#my fantastic four (iykyk)

[tobacconist]

Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc. genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again. j confess it: j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk) like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for... well, i dont think any of us did (originally) but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back. not now.

basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it. you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like... to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry. she herself is completely unaware of this. well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace. so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones. it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens. anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children. like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!? OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different... 'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens. im sorry love, but were still right angry about it. we loved you... how... how could you? 'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him. oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration? some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore... THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK! anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.

and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply. but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her. like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack. weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry

and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.

[magicshopaholic]

hey, do you read fic at all? i was wondering if you had any recs, i feel like i don't see you interact with fic a lot on here! i love your stories, so wondered what are your favorite authors too :]

Hello! The short answer to this is yes, but it comes with the caveat that I haven’t read much lately, primarily because I have no time but also because now that my characters are getting more and more fleshed out with every fic, reading other fanfic feels like my members are cheating on their OCs 😕 (I read this really good Namjoon fic where he met the reader at a party, and spent a whole week imagining Namjoon cheating on Kaya with that Y/N and it kind of killed me)

Having said that, I still do read fics when I can, definitely those that don’t interfere in my head with my OCs. I’m joining collabs and book clubs as much as I can so that I read more; but in the meantime I’d love to recommend some of my favourite fics and authors to you and any other readers:

(Please read the warnings on each fic before proceeding)

1. Poetry of the Stars by @jjiimin: This is the best fic I have read my entire life (barring one legendary series in the HP fandom - iykyk) and I honestly have nothing else to say about it. Riley has unfortunately deactivated her Tumblr account but I’m so glad I got to tell her how incredible her story was before she did so, so this is my number one. It’s 25K+ words iirc and was one of the first fics I read in the fandom and I just read it all in one go because I couldn’t stop.

(Also a favourite is Irresistible by the same author but I unfortunately don’t have a link to it)

2. @sahmfanficbts: There’s no fic mentioned here because I recommend Sam’s entire masterlist. She’s one of my all time favourite authors in the fandom and I have read and will read every single BTS fic she ever posts. Every fic is so immersive and every character is so deeply developed that they just stay with me and I find myself thinking about them at random times. Just beautiful, fantastic writing.

3. The Rich Man’s Crochet Club series by @kpopfanfictrash: Funny, quippy dialogue is my absolute favourite thing and this series has some of the best combination of humour and heart. Shanna’s works are pretty popular so you may have already checked this one out but I’m gonna recommend it anyway. (I remember coming on anon to gush about it because I was shy af, but I absolutely loved it, Shanna :))

4. Four Seven Eight by @jiminrings: This is the one I’ve read most recently and I’ve had it in my drafts since then so that I don’t forget to write a review because it deserves a great one. So here’s my apology to Hannah for taking so long to do it 🤓 but this is an amazing series, full of angst and hope and has my recommendation for sure.

5. For The Crown by @chimknj: I don’t read mxm fics, particularly mxm smut, but there was no way on earth I was going to pass on this one. Gina and I share an obsession with A Song of Ice and Fire (and I mean OBSESSION - we talk about it 24x7) and the premise of this fic was so compelling and so exciting to discuss that the only thing better than that was actually reading it. The way Gina has written this - I was transported to Westeros instantly. Everything is subtle and nuanced and I found myself connecting with every single character (also Kingsguard!Namjoon was not something I knew I needed). Idk if she’s planning on writing future parts but if she is… fuck, I’m so excited I can’t even talk about it.

6. A Silent Heart Still Beats by @akinnie75: This is another fic I have in my drafts because its review deserves my entire attention. It deals with some difficult topics but is so sad yet hopeful. The OC is such a beautiful character inside and out and this doesn’t usually happen to me with fics, but she actually changed my life and taught me how to rise above, be compassionate and forgive. I won’t give away anymore but this is just a gorgeous, gorgeous fic.

7. Just Practice by @lamourche: I can’t BELIEVE I’ve finally found this fic again!!! I read it once and then lost it (now I realise it’s because the author has seemingly removed their masterlist) but I’d commented on it from my main blog. It is one of my favourite fics of all time: it reads like a college indie movie or like a Sally Rooney novel. I was crying at the end but I couldn’t even put my finger on what it was which just meant that it was the entire vibe of the story rather than a specific scene. It breaks my heart that I’ll never get to read this again but the author has all my appreciation and gratitude for writing it.

These are some recs off the top of my head that have stayed with me and I’ll probably add to this if I think of more. A huge thank you to all these authors for their wonderful work - and thanks to you too, anon, for the question. It felt great to go back to old fics and give a shout out to such talented writers <3

[lightningboltreader]

Char, you know I love you, which is why I'm coming to you with this slightly cursed yet topical ask: rank the Twilight movies from favourite to least favourite and justify your answers 💜

Ok, let's rumble (affectionate) -

Twilight

I am a fool for pining and the first book delivers. There's a delicious build-up of snarling, huffing and angst before the will they/won't they collides with lust, infatuation and then danger. I was FED. My paperback barely survived the rereads before I clung to the movie. Then I quickly replaced my hc's with each actor as they were announced and loved nearly everyone. The Cullens are a dream vampire family, their house and cars a shiny bonus. Plus baseball outfits. Iykyk. And yes, the soundtrack still fucking slaps. Supermassive 10/10. We'll always agree there.

Breaking Dawn

I wish I could break this in two. Wait, it's my review. I shall! The first: Breaking, the steamy slayyyy! The literal bed-breaking passionate destruction and oceanfront honeymoon bliss were a satisfying payoff for the build-up in Twilight. This is the fantastical, happily ever after shit my teenage brain craved. The pregnancy experience was about as much as I knew about pregnancy, so perfect level of detail. Bella has to become a vampire to save her family? So relatable. And Dawn: The dawning of a new era, where mother and child learn to love, where mother makes the noble sacrifice, where racing through the woods and hopping off tall trees is suburban bliss, where your friend and former love interest falls in fucking love with your kid. I stg, this was a true testament to my own new relationship. The man who stayed, who listened, who loved me and poured wine for me while I literally SCREAMED and SHOUTED at my teen rated book proved a level of devotion that neither Edward nor Jacob will ever be capable of. Still, I place the whole book at #2 because it conjured far more emotions than "UGH," unlike three and four.

But first, an interlude.

Midnight Sun

Edwards POV, my beloved. While Twilight + Breaking Dawn holds all my teenage dreams, this origin story companion is a fanfic indulgence I imagine Stefanie wrote simply to clear her comment box. "Could a dead, frozen heart beat again? It felt as though mine were about to." It's satisfying because Edward made me swoon but not particularly insightful, unless you're in the market for a little Volvo coupe. The car and driver edition of the series, if you will.

New Moon

My boy drives away, sob! Edward peels out of snowy Forks in a cloud of angst, flinching jaw muscles and puppy-dog eyes in the best interest of his clumsy DANGER MAGNET. He's so dreamy! She's so dumb! I'm so sad! Sweet, furry Jacob lights up our world with his bronzed glow and motorcycle tricks, but the infatuation is short-lived (sweet, attractive boy who only wants your happiness? ew.) because hallucinations of a cute, fanged control freak are better. Until he's slapped around by the Volturi. Love the Volturi though - the name, the aesthetic, the evil popeness vibe - good stuff. If only there were more Volturi and less woe.

Eclipse

Danger, Danger! Victoria wants to kill Bella and destroy the Cullens. But worse than that, Bella has to decide between Jacob and Edward. Is she IN LOVE or does she just like-like supernatural dudes who want to make her their property? Who loves her more? Is it like, too embarrassing to get married at graduation? Do I like have any friends? Like, oh my god, what should I do????? Is there anyone on earth with harder decisions to make? CRINGE. She's insufferable and I lost centimeters on my molars in the repeated gnash. The worst.

The End!

[thegeminisage]

OKAY it's tng update time. i forgot to do it yesterday so today i'm doing four eps. sunday we did "evolution" and "the ensigns of command" and yesterday we caught "the survivors" and "who watches the watchers"

evolution: this one had a slow start and i didn't much care for the guest character of the week but once it got going i actually had fun rooting for him to fail. you SHOOT the nanites? jail for dr whoever! jail for 1000 years!!

wesley was not really annoying in this episode! i was so prepared for the worst when it was like oh wesley's SCHOOL EXPERIMENT has GONE WRONG but it was fine actually!! he was like. normal

i was soooo glad to see beverly crusher again. a season of pulaski really makes her shine in comparison. PLUS she didn't talk about being a woman like the WHOLE time. i mean she kind of did but it was fine except when she got nosey about wesley's dating life lol i mean the woman has been away from her son for a year. also idr whoever was like man not cool beverly for leaving UNFAIR. she got fired. it wasn't her fault. idk if i've ever defended her before. feels weird.

FASCINATED with guinans backstory. when she started talking about her son i was like oh q is her son! of course! no, idiot. a real luke-and-clary moment. iykyk. tho technically q can make himself look like whatever and adoptive still counts. it's fine. they have something going on but idk what

the ensigns of command: this one was SOOOOO good what a breath of fucking fresh air

i LOVED data in this! i loved that he got to do stuff and be important and fail and nobody was mean to him and in the end he succeeded. AND got a love interest. wonderful. treat him really niceys. also that meme about the book being shorter if [character] had a gun. that's data. good for him

also i KNOW he knows how kissing works i didn't forget he fucked tasha yar

this episode was surprisingly funny. you get gradually more and more frustrated with the leader until data dead ass pulls a fucking phaser on him. you get more and more frustrated with the sheliak and it's like kind of funny that they keep hanging up on picard, but then picard rules lawyers them and hangs up on THEM and does the fucking white glove inspection while he metaphorically lets the phone ring off the hook. the longer he took to answer the funnier it got, i was genuinely cracking up. idr what post it was that i said i had yet to see picard's spine and so he was utterly unlikable but i saw it in the episode where data went on trial and i saw it here in a much funnier way. he simply had enough it was fantastic

data and the music!!! he was so sad when picard had to leave and i was very pleasantly surprised when picard took the time to not only listen to the recording later but compliment data on it and encourage his creative side. it's so much nicer than anyone was to data in the first two seasons 🥺

the survivors: this one was...okay. not great but definitely watchable. the mystery definitely kept me hooked bc i wanted to know what was going on, but it would have been much better if we'd had the tools to solve it, the way picard did, instead of the answer just being "this guy is just magic." i did like that his wife turned out to not even be real because that's fucking nuts but like. for what purpose. like we were yelling theories like oh her tea is poisoned! the music box is cursed! and meanwhile it's like no he's just magic. there was no trail of clues to follow at all.

poor deanna in this episode lol. points off for having her naked under that blanket. for what purpose do you need to undress her to treat her...y'all don't do that to riker. that said the psychic torture via music box was kind of metal actually like obviously horrible but i like that she CAN be incapacitated

also, wtf was that at the end where he was like yeah i killed every member of that entire species even the ones who are lightyears away because my magic is that powerful. and picard was just like. alright well we don't have laws that can try you so go back to your planet with your fake wife ig. bye!

YOU LITERALLY DO HAVE LAWS. THEY WERE GOING TO BRING KODOS IN TO FACE JUSTICE YOU LITERALLY DO HAVE LAWS FOR PEOPLE WHO COMMIT GENOCIDE. it's fine. i'm normal.

who watches the watchers: our rule for s3 is that we're watching all of them until we hit three duds in a row. this one was DEFINITELY a dud

first of all, the breaking of the prime directive was ridiculously sloppy here. SECONDLY, it is ALWAYS a bad idea to have some culture mistake anybody for god. it wouldn't have mattered if every one of those aliens had been white and picard had not been white it STILL would have been racist but it's even MORE racist because they're worshipping AND KNEELING BEFORE a white guy with a british accent. it's particularly insulting too that these are supposed to be "proto-vulcans"

also, if they really were proto-vulcans they would NOT have been rational as presented they would have been off the fucking wall insane with bloodlust. do none of us remember anything about canon. god.

the fantasy racefaking. THEY LOOKED SO BAD LOL

our main side guy was quite annoying and basically just looking for an excuse to kill deanna? should have let him die tbh

anyway it was a stinker. the longer the fake worship dragged on the worse it became.

that being said, s3 has largely been a blast so far. tbh i talked a big game but part of me didn't believe u guys when you said it got better. but it literally did?! and thank god bc i don't know how much more i could have taken lol

[jarredlharris]

Live-threading my thoughts while listening to the Thereafter podcast episode featuring Celeste Irwin.

The following is a transcript of the live-thread I posted while listening to Therafter podcast episode 103.

Okay folks, it's time to live-thread my thoughts while listening to the most recent episode of @thereafterpodcast! Let's do this!

.@thepursuinglife and @cortlandcoffey are going on about how great the Tuesday morning Clubhouse chats are. They really are amazing. @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey and @thepursuinglife are offering alternatives to doomscrolling and I love it. @thereafterpodcast

At the risk of damaging my relationship with @thepursuinglife, I just couldn't get into Gilmore Girls. But to each their own. @thereafterpodcast

A sign of how old I am: @cortlandcoffey said "I need my space," and my brain immediately screamed "TOM!" IYKYK @thereafterpodcast

Wait, there's a Hulu documentary about Black Twitter? Details, @cortlandcoffey! @thereafterpodcast

It's hard to believe that @cortlandcoffey and @thepursuinglife have only known each other for somewhere around four years. They seem like old friends at this point. @thereafterpodcast

On to the interview with @celestefinally! @thereafterpodcast

I miss the days when @cortlandcoffey framed the first question as a request to learn the guest's origin stories. We all need to feel like comic book characters from time to time. @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally mentioned her own journey from being LGBTQIA+ non-affirming to realizing trans. I can relate as a cis gay man. That journey can be wild. @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally mentioned that when she first came out, other trans people had trouble trusting her. I can understand that. On the flip side, I appreciated the gay person who came to my defense when a former colleague brought up my own non-affirming past in one group. I think there's a careful line we need to draw between understandably protecting ourselves and digging up other people's dirty laundry from their past. @thereafterpodcast

And yeah, there are times I think digging up dirty laundry from the past is 100% justifiable and even necessary. But to me, that just makes that line fuzzier and walking it that much more difficult. But it does not erase the line completely. At least that's my opinion. @thereafterpodcast

At any rate, I do respect @celestefinally for being able to understand and sympathize with those that were still wary at first. I think that's also a good thing. (I understood my own former colleague's issues with my past. After all, he was part of that past. I just appreciated the reassurance that my past wouldn't necessarily haunt me forever.) @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey: "I never understood the people that seemed excited that God was a homophobe." 🔥 @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally is talking about having a vague sense of her transness at a much younger age, but didn't have the language for it. That seems to be a common theme I've seen. @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally mentioned evangelicals' claims that people deconstruct just because we wanted to sin and I'm trying REALLY HARD not to go into my usual rant on that topic. @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally: "Justice someday doesn't undo injustice done today." 🔥 @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally is talking about the positive impact transitioning has had on her life overall and I'm here for it. @thereafterpodcast

@celestefinally is talking about the things she considers when determining whether to continue engaging someone who says they're "in process" regarding LGBTQIA+ inclusion/affirmation and it's fantastic stuff. @thereafterpodcast

A mildly humorous play on words that occurred to me: @celestefinally is the transparent trans parent. (I never claimed to be original.) @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally is talking about the fact that people can do both beneficial and valuable things and harmful things and that's so important to keep in mind. @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally is talking about some of her own interactions with Julie Roys. This is an important thing people need to hear and know about it. @thereafterpodcast

.@celestefinally makes the powerful point that an unwillingness to take correction makes a person unsafe. @thereafterpodcast

So @thenewevangelicals is going to a Preston Sprinkle event? (May have already happened since this interview was recorded in March.) I'm imagining our own version of the Driscoll vs. Lindell fallout. @thereafterpodcast

So happy to hear @celestefinally mentioning @rabbidanyaruttenberg's book "On Repentance and Repair." (Which I still need to read.) @thereafterpodcast

Okay, please tell me I'm not the only person in deconstruction spaces that WASN'T inspired by RHE? (No actual shade to RHE. Her books weren't around yet when I left Christianity.) @thereafterpodcast

Another great episode! @thereafterpodcast

[redonerypanda]

Hey hey hey, kind of late to the party but Dazai is my comfort character and I will defend him by all means to the end. Yes, Dazai is manipulative, a fantastic planner, and resourceful by all means. He may have sociopathic tendencies, but I don’t believe he’s a full on sociopath.

Think about it, even in the arc above ^, without someone like Dazai, there is no way the ADA would have come out of that three way deadlock alive. He keeps the best interests of the ADA in mind, even before himself. 

Also, he does care about his teammates quite a lot. He was clearly distraught over Oda’s death and even went to Ango in order to clear his ledger to honor Oda’s final wishes. He felt regret with the way he treated Akutagawa, which is why he treats Atsushi much better. In the outro of the BSD anime, he is seen in multiple shots “giving him closure” (it’s more of a symbolization thing)

In the long run, everything is part of a plan of his. He has a bad habit of keeping his thoughts and plans to himself until the final reveal, but his intentions are good. For example, during his entrance exam, he purposely played along with Kunikida’s suspicions in order to root out the true mastermind. He went to Meursalut to keep watch of Fyodor, all while giving himself heart palpitations to communicate to the outside world.

Why did he rig the airbags? To make Ango clear Kyouka’s ledger as well. 

Let’s also not forget that in BEAST, he set up a four year plan so that Oda, who didn’t even know him in that world (and turned a gun on him), could live a peaceful life raising his children and writing books. He even made it so that beast!Atsushi could get closure and a happier life. 

iykyk, if you don’t get why he did what he did go read the manga again lmao.

This next paragraph is not by me but I thought it was really well said:

“In the original universe (Bungou Stray Dogs) he does care for his teammates and watches out for them, especially Atsushi for whom he sees the greatest potential. Moreover, Dazai develops a sense of duty and utilizes his wit and intelligence to the Agency in their quest to help maintain Yokohama's peace and order. As part of his various plans and well-calculated strategies, he even devised for Atsushi and Akutagawa to collaborate at times to become a new generation of Twin Dark who could take on the brewing evil lurking within the city”

Although I admit that Dazai does have sociopathic tendencies at times, I wouldn’t really call him a full on sociopath. I think part of reason why he thinks like he does is because of Mori trying to shape him to be the next boss. Mori is definitely manipulative, and is definitely a sociopath (giving Gide the locations of Oda’s children, using Yosano to heal his “immortal regiment” over and over to the point when she’s nearly broken, I can go on forever). During that same Guild Arc ^ there was a panel where Fukuzawa and Mori met up again to discuss an alliance. When Mori made a reference regarding strategies and authors, Dazai was the first one to realize, saying that Mori “stuffed that all into his head”

So yeah, I don’t think Dazai is a full-on sociopath, he’s just a really intelligent, repressed, man who was influenced by the environment of his upbringing. He is not completely without empathy and he does care for those he chooses to care about.

Never forget

More theory time! With extra spoilers!

So Dazai is an awesome character. I personally love him to bits. He’s *incredibly* hot, he’s smart, he’s charming, he’s funny.

He’s also a full on sociopath.

I’m not talking here about how he manipulates the shit out of people (which he does), or how he murdered like half of Yokohama at some point (which he did) or how he is an expert torturer (which he apparently is). Those could technically be seen as justifiable strategies or past sins.

I’m talking about this.

The three major ability organisations in the city are at each other’s throats and Dazai decides to get the government involved. That up there is him inviting his ally and previous enemy Ango for a ride so they can make a deal about that. What’s great here is that this happens after Dazai has already threatened his life. The first thing he does when meeting Ango is point his own gun at his head.

I repeat: this is a meeting about the government (Ango) working together with the Armed Detective Agency (Dazai) and the first thing that happens is a Mexican standoff.

Anyway.

The Guild proceeds to ram the hell out of said car during the ride and Dazai spends some time in a cast. We don’t see Ango until several chapters later, when he’s in a hospital room, in a much worse state. And then you get this.

He knew. He friggin knew.

He didn’t just know an accident was likely to happen. He didn’t just sabotage that car. He willingly put himself in it with a man he was trying to rely on for support of the Agency. This isn’t just him being suicidal. This is him not being able to stop himself from getting petty revenge on an ally when the city around them is about to implode.

The air bag was plan b and that is inSANE.

Never forget that Dazai is a crazy motherfucker.

[secretadventuresociety]

Episode 31 Recap

Get hype, SASholes! I’m Bren, resident SAStorian and manic goblin dream girl. Welcome to Episode 31: A Long Day’s End.

A Challenger Approaches!

With Mother (hopefully) vanquished and Kerti’s whereabouts unknown, our heroes hear fleeting whispers of ‘they’re coming, she’s coming’ whistling in the icy wind flowing through the cave. Sharing a Let’s-Put-A-Pin-In-That glance, the trio check in with each other because-- lest we forget-- they have just survived a run-in with an evil being who was masquerading as Kü’s mom. Sorry, did I say run-in? I meant battle for their lives. Anywho! They all seem to be physically unscathed, though that emotional trauma will last forever. IYKYK. Kü, of course, is the most affected, though his worries go straight to Kess, who Mother had just tried to strangle and not in the sexy way. Pearce attempts to make light of the situation by telling Kü it couldn’t have been too bad because Kess didn’t black out and see her friend, Ashe.

Which, speaking OF ash, the group starts smelling smoke. All of their combined hackles raise-- each probably thinking of a different entity. They really do be running into a lot of fire-related individuals, so this makes sense. When they actually SEE physical evidence of smoke trailing from further in the tunnel, they realize they might not be alone in this cave. Pearce elects Kü to lead them to the source, stating that he has darkvision and that will be to their tactical advantage. I mean, true, but this is also the helmetless kobold who just lost his ‘mother’ for the second time. I’m begging SOMEONE to give him a break. God, Lathander, DM, anyone?? As they go deeper, however, thin sheets of ice on the ceiling seem to be letting blue-tinted morning sunlight in. This literally lightens the mood until they come to a ledge-- one set up with a VERY recent campsite.

The party can tell right away that this is where the smoke has originated from, and looking closer, they spot a figure. A DANCING figure. What appears to be a four foot tall, staff wielding, gymnast built, olive skinned, winged individual is currently stirring an alluring pot of food while having the best time of his life. Understandably afraid, Kü attempts to summon his Blight Bow-- and nothing happens. Instead, he and Pearce decide to ambush the stranger, one going to the left of him and the other going right. Kü is spotted, and in defense, he grabs a broken liquor bottle (that he has been holding onto since the BEGINNING of this campaign, y’all), and chucks it at the head of his presumed assailant. In this instant, everyone braces for a fight, INCLUDING our guest star, Pongu, played by the fantastic Sonny-- who fans may recognize from the Hollaback Charity&D stream!

The Three Mardostateers

Kess instinctively heals herself as she notices her companions go into a fighting stance; having stayed away from the ledge. She was sure the humanoid meant no harm, but it’s hard to preach benefit of the doubt with a hotheaded gunslinger and a manipulated kobold. Instead of retaliating, Pongu tries to diffuse the situation. He laughs off the projectile Kü hurled and tells the group that they didn’t have to throw things if they wanted food; he has plenty to share. It’s then that the exhausted and hungry group smells the bounty for the first time. It is heavy with spices and looks like some sort of chunky soup. As we all know, food is the way to the heart, and apparently to the trust bone, too. Kess joins our apprehensive duo and the trauma of the past two days comes tumbling out of them.

Pongu listens intently, and when they’re done, calls over a beautiful, starry owl (named Nalani) over to him.  Kü startles, having instant predator flashbacks. With a smile, the fairy tells his companion that this group needs some extra love, to which the creature replies (only to Pongu himself) that they both have a lot to give. Pongu notices Kü’s changed attitude and requests that the owl take some time away from camp to reform himself into something less intimidating, like a cat. The kobold relaxes as the animal leaves, and Kess changes the subject. She begins to question Pongu about his presence in the cave-- and mentions that she thought it belonged to someone she knew. Pongu assures her that he is just passing through, and had chosen the cave to take respite in.

The fairy goes on to explain that he is from the Feywild, and that he has been searching all over-- sailing the seas-- and winding up on the material plane for the ingredients for a perfect fey wedding cake. He used to be an adventurer long ago-- now at an estimated 300+ years of age-- but now is a professional chef and ‘fixer of things’. This draws Kü’s interest, and he wonders aloud if Pongu might be able to repair his mother’s skulll-- but quickly has this hope dashed when Pongu asks if the kobold has all of the pieces. Pearce, feeling Kü’s disappointment, offers to go back and see if there’s anything left, but is denied. Having gotten Pongu’s life story, the group feels the need to share as well. They first attempt to lie (except for Kess) and say their names are Uk and Ferdinand [I will let you guys which one is which] and that they are all three from Mardosta. The truth quickly comes out, however, and Pongu takes it in stride, excitedly asking if Kess (the true Mardostan native) can get him rare spices from the area.

A Lesson in Bonding

Taking a moment for herself, Kess separates from the group and goes to the neighboring hot spring. She discards some of her clothing and jumps in-- drifting to the bottom. Once she reaches the soil there, the druid draws on her inner power and grows a flower. It is still black with a white iris, but the floret adapts to its watery surroundings-- taking on an aquatic formation. Kess takes no time to marvel at it, instead using the rest of her depleting energy to focus on the plant and attempts to contact Ashe. After a bit, she realizes there isn’t going to be a response. So, the changeling flips off the bloom and pushes herself to the surface, dressing once more and cursing under her breath.

In Kess’ absence, Pearce and Kü warn Pongu about Skugamor and give him a head’s up about Kerti (who we really haven’t gotten to know yet). The gunslinger sighs and half-heartedly complains that everyone has voices in their heads except for him. The fairy listens gratefully while taking out a Santa-Claus-worthy bag of toys to keep his hands busy. He explains that he likes to fix up old toys and give them new homes-- and Kü asks if he has a paddleball related plaything. Pongu brightly hands him a Bilboque (I really didn’t want to write cup-and-ball. But you guys made me anyway. Good job) and  takes to it instantly. 

Sensing how worn out the adventurers are, Pongu casts Tiny Hut, creating a dome with a starry ceiling and a light scent of flowers swirling through the air. Pearce sees Kess step into the space and he greets her, hugging her to him as she spirals in a panic attack. He tells her that everything is going to be okay, and that he feels that is true because he has not been this comfortable anywhere but Mardosta. The contact soothes the changeling, and she steps back from Pearce and truly looks at him for the first time after their ordeal. Her eyes widen at the state of his hair; and the gunslinger grabs his things to run to the hot spring himself to shower. Pongu stops him, saying that he thinks he could fix the dirty, snow-wet mess, and Pearce relents. The fairy uses Shape Water as a kind of gel to mold the unruly locks-- and when Kess lets Pearce check it in the shine of her canteen, the gunslinger huffs off; happy with his look but pissed that he has nothing to be pissed about.

Look at the Stars

Using his misplaced anger as motivation, Pearce begins to craft more bullets for Iris from the components he purchased at the Night Market. He ends up making fifteen functional bullets, only wasting one defective try at the beginning of the process. The gunslinger thinks of his father and how Pearce used to watch him go through the same activity, and the fire of his rage is stoked by the realization that he actually learned something from the deadbeat. What was it that Smash Mouth said? When the hits start coming they don’t stop coming? Whatever it was, I’m THERE in this DnD stream. Someone make them stop.

As Pearce is artificing the daddy issues away, Kü tries to bring his Blight Bow out one more time. When it still doesn’t happen, the kobold admits to Kess that he has Good News and Bad News. The good news is that he believes Mother to be truly gone, and the bad news is that this means that his powers seem to be gone. Kess reassures him that they’ll figure things out; and Kü distracts himself by catching Pongu up on their exploits so far-- from Evercrest’s dying king to the vampires of New Hexton. The kobold then switches gears and asks the fairy about his parents-- with whom Pongu seems to have a semi-okay relationship. Kü tells him that he’s just trying to feel out where his trauma is-- and that he wants him to be as broken as he is. Big ouch.

Kess takes over at that point, trying to explain LifeWell water to their new friend. A combination of exhaustion and frustration overwhelms her in the middle of it, however, so she excuses herself to sleep it off. She ends up under a constellation of a scorpion, and Pongu suggests to Pearce that he choose one that meant something to him to watch over him as he slept. The gunslinger curls up underneath an arrow (yes, weapons are soothing, just ask my barbarian) and  Kü doesn’t even bother looking up-- as soon as his head hits the floor, he drifts off into a deep rest. Pongu watches over them for the four hours they stay unconscious, making them a special (giving them ingame boosts!) bready treat. When they wake up, Kess eats hers and Pearce tosses Kü his-- who catches it deftly in his waiting maw. They take in Pongu now making pancakes for the group, and realize they have some decisions to make.

Case Closed

After throwing out their veritable to-do list, Pearce bangs the butt of his gun against the cave floor, commanding the attention of the other three speakers. He makes an executive decision that they should all go check on the Shadowmore family. They have no idea if they are still safe from Skugamor, and Kess needs to speak with them before they either stay for the Mardosta ball or move on to their next task. The Nobodies look toward Pongu, gauging his interest in joining them for a time. The fairy packs up the leftover food from the night before-- leaving a note that anyone who comes by it is welcome to it-- and agrees to travel with the trio. Kess warns Kü before she shifts back into her owl form, which turns out to be large enough to carry her humanoid companions. 

They make a long, cold flight back-- and all seems quiet at the Shadowmore manor. The group makes their way to the fourth floor (you remember, the PARENT wing) and finds it empty. Searching frantically, they finally see them standing in the greenhouse, marvelling over Kess’ new and hydraulic flower. Norse turns around and exclaims her thankfulness for her daughter’s safety, counting the number of still-alive-friends with her, and greets the sunny newcomer. OMG. Did you see what I did there? Sunny cause Pongu is a literal ray of light but also-- Sonny?? His player?! That was COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL! WITNESS ME! Fine. I digress. The party catches the elder Shadowmores up to speed just before Brienne, our lovely tabaxi detective, strides into the greenhouse. Pongu introduces himself as Brienne looks over him curiously, and the investigator sighs, grateful that she doesn’t have to question yet another for Xarus’ murder. Hearing of this foul play for the first time, the fairy looks over to his new friends and says, “There’s a lot of death around you three, huh?” 

The Nobodies stammer in unison, attempting to laugh off this outburst. Brienne pays it no mind, pushing forward to ask to speak with the group. She tells them that Xarus was found with poison in his system, and had a snapped neck-- probably from strangulation. The tabaxi had spoken with onlookers at the Underfrost as well as the cooking staff at the Shadowmore estate, who both told her that they experienced a similar phenomenon with shadow magic. It’s then that they come clean, handing the detective the page on Skugamor (which Brienne RIGHTFULLY chides Kess for stealing) and Kü recounts his almost-lifelong-ordeal under her influence. With a small, conspiratorial smile-- Brienne concludes that Xarus’ death must have been a suicide. She tells the group that if they did not take care of Skugamor that she would be unable to protect them-- but if the entity was really and truly gone, she was more than happy to close the case. She bids them farewell, and as they all let loose a breath they didn’t know they were holding (hello, YA roots) and Pongu smiles widely at them. He professes that he will be there for this courageous party until they no longer need him.

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TL;DR

Give a BIG SAShole welcome to Pongu and Sonny! You can find him on Twitter: @SonnyPlays and tell him Bren sent ya!

Wait, where’s my starry owlcat!? How do you pspspspsps a fey being?!

Things are looking up for the Nobodies. Be a shame if something happened...

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Don’t Pearce your pants in anticipation, but you can catch the next session over at twitch.tv/lochness on September 22nd at 7:30CST/8:30EST! If you’d like to watch THIS episode, follow the link below:

https://youtu.be/pXQxmi9dGbg