#my dad is pulling his stupid passive aggressive bs

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

Catalyst

so in my au which i'm totally not using to cope or anything haha, after realizing that curly isn't going to do anything about jimmy, anya confides in swansea and he goes Protective Dad Mode. i'm calling this the "Responsibility AU." ramble below cut.

swansea doesn't immediately go after jimmy with an axe or anything because 1. they're not in a high stress life/death crash situation and 2. anya specifically requests that swansea not enact violence upon jimmy after swansea says, and i quote, "i'm gonna beat his ass." anya just wants to feel safer and more supported on the ship—she doesn't want swansea to get in trouble even if jimmy does deserve to get destroyed by 10000 punches.

what swansea can do is watch out for anya and make sure she's never alone in a room with jimmy. if there's a situation where she has to be alone with jimmy (like the psych evals), she and swansea have a system where she can signal for help. with anya's permission, swansea asks daisuke to help look out for her too (without telling him the details as to why since that's anya's right to share or not). daisuke has already picked up at this point that something is wrong based on how much more hostile swansea's become towards jimmy, and he trusts his boss, so he agrees without much question.

anya, feeling less alone now that she has people watching her back, gains more confidence to stand up to jimmy. which makes him angry because his unwanted advances are being denied and swansea and daisuke keep getting in his way. he just can't understand why he's being treated as the bad guy here (this is because he is a delusional asshole).

meanwhile curly is slowly realizing that he needs to actually do something here because the tension in the crew is palpable and increasing by the day. also swansea is being mighty passive aggressive to him and talking about "responsibility" a lot. curly keeps trying to talk to jimmy about it but the guy just keeps downplaying it and blaming everyone else but himself. and curly is realizing that his friend isn't who he thought he was.

it all comes to a head one day when an angry jimmy tries to confront anya alone and swansea steps in. things get heated, people start yelling. curly show up to see swansea and jimmy on the verge of fighting with anya and daisuke trying to hold them back respectively. curly breaks up the fight. jimmy storms off. curly follows him and finds him trying to get the gun from the case in the cockpit. curly asks him why he's doing this and jimmy claims it's for his own protection because he feels "threatened by swansea." he tells curly to give him the code. curly, the sheer wrongness of the whole situation hitting him, finally calls jimmy out on all his bs. jimmy just laughs in his face, still believing that he's not in the wrong and curly doesn't have the guts to do anything anyway. so the captain fires him on the spot. jimmy snaps and he and curly get into a fight in the cockpit. jimmy is trying to crash the ship and curly is trying to stop him. then the rest of the crew show up and anya knocks jimmy's ass out with the gun case. swansea is so proud.

they throw jimmy in the cryopod so they don't have to worry about him pulling anything else and he can be properly dealt with once the stupid delivery is over. everyone's like, "wow that was a close one—could you imagine how messed up it would be if we ended up in a crash because of jimmy? thank god that didn't happen." curly makes swansea the copilot until they can get a replacement and swansea's like, "goddammit as if i don't already do enough shit around here."

anyway my whole goal here was to get rid of jimmy early so i can have beautiful Found Family shenanigans in space with the rest of the crew. apologies and healing and happy times will happen. no the whole getting laid off thing doesn't happen. no i don't have an explanation for it. sorry for the essay.

[neonpigeons]

parents get into a bad mood and somehow it becomes your fucking problem

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X17

I liked this episode, thought I understand why a lot of people didn’t. Meredith was drastically under used in this episode. She only had a few scenes and outside of standalone episodes, which this one was not, that rarely happens.

Meredith has an interesting monologue this week. It also serves as a handy reminder of what a terrible mother Ellis was. Bailey says a big fat ‘Nope’ to the lamb in the bag. We all concur. Meredith and DeLuca’s interactions at the beginning of the episode imply that Meredith and DeLuca briefly break up and are now getting back together. Ugh I wish they would stay broken up!

Meredith gives him a coffee as a peace offering implying that she was wrong to agree with Carina and raise the alarm about his Dad’s project. Meredith wasn’t wrong. Just because DeLuca’s Dad might be right about this project doesn’t change what he did. Ugh. I already hate this storyline.

The interns/residents are cutting into fish. Yuck. That was an awful transition. Parker’s back though! I like him. Are they interns or residents? They keep flipping back and forth with the terminology. I love Schmitt’s line, “We’re making fish people!” Haha! It turns out the fish skin is for a burn patient. It's a really cool and inexpensive procedure.

Maggie is invited to a Morning Show to talk about the scandal. I predicted this was going to be a shit show and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t. Jackson is wonderfully supportive! Bailey goes and talks to Alex about DeLuca’s Dad’s project. She raises the questions we’ve all been asking. Helm comes and tells them they need to go the lab. Alex and Bailey show up to find the DeLuca’s arguing in Italian. This can’t be good.

It turns out one of the lambs died and it throws the viability of the project into doubt. Alex tells them to stop arguing and tells Carina and Andrew to figure out what happened and write a report and give it to him so he can make a decision. Carina stresses once more that their father is not well and this project is not a good idea. DeLuca ignores her. Carina’s right. DeLuca’s being a blind fool.

One thing that caught my attention when DeLuca and Carina were arguing in front of Alex is that Alex approved their father’s project even though he knew he was mentally ill, did not have a diagnosis, and is not receiving treatment. Why wasn’t DeLuca’s Dad seeing a psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis a condition of him doing the project here? It seems to me that would have cleared a lot of things up and been a lot more realistic.

We then cut to Teddy and Owen talking in the ambulance bay as they wait for an incoming trauma. As usual Owen is a complete asshole. He’s passive aggressive and disrespectful to Teddy like he is to all of the women in his life. Teddy should not have to put up with his crap. Owen then decides to have a conversation with himself and Teddy says nothing, but he keeps acting like she is. He needs to see a therapist about this. Stat.

The patients in this episode are a married couple that are involved in a car wreck. The man has less serious injuries that can be easily treated. The woman is a different story. Her injuries are more severe and she’s 5 months pregnant. My heart really hurt for this poor couple. Teddy and Owen are assigned to the case. Teddy brings Carina in to help with the pregnant woman.

Carina tells her the baby is fine, but then Teddy asks to speak with her outside. It turns out Teddy has to give the patient bad news and Carina didn’t realize. They might have to do an operation which would result in the removal of her uterus which means the fetus/baby would have to be taken out. It’s too early in the pregnancy for the baby to survive and the fact that Carina told her the baby would be fine makes it so much harder for Teddy to tell her and for the patient to hear the news.

Amelia goes to a conference about alternative pain relief. Also she cut her hair! She looks gorgeous! Link also cut his hair. They’re accidentally at the conference together. Hilarity ensues. They have some great awkward scenes together. Amelia and Link keep running into each other awkwardly and it’s a joy to watch. They go to this weird sound bath and it makes Amelia literally dizzy. She wants to sit down and Link says they should find somewhere to sit, but Amelia decides to sit on the floor in the hallway of their hotel because she’s real like that.

Amelia confides in him about how much she misses Betty and how doesn’t know if she’s okay. Everything feels unfinished as Cristina would say. She thinks she sounds like a mess, but Link says she sounds like a parent. He’s also hilarious and they almost kiss or go back to one of their rooms, but Amelia pulls back and declines. She realizes it’s too soon to get into a new relationship and Link’s into it but not if she isn’t. Amelia does not know what to do with herself. It is very confusing for Link.

It turns out Link’s talk is about opioids in medicine. He talks about a young patient he had and what he prescribed him and what happened. It ended badly and then he says he would prescribe the opioids again. Amelia walks out. This is why Link did not want her to come to his talk. This episode is painful in so many ways.

Jo’s gotten her DNA test results back. She’s nervous and wants Maggie to help her open them because as someone who is adopted she’s gone through a similar thing. They do this in the tech room while Parker is looking at some scans. In real life they would not be doing this with Parker present. Jo’s negative for most of the scary stuff ie. Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons. I love Jo’s line, “It says here I’m mostly British!” Haha! This joke is so meta it works! Jo’s the best!

Jo finds out she has a first cousin whose also done the DNA test. Now she’s curious. Parker offers to help find her. She’s conflicted. Later, Maggie does the Morning Show at the hospital. It’s actually goes pretty well. Jo comes to talk to her and winds up talking to Jackson. She gets no answers on whether or not to look up her birth mother.

Meanwhile Webber comes to talk to Jackson and finds out why they are using the fish skin. Webber asks what they did with the rest of the fish and Jackson says it’s medical waste now which makes literally no sense. Why is Jackson wasting perfectly good fish when he was eating fish on a boat last season? His character makes no sense sometimes.

Bailey and Helen met in the cafeteria. It’s very cute. Helen wants to go home but she’s scared to make the journey. She doesn’t know how to tell Alex. She’s knitting a very long thing. Owen spends most of the episode being a worry wart and Teddy’s got no time for it. Like a badass.

Teddy falls asleep while watching over her patient. The patient goes into distress but she’s so tired with the pregnancy that she sleeps through it. Teddy wakes up and realizes her patient needs to be operated on.

DeLuca and his Dad are in the lab. His Dad says that Carina’s turned on him. DeLuca calls him on his BS. He finds out that Carina has a patient whose baby won’t survive. Next we find out that he went behind Carina and Teddy’s backs to talk to the patient and her husband. That’s a big no no! The procedure has only been barely tested on lambs, not people.

Meredith comes to check out Jackson’s cool new procedure. They chat. Jackson references DeLuca as her boyfriend. To which Meredith responds, “He’s not my boyfriend.” Yeaaah! Music to my ears! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again I feel like to Meredith, DeLuca is a hot date and someone she’s having fun with. To DeLuca, Meredith is the love of his life. Jackson says that Maggie and Richard think DeLuca is her boyfriend, but Meredith doesn’t see it that way. Very telling. I love Meredith’s line, “Hey! Can he breathe underwater?” Haha!

Bailey and Alex have some truth talk about mental illness, prejudice, and the necessity of treatment. DeLuca finally sees Carina’s point about their Dad. We see DeLuca’s Dad breaking things. This is what Carina was trying to tell everybody. He promised the patient something they can’t deliver and now they have to tell her they can’t. This is heartbreaking to watch. This part had me tearing up. This one hits close to home for me. It makes me grateful that I’m alive and my Mom is alive and that our medical team was able to save us 26 years ago. Not everyone gets lucky.

After Teddy and Alex have to tell the patient and her husband the terrible news Teddy leaves because she needs a minute. Owen follows her and asks if she’s okay. What kind of stupid question is that? Is she okay? Owen in what universe would Teddy be okay right now? Teddy breaks down and collapses in Owen’s arms. He comforts her. At which point Tom comes down the hallway and sees them. He cut his trip short to come see her and that’s what he finds. Great. Now he’s got the wrong idea.

This is just unnecessary drama. Alex pulls DeLuca’s Dad’s funding for obvious reasons. He argues and blames everyone. Carina has had enough. She’s out. It’s a good think Alex is used to this kind of thing. Other people might crack under the pressure or the shock. After him and Carina leave Alex looks at DeLuca. Alex’s face is all ‘Really bitch?’.

Webber’s does a fish fry on the roof with the tilapia! Aw Helen made Bailey a hat! Alex talked to his Mom and Bailey was right. He’s going to fly back with his Mom to Iowa. Back at the conference Amelia is packing up when Link comes to her door and says she missed the best part. We get more of Link’s back story. His young patient Jason died in a car wreck under the influence after Link prescribed him opioids for his pain. After Jason died he quick medicine and went to work in a bike shop. He eventually got mad at a system that wasn’t working and got back into medicine.

Amelia gets it now. He says that maybe they can fight to change the system together. Him for Jason. Her for Betty. He was going to say they could be Batman and Robin, but then he realizes they’re both Batman. So he says Batman and Batman. I dig it. She tells him she’s in a weird place. He says, “I can roll with weird.” I love him!

He asks her to dinner. She says yes then decides screw it and kisses him instead. Link is very sweet. He takes a step back and says he feels like he’s taking advantage of her because she’s in a weird place and he finds her insanely pretty. Amelia decides to go for it anyway because she wants to and Link’s into it. As she says, “The feeling is mutual.”

Amelia makes it clear this is a one night stand. He’s cool with that. But we all know that the people who have one night stands on this show wind up married so ... Get it Amelia! Yeah! Cut to the hospital. Jackson made a merman today so him and Maggie are getting it on! Helen says goodbye to Jo and her and Alex head out for their flight. This hug between Jo and Helen is everything!

Meredith comes to see DeLuca. She knows the project isn’t going well, but doesn’t know its been scrapped. They were supposed to go have sex at his place so that’s why she’s there. DeLuca is extremely immature and stupid as usual. He tells her to go ahead and say ‘I told you so’. Because apparently he thinks Meredith is the kind of person to say I told you so in a situation like this. She calls him on the fact that she’s not and it bothers her that he thinks she would.

Just another example of how he doesn’t know her at all and how wrong for each other they are. He’s so immature! Also Derek did this a lot and Cristina frequently called him out on it. Meredith does NOT need more of that BS in her life. We also find out that DeLuca’s Dad is going back to Italy. That was fast! There’s a nice shot of all of the former and current Chiefs of Surgery. Jo’s made a decision. She asks Parker to find her birth mother. It turns out Parker already did. Her name is Vicki Rudin. She lives in Pittsburg. Jo was not expecting that!

Well that was interesting! It was a darker episode for sure. Now onto next week’s promo! Next week is all about tension! DeLuca and Meredith are awkward and avoiding each other. Yes!!!!! Please break up! Bailey, Maggie, Quadri, and Schmitt are some kind of badass dream team! Amelia says she and Link should avoid each other for a while. He says okay in a very sexy way. My guess is they hook up before the end of the episode! Owen is being a jerk and wants to get back together with Teddy now that Amelia’s out of the picture. Sigh. He never learns. I hope Teddy doesn’t take him back. She deserves better.

Tom lays down the law!!! He tells Owen if he’s going to make a play for Teddy he should rethink that because he’s going to fight for her! Yes! Go Tom! He previously told Amelia that letting his wife walked out his life into the arms of another man after they lost their son was one of his biggest regrets in life. He’s not going to make the same mistake twice.

That’s all folks! Until next time.

Au revoir!

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

Imploding

Marital woes again. DH ends up slowly building pressure like a powder keg, and then starts the passive aggressiveness. He doesn’t talk to me. He makes comments out loud like “good talk” and other bullshit that doesn’t address me directly. He acts pissy with lil man, even so far as saying “shut up” and swearing occasionally. Zero patience. Drinks more. I always feel like it’s a competition, who’s going to break/ speak first. I hate starting bc I feel it enables this cycle of bullshit. But DH started a new MOS and I WAS genuinely curious how it was going. So now we’re talking again. But that evening, is one of his “this is everything that’s wrong with the relationship” spiels, that carries on over an hour, after 10 PM and I just get overwhelmed, emotional, and tired. This time around had alarm bells going off for me, bc he pretty much said every shitty thing he possibly could, short of saying “shut the fuck up” again, or “bitch” like he has before. He was inebriated, so I took what he was saying with a heavy side eye. He called me “lazy, selfish, uncaring” and the most appalling of all “abusive”… I was proud of myself when he said the first crap, and I replied, “That sounds like an opinion that I don’t agree with.” But when he said *I* was abusive later… Omfg. I didn’t even fight against it bc I didn’t even want to get into that shit storm, but holy fuck, HOW?! ME??? Who do you think you’re talking to?!

What is abuse? It’s whoever has the power. Am I overpowering him emotionally/ verbally? No! In fact I never told him to “shut the fuck up” in my life, but HE has! I only called him asshole once, and that was after the whole STFU. Meanwhile he says things like “stupid/ idiot”, plus that passive aggressive bs. Sometimes it’s like HE’S the woman pulling the whole, “noooo, nothing’s wrooonnngg.” I do not do that. And what would I have if we divorced and he kicked me out? Nothing. No financial control or anything. So where exactly am I just taking advantage of him?

At worse, yes, he feels left out and disregarded bc my physical/ emotional/ PTSD junk has me pretty low functioning and it has been for the last 5 years. I get that. It sucks. But I’m here in therapy admitting I have problems, trying to take care of my autistic son and I still make dinner every night, and try to keep up with dishes/ chores, and if I was really so selfish, I would have got a haircut over a year ago, and be making dinner for just myself, and going out socially without him, BUT I DONT.

And I know it pisses him off that my parents are heads up their asses in this bullshit after no contact and he still has to talk to them. And then I’m on my end, still pissed off that my parents still haven’t stepped up at all, and worse DH told me they’re too afraid to write the letter back, (which I gave permission to do) , lest I “take it wrong”… Kinda too late there, wtf. Afraid? like I was so mean and rude, cussing them out. Afraid, like I made a big deal out of nothing and, oh no, she might say more things we did wrong to us… But that sounds like another excuse to get me to “explain” more. You know, since dad told DH I could call him… So a LETTER might be taken wrong and you’re afraid, but you say I can call you? Like a real time phone convo would be any different outcome? How does that work?! It. Doesn’t. Make. Sense. Maybe they’re “afraid” of leaving a paper trail! And them doing NOTHING is as bad as them swearing up and down they’re just “respecting my no contact wish”, while simultaneously asking if they can write a letter. You can’t have BOTH! I’m sick of mixed messages, and no, I’ve already made the effort and tried to explain! If I make contact without knowing their “questions” I’m just gonna be super pissed and let all the floodgates open! I’m sick of excuses.

… Anyways This is why my parents got cut out. You leave and cleave after marriage. They had their chances, and pissed them away. Clearly my marriage needs the focus and effort. My emotional health needs to get back on track. I’m hoping DH sobered up and thought about what he said more today. But this has been a reoccurring pattern. And now he’s pulled out the word “abuse” and I haven’t even felt comfortable using that word on my parents, even though it’s likely true… How and why that word came into his radar, I don’t know. Me. A quiet, meek, self conscious, low self esteem, emotionally distressed person. I don’t manipulate at all. It tires me to even think ppl plan shit out on purpose. I neglect myself, where is this ulterior motive coming from? I worry that his pattern is escalating. So like all the other times, I just make note of it. Yes, I need to get out of my comfort zone and start making more effort. But I just thought the “in sickness and health” would have meant more loyalty than this hurtful blaming… (bc he also told me "anyone else would have divorced you by now." ...)