I have to go. I just needed to let you know that I'm alive, okay? I'll tell you all about it when I get the chance"

"Okay, sure. I'm just glad you're okay. Have fun and stay safe" Sienna said with a giggle and Lexie rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to ignore that. Bye, Sienna, I'll talk to you later" Lexie ended the call with a silly smile on her face, then returned to Ethan's room where he was waiting for her sitting on his bed, also wearing a robe.

"Who was that on the phone?" he asked with a smirk.

"You heard that, huh?" Lexie walked to the bed and laid down, propping her head on an elbow and looking at him.

"The walls are thin, and your whispers aren't as quiet as you think"

"It was Sienna. She was worried about me."

It was his time to lay down, mirroring her position and looking at her as well.

"And what did you say?"

"I told her the truth." Lexie reached between them and laced his fingers with hers. "That I'm fine and that I'm here. Is that okay?"

He gently stroked his thumb on her hand, smiling softly.

"I assumed you would have to have a conversation with Dr. Trinh and Dr. Greene after they caught me sneaking out of your room."

"Elijah pretended it didn't happen, but I did talk to Sienna. She's been there for me those months we've been apart. She knows exactly how hard it was for me when we had to end things, how hard it had been for me to even try to move on." She mentioned it casually, but his eyes filled with sorrow.

"Lexie, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you away when I should've fought for us, I'm sorry I distanced myself from you these past months. I'm mostly sorry that I hurt you." he moved his hands to her face, pushing the hair on her face behind her ear. "It kills me to hear you say how hard it's been for you and know it was my fault. But I want to fix that, okay? I’m here now.”

“Ethan, I understand why you did it. We can’t act like this isn’t complicated, because it is. But we can try to make it better, and we can try to make it work. Together.”

She closed the distance between them with a kiss that felt like a promise.

That night, they fell asleep together, naked, side by side, with a million different challenges and promises hanging between them. But, for that night, they chose to ignore everything else and just focus on the feeling of being in each other's arms once again.

---

tagging: @bryceslahelas @lahelalove @donutsgirl36 @queenkaneko @msjpuddleduck @niaellariious @flyawayboo @brightpinkpeppercorn @jlpplays1 @desiree---1986 @embarrassingsmartphonegame @mfackenthal @cerisesayeed-ramsey @chasingrobbie @a-i-n-a-a-s-h @akacalliope  @perriewinklenerdie​ @lastfirstcupcake​ @sparklinglilac @sofreakingdonewiththeworld​ @makingbadchoices​ @isabella-choices​ (let me know if you want to be added/removed from my tag list)

[trashboatprince]

There aren’t a whole lot of Radio Omens fics on ao3, or at least it’s rather hard to find content, so I’ve decided to contribute a bit. (and I decided to post it here on tumblr too, but it is on ao3 under the same title)

Best I could come up with is them having to go through The Trial from the television adaptation, cause it always confused me that both Book and Radio Omens let them get off kinda scot-free but the show decided, oh no, that’s not happening.

So, yeah, enjoy the Radio boys having to survive their trials. I mean, you know how it ends, but still.

Summery: The quiet calm of hearing nothing from Heaven and Hell was a clear sign that they were going to contact them eventually, and Aziraphale and Crowley knew they only had one chance to make sure that they get out of it without facing the worst of the worst.

Maybe a little help from a witch and the Antichrist can get them out of this impending punishment.

Warning: change to Radio canon, taking a few elements from Drama canon, does include the ending of the two living in South Downs together. There is also the hint that they’ve been a couple since Eden in this cause it’s my headcanon for this adaptation of the story, and if you listen to how they talk to one another, they clearly didn’t wait to be a couple, they just don’t admit to it cause why should they? Haha, but then again, that's just a headcanon and this is my story, so... *shrugs*

On with the fic!

--

All Tied Up with String

--

“Angel,” Crowley spoke as he stepped into the kitchen from the back door, seeing said angel sitting at the table, a cup of tea in his hand, “we have a problem.”

“Oh no, it’s that boy from the other day again, isn’t it?” Aziraphale sighed. “What did he steal from the garden this time?”

Crowley shook his head, glancing at the backdoor. He gestured for Aziraphale to follow and the man stood up, following the other out. “I scared him off, he won’t be returning. No, this is much different, much worse.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow, until he smelled something, pulling a face. It’s been a while since he’s smelled such a scent, not since the Not-Apocalypse. “Sulfur…” He whispered aloud as he approached where the demon had stopped, seeing the scorch marks on the ground.

They were a signa, Crowley’s, but this wasn’t his work. He’d never mark his garden in such a way, not even as a threat to his plants. This was a letter for him, and Aziraphale felt his blood run cold. “Hell sent you something? Don’t they usually interrupt your programs to do so?”

“Haven’t done it in months, not since that day the world was supposed to end.” Crowley growled as he knelt down, touching at the signa. He lifted his hand, dirt and grass rising with it, taking shape into that of a letter. “They aren’t bothering with the easy stuff, they sent me a letter.”

Carefully, Aziraphale stepped closer, avoiding the ground, just in case. Didn’t want to hurt his feet on ground that could be corrupted now.

“’Demon Crowley, you are to be summoned to Hell at any given point between Tuesday and Thursday. We will give you no warning except this. We do not need to give you a warning, but we like instilling the fear that one will know they are to be executed in due time. It’s a joke to us, just as you are also a joke to us.

You cannot run or hide; we will come for you.’ Oh dear…” The angel frowned. “Crowley, what will you do?”

“I have no clue, go to Alpha Centuri or something, probably. This is not good, I knew that the quiet and calm was going to end, just didn’t think it would be so soon… usually they put off this kinda thing for demons like me until later, when they remember.”

“Ah, but you are a well-known demon, my dear.” Aziraphale sighed softly, shaking his head. “You’ve made quite the name for yourself, even before Beelzebub found out you were trying to prevent the end of the world.”

“My ‘bad deeds’ always do come back to bite me in the ass, don’t they?” Crowley glowered deeply at the letter, watching it burst into flames. “The bastards ruined my garden, now nothing will grow in that spot!”

“Well, you were thinking of installing something out there anyway, maybe a nice bird bath, or even just a normal fountain.”

The dark-haired man snorted, heading for the cottage. “No, you’re the one who wanted to install something, so you had something in my garden.”

“I did let you have those detective novels added to my shelves in the reading room.” Aziraphale replied as he followed him inside. “I think it’s a fair enough-oh good Lord!” He gasped, seeing something impaled into their table.

He was quick to push Crowley back, the demon tense as he felt the gentle waves of something holy. “They found me too…” Aziraphale hissed, approaching the table.

A long, thin, golden pin, much too long to be anything like the ones Shadwell used, seemed like a hat pin, was stabbed into the table, through a letter. Carefully, Aziraphale removed it and looked at the end of the pin, where a golden design was on it. “It’s from the Archangels, this is theirs.”

Crowley hissed himself, backed up against the door. “Get rid of it, I can feel the holiness from it, it’s foul!”

Aziraphale glanced at him and waved his wrist, the pin vanishing from sight, and the demon sighed loudly, relaxing instantly. “What’s your letter say?” He asked.

“The same as yours, though not through a terribly executed joke. They are telling me that I will die sometime in the same time period as yours, but they have it as a ‘trial’ rather than an execution. Ah, I should have known, they wouldn’t let me get away with all the stuff I’ve done.”

“Stopping the Apocalypse, trying to prevent the war, getting too involved in Earth stuff…” Crowley started to count on his fingers, before smirking, “moving in with your adversary and sleeping in his bed at night, though sleeping could mean anything between us now, yes?”

He got a stare from the angel that meant for him to shut up. “Right, well… what should we do?”

Aziraphale sighed and crushed the letter in his hand. “I don’t know, I’ve never been one to be involved in the executions of angels. But… I know trials often result in punishments that are most dreadful. Falling is a problem, as is being de-ranked, and I’m already in the lowest tier of angels as it is, but there is of course… actually execution.”

“We’re not really easy to kill, angel.”

“There are ways, Crowley.” Aziraphale approached him. “Holy water for you, and you… you had some in your home for so long.”

“Since the 60s…” Crowley replied quietly. “I told you it was a good idea, having it as insurance.”

Aziraphale quietly nodded, he had seen the results of the holy water on the floor of Crowley’s flat when they came back to London after the Tadfield stuff. Crowley had explained to him what had happened, that those smears on his floor and on his desk were that of Ligur and Hastur, two demons who wanted to kill him.

“Hellfire for you.” Crowley spoke, snapping Aziraphale from his thoughts. He could see a look on the other’s face, a haunted look that passed so quickly. It’s been six months since that day, and Crowley still felt nervous about fires, thinking about the bookshop when it burned, when he thought he had lost his dearest companion to the fires of Hell cause he couldn’t sense him at all.

“That’s probably what will be used, we’ve broken so many rules, Crowley. We’ve broken the rules since 4004 B.C., it was only a matter of time before they caught onto these things, figured out about the Arrangement, about how we worked together, about…” He waved a hand about, then gestured to the two of them, “everything.”

“We don’t have much time; we only have two days to come up with a plan before the clock starts ticking.”

The angel nodded and stepped forward, leaning against Crowley, suddenly feel exhausted. “I was hoping they gave up on us. Not a word, not a letter, not a broadcast interruption in half a year, but now they decide to contact us, after we came out here, happily together in our little cottage. They know everything.”

“Still can’t believe it took them six thousand years.” Crowley replied, putting his arms around the other. “Wow, our bosses are so dumb!”

There was a loud snort before a laugh from Aziraphale. “Oh, I could have told you that, Crowley. Ah, but... what should we do?”

“Ask book girl? She still has that prophesy book, right?”

Aziraphale nodded, but then shook his head. “I’ve read through it, it says nothing about this, I’m sure. The predictions go up until the End.”

“Doesn’t hurt to ask. You never know, I bet some of those predictions were read wrong, or won’t come true until later, ya know? Cause didn’t you once tell me that Agnus Nutter’s work didn’t sell cause no one wanted predictions like the ones she gave?”

“I remember telling you that a while back, yes, on the way back to London in the stolen jeep.”

“Well then!” Crowley pulled him back, golden eyes meeting blue. “I think we should go and pester our human friends, what do you say?”

--

Aziraphale nearly jumped when the book was dropped loudly onto the coffee table in front of him, he also nearly lashed his tongue at Anathema for just dropping such a rare book like that! He decided just to give her a hard glare, but she just sat herself down, waving a hand at it. “There you go! Just as you had returned it to me!”

She then glared at Crowley who just smiled happily at her, wiggling his fingers as if waving. “Burnt and damaged.” She snipped.

“I apologized! I wasn’t really expecting my car to be completely set on fire like that! Besides, it survived, didn’t it?”

“Over three hundred and fifty years…” Anathema started, until Adam sat down between Crowley and Aziraphale, throwing open the book.

“So! What are we looking for in here?” The possibly-former-Antichrist asked as he tried to read through the old script from centuries ago.

Crowley and Aziraphale had made the drive to Tadfield and had stopped by without much of a warning at Jasmine Cottage. Anathema and Newt had been there, with Adam over because he wanted to borrow the newest issue of the New Aquarian from that month. He had gotten interested in what was going on when he heard the angel ask if Anathema knew of any prophesy meant to take place after the world was originally supposed to end.

“Anything that could do with what will save Crowley and me from dying a death worse than anything anyone in this room could ever imagine.” Aziraphale sighed as he took the book, setting it on his lap. Adam just looked away, leaning against him to do so.

“Didn’t this book, like, end when the world was ‘posed to?” He asked as he flipped a page, only for Aziraphale to flip it back.

Anathema leaned back in her seat, raising an eyebrow. “So, the forces of Heaven and Hell are really coming for you two? Why even give you guys a warning?”

“Because Heaven and Hell work like a business.” Crowley explained. “Basically, they gave us our pink slips.”

“Pink slips with the bonus message of ‘you’re going to die’, right?” Newt asked from where he stood, watching the group.

“Exactly!” Crowley smirked, but then frowning, crossing his arms. “This is serious, normally our old sides don’t usually do this sort of thing much nowadays, ain’t like it was during the days of the Old Testament, what with all the smiting and cursing, that sort of thing.”

“What we’ve done is very serious.” Aziraphale spoke up as he flipped another page, eyes scanning the writings. He frowned deeply, running a hand through his dark locks. “They’ve figured out what we’ve been doing for six thousand years, because we didn’t… really do much when it came to stopping the world’s end. That was basically you three.”

Newt tilted his head. “What have you two been doing for so long that they have to punish you?”

“Being in a relationship.” Crowley explained, only to get punched in the arm. “Ow! What the Heaven was that for!? Bless, angel, that hurt!”

Aziraphale glared daggers at him before straightening his back and tried to make himself look prim and proper, but that didn’t erase the smug look on his face as he saw Crowley rub his arm. “As my idiot friend here said, Crowley and I are in a bit of a relationship that isn’t really what angels and demons would like. We’re technically enemies, yes, but we’ve never really been enemies.”

“Not since Eden, but that didn’t last long, did it?” Adam spoke up and the two looked at him with wide eyes. “Oh, don’t look so surprised! I’m the Antichrist! I know all about you two!”

“How much do you know…?” Aziraphale asked, his face as red as Crowley’s tie.

“Just enough to know that you two like kissin’ and stuff.” He took the book from the angel and started flipping through the pages, trying to see if anything looked interesting. “Needs pictures…” He mumbled to himself, ignoring how mortified Aziraphale looked and Crowley wanting to get up and go sleep in a hole in the ground for the next three centuries.

Anathema cleared her throat. “R-right, well, I’m sure there might be something in the book. Oh, now I wish we hadn’t burnt Agnus’ second book…”

Aziraphale gasped loudly, taken out of his shock. This resulted in him and Anathema arguing about the book burning, with Newt trying to calm them both down. Crowley watched the chaos in front of him with interest, while Adam completely ignored them all.

The boy stopped on one prophesy near the end, tilting his head. “How about this one?” He asked, showing it to Crowley, as he knew he wouldn’t get the other three’s attention as easily.

Raising an eyebrow, Crowley lowered his shades as he looked over the prophesy. “’When alle is sayed and all is done, ye must choose your faces wiseley, for soon enouff ye will be playing with Fyre.’ Seems… interesting. What do you think?”

“I think…” Adam spoke, tapping his chin as if in thought, “I think you two might have to switch places.”

“What?”

“Well, this kinda reminds me of a time that me and The Them got into a bit of trouble and Brian and I both messed up but we took the blame for the other’s problem so that our parents wouldn’t punish us too badly and we’d just get a lecture from each other’s folks.”

Crowley sat there for a moment, pondering over this, ignoring the argument that was still happening, before he snapped his fingers, grinning. “Kid, I think you’re onto something! Angel, come on, we’ve got a plan!”

Aziraphale paused, mid rant, as he looked over at the demon and Antichrist. “What do you mean?”

Crowley took the book and approached the dark blond, showing him the passage. Anathema glanced over, blinking. “You think that’s meant for you two?”

“Did your ancestors ever figure out what it was for?” Newt asked.

“The notecard for it had two other ones stapled to it, no one could figure out what it meant, fit with too many things… it’s possible that it could be for you two.”

Aziraphale nodded at this. “Ah yes, I mean, Agnus did have one for me, knowing I was reading her book. She called me a foolish Principality.”

“Which you are.” Crowley replied, ignoring the look he got. “I think this is our best bet. Come along, angel, we’ve got work to do.”

He snapped the book shut, giving it to Anathema. He stepped over to Adam, giving him a thanks, before grabbing Aziraphale, pulling him along, ignoring his protests.

--

St. James’ Park was just as it always is on a day like this, beautiful, enjoyable, full of people just doing their normal things.

Aziraphale found Crowley standing in line at an ice cream vendor and he slipped over, moving to stand right the right of the man in dark clothing. He noticed that the other wasn’t really wearing his trainers today but made no comment. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Ah, same to you.” Crowley replied. “A strawberry lolly and a vanilla with a flake, yeah?”

The vendor nodded, getting their treats for them. Crowley glanced about before leaning closer to the other. “Anything at the shop?”

“Not a single feather or halo in sight. The flat?”

“Still empty, not even a burn or a note.”

Crowley took the treats, handing the ice cream cone to the more casually dressed man. “They’ll find us, they’re waiting for their moment to strike.”

Aziraphale frowned, giving his treat a taste as he stepped away, moving to walk with Crowley down a path they both knew well. “You don’t think they’re stupid enough to strike in broad daylight, do you?”

“Oh, I think they are.” Crowley sighed, almost dramatically. “They’re not subtle about things, not enough time spent on Earth to be so, what with how the texts have described our lots appearing to people in the past.”

“With too much flash and scaring the sh-” There was a muffled yelp and Crowley blinked, turning around sharply to see Aziraphale being pulled away towards a truck, used to pick up deck chairs around the park. He was suddenly bound and gagged with ropes and tape; blue eyes wide.

“S-Stop!” Crowley shouted, seeing that angels were dressed up as park employees, dragging the struggling man away.

He was shoved back by an angel he didn’t know, who smiled at him. “Best to take care of some unfinished business.”

Another suddenly appeared next to him, smiling as well. “Tied up with string, like a present.”

A blink of the eye, and they were gone, as was the truck and Aziraphale.

“N-no! Stop, give him back!” The dark-haired man shouted again, trying to find any evidence of them, only for there to be a sudden strike to head. He dropped like a rock to the pavement, his vision swimming as he looked to see a group of demons, grinning at him, dressed as humans.

“Oh… bugger.” He spoke before passing out.

--

The scent of Hell was dreadful, Crowley didn’t care much for it, never had, never will. It was so unclean, so much like the worst kinds of damp basements, with just the slightest hint of fermented shark.

He found himself standing before several high members of Hell, but only Beelzebub seemed to be the one with a voice here. The other demons, all Princes, he noted, were behind the Lord of the Flies, in their own seats, but not the throne like the terrifying demon before him was.

“Yo.” Crowley replied, giving a little salute. “How’s it goin’? Public kidnapping, I see, feels like the old days. Did we use to do that back before the fall of Rome, or am I remembering wrong?”

“Demon Crowley…” Beelzebub started, but Crowley seemed more interested in his train of thought.

“I was remembering wrong, yes, it was during the fourteenth century. Uhg, dreadful century that one was, so much death and such, disgusting. Ah, but it’s in high praises here, isn’t it? So many souls for Hell and such. Anyway, you’re putting me on trial?”

Beelzebub growled, though it sounded much more like a swarm of flies buzzing in a tin can. Crowley made a face as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yezzzz… you are on trial; do you know why?”

“Cause… I did a lot of stuff you didn’t care for?”

“Be zeriouzzzz!”

Crowley scoffed, straightening his back. “I am on trial, which I doubt is a trial, because I have made an arrangement with an angel, our enemy. I have done countless acts of both temptations and blessing because of it.” He ignored he hisses and snarls from the audience of Princes and lesser demons.

“And I have been in a relationship with the angel Aziraphale, Principality of the Eastern Gate of Eden, since Eden.” He replied. “Oh, and I killed two demons with holy water.”

This just caused more chaos from the audience, until Beelzebub turned and screamed at them to shut up. He turned and looked at Crowley, the was nothing but pure rage and disgust on his face. Crowley just stood his ground, and that only made his rage grow. “Demon Crowley, for what you have done… you will be punished.”

“I see, and I figured.” The dark-haired man replied, exposed eyes looking around. “So, what’s it gonna be? Eternity in the deepest pit? Having to be stuck continuously keeping the road of frozen door-to-door salesmen frozen, because that would suck, seeing as I’m the poor fool who made that road in the first place. Or is it going to be stuck on torture tryouts? Not really a fan of being the guy stuck having to be poked, prodded, and horrendously torn apart just to see if a new method of torture is worth it. Though I think, if I may make a suggestion, some of the stuff written own in Buddhist texts on hellish torment could be of use…”

“Zilence!” The Lord of Flies shouted, and Crowley snapped his mouth shut. “No, your punizhment will be none of that, all that will be like a walk in the park compared to what we have in mind for you. We’re going to eliminate you for good, as painfully as pozzible. Letting the punishment fit the crime.”

There was a heavy silence in the room and Crowley tensed up, smelling something, a strong sent getting close and closer. A door opened and Crowley stared at an angel, he knew them, everyone knew them. They were infamous to all demons and angels, an Archangel who also happened to be a Seraphim for having been the one to take down the ruler of demons.

“Michael.” Crowley hissed, eyes wide.

The angel Michael looked at him with a smile that was cold as the ninth circle of Hell. They didn’t say a word as they seemed to hold up a clear jug of something, the smell was obvious, so pure, so clean, something that not even an animal with the best nose in the world could pick up, but angels and demons knew it.

“Holy water…”

“The holiest.” Michael replied, smile still on their perfect face. It was then that Crowley noticed the bathtub in the room, when had that materialized? Michael approached it and tipped the jug, water pouring into it. The demons in the room gasped, keeping their distance. Crowley swallowed; hands clenched tight in his pockets.

The room was silent as Michael stood there, pouring the water in. But Crowley broke it when he looked at the angel. “How did you get roped into this?”

“We made a careful exchange, just for the occasion. Your ‘friend’ is dealing with one of yours from down here. Though, I’m sure he’s already been dealt with by now.”

“…” Crowley kept his mouth shut tight; his eyes focused on the water as it miraculously continued to pour from the vessel that clearly shouldn’t be holding that much water in it. What felt like hours was only a few minutes before the tub was full and Michael stepped away.

“I’ll return for it. And don’t worry, it’s real.” Michael spoke, dipping their fingers into the water, before flicking a bit at a demon guard who had been standing at the door, just in case Crowley tried to escape. The demon screamed, the scent of burning flesh in the air as his skin burned from just the little specks of holy water.

“… Lovely.” Crowley gulped.

“Any lazt wordz, traitor?” Beelzebub asked, looking down at him from his throne.

Crowley was quiet for a moment before loosening his tie. “Can I not do this in my suit? It’s really nice, don’t wanna ruin it, it’s still new.”

--

Aziraphale gently tugged at the ropes bound around his wrists, frowning when he felt them tighten up at the movement. Great, lovely, okay, perfect. He huffed, looking around at the polished, sterile look of the room he was in. Heaven was so terribly clean, plastic, it was like walking into a certain electronics brand store, only with a little more emotion to it.

He looked at the two figures before him, the Metatron, in all his bright, floaty glory. And an Archangel who Aziraphale really didn’t want to deal with, he was more annoying in person than he was through his stupidly stern letters and memos.

“Metatron. Gabriel.” Aziraphale greeted with his typical, smug, annoyed smile he saved for customers that he knew he’d win an argument with without too much effort.

“Aziraphale.” Gabriel replied, all prim and proper, his hair tied up without a stray hair in sight. Aziraphale wanted to punch him.

“DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE, AZIRAPHALE?” The Metatron spoke, his voice echoing even more so in the spacious room.

Aziraphale sighed loudly, rolling his eyes. “Why even ask? You know exactly why I am here, tied to a chair, which I might add is a little cliché. Also, does God know you’re doing this? Is He aware that you’ve got one of His warriors tied up?”

“Shut up.” Gabriel frowned. “And tell us why you’re here, we want to hear it from you.”

The dark blond sighed once more, flexing his fingers. “I am here because you have discovered that I have spent time with a demon, in more ways than one, especially in the biblical sense. I also tried to prevent Armageddon, performed both blessings and temptations, and I moved in with my demon.”

He got nasty looks for that last bit, but he just gave them his smug smile. “Is there anything else? I could go into excessive detail of all the things I’ve done that have really went against our so-called Heavenly doctrines, but then again, you guys have been changing those things so often it’s hard to tell nowadays, yes?”

“AZIRAPHALE, IT IS BEST YOU STOP TRYING TO FIGHT, YOU HAVE NO OPTIONS OTHER THAN DEATH TODAY.” The Voice of God spoke, staring the other down.

“I figured that was the case, not even going to delay this, yes? What is the death? Not even going to give me the option of a Fall?”

“Ha!” Gabriel grinned, narrowing his eyes. “You’d like for that, just so you could be with your demon! But that’s not going to happen, he’s probably dead now anyway!”

Aziraphale snapped his attention to the Archangel. “He’s dead?”

“Quite possibly, Hell doesn’t like to delay executions like that, especially for traitors like him. And we shall not prevent the end for you either, as you are just as much of a traitor to your kind as he is.”

There was a quiet pause from Aziraphale, closing his eyes before bowing his head. “Alright, I supposed we do not have much else to do but to accept our fates at this point, am I right?”

“YOU ARE.”

Aziraphale saw someone approach, a demon he didn’t recognize, must be a lesser one. Oh, wait, it was a disposable demon, not sure why Hell had them, but then again… yeah, no, it’s a good idea that Hell has them, or else Hell would have a lot less demons to punish for stupid reasons and for their army.

The demon was grinning, holding up a lantern, with a fire that had blue eyes widening. “Hellfire?”

“Oh yes,” The demon chuckled, too giddy about this, “from the hottest pit of Hell! The best, saved just for you!”

“Well…” He swallowed. “Guess treason gets the best of the best in terms of execution, the humans think the same with a sword to the back of the throat.”

Gabriel smiled; hands folded behind his back. “You’re right about that, you were such a smart angel, but also just a bit too stupid as well. Alright, let him have it.”

The ropes dropped suddenly and Aziraphale stood from his chair, stepping forward. The demon stood there, holding the lantern, opening the door. Aziraphale felt the heat from the fire before he turned to look at the Archangel and the Voice of God. He gave them a bright smile as he straightens out his sleeves and his bowtie.

“Well, lovely knowing you all. May we meet on a better occasion.”

“WE WON’T.” The Metatron replied. “IT’S HELLFIRE, IT WILL DESTROY YOU ABSOLUTELY AND UTTERLY AND FOREVER.”

“Now shut your stupid mouth and die already.” Gabriel smiled brightly, but it was strained.

Aziraphale stood there, giving a shrug, before the hellfire in the lantern suddenly flew out, engulfing the man in its flames.

--

The Princes and lesser demons watched on in horror at the sight before them, at the water that spilled over the edges of the old, dirty tub, of the pleased humming from the figure who sat inside of it.

They stared in pure terror as Crowley, pleased as peaches, relaxed in the holiest of holy waters. He was down to his boxers and a tank top, and, oddly enough, his socks. In one hand was a book, one he had been meaning to finish reading, the other flicking water about as he hummed a merry tune to himself.

“What is he doing…” One Prince asked his brother, trying to keep away from the drops of water that were flicked in their direction.

“I don’t know.” Beelzebub replied, eyes wide. “But he’z gone native!”

“Ah, this book is so good!” Crowley said with a pleased tone to his voice. “I’d recommend it to you lot, but I doubt any of you would appreciate Paradise Lost, you know?”

The door opened and Michael made their return. “I’m here for the…” Their bright eyes looked at the relaxing figure in the bath. “Oh Lord.”

Crowley glanced over, blinking, before grinning. “Michael! My good angel, would you be a dear and miracle me up a towel, that’s a good feather brain.” He chuckled when the angel handed him a fluffy towel that suddenly appeared in their hands.

Carefully, Crowley shifted, and the book vanished from his fingers as he looked at the demons and the lone angel. “I think that was one of the best baths I’ve ever had.” He commented, smiling happily.

He got out of the bath, rubbing himself down with the towel, miraculously becoming perfectly dry as it passed over his skin. He finished and stood there, looking at the scared and uncomfortable crowd.

“Well then,” His smile was smug, nearly cat-like, “I bet you’re thinking to yourself ‘if he can handle this, what else can he handle? What can his angel do?’”

There was a silence in the air, and he shrugged, moving to get dressed with a snap of his fingers, once more in his dark clothes, straightening up his red tie. “I think it would be for the best if we are left alone in the future. Don’t you?”

Beelzebub and Michael both silently nodded as Crowley flashed them a grin, putting his shades over his eyes, stepping towards the door, dropping the towel on the Archangel’s shoulder.

“Beautiful! Just lovely! Well then, so long!”

--

The Metatron, Gabriel, and the lesser demon stared in shock and terror as Aziraphale stood in the fire without any trouble, in fact, it almost appeared as if he was enjoying it as one would enjoy a nice, hot shower after a long day.

He cracked his neck and turned to look at them. He smiled before throwing back his head and spewing hellfire at the two celestial beings, who were quick to back away in fear. Gabriel yelped when his suit nearly caught on fire.

Aziraphale smirked, his grin almost devilish.

“HE’S… NOT ONE OF US ANYMORE.” The Metatron spoke, his echoing voice nearly shaking.

Gabriel nodded numbly and gestured for the demon to close the door for the lantern. The fires died quickly and Aziraphale stood there, gently dusting soot off of his shift and coat. “Luckily for you, this didn’t burn.” He commented, his cold, blue eyes on the two angels.

He then brightened up and chuckled. “It seems that not even Heaven’s strongest punishment can work on me, how interesting. So, what happens now?”

“WE HAVE NO CHOICE… BUT TO LET YOU GO.”

“Smart move there.” He adjusted his bowtie once more, stepping away from the three as he made his way for the elevator, throwing a hand up over his shoulder with a small wave. “Ciao!”

The elevator dropped down to the main floor, just as the elevator next to it rose up to the same floor. Aziraphale stepped out of his, turning to look at Crowley who was walking with a relaxed swagger, turning to face his companion.

“Now that was playing with fire.” Aziraphale said in a tone that was not his usual one.

“Seems you were right.” Crowley replied, his voice lighter in tone, the smile on his face like that of a cat that ate the canary.

--

They found themselves on a bench in Berkeley Square, keeping an eye out for anyone who was not human. Crowley sat, straight back and rather proper, hands on his lap. Aziraphale was to his left, leaning back, a leg crossed over the other.

“Do you think they’ll leave us alone for good now?” Aziraphale asked, looking at the man sitting next to him.

“Hmm… at a guess, they’ll pretend it never happened.” Snake eyes looked around. “Right, anyone looking?”

Aziraphale shook his head after a quiet pause, holding out his hand. “Nobody. Right, swap back then?” He smirked as Crowley took his hand and the world around them froze.

It took just seconds in that frozen bubble for Crowley’s clothes to change to that of a tan coat, tartan bowtie, and a blue shirt and tan pants. His dark locks changing to dirty blond, styled much differently. The face was completely different, and the eyes were much more human-like in appearance.

Aziraphale’s own clothing choice became black, with the bowtie becoming a crimson tie, his dress shoes now dirty, red trainers. His hair was black, slicked back, and blue eyes became those of a snake.

They were themselves once more, no longer wearing the faces of their counterpart. Crowley cracked his neck as Aziraphale shook himself out, reaching up to remove the dark shades from his face, handing them to the demon. “Why’d you make me wear dress shoes?” Crowley asked, happy to be in his more comfortable pair.

“Because I have standards, and I didn’t want to wear those old things.” Aziraphale replied as time started up again.

Crowley shrugged, scooting closer, wrapping an arm around the angel. “Right, well, now that we aren’t dying today and we are back in London… might I tempt you to a spot of lunch?”

Aziraphale looked at him, chuckling. “Hmm… well, temptation accomplished! Ah, you know what, I do suspect that a table for two just opened up at the Ritz, my who expected that! Must be a miracle!”

He rose from the bench, taking Crowley’s hand as the two of them walked down the path to make their way to their favorite place. Today calls for a celebration, neither of them died, Heaven and Hell fear them, and they know they’ll be left alone to live out their immortal lives without the trouble of nosy bosses.

And what better way than a date at the Ritz.

END

--

I made a few minor changes to the trials, simply because I really didn’t want to write for a lot of characters, and because I took some inspiration from the script book for it.

I also really like how much more cocky and snarky Radio Aziraphale and Crowley are, they really are that smug, especially Aziraphale.

I should note that I kept mentioning Aziraphale as a dirty blond, or a dark blond, cause I really can’t tell what color his hair is! I’ve seen pictures of his actor and some images have dark hair, others have a lighter tone, I know it’s the lighting, but it’s the same thing as Michael Sheen’s eyes being hazel/blue/gray in different lights, so for the sake of Good Omens... he’s got dark blond hair, nearly brown.

Thanks for reading! 

Also, one-shot and drabble requests are always opened on my tumblr, and if you send me a prompt, especially for these two, I’ll see what I can do.