#my control issues are going crazy tonight don't mind me

[hellcatsandcars]

tw in tags for weight talk!! just need to vent or i'll scream lol

[felice-jaganshi]

Strawberry Scented Love

Radiodust Strawberry Pimp AU

Chapter 9 - The Horny One

(ADULTS ONLY!)

There was one more week before Alastor returned to his post, except this time, Angel disappeared with him. A note was left behind for everyone to take a paid vacation, and they'd be back with an explanation next Sunday. 

 

~Wednesday, three days into the elopement~

 

A beautiful suit and wedding dress lay on the floor of a home in Hell's bayous. Alastor's vacation home, the closest he could get to Louisiana in Hell.

 

Alastor pressed Angel into the mattress gently, “Mon amour… I must confess something to you before we begin.” Wedding rings now adorned both of their left hands.

Angel chuckled, putting a hand on the back of Alastor's neck, “If it's that ya don't have much experience in this field, don't worry. I know. I'm not expecting something that'll rearrange my whole world or anything crazy. Just as long as it's you, loving me the way you do, I'll enjoy it. Promise.”

Alastor's smile turned warm. “Thank you, Beloved… you are truly too good for me. But that wasn't what I was going to confess. I… was going to confess that my Shadow would like to join us, if you'll allow him? If that's something you would enjoy of course. I cannot guarantee I'll last long enough to actually satisfy you, but my Shadow being more of a construct than a person, can go for as long as you need.” Said Shadow appeared beside the bed with a nervous smile and its ears drooping, head tilted to the side, looking as cute as possible.

 

Angel blushed and grinned, shock quickly turning into excitement, “O-oh! Oh hell yeah baby, he's part of you, right? And I signed up for the whole package. Till double death do us part.” Alastor grinned and kissed Angel gently. Alastor kissed back, bleating as he did.

“Thank you, Beloved… this means more to me than you know.”

“Oh I think I have an idea…” Angel smirked and trailed a finger down Al's spine to his flickering tail.

“You're lucky it's your first time, so I'm gonna play nice and let you be in control. But next time, I'm gonna rock your world so hard you'll forget your own name.” He gently grabbed hold of the tail, and Alastor flinched, face going red.

“I- I'm certain there's quite a few things you could teach me about this sort of thing, my love.” 

“Yeah there is, but don't worry about that tonight. I already got myself ready for you earlier, so we can just focus on enjoying each other tonight without any issues or major hang ups.”

Alastor took a deep breath of relief at that, “So thoughtful my dear, thank you.”

Angel then reached for a bottle of lube he had hidden under the pillow earlier that day. “We'll still need to get you ready, mind if I do the honors?”

Alastor looked at the bottle nervously, before nodding his head. “Yes, please. I'm still not thrilled about how wet and sticky this whole process is going to be, though I know ‘wetness’ is a necessary component for it to be pleasant for both of us. I'll get over it with time, I'm sure.” He was determined to. Angel was worth it.

 

“Al, you know you don't gotta force yourself ta do this, right?” He put a hand on Alastor's cheek. “Smiles, if this ain't ya cuppa tea, we can talk about it. Find some other compromise that makes us both happy.”

He closed his eyes and leaned into the gentle affection, “I know, Beloved. But I want to at least try it before completely ruling it out as an impossibility. Call me stubborn if you must, but I need to know if I can make love with you the way you deserve.” He then turned his face to kiss Angel's palm, taking hold of the back of his hand as he kissed his wrist next, slowly working his way down to his shoulder, across his clavicle, and right over his heart, before nuzzling into the fluff there. “Hm, so soft… just how do you do it?”

“Believe it or not, tuna oil pills. They taste nasty, but they make my fur soft and shiny. So it's worth it.” Angel closed his eyes and pet the back of Al's head with his free hand, gently running his nails against his scalp. Al hummed before returning to kissing his way down Angel's body, stopping when he reached his panties and the noticeable bulge in them. 

 

“You must be uncomfortable being restrained so, Darling. Mind if I remove these for you?” He asked it so sweetly, Angel was torn between being turned on, and finding it cute.

“Go for it, stud. I've got nothing to hide from my husband.” He smiled.

Alastor then moved one hand down to the back of Angel's knee, “Then what about these stockings, Love? I admit they look absolutely stunning on you, but I couldn't help noticing your reluctance to take them off.”

“J-just think it looks sexier is all.” Angel blushed and looked away. He was lying, and Alastor wasn't having it.

“Angel. Mon petit ange.” His tone was slightly stern, turning Angel's chin to look at him, “You know there isn't a single thing about you I could ever hate, correct? That I will love every part of you, without reservation or hesitation if you will let me, yes?” He held Angel's gaze, determined to make him believe his words.

“I… I just don't like the way my feet look. They're weird and deformed. Ugly.” 

Alastor sighed and sat upright, “Angel, you see all my scars, yes? I find them repulsive, but you said a moment ago, when you were disrobing me, that you find them sexy. That they make me look powerful… I do not believe your feet could possibly be so ‘disfigured’ as to make me see you as anything less than the beautiful man I chose to marry.”

 

Angel covered his own face with his hands, “Fine… if you're that curious, go ahead. I won't stop ya.”

Alastor pressed a kiss to Angel's thigh, “thank you, darling.” He slowly pulled down one stocking, kissing the skin as he revealed it till he got to Angel's ankle. He then sat back as he removed the last of it and looked at his foot. Two little pink paw pads with black claws at the end. He reached a hand out and took one of the pads in his hand. Angel flinched, and peeked through his fingers at Alastor's face. He gently massaged the paw pad.

“Hm, they don't seem disfigured at all, dear. Who told you they were? These are simply what spider feet look like. There's nothing strange about it at all.” He sounded so calm, and decided to start giving Angel a genuine massage, even rubbing his ankle and calf with his other hand to further relax him. “So tense as well, and from all the dancing you do, that only makes sense. Goodness, I need to take better care of my little star. I'd hate for you to pull a muscle or get a cramp on stage.” He was clearly enjoying himself. But not in the fetish way Angel was used to… It was just that he genuinely found joy in caring for his beloved.

 

“Fuck, Al, that feels great and all, but you're getting distracted… Please, can we get back to you fucking me? Or I'm gonna die of blue balls before the night is over.”

Al grumbled, nose scrunching up, “I don't like that phrasing. It makes this sound… basic and filthy. When this is far more important than what you do for work.”

“ DID for work. I'm not fucking anyone but you now. You put the ring on my finger, now I'm your problem, exclusively.”

Alastor's expression relaxed at that, and he took off the other stocking. “I wouldn't want it any other way.” 

He kissed the ankle of that leg, and slowly worked his way back up to Angel's inner thigh, stopping right at the edge of the panties he still hadn't removed, making Angel whine in both pleasure and frustration. “Please, Al…” He was begging now, and it made Alastor feel like his blood was on fire.

He pulled down the panties, revealing Angel's long and narrow cock. It was smooth, and tapered. A similar shape to his own tentacles, actually. Which was rather a relief for Alastor. Since it didn't look like what he expected a dick to look like, he was less put off by the idea of touching it. He reached out, and took the dark pink appendage in hand, stroking it slowly. It felt nice in his hand actually, soft yet firm, smooth but not wet… yet. The tip was already starting to leak, and Angel was moaning softly.

“Mph, Al, that's so nice. You're doing great sweetheart.” The praise made his heart flutter, and he felt more confident. He was doing good? He was making his beloved feel good?  

He let curiosity get the better of him, and swiped a little of that wetness from the tip onto a finger, and brought it to his mouth, wanting to see what he tasted like…

Angel blushed at the sight, “Damn, that's hot, Smiles…”

Alastor scrunched his nose again, “Definitely not a flavor for me, however.”

Angel chuckled, “Yeah, it's not for everyone. That's okay.” He reached his lower arms out to rub Alastor's ears, “But I'm proud of you for trying new things. My brave deer~.” His tone was flirty.

Alastor kissed Angel's hip, “I'm only brave because you make me so.” He sat back on his knees again, and slowly lowered his own boxers away, letting Angel get a good view of what his partner was working with.

“Damn, Smiles… You got all that, just for little old me? My jaws aching just thinking about taking all that in. Next time for sure, you gotta let me suck you off.”

Alastor blushed as he tossed away his underwear, “Must you say such vulgar things?”

“Well, judging by the way your big guy just got harder, I'm gonna say you actually like that idea.” He then reached a hand out to Alastor's hip, making the shorter demon jump a little from the contact. “Shh, hey, it's okay… We're goin’ slow. I got you, I won't let you have a bad time, okay? Trust me.”

Alastor swallowed around the lump in his throat as he resumed his position over Angel, “Apologies for my skittish nature.. I trust you, and while I do enjoy your touch, I'm just not accustomed to anyone touching that area.”

“Hey, you don't gotta explain it to me, I get it. Can I touch you? I really want to, you look so pretty.” Alastor nodded, keeping his eyes focused on Angel's face, as the spider slowly moved his hand across Al's hip to the base of his cock. “That's it, there's my good boy. Just trust me, I got you.” Angel kept whispering soft praise as he slowly jerked him off. 

Alastor whined, and bucked his hips into Angel's hand, “H-hah, Ange, darling!”

Angel smiled at how soft Al's expression became as he started to let go and relax into Angel's touch. He sat up enough to kiss his neck, “You're doing good, big boss~. Now, I'm gonna lube you up okay? It's gonna be wet, but I promise it'll make this feel even better.”

 

Angel thought back to a previous incident months ago…

 ~~~~~~~

One of their performers, one that had been trying desperately to get Alastor's attention and be called ‘Darling’, had insisted they both watch his newest performance and tell him where he could improve. He was trying for a “comedy skit” style performance to make their audience laugh in between the bigger numbers. To “reset the mood”.

Well, due to a miscalculation in how much lube being dumped on him would be funny and how much would be just a mess… Some of it ended up splashing onto Alastor's face in the front row. The level of immediate panic the radio demon flew into was insane! It was like a cat getting dunked in a flea bath!

 

The performer was sworn to silence after that. Never to say a word of the incident, and Alastor refused to bear witness to any more of his comedy skits. 

The only explanation Angel got from him was that he couldn't stand things that were wet and sticky, and it got worse when the “wetness” didn't go away fast enough when he was done with it. It was also why he preferred showers over baths. He at least had a sense of control then.

 ~~~~~~~

Alastor pressed his forehead into Angel's chest fluff again, “I trust you.” He hid his face in the fluff, as Angel slicked up his member. Alastor gave a conflicted whine, both enjoying and hating the feeling. 

“Easy, easy… you're safe, you're fine… it's just me and my hand…” Angel soothed him through his discomfort, waiting for Alastor to adjust enough for the next part. “Just let me know when you're ready for more.

He shook his head, “L-let's just get to it. The longer you touch me, the closer I'm getting to my limit, Love.” He rose from the comfort of the fluff to look into Angel's eyes. Al looked so desperate already. 

“Alright, alright. Not a problem. Here we go, let's get you lined up then.” Angel moved a pillow under his own hips to raise himself up a bit, then helped Alastor get the right angle to start sliding in. “Don't worry about being gentle, babe, I can handle anything you throw at me.”

Alastor pressed inside with a groan, stopping halfway, “I- I want to be gentle with you… I want to love you, my darling. Not hurt you.” He then started rocking his hips, slowly working himself deeper into Angel. Angel closed his eyes and shivered, it had been a long time since anyone had fucked him like this. It was a whole different experience from the usual rough treatment, and good god how was he going to survive this bliss?!  

Alastor huffed hot breath against Angel's neck, arms shaking as he gently made love to Angel.

Angel ran his hands along Alastor's back, “God Al, you're so good to me. Please, just a bit more, a little faster~ I'm begging here! I need you!” His pleas were answered when Alastor picked up the pace, moving his hips more firmly against Angel's.

“L-like this? Mon cherie?” 

“Yeah, just like that baby, fuck.” He held Al tighter. “So good babe, don't stop.”

Unfortunately, it wasn't much longer until Alastor started to lose it, and came, filling Angel with his hot spend. Angel groaned in frustration, and Al held him tight, shaking and crying, “A-ange… I- I'm sorry I-”

 

Angel pet his head, “Hey, you did great sweetheart. Don't apologize. You lasted longer than I expected for your first time. God damn, you got me so close! I didn't even think about touching myself, you were doing so good. We just gotta work on your stamina.” He smiled and lifted Alastor's head to kiss him sweetly. “I love you, you did good, so don't cry.”

Alastor slipped out of him and groaned, laying beside Angel. “Shadow, it's your turn.” He covered his face with an arm as he tried to regain his composure. 

 

Angel blinked in confusion for a moment, having completely forgotten about the shadow! Suddenly his vision was full of a misty silhouette of his husband, with a green grin. “O-oh, h-hey there. What do you have in store for me?” He gave a sultry smile to try and hide his nerves. The shadows purred, befor kissing him passionately and running his hands over Angel's body.

The shadows touch was surprisingly warm, and if Angel shut his eyes, it felt just like Alastor. He wrapped his arms around Shadow, who had more give to his form than the real Alastor, but that didn't bother him.

He felt the shadows length press against his own, rocking them together, and pulled away from the kiss to breath. “F-fuck, Al! Please, just put it in! I need it!” Angel was desperate, that kiss was so intense. He looked at the real Al next to him, who was laying on his side smiling at Angel, “You're so beautiful when you're enjoying yourself, my darling.” 

“Why's his tongue so long?” Damn, he could- ha!” He lost his breath as the Shadow pressed inside him and resumed the pace Alastor had been giving him earlier. Angel lost his ability to speak, just focusing on the pleasure he was being given.

Alastor ran a hand through Angel's chest fluff, “Tell me darling, is there anything else you need?”

“Just, touch my dick and I'm so done.” 

“Hm, perhaps I can do one better.” The Shadow contorted out of Angel's arm, becoming more smoke than solid in the middle, before its mouth was sucking Angel off. The real Alastor leaned over Angel to give him something to hold onto as he nearly screamed in pleasure. Al kissed Angel's neck over and over. “Come for me love, let me see you unravel at my touch.” 

 

With a final shout, Angel came down the shadows throat, which was greedily swallowed up with a purr. He worked Angel through it and slowly worked him down from his high before pulling out. The Shadow kissed his cheek once before vanishing and leaving the two alone.

 

“How was that, mon amour?” Alastor asked.

“Amazing. Al, that was the best damn orgasm of my life!” 

That actually made Alastor look surprised, “Truly? You're not just saying that?”

“Al, I mean it. I'm not gonna lie to you about this.”

“I see, well good. I'm glad I was able to satisfy you, as a good husband should.” He blushed a bit, looking bashful with his smile.

“This is gonna be the best honeymoon anyone has ever had.” Angel giggled, and dragged Al in for another kiss.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

SIDE QUESTS AND SPINOFFS 🖋️ rebel and rooster!

“are you hurt? you look hurt, are you sure everything’s okay?”

ky's 1.5k follower celebration!

sorry i got carried away and i know i've written about protective Rooster 2835564993 times with them but I just love it so much!!

warnings: emergency ejection, Naval inaccuracies, medical inacuracies, bruises, MavDad because I couldn't help myself

You sigh, nodding as the nurse explains that she needs to go confirm something with the doctor and will be right back, leaning slightly against the bed in the room.

After an emergency ejection due to what you were suspecting was a mechanical issue with your plane, it was safe to say your nerves were fried.

Physically, you were fine.

But you were tired and ready to go home to your dog and your bed and your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend, who was probably out of his mind with worry and driving the poor nurses crazy.

"you're up and standing, that's a good sign."

Your head lifts from where it's counting the dots in tilling on the floor at the sound of your Dad's voice.

"Hey Dad." You breath out as he strides over to you, pulling you into a hug. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make anyone worry."

"Hey hey." He says, shushing you. "Don't worry about it, you can't control a mechanical failing of your plane. You did what you were supposed to."

You nod against his chest, taking in the smell of jet fuel. "Where's Rooster?"

He huffs, chest vibrating with a laugh. "Driving the nurses crazy. They haven't cleared you for non-familial visitors yet."

You hum into his chest as the door opens again, thinking about how this might be different if you and Rooster were married.

"Lieutenant, Captain?" The sound of the doctor's voice sounds from the door and you both turn to face him.

"Lieutenant, we'd like to keep you overnight for observation. While we don't suspect that you have a concussion and we expect that the extent of your injuries is just some minor bruising, it's standard procedure for you to stay overnight for observation."

You nod, too tired to protest. "Of course."

"You also have visitors who would like to see you if you're feeling up to it." You nod, your Dad's hand coming to rest on your shoulder. "Captain, you are more than welcome to stay overnight with her, if you wish."

He nods, squeezing your shoulder as the doctor leaves the room. "I'm gonna run to your house and grab clothes and stuff for you tonight. Anything special you want me to grab you while I'm there?"

"Tell Buddy I miss him." You say, frowning with a huff. He laughs, nodding.

"I will absolutely do that."

The door opens again and you barely have the time to process your team is filtering into the tiny room before someone's arms are wrapping around you.

"Are you hurt? You look hurt, are you sure everything's okay?" Bradley rushes out in one breath, not letting you even relish in his touch before he's pulling away. His eyes scan over your body, thumb coming to rest just below your eyebrow where a cut resides.

"Hey." You say firmly, taking his chin in your hand, guiding his eyes to your won. "Despite the bruises on my body, I'm fine."

He frowns, clearly not believing you as he locks onto the one peeking out over your collarbone. "Are you sure?"

"Not even a concussion."

He licks his lips as he lets his hands fall from your body. "they wouldn't tell me anything. I thought the worst. When they told AMv he could see you, but no one else, I- I was so afraid of what he might come back and say." He whispers, eyes falling to the floor.

"B..." You whisper, prompting him to give a shrug.

"We heard you go down and I just thought the worst. We all did." He admits and it's the first time you register the pilots crammed into the small space, the way Coyote is hovering exactly a half foot behind Bradley, like he's waiting his turn for a hug.

He probably is.

"When can you go home?"

You shrug. "Hopefully tomorrow. They're keeping me overnight for observation. It's standard the doctor said."

He nods, sighing. "Okay. But just so you know, I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you when we get home."

-

True to Bradley's word, he does.

It's been a few days since the emergency ejection and you've taken the rest of the week off at the doctor and Cyclone (and your Dad's) orders. Bradley had taken time off too, insisting you not move for anything.

Bradley had taken the doctor's orders of rest to heart, becoming only minorly unbearable.

You still showed no signs of a concussion and by some miracle, had by all accounts walked away from the ejection with nothing but bruises.

Bruises that had only grown darker as they had settled, a stake black and purple coloring your skin, particularly on your chest.

Bradley winced every time he saw them, even if he tried to hide.

You tucked your head into his chest as Bradley gingerly trails his fingertips over your skin. Buddy has his head resting on your thigh, nuzzling closer to you in his sleep.

"I hate these damn things." Bradley whispers, fingers tracing over bruise left on your chest by the harness. "Reminds me too much of the fact that I could've lost you."

"You know what, I don't hate them." You say with a shrug, taking his hand so he stops tracing over them and going crazy with what ifs. "They remind me I'm alive."

His eyes flicker to yours, but he doesn't say anything, just intertwines his fingers with your own.

"I survived and I have the bruising to show for it. It helps sometimes, I think. How I dealt with it when Coyote and I emergency ejected."

As the words tumble out of your mouth, you begin to wonder if that's why Bradley had been so overbearing since you'd come, the guilt that he hadn't been there still eating at him.

He was trying to make up for lost time.

He hums, pressing a kiss to your temple. "They remind you that you're still alive. That's a good way to think about it."

"I love you." You whisper.

"I love you."

[iwishicouldfixit]

My First Post - My life suffering in a dead bedroom

Hello,

Let me introduce myself. I am a 46 year old male from Australia, married for 20 years with 2 children. Unfortunately my relationship has been suffering from a dead bedroom situation for a long time. For anyone who's in one of these relationships, you will know what this can do to you and how it affects you in a big way.

In my case, I still get to make love to my beautiful wife 1 to 2 times a month. That's not the main issue. Sure, I would love if that was 4 to 5 times a month but the issue is I always have to initiate it. She never initiates it and does very little work to the stage she shows no interest once we start. I guess I classify this as pity sex. She also shows no affection to me what so ever. I will get a kiss good bye, kiss hello and a kiss good night. All of which is just a peck on the lips. There is nothing else. There is no cuddling, whether it is on the couch or in the bedroom. There is no other signs of affection such as a touch, absolutely nothing.

A dead bedroom dominates you, every day, and the depression that comes with it. For the 1 hour drive to work, all I can do in my mind is go over what is happening, how did we get to this and is there anything I can do to fix our relationship. The same on the way home, the whole hour driving home, the same things go through my mind. It drives you crazy, it gets you upset, tears flow, what do I need to do to fix our relationship and feel like my wife loves me.

As I have said, I am the one that always initiates it. From the moment I feel that its been long enough since we last done it, I have to grow the courage to ask her the question - "Do you want to make love tonight" Leading up to the moment I ask the question, I have to build up the courage. There is nothing worse than building up the courage only for her to say just before you ask the question, I am tired, I am going to have an early night or I ate too much at dinner. All that courage you built up is gone in an instant.

If only we were like others who hop into bed, look at each other and kiss and then it all just happens, no embarrassing questions asked like "Do you want to make love tonight"

Asking that question makes you feel like shit. Its embarrassing, and humiliating.

I would love to talk to a marriage counselor or just someone in general as a dead bedroom drives you crazy. We have had "The Talk" many times but it goes in one ear and out the other with my wife. I keep getting told by her that she is not a sexually active person but I am not sure how that stops her from being affectionate with me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sick of the tears, sick of the depression, trust me there is nothing worse than depression. You lose control of all your emotions and have no control over them.

I thought it might help me clear my mind by writing a blog/journal regularly, I am hoping it does. Someone may even offer me some advice that will help me as I hit a dead end everytime I try and work out my next step. Well enough said. Lets see how this goes.

Thx

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

i have thoughts on the whole armand/daniel/marius thing and how it could happen in the show (if the show decides to go there, but i kinda hope they don't) anyways, it is very long and rambling so here you go:

like we never saw the whole armand/daniel/marius thing play out. now i don't think it's exactly a love triangle. armand and daniel break up some time after daniel becomes a vampire. because this was shit happening in the background, we don't have exact dates.

so sometime after they break up: armand tries to kill himself by walking into the sun bc he is a ball of religious issues (and i cannot wait to see what the show does with this) and also daniel goes mad.

popular theory is he goes mad bc armand's death, which is very romantic and all, but i think daniel showed some clear signs of madness before he even became a vampire. my boy was long-due for a fucking break down, is what I'm saying.

daniel is crazy and marius takes him in. idk if we ever hear him state the exact reason why, but i think daniel being armand's fledgling would have been reason enough.

so daniel is with marius while he's crazy and at some point he gets better. i think their relationship turns romantic somewhere in here, but no sure when. hopefully after he got better. bc otherwise ew.

then at some point he has to fucking realize armand is alive.

we don't get any sauce, but like a sentence telling us that daniel and armand go hunting together. then another sentence later where marius tells lestat daniel left him for armand.

(and that's my personal head-canon why daniel isn't in the painting thingy, bc marius is just being salty he got dumped)

now this space between Daniel getting better and finding out Armand is alive and being romantically involved with Marius and then leaving Marius for Armand is riff for drama and some soap opera shit. those cycles will be cycling.

though, this is just for me personally, I hope they drop the underage part for Armand when it comes to Armand/Marius.

Marius literally buys him from a brothel. You know how in porn today, barely-legal is like, a whole thing. Having young like 18, 19, 20, yr olds and making them look underage is something a lot of people on the internet like. So I imagine yee old brothels did it too so we can have an older Armand, (say 20ish just to match Daniel meeting him and Louis) who is forced to play the innocent child, the cherub, for as long as he can. And there you go, we can have his strange relationship with adulthood.

And then Marius saves him. By buying him as a slave. And like, Marius was Roman y'all, it kinda shone through with the slavery thing I'm not going to get into the Armand/Marius debate tonight. i don't like it, maybe you do. it's anne rice, ymmv is a given. the point is it happened, and we can draw a lot of parallels between the two relationships. the whole master/slave dynamic, the devil/minion. the whole conversation armand has with marius about making marius his slave, then realizing he isn't his slave at all, then marius telling him he is. daniel is the devil's minion, but armand will grant him anything he desires. it's about the power dynamic, it's about who has control.

And you know, I think old maniel could have fun with that. like hey, i fucked you and your vampire dad. or armand and him having clandestine meetings, where they're both trying to keep marius from finding out (except you know, marius is like a billion years old so his mind gift is super strong, so he can totally hear daniel's side) and there's some dramatic 'come back to me' scene and armand and daniel kiss in the rain (bc this is my fantasy and i say so)

(and then idk, marius falls back in love with pandora, or maybe mael, bc that'd be funny)

while all this is happening louis is out there living the good life, single and sucking and fucking. he's having his ho phase

[sesmantelar]

where has the time gone? why have I not been journaling and pouring my emotions here? lately, I have been doing a lot of shadow work so I can stop being in denial and get to the root of all the issues I face. I ensure that I do it in my physical diary because someone somewhere or some website had mentioned how it encourages a deeper connection with the mind and body as opposed to just digital. I still want to update here regularly though. life has been whatever lately. i'm looking to get a stable/consistent job in my city so I can relax and stop doing these crazy long drives. I work here again tonight, which I am not looking forward to, but I'm allowing myself a nice easy and restful day to set me up for success later tonight. I really want to cancel the 4 hour shift tomorrow. I have zero desire to ever come back to this place if I had a say. and to be honest, outside of these final few shifts, I do not believe i'm going to be picking up here again unless I end up in extraneous circumstances again. it's time to put myself first even more, and than means maximizing ice, exercise, and me time aka working closer to home. this coming weekend, I have my first harp recital! my harp instructor is telling me to engage in positive self talk to get through this because I do not feel ready. but im going to do it. it's at a nursing home ironically, so hopefully this may lessen the sour taste I have and give me a positive outlook. im going to go for it, and if I mess up, at least I tried. I need to find an appropriate Dres for this event however. I'm planning on testing bronze and maybe canasta tango this week on the ice. I'[m also hopping back into my OMAD. the last two weeks had two dates. I went on a beach camping trip, and then I met up with the cute coworker I used to work with at that old hospital. both dates went well, and I am proud of myself for not allowing myself to get super attached to knowing the outcome of this situation. I give up trying to know everything and give it all to the universe. I no longer have control. however, I have a gut feeling something is going to come of the situation with the coworker. im trying to think of any new crazy updates but I don't think anything super monumental has happened lately. however, I do know that I have been in a bit of a slump again. my period came twice in a month, after bumping my protein intake up to around 170g. I'm at a point in my fitness journal where every. single. day. makes an aesthetic difference. some days, you can see my 11 line abs - other days I look soft and like a teddy again. I obviously ate out at the beach, and this new guy took me to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. and I have been having some wine lately. Im not forcing myself to not have it because I enjoy it, but it must fit into my macros for it to be a weekly thing. so I need to stage another mini intervention. it now seems that every single week is an intervention for me. number one I keep skating. my weekly lessons serve as a stark reminder about my progress or lack thereof during the week. number two I MUST START STAYING HYDRATED. I need to stop "leaving" It for work because it never happens and I know do not know the last time I drank enough water number three STRICT STRICT STRICT 170g protein 50 net carbs, calories below 1400, 22 hour fasting outside of dating! stay ready so you don't have to get ready number four attend the CODA meeting on Monday night in person! number five sign up for shifts this week and start catching your finances up number six MUST READ EVERY SINGLE DAY. FIRST THING I DO UPON WAKING UP. number seven get your manicure on Monday. for some reason, when every little thing about me is together, I feel much more together in the larger aspects of my life

stay ready so you don't have to get ready.

[northeastern-soul]

I am taking space to work on things I need to work on. That doesn't mean you can't occupy a portion, but I need boundaries that are healthy and so do you.

I am okay with taking a step back, how big i dont know. I think it's a good idea until we can further work on ourselves. That doesn't mean I don't love you or that I've thrown away my investment in you or us. I do hope eventually we can get this right.

Part of me is worried you're gone and chose him, but that's something I'll have to accept and support if that's the case.

I am identifying things that I'm not okay with, in how i act, I think I got alot right in how I treat you but also some stuff wrong, regardless of your perspective on it. Some of it might of effected you, some maybe not, but I need to heal and if it makes me better for you, cool. if not, then yay for me for self improvement.

The other day might not of been a big deal for you, with my panic attack telling me the world was ending and to call you and find you.. That's my trauma and my past. My past tells me something bad happened and you need to react. That's finding my ex dying on the floor of our hotel room with my son in the crib. I reflected and I'd absolutely hate to wake up or exist with someone absolutely blowing up my phone, let alone my friends. I'd be beyond irritated and somehow it was okay to do in the moment when my brain was stuck in the spiral. I'm not okay with that, and I need to figure out how to change it.

^I also need to remember that the world isn't ending unless someone says the world's ending, it's not a crisis and a crisis isn't lurking around every corner, normal people will call me back when they're ready or wake up, once or twice is enough.

Me being available is one thing, but having my availability as instant as it has been is not healthy. I can't wait around the phone all-day regardless of how much I love and enjoy someone. I need to learn some self worth and boundaries there.

I need to work on understanding that just because I'm not the constant priority, that everything's okay. There's some insecurities and possibly abandonment issues there that I need to sort though. It's okay for me not to be the priority of the day, and it's something I need to learn.

I'm a bit obsessive, and I gotta learn to fill my time with other things and not just wait around, its not my fault if others miss out. Plans can be remade, schedules figured out etc... Its not my responsibility to make sure things work out, and I feel I took on a bit too much of that, partially due to my own fear or pain from disappointment.

I gotta take things for face value too, I overlook too much and tolerate alot that I shouldn't always tolerate, I think its part of setting boundaries, healthy ones. Boundaries have been a bad word to me in the sense of being used as punishment. I think they can be healthy and I want to experience healthy boundaries. You taught me alot about that.

^I want healthy, regardless of what happens next. Looking back, I also really wish we had taken a moment a set ground rules, just some hey, I don't appreciate xyz.. or I need abc.. so here's how I need you to navigate and act in these situations.

I can't control you, and im not interested in it either. I value you deeply, and I was truly excited to start doing the fun stuff and living. Who knows, the future is crazy. You know love is there, and the relationship is wanted, but regardless of if that was a choice set in stone, or a reaction, I really gotta heal too, so best case, we take some time. doesn't mean we need to be fully out of contact, but babysteps. 🧡 I want to give you the space you asked for too.

You're unblocked on everything except Facebook for now. Snap, insta and cell are back.

Please do not abuse me. You know my schedule, it's my Monday tonight. please save big talks if they were ever to arise for off duty moments, preferably at the start of my weekends, not right before bed going into my monday. I Don't mind messages here because it's my choice to open the app. I am working hard to not fixate on the phone, so if I don't answer immediately I'm processing or not available at the moment.

[stxiiir]

Controlled chaos, or is it?

Hi.

It's been a while since I wrote, well, anything, really.

It's been much longer since I was 'one' with my feelings. Don't get me wrong, I haven't stopped being emotional. I just haven't had the time to explore why. Perhaps I've finally mastered the art of putting everything - my emotions, my issues, my etc - way way at the back of my head in hope it will sort itself out and getting comfortable with co-piloting my life. hA, what's new.

Anyways, I was supposed to continue some works from home tonight, but as always, I find a way to amuse myself out of my routine and get my head helplessly distracted elsewhere. This time, my blog from 14 years ago. yes, when I was 14. gaddamn.

I was on my way home from work this evening when Spotify did their thing, creepily delving into your subconscious and randomly shuffle a song that cages you deeper into your subconsciousness (?) In short, Spotify randomly played Arctic Monkey's Fluorescent Adolescent in Arin's playlist and Arin went batshit nostalgic crazy and paid a visit to her long-lost blog in hope to... i dont know...cringe the shit out of her sad posts over her two-timing-asshole-not-exactly-an-ex-boyfriend, Leo? not really, finding reasons to be nostalgic over her past life in Miri since the topic has been quiet heavy on her mind the past few days? maybe.

You know the cliche saying, when you're happy you enjoy the music but when you're sad you understand the lyrics? Well, that's Fluorescent Adolescent for me this evening. A 28 years old Ms Girlie on her Gojek ride home reminiscing about her younger self whilst still grasping on the reality that life is really different now. For starter, Ms Girlie is married but that's for another day~.

As I read through my old blog and listened to some songs that I purposely put as 'hint' for ze special someone aka ze asshole bf back then, I realized that I've grown. so. much.

I mean, yeah I am now twice the age I was when writing those sappy stories but I think a part of me still can't comprehend that I was her, I am no longer now, but I carry her with me everywhere I go. ok, my therapist is going to be happy with her bill after this, but like?? you know?? how could that be?? it's insane.

I think about those early moving days to Miri and how much I resented it; the not being able to speak English other than hello how are you? days, the pointless fights and yells with dad for making me lose out on the so called 'important' high school hang out stuffs days, the friendless-introverted-good grades-me discovering good movies and good indie songs in the comfort of my room days, the me passing out on my comfy couch from watching too much Disney Channel days, the mom dropping me off to the public library/tuition at Mr Daniel's that I skip for coffee bean with Iona days, the uni days that I don't really treasure except for when I get high by the beach on my own. Those seconds that turn into hours, hours into days, days into months and eventually years. The years I thought I'd outgrown have somehow found me occasionally searching for bits and pieces of it everywhere I go when I'm older... :'( damn excuse me while I go cry my feelings out. be back in a bit

[adryanscott]

La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, oh

You know, I've never felt like this before (oh, oh)

La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, oh

This feels like, so unreal (oh, oh)

I'm obsessive when just one thought of you comes up

And I'm aggressive, just one thought ain't close enough

You got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue

'Cause every moment gone you know I miss you

I'm the question, and you're of course the answer

Just hold me close, boy, 'cause I'm your tiny dancer

You make me shaken up, never mistaken

But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help

S-O-S, please, someone help me

It's not healthy for me to feel this

Y-O-U are making this hard

I can't take it, see it don't feel right

S-O-S, please, someone help me

It's not healthy for me to feel this

Y-O-U are making this hard

You got me tossing and turning, can't sleep at night

This time, please someone come and rescue me

'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it

I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me

Love is testing me, but still I'm losing it

This time, please someone come and rescue me

'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it

I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me

Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it

Just your presence, and I second guess my sanity

Yes, it's a lesson, it's unfair, you stole my vanity

My tummy's up in knots, and when I see you, it gets so hot

My common sense is out the door, can't seem to find the lock

Take on me (uh-huh), you know inside you feel it right

Take me on, I could just die up in your arms tonight

I melt with you, you got me head over heels (over heels)

Boy, you keep me hanging on, the way you make me feel

S-O-S, please, someone help me

It's not healthy for me to feel this

Y-O-U are making this hard (Y-O-U are)

You got me tossing and turning, can't sleep at night

This time, please someone come and rescue me

'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it ('cause you on my mind)

I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me

Love is testing me, but still I'm losing it

This time, please someone come and rescue me (someone come and rescue me)

'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it

I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me

Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it

Boy, you know you got me feeling open

And, boy, your love's enough with words unspoken

I said, boy, I'm telling you, you got me open

I don't know what to do, it's true

I'm going crazy over you, I'm begging

S-O-S, please, someone help me (somebody help me, yeah)

It's not healthy for me to feel this

Y-O-U are making this hard (oh, why you makin' this hard for me, baby?)

You got me tossing and turning, can't sleep at night

This time, please, someone come and rescue me (someone rescue me)

'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it

I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me

Love is testing me, but still I'm losing it

This time, please someone come and rescue me

'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it (all of the time)

I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me

Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it

La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, oh

Oh, oh

La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, oh

Oh, oh

I'm not gonna lie I've never heard this song before I have no idea what this is

[maybemoonout]

Okay since I'm literally in LOVE with this cover, I had to get the lyrics right you know? Now the mobile music player I use has a lyrics editor built in that also lets you sync the lyrics using timing. Now my skills aren't perfect of course so my timing might be off but I just couldn't not share this once again. The mobile music player I use btw is Oto Music

Lyrics (with timing) under the cut!

[00:01.000] One, two, three, four [00:02.000] La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, oh [00:07.000] You know, I've never felt like this before [00:10.000] La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, oh [00:14.000] This feels like, so real [00:17.000] I'm obsessive when just one thought of you comes up [00:21.000] And I'm aggressive, just one thought ain't close enough [00:25.000] You got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue [00:29.000] 'Cause every moment gone you know I miss you [00:32.000] I'm the question, and you're of course the answer [00:36.000] Just hold me close, boy, 'cause I'm your tiny dancer [00:39.000] You make me shaken up, never mistaken [00:42.000] But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help [00:47.000] S-O-S, please, someone help me [00:50.000] It's not healthy for me to feel this [00:53.000] Y-O-U are making this hard [00:57.000] I can't take it, see it don't feel right [01:00.000] Just your presence, and I second guess my sanity [01:04.000] Yes, it's a lesson, it's unfair, you stole my vanity [01:07.000] My tummy's up in knots, and when I see you, it gets so hot [01:10.000] My common sense is out the door, can't seem to find the lock [01:14.000] Take on me, you know inside you feel it right [01:18.000] Take me on, I could just die up in your arms tonight [01:21.000] I melt with you, you got me head over heels [01:25.000] Boy, you keep me hanging on, the way you make me feel [01:28.000] S-O-S, please, someone help me [01:32.000] It's not healthy for me to feel this [01:35.000] Y-O-U are making this hard [01:39.000] I can't take it, see it don't feel right [01:42.000] This time, please someone come and rescue me [01:46.000] 'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it [01:49.000] I'm stuck, you got me looking for the rest of me [01:53.000] And love is testing me, and now I'm losing it [01:56.000] Boy, you know you got me feeling open [01:59.000] And, boy, your love's enough with words unspoken [02:02.000] I said, boy, I'm telling you, you got me open [02:05.000] I don't know what to do, it's true [02:07.000] I'm going crazy over you, I'm begging [02:10.000] S-O-S, please, someone help me (somebody help me) [02:13.000] It's not healthy for me to feel this [02:17.000] Y-O-U are making this hard [02:20.000] I can't take it, see it don't feel right [02:24.000] S-O-S, please, someone help me [02:27.000] It's not healthy for me to feel this [02:30.000] Y-O-U are making this hard [02:34.000]You got me tossing and turning, can't sleep at night

[the-broken-truth]

Broken-Style Remix: Yandere Mother Talia Al Ghul

Broken: When it comes to Yandere Mothers, Talia Al Ghul is one of my favorites; considering how obsessed she is with her baby daddy. Recently, I came into a Yandere Talia Al Ghul Image made by @anxiousnerdwritings & with their permission, I have been allowed to make this Broken-Style Remix! Now, let the words weave together!!!

@anxiousnerdwritings's version: LINK

SUBTITLE: THE ONE YOU THREW AWAY

Talia Al Ghul wanted things thing and would do anything to obtain those things - Complete Control & Undeniable Power. She was the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul - The Head Demon of the League of Assassin & Immortal Mad-Man, well...not anymore; now Talia was on the Throne as Head of the League of Assassins, but there was a time before everything went to hell. Talia always wanted to have power but she also wanted someone to share it with - that came in the form of the Protector of Gotham - The Masked Savior, Batman. Talia was entranced by his power and skill, he would have been a perfect partner to rule with if he wasn't so hesitant to kill but she could sculpt him to fit her mold one way or another but first she needed to get him on her side. Her father thought of him as the perfect heir but there was no way the protector would join him, so Talia planned and that plan was to give herself and Bruce an heir - the perfect combination of the two of them. However, a wrench was thrown into that plan when inside of one - there were two.

A Son & A Daughter.

A Son that mirrored his father in young as he would in adulthood, with the exception of the emerald eyes that Talia possessed - the eyes of an Al Ghul. He was given the name Damian.

Her daughter was another story: she grew to look just as Talia did in her youth but she had her father's calm blue eyes - the eyes of a protector. The eyes of a Wayne. The eyes of a savior, not a killer - she was flawed with those eyes. She was named Bellatrix - just as her father, she would be expected to be a great warrior.

When it was time to hone their skills, it was clear that they were the perfect combination of the Al Ghul and Wayne Genes - Damian more. He was the perfect killer, merciless and quick; he wouldn't give his enemies time to speak. No, enemies were too kind of a word to describe them - they were his prey while he was the hunter. He didn't care how many he had to cut down; he would never tire until all of them were dead at his feet.

Bellatrix - on the other hand - was a different story. It was clear she had the skills, it was obvious that she had the power, but the main issue was that she wouldn't finish the job; she lacked the most important trait of the Al Ghul Bloodline - she refused to kill. Talia feared this - she was just like her father and she didn't want weakness into the pain; especially since she was the eldest of the two. She either had to fix the problem or completely remove it.

And she would much prefer the latter.

Ra's loved his grandchildren all the same - he didn't care of Bellatrix didn't kill, he was pleased enough that she was able to complete impossible tasks alone and come back unscabbed. He would praise her and he would train with her in his free time - the two of them were fond of meditation to keep themselves centered.

"Remember Granddaughter: If you are completely centered then there is nothing you can't overcome. Knowing your center is knowing your true power." - That is what Ra's would tell her during those times.

As time passed on, Talia noticed that Bellatrix gained in power and knowledge every day while her son showed just how much of an Al Ghul he was every time he went on a mission, but that didn't matter to Talia - that girl...that mistake...was a single dot in the way of her son's rightful place as Head of The League & she had to something about it.

And she did.

One night - Talia told Bellatrix to accompany her to the desert for recon and the girl agreed, thinking it was going to be a mother-daughter experience. The two of them sourced their bounds but found nothing, Bellatrix looked around the dunes to see if there was something hiding in the desert's darkness until her body made her move and she dodged just in the next of time as a blade came in close contact with her throat. She reached for her sword, only for her hand to be grabbed, and turned it to her back. She was then grabbed from other directions before being kicked in the back of her knees and came to her knees in the sand. She struggled and looked at the cloaked figures that held her until she looked at her mother.

"Mother! Help!" She begged for her mother.

"Why would I do that," Talia walked over to her bound daughter as one of the assassins handed her a sword, "When it took me so long to get you here?" Talia looked into her daughter's eyes with emptiness.

"You...You planned this? Mother, why would you do this?" Bellatrix asked.

"This is something I should have done from the start, after all - My Beloved needs an heir, not a burden. You are a stain on the Al Ghul Name, an Al Ghul that refuses to kill is not an Al Ghul; hell, you aren't even an assassin. You're a defect, a flaw, a wrench in my plan to have my beloved rule behind me as King and Queen of the League of Assassins."

Bellatrix's eyes widened at the sight of her mother raising her sword.

"And all defects must be eliminated." Talia growled as her arm thrust forward - Bellatrix's eyes widened and her jaw locked to keep herself from screaming as the blade ripped through her chest and came out on the other side.

Talia lifted her foot - the other assassins released the girl - and kicked her to the dirt and watched her groan in pain before going limp in the cold desert night.

"Dispose of the body. I have to deliver the news that the heir has been killed and watch my one true child take his rightful place." Talia didn't give her daughter's body a second glance as she turned and walked away to her jet that was waiting for her.

She should have checked her vitals.

[Timeskip - Years Later]

Years had gone by but Talia still thinks back to the night she stuck her sword through her daughter's body and left her for dead; she was so certain that was what she wanted by there was something missing and for once in her life, it had nothing to do with her Beloved Bat. She tried to put those thoughts aside for she was on a mission.

After the death of her father, she found some research on a mind-control agent that she could use to have the one she wanted most but the League was too thin and most were doing other tasks while some were rebuilding the complex, thus the Head of the Demon Clan had to deal with it on her own, which she was fine with.

However, something felt different - she wasn't sure what it was...but she knew something was going to happen tonight.

Talia did what she had to do and secured to the agent before making her way back to the roof - only to have two people walking for her.

One was a tall man with a red helmet, a brown leather jacket, a gray Bat-Armor with a Red Bat Insignia on the chest; Talia could see the pistols and ammo belts around his waist.

The second was a feminine figure: She was around the same height as Damian, wearing Bat-Armor that looked a lot like a Ninja's outfit with a sword on her back and a dark blue Bat Insignia on her chest. Her hair was long and black but tied in a ponytail, except some hair that freely fell in her face and covered some of the ribbon eye mask around her eyes.

"I guess my beloved couldn't make it to see me?" Talia asked as she placed the agent in her pocket.

"We were the closest in the area so he sent us to what it was about - didn't think we'd find his batshit crazy baby-momma here." The Red Hood said as he folded his arms.

"Too bad, he might have convinced me to surrender but I don't have an issue with breaking children who stand in my way." Talia said.

"You never had an issue with killing them, why would you have an issue with breaking them?" The female said.

"What did you say?" Talia said as she looked at the female figure.

"You don't remember the child you killed? The blood of the Al Ghul you spilled? The child you detested because she wouldn't kill so you decided to kill her instead?" The female stepped forward and reached for her eye mask, "You don't remember my voice...Mother?" She pulled it off and Talia's eyes widened when they locked with the blue eyes of her late daughter - the one that was supposed to die. The stain in her plan.

"You lived? After all of these years, you dare come to face me again?" Talia narrowed her eyes.

"Rather cold to say to your kid who came back from the dead, Lady." He looked at Bellatrix, "Bat-Fang, you wanna deal with her while I wait on the old man?" He asked.

"You read my mind." Bellatrix stepped forward and pulled her sword out, "Arm yourself."

"I guess some stains are harder to wash out." Talia said as she pulled her sword out, "I'll make sure you don't come back."

Emerald and Sapphire locked with each other before the thunderclap of the coming storm sent them both into attack mode. Their blades clashed against each other as the two women danced in a deadly dance, Talia was focused but at the same time confused - how was Bellatrix this focused when the anger in her eyes was so strong? Talia tried harder and used more power but that was the opening Bellatrix needed.

Talia watched as the girl grabbed the sword with her left hand before delivering a swift but devastating kick to her gut, sending her skipping like a stone against the roof as she released the grip of her sword. Talia picked herself off the ground and glared at her eldest as the girl place her own sword back in its sheath and shatter Talia's into two halves, letting the shards and sword halves fall to her feet before she charged at her mother. Talia's guard went up as the two of them locked in a brawl.

'What is going on here? She was never this fast or ruthless! What is...'

Her thoughts were cut off as Bellatrix grabbed her foot and began to swing her until Bellatrix let her go and got stuck in a window. Talia opened her eyes from the impact just in time to see the glare on her daughter's face as she came soaring and her fist connected with Talia's face, sending them both into the abandoned building. Talia groaned from the pain but more pain was added when she felt her daughter grab her by her hair and pull her to her feet.

"What do you have to say now, Talia? Am I still defective?" Bellatrix asked before she punched the Assassin Leader in the face, making her crash into a crumbling wall.

"Am I still a flaw?" Bellatrix asked as she spartan-kicked Talia through the wall and into the living room, making the woman fall on her back.

"Am I still the wrench in your perfect plan? Am I?!" Bellatrix barked as she grabbed her mother by the next and punched her in the face, making her back hit a window. Talia's version was blurry from the pain but when it came together - her eyes widened at the murderous gaze in her eyes.

"Am I still not an Al Ghul?" Bellatrix punched her in the face again - sending the woman crashing through the window again but this time, she felt on a lower roof of a building just as another thunderclap echoed through the sky and the rain began to fall. Talia grunted at the pain but opened her eyes to watch her daughter jump out the window and walk over to her; glaring down at her with blue eyes.

"How... How did you survive?" She asked.

"You should have checked my vitals before you left me to die; once you were gone, I took care of the assassins that you had hold me. I'm not proud I shed their blood but I knew if I didn't, they were going to make sure I was dead." Bellatrix answered.

"You survived... You killed... And now, you have me helpless." Talia smiled at her, "I'm so proud of you, My Baby Girl." She cooed.

"What?" Bellatrix glared with confusion.

"You are everything I want in a perfect heir: You survived my trap, you killed those who held you captive, and you reduced me - the Leader of the League of Assassins - to this pitiful state. My darling, you are perfect." Talia smiled at her daughter.

"I don't know what you are thinking but I'm nothing like you want me to be and I never will be." Bellatrix reached down and took the mind-control agent from Talia before turning and walking away.

"You can walk away now, My Sweet Child, but know that I am coming for you. I will bring you home and you will be what you were born to me - The Perfect Al Ghul Heir. Run while you can, my dear, Mother is coming for you." Talia laughed at Bellatrix as the girl jumped off the small roof, leaving the woman alone.

Talia looked up at the rain in the sky and smiled before picking herself off the ground, touching the side of her lip, and looked at the blood - her blood - that her daughter spilled.

'It was a mistake to let you go but now that you are back, I shall have you once more and we shall be a family. You can't escape your blood, Bellatrix; you're an Al Ghul...and you belong to me.'

[thehltwoghosts]

So, I was watching Just Like You mv and here I am...

There are lots of posts that showed us what really the newspapers were talking about, I just wanted to show this one especially, I found it interesting. And I didn’t see, If anybody ever talked about this before. So let’s begin.

In Just Like You music video at 0.52 there is a story on the left side. 

The story of a girl who was diagnosed with anxiety and anorexia then she wrote Scrambled Heads to help the children learn that mental health is not something to be afraid of. 

From the article;

‟The overall message of the book is that it can be scary but there are steps you can take. It’s about letting children know that If you have these feelings, you can speak to someone and things can be done.’’ 

Doesn't it sound like something else too? So let’s get more into it.

‟How do you explain such a complex issue to primary school children?’’

‟Scrambled Heads explains that mental health is not always visible. The main character; an egg, looks as If it is healthy but below the surface it isn’t. The egg has a bandage on its head but when it looks in the mirror it can’t see it.’’ 

‟On a visit to a doctor in a hospital, the egg is split in two with its insides on display. It shows that it’s not just on the surface, there is a lot underneath.’’

This literally can be about how gays didn’t know at first what they are really interested in ‘cause it’s not always visible. With time you are beginning to discover yourself. Even when you look at yourself and try to find what is different with you, it can’t be seen. Because it’s in you, it’s a part of you that you don’t need to see at the surface but feel from the inside. 

Alive / End Of The Day

‟The priest thinks it's the devil. My mum thinks it's the flu but girl(boy) it's only you.‟

‟My mother told me I should go and get some therapy. I asked the doctor, "Can you find out what is wrong with me? I don't know why I wanna be with every girl(boy) I meet. I can't control it. Yeah, I know it's taking over me. I'm going crazy, can't contain it. So tell me just what I should do?‟

‟She said, ‘Hey, It's alright, If it makes you feel alive. Don't look back, live your life even if it's only for tonight.’ ‟

So on a visit to a doctor, the boy finally realized. He looked inside and saw that there isn’t just the surface / the face he saw is a part of him but his inside too. He’s not like how people see him from the outside, there are a lot of feelings hiding and waiting to be released from underneath.

Also when this story appears in the screen, the lyrics have been showing are ‘’Yeah, I feel the same as you do.’’

(Louis you’re just such an intelligent person, idk what to say. Harry is absolutely right, you're loud, loud, loud :)

These are from the book: 

‟When I'm down I need H to talk to.’’ 

‟I'm sorry If I say ‘I need you’ but I don't care, I'm not scared of love. 'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker. Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong that you make me strong?’’ 

This is the article I’m talking about.

Also, What are those???? Louis explain!

And there is a quote from Ta-Nehisi Coates in the same page. (In left corner, inside of a talking balloon.)

“It was as if I had spent my years jiggling the key into the wrong lock.” 

Also again I found something, there's an interview with Emily Palmer who is the author of the book:

‟You explain mental health using eggs for your analogy. What made you pick eggs?’’

‟I chose to use eggs as the characters in the book for two main reasons. Firstly, I chose eggs as they come in all shapes and sizes and can be made into lots of different things depend on how they are treated, e.g. scrambled, fried, boiled. By using the eggs, and incorporating it into my title, I wanted to help encourage the idea, that even though we might all have been through different experiences, at the end of it all, we are all just like each other, and deserve the same help.’’ 

‟I'm just like you even though my problems look nothing like yours do. Yeah, I get sad, too and when I'm down I need somebody (H) to talk to. I feel the same as you would do. Same stress, same shit to go through. I'm just like you. If you only knew...’’  Omg, I'm now almost sure that Louis wrote JLK from this????

‟Another reason I chose to use an egg was during a stay in hospital, I overheard a conversation between my dad and a nurse where he described the way I communicate as being like an egg. He said to the nurse that, like an egg, I had a hard exterior and tried to avoid showing my emotions, but under that hard shell, I’ve got a lot of emotions going on inside that we can’t see unless I let them in.’’

Last but not least;

‟So far we have raised over £500 for YoungMinds. YoungMinds are an excellent mental health charity geared towards supporting young people, and I decided to choose them as I felt their work fitted in very nicely with the aims of the book. ’’

@YoungMindsUK  Talking about everything that a child could go through. Anxiety, stress, bullying, self-harm...

I love your mind lou :)

Wow! That was it guys. Please share your thoughts. Thanks for reading it, take care xxx

[jacksficrecs]

In Hopes That You Remember Me - Chapter One

PROMPT: Tony in the Hospital + Steve being guilty

A/N: This is one of my first attempts to learn how to write a decent story again. Enjoy.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNINGS: [for the rest of the story] Depression, Trauma, Amnesia, Comatose

STATUS: Ongoing, Unedited

---

Steve has never felt this nervous before.

He stared at himself in the mirror, water dripping from his chin. Tonight was the night.

He remembered the day his relationship with Tony was revealed to the public. Tony had decided it was a good time to sneak a kiss on the taller man's cheek while they looked around a quaint little bookstore just some blocks away from the tower. They could have bought books online, but you know, going outside every once in a while is never a bad thing. Of course, someone had spotted them, took several pictures of him pulling the brunette into a hug and offering a kiss on the forehead before stepping back to take another book of the shelf, he presumed. The next thing they new, it was all over the web. It was posted on any social media platform you can name, and unsurprisingly enough, it gained a lot of attention. Steve wasn't ready to 'come out of the closet' yet, as they say, but he didn't have much of a choice. The public already found out, so he might as well confirm their speculations.

'Steve Rogers and Tony Stark: The Most Iconic Power Couple of the Month'

The two read the article together. It was amusing, to say the least. Very amusing to see the media go crazy over a gay superhero couple. Kind of upsetting to see the close-minded people rant over how they're setting a bad example for the younger generation that looked up to them. Homophobia could never be erased, he supposed.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Knock, knock, Capsicle. You done putting on your makeup yet?" Tony hums from the other side. Steve simply smiled at that, shaking his head. "Hang on, Tony. I'll be out in a second." He responded, taking the towel he had hanging on the towel rack installed into the tiled wall and drying himself off. "You better be. I'm about to fall off what you're telling me to hang onto." Steve only chuckled quietly. This was the man he loved. This sarcastic little son of a bitch. 

"Cap! Come on, snap out of it! We need you-" A voice calls from the distance, though he couldn't quite place who or where it was coming from.

 "Ready for our first date?" The Stark smiled warmly when the blonde finally exits the bathroom, fully dressed in the blue suit Tony's picked out for him. "Ready as I'll ever be." Steve replied easily, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Still not going to tell me where we're going for tonight?" "No. Don't you know what a surprise is, Rogers?"

"Steve!" The same voice. Louder this time. What was happening?

 "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's go." Steve laughed, rolling his eyes as the shorter man led him towards the door with a big, content smile. 

---

"Steve." His eyes opened. He was back in the real world. Gunshots were heard. Explosions. The familiar whine of the Iron Man suit's repulsors powering itself up into the air. "Wh- What-" The blonde started questioning the events, eyes bleary as he tried to process who he was talking to. Natasha. "Steve. You're alright." The redhead sighed in relief, eyes scanning the blonde for any serious issues. "Nat-" He mumbles, swallowing the knot in his throat. It's all coming back to him now. He was in the middle of a battle. He was supposed to be fighting off his HYDRA twin. Speaking of the guy, where was he?

And what did he do to him?

"Steve. I need you to tell me what he did." Her green eyes were full of worry. "What did you see?" "First date with Tony." He answered quickly, grunting as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. He needs to get back into the fight. The others needed him. They needed his help. "Reenaction." The blonde added, forcing himself to stand, using his shield to assist him. God, everything hurt. "Steve, wait," She places a hand on his arm. Steve's attention shifts back towards the spy accompanying him. The earth shakes, and the hulk's yells were heard from a distance. "Nat, we need to get back to-" "Steve. What do you remember him doing? What was the last thing you remember him doing to trigger... Whatever happened to you?" She questioned. It really did seem like an important question. He stood silent for a moment, eyebrows knitting together as he dug through his scattered thoughts and memories, trying to pull something out. "I-"

"Steve?" He turns his head. Natasha. But Natasha was right there, right beside him. He looks back at the redhead that still had her hand resting on his arm. She didn't have the scar from the last fight on her collarbone. He reacted immediately. 

Nat's double landed a hard hit on his temple.

All went black.

---

There was a painful ringing in his ears.

Dazed, Steve opens his eyes, finding himself on the ground, in the middle of a battlefield, with large pieces of debris scattered around him. Since when did he get there? Was the fight over? Head pounding and ears still ringing, he struggles to prop himself up on his elbows to get a clearer view of his surroundings. How long has he been lying there? There was a fire in the distance, or at least, he assumed there was judging by the smoke rising up into the sky. A quinjet had crashed nearby and was a total wreck, leaving several of its pieces everywhere. There wasn't really a lot happening by this point. A couple of tree branches were scattered here and there, and glass and concrete from the few buildings (that were very tall, mind you) decorated the ground. Clint was on the other side of the field, helping Natasha back on her feet. The Hulk was nowhere to be seen, probably off to calm himself down, and Thor was somewhere in the sky, as indicated by the low rumble of thunder off in the distance. Why he was still up there, he didn't know. All he knew was that the battle was over. Thank God. Everything seemed okay.

And then, the realization hits him.

Tony. He wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere to be seen.

With a quiet huff, he pushed himself off the ground a bit too quickly, resulting in a bad headache and a brief moment of vertigo, but he really couldn't care enough. All he could think of was Tony's whereabouts and his well-being. God, what if he's hurt? Disregarding the pain he felt in almost every part of his body and the fact that breathing was just painful, he immediately went to approach both the Black Widow and her good friend, Hawkeye with a bit of a grimace. "Barton, Romanoff." The blonde greets the two, his voice sounding rather hoarse. "Captain." The two spies nod, casually brushing themselves off as if they'd done nothing but trip. "Any of you know where Iron Man's gone?" He asked, his gloved hands finding their way to the belt strapped around his waist. "Nope," Natasha replied simply. "Last time I saw him he was up in the air dancing with his evil twin." Steve's heart dropped. Where could they have gone then?

Once HYDRA got their hands on Tony, they were in big trouble. That man stores a lot of important information in his head. If they ever got it out of him, the team (and probably the entire human race) will be royally fucked. The Avengers will no longer be seen as heroes. Their reputations will drop like a boulder in water as soon as HYDRA released their 'new and improved' creations. Their counterparts. Hell, they might even be stronger than the actual Avengers. IF they got everything out of Tony. But Steve doubts that'll ever happen. Tony was a strong man. And painfully stubborn, might he add. But HYDRA had their ways to get someone to comply. Mind-Control, Brainwash, Torture, you name it. Tony might be strong, but one of their methods could potentially break him. He ran a hand through the tousled nest of hair resting on top of his head, releasing a heavy, painful sigh as his gaze shifts to the ground. "Right. Okay, Thank you. Um... Go contact SHIELD for me, will you? I have a feeling we weren't the only ones here when our 'friends' came for a visit." The Captain says, letting a bit of a commanding tone lace into his voice, trying to maintain the 'Leader' image he was supposed to have even though he knew it was useless. Clint and Natasha knew just how scared he was. He was fucking terrified. Worried. Hell, he was panicking. He just had to find Tony. He had to.

Both spies replied with simple 'Alright's and 'Okay's, sharing a look before going off to deliver his commands while checking around to see if there were any poor souls that needed their assistance. Steve's gone off to look for that one brunette that always seemed to be getting in trouble. With a throbbing headache and hell-giving rib, he goes on to search for his lovely idiot.

---

"Steve!" Natasha's voice crackled through the earpiece. "Yeah?" "It's Tony. We found him." She sounded almost breathless as if she just ran a marathon. Three, actually. "What? Where?" He asks, his heart suddenly picking up the speed as he leaves the injured man he pulled out from under some rubble in the care of the parademics, turning to take another scan of the field where a major clean-up process organized by SHIELD was taking place. "Your three o'clock. Parademics are taking care of him. He's breathing, but..." Her worry was palpable by the way she speaks, and at that, Steve suddenly felt like he wasn't going to like what he was about to discover. Was it bad? What happened to him? "I think you should see for yourself. It's not that horrible, but it's... Something." She didn't know how to say it. She didn't want to be the one to deliver the bad news. "Yeah, okay. I'm coming." Comes his simple reply, voice breaking, spotting the redhead near a group of uniformed parademics who offered a small wave at the captain. The blonde jogs his way over, worry and fear becoming more and more noticeable as he got closer. The Iron Man suit lies near a pile of rubble, lifeless, the blue in its eyes, reactor and repulsors non-existent. A large chunk of the titanium-alloy armor was missing, probably shot off. In other words, it was in pretty bad shape. And then there was Tony himself, eyes closed, breathing slow and not so steady, blood staining the ripped clothes he barely managed to throw on before the battle was called, red staining the side of his head, seeping out onto the ground where he lay. There was quite a lot of bustle as they worked to track the brunette's wounds and give them attention, which they did in record time. Steve's heart practically broke. In all the battles they've fought together, he's never seen Tony in this state, and that was beyond terrifying. Natasha appeared beside the taller blonde, smiling rather sadly. "I'm sorry, Steve. He'll be alright. He'll be back to himself in no time, alright?" She says, in a fruitless effort to comfort him. The supersoldier couldn't speak, so he simply nodded, eyes still set on the brunette in the parademics' care.

The next few hours were a blur of activity. The EMTs taking Tony into an ambulance, requesting a teammate to tag along (Steve did just that, telling the others to still report to Fury on their behalf, asked them to tell the director what had happened, that he would get in touch as soon as news comes available), the brunette being taken to the OR, leaving the Captain to wait anxiously. He was seated on one of the armchairs set against the wall, bothered by the fact that he was still wearing his uniform, not as clean as he'd like to be. He received some treatment for his own minor wounds (well, as minor as a broken rib can go), and he was very much thankful for that despite knowing they would be gone in a few hours. The blonde's shield rests against the wall, occupying the empty space behind him as he fiddles with the pages of those magazines the hospital provided, trying his best to reassure himself that Tony would walk away from this just fine. Occasionally, a child and an adult would enter the room, with the kid eyeing the supersoldier curiously, probably wondering why he was here, of all places. At least, that's what he assumed. He did hear about some children talking about how superheroes didn't need anyone to give them medical attention because they were so 'cool' and 'strong'. It didn't make much sense, but he let them believe what they want to believe.

Time went on, and Steve spent it suffering quietly with everyone that went in and out of the waiting room. He was growing restless, but he refused to leave Tony. He will wait as long as he needed to for Tony's reappearance.

[anapluiza]

I got so many dreams tonight. I feel there were different life journeys we take a different path on our lives. So on

There were awakenings

Now I look at them I understand a little better about each part of it. Each struggle I vent been through.

I had couple of issues, cause I got invasive thoughts they were like nightmares in my mind. I got sad and then I get crazy. It was hard to cope with. So...

Basically as I was working and doing my routine things I got weird sexual thought. I can't describe them they affected me in a way that I felt disturbed.

As I look at them they were out of place so I tried to control them cause I felt embarrassed. It was as I look someone I was working with them I imagined that person in a sex situation although I had zero intention of getting together. First of all I'm hetero. And on top of everything I am very professional, so each thing on the right place.

Those kinds of association I was trying to control them, and it was so hard that my mind went on a spiral of uncontrolled thoughts. And then got so accelerated. I felt crazy, felt weird awful. I thought I was going to break down.

It was miserable. For some time I tryed to get by. Eventually I managed to feel better. But I was often disturbed. I made some therapies to solve it in 2020. It was at first difficult to talk about, I felt ashamed. I am still in therapy.

Lately, Idk why I read something about this problem, so I have a different approach. I've seen some channel that presents interviews with people who have all kinds of mental disturbs, like schizophrenia. So I kind of saw that in a empathetic manner. How is to be judge , cause your mind makes weird trips.

I read about what I have could be a compulsive obsessive disorder, or depression sympthom. It is kind if scary to realise I may have depression . I've never got any diagnostic. Because the overall Im feeling well.

I wish I could sum up the ideas, but what I understood today is that I ve been trying to racionalize the every shit, I can't. I notice that we, human beings can be more like animals. We got hungry, happy, angry, sexual, we desire. We act many times on our impulses. Despite we forget that, like a babies we are just like little monkeys cuddling. How we don't see that? We are not all the time conscious. We are animals!

So in fact we may have animals behaviour and weird thoughts. Let's understand that. We are mammals.

This make me realize to not feel shit. I will forgive myself. Let it be monkey.