#my family is hella dysfunctional and I still couldn’t write something as rich as the Jiangs lol

[lansplaining]

The Jiang family always impress me in how well-written of a dysfunctional family they are and how accurately the parents' issues project onto JYL, JC and WWX. It also makes me slightly worried about MXTX and her home life lol

pffffft I mean I have faith people can write convincingly outside of their own experiences

I think she is extremely good at extrapolating how someone is shaped by their upbringing, and it makes sense to me that having a very good eye for parent-child dynamics would be part of that

[becumsh]

YOUR FAVORITE NIECE FOR THE HEADCANON THINGY :D

*laughs diabolically* my time has finally come. Thank you so much, sO MUCH.

Headcanon A: what I think realistically 

She has a slightly dysfunctional relationship with Richelieu which with other relationship might be considered as toxic, but it’s Richelieu family we are talking about. Mind games and manipulating is like their way of ‘hello, how was your day, by the way, if you leave for Carmelites I’m most likely going to die‘ showing affection and feeling the feels. The woman never re-married even though Richelieu’s been needling her for decades, I mean, it takes ovaries of steel and some character to make Richelieu give up. ‘Uncle, I will not leave for Carmelites if you leave me the fuck alone with all that ‘marry Gaston’ shit, ta’.

JUST TO PUT IT OUT THERE, I headcanon her as aromantic asexual, just so we get it out of the way. And I’m serious about it.

She’s probably the cleverest woman in the Court. She’s probably the most cleverest human, period, in the Court.

She’s the only person Richelieu ever truly listens to. She knows it and only uses it to her advantage when absolutely necessary. And Richelieu hates to upset her, which she ALSO knows, but rarely uses against him.

The head bitch in charge. The Rihanna and Beyoncé of 17th century France. Except, like, religious, and pious, and all.

Anne of Austria probably has a low-key crush on her, even though she’s *shudder* of Richelieu’s blood *toilet emoji*

It’s virtually impossible to hate her. Marie de Medici, the nemesis, the arch enemy of Richelieu couldn’t hate her until her dying days, can you believe???

she’s smol mum friend

The most Wholesome™️ person in France.

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious 

Even though Marie-Madelaine is NICE, in the truest sense of the word, she’s the snarkiest. She’s very polite, but she’ll troll you and snark you, and you won’t even know what hit you.

Richelieu and Marie-Madelaine judge inane nobility at Court together. I just can picture them, like that, sitting in the chairs next to one another and exchange snide remarks about those inane noble people. ‘Oh, her dress…’ ‘I know, right… Have you seen what that Duke has done?’ ‘A true embarrassment…’ ‘I’ve never seen anyone embarrass himself more than he did that morning…’ ‘We, my dear, are surrounded by idiots.’ ‘and honestly, mood.’ I can’t, just Richelieu and his niece JUDGING everyone, a) it’s probably very likely canon b) it’s very funny.

OH EM GEE, she’s literally a female version of Kevin Cozner from B99!! She is!!!

Headcanon C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

I literally cannot fathom anything more angsty than actual history.

She believed until the very last moment that Richelieu is going to pull through. She was all like ‘The Carmelite nun had a vision that you are going to be fine!’

And then he felt like his end is near, so he held her hand and asked her to leave, because ‘My dear niece, I feel very bad, I think I’m going to die right about now, I can’t watch you being in pain, so please leave because I don’t want you to watch me die’ - END ME, I JUST, FUCK.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON RICHELIEU’S TOMBSTONE, THIS IS LITERALLY ENOUGH TO GET MY TEARS FLOWING.

Also, it’s very sad to say, but Duchesse d’Aiguillon was never happy, and it really saddens me. She never got to marry the man she once loved, she was surrounded by Richelieu’s enemies, after his death she kept battling them or her relatives because of Richelieu’s will, and she never got to leave for the Carmelites even though that’s what she wanted the most. The woman just couldn’t get a break.

You know, I don’t actually need to write headcanons, I can just open up her biography and copy-paste it here because honestly? Headcanons pale in comparison to all that fucking angst that really happened.

………..she doesn’t like cats all that much?

Headcanon D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

*cracks her fingers* okay, you thought this answer is long, prepare for some real stuff, for some real long post because honestly, I can write an entire paper on this.

Concept: BBC Musketeers are not pussies and they are closer to history than to books (they, in real life, are neither). And while I’m at it, Dumas rectified Richelieu in the sequel and wrote an apology book that he never finished (i’m still pissed), and people STILL THINK that Richelieu is evil, when even Dumas himself realised that he was an idiot.

Marie-Madelaine actually makes an appearance, and it’s not some lame guest-starring for one episode, hella no, she’s a recurring character with some JUICY moments. I’m literally crying right now over the POTENTIAL

She’s played either by Jenna Coleman, Felicity Jones or idk, Romola Garai may be.

So, like in history, she’s a lady-in-waiting to Queen Anne, but in fact she’s obviously Richelieu’s spy (duh). But despite the fact that she’s Richelieu’s niece, Queen Anne is favourable of her and trusts her because Duchesse d’Aiguillon is nice. And beware of the nice ones because Duchesse d’Aiguillon is the only clever one in the Court. Basically everyone underestimates her because they all think of her as of a nice pious religious woman totally incapable of scheming which gives her an ample opportunity to observe and spy on everyone. She’s very unassuming and everyone thinks Richelieu stuck the Duchess in her position so she can marry someone rich, but we all know the truth.

Cue evening chats with Richelieu, discussing their day and the idiocy of the nobility. Also I want some quality family moments between them, both in Palais Cardinal and in public.

She’s probably quite friendly with Milady and has serious talks about how Richelieu treats his favourite assassin, but it’s mostly in vain, but she’s getting there, baby steps.

Treville and Richelieu, mid-rant shouting session, cut to the niece in the background, low-key rolling her eyes.

Ninon de Larroque’s secret women club SUCKS compared to Duchesse d’Aiguillon’s book club, Richelieu probably wanted to burn her because her club is an abomination lbr, also we’d get Pierre Corneille.

Let’s be real, the whole Queen’s assassination idiocy would have never happened if the Duchesse was in the show. She’d probably nick some letters from Anne to her brother, thus bringing her downfall or whatever, you know, doing it the cool way, not the BBC lame way.

The evening of the day when s1e10 happened? ‘The Queen is with the musketeers’ child.’ ‘Yeah, I know.’

S2, ooooooh, Richelieu faking his death/Spanish prison style/whatever of your choice, Rochefort targeting her in order to lure him out? Or, even better, musketeers doing something to her because they find out she knows about the parentage of the Dauphin? I can write an entire another post on that. Treville and the Duchesse bonding at the Court because they are the only two sane people there???

S3 never happened. Or it’d be La Rochelle and Buckingham business, SOMETHING INTERESTING.

Literally everything I wrote is useless and boils down to LET THE DUCHESSE ON THE MUSKETEERS BBC, STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF.