#my favorite being when she tells her ln the season 2 finale that “not splitting up this time” and he smile and agree

[snarkylinda]

remember when JJ told Spencer 'stop being you'... pepperidge farms remembers.

Oh yeah that was the moment why I can't ship them tbh. Like it was not said on a fit of sudden rage and then later regretted or smth, it felt too....cruel for no reason. And again of his response was an something mean back I could say "oh there they go, the most unmature members of the team again" but no, his response was an "I can't" and hers was a "yes, you can"... And that was never rectified or anything BRO. Good thing you love that man Ms. Jareu- just not when he is being himself I guess. You could had said you found him hot instead, y'know?

[aros001]

First time read through light novel vol. 13. Random thoughts.

Alright, finally got access to this book and can read it. What happened last time?

She was the one who had slain the six Witches now gathered once again in this place. She was the worst of calamities, and one who had nearly destroyed the world.

—This shadow was the Witch of Jealousy.

OH RIGHT THAT!

Also, just some forewarning, I have not yet seen season 2...in part due to my own ignorance. See, when I started reading through the LNs, I was going to wait until season 2 was up to 25 episodes like the first season before I watched it. I never bothered to look and see that season 2 was going to be split in two halves, with the second coming out soon. So I figure after I'm done with the two most recent LNs, then I'll watch the season, wherever it's at currently.

“Also, get it right. We’re not mad at Tella. But we are mad at the Witch. And y’see, Typhon likes Tella, so...”

“Tella... You mean Satella? That’s...the name of the Witch of Jealousy, ain’t it...?”

“...To put it in simple terms, the world remembered Satella as the Witch of Jealousy. However, what was not recorded in history was that Satella had a type of personality disorder.”

...

“—Something like a split personality? That would mean Satella and the Witch of Jealousy are...”

“Perhaps it would be clearer to say that she absorbed a Factor that was incompatible with her, causing a mental abnormality that ultimately created the Witch personality within Satella...not that I personally have any inclination to distinguish between the two.”

Well, that's certainly an interesting bit of info. It would explain why Satella's ways of showing her love tend to be so horrific.

“If I didn’t do anything, what would have changed? Wouldn’t we just end up with horrible futures? If not me, then who?! Who else could’ve gotten this far?!”

Obviously the context is quite different but Subaru's sounding a lot like Light when he was finally caught at the end of Death Note (uh...spoilers):

"Somebody has to do this and when I first got that notebook all those years ago I knew I had to do it. No, I was the only one that could. I understood that killing people was a crime. There was no other way the world had to be fixed. A purpose given to me. Only I could do it. Who else could have done it and come this far! Would they have kept going?!"

I suppose you could make the argument both are just trying to self-justify their actions and play the martyr.

“—I...love you. Because you...gave me light. Because you took my hand, and you taught me about the world outside. Because...when I trembled on lonely nights, you never stopped holding my hand. Because when I felt lonely, you kissed me and said that I wasn’t alone. You gave me so many things... That’s why I love you. Because you...you gave me everything.”

I'm suspecting either time-travel shenanigans or reincarnation shenanigans. I'd like to think it isn't just a case of mistaken identity and Satella dragged Subaru into all this because she genuinely believes he's someone he's not, but I suppose even that could be made to work with a good enough story. I don't really have any real preference on what I think it should be, other than I'd like to know how Al fits into all this. It only occurred to me recently that he didn't know who Rem was upon meeting her and only knew about Ram and that might have had something to do with her getting erased from memory later on, like he came from earlier in the future and didn't realize until he's suddenly faced with the sister of someone he'd only known to be an only child.

What did she say to him just then? After a momentary, silent pause, Jealousy spoke to Subaru.

“—Don’t cry. Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t suffer. Don’t...make such a sad face.”

...

“What happened in the second Trial...? What did you see...?”

Jeez, this is such a good series for someone's mental health and wellbeing (ironically). Subaru was shown all those timelines the aftermath of when he died, and in almost all of them he saw that there was someone who mourned him. He focused so much only on that he'd made them sad and clearly not enough on the fact they were sad because he was gone. His life had value to others beyond just being a coin he could use for RBD. He thinks he has no value outside of the results he produces with RBD but one of my favorite sections of the story is still his final loop during the mansion arc. RBD allowed him to figure out there was going to be a curse killing everyone but he accomplished so much during that loop beyond that. He and the others discovered the shaman. They saved the kids. He survived his mauling and he and Ram went to save Rem. His big heroic moment of standing up to the shaman was one where he could not allow himself to die, otherwise Rem and Ram would never be able to get away, so he fought and was determined to live. Most importantly, he saved Rem by breaking through the complex she'd been holding onto for so much of her life while fully admitting he knew f**k all about what caused it for her. He managed to help her simply because that's something he could do. RBD has given him info and additional insight but it's still Subaru himself who's managed to do so much good and touch so many without needing to suffer and die to do it. Hell, he has even fixed things he thought couldn't be undone. His relationship with Emilia seemed over after their parting in Arc 3 and RBD wouldn't take him back to before he messed everything up. He managed to earn his way back to her side and it wasn't by killing the White Whale or Petelgeuse. He has people who love and care about him and it was Subaru Natsuki, not Return by Death, that made them feel such ways.

“I...don’t know who you are. I don’t know why you told me you love me...and I don’t know the meaning of...you telling me that I saved you.”

“—Ah.”

“But it’s still a fact that you saved me by giving me Return by Death. It’s also true that I’ve relied on it to get me this far.”

“ ”

“To me, Return by Death is...one choice, I suppose?”

“ ”

“And you’re telling me...not to depend on it, but to love myself...right?”

“ ”

“I’m not saying it’s as cut and dry as that. —But there’s no mistaking that you gave me Return by Death because you don’t want me to die.”

That was why...

“Just like you said, I’m going to...try loving myself, just a little more. I’ll take better care of myself. I don’t know what’ll happen because of it, but that’s fine.”

“...It’s all right?”

“Yeah...compared with death, it ain’t nothin’.”

I'M NOT EVEN PAST THE FIRST CHAPTER YET! THIS IS SO F**KING GOOD!!!

“And someday—you will come to kill me, yes?”

Well, f**k.

“—I will save you. You’ll see.”

Attaboy, Subaru.

He recalled how at the Witch’s Tea Party, he had confessed his true desire of not wanting to die. He confessed, too, his greed: His desire to be with the people precious to him was just as strong as his desire to protect them.

And how he yearned to know if the people important to him thought he was something precious to them.

“Who’d have thought you’d be the first one to tell me? —Thanks, Patlash.”

Rem: "Are you freakin' serious?"

Jokes aside, I get what this part meant and I loved it. Again, this is so good for someone's mental health because of course Subaru would have some lingering worries about whether those he loves do actually love him too. He was literally suicidal over it and developing a complex, something that's not easy to get over completely, so he really needed that reassurance.

Also, Subaru's words to Otto remind me a little of something he'd said to Rem about how much Ram cares about her. RBD gives him a variety of perspectives and it's really sweet sometimes what he takes away from those past lives. He knows despite Otto's words that he wouldn't leave him and run (except for the very first time with the White Whale) and he knows how devastated Ram would be over Rem's death (when she can remember her).

“—But of course, for it is I who contracted the assassins to attack the manor.”

—He had just confessed that the mastermind of the incident, the one pulling the strings of the tragedy at the mansion, was none other than Roswaal himself.

When I had first started watching Isekai Quartet, and thus was introduced to the Re:Zero cast, I only knew the basic plot description of the series and thus has made a prediction to myself that Roswaal, this weird magic clown dude, was the one behind Subaru's RBD and the threats he faced in his series. Never did I expect to eventually discover I was half right. Obviously it's been shown that he's been manipulative, from setting things up for Subaru to be allowed into the Royal Selection to this arc's last loop where he admitted he made the villagers afraid of Emilia and drove her into a corner. But this is definitely another level. Subaru even speculates Roswaal was behind his and Emilia's very first meeting, and with the Book of Knowledge guiding him that's certainly not hard to believe.

It's a great scene between the two and weirdly the scariest it gets is when Roswaal is assuring Subaru he doesn't hate him, having been genuinely thrown off by the suggestion . He genuinely believes in these horrors and insanities he's putting into motion.

“Wh-whaddaya mean you can’t...this is just something other people forced onto you!”

“Even so, I’m the one who decided to do it. I have my own goal, and I have to work hard to achieve it...that’s why I’m here right now. I don’t want to make excuses.”

Throughout the LNs I have really enjoyed the parallels the story draws between Subaru and Emilia. The exact details are different but Subaru's words apply to himself even if he doesn't realize it, just as Emilia's resolve is little different from his own.

I somewhat get where Subaru is coming from for why he doesn't ask others for help. After his experience with the White Whale and Witch Cult and being able to get no one to help during the first couple of loops, it's understandable why he'd focus so much on needing proof or being able to make a better case for himself, thus why he only asked Echidna and Roswaal for help, as they know about RBD and thus would know his words are true. But what Otto is headbutting into him is the same thing Rem had showed him when he asked her to run away with him, or that Julius and Ferris showed when he claimed Petelgeuse could hop bodies after death. Proof and a case are good for when dealing with people who hardly know him but he DOES have friends who trust him and that he's already proved himself to. Even if he can't explain how he knows what's to come, they trust him enough to believe he's not crazy or trying to lead them to harm. Flip things around, how much proof would Subaru demand out of Emilia, Otto, or any others he's close to before he'd lend them a hand if they asked?

“What about you, Roswaal? You’re not gonna sulk about your schedule going a little out of whack, now are you? Do you have the guts to push yourself a little for the sake of your successor?”

“...What a roundabout and deeeeply interesting turn of phrase. For the sake of my successor, you say?”

Ram: "Beg pardon?"

Seriously, what has to be going through Ram's head hearing talk like that? Roswaal's successor? Out of context there's the implication someday Subaru will be picking up wherever Roswaal leaves off, presumably inheriting a few things from him, and thus Ram will be taking orders from Subaru.

Back on topic, while it's hard to call Roswaal an outright villain, I do love a good protagonist/antagonist showdown and that bet declaration was freakin' palpable. If Subaru fails to save Sanctuary and the mansion, he'll do whatever Roswaal says, in any life or loop. If Subaru manages to save both, Roswaal throws aside the book whose future predictions he's trying to make come true and fully aid Emilia in becoming king. It's a real clash of wills, with Roswaal even being a good sport about it and giving a three day warning. That they're both doing it with smiles and seemingly no intention from either of them to cheat or not be good to their word makes it feel a lot more tense and exciting.

As I get older I notice I tend to have less and less patience for, what I call, "edgelord nonsense" and more and more appreciation for stories that understand the difference between just having mature elements and actually being mature. All the death, suffering, and horrors Subaru goes through makes the series dark but it's how the story uses such things for character exploration and growth that makes Re:Zero mature. Like his relationship with Julius, Subaru doesn't need to like Roswaal or forgive him for what he's done, similarly with Echidna and Garfiel, but he can put his feelings aside to work towards what's actually important. A couple volumes ago I praised the LN for acknowledging how the biggest gift to Subaru and weight off of him was simply being able to tell Echidna about everything that'd happened to him, something he'd never been able to do with anyone else. Now, we have the best thing Subaru can do for Emilia being for him to just ask her about what the tomb's challenge of her past is putting her through. No need for making deals with devils and witches like Roswaal and Echidna. Just be someone she can lean on and let her get stuff off her chest.

“So the memories you see in the tomb are from before you were frozen...and the forest was frozen when...?”

“Apparently, it was about a hundred years ago.”

“I see, a hundred yea...eh, a hundred years?”

...Is Emilia the Avatar?

“I...kept growing physically while I was inside the ice. That’s why, right after I woke up, it was like being in another person’s body, enough to make me trip and slip up all over the place...”

No, she's Lion-O!

—Emilia was a hundred and fourteen years old, eighteen years old going by outward appearance, and mentally, fourteen years of age.

The mental age somewhat concerns me. I suppose she has commented sometimes on viewing Subaru somewhat younger than he is, such as 12 instead of 17, but that definitely makes the idea of being in a romantic relationship with her somewhat shaky.

“I made a promise with Roswaal.”

His breath caught. That one phrase, promise with Roswaal, sent a shudder through him.

What kind of promise had Emilia, tormented by loneliness in the forest, made with the devil that was Roswaal?

“He made me hold the crest he had...after he made sure the Dragon Jewel was glowing, he spoke about the royal selection, but, I didn’t understand a single thing about the Kingdom of Lugunica.”

Of course she didn’t. There was no way a girl who had lived in the forest since infancy would know about the outside world. So just how had Roswaal lured Emilia out of the forest? That was—

“To me, who understood nothing, Roswaal said this. —If you are able to gain the throne, surely your wish to melt the forest’s ice shall be granted.”

“ ”

Subaru imagined his seething blood blotting his entire vision red.

Roswaal had used Emilia’s pure, innocent wish to lead her out of the forest. That Emilia held the qualifications to join the royal selection was probably written in the book of knowledge.

Not because he held any hopes for Emilia, but merely so that he might add the strongest card fated to appear under Emilia—a card named Subaru Natsuki—to his own deck.

That's a hell of a bomb to drop. It also makes me curious (especially if it's something that was mentioned and I've forgotten about) if Roswaal's acquisition of Rem and Ram was somewhat similar. That the book directed him to take them in either because of how they'd someday tie in to Subaru or something else he wanted.

But jeez, yeah. More of Roswaal being a manipulative monster. While Emilia obviously was too innocent or ignorant to know what was really going on, I'd have to assume Puck would have been at least somewhat suspicious, if not outright seeing through what Roswaal was up to. So was he in on the plan too, perhaps with his own agenda attached? Or maybe he was unable to stop Emilia? Like her mind was too made up for him to keep her from accepting the deal or Roswaal came at a time he knew Puck would be asleep in his crystal to recharge and thus wouldn't be able to interfere.

Of course she had failed. The past was something you regretted, but could not change. There was no way to win against regret.

Stuff like this really does make the past trial Subaru faced even better. Yeah, he regretted his past and couldn't change what'd happened. But he could still move forward from that point of regret. Accept the past and still try to be the person he wants to be; Rem's hero, Emilia's knight, and his parents' son.

Something I've noticed for me as I've been reading these light novel series is my varying interest in the action scenes. Obviously action tends to be more captivating in anime because it's animated. You're getting to see it as opposed to it being explained to you what's happening. Rising of the Shield Hero is a series I quite like but some of its action scenes can feel a little dull in the LNs because there's so much happening and it can be very power-level based. Looks great in animation but somewhat lacking while reading, which is why my favorite fights involved the characters countering each other or bringing back tactics or information they'd learned prior to give them an edge.

All the other LN series I've been reading don't tend to have the same problem. With Overlord, all the main characters are supposed to be completely overpowered, so the point of a fight isn't to see if they can win but rather how insurmountable a wall the Nazarick forces are for the new worlders and the effect such beings have on the world. In Konosuba, the fights are much more comedic, keeping them entertaining even when not action-packed. In Goblin Slayer everyone has very consistent power levels and the battles are more about tactics, prep, and planning, which is more interesting to read about than just a clash of swords. And here in Re:Zero, we have characters like Subaru and Otto where it's made quite clear they have absolutely NO CHANCE of beating most enemies in an actual fight, so their action scenes are less a clash of powers and more about how these people with nothing manage to squeak out a win against such impossible odds through wit, trickery, tactics, and experience from the hardships they've been through. Garfiel could easily kill Otto, that much has been made very clear throughout the various loops. Otto managing to hold Garfiel off, stall him, and even pickpocket him in spite of that is far more interesting to read about than a straight-up fight would be between Garfiel and someone more his equal.

And speaking of Otto, that's a hell of a backstory. I enjoy peace and quiet, so growing up with that much constant noise would be maddening. And then years later some dude getting the idea in his head for some reason that his girlfriend had cheated on him with Otto and then Otto getting beaten up by the man and then nearly killed by assassins sent by the girlfriend AFTER he discovered the truth that she'd actually been with seven other men, none of whom had been Otto. No wonder he's friends with Subaru. They most suffer through intense misfortune, some of which caused by their own social cluelessness.

The blessing had made Otto temporarily distance himself from his family’s love, created a chasm between him and many friends, and had landed him in predicaments others could not comprehend. He bore the suffering of not being able to convey to others words known only to him. He had become resigned to this, which eventually coalesced into despair he felt toward himself.

—This was the same anguish Subaru had harbored before revealing his troubles to Otto.

I suppose that is another thing for Subaru to realize and why he had such trouble asking a friend for help without proof of his claims. People aren't static beings. Otto's existence doesn't just begin and end at "timid merchant" any more than Subaru's does "Boy who loves Emilia". People have their own histories and troubles they've had to deal with. Otto's own, the life he'd had before he'd even even met Subaru, allowed him to near perfectly sympathize with what Subaru was going through. Like with Rem's past making her feel the need to compare herself to her sister and make up for her guilt to the point she nearly has a breakdown, people around Subaru have existences outside of him and those existences can have them more than understand the problems he faces when he brings them to their door.

“Hah! To be honest, Ram cannot understand why he expects so much of Barusu, either. Barusu is weak, useless, and his talent is insufficient even for pouring a single cup of tea. My opinion is the same as yours, Garf.”

“That is going too far......though, on second thought, perhaps not...”

“But when he is most needed, Barusu is a man with oddly good timing.”

Ignoring Otto’s nervous attempt of support, Ram maintained a casual tone as she made that firm declaration.

Her words made Otto widen his eyes, and Garfiel grimace.

“It’s timing. A man who’s there when you need him. That is Barusu.”

Even though, in normal times, he was a useless man with seemingly no redeeming features whatsoever, the human being named Subaru Natsuki was a man who was mysteriously at exactly the time and place you wanted him.

There was nothing attractive about him, and he was without a single shred of charm as a member of the opposite sex. Ram didn’t understand what part of him was any good; indeed, she found him irritating. —When was it that...? At the moment, it didn’t matter.

I'm being reminded of when one of Genie's suggested compliments for Aladdin to give Jasmine is that she's punctual. Also, I'm guessing the memory Ram's having trouble with regarding Subaru was when they faced off against the shaman and other dogs because that event heavily involved Rem.

It occurs to me that, since it's taking place inside her tomb, Subaru and Emilia's shouting match has got to be one hell of a show for Echidna. I'm just imagining her silently munching down on popcorn as she's captivated by the whole thing (though I suppose those little tea cakes would probably be more accurate, huh?).

I've made it no secret that I ship Subaru with Rem more than I do Emilia. Obviously, as I figure Emilia is the main love interest, I do try not to have a bias against that pairing. Stuff like this funny enough does help me like the two of them together a little more. A shouting match, of all things, but I think the big part of why it works is because it's honest. Part of what held the two back as a pairing for me was because they felt a little impersonal towards each other. Like there was this wall of formality between them; neither getting too close to the other as to not upset or lose the other. Heck, Subaru references something like that earlier in the book regarding why he didn't asked Emilia about her past or the trial before, because he didn't want to see the scars. Here though? They're yelling and airing all their honest feelings, positive and negative alike, and Subaru basically saying "Yeah, everything that's been happening does make you look sad and pathetic and weak and so much else but it doesn't matter because I love you, you idiot! And stuff like that isn't going to make me stop loving you!" It's funny how much different it is from Rem's confession to him but it fits his character more to do it like this, and more importantly it's not him just copying Rem because it's what worked for her to help pick him up out of his lowest moment. It's Subaru genuinely learning from and understanding what Rem did for him and thus why he's able to get through to Emilia. If I'm going to want two people to be together romantically, I shouldn't feel like those two are having to hide parts of themselves or walk on glass around the other. Their shouting match is Subaru and Emilia showing their truest selves to each other and being as honest as possible and I like that. It's a massive step forward in their relationship.

Hang in there. Do it. You may not know how or why, but if you stand and run, you’ll get somewhere.

—The inside of his chest was hot.

“Isn’t that right, Garfiel...?!”

He called out the name of the small-looking man before him, eyes swaying weakly.

—The inside of his belly burned.

“Isn’t that right, Emilia...?!”

He called out the name of the girl watching them from behind, the one who was sandwiched between weakness and the threshold of something yet unknown.

—Something from the back of Subaru’s eyes flooded out.

“Hey—isn’t that so, Rem?!!”

He called out the name of the one who’d made him lift his face, open his mouth, open his eyes wide, and stand tall.

The one who had taught him that even when your feet were stopped in surrender, that didn’t mean it was over.

Subaru Natsuki desperately wished for the power she had given him then to somehow reach all the others.

I am such a filthy f**king shipper. I have the biggest smile across my face right now.

Having closed his eyes to so many things and averted his eyes from the future, he could not face Subaru; hence, he had not noticed.

—That where he leaped, invisible hands were waiting.

“This new move sure gives off a bad impression.”

That's probably not good. On the positive side, maybe this means Subaru will eventually be able to "fly" around like Petelgeuse could, all curled up in a ball.

Ram giving a lap pillow is not something I expected in this, or any, lifetime.

I'll be honest, start of this arc, I wasn't expecting much from Garfiel, but I really like what the story's done with him. Beyond just Subaru bringing him down to his level so that they could have a "fair" fight (nice little victory against the non-present Roswaal regarding how the strength Subaru borrows from others helped him beat an impossible obstacle (again)), but his issues regarding his mother and Sanctuary are genuinely compelling. The audience goes from thinking he simply hates his mother for abandoning him to his despairing confession that the trial showed him she died nearly as soon as she left. There's him reverting to beast form because his conscious mind can't bring himself to kill. There's his whole inability or unwillingness to move forward. And then there's his great lines where he finally admits he wants to be wanted. I'm really feeling for the guy.

Also, for whatever reason I really enjoy the dynamic of someone serving proudly under someone they know they're way stronger than, because they respect them that much. I look forward to seeing what happens with "General" Subaru.

“Well, I went inside, okay? So I was in the back there, too...”

“Ahh, so you were.”

“That’s why I saw. The, uh, product of all the general’s hard work.”

Huh?

“N-nooooo...! I forgooot! I mean, I mean... I didn’t expect you’d actually go into the tomb yourself...s-so, if you went in, you...aaaahhh!”

Covering his face with both hands, Subaru squirmed as he fell on the spot.

Shame. Shame strong enough to want to die. Few were the souls who could live with so much shame. That moment, he detested Garfiel, perhaps hating him more than when they’d come to deadly blows.

Uh...

As he rested, exposed to lukewarm gazes, Subaru prayed for Emilia’s good fortune, simultaneously praying that she would not notice the “graffiti” he had left behind.

Now that someone else had seen them, those little love letters had become quite a farce.

UHHHH-!

The pictures were the adorable Pucks that Subaru had drawn many times before. The drawings of Puck had various expressions on them, and surrounding these were writings in I-script, as if they were written by little children.

“Hang in there, you can do it.” “Puck and I are both cheering you on.” “Once this is done, let’s go on a date.” “I’m counting on you, Emilia.” “I love you. That’s why I believe in you.”

“Idiot...idiot, idiot, idiot... Subaru, you...dunderhead.”

Oh, thank god. My mind went to a WAY different place when they started talking about graffiti and shame and "love letters" and I am so happy I was wrong.

“—My name is Emilia...just Emilia. The Freezing Witch who hails from the Great Elior Forest.”

Emilia could tell that naming herself rubbed the Witch the wrong way.

Privately satisfied with that reaction, Emilia jabbed a finger toward the Witch, seemingly shooting right through her into the sky.

“Another Witch’s malice will not affect me. —I am a troublesome woman like that.”

Oooooooh, Emilia is pissed at Echidna for hogging all the fans during season 2 and she's not gonna put up with it anymore. Seriously, this series knows how to end on good cliffhangers, which ironically was my initial fear that kept me from starting the LNs for a time. I was worried the last available book would end with an equivalent to Subaru's third death in Arc 3 and I wouldn't be able to move forward for months until the next book came out.

Thankfully, my procrastination has awarded me with vol. 14. See you there.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/kg20wg/novels_first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_13/