#my brain is actually fuckjng broken

[madame-mongoose]

what was that

i cant even think of a threat right now. what the fuck

[heartfucksmouth]

mil originally offered to take Aidan for the night bc of my migraine. I hesitated bc he has been so clingy to me and gets separation anxiety... plus the last few times she's actually taken him, he's screamed bloody murder for HOURS completely inconsolable. I put my earbuds in but an hour later and no sleep for me, I could hear him screaming. I could not take it and I went out to take him back. he was crying so hard he was hyperventilating and there was just no soothing vibes coming from mil at all. it was pitch black and fucking silent. i usually sing to him and have his sound naxhine going! she handed him back pretty quickly and told me he has been saying "mama mama" whole he cried and I'm just like -so you didn't think to fucking bring him to me?- cue the abandonment triggers lmao holy fuck. he also never had his bedtime bottle which I started giving to him at 645... it was fucking 8pm. so not only was he upset I wasn't there, he was starving and overtired and had nothing remotely like his bedtime routine. he was distraught and idc if I have a fucking broken arm, I'm cuddling my sweet boy to sleep until he tells me not to. his sputtering tear stained face with red brows and red cheeks is burned into my brain and makes me feel sick with heartache. she took him from me and then did the fuckjng dishes while her husband watched him. you took him away from his mother AND took his food/comfort away? what the actual fuck WHY. WHY OFFER TO HELP ME? I feel it in my gut, that he's not safe with her and I'm gonna trust it. I feel awful and I feel insane but at the same time idc and I know she is who she is. I'll just say no thanks from now on.

I'm exhausted and I hope Aidan sleeps all night.