#my favorite thing on earth actually is making ms paint cartoons but

[cartoon-skeleton]

some of the shenanigans the unicorns were up to were straight up cartoonish in nature. the long lost documentary should be reformatted to cartoon format to reflect this. thats just my vision. because im a visionary

[monkey-network]

Two Cent Riffs: The Heist/The Zoo

#SlyandSteady #HolyBlueAgate #CanIFeedTheAnimals?

Previously on Steven Universe Z Kai...

Julien: I swear to god. That’s look like a butt plug! Am I just imagining things?!

Now, on with the show! Roy: What about the latest episode? Julien: What latest episode?

Julien: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Steven U’s cute girls NOT KISSING! I’m your host, Julien Wright, and with me is the editor-in-chief and co-host, Roy Macintosh of Monkey Network. Roy: Thank you, J. It’s a pleasure to see such a progressive LGBT+ show where we have cute girls NOT KISSING. While Yuri on Ice outdid this series by a long shot, this is still a great anime to see and I’m glad to still be on board even when Cartoon Network is treating this show like shit. Julien: Thanks, man. Stay tuned for more as we see cute girls NOT KISSING.

Roy: WHAT is your favorite color?! Julien: Whatever these two are supposed to be. hmmmm B))))))))))))

Julien: Man, look at this Mickey Mouse head ass, ol’ blockhead chin ass, head looking like a wirehanger, shoulders squared bitch ass. Roy:.............I get it, dude. Soft and Wet was a great song. Julien: I SHOULD HAVE DOWNLOADED IT WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!!! [tears run] I’m gowing to teh curnah.

Roy: Okay, how many wanna bet Amethyst’s cover was blown over a fart joke? Julien: That is offer I don’t want to refuse.

Julien: But you know? If she had the voice of Rarity from My Little Pony, I would love her a whole lot more. Random asshole: HAAAAAA! Brony. Julien: [WHACK!] Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you over the sound of me knocking your ass out. Also, free icons.

Roy: Tell me, Mr. Wright. Does it still look like a butt plug? Julien: Yes. I feel like it’s slowly coming my way. About to thrust itself toward me to places I never knew it could reach. Roy: I see. How did this thought came to be? Julien: It all started when I was knew I was gay. In Elementary school.

Julien: She’s channeling her inner Saitama. Random asshole: HA! You still remember One Punch Man? What a weeaboo. Roy: [WHACK!] Oh, I’m sorry. Couldn’t hear you over the sound of shutting your ass up. Julien: My soft and wet. [Purrs] 

Roy: What if Ruby was actually right about a explosion happening and Sapphire couldn’t even forsee this? Julien: Sapphire’s mind would be blown away by this and they would bang harder than grindstone when they get home. Roy: You know fusion is not really an allegory for sex, right? Julien: Who said anything about them fusing?

Roy: Gotta love Ruby’s eternal flame of effort. Julien: It’s the Thousand Year Door!

Julien: Okay, who farted?! Roy: Do gems even have buttholes? Julien: They don’t need to eat, so I guess not Roy: Then why possess butts in the first place? Julien: Rated G fan service from the crew.

Roy: I love how the Peridot waits for Steven to strip his pants. Julien: Peridots are snobbish voles, but they can be patient.

MONKEYCHEESE!

We got nothing. A hug is worth posting.

Julien: What’s the dude on the right’s look for? Roy: He dreams of getting the bits. Julien: MMMMMMMMMMMWAH! Goodnight everybody!

Roy: So wait. They created Genetically Modified Fruit?! Julien: Only in fiction are they making real life look like shit.

Julien: Now hold up. I understand Rose and quartz like her were responsible for keeping the Zoo under Pink Diamond’s rule. What I don’t know is why? Fusion? That can’t be right because they should’ve know by now humans can’t fuse. A tourist attraction? Well that can’t be because it looks more like a lab than an actual zoo. So what then? Roy: Maybe Pink Diamond thought they could be her toys? Julien: What are you--

Roy: The reason for this? Julien: Uh, RueBeepBoop? “Yes, Major. ”Do the thing.

Julien: And there you go.

Julien: XD Look at these cute monkey people Roy: I can’t believe you just “XD”ed. Julien: I can’t believe it’s not butter.

Roy: Everybody loves Greg Julien: Lucky bastard.

Julien: They were never taught about rejection, were they? Roy: Who could teach them that? You? Julien: I was thinking you could, but you never try anyways.

STEVE! STEVE! STEVE OF THE JUNGLE! STRONG AS HE CAN BE!

WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!

also, butt shot.

Roy: My god. I don’t think any of them are the same. Julien: Which is weird since they’re using basic colors of MS Paint.

Julien: You know, I say Amethysts and Jaspers are the best class in this caste system. Roy: Buff as fuck? Love as strong as their spirit? Julien: You know it.

Julien: OH NO! It looks like Steven has been caught red handed. What is the Amethyst going to do to them? Is this rescue mission over so soon? What will happen to the people in the Zoo? Do gem have buttholes? What’s happening on Earth with Connie, Peri, Lazuli, and the people of Beach City? Roy: Who cares? Julien: Correct! 

              Stay tuned. Same Bat Time. Same Bat Blog.

TO BE CONCLUDED...