#my dad is a very trustworthy person and he may think the stuff he did is funny even now and he has every right to

[needscaffeine]

I told my Dad about what David Dobrik did to Jeff Wittek and he said that they used to do stuff like that too

SO LET'S BE CLEAR

I trust my father who's been driving semis and working with farm equipment his entire life behind the wheel of an excavator. He is the only person who I would ever trust in that situation, even when he was in his teens, that is a promise.

David is a Youtuber. He hasn't had experience with heavy machinery. He almost cost someone their eye and their life. My dad's done some dumb things but he hasn't almost killed someone , especially for a video

My Dad understands how basic physics works and knows that you DON'T JUST STOP THE MACHINE SUDDENLY WHEN IT IS GOING TOO FAST

And that's all I'm saying. I trust a redneck from Texas who's been working his entire life with large machines and acting a fool than an idiot from Chicago that's only accomplishment is exploiting people

[apple-grass-and-smiles]

While everyone and their mother has commented on the scene from 2x10 where Dani and Malcolm talk about Gerald and his validity as a witness in the case, I have thoughts and decided I wanted to inflict them on you.

Basically, I come down on the side of neither of them really being in the wrong, but if pushed to choose someone who is most correct, it'd be Dani. I'll explain why below in the form of a list.

Some Things to Consider/Know About the Argument:

1. That I'm only calling it an argument for the sake of ease. I think a better term might be 'debate' or 'tense conversation' because while, at least from Bright's side of things, it may have the emotional weight of an argument, it likely wouldn't if a neutral third party saw it happen.

2. Both parties are entering the conversation in good faith. Dani has historically done nothing but be kind and try to be understanding of mental health as far as we've seen. There's no reason to think that anything she said was meant to be malicious. Same can be said of Bright, who is normally very happy to explain mental health issues if people aren't speaking as carefully as they should and has shown respect to Dani/Gil/JT when it came to expertise on police work.

3. Malcolm, bless his heart, is projecting SO HARD. It is a basic truth of Prodigal Son that Bright projects on people, but this is intense, even for him. It's clear from 2x09 that he is struggling not only with how his secrets are keeping him from people, but also how his mental health makes him feel like an outsider. Those emotions are heightened during this episode and then you add in Gerald who is basically Malcolm on the surface (both people who are exceptional experts in their field, who are kept from the life they want and the things they love by mental illness/shame/secrets, but desperately want to connect with the world, despite feeling they can never fit in). Therefore, when Dani talks about Gerald, Bright is assuming she thinks those things of him too and takes them personally even though we have no reason to think she means them that way or knows that that's how Bright is interpreting her words.

An edit after initial posting: I don’t blame Malcolm for projecting. It happens to everyone and he’s dealing with A Lot. However, my view of mental health is that while it limits your agency and choices, it does not relieve you of accountability. Just because Malcolm doesn’t choose the feel a connection to Gerald, doesn’t mean he’s not responsible to try and recognize that and then take a step back and remember that he and Gerald are separate people. It’s not fair that he has to do that, but it’d be equally unfair for him to expect everyone else to automatically compensate for his mental state, especially since he has not communicated to them how deeply he’s connecting with Gerald. It’s not fair or right, but sadly that’s how mental illness works in my eyes.

4. Dani and Malcolm are coming at this argument from two fundamentally different points of view. The biggest issue here is that Malcolm's background is in psychology, which is going to be more focused on health and improving the client's life, while Dani is in a police mindset, which deals with solving the case and helping people by getting the murderer off the street. Both of these views are necessary and they're why Bright is such a valuable addition to the team, but...

5. The conversation is fundamentally about Gerald in a POLICE/COURT CONTEXT. The start of this arguement is JT saying "I think we've got a problem. Let's say Clayton did murder Rosalie, could we even get Gerald to court?" and then Gil follows up with, "And if he did testify, what kind of witness would he be?" The argument stems from them needing to consider if their suspect would end up walking because their witness wouldn't be able to leave the house. Which is definitely something they should be concerned about because part of the job of law enforcement officers is making sure that your case is solid, which means your witnesses need to be as consistent as possible.

6. Context makes it clear that no one is making value judgements on Gerald's character; they're discussing if he'd be an unreliable witness. The first thing here is that being a witness, especially in a case where you'd be testifying as the sole witness of a murder, is a) stressful, b) pushes people out of their comfort zone, and c) a skill. My dad was a police officer for the first 18 years of my life, which meant he spent a lot of time in court and fundamentally, being a witness is something you get practice at. You learn how to answer questions, what lawyers are actually asking you when they say certain things, how far you can/should go in your testimony, all sorts of stuff. Gerald, to our knowledge, has never testified in court, is scared to so much as open his door, and deals with insane amounts of anxiety on a regular day where no one comes to his home. To ask him to leave his house for the first time in 14 years to go and testify at a murder trial where he would likely be brutally investigated by opposing counsel (you could very easily make a case that he's crazy/untrustworthy/unhinged because of his agoraphobia and it'd be hard to get a jury to forget those claims) would be fundamentally cruel. No one on the team, but especially Gil/Dani/JT, is in a position to give Gerald the proper emotional and legal help to make sure that he could hold up under questioning so using him as a witness would likely mean essentially throwing him to the wolves and, by extension, tossing their case. Their job is to catch the killer and if that means going in a different direction and looking for a witness who won't struggle as much in court, that's what they need to do.

7. "Agoraphobia does not make Gerald an unreliable witness." Bright is right when he says this, but Dani is also right when she indicates in the line before that Gerald does not qualify as a reliable witness. How can this be, you may be wondering? Bright is talking about being reliable as in being trustworthy. Dani is using it to mean consistent and able to hold up under pressure. Agoraphobia doesn't mean you can't trust Gerald's information or that he shouldn't be believed. However, it would make it difficult for him to meet Dani's definition of a reliable witness. That's not Gerald's fault or anyone's fault, but it is a reality of the legal system and Dani knows how to work within that system. (Bright likely does too to a certain extent, but as an FBI agent he would have been working on a federal level, while Dani would be used to state-level stuff and those are two VASTLY different arenas. Additionally, it's not entirely clear exactly how Bright's profiling cases worked out in terms of if and when he'd testify, but he mostly likely would have been testifying as an expert witness/leaning on his psychological training more than law enforcement training when he was in court.)

8. Dani calling Gerald 'messed up', 'strange', and 'cursed' is not the most tactful, but certainly not enough of an issue to throw her under the bus. First things first, 'strange' within context of what she's saying is referring to Gerald's situation, not Gerald, so I personally don't see a reason for that being an issue since it is a strange situation. Referring to someone as 'messed up' could definitely not be a great look, but I think it really comes down to personal preference. I wouldn't mind it because I know my mental illness does make me messed up at times so I don’t mind the term, but I also know people who would be hurt by that (granted, it's not exactly one of the worst things you can call someone). Really though, it’s dealer’s choice and if it hurts you, I totally get it; this is just my opinion/POV. Finally, Dani says Gerald is cursed to never leave his house and I could argue for a very long time that she's perfectly fine to say that because both in the context of the conversation and Dani's character as a whole, that comment is her trying to be empathetic and realizing that Gerald is not at fault for how he lives his life. It could be worded better, but she means well and the intention, as long as she's willing to improve her wording if it hurts people, is what matters here. She’s aware that sometimes mental illness feels like a curse and I think that wording makes it clear she doesn’t judge Gerald for his actions.

Final thoughts and TL;DR: I really don't think either party is at fault here. They both have very valid points and pretty clear reasons to think what they do. (Malcolm probably could have used a quick reminder that everyone was talking about Gerald and not him, but that's really it.) If I had to crown a "winner", Dani gets it because the conversation was always about the legal system and she's the most in the right about that issue. Malcolm had great points as well and might have “won” if this wasn’t a conversation specifically happening in the context of police work. She, like everyone, could definitely benefit from learning more about mental health and how to talk about it, but I think she has proven throughout the show that she tries to be as kind and accepting of others as she can. This was a point where she slipped up on wording, but her points were valid.

[where-all-the-time-went]

The Character-Based Reasons Why Sara Chidouin Has the Highest Win Likelihood

So, okay. We all know Nankidai is, first and foremost, a writer. Don’t get me wrong, the art and gameplay are nice, and the music is... there, but Your Turn to Die is fantastic because of the game’s thematic consistency and incredible characters. Which is why the idea that Sara wins so often because she is so trustworthy and is a great leader always seemed like a very barebones analysis to me. Sure, it makes sense, but what would Nankidai convey through that? There’s definitely a message about trust that is implied, that trusting makes a person stronger, but Sara does not initially trust everyone, and not everyone trusts her. Every single character has plenty of people who don’t trust them and who they don’t trust. If anyone is good at working with and trusting people, it’s Reko (even despite her conflict with Alice), who becomes the big sister to this cast of characters. (BTW: this is a really long post. If you don’t want to read it all, scroll to the end and there’s a TL;DR).

So then, for what thematic reason is Sara so likely to win?

Personally, I would attribute her survival rate to another common theme throughout the game: her balance between prioritizing her own survival and that of the rest of the players. While Sara would never truly give her Sacrifice card to someone else, it’s doubtful that she would take the Sacrifice card to save anyone either. No other character has a similar inner balance, except Kanna in the Kanna Lives route (to be perfectly honest, I have not played the Shin lives route because I’m terrified of killing Kanna, so my knowledge may be lacking). Anyway, I am going to go down the list of characters and talk about why they’re not Sara, which I know everyone is just really, really, excited to hear (please don’t fall asleep). (Also not including dolls since our information on them is very limited at the moment).

I’m starting with the absolute worst person to start with: Joe Tazuna. He may not be a candidate, but he is still a character who dies and is thus worthy of an explanation. While he may have procrasinated to reveal that he was the Sacrifice, it was never truly a battle with Joe on whether to sacrifice himself. In the end, he will always prioritize everyone else’s survival. If there was a battle, it was between whether to save Sara right then and there or let everyone else survive, and although his connection to Sara is personal, this is still not self-prioritization.

Then there’s Keiji Shinogi (yes, I’m going by the Wiki order and you can’t stop me). At first, it may seem that logical, levelheaded Keiji prioritizes himself, but in Chapter 3 1-A, he readily accepts the tag if it means saving Sara. Keiji is traumatized by his own guilt, and thus does not seem to consider himself worthy of survival, unless it means being the smart one and thinking where no one else does. He may not have traded for Sara’s Sacrifice card in the Second Main Game, but it’s unclear whether he was planning to before Kanna took it herself (or rather, tried to). I theorize now that Keiji will have a say about his own death in Chapter 3 1-B, and it will depend on whether he is able to balance his own needs with the needs of everyone else.

Which brings me to Kanna Kizuchi, who I think has the most interesting arc in this regard. When the game begins, Kanna is extremely frightened, and we don’t really get to know her priorities since she is most definitely not thinking straight. As Kanna matures and developed into her own character, in spite of Sou’s suggestions to her, we learn she prioritizes other people’s surival over her own when she attempts to take Sara’s Sacrifice card. Now, this is where the disclaimer of “I Have not Played the Shin Lives Route” comes in extra handy, because I expect criticism here. Anyway, given that Sara logically wants to survive, and there are even character reasons to vote for Kanna (her being more ready for death), it seems very likely Sara would vote for Kanna, which would explain her extremely low 2.7% survival rate. This is a reflection of Kanna’s unshaking will to prioritize others’ survival over her own. However, when Shin dies, Kanna realizes she should never again attempt to sacrifice herself (particularly because he became a role model for her), and she begins, just like Sara, to find a balance, wherein she puts herself in danger only when logically necessary, while also caring for everyone else. As a result, and this is very shaky ground, I am putting forth that there are either no routes, or very few routes, from here on out, where Kanna dies. (The one thing I will say about this theory is that it partially contradicts my theory that the game cannot be a simulation because they would not simulate Gashu’s betrayal. While my argument mainly revolves around the metanarrative of prioritization of lives other than one’s own, these themes are reflected within the non-meta of the game itself, wherein Asunaro specifically tailors who receives the Sacrifice, Keymaster, and Sage cards. As a result, Kanna’s character arc revolving around surviving the Second Main Game makes no sense if she would have been the Sacrifice in the first place if not for Gashu. Although, her low win rate could be tied to the high likelihood that she would take Sara’s Sacrifice card).

Well, now that I’m off my tangent, let’s focus on Q-Taro. At the beginning of the game, Q-Taro, while not the brightest, takes a cold and logical approach. He is willing to sacrifice literal children--Kanna and Gin--because he doesn’t think they’re useful enough. However, his character flips (pun intended) when he presses the button and takes the poison for Gin. Q-Taro realizes that trust and self-sacrifice are noble traits, and he comes to prioritize them over his own survival, as he put his life on the line when he took the poison, when a lower dosage earlier would have been the more logical way to keep him and Gin alive. Q-Taro’s arc is intersting, but unlike Kanna, who becomes a reasonable person, his values flip entirely, particularly because his change was likely planned by Asunaro.

Then you have Shin. I don’t know what he does when he lives, and I have a whole theory about Shin’s 0.0% win rate, which I will possibly write some day and link in later, but I do have some stuff to say about his own character balance. It’s obvious that because of his fear of the win rates, Shin comes to prioritize his own life, despite all irrationality therein. He manipulates and lies for his own survival, mainly out of fear. When Shin realizes that Sara killed him instead of killing Kanna, as she prioritizes emotion over logic, he realizes that maybe he could have trusted her after all, and to die with as few regrets as possible, he gives her the Joe AI. This character change sounds like it contradicts my theory, but given that, at this point, Shin was pretty much already dead, it’s simply an interesting change within him that is representative of the theme of Your Turn to Die. Furthermore, I subscribe to the theory that Shin’s low win rate is a direct result of knowing he has a low win rate (fun bootstrap paradox times (Beethoven’s Fifth plays on electric guitar)), because this causes his self-preservation.

I mentioned Reko earlier, but I think this only needs a brief explanation (important note: I have only played the Reko dies route). Prior to the Death Game, while Alice was in jail, Reko learned that the “weak” do not deserve what’s coming to them. This indirectly causes her own kindness to Nao and Kanna in the Death Game. (Come to think of it, I don’t think this one’s going to be as brief as I thought). Reko enters the death game a changed woman, who already prioritizes the lives of others, and thus is entirely imbalanced. The fact that her past self kills her is beautifaly symbolic of why she died: because she could not balance her priorities, where she only cares about others now (which is why Nao saved modern Reko), and only really cared about herself in the past (because she thought that the “weak” did not deserve her help). As a result, in an act of pure selfishness, the AI, which has Reko’s past personality, kills human Reko. If modern Reko had been more balanced, perhaps she could have explained to Nao why it would make more logical sense to save the Reko AI.

And it’s perfect that Nao should come next. In general, Nao does not think for herself. Not until her suggestion that Sara should run away with her at the end of the Second Main Game did she do anything other than follow earliers or force herself into certain situations. This, of course, relates to the juxtaposition between her and Sara, who is a natural leader. However, it explains why there is not much to say about Nao other than the fact that she is so far removed from the issue of self-sacrifice vs. self-preservation.

Everything Kai did, up until his death, was to protect Sara. His job was to be her bodyguard, and Sara is the person who saved Kai from a life of murder. Kai dies because his silence in his efforts to protect Sara prevented a proper discussion over whether it was worth it to kill the Sage simply because they were the Sage.

Gin Ibushi, much like Kanna, started the game by prioritiznig the lives of others. Unlike Kanna, he did not change, particularly because there was no narrative reason for his change. Even when Gin was about to die, it was up to Q-Taro to decide between self-sacrifice and self-preservation. However, when Gin and Q-Taro were up on the targets, this was a symbolic message to Sara: you must choose between the self-preserving tendencies of Q-Taro and the self-sacrificing tendencies of Gin, who gave out his tokens for free, unaware of the consequences. While Gin has yet to die, his steadfast hold on his self-sacrificing beliefs would explain why his win rate is lower even than Kanna’s.

Gin would often cling to father figures due to his dad’s alcohol addiction, and Mishima was the first to experience this treatment. Mishima cared for Gin, but he knew Nao best, and his instruction that she vote for him would cause his death, because Mishima sacrificed himself for Nao. Mishima is interesting, because his self-sacrifice is less a result of a hope for everyone’s survival, and more about his desire for people to improve as human beings. He tells Nao to give him up when he is an AI, and instructs Reko to break his screen. Although Mishima is perhaps more self-sacrificng than Gin, his understanding of teaching others how to care about themselves is likely why his win rate is higher than both Gin’s and Kanna’s. This may also be a result of the fact that he is older and more capable, but his strange quirks also make him less trustworthy than both Gin and Kanna, which cancels his capabilities out. Thus his self-sacrificing beliefs would kill him, even if his understanding of self-preservation decreases the likelihood of his death.

Last but not least of the non-Sara characters, we have Alice Yabusame. Now, on this one, I am probably missing the most information, since I have absolutely no idea how he dies in the route where Reko survives. However, I can say that in the route where he survives, despite his understanding at the beginning of Chapter 2 that Reko had changed, he was unable to accept that the unchanged Reko was not human. This implies that Alice wants a version of Reko who both cares for others and values strength, suggesting a need for balance. I also know this is a big change from his attitude towards the beginning, where he believes that everyone should be as self-preserving as possible, and not get in anyone else’s way. The fact that Alice has to die to accept Reko’s change (I think???), it makes sense that his self-preserving tendencies would place him in the bottom half of win rates. Again, this theory is weakened by my ignorance.

Joe’s likely inevitable death contributes to Sara’s fear of the Sacrifice card, which perfectly balances her lack of desire to manipulate others with her desire to preserve herself. Sara is also often given the choice between wanting to win or escape with everyone, and the fact that character moments often hinge on her response illustrates Nankidai’s thematic goals. The choice between Shin and Kanna’s deaths, while about emotion and logic, are also about choosing between preserving oneself (voting for Kanna, who cannot contribute to Sara’s survival) and preserving others (Kanna is TOO YOUNG TO DIE). I do not mean to suggest that saving Kanna was necessarilly the “correct route.” Quite the opposite, in fact. I mean to suggest that the fact that Sara is presented this choice and that she does not have an immediate answer is exactly why she is so likely to win.

TL;DR i drone on about how sara is special and not like other characters, and how she cares about people but also about herself, so that’s the theme and stuff. there’s also a long, pretentious rant about the symbolism of reko’s death. and a doctor who reference. there’s also a weird amount of parantheses.

(credit to @sip-of-depresso for having the conversation with me which sparked this theory)

[poguesofthebau]

Idea to write for OBX!!!! The pogues just having a good evening together, like playing truth or dare like 16 year olds before the events of the show take place!!

heyo all, writing is hard for me recently so i decided that i would do something based off what real life is like right now with a lil inspo from this request tossed in :) hope you like it!! (naturally, reader is dating jj in this bc i can’t help myself hehe oops)

summary: jj, y/n, and the rest of the pogues (including sarah) live in the world we’re all currently living in: quarantine. so what happens when the craziest friend group in the obx are trapped inside the Chateau for weeks at a time without any authority figures or outsiders? to put it simply, anarchy happens. (alternate summary: what i wish i was doing during this stupid quarantine instead of sitting in my room to avoid my parents’ hovering.) (alternate, simple summary: a hot ass day in quarantine with the pogues.) word count: 2101

sticky. why the hell were you sticky?

you opened your eyes with a deep groan, peeling yourself from jj with a disgusted look on your face. “jj, get off of me.” you’d both been laying on your stomachs as you slept, but the boy had somehow wound up directly on top of you. it would’ve been kind of endearing, cute almost, to wake up so close to jj, if it wasn’t so fucking hot.

someone across the room laughed lightly, and you slipped out from under jj and flipped onto your back, sitting up and squinting to see who it was. when you saw sarah, kie, and pope staring at you from the table a few feet away from the pull-out couch, you let out an annoyed puff of air, raking a hand through your bedhead to slightly calm it. leaning back on your hands, you glanced back down at your boyfriend. his nose was scrunched up, and his hand started rustling around the sheets until it made contact with your right calf. satisfied, his face relaxed again. before you could look back to your friends, pope was speaking. “i don’t know how the two of you managed to sleep like that all night. with those body temperatures combined, i’m pretty sure you should’ve burst into flames by like, 2am.”

“c’mon, pope,” sarah smirked. “they’re in love. their feelings for each other, they’re hotter than anything. like, hotter than--”

“hotter than the flames in hell!” kie interrupted proudly. “and the obx may feel like it’s hotter than that already, but--”

“nothing compares to their sacred, burning love.” sarah and kie both smiled smugly at their own ability to finish each other’s sentences, fist bumping as pope shook his head. “that was good. i love us.” the girls giggled again, and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit too.

“can you corny fucks shut the hell up? a guy can never get a wink of sleep around here, shit.” with that, jj was rolling over, too, a very unimpressed look plastered on his face as he scolded his friends. not as eager to be awake as you had been, jj groaned as he stretched, flopping into your lap on his back when he was finally done waking himself up. your hands naturally found their way to his hair, scratching at his scalp subconsciously as you looked around at the mess of the Chateau. “where’s jb at? and why is it so fucking hot in here?”

“you can’t really complain about body temps when you’re curled up in your girlfriend’s lap like a cat, bro,” pope pointed out. jj rolled his eyes as pope continued. “but since you asked so nicely, it’s the first heat wave of the year-- you’d know that if you ever listened to anything i say throughout the day. john b’s out trying to get food and water and stuff before it’s all gone.”

jj muttered something under his breath about wishing pope had gone out with their other friend as his eyes closed again at the feeling of your fingertips on his hairline. “you know what we should do today?”

“make out? at least let me brush my teeth first, you animal,” jj interjected. you flicked his nose, ignoring the comment otherwise. “oh, so you don’t wanna make out? alright, y/n, but just remember, it’s your rule!”

“jj, why does everything always have to be about you?”

“i have needs, kie!”

“okay, okay, okay, i think y/n had an idea. let the woman speak!” sarah quickly redirected.

“thank you,” you smiled pointedly at sarah. “i think-- and tell me if there are any objections-- i think, maybe, we should day-drink.”

as soon as the words left your mouth, the door beside you was swinging open with a creak, john b bursting into the room. “did someone say-- DAY-DRINK?” he held up a six pack of beer in each hand, that bright and proud john b grin plastered on his face. the entire group cheered, jumping up to help him bring in the groceries he’d gotten his hands on. “thanks to mr. c’s non-existent credit card limit, we are now loaded. thanks kie!” he tossed her dad’s card back on the table, the curly haired girl laughing at his words. kiara had somehow convinced her parents that spending her quarantine with the pogues at john b’s house was an acceptable idea, and they had even given her an emergency credit line for necessities and necessities only.

beer was an absolute need for the pogues, to be fair.

----

a few hours later, everyone was pretty day-drunk, so to speak.

sarah was currently engaged in a deep conversation with pope about why, exactly, he wanted to be a coroner so badly. you were in the middle of an arm-wrestling tournament against john b, with jj and kie passing the group’s second blunt of the afternoon back and forth. “y/n, your hand is fucking slippery!”

“fuck you, john b! it’s sweaty! haven’t you noticed that it’s a million damn degrees in this place?”

the arm wrestling tourney came to a close soon after, and the group went back to sweating, smoking, and throwing back beers. your feet wound up in jj’s lap as you tried to fan yourself with an empty, folded up cardboard box that one of the six-packs had come in. “hey kie, do you think your dad would mind if we used his credit card to buy a decent air conditioning system for this shithole? no offense, john b.”

“actually, y/n, i kind of take offense to that. just a little, you know?” you stuck your tongue out at your friend, throwing your piece of cardboard at him.

“you know, guys,” sarah spoke up. “me and my sister used to play this game--”

“oh, sarah, please tell me it’s not truth or dare with no dare.” john b’s face twisted into disapproval, and it was sarah’s turn to stick her tongue out at him.

“it is truth or dare with no dare, and i don’t hear any better ideas from anyone else, so we’re playing.”

jj’s hand came down on your ankle as he sat up and looked at the other blonde of the group. “actually, i’m thinking me and y/n will just roll another blunt and go hide in the guest room. that would be a better idea, i think.”

“no way, dumbass! if we have to do it, you two are sticking around for it too. pogues never abandon pogues, remember?” kie and her rules. “so, who starts?”

“well usually when i’ve played before it’s only been two people, so maybe i’ll ask the first question and we can all go around and answer?” jj groaned at this new development, causing you to smile. you flopped around on the futon a bit until your side was pressed against his, and he threw his arm around your shoulders once you’d settled. “okay, first question. um, let’s see... i don’t know. what’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?”

----

“weirdest place you’ve ever had sex. three, two, one, go!” jj pointed to john b, and the entire group erupted into laughter. john b was clearly struggling to think of an answer, and jj, who had become strangely invested in hour-long game, was running out of patience. “c’mon, man!”

“jesus christ, jj, i don’t know!” john b choked out through his laughs. “a bell tower, i guess?”

“great! sarah? where’ve ya done it, kook princess?” that one earned a smack on the arm from you, and jj quickly rephrased. “sorry! i meant, uh, where’ve ya-- i don’t know. just-- what’s your answer?”

sarah glanced between john b and jj, hesitating before she answered. “conveniently enough, my answer is also... a bell tower.”

with the ruckus that answer caused, you weren’t expecting the game to end any time soon.

----

“oh, my god. i finally don’t feel like i’m burning alive anymore.” pope threw his arms victoriously above his head as he made the statement, kie smiling at him and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“that’s how fucked the weather’s gonna be forever if humans don’t start taking care of the planet, pope. isn’t that crazy?” pope looked at her and nodded with a slightly terrified look in his eye, not finding the person kie became when drunk completely trustworthy to not flip out on him for his history of littering and excessive plastic use.

“you know, guys,” john b called out, quickly changing the subject. “this is kind of insane.”

“what do you mean, johnny boy? what’s so insane about a heat wave?” your head was pretty much buried in jj’s chest as you spoke, with his hands slowly tracing big circles in your back. the last blunt of the night had just been smoked, and it was hitting you both a little harder than the others had. for the past few minutes, you’d been thinking about you and jj finally making your way to the guest room for the more intimate one-on-one time that the weed had made you crave. as soon as he’d put the roach down, you’d crawled into his lap. the temperature had dropped reasonably, and the sticky feeling you’d experienced that morning was now completely out of the picture. your left hand was wrapped around jj’s neck, your right just hidden under his shirt as your thumb stroked back and forth just above his hip. jj had watched you nuzzle into that position through hooded red eyes with a little amused smile playing his lips, before returning the physical affection by sliding one hand reassuringly onto the back of your neck and letting the other draw shapes into your back.

by the time john b had finished gazing around lovingly at the group before answering, you had almost forgotten about having asked a question to begin with. “not the heat wave, y/n.” his correction reminded you of what the conversation had been, and your tilted your head up to make eye contact with jj. when you locked eyes, you knew jj was thinking the same thing as you: john b’s about to get corny and emotional. and you were both right. “seriously, look at us. isn’t this crazy?” you and jj smiled at each other, and you placed a loving kiss on his jawline before refocusing your sight on john b. “how did we all end up together? i mean, three losers who met in elementary school,” john b listed, looking to you and jj with a bright smile as you felt jj squeeze your neck lightly. “a weird kid who, for some reason, is totally obsessed with dead bodies and shit,” pope looked a john b awkwardly as kie giggled, slipping her hand into pope’s. “and a couple of fucking kooks.” sarah hummed from her spot next to john b, kie sarcastically saluting with her free hand. “you guys, somehow, we all got together, all found each other. what are the odds of that? what are the odds that we found this totally perfect, totally dysfunctional but perfect little family?”

before you could stop yourself, you felt the first tear slip down your face. “fuck you, john b,” you muttered quietly, taking your hand out from under jj’s shirt to swipe at the wetness on your face. scrubbing away the rest of the tears in your eyes before they could escape, you put your hand back down on jj’s arm this time.

“yeah, fuck you, john b. why you makin’ my girl cry, bro?” everyone chuckled softly, admiring each other in the moment. “alright, though, really. since she’s already crying, i guess i should say it now.” your head lifted back up to look at jj, and he looked back down at you as he continued. “i love you.” as you both broke into smiles, he looked back to your friends. “i love all of you guys. you’re all annoying as fuck, and i know i live for giving you all a hard time and stuff. but seriously. this is my family. pogues forever.”

“shit,” kie muttered this time, her thumb swiping under her own eyes as pope looked down at her adoringly. “pogues forever, guys. thank you for taking in us stupid kooks and letting us be who we are. pogues for-fucking-ever.”

“as corny as it sounds, i feel like we’re kind of required to group hug now,” pope added. “everybody up! i love you sickos and psychos, criminal records and all!”

and then, you all hugged the shit out of each other. pogue style.

[asexual-hugger]

The moment Allison reaches her parents’ house, the Christmas display of lights lining the porch railings and the outside catches her eye. Even the small plants on the stoop have strings of lights wound around them, and the Santa sleigh with the reindeer and Allison’s Christmas Olaf from the movie Frozen are set out in the front yard. Her father had once again gone all out.

“Does your family decorate like this every year?” Detective Sinclaire is looking at the decorations with amazement.

“Basically, yes,” Allison answers. “Dominic gave me the Olaf the year after Frozen came out in theaters, and it’s been used as a Christmas tradition here ever since.”

“Oh!” Sinclaire seems to notice the snowman after a moment. “Oh. Wow! I didn’t even see him! He’s adorable!”

“I know, right?” Allison gushes. “He’s my favorite character in the whole movie. Dominic said he saw him at the Disney store and thought of me right away. My mum made the Santa hat and scarf for him.”

“That was so thoughtful of your brother to do that,” Sinclaire remarks. “I never even knew Olaf was your favorite. I was going to guess Elsa, since you seem to be into the songs and the dresses.”

“Wellllll, maaaaaybeeee Elsa is my second favorite.” Allison puts on an innocent expression and shrugs. “It’s kind of hard to choose, to be honest, but if I were to make a choice, my number one would be Olaf. He’s got so much personality and in some ways reminds me of myself.”

She grins at him widely and knocks on the door. Voices can be heard from inside, and then footsteps. The knob turns and a young man with slightly tousled dark hair opens it, staring out at her.

“She’s here!” he cries out.

“Hello, Harry.” Allison greets her second oldest brother with a smile. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, little sis.” Harry McQueen smiles widely and wraps his arms tightly around her. “How’ve you been? Where’ve you been? We’ve been waiting for you for what feels like an eternity!”

“Sorry; I got held up in the town square,” Allison tells him as he releases her. “I got distracted by the big tree and all the decorations. It’s my fault. I hope I didn’t keep you guys waiting too long. I texted Mum and Dad to say I didn’t know when I’d be coming over. Am I allowed inside or are you going to stay out here interrogating me on the invisible witness stand?”

“Sorry.” Harry backs up and opens the door all the way. “Come on in. You must be freezing!” He beckons her in almost desperately and then his eyes fall on her guest. “Er...what’s going on? Who’s the dude?”

Stranger Danger. Allison had warned Detective Sinclaire that her brothers would ask questions. This was most likely the start of it.

“Harry, meet my boss, Detective Ernest Sinclaire,” Allison says proudly before things get awkward. “Detective, my second oldest brother, Harry McQueen. Attorney.”

Detective Sinclaire steps forward and grins at the older sibling. “What she said,” he states, digging into his heavy layers and pulling out his lanyard to flash his badge. “Ernest Sinclaire, Private Investigator. You’ve probably heard of me from your sister. We work together at Ledford Park Detective Agency.”

“Private investigator, huh?” Harry narrows his eyes, almost suspiciously. “You look awfully young. In fact, you look almost the same age as Allison. Are you pulling my leg?”

“I assure you, I am not,” Sinclaire answers confidently. “I am indeed your sister’s employer, and believe me, you are not the first one to notice my youthful appearance. I may be young, but I am quite capable of running an entire detective business on my own. Consider me a self-made man. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Allison has told me great things about you and your elder brother Dominic.”

“I would believe she has.” Harry eyes his younger sister protectively. “All I can say is, sir, if you are truly a private detective, then you’d know my brother and I do not take kindly to strangers harassing our only sister.”

“Detective Sinclaire has never touched a hair on my head, Harry,” Allison announces firmly. “I already warned him about your Brother Code. He knows that he has to earn the Older Brother Seal of Approval in order to get out of the Stranger Danger zone. If you have doubts, Mum, Dad and Kade will back him up, since they met him last summer when I came home to help on the farm. Believe me when I tell you this: Detective Sinclaire is the most trustworthy, honest man I’ve ever met, and he would never hurt me on any account. This isn’t the courthouse. This is our family home, so drop the lawyer act and let us inside. Please.”

She looks back at her boss and gives him a firm, confident nod.

“Harry? What is going on out there? Is Allison here yet?” Allison recognizes her mother’s voice from inside. “What’s taking so long?”

“She’s here, Mum,” Harry calls, stepping aside to let his sister in. He continues to give Sinclaire a long, hard look, following his movements closely. “She brought some guy. Says he’s her boss. Did you know anything about this?”

“Oh! Is it that sweet detective???” There is bustling from around the corner, and Lady Eleanor McQueen appears, her long evening gown twirling around her ankles. “Well, hello there, Detective! Now, Harry, I do hope you are being respectful to your sister’s guest! Let them in, for goodness sakes! It is deathly cold outside!”

Allison and Detective Sinclaire wipe their snowy boots on the front mat in the hall and Allison gives her mother a warm hug.

“Merry Christmas, Mum; it’s so good to see you,” she says. 

“Merry Christmas, dear,” Lady Eleanor answers. “I am so glad you could come back for the holidays. And you,” she adds, turning to look at Sinclaire. “I did hope you’d come back as well. You just keep looking better each time I see you. Your cheeks are so flushed!” She places her hands on each side of his face and holds them there for a few seconds. “What have you two been doing out there? Your skin is absolutely frozen, young man!”

“I am feeling very warm, I assure you, Lady McQueen,” Sinclaire explains, looking rather embarrassed at being caught in the grip of Allison’s mother with Allison standing next to him. “I spent a lot of time indoors. It’s your daughter you should be worried about. She looked even colder than I did when I met up with her. We’re both fine; we just needed to get out of the cold. I am very sorry if I made the wrong impression on your son.”

“Nonsense,” Lady Eleanor insists, dismissing him. “Harry is just looking out for his younger sister. He and Dominic have always been that way. It’s in their blood. They carry their father’s courage. Family ties, you know. I’ll have a talk with him and Dom later on about it. You are a guest in this house. As long as Allison feels comfortable with you, I do, too. She could have brought home someone much, much worse. Speaking of which, Dominic should be in the living room with Kade, and I haven’t any idea where my husband went. Come on in and say hello.”

Allison leads the way into the living room, where her oldest brother, Dominic, is entertaining Kade with a model airplane and some flight stories about his latest mission.

“Well, go ahead and tell the story of the famous Air Captain McQueen without bringing your little sister into it,” she remarks good-naturedly.

Dominic McQueen, Air Captain, pauses the story and puts the model plane down on the coffee table the moment he hears her voice.

“Junior Commander!” He gets up off the floor and races over to her, tackling her in a giant bear hug. He squeezes her tightly to his chest, kissing the top of her head.

“Hello to you, too, big bro.” Allison giggles.

“Man; I haven’t seen you in MONTHS!” Dominic remarks, pulling away and gripping her shoulders to study her. “You look great, sis. How’s the jungle treating you?”

“Oh, you know; it’s London,” Allison responds. “Big city life and all that. I’ve been hard at work running errands and helping my boss with case files. Whom, by the way, I brought with me to introduce you. I texted you and Harry to let you know he was coming, although Harry seems like he didn’t have time to read the message. Dom, I’d like you to meet...”

“Pleasure to meet you. Ernest Sinclaire, Private Investigator.” Sinclaire pulls out his badge and exchanges pleasantries before Allison can finish, smiling and extending his hand towards Dominic. “You must be Dominic, the eldest McQueen. Allison’s told me a great deal about you. I hear you’re a pilot?”

“I am indeed.” Dominic gives the newcomer a look almost similar to the one Harry had given him. “And you’re a cop. With a badge.”

“Don’t forget the pistol and handcuffs, too,” Allison adds. “He’s the real deal, Dom. I’ve been working under him for the past three years as his personal assistant. He has his own business in London. Ledford Park Detective Agency. He may be young, but he’s a very savvy businessman.” She sneaks a wink at Sinclaire.

“Thank you, Miss McQueen.” Sinclaire blushes under the praise, although he looks proud at her glowing recommendation. “Yes, it’s everything she said,” he says to Dominic. “I’m a private investigator with my own detective business, and I hired your sister to work for me after I learned she was studying criminal justice. Apparently she wants to be a crime scene investigator.”

“We know that, bud.” Harry appears almost out of nowhere. “Don’t think we don’t know our own sister, and yes, Allison, I did get your text message. I’ve just been so swamped with work that I haven’t had a chance to really read it. Boss or not, Mr. Private Investigator better not be taking advantage of his police skills to investigate YOU, and I mean that in more ways than one.”

“Harry!” Allison cries out. 

“He does have a point,” Dominic states. “Tell me, Detective. You say my little sister is your personal assistant. What exactly do you have her do?”

“It’s simple stuff, really,” Sinclaire explains. “She goes on errands, helps me with case files, organizes my schedules. It’s nothing bad. I’d never, ever put her in harm’s way without my being there to protect her. I know how much you two love her. She’s told me all about it already.”

“So she’s your slave then.” Harry frowns. “Don’t try and argue with me, Detective, but the way you’re describing her job, it’s definitely slave labor to me. Why does she do errands and organize your schedules? Is she your secretary or your assistant?”

“Harry, I really enjoy it,” Allison insists. “It’s not what you think it is at all. I’m not his slave. The reason he has me do certain things is because he doesn’t have the time to do everything himself. He’s the big boss man. It’s kind of to be expected. He’s got enough on his plate dealing with phone calls and emails all day from elite clients hiring his services. He gets paid very well. Did you know he’s the most popular P.I. in his field? People all over the place call in to his office asking for his help on cases. He’s basically the Sherlock Holmes of the 21st century.”

“I thought that was Benedict whatshisface,” Kade calls out from the couch.

“You know what I mean,” Allison replies. “And how’s it going with you, bugger? I haven’t even greeted you yet. How silly of me! You remember Detective Sinclaire, right?”

“Sure I do!” Kade answers enthusiastically. “After you guys left last summer, Mum and Dad couldn’t shut up about you. You remember me, right, Detective?”

“I do,” Sinclaire responds, winking at him. “How are you doing, Kade? You’re looking well. I see you got the cast off your foot. I’m so glad you’re walking again.”

“Yeah, I am, too,” Kade responds gratefully. “It took months, but they finally took it off. I’m pleased to announce that I am all healed up and walking around like a normal person. Mum said that she hopes I can keep it like that, although she knows me. Kade the Klutz. I can never go for one day without tripping over something.”

“I am happy for you,” Sinclaire tells him. “Elated, actually. It must be wonderful to not have that crutch on you. You definitely look healthier than I saw you last.”

“So how much of that money you earn goes to my sister?” Dominic is speaking. “I’m guessing that you pay her a percentage of what your clients pay you, right? What kind of clients hire your services? Private investigators are not common and therefore very expensive. We don’t get very many rich folks around these parts.”

“He’s got plenty of rich clients,” Allison answers, “and it doesn’t matter how much I get paid. I’m not working for the money. I’m working for the experience and the enjoyment. It’s just like you fly in your plane for enjoyment and Harry works cases at the courthouse for enjoyment. It’s always about more than money. Mum and Dad taught us that.”

“Sure they did,” Harry states. “And while I do enjoy being a lawyer, it’s also equally important to make a living. Mum and Dad taught us that, too.”

“So, since you’re a high-and-mighty detective with a badge and gun, and that’s cool and all, it still doesn’t excuse you for any harm you might put our sister in,” Dominic warns. “You got that, buster? I’d better not be hearing that you’re taking advantage of Allison the next time I get an update. London is a big city. Lots of crazies. Being a police officer proves nothing. Cops can hurt people just as much as anyone can. You’d best be using that pistol and handcuffs for protecting my sister and not throwing yourself on her. You don’t know what we McQueens are capable of doing to those that bring harm to our younger ones. I’ve had plenty of physical training in my pilot’s license program, and you can bet Harry can pack a punch on an unsuspecting citizen just like he does in the courtroom on murder trials.”

“I’ve got it loud and clear, Mr. McQueen,” Sinclaire answers, not even flinching. Being a private investigator also means getting used to threats. “As I said, I’m a detective. I’m certified to protect those I care about. Nothing bad will happen to your sister as long as I’m around. I won’t let it. I never leave anywhere without my pistol. I’ve got it holstered right now under my jacket, and I already told Allison that if anyone tries to hurt her on my watch, they’re going to be looking down its barrel in a flash.”

“How much of a flash?” Harry demands. “Can you be fast enough?”

“I’ve got a quick-draw arm,” Sinclaire answers. “Meaning that I’m fast as fast goes. My mates at the academy used to call me The Flash. I can pull out my pistol the second a lightning bolt streaks across the sky.” He stands in front of Allison in a protective stance. “I swear to both of you that I will keep your sister safe. Scout’s honor.”

“Is everyone ready for dinner?” Lady Eleanor’s voice calls from the kitchen. “The turkey is almost out of the oven. I expect all of you to get along at the table. This is Christmas. Detective, I have placed a chair right next to Allison for you to sit. You aren’t vegetarian, are you?”

“I am not,” Sinclaire answers. “I love meat. And thank you for the seating assignment.” He looks into Allison’s eyes and nods towards the dining room. “Are you ready for dinner? I’m getting famished.”

“I’m definitely ready,” Allison answers. “I was just going to ask Mum if you could sit next to me, but it looks like she was one jump ahead. We have a huge feast every year for Christmas. There’s something for everyone, so if you don’t like turkey, there are plenty of other choices.”

“I can already tell it’s going to be wonderful,” Sinclaire comments. “I don’t think I’ll be disappointed with the selection. I’m not a picky eater.”

[femmedplume]

Don't mind me! Dropping in from the atla tag! I read your thoughts on the whole Azula going crazy after realizing she has no friends and I was wondering... The creators of the show wanted to have another season where they would work on a redemption arc for Azula, cause let's face it she did some horrible stuff but she was just as much of a victim as Zuko. And she was still basically a kid. What do you think a redemption for her would have been like? And what do you think she would be like after?

Ooh great question!

Hmm. 🤔Well, I definitely think she could have a cool redemption arc, because the ATLA writers have already proved they can write one hell of a redemption arc lol. I think if they did do a redemption arc for Azula, it would be a longer road than Zuko’s -- and I would love it if they explored her abuse trauma like they did with him. 

She’s definitely a victim of her terrifyingly abusive dad. So maybe part of her redemption arc could be her being taken in by a loving family and being actually nurtured and cared for. Not that she never had anyone to try to tell her how to be better, but she never really listened to Uncle Iroh; I don’t think they clicked the same way he clicked with Zuko-- which was in part Iroh’s fault. At the same time, even as a child she was dismissive/disrespectful of him, so it’s clear he probably wouldn’t be the one to get through to her. 

So maybe an Earth Nation family? Like remember that one time she was gloating over how their father was going to murder Zuko, and she taunted him about finding a “nice Earth Nation family” to adopt him? So that would be a great callback/little narrative irony, if she found a family there.  This would be after her arc in the comics so far, of course (where she leans into the insanity and villainy for a while)--

--So maybe an Earth Nation family, who lost their only daughter to the war, takes her in after she’s injured somehow and cares for her.  They have a farm, and she ends up working on it with them while she heals up.

Maybe they have a son, a couple of years younger, fiery and full of hope, who follows Azula around and gives her the admiration she craves so much. She can’t teach him bending, but she can teach him regular combat skills. He introduces her to his friend group, and because she can’t firebend or Princess them into submission, she has to learn how to-- gasp!-- interact like a normal person!

Hilarity ensues, but she figures it out slowly.

And maybe when she acts all high-handed and threatening, her Host Family makes it clear that she can’t force them to do what she wants and that they won’t stand for  “tantrums”--  which would probably be the first time anyone put her behavior into that perspective. 

At first, she’d probably say hurtful things, sneer at them, be ungrateful for their help; because like I said before, Azula has NO tools for emotional expression, and has never had to be grateful for anything. But the Earth family would lead by example, and eventually she’d start trying to be better. She’d also have to re-examine what she’d been taught about kindness being weakness and such.

She’d probably also be having extreme PTSD reactions to failure because of her past-- but the Earth family would give her understanding and gentle care, and help her understand that she doesn’t have to be perfect to earn validation or kindness.  

Meanwhile, she’s living in this Earth Nation village, and learning the same way that Zuko did about the atrocities that the Fire Nation has committed from the victims’ perspectives. Maybe she finds out that she herself is directly responsible for the death of her Host Family’s daughter, and that’s the moment that finally gets through to her--

--because Azula’s biggest flaw is her inability to take responsibility for her behavior. Zuko (eventually) apologizes, tries to make amends, all that, but Azula never gets to that point. So all this time she’s been acting out that Might Makes Right™ Fire Nation MO; but learning that she personally broke the hearts of people she cares about finally breaks through that cultural and personal arrogance and forces her to face her crimes and mistakes. 

AND THEN.

Then the redemption arc can really begin! 

GUILT! 

REMORSE! 

THE DRIVE TO REGAIN HER HONOR!

Azula, too ashamed to face her Host Family, flees the Earth Nation village and wanders from place to place, trying to outrun her guilt. As she travels, she meets people; and for the first time, tries to help those she comes across instead of harming. Tries to make up for the past. Because she is strong, and smart, and capable and determined, she would definitely be successful in helping to rebuild the Earth Nation. Maybe she starts to gain a bit of a reputation-- a good one-- and people learn they can turn to “The Red Pilgrim” (because of her cloak; she still likes Fire Nation red,) in their hour of need.

But! Because the Earth Nation is so mistrustful of firebenders (and she’s keeping a low profile,) Azula can’t use her bending when she’s helping; which forces her to find other ways to make things happen. She draws on what she’s learned from Mai’s cleverness, and Ty Lee’s friendliness, and even Zuko’s strict code of honor-- and ends up discovering that being (relatively) nice and trustworthy gets her the friends and loyalty she’s always wanted in a way that her terrifying powers can’t.

One of the people she ends up helping is a kid whose parent is super abusive, and surprise! The Abusive!Parent is someone Azula befriended earlier; someone who flattered her and agreed with her and liked to laugh at other people’s humiliation like her. A friend who behaves like Azula used to behave, which is super seductive.

Then she sees Parent!Friend verbally/emotionally abuse their kid, which brings up Azula’s own unexplored daddy issues. Finally, finally Azula realizes that Ozai is a bully, and that by emulating him, she’s been a bully her whole life too. In standing up for the kid to Parent!Friend, Azula says all the things that she never even knew she needed to tell Ozai-- and she tells Abused!Kid some things that someone ought to have told Zuko and herself. 

So from there she could return to Host Family and confess her crimes and beg forgiveness, and/or go back to Zuko and try to rebuild their familial relationship. The Host Family might not forgive her, and that would be reasonable--

--but maybe some of the friends she’s made in the village do. Maybe they understand that she’s trying to be better, and give her what encouragement they can.

Zuko would definitely forgive her; their relationship is fraught and tense, but he knows what it’s like to be trying to regain one’s honor.  The most obvious step from there would be for her to try and find a place in the new Fire Nation government, but what I’d love to see is her becoming a teacher... and maybe a priest! Joining a Fire Sage temple, using her experience to help teach new firebenders the right way. Maybe finally finding someone to fall in love with (I low-key ship her with Mai or Ty Lee lol.) 

Growing up, growing old and wise. 

Letting go of her anger. 

Doing her best to balance the bad she’s done with good. 

Becoming Grand Master Azula, the greatest firebending teacher of her generation, thus fulfilling her ambition of being The Best™ at something. 

Making up with Mai and Ty Lee, (although I’m betting Suki and Sokka are not going to be inviting her over lol.)  

Actually getting to know Aang, and realizing Oh My God I Almost Killed This Sunshine Child Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me??

Visiting her Earth Kingdom family regularly, or sending them gifts and letters. Visiting Zuko on holidays. Learning not to be jealous of his Firelord-ishness. Learning to be proud of her big brother for all he’s accomplished. Being Best Woman at his wedding, and Auntie Zula to his kids. Taking a Family Trip to the beach every summer--

--calling him ZuZu in front of Very Important Ambassadors and such, because lol.

REDEMPTION! 

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter one

Hi, everyone! This is the first chapter of the new series I’ve started. I hope you enjoy and stick around for future chapters! 💕

Find a series “description” and other detailing here!

Word Count: ~ 5.3k

(*) Warnings: none

July 16th, 2020

Dear Diary,

Nothing would make me happier than to visit the city. The bright lights, the busy streets, the shops, the smell of car exhaust. For all the wonders I’d discover, for all the opportunities I’d face. For the experience, for the fun.

Living in a small town is boring. It’s the same, day after day. Then as soon as you bat an eye, you’ve turned eighteen and have barely left the state. Some would call me a hobbit, some would call me lazy. But it’s hard to get out of town when your family can’t really leave because of their job and you’re too scared to learn how to drive.

The diner that my parents own is great; awesome pancakes, delicious milkshakes, and every single pie flavor you could ever imagine. It’s called the Golden Griddle and it’s located right in the heart of Cedar Cove, Oregon. You’d have to be blind to miss the sunny yellow paint (that’s ever so slowly chipping away, but don’t tell my dad) smeared on the bricks.

Anyway. I’m Charlotte, but you knew that already, didn’t you? Of course you did. Well, if you needed a reminder of my sob-worthy life story...my brother and I are adopted. But you probably remembered that, right? Wow, I need to stop ranting about how you probably remember me. You’re a literal book for God’s sake.

Wait; back on topic. I want to go to see the city. So badly. Oh, and have I mentioned that I got accepted into my dream school? New York University, here I come. How have I not written about that yet? Holy crap. NYU preparations have been coming along nicely. I already have half my room packed and almost all my dorm stuff that my mom insists on buying. My brother Henry, too. He’s going to Ohio State on a football scholarship and a desire to pursue athletic training. Big dreams!

Me, you ask? Good gracious, Diary, stop interrupting! (Oh boy, I’m talking to myself. Skye would laugh...). I’m pursuing acting and theater, of course. A major in drama and a minor in production. I’m chasing the sun here, okay? I am a future Broadway star and actress with dreams as far as the eye can see!

I am ecstatic to make the big move at the beginning of August. More updates to come. Sorry if this ending was abrupt. My dad made his famous chili tonight and I gotta go get it while it’s hot and before Henry inhales it all like the vacuum he is.

Yours, Charlotte :)

*

*

The faint, familiar smell of spices filled my senses as I put the old and tattered diary down. It was a gift I got years and years ago from a friend, but I never used it. May as well start before the wild ride of my new life starts, right?

I threw my blonde hair into a bun as I walked out of my room, avoiding boxes piled up high on the floor. Right as I stepped into the hallway, however, my foot met a ball of fluff curled right outside my doorway.

“Aw, Cooper,” I cooed, leaning down and scooping the little snowball I called a dog into my arms, cradling him close, “you’re missing all the food downstairs, buddy!”

A small whimper came from him as I made my way down the stairs. Henry was spread out on the couch and watching some sort of European soccer, er, football on the TV.

“Hey, just in time!” Henry smiled, waving me over to sit next to him. I obliged, setting Cooper down onto the floor and taking a seat next to him. 

...It was crazy how he was twice my size. And how I was the older one by three whole minutes.

“What’s up, Henry?” I asked, nudging his arm. A laugh escaped his throat as he gestured to the screen and unpaused the video (wait, it was paused this entire time?). I watched the screen to see a player get hit in the head with a soccer ball.

“Hah!” Henry laughed, his deep pitch echoing off the walls. I gasped and swatted his arm.

“Henry! Laughing at someone else’s pain is so rude! What if he got a concussion that ended his career?” I said, a twinge of amusement in my tone. All in all, I loved to see my brother get all flustered. He was such a goody-two-shoes that even something like this comment would make him blow a gasket--

“He’s laughing, sis. I don’t think the dude’s hurt.” Henry said, his tone smug. Maybe college was finally really going to his head.

I shook my head with both surprise and disappointment as I stood up, gesturing for the walking vacuum to follow suit. “C’mon, knucklehead. Dinner’s almost ready.”

We both walked into the kitchen to see the finishing arrangements being set up for dinner; Mom was retrieving bowls and utensils as Dad strained the water from the elbow macaroni at the sink.

“You two are in here early,” Mom teased, giving us a side glare as she placed the bowls and spoons on the counter, “what about?”

A sweet, innocent smile crossed my face as I batted my eyelashes at her. “It just smells so good that I couldn’t stay away!”

“I’ve heard that one before, you jest. Come get your bowls.” Mom chuckled, stepping away. Henry and I grabbed a bowl right as Dad turned to us.

“Get it while it’s hot!” Dad said, grabbing a bowl of his own. Henry and I both dove for the noodles and chili, somehow managing to get our servings without making a complete mess like we usually do. It’s crazy to think of how people mature over time...

The old seats at the table squeaked as we all sat down and started to dig into our chili. A comfortable silence blanketed the table and just as I got used to it, Mom broke it.

“So, you two have been packing, yes? Even the stuff you aren’t bringing?” Mom asked sweetly, dabbing a napkin at the corners of her mouth. She’d always been the politest one in the family; too bad no one else at the table had her mannerisms.

“My room is basically packed except for some of my clothes and books,” I said in between chews of the (extremely hot) chili in my mouth, “but otherwise I’m good.”

Henry nodded and pointed his thumb at me, his eyes never leaving his bowl. “Mhmm.”

“That’s great! Your flights leave in only a matter of days!” Dad cheered, giving Mom a high five. It was such a weird but common thing to see parents do: act like teenagers.

“You sound excited about that?” Henry questioned. I looked over to see half his bowl already gone. 

Mom heaved a sigh.

“We’re excited for you both to finally experience the world. We can’t wait for your lives to truly start!” Mom said, a smile encompassing her features. Her kind, brown eyes flitted between Henry and me.

“You two have the world at your fingertips,” Dad added, glancing at Mom. They shared a fond look. 

At that moment, for the briefest second, I wished that I had a connection like that; a soulmate, someone who you could spill your heart out to. Someone who you could love and be loved by. Someone who’d want nothing more than to see you happy. 

Also at that moment, I decided that I would make it a small goal of mine to make this wish come true during my time at NYU.

*

*

My blankets were soft around my legs as I sat propped up against my pillows. Leila and I had been talking on the phone all night. I felt like I was in that moment in Mean Girls where Gretchen was switching between Cady, Karen, and Regina. Except...I wasn’t switching between anyone at the moment. 

Leila Maciel is my best friend. She’s someone with a sarcastic personality and a snarky remark to anything. She’s as smart as a whip and could, without a doubt, put you in your place if you stepped out of line with her intimidating strength. Though, she also has a soft and caring side that she only reveals to those who she deems trustworthy. A confident, kind, and bold girl indeed. 

We’ve been friends for our entire high school careers, but it feels like I’ve known her my entire life.

During our freshman year, Leila was in an extremely toxic relationship. Her ex-girlfriend, a “sweet” but a rather manipulative girl, was to blame for our friendship. This girl, Sadie, ticked all of Leila’s boxes; beautiful, smart, compassionate, sweet... 

Remember that Leila and I had only known each other for a month at this point.

Leila and Sadie’s relationship was adorable from the outside. Both bright-eyed and bushy-tailed freshmen with hearts in their eyes. It was something you’d see in a more realistic version of High School Musical because let’s be real...those movies aren’t realistic. (I still love them, though!)

About a year into their relationship, though, Sadie transformed from sweet to sour. She used Leila to get what she wanted like she was her very own puppet. Her antics ranged from cheating on tests to almost stealing a designer handbag before I intervened. Then, like the cherry on top of this extremely nasty sundae, Sadie revealed that she cheated on Leila with a college girl for the majority of their relationship. Let’s just say that their relationship was terminated seconds after that bombshell blew up.

Leila was broken for months. She truly believed that she loved Sadie, but upon further examination, I found that Leila felt guilty whenever she had the opportunity to say no. It had never been any sort of love; it was an obligation. Also after that relationship, Leila decided that instead of focusing on liking girls, she’d be open and love anyone. She was sick of limits.

So, here we are today.

Now, as we talked on the phone, I thought about how she’d also be going to NYU, majoring in business. We were roommates! It was like a dream come true.

“Uh, Charlotte?” Leila asked with a laugh. “You alive?”

Reality snapped back into place as I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Oh, uh, yeah. What’d you say?”

“Did you buy a fan for our dorm?” Leila asked monotonously. This made me laugh for some odd reason. “Dear Lord, what’s so funny?”

Honestly, though. What was funny, Charlotte? One could say that I was losing my mind.

“I don’t know, spur of the moment? But otherwise, yes; I got the one you pointed out at Target.” I said, surprising myself with how even my voice sounded. A familiar hum came from the other end of the line in response.

“Cool. Then you’re all set to go for next week?” Leila asked, her voice making it sound like she was smiling. I laughed again and nodded to myself.

“Yes!” Was all I could say.

Leila’s sigh was so loud that I could swear that I felt her breath through the phone. “You’re not stressing out over this, are you?”

My eyes widened at her question. Was I stressing out about this? I’d been packing for days on end without breaks. I had folded, re-folded, and re-re-folded all of my clothes several times in my duffel bag. I had splurged on so many things, like that fan Leila mentioned, without a second thought. I don’t think I’ve had a proper shower in almost a week; I was too busy being a nervous wreck.

“Maybe a little bit, but not too much,” I responded, my tone a bit somber as I tried to conceal my lie. My fingers twirled the fringed fabric of my tie blanket around as I waited for Leila’s retort.

“Stressing out over this is like a circle, Charlotte. It’s pointless,” Leila said, her voice starting to reveal her exhaustion, “and you need to relax. We’ll be fine.”

Thoughts buzzed through my mind as I contemplated her words. Would we be fine? Is “fine” even the correct word to describe this situation? How about rephrasing the entire statement entirely by saying “there is a chance that we’ll survive, but it definitely ain’t high.”? That version was more accurate, in all honesty. Moving across the country for school didn’t sound like a situation that could only earn the word “fine”.

“Aren’t you worried, though? A big city, a new city, a scary city...we’re diving into the deep end here, Leila! We have no idea what the hell we’re doing!” I panicked, squeezing my eyes closed.

Now it was Leila’s turn to laugh uncontrollably. Though, hers was more of a witch’s cackle.

“Wow, okay. First of all, we’ll stick together. Second, not knowing what we’re doing is all apart of the college experience. We’ll seriously be okay if we stick together.” Leila assured, still laughing - she never was the sympathetic type in these types of situations.

“If you think so, then I guess I need to believe it.” I yawned, tucking myself further into my blankets. Leila broke out into a yawn as well, making me think that she was actually tired for once (the girl was the definition of a night owl).

“We should get some sleep. We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.” Leila stated. I could imagine her rolling her brown eyes at her own words. A laugh escaped me instead of the hum I intended on.

“Jesus, why do you keep laughing? Why do you have so much energy?” Leila groaned, making my laughter subside.

“I honestly don’t know, I’m a complete and utter mess. We’ll text tomorrow?” I suspired, resting my arm over my eyes to completely block out this embarrassing reality.

“You bet. Love you lots.” Leila said. Her declarations of love truly became more meaningful after that whole spectacle with Sadie. She had a ginormous heart of gold beneath that rough exterior.

“Love you more! Good night!” I said, hanging up after she murmured a farewell. I tossed my phone onto the soft fabric of my blanket and stared up at the ceiling, a nostalgic feeling washing over me. All of the nights during elementary school where I’d do this exact thing, except I would be thinking about my Barbie dolls or my recess adventures. Now, I thought about the future and what waited for me.

College better live up to its well-known reputation.

*

*

Before I could comprehend what was even happening, I was standing in the middle of Portland’s airport with the arms of my family around me. 

Days legitimately whizzed past with nothing short of a greeting. I mean, it was already August 4th...somehow.

“You have all your bags, right?” Dad asked, his voice wavering the slightest bit. I looked down at my belongings for the fourth time; a large duffel bag of clothes, a chest full of dorm stuff and personal items (including that stupid fan, yes), and a very large and heavy carry-on stuffed with all of my technology. And, for the fourth time, I confirmed that I had everything.

“It’s all here, Dad. For the last time.” I giggled, shaking my head. He could only respond with his usual eye roll and grin.

“What about Leila? Are you completely positive that she’s on your flight?” Mom asked, her eyes inspecting mine. A sigh freed itself from my lungs as I nodded.

“She’s already waiting for me by the baggage area, Mom. You even saw her when we walked in, remember?” I stated, returning her inspecting gaze as she fondly smiled in remembrance.

My hands were reaching down to pick up my bags before Henry lightly punched my shoulder. “Wait, whoa, where’s the love, sis?”

“It’s hiding from you,” I teased, punching his shoulder before I pulled him close for a tight hug, “I’m gonna miss you bunches, you know.”

Henry’s grip tightened before he pulled back to show me the tears in his eyes. I gave him a sad smile, knowing that familiar look in his eye; he agreed but didn’t want to admit it.

“Don’t worry, Henry. I’ll only be a call away if you ever need to talk to me,” I said, putting my hands on his shoulders, “and I’ll be a nine hours’ drive away if you ever need me in person.”

He cracked a smile that was identical to my own and let out a deep breath that turned into a shaky laugh.

“Shut up, midget. Go catch your flight.” Henry laughed, shaking his head to compose himself. His blonde hair was tucked away in a red hat with a big, fancy ‘O’ embroidered in gray and black on its face. My heart swelled with pride to see it, too.

“Ditto!” I laughed while reaching down to grab my bags. “Well, I ought to get going. Leila’s been waiting on me for a while”

“Travel safely and call us when you land, no matter the time!” Mom said, hugging Dad and pulling Henry close. My eyes burned with tears as I nodded.

“Can do,” I shakily breathed, “I love you guys.”

Mom blew kisses my way and Dad smiled. Even Henry gave me a rare, genuine grin. I waved, and with a final glance, turned around and headed to the gate that was just behind me without looking back.

The weight of the bags in my hands doubled with each step towards Leila. She was sitting in the waiting area, her bags all around her, scrolling through her phone. Her straight black shoulder length hair was accessorized with a jade green headband, matching her comfy outfit that consisted of a matching jade green tee and a pair of workout leggings.

“Took you long enough, you slowpoke!” Leila smiled, patting the blue seat next to her as she tucked her phone in her backpack. I dropped my bags in relief as I sat down next to her. “How emotional were your parents?”

“Enough to make me almost cry?” I laughed, wiping the wetness below my eyes. “Well, maybe I did cry a little.”

Leila laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “It doesn’t take much to make you cry, Charlotte. But I am beyond glad to see that you held in most of your alligator tears.”

We both laughed, though our laughter faded after about a minute, turning into a stressed silence...

“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” I said while taking a deep breath. After almost a year of building up the nerves, the day was finally here.  College...adulthood...life...

Leila turned to me, her eyes showing the most vulnerability that I’ve ever seen in them, and took a deep breath with me. “We may be crazy, but at least we’re crazy together.”

*

*

Bag security was a surprising breeze; little to no lines and no troubles. The security guys even smiled at me. Talk about weird.

Waiting for the flight time was tiring. I did, however, get a text from Henry saying that he’d successfully reached his gate and would be taking off for Ohio at dusk. So that was at least something to keep me occupied for a good two minutes.

Another distraction was to play matchmaker with Leila. It was our favorite pastime in high school, so why not continue the tradition?

“Ooh, that business guy over there wearing the red tie, and...” Leila trailed off, scanning the rows of seats until her eyes focused on a woman talking animatedly on the phone only a few feet away, “her.”

“Wait, the Adrian Raines-looking guy paired with that preppy woman?” I asked, my eyes narrowing. Leila hummed with approval next to me, making me cringe immediately; why, and how, would that work? They were polar opposites!

“Leila, listen. He looks like the type of guy that’d bite your head off if you gave him the wrong coffee order and she looks like the type of girl to organize a charity event. It’s all in the eyes and the cheekbones, even the eyebrows.” I explained, shaking my head. Leila, however, disagreed like she always did.

“They’d balance each other out. He’d soften up and she’d harden up. It’s that simple! Plus, it helps that they’re both very attractive...” Leila smirked, her eyes examining them both with a wistful sigh.

“And they’re probably much older than us, so don’t even get ahead of yourself.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “But back on topic. Are you talking about the whole ‘opposites attract’ lore? Because that’s just not...plausible. Maybe it is in the movies--”

Leila let out an exasperated breath that hindered the rest of my thought. “It is plausible, though! Just think about how you would feel in this situation. Would you want a guy who has a prickly exterior and a mushy-gushy heart?”

My heart started to palpitate as my hands started to sweat. I have learned to loathe Leila’s ‘boy talk’ because it’d always turn into her setting me up with guys that were either way out of my league or guys that just didn’t meet my expectations.

Her question, though, did deserve some deep thought. I guess I can set my pride aside for a mere second and give her some sort of approbation...

So, the question on the table: did I really have a thing for those types of people? Snarky but also impossibly soft? I guess I’ve never really been invested in relationships of my own. The idea of romance, sure, but not for me. It just never really seemed as important as the ACT or my GPA. I’m starting to regret my valedictorian title; I focused so hard on my studies that I forgot about the fun aspect of high school like the average, rebellious boyfriend with a leather coat and a motorcycle.

“You know what, Leila?” I started, carefully testing this ground as to not lead her down the matchmaking rabbit hole, “I would like a guy like that. A sarcastic and snarky guy with a secret soft side? Yes, please. Oh, and glasses that he’d push up his nose when he was frustrated? Even better.”

An uncharacteristic snicker escaped Leila; she was never one to snicker like that, and now that I actually think about it, our boy talk always had that stereotypical effect on her. Man, this hobby was melting her brain. Is there any research out there on how the quietest whisper of romance can turn the human brain to goo? If so, I need to get my hands on it ASAP. 

“I knew that you had a thing for that! I’ve been scoping this out for years, Charlotte!”

Of course she has.

“Glad you’ve been looking out for me. That or stalking me, but that’s up to you.” I teased, bumping my shoulder with hers only to receive a tired groan in response.

“Oh, hush. You know exactly how damn predictable you can be sometimes. Don’t even try to contradict that, either.” Leila stated, giving me a side glare. I gave her a bright, innocent smile in response as I fiddled with my duffel bag’s handles.

My mouth opened to bring up another round of matchmaker, but I was overpowered by a loud speaker.

“Flight one-hundred two for New York boarding at gate fifty-six!” A voice said gently over the speakers. Leila and I instantly looked at each other with the same anxious looks that slightly weirded me out.

“Um, Leila--” I stammered, trailing off as Leila hopped up and started to grab her things. She wore the biggest and brightest smile when she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.

“C’mon, slowpoke! We gotta go! Move those short legs of yours!” Leila beamed, grabbing my duffel bag with her open hand. Before I could retort, I was ushered into standing and walking towards the luggage area.

“Alright, eager one, slow down a bit?” I asked through a huff. Only two months off of the cheer team and away from drama and I’m already bent out of shape.

Leila threw my duffel bag and her own suitcase onto the conveyor belt and so I followed suit.

This...this entire experience was moving faster than I expected.

*

*

The plane ride wasn’t really all that exciting. Just Leila falling asleep on me, like I expected. Throw in a couple packs of peanuts, a dash of watching Dirty Dancing and Grease religiously, and a sprinkle of a baby’s obnoxious tantrum...and you end up with the definition of a typical plane ride.

Woo, college. Already kicking off with such an exciting start.

*

*

We were about thirty minutes out from The Big Apple when Leila finally woke up from her sleep. I felt my shoulder lighten and then felt the instant soreness from the five and a half hour flight.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, busying myself by pausing Dirty Dancing on its second playthrough. Of course it was right as Baby started to awkwardly dance down the staircase and onto the bridge.

Leila’s response didn’t come when I thought it would, so I looked over to see if she fell back asleep on the plane’s wall. To my surprise, I saw that her eyes were glued to a figure a few seats over. 

The girl who sat there had this gorgeous auburn hair that cascaded over her shoulders. Her black headphones stood out against her pale complexion and revealed the slightest trace of taupe freckles scattered about her cheeks. Also from the girl’s side profile, you could just barely see the tint of matte black lipstick on her lips.

A gentle but teasing smile formed when I looked back over at a wide-eyed Leila, her cheeks now starting to redden with embarrassment.

“See someone you like over there?” I asked, softly nudging her arm with my own. She cleared her throat and blinked rapidly before turning her attention to me.

“I thought she was snoring?” Leila stammered, now rubbing her tired eyes. I looked back over at the girl - her head bobbing slightly to whatever she’d been playing on her laptop - and let out a laugh.

“Sorry to break it to you, Leila, but she’s completely awake.”

Leila whipped her head back around to see and then let another deep blush cover her cheeks. It was hard to notice against her olive skin, though it deepened enough to see from miles away.

“Okay, um, she was snoring a little bit ago. I swear on your life.” Leila said, pressing her hands to hide her bright red cheeks. 

I let out another laugh. She had never let herself get this flustered...ever. This was so rare that I’d only ever seen it once and that was back in high school. Leila locked eyes for a solid twenty seconds with a junior guy named Michael Harrison at lunch during our freshman year. She couldn’t stop blushing or stuttering for the rest of the day, and that’s not mentioning the dejected look she had when Michael walked out of the building with an unfamiliar girl on his arm after school.

As expected, Leila only responded to me with her notorious deadly side glare.

“Shut up right this instant, Charlotte Parker.” She hissed between her gritted teeth.

Did I listen? Of course not.

“Looks like Miss Maciel has been struck by Cupid’s arrow...” I teased, dramatically leaning into her lap with my hand against my forehead. She grumbled and leaned her head on her palm, looking out the window. After I sat up, I could see her brown eyes flit over in the girl’s direction every once in a while and couldn’t hold back my smile. Not teasing, but happy.

I knew that wistful look in her eye well enough to know that she’d been enamored.

*

*

The plane landed at about seven in the evening. Before getting off the plane, I looked over to the girl. She was frantically putting her computer away in it’s decorated case. I saw a patch with the familiar NYU bobcat...right next to another patch with the name “Skye” in this sort of horror-ish calligraphy.

Huh.

“I think her name is Skye,” I said, leaning in to whisper to Leila, “and I think she’s going to NYU.”

Leila glanced over as she stuffed her neck pillow (that she never used) in her bag.

“Cool. Um...Skye, you said?” Leila said, a blush blooming across her cheeks again. 

I’m seriously loving this.

“Yep, Skye. Maybe she’s a freshman like us?” I said. Leila bit her thin bottom lip.

“Maybe,” Leila said, a smirk crossing over her features, “just...maybe.”

*

*

Waiting for our luggage was so boring. I decided that it was even worse than waiting for our fight.

“Ah, it’s mine!” I heard a girl a few feet away from my tired figure cheer. She rushed forward to grab a gaudy pink suitcase bedazzled with fake gems. Leila pretended to gag next to me.

“Gross,” Leila sighed, though her eyes suddenly lit up, “hey, wait, those are our bags!”

She pointed toward a cluster of familiar bags on the conveyor.

“Ah! C’mon!” I stammered, rushing forward and grabbing them. We both started to laugh as we lugged them off.

“Jesus, this is heavier than I remember.” Leila huffed, lifting her bag onto her shoulder. I did the same, though almost toppled over because of the weight.

“Are we sure that these are ours?” I asked, unzipping the duffel bag to see my familiar coat. Relief flooded my features as I looked back at Leila.

Her face was a sickly greenish pale.

“Uh, Charlotte, this...this isn’t...” Leila stuttered, carefully shuffling through the bag. There were lots of black sweaters and lots of striped shirts. A couple pairs of ripped jeans, a few rock band tees along with an NYU sweatshirt...and a tag on the strap.

I reached out for the black tag on the strap and flipped it over. It read...

Skye...Crandall?

“Leila, remember that girl from the plane?” I asked, showing her the tag. Her face immediately fell, though I could see the flame of hope flickering in her deep brown irises.

“Oh. My. God.” Leila groaned, taking the tag into her hand. “You’re kidding. Charlotte, this seriously isn’t happening right now.”

Despite her panicked state, I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

“I’m officially calling you Eliza Schuyler because you are helpless!” I giggled, doubling over. Leila loudly sighed.

“No, no no no...” Leila whispered, zipping the bag closed, “how are we going to find her now? I bet she left already with my bag.”

I sadly let my laughter subside as I wiped the humored tears from my eyes, being careful to not let my light layer of mascara run or smudge into a huge mess. That was the last thing I needed right now.

“Alright. Well, I think we should wait and see if your bag is still here. We don’t know for sure that she has it,” I stated, patting Leila’s shoulder, “but if it doesn’t show, we’ll track this Skye girl down and give her the right bag. Okay?”

Leila nodded, her face still contorted with a mixed emotion of annoyance and helplessness.

“Welcome to New York, where we lose your freaking bags and make you chase after freaking girls that you like,” Leila mumbled in a bad imitation of a New York accent, pinching the bridge of her slender nose.

“So you do admit it! Aww!” I cooed, booping her nose. She caught my wrist and gave me another glare, though this one was downright teasing.

“Shut it or I will mercilessly write on your face tonight with a Sharpie while you sleep,” Leila teased, “but let’s get going. We still gotta find our dorm and the sun’s already starting to set.”

I nodded and gathered up my stuff, taking another look back at the conveyor...

“Oh, everyone’s gone?” I questioned, my eyes scanning the now empty area around us. Leila rolled her eyes and started to drag me along towards the masses of people with her free hand.

“Yes, but now let’s go find this girl before I lose my mind. I need my bag and I can bet that she needs hers.”

[thelittlehansy]

Some headcanon i have about hans anna relationship both romantic/not romantic  post canon or AU

*there is not specifical context just some random thing if they may interact like anna comes in the southern isles as a politic visit and have to stay longer they have to team up , AU or they just interact.

Hans wants to keep his villain image and show the villainous side of him to anna because he is scared anna will see the true him and realize that he is pathetic , that he sucks at being prince charming but also at being a villain and there is nothing dangerous about him at all he is just the worthless throwaway prince. He dont want her to pity him and is also insecure and think that anna will find silly his hobbies. (Books ,reading, writing)

Hans try impressionate her by showing how a great villain he is anna just want to roll her eyes.

Anna likes to refer hans as her ex boyfriend

Sometimes he cant help to smile when she is not watching him at how cute she is.

Au : hans likes to be the little spoon 😁

Hans enjoy a lot sliding in his socks with anna it actually amuse him a lot and reproduce it at home when his brothers or father didnt watch him.

Maybe this will seems out of character but i pictured hans liking anna funloving personality. I mean he has always know , cold, distant personality so knowing someone like anna really makes him see interaction with people very different and he likes how anna makes everything fun.

He is amazed by how much loved there is inside of her like it really shook him.

Anna find hans extremely comfortable and most importanfly his arms.

They both like to takes charge and therefore clash a lot.

Au : hans dont like having too much kids.

I cant not see this one i really think hans during the movie saw in elsa his brothers in some way and did really have compassion for anna.

Hans is genuinly interest in anna relationship with her sister.

Same anna is very interest by hans relationship with his brothers.

They argue a lot

Anna likes to makes him mad but end up annoyed because its gets a lot of work to makes him mad

Anna find him very smart and view him as some emotional god , like a mentalist  with a radar in his head.

Anna hates hans brothers even more than Hans and is truly horrify by how his brothers treat him. She hates the queen of the southern isles also because she dont understand how as a mother she could let hans deal all alone with all the abuse. The King of the southern isles is mysterious to her she find him sympathic but that because the king is smart.

Anna identify the princes of the southern isles based on their relationship with Hans.

Hans adores annoyed her

When he learn about elsa not ruling anymore arendelle and be in an other place a part of him is sad for anna of how little times she had with her sister.

Anna find hans has a  very punchable face.

She has give him the nickname of jerkyface and hans mrs.sandwchices

Hans like sandwiches but actually hates sharing them.

A part of hans is happy his plan to marry anna finally did not worked. Because once he go back to his home he realized that even as a king his family would not have respect him  and he would not have get rid of them so  this is most likely he would have makes anna endure his brother abusive behavior. And even his worst enemy he would not like him to meet his brothers.

When he learn about queen anna a part of him hoped elsa would not have run away and his plan could have worked so he feel bitter but at the same times he liked the idea if anna as a queen.

A part of anna wonder if Hans is not gay because of the kiss he refuse. 😅

Maybe this one will seems out of character also but i cant see anna as someone resentful or someone happy of others misery. In a frozen heart , anna said that if Hans family is that terrible let him deal with them with what he is the most scared of. So when she realize how terrible they actually are and that she just send Hans to hell she did have some remorse and hope to have put him on a trial to arendelle and jail in arendelle for his crimes not send him back home.

they both   find balls boring (idk if some books contradict it and said if anna actually like balls)

Au : if hans had won he would have makes a absent husband more interest in his job.

Au : if elsa never run away , i have also headcanon that the king of the southern isles would not have approve the marriage and submissive hans would have cancel their wedding.

Hans believe that he is the one that saved anna life Makes Anna happy ending happen and resent her for saying that he hurt and cause her a lot of pain when even he admit it but just think his presence in her life his evil actions brought her her happy ending.

between the two this is anna that like the most alcohol 

Anna find Hans extraordinary with kids( she had see him interact with his niece and nephew)  and it annoyed her because Hans is suppose to be a villain and not have dad potential.

In anna presence hans like to be arrogant and act like a jerk.

in love or hate they are both comfortable with each others presence which lead to

Anna is not scared of Hans.

But Hans sometimes is scared anna is gonna punch him again each time he saw her 😄 so sometimes he just tried to hide or run away.

Hans find anna goergous also

A lot of thing hans said to anna during the coronation night anna didnt remember them well she was too excited and desperate in the moment. ( like his eyes colors , his last name also i headcanon that hans did tell anna his last name.)

They both like to dance

Hans is as clumsy as anna.

Hans didnt really applogize to anna his excuse is that you dont apologize to have try murder to someone.

The day hans apologize to anna he didnt knew what to said to her

I would like to apologize to the princes of arendelle to have hit her with my horse and for every moment after is what he said to anna.

Anna dont miss any opportunities to remind hans about what he did.

Anna talk a lot about her during the coronation night so i pictured Hans knows several stuff about anna. More than we thing 😄 he is also seems to be very very observative and will know all the answer and even more to kristoff questions in the scene in frozen 😄

they both hates sandwiches with seed. ( i put myself in this one i admit XD

in term of seduction/intimated love life Hans is definitely the shy and awkward one and anna the contrary even tought Hans know how to be seducing as we saw in the movie. I cant help imagine anna horny frozen 2 kinda confirm it.😅

This is is absotly not definitive but since i can find any reasons for Hans to not have kiss anna and continue his plans playing the sad fiance and it the end getting everything he wants without revealing himself ..i have the idea of him fearing he actually loved anna and his kiss would have maybe work and since love is not something familar to him it kinda makes sense.

I have also an other headcanon that he didnt kiss her and was so harsh when he has no reasons was because it annoy him that anna kept making his secret plan harder and he relalize when anna go back that she using him as some prince charming fnatasy and in fact didnt like him.

They play jinx jinx again both when they are mad or not at each others.

Au : hans offer anna a lot of gift he had learn that love was something material.

Au : they favorite date is too watch the stars in their socks while finishing each others sandwiches.

Anna when she learn how terrible and abusive his brothers are , like to give him hug even if she still hates him because she cant handle the idea of hans never knew what love is. it anoyed a lot Hans.

Anna sweet , caring behavior annoyed Hans.

Anna all the times repeat wrong hans famous quote and said oh anna if only there was someone who loved you and it annoy Hans that she missed the out there part.

The "thats what brothers do""hans reaction really makes anna wtf , what is wrong with him.

Of course anna dont trust Hans because of their past and is always supscious he is doing something she even spy on him to know what he is comploting.

On the contrary i have headcanon that hans really trust anna and is one of the rare person he trust. Like if he confess about his brothers that night and tell stuff about him she must be very trustworthy.

Hans did have enjoy a lot the night of coronation and had fun.

I m realizing now i have write a book 😄

[master-of-cosmos]

Imprint [Ninjago Fic]

apparently some people are calling this ‘whumptober,’ so you know what that means! entersroomhoppingonmyhighheels.gif

it’s quick oneshot-inspired-by-@rinas-ninjas‘ palette-challenge-art time ❤️ that stuff is right up my alley y’all don’t even know. anyway, this is also a bit of a thank you gift to @lloydskywalkers for always being so supportive of this fandom’s writer community and such an inspiration in her own work! i absolutely do not deserve all the love you’ve given TMS, so you completely deserve some post-s4 brotherly bonding hun 💚💚

content warning: there’s lots of blood and a very likely upsetting way it’s taken care of because of the way it’s described, so please don’t read if you’re under 13 or sensitive to these things!

~~~~~

Kai wasn’t exactly expecting things to go back to normal right away. The team could still laugh with each other and band together against an enemy like nothing changed, but it’d be naive to think that, once everything settled down, there wouldn’t be some hitches.

He just didn’t think Lloyd would be one of them.

It’s three in the morning, and he’s already awake. Rolling over onto his back, he stares up at the ceiling in the guest room he’s been staying in since they got back from Chen’s outright lousy island. He blinks a few times, wondering what pulled his brain out of his coma so early.

Soft - slow - footsteps pad down the hall outside. Right, it’s time for Lloyd’s patrol. His actual one today, apparently. He’s been randomly stealing everyone’s shifts after Anacondrai gang wannabes started cropping up, inspired by Chen in spite of what happened to him.

In spite of what Sensei Garmadon sacrificed to stop him. Weeks ago.

A whole month has gone by, and Lloyd still won’t talk to anyone about it, least of all Kai. And Kai, in particular, has barely been able to have a conversation with him about anything without the kid stuttering and finding something else to do that cuts off the interaction like an axe to his neck.

He knows perfectly well why.

Kicking off the blanket, he drags himself out of bed and slips on his sandals.

He’s got no one else to blame but himself that Lloyd’s scared of him now, so he let this go on for too long. He’s not sure what’s come over him about it, but at some point in the last few days, he decided he’s putting a stop to it, any act he can do at a time.

He has to show Lloyd that he can still rely on him. That he’s trustworthy and useful and not a screw up and worth more to the team than the shattered bathroom mirror says.

His hurry down the hall causes a yawning audience to trail him, Jay mumbling, “Where’s the fire?”

Lloyd’s about to step out when he makes it to the foyer. “Hey,” he calls.

Freezing, Lloyd tilts his head back a little, answering with a hesitant, “Yeah?”

Ignoring Cole and Jay behind him, Kai moves further into the room, mustering his nerve to say, “I can take your shift. If you want.”

“It’s fine. I got it,” he responds quickly as he turns to Kai. He wavers a little bit, and the dark circles under his wide eyes stand out in Zane’s reading light.

Catching Kai’s drift, Cole gently suggests, “Lloyd, maybe it’s better for you to stay in.”

“I…appreciate the concern, but this is something I need to do,” Lloyd asserts back, his jaw locked from annoyance.

It’s clear to Kai that Lloyd’s been using the patrols to ignore what happened to his dad. Maybe he’s trying to put off sleep, too. Both worried about that and absorbing Lloyd’s aggravation like a sponge, Kai huffs, “Look, dude, it’s obvious you’re tired. Just let me cover you for one night.”

“I said it’s fine. You don’t want to be here anyway,” Lloyd bites, hardly even looking at the others when he says it, and storms out of the dojo so fast that Kai can only stare as the door slams shut.

Oh.

Kai braces himself on the front counter, squeezing his eyes shut. That’s what’s wrong. They - he - left Lloyd all alone. Of course he feels like he has to do everything like that now.

Jay humphs a little and rubs his eye, heading back upstairs as he tiredly jokes, “Well, my shift’s always open.”

Following him, Cole pats Kai’s shoulder. “Let the kid grieve in his own way. He’ll come around.”

Easy for you to say, Kai thinks. He has it on good authority that throwing yourself into work to avoid your feelings doesn’t help in the long run.

“Are you all right?” Zane asks from his chair on the other side of the room, the giant book he’s been chipping away at for three nights abandoned in his lap.

Straightening, Kai tightly answers, “Yep.”

“I am certain you will think of a way to help him,” he states, returning to his book.

Well, he already has. He races back up to his room and throws on his gi. With his comm-link in his ear, he doesn’t waste time running back downstairs. Instead, he leaps out the window as he summons his elemental dragon and takes off after his little brother.

He’s going to prove to Lloyd that he won’t just leave him on his own again.

~~~~~

A few miles out from his dad’s dojo, Lloyd rides his dragon along his patrol route and fights tears, scrubbing at his face every few moments. Stupid Kai, he thinks, but then he shakes his head, mumbling, “Stupid me.”

Somewhere inside, he’s happier than anything to have the team back together. He knew how much he missed them, but it feels a million times better actually being able to watch them work hard in the training yard, hearing them laugh at the breakfast table, everyone saying “good morning” and then “goodnight,” just like it used to be.

But he got used to his dad.

Lloyd can’t keep himself from running through scenarios that might have saved him, and some of those possibilities include things he would never voice, like not taking the challenge at all. But because he wouldn’t do something like that, Dad got to suffer the consequences.

A scream splits him from his thoughts.

“Where?” he asks the night, searching the ground. In a secluded alley, he spots what looks like three men corning a woman.

He sends his dragon into a dive for them, landing it between her and the attackers. It roars before he banishes it and readies his stance. “If you guys know what’s good for you, you’ll leave right now,” he threatens, lighting his power in his hands.

“It’s the Green Ninja,” one of them shouts to his buddies.

“Get him!”

The three drawing knives, they descend on him.

He cuts out the energy and dodges the closest man’s knife, noting the Anacondrai tattoo on his wrist. Grabbing the extended arm, Lloyd hurls the body at the next one. While they untangle themselves, he punches the third in the gut, grabbing his head when he doubles over and slamming his face on a nearby electrical unit.

The second kicks his kneecap from where he still lies on the ground, but Lloyd jumps back enough before the attack can fully connect. With a small yell, he blasts the man’s chest.

Left alone now, the first tries his luck again, charging at Lloyd with his knife held above his head. A high kick knocks it from his hand, and one more solid kick to his solar plexus takes him out.

With a stumble that he locks down on, Lloyd moves over to the woman crouched in the corner. “Hey, you’re safe now,” he says soothingly, extending his hand.

She looks up from her knees and stares at it before she takes it, her own hand trembling.

“It’s alright,” he consoles as he helps her stand. “Do you live around here?”

Wordlessly, she nods, clutching her purse close to her body.

He steps back to give her some space. “Do you need to call someone? Or, uh, I can take you there.” He accepts her careful step forward as an answer and turns around to leave the alley. Mostly to himself, he mutters, “I need to let the police know about these guys. Should’ve brought a rope or some―”

Normally, he’d never let anyone get the drop on him, especially not someone he could take without even looking, but Kai’s right. He’s tired. Distracted. Stressed and not keeping his guard up when he should, but how could he? She’s just an innocent person who needed help.

She’s not holding a switchblade, and that’s not his blood. It couldn’t be.

“It’s your fault,” she spits, circling around him. “You let those Anacondrai warriors attack my home. My children.”

Gasping, Lloyd backs against the wall the woman was just cowering against, his hand pressed to the throbbing fire in his side. “I-I’m sorry. We did―”

“Save it for your maker!” She steps over one of the men and kicks him, barking, “Get up.” The three of them groan as they comply. She hands her knife to the one who stands up first and orders, “Now finish it.”

Lloyd sucks in deeper breaths as he pushes himself to straighten. He can ignore the pain and pretend he doesn’t feel it long enough. With his teeth bared, he calls up another two energy orbs, warning, “Stay. Away.”

The man just smirks and keeps inching closer, so Lloyd pitches a sphere at him, knocking him clear out of the alley. Scrambling back to his feet, he squeaks, “Forget this,” and runs off.

Lloyd manages to re-energize his empty hand before the others get any more ideas, bending his knees and glaring, daring them.

“Yeah, I’m out. I didn’t sign up to kill him,” the second man says. The third follows after him.

The woman glowers at their retreat but makes no effort to stop them. Snapping her purse shut, she looks back at Lloyd, bitterly stating, “You may have this city worshiping you, but you don’t fool me.” And with that, she leaves him alone.

His energy orbs sputter out, taking his grip on equilibrium with them. The ground falls away like a tunnel as he staggers back a step, but he shuts his eyes and shakes his head sharply. He’ll be fine. He can get home and have this taken care of, no problem. He just needs his dragon.

Trying to summon it nearly sends him to the concrete. So he’s too freaked out to do that.

He can walk then. Find someone with a phone or something. The knife was pretty thin, wasn’t it? It can’t be bad enough that he won’t be able to walk.

One foot in front of the other. Not difficult. One step, next step, and then the next―

He gasps so hard he sees stars and has to catch himself on the wall. Restraining a scream in his throat doesn’t do much to chase away the incessant throb, but it helps the frustration building faster around his racing heart.

Flipping over, his back hits the wall. It’s practically the only thing holding him up, and that makes ice run down his spine.

He’s not as knowledgeable on anatomy as he should be, but he has a vague understanding that where she stabbed him is close to a cluster of nerves. On reflection, he instinctively twisted his torso just in time; she was probably going for his kidney or the giant artery beside it. A common target for someone who wants to cause pain.

Great, now he needs to know how bad it is.

He reaches around to touch the excruciating point under his ribs, hissing when his hand fumbles over it. Holding them up to the light of a distant streetlamp, he finds his fingers glazed in red, a mini pool of it in his palm.

A tremor’s already wracking his whole arm, and there’s warmth seeping across his lower back, stolen from his limbs.

He’s been injured and bled before, but this. It’s too much for him to deal with by himself. The pain, the fear, the knowledge of why all gather together behind his eyes and spill out as he murmurs, “Oh god.”

But there’s hope. He’s still got a spark of it. With the others home again, he has one last option.

Tapping his comm, he forces his voice to steadily enough ask, “K-Kai?”

His heart drops to his stomach when his brain promptly supplies, What if they  went back to sleep? Nobody’s listening. Even if he does hear you, the dojo’s miles away.

No one’s gonna be able to come for him. He’s in real trouble now, and it’s all because he was a jerk and didn’t let them be a team even though that’s the exact thing he wanted, and god, what’s Dad gonna think? Is he even in a real afterlife? Oh god, he’s never seeing him again. He’s gonna die out here, or some other day, and it won’t even matter―

“What’s up, Lloyd? You’re kind of staticky.”

He wants to laugh in relief, but the pain’s killing him enough, and as cloudy as it’s making his senses, he heard the worry in Kai’s voice despite the effort he used to hide it.

With his fleeting strength, he manages, “I-I need h-help.”

~~~~~

Ten minutes.

He was only ten minutes behind Lloyd.

Kai can’t hear anything outside his comm. He can barely see besides the blurry lines that are supposed to be streets he soars above. The only reason he knows Nya heard him when he told her to notify a hospital is because she commanded him to keep Lloyd talking.

“Yeah, and what’d he say to that?”

“Jeez. Gene was…s-so mad. Said..said he’d get me back f-for sure.”

“Tell me you got him first.”

“I-I tried, but I d-didn’t know where..to find…scor-scorpions.” He laughs at himself, but the sound chokes off with a gasp.

“Lloyd?”

“Are you close?”

“Yeah. Yeah, buddy, two minutes. Just sit tight.”

“A-awesome.”

“I know where we can get a couple.”

“What?”

“Scorpions. We can still get that jerk.”

“H-he’s nice…n-now…Remember? Don’t..be mean.”

“Right, yeah. We ruined a perfectly good bad boy, didn’t we? Too nice for your own good, Lloyd.”

Instead of answering, Kai just hears sniffling and measured groaning like Lloyd’s trying to control the pain.

He’s about to ask how he’s doing when Lloyd speaks up again. “Is…is that what’s…wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you, man.”

“B-but if I was mean, then…then Dad might still―”

“Hey, hey, listen. None of that was your fault. Okay? Can you see me? I think I’m over the right street.”

It takes Lloyd a minute before he hums, “Mhm. F-fire…dragon.”

“Yeah, bud. I’m right here. You’re gonna be fine.” Kai doesn’t see him, though. It’s still pretty dark, and the alley’s crowded with junk.

A green orb floats up from beside a big power box.

Kai drops his dragon and banishes it just before they hit the ground, flipping off it to break the fall. He’s at Lloyd’s side in a near instant, looking him over where he sits against the square unit, one arm bent around his torso.

Bleary eyed, Lloyd smiles at him. “Y-you made it.”

“’Course I did.” He resists the urge to yank his hair out, sinking his tooth into his cheek instead. There’s blood all over the concrete, a smudged handprint on the brick wall. Lloyd moves his arm so Kai can see, and from what he can tell, the wound’s still bleeding. His gi has a jagged rip going down, like the attacker cut into him before she got the leverage needed to sink the knife in deep.

Immediately, he presses his hand to it, making Lloyd flinch. He tries so hard to be calm, but he can’t get the terror out of his voice when he demands, “God, Lloyd, why’d you leave it like this?”

“M’sorry,” Lloyd groans in a cracking voice, slumping forward.

Kai puts his other hand on his shoulder, noticing the abandoned hood and gi sash wadded in soaked piles. Swallowing his nausea, he alternates brushing Lloyd’s arm and hair, saying, “No, it’s alright, okay? It’s gonna be fine. Nya’s already got an ambulance on the way. They’ll be here any minute.”

Shaking his head, Lloyd gasps, “Too late. T-they’re gonna be―” Suddenly distressed, he huffs and whines, “Kai…”

Kai nudges him upright. “What? Tell me.”

Lloyd’s head lolls to the side and back against the metal box before he pushes himself to lean over on his elbow, grimacing. He tugs the end of his gi aside, exposing the injury. It’s the way he pinches his brows and further labors his breathing, his expression miserably expectant as his neck gives out on him, tears and beads of sweat bouncing off his face from the movement. It says enough.

“N-no,” Kai croaks. Stronger, he says, “Lloyd, no, I can’t do that to you,” standing as he recoils.

“I-I’m gonna…bleed―” He winces, raggedly continuing, “Bleed out..i-if you don’t.”

Kai yanks on his hair anyway, but he glances back at Lloyd.

His dark circles stand out worse, a sunken mask on his paling face, and his eyelids droop despite how he’s fighting to keep them open. With the arm he’s propped on trying to shake out from under him, he’s almost lying down, each shallow pant pushing him lower bit by bit.

And now that Kai can see it, he’s losing too much blood. It’s just leaving him in small yet constant pulses, four black rivulets dripping down his stomach and adding to the puddle on the ground.

He’s right. Why does he have to be right?

Kai takes Lloyd’s weight off his arm, wrapping his under it and along to his little brother’s back, and gathers the green cloth there in his fist to keep it out of the way. “Just― just hold onto me, alright? Don’t let go.”

Lloyd nods. His arms come up around Kai’s torso and across his shoulder blades, squeezing with all the strength he’s got.

His right hand free, Kai closes his eyes and ignites it.

Or, he tries to. It doesn’t respond instantly like it should, only giving off smoke. The consequence of his own reluctance.

Sensing the hangup, Lloyd mutters, “I can…handle it..pro-promise.”

Kai inhales, letting the air out slow. “You better.” He snaps his wrist again, the fire lighting up the alleyway. For a few extra seconds, he makes it burn hotter than he usually needs before he pulls the flames down to a dull orange smoulder in his palm. “Ready? On three.”

He’s not ready, and Lloyd tenses, burying his face in Kai’s shoulder.

“One. Two…T-three.”

For the second time, Kai presses his hand on the wound.

As promised, mostly, Lloyd toughs it out at first. He keeps the pain deep in his throat, but eventually the groan turns shrill, and then he’s screaming and struggling not to writhe.

Kai wants to scream with him, but he won’t. Maybe he can’t either. All he can do is hold onto Lloyd tighter as he tries to block out the sound under his hand.

He turns his focus to how the muscles in his back seize around Lloyd’s fists from the energy he’s started channeling on agonized reflex. He gets kneed in the ribs, too, and he’d lose his grip if the slick blood wasn’t burned away.

Burned. Burning. He’s burning his baby brother.

Why didn’t he think to heat up a knife or something instead? Why’s he using his hand for it? Why’d he let Lloyd convince him to do this at all? He should’ve just carried him to the hospital on his dragon, or better yet, he never should have let any of this happen.

“I’m sorry,” Kai yells, screwing his eyes shut. Just a few more seconds, just enough to make sure it’s cauterized fully. He can’t risk messing up because if Lloyd has to suffer for nothing, then he―

Kai’s gonna―

Lloyd loses his strength to keep screaming, and then Kai’s muscles relax only a fraction when the scrabbling limbs behind him fall slack.

Enough. It has to be enough.

Ripping his hand away, he crushes Lloyd in both arms, unable to stop rocking him or repeating apologies. Not just for this. He’s sorry for everything ― the betrayal, the staff, for leaving and allowing so much time to go by that it ended up leading to now.

Lloyd probably can’t understand any of it. He just hiccups while he cries, slowly quieting until he’s too limp in Kai’s hold.

The paramedics find them like that, but they’re all strangers, and one of them talks to Kai while another tries to pry Lloyd away from him. He’s gonna blast them in their throats if they don’t shut up and stop and get their hands away.

But then the Bounty’s sailing overhead, and Nya’s getting through to him as Lloyd’s taken to someone who can actually help a hell of a lot better.

He clenches his fists the entire flight over to the hospital, refusing to look at his own hands.

~~~~~

Kai gets an earful later about how ‘incorrectly’ he handled the situation, and Master Wu adds ‘proper field medicine’ to their training schedule, but ultimately, everyone hugs him and cries and are so thankful he’d at least ‘been there to do something,’ and he doesn’t remember a whole lot of it.

He knows the others have been worried for him now, too, though.

He hasn’t been able to eat anything cooked if he’s around while it’s being prepared. Zane picks up on that in record time and starts making oatmeal and cold-cut sandwiches for him instead.

Cole and Jay learn real quick that if they ask Kai for help with fire-related needs, then his powers won’t respond. Fighting is the only thing it’s felt like doing, and fight it does. They steer clear of him when he goes out to the training yard.

Nya keeps looking at him with a face that’s so sad, like she wants to help him but doesn’t know how, he can’t help it. He retreats to his room and hides under the blanket for hours until the world stops spinning and he can breathe without needing to think about it.

But Lloyd heals fast, so there’s that.

The cops want to track down the people who attacked him, but he refuses to help, muttering something like, “She’s a mom.”

That doesn’t stop Kai from trying to find the woman himself, but he has nothing to go on, and the cops have better resources. They catch her pretty soon after that.

He does have the power to scare other Anacondrai wannabes into never showing their faces again. He gets another earful for that, but it’s worth it to rest at least a little easier.

Things get better after Lloyd comes home, where Kai can see him and be reassured.

He seems better, too. He spends more time with everyone, participates in conversations, and doesn’t run away from Kai anymore.

The thing is, Kai thinks he should. Especially now.

The heat index today’s like a hundred and ten degrees. It doesn’t really bother Kai, but the others already went inside after training as much as they can stand. Lloyd’s not done sparring, though. Said he feels like he fell behind and wants to keep going for another half hour.

But it’s still really hot out for him, so he’s folding his shirt and setting it on one of the benches before he heads back over to Kai to resume their match.

And Kai isn’t sure what he thought would be there. He knew Lloyd had to have been scarred, but he didn’t know. It didn’t occur to him at all how it’d look.

Under Lloyd’s ribs, close to his lower back, it’s a reddened, indistinct patch of burned scarring surrounding a handprint.

It looks like a violation, like a betrayal of Lloyd’s trust and Kai’s job as the Green Ninja’s protector.

He practically collapses as he sits down on the packed dirt. He waves his hand dismissively and pants, “I’m done,” when Lloyd looks at him, confused.

His confusion shifts to narrowed worry as he glances towards the scar. Carefully, he says, “You saved my life.”

Kai pulls his legs in, one hand on his thigh while the other scrapes at his forehead. “I know…I know.” He ends up ripping at his hair, closing his eyes tight. “It’s just. Everything. All of it.”

After a second, Lloyd’s kneeling in front of him. He’s put his shirt back on and has that stupid, sad face that’s gonna send Kai packing. But he can’t leave because Lloyd catches onto his shoulder and says, “You can’t hurt me, Kai.”

“But I―” Kai’s already pounding heart speeds up, making him dizzy, because he did. He let them shackle Lloyd and steal his power and drop poison on him, and he’s alone. He’s bleeding. Kai’s burning him, so who’s to say he would have dropped the staff? “I’m―”

“Hey,” Lloyd interjects, shaking him once. “You. Can’t. Hurt me. Alright?” He harshly emphasizes the words, except they’re gentle, kind, more than Kai deserves, but if he can still have conviction like that, then Kai can try to accept it.

Eventually.

His head bows. He can’t get his heart to stop demanding to fly out of his chest. It hurts, it hurts, he’s sinking, and he wants to hide because this feeling won’t go away out in the open.

“Look at me,” Lloyd says, a beacon of calm. “Just breathe. In and out. Copy me, okay?”

He does. He feels completely stupid because whatever’s wrong with him is nothing compared to what he put his little brother through, but he looks up and matches Lloyd’s exaggerated breaths.

Minutes go by as the world melts away and rebuilds itself enough to steady him, Lloyd’s presence somehow a foundation for it.

Swiping at his eyes, Kai nods when he’s fine. He huffs out a short laugh, asking, “S-someone teach you that?”

Lloyd gives him a hand up and mumbles, “Yeah. Um, Dad did.”

“Oh.”

The floodgates open with that. Kai listens while Lloyd talks about Garmadon for the first time since his funeral, the conversation leading to shared stories and lessons the man taught them both and on to experiences the ninja had with him before Lloyd got to meet him.

He does mess up again, really soon actually, but at least this time Lloyd knows someone’s coming to save him.

~~~~~

overuse of adverbs and unbroken dialogue signals that this is a ‘doodle’ lol

and because it is, i didn’t feel up to writing much more – i just want to point out here that lloyd absolutely does internalize the fact that he traumatized kai, so jot that down

*pats their heads* these beans can fit so much angst in them!

[dipplie]

For anyone who doesn’t know me

I stole this and filled it out, don’t COME FOR me

The Basics: Full Name: Jasmine Elizabeth Degler Birth Date: February 15th, 2002 Birth Place: Denver, CO Gender: Female Eye Color: Blue Hair Color: Blonde Currently living: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Height: Like 5′3″? Weight: NOT ENOUGH AAAAAAAA Righty or Lefty: Right hand Right Wing or Left Wing: I think a plane needs both wings pal Zodiac: Aquarius-Pisces Cusp. Aka I’m so xd quirky but I also cry a lot because I’m baby Favorites: Band/Singer: I like... Owl City... Blame my partner~ Song: Apple.com Movie: Saw 2 or Cube? Color: Yellow Animal: Bunny Smell: Vanilla Boy Name: Theodore Girl Name: Penelope Month: May Swear Word: F̵̗̯͇͙͔̟̰̯͎̃U̴̡̠͕̱̻̽͂̿͜ͅC̶̪͇̗͍̱̩̻͊K̷̲̫͕̖̼̺̜̻͌̒͊̋͑̅̆̚͜ Grade: Kindergarten. It’s all downhill from there kid drinks wine Least Favorite Grade: I think Freshmen Year 

Preferences: Anime or Disney?: Disney Guys or Girls: SCREAMS Lips or Eyes?: Eyes Kisses or Hugs?: Snugs Eating or Drinking?: CRUNCHITY MUNCHITy OVER SLORPS Summer or Winter?: Summer Outdoors or Indoors?: Outdoors Personal: Why did you choose your username?: My partners screen name is NightlyOver! What is your favorite piece of your own work?: This one is nice I guess

Look to your left, what’s the first thing you see?: Graduation cap and gown I probably won’t get to wear :’^) Now your right: My cat sleeping on my bed Something you can't live without: I like... Partner... He’s... Perfect... GPA: I think like 3.5...??? Maybe it was 3.2 I honestly have no idea. Between those. The Last... Person you hugged: My friend Jordan Movie you watched: I think it was Moana? Song You Listened To: I think it was that one Echo vocaloid song? But a chorus. Thing you ate/drank: Pretzels with peanut butter in them. My favorite drink :) Time you cried and why: Probably a couple days ago. Time you laughed and why: Probably earlier

The First... Person you kissed: Haven’t kissed anyone baby! Crush you had: My boyfriend Thing you think about when you wake up: My boyfriend Longest friend you ever had: My boyfriend Person you talk to each day: My boyfrie School you went to: Grand Junction High School Big holiday you went on: Once for Christmas my dad took me and my brother on a cruise to Mexico. It was ok. REALLY HOT. IN WINTER? Award you got: Some art stuff in Elementary and early Middle School. Have you ever... Broken the law?: Smoked weed a few times B) Been arrested?: Nope Had a hangover?: Nope I can’t drink and don’t plan on it Been in a hospital?: Ya but I was like 2 and broke my arm so I don’t remember Been in a car crash?: Notttt yeeet Flown on a plane?: Ya Been on a boat?: Ya Traveled overseas?: Kinda? Does the Gulf of Mexico count. It’s 1 sea. I traveled over A sea. Had sex?: Nope Been to a concert?: Once Ya Pretended to be sick to avoid doing something?: Ya Skipped school / work?: Sadly Ya Broken a bone: Ya when I was 2 Personal Again: Who is your closest friend on Tumblr?: I guess @drinksss​ ;^) What is your favorite post by them?: Snake... Your Religion?: Dunno and don’t care too much, I just wanna turn into a tree when I die bro... Social Class?: Upper Middle? Ethnicity: I’m W H I T E Languages you speak?: English et en petite eu (mal) francais. Scar (s) you have?: Arm burns from a straightener, Couple years ago my mom yelled at me and told me all I was good as was crying! I got really upset and did them all! Sad. Orientation?: I like... Everything... Girls pretty... Guys handsome... Totally Random~ Where is your dream holiday location?: Mm, I’ve always wanted to go to Canada. What are you wearing right now?: Gray PJ’s What is the last thing you bought?: I think Olive Garden When did you join Tumblr?: Like 10 minutes ago Why did you join?: I can’t escape so I’m back here again Are you a member of any other websites?: I have a YouTube but I don’t upload anymore, I have a Pintrest now though! -This Board: https://www.pinterest.com/dippydaily/cabbages-and-cottages/ -And my Art Board!: https://www.pinterest.com/dippydaily/dailys-art/

Are You... Shy: Ya Loud: Ya Nice: I try to be Outgoing: Ya Quiet: I try not to be Mean: I try not to be :( Emotional: VERY Sensitive: Very... Strong: UHUH NO? Caring: I am if you are Dangerous: Naw Crazy: xd Spontaneous: Ya, me’s got OCD :’^) Funny: Hey, u know who’s funny? Ready the first word... Wai Sweet: Eh Sharing: Ya Responsible: NAW Trustworthy: I don’t even trust myself so like Open-minded: Ya Creative: Ya Cute: GOD I wish Slick: Slick as the way your words make my heart beat~ (I WANT TO DIE) Smart: Yeah I guess Dumb: Yeah I guess Evil: >:3c Photogenic: Nooooooo... Greedy: I try not to be Ugly: Oh hunti right now? don’t @ me like this Messy: Naw Neat: Ya Perverted: uwu Silly: OWO A B****: A butch? No I’m a fem.  A Good Listener: When it’s important yes A Fighter: Naw I’m just gonna lie down

Yes or No Are you a vegetarian: Ya Are you a carnivore: IMPLYING I’D ONLY EAT MEAT AND NOTHING ELSE KSHFDJSHFKJDSNKJFGDSJ Are you heterosexual: No  Do you like penguins: They’re cute, my partner ADORES them and pandas tho Do you write poetry: Sometimes! Do you sleep with stuffed animals on your bed: I do! Are you a zombie: Hey that’s extremely RUDE to people with depression ok, watch your LANGUAGE  Do you bite your nails: Sadly Can you cross your eyes: Yeah Do you make your bed in the morning: No Have you touched someone's private part: PRIVATE PATRTDGUFDSN ITS CALLED THE NONO SQUARE OUTOUOGUHOUG

Opinions What do you think about classical music: It’s ok About boy bands: Sometimes they’re nice but typically all the songs are just for moneyyyy sooooo not really sexy now huh About suicide: 0/10 Would not recommend (Okay but on a serious note, don’t do it :^( It does get better. You’re not okay, but you’re alive, and that’s the first step to getting better. Don’t end on the low note, keep going till you can end on the high note :^) ) About people who try to force their opinions on you: UghhhhHHHHNNNNN About teen pregnancy: TEENAGERS SHOULDN’T BE HAVING SEX. STOP! STOP THAT! OH MY GOD! YOU’RE CHILDREN OH MY GOD!  Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: Stress Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Stresses haRDER About gay men: Nice

[dangermousie]

Hello! I recently finished My Country and I'm still dwelling on it, and was recommended to read your post about the ending! I have a few questions for you if you don't mind and I'm sorry if this gets long! I went on to read your 15 ep post as well because I really love how you write about Bangwon. It answered many of my questions that were boggling in my mind but I just want a reconfirmation for my sanity LOL

No problem and thank you :) 

(cont)  1) So, did BW betray Hwi right away after he said he’d bring evidence to him because he was paranoid the information about Seo’s death would leak? Did BW fear of a no longer safe & trustworthy connection with Hwi since it was revealed what he did? Was it Hwi’s parting words saying that he’d have no one loyal to him in the end? It just didn’t make 100% sense to me because Hwi would definitely revolt back to BW, which would result in Hwi’s death and no one wanted that ((.. except Seunggye 😒))

Well, I don’t think he betrayed him right away - honestly, if after the end of ep 15, Hwi took Seon Ho and they both hightailed it for the Ming, he may well have let enough alone - he as much as told them to get the hell out asap by not having his men chase and kill them, which he easily could have done. But going for the villages isn’t really going for Hwi in Bang Won’s mind; it’s two separate things. He would have gone for the villages where Seo Geom’s loyal men lived in any event. Why? Because YSG plain text told him he was going to use Seo Geom’s former loyal men to get the generals riled up to pull Bang Won down and boil him in a cauldron or similar (I guess no presents for YSG on father’s day that year or any year.) Bang Won has to strike first before they prepare and join up and slaughter him. He wasn’t prepared to gamble on Hwi being able to talk all these people down which he may or may not have been able to do. Bang Won us ruthless in pursuit of what he thinks is right and his goals - a ruthless idealist if you will; he may pause for someone like Hwi, who he loves, but he is certainly not pausing for strangers. Honestly, at the end, when Hwi traded his life for all these people, is a huge gamble on Bang Won’s part and a show of how much he trusted/cared for Hwi, because using cold logic, he should kill the remnants of Seo Geom’s followers either way to stop future trouble. The potential for trouble is mitigated by the fact that even the most devoted to the memory of Seo Geom general is unlikely to cavil that Bang Won killed a man who came at him with a sword, but still. 

2) I noticed while rewatching an earlier episode, BW tells Nam-Jeon “Remember, Seo-Geom was supposed to be the one by my father’s side”. That makes it sound like it was all BW but I believe Seunggye was strictly pulling the strings to frame him since he knew Seo would probably never go with his plans.. He obviously didn’t care about it until he wanted to get rid of Hwi & BW, and ofc, just used BW as his sword which leads me to ->

To me, the drama made it crystal clear that Seo Geom was framed on YSG’s orders, even if not explicit ones. Bang Won as much as tells SG he gets an out if he joins him and his father. It’s pretty clear that until YSG appointed that kid as his crown prince, Bang Won did not expect to have to shove YSG out of the way and was working for a new kingdom where his father would be king and Bang Won crown prince who would inherit eventually; he clearly hero worshipped his father. To me, Seo Geom was another Poeun where YSG hint hint hinted that wouldn’t it be amazing if he stopped bugging them but there were never any proper orders. 

3) In the end, do you think Hwi forgave BW for what he did to his dad? I’ve seen mixed answers on this & it’s interesting to see multiple inputs. I personally feel like Hwi understood that BW was stopping anyone from taking his goal of “his country” but it makes a personal difference bc it’s his dad. If it truly was YSG pulling the strings, I’d figure Hwi knew that. This doesn’t excuse BW for taking the actions & making them into a reality but at least he owns up to the bad things he has done.

I don’t think he forgave but he understood. That is Hwi’s curse - he understands the unforgivable. That is a man who was able to love Seon Ho after all the stuff Seon Ho pulled, which would have made most people hate him forever. Honestly, I think if he lived, he’d never have served Bang Won again and would have had bitterness over all this, but he wouldn’t have come with a vendetta or really dwelt on it much.

4) In the end, with Hwi dying, was it mostly since he and SH went in swords blazing into the palace (treason) + Hwi pointing the sword at BW’s throat (treason x2) in a case where soldiers were present and witnessing it? or was it because YSG would leak out Seo’s death? A combination maybe? You can really tell that BW cared for Hwi and didn’t want him to die whatsoever, but he wouldn’t let anything jeopardize his position on the throne..

A combination. As I said, if Hwi and Seon Ho left at the end of ep 15 and kept going, they could have lived. But the moment Hwi came into the palace to attack a sitting royal, killing guards like wheat in full view of the public, Bang Won simply couldn’t have let him live. But of course Hwi was bound to come once others got attacked because that’s how he protects (Bang Won may have known it but, once again, to him he simply had to strike Seo Geom’s allies before being struck.) It’s true, killing Hwi then would spike YSG’s guns - when a man bursts in to do murder, people cease to care what the underlying reason was and assume it was OK to dispose of him (but YSG did achieve his secondary objective of wrecking BW as much as he could.) But even if YSG just died the day before, he’d still have to be killed after that attempt. In a way, when Bang Won and Hwi traded protection of those people for Hwi’s life, it wasn’t a very fair trade because Hwi was going to die either way before he left that palace. What really was traded was him not killing more people on the way to death and sort of not killing Bang Won. I say sort of, because if he killed Bang Won then and there, he’d die but his people would be safe because whoever took charge after that - Yi Seung Gye, most likely - would probably have no interest in going after Seo Geom’s followers. I think Hwi let Bang Won live not just because that would save people he cared about (because as I said, killing him would probably save them as well) but because by doing what he did was the only way to save both all those people AND have Bang Won and not his father rule and, at the end, however disillusioned Hwi was in Bang Won personally, he believed in his vision for the place (and honestly, who would be a better ruler - BW or YSG? It’s no contest.) 

ANYWHO,I really think that MC is an immensely tragic, poetic, beautiful cinematic masterpiece. If you read all of this.. thank you! If you don’t end up answering these, it’s okay i understand!!! I just needed to find someone to talk/vent about it with to feel some closure 😭 I’m on to read your other posts about MC bc your insight is deeply intriguing and wonderful! You have such a way with words! Have a good week xx

I loved this ask so thank you!!! And thank you for your kind words!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep22: Mokuba Gets Murdered

So today’s is...a long update, I may half it, but I’m gonna be away from my computer a whole bunch for a few weeks so like...if I half it you’re gonna be waiting on that other half for...kind of a while and by then I may have sort of forgotten what was happening in the first half. So I dunno, maybe I’ll just make this a huge ass...59 cap post.

honestly it’s mostly 59 caps because, surprisingly, no one dueled this episode.

I KNOW.

When I saw that “To be continued” last episode I really thought I’d have to deal with more paper-form BS but Noah finally plopped over at the beginning of this episode so I guess he’s just officially done playing cards now. Everyone has been turned back from being stoneware with absolutely no consequential brain damage. Probably because you could not do any more damage than what has been previously done.

But don’t worry he’ll get some more brain damage in by the end of this episode.

Remember the plot point that Tristan was slowly becoming a real monkey? I think he forgot about that because he’s been a monkey for...a realllllly long time and he kinda like...continues to just be Tristan. Maybe Tristan was nearly a monkey to begin with?

We also get a rare sighting of an actual real deal hug on this show and it was from the last person you’d ever expect.

Surprisingly heartwarming for this show.

If that duel disk goes off, both of them are super dead. Hugging in a duel disk might be the most dangerous sport either of these boys have ever done.

Anyway, because Seto and Mokuba were the first ones to go, they have no idea that any time has passed at all.

He seems pretty OK for Yugi just nonchalantly taking his dragons but this is VR and...the cards aren’t...actually here. So like...Yugi didn’t actually steal anything? No proof, no crime.

To be honest, no one should have any cards in any of their decks right now, but the show kind of forgets that these digital cards need to be drafted each round. It’s fine.

Anyway, in the wake of losing a card game, Noah just remembered that he’s a freakin god of this universe so he decides to just go for plan B, which you would think would be most people’s plan A.

(more under the cut)

Ya Noah could have peaced out at any point in this show, but because he was trying to impress Daddy he just...didn’t?

Not like it mattered because the integral plot device was like “oh yeah guys, I’m in this show, too, completely forgot. Oops, is it too late? It’s already episode 22? Eh, better late than never.”

and don’t be deceived by the cap, it showed like...every millennium item for some reason. You’d think it wouldn't show the rod because Yugi doesn’t have that, but apparently Marik up there on the ship was like “the hell is this going off for?” and then just shrugged it off.

Noah gets...mostly this image of a well waxed Pharaoh while Yugi gets images of Noah’s memories, where he finds out each of Yugi’s friends and Yugi himself were stuffed in little sci fi VR pods. You’d think that they wouldn’t need to access Noah’s memories to realize that. Should’ve been the first thing they realized when they got here. In VR.

Like, think about it, the only other person that got kicked out of here was Pegasus. And to kick out Pegasus it took all of Yugi’s friends except Bakura. Apparently this time all Yugi needs is for Pharaoh to focus (and Bakura to be just...youknow...present, I guess. Assuming the writers haven’t forgotten that Bakura’s still in there)

I think they mostly did this memory exchange as an excuse to give us a review--thing is there’s so much weird stuff to review it feels a lot like exposition. Like I don’t remember seeing these big boys before:

There is just...a lot of design put into this robot you only see like a couple of times. Some concept artist when all ham so I wonder...was this his OC? I’m so glad his weird OC sleepytime bot got into Yugioh. Good for him.

So at this point I kinda turned to my bro and was like “this feels a lot like the Matrix, doesn’t it?” and then in rolls in the bright purple cloud of “you don’t even know.”

I’ll just leave this here.

back to Yugioh.

Yo I kinda forgot in the mayhem that Kaiba’s Dad was clearly here this whole time. I figured we’d run into him, I didn’t really think he’d Castlevania it up in the sky in order to do it.

So this show presents these two brain orb AI monsters as being pretty well...alive...in that Orb because we’ve only heard this explanation from two AI beings who are pretty sure they never died. But, are they alive, really? Did they really transcend to a higher plane like Noah thinks? Or was this a thinly veiled murder/suicide? Did Gozaburo Kaiba kill his son because he could not allow him to be crippled, seeing an opportunity test out this crazy orb AI that needed a human brain in order to function--knowing full well what he was doing? And then later kill himself after losing everything to Seto?

Like, I’ve heard that in the Japanese version, Gozaburo commits suicide and in the English version he does not. But, at least from where I’m sitting...I think he commits suicide in both versions. Like, maybe it’s because I’m an adult watching this and not a child, but it feels like Gozaburo did this in order to set a trap for Seto as his last screw you before he left this mortal plane.

Either way, Noah’s kind of an idiot and so he still has not caught on. What followed was the three very worst Kaiba boys just kind of shouting at eachother for 5-10 minutes but, like, on completely different wavelengths, every single one. The lack of communication between these dumbasses right after Gozaburo drops this horrifying bomb of “and then I killed myself to kill all of you” was actually pretty low key hilarious.

The dub then got very confused as to when Noah died. Really confused, I’m not going to analyze that too much, it’s dub problems. Dubs do that sometimes.

Also, this is a new Noah outfit. Huh. shame we never got to know it.

Anyway, as the truth comes out, suddenly this accidental Kaiba family therapy

sesh everyone else in this High School class is privy to just starts escalating.

OH OK, KID’S SHOW.

Yo, remember how many jokes I made that Kaiba was raised in Outer Heaven? Apparently I was WAY closer than I realized.

And speaking of Metal Gear:

Anyway, remember that random idea that Noah dropped on us to consume the world with VR tech? I knew it would come back, just not quite like this. Not with a nice Power Point slide show via the sky from the Most Evil Mufasa.

And that was how Kaiba’s Dad decided “I was once scorned by a rude 12 year old, lets destroy every human on Earth and extinguish all civilization.”

So basically the entire freakin ocean is just filled with these robots? Just completely polluted with nighty-night bots?

Yo.

So like this whole time we’ve been following Marik, who’s trying to destroy the world, and keeping babysitting tabs on Bakura, who’s trying to destroy the world, but Kaiba just wants to be the best and show everyone else up so he just decided to set in motion the entirety of humanity’s destruction BEFORE THIS SERIES EVER STARTED.

*coughs* I can’t believe Yugioh just did the Matrix better than the Matrix.

Now listen, I know what I said--and I have to tell you, the Matrix was one of my favorite movies when it came out when I was wee middle schooler and watched it secretly at my friend’s house. It was rated R for absolutely no reason, and so I wasn’t supposed to watch it--but I did anyway and it was very thrilling to break the law like that. Keanu Reeves did a middle finger--yes, that was the cuss that put it into R territory--and I was like “wow, he is crazy!”

But, while it’ll always hold a place in my little tween heart, that one did not age well. Mostly because, once it stepped away from the cave allegory you have to start asking questions like “so...how did everyone get trapped in the Matrix?” and it was like “because the robots needed batteries. So like...humans...became batteries...rather than..........actual batteries.” which makes a lot of sense when you’re like a child and you don’t know how batteries work, but as an adult it’s like “...so they’re not very smart robots, then?”

But, Matrix came out about 1999, and because it was super cool, it influenced everything. This show was about 2001, and Kaiba’s wearing a floor length coat--I really think there may have been a bit of an influence?

And I think they may have explained how all humanity would get placed in the Matrix better than that movie series that was like 3 movies and a bunch of video games and a very violent cartoon. And like, the Yugioh explanation is still balls insane, but hey, at least this motive makes sense.

And then, at this point, Mokuba’s Stockholm Syndrome came back, but this time it’s just plain old fashioned Stockholm Syndrome, no weird brainwashing on the part of Noah was necessary to make any of this happen.

Like I really think Moki’s finally snapped. It’s finally snapped. He doesn’t know have any idea what is going on anymore and desperately needs a nap. A nap that will last like 5 days. Moki needs to go to the beach and just...not move for about a straight week to recover from the mess of this tournament.

Most people at this point would be like “yeah I think maybe Noah isn’t trustworthy” but this group of kids--this is the only group of kids that sees a cackling undead digital ghost dude hunched over like this who has already tried to kill them on multiple occasions--straight up just 10 minutes ago--and says “he’s probably much better now.”

Just 10 feet away from them, Marik is desperately trying to finish the arc he started, but keeps running into filler problems. Which is this door.

This X-men door, the most powerful filler villain in the Yugioh universe.

I can’t believe they explained away Marik--super powerful evil villain that bested Bakura--by using one singular door that kept him occupied for like 20 episodes.

Apparently the bedtime bots are equiped with Huge Lasers.

Which kind of defeats the purpose of keeping everyone alive to send them to the VR realm?

But whatever, they have huge lasers, but little do they know, Marik can shoot lasers out of that necklace he stole off Bakura, and he didn’t actually do that and it’s kind of a bummer. Instead he reflects the lasers with the rod. Which then makes you wonder--is that why Bakura didn’t use his laser attack then? Because of the reflection issue?

Sorry I can’t believe I even entertained that idea. Clearly they completely forgot about S1 at this point. It feels like it’s been so many years since things were simple and you could shoot lasers out of your eyeball/necklace.

And then, canonically, Marik gave up on this door. This normal ass door. The only foe he has ever stepped down to.

This door has faced the ultimate evil, it has stared down an actual fallen god born of anger and violence, who, after thousands of years steeped in an abusive tomb, has risen to consume the entire world, but, this door, using all of it’s bolts and joints you can buy at your local Home Depot, sent that fallen god back whence he came. Which was a blimp. Marik came from a blimp.

This door should be the 4th God Card.

(I want y’all to know that I originally wrote “5th” god card and bro corrected me because I literally thought there were 4 this entire time.)

The amount of time that Mokuba was not kidnapped after Yugi and co just saved him? I want to say maybe 10 minutes. He got one hug from Seto, and then went back to the kidnap zone.

Apparently, Noah decided to trap everyone else in their old memories--which is an interesting way to recap what happened in S2. The trap doesn’t trick them very well because these guys are missing a fair amount of memory at this point, so they basically got served a bunch of weird nonsense.

So while those guys are going to go down their very, very short memory lanes, Noah takes Mokuba to the same exact Dave & Busters that Tea and Yugi went on a date to back in like S2. Like this is the same exact one. And what’s nuts is I think they even redid the backgrounds, but definitely used S2 as reference. It’s quite the devotion to detail.

Noah tried to invent some sort of weird mystery doorway but then Mokuba was like “yeah it’s in the game right? Don’t say no, because I am hankering for some arcade time--don’t touch the other stick though, I want to play solo.″ and then Mokuba just proceeded to play this 2 person arcade game by himself while Noah just...watches.

In Dukes memories, Tristan looks the same as Duke’s always perceived him.

There’s just a lot to take in here.

But don’t worry, it gets weirder than three cultists on one small toy monkey, because here comes some romantic development that had absolutely no basis in reality. This is just so freakin weird, get ready for it.

They definitely almost run over Duke and Serenity--Joey’s sister--and Joey does not not seem to have any reaction to nearly running over his little sister on the road, because one second later, this is happening.

And that was how Noah managed to insert his JoeyxMai fanfiction into Joey’s head and tried his damnedest to make it canon. It’s wild. I can’t believe Noah was a shipper this whole time. Like, who else has he been secretly shipping???

Noah had a split second to use his fabulous orb brain to deal with Joey, and while he used actual memories from the other kids, when it came to Joey, he sort of stopped and went “oh yes, my OTP!”

So then, in this split second Noah kinda turned to his pile of Joey fanfic he keeps stashed in the corner of his Orb Brain Consciousness and was like “well I have this really good one I wrote where Mai wasn’t in the coma yet, and there clearly aren’t enough romantic sunsets, and like...what if they were getting married? Oh man I love this AU! This is so good, can’t wait to upload it to his brain, OMG, he’ll love it. What if they were in Hawaii or something!? OMG they’re so freakin cute.”

Like everyone else on this show who has a canon relationship had to go through some type of sweet hell terror memory but Joey--just Joey--got to go on a date or something and then seal his love with a ring. Like we’ve seen many indicators that Noah is a small child but this was probably the biggest indicator we’ve seen of Noah’s maturity level when he was like “this is how relationships work.”

Again, Yugioh just writing your fanfiction for you--did you want an AU where Mai and Joey’s age wasn’t an issue and she also wasn’t in a coma yet and was uncharacteristically like “lets run off and get married?” because usually you’d have to search Google for that content, but now it’s just here and given to you on a silver platter.

At about the same time they were fully convinced none of this was a real memory, they all ended up back here, minus Kaibas. Joey apparently took the longest amount of time although he had the most bizarre set of memories. He probably just wanted to see where that fic would pan out, but like most fic’s, it kinda stopped updating at about chapter 3 so he gave up on it.

Just a few blocks away, Mokuba and Noah’s playdate from Hell is going according to plan, and Noah is just biding his time before snatching a body. But, before he does, I guess Noah did want to see what happens in this arcade game Moki’s playing because he’s just been standing here admiring Mokuba’s work.

Even Noah at this point is surprised at how deeply Mokuba has Stockholm Syndrome. Noah was just not prepared for how low Mokuba’s expectations are regarding his evil and pathological brothers.

Actual line of the show through this whole ironic experience, Noah just saying “wow...I almost feel bad”

Anyway remember that DDR game--that huge screened DDR game where Tea had a dance fight with Johnny Steps during her date with Yugi?

Did you ever think it would, one and half seasons later, become the scene of a horrific crime?

Did you ever think that the crime that would occur on the inane DDR machine that Tea once had a dance fight on against a guy wearing fringe moccasins would later be the scene of a family betrayal where Mokuba got murdered by his own dead secret older brother?

Because I sure didn’t.

Anyway, now equipped with his ultimate form--a very small kid with hair that weighs more than the kid itself, Noah rises from his grave.

I kind of love evil Moki, not going to lie.

Apparently Moki’s evil in Season 0 so I’ll probs have to go back to that season eventually to get more of that evil Moki fix.

I hope this is the type of scene that will end this entire show, TBH, just a crazy ass Moki cackling over the bodies of every other card player. That would be such a good way to end this series.

Anyway, I don't know whennnn the next update will be. I may update on that later--maybe not, but until we meet again, we’ll just leave evil Moki here in this nearly abandoned SeaQuest, laughing his face off over the sweet tunes of some Plantasia.

[drink-n-watch]

  Let me tell you something, Montreal only exists in wave and snaps. Heat waves and cold snaps. That’s it. OK, here are maybe 4 days in October which are quite nice but the rest of the time… waves and snaps. We are currently in the former although I don’t think I have any right to complain considering what’s happening in Europe. But it’s all good when you have a cool anime to chill with on the weekend! How has your week been Crow? (Crow is bold, like brass!)

  So I’m brassy bold? I like that! I’m going through a wetter than typical Ohio summer, which means 90+ (Fahrenheit — I know, we’re behind the times here in the States!) and humidity that exceeds the theoretical maximum! But your point about Europe is well-taken! No complaints here!

  Let’s jump into it, shall we?

here we go

As you may recall, last week ended on Tanjiro interrupting Boar Boy as he was about to skewer Zenitsu for protecting Nezuko’s box. We got the few last seconds of episode 13 as an opening tag to get us in the mood and I must say, a bloodied Zenitsu desperately holding onto the box may just be my spirit animal!

I love your summary! Great word economy and it got me all caught up!

After the opening credits, we finally get the payoff to Tanjiro’s lunge and it was impressive. You could really feel that impact…for about half a second. Boar Boy is brash and difficult to take. He’s a violent dumb caricature that seems to be played for laughs, but when you are actively attempting to murder most of the main cast (in a series that has not been shy about killing off people), it’s not as funny as it could be. 

This said I liked the fight.

I want to be like him when I grow up

After having a few bones broken by Tanjiro’s punch and listening to a speech about how Demon Slayers don’t draw swords against each other, Boar Boy takes the most direct approach possible and decides to attack Tanjiro bare handed right then and there. There was a slight subversion of expectations at the beginning as Boar Boy seems utterly unphased, even unbothered by the situation, simply switching from one sparring partner to another. This made the character more interesting to me.

Moreover, the fighting choreography was beautiful. Boary has an unorthodox low fighting style that incorporates a lot of leg sweeps, kicks and impressive flexibility. Paired with ufotable’s great animation, it was just fun to watch. Which is good, cause this fight lasted a while. Did you enjoy it as well?

I did, for the same reasons you mentioned. I liked how it showed Tanjiro with a little more inner conflict than usual — he didn’t want to fight, but he was still really steamed about what Boar Boy tried to do to Nezuko. Also, we got another example of Tanjiro analyzing his opponent’s style and trying to adapt. I love those little insights. 

good time to have this type of discussion

Right at the end of the fight we finally get a Boar Boy reveal. We see his face I mean. Everyone in the show says he looks like a girl but I would not have noticed. Did he seem feminine to you Crow?

Honestly, no. Maybe I’ve seen Working!! too many times (remember how Souta Takanashi often had to dress as a woman to keep from triggering the crazy training Mahiru Inami’s dad had given her? Guess I kinda got used to the idea that features aren’t binary!), but he just looked like he had delicate features. I loved Tanjiro’s reaction to Boar Boy’s challenge asking if they had a problem with his face. “”We don’t have a problem with your face! It’s quite petite, fair-skinned, and therefore attractive!”

Could he be any more diplomatic? I think Tanjiro is weaponizing “nice,” which we see several times later in this episode! 

imagine him with a red shag and receiving hairline…face is pretty much the same as Tanjiro’s non?

For all intents and purposes, Tanjirou wins the fight and we have a few quiet moments as Zenitsu, Tanjiro and the kids make good on their promise to bury the victims as Inosuke (Boar Boy) recovers.

I thought it was sweet how both Tanjiro and Zenitsu used their kimonos as makeshift bedding for Inosuke. 

It really showed their character, didn’t it? Despite the beating Inosuke tried to give them, they still didn’t want to leave him lying unprotected on the ground. I’m warming up to Zenitsu more and more in this episode! Of course, we expect that level of consideration from Tanjiro. 

As soon as Inosuke wakes up though, he goes straight back to aggressive jerk mode, demanding to fight everyone. It’s here that we get the origin to what becomes a running joke throughout the episode (and I suspect the series). Namely, Inosuke almost obsessively trying to taunt Tanjiro into lashing out just to have the latter respond with oblivious kindness and compassion.

dude, the kids are worried about YOU

Sure that’s in line with Tanjiro’s character, but when you have small traumatized children and *Zenitsu* embarrassed for you, you may want to take a step back!

Even as I laughed at Tanjiro’s reaction, I had to wonder if nice raised to the level of obliviousness is a self defense mechanism? Or is there a small piece of Tanjiro that realizes how incensed his niceness is to Inosuke?

Since Tanjiro won’t fight him, Inosuke decides to headbutt threes at full speed instead, something else he will be doing for the rest of the episode. I’m not sure if this is a long-standing habit of Boar Boy’s or he is simply trying to toughen up his skull since Tanjiro won by headbutt.

Not sure that fracturing his skull will in any way toughen it! And besides, Tanjiro’s forehead apparently had Legendary Hardness(™). I really don’t think Insouke is going to be able to catch up!

good call!

Before they can finish properly giving their respects to the dead, Tanjro’s crow shows up and tells them it’s time to leave the mountain, which they do. Along the way, the kids decide to head home, leaving the three Demon Slayers on their own and oh boy….

Zenitsu goes back to being overzealous in his fantastic fear of everything, only now, he has a loud obnoxious character in the background. On more than one occasion Tanjiro looked like he just wanted to beat them both up right then and there. With everything that’s happened so far, I think this is the first time Tanjiro truly regretted joining the Demon Slayer corp!

Tanjiro’s expressions reminded me of a day care worker on their 12th hour of the day. Just ready to go home and sleep, but the screaming children still need to be supervised! 

I bet those kids were happy to leave

In a bit of almost ex machina luck, it seemed the three of them had been close to a private estate to serves as a Demon Slayer sanctuary due to an old family debt. And so, our three stoo… slayers now have a place to rest and heal up before continuing their adventures.

I see how you almost slipped there! Kinda thought the same thing myself. One saving grace? I think the Crow was leading there (always trust Crows — we’re innately trustworthy as a matter of professional pride!), so I don’t think it was random. 

However, the Crow leading them somewhere pleasant? I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop!

And that’s pretty much it. A series of shenanigans take place as all three boys show comical extremes of their personalities. It was like an intermission or a random slice of life episode thrown in and I have to admit…I didn’t really like it.

sorry

When you exaggerate them like that Zenitsu is annoying and Inosuke is obnoxious, while Tanjiro is just kind of boring. I wouldn’t call it awful, but it was my least favourite episode so far. And the backstory and development we get on Inosuke were so basic that they could have skipped it all together without much consequence. But you are usually a fountain of positivity, what did you think Crow???

No pressure! If I had to rank these first 14 episodes, this one would likely be at the bottom. What kept Inosuke from being a complete chariature was how Tanjiro’s weaponized politeness gradually wore him down. Before dinner, for example, Boar Boy was on the constant attack. At dinner, he even snatched foot right off of Tanjiro’s plate and obnoxiously chewed it right in his face! When Tanjiro offered him another bowl of food, saying Inosuke must be really hungry, I expected Boar Boy to slap away the food. Instead, he just glowered. That’s progress!

The TL;DR version: Tanjiro’s Legendary Kindness(™) might just transform Inosuke.

we got some fanservice though…

It’s really the last minutes that brought what I’ve been waiting for, for a few weeks now. Nezuko’s glorious and adorable return. I was so thrilled to see her. And just before she got back, there was a quiet and touching moment between Tanjiro and Zenitsu. It was lining up to be the best scene in the episode and… Zenitsu completely ruined it again.

He wasn’t very easy to follow but I think he was implying that Tanjiro joined the Demon Slayer Corp so that he could get a cute demon girlfriend and carry her around with him which is a weird conclusion to jump to, at best… 

But it’s the kind of conclusion a male of Zenitsu’s temperament would jump to! In high school, within my group of friends, if one of them managed to get a girlfriend, the rest would hassle him about it. Heck, look at Issei Hyoudou’s friends from High School DxD! They caught one glimpse of him with Rias Gremory and threatened him with bodily harm!

But you’re absolutely right: Seeing Nezuko emerge from the box was a beautiful moment. Given how terrified Zenitsu was of the opening box, when she emerged looking all adorable and stuff, all I could think was “Behold the terrifying demon! Tremble in her presence!”

In a wildly sarcastic way, of course.

boys are weird…

As it stands my favourite scene is the opening tag, which was a recap of the last episode so that should tell you something. I’m going to pretend that was a recap episode and just move on to the next one. On the upside, it still looked great!

Reviews of the Other Episodes

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 01: Cruelty

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 02: Trainer Sakonji Urokodaki

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 03: Sabito and Makomo

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 04: Final Selection

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 05: My Own Steel

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 06: A Friend fo All Humans

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 07: Muzan Kibutsuji

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 08: The Smell of Enchanting Blood

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 09: Temari Demon and Arrow Demon

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 10: Together Forever

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 11: Tsuzumi Mansion

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 12: The Boar Bears Its Fangs, Zenitsu Sleeps

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 13: Writers are A Pain

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I’m liking slideshows lately…

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Episode 14: You Need To Calm Down! Let me tell you something, Montreal only exists in wave and snaps. Heat waves and cold snaps.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #204

“welcome to the gospel of dismay.”

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? I don't believe so. What has been bothering you a lot lately? Just job stuff... My VR coach and I are having difficulty finding something suitable for me (or something I'm even qualified for) to the point it's looking like I have no choice but to reach out of my comfort zone quite a bit. Thankfully, whatever I do, she goes to work with me and my case isn't closed until I feel totally comfortable at the job, but I just don't want to hop around five times until I find something that fits. I'm just ready to be settled into a job that's not torture for me. What (or who) have you been missing lately? I've been missing Sara really, really badly. My friend Alex, too. It's seemed lately that I only matter when she wants to talk, solely about her boyfriend. As for what, motivation... It's been running low low low lately. Miss having the drive to write like I used to. Miss hobbies. I miss doing things. Are you trustworthy? Yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? In few situations, such as not to hurt other's feelings. Have you ever hallucinated? When coming off of a medication, yes. I saw moving shadows. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open. Roman would neeeever let me sleep with it closed, but even then, I prefer not to have it closed. My mom sleeps right outside my room on the couch, and even though we're sleeping, it gives me a natural sense of security to be able to see her. I'm such an infant. By God, do I need to loosen up on my attachment to her. What flags do you have in your room, if any? None. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Recovery is the best thing, as for who, Sara. Although in some ways you could say Jason just because of how he changed me to an incredible degree and brought about the development of a lot of strength and less naivety, plus a LOT of self-discovery. I guess it depends on how you look at the question. What is the worst decision you ever made? Essentially turning Jason into a god. Letting my life depend on him loving me. Do you miss college? Jfc, I miss school PERIOD. I don't need to give the sob story about how I'm like a prisoner to my house again and how I don't really have friends. I miss having a purpose, and I neeeeed to be exposed to strangers again for social exercise, as well as hopefully to make friends. I just want something to do and work towards my career. I stg my fucking old college better get their shit together so I can go next semester. I will actually lose my shit otherwise. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? I think I have by accident before. I still call an old teacher that's now a family friend "2nd Mom" sometimes. What is your favorite arcade game? Idk what are "normal" ones. Oh, well, do crane machines count? So rigged, but they're fun. Do you feel neglected? No, for the most part. Those most important in my life are doing everything to make sure I can handle the "real" world one day. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, art, and science. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don't have any. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Name 3 creative people you know. Sara, Connie, and Emma to name just a few. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Markiplier for work ethic, creativity, compassion, wisdom, determination, etc. etc. etfuckingc., Shane Dawson for kindness, aaaaand uhhhh Arin Hanson for how down-to-earth and chill he is behind his goofy exterior. What color was your first car? Haven't had my first one yet. What year did you graduate? 2014. When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? Not since early February. Have you ever been scammed? Ummmm idk, maybe? Are you allergic to pollen? Yes. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Ballgown. Are you over your first love? Yes. Do you talk on the phone a lot? No. Would you rather call or text? Text, big time. Do you always answer your phone? Most times. When was the last time you went to a party? Nicole didn't really have a "party," nor did Sara, so technically my nephew's birthday in August. What was the last thing you ate? A bagel. What’s the last book you checked out from the library? I couldn't tell you. Do you have a twitter? Yeah, but I post nothing. It only exists to like Mark's shit lmao. If so, what was the last thing you tweeted? ^ Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom. What’s the last thing you cooked on the stove? Scrambled eggs eons ago. What color is the cover of the last notebook you used? Hot pink. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Alex. Who sent the last e-mail you got? Mad Ethel's tattoo parlor. I was talking with them about enhancing my tat I got in tribute to Mark; I don't think it looks spacey enough at all, so I'm going to a more professional artist. I mean I like what it is now, but I want to love it. I got a price estimate, aaand it's probably gonna be a while. What song is currently stuck in your head? "Legs Up" by Jeffree Star bye I'mma go jump off a bridge. Do you have a favorite shape? Of basic shapes, circles. What color are the sheets on your bed? White, which I hate; between Roman and Teddy, you can tell it needs to be changed desperately. What time do you usually go to bed? It can range from very rarely as early as 7:00 (I have to be having a baaaaad day) to as late as midnight. Yeah. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. Are you planning on watching the Olympics? I never do. Do you pronounce the word "often" with or without a "t" in the middle? With. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. Do you enjoy popping bubble wrap? Omfg GIMME. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No. Do you like seafood? No, solely shrimp prepared in certain ways. Have you ever had to wear a uniform for anything? In middle school. Then at my two jobs. If so, what did it look like? Middle school was khaki pants with plain tops of only certain colors, like white or light blue (those may have been the only options, even). I don't remember the work ones, I was there so briefly. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? No. Do you own a Polaroid camera? No. Do you enjoy baking? I don't enjoy cooking period. What’s your favorite type of flower? Orchids. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Back home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Sara. What is something you think is underrated? Hm. Probably certain shows or movies that aren't coming to mind. Ah, "The Cat in the Hat" with Mike Myers is certainly one for me. It's such a meme that it's awful, but I love that movie. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Like 65*F. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I BETTER have a stable job. How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? Not often at all. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? Sigh, reading. That hobby died at the hospital, when all I had to do was read and color all day every day because the mental institutions here are godawful. I really do miss reading. What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? Ha. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just the normal spicy kind. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? I don’t have a car. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? Michigan. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, here in NC. West? Illinois. How often do you run the dishwasher? We don't have one. Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? Sink. Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. I have no desire for kids, I hate shopping, I have no interest in fashion... Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. I still don't want kids/don't have any kids. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Not really, but I suppose you could say my late grampa's old "cowboy" hat with feather tassels hanging on the wall is? It's aaaalways been on the walls in all our houses. Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I dunno. I don't use any. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Mom majors in social work; Dad never went. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? No. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't remember. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Idr. How old were you when you learned how to swim? Again, idr. How do you react when someone is rude to you? I get really embarrassed for whatever reason and also verbally impulsive; you don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth. Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? No, but then again, I don't know if "too clingy" exists for me. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? It's too goddamn hot and humid as FUCK and all the insects are out. Do you have a Netflix account? Yes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? Honestly, I can't even tell you. I've been on so, so few vacations, and those I have are almost exclusively to the beach, which I don't like. How long does it take to get there? The beach is ~2+ hours depending on which one we're going to. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? When I fully let Jason go, I guess. I don't think I've had a massive change since then. What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I never go into my sister's old room. What is the last random act of kindness you did? Don't drag me for playing WoW please okay. But anyway me and another player were heading to an old raid, and I flew to the spawn point of an incredibly rare mob that drops a mount to see if it was up; he was, and the guy was super thankful I checked for him (I already had it, so it wasn't for my own benefit). Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I do the opposite, really... as much as I hate that. I learned to finally keep the lights on in the room I'm in to combat depression, and after finding that it truly works well (if you have depression, seriously, LIGHT THAT ROOM UP), if it's even SLIGHTLY darker without it, that ceiling light's going on. Then at night, Mom likes me to keep the living room light on so it looks like more people are home (it's for safety). Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Nooooooo. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I LAAAAAAAAAHV them! Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? "I’ve had sex dreams but they weren’t kinky." <<<<<<<<<< Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? I have been craaaazy about Caleb Hyles covers lately. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? Yes. That's when I finally ended the "thing" with Joel, I think. If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? If it's something I actually wrote instead of something I shared (which is almost exclusively what I do), I get really self-conscious and automatically embarrassed because my head screams "NOBODY CARES." Which friend do you confide in most? Easily Sara. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your opinion on Arby's? Ew. When you have your own kitchen, how will it be done? I don't know. Haven't really thought about it, and besides, I think it'd depend on the layout. What is your favorite doughnut? Glazed. Closely followed by classic/cake. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? HA bitch we're poor. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Didn't read the books or watch the movies. What is your favorite party game? Mario Kart. Do you or your parents rake your yard? No. Were you pro-Obama? I was indifferent considering I didn't know enough about him. What is your favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? *shrugs* What was the last illegal thing you did? Downloaded music. Who did you last go to the movies with? Ummm... Mom, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? No. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Like... every day for a long, long time now. I just want to have a job or be in school. I want to make progress towards a successful future. I know that's an extremely unhealthy desire to want to zoom through each day, but it's hard to cherish every, identical day lately. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. Have you ever heard voices? Audibly? I don't think so. Do you believe in angels and demons? I don't really know. I know there's life after death, but like, I don't know if your soul is "categorized." Who is the worst neighbor you have ever had? I can't really get into that as I don't know the full story... Dad was good friends with them, but Mom got along with them too, and came divorce time, they turned evil to Mom. I don't know things that were said. Did your Barbies go on dates? I don't remember. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. She's the one who talked me through the revelation. Where did you meet your first crush? We went to the same school. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece. What do you want the most in life? Happiness. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? Letting Jason become everything. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? I wonder quite a bit who I'd be if the breakup never happened. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? No. Even when someone is home, I keep it cracked so it doesn't get so humid. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Uhhhhh would any female not choose Amy Lee. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Where did you buy your dishes from? I have NO idea. We've had the same fancy-ish dishes my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? In my lifetime, no. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? I have no clue. What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? I also don't know. Have you ever been on a ship? No, just boats. Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I'd have to think way too long on this. ACTUALLY. Maybe the Cheshire cat, off the top of my head. What’s a class you did not take in school, but now wish you had? None. Have you ever been to either of your parents’ workplaces? Yeah. What do you think of the ‘Healthy At Every Size’ movement/philosophy? ACTUALLY fuck off. Coming from someone who is overweight, get out of here with that shit. Don't normalize an unhealthy body. Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after? Uh, other than in a sexual context, I don't think so, no. WAIT NO I bit my sister's back so hard as a kid that she bled, so probably. Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite) Well read above. Ever gave one? Yeah. Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type? I'm shy as fuck. Do you think it's weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? If you do think it is, I want nothing to do with your ass. It's 2019. Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about? More than words can explain. My awkwardness, stuttering, lack of comfort with eye contact, and my body. Are you flirty at all? In certain instances with an s/o. Are you racist at all? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) It depends on the disability. With my own issues, I need to be able to handle theirs. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the police. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? If I was to have kids, I'd rather them be my own or wife's if I'm with a woman. But again, I don't want kids period. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you're hiding shit regarding another person from your partner. Do you try to be politically correct? Only to a certain degree. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? That's hard. I love seahorses, sea turtles, jellyfish, dolphins, whales... Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? I don't think so. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you find P.E. humiliating, or think schools shouldn’t teach it? It wasn't humiliating, at least back then when I had a healthy body. I have mixed emotions about its mandatory status... Like, exercise should absolutely be encouraged, but P.E. classes tend to be entirely inflexible in regards to accommodating different people's limits and conditions. Do you recycle? Sadly no. We have to drive to the dump in order to, and Mom got tired of it. Are you interested in current world issues? Not even nearly as much as I should. Do you think you are mature, or immature? It depends on the situation. What kind of career are you interested in? It'd be great if I could survive just off of photography, but odds are I won't be able to. So I'm trying to go back to college and major in zoology to be an out-on-the-field zoologist. Do you own a pair of sunglasses? No. Do you use bobby pins, hair clips, or elastic hair ties? Which? None; my hair is really short. When it was long, I used hair ties. How badly do you get acne? (If at all) I don't anymore, just the occasional pimple usually around that time of the month. What’s the best way to cope with a breakup? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG PERSON. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? For those who don't know me thoroughly, I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if someone thought I was a lazy freeloader going nowhere. I feel like most people think that anyway because I'm going through hell to get a job, don't have friends, and am not back in school yet. How many text messages do you have in your inbox atm? No unread ones. When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? Last week or so when I deeply debated on whether or not to get rid of Kaiju (my juvenile don't-touch-me iguana). In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult? Math and economics. Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with? No. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? I believe that was my VR coach? Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? My old high school friend Robert. This dude's working at NASA while I'm at home every day at my laptop. I'm an adult. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My mom. What does your handwriting look like? It's a mix of (mostly) cursive and print, and I'm usually told it's "too" fancy and hard to read. Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner? No. Who were your best friends in primary school? Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Do you still speak to any of them? No. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a drink. I don't remember the last time I used one. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? Maybe Vans? Are you more masculine or feminine? Idk. If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it? Idk. Rainbow meerkat pawprints going up in a spiral around the cup? First thing that came to mind. What is the best beach you’ve been to? I've only been to two (I think), and I don't care enough about beaches or remember well enough to answer this. What is one thing you physically can’t do? There is no way in Heaven or Hell I could clean up vomit without hurling myself. Have you ever been to a funeral? Yes. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? No. Do/did you have a favorite seat in church? No. What is your favorite park? Disney World, of course. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you chew gum regularly? No. Where did you go on your first train ride? N/A Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? Most likely. What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) None, really. I grew up automatically biased to the Carolina Hurricanes in hockey thanks to Dad, but I don't actually care. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Oreos, preferably. Others, sometimes. What is something you are confident about? My knowledge of meerkats. Have you ever been physically addicted to a substance? What? I don't really know if this "counts" as it was the product of severe anxiety over vomiting, but in middle school, I would constantly think I was going to be sick and took one Peptobismol literally everyday at school, usually in I think second period when my anxiety was bad enough. It finally ended when we ran out and I had to go without it and I saw I was okay. I was so happy when that shit ended. How do you feel about needles? Eh. The feeling is obviously unpleasant, but they don't bother me much; not at all for tattoos. Getting shots or blood drawn is a bit more "ew" because of the needle's length. But anyway, in general, needles are okay. What is your favorite accent to listen to? Maybe French for women, British for men. Or British for both, idk. What was the reason you last got dressed up? Went job hunting with my VR coach. Have you ever been the subject of cruel rumors? Not really cruel, no. ^ What were they? N/A Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? A bit loose. ^ What about on your preferred gender? I like both men and women, so. I tend to like more form-fitting on women and looser on men. Maybe. Idk actually. But pants. Give me skinny jeans on everyone. What do you do when you are really, really mad? Be WAY too impulsive about what comes out of my mouth. And I cry. Would you rather go naked than wear fur? Omfg don't do this. I guess wear fur. I hate my body too much. But I'd feel absolutely godawful. Do you put a line through your 7's? Yes. ^ What about your Z's? Yes. What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable? More than anything else, rape. Are you able to forgive and forget? It's rare I'm unable to forgive, but forget? Nope. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. Kiwi, too. What about your favorite fruit juice, if it differs from solid fruit? Peach/mango mix. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Oh my god in Heaven, yes. What about potatoes and cheese? Yeah. Have you written a letter by hand, lately? To whom? Not lately. Toaster or toaster oven? I've only ever had a toaster oven. I like how you can see if something is starting to burn, anyway. What are you most known for? Likes meerkats more than she likes 99% of the human population. I keep my worship of Mark Fischfuckface on the down low irl so meerkats win overall. Do you have any reputations? What are they? I don't think so. Do you wear band shirts? Yeah. ^ What band was on the last one you wore? Uh... shit. I think Metallica? It's rare I have to put on "real" clothes now (yes, I stay in pjs all day bc I never leave the house), so idrk. Do you own any hats? Describe them. No. What about masks, you got any? Describe those. No. What was the last thing to leave you speechless? Watching the spire of the Cathedral collapse yesterday. That whole thing broke my heart. I know the serious valuables were saved, but still, there was so much damage to 800 years of incredible art and history. Do your parents like your friends? If they don’t, why not? I have like... one irl, serious friend. They both love him. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes. As if she wasn't an awful one. Describe your favorite pair of socks. They're covered in meerkats. :'D Thanks, big sister. Have you experienced any life-changing news, events, etc, lately? No. Have any self-done piercings? No, not doing that shit. I'm too serious about piercings being done well and in the most hygienic manner. Ever pierced someone else? No, for the same reasons as above. Do you get distracted easily? Holy shit, yes. Is talking to strangers enjoyable for you, or stressful? It's anxiety-inducing as hell. How do you feel about getting new neighbors? Idc. How many ceiling fans are in your home? None. Do you tweet your life away? I don't use it. How do you feel about shameless self promoting? Ever since actually trying to get out in the freelance photography world, I get it, as uncomfortable as it is. HOWEVER, there are absolutely places where doing it is inappropriate. When reading words. like. this. do. you always pause after the periods? Yeah. What about screaming when reading something IN ALL CAPS? Yeah.

[sparklyjojos]

400 pages into Cosmic, the plot picked up rather fast so here’s a short (’short’) recap of what’s been happening

As a foreword: the JDC books have weird chronology, so while Cosmic was released first, it takes place in January 1994. That’s two months after Tsukumo Juku solved the Geneijo case in Joker (solved it on the day of his 20th birthday, no less: 31.10.1993), and fourteen years after Ajiro Souji and 6-year-old Juku solved The Saimon Family Murder Case. (This chronological mess actually causes Seiryoin to spoil the other books in this. Which I understand, because the tragedy that was Geneijo influenced a lot of character development of the detectives.) After Geneijo, in December 1993, Juku traveled to England to help with the case of Jack the Ripper’s copycat, ‘Jackie the Ripper’, and since he’s still caught up in that case when Cosmic starts, he can’t (yet) go back to Japan to help Ajiro with the Locked Room Lord case. (The real reason is probably that Tsukumo Juku is like Son Goku, if you don’t carefully keep him away from the plot he’ll solve it in five minutes and there goes your tension)

---

So, the second part of the book starts with that thing I quoted about an unnamed mysterious androgynous stranger in a non-disclosed location sending a package with non-disclosed contents to JDC. (Hm, who can that be?)

Then we mostly follow Ajiro Souji, the JDC representative and a telephone detective, who’s having a very bad time. As if the initial murders and Pyramid Mizuno dying wasn’t enough, there’s also the thing where a guy they suspected to be the Locked Room Lord died in the locked room no. 20, and his place had evidence that he knew about the victims beforehand (but how?...). And then one of the newest victims of the Locked Room Lord is just a kid, murdered nowhere else but in Geneijo. That coincidence (or is it?...) spooks everyone in JDC, especially given that Souya -- Ajiro Souji’s son and the assistant of Ryuuguu Jounosuke -- was murdered there during the case just months earlier, and the wounds are still fresh.

(So basically, in 1980 Ajiro solved the Saimon Family Murder Case that had claimed Juku’s family including his birth parents, and then in 1993 Juku solved the case that had killed Ajiro’s son. It’s almost poetic, in a very tragic way...)

Anyway, stressed and exhausted Ajiro falls asleep and has a dream where he talks with Tsukumo Juku, who I guess is how his subconscious is showing ‘reason’ to him (Descriptions of their long-lived intergenerational friendship and mutual trust are really great, btw. Ajiro even notes that just hearing Juku’s voice is enough to calm him down completely, and that everytime they talk on the phone they’re both so happy as if they haven’t heard each other in years. Aww. Ajiro may be sort of a paternal figure to Juku, but it’s too early to tell for sure.) Anyway, dream!Juku tells Ajiro that to solve the current case he should ‘think backwards’, that is, think about the distant past; even more distant than the Saimon family case.

---

Upon waking up Ajiro is told that JDC got a mysterious package: a manuscript signed by a famous detective novel author Dakushoin Ryusui (濁暑院溜水). There are two problems here. 1) Dakushoin died in Geneijo, and the detectives even saw his corpse, and 2) the manuscript describes the first 19 locked rooms... including the ones that happened just hours prior to getting the package.

Other parts of the manuscript are 3 stories happening in 3 different times: in the Heian period, Edo period, and at the beginning of the 20th century. (It seems that what the dream!Juku told him about ‘distant past’ was true, huh.) The first two talk about alleged historical events when a ‘vengeful ghost’ called the Locked Room Lord caused the death of 1200 people each time, the third is about the famous mystery writer Edogawa Ranpo trying to uncover the truth about these events. The latter two stories feature a hundreds of years old man, Hikami Sensai, who relays the previous Locked Room Lord cases to the protagonists by giving them the previous written down stories.

Oh, and then there’s that part of the manuscript that talks about the future, predicting that JDC will fail to solve the case, the Locked Room Lord will complete his plan of killing 1200 people in a year, and then on New Year 1995 JDC will get another message from him that in that year, as well, 1200 people will die...

Ajiro is really spooked now. Soon after, when he calls Juku and discusses the contents of the manuscripts with him, they both suddenly realize they did briefly meet an old man called Hikami Sensai before -- fourteen years ago, right after the Saimon Family Murder Case. (There’s a very cute flashback, with Ajiro telling li’l Juku that he will surely one day grow up to be the pillar of all the detective work in Japan. Juku looks at him in a silent promise, his eyes shining with determination. I can’t overstate how much I love their relations in this.) They also talk about how the Jackie the Ripper Case and the current Locked Room Lord Case may have something in common, but we don’t learn the details.

---

Soon, Ajiro sets up a meeting to discuss the manuscript with other detectives. We meet the rest of the usual JDC cast, among them:

-- Hikimiya Yuuya, the statistics guy with a vast knowledge of mystery novels, usually Tsukumo Juku’s assistant (not now, since Juku’s abroad)

 -- Ryuuguu Jounosuke, the cryptography guy who wears all black, refers to everyone with very polite suffixes while talking about himself in third person, and while he looks really young he’s actually a few years older than Juku

 -- Kirika Mai, who mainly uses reasoning by elimination, who’s trying to figure out who her parents were (they died when she was a baby), and who holds Juku in very high regards after he saved her and helped her get into JDC

 -- Tsukumo Nemu, Juku’s younger sister by adoption (ie. she’s a Tsukumo by birth, Juku is a Tsukumo via being adopted by Tsukumo Ranma), whose reasoning is more based on ‘vague feelings’ about what happened than precise facts. She’s 18 in this book. She and Kirika seem to be great pals and work as partners, probably because tagging along through the Geneijo case made them understand each other

 -- Amagi Hyoma, who mainly drinks and sleeps a lot and I’m not sure what he’s even doing there

We also meet some not-detective assistants, as well as a bunch of police officers, including Tetsuko, an older sister of one of the Locked Room Lord’s victims.

Working together (mostly using Ryuuguu’s cryptography skills) the detectives discover that the names of the victims are all anagrams or otherwise wordplays on the names of the characters in the manuscript. It seems that whoever wrote it was either the murderer, or somebody who knew about the murderer’s plan, and encoded the victims’ names in the charactes’ names as a sort of ‘key’. The question is who wrote and sent that manuscript; Hikimiya (who’s a mystery nerd and read all of Dakushoin Ryusui’s books) believes it was written by Dakushoin judging by the style, word choices etc., but Dakushoin is dead (right?), so what’s going on? Some parts of the manuscript are different than reality, eg. the names of the victims, or that time a guy in one of the locked room stories calls JDC and talks with Ryuuguu -- in reality it wasn’t Ryuuguu, but a guy called Yaiba who picked up the phone. So maybe the writer lost contact with the culprit after some time and just guessed stuff? This entire mess is confusing to everyone.

At the point I stopped reading, the detectives all pair up and start serious investigation, chasing clues needed to discover the truth about the manuscript in many different places -- Dakushoin’s own house; Geneijo; the place where the guy suspected to be the Locked Room Lord lived that apparently has photos and maps related to the victims; a historical literature university group that can probably tell whether the Heian and Edo parts of the manuscripts are genuine or not; and also the place where Ajiro and kid Juku met that mysterious old man fourteen years ago...

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Impressions so far:

I really, really like the parts with Ajiro and Juku. As you can probably tell.

Welcome to ‘things that only make you cry if you’ve read Tsukumojuku and also care too much about stuff’, featuring my poor detective son having a happy life and loving friends, and Serika and Tsutomu Kirika and Nemu being bffs and detectiving together.

There are some boring stretches, which I expected since Seiryoin’s slow pace is often criticized.

Juku’s biological dad was actually called ‘Ryusui’, even with the same kanji as in [Seiryoin] Ryusui, dkjfhkgjd, I mean yeah Seiryoin technically is his dad but still, really. I feel like at one point I’ll have to pull out one of those old Mary Sue Tests and put Juku through it just to see how many points he gets

The ‘historical’ stories were as expected a hell to read because of some archaic vocabulary and fragments like ‘Emperor X had two sons, Y and Z, and their mother was W, and then Y married J and had kids K and U with her’, that I guess the Japanese reader would recognize as historical figures but I don’t know anything about them and I got a bit lost. Yeah, that’s the fault of my ignorance.

This may sound funny, but if I didn’t know anything about the series and got to this point? I’d probably be 100% convinced that Tsukumo Juku is the Locked Room Lord. Solely because he’s hanging out conveniently away from the plot, and everyone describes him as so kind and smart and unearthly beautiful and trustworthy that he must be tricking everyone, right? I guess Seiryoin is playing on the readers’ expectation... by not playing on their expectations. The thing is, we don’t even know yet that Juku can faint people with his looks (a bit weird since you’d think somebody would mention that already). So all the descriptions like ‘his dangerous beauty’, or phrases that can be read as his looks / voice being both ‘amazingly beautiful’ or ‘terrifyingly beautiful’, or that his face and smile are juuust a little too perfect -- all of it kinda reads as if he’s actually ~secretly evil~, and not a genuinely nice man who just happens to also be basically the world’s least lethal basilisk.