#my dad relapsed tonight after 3 years sober and im not having a good time.

[pixelshiftexe]

As the child of a recovering covert alcoholic, it kind of sucks that most of the advice for how to cope with a parent that struggles with alcohol is for parents who are actively destructive or abusive because of their drinking. Like obviously that's a really important thing to discuss, and it leaves far more psychological damage , but I just really wish I could find something about how to approach a parent who's always been loving and supportive while also struggling with addiction.

Because it sucks to have someone who you love so much and who you know loves you and would never do anything to directly hurt you, but theres just this big fucking unknowable in your perception of them and your relationship.

I know for a lot of people, the worst of their parent comes out when they drink and that's awful and so much worse than what I have to deal with. But there's something really confusing and upsetting when you really aren't able to tell the difference between whether they're sober or drinking because there's no noticeable change unless you're looking closely.

I just keep asking; How many times were you drunk and I just didn't notice because you were talking to me about your favorite books and I was just happy to listen to you? How many times were we watching our favorite show together and I didn't know the reason you fell asleep was because you were drinking beforehand? You've always been a positive presence in my life but how much of it were you actually present for?

Is the same thing happening to me?