#my ellone fic scratches the surface of this concept
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Why I Don't Write Zell Dincht
On this mother's day, I find myself forced into thinking about motherhood and the impacts of motherhood on every human life.
Much more rambling beneath the cut.
I think about motherhood a lot. Mainly because I am indeed a mother myself. However, being a mother was only a catalyst for me in understanding why my own mother was the way she was, and how that affected me. The way I have unlearned and learned how to mother is only a by-product of this.
Today, of course, it's all highlighted. The obligation. The memories. The fucking balloons in the grocery store. It's all so much more complicated than I ever imagined, and I doubt I will ever stop processing it so directly on this specific day every year.
Luckily I’ve been processing it for long enough that it is no longer raw and painful and explosive. Now I can type coherent sentences and be genuinely okay with the amount of introspection the day still brings.
And though today I am moved enough to write about it here, this analysis is constantly brought into my fanfic writing. I could argue that the influence of one's parents (or lack of influence or lack of parents) is the root of everything I write. Often it's hidden below the surface of my words, and often I don't recognize it's there until afterwards, but it's a profound fundamental influence nonetheless.
Maybe that's why I've always been drawn to Final Fantasy VIII. The main cast are all orphans. Rinoa is the exception, but losing her mother at age five and having a terrible relationship with her father put her in a similar-enough category. So they're all ripe for that trauma of not having a sturdy parent-child relationship, especially in their early days.
I have headcanons for all of these poor babies, all based on their early separation from their parents and why they turned out the way they did in their late teen years. Why Seifer wants to be a knight, why Selphie enjoys explosives, why Irvine is a secret sweetheart behind his macho facade, and why Quistis has a thirst to prove herself. I plan to write all of these as their own fics.
Except for Zell!
Why? Well, Zell is the only one who wound up with a reasonable mother. He was orphaned just like the rest of them, but something happened when Ma Dincht picked that little blonde tornado from the line-up. Something clicked in that little heart of his, and it's my biggest headcanon that Zell “Crybaby Chickenwuss” Dincht is the most emotionally well-adjusted of the whole lot.
He's the one who's never been afraid to express himself. He's completely forthcoming with his intensity and his feelings. He's willing to let you see his true self.
And though it seems cringe (or at least it did for me as a teenager), this authenticity is something those of us with poor parenting often struggle with. We were taught from day one that our cries, our anger, our enthusiasm is too much and should be stifled in order to save others the energy from having to deal with it. Instead, children should be blindly obedient, seen and not heard.
Not so for our darling Zell! Ma Dincht saw a crybaby and thought, “I'll take him.”
Of course, not everyone struggles with writing Zell because of this. See @angelosearch’s beautiful take on this in her fic: The Ballad of Ma Dincht. And for further reading about Zell’s earliest years, see @gardengalwrites's Boardwalk Bratwurst.
So, on this complicated day, I find solace in the idea that there are Ma Dinchts out there. And if you struggle on this day, I hope you can take comfort in my ramblings and know that your authentic expression is valuable, and it's well worth the time to seek out those who are capable of receiving it with open arms. ❤️
#happy learning-how-to-raise-yourself day!#my ellone fic scratches the surface of this concept#just know that the influence of mothers is actually the driving force behind that fic (when it eventually gets published)#edea plays a huge role in all of their lives#and i can't wait to dive into that#yes i decided to write this instead of finish my ellone one-shot lol#writing#personal#zell dincht#final fantasy 8#ff8#ffviii#final fantasy viii fanfiction
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