#my brain is kinda stressed
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Should I do the whump wheel for shits and giggles...?
#my brain is kinda stressed#hadn't written for nearly a week#yes i know i have those five sentence asks dw!#i'll get to them!#wow rambles#whump wheel
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I'm back on my meds but due to the few days hault in between I feel icky. so im just drawing whatever sticks.
#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#it would have been more fitting to draw these when it was still the full moon but oh well#I still have no au for WereWolfWood#he just kinda exists w/ toma chicks cause my brain went what if he's just chilling in the woods with his birds#mostly stress free
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your fridge-build , original-red-and-purple-oufit magneto showed up in my dream yesterday and i was so unprepared it woke me up
reading this made me cackle for like a solid minute gjAELKGJAK he just wanted to say hi ....
leaving you with a fridge-magnet-sized magneto. so hopefully he can say hi again but less intimidatingly
#fave#i have to fave this i need to be reminded that this happened once in a while this is so funny#xmen#magneto#snap sketches#PLEASSEE THATS SO SILLY JVLKAJLKJ IM SORRY/YOURE WELCOME???#i dont think anyones ever dreamt of my art thats so silly and flattering#what was he doing ... what he just floating in the corner ..... please im still not over this its so funny ...#on that note tho im so bad at remembering dreams i never have them really#i used to have dreams a lot as a kid/teenager but they were mostly- if not all now that i think of it- nightmares#HOWEVER. i will say that like. a lil bit after i rewatched first class for the third time#i got a dream or two one with mcavoy and the other with film charles#the mcavoy dream was just that i met him in greece or something and i think the charles dream was at the school#they were both nice dreams so Am I Complaining absolutely not#just reminds me of the time when i binge watched an actor's movies and i had dreams of him for a whole week#in one of them he was making fun of me but it was in whatever semblance of japanese my brain could bs so it wasnt that bad#but it kinda was cause Since It Was A Dream i understood what he said but anwyays .... not important#THE OTHER DREAMS WERENT BAD THO he was my dad in one. aaand the other uhh.. i forget ...#i must stress me dreaming is such an oddity so these were so like. Oh Yeah Im Capable Of Dreaming JVLKAJK#very weird feeling waking up from a dream is what im tryna say .. i think ...#very funyn .... anyways i hope magneto visits you in your dreams again whether hes built like a semi or like a bug#just for the cosmic comedy of it all
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i saw you mentioned that killua has an addictive personality. would u write more on that topic? i agree with you but i dont know how to articulate it for myself hah
I could point to the obvious thing, the chocrobos and sweets in general. Sugar is addictive in real life but like which all such substances some are more vulnerable to them than others. And Killua seems to have developed a chocolate habit.
But I think his tendency towards gambling is far more telling.
Killua loves rivalry, he loves competitions and he will try to gamify stuff he does with Gon. But at least in their competitions with each other Gon can work as a safety valve because he's also obsessive and self destructive and Killua's care for Gon would curb his risk addiction. That and the fact that with Gon they get into really life threatening situations and the self-preservation Killua's family forced into him, kicks in too.
But when the stakes are not life threatening, when it's money... Killua can't handle money. He loses all of their Heaven's Arena winnings on internet auctions. Then Bisky has to drag him away from the slot machines in Greed Island.
When there's no threat to his or Gon's safety, Killua has absolutely no breaks and because Gon leans on him for the planning and for knowledge about the world, considering Gon's much more sheltered childhood, Killua's on his own to control himself and he absolutely can't.
Maybe needing to provide for Alluka will also work as a decent safety valve for the gambling. Maybe he will be more careful with the money he needs for her.
But I don't think he sees that he has this problem. He's always been rich and capable to make quick and easy money. He's also capable of roughing it for a while, and Gon was too. But I doubt he'd want to put Alluka in that situation. Maybe being with her will make him realise he needs to work on this.
#hxh#hunter x hunter#killua zoldyck#answering asks#thank you for the ask <3#i haven't been writing about hxh much recently#it's interesting to do#sorry it took me so long#i've been really having a horrible time for the last few months#and there seems to be no end in sight#it's kinda getting progressively worse and more depressing#i'll get to all the asks#my brain just barely works from stress most of the time and i can barely sleep which makes it much worse
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Happy 5/14!!!!
Aaaaahh not sure if this is my best work 😭 I just really wanted to draw smth for vettonso day but my brain hasn't really been functioning well LOL so I kept dreading working on this, especially bcs its so important to me, y'know? I hope it's good????? I'm happy with the concept, but I was just so unsure on so many of the angles and it was killing me. I did the color thing bcs I thought it'd add something interesting to it :) since I didn't paint it as I usually would
Anyways! Process!
Now I will explain all of them:
Boy king au is where it all starts of course. I think their relationship is the most developed in this compared to the others, but at the same point, they just start from such a different point, especially affection-wise. All of these kinda have a power dynamic, except the last one, and this is the most imbalanced. Fernando is being subservient, the only part of Seb he may kiss(in public lol) is his hand.
Matador au next. They hurt themselves when they try to be affectionate, because they live in the culture of a sport of violence and death. The sword separates them, their love for the sport keeps them apart, in fear that they hurt each other. Seb, yet again, looks down upon Fernando. Seb haunts Fernando's whole career, the constant overhanging presence. Also aside from that, shame that you can't see his three musketeers look bcs of the black background 😔
2012 core!!! I think this one is pretty easy to understand. Both of them often kiss their trophies, more so than any driver. So they're both trying to claim the wdc trophy by kissing it. Maybe you guys should just get rid of the trophy altogether and claim each other! But yes, just like the sword in the matador au one, the trophy and their ambitions divides, keeps them from ever bridging the vast gap between them, at least at that point in time.
The conclusion! Aka what I wish we will get at Imola 2024- kidding kidding. But it is 2024. Finally there is no conflict between them, there's no big thing keeping them in conflict, they can finally come together. Finally they can touch, there is no gap to bridge, they can appreciate each other, and appreciate what they failed to in years past.
The thesis is basically that they always have their aspirations between them, and their aspirations happen to be basically the same thing. Until those are resolved, the gap between them is too vast for them to recognize and/or find any commonality. How do you get along with someone when you're both fighting for the same thing? How do you get along when it feels like one of you is winning more? How do you get along when there's such a vast gap?
In boy king au, it's going to take a while before they both feel settled about the issue of the throne. That's what makes that au interesting, they're trapped in this state of non-closure and they have to actually solve their issues without the matter of one of them simply removing themselves from the equation. They have to find a way to get over themselves and their aspirations, because like it or not they're stuck with each other. I think with the hand kissing, it represents how Fernando, at that point, is only willing to play along with the game if it's tradition, and he often won't budge in other ways. Yes, I will show subservience, but only in this detached, formal way that I don't connect personally to. He's still holding his own bitterness over meaningfully appreciating Seb. Though it's not like Seb isn't at fault. It takes a while for him to not hold things over Fernando, and constantly humiliate him. One day they will meaningfully show affection, and it won't be some sort of power play.
I think matador au is pretty similar to real life, and the 2010s era(it's basically just their actual plot line but in the context of bullfighting.) They're forever going to have this big elephant in the room, and it only really gets resolved when one of them leaves the sport. Once they're not fighting directly against each other, they realize what they've been missing out on and what they were not appreciating for so many years beforehand. They finally come together because they can't just rely anymore on the sport keeping them together. They actually have to make that step to be in each other's lives, rather than just taking their presence for granted.
Also the text on the comic. "We keep missing, and missing, and missing, and finally kissing." It's basically: we keep missing the point of it all, we keep failing to appreciate each other presence in our lives and in our own individual grand stories. But when we're not forced together anymore, we have to make the choice to come together again ourselves. We keep missing what we actually need to do. Missing each other in favor of our aspirations. Etc etc. One day we will finally embrace and there will be nothing keeping us apart.
#hahaha im more proud of what i wrote under the cut so make sure to read that!#im happy w the concept but the art hurt my brain so its not my best work i dont think#i also never draw kissing#so please take my token of actual shippy affection for once#VETTONSO DAY!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHH#man im glad i realized that last wk bcs i think i wouldve never recovered if i didnt draw smth for it#tho thsts why i think i kinda dont like this drawing 😭#the process was rly stressful to me bcs im like I HAVE TO FINISH THIS#its my national holiday and i must pay my dues 🤧🤧#but im happy abt the plotline of this all :)#sigh. when will vettonso truly stop missing and actually start kissing#i rly hope 005's art and mine works as some sort of sacrifice so we get pics of them together from imola#like PLEASE guys if theres literally one thing you could do for me. it would make my year. genuinely#i just need that shock again of japan 23. just the completely unexpected pictures#cmon lets have a meetup of aston failboys as they look upon the amr24 and commiserate#^ see exactly the point of this art. they have this bridging them together.#conflict that keeps them together and that they can relate to rather than dividing them#conflict is not man vs man anymore. it's man vs car 😔#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#catie.art.#catie.rambling.txt
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Me, giving anything to anybody: You won’t hurt my feelings if you get rid of this.
#I hate giving gifts#I feel like I’m burdening people with stuff#I also hate receiving gifts for the same reason#I get stressed out if I own too many things and haven’t got my brain to understand that other people probably don’t think that way#anyways I was recently diagnosed with ocd and I kinda how that’s the explanation for this and I’m not just the worst person ever#kinda hope**#anyways I’m crocheting a blanket for my sister for her wedding and that’s what this is about
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More drawings while I play with new inks.
#suggestive#not worth tagging lol#inks for the ink-curious are salted seabreeze/voltaic arc then bioreactor/emerald fusion and lastly blossomed lotus/diamine scarlet#scarlet and voltaic arc are not new to me they just went well for details#going back to digital soon so's I have the almighty crtl-z back in my power bc freehanding ink with a hand tremor is kinda stressful lol#I have a retrospective thing I wanna finish before the year's out but SHINY NEW THING brain is hard to overcome#is the last week before nye even real?#i think not#inking things
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i’m waiting to hear back from an audition and a competition this week so i’ve been stress knitting. my teeth are rattling in my head. anyway. behold!
#caitlyn sings :)#knitting#my tension is all wonky cuz i’m stressed be nice to me#plus i Just got back from having covid so i am behind in Everything#there’s wasps in my brain#operablr#i think i get to tag it that#i auditioned for amahl and the night visitors and the fairy queen :3#and then sang caro nome for the competition#so. i am kinda shitting my pants.#but hey! i haven’t used dpns before#here’s to a new skill#because of the horrors
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I keep ending up in scenarios where the tank dies and the healer is unable to swiftcast raise (either because they're dead too or because swiftcast is on cooldown and longcasting is too dangerous), and I end up being at the top of the emnity list… and for some reason it's always when I'm on Bard.
#ffxiv#ffxiv memes#oc: penelope#you ever just tank a fight as a ranged DPS for a little over a minute#hoping to the twelve that no tankbusters show up#praying that the healer brings the tank back up#none of the other DPS were even remotely close to the amount of emnity I had and im just like HOW 😭#somehow not even the healer was close on the emnity list which kinda breaks my brain#i mean we survived and the tank got back up but damn#i think my butthole is now permanently shut tighter than fort knox from how stressful that was
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Day 223 | id in alt
Maki thinking some very unsorcererly things over a piece of damn cheesecake.
(Read from right to left💥)
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#zenin maki#inumaki toge#its always the cheesecake tbh#cheese cake isn't bad i think it depends on the type for me tbh sometimes it takes too....cakey....???#fuck i dont even know#ive had some very good cheesecake in my life and man im trying to rob a relative of her recipe#anyway. Maki had a strict diet because of the clan but because Kugisaki showed up and found out her love of junkfood....#it all came crashing down VERY quickly#Kugisaki indulges Maki and vice versa. its kinda funny how they're both violent enablers of eachother#Not pointing fingers but if you're gonna be vauge in the comments then get out or post up in the asks#tell me what ails you#for the other people#these two are fucking deranged idk what their issue is but im sure ill figure it out sometime#im getting there nobamaki enjoyers im getting there TRUST TRUST#time to get hysterically distracted while i write the description of the images#suddenly everything turns into cocomelon#i fucked up the placement but yknow my ass#Kugisaki and Maki are just too silly they're trying to exist but they're so fucked up#my silliest silly#Maki has only the faintest idea of fucked up connections and nobody talks about how shes absolutely abysmal at it#my brain is envisioning Kugisaki with a brick and that's it rn#Beyonce songs are playing#am i hallucinating#the fucked up spoon....lordt#thought about those wack bitches with those wide ass necks and cried#i hope you all imagine everytime i type shit in the tags that its of those stressed ass evangelion screams
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i’ve been soo horrifically busy and drained recently but i’m gonna try to take it at my own pace and queue up a bunch of stuff :’3 if you’ve tagged me in art or sent me an ask or commented on one of my fics just know it’s coming….!!! :’’3
#gonna try to just . sleep and eat properly bc i’ve been feeling kinda sorta really anxious lately#which obv takes priority before anything else but. answering asks and rbing fics and art Helps with my stress :’3#same w writing…#ON THAT NOTEEE i think i might rewrite and repost my old teentoru fic that i plucked out of my masterlist a while ago!!!#i was planning on writing a shorter drabble for him but i think that can wait until my brain is feeling a little more well rested…#and thennnn maybe it’s time for the selfindulgent hurt/comfort poly stsg fic 😭#… lots to do#i wanted my summer break to be productive writing wise so i’d at least like to post a really long fic….#…. maybe mer!suguru? finally? 😭#he makes me happy#ari noises ✩
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Realized that in my Immortality Speedrun AU, even though Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing likely wouldn't have had the opportunity to get thrown from Heaven since they'd be working overtime at their posts, Ao Lie very much would still have the opportunity to land himself on death row as a prince, so.... Sun "An enemy of Heaven is an ally of mine" Wukong gets a roommate for buddy comedy reasons
[ID: 1. An illustration of Ao Lie and Sun Wukong. Ao Lie is in his princely attire, but notably disheveled. His green outermost robe is hanging half open, with burnt and ripped hems. The red sash at his waist is hanging in tatters as well. His hair is loose down his back and he's holdining a sword in his right hand. Sun Wukong is in his human disguise, wearing an open checkered daoist's robe. His white inner robe is not tucked into his pants and a red dudou is peeking out from underneath it. He's staring at a book in his left hand while chewing on a piece of willow, his right hand scritching his chin thoughtfully.
2. A sketched comic, with Ao Lie in teal and Sun Wukong in orange. In the first panel, Ao Lie bursts into a cave in a rush. In the second panel, Sun Wukong is sitting on the floor of the cave next to a table, looking at Ao Lie at the cave's entrance. SWK says, "Uh. Hi? This cave is already occupied." In the third panel, Ao Lie attempts to pull otu his sword in surprise, crying out "Stay back!" before he's interrupted by Sun Wukong casting a freezing spell "定!". In the fourth panel, Sun Wukong has a cheerful but annoyed facial expression as he approaches the frozen Ao Lie. He says, "LOL Nice try, punk- Now what the hell are you doing in my cave?", then, "Wait a min-". In the fifth panel, Sun Wukong is looking up at Ao Lie with a surprised and incredibly amused expression, exclaiming, "Wait- You're the Ao kid who managed to set his father's palace on fire underwater!". Ao Lie looks back at him with a tense expression, saying, "Please don't tell me you're gonna hand me in." To which Sun Wukong replies, "Hell no I won't!"
3. A sketched comic, again with Ao Lie in teal and Sun Wukong in orange. In the first panel, Sun Wukong is reading some plans in the foreground and Ao Lie is in the background. Sun Wukong says, "Xiao Long, could you head out and fetch me some lingzhi? I'm fresh out. In the second panel, Ao Lie responds, "I'm a prince who has an active warrant out for his arrest, and you're just some rogue brewing illegal immortality. Wouldn't it make more sense to go out yourself?" In the third panel, an unimpressed Sun Wukong presses a basket to Ao Lie's chest. Sun Wukong says, "I've got arrest warrants for crimes you wouldn't even imagine. Plus, it's my magic and my cave keeping you hidden, so pull your weight, Princey." Ao Lie rolls his eyes and has his hands up in a mock defeated pose. End ID]
#my art#journey to the west#jttw#xiyouji#sun wukong#monkey king#bai longma#ao lie#immortality speedrun au#sorry for only doing silly au doodles lately </3 normal jttw is still my bread and butter but ough#AUs are like junk food for me. fun and thoughtless and not filling but still taking the place of what i really should be doing instead </3#bc thats all my tired brain can handle during this mad dash before winter break 😭#ANYWHO#this ao lie still has long hair bc the moment he heard 'death penalty' he booked it the fuck out of there#its kinda hard to see but the tips of his horns are also discolored and desaturated :>#bc ive always envisioned sea dragons' horns as coral so stress = dying coral#also ao lie gets increasingly 👁️👁️ at swk the longer he's around him bc#this is the most unassuming man in the world.#yet he's powerful enough to be willing to harbor a heavenly fugitive#and keeps insisting that he's on the run for something more heinous than what ao lie's on the run for#yet ao lie has never fucking heard of him in his life#he gets increasingly unhinged theories as to who swk is#'a follower of shen gongbao? a disgraced or dismissed disciple of some high-ranking god?'#'whoever he is he's gotta be old as hell to be this powerful'#idk what swk's fake name is yet </3
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watched evil dead with my bf the other night
[Image ID: A digital drawing of Ash Williams from The Evil Dead in profile in front of a dark background. He is covered in blood and looking towards the viewer from the side of his eye. There are two shining car headlights in the background. /.End ID.]
#this guy is gonna sit in my brain for the rest of my life now#also. um. hai#so. sorry about not posting art for like Months#(or at least not posting art on This blog)#i got. really fucked up by stress & burn out so i kinda just stopped for a while and committed to writing#(which i may or may not share to this blog)#ive had a few ideas for layton art but like. auuugh. i shouldn't have done those art weeks. i really shouldn't have#i think i just overworked myself plain & simple#ill probably come back to it sometime down the line but for now ... Im just gonna post whatever i guess#no promises!#anyways#I love ashley joanna williams with all of my heart#evil dead#ash williams#evil dead 1981#art#my art#illustration
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Hi friends.
It's been a while.
I've had a particularly rough go of it here recently. While I've been hit and miss on here, I haven't been able to keep up with tags.
It's not unusual for me to be behind, but never like this. I haven't had the time, energy, or motivation to be very creative. I haven't been up for being very social.
A lot of you know I struggle with quite a few chronic illnesses. I added a new one to the list yesterday. I have been incredibly fatigued - physically, mentally, and emotionally. Spread too thin. And then I feel guilty. Which makes everything harder. Imposter syndrome setting in big time.
There's a lot going on in my personal life.
Anyway. I love you guys. And I miss you. And it means more to me than I can explain that I have so many amazing friends who continue to tag me and send me asks and try to engage. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply/play/reblog.
I hope everyone has been well and I'm hoping to step back into the game, probably slowly at first. I get really overwhelmed easily. But there will probably be a slew of older tags/asks.
Thank you guys for being so amazing. 😘 And thanks to those of you that have reached out and checked on me. I appreciate you more than you know. 🖤
#kinda personal kinda far cry#ily guys so much 😭#struggling a bit right now#and unfortunately the thing i should be spending time doing when i'm stressed#is the one thing my brain doesn't let me do when i'm stressed#what even are brains#i want my creativity back
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that said paso doble is an EPIC dance I fucking love it sm I am determined to learn it
#still the rumba and cha cha are my favourites I think#well all the latin ones are vibes#the ballroom dances are kinda eeehhh to me sorry waltz enjoyers#I’m trying to lead waltz and it’s honestly stressful#don’t even get me started on viennese waltz that shit hurts my brain#rain rambles
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