#my choir kid and theatre kid selves are coming out again

[ifwebefriends]

I NEED IT

[youngwings-writes]

Infinitely Ordinary

Lee Felix x OC

Summary: "𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕀 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕝𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟"

Busy. Busy worrying, working, just trying to survive. That was the daily life of Jordan Johnson. The world never seemed to slow down; not for her...not for anyone. Finally deciding to take matters into her own hands and get some much needed R&R, she jets off on a trip to South Korea. While there, she unexpectedly meets her soulmate. Will they be able to find happiness together, or will his status get in the way?

Genre: Fluff

Length: 2k

Chapter 4: Sunshine

"So... I guess we're soulmates?"

I froze.

Obviously, I had come to that conclusion on my own already, but to hear Felix saying it was a whole other thing. Like, this is the boy I've been admiring from afar for years. I knew so much about him, but he probably didn't know I existed until 60 seconds ago.

I didn't trust my voice at this point, so I simply smiled and gave a shy nod in response.

"I know this is really sudden, but I'm not sure the middle of a dog cafe is where we should be discussing such a serious matter... is there any possibility we could go to wherever it is you're staying and continue getting to know one another?"

"O-of course! That's no problem at all. Just let me pull up directions again so I don't get us lost," I began fumbling with my phone, trying not to look as nervous as I felt.

Soon enough I had the directions to my apartment pulled up on my phone. Felix and I grabbed our drinks and made our way out into the streets of Seoul.

"It doesn't seem like you're from around here, where are you from?"

"Phoenix, Arizona, born and raised," I said with a hint of triumph. Arizona isn't exactly the classiest state, but to survive the summers was definitely a feat.

"Oh! I actually went to Phoenix not that long ago with my mem- my friends! I didn't get to see much of it before we left though."

I could tell he was going to say his members, but he stopped himself. I know he went to Phoenix. Hell, I saw him while he was in Phoenix. My friends and I pooled together enough money to get all four of us P5 tickets to their concert. Still not sure how our broke college student selves pulled that one off.

Should I tell him?

Well, he'll find out eventually, so why not bite the bullet and tell him now?

I took a deep breath.

"Can I tell you something, Felix?"

His head turned to face me, one eyebrow cocked in curiosity.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I want to be completely transparent with you, especially since we're apparently soulmates... I know who you are."

I could see him grow stiffer. I continued.

"My friends and I were at the Stray Kids concert in Phoenix. I've been a Stay since before debut. The last 10 minutes has my head absolutely reeling. I never thought that I would meet you or any of your members, let alone have you turn out to be my soulmate. If this makes you uncomfortable, I'm so sorry. It's probably strange hearing all of this; learning that your apparent soulmate knows so much about you while you know so little about them. Not to mention it's probably overwhelming. I mean, we're both still growing up, plus you have the stress of being an idol on top of it," I let my mouth run.

Everything came out like I had just opened the floodgates. I was beyond nervous to hear what he had to say, but also relieved to have said what I did. The last thing I want is to have kept the fact that I knew Felix before he knew me a secret. He deserves to know the truth and not feel like I just used the fact that he's my soulmate for my own personal gain. Keeping him in the dark and using him like that would just be fucked up.

"Okay, wow. First of all, I just wanna say thank you for telling me everything. I also want you to know that the fact that you know who I am doesn't make me uncomfortable. Actually, I'm both flattered and relieved. I won't have to explain being an idol and what that entails for us, so that makes things a lot less stressful. This is completely new territory for both of us, we just need to trust one another and make adjustments as we go," he said as he flashed me a reassuring smile.

"Besides, the fact that you know more about me than I know about you only means I have to spend more time with you and work to know you faster. Plus you get to know a side of me not everyone knows."

"And I'm hoping that side isn't some secret dark side you've been hiding to save face," I gave his shoulder a nudge.

The remainder of the walk to my apartment was relatively quiet. There was a bit of small talk here and there, but nothing extreme. For the most part, we just strolled along in a comfortable silence. It was... suprisingly nice.

One of my personal fears has always been making a fool of myself in front of others or making things awkward; especially with people I looked up to. To be experiencing such a comfortable peace with Felix seemed unreal. Bonus points for only mildly making a fool of myself in the very beginning.

Self improvement baby :)

Even with my poor navigation skills and even worse sense of direction, we made it to my apartment building without any problems.Entering the glass double doors, Felix and I made our way to the elevator. The elevator doors opened with a soft ding and we stepped in. Pressing the button for the third floor, we began our ascent.

When we arrived in front of my door, I almost made the move to input my phone password on the keypad. Force of habit. Realizing what I was about to do, I pulled out my phone and notes app, punching in the number I knew I would've forgotten otherwise. Just as before, a soft beep and click were heard as the door unlocked and we may our way inside.

Shedding our shoes (or feet prisons as my sister would call them), we made our way towards the couch in the small living area the rental possessed. Since we both still had food and drinks from the cafe, I rushed to the kitchen to get plates and utensils for the two of us.

Upon returning to the couch I saw that Felix had already began unpacking our leftovers. I set the plates down and started helping him plate the treats.

"So, you said that you've been a Stay since pre-debut, right?"

"Yeah. I think it was around December of 2017 that I found Stray Kids."

"Wow. Was it random that you stumbled across us, or did you find us through another group?"

"A little bit of both. I first started listening to K-Pop back in 2012, but didn't really get into it until around 2014. From there, I got into F(x), Shinee, and BTS, but I was still more of a casual listener than anything. In 2016 I got into GOT7, Day6, and Twice, so I obviously knew about your label. Funny enough though, I found Stray Kids because one of the people I rode the bus with was talking about how they were upset with how the survival show was going. I think it was right between when you were eliminated and the finale..."

I felt kind of bad bringing up the part about his elimination. I had absolutely no clue if it was still a touchy subject or not. Seeing how far he's come and where he is now, I really hope it isn't and that he doesn't beat himself up over it. JYP's reasoning for it all was complete bullshit anyway.

"Well, that'll make for quite the introduction, huh?"

"For sure. I may not have been there from the very beginning like some others had, but there was definitely some intense feelings of pride seeing you all standing on that stage being told you would debut together."

"I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. Getting there was beyond difficult, but having experienced all I have now, I can 100% say it was worth every second." Felix's eyes shimmered as he spoke. Anyone could tell that he was thinking not only of his members, his brothers, but his fans as well.

Being such a music fanatic, I've seen some bands that you can tell don't care about their fans. While this was way more common in the Western music scene, it did happen in the Kpop world as well. Despite that, I could confidently say that Stray Kids genuinely care for Stay; I could say that before I discovered Felix was my soulmate.

"So do you have any other hobbies or interests besides Stray Kids?"

"Nooo, not at all," I quipped back, my voice oozing sarcasm. A small chuckle was elicited from the freckled boy's throat.

"In all seriousness, music is one of my biggest hobbies. I did musical theatre from age 5 until age 11, I was in choir throughout all of my middle school years, and played trombone in middle school and high school. I don't play a lot now, but I still find the time every now and then. When I wasn't taking part in local musical endeavors, I was at some concert with my friends or my sister. Other than that, I enjoy reading, writing, photography, baking, and cosmetology."

"Quite the artist, aren't you?"

"In every sense except painting or drawing, yes. Ask me to do either of those and I will go running for the hills. Why I can do makeup, but I can't paint or draw I will never know."

"I guess the only explanation is that life is just weird like that sometimes," he laughed again. I always loved his laugh before, but hearing it face-to-face was literal heaven. This boy is straight up an angel, and no one can convince me otherwise.

We spent the next hour or two in my temporary home, conversation continuing to flow. I always knew and acknowledged the fact that idols and other celebrities are normal people just like you and me, but I couldn't help but freak out a little when I met anyone. Of course the same applied to Felix, but I think I got over the shock value faster than I normally would. I didn't really dwell on the fact that he was a world famous idol for long; I honestly almost forgot about it.

Normally, it takes me a while to warm up to people and feel comfortable with them, but Felix seemed to be an exception. The more we spoke and got to know one another, the longer I felt I had known him. Talking with him almost felt like talking with my best friend since preschool.

Just as conversation was beginning to die down a bit, Felix's phone buzzed from the table. He quickly picked it up and checked the notification. I watched him read the words sprawled across his screen, his smile slightly falling.

"Have to go back to the JYP building?" I inquired.

"Yeah. We have a performance in a few days, so we've been drilling pretty hard lately. I'm honestly kinda surprised that I didn't get called back sooner. It's been a few hours since I left," he explained while rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Well, I've already kept you here longer than I probably should have. I don't want to get you in trouble with your members or any staff."

"I suppose you have a point... but how about you come with me?"

"...come with you?"

"Yeah, come with me to JYP, meet my members, watch us practice. Everyone there has to meet you eventually since we're soulmates and all, so why not take care of it sooner rather than later?"

"I don't really have any other specific plans for today, so it could work. But are you sure bringing me won't get you in trouble?"

"As long as it doesn't interfere with our work, you should be good to go. I'm sure you'll be fine. It's not like you're gonna run around wreaking havoc or anything."

"Okay, let's head out then."

We quickly cleaned the living area, grabbed what we needed, and made our way back to the entrance of my building. Hailing the closest cab, Felix and I got in. He gave the cab driver the address to the JYP building and we were on our way.

I guess I'm meeting the rest of Stray Kids now.

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[toussainttomove]

“Some change is good, some not so much. But we have to meet new places, meet new people.” My 8 year old cousin Destiny :-)

First 

Happy New Year to all beings!!!!!!

What an amazing gift to be given another 365 days of this life. Well it’s a great thought and belief to uphold that the year has just begun. I understand its all based on some calendar someone made up but the energy of our thoughts and love consciously directed to that thought of a new beginning taking place is something special so I appreciate that. 

This entry will be to reflect on the past three months. Well I will try to I am certain im going to miss something its only natural. I will then focus on looking ahead. The time ahead is going to be SCARY however we have the gift of each other to support us. Its the moment where we ask for support that we realise we have an arsenal of soldiers waiting to bring the collective vision to light. 

In October the most amazing thing was going to Sweden with Gracefool Collective.

All my preconceptions were destroyed. And I learned some amazing things about the culture in Sweden. I had some fears which yes connected to race and culture and all those things of experiencing the otherness society projects on each and everyone one of us at times but more drastically on the marginalised or minority fractions pf society.  Due to our identity we get identified with. 

Identity can be a trip. Just decided to write this randomly. Its funny identity because in reality true deep reality all of us don’t actually exist as separate entities we are actually the universal god consciousness manifested causing and absolute riff raff on a piece of our selves manifested as a planet called Earth. Mind boggling because to reach higher heights of realisation you have to strip back this identity you are born into and taught to accept. You have to challenge everything you think you know to find the truth. Then return to that self with the most integrity and accept that body and life you have chosen to create then create it however you really want it. That my friend is the mission. 

bACK TO SWEDEN.............................

The people in the part of Sweden I was staying were really nice and had absolutely no animosity in their actions towards me. I felt so cared for and carried in the whole time I was there. I was going through my own stuff at the time which I have called the Surfacing Of My Deep Sadness. I felt like I was grieving something which I was actually. I was having such potent dreams of my fears and of journeys and ambitious I wish to take. It was the company i was with though that had me feel as if its all good to feel my sadness and let it be whatever it is. The GFC gave me space to go on my walk where I literally sat and cried by a lake. 

This whole thing was deepened by some self analysis. Reflecting back it was definitely my pains and tribulations leaving my body in some way. I had a tough couple of years since graduating from NSCD and its been a proper test in myself to even continue living in England. But then the same place where I feel the uncertainty of my life is the same place I get my reassurance. My grandmother rest her soul was super inspiring she use to tell us to do what we love in life don’t have regrets just go out there and learn keep learning and growing. Her death marked the beginning of some new doubts in my story but also new depths to the determination that makes me do what I do. 

Much Love Ms Tets xxxx

On wards im not finished with Sweden. 

So we danced in a church at an event to celebrate Sweden’s diversity as they just let in some human beings from war torn places. So the community decided to band together and have a celebration in the church inviting refugees of all sorts of races and religious followings to usher in celebrating the fact we are all different but the same. 

A glorious church opened in 1885. It was epic as we danced to Carmina Burana.

We had the pleasure of being accompanied by a huge choir and a huge orchestra. We had mini us (children dancers) who supported some of our movements. At times it was as if we were accompanying the music not it us which is only natural in such a grand production. Big up Gracefool Collective for calling me up to take part in this project. 

We hung out with the choir’s younger people who were in our age range. We danced sang and simply acted like crazy kids. I did some research and learned about the boarding school these young peeps attend. It is simply heaven, being in the choir is a must along with learning to build boats, houses and other wood crafts next to learning an instrument or a form of music technology. Best bit is you basically come and go doing courses as you can in certain period of time. from 6 months to a year to 2 years and you can take a break between and come back. I met students who were 30+ in the same class with people 18+. 

I feel people would benefit from being in a class where age isn’t a variable to the power dynamic of student and teacher. That’s just me. I honestly feel it should be expert and students. Teachers sometimes are rubbish if they are not experts. i say this because the most effective teaching ive had in my 26 years (my birthday was on the 24th of December) was my dance training years. From Park Lane College with Briony Marston to Dance Studio Leeds with Pauline Mayers to NSCD where I was spoilt actually with a platter of teachers who are all experts at their craft. 

Anyways back to Sweden. GFC lived together in a house we were given by the church. This project was paid by the way and was probably the best paid project ive been on in a while. Everyday we ate together and it was another person’s duty to cook the food. Swedish money made you think everything was expensive when really it wasn’t that bad. We had per diems which helped support our group food shopping which we almost did everyday. Eating together was brilliant it was so good to return to each other and do the circle of merit. This is something the GFC practice where you sit in a circle (at that moment I fell in love with it because I love circles) and you say something you cherish from the person on the left’s work today. It was so healing and was perfect as it just kept us respecting and feeding each other positive energy. 

We even had a vehicle which I named the Gracemobile. Check it out

Thats a serious vehicle.

Next is Nameda!!!!!!!!!  November

If you don’t know what Nameda is then check my past post. We are a family designing something to help the rest of our family. tHE HUMANS. 

Last we were together was in Berlin. This time everyone came to London (ive moved to London ahhhh). This was awesome, seriously wicked tings. The movement team which is the team im a part of had to facilitate 8 individuals travelling the mad city and enjoying their time here. It got crazy to be brief as we were really provoking what the hell we are designing. It was useful as lessons were learned which is always something good. 

We came to this:

Every training we do we need to ask the question. How can this practice support self development? Once you identify the questions to ask next the investigation for the answer will take place. It seems so obvious but when you’re in a room with 11 other people dancing and learning, yogaing and sweating, presenting and challenging. You tend to not realise all the growth that is taking place because of being in that space. To create a space where the growth can be looked at to find where those growing pains are coming from is super necessary especially as we want to design something that works but isn’t uniformed as everyone is different so everyone are at different places in their personal development. 

There is Saara overseeing our participants of our last Movement Elements in November. It is such a challenge to say hey im going to facilitate other people physically and spiritually driving themselves to find more depths to their being. Such a task we have taken on or it has taken us. These sessions invite people who want to move but have never danced or done yoga or anything they want to make the world a better place and learn about spirit but they don’t know where to turn. So we come to hold these sessions simply to share whatever we have experienced in our curiosity with movement/voice/prayer/community. We love doing these sessions. Personally I asked the universe if I could do more to help people because when im performing I don’t know if it does much a part from really entertain people unless its a specific piece of work like Windows Of Displacement where I am analysing a very sticky situation humanity has got its self in. But then again telling a child they just spilled the milk and they should try being more careful with the milk might not actually stop the child from spilling the milk again you get me??? Anyways thats why workshop spaces are really fun, i get to truly connect to people and understand them. 

November seemed like it was all about new spaces and stepping into who you are by being in new spaces. So I have moved to London which happened in November. New spaces new beginnings. Straight away I got a job working with Theatre Rites and 20 Stories High on a new production. We did a weeks R an D and it was super fun. Have no pics from that though because I don’t. 

So here’s a pic with some of the participants of our Healing Justice sessions. These sessions are around movement but its more specifically on healing the wounds society has forged on us from the self deprivation we all suffer from at times. Mostly women come to these sessions because well from my reality I have experienced it seems women are the most attacked in society. This makes sense because the earth is a woman and she is being treated like shit so naturally the society will treat the human manifestation of the Goddess Empress the same. Its the fragmentation of perception of our reality. The sea is our deep unknown subconscious and so is space. 

We market the session to the most marginalised people in society and so it can be tricky to get a full house. The sessions are free by the way as Healing Justice has charity status. This session was on water so yh the movement journey was pure healing vibes. good times with good people makes for a good reason to keep going living and spreading love.

December made me excited and tired so me and Saara said okay lets find a week and go to Morocco. If anyone knows me they know ive wanted to go to Morocco since like forever cause I was an Arabic/African/Nomadic/Sufi in a past life or in some past lives. Im serious!!!!

So we went and it was magical to say the least. I was swarmed by people trying to sell me weed or hash everywhere I went. I was called Bob Marley so much that I thought someone traveled back in time and made me the legend himself. Low and behold that to only be a mere imagination. We stayed in some beautiful places and some not so beautiful. 

We hunted GNAWA music which is a spiritual and resilient musical culture. This as the people of morocco call it is the African man’s plea from the first slavery which took place in North Africa. We ended up finding a Master of this music and I sat with him and played the cojan as he tapped out some riddims with a lighter, yes a lighter. The other musicians and myself had to follow his direction it was really funny. 

oKay

I think that is pretty much everything. I am 26 now another year as past. We are all older hopefully wiser. for New Years me and my beloved did some personal things. We have had a touch year personally and professionally and all we are praying for is to grow grow grow and to be in charge of our work and make steps as gigantic as the moons trajectory around the earth. 

I am going in to be a student this year building up my singing practice and movement teacher practice with two trainings. One in singing and the other in Yoga like Water. The universe kind of sent them to me rather than me going to them. I am serious they kind of just happened from me being in the right places at the right times. Breath taking and forever giving is the universe. Cherish it we must and give thanks. 

SAHAAAA!!!!!!

X