#my brain combined dingo almost dying on a mountain and that weird-ass Shopify mountain thing

[hana-bobo-finch]

welcome to another episode of I Have a Bad Migraine and I Have Come Up With Something While Half Asleep That I Cannot Really Explain

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This is it.

The thought swam through Dingo’s clouded mind over and over. No other thoughts could come through. His mind was in a haze. He had fainted a few times already—he had felt a bit woozy for a few seconds and then came to a few feet away from where he last remembered being, in a heap on the ground. This had happened a couple of times already, but when he woke up from his most recent blackout he lacked the strength to stand back up. Was he really about to die thanks to his own impulsivity?

What a shame that Ohri’s brightest star burns out at such a young age. Oh, that’s deep. I should write that down.

His thoughts were clearing up a little as he began to regain full consciousness. Or maybe it was some sort of pre-death lucidity. He remembered Yonny talking about something like that like it was a fun little conversation starter. Oh, Yonny…he hadn’t thought of him yet. His thoughts, when clear enough to be coherent, mostly focused on his family. Well, ok, they mostly focused on his own survival and how sad it was that such a strapping young man would die so young…But after a good hour of wandering aimlessly with no sign of hope, he had accepted his fate and was mainly worried about how his family would cope. He hadn’t thought about Yonny, though. Not until now. Dingo wasn’t too worried about him, honestly. Maybe it was selfish, but Dingo felt more sorry for himself than he did for Yonny. Yonny would probably find a way to steal the recovered frozen corpse and grow a new Dingo in a lab somehow. But, Dingo, wherever he’ll end up when he dies, will be all alone. No family, no friends, no Yonny. He’ll only see him again whenever Yonny dies. Which, given Yonny’s occasional comments about wanting to solve the mystery of eternal life, probably won’t be any time soon. Somehow, that thought more than anything else, more than his impending doom and sore body, is what broke him. He curled in on himself and buried his head in his arms. He was too tired to cry, too tired to scream, too tired to feel anything but brokenness. He sat like this for what seemed like hours when a booming voice rang out over the mountains:

What’s up guys, Mr. Beast here, and today I’m going to be climbing this mountain and naming it after today’s sponsor, Shopify!

The words startled Dingo out of his stupor. He had no energy to look for the source of the sound. Even with the surprise, his heart was pounding worryingly slow, much different to his normally racing pulse at the slightest startle. Who was this Mr. Beast character? Was he some demon coming to drag him down to the underworld? Whatever the case was, the man continued speaking to his phone before seeming to notice Dingo.

How good was this beast’s vision…? Dingo was the size of the man’s eye, how had he noticed him? He must have the vision of a hawk. Terrifying. The Beast picked Dingo up, cupping him in his palm.

Cancel the video we had planned, he said to nobody in particular. This is all we need for our brand deal.

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