#my catalogue from last time will all be there but i dont think im gonna offer reverse mermaid comms this time cause

[teeheeheeee-i-just-vent-here]

eheheheehhe

itsss just so fucking exhaustingg like i want people to reach out and talk to me but i do nothing to add to the conversation ever and imm SURPRISED?/ when people prefer being around other ppl than me

ii just cant think of anything to say anymore MY MINDS SO clogged by constant swirling negative thoughts and random bits of music and patterns and fears andshitandihyperfocusonmysurroundingsand the feeling of everything on me then i get super self conscious even if theress no possible way anyone could perceive me nd stuff but like yea i dont relaly HAVE any positive thoughts or ideas [that last anyway] so its like what do i even bring up????

AND The things thta i actually can think of get lost so quickly cause my mind works at ultra giga speed mode but alllll of that processing power is used for the wrong shit like i can barely remember anything at this point and im not sure if its because ive actually lost memories or because i cant concentrate long enough to actually recall them aside from brief glimpses of the setting and thats it

ialsohave issues forming memories i think cause like i just dont take in information due to the CSNTARBOMAPAFAS[see paragraph two] goin on so nothing thats actually supposed to be catalogued is catalogued

bt like anyway all i can do now is smoke and work my job which im honestly insanely lucky to have rn its remote which is the only way i can even somewhat handle working so yea thts kinda epic :3

ermm yea its so har d to put thoughts into words and i forgot most of the stuff i was originally gonna vent about while making a new accountt so idk TUNE IN NEXT TIME??

bssstzzttt.,

[istherewifiinhell]

back on the grief train woo woo (day recap) (most serious skip warning yet)

i have a predilectiction to not wanting to record or remember when (like the specific when in time) bad things happen. but in the last couple years of blogging, and i guess the year and change of drawing ive found a lot more appeal of recall. so i wonder if its not so bad to. record the bad. at any rate i dont think. not recording it makes it less real. which i think is the fear. and. my head is doing it anyway.

im doing this coping method questionable activity here instead of a journal becauseeee??? natural format my brains prefers i suppose.

to recap. the bad horrible no good very bad day

- i went to sleep late, as usual. i wake late. same. i prelong getting out of bed. also same. scrolling idly (or 'pre scrolling' the dash. i dont know why i do it)

- screams. screams and distress and misery and comforting a screaming distressed person. various talking down of hysterical lines of thought. (thats not an insult. 1. circumstances 2. understood behavioural trends) the joint and mouth gear i sleep in dont even come off until the screaming is done. have u every pet someones head in a wrist brace?

- lots and lots of crying. more comforting. the gear comes off. i brush my teeth. exhausted sitting and hovering around the. scene of the incident.

- migration to kitchen as food needs win out. all doors shut and all living beings collect. toast is eaten. water drank. etc.

- backup arrives. infomation is gathered. places are looked up and called. plans are formed. actions are taken. i mentally catalogue setimental, soothing, but give upable fabrics.

- i rip up threadbare torn bed sheets. i have to figure out how to get my dead cat into a box.

-he was around 12-15 pounds. we called him toddler sized and shaped. he had a mean punch and strong grasp. i taught him to sit on my shoulders, sometimes.

- realise how much heavier he is now. i cry. i cover him with the sheet. i somehow get it under him. hes stiff. even the tail. i cry. i pet his fur. i sob getting him into the box.

- backup apologizes. im on my knees. wailing. i think. definetly louder than anything ive done yet. backup gestures the dog at me. knowing my situation. distressee entered at some point. gets a hug from back up. i think i am gestured into the hug. i gesture down. im on the floor.

- i wail and am hugged.

- i am invited on the trip to the place. i gestures to my face. my sleep clothes. i dont see it happening. im told i dont need to be strong all the time. i reiterate. i really just wouldnt be able to get my glasses and a mask on.

- i dont see the box. i dont see much. at i dont remember if i have tea now or earlier. i soon as i hear the car go. im crying again. the sister cat meowing didnt help. i dont actually know or belief if that. i have no idea what she experiences. shes a cat. but. yeah.

- blogging happens? sometime happens? people return.

- im told. four years ago he developed a heart murmer. apparently thats a thing. 4 years. bengin to. serious.

- blogging happens. as well as algorithmic irony. i am asked if i want to watch something. i say. shower first. i forget ever song ive ever heard. for a moment. i settle on the album pocket.

- eventually i come down. i get food. we watch a movie. its a good movie. i have a nice exchange with a friend during too.

- i watch some dishes and realise. bizarrely. my old manager might find out about this. the vet was near to my job. the guy was friends with the techs. this was the kind of infomation he would share with me at times.

- youtube videos until the group disbands.

- i start recounting this my head

- i am wearing pjs i dont like. whatever the level for snotty sleeves where u chuck a set in the hamper has surely been met.

- typing this. using a spare pillow case as a hanky

- im gonna go and try and find the horse traqulizer of pleasant youtube videos.

[gurugirl]

i’ve been meaning to give a mini update but haven’t really got the time so i’m just gonna bulk it up here. yasss if you don’t mind

BASICALLY!

you got mini promo in my critical thinking lecture bc we were learning about Buddhist philosophy and my professor was like yeah these stories usually have a ✨guru ✨ and i was like OMG I KNOW HA! so yeah that whole week you were living rent free in my mind like woah!

and then i started talking to this person, not talking in like a omg this has the potential to be something more bc now that i think about it… i think i might be aromantic or something or it could just be that i have some like unresolved deep rooted subconscious trauma i need to work through to feel comfortable being vulnerable around someone… let alone a MAN ugh. anyways yeah the thing is when i told my roomies that this person may be idk have the intentions of being more than friends i got this feeling my roommate might have feelings for this person so i was like woah i need to back tf off. like to me if they did have feelings i would’ve used it as a way to get my virginity over and done with like GET HER OUT OF HERE! but now i’m setting up that boundary and i tell my roommate like girl you need to do something about this crush and she’s like no no you texted first and i was like GIRL I DONT LIKE THEM! but yeah i’ve hung out with them like twice and yeah im not feeling it at all, call me fucked up but they’re just too nice, it’s like they’re beating around the bush with me and prioritizing my feelings like hello? that’s not how i work, i’m so indecisive don’t put every decision we make on me yk? and they’re also very feminine which i feel really bad about saying bc they’re non-binary/ gender fluid but i tend to be attracted to more masculine/dominant energy (hence why i love your shit hello? 😋)

this is my finals week too and i just had my first final for chemistry and i just know that shit was bad like tell me why i guessed on 3/4 of that exam 😭 and then after i was done i turned on my phone to see messages from my study group saying they’re outside the building to celebrate… EXCUSE ME?! CELEBRATE WHAT EXACTLY?! i flopped. f for fail? more like f for FLOP! but yeah i have a bio exam tmrw and im not feeling it! like whyyyyyy! this is what i get for being a stem major like-

also! i read your new story and OH MY GOD! i love how harry like kinda knew she was reluctant bc of him so he like took the time to play with her a bit! AND I LOVE HOW YOURE BROADENING YOUR WRITING CATALOGUE! like ugh i love your creative growth, going from stories where y/n is submissive to somewhat dominant (stepmom) and then from having a third party being submissive (angel from profrry) to them being a potential dominant figure it’s so exciting! i love how you’re dipping your toes in different writing ponds UGH! i’m so excited to see what’s to come!

Ahh oh my gosh, babe! Love the update and I'm so flattered you were thinking of me during your critical thinking lecture 🤭😇

And I love that you're in stem! I'm so impressed 😍 Love that! Good luck this week to you! I finished my last final today (early) so I'm done until Spring semester starts 🎉

As for this person you've been talking to, yeah it really just sounds like you're not into them, which is fine. If you're not feeling it then that's okay. There has to be some attraction and connection and you just don't have it. They're probably better off just being your friend.

Thank you so much for saying all that about my writing! I really like trying new things so I'm happy you appreciate it 🥰

xoxo

[00sukisuki00]

bunch of six year olds

Thoughts when drawing this:

Sir Pentious: i wanted to be as acurate as i could with this, there are a lot of contradictory sources about this, but from what i could gather, sir pentious died in 1888 in his 40s, i made him white because i do not think he coulda had access to education to the level of being capable of creating thing otherwise, but hh is fictional, so one can have other hc. I also dressed him as a middle high class boy for the same reason.

Husk: The info i could gather (again with contradictory sources) is that he died later in his life (50s to 70s) in the 70s. He is voiced by keith so a lot of people read him as black, but i dont think thats enough to code a character a certain race, although i still made him racially ambiguous enough for pretty much anything, because i dont have an exact hc for that either, i made him blue eyed because that just makes sense for me tho hehe. I also dressed him as middle class with suburbian family vibes (Kinda copied his outfit from a boys clothes catalogue).

AD: I based a lot of his desing on a drawing of adult angel made by viv, which is the only one that im willing to somewhat accept, it was hard to find refs for him tho (based on his time, context, etc)

CB: I think shes the one with the least info (died in the 80s in her 20s) shes australian and, also think is white, thats more like, general vibes for me than anything significant so yeah. I hc she grew up as middle class.

Vaggie: EXORCIST ANGELS HC LORE DUMP: My hc for ea is that they were also human, and when they died they either chose or were given the exorcist role. I think this mainly because of previous lore viv dropped about her being Salvadorian, and while some may argue this was dropped, i dont thinks so, because we see her speaking spanish in the series, and idk about you, but i dont think they speak spanish in heaven www uhhhh right she died in 2014 in her 20s, she is Salvadorian, and if im not wrong lived during the end of a Salvadorian civil war, so thats a fun fact!

Niffty: She died at 22 in the 50s, i dont know if viv confirmed that she is half japanese, full japanese or she just speaks the languaje, but either way, i made her japanese so yeah, more specifically a japanese inmigrant. which, during the 40s, was.not.fun

Alastor: Theres a lot of contradictions and discourse online about this guy, so im just gonna say what i based him on: Creolle, Cajun, half black, white passing (white features, taned skin, curls by my interpretation) from Lousiana, New Orleans, I hc him to be middle to lower class ( he just like me fr). (also fun fact this was not intentional but he looks a lot like my dad when he was his age lol). He died in 1933, and from what i could find, in his mid to late 30s.

Last point that i want to add, is that besides the fully rendered character sheet of Angel Dust human desing im not taking any other ones canon, even the ones that viv made herself in that stream, because 1: the stream was made a long time ago and most importantly 2: Viv said in that stream to not take them canon cuz she did not have time to think about them and properly desing them, so i did just that, thats all.

Kid hh

[website-com]

top 5 favorite art movements 🧐🧐🧐

ive never studied art theory or history (couldnt fit it on my schedule) so im gonna name some and make some up

chiaroscuro- characterised by extreme lighting as if candle lit or some shit (been trying to understand how do do it lately- love its influence on modern cinema too)

Artemisia Gentileschi- her version is way better than her dad’s or whoever it was

that gay shit ppl like jean-michel were doing following Warhol so like the 50s-90s ish (neo-expressionism apparently- also i probably made that all up). i like how free it is. its also something i see local artists come back to over and over, i feel like its under-celebrated and really a movement for like poorer artists. i mean that with respect

jean-michel basquiat

this one im making up but like memes i think that art movements are too small to be universal anymore. i call this ‘moe girl horror’ early 2000′s to now probably (dont use this term its bad) and its a category of inhumanly anime girls in gut-wrenching dissociative scenarios. its like the culmination of the internet. to me. this is probably the least gorey example i can post.

marabarl-and-marlbara on tumblr

the next one im making up is transsexual art. u get what this is. art thats queer in a way thats radically loving and accepting and also totally unpalatable to a lot of people. this spans a lot of mediums from things like poetry to physical art to hyper pop and other music. on screen also probably but i havent got a personal example (unless titane counts which it does)

girlofsword’s bonfire

edit: fuck the last one my real answer is online horror unfictions and arg’s!!! literally anyone can make them and the well-funded ones suck shit. they’re immersive horror experiences stemming from interactive board games, creepy pasta’s and like the scp foundation that either catalogue or play out a scenario in real time with audience interaction. my favourite examples being ones like petscop, the backrooms or sexygirlmax2019

petscop

[cauldronoflove]

Ok so this is really obscure, but I've had this idea for a while now, and I'd love to see you work with it? Headcanons for a time travel AU in which Peter Parker is messing with Stark Tech and gets sent back to the 1940s? He could work with Peggy Carter in the SSR to solve the case and pretend to be her little brother. Plus in 2017 Tony and Steve working together to get him back. If you think it's weird or want to skip it no worries! If not, then thank you so much, I love your headcanons!!

i love this concept so much you dont even know?? but also okay i realized abt halfway through these 2.5k+ words that this wasnt exactly what you asked for and i feel kinda bad about that but i hope you still like it all the same!! also i wanna say thank you for thinking of me for this prompt im super flattered????

- peter wasnt technically supposed to be in the 4th basement of stark tower

- technically he was on his lunch break and was supposed to be using said time to both eat and work on his spanish homework

- but he'd heard these whispers from a couple of the older interns about some of the old stuff that mr. stark had thrown down there because he never had time to finish them and peter had an idea

- see, he's been wanting to move up a bit, have mr. stark trust him a little more, and what's better then maybe taking one of his old designs and making it better and making it work

- so thats why he's in the fourth basement of stark tower, trying to remember if he's had his tetanus shot because some of this stuff is seriously Old

- and then he stumbles onto this little pyramid shaped....doohickey

- its the only thing in 4 floors of Things that doesnt have a label or a file or a crude drawing taped to the front of it so now peter is Officially Curious

- he kinda fiddles with it for a few minutes until his phone beeps with his 'hey pete youre gonna be super late getting back to work again' alarm and he about drops this thing on the floor because like everyday the alarm scares him to death

- but because hes clumsy and because hes pete he actually does drop it and everything goes black

- but everything's fine because he wakes right back up and he's pretty sure that he electrocuted himself but thats happened dozens of times so he picks himself up and brushes himself off and realizes that he may have been out longer than he thought because theres fewer boxes in the room than before and geez his head hurts

- "are you quite alright?"

- oh god he mustve hit his head harder than he thought because that looks like

- "m-miss carter, no sorry, ma'am? oh, oh god i'm so sorry that was so rude, agent? agent ma'am?"

- "this is howard's fault isnt it"

- "howard? as in....oh god oh god"

- "do you know where you are?"

- peter parker loved a lot of things and one of those things was museums and one of those museums in particular had an exhibit on a certain mr. rogers and adjacent to that exhibit was a small plaque about the woman standing in front of him and oh god he was going to hyperventilate and throw up in front of a literal legend and hero at the same time

- "remind me to kill him later. right now lets get you something warm to drink, yes? maybe some new clothes, youre looking a little singed"

- flash forward half an hour and he's sitting in front of the agent carter sipping at some terribly bitter coffee while she pursed and unpursed her lips a few times

- (annnnd time skip back to present day)

- friday: mr stark theres a woman downstairs beating on the door asking for youtony, 47 names going through his head: ...go on

- enter may parker, in her pjs, fire in her eyes, carrying on the legacy of brunette women ready to end a stark's life

- "it is ten o'clock on a school night, i've talked to ned, i've talked to mj and liz, i've talked to every corner sub shop owner, i even had a nice long chat with pepper, yet no one could tell me anything so you better have answers as to where my nephew is anthony"

- and in that moment, tony stark's life flashed before his eyes

- "hey, friday, where is the kid?"

- "peter's vitals havent been detected since 1:32pm on floor D"

- tony: fu-

- (back to pete and peggy)

- so he's quickly caught her up on the gist of whats going on (aka he told her he's from 2017 ny and hed really just like to go home) and she's taking it surprisingly well, all nodding and hmm-ing and cursing howard stark under her breath, kinda how may is when tony does like.. anything

- but now shes leading him through their super secret base and he's trying not to stare because, has he mentioned, hes literally standing next to peggy carter

- "right, well, here's your cot. if you need anything, dugan can help you. he's that one, there, with the cigar. you get some rest and i'll find howard and see if we cant get your...issue squared away. oh, and whatever you do, dont accept anything dernier tries to give you, you've already blown up once today, i dont think you can afford another"

- present day

- tony's been working through the night, a marginally-more-than-slightly disgruntled may beside him, and an even-more-than-marginally-more-than-slightly peeved happy beside her

- ("how do you lose a teenage boy, tony" happy moans to his phone when he wakes up and sees all the missed calls and texts he has)

- good news: it only took like 2 1/2 hours and three shots of espresson for tony to figure out what happened to peter

- bad news: it wasnt even a Tony Stark Exclusive Design, it was a Howard Stark One-Time Use That Was Actually A Malfunction Design, he'd had several more coffees that werent even close to being strong enough, and he had a growing black eye from the punch may landed before happy could pull her away and calm her down (maybe that last part should be in the good news column)

- "so he's just stuck in the 40s alone, then" may surmises, rubbing at the tension headache in her temples

- tony doesnt respond because at this point he needs his other eye for miracle working and depth perception

- "well, probably not alone," happy begins. "i catalogued everything in that level, and that stuff came from one of howard's london facilities, so it was probably calibrated for that time, so he's probably with-"

- tony: "hap, please dont finish that sentence"

- may: "1940s london. so he's with steve, then, safe. with captain america. okay, i can handle that."

- tony: "no, ah, a little later than capsicle, probably"

- may: "so not safe with captain america"

- happy: "safe with agent carter, more likely"

- pete and peggy

- good news: pete made it through the night without being blown up by the howling commandoes

- bad news: once howard was finally located and sobered up, he explained that he hadnt built that particular device yet, so peter was kinda stuck

- peter wasnt coping well

- "i have a spanish test tomorrow! and a trig test on friday! and i'm supposed to hang out with ned on saturday, and then may's gonna kill me when i dont show up for sunday dinner, and shes gonna kill me in general because i never checked in because holy shit i never checked in!"

- howard: peggy he's crying what do i do

- peggy: do i have to do everything myself

- she advances on peter and takes his chin in her hand, locking eyes with him: peter, you know who i am, dont you?

- he nods as best as he can

- "then you must know that i'm going to do everything in my power and then some to get you back home, dont you?"

- "yes ma'am"

- "good. go take a walk while i talk to howard, and if anyone asks, youre my american brother in for a short visit." and then she pats him on the cheek and his soul kinda ascends then and there because agent carter just patted him on the cheek AND gave him permission to tell people he's her brother

- so he goes to take his walk but the thing is when he gets anxious, he likes to fiddle with the loose legos he keeps under his bed, building and rebuilding tiny structures to help ease his nerves

- needless to say, he's an Absolute Nervous Wreck while he waits for some kind of something from peggy or howard and there arent any legos to keep him busy

- so he kind of takes that walk right on down to the lab and starts poking around because even if he is a certified nervous wreck he's also thr most inquisitive little shit that ever did walk the earth

- peggy finds him two hours later with a pair of loose fitting goggles on his forehead, his sweater sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and some . substance on his hands

- "please dont tell me youre somehow howard's long lost son too," she says, taking his appearance in

- he shakes his head as the beakers in front of him emit a puff of green smoke directly into his already scrunched up face "no ma'am; it's just that mr. stark kinda has me on desk duty and never lets me get my hands dirty so i like to take every oppurtunity i can get"

- she nods, "good, because howard needs you to describe what you remember of the device, and then you and i are going to begin the slog through the logistics of it all"

- "ooooookay"

- which is how peter parker ends up sitting across from peggy carter, the both of them scribbling extremely advanced mathematics onto yellowing sheets of paper as howard stark tinkered with some spare parts he had lying around as he tried to construct a crude rendering of the device

- peggy mostly doesnt talk, actually, she hasnt spoken since explaining that shed picked her math skills up on an assignment shed once had where she learned she actually loved numbers and then howard had been letting her do calculations for him in her free time

- peter was too impressed to respond bc from what he gathered she'd only been on that mission for six months and she didnt have much free time which meant she'd had to pick it all up FAST

- anyway, they got at that for hours, until peter cant keep his eyes open and even howard is dwindling; peggy waves them both off to bed but stays and keeps scribbling away

- they repeat that routine for 3 days

- on the 5th night, after she waves them off, peter goes to his cot and he tosses and turns for hours, listening to the commandoes play poker and crack jokes, but he cant sleep

- finally he gets up and just starts walking, anywhere his feet take him

- coincidentally, his feet take him past what he quickly realizes is peggy's room

- "peter why are you still up? is everything all right?" she asks, pulling off these big hulking glasses that made him incredibly homesick because she reminds him so much of may in that moment, big glasses on, hunched over a book in her lap, hair pulled back out of her face

- and he apologizes, but she Knows something's terribly wrong, so she gets up and ushers him away from her doorway, and leads him down a hall or two and then theyre standing in an open space, and she's looking at him like shes trying to solve one of her equations

- "do you know how to throw a punch, peter"

- " whatever youre thinking i dont think its a good idea we dont have any gear and i dont want to get hurt-"

- she shakes her head and asks again, and he finally answers with a kinda

- "'kinda' will get you hurt; watch me" and she begins to demonstrate a few slow punches and he follows her movements and tries to copy them but hes a little sloppy but its ok because she corrects him and finally theyre just standing beside one another counting out punches when she asks "whats on your mind"

- and he doesnt even hesitate he just lets loose everything, how much he misses may and how terrible he feels that he cant get in touch with her, how much he misses ned and mj and liz, how much he misses his fire escape and the deli on the corner and the buildings and then he's crying again, but she gracefully doesnt point it out

- once he's done spitting out everything thats bothering him she gets this kind of sad smile and says, "you remind me of a man i knew. he cared so much about his friends, sometimes to the point of not even worrying about himself, whuch meant he was always in some sort of trouble, as you can imagine. but he always found his way out of a problem, even if he was the one who created it." she laughs slightly then. "i guess what i'm getting at is even if i cant get you back home, even if howard cant, i believe that youll figure it out."

- "are you comparing me to captain anerica right now because i'm already crying and i dont think i can take much more" he says through sniffles, his arms slack by his sides now

- she smiles and nods, keeping her stance, and peter feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this amazing woman who immediately helped him without much of a pause and who's made sure he was okay for the past 5 days and who's up at god knows what time showing him how to throw a punch and being his borderline therapist and he just wants to give her something in return

- "im not sure if im supposed to do this, because for all i know it could tear a hole in the fabric of time and space but i really want to show you this," he begins, pulling his wallet put of his pocket.

- he flicks the little photo holders out and theres may, and theres ned and mj and liz, and theres that cat he found that one time, and theres him and tony, and there, at the bottom, is the time he officially met steve after the whole fight thing and all

- "this was taken a couple months ago; well, a couple months for me, it's decades from now, but here," and he holds out his wallet for her to see and she looks over the photo curiously before she understands and a tear slips down her cheek and she smiles the most grand smile

- "thank you, peter" and she passes the wallet back and puts her hand on his shoulder and says "i promise i'll have you home in time for sunday dinner"

- and she does

[expectoepatronums]

we are all fools in love

A/N: Jumping on the textfic bandwagon. This was so much fun to write, I completely understand the obsession now. Title from pride and prejudice (the book)

James Potter to Lily Evans: do u think my english lit paper could just be a review of the kira knightly pride and prejudice movie

Lily Evans: james it is 3am

James Potter: yes it is

Lily Evans: pls go to sleep

James Potter: cant this is too important 

Lily Evans: im not even in english lit ask remus

James Potter: hes asleep lily obvs it is 3am

Lily Evans: wow what a novel concept 

James Potter: but actually have you seen the kira knightly p&p its so good

Lily Evans: ofc i have ive been in love with mr darcy since i was 10 

James Potter: lily evans! how could you?!! in love with another man?!!! i am heartbroken!

Lily Evans: i am going to sleep now

James Potter: wait i actually need to know do u think i can write my paper on that

James Potter: lily? 

James Potter: lily im not kidding

Lily Evans has left the conversation. 

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: can u pls make ur boyfriend shut up abt pride and prejudice

Lily Evans: sorry i think hes ur boyfriend in this situation

Lily Evans: that reminds me can you make ur boyfriend shut up about pride and prejudice

Peter Pettigrew to is this a cool chat name?: hey prongs isnt ur 6 month anniversary with lily coming up?

James Potter: ya

James Potter: we’re going to a rlly nice dinner

James Potter: im surprising her

James Potter: theres going to be a violinist. and roses

Remus Lupin: jeez james how long have you been planning this?

James Potter: only like, 7 months

Remus Lupin: that was a logical decision

Sirius Black: gotta be prepared moony

Peter Pettigrew: i cant believe prongs will have been dating lily for 6 months on october 24th at 5:06pm its truly amazing she hasnt dumped you yet

James Potter: thanks for the vote of confidence pete

Remus Lupin: pete why do you know the exact minute they got together 

Sirius Black: well obviously he marked it in his calendar like the rest of us

Sirius Black: i cant believe you havent recorded the momentous event moony shame on you

Remus Lupin: you own a calendar?

James Potter: actually it was 5:07 

James Potter: just so u know 

Peter Pettigrew: my whole life is a lie

Sirius Black to James Potter: not coming to chem today 

James Potter: u dont take chem

James Potter: neither do i

Sirius Black: then what is the sciencey class where you evans and i sit in the back and make fun of giles the entire time

James Potter: physics

Sirius Black: r u sure

James Potter: yes

James Potter: yesterday u asked giles what exactly a physic was

James Potter: he did not find it funny

Sirius Black: yes but everyone else did 

James Potter: on the contrary lily just rolled her eyes

Sirius Black: good god prongs do u catalogue everything evans does y are you so disgustingly in love

James Potter: i dont catalogue im just perceptive

Sirius Black: r u kidding me last week sabrina morgan asked you out and you didnt even realize it

Sirius Black: and then u had to chase her down and tell her that u had a girlfriend who you were very much in love with and that u did not actually want to go out

James Potter: i dont see what that has to do with anything 

Sirius Black: thank you for proving my point

Sirius Black to yes remus i own a calendar im not a barbarian: I HAVE THE BEST IDEA FOR GRAD PRANK

Remus Lupin: if it involves balloons filled with maple syrup again sirius im leaving this chat 

Sirius Black: i would never do that again moony im not boring

Sirius Black: this time its balloons filled with molasses 

Remus Lupin has left the conversation.

James Potter: really sirius? molasses?

Sirius Black: in hindsight it may actually be worse than maple syrup

Sirius Black: back to the drawing board

Peter Pettirgew: wait i want to hear the idea 

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: why is james being weird

Remus Lupin: what are you talking about 

Remus Lupin: he always looks like that 

Lily Evans: mary macdonald just asked him if he had any plans this weekend and he almost jumped out of his seat 

Lily Evans: and now he’s tapping his pencil against the desk. he only does that when he’s nervous 

Lily Evans: youre sitting right next to me how have you not noticed

Remus Lupin: idk you’re gonna have to ask him

Lily Evans: i tried

Lily Evans: he just said ‘err nothing why would you ask that hey did you see that movie’ and then he rambled on about some netflix documentary

Remus Lupin: that seems pretty par for the course to me

Lily Evans: come on remus

Remus Lupin: idk ask sirius

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: why is james being weird

Sirius Black: what r u talking about

Sirius Black: he always looks like that

Lily Evans to Peter Pettigrew: why is james being weird

Peter Pettigrew: idk what youre talking about

Peter Pettigrew: hes totally fine

Peter Pettigrew: nothings going on

Peter Pettigrew: just yesterday he told me he was feeling as normal as ever

Peter Pettigrew: hes definitely totally completely fine 

Peter Pettigrew has left the conversation.

James Potter to james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up: EMERGENCY: WHAT DO I WEAR

Peter Pettigrew: a suit?

Sirius Black: nothing

Remus Lupin: a nice shirt and a tie

James Potter: okay i have found something crisis averted

Sirius Black: breaking news: james learns to dress himself

Remus Lupin: we’re so proud of him for his achievement

James Potter changed the chat name to ‘james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU’

Sirius Black: i feel personally victimized and attacked

Remus Lupin: i think that was the point

Peter Pettigrew: hey! i didn’t say anything!

James Potter changed the chat name to ‘james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU minus peter’

Peter Pettigrew: thank you

Lily Evans to James Potter: thank you for tonight

Lily Evans: it was wonderful

James Potter: glad you liked it 

James Potter: these 6 months have been the best of my life

Lily Evans: mine too

James Potter: hey lily?

Lily Evans: yeah?

James Potter: i love you

Lily Evans: i love you too

Remus Lupin to James Potter: how did it go last night?

James Potter: it went great

James Potter: she loved it

James Potter: i did cut myself on one of the roses tho

Remus Lupin: oh my god

James Potter: there was a little bit of blood but i survived

Remus Lupin: glad to hear it

James Potter: on another note, do you think McGonagall will accept my english lit paper if its titled “‘Lizzie B Takes No Shit’ and Other Take Aways From Pride and Prejudice (2005)”

Remus Lupin has left the conversation

Sirius Black to fambam: BREAKING NEWS: JAMES POTTER AND LILY EVANS ARE SNOGGING IN THE CAF

Remus Lupin: sirius theyve been dating for six months

Sirius Black: IK BUT IT NEVER GETS LESS EXCITING

Lily Evans: glad to know you find us entertaining

James Potter: what did you expect lil? were like elizabeth and darcy

Sirius Black: does that make me bingley

Remus Lupin: p sure im bingley

Lily Evans: guys its obviously pete

Peter Pettigrew: aww thanks i think also is now a good time to mention that ive never actually seen this movie

James Potter: WHAT????!!!!!!!??????!!!!

[sexylordpalpatine]

I saw Rogue One again and these are some of the things i can remember thinking while watching it but tbh i cant even do this movie justice, its beyond words:

-ok i thought you guys were just being extra but holyshit Krennic x Galen is so real 😂. srsly though Krennic is so jealous of Lyra. Krennic understands that life on a farm is too “dull” for a brilliant scientist like Galen. They understand eachother so well because they are the same. feels.

-When Cassian sees Jyn with the blaster and goes “Whered you get that?”. Cassian, babe, it was literally on the floor.

-The moment Jyn takes the blaster is literally the moment he decides he’s her boyfriend, like he goes from serious rebel guy to boyfriend™ in a literal milisecond. like “yes im jyns bf. Love you Jyn. Is Jyn Ok? Jyn.”

-Jedha. Jedha is just height difference porn tbh. i still dont understand why Cassian looks like he just walked out of a Rock Climber catalogue but im turned on so im not gonna question it. Also is Cassian aware that they are not a couple having a romantic day out at an outdoor market?

-When theyre in the cell and Chirrut says to Cassian that there are different types of prisons and that “I have a feeling you carry yours around with you”. I want to know what was going through Cassian’s head when he said that.

-Baze and Chirrut are like Jyn and Cassian if they got to grow old together…and Chirrut knows this.

-The moment when Jyn sees the message from Galen. Honestly Mads Mikkelsohn’s acting is fucking great. the way he says “Star Dust” and the sadness in his voice like bye im already crying.

-The moment that fucking killed me is after Jyn’s seen the message and she’s just sitting there on the ground and she’s just in shock and Cassian comes to get her and just gently takes her arm and pulls her off the ground.

-The moment Cassian gets the orders that he has to kill Galen is literally looks like he’s in so much pain. fuck.

-When they get to Eadu and Cassian and Bodhi are going to go out there and Jyn just hits Cassian on the back and says “Im going with you”.

-the moment when Cassian is going to shoot Galen but he looks mortified because he cant fucking do it.

-When he sees Jyn is on the platform he goes into full panic mode.

-When they get back to the ship after Galen dies and Jyn is not taking Cassians shit for a second. Favorite fucking part is when she goes “you can’t talk your way out of this” and he goes “i dont have to”. The. Sexual. Tension. And they are both soakinh wet and angry and everyones just ready for them to do it. and Cassian is soooo pissed that everyone is starring at him.

-Cassian’s way of apologizing for almost killing Jyn’s father is by giving her a small army. I can’t with this bitch. He is too fucking much. 😂

-The lingering looks on their way to Scariff…r u kidding me??? They have fucking heart eyes the whole way there.

-Everyone is so nervous on the way there. its kinda like they know theyre gonna die.

-the fact that Baze's last words to Jyn are “Good luck little sister”

-Cassian in the Imperial uniform. Im weak. (Seriously i just wanna cosplay as Cassian and Jyn when theyre in disguise)

-Um Bodhi is such a boss and he is so important they couldnt have done it with out him i am so proud of him

-When Cassian says to Bodhi, “youre our way out of here” and youre like great he dies. theres no way out of here. you all die 🙃

-When Jyn and Cassian are in the data room and taking their clothes off and for a second they look like theyre about to call it a day and just bang eachother.

-ok so when Cassian and Jyn are on the elevator i still think they think theyre gonna survive. The way theyre looking at eachother. Theyre basically just telling eachother they love eachother in a non verbal way. but they look hopeful like they think theyre gonna live.

-When they get to the beach they look like they collapse with disappointment, knowing this is the end.

-When the movie ended I was loterally shaking. I felt like id seen it for the first time. My dad said it was “inspiring” and i cant a agree more. Ive probably never been more fucking moved by a movie. thats sounds so dramatic but…wow.

-I loved Force Awakens but Rogue One just takes the cake for me.

-and can i say how fucking amazing Felicity Jones and Diego Luna are?? They made this movie with their acting. fucking brilliant.

[maggimjoi-blog]

i feel like i’ve never catalogued all the actual alters i used to have and be when i was a system. before i became Just Maggi. so im gonna try to do that now. but its been such a long time i barely remember.

gree and yell- placeholder names for two fae i dont remember. i think yell was reddish yellow purple or something and gree was greenish purple yellow, but they both were very angry and vicious things that were just. told me things about shit that would eventually happen to me years later.

i sent them away. for about half a year it lasted before other stuff surfaced.

Maki Neko and Notu Hebi- a sharp wiccan cat person and a heavily devout christian/egypt snake individual. they were both from ancient egypt (?) and i dont remember many details about them but they were a pair and balanced each other out. they sort of existed as my only context of understanding religion until i figured out where i stood with it myself, considering i didn’t feel okay with christianity being sort of forced on me from a young age just because it was my moms religion and she converted my dad to it when they got married. but yeah uh kinda placeholder names since i couldnt remember any ancient egyptian for a long time but i did have japanese weeb shit and that was ok for a while. water kitten. i dont remember what notu hebi meant but maki neko was water kitten.

satori- a half fairy with brown hair with purple streaks that always wore 60s hippie stuff and was into new age shit. really into chalkzone shit. eventually just transcended time and space and left to become someone else. came back as miki.

raven corvana- i think they were satori’s mom? or miki’s mom? i dont remember. it was really complicated. they had black hair with white streaks and were literally from hell or something but they were just. a nice mom person. they just wanted to make everything firey hell warm and listened to like. the smooth jazz equivalent of goth music and could literally turn into a raven or a crow or some inbetween. literally some sort of line of grim reaper angel things i dont remember.

miki ishikawa- they/she were a genetic experiment of a vulcan/human/angel? thing. some guy named uh. shit i dont remember his name but he had white hair. tsukimoto! okay it was tsukimoto. he. like. fuckin. i dunno they all came from this fucked up g gundam/evangelion universe i never bothered to learn about but a lot of people (tsukimoto +literal crowley?) decided to try and recreate like. the most ultimate being with some vulcan dna and angel blood and shit and they came out with a tired alcoholic child whos blood was like 90% absinthe after everything was said and done. They told me their real body was in a coma the whole time they were with me/ were me. I felt their original body die when they left which was. really fucked up.

crowley- literally the ...guy? that helped make miki? he was there for like a month or something. i think he knew they were gonna die. so he/they tried to make her/their last months comfortable. Kinda felt like a WD Gaster type. not miki’s actual biodad. miki loved their biodad so much. their biodad was urube ishikawa it was weird i dont know ok.

then uh. after that. well more around that time i guess. i (the host? i guess? i never really had an identity for Myself at this point, before then i was kinda like an observer overseeing everything and never had a Self Identity until this point) but yeah i watched. Kingdom Hospital.

i watched kingdom hospital and. well. my memories came back in pieces before they came all at once so. i ended up in a really abusive relationship with the person that abused me from my previous life bc i couldnt remember what they did to me and shit was. Bad. Feels Bad Scoob.

but yeah

Mary Jensen- me but like. small and long hair. i had a lobotomy and shit because i was havin that Sleepin Sickness. i literally had trouble sleeping ever and couldnt really dream i mean. to his credit gottreich thought it would help but. yeah literally stabbing the hippocampus probably made it worse. did not help with the literal satan anteater that was using me as some sort of horrific puppet for his bullshit.

Paul Morlock- me but taller and short wavy bob hair. i was super cute and loved suspenders and was a very gay and spent all of my time in the 1930s gay community as the Smallest Boy everyone loved to be my parent even though no one had money and i worked like a motherfucker. a lot of the terminology we used back then were. some pretty shitty slurs nowadays but back then you used them to weed out who was part of the gay community and who wasnt. i must have sounded like a Grade A Prime Asshole when i fronted as paul-me. i wore lots of gray and slept in a large fish tank because sault water protected me from literal anteater satan. i had to protect ghost-mary-me from a lot of shit all the time and it was. Bad.

we coexisted with miki for a while as a sort of girl/neuter/boy system where mary was my representation of being a girl and paul was being a boy and miki was being neither even tho they used she pronouns out of convenience

but like. gender is racist bullshit? and i guess that wasnt gonna last very long because after that i remembered LEaving the hospital afterlife to try and escape before i came Here.

so now im Just Maggi Mjoi Anders

but like. see Mary had a backstory before kingdom hospital so its really like

my life as Maggi Mjoi was. we all lived in this facility and shit and it was me but like. i was both mary and paul because it was a spiral timeline and i just sorta. stopped being two different timelines and became one timeline. cause like. if you die and youre a ghost but you reincarnate? youre still a ghost? the previous You’s electric wavelength is just there and you can interact with it the next go around so when you die the next time its just Newer Different you??? i dunno

but yeah i sorta combined myself into Maggi real nice and it just fit nice being a weird agender masc legwarmer wearing boots wearing suspender wearing hat wearing loser that looked like a walking Autumn advertisement.

but like? i started Separating again so like. sometimes im Me but sometimes im just Maggi/Magdi/Mar/Anders or sometimes im just Andy/Pal/Anders/Paully. It’s suck trying to maintain any sort of progress with the amount of ptsd flashbacks i get at random with no predictability so it just. gets a lot to handle as one person.

i just felt like writing this for myself so please dont comment unless you have something nice to say or you feel like you remember me or a previous me or something.