#my brain is just highkey N O P E today

[presumenothing]

mandatory note: Jingmum’s name is given as Lin Jingyi/林静怡 in timelines floating around the interwebs.

or, galeaya on ao3 asked for Jingmum and Mei Shinan – and well, why not?

“Please don’t come any closer,” says Jingyi for the umpteenth time, hands pale as the white straps clenched tight in them, the basket full of freshly-cut herbs a familiar weight against her back.

“Now don’t be like that, little girl,” leers one of the young men, sauntering closer to her in a loose circle. Their footsteps crush dry grass underfoot, echo loud in the empty quiet of the hillside. 

(None of them can be more than five years older than her, really, but Jingyi has always been petite for her age.

“Yi-er,” her teacher had said more than once, when the topic came up, “most women would be glad to look younger than they are, no?”

Jingyi had kept measuring out herbs or pounding them to powder, with only a murmur in response, because to say that she feels differently from most would be a terrible conceit. Much as it feels true, sometimes.

Perhaps they have been physician-and-apprentice for long enough, anyway, because he’d shaken his head with a sigh. “Any patient who fails to take you seriously for it is a fool,” he’d said – and she remembers looking up in surprise, to find him smiling gently at her. “No less deserving of treatment, of course, but still a fool nonetheless.”

Jingyi would’ve wished that he was with her now, except that the weather had gotten too cold for an old man to be gathering herbs up here in the mountain damp, especially when she’s perfectly capable of doing it herself.)

“Are doctors supposed to order patients off, anyway?” adds the ringleader with a snigger, and Jingyi catches the acrid tang of sulphur under the overwhelming smell of alcohol that permeated his fine clothes. 

The prized son of some rich family, then, she thinks, remembering the mansions of gunpowder merchants that her teacher had pointed out when they first came into town. 

Nothing more than a common tradesman, albeit a successful one. But more than enough to play at nobility, out here in the far reaches of Lingnan.

“If the young master is indeed ill,” Jingyi answers, her tone polite as frost, “my teacher and I would be quite glad to see you at our clinic in town.”

It’s exactly the wrong thing to say and she knows it. But there are some things she will not back down on, not even at the gleam in their eyes. “Oho, the girlie thinks she knows something about medicine, doesn’t she?”

Jingyi tugs on her basket straps again, backs up another step and –

A hand lands on her shoulder and she whirls around to see an unknown face. 

“There you are,” says the complete stranger, smiling and unafraid. “Teacher says he’s been waiting for ages, any longer and he might just start growing grass himself!”

Jingyi calms her racing heart to no avail, answers more on reflex than anything else. “My apologies, I was held up.”

“I can see that,” the newcomer says. And he is new in town, he must be, Jingyi never forgets a face and this one that’s looking around, witheringly unimpressed – she’s never seen him before. “Got everything he asked for already? Let’s get back before that old man nags both our ears off.”

She nods, still stunned, but he tugs her hand quite forcefully when she remains rooted to the spot. 

“Come on,” he says, and the sudden urgency is what finally startles her out of the half-daze because he’s right, this ruse won’t hold for much longer. And whoever this is, whatever he’s capable of – for some reason Jingyi doesn’t think the sword sheathed at his side is for decoration, and the silence with which he’d arrived meant that he knew some qinggong at the very least, but the odds of him being able to defeat seven people at once can’t be good. 

Especially not with the burden of ensuring her safety on his side.

Jingyi doesn’t know where this last thought comes from, but she’s certain of its truth, regardless, and she has learned to trust her instincts.

So she sketches a perfunctory bow and murmurs please excuse us without a single look at their faces, before turning sharply on her heel to hurry after the young man, already striding off impatiently back towards town. “Jingyi is sorry to have troubled Brother to come all the way out here,” she calls out, loud enough for those behind to hear.

At least he slows to let her catch up, and Jingyi’s prepared to whisper a hint to play along, if he needs one.

But her worry proves unnecessary when he catches on remarkably quickly, without more than a telltale dart of a glance at her. “What nonsense, Yi-er, that’s what your Shinan-ge is here for! C’mon, let me carry that basket, we’ll never reach town before dark at this rate.”

Jingyi goes nearly light-headed with relief, but manages to keep up her side of the conversation until they’re well and firmly out of earshot.

Only then does her still-mysterious saviour look back over his shoulder briefly. “That was close,” he mutters, before turning to her with a look of concern on his face. “Are you alright, miss?”

“Yes,” Jingyi replies, then bows, much more politely than she’d done earlier. “With many thanks to the Young Master.”

He scrambles to help her up, a rueful expression on his face. “That obvious, huh?” 

Jingyi shakes her head quite honestly, but finds herself compelled to continue at his curious look. “The callouses on your palms are quite distinctive, I noticed them when you took the basket from me earlier,” she begins thoughtfully. “We get mostly jianghu fighters here, but sometimes soldiers from the capital pass through as well. I don’t know much about the military, but how many men would have so much fighting experience at a young age yet still have the leisure to wander the jianghu?”

Shinan – if that is indeed his name – fiddles with the straps of the basket now on his back, a little too short for his frame, and nods, conceding the point. “Fair enough.”

There’s more to it, honestly: the way he holds himself now with the bearing of one used to having command, the practiced way in which he scanned the area behind them with just a quick look. Even the fact that he’d offered to carry her load like a reflex of manners long drilled into him, though Jingyi now wondered if that too had been a precaution in case they needed to make a run for it.

“Neither do I recognise you from the area, and your clothes are very well-made if plain of design,” Jingyi says instead. “But it was merely a guess, still, nothing more.”

Unexpectedly he breaks into great gales of laughter, hard enough to shake his shoulders. “I’d hate to see what you consider certain,” he says, wiping tears from his eyes, “but you’re right on all counts. My friends and I are from Jinling, we thought we’d travel for a bit.”

Jingyi can’t help a slight smile, in the face of his mirth. “Then I am fortunate that you would take some time out of those travels to help a person in need.”

The amusement disappears abruptly to be replaced by a frown. “Now don’t lie to me. I’ve made things difficult for you with that lot, haven’t I.”

“There are worse things than a little difficulty in the future.” Jingyi ignores the obvious disbelief in answer. “And better this than what I might’ve done anyway.”

He looks curiously at her again. “Which is…?”

Jingyi gestures at the wicker basket on his back. “Toss it at them, once they were gathered close enough.”

“Would getting a few plants to the face stop them?” he asks doubtfully.

“Hardly,” she answers. “But the sap might, if not handled properly. Nothing poisonous, of course, but they’d be itching terribly for a few days at least, I daresay.”

“…that another guess?” he ventures, laughter back in his voice.

Jingyi smiles faintly, and nods. “Of course.”

……tbc? most probably. there’s more but this is already well past 1k

unnecessary context note: Lingnan/岭南 is mentioned at least twice in my copy of the novel – first as the place where Yujin’s new year tangerines are fedex’d from, second as where Jingmum’s old teacher (or at least someone she learned doctor things from iirc? the one Jingyan asks the Emperor to pardon) is exiled to. *applies creative_license.exe*

a n y w a y

so in obvious news, all the previous ficlets are now archived haphazardly to ao3! go figure, i guess, i just can’t title each of these separately do u Feel me

[seongwhy]

ateez if a curvier girl liked them

disclaimer!! i am 100% sure these boys would like you for you and not for how many curves you have. you are beautiful no matter what !!! as a curvier girl myself, writing this made me happy hehe

seonghwa

let’s be honest. seonghwa loves curvy girls

i mean he loves all girls, but smth abt a curvy lady gets him going

so imagine his face when a curvy girl likes him !!!!!

you’d tell him “seonghwa... u kinda cute doe” and he’d be like😳😃

he’s had his eye on you for a while

he jus luvs your personality and your humour

and your curves

tbh he’s snuck a glance every now and then

you’d bend down to grab the tv remote and suddenly he’s blushing and thinking of everything he’d do to u omg

or you’d wear a crop top and sit down and your belly might show a lil bit and he melts in his seat

all he wants is to feel ur pretty body

but .. unfortunately u didn’t think that he would like you

you thought that he only had his eye out for the slimmer girls, but that was simply not true queen

so it took u a sec to confess your feelings for him

but once you did you were so surprised at his response

“hey seonghwa, i know that you probably don’t think the same but like i rlly think ur cute and funny and pretty and i rlly like u but i know i’m not rlly ur type and like that’s fine-“

“wait!!! u like me”

“i like u too !!!!!!! who tf told u that ur not my type bc i will beat them up ur gorgeous who told u that >:((((“

and u explain to him that it was just ur brain and he says Never to think that about yourself !!!! bc you are beautiful !!!!

and then ur both just uwu in love with each other and he’s in love w ur curves and ur in love with his chicken legs and it’s amazing and wonderful and you’re so happy you said something bc otherwise you wouldn’t have found the love of ur life :’)

hongjoong

hongjoong is Obsessed

obsessed w your thighs and your tummy and your booty

when u tell him u like him he’s not only like “holy shit i like you too” he’s imagining alllllll the things he can do w u and ur curves

when u first start going out and dating and such it’s great it’s amazing he makes you laugh and you feel beautiful bc he makes you feel beautiful

but when you start opening up to him about your insecurities you thought things would change

but they didn’t !!!!!!!! he started loving u harder

and every day since that first time you cried in his arms he tells you you’re beautiful

“hi honey u look gorgeous”

“baby !!!!! i love that dress on you”

“hey bb, since i can’t see you today i’m just letting u know that you’re beautiful !! and i love and miss you !!!!”

“there’s my fav tummy!!”

he will not Stop telling you how beautiful u are you’re not complaining

he thinks ur a queen and he treats you like one

he loves all of you. all the cellulite and all the curves and all dimples

and he’s not shy abt it either ;)

yunho

ok listen up sweeties

yunho doesn’t rlly pay attention to figure

i mean ofc he LOves your body and he thinks you’re beautiful

but he would not like you if not for your personality

which is absolutely amazing

and so he doesn’t rlly understand when you tell him that you don’t wanna eat that ice cream or the pizza

he thinks you’re beautiful (bc you are) so why don’t u think you’re beautiful too ??????

why won’t u eat w him ????

why wont you take ur shirt off in front of him ???

so one day he brings u mcdonald’s and a shamrock milkshake yummy!!!!

and he sits down w u and watches you try and do everything but eat

so he stops u and looks at u and tells u everything you’ve ever wanted to hear

“babe plz eat in front of me... i think your body is beautiful and i think you’re beautiful and i would not buy u food if i didn’t think so”

and u know this is true bc yunho loves his food and his own shamrock shakes

so u smile at him and lay in his arms and u eat that damn burger!!!!!!

he makes all your insecurities go away

he loves u so much u literally can’t breathe

he’s always hugging you and feeling you up and wrapping his huge arms around u

and he makes u so comfy with yourself

and you love him

and he loves u

yeosang

ok yeosang loves u

and u know it he lowkey highkey makes it obvious

everytime you walk in he either 1) gets all blushy and stops talking mid sentence

“dude!!! stop destroying my fucking hous- uh uh h-hi y/ n”

i don’t actually know what they do in fortnite but if u do and this is wrong just imagine minecraft instead

or 2) he tries to be all tuff and show off

“oh hey y/n” he says as he casually rolls up his sleeve and stretches

but what he Doesn’t know is that u like him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he thinks ur waaaaaay our of his league

i mean just take a look at u!!! ur thighs ur belly ur boobiez

p e r f e c t i o n

but one day he accidentally walks in on you and seonghwa talking (he thinks u like seonghwa)

and he hears u like “idk seong he’s really cute and so nice to me and such an angel... also have u seen dem arms doe !!”

and What The Heck

yeosang cannot believe it

u???? the girl of his DREAm s ??? likes HIM ???

and what do u know when he hears that he suddenly can’t keep his balance and trips right over

over what exactly ?? his dignity

and he falls right in front of u and seonghwa

seonghwa just snickers and laughs and leave the room

yeosang just stares at u for a moment before getting up and just staring at u some more

“uh yeosang?? u good”

“h a hah yeah .. i’m good”

“ok. did u hear the part where i said i think you’re cute”

“. yes i did y-es”

“ok. do u like me too”

“uh y-yeah i uh yes”

“ok. get over here dummy”

“👁👄👁”

san

ok we all know san

this weirdo

this secs ee mf that gives zero fucks

haha mmmm

^^^^ that’s what he’s like every time u walk by

idk it’s getting late i’m tired plz don’t judge

when he sees u he’s all like hehehbajsbs ajdosndbdniejn ùwú

but externally he’s like heh he h wassup

and he makes hand gestures at u like outlining ur curvy body

and winking at u

and let’s be honest he may or may not have slapped dat ass a few times

and even though it’s kinda nasty u kinda like it

u know he means well and it’s just one way he shows his love and appreciation for u

and he wouldn’t do it if you told him no !!! consent is key

and u consent bc u like the way he gets slightly flustered everytime he does it

eventually u have to give in one day bc he’s been teasing you long enough

so one day ur walking by him and he smacks ur dump truck and u spin around and grab his arm and pull him up to ur chest

and he’s like HUH

and ur like hi sannie

and he’s like “h-hi”

AND THEN U KISS HIM

AND HE LOVES IT

and he’s feeling u up and he sits you down and pulls him into his lap

and ur scared that ur too much for that

so when u start pulling away he’s like “NO I LIKE U HERE STAY U LOOK SO ORETTY SITTING ON ME”

and u giggle and stay

and then more kissing and cuddling and loving

and he makes u laugh and feel good

and u make him happy and so excited all the time

and it’s sooo good omg he luvs allllll of u so much

mingi

i may have a soft spot for this man

he’s jus so weird and funky

but he’s so cute like idk

don’t tell seonghwa

ANYWAY

those are your exact thoughts abt him too

your relationship was always like....there was tension there

ofc u always thought abt him

and he always thought abt u

u lived in his head rent free

ur curves and dimples and amazing bodyodyody

accompanied w ur amazing personality!!! what could he not love

so when u became friends he was already obsessed w u

he’s always whiny and needy for ur attention

when the boys are there he’s like “😎😈💪🦵”

BUT WHEN YOURE THERE

he does a full 180

his voice goes from deep and scruffy to all soft

the boys clown him for it

but he doesn’t care

he sends u memes all the time

he texts you every day

at first it was an occasional hey wsp and now it’s like “good morning!! how’d u sleep” “hey bb girl wanna go get boba” “u looked rlly good today”

it makes ur heart flutter

and when he started calling u baby girl in PERSON

U DIED

and tbh he didn’t mean to say it the first time it just slipped out BUT he loved the way it made u blush and look down and cross your legs a lil

so he just couldn’t stop saying it

eventually the reaction u had went down a lil bc u got used to it

and that was when he decided he needed to do more

so eventually he got up the courage on a boba date to stop u and sit u down on a bench

and when u were like yes what is it mango

it took him a sec bc u looked so PRETTY in your dress

your thighs crossed and the way your boobies sat in it

he couldn’t help but stare (respectfully)

and u were like HELLo

and he cleared his throat and was like “ur really pretty”

and u blushed and covered yourself w ur arms

and he was like No >:( ur gorgeous and took your hands in his

and kissed them and kissed your arm all the way up to ur face

and he kissed your cheeks and was like these cheeks are so cute

and kissed ur nose and was like i love your nose

and then ur lips

and he didn’t have to say anything for you to know he loved your lips just as much as he loved your everything else

wooyoung

okay if i thought hongjoong was obsessed .

wooyoung is a whole other story

as soon as u step into the room ur the only one that matters

he would stop answering the boys

he would only be looking at you

trying his best to make u laugh it works

bc he loves the way your face lights up when u smile

and how your body shakes when u laugh

and he loves talking to u

abt anything and everything

so he becomes your very best friend

and when u get comfortable to share your insecurities with him he gets so sad and mad

he gets so ANGERY

he’s like WHO SAID THAT WHY WOULD U THINK THAT U ARE AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND AKSJDJAJFJAKL

and one day ur ranting to him about something SOME DUMB ASS BOY said to u in class

AND HES LIKE I WILL BEAT HIM UP NO ONE TALKS TO MY BABY LIKE THAT

and ur like 😳 “y-your baby?”

and he’s like oh fuck fuck fuck fuck

he starts to apologize and ramble

and u just giggle

he’s like ??????

and ur like “i’ll be your baby wooyoungie”

“if you’ll be mine too”

AND HE CANNOT BELIEVE

he runs up to u and picks u up and spins u around and he kisses u and he’s like MY BABY

“dats ma baby and aint nobody finna touch em”

^^ that’s what he’s like w u

and he’s so happy youre his and he’s yours

cuz now he gets all your curves to himself hehehehehehehehehe

jongho

jongho is such a softie

especially for u

he melts everytime he sees your soft skin and your pretty face

he tries really hard to be all tuff around u

but it never pans out

bc he’s so in luv w how pretty you are

in his mind u are the most perfect person ever

he lets u vent to him abt anything

he likes to talk to u abt everything

deep or not

and one day you’re like “hey jongho, i’ve never heard u talk abt a girl before”

and he goes all blushy and is like ha ha i uh i guess u haven’t

and u ask if he has a crush

and he goes even redder

and ur like “U DO OMG TELL KE ABT HER”

sooooo he does

“well she really pretty and has such a kind heart and beautiful eyes and an amazing smile and the prettiest curves i’ve been talking to her for a while and she makes me so happy”

“she’s so gorgeous but she doesn’t think so and it makes me really angry i just wanna tell her she’s beautiful”

and ur like “awww just tell her then! she’ll love hearing that from you” oblivious mf

so jongho sits up straight and looks u right in the eyes and says “ok then. you’re beautiful y/n”

you’re eyes go wide and u open ur mouth to say smth but nothing comes out

so u just hug him

and he wraps his arms around u and says “it’s true, you’re so beautiful”

and u just hug him tighter

and the night is perfect :,)

and he’s perfect

and he’s so grateful u asked him that question

[dolphin-enthusiast]

good evening amorina 🌠💞🌹 how are you holding up?? i do hope that you have been taking care of yourself properly and wish that today was a good day for you!! even if it was another bad one again, do remember that good days will come eventually, especially to good people like you 💖 (1/8)

"ahhhhh i apologize for not being able to write yesterday!! i tried really hard to but my narcolepsy went wooosh,, so i ended up passing out quickly,,, i'm very happy that you're more understanding than other people,, it makes life so much easier! i'm feeling much better today though, and my day was pretty good thankfully!! (2/8)

quinn is such a saint for always stepping in to alert you when something is wrong,, it helps me out a lot to know that someone is letting others know about situations, since i hate worrying people about things 🌺 oh, and those picrews from yesterday were so cute awaaaa!! the ones of you look so nice!!! it surprises me how accurate these anons are on nailing certain aspects of my appearance/clothing style,, its almost as if they know me irl hehe 💞 (3/8)

today was another modeling day, so the morning was packed full of preparations,, it was quite exhausting to finish! 😅 lots of hair products and makeup and spa masks and the like, but i had a friend there to keep me motivated, since i often fall asleep during the prep hours hehe,, eventually i was finally able to take the photos, which was very relaxing,, it's nice to just put music on in the background and pose however you want, my brain can run free for a bit during those bits! ✨ (4/8)

ooh, and i finally got some time to play the ukulele,, it's been a while since i last practiced, and luckily my skills didn't deteriorate at all! it's very relaxing for me to just sit in a room alone and play, especially if it's rainy outside! practice is so much easier when no one's around to hear it, so i don't have to worry about anyone walking in on me!! (6/8)

he apparently took photos of that and sent it to all of my friends,, which was a little embarrassing,, their responses were flustering 😖 but it was really comfy so i can't complain! 💫,, oh gosh, and the bunnies,, they were unusually cuddly today!! all four of them hopped up for hugs, and i ended up being buried in them,, i had to stay an extra hour because they all refused to get up,, now that was the highlight of my day! (besides talking to you of course! 🌹) (7/8?)

oh my, i always seem to finish these at such a late hour,, it's time for bed then! goodnight my dear morgy, make sure to sleep well and start off tomorrow with something nice, i'll be waiting to write again! 💝💝💝 - con amore, your loving waifu 💗💗💗💗💗💗 ps: don't worry about no simp september caro, i may have failed on the first day too because i get to talk to you 😳💕💕💕 (8/8)"

Darling u sly fox u saying that u failed no simp november bc of me😳😳😳 i doubt i could be that wig snatching just as the month started b u t 👁️👁️

Its fine if u got to rest a little and did not write for a day ofc and wow ukulele?? Tbh ukulele give off some very unique and soft vibes to me (same for the ppl that play em) so like....it really fits u jxjxndd at this point what can u do😩😩😩 c o n c e r t w h e n ?

And damn it really do b sounding like vogue waifu is becoming more and more real and im all for it sis👀 eye literally cannot wait to see/hear more abt this entire modelling thing and maybe i will b able to do ur makeup and vice versa one day...although im p bad at doing it for others as opposed to applying it on my own face rip

Quinn do b highkey iconic ngl and i stan them for always popping in and letting us know how ur doing...and i'll say this and imma say it forever: u and the bunnies radiate b i g disney energy lmao