#my dad has this too and i think the biggest failure of his generation is being unable to talk about this shit

[freebooter4ever]

Sending love from one depressive spiral to another.

One thing that's helped me, as I'm coming out of this one, was getting my friends to pick prompts for me (to write in my case) which I then committed to filling BADLY. Because sometimes intending to create stuff that is just dumb and shit, means it doesn't mind that my brain tells me that it's dumb and shit because I'm like "yes brain, I know, that was the brief" and then before you know it you're back in the creating zone again

Tldr: commit to being shit. 🤷‍♀️

Hello, thank you! Depression is a little shithead because it takes different forms for everybody and sometimes warps depending on the circumstances so even when i think i have a handle on it and can prepare for gaps in my exercise routine that keeps me functional....something will happen and throw me for a loop and im back to struggling. For me, when im like this, that constant voice in my head drowning out everything else - and i mean everything - saying 'you're worthless, this is pointless' over and over and over and over is almost paralyzing. Try writing a cover letter when your brain is telling you that you are probably the most useless person ever and you cant see anything even remotely good about yourself. Its why i have friends proofread if i make any major changes to my generic letter content. Especially this one friend who has the same problem - he cant sell himself, i literally can hear him talk himself in circles into thinking he's old and washed up and not valuable on the market anymore - and i cant sell myself. But i think he's the most amazing talented person ever, and he's never said it but im pretty sure he thinks similar of me, so we check each others work pitches to make sure they sound suitably enthusiastic and glowing. Ive had other people also read my letters but if they dont understand how depression can sit on the brain and make it impossible to write this shit, they dont quite know how to help me. While my one friend who gets it knows that he needs to tell me 'hey, you left out this very important vital contribution to that one project, dumbass' (only nicer lol). So i have one very happy sounding, very aggrandizing letter that i tailor to wherever im sending it. But thats all stuff i need to do. Its vital, its a requirement, i can force myself to sit down and do it.

Personal art isnt exactly a requirement. So instead of making myself sit down and do it, i can just lie on the floor feeling numb and wish i dont exist anymore 🙃

[quirkwizard]

I'm not sure why I made this. I just thought it would be fun to do and now all you have to see the fruits of my labor. So, without further ado, the Pro Hero Parent Tier List. Hope you all enjoy it and try not to take it too seriously.

F Tier: Gran Torino, Recovery Girl, and Yoroi Musha: The simple fact is that these three characters are way too old to be parents. Maybe if this were a grandparent tier list, they'd be higher, but it isn't, so they're all going in the F Tier.

D Tier: Endeavor: Look, do I even need to explain this one? You all know what he did. One of the biggest problems in the story is the result of all the messed up stuff Enji did as a dad. His attempt at redemption was to remove himself from his family. Easy bottom tier.

Nana: While I'm someone who tries to understand Nana's position and decisions in regards to her kid and her role as a "One For All" user, she still didn't seem like a very good parent even when she was around. She herself even admits that, so that is what puts her so low.

Gang Orca: What few interactions we see him having with kids is screaming about their failures and throwing them when he is dissatisfied with their answers. That is bound to cause some trauma later. Like some Pavlovain response when they think of Free Willy.

Hound Dog: He may be a guidance consular that works with kids, implying some understanding of child psychology, but if his first reaction is to yell and growl at any emotional problems in front of him, he probably isn't going to communicate with his own kids.

Thirteen: I get that Thirteen is someone who takes a lot of care and consideration with her power and is quite safe to be around. That being said, I don't think that someone who is at risk of destroying their own child at the atomic level should really be handling children.

C Tier: Edgeshot: There really isn't a lot to say about Edgeshot as we don't get a lot of personality outside of being stoic, which could certainly be an issue for a parent. That being said, being willing to sacrifice yourself for a kid does push him above the bottom of the tier list.

Mount Lady: If we're considering her early in the series, she'd definitely be at the lower tier given how irresponsible and self-centered she is. Though considering her development and how mature she's gotten in general, she barely scrapes by as an average parent.

Kaumi Woods: Kamui Woods is just kind of average. There just isn't a lot going on with him that could give or detract merit from the little hero work he's done. He's here by default. His inability to hug his kids without giving them splinters would certainly be an issue.

Manual: Again, he's average. The most we have is that he seemed to do pretty well with handling Iida's whole situation but didn't seem to notice it in the first place. Otherwise, he's pretty plain. I could see him being the lame dad his kids don't want to talk to or be around.

Miruko: Definite Tiger Mom. She'd be making her kids do all kinds of sports stuff and getting them to exercise all the time. She cares, but she shows it by trying to make her kids excel at what they're doing. Great if they're into that, but I can see it fostering a lot of resentment.

Sir Nighteye: Like Miruko, but at the other end of the spectrum. He would be the kind of dad to make his kid study a lot because that's what he would think would be best for them. Cares and can loosen up when needed, but is emotionally distant most times.

B Tier: Ms. Joke: She is a teacher, meaning she must have some understanding of kids. She'd definitely be the "Fun Mom". She'd always try to keep a smile on her kid's face, even if that meant making terrible mom jokes. Be ready, she has been working on them for years.

Ectoplasm: He seems to be pretty good with kids, but the real clencher is his power. No matter what, he could always be around to be present in his kid's life. And hey, family dynamics are always changing. Who is to say a family can't be just a kid and their thirty-six identical dads?

Ryukyu: She can be hard on herself, but she seems to have a soft spot for children and do well with her wards, given how well they have turned out, being commanding without being harsh. And let's be real: who wouldn't want to have a dragon for a parent? That alone would put her pretty high up here.

Eraserhead: This may be a controversial pick putting him so low, but hear me out. I think Aizawa would try to be a good dad, but he's married to his job, being too tired and absent to really make it work. And did you see what he bought for Eri to wear? What self-respecting father would ever do this his child?

Fourth Kind: A good role model to any kid who tries to foster strong moral foundations and understanding of community in his wards. All around, a pretty stand-up guy to have as a dad. He loses points because punching kids is not a good way to punish them, even if it hurts him more than it hurts them.

Midnight: This could be because I read Vigilantes, but Midnight actually shows quite a few parental traits, like being highly empathic and understanding of those younger than her. Then again, I can only imagine the kind of teasing and general awkwardness that would come from having the R-Rated Heroine as a mom.

A Tier: All Might: If we're counting him without "One For All", otherwise he'd be working too much to be a dad, I think that he'd be a parent. If his students are anything to go by, he'd be a pretty effective parent. We can also tell that he plays favorites with his kids, and that knocks off a few points.

Present Mic: This may be a surprise pick, but I can see him doing pretty well as a parent. He can be the fun, comic dad that plays with his kids and can get on their level, but he can instantly go into serious mode if he needs to. The fact that he can do both so well, which you kind of need as a parent, puts him pretty high on the list.

Best Jeanist: Another stand-up guy, just trying to be a good role model and look amazing while doing it. I mean, the guy had an actual positive impact on early series Bakugou. That has got to count for something. Probably has all kinds of weirdly good life advice if you can understand fashion metaphors.

Rock Lock: One of the few real parents on this list, Rock Lock just seems like a responsible parent. He did try to call out the kids for being on missions, but he was kind of right in that regard and just looking out for them. Probably try to keep his kid from doing stupid stuff. He'd be a good, but restrictive father.

Hawks: Like Present Mic, I could see Hawks being a chill dad who doesn't seem to know what's going on but actually knows everything that happens and always has one eye open when it comes to his kids. He'll give his kids their freedom, but he's going to be there to catch and guide them when they really need him.

S Tier: Mandalay: Another one of the few real parents here, and one with a pretty bad hand. Mandalay not only had to take over as a guardian out of nowhere but had to do it with a heavily traumatized child while trying to lead a team as a pro-hero. The fact that she seems to be doing as well as she is puts her this high without question.

Fat Gum: No one should be surprised that Fat Gum is this high. He's super protective without being overbearing, tries to instill valuable lessons to make them develop, and does his best to encourage his wards to be the best they could be. And could you imagine him giving hugs? That would make any problem vanish.

Tensei: Tensei is just such a good guy. He's a good role model and leader for his team without it being detrimental. He knew Koichi for about a day and he was able to understand Koichi and tried to set him up for success. Imagine how well he'd do with his own kid. Plus, he's an older brother. That's like a being a parent with training wheels.

[valpogossip]

VALPOGOSSIP TEACAP: JULY 2024

You lot sure have be busy the last month. If I was of lesser mind or simply someone with something better to do, I would have resigned myself to my silence and let you all carry on. But business pays. And unfortunately for you, it's yours that pays me, and you're all not going to believe this.

July saw the epic failure of the anticipated winter festival ! A freak snowstorm left all of our beloved residents forced to face their biggest fear: talking to people they don't know ! Before we get into the general tea, let's recap what happened at the winterfest shall we ?

Putting any so called foodie to shame, Javi Domginuez-Herrera, Jackie Grimaldi, and Tobias Northcott risk carbon monoxide poisoning to get their snack on. While poison might not have been in the food, that didn't mean something wasn't as they began having hallucinations of the truck being similar to the wardrobe to narnia. Thinking if they left they wouldn't be in kansas anymore, wrong movie? Oh well. They're all still here, anyway.

In a much sweeter turn of a event, Noah Fontaine, Leia Munoz-Silva, Rachel Kang, and Seba Dominguez-Herrera huddled closely together for warmth. They spent time discussing the age old philosophical debate: is it a sneed or a snood. Also mentions of wondering if befriending a mountain lion would go faster if they used weed or if they used catnip. Yeah, I'm not sure how anyone made it out alive either. Though I don't think we should tell Astrid Blackwell about the cuddling though. Something about a rule being broken.

Lucky for Rania Chadha, Luna Dominguez-Herrera, Salem West, and Reyna Artiaga they were tucked away extra safely: locked backstage. Don't know if they ever solved the mystery of who locked them inside, but they had bigger things to worry about inside! Like Salem getting her something on her feet after getting her ice skates of, Luna's boyfriend freezing to death, and Reyna's unconventional hobby of picking locks? They all moved past that last one a bit too fast for my liking.

Moving on too quickly, let's talk about Felix Kang, Charlie Hastings, and Sade Akerele. For a trio locked in a game booth, they had no interest in the games around and instead, like your baby cousin who breathes a little too hard and always has a snack in their hand, opted to play games on their phone. Sade and Felix tried to convince the group chat of Felix's disappearance and Charlie tried to convince God that it was simply his time to go.

Back to ' how did any of these people make it out alive' we turn to Arlo Hwang, Wylie Henderson, and Rafael Cisneros in the ice skating rink booth. They skipped right over the small talk, and went straight to the worst case scenarios. Cannibalism was discussed and Rafa had the idea to make a fire inside using the ice skates around.

In the Igloo with Nevaeh Thompson, Quinn Hawley, and Giovanni Vallato the only thing bright in there was Nevaeh's lighter. Quinn was overly confident in her abilities to claw it out like she did in ireland (which could mean anything). Vanni wasted his signal, battery, and time on tiktok but made sure to share his empanadas, cold as they were. And Nevaeh had a lighter.

Something about being trapped in the dark in a Parade Float made Delilah Jane Harrison, Abril Valdivia, and Spencer Westin want to share their deepest darkest secrets. I guess they thought they'd stay secret but here they are: Delilah Jane forged her cosmetology license, Specer stole their dad's grammy and sold it and making him believe it was a robbery, and Abril has been spending more and more time with a certain pop star ! (She didn't say that, but I think if she was honest with herself she might've)

Saffron Barton and Poet Hawley were locked inside a security guard car that Poet was determined to get hotwired with the help of the blade she keeps on her, interesting fun fact. Despite Saffron's disbelief, Poet got it going ! Not far though. They just went around in circles until security got them to stop. Wonder if Poet and Saffron saw the voucher promised to everyone.

It's a good thing that Leon Amos, Yazmin Taylor, and Rohan Kaur were in The Washroom, the tissues surrounding them were a must need. Everyone was at each other's throats, there was a lot of sharing between strangers about babies and lifelines and Rohan unsettled by the display of emotional vulnerability. Unfortunately for us, there was no punch thrown but they did all make up and shared their deepest philosophies on life.

Trapped on the Tilt-A-Whirl, Astrid Blackwell, Zaid Hassan, Drew Crane, and Nikhil Hari went on a Dr. Seus like journey. They were out in the open and with Nikhil's generous offer of his body heat everyone decides they'd rather face the cold! They manage to get into a booth where Drew becomes the winner of the only Jolly rancher available, and they all freeze their hands off to text their loved ones.

NOW onto the general drama you don't want to miss:

Arlo and Reyna seem especially jittery and stuttery at the Inherited Escapes counter.

Charlie is running the risk of getting a restraining order if he keeps popping up at Secondhand Style without plans to purchase anything.

Delilah Jane and Rohan seemed to have finally gotten a good jog set for those circles they keep running around in.

Vanni and Yaz are expecting a baby after a few months of dating ! Congratulations ! We think?

Jackie and Spencer? I don't know what's going on over there, but I'm watching very closely.

Leon took the bold step to Salem's door and Salem took an even bigger step to show him the door. For how long? Only time will tell.

Nevaeh has run in to not only 1 but 2 of her exes? Omar and Seba, whichever one of you is praying for her downfall must have a direct line to god.

That's all I have for you today, but don't worry. We'll be back next month with even more delicious tea for you to catch up on. Let me know what you think, my inbox is always open.

[postguiltypleasures]

My Peak TV Journey Girls5Eva

I meant to take notes for this, but didn’t as I watched it too quickly while preparing to move. I thought that the third season was great. If I have any complaints it’s that it was too short, and I wish they found more time to fit songs into it.

In the pre-release to the season, critics buzzed about how switching from Peacock to Netflix would boost the show’s profile and make people forget it ever started and was canceled anywhere else. It didn’t. As someone who really likes the show and wants more of it, that was disappointing. Contemporary musical comedy made for television may be a really small sub-genre for a reason. But I also developed a dark theory, which is that this cycle of revisiting pop musicians from approximately twenty years ago and condemning the way they were treated by the media really isn’t interested in dealing with the aftermath in contemporary life and that makes this show finding an audience harder. And while I do generally think that, I am unwilling to fight for it. It’s accusatory and un-provable. Also, it’s just based on my thought experiments. Based on more anecdotal experience, it might be that in the first episodes, the set up feels more sad than funny. This is similar to The Other Two, a show of I’d consider its cousin. Both can trace their roots to Saturday Night Live, both are show-biz satires about the not great effect of long term commercial failure on its main characters and an industry morphing at a rapid speed. I am a fan of both, but have to admit I can see why they’d be off putting for many viewers, especially in their early episodes.

Instead of speculating on why it didn't hit that big, I am going to praise what I liked about the series, showing my appreciation as long as I can. The season’s arc was about a failed attempt to do a small tour after the release but lack of promotional support of the album that they spent most of season two making. That season ended with a song they wrote about Fort Worth, Texas simply because it’s the largest American city that didn’t have a song about it. So their “tour” starts with an extended residency in Fort Worth, where they are adored, but not reaching their full potential. This is underlined symbolically by them staying at the Marriott Hotel’s Divorced Dad Suits. (They stay for free courtesy Gloria’s credit card points.) I love everything about the Divorced Dad Suites’ especially the vending machine of already wrapped birthday gifts. (Summer advising one of the divorced dads on what to purchase from it makes me smile to think of months later.)

When they finally leave Fort Worth they arrange a tour of small clubs, excited to meet with more of their under-served and dispersed fan base. Wiki also books them to play Radio City Music Hall on Thanksgiving Day, giving them the goal of trying to sell tickets there before the date. Only it turns out that the clubs they are touring are all owned by an ultra right wing family (represented by John Ealy as some one eager to force himself into meetings between pregnant people and their doctors, while otherwise being a miserable closet case) who demands approval of the content of their shows. When they defy this by performing their original song “BPE (Big Pussy Energy)” a “Footloose” is declared on them banning them from all their potential future gigs. The declaration of a “Footloose” also has me laughing months later. Awful as he was, I wanted more of John Ealy and his character.

Between being forced to cancel most of their tour and the season climax at Radio City, they visit Wiki’s parents in Maryland, take part in a private birthday for a rich wife, and befriend the biggest male pop singer of their time.

Summer gets involved with a multi-level marketing business to try and make more money while the band's tour is cancelled. while trying to develop a sense of self away from men and religion. She’s adorable. She also is deeply unsure of her taste and gets some validation in loving something literally everyone else thinks is a bad idea. Busy Philips has never been better.

Wiki’s parents turn who are affluent. All the talk about her “Hard Scrabble” up bringing was puns and misdirection. Her dad is buying a boat to retire on and enjoys crabbing. She has very successful sibling in medicine. She wondered if some of her failures in show business are because she’s too coddled at home. But we learn more about her DOA solo career, some of which demands scenes between her and Summer, a plot important rarity. It deepened the dynamics in the group in some interesting ways. Renee Elise Goldsberry is as always a treasure and its exciting to see her reach for new successes after previous failures to launch.

Dawn kind of feels like an afterthought in this season. This is probably because she’s not trying to write for most of the season. Instead her arc, such as it is, is about being pregnant while touring and finding herself in situations where she awkwardly struggles with how to talk about the conversation that sometimes fuel her songwriting. It’s kind of awkward and doesn’t really have a payoff, unless you count the song written near the end of the season. I do like a lot off this plot in theory. I like the acknowledgment that it’s sometimes harder to address things directly than through art. And that as much of the pernicious things we want to attribute to art are already well ingrained into the society that produced them. I just want more Sara Bareilles.

Finally it’s time to talk about Gloria. Her story involves being obsessed with true crime podcasts, a direct to streaming reality series called Critter Mouth about a veterinary dentist for wild animals, becoming friends with the worlds biggest male pop star of the moment while not recognizing him because of her indifference to men, and a quest to determine what I kind of woman she is most suited to by sleeping with all 179 types in existence. (She has a spreadsheet). Amazingly, all these plots come together in hilarious climaxes. Breaking women into different types in general is not funny, but the fact that the number of types is 179, and this is apparently well known is funny. Also it led to a very good Reel Paula Pell and her wife made.

The season had some good jokes about Netflix through it’s in universe version of the series and recognizable versions of Netflix hits. It makes me sad to think of Girls5Eva not thriving among them.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Your Daddy Don't Know 9

Masterlist

Not really a full series, more a little drabbling here and there ft. dilf!Frank Castle. Leave a comment or some feedback if you like! <3

Warnings: age gap, dubcon and noncon, fucking, smut, choking.

You still feel the crush of Frank's hand on your throat. Your eyes wander to his muscled arms, his thick middle snug beneath the ribbed cotton as sweat thin the fabric. Your fear for him used to be childish but now it's all too real.

You walk at his side as you cross the palatial suburban street, the storybook backdrop venomously ironic given the horror of the trap you've fallen into. Your father's on the front porch as your mother's down in her garden, pulling at deep-rooted weeds. You can't look at either of them. 

"Frank, want a beer?" Your dad kicks the side of his cooler.

"Nah, think it's early for me," Frank climbs the steps and stands against the pillar, arms crossed, "me and your girl got something to chat with you about."

"Uh, okay," your father sits up and puts down his can as your mother looks up from the dirt.

"Well, ya know, with her workin' with my crew like she's been doin' and all that, I feel I've become a bit of a mentor to her, at least a…" Frank pauses and rubs his chin, "a guiding hand, ya know?"

"Sure, I mean, you're used to whippin' youngs punks into shape," you dad kids, "don't think she'd make much of a marine though."

"Yeah, well, you know I've been wanting to convert that old space over my garage, and I thought I got the room and she could help me with it, nice project to keep her outta trouble," Frank says coolly, "she can help me get the drywall in place and all that and I'll take the rent outta her check. Get her a bit of a foot out the door too. Some real responsibility on her shoulders."

"Ah, oh," you father sips from his weeping beer, "that's awfully generous, Frank."

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it. The girl and me, we been talkin', we think it's best until she can get enough for a real place. She too old to be living under your roof and I ain't got no kids to bother me… I don't know, just wanted to put it out there."

You stare at Frank. Oh he is sly. 

"I mean, you're right, she's all grown up, I'd say it's up to her," your dad shrugs, "sure she's dying for an escape from us."

You look between the two men then peek over at your mother. She gives a brief glance as she yanks on a stubborn root. You take a breath, knowing what Frank wants and slightly put off by your father's expectant gaze. 

Maybe Frank is right. You're a burden, a disappointment. Your parents are just too kind to say it. And you can't say they're wrong. You are a failure. You're absolutely pathetic.

"I think it's a good idea," you muster your voice, "to get out of the house. Now that I'm not in college, I should figure out what to do. How to… be on my own."

"Well," your dad leans back and tilts his head, "guess if Frank's offering…"

"Gotta get the place built first," Frank intones, "so you'll have her a little longer."

"Sure," your father nods, "sure you don't want a beer?"

"Nah, but your girl might need some hair of the dog," he kids and he peers back across the street, "got some things that needa be done and think the girl's suffered enough."

"Oh don't worry, we got lots to keep her busy," your dad chirps, "all nice and ready to go to bed early and start the week right."

You frown and cross your arms. Your dad has no idea what he just agreed too. Neither really do you. It's only the twinkle in Frank's eye that assures you it's not good.

☠

Monday morning. For once you're up before your alarm. You stare out the window in the hallway, dressed in the straight-legged jeans and loose shirt already stained from your first week of work. Your bag is stuffed with a granola snack and cup of yogurt, you doubt you'll have much appetite as the alcohol lingers in your gut.

You see your neighbour, your biggest mistake, as he hops down his front steps. For a grumbly old man he sure is chipper at the crack of dawn. You get up, knowing it's better not to poke an already grumpy bear.

You drag your feet downstairs and head out the door. You cross the street as Frank gets to the bed of his truck. Your shadow skews before him as he looks up.

"Sugar," he greets with a wink, "up and at 'em."

"Sure," you murmur as you hold one strap of your bag over your shoulder, "get it over with."

"Ah, come on, you're really gonna be a brat?" He closed the back of his truck and stood straight, "don't think I won't spank you some more."

"Gross," you sidestep him and he catches your arm, swinging you back so fast your bag falls to the ground.

"Now, don't do that," he growls, "you were the one who sucked me off behind that shed and came over in those shorts like you were lookin' for trouble. This isn't on me."

"Oh, so I'm asking for it? That's disgust‐"

"What you are asking for is what you're gettin', sugar. A space of your own and I won't even take it off your check. You got other ways to make it up, huh?"

"Get off of me," you push against his burly chest, "I'd rather live in my parent's backyard--"

"If they even take ya back," he turns you and pushes you against the truck, "sugar, I'm offering you more than a room above my garage. You don't even gotta keep up this whole work thing. I'll take care of ya. Like the pretty little thing you are."

"You're not that old, don't be ridiculous," you try to shove him away, "I don't wanna be… whatever it is you're thinking."

"Too late for all that, isn't it?" He hums and kisses your forehead, "so be good for me, sugar, and I'll make it easy for you."

"Whatever," you utter, "let's just go."

He hesitates. His large hand frames your chin and he forces your head up, kissing you roughly as he grinds against you. He draws away and chuckles darkly.

"Sugar, best hope this day goes fast, all the things I got in mind for you, I dunno if I'll be able to hold out," he slowly drops his hand from your chin, "damn, you look fine in just about everything, huh?"

You say nothing, not wanting to provoke him further. He's right. It's too late. You agreed to it like the weak girl you are. You couldn't cut it in school so maybe this is what you get. The only prospect is that old man. 

☠

Plaster dust sticks to your sweaty skin as you head back down to the basement, ready to haul up another bin of scraps from the torn out walls. The task is heavy and dirty and uncomfortable but distracting. You keep on as you hear the men above, arguing about the countertops and hinges.

You're the grunt, you don't have the skill so you do the cleaning up, the things anyone could do but no one wants to. You toss down the empty bin and start throwing armfuls of drywall into it, wiping your damp forehead with the back of your grimy hand.

You bend down and hear what can only be described as a growl. You stand and drop another pile into the bin. You turn as Frank tramps down the last stair.

"Mm mm mm, sugar, if you don't look delicious," he leers as he gets closer, his grey tee showing signs of his own work, "and you're down here all alone."

"Doing my job," you shrug and stumble back as he comes closer.

He marches you back and you nearly trip on the stray pieces. You hit the barren interior of the wall as he stretches his arms to grip the uprights on either side of you. You blink at him and try to see around him to the stairs. 

"No one coming down," he grasps your hips and spins you so that you yelp in surprise, "told you I couldn't wait."

His arms entrap you as he fumbles with your fly then wrenches down your jeans and panties. Your body jerks as you slap the wall and he blocks you from sidling away. His fingers spread over your skull and he pushes your head against the naked wood.

"I'll be quick, sug," he says as he wiggles and picks at his filthy jeans. 

You smell his sweat, feel the heat of his body as ice trickles through your veins, hear the subtle inhale as his breath picks up with anticipation. His hard tip brushes your ass and he pulls your hip back, square nails bearing into you.

"Be nice and quiet for me, sugar," he says as he thrusts into you from below, lifting you to your toes, "or someone might just wander down here after all."

[ghostdrew22]

Draco admires you with your kids and their friends

SOFT || Draco Malfoy

Requested: Yes Pairing: post-war Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: one minor injury that involves blood but other than that, nothing!

WORDS : 1767

~

“Cass, come on, please put that down?” Draco asks with an exasperated tone as he runs after your daughter- who’s running around the living room with an evil giggle. “Scorpius, don’t you dare-“

Draco gets cut off by the sound of glass shattering as your son, Scorpius, and his friend, Liam, drop a vase off the table. He stops mid-run and sighs heavily as he runs his hands down his face.

Draco has always wanted children. For as long as he can remember he’s wanted children so that he could fill the gaping hole that was left by the lack of affection from his father. But that same hole, that very same resulting trauma, has always made him think that he just can’t do it, that he’ll end up exactly like his own father. And it’s always moments like these that make him doubt his abilities, moments like these that make him wonder if in comparison to his own father he’s too soft.

Draco would’ve never gotten away with half the stuff that your children do at this age, but also he never really had much of a childhood anyway. In a way, being a stay-at-home dad helps him make up for that and recover long lost moments of adolescence that he never had the opportunity to experience. Moments like this, in which he has to chase around your chaotic children and try not to get drunk on the sound of their elated and mischievous giggles, that he still doesn’t know if he’s earned it yet, despite the fact that he’s become a teddy bear in comparison to his own father.

The first time the two of you had discussed children you’d both agreed that one of you would be a stay-at-home parent, and at the time you’d been happy to follow in your mother’s footsteps and volunteer for the role. But then you fell pregnant and hesitated to submit your resignation papers so, in a moment of rushed and haphazard courage, Draco resigned instead and fully committed to the stay-at-home dad lifestyle, despite his perpetual fear of failure, so that you could have the advantage of both motherhood and a successful career. Draco hated his ministry job and you, paradoxically, did not- it was a win-win situation.

So now he stands in your living room, wearing an apron with your daughter’s favourite tv character on it, feeling very exasperated and out of sorts at the overwhelming responsibility of having to supervise your children’s playdates.

You walk into the living room and take in the scene- Cass, holding one of Draco’s old academic trophies as her and Jade run around with paint on their faces, and the boys wrestling on the ground, awkwardly close to the remnants of a broken vase- stopping behind your husband to wrap your arms around his waist and plop a kiss up onto his cheek. He softens into your touch and turns to kiss the side of your forehead before you sink off your tiptoes and onto the heels of your feet. “Need some help?”

To say that your twins are a handful would be an understatement, now add to that two other children with just as much chaotic energy? An absolute disaster. You’d told Draco that taking them to the zoo or the park for the playdate would’ve been a better idea but he insisted on celebrating the twin’s birthday at home and you’d obliged to his wishes. Now, he regrets not listening to you.

“If you don’t mind, that would be great.” He pouts at you and you laugh lightly at his frustration.

“Boys, break it up. Girls, freeze right now.” All the kids halt their movements and quickly turn their heads to face you with wide eyes, “There’s a cake that needs to be cut up and eaten in the next thirty minutes but I don’t think you have earned it.”

“No, we have!”

“Please mum? We’ve been good!”

Draco scoffs at your daughter’s blatant lie of having been good and you bite back a smile. “I’m sure you have, but if you really want the cake then I’m going to need you all to play a couple of games of hide and seek outside first. The winner gets the biggest slice.”

They all squeal in excitement and hurry to run out to the garden so that they can play. You quickly mutter a charm to repair the vase and turn to your husband who’s looking at you with a mixture of exhaustion and adoration.

“You’re my saviour.” He breathes out and you smile, “Somehow you spend less time with them and still manage to handle them better.”

“A mother’s touch love.” You giggle and give him a quick peck.

“I wish this mother would touch me.” He hints as he pulls you in by the waist with a grin.

“You’re so-“

A sharp cry from down the hall cuts you off and you both sigh. “I’ll go get him.” You reply.

“I’ll get the cake ready.”

~

The kids all come running into the kitchen excitedly at the sound of your voice calling for them to get cake. You smile at the sound of their giggles erupting into the kitchen as you play with the recently awoken baby in your arms, but your smile is gone as quick as it came at the sound of a light yelp and cry coming from one of the older kids.

Without missing a beat you rush toward the sound and find that it’s Jade harbouring a thin, but rather long, cut along the expanse of her leg and right below her knee. Draco can see that you’re moving to help her and he holds his hands out for the baby but you pay him no attention and, somehow, manage to lift the 8 year-old into your other arm and carry her up onto the kitchen counter- while still straddling your son on your hip.

“What happened sweetie?” You ask your friend’s daughter gently as you make to grab antiseptic, cotton wool and a bandage from under the sink- the place you and Draco had taken to storing them after the kids came back from playing outside with injuries one too many times.

“I think I scraped my leg against the edge of the little gate by the door.” She points toward the door that leads out to the garden and you nod in acknowledgement- knowing exactly which gate she’s referring to.

“Come here my little skittles, give mum some space to breathe.” Draco figures it’s best not to interrupt you and gestures for the other children to come toward him. They all shuffle their feet against the tile nervously as they keep their eyes trained on their friend.

“I’m so sorry love, we’ll make sure to get that fixed for next time you come over, yeah?” You ask her with furrowed eyebrows and she nods perkily. “This is going to hurt a bit, but I know that you’re a very brave girl so if you can close your eyes, count to ten for me and squeeze my hand that would be great.” She nods and follows your instructions- grabbing hold of your outstretched hand that sits underneath the baby’s bottom- while you dowse some cotton wool in antiseptic and drag it softly down the injury.

She winces but doesn’t cry, counting to ten as instructed and trying to focus on the promise of cake waiting or her, and soon enough you’ve already draped the bandage over her leg.

Draco watches the scene unfold with a look of admiration coating his features. It’s in this moment that he sees why you became an auror- no matter the situation you always present a fierce, prepared and oddly comforting energy- it’s one of the reasons he fell so deeply in love with you and it’s a quality of yours that he hopes both of your children will inherit.

“Thank you aunt Y/N.” She smiles up at you and your heart wrenches at the sight. You give her a kiss on the forehead and help her off the counter.

“You are very welcome, Jade. And I think you’ve earned the biggest slice of cake, what do you guys think?” You turn to the other children with an inquisitive gaze and they all nod quickly in agreement- wanting desperately to make their injured friend feel better. “Okay, bottoms in seats then!”

All the kids scramble to find seats around the table as you go about handing them each a plate with cake in it- making sure to give Jade the biggest slice. 
Draco knows that he should feel envious at how easily you get the kids to bend at your will despite the fact that he spends way more time with them, but all he can feel is an immense sense of love and pride swelling in his heart. He feels soft.

He knows that the ‘woman can have it all’ mantra is often misleading and impractical but the truth is that you can have it all. Somehow you juggle your family and work so well it almost looks flawless, and while he knows how hard you work to keep it all steady, he still always finds himself speechless at how well you do it. Even after spending countless nights reassuring you that you’re not a bad mother for wanting a career, he can’t seem to understand why you’d ever doubt your abilities when he watches you in action.

Badass auror in the papers, loving mother in the house and generous lover in the-

“Draco?”

“Oh, sorry love, did you say something?” He blinks back his thoughts and smiles down at you.

You tilt your head backwards in a laugh and move to hand your husband the baby, “I was asking what you want to get for dinner? Blaise and Luna are picking up Jade and Liam soon so I thought that maybe we could just order in for dinner tonight?”

“That sounds lovely actually, I’m not particularly interested in cooking or eating Flora’s burnt food.” He says with a grimace- referring to your very incompetent house elf.

“You really should fire her.”

“She’s got nowhere else to go.” He pouts and you roll your eyes.

“When did you become so soft?” You raise your eyebrows at him and he shrugs as he watches you speak sweetly to your son that he’s got in his arms.

In that moment he already knows the answer, he became so soft the minute you came into his life, and he wouldn’t want it any other way.

“I won hide and seek by the way, so that cake was rightfully mine.” Scorpius grumbles out- even though he wears the signature Malfoy grin on his lips- and you all laugh at his random outburst.

<~>

So there’s my first ever request! I hope I did it justice, it was a little difficult to put someone else’s vision down and into words but it was a really nice challenge and I’d like to do more so please feel free to request moreeee.

Jean <3

[daenqyu]

— bnha boys and songs that remind me of them

includes: bakugou, midoriya, kirishima, kaminari, todoroki, dabi & shigaraki

warnings: swearing, manga spoilers in dabi’s, minor manga spoilers in shigaraki’s

a/n: had this idea while i was listening to my bakugou playlist and i thought it’d be fun to do it :D

BAKUGOU reminds me of “i hate everything about you” by three days grace. i just feel like that’s exactly how he would feel when he realizes he likes someone. he’s in denial. doesn’t want to admit the fact that he actually grew a soft spot for that person, that someone managed to make him vulnerable. he wasn’t one to believe in all that sappy bullshit in the first place, hell he even thought he was sick when he started feeling butterflies in his stomach. but after they smile at him and leave a chaste kiss on his cheek as a ‘thank you’, he thinks that maybe having a crush isn’t so bad after all.

MIDORIYA reminds me of “crybaby” by melanie martinez. and it’s not because he cries a lot, but rather because people shame him for it. back in junior high that was one of his biggest insecurities, how sensitive he was, but with time he learned to embrace it. being emotional didn’t equal being weak, and midoriya it’s the perfect example of that. so what if he’s easily moved? what if he’s an emotionally driven person? at the end of the day, that doesn’t make him any less of a hero.

KIRISHIMA reminds me of “this is home” by cavetown. more specifically, the part that goes “get a load of this train wreck, his hair’s a mess and he doesn’t know who he is yet”. even tho he doesn’t show it and tries his best to hide it, kirishima is a very insecure person. he thinks he’ll never be good enough to be called a man, let alone a hero. but just because he doesn’t know how worthy he is, doesn’t mean he’s friends do too. they all admire him for being so confident and brave, for his selfless personality. and it takes a while, but a day comes in which kirishima looks at himself and no longer sees failure.

KAMINARI reminds me of “monster energy drink” by kevinkempt. this one isn’t as deep as the others, but you cannot tell me that this song doesn’t scream kaminari denki. something tells me this man drinks monster religiously, specially because sometimes he gets way too absorbed in the video games he plays. there’s even days where he forgets to drink water and sero has to check up on him just to make sure he hasn’t passed out. he drank it before it became a trend, so he has a huge ass collection of monster cans. and before you ask, yes. he has a monster energy gun.

TODOROKI reminds me of “daddy issues” by the neighbourhood. everyone knows how bad todoroki’s relationship with his dad is, and it’s all for a reason. endeavor left him (and his family) scarred, he damaged their image of what a father should be like, he broke them. and thanks to that, he has a hard time opening up to others and relationships in general. he can be oblivious and dense, often not understanding when someone is trying to ask him out or trying to give him a compliment. but it’s not his fault. he tries, really hard, to let go of the past, to keep getting better, to forget about the hurt, but...the past never dies.

DABI reminds me of “burning pile” by hayloft. a little ironic considering his quirk it’s cremation, but we all know that dabi’s life is far from perfect. he’s a runaway, a villain, the son that couldn’t be good enough, a failed experiment. and at first it hurt, knowing that your father only wanted to exploit you and didn’t even see you as a human being. but with time, he became numb, to the point that sometimes he looks back on his life and can’t help but laugh at how pathetic it all was. he didn’t know what to do when he was a child, he was clueless on how he could escape it all, but now it’s different. now he has a goal. and that’s to take endeavor down, no matter the cost.

SHIGARAKI reminds me of “teenagers” by my chemical romance. something tells me that in high school he was an outcast. he probably had 1-2 friends, if not none, and he probably sat alone. shigaraki is full of hatred towards the hero society because they didn’t save him, didn’t give any other chance but to become the villain he is today, so it’s not a surprise that he finds everyone annoying. but especially teenagers. they’re so selfish, so arrogant, acting like the world revolves around them and being full of joy. they think that adulthood equals independence and freedom, yet it’s the complete opposite. life’s shit. and once you’re able to understand that, you feel disappointed. well that’s how he feels too, he didn’t want his life to be like this, he wanted to be a fucking hero. but not everything goes according to plan, right?

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2021: Embarrassment of Riches

So this current anime season absolutely stinks, which just makes the last one look even more impressive. Well, maybe not all of it...

Zombieland Saga Revenge

First off, you don't need to tell me that the following is a severe outlier opinion. We good? Ok. ZLSR is, in a word, subpar. I liked S1 back in the day, but it was already in the process of getting lazy towards the end. S2 continues this trend and is basically just another idol show. And as someone who actually does watch other idol shows I have to say that it's not a particularly good one of those either. The zombie gimmick has mostly stopped mattering and we're just doing what every idol show does, only with the odd occasional sight gag. The alleged subversive qualities mostly amount to a flashback for Yuugiri, which is admittedly the best part of the show but feels like it barely has anything to do with anything. Apart from that, it's a bunch of generic idol plots, rehashed character beats, shoddy attempts at twists (while not connecting to any setups from S1), and the obligatory "idols give us hope" ending, which is terribly hackneyed and flat out bad. Tae gets further memed into the ground, because of course she does. And there's stuff that was simply never good to begin with, like Kotarou and his comedy schtick, which gets truly insufferable now that there's no qualities to distract from it. It really makes me think that S1 wasn't even all that good to begin with and seems like an attempt to turn this surprise success into an easy money longrunner with no edge and no ambitions. "The idol show for people who don't watch idol shows" indeed, but not the way you mean it. 4/10

Bakuten

But not to dwell on the failures, with the second show we're already above the cut — barely. This one got my attention with its really impressive performance scenes early on and it totally sticks to that, which is even more impressive. But besides that? Well, this is by far the most predictable show in a season where I watched an unambitious Kiraralike and put ZLS on blast for having no ideas. The characters are a mixed bag, some are cool (Shida, Asawo), some are very annoying (Mashiro), but those are the supports. The main cast is extremely one-dimensional, which is fine until they try to heap a ton of pathos on their lead, which doesn't go well. But I guess execution matters, and Bakuten is slick enough to get by. Writing this down in stark daylight I feel like I overrated this show somewhat (I actually put it over the next one originally, which definitely doesn't hold up when thinking about it), but I was indeed mostly entertained. 6/10

Yakunara Mug Cup mo

Yeah. Of course Mug Cup definitely doesn't invent or subvert anything either, but it's a pretty good Kiraralike that's always entertaining to watch. Explaining the qualities of such a nothing genre is as difficult as ever, but it mostly comes down to me liking the characters and it having nothing to annoy me. It's shorter than normal, which is a plus for slim shows like this. And yeah, you can make an excessive amount of dick jokes with the clay fondling. That helps too. Looks are just fine, pleasant but nothing out of the ordinary. Comfy low-effort anime. 6/10

Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song

This one is decent, but sadly still a major letdown. Because the first few episodes of Vivy were excellent and kicked ass, but then it became increasingly clear that the writing can't cash the checks the ideas wrote while the action starts running into severely diminishing returns. Vivy just keeps slowly getting worse and worse as it goes on, not by a huge amount each episode but by the end there's a pretty sizeable gulf between potential and result. Going into detail would probably be a little much for this venue because there's a lot, but from the top level view the issue is that while Vivy has good fundamental ideas and steals at the right places, it just isn't a smart show — it's schlock, and by the end, poorly thought out schlock that tries to smooth out every problem with liberal application of the big feels hammer and le epic twist at that. Yeah, couldn't tell that the Re:Zero dude was aboard here, for sure. That said, it still works pretty well as entertaining schlock that is not to be taken too seriously, and the characters are generally just very fun to watch even when they're doing stupid things. Still, I can't in good conscience rate this higher than Beatless, a show that looks like butt but properly executes on its ideas. 6/10

Super Cub

So this is 100% a Honda commercial, and I got really mad a Yuru Camp last season for being a blatant shill. Yet I'm feeling this, what gives? I think the main difference is that Super Cub is specifically a commercial for one product (and a very iconic product at that), while Yuru Camp is so all over the place that it ends up mostly a commercial for consumerism in general. And when Super Cub goes too hard on the product (which it does), it's at least pretty entertaining. That's something about Super Cub in general: It goes hard. Your regular Kiraralike this is not, because it's uncommonly slow, focused and moody - yes, it almost measures up to Yuru Camp at its best and demolishes it at its worst. Also, it's just extremely amusing to see sadblob Koguma grow a huge grizzly biker beard and become a badass outlaw dad to her goofy wife and cute daughter, all thanks to the power of afforable personal transportation. Needless to say, that can get unintentionally silly, but Super Cub has so much charm that it doesn't matter — it's great when it's good and still funny when it's not. 7/10

Shadows House

Shadows House turned up with a lot of potential, and I have to say it at least delivered on most of it. It has some problems; notably I'm not a fan of how the entire middle turned out to be a tournament arc of sorts that seems curiously inspired by Resident Evil memes, crest-shaped intentations and boulder punching included. I also think that this is a show that would be perfectly fine without explaining much, but I guess it is a shounen manga after all so we got dumped on eventually anyway. At least that came late - close relative Promised Neverland didn't show that much restraint. Shadows House is generally well written though, with great characters, interesting interactions and a great hook. But what really makes it memorable is that it's exceptionally good at the cute/creepy contrast, something that is often tried but rarely works as well as here, with great character designs and very appropriate production. I hope this gets a sequel, because it seems like it's just getting started. 7/10

SSSS.Dynazenon

Coming in with a fondness for Gridman, Dynazenon didn't have to do much to convince me. The surprise though is that it's not a rehash even if it's basically the same show, a character drama where occasionally huge and goofy fights break out. Dynazenon is Gridman done better, and the interesting part is how it accomplishes this - mainly by being far more conventional. I do appreciate that Gridman went for something weird and almost experimental, but that only really paid off towards the end while most of the show was a distraction/holding pattern. It just didn't feel like there was enough material for a full series there, more like a movie maybe, if even that. Dynazenon fixes this by just being a TV show, with an actual cast of characters that each have their own arc. And by spreading the material this way, Dynazenon ends up having a lot more nuance than its intensely focused predecessor, while having the same themes and not actually being any deeper. In a way, Gridman ends up looking like the spinoff in retrospect, while Dynazenon is the full package. 8/10

Thunderbolt Fantasy S3

So how good was this season? So good that Thunderbolt Fantasy doesn't end up at the top, that's how. And all the elements that made Tbolt such a sure thing are still there, big hammy puppets doing stunts and scheming never gets old. However, I do have to note that at this point, the writing appears to have gotten too comfortable. I don't expect it to ever top the amazing S1 ending, but at this point it's like Tbolt has stopped trying to deliver on endings at all and seems in the process of retooling itself into a longrunner instead. Barely anything gets resolved in S3 (the climax is that the climax of S2 is resolved again, for good this time... maybe), and everything else is just setting up plotpoints for the next season. Tbolt is truly lucky that it doesn't actually need to resolve anything to be a great time, but at this point I have to say that I'd appreciate it if they wrapped it up with S4. 8/10

Nomad: Megalobox 2

Speaking of sequels to shows I liked, Nomad doesn't so much improve upon its predecessor but steamrolls right over it. This is a tall order, since Megalobox was surprisingly good for a sports shounen and had a real nice, heartwarming ending that Nomad instantly negates for purposes of drama and everyone being extremely miserable. That sounds like a pretty terrible idea - and it would be, if Nomad wasn't as excellent as it is. To call it not the same show would be an understatement, because it's a true sequel, not just the same characters doing their thing some more, or new characters doing the same thing as the old ones did. Indeed my biggest problem with Megalobox was that it still closely adhered to its genre template and was very predictable; Nomad fixes this issue thoroughly. Nomad is about questioning what being a hotblooded shounen protagonist eventually leads you to, and how to fix everything you screwed up by being one. You could call it a deconstruction, but that term has been so abused for cynical, edgy "thing you like actually sucks" takes that I feel like it doesn't really fit here. Nomad isn't cynical at all, it's just a character drama about some boxers past their prime, and it being a sequel to a show that is indeed rather formulaic just enhances the experience. My biggest issue with it was that I really like what they did with Joe in this story, so the big focus on Mac's backstory felt like a distraction for a long time. But in the end that turned out to be absolutely necessary to make the ending work. The ending's just great, by the way, and I shall say not more about it. 9/10

Odd Taxi

Yeah boy, here's the show that has apparently become somewhat of a "greatest show you didn't watch" meme, which I can feel smug about because I don't need YouTubers to tell me what's good and followed this from day one. Anyway, Odd Taxi is indeed great, the greatest show in a few years even. What starts out as seemingly a relaxed hangout show in the vein of Midnight Diners quickly turns into a psychological murder mystery while never losing its quirky humor. The character writing is outstanding, with even small bit players being on a level that the average anime wishes it could have for leads. And the rollout of the mystery is exemplary, with answers given and new questions raised every episode with a satisfying and logical payoff in the end. This is also the rare anime that has rock solid production from the first to the last second; it's never really flashy but excellently done and highly consistent nonetheless. And the music just owns. I have a few complaints, mainly that there's a few logical weaknesses in the story (which wouldn't even register in a lesser show, but sticks out here since the rest is so immaculately constructed) and that the ending overextends on the emotions when the rest of the show is so reserved and dry in comparison. But those are only the reasons why I didn't give it perfect marks, and I almost did that anyway. 9/10

[lovelivingmydreams]

What is a happy ending?

So someone (looks sternly at @rondoel) thought giving me insight in a certain OC of theirs and making me feel things is an okay thing to do. That I won't proceed to write a heartbreaking epilogue to my two part Virgil king story. This one not as long. But still. Enjoy:

What is a happy ending?

"Why happily ever after?" King wondered aloud as He studied their latest piece of art.

No one had ever answered that question for Him. Not in a meaningful way at least. And it never truly stopped bothering Him.

"Your majesty?" Anxiety asked carefully. Probably not sure if he had been meant to hear. King wasn't so sure Himself.

Oh well. He might as well finish the thought. Something interesting might come from it.

"Happily ever after. It's so... boring. Why does everyone like it so much?" He had wondered so often...

Anxiety shrugged. "Princey loved that crap. He hated it when I called out the flaws, though he could be just as bad with plot holes.

It's not realistic at all and... well boring is one word for it." His tone and face could almost be mistaken for dismissive, but King could swear He spotted fondness in the upturn of Anxiety's mouth and a slight wistfulness in the shine of his eyes.

King however was more interested in this more nuanced perspective on the story trope. Answers at last?

Anxiety noticed his king desired for him to elaborate and immediately started fidgeting as he tried to find the words to express his thoughts sufficiently.

"I suppose... everyone thinks that's what they want?" His nerves turn the sentence into a question. "When they are little it's an easy goal. You find the one who'll make you whole, or defeat the villain, or both. And then nothing ever bothers you again.

It's not how life works though... and growing up... I think everyone still has a part of them that wants to hold on to things being that... simple..." Anxiety trailed off and looked up at king curiously. His face strangely focused as if he was looking for an answer himself.

"Simple?" King urged wanting to hear more. Anxiety was so close to making sense. So close to bringing about that wonderful feeling when curiosity was sated. A story complete at last.

"Um... yeah... I mean even I feel a little... I don’t know... it feels right?

When you do the right thing, even when it's hard and you get the stuff you want anyway. And when people who hurt you don’t win. You want the world to work like that. If not for you then at least for the servant girl, who just wanted a night off, or the waitress who just wanted to buy her father's dream restaurant. Hard work, kindness, patience... they should be rewarded right?" Anxiety explained. Sounding frustrated. "And..." he let out a resigned sigh before straightening up and continued more decidedly. "Since the world doesn't work that way... why not escape somewhere where it does?" It was passionate. Perhaps in defense of Roman's favorite thing in the world. Then that fight and righteous defiance fell away in favor of a nostalgic fondness. "Thomas did it all the time growing up," Anxiety sighed before returning his attention to the painting that had prompted the question. A Father's Day movie night.

Hugs and snacks and movies with happily ever afters galore. All of Morality's favorite things.

King had to admit it had... stung to discover that Morality had taken up the role He'd given him even after he betrayed everything that title stood for.

Had he ever felt even the slightest bit conflicted when hearing Roman calling him 'Padre'?

Or was it supposed to be fine, since he thought Roman was the only half of Him who felt attached to him that way?

Had it truly never occurred to him that while he took in the confused Roman, he left behind a disoriented and heartbroken Remus who didn't understand why daddy was ignoring him.

What had he done wrong?

Why did he never get bedtime stories or hugs from dad? Why was he shoved away, scolded, ignored?

Why was he not allowed to play in the imagination with his brother?

The last thought had plagued both halves for years.

Even Roman who had stopped admitting to it to please Morality felt conflicted during story times and hugs to this day.

Telling Thomas that he didn't want anything to do with his brother had hurt more than the bump on his head...

But all of that was in the past. They were gone and their unresolved issues were a waste of His time. He had berated, tormented, Anxiety over this. He would not fall victim to such sentimentalities Himself.

"I see... escapism then?" He muttered, trying to get back on topic and not to show the... somewhat emotional turn His thoughts had taken.

Like His halves, His 'Padre' was gone. He probably never existed in the first place.

And Morality would pay for that betrayal and the way he abandoned Remus and how he made Roman fight to earn his love, only to abandon him as well. His suffering had only just begun.

Not because it still mattered. But... any excuse to justify and fuel His wrath even a little bit more was good enough for Him.

He'd probably avenge slights against his minister simply to feign kinship and watch the traitors squirm under his rule just a bit more. Not that he needed a reason to do anything. But justified rage was so much more satisfying to set loose. Because the targets would feel, deep down, they brought this upon themselves.

"Yeah... there's enough crappy stuff going on in the world right? Thomas... wants to use his talents to make people smile. And while that's cheesy, it's also... well it's him," Anxiety shrugged. King hummed in agreement as He framed the picture and put it away. He'd barely paid attention honestly. The answer was satisfactory. But there was a new question on His mind. As He mused over His minister's attachments to His enemies and how to sever them He recalled something intriguing about his recent behavior.

Anxiety had been pulling away from Morality. Why? What had caused a crack in 'the bestest most dynamicest duoest duo'?

And was this something he could use to forge an allegiance. Or to hurt Morality as deeply as He'd been hurt. Or, ideally, both?

King smirked to Himself as He laid a gentle hand on Anxiety's shoulder. He asked about a drawing of the young side and Thomas. He was pleased to note that His minister no longer shrank away every time He moved in his general direction. He might not be comfortable with His touch yet, but he was getting used to it. Something that would surely get to the others who still tiptoed around Anxiety's boundaries.

Maybe, at some point, he could be made to truly see things His way. To see the traitors for the villains they were. Just the thought of the chaos that this realization would unleash... It would be magnificent.

Morality had forgotten something important about 'happily ever after's.

Bad guys don’t get them. And the victor is always the hero.

It was only right that King reminded him of the shadow side of his favourite ending.

By making him live it.

Virgil knew that it was a bad thing that he found himself enjoying talking about his memories to the king and watching them turn into pretty cool paintings.

He was Anxiety, this was definitely a crisis. He can't relax now, not around the reason of said crisis... but if he doesn't relax a little his thoughts might do something really bad. And if he doesn't do whatever the king wants, then the king might do something bad.

So he had to balance on this weird edge of anxious, but cool with it.

The others were counting on him. To stay safe, to keep it together, to keep King distracted, to find a way to get him to lay off a little...

"Worthless." And... the thing is back.

"Dude, seriously, not now!" He snapped at his... shadow.

King just looked on intrigued. Great. Now the shadow had King's attention.

"Failure," it hissed. Right... King is not his biggest problem right now.

So far the shadow had only been mildly annoying even quiet for the most part. But clearly anxious thoughts made it remember it could be a pain in the behind. And worst thing is it got to Virgil even more because it laid out his true fears for King to see and use against him.

"You... you are just... you're just a thought. You can't hurt me." Virgil insisted.

Thomas could deal with his irrational fits. Surely he could manage this thing, right?

"Monsssster," the shadow hissed. No he didn't think that anymore!

"Guardian!" Virgil bit back. Patton said so, Logan said so, Roman said so, Thomas said so... why cant he just believe them?

He found himself struggling to breath again. The thoughts... they were real now... what if they could hurt him...? Can he die? What would happen to Thomas?

"Begone!" Virgil snapped out of his near attack at the sudden outburst from King.

What...?

He looked up just in time to see a flash of metal and shadow's dissolving figure.

"It'll reform later," King muttered as he sheeted his sword.

"It became too bothersome. You should not let your creations have power over you young one. You are their master, don't forget that," he instructed calmly, not looking at him.

Did he just...?

"Return to your business now, I find that I am in need of a break," he then declared as he walked away, still not looking back.

"But..." he came to a halt. "Should you wish to finish our gallery... I might be willing to indulge your presence later."

Virgil didn't quiet know what to do, so he bowed, just in case the king could see it somehow. "Y-yes my king. Thank you," he stammered hurriedly.

When he looked up, the king was gone.

And Virgil ran. He needed to find Lo and Pat before the shadows returned.

His thoughts were a confused mess... he hadn't imagined that right?

King had really stepped in to save him instead of letting Virgil's punishment, gift, curse, whatever run its course...

And then he left it up to Virgil to decide if and when they'd finish up.

There was probably some messed up reason behind it... but still.

Virgil wasn't stupid though. Even if saving him had been a purely noble impulse, King hadn't undone his 'gift' to make sure it wouldn't happen again. Telling him to put his foot down with 'his own creations' didn't really count.

King still messed up real bad and would have to do something pretty impressive to make up for all of that.

And Virgil was pretty sure that it wasn't just his pessimism talking when he thought that the king was no where close to wanting to make nice with any of them.

Or not for the right reasons anyway.

He shook his head. He can worry about all that later. Right now he has to find the others. Before King runs into one of them.

Virgil's trip down memory lane might've been deemed 'entertaining' or whatever, but he hadn't be around for whatever had happened to make the king be out for blood in the first place.

He didn't want to find out what King's idea of 'having fun' was when it came to Pat, Lo or even Janus. Whatever they did, it was still his duty to protect Thomas. Physically, socially, mentally and emotionally. Whether he wanted him to or not.

And not even King was going to stop him from fulfilling his purpose.

@antiredhuman you wanted to be tagged if I wrote more for this au so here you go! Hope you like it!

[the-romantic-lady]

Surprised to hear you like Henry VI and Margaret of Anjou, given that you're a fan of Richard, Duke of York. Isn't that a conflict of interest or something? Lol. What's your opinion on Elizabeth Woodville and the Woodville clan, Margaret Beaufort, Warwick and the Neville clan, and George, Duke of Clarence? (Basically what's your opinion on the rest of the players of the Wars of the Roses lol.)

Gosh, anon you are encouraging me!! I love that you care about my thoughts <3. Alright then, let's start.

I used to be very anti-Margaret of Anjou. Until I started to look at things from her perspective. York was dangerously popular with a lot of children and a formidable wife. Margaret must have felt insecure. Also, there is this theory that Margaret's mentor and confidant William de la Pole, Duke of Suffolk was murdered under the order of the Duke of York. That must have been a tipping point. But I still think that York was the better ruler and person. I will get a lot of hate for this, but women in general were not suitable rulers for the Middle Ages. They were often driven by more personal ideals (Empress Matilda vs. Stephen is a great example and Margaret was no different). Ofc there were men like that too but women seemed to always be like that. As a woman, I understand and the later periods were more suitable for female leadership. York was a much better ruler. He was driven by the stability of the realm rather than his personal issues (he put his own son-in-law in prison and Margaret wouldn't even budge on her failure advisors). And her entitlement was mind-boggling. I love how messed up she was. And Henry...I just feel sorry for him. The Middle Ages also were not a time for artistic and kind kings lol.

Elizabeth Woodville and the Woodville Clan:

As I have said, I pretty much like everyone before 1485 lol. But Elizabeth Woodville was annoying af. That made her interesting but I can't get over how incredibly greedy she was. She was the daughter of a minor gentry and widow of a Lancastrian knight. Edward makes her queen and she abuses that power so much. She has problems with everyone. Warwick, George, Richard, any noble who didn't kiss her arse and even Edward. Queens were meant to level the mind of King. Edward III's queen famously saved French clergy by going on her knees to beg the King for mercy. Ofc that was a bit dramatic but many Queens did this. It was called the Queen's mercy or something like that. But boy was she a hell of a woman. Despite being raised in a pretty privileged household, she was shrewd and survived to the end. She could have learned a thing or two from Cecily Neville about how to put that strong personality to better use but regardless. Also, I love how she was shunned fron Henry Tudor's court when Richard welcomed her to his with open arms. I mean...karma. But all in all, I like her. Its as they say "well behaved women seldom make history". She had flaws (so did the everyone else!) but her character is interesting and admirable. And despite that shaved forehead, she is a gorgeous woman. So I get where Edward was coming from XD The other social climbing members Woodville..not so much. The shameless way that they tried to push themselves in and take hold of power when they had literally fought on the losing Lancastrian side is embarrassing and oh so disgusting. Like Warwick secured the throne for Edward and they were given precedence over him. I just...yeah. John Woodville legit married a 65 year old duchess (he was 19) for money and power. They were a hungry bunch and courting them was Edward IV's biggest mistake and towards the end of his life, I think he saw that.

Margaret Beaufort

I will keep this short since I don't know much about her but I dislike her. I understand that she went through a lot. Her father apparently suicided when she was 1 and that is traumatic. And back then suicide was mocked and disgraced. She ofc blamed the Duke of York....cause at this point why not? She ofc went through a really young and traumatic birth at 13. Her husband was gross and that's that. And we know that Edward kept her son exiled so she couldn't see him. But despite all this, I just don't like her? I suppose its the super impressive Plantagenet women who just make me look at the sleezy and dull Margaret with disdain. And she gives me real phony vibes. Like at times, she just seemed to cosplay Cecily Neville lol. When you see women like Cecily Neville and Margaret of Anjou taking charge in the way they did, Margaret and her deceptive ways are just cringe worthy.

The Earl of Warwick

This man. Just this man. The way that England seemed to revolve around his whims is amazing. He was a real Duke of York stan and so I have to appreciate him. But he was so fearless. Henry VI, Edward IV, Margaret of Anjou, you name it. He stood against them. The Duke of York seemed to be someone he admired but other than that, he fought for himself. He helped Edward take the crown and worked hard to keep Edward's throne. He was embarrassed with the whole secret marriage saga but still stuck by. But Edward clearly forgot who he owed his success too. The man escaped an assassination by Henry VI's men and saved his father and uncle from it. He actually took charge in the first Battle of St. Albans in 1455 because his rivals the Percys were mocking him. I just love him. Ngl, sometimes when I read about him, I just blush. A man if there ever was one. There were so many attempts at disgracing him. He was the Captain of Calais and in that role fought Medieval pirates! And he was ruthless at it. People loved him and he carried that popularity well. I should stop fangirling over a dead guy. I think I made it pretty clear that I love him XD.

Neville clan

I like them too. Warwick's father was pretty much York's best friend and I love him for it. They were also social climbers like the Woodvilles but so much better at it. They didn't have the entitlement that the Woodvilles did and managed their powers well. Cecily Neville was ofc a Neville and she is one of my favorites. One of my favorite thing about them is how courageous they were. Like all of them. Unfortunately, Anne and Isabel are both obscure figures. I wish we knew more about them. They were pushed around like prizes. Good on Richard for giving Anne a position to make her own decision. I feel bad for those girls. Although the York brothers were known to be good looking so lucky them?

George, Duke of Clarence

Ah, George. I love this man. If there was one son of York who inherited his father's glamour and charm, it was George. And I love that he stood up to his brother and sister-in-law. He was sometimes too problematic but I still love that! Glamourous and problematic. How can one not love the man? Although his betrayal of Edward is kind of sad considering that Edward really tried to be like a dad to his brothers. George took Edward's love for granted for too long. His breakdown after his wife's death is really sad too. Interestingly, this seems to be a pattern with the Plantagenet men. They all have breakdowns and downfalls after the death of their wives. Their women are so much stronger emotionally.

I know this was long! I hope you enjoyed the post :D. I would love to know your thoughts too and if you agree or disagree. Seriously, thank you for letting me talk about this. Nothing makes me happier than to discuss these people!

[ghostwaffleheimer]

What is this, me giving background characters actual personalities? No way. I tried applying some tarot symbolism and assigned each character a card based on looking up what they meant and some bits that stood out to me, but I’m not involved in the tarot so don’t read too much into it I suppose.

[read more below bc there’s a lot of story; also content warning for Oakclaw generally being an abusive piece of shit.]

Oakclaw sort of always had this vibe of being a more “traditionalist” and antagonistic character. Basically, Tigerstar. He was always sort of suspicious of Emberdusk, and didn’t like that outsiders such as he and Windsong were welcomed into the clan. It makes more sense now with the lore of quarry cats believing those born in the forest are cursed by Barkstar.

Ahh, Barkstar. Speaking of her, Oakclaw was her biggest supporter, and in fact they’re actually kin. She always wanted things to be more like the old clans, with a stricter adherence to the warrior code and all its aggressive territorialism, closed-minded ideologies, and total loyalty to the leader and StarClan. To her, the old clans fell apart because they lost sight of that, when in fact the opposite was true. When a separate group of cats decided to inhabit the nearby cove, it was mistaken as a threat and war was waged. Many were killed, Barkstar herself included.

Oakclaw in all his self-absorption thinks he’s their last chance. He still feels anger and betrayal that Barkstar picked that runt to be next in line over him. It must’ve been a lapse in judgement. He peers over the other cats at gatherings, how awfully friendly they all are. If he was leader, he’d have driven out the cove cats and claimed their land. His eyes rest on one in particular: Sootear. His involvement with their medicine cat irritates him. Ryestar’s youngest has always been soft, just like his father. Though it was startling to see the look of absolute fury on Ryestar’s face and the threat to exile him for suggesting that Mallowcloud be punished (Oakclaw’s exact words were more extreme, not that he’d admit it).

It’s a wonder that a cat so passive and quiet would take to someone like him, but perhaps that’s why he likes Fawnspot: she won’t argue against his opinions. Whether or not she agrees with him, she won’t say. She’s more content to be a rule-abiding follower than try to come up with her own ideas. Fawnspot is stressed by the change in order, and frequently joins patrols and hunting parties because a part of her is afraid at the idea of having free time to just do... nothing. She doesn’t know what she even likes because she’s never stopped to ask herself that.

As a result, her three kits don’t have much of a relationship with her. Which, sadly, is better than what they have with their father. Oakclaw is varying degrees of disappointed with all his children, and by extension believes that their mentors are bad influences, unfit to teach them.

Foxpaw is the simplest case: he’s pretty ‘no thoughts, head empty’. He is surprisingly happy-go-lucky and doesn’t particularly care about his father’s goals, if he’s even aware of them. Oakclaw deems him lazy and a failure, and doesn’t even bother with him.

Where Oakclaw is Tigerstar, Hickorypaw is Brambleclaw... Well, the whole “cats assuming I’m like my dad because we look similar and having to step out from under his shadow” thing they had going on originally with him and then dropped the ball on, anyway. He’s a big soft fluffball who is kind out of pure spite, though he feels the most pressure from his father to challenge the current leadership in his stead. Oakclaw knows he’s not getting younger and that his chance has just about passed.

Creekpaw suffers from the same flaw as her mother: staying silent. She knows of her father’s disinterest towards her (but why? she’s done nothing to offend him) and is afraid to speak up for herself. Combined with her distant relationship with her detached mentor, she’s left confused and wondering what’s going on. Creekpaw takes the role of an observer, watching everything that goes on from the background, until certain events force her to take action. 

When Hickoryheart’s life is in sudden danger at his father’s claws, Creekwhisper may finally have to break her silence.

[demcnsinmymind]

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

I think his biggest fear is death. In two ways. One: the death of his 'legacy', name, and sense of self. Like being completely forgotten and not remembered at all for everything he achieved in his life. His job, his creations, his name and reputation are legit the most important things in his life. Two: the death of his body obv as in death in a literal sense. His body, appearance, and general humanity are just as important to him. Since he doesn't do relationships and family and since his dad is dead and his mom is starting to forget him, he's literally everything he has - himself. More so in my post canon verses were he lost his friends and team, too.

He can tolerate being alone so that's not his worst fear. Sure, it isn't nice and complete isolation did drive him insane, but it's not the worst you could do to him. And I -like- how Collingwood exploited his specific fears. Like, the movie didn't end with him being alone in the tunnels and simply starving to death all by himself, which could've been the worst possible outcome for most. It ended with him getting lobotomized. Literally completely stripped of his persona, character and sense of self, completely dismantled. With a direct attack on his body in so many ways, too. Like starving him and scarring him and generally forcing him to become completely unkempt and the exact opposite of everything he'd so carefully maintained with his appearance.

That's why I also changed the whole meta thing up for my 40s verse, too. I could totally see Collingwood topping it all of with trying to take away his name and whole biography, too, giving him a different name in the wrong time. That's just the ultimate humiliation and his worst fear. So yeah, this whole fear of death headcanon plays a major role in all my other headcanons and why I play him as so fiercely stubborn and clinging to life, and why he can somewhat manage to take control back from Azathoth even though it's such a powerful creature, also why he survived so long in canon and didn't just kill himself. His life, body and sense of self means everything to him and he refuses to have that taken away by anyone.

When it comes to mundane fears... it's canon he used to hate rats. Likey they crept him out. I also headcanon he has a still camera phobia just like his faceclaim the SRog does. As in, he doesn' like having pictures taken of him for some weird vanity reason. Like, he can act and talk in front of a film camera all goddamn day. He needs it. But still pictures? He hates the lack of control he has over them. He thinks they always make him look weird because without his words and actions, it's just him literally frozen in a fraction of a second and he feels like he can never quite get that right. Also kids. Kids creep him out. He can talk to them and interact with them just fine but he still thinks all little kids are secretly tiny psycho humans out to get him somehow. It's not really mundane but I'm still listing it here: fear of general failure and not being good enough, which ties in with the biggest fear.

[chalkrevelations]

WELL. Episode 3 of Word of Honor.

First of all: If you are NEW or JUST VISITING, this is a re-watch, so there are SPOILERS not just for this ep, but for the ENTIRE SHOW. A lot of them, actually. Scroll away and come back later if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch it unspoiled.

So, this ep feels a little disjointed. I don’t think it actually is, not in the way the back nine are a speedrun where the writing starts to feel like it’s thisclose to coming off the rails, but it feels like it, in that we’re now getting a double handful of threads thrust at us that are only just starting to be woven together into a plot, and it’s the kind of hot mess that any fiberwork looks like before the pattern starts to show itself, particularly when you’re using 15 different color threads from jump. There’s generally a major theme or issue or overriding concept that stands out to me in each ep that, you may have noticed, gets primacy of place in these reactions, but honestly, y’all, I really struggled to figure out what that might be for this episode, because a lot of this, on re-watch, strikes me as groundwork for later developments. Wen Kexing gives us an “as you know, Bob” speech about the Amory and the Glazed Armor, we meet approx. 3.2K new characters, and I feel sort of like I should start keeping a chart of who’s supposed to have a piece of the Glazed Armor and who actually does have a piece of the Glazed Armor, but it’s already so confusing that it might be too late.*

ANYWAY, on re-watch, I can absolutely see the value of spending Eps 1 & 2 on introducing us to Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing and getting us pulled into their orbit, because then we have scenes we’re already invested in to maintain our interest as the background politics begin to frustratingly play out with a bunch of people we don’t know or have any investment in yet. I mean, y’all. I forgot just what an ill-tempered gremlin ZZS was in these early eps. He is so fk’n put out that these people will not let him drink himself to death in the gutter in peace! Or, you know, in occasional Nightly Nails Torment. And the exasperation from both ZZS and Chengling over WKX’s antics – both of their faces are priceless in the scene when they discover he’s the one who’s bought out all the rooms at the inn. I literally lol’d. Again. Even knowing it was coming. All of this interaction is so delightful. This is actually the ep that provoked my very first WoH keysmash flailing Tumblr post and inaugurated the “wen kexing’s thirst is practically a third character” tag. I guess the biggest throughline for this ep is that we can continue to see how everything changes when we know about their previous relationship – things like WKX’s insistence that they have a “deep bond through fate” take on additional layers of meaning rather than just sounding like some dude who’s trying to pick you up at last call. Interesting that ZZS describes WKX at one point during their push-pull conversational dance as “like a wretched soul that keeps haunting around.” You mean, like a GHOST? Like a Ghost Valley ghost? Like the almost forgotten memory of a past life ghost? ZZS wants to know why WKX keeps following him around, and it would be nice if WKX would just come clean, but that would be too easy, wouldn’t it?

ZZS, re: Chengling: I do my best to ensure what was entrusted to me.

WKX: :makes (already! in ep 3!) yet another in a series of bad decisions not to say anything about the fact that he, himself, was in fact entrusted to ZZS:

Show: Here’s the first of many helpings of heartache to come. EAT IT. EAT IT ALL.

(Me: Well, here’s another AU idea: What would the course of this relationship be like if WKX flat-out asked ZZS what ZZS’s relationship to Four Seasons Manor was, and bare-faced claimed sanctuary as long-lost shidi Zhen Yan at this point? Because I bet there are plenty of ways that could actually go wrong. Not to mention the deliciousness of just watching them navigate a relationship shift that sudden. I feel like, at this point, WKX would have to be actively confrontational about it, would have to throw it in ZZS’s face – it would need to be something he did in the heat of anger, in order to have this pushed out past all of his fears. Like, you say that, but where were you when I needed you? Also, you think so, well what if your responsibility actually turned out to be the TERRIFYING GHOST VALLEY MASTER, what then, huh? And ZZS, still pretty actively suicidal over all of his failures, having to deal with what’s now being presented as YET ANOTHER FAILURE.)

Also, the theme of “knowing” (zhiji, the one I know) is starting to slide in sideways – we’re seeing a lot of back and forth between them asking about seeing the other’s “true face.” WKX says that he’ll tell ZZS what he (WKX) wants from him once he gets to see ZZS’s true face (LIES, it’s going to take a lot longer than that). ZZS asks to see WKX’s figurative true face, and WKX looks kind of sad and contemplative as he warns that it may be unappealing or terrifying. So, you know, we’re starting to poke at all the softest, most tender places and the issues that are going to stab me repeatedly in the heart for the rest of the show. We’re also already seeing the way Xiao Chu just layered in references throughout the script when she wrote it that call back to each other – it’s like almost any line of dialogue references three other lines of dialogue (and that’s without even getting into all of the literary references that I’m missing because I don’t have cultural context). You get things like WKX’s little speech right at the end that it’s hard to tell a ghost from a human, which on its face might be referring to the two “ghosts” that were coming for Chengling that he took care of and act as an admonishment to ZZS not to be so quick to assume they’re actually from Ghost Valley, but it also refers to WKX, himself, and specifically lays the groundwork (“someone wearing a ghost mask is not necessarily a ghost”) for his conversation in a later ep with ZZS when he asks if ZZS thinks he’s a good person, and also calls back (“someone who looks human may not be human”) to the line from earlier in this ep, itself, when WKX tells ZZS that perhaps WKX’s true face is terrifying. And so we get a nicely little wrapped package of the dichotomy of WKX and his issues. (As a somewhat related aside, A-Xiang’s little face when Zhou Zishu says all of the ghosts of Ghost Valley are full of evil (at 6:55). D: This reaction is obviously for herself, but also may be the first time she acts as proxy for Wen Kexing, as well.)

What else, what else?

So, nobody has a good opinion of the jianghu. WKX is going to be constantly all, “You killed my father, jianghu, prepare to die,” but ZZS also goes off about how it’s just about greed, hatred and ignorance, and yeah, I guess he’d have a pretty bad impression of it, when Prince Jin and Tian Chuang seemed like a better option than the pressure he was facing, trying to keep Siji Manor Sect alive back in the day. We talk a lot about WKX’s childhood trauma, because it’s so awful and right in our faces, but I don’t know how much we actually talk about the fact that ZZS was a teenager not much older than Chengling when he inherited a sect and tried desperately to keep it from being torn apart by the rest of the jianghu. I think we see some bitterness come out in the first few episodes – frankly, in this ep, he doesn’t seem to make much of a distinction between Ghost Valley and the rest of the jianghu. Also interesting that the metaphor he uses about the jianghu’s and Ghost Valley’s greed for the treasures of the Armory is “reaping without sowing,” given what we find out is actually in there in Ep 36.

We see our metaphor of light get pulled out again – this throughline strikes me as more like beads on a string than a thread, at this point, but maybe I’ll notice it more on this second time through … Anyway, WKX’s comment at 9:11 that it’s almost dawn is notable. Indeed, but is it because your plan is beginning to work and you can see the destruction of Ghost Valley and the jianghu coming down the pike, or is it because you’ve found your shixiong?

I notice WKX has color-coordinated ZZS and Chengling in the robes he bought for them, has already grouped them together, marked them as belonging to each other – he’s already subtly treating them as each other’s family. The show, with a particular lack of subtlety, also will have ZZS there to wake up Chengling from nightmares later in the end of the ep, as Chengling calls out for his dad in his sleep.

OK, Deng Kuan is the guy in charge of the Yueyang sect contingent that arrived in time to see the Mirror Lake chaos in Ep 2 and has taken charge of cleaning up the bodies in this ep. I actually overlooked him, pretty much, the first time around, but here, he’s already got Shen Shen yelling at him (in a completely ridiculous fashion) for not getting there in time to save the Mirror Lake Sect, so he’s just going to be a punching bag through the whole show, apparently. Shen Shen is wu-di, fifth (little) brother, and he refers to Chengling’s dad as si-ge, fourth (older) brother, so Shen Shen appears to be the youngest of the Five Lakes sworn brothers, leading me to believe that some of what makes him so insufferable through a lot of the show is baby brother syndrome. Also, Shen Shen and his group find the Soul Winding Threads of the Hanged Ghost … supposedly. I mean, the Hanged Ghost was the guy who we saw get got in Ep 1, soooooo …. (remember these Soul Winding Threads, btw).

*This got super long so I’m’a put this last bit under a cut, but I did try to start a running tally of who’s holding a piece of the Glazed Armor:

Each of the Five Lakes Alliance sects is supposed to have a piece of the Glazed Armor, yes? So, as of the end of Ep 3 (hierarchical bro-titles are from didi Shen Shen’s POV):

- Yueyang Sect, led by Gao Chong (da-ge) - presumably still has his

- Tai Hu Sect, led by Zhao Jing (er-ge) – presumably still has his

- Danyang Sect, led by Lu Taichong (san-ge, presumably) – apparently the sect has already been attacked off-screen (by “Ghost Valley?” and WHEN?), as we learn in Ep 3 that Lu-zongzhu has been killed and his remaining two tiny disciples have fled to the protection of Ao Laizi and Tai Shan Sect, one of the lesser sects, and are believed to have taken Danyang’s Glazed Armor with them. We learn this from Tao Hong, Lv Liu and Begger Gang Chief, but I notice that Gao Chong only mentions the Mirror Lake massacre as the precipitating event for the Hero’s Conference and total war on Ghost Valley – he doesn’t even mention Danyang Sect, so does Five Lakes not know about this yet?

- Mirror Lake Sect, led by Zhang Yusen (si-ge) – Zhang-zongzhu killed by “Ghost Valley” in Ep 2, Glazed Armor “missing” and speculated POST EP 2 to have been taken by Ghost Valley (but will turn up in a few eps, thanks to our little Goldbean)

- Dagu Shan Sect, led by Shen Shen (wu-di) – presumably still has his

And then we move to:

- Tai Shan Sect, led by Ao Laizi – in-world speculation is that he now has the Danyang Glazed Armor. We do see him near the end of the ep with the two tiny Danyang shidi, where he makes the intriguing comment that he’s going to follow their shifu’s last wishes and keep their Glazed Armor from falling into the hands of the Five Lakes Alliance, so what exactly was going on between San-ge and his sworn brothers at the time of his death? This group also is apparently being pursued by Shen Shen to get their Glazed Armor, and they make him sound awful. You need better PR, Shen Shen.

- Ghost Valley – POST EP 2, speculated to have taken the Mirror Lake Glazed Armor (FALSE)

NOTABLY, “Ghost Valley Master” set a lot of this chaos in motion in Ep 1 when he claimed that Hanged Ghost (who got got a scene earlier) had stolen HIS piece of the Glazed Armor, although he shouldn’t have a piece (supposedly) until after Ep 2, when he’s believed to have taken Mirror Lake’s. So, what piece would that be, exactly, Terrifying Ghost Valley Master? You wouldn’t be lying in pursuit of chaos would you? (Somewhere, WKX gasps theatrically behind his fan, and he doesn’t even know what motivated it, this time.)

[shreddedleopard]

10 Reasons it would make narrative sense for Levi and Historia’s character arcs to conclude together.

I’ve been wanting to do this for ages, but I’ve been nervous of the backlash. Feels like it’s now or never though, and theorising for/analysing stories is one of my favourite things to do - I’m clearly missing those literary analysis essays from university days. So please excuse me if you think I’m deluded - I probably am - but the analyst in me won’t let me be until I’ve got this all out of my system.

Beware, it’s a long one. There's some thoughts on chapter 130 nearest the bottom!

1. Childhood Parallels - The Abandoned Children

Levi and Historia’s childhoods mirror one another - there are striking similarities, but then also sections that fit together to complete each other, as though they are matching jigsaw pieces. The characters start out in worlds that are opposite - Historia has the comforts of a safe home, food on the table, and fresh air and sunshine. She has all the physical nourishment she needs, but she does not have her mother’s love. On the contrary, his mother’s love is the one thing Levi does have, otherwise living in poverty underground. Both their mothers, however, appear to be using sex and the idea of love as a means to survive or way to try and improve their circumstances, and it is out of this necessity that both end up being born.

Levi is clearly affected when he first hears Historia’s tale of her childhood - Isayama shows this through the fact that Levi’s plate is the only one left untouched at the end of her story. He has been so sucked in by what she’s relayed, and probably saddened, that he hasn’t been able to bring himself to eat as the others have. Historia’s story rings true with some of his own experiences, but also highlights the world he may have found himself in without his mother’s love.

Remember, Isayama consciously thinks about each panel he’s drawing - he wouldn’t include a small detail like that without reason. We see more of these instances of small but significant stylistic choices and minor details as we progress. Isayama stated in an interview that he wants to give fans an ending that fans would never guess, but that when they look back, the clues were there all along.

Continuing on with the theme of their childhoods and Isayama’s stylistic choices, let’s take a look at two significant moments:

Both characters, although experiencing different forms of deprivation initially (Physical vs. Emotional Nourishment) were abandoned at crucial moments in their lives - when they were looking for validation from their primary caregivers and the people who should have been responsible for demonstrating affection. Historia was abandoned when, after reading and taking onboard information she read in books just like her mother, she reached out to hug her, and Levi was abandoned at the moment he demonstrated that he’d absorbed everything Kenny had taught him. The parallel between these images is very powerful.

Kenny is a character that highlights more parallels between Historia and Levi.

Kenny’s words highlight the literal lack of growth in height for both Historia and Levi - both are particularly short, and also look youthful - but we can also take the words to suggest that the characters are still very much defined by what happened to them in their pasts, and have yet to step away from their demons and achieve closure on what has happened to them as children.

At this point, we can definitely say that Isayama has chosen to tie both Historia and Levi’s stories together through their childhoods - their backstories are revealed alongside each other, in the same arc of our story, and in terms of experiences, they are both identical and mirror opposite at different points.

2. Shared Values

Despite being deprived of affection for large portions of their childhoods, both Levi and Historia appear to have experienced glimmers of kindness in their darkness as well, and this has shaped some of their values and behaviours.

Levi experienced his mother's love for a short while until he lost her - we know how deeply she cared for him from her refusal to give him up despite Kenny’s advice to her when she fell pregnant. Historia had Frieda’s kindness instilled in her, even though she's not able to consciously remember her actions until later. 

Both display an affinity for animals, with several manga and even anime-only scenes where we see them being affectionate and kind to their horses. We don’t see this as prominently with any other characters.

But one of the biggest shared values is their desire to protect children. I've posted on this before, but here are a few examples of Levi being driven by this value:

It’s clear Levi has a soft spot for children. And Historia? We know her feelings on children from her first action as Queen - realised with the support of Levi.

3. Kenny’s failure … Levi’s success?

These next scenes we’ll focus on represent the moment that Levi and Historia are set up to undergo that ‘growth’ Kenny was referring to earlier in the uprising arc. Note Isayama’s choice of words here, and the symbolism of the whole scene. Kenny doesn’t tell Levi, ‘I couldn’t be someone you looked up to,’ or ‘I wasn’t fit to act as your father figure,’ he literally says ‘I can’t be some kid’s dad.” What does he do then? He shoves the titan serum at Levi.

Isayama pays great attention to this - dedicating several panels to the weighty moment, and Levi’s expression. It’s very dramatic. Notice how the word ‘Dad’ even has it’s own speech bubble. It’s almost as though Kenny is passing the mantle on to Levi - passing that responsibility on to him. It feels as though the passing of the serum replaces the missing words, ‘but you can.’ Isayama didn’t have to have Levi ask that question in the moment before Kenny passed the serum on to him. He could have positioned it so that the discussion about dreams was the precursor to the serum being passed over - which in my head, for the context of the scene, would make more sense. But he didn’t; he chose to have Kenny say that exact line to Levi - to admit his inadequacy as a father figure, with that focus on the word dad - and then hand the item over to Levi.

By itself, the scene could be seen as highlighting the ways that Levi is already a better father figure than Kenny. He has been somewhat paternal in his role as a Captain. But it’s the very next scene that brings Historia immediately into focus.

Historia looks suddenly so much maturer here, and the way the scenes sit immediately after one another feels too much like foreshadowing.

If you want the full effect of what I mean here, just rewatch this section of the anime!

We are presented with parallels between them once again. The focus of the crown and power of the monarchy being bestowed on Historia parallels the gift of the serum from Kenny to Levi - drawing on the ‘titan science’ element of the Ackerman heritage, perhaps?

Let me take a moment here, while we have these two visual representations of the Ackerman and Royal bloodlines side by side so perfectly, to point out that Isayama chose to answer a question in Bessatsu Shonen Magazine regarding the nature of a child born of both these bloodlines in 2018:

Q: If a child were to be born between two people from the royal family and the Ackerman family, which blood would take precedence? 

A: I think that both [of their bloodlines] would be reflected.

4. Blood Lines, Identity and Destinies - the Acker/Royal connection

We are still missing some information about the Ackermans, and Mikasa’s own Ackerman powers and behaviours have been a focus in recent chapters, prompting more questions. This suggests that the role of the Ackermans will be important in the story’s finale. With that said, lets have a look at what information we have about them so far in relation to the Royal Family:

- They worked closely with the Royal Family at one time, even being described as their sword and shield until they fell out of favour.

- They cannot be controlled by the king’s vow or have their memories tampered with. For this reason, they became enemies of the crown and the two bloodlines became at odds with one another.

Do either of these scenarios sound familiar in a romantic setting? The knight and princess trope has been hugely popular in fiction for as long as stories have been told - Lancelot and Guinevere is a well known classic. And two feuding families finally brought back together through love by the younger generation? Romeo and Juliet, anyone?

Okay, so maybe I’m reaching here. But Isayama has opened the discourse around this connection between the two bloodlines without concluding it, so I am certain it will have a part to play in upcoming chapters. Why create two characters from said bloodlines with such satisfyingly parallel but awful childhoods, if not to use them in some way to conclude this part of the narrative in the future?

5. The Beast Titan.

Another common plot point that Levi and Historia have is Zeke. The Beast Titan is a defining element in both their arcs. Levi is driven forward by his vow to kill Zeke, and this is repeated to the point where we expect this to be realised, or at least to see some satisfying resolution between the two. Historia’s situation is defined by her vulnerability to being turned into a Titan in order to consume Zeke. This threat to Historia’s life as a normal girl is also repeated across the later story arcs, just as Levi’s vow and apparent destiny to face off again with the Beast Titan is. If we link back to the knight princess trope, we could suggest that Historia is the metaphorical princess, Levi is the metaphorical knight, and The Beast Titan is the metaphorical dragon. The dragon must be slain in order to protect the princess, and the one to do this is always the gallant knight, or the hero. We know that Levi has been labelled Humanity’s Strongest, and even a hero, before.

It has been Levi’s destiny from the start. What's more, what is the crux of Zeke’s plan for Eldians? 

Euthanasia by preventing reproduction. Zeke’s ideology basically directly opposes the values of Levi and Historia - who wish to save as many children as possible.

6. The Smile

If there is one scene Levi fans lost their heads over, it’s this one. The Smile. Who was responsible for getting the sullen Captain to smile? None other than Queen Historia. The one time we get to see a genuine smile from him, in all 131 chapters of SNK, is when Historia playfully punches his arm. I think by this point, it is absolutely fair to say that Levi has a soft spot for her, although I’m not suggesting this is anything romantic at this stage due to her still being a child. What else is interesting about this scene? Let’s look at it from Historia’s point of view. She’s still a 15 year old girl. I’m hardly suggesting she’s got deep, meaningful feelings for a Captain so many years her senior. What I am suggesting, is that clearly there is the beginnings of her seeing him in a different light, and feeling some sort of fondness towards him too. This is also the stereotype of innocent, youthful infatuation - how many times have we seen teenagers play-fighting or bantering with the object of their affections? Something might just be stirring in Historia towards the Captain as she begins her transition into adulthood.

7. THAT (deleted) Scene

Okay, so we can’t very well talk about the smile in the context of this topic without addressing this scene:

There were a few scenes cut to make the uprising arc in the anime more streamlined. This is one of them, and again, has been one of the most talked about. People either love or hate this scene. In the manga, it absolutely sets up some major character growth for Historia, when she goes from being scared and allowing Levi to threaten her into taking an action, to standing up to him atop the wall at Orvud district, throwing his own words back at him. In contrast to Historia’s willingness, Levi becomes more receptive to her perspective and backs down, which also shows his growth. (More on that shortly!)

So, if it adds to the narrative around Levi and Historia, and is a key part of their development as characters, why did Isayama let the studio remove it? It must be because their influence on one another’s growth is no longer important to the story, correct?

If you ask me, that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Isayama has stated there were some elements of Uprising that he was unhappy with. Just, for a moment, think how this scene would fit into the bigger picture of a relationship (whether that be deeply platonic or even romantic) between Historia and Levi. Could people get behind that knowing that once, he handled her so roughly? Does keeping this scene as canon for the anime open a can of worms in terms of what is and isn’t acceptable (even more so than the age gap already does) when it comes to a relationship? Could Isayama be seen as glorifying abuse and suggesting that female characters are likely to develop feelings for men who have treated them so poorly in the past? I completely understand Levi’s reasoning for acting this way in this scene, and I loved the set up and pay off later in the arc. However, I do believe that animating this, and then having them become much closer later in the story, could make a backlash likely.

My conclusion to this particular section is - if their influence on one another as characters was unimportant, and the payoff of them reaching a stage where they bring out the best in one another wasn’t relevant to the rest of the story, then The Smile shouldn’t have made it in, right? So much of the set up was removed that it would have been far easier to scrap the scene than to try and figure out another reason for Historia to punch Levi, and make him smile.

That punch was important. It remains for a reason.

8. Levi’s Echo

So, since we discussed the impact of Levi’s words on Historia in the previous point, and how Isayama uses them to illustrate her character growth, let’s jump ahead all the way to chapter 130. We’re now post time skip, where Historia is nineteen. She’s matured now into a young woman - a woman old enough to acceptably conceive a child. This is the chapter which caught everyone’s attention due to Historia’s words to Eren regarding the idea of said child. But first of all, I want to focus on a scene which appears a couple of panels before her question:

‘It’s not as if I’ve just been tending to cattle all this time.’

What does this line mean? The only thing we know in terms of what Historia has been doing in the time skip is that she set up an Orphanage that Levi was also very much invested in and supported her with. So she’s not only been tending to cattle, but ... tending to orphans? With the Captain’s help?

Remember how we said that Isayama doesn’t include subtle details unless there’s a reason. Having Levi support her with the orphanage as a way to show how much he cares about the poorer children wasn’t needed - we already know from several instances discussed earlier that he cares about that topic deeply. So surely this must have been a small detail to set up for a later reveal?

This line alone is interesting, but not necessarily enough to suggest a big influence from Levi. But it’s the next line that grabs attention:

‘There’s no need to fight or run.’

What does this echo?

In my mind, the reason served by this dialogue in 130 is twofold. It works with both the literal events of the deleted scene, and also with the reader’s knowledge that the scene was disregarded later:

1. There is no reason to run or to fight, because Levi is on her side now. When he originally spoke those words to her - run from me or fight me - they were used in reference to what he and the corps were going to make her do - ie, become Queen. Now, they are not forcing her to do anything - they aren’t making her comply with the 50 year plan of producing as many royal children as possible and turning herself into a titan. Instead, she’s empowered by them, and very importantly, him, to make her own decisions while they try to figure out an alternative. (Why do I say him? I’ll cover this in the next point). And yet ... she still chooses to bear a child. A child born of love, not necessity. This is the difference between the birth of her child, and her own birth. And funnily enough, Levi’s birth, too. 

The cycle of history is being broken.

2. Her words serve as a reminder that in the revised version of events, Levi never even forced that choice upon her in the first place. He’s always been her ally and treated her with care and respect. Even more reason for her to value and care for him in return. There really is no need to run or fight - from the military police, because she will bear a child, stopping them from turning her - or from Levi, either. 

9. The Hooded Figure

As promised, let me explain why I say that Levi empowers Historia (yet again) to make her own decisions. My good friend Key made a wonderful discovery regarding the hooded figure panel, and honestly, based on the evidence I’ve seen, I’d be prepared to bet a whole lot on this next claim:

Levi is the hooded figure who warned Historia of the plan to turn her.

I’ve shared Key’s original post previously, but here’s the gist, with some added observations.

Levi from the hallway; Levi from that iconic scene, fits the dimensions of the hooded figure perfectly, without having to adjust the panel sizes. 

The jacket worn is lighter in colour than Eren’s standard black one, but is reminiscent of the jackets worn by the Levi Squad in the uprising arc. The only other clue we’re given to work from is that the figure has their hands in their pockets.

Hmm ... you know who else has a habit of stuffing his hands in his pockets?

So if Levi is the one who warned Historia, is that why she subtly uses his words when talking to Eren?

Let me return to chapter 130 once more, and just invite you to read the following panels from a different angle.

10. Mikasa-Eren/Levi-Historia Parallels

Alright, so this is a bit of a head-mash, but just consider what I’m about to say. In our panels with the Historia-Eren-Zeke conversation, Mikasa is never mentioned by name once. Zeke mentions ‘this Ackerman girl,’ however there is no confirmation that Eren was in fact talking about Mikasa when he asked Zeke about the Ackerman traits ...

Isayama only shows us the conversation with Zeke after Eren has just spoken to Historia about her fate and what the Paradis government want her to do in terms of bearing children. If these are just all memory fragments of Eren’s, why would discussing this with Historia suddenly make Eren think of a conversation about Ackerman traits with Zeke?

In this conversation, Zeke puts two and two together and gathers that Eren is asking these questions because of Mikasa. He then tells him how much Mikasa obviously cares about Eren, regardless of any ‘ingrained behaviour.’ What does Eren then link this with?

The conversation where Historia asks him what he’d think if she was to bear a child. What does ingrained Ackerman behaviour and Mikasa’s true feelings have to do with Historia’s child?

I want to suggest this possibility: this conversation has nothing to do with Mikasa’s feelings for Eren, and everything to do with Levi’s feelings for Historia.

Eren even confirms that Zeke has the wrong end of the stick with asking him how he will respond to Mikasa’s feelings.

What are you even talking about?

Here, he is not considering how he will respond to Mikasa, because he can’t even contemplate that with what he is about to do, and how long he has left to live (although this may have then prompted his later conversation with Mikasa after the market - where he sees Levi save the boy that he will later kill - do you see how this is all linking together?)

Here he means the lives of Historia, her child, and potentially even Levi, as well of course as Armin, Mikasa and the rest of his friends. Want to know why I think that? Isayama hinted it. Again.

We have the image of Historia, suggesting the idea of bearing a child, followed by the image of the child Levi saved, followed by the image of Levi himself.

Isayama draws every detail in every panel for a reason. If part of his conclusion to this manga involves Levi and Historia intertwined and the birth of an Ackerman-Royal child, it won’t be a massively random idea.

It will contribute to an ending where the clues were there all along, but we never really considered them.

(There’s more, so much more, but I have to stop somewhere or I won’t leave my computer. If anyone wants a part two because you’re thirsty for more of this crap, drop me a comment!)

[spacetwiga]

leave c!phil out of bullshit 2k21 -- a not so tiny post by a new enthusiast

As someone who finds both common fanon and actual canon to be quite fun, I really think the general DSMP fandom would benefit greatly from a few things in general: the greatest, in my opinion, is learning to accept that popular fanon won’t usually be the canon you receive. Another, of course, is that POVs are golden, but with these two things being flimsy in being accepted, they are the major flaws that cause about 90% of the absolute messy takes that gain traction, oftentimes poisoning a canon character's ability to exist in the story.

My biggest beef regarding this comes from how y’all treat c!Phil, so here I am, being annoying on main side! 

TL;DR... Just because someone acted like like a guidance to others, doesn’t always mean that they'll want to be the father figure role for everyone that breathes. Similarly, pinning down a character on a single trope is wack, so don't be surprised if they grow away from it.

Baby’s first little dsmp rambling below!

(Warning: it's long as hell)

The Dream SMP plotline is not written out like most popular media. With so many moving parts in the form of daily streams and the wonderful tool of live improvisation, it makes perfect sense that such a giant cast would not always be on the same page. Adding onto that, it also makes more sense that a vast majority of the cast will be placed into supporting roles, as the story needs to have characters that serve as narrative anchors and others that function as the links in a chain, all weathering the storm that is the plot.

Screentime, of course, plays a major factor into canon exposure -- in terms of the Dream SMP, POV matters equally, if not more, too. 

It’s a pretty neat way of showing things, but in the end, the fanbase has a lovely (read: godawful /lh) way of analysing characters, particularly when it relates to how they interact with others from their fave character’s POV. The tendency to analyse things from a single character's POV is fine, but not when attempting to critique the greater whole of a conflict. Both sides, no matter how wrong they may seem to be, matter.

Adding onto the fact that everything is live, there are things that will spiral out of control, casual words being skewed and thus having the potential of a single line seemingly contradicting the entire ‘story’ that the fanbase has made. If it directly affects a fave's POV in particular, one is more likely to take offense, as bias immediately bars one from trying to see the other person's side of things.

POV is important. 

Which brings me to c!Phil, and how critics tend to ignore his perspective to prop up another character, or justify the tearing down of another.

Improvisation is both a blessing and a curse; the fanbase, however, loves to test out the latter. With it, the fanbase starts crafting tales to justify it...And so begins the mess that is c!Phil discourse.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is not supposed to be your fave’s fluffy father figure... unless you’re c!Wilbur!!!

😃☝🏾Dadza is good...👉🏾😎👉🏾 But fandom wants the excessive, idealized version.

-- birb 2k21

Family dynamics are generally loved for their potential for comfort, particularly those of a found family nature. Fandom in general tends to lean into them wholeheartedly, with most major bases having at least one prominent group present; SBI, of course, is no different. From fanart to popular fanfiction, it's arguably the biggest group dynamic alongside the Dream Team, and for that, a precedence was set. 

c!Phil, if he ever joined, would fix everything! All of the ‘kids’ would turn to their new mentor and everything would turn out fine! This all knowing, morally just character will chuckle at their antics and wacky hijinks will follow! Fun times, right? /s

The hope for it, however, has long since been shattered, and frankly, good for him!

To go a little ooc, cc!Phil has stated multiple times that, while he was friendly with a lot of the cast as c!Phil, his only paternal link (at least biologically) lies with c!Wilbur. Simple, right? It should be -- there are multiple clips of him saying this -- but fans choose to ignore it in their critiques, generally citing favouritism or downright neglect for the character’s flaws. From 'favoring' Techno (who, in canon, holds the highest link in friendship outside of c!Wilbur's familal link) to 'neglecting' to visit Tommy (who he barely knew, and also assumed, like many others, that he was fine), these critiques weigh heavily on the scale that judges Phil’s so called father figure trope. 

The story, however, has only leaned into (and persisted with) that for c!Wilbur alone, and adding onto it, there is an established acknowledgement from both ccs. That confirmation should hold the most weight, especially since both Phil and Wilbur seem alright with it. Even so, that familial has yet to be explored much for both characters, particularly regarding c!Phil, who has his debut (at least narratively) in a scene that feels opposite to the classic fatherly role.

c!Wilbur denounced accepting that helping hand to fall entirely into his explosive end, setting a precedence unlike most fatherly types arriving to save their kid. Usually, fandom narrative would love a close save, father and son uniting to heal and build up what was broken, but c!Phil’s entrance inks his story in failure. Angsty, right? We love angst!

And yet, as the story ticks on, the bad takes pile up.

Why? Well, I’l used to think that it is a “funny haha” type thing; a way to grieve for a character that was lost, as Alivebur was genuinely a great character. However, with the plot slowly progressing c!Phil’s story to evolve away from the ‘mentor the kids’ trope , I should have seen a storm on the horizon.

It should have been seen from the moment he stabbed c!Wilbur in the chest, but optimism is one hell of a smokescreen.

Built up fanon, however, is probably the greatest fog to ever exist.

There are lines before the button room confrontation that paint a picture of Wilbur seeking out the approval of his father (who seemed distant, at least from his POV), as well as hints to the SBI dynamic, but with the countless dismissals/retcons from CCs involved, as well as little to no consistent canon acknowledgement of this team dad role...Why base an entire hate piece of c!Phil just because popular fanon isn’t real? 

Why, for the sake of building up a well rounded character, would one place the title of a communal parental figure on a grieving father who has little attachment to the community involved, especially when most of them are too busy delving into their own issues?

Furthermore, why go for Mr. Philza Minecraft: Angel of Death, CEO of KEKW, Functioning Immortal????

It’s madness, luv, and frankly, antis cannot let c!Phil process any of his grief (or flesh out his character) without his contributions being fatherly. His role has been idealized to the point where he is not a character on his own, but an accessory to the happiness of other characters. That is not how the world works, and in a conflict riddled server like the dsmp, arguing that it should be like that is counterproductive.

c!Phil had his own shit to deal with, and as he slowly uncovers how fucked up the server actually was, he merely adapts to it. He learns to play the game by his own rules, and people become mad that he’s succeeding in his own way. It's as simple as that, particularly when referencing his initial exposure to the world he now inhabits.

c!Phil is a man who used to hear of his son’s success from the letters he received, words spinning tales of won revolutions and newfound friendships. To a father, those letters are more than enough to assume that all is well, and with it, he had no reason to check on his son, who was already old enough to be carving his path alone. For him to arrive and see just how broken his son actually was, and then, in front of faces he only vaguely knows, kill said son... There's a lot to take in.

He shouldn't have had to care about L'Manberg in those moments, not when he had his son in his arms, dead by his own goddamn weapon; his son who, to his knowledge, was doing pretty well up until he caught wind of his plot. Yet, he does.

He gives them the benefIt of the doubt, even ignoring the one person he has shown to have deep history with (c!Techno) to assist the nation in defeating the withers and rebuilding what was lost.

c!Phil stays in a nation that has seemingly brought his son right into his demise, holding in that grief to help people who he assumes have the chance to rebuild, to reform. For a moment, he trusts that the system can turn into something positive, offering to hunker down and do what he can to help. That’s the start of a fatherly type role for most -- with many expectations rising from fans to ‘fix’ all these traumatized characters.

In another plot, perhaps critics could have gotten the tropes they want from c!Phil, but to blame the character for reacting negatively to a world he barely knew, right after seeing it ruin his son and target a friend...Maybe the need for a "father figure" only stems from making their faves happy.

Characters that don't directly support your fave are not inherently awful characters. Critique based on that alone is...flimsy, really, but honestly, you can use to to show how they process things.

Which brings me to the events leading up to Doomsday, and with it, the steady rise of c!Phil’s defining traits.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is one of the most loyal members on the server, but loyalty doesn’t mean he's blindly following along!

😃☝🏾Butcher Army take this L👉🏾😎👉🏾 Found it in the L’Mancrater

-- birb 2k21

The butcher army arc, while nestled among the mainline story of Tommy’s exile (which I will not even mention, because those dadza takes about visiting may deserve a post on their own), allows for c!Phil to see into the minds of those who had once been with (or even against) his son’s plans. Sure, he may be witnessing them after the eve of their newfound traumas, but this is an important observation to make when comparing how easy it was to denounce his affiliation to them and side with c!Technoblade.

Unlike the new Administration, slowly dipping deeper and deeper into their own form of power hunger, c!Technoblade’s base desires had never wavered. His trust in others, however, had, still nursing the sting of a betrayal, but with no conflict in sight. He is reforming, finding comfort in his solitude, and still maintaining contact with those he trusts.

Techno's Compass, for one, is a major example of their mutual trust. Despite being on opposing territories, they are civil enough to trust each other, just like old friends.

Thus, when you take two old friends who are more than used to conflict -- one grieving and one betrayed, but both seeking neutrality -- it shouldn’t have surprised the antis that c!Phil would place c!Techno’s whereabouts (and life, mind you) over some government he barely knew. 

And yet, above all else, c!Phil starts off as a neutral party for everyone's sake, forgoing potential conquest for peace.

To c!Phil and c!Techno, it’s like fighting back to back, knowing that one can always trust the other to fend off those just waiting to take advantage of your blindspot, while also quelling the need to imagine your partner turning around and doing the same. That sort of friendship is forged through many, many hardships.

They betray what little trust he had built in them. That’s on them.

c!Phil is aware how untrusting c!Techno is, and while c!Techno feels safe enough to give his all for c!Phil, he never exploits it to get ahead, which is something L'Manbergians felt okay with doing.

They take a book out of the playbook used on c!Techno, for c!Techno.

They went after yet another person who was close to him, using their power and influence to hold an execution under the guise of seeking justice. If c!Wilbur, at least pre-corruption arc, sent letters to his father, one would at least expect some of his old ideals of freedom and fairness to leak through into his friends, right? To see those c!Phil assumed would hold similar ideals immediately skew towards a darker, brutal side, particularly in threatening others to get what they wanted...Well, shit hit the fan.

c!Phil does not have that strong relationship with any former L’Manbergians, and despite there being potential for such, it didn't work out that way; instead, however, those characters manage to mistake his kindness for weakness. They take his preferred neutrality as a way to exploit him, to gain in such a way that he lost agency...

No more Mister Nice Dadza, and honestly, he’s justified in that notion.

They’ve lost his trust, time too short to have gained that strong link like c!Techno’s or c!Wilbur’s, and with it, came the inevitable association with Doomsday.

c!Phil knew c!Techno’s intentions from the beginning -- which had only wavered into dormancy because he had grown tired of fighting, understanding that the cycle he wishes to break is not worth his efforts -- so the agreement in participating is effortless. 

c!Dream was there too, of course, but in their mutual quest for eradication, it’s made canon that c!Techno and c!Phil hid away most of their arsenal, despite seeming overprepared. They have no loyalty to c!Dream; they’re smart enough to play along, however. He was a means to an end.

There’s no lies present in their relationship; c!Phil needed someone who didn’t try and pull wool over his eyes, and c!Techno let him see.

c!Techno needed someone who wouldn't stab him in the back, and c!Phil stayed true as his hidden sword.

Which is why, as the two joined forces, ideals aligning and power synergized, they didn’t think twice about nuking the nation to bedrock. Mutually agreeing that the system needs to die, they did what they could, and they succeeded.

How cool of them, tbh LMAO.

New L’Manberg tugged too hard at the sleeping tiger’s tail; they shouldn’t have expected it to roll over.

Their openness to each other was known.

There was no need for underhanded plays, for hidden betrayals, for undisclosed words.

Their loyalties were strong.

They were in sync.

In conclusion (maybe, maybe not...this shit is long holy heck)

😃☝🏾 I may hate this analysis in 30 minutes👉🏾😎👉🏾 Or I may make a part 2. Fuck it!

-- birb 2k21

And that’s what makes c!Phil an interesting character: He tends to be critiqued in reference to chatacters who have very well wronged him, have no affiliation to him or get associated to him through popular fanon. There's a lot to cover that I haven't (from Ghostbur to the whole Tommy 'dilemna') but overall I'm digging what I have now and if I ever get more energy, I'll continue!

c!Phil enthusiasts, I hope I did you proud LMAO. It's my first forray into this side of tumblr 👉🏾👈🏾 I'm a lurker.

c!Phil antis, you can either act respectful or go argue with a wall. I got experience dealing with antis on Tumblr; I am immune to BS.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Signing off!

- BIRB.

[that-wizard-oki]

Hello! I've been aware of your blog for years, and made a Tumblr blog very recently. I want to say that your posts are extremely well thought out, and give the storyline of Wizard101 a lot of much needed depth. I think if Wiz had the gameplay and story structure of Pirate101, it would benefit highly especially for worlds like Azteca and Khrysalis. Currently I'm rewriting Wiz and your posts are a huge inspiration. Finally. what are your thoughts on Arc 3? Imo it had potential but failed.

Hey there! Thank you so much for all your kind words, I’m glad you enjoy my thoughts and theories about the game-  and I’m flattered to hear they inspire you to create your own fan work :D 

Personally, I wouldn’t say that Arc 3 failed in any sense. I think the idea of a children's/family game to tackle the theme of a broken family\divorce is pretty smart- it gives the opportunity to adults who play this game with their kids to find a way to perhaps talk about their own experience with the same themes in their real lives (if it applies to them). Likewise, i also like that the story focuses on that the CHILDREN are the one who have to clean up the PARENTS mess, more or less. Often times the children in families who have a parent/parents that are either split, should split, or are abusive to one another, are the ones who get caught in the cross fire- this is SO evident with Mellori and Bat in Empyrea.

Following that, I think it was also super clever to have Mellori (and the wizard) initially ALSO be fighting against Spider’s children. Another common occurrence in families that experience abuse between their parents/ect, is that one or both of the parents will try to divide their children onto sides- furthering the divide and conflict in the family itself. THIS was exactly what was happening in arc 3- we weren’t technically fighting Raven and Spider, but their children were fighting each other in their names.

One of the most beautiful things to come out of this game was the fact that Mellori and Bat WERE able to see through that, and instead focused on the real threat at hand- their parents. In fact, it is their COMBINED power that allows the wizard to defeat the result of Raven and Spider- the Aethyr Titan. This reflects so well into reality, where when the children of broken families try their damned to support one another, instead of letting their parents continue to control and divide them, it leads to the kids being able to break the domino effect that comes with that kind of family dynamic. They are able to become individuals- instead of being some mini version or “part” of their parents (which is also clever on KI’s part to make Mellori and Bat/Rat/Scorpion LITERAL extensions of Raven/Spider, which makes it seem like they are just kind of mindless bots doing whatever their entrusted parent tells them). 

One part i particularly like as well is that towards the end of Empyrea, Mellori talk about how she’s going to go home to her mom- and it’s not Raven, it’s Baba Yaga. I absolutely love this idea that, yea, Mellori (and any kid for that matter) SHOULD be able to choose who their mom/dad/parent is if their birth parent(s) don't provide for you the way a parent should. I think that is a SUPER important lesson for Kids AND parents to hear. You choose your own family if that’s what it comes down to, and there is NO shame in that. 

That being said, i do have my issues with some things too- this might seem small, but I never liked how when we’re in the Husk, and Raven and Spider are talking to one another about who’s “really” at fault, and eventually Raven goes “oh what have i done?” and Spider just goes “.... Yea were were BOTH really bad huh?” Like.... listen, sure, Raven probably shouldn’t have locked Cob away for eternity and stole his chaos heart in order to reform the spiral, BUT imma be real with y’all... Spider also did shit to aggravate Raven- specifically, he messed with her kids into a fucking war. I mean this half sarcastically, but tbh, if you mess with a mother’s kids... that's fucking on you man, you know the grave your digging for yourself on that one lmao.

But more seriously- i feel like they REALLY tried to make Raven out to be “worse” than Spider, and having Spider just beguile her with his words at the end in a way were she ended up being like “oh nooo IM the really bad one, oh no oh noo :((” JUST for him to be like “no its ok babe :) we’re BOTH equally as bad, stay here with me and we can be bad and alone together :)”

Actually now that i write that out, it is a little.. weird that Spider kinda got what he wanted- to be with Raven, when imo, they really should have STAYED split. I don’t come from a divorced family, but I’ve many friends who do, and I’ve gathered that more often than not... divorce can be a good thing, as it is likely to stop/lessen the conflict within families. I think that yea, they both did bad things to one another, and need to stay apart, not spend the rest of eternity together.

That’s probably my biggest qualm with the entirety of Arc 3, beyond the various obvious one, which is that Morganthe played like, absolutely no part in it lmao. I’ve talked endlessly about it, so i won’t repeat myself too much lol. 

Just to briefly reiterate- i think that Morganthe, the one who re-discovered shadow magic, was groomed by the Shadow Magi, and very blatantly infused with something akin to the conversion tables we see in Khrysalis, I think she would have been an invaluable source of information and help for the Wizard. Not only does she probably know the most about Shadow Magic outside of Spider, but it’s insanely alluded to that she was under his control- perhaps even had contact or conversation with him somehow in her time as Shadow queen.

The biggest frustration of her lack of presence though, comes from the way Khrysalis built up this INSANELY interesting Foil between the Wizard and her. The way that they both weirdly fit the prophecy, the way their lead into The Hive was so eerily mirrored, the fact that we were both called the Children of Light and Shadow by Spider, and not to even mention how the shared feelings of loneliness and fear of failure as students of Ambrose... like I could go on about these two and how amazing it would have been for them both to work together in arc 3, but also help heal and grow as The Children of Light and Shadow... but that’s not what we got unfortunately. 

Anywho, i don’t wanna ramble on about that too much because i touched on it in another ask post and you can look at that if ya want in my tag, but yea! Those are my general thoughts on Arc 3. Again, i love this arc, i think it truly has some of the most nuanced writing and characters thus far in the game. 

Besides, i always think they could easily write in Morganthe’s return for a redemption with the wizard, especially now with the Wizard seemingly trying to fight their own shadows.

Hope that satisfied your question though, and good luck with your writings :D