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#my family has a '4th of July' pool party every year
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Wanna hear smth really STUPID
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songofsaraneth · 3 years
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Another very busy but very fun couple weeks over here!!!! what a change of pace from the every-day-the-same-blur the last couple months have been.
My parents birthdays are in late June/early July so I went back to Chicago to visit for those + the 4th. It’s been well over a year since I was last at my childhood home and I always miss the lake I grew up on sooooo much. Got to have a nice time kayaking around (pic 1) and enjoying the water lillies and frogs :)))) Also visited my extended family in rural western IL, my uncle is one of the 3 people that make up the towns entire historical preservation society, and they just finished moving/restoring a cute cabin and some equipment from when the area was first settled, which was neat (pic 2). 
On the 3rd I went downtown to hang out with my childhood bffs + partners + my friend’s daughter on a beach on Lake Michigan (pic 3), and its the frist time i’ve been around so many people since 2020 and i’m definitely both rusty on the social skills as well as still feeling weirded out by groups now. It was a really hot day with cold water and good company and food though so while a shock to be back in such a weirdly “normal” setting I did still have a good time. And saw a couple of them again on the 4th at my house, and the neighbors across the lake set off a surprisingly good firework show (pic 4).
I also got to go visit @onionjuggler and her pups (pic 5 & 6 and oops forgot to take any of us together lmao)!!!!!! While this is not actually the first time we have met as we overlapped at the same college (and were both in the campus circus group no less), we reconnected on tumblr last summer bonding over Dragon Age & Mass Effect obsessions and it was soooooo nice to get to hang out irl as a follow up :))))) 
Anyway I spent less than a week back in New Mexico frantically catching up on working + prepping for my following trip this past weekend. Also got to do some baking for a labmate’s post-thesis-defense party, it’s the first time I’ve been able to bake for other people in???? SO long and I missed it. Made doughnut muffins (not pictured) which are delicious but not photogenic and then mini fruit tartlets (pic 7) which taste good and are also very visually show-off-y. Happy to say they were a hit!
Anyway then friday night I drove over to AZ where a photographer couple I’ve worked with a few times before/kept in touch with just moved a few months ago (all the way from New Hampshire). Their new house has a pool so we arranged to do both some figure-on-landscape and figure photography plus also some underwater work! It’s been since last March since my last modeling gig and FOREVER since I’ve gotten to do any mermaid portraits, so it was very exciting to be able to get back to both. Spent the weekend running around jumping on rocks in improbable places with full face makeup + giant lashes lmao (pic 8) and on very little sleep since we were doing sunrise shots as well. I style/advertise myself as an “adventure model” able to get to trickier locations and do harder shoots than the average model, and Jay (the photographer) has done several with me before, so we also went to a location he knew he’d probably not be able to get another model able to reach as it involved an uphill 5 mile technical mountain bike ride followed by a mile of hiking while carrying our giant backpacking bags of camera equipment + outfit/makeup changes + 3 liters of water, all in 95º weather in midday desert sun lmao. The shots turned out SO good though, and I even got to jump in an ephemeral waterfall pool for a bunch of them, and then the mountain bike ride back down was SO fun, though I still had to walk a few bits since no way was I doing some of those technical rocky corners while in a 25lb pack. Bikes & some gear featured in pic 9 :D
Pic 10 is the view from one of the locations we shot at! Involved a technical scramble up the back of a boulder, but looked like a totally sheer face from the front--it’s gonna be super impressive in the final pics. I was wearing a dress made from an old repurposed parashute, so the skirt hangs way down over the rocks and will billow if there’s any breeze, which we did have a bit of. You can see the giant adventure van we roamed around in under a tree in the foreground. I’m really glad I was able to go out and get those because I actually woke up with a migraine saturday night and my rescue meds give me super weird dreams/make me fairly woozy, but luckily the migraine was a fairly small one by my standards and the meds had worn off enough that I could do the climbing stuff safely. But it did mean I only got like 3 hours of sleep after only 2 hours of sleep on friday so I was fairly exhausted. greem.jpg.
And the underwater stuff in the afternoon went really well to!!!! It’s soooo hard to tell if anythings turning out in the moment since you can’t really see on the viewfinder if things are working, but we got some AMAZING stuff I’m super excited to share once he finishes editing. 
Drove home last night (sunday) however there was a HUGE monsoon stormfront. I’m glad becuase we need the rain desperately but for like an hour I had periods of almost no visibility (doing 40mph in a 75 zone with hazards on) and there was up to 2 inches of water on the road surface. So I stopped in a rest stop to nap for 2 hours until it cleared up. But I also hate naps and then slept weird once I got home at 3:30am so now I’m in a weird exhausted haze but also still kinda wired rip. But! Fun times and very much looking forward to a nice hot shower now that I’ve eaten and had an hour to just sit and breathe.
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Some Girl ... Part 12
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: None.
// * // * //
Sunday / July 25th
After talking before bed the night before, Charlotte and Shawn agreed that he would ride with her, Jonah, and Mackenzie to Elisa and Jack’s. It didn’t make sense for them to take two vehicles to the same place. Shawn said he’d walk over and grab coffee on the way. Make a good first impression, he had chuckled, although Charlotte could hear the truth within his words.
Shawn arriving early would give him, Jonah, and Mackenzie a chance to meet and get to know one another a little before they joined everyone else. They would talk over coffee and after Sebastian woke from his morning nap and nursed, they would leave for brunch.
Charlotte nearly swooned when she opened the door for Shawn.
His skin was bronzed and glowing, having spent so much time outside over the past week. His hair had lightened a shade as well, and whatever products he had put in it that morning had his curls and waves behaving beautifully.
He was wearing white jean shorts with a brown belt, a trim-fit, navy blue button-down with the first few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up, and brown Vans with blue accents.
“Good morning, babe,” she beamed. She hated how only one day away from him had suddenly become too long.
“Good morning,” he grinned back, wrapping the arm of his free hand around her and snuggling her tightly to him. He breathed her in. It had been only one day but he had deeply missed the soft scent of her.
When they eased out of their hug, Charlotte ran the open placket of Shawn’s shirt between her thumb and forefinger. “You look so handsome,” she smiled. “I love you in blue.”
“Thank you, darling. You are as beautiful as always.”
Charlotte was wearing a white, short-sleeve, off the shoulder blouse and white and navy blue striped shorts. She noticed that her outfit complimented his perfectly.
“Are you ready to meet my brother and his fiancée?”
“I hope so,” he chuckled.
She linked her hand with his which wasn’t carrying their coffee and together they walked further into the condo. Jonah and Mackenzie had been sitting at the kitchen island but stood when Charlotte and Shawn entered the room.
Before any introductions could be made, Mackenzie breathed, “Oh my God, you two are adorable.”
“I swear, we did not discuss what we were going to wear today,” Charlotte laughed.
“It’s perfect,” Mackenzie giggled, “I love it.”
Charlotte introduced Shawn to Jonah and Mackenzie.
Jonah gave Shawn a once-over when they shook hands. He was tall, fit, and clean-cut, with a strong jawline and five visible tattoos. He was very attractive. Any man secure enough in who they were could admit when another man was attractive.
Mackenzie, on the other hand, gave Shawn a thorough head to toe.
Charlotte was used to women reacting favorably to Shawn, and she also knew it was something that was always going to happen with him being who he was. Even if the person didn’t know who he was, aside from being a global popstar, he was simply an incredibly attractive man. In any case, Charlotte had no true claim on Shawn. Besides, Mackenzie was happily engaged to Jonah; Charlotte knew she meant no harm or disrespect.
They all sat together at the dining room table with their coffees. Charlotte took a sip of Shawn’s coffee and instead of giving it back to him, she handed him hers.
“Babe,” he chuckled.
“Yours is better.”
“It also has a lot more caffeine,” he tittered.
She took a couple of additional sips and then, somewhat reluctantly, handed it back to him, reclaiming her own.
Charlotte looked at Jonah and Mackenzie’s amused expressions, and explained, “Too much caffeine isn’t good for Bash.”
“I started reading What to Expect: the First Year after I met Charlotte and Bash for the first time,” Shawn admitted, blushing.
“What? I didn’t know that,” Charlotte breathed, astonished. Shawn shrugged nonchalantly. “Why are you so fucking cute?” she smirked, briefly cupping his face, stroking the pad of her thumb along his cheekbone.
Jonah didn’t say so out loud, but that was something truly admirable. Not many male friends of a single mother would bother to take the time to do that. Hell, not many boyfriends would.
“How old are you, Shawn?” Jonah wondered. Shawn was already proving himself to be quite mature, but he still looked relatively young.
“I’ll be 23 in two weeks.”
“August 8th,” Charlotte offered.
“Leo,” Mackenzie tacked on. “And Charlie, you’re an Aquarius?” she asked. “February?”
“The 4th,” Shawn said, with a nod.
Mackenzie simply smiled in an all-knowing sort of way.
“Are you originally from Toronto?” Jonah asked Shawn.
“Born and raised in Pickering. Graduated from Pine Ridge.”
“I have a buddy who went to Pine Ridge. Played varsity hockey.”
“I played hockey. And soccer and basketball, too. I was in drama and the glee club. I also did Leadership Camp every year except my last.”
“Did you go to college?” Mackenzie asked.
“No. I was too busy touring…”
Jonah looked confused. “Excuse me?”
Shawn looked at Charlotte. Jonah and Mackenzie noticed that an entire conversation seemed to pass between them without words.
“I don’t meet very many people who don’t already know who I am,” Shawn said.
“Should we know who you are?” Mackenzie asked.
“Not necessarily. Not by sight anyway. Maybe not at all. You may know some of my music.”
At that moment they all heard Sebastian through the baby monitor. It wasn’t the ideal time for him to have woken up.
Charlotte frowned. “I would say, hold that thought, but...”
“It’s all right. Go,” Shawn smiled reassuringly.
She stood from the table and ran her fingers through the little curls at the nape of his neck. “May as well get it out of the way, babe.” Just before Charlotte entered the nursery, she said, “Alexa, play Shawn Mendes.”
// * // * //
The moment Charlotte returned after nursing, she heard Jonah ask, “Elisa and Jack, and everyone, you’ve met them already? We’re not springing any surprises on them?”
“He met them last weekend,” Charlotte answered.
“Hi buddy!” Shawn beamed at Sebastian.
Sebastian was already reaching for Shawn when Charlotte handed him over. “All except Valerie. And she is very excited to meet him today.”
Jonah could easily see that Shawn and Sebastian had already bonded, and he really liked that Shawn was thoughtful, sweet to, and respectful of his sister. They made a good match, even if they weren’t officially together in any capacity more than friendship.
“How did it go?” Charlotte asked, looking from Shawn to Jonah and Mackenzie. “You’re cool?” she said to her brother and his fiancée.
“We’re cool,” Mackenzie smiled.
“I always expect everyone to immediately recognize him.” Charlotte turned to Mackenzie, “I was anticipating having to have a conversation with you yesterday when you saw the picture of us on the console table.”
“What picture?” Shawn asked.
Charlotte retrieved the photo and brought it back to Shawn.
“Aw babe, I want a copy of this.” Sebastian tried to grasp the frame and bring it to his mouth. “Really, little man? Everything has to go straight into your mouth, eh?”
“I thought you might,” she smiled and pulled from her pocket the coolest flash drive keychain he had ever seen. “All of the photos from the zoo are on it. You can keep whichever ones you want and delete the rest.”
“This is amazing. Thank you, darling,” he said, grinning brightly, wrapping an arm around her waist.
“Should we get going then?”
// * // * //
Charlotte’s family was ecstatic when she and Shawn, with Sebastian in his arms, arrived at brunch with Jonah and Mackenzie.
As Jonah was swept up in hugs and excited chatter, Shawn whispered encouragingly to Mackenzie, “Try not to feel overwhelmed. You’re marrying into an incredible family.”
Mackenzie squeezed Shawn’s forearm. “Thank you, Shawn.”
Jonah introduced Mackenzie, who was eagerly and enthusiastically welcomed.
Everyone was happy to see Shawn as well. They adored him almost as much as Charlotte did, which settled warmly in her chest.
The only one who hadn’t met Shawn yet was Valerie, and with the tiniest nod from Charlotte in her direction, she finally approached, greeting her cousin with a bright smile and a hug.
Charlotte squeezed her back, quick and tight. “I’m happy you’re here.” She then took Sebastian from Shawn and introduced him to Valerie.
She and Shawn could both see how excited Valerie was to meet him, but she did an admirable job keeping her composure, which was good. She needed to get used to Shawn being around.
Elisa swept by and snatched Sebastian from Charlotte’s arms and yelled over her shoulder at the trio, “Go eat!”
// * // * //
Once stomachs were full and minds were mimosa-relaxed, and when Jonah had the chance to step away from the whirlwind of aunts, uncles, and cousins, first making sure Mackenzie felt comfortable enough for him to do so, he went looking for Shawn.
He found him with his sister, of course; they were practically joined at the hip after all. They were cleaning up the kitchen, laughing so hard about God knows what that they were wheezing.
“So this is where the real party is. Clean up. Who knew?” Once Shawn and Charlotte had a chance to catch their breath, Jonah asked, “Do you play pool, Shawn?”
Charlotte gave Shawn a look that said, I warned you this might happen.
Shawn just smirked at Charlotte before turning to Jonah to say, “I’m better at ping pong than pool, but sure.”
“Great.” He then said to Charlotte, “I’ll get him back to you before you know it.” She softly bit her bottom lip and blushed.
The two young men headed downstairs to the rec room.
After the break and when they had each had one turn, Shawn said, “Charlotte told me you would want to talk, man to man.”
“No pretext then, eh?”
“What are my intentions with your sister?”
“We’ll get there,” Jonah chuckled. “How long have you and Charlie known each other?”
“Not long. Less than anyone might expect. We’ve never been outright asked and we’ve always sort of skirted around the specifics.”
“Why?”
Shawn nervously ran his hand though his hair. “Because it’s kind of ridiculous and we’re afraid we’ll be judged for it.”
Jonah was both curious and apprehensive. He waited until after Shawn took his next shot, sinking one ball, but not the next. He was hoping Shawn would offer more on his own, which he did as Jonah took his turn.
“I don’t know how you felt when you met Mackenzie for the first time, but Charlotte and I... It was immediate, the connection we made. She was heaven-sent when I needed someone the most.”
“And when was that? I’m asking outright.”
Shawn’s cheeks reddened. “A week ago.”
“Wait. Hold on.”
Shawn looked at Jonah in a way which said, now you know why we skirt around it.
“Okay. Reserving my judgement. Go on.”
Shawn continued, telling Jonah about where, when, and how he met Charlotte, and how their lives have intertwined since then. He took a deep breath before saying, “You know how you hear about ‘love at first sight’ and ‘when you know, you know?’ It’s like that with us. I mean, not exactly. We’re not in love,” he blushed. “But there’s deep affection and appreciation between us. She’s the most honest and accepting person I know. She’s sweet, and she’s kind, and I know I can place my faith and trust in her.”
“Forgive me for asking, but I have to. I have to watch out for my sister. I’m sure you understand, having a younger sister yourself... You’re not looking for a rebound or taking advantage of her in any way, are you?”
“Wow. Blunt. But I appreciate that. If you know Charlotte at all, she doesn’t let anyone take advantage of her... And with who I am, I have to be careful that I’m not the one being taken advantage of.”
“I didn’t even consider that,” Jonah said, thoughtfully.
“Regardless, no. I care about her too much. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”
“Has Charlie told you much about Booker?”
“I know that she loved him, and she said he was good to her when he was around, but she also used the words 'complicated', 'reckless', and 'dangerous'. I haven’t pressed her for more. We don't really talk about our exes.
“She hasn’t asked me about my ex aside from wondering how I’m doing. I know Charlotte would tell me about Booker if I asked, but I would rather have her offer to tell me when she feels ready to. It doesn’t seem to matter much though because, as far as I understand, he hasn’t even tried to reach out since she left him. Which is a dick move, by the way. If I had a son, I’d do anything to be in his life; never mind what kind of relationship I had with his mother.
“We’ll have those conversations when we’re ready, or when we need to.” Shawn then said, “She misses you a lot, you know. You should really make an effort to come back to Toronto more often. And Bash is going to grow up so fast. You don’t want to miss that.”
“I like your integrity,” Jonah said. “And I like you. I like you for Charlie.”
“We’re-”
“Just friends, I know. Still. You care for her. She cares for you. I like how you treat her and my nephew. I see how you watch out for them. I hope you’re in their lives for a long time, whether you stay only friends or someday it turns into something more.”
// * // * //
Part 13
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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years
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Was your life better or worse or the same five years ago? Five years ago is when things really started to go downhill. They weren’t as bad as they are now, yet. Would you rather visit NYC, LA, or Chicago? I’ve been to LA, so either NYC or Chicago. Have you ever been to Chicago? No, but I’d like to go. Would you ever want to live in a big city? No. Does your first crush know they were your first crush? Nope. 
What color is your favorite laundry basket? I just have my hamper, which is blue. How old were you when you got your first smartphone? I think 19. What is your favorite app on your phone? The Kindle Unlimited app cause I do a ton of reading. What is the background on your phone? It’s a Christmas collage. What is your favorite thing to do in the swimming pool? Nothing. Do you have a swimming pool? Nope. What is the biggest city you've lived in (if you want to answer)? I’ve lived in the same city all my life and it’s not very big. Do you own an American flag shirt? No. Which country (or countries) has the best flag, in your opinion? I like how the Swedish flag looks. Did you get your personality from your mom or your dad, or neither? I have traits from both. Will you be eating bbq chicken this July 4th? No, I didn’t. I don’t like bbq chicken. Would you rather wear red, white, or blue? Red or blue.  Have you ever lit fireworks in your backyard? No, we do that in the front yard. Have you made many stupid decisions/mistakes? Ha. Have I made any stupid decisions/mistakes? I’ve made countless decisions and mistakes. What does your middle name rhyme with? I’m not sharing that. If you had one boy and one girl, what would you name them? I don’t want to have children. Are there any redheads in your family? I have a cousin with naturally red hair. Who do you know who is allergic to nuts? Hm. I’m sure I know someone, but I don’t know who at the top of my head. What is your favorite type of tree? Pine. Are you superstitious? Nah. Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No. When was the last time you drank tea? I don’t recall; it’s been awhile. I’m not a big tea drinker. Have you downloaded extra fonts for your computer? I have before in the past, but it’s been a long time. Do you have photoshop? No, not anymore. What type of phone do you have? An iPhone 12 Pro Max. What is one interesting fact about you? Uhhhh. What color are your walls? White. Who taught you how to drive a car? I don’t drive. What is your favorite candy bar? White chocolate. At what time of day do you feel the best? Never? Are there a lot of mosquitoes where you live? Of course. What does your swimsuit look like? I don’t have one. What clothing store do you shop at the most? Boxlunch and Hot Topic. Who is the latest great youtuber you've discovered? A few new ASMRists. Do you read the Bible regularly? I participate in a lot of Bible studies with this online group, but I don’t spend as much time reading the Bible as I’d like. What color is your dresser? Brown. Do you own any antique furniture? Yeah. Would you ever want to live in a castle? Nah.  What is your favorite cold drink from Starbucks? I like to get hot coffee, but every once in awhile a frapp is a good treat. Do you consider yourself "trendy"? No. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, peppermint bark, cake batter. Do you like your hair better long or short? Long. Do you like your hair better curly or straight? Straight. Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? Fourth of July. Have you ever had an outdoor birthday party? Yeah. Has it ever snowed on your birthday? It doesn’t snow where I live. Do you like the way your name is spelled? Yeah. Are you close with any of your cousins? Not anymore, but I was with a few growing up. Who is your favorite cousin? -- Do you really think that light blonde is the best hair color? I wouldn’t say it’s the best. Do you think that blue eyes are the prettiest? I do love blue eyes.
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thebadgerclan · 4 years
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Independence Day
Pairing: Severus Snape x reader
Requested by Pizza Anon
Summary: You invite Severus to visit you for the 4th of July...
A/N: This got a little long, whoops XD
Dear Severus, I can’t believe it’s been a month since I was your apprentice!  I miss you terribly, the job search hasn’t been easy.  I’m considering applying as potions professor at Ilvermorny.  I was wondering if you’d like to come visit?  My family is holding a 4th of July party, and you’d be more than welcome  to join us!  Send Katherine back with your answer (she needs to rest after the flight).  Hope to see you soon!  -Y/N.
Severus couldn’t get a quill in his hand fast enough.  Dear Y/N, he wrote.  I would love to visit you.  I agree, it has been far too long since we’ve seen one another.  You would make an excellent potions teacher, I would be more than happy to write a letter of recommendation.  I shall arrive the morning of the fourth.  I look forward to seeing you again.  Yours, -Severus.  He sealed the envelope, waiting until Katherine, your owl, was ready to take the letter.  She nipped at his finger, taking the parchment and flying out the window.  Severus went upstairs and began packing, he had a plane to catch.  
***
Your home in the suburbs of New Jersey boasted an amazing view of the Hudson River, Manhattan glinting in the sunlight.  As soon as he’d Apparated to your doorstep, you were running to meet him. It was instinct that drew you into his arms.  It was also instinct that Severus wrapped his around you, holding you close for a moment.  He came to his senses and pulled away.  “It’s so good to see you!” you said, a massive smile on your face.  “It’s good to see you too Y/N.”
You brought Severus into the backyard.  Your parents were eager to meet Severus.  “So this is the gentleman that Y/N’s told us so much about!”  Told them so much about?  Severus blushed.  Seeing his apparent confusion, your mother continued.  “Oh yes, Y/N wrote to us nearly every week!  She told us everything about her apprenticeship with you!”  Severus didn’t know what to say.  If anything, this confirmed his suspicions.
They were this: Severus had, over the course of the previous school year, developed feelings for you.  It was nearly impossible not to, you were intelligent, witty, and more beautiful than anyone he’d ever met.  You’d come to England after graduating Ilvermorny at the request of your Headmistress.  She knew that Severus Snape was the best person for you to study under, and had written to him, knowing he owed her a favor.  
Little did Severus know was that you felt the same.  There was something about his dark, brooding personality that drew you to him.  That, and the fact that you were the only person he didn’t seem to hate.  You invited him not only for want to see him again, but to make your move.  While he was distracted talking to your parents, you dashed into the house to change.  When you came back outside, Severus’ jaw nearly hit the grass.
You were wearing a lime green bikini, your hair falling over your shoulders.  Severus tried desperately not to show how attracted to you he was, he knew it was improper, and yet.  You draped yourself over a pool chair, pulling your sunglasses over your eyes.  It was just Severus’ luck that your mother pushed a drink into his hand and sat him in the chair directly next to yours.  From this angle, he could see the curve of your breasts, and the swimsuit left little to the imagination.
After about an hour of sitting in the sun, Severus trying very hard not to gaze at your body, he saw his chance.  “Y/N,” he said.  “Can I speak with you for a moment?”  You stood gracefully, nodding.  “Sure, there’s some shade around here.”  As soon as you were around the corner and out of sight of your parents, Severus pinned you to the wall, kissing you hungrily.  You gasped when he pulled back, seeing the look of want in his eyes.  “Teasing me, were you?” he taunted, a smirk on his face.
When you didn’t answer, Severus kissed you harder, nipping your lip.  “I’ve wanted you from the moment you set foot in my classroom, did you know that?  Did you know that I wished you were in my bed every night?”  You shook your head.  “I thought it was just me,” you admitted, looping your arms around his neck.  “I thought I was the only one who felt that way.”  “Oh no,” Severus said.  “No, sweet girl.  No, I love you.  I love you more than I thought I was capable.”  You initiated the next kiss, leaning into his body.  “This is all I’ve ever wanted,” Severus said.  “Me too.”
***
At dark, Severus had his arms around you as the fireworks went off.  He pressed a kiss to your temple.  “Maybe I can convince Dumbledore to open a second potions position,” he mused, holding you tighter.  “I don’t think I can bear to be an ocean away from you now.”  You laughed and snuggled closer.  “That would be nice.  Or I could get a job in Diagon if that can’t be arranged.”  Severus nodded.  He tilted your face to his and kissed you.  This one was sweet, lacking the hunger and urgency or the earlier ones.  “I love you,” Severus whispered.  “I love you too.”
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eliteblock349 · 3 years
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From: South Carolina
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'Wonderful place. Family friendly. Very welcoming where no one makes you feel uncomfortable. I have been there lots of times. Nudestock is great. . .every one behaves, and I recommend Ceder Creek Nudist Resort to the experienced and the first timers. I have never had a bad time and have made many good friends.' – Thomas from South Carolina
Asian Matchmaking Laurens South Carolina County
From: South Carolina
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'This was my wife’s and mine first time at any nudist resort! We were so happy we selected Cedar Creek Resort for our first time! We were made to feel very relaxed and comfortable by the owner and all other guests! Looking forward to our next visit!' – Marcel from South Carolina
From: Florida
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'My husband and I have had limited experience with nude communities/resorts, but we really enjoyed our past experience enough that we were eager to try out Cedar Creek for a weekend and truly relax. We are so glad that we did. We had a truly wonderful time. Everyone was fantastic. Very friendly and very welcoming; all of the members/regulars were super hospitable to visitors. The staff made it very apparent that they care about the resort and truly want to help you have a great time on the property. The common facilities were very clean and well maintained. You could also tell that they are constantly working to make improvements to the resort. We tent camped with electric for 2 nights, which worked great for us. You quickly realize why so many people invest in membership and set up campers there or homes nearby. The resort was kind enough to let us use their tubes to float down the creek, which was lovely and refreshing, considering how hot the weather was and how cool the water temp was. The dock area was probably my favorite spot. The water is so clear. Really enjoyed cooling off down there. Outdoor pool is great — always plenty of friendly people around the pool. The lunch on Saturday and the breakfast on Sunday really hit the spot. We also enjoyed the parties and drinks with great company. Excellent experience, and so glad we brought lots of sunscreen, bug spray, and water shoes for the creek. Made it home with no bugs bites or sunburns after 3 days at Cedar Creek, where it was mostly sunny and highs around 90 each day. Highly likely that we’ll return when we can!' – Tiffany from Florida
From: South Carolina
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Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'My wife and I have been getting away to Cedar Creek Resort in Pelion, South Carolina for years. We enjoyed the grounds and many of the people there. We love Nudestock, a weekend long clothing optional music festival on the last full weekend of September. Otherwise, when we visited Cedar Creek in the past, we avoided management and the clicks that used to pull the place down. Predictably, the old guard mismanaged their way to insolvency.
Cedar Creek is now under new ownership and management. It is much better now! Mark, Molly and Adam are warm and friendly! We genuinely look forward to seeing them. Nudestock continues each September. They have improved the sound and quality of the bands. Cedar Creek now has a DJ dance party nearly every weekend in the club house. They’ve added a great DJ booth and dance floor. Improvements to the physical grounds are ongoing. They are slowly but surely repairing and improving the facilities. Lots of new people coming now. Cedar Creek is doing much better and definitely worth a visit.' – Dave and Chel from South Carolina
From: South Carolina
Asian Matchmaking Laurens South Carolina Noose And Tree
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'We have been members for 10 years. . .and we have a camper there. We try to get there at least every other weekend. There is ALWAYS weekend events and Adam, the NAKED DJ. . .lol, aways has great music to dance to. SO even as it is Winter, Spring is coming soon. BUT until then, The Creek is a great place to be even in the Winter. See you there! Until then . . .Stay Nude!' – Robert and Beth from South Carolina
From: North Carolina
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'The Resort continues to improve with every visit. There is a Close Cedar Creek family bond that is very welcoming to all who come. I suppose that’s why we all keep coming back!' – Helen from North Carolina
From: South Carolina
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'Fun, friendly people. The evening parties are a blast. Great $5.00 breakfast available and lunch too. Bring other food to snack on and for some meals. I loved cooling off in the pool and riding down the creek on rafts. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Fun, Fun, Fun!' – Blondy from South Carolina
From: South Carolina
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'Under new ownership and management. They could not be friendlier. Working very hard to bring fun events to Cedar Creek. Had a great time and will return.' – Chel from South Carolina
From: Georgia
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'I loved this resort. This was my first experience with social nudity and it honestly could not have been better. Everyone here was very open and welcoming. The facilities are well taken care of and the pools are cool and refreshing. I stayed in a tent during my time here and was thoroughly pleased to find that the washrooms were well maintained. Even the five dollar food plates were well worth the money. My only tip for future visitors is to bring some bug spray because the gnats can be killer towards the end of the day.' – Taylor from Georgia
From: Georgia
Friendly People: 5
Overall Experience: 5
Remarks: 'A bit primitive, but the people here are so friendly and it has so much potential. The creek is beautiful and the crowd was much closer to my age than I usually experience at nudist resorts. Beautiful trails and game courts. The rooms and restrooms were clean and the music was awesome!' – Molly from Georgia
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puckinghell · 5 years
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All In | Brock Boeser
Summary: You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, or well, between being Brock’s friend and being more than that, and one camping trip might be exactly what you need to decide officially where you stand.  Words: 3.3k Note: listened to “in betweenin” by AUSTN while writing this
Technically you’d known this was a bad idea the second he’d brought it up. But then he’d stared at you with those bright blue eyes of him and pouted his bottom lip, mumbled a “ah, come on, babe” and suddenly you found yourself packing a bag filled mostly with mosquito spray and leaping into his car, Coolie panting into your ear with excitement.
There’s a few things that make going camping with Brock such a bad idea, and you have the list solidly memorized.
You hate bugs, and forests have a lot of bugs.
It’s really busy at work and your home is a pig sty and you have a lot of things to do that do not include hanging out in a tent with your best friend.
You have no idea how to even set up a tent.
Spending a whole weekend with only Brock and his dog – who you love dearly, but that’s not the point – is probably not gonna do massive favors for your enormous crush on him.
Point 1 becomes a problem the second you step out of the car. You’re happy to be out, because although it was lots of fun to listen to Brock chatting and then singing along to country songs in the most ridiculous way, your ass hurts from being cooped up in his Range Rover for so long, and you’re pretty sure there’s dog drool on your shoulder because Coolie kept trying to climb into the front seat.
But then you hear the annoying buzz of mosquitos in your ear and it takes everything in you to not just jump back in and drive home.
Point 2 is easily pushed to the back of your mind because, well, your boss is an asshole anyway, and nobody really sees your house except you and Brock, and Brock’s apartment back in Vancouver is twenty times worse, so he’s not allowed to judge.
Point 3 turns out not to be such a big problem at all, because the second Brock has the car unloaded, he sends you a grin.
“I have a feeling I’m on my own with this tent situation, here, aren’t I?”
“Ah, and they said hockey players aren’t smart!” you tease, dropping down onto the floor where Coolie is laying chewing on a stick. “How about I’ll be here for mental support?”
So that leaves point 4.
You stare at your best friend as he meticulously sets up the tent. It’s clear that he’s done this a million times before; you know that, because you’ve been camping with him before. But it’s never been just him. It’s always been everyone in your friend group, and although you’ve always been the closest to him, it’s a little weird to be alone with him now.
Mostly because you have no idea why. Why didn’t he just invite the others? Why did he even invite you? After what happened last summer, you weren’t sure you would ever see him again.
Minnesota, especially the part where you’re from, is hardly the most exciting place in the world, and the town’s residents always find a way to entertain themselves, may it be with country fairs or horse races or firework shows for no reason at all. Summer is your favorite season because it means everyone gets outside, enjoys the rays of sun warming up the dirt on the ground, enjoys the wind through the wheat fields. It also means Brock comes home.
You’ve known him for years; when he left for Vancouver, you were his biggest supporter, the loudest voice telling him he needed to go. But you’d be lying if you said it hadn’t broken your heart in two to see him leave.
See, it was always supposed to be him. You’d expected it, and in a way, everyone had expected it. Best friends since childhood, when you tried skating and fell, and Brock helped you up and brought you to his parents to get your bloody knee patched up. Spending summers together throwing footballs and swimming in the lake; best friends in high school even though he fell in with the popular crowd, being everyone’s favorite athlete, and you were simply another girl who was seen most often with her nose buried in the books. He had even been your first kiss, nervous glances and the sweet taste of cotton candy on your lips as he’d kissed you on top of the ferris wheel at the country fair when you’d been 15.
“They’re gonna get married one day,” your mom had joked when you’d been 7, and she’d repeated that joke every 4th of July BBQ party when Brock pushed you on the swing, or pushed you into the pool, or pushed your limits until you yelled at him.
And then he’d left.
Suddenly there was no more joking talk of marriage, no more Brock to hold your hand through scary situation or laugh at you for being a wimp, no more best friend.
Except during the summers. During summer, for a few months, he was yours again. And it was so easy to pretend nothing had changed. 
“Hey, kiddo,” he’d say as he barged into your back yard, his familiar ‘everything is fine, I’m here’-smile that you’d gotten so used to. You’d growl at him to stop calling you that, and then you hugged him, and everything would be fine again.
Until he left. Again.
It was a routine; you knew what to expect every year and you liked it that way. You no longer expected him to be your happily ever after, but you knew for sure he was going to be part of it. He was going to be in your life forever.
Except, well, then he kissed you.
It had been just a year ago, right before he left to go back to Vancouver. In fact, it was his last night in Minnesota and he’d opted to spend it with you in his back yard, instead of going out to the bar with all your other friends. You hadn’t wanted to go with them cause it had been only a week since your boyfriend –or, technically, ex boyfriend – had broken up with you and you were still not happy about it.
Although you also couldn’t say you were really sad. It was weird, and you’d decided the best way to deal with it was to just not think about it.
You sat watching the fire, nursing a now lukewarm beer, and Brock had gone to get some new, colder beers. There was something burning in your chest that had been there for a few days, that you hadn’t quite been able to put a finger on, hadn’t quite been able to place.
Your ex had broken up with you because he didn’t “want to compete with someone who’s already the center of your world”. You hadn’t even really known what he’d meant by that. 
“Hey,” a familiar voice mumbled behind you and you felt one warm hand on your shoulder, at the same time something cold pressed into your back.
You yelped and turned around, and Brock laughed, easily and melodic, before handing you the beer. The fire was casting shadows on his face and it made him look almost ethereal, made his blue eyes shine and his cheekbones sharper, a blue baseball cap covering his golden locks, and he’d never looked more beautiful than he did in that moment.
That’s when you realized. You were in love with your best friend.
“I’m gonna miss you, you know,” Brock said, sitting down next to you; a little too close, the outside of his thigh touching yours, and even through the layers of your jeans and his sweatpants, your skin tingled.
Fuck.
“Yeah, me too,” you managed to bring out.
“You’re sad,” Brock noticed, frowning, and then he softly said: “That guy is an asshole.” He reached out and brushed some hair away from your face, even though it wasn’t really in your face, definitely not enough to bother you.
You bit your lip. Your ex hadn’t been an asshole, he’d simply been observant, more observant than you. He’d known your heart was Brock’s before you’d even realized you wanted to give it to him.
“It’s fine,” you told your best friend – just your best friend, you reminded yourself – and you smiled at him weakly. “I guess I’m just not, you know, the kinda girl guys want to be with long term.”
You’d said it in a way to explain the breakup to Brock, because you couldn’t very well tell him the truth, but all it earned you was a strangled noise from the back of Brock’s throat as he growled: “That’s bullshit” and then suddenly he leaned in and his lips were pressed against yours. He tasted like beer and smelled like forest and dirt roads and laundry detergent and you were pretty sure your heart was swimming in your stomach, and nothing had ever felt like that; nothing with your ex, nothing with Jimmy in high school, or Matt in college.
You knew, then, that you’d been right from the beginning. It had always been Brock.
Except the next day he’d left for Vancouver and neither of you had ever mentioned the kiss again. Your friendship continued through texts and calls and Facetime, and when the Canucks came to play the Wild you’d made the drive with his family to cheer him on, and he’d hugged you, but it had been like all the times before.
Like he was your best friend.
This summer, you were nervous for him to get home, but then he’d walked into your back yard with a grin and said: “Hey, kiddo.” And that’s how you knew nothing was going to change.
He was never going to be yours, and that’s okay, you could learn how to deal with that.
Except, well. Staring at the lines in his stomach as he wipes his face with his shirt is not really dealing with it, and neither is the way you forget how to speak when he finally turns to you.
“Tent is done. Wanna head to the boat?” He doesn’t even wait for your answer; he knows you better than anyone, knows you’ve always loved the water more than you love being on land, something about the calm steadiness of the waves calming you down. The lake is your favorite place and his dad never really uses the boat anymore, so Brock kinda has a duty to give it some exercise.
“Come, Coolie,” he calls for the dog as he picks up the cooler and starts towards the dock, and you follow him.
The day is just like they always are in summer, except with a few less people. Nobody is yelling at you to change the music, it’s just Brock quietly humming along. He lets you drive the boat for a while, while he excitedly talks about all the parts of the engine he’s going to replace – as if you know what any of that means – and the beers in the cooler don’t go nearly as fast with just two people, but fast enough that your head is spinning when you get back to shore.
Or maybe that’s because there’s little droplets of water dripping from Brock’s hair onto his back, and the muscles are rippling deliciously under his skin as he skillfully parks the boat back on the dock, the orange evening skies bringing a golden glow to his hair.
Coolie jumps out of the boat and trots towards the tent, and Brock takes your hand to help you out the boat. It rocks a little as you step onto the edge and you flinch, reaching for him in a reflex and grabbing his shoulder.
He laughs quietly. “Relax, I’ve got you,” he mumbles, as he puts his hands around your waists and lifts you from the boat onto the safety of the dock.
There’s no reason for the butterflies in your stomach, absolutely none, and that thought makes you a little sick.
“I’ll start the fire,” you tell him. “You get the stuff from the boat.”
Because God knows you need a little space to breathe if you’re going to make it through tonight.
It’s strangely comfortable and nice to be out in nature with just Brock, even despite all the nerves in your stomach and those awful mosquitos in your ear, and you could very easily get used to this, which is exactly why you need to get away. But it’s only a few minutes before Brock joins you, raising an eyebrow at your pathetic attempt of a fire pit.
“What are you doing?” he asks, laughing quietly to himself. “I know you can do better than that, babe, come on now.”
And he really shouldn’t be calling you babe because the reason the fire isn’t working is because you can’t bloody focus, and now he’s here and it’s going to be so much worse.
“Let me do it,” he says, as you throw down a block of wood in frustration. “You feed Coolie.”
The dog’s tail wags at the mention of food and you huff in annoyance before starting on your new task. It’s extra annoying when you come back in less than five minutes and Brock has the fire burning.
He’s sitting cross legged on the floor, poking the fire with a stick, and he grins up at you as you join him.
“You’re losing your outdoorsy touch,” he teases. “It’s clear I’ve been gone for a while.”
He’s been gone for 7 months and 2 weeks, since Christmas, but you bite your lip and stay silent, because it’s probably a tad weird that you know that.
Brock shifts, then, and suddenly his arm is lightly touching your side, his knee pressed into your thigh.
“You’ve been a bit quiet today,” he hums, and you feel yourself tense.
Damn, you thought you’d been hiding it well.
“You okay?”
“Fine.” The answer comes too quickly, your voice too unsteady, and Brock notices it, cocking one eyebrow.
“You know you can tell me stuff, right?” he pushes. “Is it work, stressing you out? Your mom being nosey again? Is it me, should I not have taken you here?” The last part comes out a little shaky and there’s a genuine worry in his eyes, and suddenly, you can’t take it anymore. It’s like everything that’s been building up comes washing out, adrenaline coursing through your body as you jump up.
“You know what, no, you shouldn’t have.” Your words are harsh and you can see how hard they hit Brock, because his body literally recoils away from you, color draining from his cheeks. “Why did you, Brock?”
“Because I want to spend time with my best friend, who I haven’t seen for months,” he answers defensively.
“Bullshit,” you bite. “Why didn’t you invite anyone else, then? We do this every year, and it’s never just the two of us. Why now?”
Coolie lifts his head at the loud tone of voice and seems to quickly decide this is not a situation he wishes to be part of, retreating into the tent.
You can’t blame him. You kinda wish you could follow the dog.
Something darkens Brock’s eyes as he speaks, this time. “You know why, Y/N.”
“Except I really don’t!” You throw your hands up in exasperation. “What are we, Brock?”
This is it. The part where it gets messy, where you’re going to say everything you haven’t before. Because you can’t keep doing this, can’t keep feeling like this. Like you’re being torn apart, stuck between being his friend and wanting to be more.
“Because all I know is that we’re more than friends, but less than lovers.” Tears are pushing at the back of your eyes as you speak and you can taste something bitter at the back of your tongue.
Brock is standing, now, and he takes one step closer to you, his arm outreached but not quite close enough to actually touch you.
“What do you want us to be?” His voice is soft, eyes gentle, and now you really feel like crying. Could he not just for once be less than perfect? Actually yell at you? Make it easier for you, to give him the ultimatum you’re about to give him?
“I feel like I’m caught in these feelings that I have for you. That I’ve had for such a long time,” you whisper, stepping back from him. “And when I’m with you, I feel on top of the world. I don’t know what you want from me but I know I can’t keep doing this.” You take a deep breath.
“I can’t keep being your friend that you kinda flirt with, that you kinda treat like more than a friend but only sometimes. Because I’m so freaking in love with you, Brock, and it hurts. So…”
There it goes. Everything you’ve known. It could be gone after this sentence.
“So I’m drawing the line in the sand. I can’t pretend I don’t want you, so you can love me or leave me, but we’ve gotta be all or nothing. I can’t be in between.”
Brock blinks, once, than speaks; the world fall from his lips surprisingly easy.
“I love you.”
Okay, now you’re confused. “Huh?”
He laughs and the sound rings through your ears; you’re not sure if you’re dreaming, when he steps closer and carefully takes your hand to lace his fingers through yours.
“Y/N,” he says slowly, as if he’s trying to talk to a kid with a temper tantrum, “I love you. I’ve always loved you. You were the one that didn’t come to say goodbye last summer, so I thought you were mad at me for the kiss.”
Oh. 
Oh.
“I was just nervous, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do,” you whisper, your eyes falling to the ground because you can feel your cheeks heat up in shame and you can’t quite force yourself to face him.
“I only dropped it cause I thought that’s what you wanted me to do,” Brock says, lifting one finger to your chin to force you to look up at him. The second your eyes lock with his, you feel yourself getting lost. “You say we’re all or nothing, but that was never really the choice for me. I’ve never been in between.” He shrugs, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I’ve always been all in, kiddo. Sometimes I think I’ve been all in since the moment I met you.”
You can’t stop yourself. “Don’t call me kiddo.”
He laughs and suddenly you’re laughing too; everything seems silly, now, and you can hear your mother’s voice in your head.
They’re gonna get married one day, you know.
“You really want this.” It’s not a question, because you know Brock wouldn’t lie to you and you can read the truth in his eyes.
“So, no kiddo. How about baby?” Brock wonders out loud. “Would that suit you better?”
“Maybe.”
“Pumpkin? Sweetheart? Honey? Doll? Muffin?”
You pull a face. “Eww, don’t you dare.”
Brock smiles. “Hey, can I kiss you now?”
A happy sigh falls from your lips. “I thought you’d never ask.” And then his lips are against yours and everything falls into place, just like you always knew they would.
“You all in?” he mumbles against your lips, just as you’re about to get lost in his touch, and it’s that same question he asks four years later when you’re wearing a white dress and he’s wearing his best suit and all your loved ones are standing around you in a circle as you dance, your face pressed into the crook of his neck as you try to hide the fact you literally haven’t stopped smiling since the ceremony.
“You all in, Mrs. Boeser?” he mumbles against the side of your head, and you smile.
“Always.”
565 notes · View notes
tree-choose-pot · 4 years
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Knock Knock, Anybody Home?
A big part of the reason I was excited about this trip was the chance to visit friends and family.  And as many can attest, I’m good at inviting myself over, often without much notice.  Covid-19 has put a bit of a damper on visits and public gatherings, but just about everyone we’ve crossed paths with has been open to a small gathering.  We’ve thoroughly enjoyed our friendly stopovers on our otherwise ‘road to nowhere.’
Our first visit was during our trial run to the California central coast.  We visited by brother and a friend I met in the laundry room in college. She is a traveler too and is always up for figuring out a get-together.  My kids adored her little girl and now ask to FaceTime with baby Faye.   My family stopped by our campsite, where the kids showed Uncles how to make a fire, and my family said “this looks fun... for maybe a week, not a year!”
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Then, after officially packing up the RolyPoly but before pulling it out of the California storage lot, we flew to Arizona in June and rescued our good friends from quarantine, as they thanked us for being a good excuse—an out of town visitor—to all get together for a pool party, walks, and a moms’ night out.  I played golf with my Tucson golf buddy, we visited the kids’ favorite babysitter who is excitedly pregnant with her first, stopped to see our old neighbor, and went for a moonlit walk with a couple who always adored our kids, which turned into a lightning show, which lit the mountain on fire, which turned into one of Tucson’s worst-ever fires!  Yikes.  We really feel at home in Tucson, and were all very happy to see our friends.  We then had a 2nd special visit with Anina’s longest friend (they hung out as newborns in Tucson), when he and his dad were visiting grandparents at a summer lake home in Minnesota near where we were camping.  Such a treat!
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Friends with these gals since we all had newborns.  We now each have a boy and a girl, and still go to each other for venting and advice.
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BFFs on a SUP in MN.
When we changed our routing away from Covid- and protest-ridden Seattle and the closed borders of B.C. Canada, we found ourselves in Boise and called up an Air Force family that had retired the same time as Bill and had moved closer to family.  We had a fantastic catching up session and found they were also struggling with the decision of where to call home.  They invited us to a family 4th of July BBQ, complete with front yard fireworks, and we all loved every minute.  
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We then were lone travelers traversing the mountains and Great Plains.  We met up with the above mentioned Tucson friend in central Minnesota, than timed our arrival in Door County, WI for the Sawicki family reunion I already blogged about.  After that we had our Campbell family reunion in Michigan, with Bill’s 2 brothers traveling up also to join in the fun.  Uncle D and Aunt C gives both kids plenty of love, attention, and fun gifts/activities whenever we visit!  Uncle C and his new wife are pet lovers and silly with the kids, and Uncle S spent 2 nights in the RolyPoly with us, which the kids just loved!   It was nice to spend a good chunk of time in Fremont, MI, to not only relax with family but also explore the town.   Our Michigan nephews are getting old, as one was about to start college, one high school, and one who lived with us a few years ago was also visiting from Texas.  Anina spent some time trying to figure out the odd behavior of teenagers.   
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We also had wonderful visits with Bill’s two good high school friends, and his cousin’s ‘farm-tastic’ family.  They invited us to a barrel racing event they were hosting at their farm.  It was a fundraiser organized by his cousin’s daughter on her 16th birthday!  She and her brother are accomplished rodeo athletes (probably not the right term) and I’d say they’re great event planners too.  Anina and Benji were treated to a ride on one of the family’s race horses!  We just might like to come back for another Michigan summer!  
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Watching his 11 year old ‘1st cousin once removed’ prepare the rodeo arena in Ravenna, MI.
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Just two brothers playing ball with an up-an-coming star.
On our way out of Michigan, we visited some good friends from our Bogota days in their downtown Grand Rapids condo.  They’ve continued living and working abroad and have just returned for this crazy stateside 2020. The kids played with a basket of unique toys from around the world while we enjoyed a meal, memories, and conversation.
Our next stop turned into an unexpected stay-over in an Indiana front yard.  Bill’s good long-time friend invited us, as long as we brought her favorite breadsticks from Fremont, MI.  This family has a 5 yo boy and 8 yo girl, and a dog and a golf cart.   The kids were the friendliest, most fun playmates!  We just had to stay the night on their lawn.  We enjoyed wine and dinner around their fire pit, and after breakfast the next morning Anina did a little zoom school with her new kindergarten friend.  He lost his tooth sitting right next to her, which was super memorable for Anina too.
In New York and New Jersey, my over-age-65 family welcomed us despite Covid.  I deem our risk for infection to be low, but we were extra careful leading up to our visits.  I definitely still had some paranoia thanks to the “YOU’LL be OK, but you’re going to kill Grandma” paraphernalia.  We spent my Uncle’s birthday at a Long Island petting zoo (his wish!), and had many hours of fun playing with my cousins’ old trains, games, beanie babies, and legos.  My grandmother is hearing less and seeing less and constantly worrying that the children are going to fall, choke on something, or just implode for no reason, but I think we infused some joy into her quarantined life.   I’m sure glad we didn’t give her Covid, as I need all the future guardian angel grandparents I can get.   In New Jersey, we celebrated Anina’s birthday with my uncle’s homemade spaghetti and meatballs, and enjoyed some ‘comforts of home’ for a week or so, such as laundry, cable TV, and yard work!
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These two know how to keep the kids’ attention!
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Anina (heart) Cheeca.
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Treated to ice cream by my dad’s cousin at Cape May’s Sunset Beach.
Unfortunately, we bypassed our many friends in the DC area, as I needed a break from pandemic visit anxiety.  So we started exploring the southeast for a potential home town.  We were welcomed by my mom’s cousin, aunt, and uncle (my grandfather’s brother), who all follow our travels on Facebook and are helping raise a 3 year old granddaughter.  My kids were pleased to have a kid day, with bubbles, cupcakes and a little girl’s room full of toys.  They live in Murrels Inlet, SC and began filling us in on alligators, flooding, and the slower pace of life (they’re New Yorkers)!
I’m sure I forgot to mention somebody, and I may add photos as I find them, but to sum it all up, we have loved our visits with familiar faces; it has been a very special part of our trip.  We are learning during this pandemic the importance of physical presence with other people.  Virtual visits are nice but I’ve always preferred real visits.  That’s right... I’ll drive 3,000 miles to see you!
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staticscreenwriting · 5 years
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Until we say goodbye || one.
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Warning! This multipart story takes place after the events of season 3. There’s huge spoilers already in the synopsis down below. I warned you.
Synopsis: (Y/N) Hargrove has to come to terms with the fact that her twin brother is dead and she had to watch him die, unable to do anything about it. There is something she can do for him now though and that’s keeping a promise. The promise to go back home to California. Together. In order to drive cross country and spread Billy’s ashes in a place where the Hargrove kids used to be happy, (Y/N) enlists the help of Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington who decides that it’s time to break out from his parents expectations and be the person he always wanted to be.
This time on “Until we say goodbye”: Steve offers his help only he didn’t realise that meant going on a road trip with a girl he’s talked to like twice and a dead boy’s ashes. 
(caution: mention of death, emotional abuse, slight mention of physical abuse, mention of alcohol // if you need me to tag any other possible triggers let me know)
Part 1 of ?
[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please. Tried to edit out all mistakes it but it’s almost 1 in the mornig and I  am tired.]
And if we hit on troubled water
I'll be the one to keep you warm and safe
And we'll be carrying each other
Until we say goodbye on our dying day
Rain is pattering down on the roof of his car as Steve Harrington drives down the familiar roads of Hawkins Indiana. Days are getting shorter and nights are getting colder and the town seems to be stuck under an all consuming downpour for the last few weeks. 
Maybe, Steve thinks, it isn’t all that bad. The hot summer days of 1985 have left more people traumatized than anyone can really fathom. Maybe the rain can wash it all away. The summer and the bad memories and the hurt. 
As his car stops in front of the small house on Cherry Lane, he realizes that that is just wishful thinking and even with the summer gone, the trauma is gonna stay for a long time. There’s a car parked in front. Hardly a car anymore. It’s bent chrome and dented metal. And then there’s a girl sitting on the porch , cigarette dangling from her fingertips, watching the trashed car and the rain.
(Y/N) Hargrove has her twin brothers perpetual scowl. He wonders if it’s always been this prominent of if the events of July 4th only made it worse. 
She had been there, had to watch her twin brother die. Steve wasn’t there. Not inside at least and for that he is entirely grateful. He’s seen his fair share of unexplainable, horrible things over the last 3 years, seeing a person die right in front of him is not something he wants to add to the list. 
There’s no way for him to even imagine what (Y/N) is going through. What has happened to Barb is as close as he has ever gotten to death and though that left him unable to ever use his own pool again, he still feels a certain kind of disconnect to it. Like it is something that happened in another life. Like he is watching all of it through a tv screen.
Max had been unusually quiet for a while after the events of Starcourt. Talked very little, laughed very little. Though the times she accompanied Dustin on a trip to the video store recently, Steve could see her slowly getting better. 
(Y/N) though, by the looks of it there is no getting better happening there anytime soon..
Steve keeps watching her for a moment. He wonders if he ever actually talked to her before. More than a hey or a greeting at scoops. She’s in Nancy’s year, just like Billy was. Wherever he went, she did too. It was like they came two at the price of one. And perhaps that was just a twin thing. Or maybe it was a Hargrove thing. 
Steve’s sight falls back towards his passenger seat and the reason he’s here in the first place. It’s not to watch the sad girl, it’s to return her sister’s wallet.
Ever since Steve has started working at the video store, the party has invited themselves to use the back room as their own private movie theatre, watching whatever new releases would come into stores before it was even put onto the shelves. Keith doesn’t give a shit as long as they clean up after themselves and Steve and Robin, though they will never admit it out loud, do kind of enjoy spending time with the kids.
Max and Lucas had been around all day, trying to escape the rain and Dustin’s swooning over Suzie which got more and more insufferable for the teenagers recently. Steve had sat with them for a while until Max glanced towards the clock that hangs above the door and jumped up like she was hit by lightning, mumbling something about how she should’ve been home hours ago before rushing through the door and out the shop, quickly followed by her boyfriend. Her wallet left behind.
Grabbing Max’s stuff from the passenger seat, Steve gets out of the car and rushes towards the tiny house, rain pouring down on him and soaking his jacket before he can take cover under the porch roof.
(Y/N) looks up at him, seemingly just now noticing another person in her close proximity. 
“ Harrington ? “ 
He’s used to being called by his last name by one of the Hargrove twins, though it usually came out in a gruff voice laced with an underlying challenge. A silent trial on how far Steve’s boundaries could be pushed until he would snap. 
To say that Steve never really liked Billy would be an understatement, and yet whenever he looks at Max or (Y/N) he wishes that things would’ve turned out differently for the Hargrove boy.
When (Y/N) says his name, there’s no hatred in it, no disdain. All there is is confusion and sadness. All consuming, overwhelming sadness. 
“ Hi, I uh — Max left her wallet at the video store. “ 
“ Why are you hanging out with my sister ? “ she asks and raises her eyebrow in confusion. Steve can just make out how red and glassy her eyes are, how tired she looks.
“ I don’t. I mean she hangs out at my workplace. Not just her but like — her and the other kids. They watch movies. “ 
For a second she just watches him. She sizes him up like she’s not really sure what to expect, what to make of his words. Steve knows that the friendship he has with those kids is unusual but that doesn’t mean he feels ashamed of it. They fought intergalactical monsters together, you don’t just got your separate ways after that. These kids, these families, they are his extended families now and no time passing is gonna change anything about that. 
“ Alright. “ she just nods, taking a drag from the cigarette and slowly blowing the smoke into the air. “ Max ain’t home though. She went to Lucas’ place for dinner. Just came home to let us know she wasn’t dead and then left again. It’s really — it’s not a good time right now “. 
When she looks up at him, he once again notices just how tired she looks. Like she’s on that line between being asleep and being awake. Her looks, her movements, everything seems to be in slow motion, as if moving at a normal speed takes too much strength. A strength she can’t muster up. 
There’s dark shadows under her eyes and Steve isn’t sure but he thinks he can just about make up the fading hues of a bruise on her cheek. Bruises heal though, right ? It’s been months since the night at Starcourt, this fading bruise can’t be a product of those events. 
Then again, maybe it’s not a bruise at all maybe it’s just —
“ Harrington ? Have I lost you or something ? “ 
“ Oh uh — sorry. Can I leave her stuff with you ? “ 
“ Sure whatever, as long as you get outta here then. “ 
Steve doesn’t really understand the hostility. Sure they aren’t friends, never have been, but there’s no reason for her to be snappy and rude. 
As he’s about to hand the stuff to her, there’s a commotion coming from the house. A deep voice yelling expletives as if they were cheers on a football field.  There’s banging and shouting and the smashing of a glass object against the wall. 
To his right, the girl flinches with every noise coming from the house. She looks straight ahead at the rain seemingly focusing on the individual drops as they smash to the ground. But Steve notices her hand that doesn’t hold on to the cigarette stub. The hand that’s nervously fisting the fabric of her pants, holding onto it as if it’s a lifeline keeping her afloat. 
“ Are you alright ? “ he asks, about to lean down to her level when the door swings open with a fury and a box is forcefully slammed down on the porch beside her. 
“ I told you to figure out what to do with his shit weeks ago, why do these fucking boxes still take up our entire fucking house, huh ? I almost fucking fell because I ran into on. If you don’t move his shit I’ll throw it all in the trash. I swear to god, (Y/N). “ 
Through the patter of the rain cuts a voice that’s deep and loud and tinted in anger not unlike the one that always seemed to lace Billy’s words. Only these words leave the mouth of a grown adult and that makes the anger a million times more scary. It makes them more real. More palpable. 
The voice belongs to a tall, short haired man with piercing blue eyes. They look cold and void of any comfort or hospitality. His lips are pulled into an ugly snarl only accentuated by his thick mustache. He looks like a cross between some big burly military guy and a lumberjack, with his military boots and his dirty greyish green flannel shirt. 
As the cold eyes glance towards Steve, it feels as if a cold shiver runs down his spine. Those are not the eyes of a loving father. 
“ Who are you ? “ 
“ Steve Harrington, sir. “ 
“ Are we inviting friend now with no warning no nothing ? Huh, (Y/N) ? “ 
She doesn’t look up at what Steve assumes is her father, just keeps focusing on the rain and the cigarette in her hand.
“ He’s not my friend “ she mumbles with a voice so faint, so quiet, Steve almost doesn’t catch her words at all.
“ Oh no ? Well then that makes me wonder ever more what in the world he’s doing here. “ 
Though the man’s question pertain him, none of them are directed at Steve, they are all directed towards the girl sitting on the porch, curling in on herself further and further with every word spoken. 
“ Max lost her wallet, Harrington’s just bringing it around. “ 
He takes that as his cue to insert himself into the conversation.
“ That’s right. I thought I should bring it by she probably needs it so — here you go, “ he says and holds it out towards the man only for him to snatch it from his hands.
“ Well would you look at that, “ the man sneers and once again disregards Steve completely in order to focus on his clearly distressed daughter “ good honorable young men still exist. Now if only I could’ve raised one. “ 
It’s clearly a dig towards Billy. His son. His recently deceased son. Steve feels incredibly uncomfortable and extremely shocked as he listens to the man talk like that about the one person he was supposed to love unconditionally. 
He’s fairly sure that Mr. Hargrove doesn’t know the full story of what happened, hell how would anyone explain this to a person who wasn’t there ? But just the fact that Billy died, that his teenage son died, should be enough to make him feel remorseful, to make him not talk like this about Billy. 
“ Steve was just about to leave dad. Right, Steve ? “ (Y/N) says and for the first time since the man has stepped out on the porch, she takes her eyes off of the falling rain and glances towards Steve. It’s the first time she’s called him by his first name and in her voice there’s an underlying urgency only reinforced by the same desperation cleary mirrored in her eyes.
Every fiber of his body screams at him not to leave, to stick by her side in this moment of clear distress. Steve Harrington doesn’t think of himself as a hero by any means but there’s moments in his life where he knows what’s the right thing to do. This is one of them and the right thing is to stand his ground and not ignore the sad girl being emotionally broken down by her own father. But sometimes the right thing isn’t the easy thing. Sometimes the right thing is very scary and it asks for a lot of bravery, a lot of guts. Sometimes it’s fighting other people’s fights. 
And how is he supposed to do that when he can’t even fight his own ? 
“ Right, Steve ? “ she repeats, louder this time. Her eyes are pleading now. 
“ I uh — yeah. Sure. “ he stumbles over his words as his heart struggles with his decision.
Sometimes the right thing is too much to handle. Sometimes he’s not brave enough.
“ Have a good evening and — (Y/N) if you ever need something, let me know “.
As he said before, he’s not a hero. He’s just a boy. Just Steve Harrington. 
So he walks back towards his car, rain still pouring down on him. And as he sits down in his car and looks back towards the house, the girl is alone again and she’s still crying but now there’s a box of things next to her. A box of things that belong to just a boy who never got the chance to be a man.
                               Some 1950’s record is playing over his dad’s fancy record player as Steve sits at the dining table, pushing the food from one side of the plate to the other. It’s been a while since the last proper family dinner. Usually Steve just gets some food on the way home from work. It’s probably less healthy than a home cooked meal but it means that he doesn’t have to sit at the table with his mom in awkward silence until they’ve both gulped down their dinner and can go their separate ways. 
But today dad’s home from a business trip and whenever that happens, no matter how rare those occasions are, mom makes a big deal out of sitting them all down for a proper family dinner. 
Steve has hated them since he was a kid. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and it always ends up with a fight. Most of the time between him and his dad and that usually makes mom cry and drink yet another glass of red wine which then in return makes his dad angry and yell at his mother and thus begins a never ending circle of fights and accusations.
There so many secrets at this dinner table. They’re hidden in plain sight, clearly visible to all the people involved and yet no one dares to address them. Because addressing them would set of a metaphorical nuclear bomb ready to destroy everything and everyone.
“ So, Steve — “ his dad starts and washes down his mother’s dry meatloaf with a sip of white wine, no doubt some expensive french concoction. “ a video store, eh ? That’ interesting. “ 
It’s not. They both know this just well. It’s just his father's eloquent way of leading into yet another talk about how unreliable, irresponsible and viciously disappointing Steve is in his eyes.
It used to hurt back in the day, now Steve is so used to it he hardly pays it any more attention than he would to a music jingle on a tv commercial. You kinda know how it goes after the third time.
“ Mmh. Sure it is. “ 
“ Steve works there with a girl. Her name is Robin. She’s the Buckley’s little girl “.
“ Is that true ? Oh her father Collin always talks so highly of her. Very smart from what I hear. She sounds like quite the catch “.
Oh no. Even worse than his parents scolding him for his job or his supposedly bad decisions, is his parents trying to set him up with someone. They’ve been through this countless of times before. As soon as Steve had started to show interest in girls they had brought up all the single daughters of their friends in conversation, trying to seem casual. Only Steve doubts his parents even know what being casual means.
“ Yep, she’s nice. We’re friends “ 
He’s fairly sure that the emphasis on friends is not gonna stop his parents but it’s worth a try really.
“ Friends yeah yeah. That’s how it always starts, right John ? “ his mom says and throws a saccharine fake smile at his dad. 
It’s hard to imagine his parents ever being in love. Like really properly in love. What they have now, it’s very convenient to them both. Dad owns a business which means his paycheck ain’t all that bad and mom is charming and a good talker, she knows how to get on the good side of dad’s partners. But Steve wonders if they really ever loved each other like the people do in movies. Like he loved Nancy. The love that makes you crazy in the head and in the heart. 
He wonders if his parents had planned this. To live in a picture perfect one family home with dad hardly being around and mom spending most her time at the country club sipping wine and gossiping while their only son works at the local video store. 
Did they ever have bigger dreams than this ? To see the world together and go on adventures and do — things people do when they’re in love ? 
He doubts it. His dad is a very matter of fact guy. He’s pragmatic and stoic and probably the least romantic person he can think of. And mom she’s — used to it, he thinks. Used to the man she’s married, may it have been for love or convenience.
“ Robin and I are just friends mom, that’s all there’s ever gonna be. “ 
While those words stung the first time they really set it back in that dirty toilet cubicle, they don’t do that now. Now he’s just happy to have a friend that gets him and cherishes him for who he is. And the fact that she isn’t a literal kid is also a plus. 
“ Oh well, if only you hadn't blown your chance with the Wheeler girl. I’m sure that would’ve been a nice future. She was good for you, son. She probably would’ve set you straight. Go to college together. “
Steve is pretty sure his dad doesn’t remember Nancy’s name which is why he always goes back to referring to her as “the wheeler girl”. His dad knows Nancy’s parents and so that name he can remember but he’s never really paid much attention to what Steve has told him about Nancy. Whatever Steve was talking about never seemed to be important enough to fully listen. To show any kind of interest. 
“ I didn’t blow it, dad “.
“ Sure you didn’t. I mean it surely wasn’t because she has perspectives for the future and you — “ 
At his father’s words Steve just lazily rolls his eyes. All words on this topic have been spoken countless times before there’s no need to say them again. Over and over again.
“ Don’t roll your eyes at me, young man. I’m just concerned “
Yeah concerned that his perfect nuclear family won’t seem to perfect anymore to his friends and colleagues and all the fancy people in fancy suits and dresses who drink fancy wine from fancy glasses and pretend like there’s no problems in the world worse than their cancelled spa appointment. 
If only he could tell his parents about everything. About Barb and the Demodogs. About Starcourt. Maybe they’d go easier on him. Maybe then they would understand. 
But how could he? How can he make them believe this story that, had he not been there, he wouldn’t believe either.
He can’t. So he’ll just have to live with the trauma and let his father’s words bounce off of him.
“ So, “ his mom chirps up “ anyone want some dessert ? “ 
“ No, mom I — “ 
But Steve doesn’t get to finish his sentence as the ringing doorbell echoing through the house interrupts him. Taking the distraction for a blessing, Steve rushes towards the door calling a “I’ll get it” as he goes.
Sometimes, he thinks, God or whatever higher power there is, does answer your silent prayers. Even if all you’re praying for is a chance to get the fuck outta here.
As he swings open the door, he’s expecting one of the neighbours. Mrs. Connelly loses one of the 3 cats every other day and runs around the neighbourhood looking for it. Or maybe it’s Clarice Holden who loved to gossip with his mother.
But no, it’s neither of them.
Before him stands, ever present scowl on her face, (Y/N) Hargrove. Where earlier today there was urgency in her eyes, now they’re filled with uncertainty. Her arms are crossed and she’s nervously tapping her foot on the ground. 
“ Hi ? “ 
“ Harrington, I need your help “ she says, sounding out of breath. Her cheeks are flushed and her breath seems rugged. Did she run here ? 
“ Okay, with what exactly ? “ 
“ I need you to drive me to California. “
Steve’s first reaction is to laugh. A deep hard belly laugh. But as his eyes find her face again, he can see no sign of a joke. There’s an unshakable seriousness about her which tells him that this is not a joke. This is real.
“ I’m sorry, what ? “ 
“ Drive me to California so I can spread Billy’s ashes there “.
At those words he notices for the first time, the big duffel bag on the floor by her feet and the Star Wars thermos sticking out from it.
“ Please tell me that’s not him in there. “
“ You want me to lie ? “ 
“ You are insane. “ 
“ What, why ? “ 
“ You come to my house when we’ve talked about twice in the entire time you’ve been living here. You ask me to drive you to California, which if I may remind you is pretty much on the other side of the country. And above all else, you carry your brother’s ashes around in a Star Wars thermos mug ? “
“ He really liked that one when we were younger and also you told me to come to you when I needed something. And I really need help here .” 
Steve feels like he’s on a tv show. One that tries to prank the contestants in various ridiculous ways. With pranks so unbelievable you wonder how those people don’t notice they are being pranked. This can’t be real, right ? This is not something people ask you to do when you’ve only talked a few times. Right ? Right ? 
“ I was thinking more along the lines of a shoulder to cry on not — not this “ Steve exclaims nodding towards her bag and the thermos.
“ Well you didn’t clarify. “ 
“ Geez, I didn’t know I had to. Can’t your dad take you ? I mean, wouldn’t he want to be there? “ 
Her face falls and for a moment Steve hates himself for even asking this question. He’s seen her dad, experienced how lovely he is. What a dumb question. A guy who mocks his own dead son surely doesn’t want to drive cross country to spread his ashes.
“ I don’t want my dad to take me. Look Steve. I was there and I had to watch — I had to watch it happen. I couldn’t do anything then but I can do something now. I can bring him somewhere where maybe he won’t rest peacefully but he will rest in a place he used to be happy. Where we used to be the happiest we’ve ever been. I had to steal he ashes from that ugly golden urn that stands on the side table in the living room of a house he hated in a town he hated with people he couldn’t stand. I get the chance to leave after High School. I don’t want him to have to stay. I couldn’t save him then but I can save him now. “ (Y/N) explains and takes a big breath before continuing “ I have 52 dollars and 85 cents. I have a bunch of records to listen to on the road and I really — really need to do this. Please it’s all I can do. “ 
There’s tears building in her eyes threatening to fall any second. Her need to do this, to bring Billy home is all consuming and almost palpable in the air around her. But why would she ask Steve, why him ? He’s not a hero, he didn’t even particularly like Billy. Why him ?
“ Why do you want me to take you ? “ 
“ Because I don’t have a car, the Camaro is — well you know. But mostly and most importantly because you were the first person to care. “ 
And at that, he can’t say no. Maybe earlier wasn’t his moment to be brave and heroic, to do the right thing. Maybe this is.
He can hear his parents bickering from the dining room, can just make out his name and the word “ hopeless “.
Maybe they are right, really. Maybe he is a hopeless cause. College might never be in the cards for him and hey maybe he will end up 45 and still working at the video store but if so, he will do it on his own terms. 
He will be his own person. One that’s went through trials and tribulations and has experienced things that no person ever should. And he will be the person that decided that night to be a hero and take a sad girl across the country to bring her brother home and mend her broken heart, even if just a tiny little bit.
“ Okay look, load your stuff into my car and meet me at the gas station in about 15 minutes. I gotta pack some stuff and we’re gonna be on the road for a while so we will need to stock up on snacks. “ 
“ 15 minutes “ 
“ Gimme 15 and I’ll be there. “ 
“ You promise ? “ 
“ I promise. “ 
And Steve Harrington never breaks a promise. 
He watches (Y/N) load her stuff into his car then closes the front door and peaks into the hallway. His parents have resorted to the living room, lounging on the couch watching family feud or some shit like that. They’ll most likely start fighting about the show anytime soon and how much better they’d do if they were called on. Which usually annoys Steve to no end but now works perfectly for what he is about to do.
Rushing upstairs, Steve enters his parents room, pulls open the second drawer from the top of the old wooden wardrobe and pushes away all of his mother’s socks and tights until he reaches the very back of the drawer. He fumbles around for a moment until his hand grabs onto what he’s actually looking for. 
The egg shaped container has been hidden there for most of Steve’s life. Mom doesn’t know that he knows about it. Doesn’t know that at least one of the Harrington men is fully aware that the little egg is not used to store pantihose but money for “bad times”. 
Steve pulls it open and starts counting. 465 dollars. 
465 bucks his mom probably would’ve ended up using for yet another trip to the hairdresser or some fancy ass wine from somewhere in italy. 
Those 465 bucks were stored there for “bad times” and if this isn’t a bad time, Steve doesn’t know what is. It was never specified it has to be a bad time for the Harringtons.
Stuffing the bills into his wallet, Steve places the now empty egg back where it came from and quickly puts everything back as it has been before, moving on the his room. There’s a duffel bag under his bed that he pulls out and fills with clothes and other necessities. A glance at the clock tells him he’s got only 5 more minutes and he doesn’t want to let (Y/N) wait. 15 minutes. He promised. 
After dropping the duffel bag out the upper hallway window and onto the front yard, Steve runs back down and sticks his head through the open door to the living room.
“ Hey guys, funny story that was Robin, someone’s causing a scene at the video store and they refuse to leave. Keith sent her to get backup so, gotta go. “ 
“ Now ? “ his mom questions.
“ They called for YOU for backup ? “ his dad ask incredulously. 
If only he could tell his dad that he just recently won a fight against a trained russian guard, maybe then he’d be taken seriously in this goddamn household.
But he can’t tell him. Never.
So again he swallows his pride and calls out a “ I’ll be back “ to his parents before picking up his bag from the lawn and  getting into his car. He will be back, it’s not even a lie per say. He just doesn’t specify when he’ll be back.
Starting the car Steve throws one last look back towards his house. The place he’s grown up in. Where all he is ever going to be is a disappointment. 
Maybe it is time to leave it behind and be someone else. Someone better. Some kind of hero.
                              (Y/N) sits on the curb by the entrance to the gas station. A light drizzle has started up again and she’s watching the pink hues of the neon signs being reflected in the puddles slowly accumulating in the cracks on the asphalt. 
Her gaze wanders towards the thermos cup resting next to her. If this was any other person, any other situation, this would be quite comical. Wouldn’t it ? Ashes in a Star Wars mug. Only there’s nothing funny about this. There’s just sadness there and pain. 
She wonders if her dad has noticed by now, that she’s gone. Wonders if he’s seen the ugly urn smashed on the living room floor. She wonders if he’s noticed that all of Billy’s personal stuff is gone. She wonders if he even really cares.
Taking the thermos into her hands she closes her eyes and lets the words leave her lips. 
“ Hey B. I — I’m sorry I put you into this mug but it was the only thing I could find that was safe to take on a road trip and not spill half of you. I hope you’ll forgive me for that. And for asking Harrington to take me to San Diego. I know you don’t like him but I — he is the only one who seems to care. The only one who asked if I was alright. “ 
She takes a long breath, willing for the tears to stay at bay. Crying is all she seems to do lately.
“ I promised you we’d go back, didn’t I ? I just wish I could’ve been different. God I miss you so much, B. Why did it have to be you, huh ? “ 
Wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her, of Billy’s, denim jacket, she places the thermos back inside her bag. “ god I need to stop talking to inanimate objects. People are gonna think I’m going insane.. “ 
The headlights of a car suddenly illuminate the parking space before the vehicle comes to a screeching halt. A figure steps out, walks closer, closer. 
“ Steve ? “ 
“ Uh yeah ? “ 
“ You came ! “
“ Yeah, I promised I would “.
And for the first time in a long time, (Y/N) feels like hint of a smile tug on corners of her lips. 
262 notes · View notes
doubledeaky · 5 years
Text
No Sleep Tonight
Brian May x Female!Reader
A/N: Hey, babes! This is dedicated to all my fellow kids who grew up with strict parents, even though this is a little dramatic. This is my first Brian smut so I hope it’s halfway decent cuz I’m super proud of it. I have a Rami request coming down the pipeline soon, stay tuned! As always, feedback is very much appreciated! Much love! -m:)
Summary: Brian is never one to encourage disobedience towards your parents, but when it comes to you, he’ll make an exception.
Word Count: 5,835 words 
Warnings: cursing, smut (18+ please!), oral sex (female and male receiving)
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To say your parents were strict would be an understatement. As far back as you can recall, your mother and father were what most would call “helicopter parents.” Both constantly swirling your perimeter, never keeping their watchful eyes away from you for long. It made more sense then, you were a child and required supervision. Now, at eighteen years of age and just two months away from your first semester of university, it seemed cruel. Their unyielding attitudes an ever-present reminder of the tight leash they could keep around your throat as long as they were paying your way. For the better part of your short existence, you’d accepted it, obeying their rules and never straying from the narrow path set for you since birth. However, this changed when you met Brian. He was like you, a people pleaser and respect for authority was something he was taught to cherish, a virtue that should never slip from his subconscious. You related to him and bonded over the restricting barriers the two of you faced every day.
Senior year of high school had certainly been a time of great change, you’d met Brian and became a legal adult, but little changed. Your parents were still insufferably authoritative, and your frustration was only made worse when you watched helplessly from the side lines as all of your friends were cut loose, even Brian. You were gob smacked when, seemingly overnight, Brian’s parents had forgone all previous guidelines once he’d turned eighteen. Everyone was moving on and you were stagnant, glued by your feet to the same space you’d been stuck for years.
Brian comforted you when your parents were unwilling to lift your curfew on your eighteenth birthday, and he let you cry into his shoulder when you weren’t allowed to go to your own graduation after party with the rest of your classmates. That night, which was meant to be special, he watched with sullen eyes and a frown as you wept softly into the material of his graduation gown. You remember the clinking of his numerous academic metals against his bony sternum and the breeze of early May cooling your angry, heated face.
“Don’t worry, love. Uni’s right there, freedom’s just around the corner.” He said, gesturing animatedly to the space before him in an attempt to comfort you.
You smiled half-heartedly, shifting uncomfortably on the concrete steps leading to the entrance of the gymnasium, where your classmates were celebrating; living lives you’d never gotten a taste of, but ones you so craved. You sniffled, sitting up and wiping your tears with the sleeve of your silky, black gown.
“I know, Bri.”
You looked up, your parents were impatiently stood in front of the family car, your mother tapping her foot against the pavement. You sighed in what felt like familiar defeat and turned to Brian.
“I should go.” You whispered, holding your arms open to invite him into your embrace. He grinned and hugged you tightly, his curls tickling the skin of your neck. He pulled away, grabbing your face in both hands.
“Three months.” He whispered, giving you a genuine smile, a glint of childlike mischief in his bright eyes.
“Three months.” You repeated, placing your hands over his and giving him a sweet giggle. You nodded quickly and stood; he followed, giving you one last long hug and a wave as you scurried off, bunching your gown in your hands to keep it from scraping against the pavement. Brian watched as your parents silently scolded you, chastising you for being a normal teenager, and waited until the taillights of the minivan disappeared into the darkness before joining his classmates in celebration without you, the one person he really wished was there.
That was nearly a month ago and even the biggest declaration of coming adult hood, graduation, did little to change your parents’ no-nonsense ways. Your summer as of now was spent working the occasional shift at the library, cherished but always short visits with friends, and enjoying the sunshine of late-June. What made this particular summer miles more bearable was your daily interactions with Brian, either in person or over the phone. His seemingly respectable and gentle nature had won over your parents’ trust and even they enjoyed his company when he stopped by. He lived close by, usually walking the short distance or hopping into his birthday present, a used but very loved station wagon. His presence was always the highlight of your day. Summer afternoons were usually spent in the cool grass of your backyard, listening to music that encourage rebellion or cooped up in your room, doing the same. Conversation was easy, and Brian pulled laughs from you with skill and practiced grace, never failing to bring a smile to your occasionally sullen face. Today was no different, Brian’s sweet voice over the phone placed a wicked grin on your face without fail.
“How long has it been since I’ve seen you?” He asked, you could see his brows drawing together in thought through the phone.
“Just two days, Bri.” You laughed, twirling the phone’s cord idly between nimble fingers.
“Well, we can’t have that. Come over.” He said simply, and you could hear him shifting his position on the creaky bed he was sat on.
“Are you mad? It’s past curfew.” You laughed incredulously, eyebrows raising in disbelief.
“It’s past curfew for you. I don’t have one of those.” He said, grin evident in his voice.
“Wish it worked like that, Bri.” You sighed into the phone, turning your head momentarily to look at the open magazine sat beside you.
“What are your folks gonna do, hm? You’re eighteen, they can’t keep doing this to you.” He huffed, falling back into the pillows behind him.
“They can if they pay for me to live.” You reply in an attempt to jog his memory, turning the page of your magazine absentmindedly.
“Still.” He whines, running a hand through his mop of brunette curls.
“Still nothing, Bri. I’m not risking it. I’m so close to ditching this joint and I’m not jeopardizing my freedom because you’re bored.” You chided, throwing your magazine to the floor before crossing your arms over your chest.
“Well I’ve already got shoes on and my car keys are looking mighty tempting.” He says, and you can hear a smirk in his voice.
“Brian May, I swear on my- “
The phone goes dead. You scoff as you pull it from your ear and stare into it. You groan and stand from your bed, trying to devise a logical plan of action. After minutes of pacing the length of your tiny bedroom, you gave up; huffing loudly as you fell backwards onto your bed, running a shaky hand over your face. Fuck it.
You slip on a pair of worn, trusted shoes and looked in the mirror at your appearance. Your skin was aglow with the mark of the summertime sun, your hair wild and mussed, lips pulled into a wide smile and heart pounding. Despite everything your parents had drilled into your head from the day you could comprehend complete thoughts, you’d never been more inclined to throw it all to the wayside in this very moment.
A soft knock sounded against your fogged window and you looked up, nerves sizzling with a mixture of fear and pure adrenaline.  You stood and glanced at the clock, past midnight, your parents no doubt asleep in their seemingly sound proof master bedroom. You took a deep breath and made the leap of faith, opening your window and peering down at a smiling Brian before hopping out, the short distance knocking you off balance momentarily. Brian caught you, his laughs stifled through clenched teeth. You shut the window tight with shaky hands and turned to Brian, eyes wide in shock.
“You did it.” He whisper-yelled, gripping your shoulders and shaking you with excitement. You laughed, giggle laced with a nervous energy. Brian pulled his keys from his pocket, dangling them before your face, the brass shining under the bright glow of the moon.
“Let’s go.” He whispered, taking your hand in his and pulling you towards his car, parked a cautionary block and a half away. No turning back now.
***
“Brian, my heart’s pressing against my ribs.” You groan, clutching the rough polyester shirt covering your sternum.
“Oh stop, you know you’re loving this.” He quips, eyes never leaving the road but a bright smile on his face nevertheless.
He was right, you were loving this, every moment of it. The feeling of freedom, completely careless as you let the summer air wash over your face and through your hair, with your best friend by your side. It’s a sensation like no other and you never want to feel anything less thrilling than this. It’s like getting a present when it’s not your birthday, like diving into the silky-smooth water of a backyard swimming pool, like running through the crowded streets on the 4th of July with a sparkler in hand, its fiery stars glowing in your wake. Letting go completely without worrying about being reprimanded or punished for being human, for wanting to feel, to live. It’s intoxicating and the energy within you has your limbs buzzing, your entire body shaking with pure glee. You let your arm hang loosely outside of the car window, face blissed out and heart fuzzy. Brian glances out of his peripheral, smiling at your content state. He averts his eyes back to the street before him, making sure he’s headed in the right direction.
“Told you.” He smirks, still focusing on the fluorescent traffic lights above him. You roll your eyes, bringing your arm back into the car and searching for a familiar sight down this unfamiliar street.
“Where are we going exactly?” You ask, voice noticeably uneasy.
“It’s a surprise.” He mumbles, smile teasing. You roll your eyes again, shaking your head incredulously. The car suddenly lurches forward and takes a hard left. You brace yourself against the dashboard and look to Brian with wide eyes.
“We’re here.” He says with a grin, yanking the keys from the ignition and stepping out of the car without another word. You take a deep breath, still dazed from the near car accident. He knocks on your window, gesturing for you to get out and follow him. You exhale and momentarily regret every action that had led you to this point before hopping out of the car and following Brian, his curls shining under the flickering orange street light. You put in a great deal of effort to catch up to him, his long legs easily carrying his weight in long strides.
“Slow down, tall ass.” You call out from a few feet behind him.
“Speed up, short ass.” He responds, turning around to meet your flustered gaze. He stops, allowing you to catch up and jerks his thumb to the right.
“This is it.” He says, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, awaiting your response. You move your body to look behind him and raise a questioning brow.
“A park?” You ask, a bemused expression painting your face.
“Yes, a park. It’s really nice at night and it’s always empty around this hour. I come here when I need to get away, and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say you need the same.” He explains, grabbing your hand and leading you through the gated entrance, which is open after midnight for some ungodly reason.
“Yeah, yeah.” You mumble, letting him lead you to the destination he has in mind with little resistant.
“Do you ever look at the stars?” He asks quietly, stopping and sitting down on a particularly lush area of grass and clovers.
“Um, not often. But I’ve seen them, yes” You giggle, sitting down next to him, your knee pressing against his bony one. He laughs, laying back with his hands behind his head, gesturing for you to do the same. You do, mimicking his actions and looking forward to what he has in store. Brian’s a simple man, but he’s clever and uses that to his advantage.
“Well, you should make it routine. Good for the soul.” He explains, green eyes admiring the speckled sky above him.
“Maybe I will, Mr. Astrophysicist.” You quip, giggling as you try to take his suggestion seriously.
“I mean it. Takes you away for a minute. Reminds you that there’s more. That you’re not so alone here.” He whispers, eyes catching the reflections of the glowing orbs looming above you both.
You’re quiet for a moment, taken aback, then hum in acknowledgement, trying to take in the night sky in a way similar to him. He’s quiet for a moment, then inhales rather sharply before breathing out, as if he’s nervous to speak.
“Why do you think your parents are the way there are?” He asks, quietly and cautiously, afraid you may take offense. You suck your lower lip between your teeth, eyebrows drawn in thought.
“I dunno. Could be a lot of things. I’m their only kid. Maybe they don’t want to lose me. Maybe they just need something to control. If I knew why, I think I’d know true peace.” You laugh dryly, eyes downcast and mouth drawn in a tight line. He nods, eyes still averted towards the stars.
“I think it’s the control thing. They feel so out of control when it comes to everything else and you’re an easy target, considering you’re their kid and all.” He says, still gazing up at the expanse of the dark sky, eyes visibly darting in all directions. You hum, closing your eyes and breathing in.
“I just wish it was different. I feel so disconnected from them. They’re both like teachers or coaches, not parents. Everything’s so dull. I just wish they could let go for a bit, just to see what it’s like.” You say, expressing feelings you’ve harbored for much longer than you care to admit.
“Yeah.” He mumbles, removing a hand from under his head and gripping the one you have lain across your stomach. You squeeze back, grinning slightly.
“It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.” He mumbles, bringing your hand up to kiss the knuckles. You nod, feeling warmth return to your chest and a familiar flutter in your gut.
***
“Where to next?” Brian asks as he folds his long legs in order to fit into the car, turning to you expectantly once he’s comfortable. You raise your brows and let out a breathy laugh.
“Thought you had that covered, May?” You say, leaning back in your seat.
“I did, up until the park. Your turn.” He smiles, jamming the keys into the ignition and twisting, the car spitting momentarily before revving to life.
“Anywhere but my house.”
“On it.”
***
You recognize the route Brian is taking in only a few minutes, smiling to yourself at how transparent he could be at times.
“Your house, really? Are you trying to make your parents punish you?” You ask, laughing as you study your watch, nearly two o’clock in the morning at this point.
“They’re not home. I wouldn’t consciously bring a friend over this late. I’m not stupid.” He mocks, sticking his tongue at you. You sneer playfully, pushing his shoulder lightly, the protruding bone sharp against your palm.
“What’s so interesting at your house that it’s the only place you thought to go?” You giggle, cocking your head to the side in question.
“Told you I didn’t plan too far ahead.” He huffs, giving you an exaggerated frown. “Besides, it’s much better than your house.��� He chuckles, pointing a long finger at you.
“Touché.”
***
You run before Brian, beating him to the door and letting yourself in. He shakes his head, locking his car and following you.
“Where is she?” You ask, poking your head around the cozy living room.
“And who may you be referring to?” He questions, tossing his keys onto the glass coffee table and plopping down onto the couch.
“Oh, don’t play dumb. The cat.” You huff, still searching diligently for Brian’s fiery red kitten.
“I dunno. She’s gotten really good at hiding.” He shrugs, smile playing at his lips as he watches you flip over throw pillows and look behind furniture too heavy to move. A small meow steals your and Brian’s attention and you squeal in delight, immediately scooping up the ten-week-old kitten and placing a loving kiss to her head. She purrs, perching herself upright in your arms to look around from the new angle.
“Still no name?” You question, noticing her green nameplate still blank.
“No, can’t think of a good one.” He answers, hands toying absentmindedly with frayed threads of a nearby blanket.
“Well, let’s go up to your room and put on some records. Sometimes I get inspired by a good song.” You smile, already climbing the stairs, the kitten still wrapped in your warm embrace. Brian chuckles, standing up and following you hastily.
“How bout this one?” You ask, already arms deep in Brian’s vast vinyl collection.
“Looks good.” He mumbles, not really hearing you, much too focused on your form sitting idly on his carpeted floor; eyes bright and excited, a new energy to your movements, a new light that Brian hopes never dulls. You smile, placing the record clumsily onto the turntable and flicking the needle down; climbing up onto Brian’s bed, cat in your arms.
“Alright.” You breathe, laying down onto the plush comforter beneath you, Brian following suit. You hum quietly to the song’s lyrics, fingers running lightly through the cat’s orange fur.
“Anything?” He asks, smiling as he crosses one long leg over the other.
“No.” You huff, closing your eyes before allowing a smile to overtake your features.
“S’alright, maybe we’ll just call her Kitty.” He mumbles, reaching over the pet the kitten’s head.
You hum, looking down lovingly at the small animal in your arms, purring softly as she drifts off into a peaceful cat nap. You look up at Brian, who’s still focused on the kitten perched atop your chest. You pick her up gingerly, placing her sleeping form onto the carpet, where she promptly wakes up and scurries quickly out of the room. He furrows his brows, eyeing you carefully as you sit up and cross your legs.
“Bri?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you, for doing this. I really needed it.” You say, smiling wide and reaching to grip his hand tight.
He returns your gaze, bringing your knuckles to his lips for the second time within the span of a few hours. You breathe in sharply, the contact still foreign.
“Of course. I like you this way.” He hums, his fingers fiddling with the rings wrapped around yours. You purse your lips and furrow your brows in question.
“What’d ya mean?” You laugh, confused by his statement.
“Ya know, like this. Careless, not worried about your parents. Nothing holding you back. It’s you, and I only ever want to see you like this. You’re so beautiful like this.” Brian mumbles, eyes widening minutely when he registers the words that tumbled from his mouth. You choke, eyes wide in shock.
“Beautiful?”
Brian doesn’t hesitate to nod, sitting up and grabbing both your hands in his.
“Yeah, beautiful. So bright and so happy. Your eyes are different, they aren’t scared or hesitant. They’re bright. This is the person you’re meant to be. You’ve got so much to give and so much to do, so much ahead of you. Being able to see you like this, for the first time, makes me love you more than I ever thought I could. It was always there, you just had to let go.” He breaths, cheeks red and eyes glossy. You can’t speak, completely stunned by his words.
It’s what you’ve always wanted, to be seen as careless and free, beautiful in your natural state of humanity. Hearing that you’ve got it, you’ve finally done it, is overwhelming and you bite your lip with enough force to draw blood.
“Thank you, Brian. For being so good to me. For showing me how good life is. I didn’t think it could be this nice, that I could be this happy. Just…thank you. I love you, and I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Don’t wanna be afraid of anything.” You smile, voice watery and filled with a loving fondness.
Brian’s chest feels full and fuzzy, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. He feels grateful, happy he met you, happy you’re here now, sat with him on his twin bed, surrounding by the scratchy melodies playing from the corner. With no hesitation, Brian grabs your face and presses his parted lips to yours. Your hands immediately grip his shirt, afraid if you let go, you’ll float away. His hands move from your cheeks and card through your hair, moving it from your face, wanting nothing to bar him from you. You pull away, sucking in a sharp breath and smiling like a fool.
“Fuck.” He breathes, pulling you closer by your hips. You nod, skin hot, the metal of your necklaces cooling you. He kisses you again, gripping your hips desperately, wanting to feel all of you. He pulls away and you boldly climb into his open lap, lacing your legs around his waist. His eyes go wide, an anxious innocence glazing over them.
“I’m not afraid of anything anymore, remember?” You smile, thumbs brushing over his swollen lower lip. He nods, smiling before wrapping his long, delicate arms around you.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to kiss these lips.” He whispers, running two fingers over them to emphasize his pure want for you.
“I could venture a guess.” You quip, voice cracking as he nips at the skin of your neck, the sensation sending heat straight to your lower stomach. You bury your hands in his hair, gripping softly at the roots; the groan that leaves his lips encouraging you to move against him. He pulls away, satisfied with his work; running a ringed hand over your neck and clavicle in admiration.
“So fuckin’ pretty.” He whispers, toying with the first button of your shirt. You brush his hand away, quickly making work of the baby blue buttons and tossing the blouse aside. Brian’s eyes widen, and his pupils visibly dilate, mouth suddenly growing dry at the sight of your near naked chest.
“Touch me, Bri.” You beg, eyes closed in concentration as you continue to move against him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders in an attempt to pull him closer. He obeys, hands immediately running over the material of your bra, admiring the faint rise and fall of your chest, the occasionally freckle or mark painting your skin, the curve of your breasts; all these factors establishing you in his mind as a goddess among men.
“God, fuck.” He curses, feeling himself grow painfully hard under your ministrations, your hands gripping the hair at the nape of his neck is also no help. You’re panting desperately, silently begging Brian to continue. He must read you well because he quickly removed his shirt and reaches around to fiddle with the clasp of your bra. Much to your surprise, it snaps open with little trouble and if it were possible, Brian’s pupils dilate further at the sight of your bare chest. His hands are trembling as they slide up your sides, cupping your breasts before he slowly brings his mouth to your right nipple, circling the tip of his tongue around your it before taking it in his mouth, nipping then soothing the skin with his cool saliva.
“God, Brian.” You moan, hands gripping his bare shoulders for leverage. He places open mouthed kisses around your chest, giving each breast ample attention before pulling back, a smug grin on his face.
“Making me feel so good, baby.” He groans, hands guiding your movements over his clothed cock.
“Let me taste you.” You whimper, hands grabbing at the material of his trousers.
He leans back on his hands, allowing you to climb off of his lap and crawl over him, stopping just above his hips. You carefully, run your hand over the bulge, curious as to what his reaction will be. He hisses, hips shifting impatiently. Your thighs clench together involuntary watching the boy below you react to your touch and your touch alone. You grip the zip of his trousers with your thumb and forefinger, pulling it down at an agonizing pace, sultry eyes never leaving his wild ones. His jaw sets painfully, sweat beading then falling from his temple. He has to bite back a soft whimper when you pull his trousers down, then all the way off.
He feels vulnerable, but he isn’t afraid. He’s happy that you’re seeing him this way and he’s happy he gets to see you this way. You look back to him after flinging his pants to the side, eyes hooded, and plush lips parted. He nearly groans at the sight of you so beautiful above him, confident and undeniably sexy, if not painfully so. You remove your own shorts, only two layers separating you two now.
You run your hand slowly over his clothed length, taking note of the precum state visible at the tip. You toy with the waistband and he whines impatiently, bucking his hips in search of friction. You tut, bringing your face closer to his crotch and hooking two fingers under the hem of his boxers. You’re still surprised by your confidence throughout this entire situation. You pull them down and immediately your heart falls to your stomach. He’s big, and your nervous for the first time in the last half hour. He notices this, sitting up to place a sweet kiss on your lips, hand brushing hair delicately from your sweaty face.
“We don’t have to.” He whispers, lips millimeters from yours; so close you can taste him, sweet like cherries and lemonade, like summertime.
“I want to.” You respond, pressing your lips to his feverishly, gripping his cock softly in your hand and biting his lower lip as you pull away, lowering your face slowly.
“Fuck.” He breaths, watching you intently as you give his cock an experimental lick, hand still pumping him.
“Please.” He whimpers, hands trembling as they grip the sheets with all the strength they’re capable of. You comply, closing your lips around him, placing one hand on his thigh, the other around what you can’t fit in your mouth. Your studying his face through your thick lashes, searching for his reactions to your movements, noting what he likes and doesn’t. You hollow your cheeks and he lets out a long moan, brushing hair from your face and keeping his hand there to guide you.
“So good, baby. Fuck.” He pants, grip tightening in your hair. His words give you a boost of confidence, pride blooming in your chest as your speed up your movements, head bobbing in tandem with the movement of your hand. Brian groans, his head lolling to the side and eyes rolling back in ecstasy. You hollow your cheeks again and Brian unexpectedly pulls your mouth from him, chest heaving and sheathed in a light layer of sweat. You look to him, confused, lips wet and swollen, more beautiful than you’ve ever been. He kisses you, pulling you back into his lap, fingers burying themselves below the hem of your underwear.
“Sorry, hun. Don’t wanna cum until I feel you.” He breaths, flipping you over onto your back, drawing an airy giggle from you. Brian’s cock twitches at the sight of you beneath him; eyes hooded, lips swollen and parted, arms stretched above your head, and body willing, begging for only him.
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He groans, kissing down the length of your body, stopping abruptly above where you need him most. You moan at the sight of him between your legs, lazy smirk and hands gripping your thighs with a bruising strength. He presses a chaste kiss just above the hem, studying the way you squirm and write beneath him, desperate and needy.
“Can I taste?” He asks, fingers already tugging at the flimsy material.
“God, yes. Please.” You whimper, your hips bucking involuntarily under his hold. He smiles, hooking two fingers under the elastic before pulling them down slowly, eyes never leaving your writhing form. He brings himself back up, groaning as he dips his fingers into your heat, absolutely soaked.
“Such a pretty pussy.” He breaths, kissing your pubic bone as his lithe fingers continue to glide through your folds, reveling in the feeling of how wet you are for him. You moan, an unbelievable pressure building steadily in your abdomen.
“Please, Brian. Do something.” You whine, gripping his hair in an attempt to coax him towards your aching clit.
“What do you want me to do, baby?” He coos, fingers swirling around your clit, the pressure sending a shock all the way up your spine and back down again.
“Use your mouth, please.”
He doesn’t hesitate, delving between your folds, lapping at your clit like a man starved. You’re trembling beneath him, hands gripping anything in your near vicinity and hips grinding against Brian’s mouth. The feeling of his lips, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thigh, his curls tickling your lower tummy; It’s divine, a pleasure like no other and you clench around nothing, so close to climaxing.
“So close, Bri.” You moan, mind too foggy to register when he pulls his mouth from you. You look up, huffing at the loss of contact as you watch him slip a condom over his painfully hard length.
“Sorry, love. Want you to come on my cock.” He breaths, pressing his lips to your sin a needy, sloppy kiss; his hands placing your legs over his hips before settling between them. He locks eyes with you, suddenly very serious.
“You sure?” He asks, brushing a strand of hair from your face, an act of pure love. You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck, taking in his sloped, elegant features before answering.
“Never wanted anything more.” You smile, bringing your lips to his in a kiss conveying something along the lines of pure want and pure love.
He nods, suddenly very nervous as he lines his cock up with your entrance and slips in slowly. The stretch is uncomfortable but not particularly painful and you remind yourself to breath as he continues. You gasp at the hallway point, gripping his shoulders and throwing your head back. He stalls, afraid he’s hurt you. It’s taking everything in him to hold back, the feel of your walls wrapped around his cock bringing him to the edge faster than he’d like. You moan, digging your heels into the skin of his lower back, begging him to continue.
“Don’t stop, feels good.” You breathe, lifting your hips in an attempt to meet his. He nods, and continues, gripping the sheets around your head to ground himself. He bottoms out, the two of you releasing a broken moan in tandem. Your breathing is labored, walls fluttering around his cock without restraint.
“Fuck, I’m not gonna last long if you keep doing that.” He groans, his head falling into the crook of your neck.
“Move, Bri.” You whine, swirling your hips.
He does, bringing his cock all the way out before pushing back in. You both watch the space at which your bodies connect in awe. The only sounds are your mixed, tangled breathing and broken moans. The sound of skin against skin, and a rock album spinning idly in the corner. Brian soon adopts a brutal pace, his cock brushing all four walls, hitting a spot that has you crying out, moaning loudly.
“Fuck, Bri. I’m close.” You whimper, holding him tight. He grips your left leg, bringing it from his hip to rest against your abdomen, spreading you wider and allowing him to reach an entirely new angle within you. You nearly scream, mouth agape in a silent moan. You’re panting, struggling to catch your breath as Brian pounds into you.
“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” You whisper, all air choked from your lungs.
“Cum for me, babe. Cum on my cock.” He growls, bringing his hand to rub frantic circles over your clit. You moan, long and fractured, your walls clenching around Brian with a vice-like grip. He groans, thrusts growing sloppy as he chases his high, you still reeling from your orgasm.
“Fuck, I’m close.” He groans, leaning back and pushing both your legs up, watching how he disappears inside of you.
“Come on, Bri. Let me feel you.”
His hips stutter and his movements still, groaning as he spills inside of the condom. Moving his hips in small, languid motions for a just a moment after. He pulls out slowly and you whimper at the loss. You both remain still, taking a moment to regain control of your breathing. You’re smiling up at him and he’s smiling down at you, both of you glowing under a post-coital sheen. Brian sighs, moving to discard the spent condom and rejoining you on the bed. He wraps his long, strong arms around you and lays his head against your naked chest. You sigh contentedly, running a hand through his sweaty curls.
“You think your mom will be mad to see you’re not in your bed when she goes to wake you up?” He asks, smiling against your skin.
“That’s a problem for the morning.” You breathe, chest rumbling with soft laughter.  
“It is morning.” He says, smiling as he points to the clock hung over his dresser, which reads six a.m. You groan, laying your head back and rubbing your tired eyes with your thumb and forefinger.
“Well, that’s a problem for later. Just wanna lay with you right now.” You sigh, snuggling into his side, pressing soft kisses to his neck and chest.
“Want you to lay here too.” He mumbles, throwing a blanket over your naked bodies and pulling you as close as humanly possible, breathing you in, wanting to remember every minute detail when he’s without your presence.
“Autumn.” You suddenly mumble, voice muffled in his chest, and he raises his heavy head in question.
“What?” He asks, squinting his eyes and chuckling at your seemingly sleeping state.
“Think you should name the kitten Autumn.” You whisper, half asleep, eyes closed delicately.
“I think I just might.” He answers, settling back into his previous position. You hum, a lazy smile on your face as you give in to a much-needed rest. The room is heavy with love, the thick fog permeating throughout, evidence of what you both cherish so much.
The orange sun is close to breaking the horizon and for the first time in maybe your entire life, you don’t really care about how your parents will react to your disobedience come morning.
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THE ADVENTURES OF OLIVIA DELLAMONICA & VINNIE MALZAHN
Olivia Dellamonica first met Vinnie Malzahn when he came home with Ty after school one day. They were six and she was four. She’d started going to preschool at their church but she still wasn’t happy that Ty got to got to school and she couldn’t go with him. And she definitely wasn’t happy that he was bringing home some other kid bc Ty was her best friend and why did they need someone else? Especially someone who was loud and always bouncing around and eating the green popsicles that were supposed to be hers. He couldn’t stick around, he just couldn’t.
By the time Olivia was seven she’d resigned herself to the fact that there was no getting rid of Vinnie. Him and Ty had been stuck together like glue since kindergarten and there was no end in sight. She didn’t like it but she’d learned to put up with him. And by put up with, really it just meant she’d gotten big enough where she could shove him off their couch when she got really annoyed. The boys didn’t play with her much, something about girls having cooties and not wanting to play with dolls or do stupid girl stuff. Plus they were nine and didn’t want to do “baby stuff”. They’d still play with her every now and then when her mom would make them. And Jonathan would still play with her most of the time even if he wanted to chase after the older boys instead. She had the advantage there. They wouldn’t play with her because she was a girl but Jonathan was way littler than her so he definitely didn’t get to play with them.
By the time her 10th birthday comes, she doesn’t try to chase after Ty and Vinnie anymore. They’re in seventh grade now and it might as well be a different planet. Besides she has her own friends from school - Cassie, Hayley, Lauren - and she doesn’t need her big brother to be her best friend. But the boys are still at her party because it’s at the pool and her mom got an ice cream cake and of course Vinnie has to throw her into the pool cackling like an idiot. She gets him back and dumps a soda on him and then it’s war but that’s not new. She’s been fighting with Vinnie for years. But now her friends giggle and say how cute he is and that is definitely new and she doesn’t like it. She tells her mom Vinnie definitely doesn’t get to come next year
She’s eleven when she wakes up to the sound of their father yelling after midnight, sneaking downstairs to see Ty and Vinnie on the couch, looking more serious than she’s ever seen either of them. She doesn’t catch all of it - something about sneaking out and trespassing and the couple beers missing from the fridge - before her mom spots her and sends her back to bed but the next morning Ty’s grounded and Vinnie’s not allowed to come over for three weeks. It’s the quietest three weeks in their house that she can ever remember and it’s the first time since he started kindergarten that Ty spends his days willingly with her and Jonathan. She won’t say it but she’s glad when the punishment is over and Vinnie comes bursting back into their house like a hurricane of energy. She will deny it with every breath she has but she kinda sorta missed him.
The summer after eighth grade is kind of a big deal and she’s so excited to finally be starting high school and she’s gone up two cup sizes while all her friends are still waiting for the boob fairy to come and everything is great. Except now boys are noticing her and she’s noticing them and Ty’s noticing all the noticing and he is not okay with it. And normally she can handle that but this time he’s convinced Vinnie “never been serious a day in my life” Malzahn to back him up and she’s lucky she can talk to a boy without one of them scaring the poor guy off. There’s also the fact that sometime after 4th of July, when their parents let them have a big party and there were high schoolers there and Vinnie wound up getting hit with some water balloons and stripping off his shirt without a care in the world, she started having the occasional dream of pg-13 romance starring the boy in question. It’s only happened like twice (okay five times but whatever) but it makes being around his loud and obnoxious self a little awkward. So she does her best to avoid him and Ty, for multiple reasons and before school starts she finally manages to get her first kiss despite their efforts to keep her away from boys. It’s wet and sloppy and kind of disappointing but it still counts for something.
Freshman years comes and goes and it’s filled with the usual ups and down of being in high school. Most people start to identify her as Ty’s little sister which she isn’t too excited about but it could be worse. Despite being back in the same school building she doesn’t see a ton of the guys but every now and then they pop up. Ty usually swoops in when she doesn’t really want him to, protective big brother mode activating. Vinnie occasionally finds her during lunch, being loud and obnoxious and stealing food off her plate until she shoved him away and he just laughs and her friends all still think he’s cute which is honestly more annoying than it was four years ago. She goes to all their baseball games like she has been for years and Vinnie still insists on giving her gross sweaty hugs afterwards when he smells like BO and dirt and she still hates it which is probably why he still does it.
The one moment where she actually gets along with Vinnie is at the spring formal. She’s there with a sophomore named Tommy who’s on the basketball team and is super cute but winds up spending more time drinking spiked punch and joking around with his teammates and she’s only danced with her girlfriends until Vinnie shows up at their table during some slow 80s ballad and pulls her onto the dance floor before she can protest. He’d come stag after him and the girl he’d been dating broke up last month so she just assumes it’s a pity dance cuz he’s bored while Ty’s with his date. But it’s still nice and he smells like Old Spice and he’s actually pretty good at dancing which she’ll tease him about later and she tries not to blush when he spins her around and dips her and she doesn’t run away when the song ends and a new one starts. They wind up dancing together for four songs before he disappears to talk with Ty about something.
Jonathan hits his growth spurt when he turns thirteen and she’s suddenly the shortest one in the house. She spends the entire summer hearing every short person nickname in the book and by the time schools starting back up its a miracle she hasn’t murdered Vinnie.
It’s senior year for the boys and they’re a little too busy to really pop into her life at school but she still sees them. Sees Ty stressing about keeping his grades up and doing good when college scouts come and making sure the team dominates this season. He goes out of town one weekend with their parents for a college visit and it’s the first time she gets to stay home alone. Well not alone. Jonathan’s there (she refuses to call him Dells, even if all his friends think it’s cool) and Vinnie shows up halfway through Saturday, bored and looking for entertainment. It’s one of the only times she’s hung out with Vinnie without Ty there as a buffer. They watch a ton of movies and order pizza and eventually wind up getting ice cream before going back home and falling asleep on the couch halfway through Field of Dreams and wake up in the morning in a tangled mess of legs and arms and she can still smell his cologne (still Old Spice) six hours later when her parents get home and he’s gone back to his house. Neither of them ever mention it, not to each other and not to Ty but she doesn’t shove him away as often when he crowds her on family movie nights.
Her and her mom both cry at graduation along with Mrs. Malzahn and she says it’s because she’s just so relieved that Ty actually graduated and that it’s a miracle he didn’t get kicked out because of one of Vinnie’s hijinks but really she’s a little sad she won’t have them around anymore. Jonathan will be starting his freshman year in the fall and she’s excited to have him around and get to be the big sibling for a change. But she’s still gonna miss her idiots.
The boys leave for college and the house is just too quiet. Like unbearably quiet. Like she didn’t realize how much noise they made and how much she would hate the silence once they were gone. She gets more involved with extracurriculars at school, finding stuff to keep her busy and out of the house and away from all the quiet. She pretends not to be thrilled when they come home for a long weekend and drive her a little crazy with all their stories and antics and she hugs them both longer before they leave on Sunday
Throughout junior and senior year she dates a couple different guys and it’s nice. Just nice. Nobody gets her blood boiling, nobody gives her those big romcom feels, nobody drives her crazy. And it doesn’t have anything to do with the dumbass who comes home and steals her food and tells her stories about college life and flops on top of her when she’s on the couch. It definitely has nothing to do with Vinnie fucking Malzahn. Not at all.
Senior prom is a Big Deal™️ and she spends a couple weeks searching for the perfect dress with her girlfriends - the same girls who’ve stuck with her since sixth grade and they’re trying to just have fun and not think about them all going their separate ways in the fall. She just wants to have fun and dance and enjoy herself. And she’s got a date who’s one of the better looking guys in their grade and has been a friend for the last couple years. And it’s going to be great. Except then he calls up about twenty minutes before he’s supposed to pick her up with the news that his ex is back in town and they’ve been talking and they’re gonna give it another go and he hopes she understands that he has to cancel for prom. Which leaves her in a pretty blue prom dress and no date. Her mother says go anyways, have fun. Ty has to be talked down from going and taking a baseball bat to the guys front bumper. Vinnie disappears and she doesn’t even notice until she’s trying to figure out how to unpin her hair and suddenly she’s being told to stop what she’s doing and get her butt in the car and Vinnie’s back in a suit and has corsage and she doesn’t really understand what’s happening but her mom snaps a couple pictures of them in those classic prom poses before he all but drags her out to the car and heads to the dance
They argue in the parking lot once she finally finds her voice “Vinnie, I’m not walking in there with your dumb ass as a pity date!” “For the love of god it’s NOT a pity date, Liv!” “Yes it is” “Jesus woman why are you so damn stubborn?!” “Fuck off!” “Just get out of the car! We’re going in, we’re dancing, it’s going to be a grand fucking time and you will thank me one day” “no!” “Do not make me throw you over my shoulder woman! You know I can! I’ve done it before!” “I swear to god Vin, I will murder you”
They eventually get inside and she has to explain a couple times the change in plans and eventually she calms down and remembers how much fun she can have with Vinnie when he’s not picking on her and he dances with her on just about every single song for an hour straight until she’s out of breath and laughing and she tries not to think about how he actually looks good with his hair a little messy and his shirt unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up, making her snort and laugh as he attempts to do the running man in some weird dance off between him and Cassie’s boyfriend. They stay until the very end when she’s ditched her heels and has lost a handful of bobby-pins from too much dancing and not enough hairspray.
They both just sit in the car when they finally get back to her house. The lights are off and she knows it’s only because she’s with Vinnie. If she’d actually gone with her original date both her dad and Ty would be waiting up for her like a couple of crazy people. She’s almost too tired to move, shoes somewhere on the floor and Vinnie’s suit jacket swallowing her smaller frame up. He kills the engine and they both just sit there and it’s quiet and she doesn’t know why because god knows he never shuts up
“Vin, why’d - why’d you go with me?” More silence as his fingers tap a random little tune against the steering wheel. “Vinnie?” “Did you have a good time?” “Wh-yeah… yeah it was great Vin. But -“ “you deserved a good time. Gotta go big for senior prom. You only got the one shot.” “You did it twice.” “Yeah well I didn’t get it right my first time” “Vin?” “You look really beautiful Liv…” she doesn’t know what to say because this is the sweetest he’s ever been to her, first time she’s gotten a compliment that didn’t have a teasing tone or a smart ass remark following and she just looks at him like she doesn’t know what’s happening
And then he kisses her like she started dreaming about when she was a kid and it’s all the fireworks she’d hoped for when she was 14 and then some and when he goes to pull back she chases him for more. They don’t leave the car for another hour.
Ty is furious. The one person he trusted to never touch his baby sister is now cuddled up with her on the couch during movie night, holding her hand and making flirty comments. Jonathan finds it a little weird and a little gross but for the most part he doesn’t care. Mrs. Dellamonica isn’t surprised in the slightest and just keeps adding an extra place setting at the family dinners like she’s been doing for Vinnie for years.
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🎄 and 🎥 (for that ask thingy 😁)
🎄- what is your favorite holiday?
I don't really celebrate many holidays but my family has a pool party around July 4th every year (which is also near my birthday) and that's my favorite holiday-ish tradition of ours!!
🎥- what show are you currently binging on?
I'm rewatching Once Upon A Time! I want to rewatch Agents of Shield soon too
sweet and pure asks
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argylemikewheeler · 5 years
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i watched the st3 trailer again and wrote all my (incoherent) thoughts:
starting off boldly with a motley crue song??? i want to know which one of them has that tape. is it dustin? because i now explicitly need to know every single one of the Party’s tape collection details. duffers, fess up. who loves metal.
also from Theatre of Pain? Smokin in the Boys Room. Which is a song I need to know the Party listens to.. especially our Bitchin’ El.
SICK ghostbusters certificate (?) Dustin. You are the true MVGB (most valuable ghost buster)
Is that mf farrah fawcett spray???? literally gonna knock ‘em dead i guess
Max, honey, you look great. Lucas, dear, amazing, Will, lovey, get a haircut but also keep it up you look healthy. Mike, please go out in the sun. El, Jane, my honey dearest, I love YOU. I love her having fun with her powers.
Mike and El are holding hands and that’s actually really sweet. And they’re matching?? Wait, so are Lucas and Max. Oh, wow I’m Hurting.
Baba O'Riley hurts me a lot and I have a LOT to say about it.
First thing is I hate that they matched “field” with then in a fucking field. but whatever.
Okay, I’m being Extra on purpose now and literally taking Extra Note of things that aren’t important BUT: the formation climbing the hill IS: Dustin in front leading, Lucas and Max side by side, Will, and ElandMike holding hands. Well that’s like. Very painful. Very much so.
Also idc they’re holding hands but they aren’t helping carry anything and then aren’t shown lifting their antenna. one of you has other worldly powers and just blasted a crue song to surprise someone. you can lift something, babes.
NANCY BABY YOU LOOK AMAZING. also this shot is very familiar of hospital ones from s1 i feel like? but maybe it’s just because they’re in chairs. but either way. I love how much nancy stands out. jonathan is the same color scheme of the office and she is bright ass lilac. amazing baby amazing.
hey dacre.
hopper looking all miami vice for this date? iconic. he shows UP for his woman... who ever she is--
Joyce. baby. hi you look amazing too. i hope she’s okay and someone eats with her, not just like. as an obvious jopper ploy but because she deserves company as she goes through such a hard time. i hope we see her grieve correctly.
MIKE IN FRONT OF THE BYERS HOUSE: oh this fucked me up. it’s empty and he’s standing behind to stare at its skeleton? with the words “we aren’t kids anymore”? Like, its a loss of resilience? invisible childhood is over and now they’re adults. they can be harmed. they can die as they saw last fall. and joyce has to run their family out of town while she can to protect will before his ended childhood has adult consequences.
god, mike really is going to lose his best friend (and that angle turn is really familiar too, someone help me figure it out BUT)... i’m hurt. his best friend is going to move right before high school and he gets to spend the entire summer knowing it. that’s BRUTAL.
MAX AND EL FRIENDSHIP OH YEAH BABY. This friendship screams holding hands while their wrists have complementary colored scrunchies. love it. next.
the pictures. crying in castle byers. i know the voice over probably doesn’t match up to this scene (bc trailers and suspense) and mike is probably talking to someone else, but it still hurts to even humor the breaking of their relationship like this. [i’d be eager to pair up this editing to the actual season later and see where they shuffled everything but anyway]
i can’t imagine will even overhearing it. he’s about to move and lose his three best friends, the ones who know why he is how he is and he’s absolutely gutted. sitting in the safe space he made the night his dad left except now he’s the one that’s leaving everyone behind.
I warned you. don’t put the words “teenage wasteland” over will crying! he’s not even a proper teenager-- but he feels like his teenage years are gonna be a fucking WASTE. wow if that is’t a gay experience idk what is.
sad dustin a second ago? show him with steve having a real big brother because that’s what it’s all about. unconditional love from chosen family baby.
hopper with a big speech? oh sounds like me crying in the second to last episode. also, can that scene really be to joyce pls? it’s either cut really nicely where the backgrounds match super well or they really gave us that Content.
i’m not a topography gay but wtf is this beach coming from
i have... separate thoughts about billy maybe being “evil” that must wait.
kick. ass. montage. baby. el leading the charge!
is that... erica?
are they gonna have every outfit of el’s match with mike’s? because i will allow that if there is a literal scene where she’s got him on the phone like “what color” and mike just sighs and looks down at his clothes like “yellow and blue. but not like that yellow you wore yesterday. that’s mustard. try brighter-- like a banana!” and is just. a good boyfriend to a cute girl. i’ll allow it.
that mayor gives me bad Jaws Mayor vibes... you know the one that keeps the beach open even though there is a shark literally eating people? yeah. here he is, reelected.
static tvs? no. now she ascends to other levels of existence with eggos
the WRIST ROCKET BABY!
Madonna WHO
Trumpet Steve? A new favorite?
Steve yelling out of agony? exactly how i feel about the next shot of karen wheeler doing That at the pool. Girl Don’t.
Is that... joyce? the pant length makes me think it’s joyce. it’s joyce. he’s holding hands with joyce. literally confirmed by me.
el falling in the In Between and then cut to kissing mike? nice. falling in love. that’s cute. very cute. except for she’s kissing a boy in a vest. god dress for the occasion michael.
and then the next scene of will looking fucking MAD in the RAIN? i’m laughing that’s too perfect. yeah, me too honey.
“How many children are you friends with?” Just then the whole Party comes running in screaming “STEVE!” and Steve just shrugs and goes “only the cool ones!”
and that’s what you missed... these are not intelligent thoughts, but if you’d like those hop in my ask and request some more eloquent predictions so we can Keep Score come july 4th. thanks for getting this far! hope you’re all excited! xo
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nightwingism · 5 years
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5-Years in the Making
So hey, uhm. Hi guys. This isn’t Nightwing related at all, so if you’re following me for that, I’m sorry. This post isn’t the content for you. It’s also VERY long - 5 years long - so if you don’t want to read it, don’t worry about it. It’s also why I’m posting this at 3:13 AM.
I just wanted to take the time and tell a story of my life. Just stuff that has been effecting me since mid 2014. You obviously don’t have to read it. I just wanted to air it out. Get most of it off my chest. 
I feel like it’s important to talk about things that hurt you. That effect you. It’s better to do that than to bottle things up inside you. You know? Because if you just keep it bottled up, where’s the healing? If you let it out, maybe you can make room for something better.
That’s my philosophy anyways. The stuff I tell people. And this is me practicing what I preach.
Please don’t try to figure out who people are, or anything like that. I’d like to keep that a secret. Thanks.
In 2014, during my Junior year in High School, both my Uncle and my Grandpa died. My Uncle, who I was named after, died from an 11 month battle with cancer. My Grandpa died due to smoke inhalation during a house fire a month later that destroyed my Grandparent’s house, due to possibly arson caused by a person who was living in the home. This happened during the months of May - July, roughly. If I’m being honest, this time period really blurred together for me, as it happened just so fast. During this time, my maternal side of the family got really close to each other.
I mean, when I talk to other people about family and stuff, we were always abnormally close, but we got even closer during this time. We had a shirt made up and everything “(Blank) Strong” and what not. Over summer, we spent an ungodly amount of time with each other, as a sort of “mending period.” Slept over at each other’s house, never went anywhere and just stayed cooped up in the house. To be able to lean on each other for comfort. 
Which was very odd for me, since for the previous 17 years of my life, I was essentially bullied by most of them for showing any kind of emotions, for being too emotional. Verbal, emotional, physical. The normal bullying. I’m the youngest, and a boy, so I guess I was supposed to be this unfeeling, unemotional, robot? So to be expected to let out these emotions was weird. I don’t know. I wasn’t able to do it. It just never felt right for me to express sadness when the pain was so much stronger in others. It was a really hard time, feeling like my feelings were invalid due to others and the fact that I just felt like I couldn’t let them out.
It’s not like I didn’t feel bad, or missed - miss - them. I do. Still do 5 years later. But seeing how hard it was for my mom, dad, siblings, and just that whole side of the family, I felt like I had to kind of just saddle that shit up and put on some kind of front. I don’t know. Like I said, it was a really hard time.
My cousins weren’t much older, but they sure loved to act out the adult stuff. For that week, I went to every single party I could go to. Which was basically all of them. And I got my first taste of the stereotypically “high school parties” and all that comes with it. 
I got drunk for the first time, I got high for the first time, I got cross faded for the first time. The whole 9 yards. Turns out? Not a fan of the former and latter - the middle is alright I guess. Being doing the former a lot recently (but that’s a whole different can of worms). So after that, I basically said “nah, not for me. I don’t need that.” Can you really call it cutting it cold turkey if it was only for a week? I guess to just illustrate that point.
2014-2015 senior year went by and we continued to be a really close family.
For Christmas that year, in 2014, my Aunt boasted that she had got us all tickets to go to Cancun for the 4th of July weekend in 2015. Cool, great. During this time we all /loved/ each other, we’re all so close. We would all be 18 years or older by then, so we would all be legally able to drink in Mexico. What could possibly go wrong??
The answer is everything. Everything could go wrong.
This was during Summer School during my 1st year in college, where I was doing Cross Country and in the middle of the training days. So during the trip, I would have to run on a treadmill and workout. Not important to the story, just trying to situate this in my own personal timeline.
The first two days were fine. My cousins and I went to the “club” and I danced with a girl twice my height and totally out of my league. I swam with my newborn niece, babysat my young cousin. My dad recommended me some drinks that mask the taste of alcohol. It was fun. At night my cousins and I would “FaceTime” all of our girlfriends before going to bed or whenever. I put FaceTime in quotes because we had to use this special app due to location and everything. it was weird. I also don’t have an iPhone so.
It really was a great trip those two days.
Then the third day came around. It was on July 3rd. I only remember the date because it was literally the day before the 4th. So 4 - 1, yeah. Anyways. I forget how this whole thing started, but basically I wanted to stay in the room and talk to my at the time girlfriend. I missed her and all that. And I really didn’t want to play volleyball with random girls? But I was talked into it, and i said fine. Whatever.
Went to play, we played a few rounds. It was whatever. After those rounds, they said they were going to clean off and we’ll start a new round. I didn’t want to clean off, since we were still playing and that would just be a waste, so I waited around.
And waited. and waited. and waited.
Half hour goes by and I’m wondering where the hell they were. Turns out, they went to play a whole different game in the pool and just never told me. Ditched me in a game I didn’t even want to play to begin with.
Rude.
But whatever. So I went to go hang out with my niece because I love her and she was barely going to be 3 months. So still cute. 
We were told that we would have to wake up early for the next day (the 4th) because we had something planned, and to make sure we had alarms and room service and all of that situated. I made sure to set that up.
That night, the two cousins wanted to go out to the club again. I was still upset with them so I said no, it was going to be an early night for me. And it was an early night. That is, until they came back into the room at 3am drunk out of their minds with two random girls.
They were the opposite of quiet or considerate. I woke up basically right away. I forget how the conversations went, but the main thing that stuck out to me the most was one of them saying “If he wakes up, I’m leaving.” So I pretended to be asleep so they can have their fun. Whatever. I just want them to shut up and let me sleep.
After an hour of them talking loudly to each other and failing to get them in bed, my cousins take them back to their rooms. So this is roughly 4ish
Me being me locked the door on them, but had second thoughts and unlocked the door. That would have been funny but cruel.
But it probably would have been better than what I did.
So remember when I said I put alarms and room services? Yeah well I totally forgot about that. Turns out I asked for room service for 6am?? Which is an ungodly hour anyways. Lots of metal pans and plates and metal stuff was ushered into our room, and it was like a scene from a movie.
And I was irrationally pissed at everything. And I take full responsibility for being an idiot and not taking the high road. But at the moment, and at the time, it felt like the thing to do.
So I banged on a few of the pans. Turned on the TV and for some reason Women’s tennis was playing. Great. Turned that shit up high. And I really just wanted to give them a taste of their own medicine. Show them how it felt to be rudely woken up.
Well they didn’t like it much. After a few verbal spats thrown towards me, which is nothing new, been told most of those things by them my whole life, whatever, one of them says “he’s a (last name), of course he’s a bitch, all the (last names) are bitches” and that really got to me. 
Because, sure yeah, I can be a dick, an asshole, a douchebag, whatever. But he brought my family into this. My mom, my dad. My whole paternal side. And that really just broke the camel’s back.
To this day, I don’t know how I was able to get out of my bed, get into their bed, without spilling my bowl of cereal, and without them reacting before I was able to throw my 4th punch, but on God, I did it.
Though, I really wasn’t able to get a 5th one in, when they were able to react and go all 2v1. One held, one hit. That was a fun time. I learned I have a pretty solid head that could take a good amount of punches. Almost went blind in my right eye because one of them did the old “thumb in the eye socket” technique. Still have the scar under my eye from it too. But I got a nice clean cut on that one’s neck.
After that we had a very long verbal spat about how “we’re a family goddamn it” and “grandma and my mom thought you’ve been a douche this whole trip” and “you’re just jealous of how we are closer than you could ever be”, oh and a few more random things thrown in there.
They went back to bed, and I sat there on my bed. Watching Tennis. Each wack of the racquet just kind of reminding me of the events prior. 
Oh and it turned out we didn’t have to be up until like 9. So I laid there for like 2 hours like that. I just remember typing everything that happened and sending it to my girlfriend, because I just needed to tell someone, and I didn’t want to forget any of it.
It was also then that I basically had a dilemma.
If I told my family what happened, the trip was over. Completely over. This getaway adventure to escape our troubles would turn into a family spat. And I just couldn’t do that to them. I couldn’t.
So i didn’t.
I remember thinking up a lie on the spot to explain why my eye was bloodied. I said I fell into the side of the drawer. I remember my rational was something along the lines of “I needed something to be so obviously a lie, that they wouldn't bother to ask me to elaborate now”. And they didn’t.
This was the 4th. And I think we went home on the 7th? So I just needed to avoid everything for the next 3 days and then I was home free.
Before it was over, my mom and sister got into a little fight, so we both isolated ourselves from the group. She asked me what really happened, and I told her. So she really helped me throughout those days.
The trip was over. Woot. Now I never had to see any of them again, because I would be able to just say no to family get-togethers. Get a life of my own.
NOPE.
We had a dodger game THAT Friday. And we already bought the tickets. So I couldn’t really say no. And my girlfriend was coming too, so at least I’d have her to keep me sane.
Well, here’s the funny thing. It wasn’t until the drive to the game where my family finally turned to me and asked “So what really happened”.
Before I told the story, I literally BEGGED my mom not to say anything. I made her promise multiple times that she wouldn’t. And she promised and agreed. So I told my tale of astonishment, everything up to this point. How they were all called bitches and that’s what set me off to turn it physical.
Again, I just want to say that I know I shouldn’t have turned it physical. But insulting me is one thing, insulting my family is a whole other level.
Anyways, we get to the game. (There’s a part where my grandma was upset because I didn’t hug her? But I honestly don’t remember that because I just remember trying to find the bathroom. So maybe it happened, maybe it didn’t, I still don’t know) I get my food, and we go up to the seats. I’m already sitting on the top - away from everyone as much as I can - and everyone starts to work there way in. Eventually my mom and dad start walking up.
And this is where all hell breaks loose.
My mom shouts “the bitches are here” and that was really just. Wow. Insults are hurled, slander is tossed. It was a very lively discussion. And there I was. Just sitting there, because the ONE thing I didn’t want to happen, the ONE thing I tried so hard not to let happen, is unfolding right in front of me.
I remember one of the female cousins who wasn’t involved try to argue some point, one of the male cousins crying, and my aunt saying “did you see what he did to (my son’s) neck!” and my mom responding “Yes I did!” all proud. 
Fast forwarding to April 2016, and to sort of just fill everything in from Dodgers game to then, it was basically full of Facebook digs directed towards us, my grandma saying for us to knock it off and stop enticing them, and then more digs. 
For someone reason, no one in my family was safe. All of us had something negative to be said. But it basically boiled down to it being targeted at me (of course), my mom, and my oldest sister. 
Anyways, in April, my grandma was having a birthday party. I forget how old she was turning, but we had a big celebration. I remember it was only supposed be “X” amount of money, but it seemingly doubled over night to pay for things that weren’t needed to be paid. A lot of wasted money.
It was my grandma’s birthday though. And that wasn’t a thing I was going to miss, regardless of how everything was.
A lot of things transpired that night. Small things. But things none the less.
The next day, I sent a text to my aunt, telling her what I felt and why I felt that way. I believe it was mainly addressed to talk how she was being rude to my girlfriend, and I didn’t appreciate that, and asking her to treat her with more respect. Didn’t go over well. I think I got a meme as a reply that was saying “the world doesn’t revolve around you”. Yeah.
A few days later, my oldest sister and I went to my grandma’s to talk to her. Because we felt like this was just an awful situation for us and we wanted to try to get her to see that we weren’t doing anything. Anyways, I guess during this time, one of the male cousins was texting my other sister.
Essentially, he said my sister lied about a very traumatic effect that happened to her, which still effects her to this day, and that if it “really did happen, there would be a police report”.
I don’t think I’ve cried that hard in a long time. I remember breaking down and just. Yeah. We showed it to my grandma, because there’s no way this could be real? Right? And I remember I was furious. I was so fucking pissed off. I was /visibly/ shaking.
For the next, I don’t know, 2 hours, me and him went back and forth in text messages. Just hurling insults at each other. I eventually started to target his mom, my aunt, because he made a side comment about “don’t talk about my mom” and, cmon, that’s like, an invitation at that point, especially in that mindset. 
Side note, a lot of those insults thrown at me are now inside jokes between my friends and I because they were just the stupidest things I’ve ever been called.
So I was insulting him, insulting my aunt, and just ready to take on the world at this point. Because, honestly, at this point I was just holding on to my anger. It wasn’t good at all. And to have something like that be said about my sister? It really brought that fire to life. And it’s the main reason why I can never really forgive them. At least him. 
But that’s a whole other story on why.
So maybe a couple days later, my whole family gets a message on facebook. It’s a 6 paged message that essentially boils down to “this is what is wrong with you, you, you and you, and you guys are toxic as hell and you guys are out of our lives.
My favorite part is when I’m called a “selfish, ungrateful, self-entitled punk” and how I’m jealous and want to be like my cousin. Which is hilarious. She also mentions the traumatic experience in quotes, which pissed me off, because quotes usually indicate the idea of a falsehood that is being passed along as facts. 
From there, we don’t talk. We don’t talk for a year or so.
I don’t think it was until mid to late 2017 where people started to talk to each other again. Thanksgiving and Christmas usually forced us. But we slowly started doing things together, and having family events with each other that last longer than an hour.
And now it’s 2019. And we are doing full on holidays again. Inviting each other to these things out of the blue. Acting like nothing ever happened. Back to the “old days” sort of deal. 
“The healing process.”
And I just don’t know. I don’t like going to these things still. I’m still angry at everything. I’m still hurting from it all. 
I’ve been wearing this fucking mask at these events all these years, reinforcing it after each use, acting like I can stand to be there, that I don’t want to get up and just run away. I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to use school as an excuse to leave events early this year. But that could only go so far.
And it’s been 5 years. And I don’t know what to do. 
Except write it all down, throw it into the wind, and just try to heal I guess. Heal as much as I possibly can.
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rememberthattime · 2 years
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Chapter 62. US Return
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Wow - it’s been awhile. Although we moved from London to Chicago in May, I’m only writing this post in September.
It was a busy summer: a bachelor party in Austin, adventure race in Wisconsin, and reunion tour through Portland and Seattle. Oh, and we were just getting used to our new home, Chicago.
We arrived back in the US on May 28, 2021. Writing this now in September, I can safely say that Chicago has exceeded expectations in so many ways.
I’ll start with the weather. Everyone talks about how cold the winters are - rightfully so - but this discounts Chicago’s glorious summer. Of the first 90 days we’ve lived here, ~80 have been 80+ degrees.
Whereas a London summer may still require a jacket or umbrella, I don’t even consider anything other than shorts & a t-shirt in Chicago.
With all this extra sun and warmth, Chelsay and I take daily runs and walks with Indy through Lincoln Park: along North Beach at sunrise, and to North Pond’s dog meet-up around 5:00 (aka “Yappy Hour”).
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Great weather has also provided an ideal introduction to Chicago‘s summer activities, including Cubs games at the immaculately renovated Wrigley Field, boating on July 4th, al fresco dining, and exploring Chicago’s diverse neighborhoods by Divvy bike.
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And of course, Chelsay and I have enjoyed being closer to family, the primary reason we moved to Chicago. After six years abroad, we’ve savored the impromptu dinners with my parents, weekends with Jeff and Liv, or welcoming Matt and Emily when they also moved to Chicago. London and Sydney are geographically far away, but they FEEL even more distant.  It was great to Facetime and hear about family game nights, or dinners, or the latest survival shows they watched together, but we’re now relishing the opportunity to finally participate.
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Beyond simply enjoying their company, Chelsay and I have also benefited from being so close to my parents. I want to specifically remember how much they’ve contributed to our smooth return.  Before arriving, my parents drove around the North Shore, “scouting” neighborhoods and touring potential temp-housing. They’ve shared city recommendations and watched Indy through our summer travels. They’ve peppered us with potential homes and cleverly researched specific houses we targeted. They accepted the (dozens of) Amazon boxes we ordered pre-arrival and loaned us every home necessity while we waited for our UK shipment.
With our previous international moves, it took months of apartment tours and furniture shopping and discomfort before Chelsay and I had a ‘home’ established. Thanks to my parents, we were settled over Memorial Day weekend.
It’s a good thing we were settled quickly. After just two weeks in Chicago, I began my Summer Tour where I’d be away 5 out of 6 weekends.
The string began with Devon’s bachelor party in Austin. I was in-charge of planning, a challenge even before considering it was a group of ~20.
It was all worth it the second I arrived though. Although it’d been almost two years since I’d seen Devon, Hanan, A Loh, and Martiin, we picked up right where we left off. Like a day hadn’t passed. It was also great to catch up with the other Skyline guys (Derek, Danny, Trav, and Ju) and meet Dev’s Menlo teammates.
I booked an AirBnB large enough for the entire crew to stay together. We catered Guero’s and ate around the pool, stayed out on Rainey Street a little too late the first night, rallied the next morning for our Lake Travis party barge, then crashed the second night – especially the groom. I arrived in ATX as a boy, but left 36 hours later as a man.
As if a bachelor party in Austin wasn’t hard enough on my body, my dad and I had trained for an Adventure Race the VERY NEXT weekend. The Stubborn Mule race is hosted in Washburn, WI – aka the middle of nowhere – and includes 30 miles of biking, 10 miles of orienteering, and 6 miles of kayaking on Lake Erie.
I signed my dad and I up as a Christmas present, and had been nervous about the race ever since. After a year in lockdown, I wasn’t in my best shape and these distances sounded grueling. To be clear, my dad and I had no aspirations about winning the race. The other racers are survivalists – park rangers or adventure athletes that train year-round and travel across the world to compete. My dad and I just saw the TV show ‘Alone’ and thought it looked fun – all we wanted to do was finish!
In training, I was especially concerned about kayaking, as I had no mechanism to work my back. The main reason I went surfing every day in Cornwall was just to paddle – it didn’t matter if the water was flat. At least I was getting a workout before this Adventure Race.
Luckily our apartment in Chicago had a rower, and my parents loaned me a bike once we arrived. One day, as a pre-race test, I went on a back-to-back-to-back 4 mile run, 3 mile row, and 26 mile bike ride up to Wilmette. I was okay, which gave me confidence. The distances weren’t that bad – but I’ll never forget the clouds that rolled in as I was arriving in Wilmette’s Gillson Beach. With a 13 mile ride back to our Lincoln Park apartment, the skies opened. It was an onslaught of water. Biblical. My t-shirt was drenched, pants soaked, and shoes so wet that water would flood out as I was pedaling. Instead of the constant drizzle of London, month’s of rain seemed to come down in just one hour. ...Fingers crossed the weather would be better on race day.  
The race was hosted as far north as Wisconsin goes – 7 hours from Chicago (!), in what locals refer to as “Up Nort”.  These are small, small lake towns, where the gas station has all the groceries residents need. Which for ‘Sconies, is just kielbasa and cheese curds. 
Neither my dad nor I slept well the night before our race, but we fought through the nerves to arrive at the starting line around sunrise: ~6:00 AM.  From researching previous Stubborn Mule race instructions, we’d strategically arrived early to plot our strategy.
The objective of this Adventure Race is to find as many hidden ‘checkpoints’ in as little time as possible.  The catch is that the “course” is 100 square miles of dense woods, and racers that don’t capture the minimum number of checkpoints within 12 hours are disqualified. There are too many checkpoints in too large an area to find them all, so we’d need to be strategic. If we’re strongest in biking, we should maximize the checkpoints in that discipline. Vice versa with kayaking. Target the areas with concentrated clusters of checkpoints. Skip outliers.
With three disciplines and 100 square miles of “course”, navigation was also an obstacle. We had a total of six maps: topographical maps to show hills and depressions, road maps, ski runs (!), bike trails, etc. My dad and I used our pre-race hour to orient ourselves and plan the optimal approach.
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We felt confident in our strategy as we set out, and only gained more assurance as we easily identified the first few checkpoints. The first discipline was land navigation around a ski area, and we quickly found enough checkpoints to move to the next section. My thoughts: “Wow – this isn’t so bad… We’ll be done in no time. Maybe I can move the post-race dinner reservation earlier!”
The reality check came in our second discipline: mountain biking. We essentially had to climb the ski run on our bikes, but via poorly manicured trails. The slope was steep, dirt heavy, and the many roots and rocks along the trail made it impossible to build upward momentum. We were only 90 minutes into a 12-hour race and already struggling. Having not found a single checkpoint in our first two miles of mountain biking, we made the incredibly tough choice to head back to the homebase. The race requires teams to find at least one checkpoint for every discipline, and there were only a few biking checkpoints remaining. Though this audible conserved vital energy, it added extra pressure to find at least ONE biking checkpoint later in the race. 
We returned from mountain biking to enter the third section, which was a mix of biking and orienteering. The checkpoints were all around 7 miles away, via the same mountain biking path we’d just left, so we opted for the much longer alternate: a 12 mile ride along the local highway! Potentially motivated by cars whizzing by us, my dad and I made great time on this section, eventually finding quieter dirt roads for the last few miles.
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Our positive momentum continued when we found a biking checkpoint en route – thank god!  We’d now “collected” checkpoints for both orienteering and biking, so only needed one checkpoint while kayaking to meet the minimum race requirements.
With a high concentration of orienteering checkpoints nearby, my dad and I decided to invest extra time (and energy) finding checkpoints here. We’d essentially skipped the mountain biking section and, thanks to our highway biking, were actually making great time overall. We thought to ourselves: we’re not only going to finish, but we MIGHT have a chance to beat a few people… We needed to collect more checkpoints to truly contend.
Orienteering was harder than I thought though. I’ll start by saying that it was a lot of fun, but I’ll also admit that it was grueling. The checkpoints are spread throughout the large course, and extremely well hidden in dense woods. There are no trails, no signs, no roads.  My dad and I would be trudging through ferns with the only semblance of navigation being our compass and, thanks to the topographical map, whether we needed to go uphill or downhill.
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Credit to the race organizers for hiding these checkpoints so well, because there were several instances where we were within 10 yards (on a 100 square mile course) and couldn’t immediately find it.
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I want to specifically remember checkpoint 16.  CP16 was crucial because it was at the center of five other checkpoints – if we could find CP16, it would be a reference point for finding the others nearby. From the topographical map, we knew it was on *some* downhill slope *about* two miles off the bike trail.  Fast forward an hour (remember: must complete race in 12 hours), and we still hadn’t found the checkpoint. We’d gone up and down ravines, retraced our steps, and were likely going in circles. At one point, we agreed we’d cross a densely wooded 30-foot-tall ravine. Before descending, I paused to find the least wooded path across, which was ultimately walking on top of a fallen tree. By the time I looked back to my dad, he was gone. All I could see were treetops violently swaying as he bruised his way straight down. This will be the lasting image from the race. 
We eventually found CP16 after another 30 minutes, but were gassed. We decided to skip the nearby checkpoints to save a little energy for kayaking.
We retraced our steps back the bikes and made our way to the beach, where race organizers helped get our kayak into the water. The organizers commented on my dad and I’s great time, which gave us a necessary confidence boost heading into the discipline we’d been dreading.
There were only two kayaking checkpoints, and racers were required to find at least one… If this turned into another CP16, we’d be screwed…
Luckily Lake Erie was relatively calm, and my dad and I were motivated by the thought that we MAY not finish last! We rowed hard – so hard that our hands blistered. And we didn’t stop. We blitzed through the first four miles (out of six) in record time, arriving in the vicinity of our required kayak checkpoint. The map showed the checkpoint located in a small inlet, but it’s hard to find inlets when you’re on the water – you have to stay close to shore to follow the map’s coastline. We tried one inlet without success, but as we were exiting, we spotted two paddle boarders leaving another nearby inlet. This was a huge! We now had a reference point and used it to triangulate the checkpoint. Re-tracing the paddle boarders path, we found the coveted kayaking checkpoint, officially meeting the minimum requirement to complete the race!
Lifted by the knowledge that we would at least “finish” the race, we crushed the final two miles of kayaking. Having started the race just aiming to survive, we were now conscious of our final score – we might not get last!  Overall, we posted one of the fastest kayaking times that day.
We arrived at the beach for the final biking leg: roughly 8 miles to the finish line. One optional orienteering section remained, but having collected the required checkpoints, my dad and I decided the race was already a success.  We crossed the finish line with a time just under 10 hours.
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Post-race, we enjoyed one of the most satisfying burgers I’ve ever eaten, and slept hard that night. The race results were posted soon after and, to our pleasant surprise, we finished 36th out of 40, with two additional teams not meeting the minimum checkpoint requirements. Not only did we finish, but we beat six teams!
The race was a highlight of the summer not only for the adventurous challenge, but for the quality time I got to spend with my dad after years abroad. And also for the memory of my dad bowling through the woods attempting to find CP16!
After Austin and Wisconsin, the next weekend was Independence Day. Chelsay and I didn’t have any travel plans, so used the time to explore both the city neighborhoods and potential homes in the North Shore. We also joined my parents for boating the evening of the 4th. Having not seen July 4th fireworks in six years, I’ll always remember that evening’s unique and patriotic views from Lake Michigan.
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The next two weekends would be spent in the Pacific Northwest, visiting Chelsay’s family in Portland and Seattle before attending Devon’s wedding in Winthrop, WA.
The trip began with a day at Chelsay’s grandparents’ house outside Portland, where we admired Grandma Helen’s meticulously manicured garden and played cornhole with Grandpa Nick.
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We then took the Amtrack up to Seattle – while streaming the England vs Italy Euro Final, which England heartbreakingly blew by missing three straight penalty kicks.
We spent the next few days in Woodinville with Chelsay’s parents, enjoying our go-to Seattle dinners (Firenze’s amatriciana, Din Tai Fung’s xiao long bao, La Carta de Oaxaca’s rice and beans) while adding a new staple: Southgate Garden Korean BBQ.  Just driving by, you wouldn’t think much of this restaurant. It’s behind a gas station and, based on the ‘1970s diner’ interior, my guess is the new tenants chose not to update. Instead, they spent their money on the meats because the dinner was phenomenal. It’s probably the most full I’ve ever been.
I’m always impressed by our hikes in Seattle. Every time we visit, I regret not taking advantage while we lived there.  We enjoyed Wallace Falls, but the coolest walk was right in Danny & June’s backyard. From their apartment in Bothell, a nine-mile trail loops through Woodinville’s newly developed Woodin Creek restaurant area, along the Sammamish River, and past Woodinville’s wineries.
This trail was very cool. As I haven’t had a car for the past six years, I probably haven’t written about how much I hate traffic. Chelsay likes to name the chapters of our lives, and she used to say I’d name the Seattle chapter, “Why is there so much traffic!?”   But the loop trail outside of Danny & June’s place avoids any need to drive – it’s a walker’s oasis in a desert of gridlock.  
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After visiting Chelsay’s parents, our next stop in this Pacific Northwest tour was Winthrop, WA. It’s in north-central WA, four hours northeast of Seattle and very close to the Canadian border. It’s about two hours north of Leavenworth, so Chelsay and I briefly visited Alex and Charlie to float the river.
I have to admit: I lived in Seattle for nearly a decade but never heard of Winthrop. This is just another reminder of how little we took advantage of the Northwest because it was the perfect setting for Devon & Barbara’s wedding.
There are strong Yellowstone vibes here. Hot weather, expansive ranches, and towering mountains. Even the resort, Sun Mountain, reminded me of a National Park lodge. Timber frame, woodland wallpaper that felt like a grandma’s cabin, and jaw-dropping views of the dramatic landscape.  
Although our room’s balcony had beautiful views, Chelsay and I found the best way to see the area was by horseback.  In a bizarre coincidence, our guide lived in Southlake [what are the odds??], and this connection explains why she was the first guide to allow us to canter. It was a blast. 
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But horse riding was just an appetizer.  The main dish, and the reason we’d all come up to Winthrop, WA: Devon and Barbara’s wedding. 
The day had all the usual ceremony prep: the bridesmaids started getting ready 8 hours before the ceremony, while the guys went and played on a 20 foot rope swing. Risky move on the wedding day.
We managed to clean ourselves up in time, and before we knew it, it was time to walk down the aisle. The setting was beautiful: a bluff overlooking the Yellowstone-vibe valley below. The guests, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and especially bride and groom looked their absolute best. And there was extra emotion with one guest, Dev’s mom, spiritually present.
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Deb’s spirit provided an atmosphere for the whole day: emotional, yes. But most of all: celebratory and, true to Deb, fun. It was the best party I’ve ever been to, and that includes my own wedding.
The Paris crew had been practicing since the Sweat Fest of the Seine, and absolutely owned the dancefloor. About 10 Skyline guys and their wives took half the dancefloor, and the other 200 guests got whatever was left. I never want to forget Hanan’s dance moves to ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’: air guitar, kicking, raising the roof, and the mullet whip.
Someone requested Will Smith’s ‘Wild Wild West’, so I gave the people what they wanted: the disco cowboy.  And Barbara’s dad showed some memorable moves. Devon’s observation: “Are his knees made of slinky!?!”
And what wedding would be complete without every guest circling the bride and groom for their last dance of the night, followed by an after party (in THEIR room?!).  The night closed with the full Paris crew huddled closely, yelling ‘Piano Man’ in each other’s faces.
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It was the best party I’ve ever been to, and equally, a perfect encapsulation of why Chelsay and I were ready to return to the US. It had been a busy six weeks: moving from London, reuniting with family in Chicago, a bachelor party in Austin, the adventure race in Chicago, hanging with Chelsay’s family in Portland and Seattle, and now Dev’s wedding in Winthrop.
But that wonderful six week run would not have been possible while abroad.  We would’ve stretched a trip to cover two weekends, missing out on the other lifelong memories with friends and family.
After six years abroad, this is ultimately why Chelsay and I finally returned to the US.
Our loved ones are here, and it was time to come home.
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jennmapp · 6 years
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My Top 10 Summer 2018 Essentials
The Hot List
Can you believe it's already mid-July? 
Between launching my first book - Clothes the Deal: The Guide For Transformative Personal Style - and leaving my job to start a closet coaching business, traveling for clients, styling Author Incubator Red Carpet launches, an overnight wedding, more than a few parties and plenty of family travel -  summer 2018 has been especially swift.
All that activity has provided a lot of practice styling, packing, repacking and refining my summer outfit skills all while staying true to core philosophy: Less = more, grooming is paramount and self care key.
Here are my top 10 hacks to help you do just that. 
My Top 10 Summer 2018 Essentials 
#1 Strapless Bra Alternative:
Ladies. I cannot say enough about the life changing magic of Bring It Up Breast Shapers (known as "Sticky Boobies" in my house). I've been a fan of adhesive bras for years but since I discovered this product in March, Bring It Up Breast Shapers have officially replaced Nu Bra as my go to solution under tank tops, spaghetti straps and strapless tops and dresses. I recommend them to all my clients and am currently waiting for my 4th set to arrive from Amazon. You can re-use a pair up to 25 times with proper maintenance (or in my case, no maintenance) and the manufacturer claims they can hold their own on bra sizes up to 36-38 DDD.
#2 Easy Outfit Formula: Madewell Audio Tank Top + Madewell Pull On Shorts
In May I bought a Madewell Audio Tank in ripe persimmon (orangish red) and a pair of Madewell Pull On Shorts in army green and was so pleased with the fit of this combo that I bought another tank in ivory and two more pairs of pull on shorts in black and chambray. My beach trip last week confirmed that this easy to accessorize, easy to wear combo is the perfect summer outfit formula. With three more family vacays to go between now and Labor Day, you will definitely see plenty more variations of this look.
#3 Ultimate Add A Layer: Subtle Luxury Pool to Party Kimono
Summer is all about lightweight, double duty outfit solutions. The name of this Pool to Party Kimono by Subtle Luxury says it all. I've worn this (multiple times) over the Madewell relaxed casual outfit formula above as a going out outfit and over my actual bathing suit at the beach and pool. It's light, luxurious and, at now on sale for $29.99, looks a lot more expensive than the price tag.
#4 Perfect Pop: Organic Hoops + Layering Necklace + Novelty Ring
The lightweight theme continues with this gold tone accessory combination that seems to work with every summer outfit: ADMK organic double hoop earrings (from Covet Boutique in Arlington, VA), Madewell layering necklace (gifted from client), Madewell Looker ring and a gold hammered cuff (gifted from client).
I love how this delicate costume vignette layers beautifully over my forever jewelry and is still light enough to support bolder pieces like my Hermes cuff and still not feel like I'm wearing 100 different accessories.
#5 Forget Flops: Birkenstock Gizeh Birko-Flor T-Strap Sandals
Admittedly, I was the first person to bemoan the return of this ubiquitous '90s norm core sandal.
I was wrong: Birks are life.
Now my feet cringe at the sight of an arch enemy flip flop and with this pair in trend forward metallic leather (mine are rose gold) I am hard pressed to find a reason not to wear them ALL OF THE TIME. 
#6 Fake Tan Plan: Tan Towel Self Tan Towelette Plus + Body Glow BB Cream
My secret to not looking like a city girl at the beach - Tan Towel. In the week leading up to any skin bearing activity, I run a Tan Towel self tanning towelette over dry, clean skin once a day, followed by a generous serving of Tan Towel Body Glow BB Cream (which smells amazing, if you can believe it). Literally everyone asks where I got my tan. Like, literally, everyone.
Just don't forget to wash your hands.
#7 Impact Sandal: Cecelia New York Hibiscus Sandal
I love nothing more than a statement neutral and nothing says summer like a huge flower on your foot. When I am not in my Birkenstocks, I am finding a reason to wear these beautiful shoes by Cecelia New York. If nude isn't your thing, they also come in pink and snakeskin. Worth every penny.
 #8 Lash Blast: Rodan + Fields Lash Boost + Glossier Lash Slick Mascara
With pool plunges, humidity and lots of travel, summer begs for a lighter makeup bag. My solution? Focus on lashes. Initially I was incredulous about R+F Lash Boost but after asking so many girlfriends how their lashes got so long I invested in a tube (and yes, at $150, it is an investment). After two weeks my eye lashes were noticeably longer and now, four months in, all I need is a quick swipe of super natural Glossier Lash Slick (also recommended by a client) for a luscious lash look that doesn't need a lot of extra makeup.
#9 Cannabidiol Calm: Charlotte's Web Hemp Extract Oil
This summer I left a stable career of 16 years to risk the house on a capsule wardrobe coaching dream. Chill #AF? Um, no. But after I heard about the calming benefits of CBD oil on That's So Retrograde (one of my favorite podcasts), I bought a bottle and was delighted to discover a few drops of Charlotte's Web Hemp Extract Oil under the tongue 2-3 times a day really does calm my nerves - and it's amazing for cramps, restful sleep and gracefully flying cross country with two children under six. And yes, it's 100% legal.
#10 Sun Savvy: Rodan + Fields Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Sunscreen
Last but not least - the best beauty advice I ever followed was printed in Allure Magazine in early 2001 - if you want to look younger and live longer, wear SPF 30+ religiously every single day, regardless of weather or season. Almost two decades later I've amped my minimal coverage to SPF 50 and keep a bottle of Rodan + Fields Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Sunscreen in my beach bag for frequent re-applications. 
What's In Your Beach Bag, Baby?
Share your summer staples (or just stop by to peep my daily FB lives and capsule fashion inspo) on the Tiny Closet Survival Guide Facebook Group. 
Looking for an easy digital beach read guaranteed to change your perspective on what it takes to cement personal style? Download a free copy of my new book Clothes the Deal: The Guide For Transformative Personal Style. Can't wait to hear what you think!
Be the Bright!
xoxo
Jenn
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