#my body is fucked forever whether i live or die. im so unhappy all the time. i feel like itd be better to die easily and peacefully
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honestly knowing the most likely outcome of lung surgery is ill survive but not be any better.... feels bad
#i think im a lot more afraid of surviving thn dying which is kindof sad#but like if i died itd probably be pretty easy.. like already under#idk how to spell anesthesia#but anyway yeah pretty easy way to die right#and it wouldnt be by suicide so maybe people would hate me a little less after im gone#but if i survive i just have to deal w all the bullshit recovery stuff and i wont be any better. i already know#my doctor said himself hell do his best but its likely my lung wont be able to inflate even after surgery#and he cant get rid of my pleural effusion they dont even know exactly whats causing it#my body is fucked forever whether i live or die. im so unhappy all the time. i feel like itd be better to die easily and peacefully
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