#my family member can't remember most of her childhood because of that shit

[fairuzfan]

Zionists/Symathizers who say "Palestinians should be taken by Egypt/Lebanon/Jordan and just live there forever" have no idea what a refugee camp is like.

[zeephyre]

CR3 EPISODE 78 SPOILERS

god. i love this fucking campaign. this one's gonna be long as shit.

despite how genuinely depressing this episode was, it also made me really giddy because i love hurt/comfort and there's no point of that if there's no hurt or angst.

im probably gonna go down the line with each member of bells hells, discussing what i can remember off the top of my head, i hope i don't forget anything in my rambles cause this was one of my FAVORITE episodes of the whole campaign and that's saying something.

i love ashton. i have loved ashton the most since the very beginning and for a lot of it i was really worried that ashton was deliberating running from opening up with bells hells while also going out of their way to have one-to-one convos with different members that were deep and insightful but never went as far as they needed to.

i am projecting a bit with analysis of ashton but taliesin does it best when rp'ing for ash and generally talking abt him in interviews. ashton reminds me of myself, which is not a compliment and is actually really terrible. ironically enough, ashton said the same thing abt fcg. i have spent a lot of time hurting myself by sabotaging the things i love, or embracing the worse parts of myself simply because it's become habit. there's always going to be a piece of you that finds the sadness, anger, guilt, emptiness, whatever -- comforting because it's all you've known.

ashton mourns a life that he never lived. i find myself mourning versions of myself that i would hate but still...yearn for them like an itch or an ache that comes from hurt. ashton wanted their family back, in whatever desperate, corrupted way he felt he should have done it, and hearing how he described feeling like he looked past the cautionary tale simply because he thought the pain they caused him should have meant something else made me think of imogen.

beautiful, sweet, powerful, dangerous, sad imogen temult. i won't comment on how everyone berated ashton because that's not really surprising nor was anything imogen said or did pertaining to ash shocking whatsoever. but... there's smth abt the destruction that ashton did to feel close to the idea of a family that doesn't really exist that just parallels so well with the fight that imogen has been undergoing since childhood. against the red storm, now against the call of ruidus, and the temptation and attachment she felt and still feels to her mother, despite everything liliana has done that jeopardizes everything imogen is fighting for.

abandoned by her mother, shunned by her own town, ignored and feared by her father.

going back to ashton again, there's smth to be said abt the guilt and shame that comes from making horrible choices that put yourself and the ppl you love in danger that forever changes the way they perceive you. I've done it. i had to fight to make things better. it can't be enough to love someone enough that would die for them, you have to fight to stay alive. if not even for yourself, for THEM.

i know it can be unhealthy to rely on others so much, but it's certainly not easy to fight for yourself when the foundation isn't there. learning how to love without throwing yourself on a blade is more important than self sufficiency. that comes afterwards.

i...don't like laudna's reliance on delilah briarwood this episode. i... there's smth very ironic about laudna being worried abt ashton's betrayal and the way he hurt her and the others with his deception and selfishness, coupled with my understanding of the absolute fucking insane, borderline stupid danger of even SPEAKING to delilah briarwood, let alone working WITH her.

i think it's hypocritical, but i don't feel any animosity towards laudna. just..sadness. delilah is a parasite. a disgusting, cruel, evil bitch who wants laudna to be... that weak little girl easily crushed under her thumb. she may preach abt laudna's latent power and potential, but laudna won't serve her purpose if she TRULY gains the strength to cast delilah aside forever. i don't think delilah was telling the truth abt their fates last episode, and that's why i so deeply want laudna to toss aside that defeatist mindset that has only gotten worse since episode one. maybe im wrong, maybe delilah was actually being genuine.

i kept watching imogens/laura's face during laudna's moments speaking with delilah alone, and it just made me sad because she didn't need to be alone. she had imogen, but she still felt the need to run and hide away. god i just want her to be happy.

i really liked the doll she made for ashton, even though delilah made it really creepy for no reason, the dramatic cunt she is. her assessment of ashton as being a child may seem rude or even a projection but to me it's the truth. ashton has not grown past his childhood. past abandonment and pain and mistrust and love that never lasts and always hurts. that shit followed them to adulthood and anyone who has any number of mental illnesses and childhood trauma will tell you that it's so easy to feel yourself stuck as a reactive, stubborn, bitter little kid trapped in a shitty cycle of pain. both ashton and laudna this episode felt like they were both broken, sad children interacting. laudna clinging to comfort from delilah, hiding away, mentally reverting to the person she was the last time she was in whitestone. ashton, clinging to his lost childhood and the acceptance of laudna's doll, the admittance that they'd never had a doll before. god... they're so sad, im gonna scream.

fcg apologizing for forcing faith down ashtons throat was sweet and so was ashton apologizing for being so bitter abt fcg's faith. now i just need fcg to apologize for the multiple instances where he put laudna in danger by casting turn undead with no acknowledgement of laudna afterwards.

fcg saying that ashton didn't love anyone or care about anyone hurt me a bit, because while i understood why they were saying those things, it was so... obviously untrue. before all of this, ashton has shown again and again and again how much he loves bells hells, and especially fcg. i know that ashton almost dying over smth so arrogant, desperate and foolish would make anyone question what someone's idea of "love" is, but still. it stung. maybe because i have been there. i know what it's like to be doubted and mistrusted because you ruined smth good callously and carelessly.

chetney... chetney really loves fearne. i don't care if y'all don't get it or if y'all still think chet is some joke character with no substance, I never understood that shit and i simply never will. chet and fearne probably have the best relationship in all of bells' hells -- and yes, that includes imogen and laudna because god knows those two have shit brewing under the surface that needs to be HANDLED, i.e: laudna being defeatist abt their relationship even tho it's barely begun.

chetney's a good man. him going after fearne was the best choice and im glad he gave her a couple laughs before she went off to wander. he cares about her so much, and he BELIEVES in her so much, and i love them. i LOVED the way he went in on ashton. hurting fearne by making a shitty decision and letting her bear the burden of watching ashton die right in front of her was... bad. it is very complicated but, that's pretty cut and dry.

i like him testing ashton again and again. telling him to leave but also being glad they chose to be brave and stay, and face the consequences of their actions. attacking ashton to see what all of any of that shit was even for. (im a little bummed that the shard didn't fully wake up yet but...i love the suspense im just impatient).

FEARNE. CALLOWAY. i love fearne, and i love the breakdown during the first part of the episode. it was such a raw moment and it established the tone of the episode so quickly. im glad that fearne knows that while ashton fucked up royally, her rejecting of the shard and complacence in ashton's plans was also royally stupid. i don't think her being terrified of taking the shard is bad or stupid, it's actually one of my favorite fearne character choices. no one ever actually asked her WHY she didn't want it, and when she said she didn't want it, it was still decided by the hells that the shard would go to fearne. (they're very shit at communication, poor babies). im happy that she specifically clarified that ashton did not threaten or manipulate her (plus he gave her many opportunities to not be involved with his bullshit if it made her uncomfy so im hoping the insane critters who keep treating ashton like some evil, predatory person finally stfu).

fearne being so scared of a version of herself that was sad, lonely, and "evil" to the point that she chose to believe that it was ashton's destiny to take in both shards is so... so rich. i hope she talks about that more in the next episode because i don't think she's EVER brought it up since exu. i don't think the shard would change fearne's personality but god the fact that SHE is so afraid of herself and what she's capable of.... AHHHH. love this damn party.

i hope liam knows that expect really painful roleplaying from him when he comes back cause i really do need ashton and orym interactions like i need air.

the choice to go to the fey realm was brilliant and i missed nana morri so it's a win for me. bells hells COULD have done what they've been doing for a while now, which is ignoring the pain they're all feeling and pushing forward, but ashton doing what they did was the straw that broke the camel's back and im GLAD because i have been begging them all to have real conversations with each other that don't get cut short prematurely for whatever reason.

i do hope that they do really lean into the self care aspect involving therapy and talking through their issues with ALL of the members present or even in groups, and it isn't just fun and games. they're prone to distraction. i love my little guys.

:( two weeks without bells hells. is it thursday, yet???

[notoriouslynoone]

HEAR ME OUT-

I have come from the abyss to make a proposition.

We all know the ikemen series can get admittedly a little interchangeable with some of the thems and characters. Not that there all the same by any means, but you could most definitely switch up the cast without sacrificing too much plot, or atmosphere. So, a little worm crawled in brain a while back and refuses to die so...I guess I'll pass it along....

You might've seen the Villains/Prince card gotcha colab they did a month or more ago with Jude and Liam. It was relatively well received, yet I'm servierly disappointed this concept hasn't been played around with much in the respective fandoms.

So, since Cybird gave us some princely villains, I've come armed and prepared with the alternative.

"But the princes are all to sweet to become villains!" you cry.

Oh, ho, ho~ How wrong you would be.

The curses of the Crown members actually correspond with the personalities of the Rhodolite princes quiet nicely and we must remember that they fundamentally change how one naturally goes about their life. It's an entirely different mental strain that I think in the cases such as Leon's (whose self righteousness is glorified in its own right) could bring out some juicey aspects of their character we wouldn't otherwise see. (Honestly Leon was too perfect, I kept wondering when he was gonna go savage, nope...never did. I really want him to go all William on some evil...if that makes any sense.) Not to mention we'd go from the "we care because we're family" group dynamic, to the "well, shit i guess we're sorta family" dynamic. (Chevalier and Clavis being begrudging childhood friends working as business partners? Yes please!)

So we got (as I see it)-

A monarch-Leon

Fox- Nokto

Mirror- Clavis

Fairy- Chevalier

Huntsman- Jin

Throns- Luke

Sariel fulfills the role of the tall, dark, and dominating leader. (Not that Victor is...wait, nope, wedding event. Epilog)

The only issue I had was with Yves and Licht. They just don't fit, right? I mean honestly-oh, wait....

These curses change their holders more than any of the others. Really-would Elbert be a normally traumatized dude without his obsession with beauty? And Liam...

Well, that something else completely- but back to Yves.

My conflict regarding him came from the initial comparison I made between him and Liam. They’re nearly opposites when you think about it, or at least not the neat squeeze the others were logically beyond them both being cat-coded, until...

The fits.

This curse is particularly sinister due to them and it was when I began to think of the fits it all came together, ish...it's not like I've really flushed it out or anything.

Yves can't kill.

It's a horrific embarrassment for him as a member of the queen's secret army, of course, one the others make do to point out early in Emma's stay as fairytale keeper.

"We know how to cover eyes, just fine. Don't we Yves-ie boy?"

He grunts, pout twisting into a snarl. "I've never closed my eyes! I can stand it all just fine, thank you! I just like to have a little control over myself, unlike some people!"

"Aw, but what's the fun in that? Don't you ever want a taste of the 'darkness'," Calvis snickered, fingers quoting the air.

"I taste enough as it is, thank you."

"So you really haven't..killed? Her guts lurched, rejecting the abnormality of the sentence.

"What-of course I've killed! I'm apart of Crown! You saw us murder a man, remember?"

"It was mostly Leon," Licht flatly chimed.

Yves shot him a glare full of daggers. "The point is that I have-"

"Not on purpose." The room stopped, turning toward Nokto and his silver smirk. "It's why you joined, isn’t it? How’s it going by the way? Any trouble with the fits?"

Not everyone is rude about it. Actually, there's an overwhelming amount of support working in the background. They give him important, granted safe, missions that allow him to explore and exploit his curiosity without fear of cracking under the weight of it. Our princey boys would be a lot more resistant to their curses than our villain babes. In Yves case, he is so repressive he lives in fear of zooting out everyday for a whole different reason than Liam.

Liam's fits are connected to anxiety, grief, depression, guilt...

Well for Yves it's fear primarily. Don't get me wrong, there's self-loathing in there, but it's almost like a defense. So, due to events of the past that would be drawn out over the course of 18 chapters, he is terrified to kill, yet has and certainly will, but avoids doing so at all costs. (Which some of the others secretly respect him for. )

He takes it upon himself to survey Emma as fairytale keeper-to ensure her competence, NOT because the situation sucks and she must be so scared and everyone’s so scary-

Then of course it becomes exclusive, because he's safe and the missions are easy...

Until it's not.

He wants a challenge, something really plump to sink his teeth into. (Emma has really done a number on his confidence at this point.) They give it to him and it goes well, that is until one of the left over thugs, (which ever one tried to have a monolog, you know) grabs Emma when he's distracted. The situation turns, some of the dudes are up. They rough him around, threaten her, that sorta thing, then one pushes him down.

"You might as well go home kitty, you can't do shit to us."

He gets up, hand grazing the touch of metal at his side. It slips from its leather bed. He approaches the bastard tormenting Emma and plunges his knife between his neck and spine. One guy tries to get him by the shoulders; he turns and stabs him in the gut. The rest back away, he steps forward, both hands clinging to the now dripping blade-

And lunges.

Emma doesn't even have time to breathe.

(Does it look like Yves? Probably not, but for a 15 minute 2am pen-sketch it's okay. It's actually what inspired me to write this whole thing.)

He twirls around to face her, so, so happy and it takes everything not to scream. She smiles instead, moving towards his open arms, her own broadly spread.

"You did it!" Her body collapses against him, trembling. "That man, he-I...thank you."

Something dark passed through his gaze, then sank into the crook of her neck. "You're welcome..."

So yeah that's what I got. Cool, ay? Come on, it'd be fun....

Still unsure abut Licht, kinda feel like you might have to make up a curse for him. Big bad wolf or something...more or less to match Nokto. They are twins after all.

Welp thanks for reading if did!

Peace~

[hermit-pride]

"Hopelessly broken but also, it’s fine?"

Day: 17.

I relate to the question but for me it is in retrospect. I have known most of my life that I was different. It took a psychologist testing me for ADHD to begin the realization that my whole uniqueness was for a reason and has a label. At age 63 the knowledge came to me that I have multiple schizoid traits and would be diagnosed as SzPD according to the DSM-5 if I could find a professional who actually knows shit about the disorder. I've seen two psychologists. The first said I am not dysfunctional enough to be diagnosed with the personality disorder. Of course, she specializes in diagnosing ADHD and knows nothing of masking. The second psychologist said that I'm probably autistic since he believes that most are misdiagnosed as SzPD are actually autistic. I did an exhaustive study of the spectrum and am certainly not autistic.

But as the first PhD intimated , "I can use this information to understand my personality better". Certainly true. I had never thought about it before but I've never had a close friend except for my wife. When I was a teen I might become interested in a girl--until she wanted to become emotionally connected to me. Then I'd run for the hills. I've never developed an emotional attachment to family members, except the family members who were pets. I never am particularly happy, sad, or mad. My world is in black and white. I find things either agreeable or disagreeable. Good or bad. I haven't cried since childhood although I did cry (without the emotion) a couple of times over the years when it was expected of me. I'm not sexually attracted to others. I do feel attracted to people but it's an admiration or appreciation. I have odd crushes with teammates. One was a new nurse that had thick blond hair down to her ass. She always had it meticulously braided in one way or another and she is as sweet as a daisy. A couple months ago it was gone😒. She had donated it to make wigs for cancer patients. (Ok, I still love her). But I've never had a sexual though about her. Another was a nurse with brown hair. Braided or in some other attractive coiffure. What's more she has a quick whit. She doesn't say much but she has spot on remarks that are inwhitty, smart, and funny. I'm still in love with her. I really do love all my teammates but have zero connection to them emotionally. I have a hard time remembering everyone's names, if the are single or married, if they have children or not.

So maybe the whole, "who they are" is part of my fantasy world that I live in as a schizoid. And as Peeta Mellark struggled with what is real and what is not, I often have to make an effort to keep the distinction solid.

I guess I'm a pragmatist and understand that my life could have been much worse and wasn't that bad. I've got lots of good memories of my childhood although the majority were alone activities. And my schizoid defenses have walled off the details of various traumas such as the summer I was sexually abused by a adult male who would've hopefully died in jail if my parents had stuck up for me and prosecuted him. He actually confessed and was allowed to leave town with his tale between his legs and as far as I know never faced legal action. He was a 5th grade teacher at my school. I couldn't have been his only toy. Stan Hixon would be 80. Somehow, I can't bring myself to hate the sick fucking pedophile pile of shit...

I only remember the first interaction though it lasted much of the summer that I was nine. He taught me to jack him off. I had never seen someone cum. I was fascinated and felt no danger or guilt though I certainly should have.

My life has turned out OK and I'm at peace with the things I can't do, feel or say. I don't seek professional help because there is no fixing me. Perhaps therapy would help someone like me if they were able to become motivated. Especially the last few years, my avolition has affected me. I have no hobbies, no social life, and don't even attend church anymore. My ONLY motivation is anything related to preserving my autonomy. And I like helping others. I guess that helps when you are an RN🤍💛.

[for-dramas-sake]

The Starry Love ep 37, 38 thoughts

Yetan IS the Void Devil now. She is the most dangerous thing for the Void. Everyone is legit scared of her and her powers, but she wants to use them to get revenge. I love the twist.

Everyone is so uncomfortable with the new leader situation. There's conflict of feelings and fear everywhere, even Chaofeng is uncomfortable. Then there's Yetan who is just pissed.

That was sweet of Yetan to give the tree root to Chaofeng (a sentence I didn't think I'd ever write). Their relationship has improved for the wrong reasons.

Sending the memory-wiped husband to kill his now devil wife? Sounds like a good plan to me.

This drama continues to break my heart. Just when I was moving on from Qingkui's death, the drama has this sad scene with Yetan imagining her in the Void clinic!This girl needs a hug, but her husband is on the way to kill her. And her best friend is also dead. Yetan's life is so miserable. She had a terrible childhood, had a short-lived romance, and now she's back to having a miserable life. Can she ever get a break?

Omo! I was half-joking about the heavenly divorce and now the empress just did it! (gasp) That emperor….grrr.

The Immortal twins are playing mahjang! Their inability to play is adorable. But then again anything they do is adorable.

My emotions! Youqin and Yetan meet but he's forgotten her! She has not forgotten, however, how to dispel his star formation! So glad that was called back! And then she attacks him because she can help him remember her.

Their fight dance was so beautiful and that music too! He can't kill her. Good news for now and more good news the calvary is here with Ziwu, Qingheng and Di Lanjue! Yay!

I just realized how many burdens Yetan has taken on. She tried to save her sister from marrying Youqin, tried to save her sister from the Void, brought Youqin's soul shards together to bring him back, took on the Void Emperor for revenge, plans to take on the Immortal Emperor for Chaofeng's revenge, plans to bring back Suzhi's parents through the Soul Gathering Lamp. Then the girl has the gall to want to save her husband? She wants to do so much for so many people. I admire her for that.

Thank God that Yetan's dad shows up (did he just walk into the Void?) and gives her an encouraging pep talk and that hug she needed. He still isn't my favorite dad in this series, but he's getting better.

I hate to say it but I've given up hope for Qingheng and Suzhi. She's shot him down so many times and then she's on a mission of her own which is directly against his dad. They could have been cute but we may have gone too far for them.

Uh-oh. Immortal Emperor is worried about Youqin remembering the unsavory parts of his past. Why the heck hasn't anyone told Youqin earlier about Yetan?! Hints aren't going to be enough. A good to slap to the head should do it.

Yes! He's starting to remember! And it wasn't a big show or even a slap to the head! It was the Rooftop Swallow star, HER star.

When he returned the star to her, freaking loved that scene! And then she's just welcomed back as the consort of the Empyrean? Ha! Sticking it to the Emperor!

These Heavenly Emperors are such dicks. Their hard-hearted natures make them slaughter many lives and push their family members away. Where is the remorse, the regret, the realization that being a dick isn't the way?

Shit. Yetan killed another emperor. Oh no, wait. She just killed his powers off for good. And then marched out of Heaven like a boss!

Yetan and Youqin are couple goals. I could do without the meddling evil parent, but the "I'll stick with you to the end" commitment they have I want that. And Youqin now takes care of Yetan because she can barely take care of herself. She's like a ghost wandering around with no purpose and he has to take care of her.

I'm done crying for this drama! Can we please stop with the tears? But we have 2 episodes left.

If you made it this far and want to continue, I thank you. Here are more episodes:

35, 36 / 33, 34 / 31, 32 / 29,30 / 27,28 / 25,26 / 23, 24 / 21, 22 / 19, 20 / 17,18 / 15,16 / 13,14 / 11, 12 / 9, 10 / 7, 8 / 5, 6 / 3, 4 / 1, 2

[pandaking8308]

So I'm just going to write till someone either notices or not. I'm probably doing the worst I have every done in life and have absolutely no support. I watch my mom kill herself at a young age and watched as my dad shut down. I didn't really have a good childhood but to me it was so much fun. Mostly drinking and drugs. I was able to get past that move forward in life, but like everyone's story, this involves a girl. We had a great life, well, it seemed great. I worked with our kids and lived very well. Both had jobs and were members of the school and the town. I was very happy for awhile then came the turn.

So about 5 years in I just couldn't belive her I watch her do shit that made no sense. I was accused all the time for cheating or lying. It was that way for almost 2 years then I left because she told me about I guy I knew she had slept with and guess what she did. She lied for 5 years about it made me pay for the two times I lied about going out and getting drunk which I lied a whole 11 minutes. Then came hell.

For the last 6 years we have still been fighting calling each other and trying to get over one another. I mean I have I just assume she is to. So what I mean about this being hell is one night had to stay at our house which became her house. Got in a fight she hit me I black out and hit her. I wasn't right even though I was blacked out I was wrong and it ate me up so much I started doing Heroine because I could stand what I had let happen. I lost my daughter and my step sons I lost everything all in one night because I couldn't stop fighting with her. Long story short went to rehab got better then went to prison because I was to busy getting fucked up that probation could wait. Nope 1 year and 3 days is how long I went. Was doing good till the call

She called me on my birthday when no one not even my roommate gave a fuck. I went seen her and it was nice till 3 days later same shit I didn't send her money fast enough she called and made me feel like shit about everything when my life is not in the best place right now. Not doing fentanly or heroine but coming close now that I had to block her and delete my FB. I'm already alone most the day and I don't have alot friends mostly because I had a family for a while. So last few days I've been sitting here wondering if I overdosed would anyone know? Would anyone care? I wasn't always so closed off but life has a way of doing that to you. I don't think anyone would care pretty sure I wouldn't even be missed. I have watched my life burn to the ground and I sit in the ashes remembering when I had a family and people who cared about me and I just can't seem to find a way to forget or forgive myself for all I let happen. Part of me wants to die really just so I don't have to do another day alone. Part of me wants to just fade away and hope someday I find something worth being on the planet for.

Truth is, I'm hoping for death just because who cares people die every single day with not one tear dropped for any of them. I wish I wasn't like this, but it's hard not to be. I know it's coming, so I thought I should write it down and see if someone reads it they might not feel so alone, and it could help because it's not with me. I'm alone, and it's just getting worse. I guess I just want something left in this world before I go that says how I felt if I do go out like a cowered. I felt like dying for all the love I lost.

[ax-y10]

19. a song that makes you think about life "Snowflakes" by Tom MacDonald just exposes so many issues with the world and when you look at the lyrics and understand them, you realise just how fucked up the world is. There are some things in the song that I don't agree with either. 20. a song that has many meanings to you I'm sure everyone has heard "I Can't Handle Change" by Roar but it has so many meanings to me. And if you look at the lyrics and the different topics they cover, you would understand 21. a favourite song with a person's name in the title "stacy's brother" by Mad Tsai is so relatable for me because I know what it feels like to have people believing that you are dating someone, when you have your eye on someone else. 22. a song that moves you forward I always get so much more stuff done when I'm listening to "Kill the Director". It's such an upbeat song and carries so many meanings. When I first showed my mum this song, she said it sounded like something she would have listened to when she was in highschool. 23. a song that you think everybody should listen to The Dresden Dolls have such good music but I just think that people should listen to "Girl Anachronism" because it covers so many important topics, and it has such a catchy beat and I'm currently so in love with this song 24. a song by a band you wish were still together Technically, Los Campesinos did split up a little, but replaced the missing members with other people. I chose a song that Wilbur Soot hadn't done a cover of or a well-known song by them. "Allez Les Blues" is such a good song and it always gets stuck in my head for days 25. a song by an artist no longer living Most of us have heard "SAD! by XXXTENTACION but it is such a musically advanced and such a good song with such a good beat and rhythm. Yes, it's sad that he has passed away, but he carried a reputation that no-one will forget 26. a song that makes you want to fall in love "I Love You So" by The Walters is a song that has a rhythm and tone that just emanates love. Even though it is meant to be a sad song, I just don't see it that way, because I'm influenced by the lyric 'I love you so' because I'm lonely 27. a song that breaks your heart "If the World Was Ending (feat. Julia Michaels)" is such a sad son got me, especially because I first listened to it in the car with family, in the back seat away from everyone, in the night. Best choice ever, right? It also hits me hard because, from what I know, its about one partner leaving the other with no explanation, and both still needing the other in their life. 28. a song by an artist with a voice that you love I am incredibly biased by Wallows because I love their songs, especially "Scrawny". If you know me or ever get to know me, you will find that I constantly run around yelling 'I'M A SCRAWNY MOTHERFUCKER WITH A COOL HAIRSTYLE!'. I just have a thing for bands. 29. a song that you remember from your childhood istg my mum was trying to make me a swiftie from my younger years. She has a video of me in her car singing "You Belong With Me" in my younger years. I don't know why, but that was the only music she ever used to play 30. a song that reminds you of yourself "Siamese" by Real Fake Flowers reflects me so well because a part of the chorus has 'Honestly I think you just need therapy, to figure this shit out. Honey can't you see it's killing me, you and your self doubt'. It only really reflects me because in one of my friend groups, we have an inside joke between everyone where we all need therapy to figure out what the fuck is wrong with us, and they always target me

so until i can get the ability to write

send some numbers in and ill share some music

[kob131]

The “critics” are currently whining about Jacques, claiming that he was never supposed to be abusive, and that this behavior “came out of nowhere”. The SDC World of Remnant video and the songs clearly spell out the fact that he was always like that. Paying attention for 5 seconds is r/RWBYcritics’s kryptonite.

... That is not a thing.

The decision to make Jacques an abuser was wrong : RWBYcritics (reddit.com)

Oh holy fuck it is.

I always like to look back at how things were set up in earlier parts of the story I'm rewriting, and with the recent Schnee posts on the sub, I can't help thinking how out of the blue Jacques' domestic abuse was.

In the Monty volumes, all we know about Jacques is that he's been calling Weiss on a daily or at least regular basis. When Weiss started declining the calls, he cut off her funds and Winter had to explain to Weiss that all she has to do to get her allowance back is calling her father.

*pitches the bridge of my nose*

https://rwby.fandom.com/wiki/The_Stray

Weiss: I'm a victim! (as they stare each other down in silence, Weiss leans in close, leering as she speaks quietly) You want to know why I despise the White Fang? Why I don't particularly trust the Faunus? (leaning against the bookshelf by the window) It's because they've been at war with my family for years. War, as in actual bloodshed. My grandfather's company has had a target painted across its back for as long as I can remember. And ever since I was a child, I've watched family friends disappear; board members executed; an entire train car full of Dust, stolen. And every day, my father would come home, furious. And that made for a very difficult childhood. (bangs her fist on the bookshelf)

This is the first time Jacques has ever been referred to directly in the show. And it implies that he is abusive.

This has been one of his DEFINING character traits.

And can I just say a special ‘fuck you’ to that ‘cut off her funds’ bit? That’s called ‘finnanical abuse’.

I'm not denying that Jacques was the one who planted racism towards faunus in his kids, but otherwise he's been a strict and caring father. He clearly has some issues but much like Raven, he's in the grey area of morality.

Raven was a negligent and manipulative mother who couldn’t be assed to help her daughter. And she’s STILL portrayed better than Jacques, who has never once had anything approaching a redeeming quality.

And then in Volume 4 he just slaps Weiss, we see Willow for the first time, and we learn she's an alcoholic, and then he's suddenly allied with Salem? What the hell happened? Why was that decision made? If he was a loving father but racist he could still be an antagonist in an arc where he learns to help Faunus or at least tolerate them, and still be an ally - instead he's a total piece of shit and gets killed in prison.

Even ignoring how he was allied with WATTS, not Salem as he didn’t even know she existed (similar to Roman)-

Name one redeemable trait or action he performed before Volume 4. Trick question- it doesn’t exist.

In my opinion, a lot of things could be explained as the butterfly effect from Willow's drinking. Jacques married into the family, so the company isn't legally his. It's Willow's, but she never works because of her drinking. That leaves Jacques to pick up her slack and because of it, Weiss and Whitley don't get much attention as kids, they just get money and grow up spoiled (answering your question u/gakezfus ). Winter was the most eligible to be the heir, but Jacques didn't agree with her enlisting in the military, so he took away that status as a punishment/blackmail of sorts. That's why Winter knows how Weiss can get her allowance back - because that's Jacques' way of punishing disobedience.

Disobedience...for not talking with him. This is literally ‘You will answer me or I will hurt you’.

Your opinion is also completely divorced from the show itself to the point of being complete fanfiction that you claim is canon while hiding behind a dead man.

Your opinion doesn’t matter.

What are your thoughts on the matter?

That the subreddit not downvoting this into oblivion is a sign that it’s fucking high?

You spent half the post downing mushrooms and talking about your hallucinations, shit directly contradicted by the show, and everyone clapped like trained seals.

Honestly, it just seems that the subreddit is motivated by petty contrarianism than any actual analysis.

... Oh.

[jeonfiles]

once more to see you | kth 01

pairing: taehyung x reader ft. seokjin

genre: angst, fluff, unrequited love

synopsis: taehyung is the complete opposite of you, and you're so in love with him. he's not interested in you at all, but he's willing to pretend so he won't be known for breaking the sweetest girl in school's heart. he knows you'll end up hurt either way.

warnings: taehyung is an idiot, a lot of pining, y/n is annoyingly dependent on validation, y/n does a lot of silent prayers, y/n is a track star, childhood bsf seokjin (cute), mentions of deceased family member

music for this chap: she had the world , carry me out

a/n: taehyung will disappoint u in the beginning but hes cute i promise

"I get why you like him Y/N," Sohee swallowed the rest of her sandwich before finishing her sentence, "He's so hot. People say he's interested in you too, y'know?"

Sohee visibly tried to get food out from the back of her mouth using her tongue, and it made you chuckle at the sight. "I don't think he does." You sighed, resting your chin in your palm.

You were both situated at the table in the inner corner of the cafeteria, with a full view of who walks in the door, and sometimes you swore you could see Sohee drool when attractive guys walked in that exact door.

"Hello, of course, he does! Even his friend Jimin told Kang Seulgi from Class 1, who told Go Euntaek in class 3, who eventually told his girlfriend Baek Ho-rang who ran to me to tell me the great news." Sohee gasped for air after rambling, and you rolled your eyes,

"Stories change when that many links contribute." You scoffed, sitting back in your chair and reaching for your juice box on the table, taking a huge slurp, which you knew would annoy Sohee.

"You don't believe me? Guess we gotta ask a link closer to the source then." Sohee stood up from her chair, and you looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Park Jimin, get your ass over here will ya?" She nearly shouted across the cafeteria, and now all looks were pointed at you two, and you felt the urge to just slip down the cracks of the floor tiles and hide there forever grow stronger for each nanosecond.

You sunk further down on your tacky, orange chair, but you could still see Jimin's black locks sway a little over the crowd as he walked over to the table you were sitting at.

"What's up sugar?" Jimin smirked at Sohee, and Sohee didn't even budge, and you had no idea how she did it. He was stupidly attractive and could make any girl drop her pants with a comment like that.

"Jimin my dearest, a little birdie told me that Taehyung likes my sweet Y/N, could you confirm?" She batted her long lashes and smiled prettily at Jimin.

He looked to the left, sucked his teeth, and said, "I can't, I'm sorry." You realized you had grown a little too hopeful, and your heart sunk quite a bit when he spoke.

"Does he think I'm pretty at least?" You spoke up, eyes shining when you looked up towards the standing Jimin, the harsh lights in the cafeteria reflecting in them.

"He hasn't mentioned you much, to be quite honest." He shrugged, walking back to his table, where Taehyung and the rest of his friends sat.

Your heart thumped when he met your eyes, and you looked away in panic. The rest of lunch was just Sohee apologizing and you avoiding eye contact with any of the students at the nearby tables.

Jimin mentioned you and Sohee's name several times, he was a loud speaker, and you were so scared of what he was saying you could probably die right then and there.

Saved by the bell, you picked up your stuff and got ready to start running to your classroom, praying you wouldn't meet any of Taehyung's friends, and especially not Taehyung as you ran Usain Bolt style.

You looked down while running, not thinking twice about leaving your best friend behind, you suddenly fell to the ground with a thud. This was surely not one of your glory days.

When you looked up, you wanted to cry. It was none other than Kim Taehyung, and he didn't look pleased. You gathered your things and muttered "Sorry." under your breath probably about 10 times, and he just watched, disappointingly.

"You're a klutz. Why were you running?" He spoke, and your knees turned into jelly when you tried to stand up, you nearly fell and dropped all your stuff again, but he caught you by the arm, straightening you up like it was nothing.

"Uh... Uhm... Err..." you mumbled, and he rolled his eyes, and not in a joking manner. "Fuck that, why are you going around telling people I like you?"

Your breath hitched, and he stared at you coldly. "I didn't! Gosh, my friend Sohee told me someone had told her that you liked me, and- uh... We asked Jimin, and-" He put his hand over your mouth, making you shut up.

"I don't want you two to go around making up baseless rumors about me, it's incredibly annoying for me to go around correcting people who assume shit just because your little friend speaks louder than a bunch of hyenas at a tea party." Taehyung nearly spat, and you took a step back.

You noticed that people were listening in, their stares burning holes in your back. He was livid, and you didn't understand why, you just smiled, praying to god that this would end soon.

"I just thought you liked me-" You began, and he interrupted you, "You thought I was gonna like someone like you? Get over yourself and enter the real world."

The hallway went silent, your lips trembled as hot tears raced down your face, and like the track star you were, you fled the scene and passed the finish line into the bathrooms.

You stayed till the school day ended, not knowing what was unraveling outside the four walls of the stall.

Sohee 💜: 01:12 pm

Y/N, where are you? i heard what happened :( i hate taehyung im gonna chop his sausage off

Sohee 💜: 01:38 pm

taehyung is fighting w doyoung because doyoung decided to defend you this is hilarious

but fr where are you

Sohee 💜: 01:57 pm

doyoung gave taehyung a black eye damn

doyo is on the verge of tears when taehyung said you liked him and not doyo

taehyung cant not have feelings for you like there must be smth deeper going on

Sohee 💜: 03:39 pm

class just ended i'll wait out back

Sohee always knew when to leave you alone, so she did, partially. You usually shut off your phone when you're upset, but she still sends you texts to update you whenever you turn it back on.

This time, it was quite dramatic, and you rushed out of the icky stall and ran (again) to reach Sohee to get the full story, and as you expected, it was interesting.

"Basically, Doyoung punched Taehyung and Taehyung was a little too OP, so he failed to initiate a fight, so it just turned into Taehyung being an ass to Doyoung for defending you." She shrugged, adjusting the straps of her leather backpack as you walked home.

"Taehyung's rep is so tainted right now, I don't know how he's gonna fix this my dear Y/N, so I guess he got his karma. He's an idiot and I'm glad other people are starting to see."

You nodded yes, pushing out a fake chuckle, while silently you prayed that everything would soon be back to normal and that Taehyung would forgive you for the mess you caused.

Being in love with Taehyung for a year had taken a toll on you, and your best friend since freshman year had noticed too. You were different.

You used to be so independent and optimistic, but now you would strive for validation, and you had turned into one of the most insecure people Sohee had ever met.

Sohee tried to pull you away from him, but to her demise, it only got worse when you tried to meet other guys. She figured that the only way for you to disconnect from him was if you had your go with him, or if he treated you like a complete idiot.

You waved goodbye to Sohee as you entered your house, kicking off your shoes and throwing yourself down on the couch. You wanted to scream, but you saw your brother's and another guy's shoes in your hallway, so you kept it inside.

After having watched an episode of Seinfeld, you could hear the floorboards creak, and your gaze found its way to the hallway, where your brother, Yoongi stood, peeking out from his door.

"Ah, Y/N, you're the one who's home?" He smiled brightly, eyes turning into small crescents, which made you awe at the sight.

"Yuppers." You said and sat back again, pressing play to start the next episode. "Who's your guest?" And as you uttered your last word, another head peeked out from the door, and you couldn't help but feel the happiness brew inside you.

It was Kim Seokjin in all his glory, and this time, he looked even hotter. It had been about two years since you last saw him because he moved to Germany to study medicine.

Seokjin had been your neighbor since you were born, and you pretty much grew up with two older brothers who always took care of you.

No one dared to mess with you, because Seokjin and Yoongi always got to them first. That way, you grew up without a care in the world, protected from all evil.

You had no idea when you fell in love with him. It was somewhere during puberty, where your interest in Brad Pitt and Kim Soohyun from Dream High had grown stronger.

You remember Seokjin was scouted for modeling, acting, and even idol groups all through your childhood. He did a few ads, photoshoots, a popular teenage drama called Double Trouble, and even managed to get his own Wikipedia page.

There was no doubt that Seokjin was an attractive man, and in the two years he had been gone, his face fat was completely gone, and he had defined cheekbones, a slimmer and tighter figure, and you thought he couldn't be any more perfect.

"None other than God himself," Seokjin said smugly, opening his arms to greet you with a hug, and you threw your blanket you were covered into the side as you bolted into Seokjin's arms, legs wrapped around his waist.

He slowly put you down so your feet touched the parquet, and you felt a kind of euphoria as he smiled at you again, the same smile he had flashed you as long as you could remember.

Everything about Seokjin had matured and changed, but his smile remained the same. "What are you doing back?" You sniffled, holding back the happy tears that were forming in your eyes.

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I love Germany, but it's a little bland. I miss ahjumnas complimenting me on the subway and the bomb ass food here in SK." Seokjin grinned as he wiped a tear that fell down your face.

Yoongi was leaning against the door frame, smiling at the grand reunion. You knew he liked seeing you two together, and you had a small suspicion about him shipping you guys.

"Please don't ever leave again." You gripped onto his shirt, digging your face down in his chest, and he said, "I swear to god if you're wearing makeup right now-"

You laughed as you pushed him away, placing your hands below your chin and batting your eyelashes dramatically, "I'm all-natural."

"Naturally pretty." Seokjin leaned forward and whispered in your ear, and your heart did a little somersault.

Seokjin's always been a charmer.

You woke up in your room, pink sheets draped over your half-naked body as tons of messages poured in on your phone, vibrating so much it nearly fell off the edge of your nightstand.

You grab it while rubbing your eyes, and you're shocked to see the messages that had exploded on your lock screen.

Unknown: 08:39 am

Hey, it's Kim Taehyung.

Look, I'm sorry for the shit I said to you and I would love to make it up to you in some kind of way.

Maybe I could take you out?

I get it if you don't want to, but I heard you were interested in me so...

What kinda food do you like? Activities, hobbies?

I really wanna make this right :)

You: 08:43 am

oh hey! I'd love to, you kinda owe me one. if it's your treat, I suppose we could get some sushi and boba...

btw I don't like u like that

Contact made, saved as "taehyung <3" at 08:44 am

taehyung <3: 08:47 am

Okay. Meet me at Nori Table at 6 pm. Don't make me wait.

Your heart was palpitating, and when you pressed your phone up to your chest, you could feel your body heat up from your scalp to your toes.

Maybe Kim Taehyung had no interest in you right now, but he sure would after tonight. You were gonna make him love you, soon enough,

Running to the shower a few hours of Seinfeld later, you scrubbed with all your might with your newest strawberry scrub, did your makeup, curled your hair, and sat down on the couch, outfit draped over the armrest of the chair.

It was an hour till you were leaving, so for the time being you sat with hair rollers in your hair, dressed in pink sweats. Seokjin and Yoongi had been awake all night, you had heard them laugh and play Mario Cart all night, it reminded you of old times.

Old times where you went to bed crying because Yoongi and Seokjin's bedtime was later than yours at sleepovers. Thinking back, your parents made a pretty rational decision, but you resented them for it.

When Seokjin left for school in Germany, during your Sophomore year you cried again. You thought it was so unfair that you had to be two years younger, why couldn't you come with him?

You were painfully in love with him, and you had been probably since you were. A few months after he moved, your feelings faded. You were love-free, only to fall stupidly in love again with Taehyung just a year later.

You were forced to snap out of your train of thought because you heard the floorboards creak again. When you looked over at the dark hallway, you saw a tired, yet familiar face smile at you.

Seokjin looked quite disoriented, hair ruffled and eyes puffy, yet he looked like a Greek god. Sculpted to perfection, he smiled at you like he did yesterday and all the times before.

"Morning." He grunted out, his morning voice prominent. You chuckled when you looked at the time, feeling kind of bad for Seokjin who had slept away the majority of his day, which you knew he didn't like.

"It's 5 pm, cutie. Mom said you guys could order takeout, cause she's working late." You stood up, and Seokjin gave you a good look up and down, and then diverted his gaze to the lavender ruffle skirt and white long-sleeve blouse you had neatly hung over the armchair.

"What's the occasion?" He nodded over at the clothes and then your hair rollers and full-face makeup-covered face. He threw a few walnuts from the little bowl on the coffee table into his mouth.

"It's none of your business, but I have a date tonight," you said smugly, and a walnut flew out of Seokjin's mouth in shock.

"A date? Like a real one?" He frantically asked, and you nodded as you walked away with your outfit in hand.

You came back out minutes later, and Seokjin had to hold his mouth shut so it wouldn't drop to the floor. You had matured so well, a white blouse adorning your waist, and the lavender skirt hugged your curves nicely.

You had decorated your neck and ears with golden jewelry, and you had a pair of Air forces dangling from your left hand. You were beautiful, hair let free from the hair rollers, curls swaying as you did a twirl.

"It's alright, I guess." He pretended not to care, and your proud grin morphed into a frown pretty quickly, and he noticed.

He stood up and walked towards you, standing very close. His tall figure was hovering over you. Seokjin leaned forward towards your ear, not whispering this time,

"You're gorgeous." He pushed your curls behind your shoulder, adjusting your golden necklace as he returned to Yoongi's bedroom.

You were screwed.

The time on your phone showed 6:06 pm. You recall him saying ‘don’t be late’. What a hypocrite. It had started to pour down, so you were squeezed up against the brick wall of the restaurant so the ledge above you would shield you from the rain.

You were shaking from the cold, legs exposed because of your skirt. Sighing deeply, you reached down into your purse to text Taehyung, but when you looked up, you saw him running over to you.

He was holding a bouquet of pink delphinium and peonies. You’d always been interested in flowers, and this small gesture made you all fuzzy inside.

“I apologize for my late arrival m’lady. The flower shop was about to close down for the day, and I had to beg the cashier to let me in, promising to buy a huge bouquet if she did.” He smiled as he stood in front of you.

“No worries sir, I haven’t been waiting for long.” You chuckled, as you accepted the bouquet. His eyes scanned every inch of your body, and he said, “You’re shivering. Let’s go inside.”

This was a side of Taehyung you had barely seen before, caring and warm. This was also the side of him that initially made you fall for him.

The memories of him reading stories for children at the hospital was heartwarming. Whenever you went to visit your brother, who has now passed, you would see him read stories for all the unlucky kids.

Your brother, who was only 7 years old talked about Taehyung like a superhero, and it seemed as if Taehyung’s stories were the highlight of his days at the hospital.

Daejung wasn’t a kid you would pity. In his last months in the hospital he never once cried. You believed that Taehyung was a big part of the reason.

That’s why you fell in love with him. He hadn’t been a superhero in the form of saving lives, but he definitely made a whole lot of sick kids happier.

How could you ever repay him?

Taehyung rested a hand on your shoulder and lead you inside the door, and there stood a beautiful tall woman, black hair to her waist, almond-shaped eyes, and full lips.

She was beautiful. You looked up to see Taehyung’s reaction, and he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at you. His eyes met yours, and you could’ve sword the whole world stopped.

“Excuse me?” An unfamiliar voice spoke up, and it kicked you right back into reality. It was the pretty woman speaking, an even prettier voice to match her.

“Do you have a reservation?” She questioned, smiling so genuinely from ear to ear. “Yes. It’s on Kim.” Taehyung spoke so confidently.

“Ah, for two. I’ll be your server tonight.” She waved for you to follow her, and before she turned around, you saw her name tag.

Bae Eunmi. A pretty name for a pretty person. Of course, she had to be pretty. Your confidence sunk even lower, and your insecurities grew.

“I’m not interested in her, by the way. I’ve talked to her before. She’s all beauty and no brains. Not for me.” Taehyung whispered into your ear, possibly to reassure you.

You sat down at the table and ordered a huge plate of different types of sushi, maki, nigiri, uramaki, and even sashimi.

This restaurant was fancy, nearly too fancy for your liking. It was huge and flashy, and it made you doubt your outfit choice completely.

The restaurant fell silent since there weren’t many guests here this early. The silence wasn’t awkward between you guys. It was just, too silent, and you decided to break it.

“Do you still write stories?” Taehyung’s face froze. How did you know about the stories he wrote? Had you been stalking him? Was this when everyone would find out how weak he truly is?

“How did you find out... About them?” He asked hesitantly, fidgeting with a small woven basket with bread placed on your table.

“When sun and moon met, moon felt bad. When the moon was alone at night, he cried, because he wanted to shine just like the sun.” You quote his story word by word, it was your favorite paragraph.

He looked at you with a confused look and his eyes told you that he wondered why you knew the story so well.

Before he could speak up, you said, “My brother's name was Daejung. He looked up to you and constantly told me about how he wanted to be like you when he grew up.” You placed your hands on top of his over the table.

Taehyung was speechless. He sat there, body completely frozen as he processed what you just said. The little boy he had mourned for many months was the same flesh and blood as you.

“Daejung told me how he wanted me to marry you because he thought no one else deserved me.” Letting go of his hands, he continued sitting completely still.

First, he felt disappointed in himself. Disappointed of the way he had treated you, how sad Daejung would be if he knew.

Second, he could see him in your traits. Your button nose matched his completely, and your eyes sparkled just the way his eyes did.

Third, he realized he had to take care of you. Fall in love with you, for Daejung. Taehyung had promised the little boy to take care of his friends and family when he has at his worst.

His expression completely changed. It softened, and his eyes looked at you like you were godsent. He believed you were too. It was fate.

join the “once more to see you” taglist

a/n: u guys know the angst isn't over lol u guys r never gonna see the light at the end of the tunnel ! this chapter was originally a bit longer but i have to test the waters and seeing how u guys like it !! pls reblog <3

[jaysevhls]

Here, With You | Kelly Severide

Summary: You're a firefighter at Firehouse 51. You are a member of Truck 81. At the call you got injured with Kelly, your fiance.

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader.

Warnings: Injures, accident.

Author's note: It's pretty long one?? Requests are open.

Firehouse 51. The most loving, caring and knowing firehouse in Chicago you can say. Working here was the best part of your life, including your relationship with lieutenant Kelly. Those years you have been working there were just amazing as you can tell.

Day started as usual, no calls, most of the squad and truck, hanging out in the break room. The atmosphere was clear, fortunately there were no dramas that day.

You made your walk through the kitches, it was your day at cooking, which you loved. Everyone in 51 knew your hobby and passion, that's why Herrmann decided to give you a part time job at Molly's. There was something about this place, the whole idea, people CPD, CFD and Med were there almost every night, trying their favorite drinks, your food and just spending time with colleagues, closest friends and loves.

That's where you and Kelly made a step in your friendship. You met 7 years ago, when you started working at 51 as paramedic. It was only a temporary, since you knew that your dream job is being a firefighter. Your childhood was mostly based on making a fake fire, smoke, because you loved when you could help your mom or any member from your family when it was a fire in the house, not real of course. And the day came. After 1 year being in Ambo 61 with your best friend, Gabby, it was your time to shine. You joined the academy with her, which only made things better for you and your friendship. You graduated and since then, you're an official member of Truck 81. You loved your job.

Kelly was always around you. Since he and Gabby lost Leslie, he felt like he need to make a promise. He promised himself that no matter what, he will always protect you. Since he first saw you, the look in your eyes wes telling him that you need someone by your side. And that's when it all started. At the beginning it was simple. He cared about you a lot, he always asked you after a call if everything is alright, if you need anything, which made you feel loved. You missed that feeling.

One night at Molly's things went too far you can say. It was a day before your birthday, so you wanted to have fun. A lot of fun. You invited all your colleagues and of course Kelly. For couple of days at this time he was so nervous, acting weird around you, so you thought he need some relax and fun. It was a good time occasion.

"Hey, you want another?" Herrmann asked you. To be honest, it was a very difficult job to make you drunk, so you ordered next one. And next. And couple more.

"I think you had enough Y/N" Kelly took the beer from your hand, laughing at your actions.

"No, no, no Kelly. Definitely no. You need to have more, you need to have fun, pleaseeee! It's like the first time in year when we actually can drink more, because there's no work tomorrow" you took it back and drink almost half of it.

"Ok. But you're not getting drunk here alone. Let's go to my place, I have your favorite wine and beer." as he finished, you were already in his arms. His hand on your waist, making your way through the exit. You really wanted to go there by your own, but it was too much.

"See, I could go alone Kelly. You don't need to check on me when we're not in work." you smirked.

"That's the point my love. I'll care about you till the end of world and one day after." you look at him confused. Did he just called you his love? Or was it just your imagination witch damage after too many beers.

"And who had too much alcohol tonight Kelly?" he didn't respond.

The ride was wild you can say. He decided to take a longer way, because he wanted you to feel a little bit better, to wipe that alcohol out of your system. You sang your favorite songs, which made him laugh. He loved your voice, even drunk.

That night was memorable. He kissed you out of the blow, but you enjoyed it. You wanted that for so long. The priority was to remember about that night, even half of it and you did it. Couple of more nights like this, dates, drinks at Molly's.

And there you are. Engaged to your best friend. Your soulmate, a better half.

"Y/N? Can we speak in private?" he asked. You just finished cooking when you saw Kelly, walking to you with something in his hand.

"What have I done this time?" you laughed, joining him in his office.

"Why didn't you tell me about the meeting with my father? Are you out of your mind?" so that was the problem. You looked at him and sighed.

"I didn't mean to- I wanted to tell you, but it was already too late. He asked me to meet him few days ago and I thought that will be the best opportunity to invite him to our wedding. It's your dad Kelly"

"And why now he is trying to reach me by the mails, calls and even letters? I told you that I'll speak to him in right time!" that conversation went definitely too far you felt.

"Enough Kelly! I just wanted to do something good, to invite your damn father to see his son at the end of the aisle, because it's a one time thing and you're making me feel guilty about this? You know I didn't mean to hurt you, but you-"

"Truck 81, Engine 51, Squad 3, Ambo 61, Battalion 25 the old-" you didn't need to listen the rest. You went out of his office and made your way to the Truck.

After few minutes, all of the members of 51 were on the scene. It was a big fire at the old factory.

"Y/L/N, Borrelli, with me" Casey yelled. You masked up before you went in. You know that it was to difficult to handle that fire with only one firehouse, so when you heard Boden voice, calling for backup, you sighed in relief. Now, the only thing you needed to focus at, was to get as many people as you can and walk them out of this place.

You took 2 womens with you, it wasn't that bad you thought. When you came back, the smoke was dark and you couldn't see anything. You made few steps in the right.

"Fire department, call out!" you yelled. Casey was right behind you, saying that he's going to the left. Before, you heard few screams, that's why you decided to go back in there and find those people. They still could be alive.

"H-help!" you heard. You made your way to a women, who was trapped. She had a really bad head injury. You knew it was her final call.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere!" you told her and kneeled in front of her. You took her hand and she looked at you. Then she closed her eyes.

Checking her pulse, you felt a sharp pain at your shoulder. You hit yourself when you were standing up.

Your vision get blurred more than it already was. You took your mask off to see if there's anyone else, or Casey, to reach his help. It was your biggest mistake. Unfortunately, your mask fell out of your hands and broke.

"Mayday, Mayday! I need some help in block C! My mask is destroyed, I'm out of my oxygen." you coughed.

Kelly was already outside, looking out for you. When he heard your voice, his heart just broke.

"Chief, I'll go!" he yelled. He didn't even wait for a response, he just stormed out to that building.

He was looking out for you for almost 3 minutes, which was a long way, when you are dealing with fire, smoke and no oxygen. When he found you, he thought it was too late. You were laying, coughing, in pretty bad shape.

"Hey! Y/N! Come on, we need to get out of here!"

"I- I can't Kelly, I- My leg, is trapped." he looked down at your body, searching for an injuries. You were right, your leg was trapped and he knew that he'll need more help.

"Breath baby, just keep breathing, everything is going to be alright" he kneeled at your side and gave you his mask.

"What a funny story" you coughed. "I just said those words to a woman and she died" you cried. The pain was awful, you felt this sharp pain at your shoulder, your chest was getting heavier and the leg wasn't helping. The only thing what was keeping you alive was the water, streaming on your side.

"You're not dying, you hear me? Don't you dare die on me" he was trying to pull you out, but when he realised that he can't do it, he immediately called for backup.

"What is that?" you asked. Something was making noises and you couldn't focus on what is causing it.

"Oh god no. No, no, no! My oxygen is out, shit!" he yelled. "Chief, where is the backup, my oxygen is out, we don't have much time!"

"Kelly, hey, look at me." you whispered. He was so scared, like never.

"We're gonna be fine, just please breath" he cried. You took his hand and kissed it. He lied down, to get closer to water. Now, you were face to face.

"I love you Kelly. They were right about "Till the death do us apart", they were so right"

"Shut up Y/N, we didn't even get a chance to say those words yet." he nervously laughed. "You're gonna be fine and you'll say it to me in the church, in this beautiful white dress, you hear me? They're coming and they'll find us."

You were out of you breath, laying there unconscious, Kelly was holding your hand with eyes closed.

"Y/N? Hey, Y/N?" he immediately stood up and check out your pulse. There was no pulse. "No, no, no, c'mon Y/N, you can't leave me!" he was yelling.

"Y/L/N! Severide! Call out!" it was Casey. They found you.

"In here, we need get her out of here, she's not breathing" Casey took you by your legs and Severide by hands. They were almost running with you in their arms. Brett and Dawson were ready to take you from them.

"Start compressions." Gabby said. He felt like his whole world was falling apart. Casey was holding him by his arm, to make sure he won't fall. "Okay, we got the pulse, we're going to Med. Severide?" Brett asked.

"Yeah, I'm going with you." he wiped off his face from tears. You needed to be alright.

•

It's been almost 5 hours since they brought you to Med. Whole 51 was sitting in waiting room with Kelly to help him get through this time and to get news about you.

"Any family member of Y/N Y/L/N?" the nurse asked.

"I'm her fiance" he answered.

"Doctor Will Halstead is waiting for you" he followed her into break room. He was so scared to hear news about you.

"Hey, Kelly. I'm so sorry about what happened, are you okay?" he hugged him.

"Hey, yeah. I'm good. They give ne oxygen, took my blood for some tests, everything is good, my lungs are clear. How's Y/N, please tell me she's okay?"

"She's stable. She had a surgery for her open break in the leg, but everything is okay now. We're giving her oxygen and for now, we're keeping her in coma."

"But- but she wasn't breathing for couple of minutes, is there any chance that it caused something?"

"It's hard to say Kelly. We need to wait till she wakes up" he gave him a weak smile. "You can go and see her, I'll tell your team about her condition."

There you were. Laying in bed, unconscious, but alive. You were so strong, Kelly knew that. You showed him this so many times, but today it was something different. He almost lost you and it almost killed him.

"I'm so sorry Y/N. This shouldn't have happened to you. I love you baby and I'll always be by your side." he cried in his hands.

"I know you will" this whispered make his heart stop.

"You're awake, baby. I love you so much, this argument shouldn't have happened, it's all my fault"

"Shhh, can you? Can you just lay here with me? he stood up and layed by her side. Just the two of them, reunited. Full of love.

[jonathancrane-scarecrows]

100 Important Character Questions

Part 1: The Basics

What Is your full name?

Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovitch

Where and when were you born?

08/10/1994 in Chicago

Who are/where your parents?

Terry Milkovitch is my dad, my mother... dont know her name.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Yeah my sister Mandy. We are both close. Shes a fighter, strong like a Milkovitch should be. Shes not afraid to tell you what shes thinking and I love that about her.

Where do you live now and with whom?

Chicago with Mandy and Terry.

What is your occupation?

Thug, pimp, security

To which Social class do you belong?

Poor, never going to get anywhere but that's fine.

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

Fuck no. I'm as strong as they get... well if you consider family a weakness then yeah. They mean everything to me.

Are you right or left handed?

Right handed

What does your voice sound like?

Noel Fishers voice = Face claim

What words and/or phrases do you uses very frequently?

Fuck off, Carrot Top, Tough guy, Fire crotch, Fuck you, shut the fuck up...list goes on.

What do you have in your pockets?

Why the fuck should that matter? Wallet, money... maybe a gun.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I'm a jealous person... can get violent when it comes to Caleb... I dont like it when others touch what's mine. ( Hes really Caleb's but... you know.) I drink, smoke and do drugs. It's better than dealing with the shit I deal with. Have a hard time being who I am... if people knew I'd be in a ditch somewhere.

Part 2: Growing up

How would you describe your childhood in general?

Violent. I grew up learning how to fight and dealing with my father. Of course it wasent all bad. Mandy was there with me through everything. Even stopped our dad from beating the shit out of me when he found a kid kissing me. Was the first kiss I had from a guy.

What is your earliest memory?

My dad beating the hell out of a guy that didnt pay up for a service he had done for him.

How much schooling have you had?

Plenty. I dropped out but schools not for everyone.

Did you enjoy school?

Fuck no. People always think they are better than you and if your poor they look at you like your scum. I left when I could.

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

My father of course. Mother left when we were young so everything I know Is from him. The good and the bad but that's what makes us Milkovitch.

While growing up, did you have any role models?

My dad but now I'd rather be far away from him as I could. Always in jail, causing fights. What a great role model right?

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

Never met my mother so nothing going on there. With Dad? Our relationship has never been the best. Mandy our relationship is amazing. I help her she helps me...Milkovitchs stay close to family. Through thick or thin.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Alive. Living the Milkovitch way is dangerous. All I want to to stay breathing.

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

Beating up the biggers kids, proving I wasent weak. Spending time with my sister.

As a child,what kinds of personality traits did you display?

Violent, jealousy, stayed with family through everything, need to be accepted ( Not very open with others about why), cautious, careful ( When he nedded to be), responsible.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

Fuck no. Never been the popular type. Friends? Not really I beat kids up more than anything. They all feared me.

When and with whom was your first kiss?

I was 13 and was a girl... dont remember her name. My dad told me I needed to show interest in girls so I kissed her. Made him happy and got him off my back.

Are you a virgin? If not,when and with whom did you loose your virginity.

No definitely not a virgin... havent been in some time. I was 15 and no one knows but I said it was Angie... wasent her. Was a guy.

Part 3: past Influences

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

Meeting Caleb. Might not be a big event to others but to me it was pretty big.

Who has had the most influence on you?

My father much to my distaste but hes all I've got beside my sister with family.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Staying alive. This world we live in it's not the greatest. The strong are the ones that will survive

What is your greatest regret?

Being a pussy and not admitting my feelings. Remaining in the closet.. afraid my father will kill me if I admit what I am.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

Does being a pimp count? I havent killed anyone yet. Came close many times with a gun pointed at them or me beating the fuck out of them.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

Fuck yeah I do. Been in Juvie a few times... ok more than a few. What can I say I'm a bad person.

When was the time you were most frightened?

When my father was beating the shit out of me when he saw a guy kiss me. The other got the worst of it.

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

Well finding out you like it up the ass is something I'd say qualifies.

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

Not being such a pussy about who I am. I'd change that fact because if I did I could be with who I wanted. Yeah my dad would be coming after me but at least I'd be worth it for Caleb.

What is your best memory?

Not many good ones but meeting Caleb for the first time was... it changed me.

What is your worst memory?

Fuck... I have too many bad ones to really say which was my worst.

Part 4: Beliefs & Opinions

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Neither I'm a realist. I know how things are.

What is your greatest fear?

Loosing anyone close to me.

What are your religious views?

Honestly I could give less a fuck... but my family is Christian.

What are your political views?

Not like I vote so it dont fucking matter.

What are your views on sex?

Best fucking thing ever! Helps with a lot of problems. People should do it more often. Less stress, issues... it's just better for you.

Are you able to kill?

Yeah depending on the circumstances

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

Be a pedophile, I'll fucking kill one if I see one.

Do you believe in the existance of soul mates and/ or true love?

Honestly... I dont know. I feel something with Caleb I've never felt with anyone... it's kinda scary.

What do you believe makes a successful life?

Not being a snitch, doing what your supposed to do and beating people that dont pay you like they were supposed to. It's not hard. Everyone has problems.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings?

Depends who I'm talking with. I lie all the time.. I have to so my dad dosent find out about Caleb. I tend to be violent when asked if I'm gay.. I can't help it and fuck if Caleb knew how I felt about him... I dont know what would happen.

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

If we went off what my father thinks then I would.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

Snitch. I'm not a fucking snitch. The day I do that would have to be a fucking important reason.

Who or what,if anything, would you die for( or otherwise go to the extremes for?

Caleb aka. Carrot Top.

Part 5: Relationships w/others

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

Depends if I know them. If I like them then they can see I'm a great guy. Of course if I dont know them and they piss me off they are going to end up bloody. In general you know me I'm a good guy, you dont know me I keep my eyes on you.

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Caleb... meeting him has changed my life.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

My sister. Shes strong and she hasent snitched on me. Thick and thin we are close and always there for one another.

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

I dont have friends.

Do you have a spouse or significant other?

Caleb.... we arent married or anything so fuck off.

Have you ever been in love?

Yes

What do you look for in a potential lover?

Red head, batshit crazy, packing 9 inches.

How close are you to your family?

As close as I can be. We are there for one another though dads a dick.

Have you started your own family?

No

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

My family, they wouldnt leave me hanging or in trouble.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Myself... maybe my sister... and perhaps Caleb. Why fuck you that's why.

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

My family and Caleb... I hope anyways.

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

My dad. He would rather see me dead than let me be gay.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

Fuck no I fight with my fists, guns, anything I can get.

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

Sometimes depends on the situation.

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

No. I like who I like and large groups are not my thing.

Do you care what others think of you?

Fuck no ( A little)

Part 6: Likes & Dislikes

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

Fights... to an extent.. dont really have hobbies and I mostly do things for the family.

What is your most treasured possession?

One of Caleb's jackets

What is your favorite color?

Green

What is your favorite food?

Steak

What, if anything, do you like to read?

Dont read

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs?

I do all three, helps with stress.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

Fuck, really depends on what's going on. Things pop up all the time.

What makes you laugh?

Caleb... he makes me laugh a lot.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

Being called gay... I tend to get violent. Even if it's TRUE, living with my father has made me this way.

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

Go see Caleb

How do you deal with stress?

Drink, smoke, do drugs, fuck... a lot of things.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

Both

What are your pet peeves?

Girls hitting on me all the time, being my dads punching bag... yeah

Part 7: Self Image & Other

What is your greatest strength as a person?

Surviving

What is your greatest weakness?

Caleb

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To be stronger... to tell my father who I am and live through the beating.

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Extroverted

Are you generally organized or messy?

Both

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Good: Fighting, taking care of family matters, lying ( sometimes hes terrible but he thinks hes amazing at it)

Bad: Admitting my feelings, showing how I feel... to an extent, loving others

Do you like yourself?

No

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Get over my Dads hate for gays and come out

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In jail

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

Protecting my loved one

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

See Caleb, fuck, then go spend time with Mandy

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

Being the first gay Milkovitch why the fuck not?

What three words best describe your personality?

Attractive, energetic, reliable

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Aggressive, dangerous, dedicated

If you could, what advice would you, the mun, give to your character?

Theres nothing to be ashamed of! Be gay be whatever you want! Your perfect the way you are even with the rough edges. Your doing good but you and Mandy need to leave your father.

Tagging: @sin-of-the-father , @magicalmusesandwheretofindthem

[clearsandwichhologram]

i was talking with my friend yesterday and we somehow got onto the topic of my dad and she looks at me and said "he really loves you huh. i can see it." and it took me a second to figure out what to say back because while i knew in part that was true, i knew it wasn't completely accurate. finally, i looked back at her and said "he loves his perception of me" because truthfully it's been too long since he's known me. to him, i'm his princess. to him i'm his baby girl. if he knew who i was actually, he would take it all back without a single thought and i know it. so, i'll keep being his little princess if it means i'll keep being loved.

I often wonder if my mother is happy. I can see it in her sometimes, that need for something new. I think she'll leave my father some day. I just want to look her in her eyes and ask her, "Are you happy? Are you satisfied with what you created?" But, I'm afraid of what she'll say. ai'm terrified of the answer I know I'll get. She'll think for a moment or two, chew on the words, and say "No, I don't think I am." And the conversation will end, both of us turning away back to our weekly Friday night show. I won't take those words too seriously on the surface, but deep down I'll know finally that she DOES resent us. That she never cared for us, emotionally, in the right way. I'll know that we really were just "products" to her. And deep down, that will utterly crush me, making me crave her attention and worthiness more. But instead of dwelling on it, we'll sit in silence, watching tv.

I think my older brother is my favorite family member. I can't remember much of when we were younger, but I know I was just the annoying younger sibling to him. But something shifted maybe 4 or 5 years ago. When I got older, we created this mutual understanding. I can't describe it, but I knew that we became equals. He doesn't show that he cares in the most noticeable ways, but I know he does. On my birthday or Christmas I would get my favorite drink and food, unwrapped of course thrown into my hands without even a word. When I was alone and nervous at my first Scouts meeting or the start of my first Staff Week at the camp we both worked at he let me tag along with his friends. I was invited along so I wouldn't be left out. To him, I'm 'kid' and I'm welcome to stay as long as I need with him and his roommates because there's a futon in the basement and I don't have a proper bed to sleep in anymore. I don't need him to tell me he cares about me because he makes it clear in his own ways and I cannot be more greatful

I'm worried about my younger brother. He used to be this tiny, snotty brat with a wild imagination and an enthusiasm for everything. Now he seems to do nothing but get high and stay in his room. He's growing up, I recognize that, we all are, but it's what he's turning into that scares me. It's my duty as an older sibling to give him shit and care way too much about his wellbeing. My parents might not see it but I can clear as day, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. If this fucker kills himself I'm gonna be so pissed at him.

Home doesn't feel like home anymore. Sure, I grew up there and sure, my things are right where I left them, but Everything is different. My house isn't right. There's someone in my room, which is fine and really the best thing for her right now, but I can't call it mine anymore. It is not mine and it is crushing to admit it. The older I get the more I realize that I am still a child, I crave warmth and home and belonging, and I don't have that. My room isn't mine, it is a fossilized picture of what used to be. Anytime I tell my mother that I don't belong there anymore she placates me and lies to me, telling me that this is temporary and it's still mine, but I should have know from the moment I decided to switch from my childhood bedroom, the one I kept for 11 long years, to the revolving door bedroom downstairs, that it was over. I can't get the past back. I can't turn back the clock to when I wasn't paying attention to time. Everything is different, and I'm a stranger to my bedroom.

[snekdood]

ngl i think growing up w siblings was good for me IF ONLY for preparing me for shitty people lol, they've stolen my childhood stuffed animal before and threw it on the roof when i was a kid and thought it was funny, i never saw that bambi stuffed animal again. but i did get another one. and now in my life, once again, someone has stolen my bambi stuffed animal lol (and my sister acts surprised why i accuse her, lmao, ok) and though its really painful given i had more childhood memories that i could actually remember w that stuffed animal, but unfortunately for some i dont like to give up on shit just bc people are bitter and refuse to become better people. so, i just got another one lol. i've had to adjust to losing one before, it's not that hard to do it again. if i grew up as an only child i think it would have been harder for me to accept it and id be a very resentful person bc i wasnt forced in my most vulnerable time growing up to accept it. growing up around people who seem to not give half a shit, so you have to adjust. you have to realize that this is just par of the course of being in my family, people just steal shit (my sister mostly and only really now), i see losing my 2nd bambi as i see my family; it's a declaration and a final statement that the things i care about, my problems and traumas, my childhood- none of it matters to them. they dont care about stealing it from me, just like one of my family members not caring if he stole my innocence. its trash to them. they take it away because its funny that i care about something so "stupid and useless" as my childhood. they take it because it hurts me. but i just see it as a final murder of who i am in this family. it's like they can't abort me now so they'd rather symbolically abort me.

[rattsietottsie]

My truama has made me the worst girlfriend and lover.

I grew up with betrayal after betrayal.

Always unwanted.

An annoying fat weirdo.

I was subjected to all kinds of psychological abuse such as manipulating family members against eachother, calling me every name under the sun, making me more and more self concious and.. so I isolated myself.

I stayed in my room as much as possible.

In addition to what my mother did, my father would try his damnest to break me down. Day after day.

Everyone around seemed to want nothing more than to strike fear in my heart and push me around..

The physical abuse... most of it I can't remember. My mom beat the shit out of us. I remember standing in the corner for hours while she watched HGTV.

I still can't stand that channel.

She even made me kneel on rice.

My most vivid childhood memory is of my mom choking my older sister and me trying to pull her of by her hair. Both yelled at me to get away, mom with rage and my sister through tears.

My stepmom also psychologically tortured me. Made me feel guilty and made fun of me for crying when they said the meanest shit to me. I couldn't even branch out and make friends because she wanted ALL of the info on anyone I wanted to hang out with and.. I decided it was better to be alone. She publically humiliated me..

And worst of all, my dad tried to get in my pants three times and none of them believed me. 'Im not so sure you didn't just mis inturpret'

HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO MISINTURPRET THIS:

I was in the basement. I was never comfortable being there but... Even underage if I hung out with them, I could smoke and drink.

I was just about out of it and he walked over and sat himself right next to me. Started feeling my thighs and trying to rub me through my pants.

I finally got the guts to stand up and run off when he tried to push his hand in my underwear.

I hate this world so much sometimes. I'm sick of being trampled over.. but I'm powerless. Can't even hold a job. My anxiety gets me every time. I do my best. I break down. I do my best. I break down.

Nothings ever okay.

And.. now.. I've met a nice guy.. and.. all he wants to do is enjoy life but I can do nothing but bring him down with my trust and abandonment issues.

Often when I break down, I can't think past how bad it hurts. Physically. And it's so hard to pull out of.. I beg him for support. "Please make sure I can contact you if it gets too bad"

He just wants to live his life and I struggle so much when he's away.

He has such a basic good life.. I don't think I belong. He has a nice group of friends ill never want to see or be apart of.. I'm just too anxious. People have been talking behind my back for so long.. That's why.. I really prefer 1x1 friendships. Full attention on eachother..

Only.. often.. I don't want friends. I'm too depressed. I just want to curl up with him and he just wants to play video games and fake christian to go on 'retreats' paid for by his friends rich aunt.

Its so hard every time he goes. My stress climbs quickly feeling like he's abandoned me even if logically after a year I shoukd think he'll stay.

Occasionally.. ill go on a tangent. I.. don't believe anything I say and I have little control of the rush in my head of terrible thoughts and.. he doesn't deserve it. He shouldn't put up with me.

"I'm better off alone."

A bold faced lie I tell him when my flight reaponse kicks in. The truth is... I need to be cared for. I can not get myself through all this alone. Some days I'm just so ready to dïe.

I need to hold out... I need to try harder. He's promised me the moon and the sun and I can't deny he wants to.. I can't. My anxiety can.

I get so cold sometimes. I can't feel his warmth. He tries and he tries. Just.. to start over with me again the next day. Nothings sticking in my head. All I can think is.. everyone in my life is going to hurt and leave me..

And.. that leads to me pushing people away. Intentional or not. I keep telling him to break up with me. Just go if he can't be there for me.. and I know that's not right.. i love him. He shows so much love and yet my heart is still walled in.

I have a feeling.. even if.. he gives me all the love and care in the world.. I'll never really be okay. I've been scarred by everyone around me.

I've tried so hard to get some help or care over the years.. even told a teacher what was going on. Nothing came of it.

A girl I didn't know at school in 8th grade (fuck 8th graders) told me, 'why dont you go home and get mølested some more'

I've just been so needlessly hurt that.. I can't imagine it'll ever change.

I'll keep trying till.. either my will or my body gives out.

And.. I.. really hope.. he won't get fed up. He really is trying.. and I'm just.. good for nothing.

I don't deserve anything.

Not a single thing.

Not the clothes on my back.

[aliresix]

Still at it

Episodes 201-250

What do you mean you didn't understand that they were pirates, doctor?

Chopper impersonating the "tough guy" is everything

I find it so funny that Usopp thinks of himself as a coward because sure, he's scared when he has to fight, but most of the time he does it anyways.

Is there a fic somewhere where "Kondoriano" gets amnesia somehow and he joins the straw hats? I'd read the shit out of that

This whole thing with the Foxy pirates had already been going on for a while and luffy decided to play again

I can't fucking believe that the Afro was actually the key to this victory

Robin is just watching as the chaos ensues because everyone lost their memories except for her

But let's be honest, if it was someone else it would've been real chaos (unless it was Luffy).

IMPORTANT INFO: they have board games on the Merry Going. Robin and Chopper play board games together.

Ummmm just noticed that pre-timeskip Nami has the bisexual haircut

NO NOT THE MERRY GOING WHYYYYYY

Yes. Avenge Usopp. Very, very good.

USOPP WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Love that the townfolks waited for Franky to finish his silly little dance before completly freaking out

Robin, I have faith in you so please have a reason behind this and then go back with the crew.

I do not accept this as a reason. Robin, whyyyyy

Excuse you Franky weren't you there to kidnap Usopp???

THE TREE IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK THING WHEN THERE’S USOPP IS THE TREE

Thank god Robin’s reason turned out be that or I was going going to throw a fit

Episodes 251-300

Sanji you moron we know you're strong but this doesn't stop me from being worried about you

I cannot stress enough that one od the CP9 members gave the coat to the pigeon, too

The frog

What the fuck is up with Franky's chin

YES LUFFY

Zoro and Luffy would be lost withou the rest of the crew. Like, literally lost. 70% of the time they have no clue of where they are (in the other 30% they think they know where they're going but they are wrong).

Why did they hurt poor Robin so muh what did she ever do wrong

At least she had someone

You: Alexandria and its library. Me: Ohara and its tree of knowledge.

Deeeereshishishishishishi *starts sobbing*

Found family going strong here. I mean, they straight up declared war to the whole world to get Robin back. 

"Oh yeah, while I fall (probalby to death) let's just remember my childhood" - Luffy, on ep. 279

This child and her cat-rabbit just fell in a hole and kept going like it was nothing

(Yes, they’re still spelling it Rufy in case you were wondering)

Episodes 301-350

Robin has PTSD and there's nothing you can do about it

Aww Robin and Nami fight so well togheter this is exactly what I'm here for

Apparently people can tell Luffy's va is a woman??? I was convinced nobody could since I can't even if I know she's a woman

YES THE MERRY GOING go my sweet child save them all

Wow that was a really violent way to kill someone, Robin. (I know she used to be an assassin shhh)

But seriously can you believe one piece made me emotional about a fucking boat

Well I definetely wasn't expecting that marine to be Luffy's grandad that's for sure

Did I mention how much I love Coby (he's only been in like 3 episodes so far but it doesn't matter)

Ep. 318. Or, as I like to call it, "Zoro gets adoppted against his will and becomes an housewife".

So this is how Franky joins the straw hats? What the fuck.

Yes they show everyone when they get the new bounty I love it

It’s so satisfying to me that there are so many Good Numbers. 111. 222. 333. And so on.

Luffy really saw a talking skeleton and went "ahahaha wanna be my crewmate" and the skeleton in question said "yeah sure" and that was it. Only after they learned something about him.

Why is she so angry at plates what did they ever do to you

They're eating pudding straight from the tablacloath cause she didn't give them any plates

Help girl I'm losing motivation for going on (It's so loooooooooong I've been watching it for a month and I'm not even to an half of it)

Don't like what's appening on this island can we please go back to the sea?

Episodes 351-400

THE WHALE!!!!!!! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Oh right they weren't always in the crew they don't know about Lavoon

Umm now I just want to hug Usopp even more. I mean, those ghost made the others feel sorry for being born and he's more negative than that???? He def needs an hug.

Makes me happy to see Usopp still using the Dials

Did Zoro just say “Rashomon” I-

I'm dumb I just realized why the big one is called "Oz"

They are the scarier and most powerful crew but at the same time the dumbest. I don't think I need to elaborate.

Why is this one carrying the Bible around what's in there that could help you on the battlefield

Yohohohoooooooo yohoho hoooooooooo

Luffy: *yeets himself in the sea and can't swim so he drowns* Both Chopper and Brook: *jump in the sea to rescue him and drown too*

I love them

Gotta love how every once in a while they bring back a character from like 200 episodes ago and they're like "remember them? they're alive, they're here and they are relevant once again"

I almost broke the screen when Robin cleaned her hand on Usopp's trousers after getting resin on it. That shit doesn't come out out hands easily, you need alcohol, I can't imagine for clothes. Poor guy.

Seriously how could think hurting the friend of someone who has a bounty that high would be a good idea

I look it up to check but I was right Law's VA also voiced Levi

 I’m watching One Piece

Continua a leggere

[tomans-darlings-au]

I am so so so glad you're not there any more. I hope things are much better now and that you're happier and gods that's horrible. You're a sweet person and I can't believe you went through... I hope life for you is sweet and kind, that you know only happiness, and the worst sorrow you come across is just a fleeting moment and just, I never want you in a position where someone could hurt you like that again.

Oh i’ve been in abusive situations my entire life, like a majority of the authority figures in my life abused their power over me and has either physically or mentally manipulated me to their wills so at this point I was sorta used to it.

Warning: Long Horrid Filled Rant Of Abuse

(If you don’t want to read I’ll leave it at this anon, i’m okay cause of some serious repression of emotions and such. Just kinda smiling through hell.)

I mean I can exactly list the people in my life who did so out of fear that they’ll be nosey asses like they usually are and use my words to create drama again but it’s there and I remember it.

ALL. OF. IT.

FOREVER!

But I mean outside of being afraid of belts because my ex step-father beat the shit out of me a lot as a kid and being afraid of my grandma dying because my dad threatened (non-specifically) to and I quote: 

“Take care of business with people who crossed him.” after she’s gone.

(Let’s face it he might as well have said “I’m going to attempt to kill everyone who pissed me off in life.” Which unfortunately probably now includes me and probably my little sisters mother and maybe my own and maybe his own brother.)

I’m okay aside from that.

And by that I mean I’m moderately sane because I live with my boyfriend who takes care of me and doesn’t abuse in any way. (Seriously this boy genuinely cares for my well-being and honestly sometimes it gets to the point where i’m like “Why the fuck haven’t you broken up with me and kicked me out? Are you like mentally okay?”)

I have nice friends both online and offline so that makes me feel better and coming to terms with some of my abuse has helped me. Honestly aside from sometimes seeing or hearing triggers I don’t really think of my dad to much anymore. I’m more upset about other abuse from family members that took me awhile to accept.

Like I knew my dad was abusive but my boyfriend literally had to tell me that some of my other abuse was not normal especially via my siblings and step-dad.

Like if you think my dad is bad. You’re right he’s an absolute monster and even though he choked me a lot he never left evidence of his abuse really. A lot of his abuse was psychological breaking, manipulation, and fear tactics.

Wanna know what does leave marks?

My ex-stepfather who used to beat the crap out of me and my brother.

And also my brother who learned to physically abuse me too.

My step-dad used the belt and other cruel punishments to get me to conform.

Punishments Endured As A Child (And I’m Talking Young Like Until I Was In The 5th Grade When He Finally Left):

The Belt - Probably sounds ordinary right? Nope, let me tell you the procedure he insisted on. First he would get his belt, next I was instructed to strip my clothes off until I was in my underwear (Which was the only thing I was allowed to keep on.) After that I would be on my knees in a praying position holding onto either a bed or chair and then he would hit me, if I made too much noise he’d continue and tell me to be quiet because if he got in trouble he would hit me more. If I moved he force me down and hit me more too, it was usually the quickest punishment only lasting… Actually idk I was usually in too much pain to figure it out. My legs, butt, and back were usually left with dark bruises for a long time and along with the whipping I was usually grounded too.

The Book/The Corner - I hated these because it gave even more control to my step-father. This punishment had me on my knees back completely straight in the middle of the room (So I wouldn’t lean on anything and cheat) or had me standing in the corner of the room facing the wall back straight and head straight. (Being completely silent in both punishments.) while it seems relatively less painful these were the most torturess considering my step-dad had the habit of making me do this “Until he said so” instead of for a certain amount of time. I would literally be there for hours and if I leaned or made a sound I had more time. I would only be allowed to get up or leave if I had to use the bathroom and if I took too long I had more time on my punishment.

Solitary Confinement - Pretty much what it sounds like in my room (Or bed because when we lived in the shelters it was just one big room) no entertainment, no talking, no toys, no noise just sitting there. I was let out for food but I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone at the table and only looked at my plate of food, after dinner confinement continued. These were generally the longest punishments.

Cocotaso - (I’d like to start by reminding everyone I’m a hispanic boy that grew up in poverty. If I get called white because i’m pale one more time i’m gonna fucking scream). This was just getting it in the head with someone’s knuckles really hard. Pretty much everyone did this to me, especially my brother and step-father. Often times they’d do it hard enough to leave lumps on my head, my step-father did it all the time and the worst is that because of my ADHD I also ended up with Insomnia (Especially after going through the hectic shelter system). My step-father did not believe in mental illnesses and saw my being awake as disobedience, this would often result in a cocotaso and being told to go to sleep before I would face a whipping.

There’s also the time my brother and I fist fought and he literally punched me. The time he held onto my book bag loop and led me around like I was a dog on a leash and practically pushed me into the sidewalk. Oh and the time he called me a slut in front of his friends (I was in like 6th grade). The time he dragged me to his girlfriend’s house while I was sick with a fever, starved me for hours, yelled at me because his girlfriend felt bad for me, and said I wasn’t original/unique/or special in any kind of way, that there was a million people like me and i’m just a really stupid obnoxious kid who got bullied because I deserved it (The last one was when i was in high school and having problems with bullied who stole my things and harassed me constantly.) He’s done other stuff i’m not willing to talk about right now.

The time my sister literally sat on me. She had the habit of pushing me and beating me up a lot and called it playing around.

The time my paternal grandmother called me a demon and said I was going to hell because I said I didn’t want my little sister playing with my old stuffed animals that was literally from a friend of mine that died. (She gave it to my sister even though I had it put away in the top shelf of my closet and when i pulled it away from my sister and she started crying my grandma yelled at me).

There’s the time my step-mother called me a lesbian because of the way I dressed and when I came out as trans she said I was confused and my little sister said she didn’t want another brother (She has 2 other half brothers) she wants a sister and said that if I wasn’t her sister then she would only have 2 brothers and no more. Although I guess that’s not really abuse just soul crushing.

I have other stuff that I can tell about members of my “family” but i’m pretty sure this is enough for some of them to come start drama with me, so I won’t inform you of my other struggles.

I’ll leave with this I remember only traumatizing horrible stuff from my childhood, the few good times are blocked because of all the horrible things. I also have some very unclear blurry memories from things that i’m honestly afraid to try and remember because i’m sure it’s bad too.

I’ve had a long abusive life before moving, this is just the beginning of stuff. If I honestly listed everything i’ve endured you’d be even more horrified Anon. My past is cruel and painful and honestly typing this has me struggling not to cry so excuse my grammatical errors and whatever.

Yeah.