#my brain is occupied with so many different games rn

[plague-ridden-rat]

Local man refuses to do line art, more at 6

[brightwingedbat]

I'm arrive in your dms, thank you for your patience with me, please ramble at me about whatever is most interesting to you first and foremost, i love seeing your stuff on my dash and timeline here and on twitter!

Right now I have been addicted to charr for a year and they are what occupies my brainspace most of all.

I just love them so much, all the juicy lore that's built into their culture. The character creator having a bunch of customisation that enables me to make full on families of these things, it's so much stuff that lets me flood all my creativity into them.

The game events bring SO MUCH DRAMA and it lets me really delve deep into the personalities of each of my different charr, what their values are and how they react and adapt to the whole EVERYTHING. It has been such a massive inspiration to my art and writing and I would not be at the point I am with my art without them.

Also charr are HOT. They have the greatest designs that make them really appealing to look at, the SHAPES. The ANATOMY. Fun fact, I was originally identifying as gay before I started GW2 and Nastazya fuckin' made me bi lmao.

A year ago I was like "I'll give gw2 a try, I'll probably not stick to it." Brain: "Haha, hyperfixation time zoop"

I just want more charr content in my life, and the more content I run out of in-game the more I want to CREATE. The more I want to WRITE and DRAW.

Joining tumblr was the best thing in recent time I've done because I get to share in this love of GW2 and ocs with many other people, I get to share how my ocs are, I get to take in how other's ocs are.

I am just so SDHSFGJDGSF I have this energy rn

WILD HAPPY TAILWAGGING

Okay there's my ramble, have a fantastic day dsfdgda

[silverflqmes]

HELP IWOWSHJE YOU THINK IM FUNNY??😻 im kidding.. let me be normal🫡

im sure it’ll be great!! would fr read your og work if you’re producing content this solid😩 BUT YEAH IDK SEFIKURA JUST GOT SOMETHING THAT HAD ME GASPING FOR AIR ITS JUST LIKE?? they’re so complex and despite being enemies they literally understand one another the best?? it’s just so insane to me honestly how similar yet so different that they are- it intrigues me to see how they progress throughout the games ( i’ve only played remake — which i finished almost two weeks ago i wanna say, playing cc now as im answering actually😭, ec and watched ac ), but i have limited time since i gotta start up college in september and wont have a console at my disposal since im leaving it behind probs</3

i myself have not written much for sefikura — just got one thing up on my acc which was an intrusive / analysis drabble while i was playing remake and got to the edge of creation😵‍💫 cuz writing oneshots is not something i often do unless i have an idea and i just need to get it OUT of my brain😭 otherwise i occupy myself with my lengthier fics on wattpad — which are for haikyuu😭 but since i’ve been brain rotting sm abt ff7 i decided to indulge just a little bit to try my hand at writing it<3

DIALOGUE?? honestly, valid cuz whenever i read their interactions in your fics it’s just crazy how on point they both are. dialogue fr is super important to writing which im trying to work on rn as i write my original story cuz i gotta remember speech mannerisms, behavior, stuff like that so characters are differentiated!! hmm, tbh listening to voices does make sense cuz somehow you had me hearing their voices for certain lines so good job on that, cuz you hella succeeded😩 agreed tho character / relationship development, whether or not established is important and i think you handle it rlly well along with the progression throughout your stories, granted i was VERY MUCH on the edge of my seat during the last chance w the whole tifa thing😭 ITS HONESTLY A RELIEF THAT YOU DO HAPPY ENDINGS cuz STAR WARS RUINED ME TBH so getting a happy ending for a change is so refreshing🧎‍♀���HOKANO ATE AT ME IT WAS 4AM AND I COULD NOT SLEEP UNTIL I FINISHED READING😭 when i got to the end i was like ohmygod are they gonna die?? but still a good fic i rlly loved the concept<3 angst just has me some way😔

BAKAHWKWWJ A SCORPIO?? okay okay it does explain a bit LMAO slay scorpio rep<3 yeah im just naturally impatient😵‍💫 and just spontaneous when it comes to writing.. deadass i would open up my books and just go in while thinking of stuff along the way ( basically, no plan minus the outline i make.. )

but i agree with what you mean abt having smtn to look forward to, i used to do that but keeping a schedule became a little difficult these last few years so i just kinda posted stuff whenever i could :’) at times i might also lose inspo and shift over to another fic but atm ive just been focusing on one full on fic since i fleshed it out the most and just a bit of a happy place for me🫶 i understand w your fics tho cuz seph and cloud are pretty different in each story from what i saw! PLS I TRIED TO DO A SHIP WEEK ONCE FOR A PAIRING AND I DID NOT LAST😭 i was like aint no way i cannot keep up like this.. but what you produced was chef’s kiss honestly, loved<3 PLS I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO RESPOND AGAIN I WAS LIKE OH!!

DEFINITELY HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE🫣 i went into the theater completely blind to what was gonna happen and was surprised to see so many ppl?? and honestly ate up the whole movie — like ik there are mixed opinions regarding it but it was so good??? and when sephiroth showed up at the end i was completely GONE my eyes were fr glued to the screen it was just insane and the fight was so well put together??? 12/10 movie🗣️ OOOO THAT SOUNDS COOL honestly i wish i’d gotten into ff at a younger age but growing up i was super immersed in tekken and star wars ( mainly ), it’s where a lot of my inspiration comes from😵‍💫 probably why i like sephiroth sm too cuz he reminds me of anakin a lot.. but yeah, i held off on tapping into ff since school was out for blood with me🫡 so i’m grinding and indulging in whatever i can now before uni starts for me😭 BAHAHAHA she has no intentions of allowing me any escape i fear.. BRO FFN AS IN FANFICTION.NET?? i have not heard abt that site in so long oml.. i started there too back in 2017😭😭 i was into fairy tail at the time :’) but i shifted over to wp and now juggle wp and tumblr.. online ive been writing i wanna say for about seven years?? but writing ive been doing since i was about eight yrs old ( currently nineteen😵‍💫 ) geez i feel old now as well looking back at everything i wrote😭😭

HAJQHSJS YEAH E2L😭😭 last year i was reading so many fantasy enemies to lovers books that i picked up the lingo readers often used..😶‍🌫️ BUT IT SO IS THE BEST DYNAMIC! it just goes harder than it should😩 zakkura is cute but i feel you on that i need complexity i need ANGST i need shit to go down, the touch her / him and you die, the who hurt you, stakes, conflict, build up — SLOW BURN AND THE BANTER OML like i need all of that bc when they get together there’s just- this satisfaction where you’re like FUCK YEAH!! ahem but yeah😭 i agree, zakkura is more comforting and just sweet, very much on the healing side — its good when you need hella fluff</3 but they’re also the definition of right person, wrong time / not enough time🥹 ff7 is so cruel</3

IM FR LIVING FOR SEPHIROTH TEASING THE HELL OUT OF CLOUD AND GETTING ON HIS NERVES😭 its just so GOOD. so satisfying to read🫣 ZACK IS SUCH A BESTI FR!! we love him for supporting his buddies<3 i cant wait to see more!! and yes😭 i read everything a little throughout the month since your style was just so refreshing to read<3

the last chance was so good honestly i rlly liked the way you explored what was essentially a hypothetical of sephiroth returning again — i was so worried the whole time that smtn would happen to him but then i was like happy ending happy ending ( me on copium basically ) and it all went well<3 it was so cute to see sephi with the kids🥹

fr?? honestly i can see what you mean, i did notice it was a bit on the darker side which made me curious to see how you would handle the story — but i hope you’re doing okay now!! make sure you’re taking care of yourself!! but yup it helps to write whenever things are tough tbh, best way to get stuff out :’) looking forward to seeing the reunion yupyup<3

BAHAHHA DW I WROTE A LOT TOO SO YOURE GOOD😭

hi hi not necessarily an ask but i wanted to tell you that your works are so good??? like i’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that your stories are not the canon plot of ff7 AND YET IT FEELS SO REALISTIC BECAUSE YOU PORTRAY THE CHARACTERS SO WELL??? i fr almost gaslighted myself for a second there BAHAHAHA ahem, anyway, really love your style of writing, it’s so refreshing to me<3 literally got me giddy and looking forward to fic updates for the first time in awhile?? i’ve been in a reading slump for a good minute and your sefikura fics dragged me out in the most emotional yet spicy way possible IDK HOW YOU DO IT WITH THE WAY TAG TEAMING SMUT AND ANGST SO LANGUIDLY, LITERALLY GOT ME UGLY CRYING ONE MINUTE AND THEN SCREAMING THE NEXT

the power you hold oml but anyway — all in all it’s immaculate, eating it up fr🧎‍♀️ can’t wait to read more!!

and ummmm.. my bad for the word vomit i fr had to simp on main and show my appreciation🫡 have a good rest of your day / night!!<33

Wow, thank you so much! 😱 It’s not everyday I get praised like that, and I’m so honored you like my work that much! 🥰 I love to write, and I have original work on the backburner indefinitely because sefikura has stolen my soul for all eternity, haha. And I know exactly what you mean, I was so disappointed that fics I liked a lot only updated once a year or were left unfinished and I just...got so fed up with it that I decided I’d rather just spend my time writing my own than keep trying to read them. That’s why I’ll never leave a story unfinished(though sequels may take a while to appear). My comments section on AO3 is open to both users and guests, so you are always free to scream about it there or here, I don’t mind in the slightest! It makes me excited to post when you’re excited for the update, too! 

Out of curiosity, which story got you hooked on my work? 👀 In Death is my current fic that has 5 chapters left, and I’ll post one every single Friday until it’s complete, with chapter 15 coming out in just a couple days~! Ahh, the reunion is almost at hand! I also made a special image for the final chapter, and I can’t wait to share it. :) Thank you for leaving me such a lovely comment, I’m truly honored to receive it! 💖💖

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#1)

Right, monkey brain said no sleep no rest, only suffering at the hands of med.

I am going to start with the first episode of S2: Soul Care. Reasoning? I need to check if Latham references Ava in his first interaction with Connor.

If my memory serves me right, when Connor is passed over to Latham for his fellowship, Latham says that he was not his first choice. In fact, his first choice was a brilliant surgeon from South Africa. In the first episode of S2, a season where Ava Bekker is only introduced with one line at the end of the last episode.

If I remember correctly and Latham does actually say that in the first ep of s2, it will be huge for the continuity (and my theory that I came up with today, if you’re interested in following this you should really read that really long post that came a little before this where the basis of the theory is laid out). 

Also in rewatching this I see more of Sarah which, again, I have not seen in two years, and she was the reason I became invested in the show, and the reason I stopped watching after she left.

And all of this even before I start the episode.

There are so many emotions and thoughts running through my brain it literally hurts. I think i’m getting a headache. I’m already really regretting this, this cannot be healthy for me.

(btw, this will basically be a train of thought type thing, I’ll do my best to keep it coherent)

- omg its starting

- i completely forgot how s1 ended but its not importnat in anyway

- just, why are they in a helicopter

- how fast does the episode move ive forgotten and i need to know

-JESUS CHRIST SO DRAMATIC

- THE BEGINNING WITH WILL WHY

- it is at this point where I apologize to all those who made it this far bc we’re literally not even 30 seconds in yet

- i just have a lot of med thoughts

- oh god save me

- i am laughing hysterically

- JESUS CHRIST THE APRIL TB STORYLINE AND TATE WTF

- god that feels like a lifetime ago it was relevant holyshit

-remember when she was pregnant?

- literally what have I missed

- side note, i really like the cup april drinks out of.

-THERE SHE IS

-SARAH

-SHE’S HERE

-and she’s a barista

-literally wtf is this show

-and the dramatic music is still going literally chill man god

-THE WAY SARAH SMILES HOLY SHITTTT come on man there was literally no way i’d survive this but fuck not even a minute in...

- okay but i never understood charles’ family scenario but this is already too fucking long for a minute in so i hope we can just skip past that

-hahahah sharon’s fucking divorce? holy shit, this is too dramatic for the first ep literally save me (at least she acts well)

-yeah the one thing I will say about med (thats a lie ive already said a hundred but yk) is that for the crap storylines and all, the actors take what they’re given and give it their all and i appreciate it so much

-the helicopter’s number is N365UCC and just... succ

-ethans bird (!)

-also the fact that’s so big for ethan to be chief resident is so weird to me. like the last medical drama I watched was greys and they are all like grizzled veterans and have been doing that stuff for actual decades and i tend to put med and greys on like the same level bc they are the only medical dramas ive watched but.. holy crap the people on med are so young?? half their main cast is med students and residents. when nearly every main character on greys is a department head. its wild.

-proud of ethan. proud of my boy (did you know that adam jacobs who played aladdin on broadway was in a s3 episode? fun facts) (fun fact: did you know that ava is the only main character on the show who’s status is now deceased? I’ll shut up now.)

-oh my god i say roland buck III’s name and GOD noah jesus

- i find noah incredibly annoying, especially bc he tries to overshadow reese (my fav) but also just bc hes spoiled [that thing that said that one of the biggest mistakes med made was not having sarah get the emergency med residency at the end of s1 comes to mine, and the fact that noah got his residency easy peasy] - but, i will say that the moment at the end of this season where noah and reese dance together at the party is very adorable. (pre reesker brain showing lmao I really did love sarah with my whole heart) (moreover my snapchat memories were filled with just recordings of reese scenes lmaooooo)

-okay at this point I need to stop once i get to the potential ava thing bc what is happening we’re not even two minutes in why is this so long. (so many thoughts)

- i find will annoying but,,, he is kind of nice to look at. and what i mean is like facial acting (i am a lesbian). like. just. don’t speak. and when he’s being a good character he’s fine. it’s very few and very far between ig

-natalie annoys me so much and shes only had one line, and it wasn’t even a character line, it was mainly exposition.

-EW

-FUCKING EW

-ITS CONNOR HE’S HERE. god i forgot what he looked like in red scrubs and his poofy hair. child compared to s3 and s4. hopefully we see latham soon so we all don’t have to suffer through this. and he looks so angsty. he definetly glowed up in the later seasons.

- i have no clue how to spell definetly. I am guessing literally everytime.

-latham please come and end this all.

-oh haha there’s downey hes dead.

-okay so i actually watched s1 after i watched s2 which is so weird to think about. like that means that i liked s2 so much that i BOUGHT THE DVD FOR S1. yeah. I liked it that much (it really only means I was that much of a simp for sarah). but it also means that technically i watched s1 after i met ava?? like i honestly had NO CLUE what was in my future. did young me ever think she was going to stay up late at night, avoiding history hw while analyzing a defunct character from this show on a whim? a character i was super annoyed with at the beginning? who has no become a huge part of my personality? honestly? no. no she did not.

-and the story with downey was so jarring. and the story with zanetti. like i think i first started watching with the first ep of s2 (the one im talking about rn) and i was a bit lost. so going back and watch s1 to like connect the dots. but i never expected the dots to look like that. its like each season of this show is a completely different show from all the other seasons. like i’ve said before, this show is a headache. but literally latham please come and end this for now.

-GOD CONNOR LOOKS SO YOUNG WHAT THE HELL thats so weird lmaooooo

- like i had absolutely no clue who downey was going into this. and they they started talking like ‘oh yeah he killed his attending’ and i was just like ‘damn bro ill cheers to that’

- that’s literally ava’s first line actually. “i heard your girlfriend went insane and you murdered your attending.” - which was why she was hated at first. that was literally her first line to connor which is like, so hilariously rude that it was instantly iconic.

-also HAHAHAHAH CUE FUCKING ANGST ABOUT CONNOR HURTING EVERYONE AROUND HIM WTF BRO THE EFFECT YOU HAVE ON PEOPLE

- but i’m also sad now. --- “I heard your girlfriend went insane.” Oh. Oh, sweetie. Ava... No. --- but why does s2 ava (all two lines) foreshadow s4 ava in so many ways. like literally what were the writers on.

-baghdad.

-ah yes. the return of baghdad. been a long time since i heard that one, but it is easily one of my favorite running things about med. its just a little detail but the nick name is like perfect. (when i read fanfic where the chars are actually doing doctor stuff in the hospital it makes me light up) the WORLD BUILDINGGGGG. but whatever

-this is the girl who has the fake baby right? that was a really good ep (bc sarah content. can you see my favorites? for the same reason the one where the girl has split personalities easily ranks high with me.) oh wait this is the one where the dad like dies but then comes back for a split second to see his grand child. there’s not really a lot I can say about that, but the fact that i remember it vividly is... weird.

-okay but I actually love the ED in this show. I love how the show is centered around the ED and not the OR like greys. its fast paced, you see a lot about the characters really quickly (one of the reason’s connor’s intro to the hospital in the pilot is certified iconic in my mind [his interactions with will are gold]). the team works well together (usually, when things are good. - which is another reason I hated the show more as time went on. The personal lives interfered more and more and more with their work as time went on. it got so annoying). but like right here will just calls maggies name and maggie is just On It. I love it. I love the fast pace. it’s why this show got me to come back. so many things happen, it overloads my brain, like the way a video game works y occupying all of your attention.

-when is the dad gonna pass out i’m just waiting

-AHAHAHAHAHA JEFF NOOOOO. what even was the deal with jeff that storyline annoyed me so much I never got it. he was friends with nat’s husband (who died) and they were both named Jeff? and she actually ended up getting with Jeff a few times?

- the more you watch med and see how the characters get with each other, the more jaded you become

-omg they’re transferring the girl to the bed i love it when they count

-maggie was great but from what i heard/read they ruined her character too??? just not the same

-lmao only real g’s remember the chicago fire backdoor med pilot (if you want an explanation ask me lmao it was a ride)

- i was a real med simp bc I bought that episode on apple video.

-ahahaha this is so stupid. Jeff tries to do things and Will (being a fucking asshole and jealous, doesnt’ let him). he’s a med student let him fucking learn. also i remember why i hated will

-okay but if you look at greys vs. med, greys literally gives their med students no rights. scratch that. they give they’re interns little to no rights. (i only watched the last three seasons bc lesbian, but in those seasons they introduce the bottom of the totem pole, the sub I’s, who are a step ahead of med students, yet they are jokes on the show.) its just a weird juxtaposition is all.

-”lungs are wet.” dramatic music intensifies.

-OKAY BUT I LITERALLY FORGOT NATALIE SPECIALIZED IN PEDS. LIKE I COMPLETELY 100% FORGOT. HOLY SHIT THATS SO FUNNY i can’t believe in my mass hyperfixation i forgot, just more proof that she doesn’t deserve anything.

-why did will make nat do that call? also idk why but is it weird to anyone else when the characters call each other but just.. their names.

-ahahahah i laugh literally everytime i remember that will is supposed to be in charge like he is threatened by anything that MOVES. (also more juxtapositon to greys bc here the attendings are treated as a joke!)

- hly shit i just remember monday mourning and god damn the angst literally never takes a day off but whatever.

- i dont usually get like this but the dad’s acting here is actually making me sad lol. Usually i get annoyed when family members get emotional (im weird uhhhh)

-why did we have to watch the tube being put in for so long - med is so dramatic this fucking show whyyyy

- i bet u the dad is gonna pass out

-oh ig not oops

-OKAY FUCK ME THAT LITERALLY ONLY TOOK US TO THE TITLES HOW DO I HAVE THESE MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS.

-wait latham introduction we may just be able to call it here.

-haha i fucking hate him (connor). he just... comes off so fake-charming its annoying. i cant get over it lmao

-okay but literally every gives connor shit and I am here for it. Latham: “did you kill him?”

- it is literally so funny but annoy how connor throws hands with literally everyone in his path (like dude just chill come onnn)

-okay. okay. okay. finally the part i was waiting for.

- Latham: I preferred a young woman from Groote Schuur, but I was outvoted.

That’s an actual quote, from Latham. For those who are wondering, Groote Schuur is a famous hospital in, you guessed it, South Africa. This is where I’m calling the episode. This is all I needed.

I just want to restate. This is the first episode of season 2. Ava Bekker is introduced to the show in the last episode of season 2. What does this mean, my friends? It means everything.

For those of you who stuck through to the end, I am very thankful. Here we have probably the first piece of evidence to my theory, at least chronologically.

I, personally, think it’s absurd I remembered this point, but I did. That point, that line, presently, watching this episode with no idea of what the future holds, is only there to tell us that Latham and Connor are not going to agree. But this is the single greatest piece of foreshadowing med has ever done.

Med has never planned anything. I feel confident when I say that. Look at their storylines. They are literally on fire, and every decision the characters make reads like the writers going ‘we have no idea how we made it this far, we thought we would get stopped like ten steps ago.’

When has med ever planned things more than a few episodes in advanced, honestly? Almost never, and going a full season sitting on a plot point, that’s major. This was the first time med has ever planned something miles in advance.

In all honestly, yes I am probably giving the med writers a lot more credit than they deserve. It’s quite possible that as the season progressed they just decided connor needed a new love interest or at least a new dynamic, so they could have just easily looked back and thought ‘oh, hey, here’s a fun little thing we said earlier in the season, wouldn’t it be fun if it paid off?’ That could be true.

Here’s why it probably isn’t. The med writers have no respect for their own continuity. you really think that, in order to come up with a whole new character, they went back to the first episode of the season and paid off a line that is said in less than 2 seconds? no way. Bull. Shit.

honestly, it is probably equally unlikely that either of these things happened. The med writers don’t look back at their story. It’s true, but they also don’t plan things in advance either.

here’s the thing, the more i write, the more absurd it starts to sound. Yeah. Sure. the med writers sat on a character for an entire season, that’s totally a thing that happened and not sarcasm. When pigs fly. everyone knows med is impulsive and messy. But what I am saying is that they planned one thing. One thing.

Ava has an accent. That was a commitment. A pretty uncommon one too. South Africa is such an out of the box choice that god its barely on the map. It asks a lot of someone to act hard while also doing an uncommon accent. If the med writers just decided they needed to give connor a new dynamic, they could have made it a n y o n e. Yeah, sure it would have been nice to have the latham dynamic with the new character, but it would have been so much easier to just create a new character that doesn’t have such a commitment. We all know people who play opposite of Connor Rhodes do not stay around that long.

There is absolutely no reason Connor’s s3 love interest had to be the girl from South Africa. It could have literally been anyone. They could have kept Robin on. They could have made the new character not have so many specific requirements.

At this point, I’m pushing this really hard. Yeah, obviously Ava was planned from the beginning of s2. She had to be. It’s way too specific to be anything else.

What I’m pointing out here is med has never done that before. (at least to my knowledge, if i’m wrong please tell me i don’t want to be a fool) They have never had such a concrete plan for a character, so much as to tease them a full season before they were introduced.

I’m saying, that Ava was special. She was the only character who was teased ahead of her arrival. The one who they knew they wanted, other than the originals, and honestly saying the ‘knew what they wanted to do with the originals’ is being generous. But Ava was different. They had big plans for Ava.

It’s undeniable. Ava was the only character who was planned and teased ahead of her arrival. Ava has such a different style and character than anyone else on the show. She was always planned to be, even when she was just being teased, a rival to connor, meaning she could stand her own against him (or without him).

Now of course, the med writers forgot this when writing s4 and s5. But for the purposes of the important things, all that really matters are the two mentions in s2, and what happens in s3. (for the theory at least).

In conclusion: think about how odd it is that Ava was the only character that was planned over the course of the show. Like sure the characters are planned, but never this far in advance. Med writers don’t really plan anything. I would be shocked if they did anything but through a dart at a spinning wheel. But they had plans for Ava, and they had plans for s3, when she was good.

Think about how odd it is that the med writers had a character planned from the start of s2, that they sat on for a whole season. They never, ever did something so slow and deliberate. Never. It goes against their formula. Like a fucking shark, they have to be moving or they die, at least in their heads. But Ava was always a change to the formula. They had a plan for s3.

that’s it for now. we will see what happens when i watch the last episode of s2.

read the next parts:

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[microsuedemouse]

SHOUTING I can’t stop thinking lately about just like, reducing my social media use by like 90% in a desperate attempt to give my poor chaotic brain some fuckin peace

but like on one hand social media (esp twitter rn) is at least 80% of my connection to 100% of my friends - it’s my primary connection to irl friends, who I see at best around once a month lately, and my only connection to almost all of my internet friends

and also like... idk. I’m still trying to get this ADHD business in check and some days lately I AM capable of sitting down and reading for hours or something, and that feels AMAZING. but other days not hopping online just means I waste literal hours on whatever other activity can keep my nine-second attention span occupied, like playing phone games or bugging my cats or laying on the floor moving my dirty laundry around and not actually picking it up

I think part of the problem right this moment is definitely the regular end-of-semester kind of chaos. I keep reminding myself that this is my last essay hell and in a couple weeks it’s my last exam season and then I’ll have my degree and I’ll never have to go to school again if I don’t want to!! but right now this last month ahead of me feels like such a slog and aaaalllll I want is to get past it.

there’s so much I wanna do lately - I wanna be outside in summer weather with my friends, I wanna write so many different things, I wanna read books, I wanna make art... I wanna clean up my blog & twitter(s) some more and work on my new website. but I can’t just yet and it’s brutal trying to get through these last few school things when honestly my whole brain is fighting me on it. as much as part of me wants to maybe do more school and keep on learning, I don’t think I’m quite cut out to carry on with academia - at least not unless something changes. because right now I burn out too quickly!!

I dunno what I’m getting at exactly except that like. my brain feels like it’s full of static fuzz and steel wool, and I really need a break to get things straightened back out and take life at my own pace for just a little while. I just need a refresh so I can move forward with things I want to do without all of this detritus getting in my way. but I can’t have that break yet so the brain garbage is building up and making everything so much harder and I’m just. so tired of it.

I’ll get there, I’ve gotten this far, but it’s so hard and I’m so tired of fighting with it!! I just wanna roll in the dirt and read a book and watch some fireworks

[noodledragonoverloard]

The Stars are Red.: (Onlookers)

A/N.: So yea, I’m back with The Stars are Red. Thankfully the muses were on my side for once and let me get this chapter out before the end of fall break. 

Pairing: Scotty/ Reader (It’s getting there)

Warning: You legit might wanna kill Uhura rn (and probably the next chapter too. ‘XD)

Prompt: Slight ‘Jim’ prompt, no lyrics in this one

Summary: After hearing your voice over the loudspeakers singing, Uhura is 1000% on your radar. You just so happen to have intell as to where she is. It’s not your fault ‘Jim’ got in the way. 

   One would expect Leonard McCoy to be fearless at this point. If a man could survive living around their biggest fear for years, repeatedly going back to it after multiple near-death encounters, it seems like a fair assumption. But that assumption is far from the truth. Allowing himself to be a part of this five year mission has subjected him to more fearful thoughts and encounters than the medical officer could ever foresee.

   Yet, there was one thing that truly brought more fear to the Southern Doctor than space could ever conjure up to spite him. That fear was you. More specifically, you being on a warpath.

   Sadly, fate wasn’t on his side today.  

   Having just been annoyed by the tenth red shirt in the last hour, the doctor was most certainly at the end of his rope. The nurses on hand, most of which McCoy signed on personally a few days prior, somehow found a way to keep the CMO at bay through their scuttling around the med bay. Most of the procedures, he knew, were the routine checkups that were required in a few days.

   Uhura was no different. She was taken into a room to do the regular procedures. Claire, one of the newer nurses, was glad to put her info into the database. All of her numbers were fantastic, save for a slightly elevated heart rate, which could easily be filed under as simply being nervous. When they left the room, it was clear to the nurse that she was correct in that assumption.

   Leonard should’ve seen the warning signs as soon as you came in. Your smile was tighter than normal, clearly fake to anyone looking hard enough. Even though he couldn’t hear you talking, it was clear from Christine’s body language that, whatever you said, was something worthy of keeping an eye on you for. Yet, the longer you stayed in the facility, the easier he found it to forget to keep you in his sights. A mistake he instantly began to regret as soon as your target came into your view.

   Uhura was swift in racing away from you, yet you were right on her heels. The bay became a slew of moving obstacles, most attempting to get out of the way as the realization of what was happening around them kicked in.

   Putting your tactical expertise to good use, you watched Uhura’s body closely. Even with how random her movements looked to the outsider, you saw the thoughts that went into each movement the woman made. Each sway was a calling card, each side-step a small piece of a bigger game plan. Though, no matter how close you scrutinized her moves, you couldn’t find a single hint to the bigger picture.

   That was the case, until you nearly ran into ‘Jim’.

   The nurses and Leonard watched on in a daze as you both shouted at each other on opposite sides of the ‘captain’.

   “You jerk!” You bellowed out, attempting to reach the fawn skinned woman, “I trusted you!”

   Raising a fabric wrapped arm, Uhura used it to block your attack as she stammered out, “I- I didn’t do it! Honest I didn’t!”

   Blocking ‘Jim’s’ arm with ease, you allowed the arm to fall limply to his side. You had more important matters at hand. “Yeah right. And Andorians and Vulcans smile and sing kumbaya together on weekends.” You spit out, pushing ‘Jim’ towards Uhura, all in hope that it might cause her to lower her guard.

   Needless to say, it didn’t work. With each advance you sought, Uhura countered in her own time, all the while maintaining the mobile barricade between your bodies. Whatever argument you had before had dwindled down to throwing petty insults at the other, most of which were a slew of different dialects. The only way to truly describe the amount of rage flowing through your veins at the moment was ‘seeing red’.

   You were so committed to your argument that your brain didn’t register anything else. That was, until someone chose to be stupid enough to use their arms to keep you at bay.

   Through your huffing and cursing, it was clear that whoever was holding you back was a man, his chest pressed to your back to better help his arms gain enough leverage to maintain their hold on you. Rearing your head back you realized that he was a fair bit taller than you’d expected, feeling his throat buckle slightly instead of the nose you were intending to break. Unfortunately, the attempt at getting free only ended up with a harsher hold and a soft warning growl in your ear.

   Whipping your head to the side, you intended to make the man regret ever trying to hold you back. With teeth bared in a sneer and eyes blazing with fury, you threw out the first words that came to thought in a rumbling whisper.

   “Don’t test me. You won’t like how it ends.”

   “Oh, really?” He whispered harshly, his voice brought down a few octaves from your attack, “Yet yer the one bein held back.”

   As the man finished speaking, you finally registered the captor’s red shirt and deep brown eyes that stared back into your own. Even with how deep his voice was, his Scottish accent was easy to recognize. Forcing yourself to look down, it was made quite clear to the scotsman that you registered what you had done by the soft blush and whimper that refused to be held back.

   “Ya back now lassie?” With a soft nod, Scotty let go of you, not catching the way you shivered as his hand slowly pulled away from around your waist.

   “Hey Scotty,” Uhura called out, peeking out from behind ‘Jim’s’ back, all the while making sure not to place too much weight on the preoccupied doctor.

   “Morning lass. Now, if I may ask, what da bloody hell went on?”

   With enough decency to look bashful, the young woman muttered out, “We got in a fight over something that we could’ve talked out. We even pulled poor ‘Jim’ into it.”

   “Ay, I can see that.” Giving you a glance over his shoulder, he walked over towards the battered skeleton. “Poor lad’s shirt is hanging off. An he’s still pantsless, the stook oughta know by now how to act in front of so many bonnie lasses. Wouldn’t ya agree Bones?”

   Looking toward the man, it was clear that he wasn’t listening. Christine had all of his attention, currently discussing a procedure that involved too many complex words and acronyms for you to follow comfortably. Both were too immersed in their own world of medical jargon to notice the multiple glances that Uhura, Scotty, and yourself exchanged. For the few brave souls that opted to watch the whole duration of the pointless game of cat and mouse were experiencing something that was often spoken of in hushed whispers among the crew.

  ‘The Enterprise’s Wrath’ was plotting an attack.

   A name that the Scotsman, the Communications officer, and yourself donned as a joke during ‘The Mighty Prank War’ was one that a fair portion of the crew chose to keep calling you ‘in secret’. It was a fitting name at the time, for three commonly laid-back crew members that hid their true knack at pranking and evasion unless they chose to hone in on a victim.  

   Most can still find a picture or two on the immediate database of the carnage that was Jim’s room.

   Taking a silent vote full of raised eyebrows and squints full of reproach, it was decided. Bones gets to walk away, only by sway of ice cream and movie night from Uhura’s side.

   Since the covert, and more amusing, option was now off the table, you opted for a more abrupt approach. Slinking behind the southern man, you found his attention on a datapad, clearly displeased with whatever was written on it. With no time to think your actions through, you whipped an arm around the doctor, only to pull back just as fast when his datapad was in your grasp.

   “Give it back little lady!” He growled lowly, keeping his hand outstretched for the offending object.

   “Hmmm. . . “ was all you quipped out, smirk evident as you pretended to think it over, “Why would I do that? If the ever diligent Bones was occupied with whatever is on it, then why would I give it back before I knew what was written on it?”

   With every step he took forwards, you sprung back an equal distance. Skimming over the words, it was painfully obvious that the words comprised of a medical document. With diligent flicks of your finger, you got deeper and deeper into the letter. All of a sudden,both you and your smile froze, much to the confusion of the now captive audience. With nothing but a glance back at the man, you lifted the document as if it weighed led.

  Wasting no time, McCoy took the object back as quickly as you had taken it.

   Making sure to get in your space, the doctor leaned down to your ear before he spat out  “You gonna leave my stuff alone when I tell you?”  

   Voiceless, all you could manage was a soft nod, too in shock to respond accordingly.

   “You better.”

   Opting to recognize Scotty rather than you, he tilted his head towards the   scotsman, making it clear that he was listening.

   Gathering his thoughts as rapidly as he could, he sputtered out, “Eh, tha captain says that we av’ta go to a banquet tomorrow. Says that it’s for ‘diplomatic purposes’. You too, Uhura.”

   “Can’t make it. Got too much stuff to do here.” Seeing that as being the end of the discussion, McCoy strode over to his office, Christine close on his heels.

   Huffing out in frustration, Scotty’s eyes met Uhura’s, clearly asking her opinion as to what to do.

   “Were they expecting anyone expressly?”

   “I donae think so, save for the captain and Spock. We were what the captain thought would be best at the party.” He acquiesced, adding in a shrug for good measure before adding, “He only asked for me to tell the lad because I was on my way for a physical.”

   “Well, I was about to head back on shift anyways, I’ll see what he wants us to do.” Was all she deemed necessary to end the conversation.

   On her way to the door, her eyes met your own, making it clear that you were meant to follow her. Giving him a courtesy nod, you rushed out before your blush could be made evident. As you fell into stride with her, you saw her fingers flying over her datapad, no doubt talking to Jim about what to do.

   Once you both reached the turbolift she commented,“I’m vouching for you.”   

   “W-what?”

   “I’m vouching for you to Jim. And it looks like he’s for it so far.”

   “But I don’t even have a dressy enough dress to go to a banquet in!” you almost shrieked at the other officer.

   Choosing to reply with a side-eye as her device pinged again, her body language as a whole screamed ‘you don’t think I’ve already had this planned out from the start’.

   Pausing the turbolift, she canceled both of your intended paths, choosing instead to enter the lowest inhabited deck floor. The same floor that allowed people on and off the station. As she activated it again, she gave you a smirk that made it clear that you were both going to the party and going to go all out with the dress options you could find.

   With a huff, the words that you had hoped to never hear come from her lips met the air, with an amusement fit for an overenthusiastic torturer.

   “Let's go shopping.”

All you could do was pray that the three hours left docked would go swiftly.

[ask-eris-morn]

The Matrix is about:

One of the many things the matrix is about

lit rev lol jk: This adds to many story archetypes, but for now I’ll start with this one. The story goes where the hero works so hard that they transcend the known boundries of human ability... right? Well, the matrix is about a world where your literal human physical capacity had nothing to do with your ability. Rahter, it was your will power that gave you power. The more will power, the more buddha af you can get with the new tech scene you get, the more power you get is related to will power. Also, this is totlaly Sword art online. I’m watching it rn, and realizing ye, not the whole second season is esspeeeeeciilay about that. And its interesting, I started to think about it in regards to the system of SAO. Gilard, gillian, i don’t remember but I know it started with a G. -- Gary! But ye, the system as Kirito has always said, is fair. Cruel but fair.  SEason two is about an unfair world. A false quest with no chance to win. A lie to occupy your time. (insert bread and circuses refference and then were all like, holly fukc thats deep.. yep)... with ulterior motives.  In the end, (i haven’t re watched it yet, I’m on the second to last episode but I remember, and I’l post about it after I watch it again, but the rules are cheated right, like in  agame console sort of way hwere they take away all your agency wthorugh the oncolse of just taking your shit. right, but here lets look at it. He turns up the gravity, the pain, all of it. and kirito is like fuck all this shit im muther fuckin kirito mutha fuckas, and then the other dude is like, but how even. high turnt it up all the way, how could anyones zen af (budhha super power shit be over 9---1 so much that he grew really fucking long ass goku hair - metaphorically) and mentally blocked out the signals from the gear helmet and the server and continued to send the kirito signals effectively overriding the games lock out because the signal from kiriot was literally stronger, as in connection speed. 

ye Im’ high 

But where is the signal coming from that interacts with this world... the signal is his brain. The technology interface is just transmiting that movement. The movement your character makes is transfering the desired mental movemnt you want to make wth your mental image of the 3d surroundings, so, its not vr right, so you actually feel the touch of stuff, you can -connect- with tthe world. But there, thats it exactly, the connection. The touch to the object and the signal sent back to the brain to decode the information from the program into an undertandable format.... see, the concepts that this boils down to is a battle of wills. The human computer, it can change. A regular computer would have a bit more difficulty rearranging their literal hardware. The human brain’s hardware can literally change. Thats where we have machines beat... for now. The point is, the world’s influence on your character is a signal in response to your signal, your body affects your perception of what you believe you can do based on the conclusion you came to about the stimulus from your perception on reality.  Basically, will power in this context is trying to overpower the machiens return signal. Its basically jesus shit hacking “reality”. But here that gets deeper, because the later matrix movies addersssed that, albeit, it was not popular, and I didn’t really like it either. Buuut. the point is here now, wtf is reality. Is reality what we can see, touch, taste and feel... no.  Those are chemical reactions in the brain synthesizing this sensory input and then decoding these messages into some form of conclusionary understanding.  thats literally reality. This can be compared to so many things with different nuances and parralles.  but the mother fuckin matrix.  Neo does the ihack The Matrix (tm I don’t know how to do that), in “the real world” in the movie the matrix, nd its still actually in the matrix. thats when they realize they are still in the matrix, even when they previously thought they were out of the matrix... blah blah dream within a dream, blah blah connection connection trope trope archetype archetype new camera angles edgy 9-’s and societies new facination into gay culture and then boom ahead sisters wakoski’s we see that very much fits. This is some deep shit. And Now I know why when we went over this film speciically in my cerebral science fiction class, that expalins why the professor was getting high af.... Cause thats what I’m doing now and I’m hella analyzing it. but, I mean, I do that anyway. But ye, weed is dope Guardians, I highly suggest you get into this if its legal where you live, and if not push legislature to make it legal and then smoke a shit ton cause its great.  from a game logic standpoint it would seem that first and foremost before any locking codes, at the core level, the avatar in world would be able to do anything.  The constraining game code is designed to trick the mind into thinking it has these limitations. But kirito reveals this (I haven’t actually seen the episode again, I’m just recognizing where it looks like its gonna go, and that I think I vagually remember thats what it might touch on, or that the previous reason was the one, or both. idfk fuck it But ye, heavy on the mind over matter.  at the end of it. the message is that the digital world does not have the limitations that our perceived physical or material world holds. And that even putting constraints on these people, there will always be a human spirit strong enough to break free and create a revolution.  Because thats what its about. Its a story about revolution.  About freeing your mind. Its the myth, and reason. Myth and Reason, as archetypes. Myth being something that is our understanding of the universe, scary, witches, shamans, medicine people, but then “reason” sweeps by. Reason just being a new regime. A new understanding of the world. A constructed ideology about how the past beleives are bad, and that reason usually brings a great deal of violence. But eventually reason turns back into myth. Reason here is the development of what we consider to be the modern technological world, brought to this reason from myth such as ancient stories across the earth.  We have recontextualized our world.  But here in the matrix we see so clearly the archetype that so many of us recognize.  Its the reason returning to myth. Reason lied the whole time. They were lying, and wrong. Some of them knew they were wrong, but went with it, some of them, just were shits.  Pointing back to myth and the matrix,  this is the world of reason. Technology, but we see this as a common theme that I think should be looked at more closely as to the significance of it and not just philsoophical bullshit, because what we are talking about actually, is socialogy,, its the study of psychology, communication, folkloristics, history. We are studying why humans do the things they do and why and what led them to these conclusions and what can we learn from that to not fuck shit up as much in the future.  returning totopic of reason and myth, myth here is the concept of mind over matter.  When we talk about code as a metaverse, anomalies in code, you can see it in games when ai does things that are fucking wierd, like for exampel that video of the reef guard walking off the edge. Its the myth that there are aspects of this universe that we cannot fully understand just because of the sheer amounts of data. Very similar to our current physical reality.  Its the works like alphaville, .HackSign, ergo proxy, and so much more that I’m missing righ tnow, but this is.... some deep shit.  Myth is just that. A myth. but its also so much more.  See, the biggest myth of them all. The point of all of this so concisely.  The biggest myth of them all is that reason is anything but just another myth. In this sense, the archetype of reason is a lie.  The archeytpe of reason is to create meaning of the world.  But is it possible, that in our efforts to create meaning in the world, that we actually destoryed or could no longer see the actual meaning of the world. That our creation of reason and our labeling of our previous existence a “myth”. Is that not actually just a power play creating a new set of myths.  What does that say when this “reason” is completley constructed, and so fragile. thats a part of that biggest myth. Reason as the construct is not strong. Its not “reasonable” at all.  I think it would be beneficial to reexamine the myths of the past to try and understand them better. And approach them from a perspective that they might actually teach us something about ourselves.  If our reason continues to be so fragile that it returns to myth repeadetly perpetually. Maybe we should actually fucking stop and look at this shit.  Its like a bill. Eventually were gonna open one of them and then your mind will be blown and your reality shattered and you’ll be like, damn Toland, you shoulda told me that sooner, and Toland will be like, fuuuuck you, I told u so long ago you piece of shit.  and then the guardian will be like, ... yeeee......