#my biggest secret is that I was homeschooled and I haven’t been around anyone my own age since I was 16 in summer camp

[thecyanideyoudrank]

Anybody else have an existential/career crisis every two months even though you were sure about what you were doing? No? Just me?

[ezgithechaotic]

The Parent Trap | Chapter One; two sides of the same coin

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

AU: The Parent Trap,  dad!harry

series summary:  Identical twins Benjamin and Edward, separated at birth and each raised by one of their biological parents, later discover each other for the first time at summer camp and make a plan to bring their wayward parents back together.

chapter summary: Benjamin and Edward tries to convince their parents that they aren’t children anymore, but it’s harder than they think.

author note: I’m sorry in advance if I have any fault. English is not my first language. But please let me know if you see anthing that doesn’t seem right. And an important note about Harry and Y/N; They probably won’t see each other for a long time. But I plan on mentioning their thoughts about each other from time to time as I did in this chapter. So, buckle up, It’s gonna be a long way :)

Please leave a comment about what you think, love you.

The Parent Trap Masterlist 

Between all the paperwork, Y/N was feeling like she could go crazy any minute. When she had decided to work from home, she didn’t think that anyone could reach her at any minute. It didn’t matter whether it was weekdays or weekends. She was either answering some phonecall from her customer or choosing the right fabric for her designs. Well, except the times she was with her son, Edward. 

Y/N loved her job. She started at a very early age, it would even be proper to say that she had nothing or no one but her family when she had started this job. Now, she was one of the best designers across the world. She truly loved her job. But if there was one thing she loved more than her job, it was her son. The only person who could brighten her after a long day in her study room. He was the best thing Y/N had. So, when he brought her a cup of hot coffee while she was dealing with her job's most boring side, paperwork, he brought the sunshine inside the room with him.  

When Edward knocked on the door she was so focused she didn't even hear it. So little boy quietly sneaked in and gently put the cup on the big desk. When Y/N realized, she looked up and saw her son, smiling at her. With his bright green eyes and long brown locks, Edward reminded everyone of his father. At least, the ones who knew him. Y/N was very cautious about her son’s and her private life. He was her treasure that she kept away from the whole world. 

"Since when are you serving coffees, young man?" Y/N smiled as she raised an eyebrow to her nine-year-old son.  

Edward shrugged and made himself comfortable at one of the leather sofas. "I thought you could use some break. I know you wouldn't stop if I didn't come in." 

"You know I don't need you to be the mother, it's my job." 

"It's not like I'm the mother every day. I'm okay with being the mother every once in a while. I know you love your job." Y/N got up from her chair as her son kept talking. Watching him talk was like watching a flower bloom. She would give everything to stop him from growing old. "Plus we have Nate to be the mother, I'm more like, the cool aunt of family." 

"Don't ever let Nate hear that. Poor guy would be devastated." 

"I think he would prefer my sassy remarks rather than yours." 

Y/N sat beside Edward on the leather sofa and raised an eyebrow. "What is that supposed to mean?" She couldn't help but laugh as her son giggled. "Well, you can be very mean sometimes, mom." 

"Ouch, I'm bruised, Eddy." 

Y/N hugged her son with one arm. He laughed as he let his mother embrace him. Edward loved physical contact even though he didn't show it. He loved resting his head on his mother's chest as they did nothing. He wasn't a very social child, he liked staying inside and being alone. He didn't have friends at his age and was never a team player unless he trusted the people around him. But with Y/N, he felt safe.

"I haven’t seen you around today."

"Well, it's because you spent your whole Saturday trapped in here. I planted those flowers in the garden with Nate today. It was fun until he started to give me lectures about being responsible." 

Y/N knew her assistant could be a bit much sometimes. But he still helped her a lot, not just as her assistant, but as her friend too. Edward loved him. He was one of the best friends Y/N had. Y/N knew growing up without a dad was hard for Edward. So she was grateful to him because, after her father, Nate was one the father figures for Edward. 

"You know he loves you." 

"Yeah, I know." 

They sat there in silence for a moment. Y/N closed her eyes as she stroked her son's hair and listened to his breathing.  

"Mom?" Edward said as if he was checking his mother. 

"Yes, baby?" 

"You know, my birthday is coming..." Y/N frowned but still kept her eyes close. 

"There are still two months until your birthday, you know. Not two days." 

"I know, mom." He rolled his eyes. "I was thinking... Since I'm turning ten this year maybe you could buy me a computer. I'm not a child anymore." 

"You will always be a child for me. Your age doesn't matter." 

"Moooom." 

Y/N laughed at his son's reaction. "I thought we talked about this before, honey. I'm not comfortable with you interacting with social media. People can be cruel." 

"I'm not saying I want to have a social media account or something. But, you know, it would be good to have a computer." 

Y/N took a deep breath. "I will think about it." She said and smiled. Edward hugged her with joy and thanked her for even considering it. Y/N knew people on the internet could be cruel. All she wanted was to protect him but she knew she couldn't keep him to herself until forever. He was already homeschooled and didn't have as many friends as children of his age. People were eventually going to find out. She knew it was inevitable. 

"If you want to be more social, you can always think about that summer camp that Zayn was talking about." 

"Mom, I don't want to be social. I don't need friends." 

"Friends can be very helpful. I had a lot of friends when I was your age." 

"We both know that they were Aunt Abby's friends." Edward laughed when he saw his mother's face. It wasn't wrong. Her big sister, Abigail, had been her best friend through childhood. And she was still her biggest supporter. "Plus, I have Becky. She's my age."  

"Becky isn't always around." 

"Yeah, because Aunt Abby isn't always around." 

Since Abigail was always traveling her daughter, Becky was traveling with her too. Becky was two years younger than Edward. And Edward loved his cousin like a sister. He was happy to be her big brother. 

"They won't be here for summer. So, you can always take the opportunity and go to that summer camp." Although Edward wasn't eager about it, his mother wanted him to have friends. "I will think about it." 

With that, Nate stuck his head through the open door and eyed two of them. "Sorry for interrupting your mom and son time. But are you guys hungry? Because I'm dying over here."

Y/N groaned as she rested her head against the sofa. "I'm starving."

"So, tacos?"

"You know I will never, ever say no to tacos," Edward said.

Y/N laughed but before she could answer her phone started to ring. She got up and found her phone inside the whole mess. "I need to answer this. Why don't you guys go ahead and order?" 

Before he got up, Edward looked at her mother with meaningful eyes. "You will think about the computer, right?" Y/N smiled and planted a kiss on top of his head. 

"I will, baby." 

While Edward made his way to the kitchen, Nate stayed back.

"How long are you planning on keeping it secret from him?" 

"As long as I can, Nate." 

"He deserves to know." 

Y/N took a deep breath. "I don't need a lecture about it. I know he will eventually ask. I will just let future Y/N deal with it." 

"This is one of the worst answers you've ever given." 

"You're being very helpful, Nate, thank you." 

"You're welcome." Y/N shook her head and answered the call as Nate returned to the kitchen. 

At the same time, Y/N made her way to the kitchen, Harry was walking towards Benjamin's room to wake him up, in a completely different country. 

Harry knocked three times on his son's door. Even though he knew it was going to take more than three knocks to wake Benjamin up, Harry still had faith. But Ben was still asleep at the other side of the white-painted door. After a second or two, Harry opened the door with a sigh. 

"It's time to wake up, buddy!" 

Benjamin was tangled between his dark blue sheets. His short curly hair lying on the pillow, his green eyes shut. It was still mindblowing how much he looked like his father. At times like these, Harry never wanted to wake him up. If someone looked at him from where he stood, they would think that he was an angel. The only thing was that his son was the devil himself. And he didn't know if he should be proud or disappointed.  

"Benny, breakfast is getting cold," Harry said as he opened the curtains. "Get up, now." 

Benjamin groaned into his pillow. If there was one thing he hated most, it was waking up. He was never a morning person. The resemblance between Benjamin and his mother always made Harry a little bittersweet. It was like the universe didn't want him to forget her. As if forgetting her was an option. She was in every song he heard or wrote. 

"Why can't I sleep more?" Benjamin asked, his eyes still closed. "Why do you have to be so cruel to wake me up at the crack of dawn?" 

"It's almost noon, Ben." 

"Well, still the crack of dawn." 

Harry laughed at his son's reaction. Benjamin had always been sassy, but he always found a way to people's hearth, especially Harry's. He was something Harry couldn't explain. Benjamin was everything Harry had and he would give everything up for him without a doubt. 

"So, should we let Jeffrey eat all the pancakes?" 

Benjamin peeked through one open eye with a smile on his face. "Pancakes don't sound so bad. I like Katty's pancakes." 

Katty was Benjamin's nanny and she usually helped Harry around the house with chores and dinner. She was one of the exceptional people around Benjamin. He liked her, and she helped him when he needed some woman influence. 

Benjamin never held back what he thought about the person across him. Whenever Harry found some nanny he either scared them with his pranks or his remarks. But Katty was the only nanny who could have fun with him rather than running away from him. She was more like a sister to Benjamin. And Harry was happy that Benjamin could trust Katty as much as he trusted Gemma. 

"Sorry, pal, you have to settle for my pancakes because Katty won't be here today."

Benjamin sighed. "So we're eating burnt pancakes, again?" 

Harry acted like he was annoyed. "You weren't saying that before Katty." 

"Because I didn't know chocolate chip pancakes existed." 

"You always have something to say, don't you?" 

Just like your mother.

" And I'm not even awake, yet. Think about the things I would say if I was awake." 

"You sound pretty awake to me, buddy." He let Benjamin free from all the sheets. "Time to get up."

After five pancakes and two glass of orange juice, Benjamin was awake more than ever. While he was playing a game on the big television, Harry and Jeffrey were talking about upcoming projects. 

"...for June we'll be recording the album and then you have that project with Gucci in July." 

"I thought we were going to go to Holmes Chapel and see grandma this June," Benjamin questioned, suddenly not so interested in his game. 

"I don't think we'll be able to do that, buddy. We'll be in Los Angeles." 

"Will Camille be with us?" 

Camille was Harry's current girlfriend. And Benjamin did not like her at all. After Y/N, Harry didn't have any relationship for a long time. Not just because he thought it would be hard for Benjamin if it didn't work out, but also he wasn't ready for getting heartbroken again. Camille was his longest relationship despite Benjamin's dislike for her. 

"Yeah, probably." 

Benjamin grunted with vexation and let himself fell on the couch again. 

"Do I have to be there?" Benjamin looked at his father with hope. "Can't I just stay with grandma?"

"A month is a long time Benny." 

"Yeah, dad, I know. That's why I don't want to spend it with Camille."

"I would appreciate it if you just tried to like her." 

"Or you could just send me to the summer camp I've been talking about." 

Harry took a deep breath. "We talked about this, Benny. I can't send you somewhere I've never heard before." 

"But Freddie is going too." Benjamin whined.

"What's up with this summer camp?" Jeffrey asked when he couldn't help his curiosity. 

"Something he heard from Freddie, I guess. He's been talking about it non-stop." 

"Why don't you just let him go?"

"You know why, Jeff."

"You're just being paranoid, Harry. Let him have some fun. It's already hard to be the son of a famous pop star." 

Jeffrey made Harry hesitate. He was right and Harry knew that. It was just scary to be away from him for more than a month. And since Benjamin wasn't a calm kid, it made it harder for him to decide. He wasn’t going to be there when things were going to go bad. But when he saw his son sitting there not even giving attention to the game all devastated, he couldn't help but say yes. 

"You can go as long as you promise to be nice." 

"Really?" 

"Really."

"You're the best, dad!"

Benjamin hugged him so tight and smiled so bright that it made every bad thought Harry had, vanish. He hugged his son back. Apologizing to him without words for everything he took away from him, for everything he could have if he and his mom hadn’t been so stubborn.

If he only knew that Benjamin would take everything back with a simple summer camp. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Lux & Amber

Lux: You missed [some dinner y’all have that doesn’t entirely suck] tonight

Lux: I tried to save you some but that’s already gone

Lux: anyway, can we talk when you’ve got a sec?

Amber: Oh no! 🥺 Thanks for trying to spare me tomorrow’s ‘feast’, I really appreciate the attempted save

Amber: I promised to stay here for a while longer yet, but we can talk if you’re okay with typing it all out

Amber: I have time to read, she’s fallen asleep

Lux: Awh, I hope your friend feels better soon!

Lux: Yeah, I can totally do it over text

Lux: It’ll be way less awkward for us both anyway, I think

Lux: What do you think about Dash?

Amber: everyone knows what I think about Dash…

Amber: I haven’t made any secret of what an asshole he’s been to me since we had sex

Lux: I’m not just asking to be nosy or anything like that

Lux: but he said some things that I didn’t think made sense and I just

Lux: idk, I don’t know if he believes himself or what

Amber: I think I know why you’re asking, which means I should’ve spoken up more about the lies he told me before then and who I’ve found out he actually is

Amber: he definitely wants to believe his own bullshit, I guess because it makes him look and feel better than the truth does

Lux: Maybe he still likes you so he’s acting out?

Lux: Not that that’s cool but I don’t know why he’s got you so wrong otherwise

Amber: making me look like the psycho ex girlfriend I never was and dismissing everything I say and do under that guise is easier than addressing his own behaviour

Amber: especially when there are so few of us trying to get him to change or be held accountable for how he treats the girls at the commune

Lux: That’s what I was afraid of

Lux: but your side of it undoubtedly makes a lot more sense

Lux: Thanks, Amber

Amber: No, don’t thank me

Amber: I should’ve stayed last night

Amber: known that this was gonna happen

Lux: No, you can’t be responsible for him, or me

Lux: and like you said, so many girls are okay with it, him, seemingly so

Amber: mama insisted I look after you and I clearly didn’t

Lux: You’re both sweethearts, but I’m not a baby

Lux: I should’ve known better

Amber: neither am I but I fell for it too, and I couldn’t have known any better than living alongside him for half a year

Amber: I just really wanted it to be true, what he was saying about me and that place, stupid of me

Lux: If it is that way for him, it sounds really nice

Lux: I think it is, but maybe that’s stupider

Amber: it’s that way for my parents and I thought if anyone could make me feel close to the same, he would, which sounds really calculating of me

Amber: maybe I did use him as badly and he does have a right to badmouth me, I don’t know

Lux: We all have expectations… surely?

Lux: That doesn’t mean either of us were in love with him or being crazy

Lux: What he said and then what he did didn’t match up, for either of us, by the sounds of it

Amber: Do you wanna talk about what he said and did to you?

Lux: It’s hard to work out what even upset me now

Lux: Maybe he did tell me from the start, so that is on me

Lux: I thought from how he was though, he’d want to see me again but when I asked he told me he was with someone else, then he was like, idk, acting like it’s his duty or something and it was really gross

Amber: Yara and her friends must have come back for the solstice celebrations, they never miss a party and he never misses the opportunity to be with her before she's gone again

Lux: What’s she like?

Amber: A free spirit

Amber: and every other hippie stereotype everyone expects me to be

Lux: Of course

Lux: well I don’t want to meet her, whatever he thinks

Amber: of course he wants you to meet her

Lux: He should just be with her then if she’s so cool and free

Amber: there's no scenario in which she'd wanna stay there with him or he's gonna leave with her

Lux: Love being what’s left

Amber: I'm so sorry, Lux

Amber: this is just my POV of them though, and I'm biased by how angry he makes me

Lux: It’s not your fault, this is just all what I was presuming and dreading before

Lux: He doesn’t like you either, so the truth should be somewhere in the middle

Amber: if he talked to me about any of it instead of about me to anyone who'll listen, he'd like me even less

Lux: I was supposed to be being extra vigilant

Lux: I knew this would happen

Amber: it's not your fault, he knows what he's doing, that's why he keeps it up and keeps getting away with it

Lux: It was my fault I got myself involved

Lux: It couldn’t be shown to me any clearer

Lux: I can thank him for that, I guess

Amber: Do you want us to help you find somewhere else to stay?

Lux: You don’t need to do that

Lux: Here is as good as any for now

Lux: I need to work on myself, not my surroundings

Amber: I know the feeling, but it doesn't stop me fucking hating living there sometimes

Amber: a lot of the time

Lux: I don’t like it either

Lux: I’m in no position to complain but it’s

Lux: a different dislike to home, but still

Amber: Any time you feel like complaining to me, I'm not in any position to tell you not to, it's all I do right now, I swear

Amber: but maybe it would be more helpful to admit that I'm also spending as much time as I can finding places that feel far away from it and meeting people who don't have the hive mind

Lux: It feels like everyone else LOVES it and the implication is I just don’t ‘get it’ because of my background and that’s my lack

Lux: It’s actually very similar in loads of ways and not positive ways, I would say but hey

Lux: School must help with that a lot

Lux: the kids at my church that weren’t homeschooled or quiverfull were just

Lux: such a breath of fresh air

Lux: the best friends until my mother caught wind and called them ‘bad influences’ or whatever

Amber: some of them are, but there are others who make me feel as 👽 as people in the commune do, I still have searching to do, I guess, before I belong properly anywhere

Lux: I feel that

Lux: Maybe Yara has the right idea 🙄

Amber: Shhh no, don't ever say that! And don't let me put you off, I'm sure if you met them you'd love them all and vice versa

Amber: it's gotta be a me thing because my favourite person in the world is someone I do nothing but argue with

Lux: I won’t love her now

Lux: It isn’t her fault but it’s too late for that

Lux: Is that his brother?

Lux: Not to be gossipy, but he had stuff to say about that too

Amber: I won’t push that introduction, but my school friends are a possibility, since you’re not planning to leave

Amber: Great, he’s made it about him, despite the fact he’s the one topic we don’t talk about, I should’ve seen that coming too

Lux: That, I would like

Lux: I’m not getting that reputation

Lux: He already called Nora boring despite the fact I think everyone knows why she’s here and why she’s shy

Lux: Oh he thinks it’s 100% about him, I did my best to politely say I doubted that very much but he wasn’t taking it in

Amber: Nora’s very welcome to come with you to hang out with us if she’d like, I don’t think she’s at all boring, or honestly even that shy

Amber: Dash can’t stand that she doesn’t feel at ease around him because that’s how he gets what he wants

Lux: Yeah, seriously

Lux: I didn’t even go there because I got mad enough without pointing out her discomfort/trauma around men isn’t about him and HIS feelings

Amber: Likewise my friendship with his brother isn’t anything to do with him or his business, but it’s the least important part of what’s been going on, so I wouldn’t be rushing to bring it up even if it was a conversation he wanted to and was mature enough to have

Lux: I don’t know what to do now

Lux: He’s not the devil

Amber: he doesn’t have to be a bad person to be bad for you

Lux: He did try to talk to me, get to know me, though

Lux: which is more than plenty of people here

Lux: and I’m not treating them like 👺

Amber: he got to know me too, for months, I thought we were genuinely friends and then I discovered how much of what he said was lies, and if that wasn’t bad enough, he stole my dad’s stash

Amber: getting it back is how I met his brother in the first place, not that I did, because it was long gone

Lux: I know you’re right 😞

Amber: Don’t you think it’s worse than being blanked? I absolutely wish he’d never given me the time of day

Lux: I wish I was there yet

Lux: but no, I can’t say I’m there when I’m just not

Amber: it’s okay, I’ve had longer and I still feel like the biggest idiot, maybe it would stop hurting if I wasn’t friends with his brother and going over to his house to make that boy breakfast in the morning but I don’t want to not do those things

Lux: I can get that bit

Lux: I’m already hating that girl I’ve never met because of him, and that makes me mad but there’s no situation in which he doesn’t get the win because if I tried to not hate her, that’s what he wants anyway

Lux: That sounds super cute though

Lux: despite the arguing

Lux: maybe that’s just how they were raised?

Amber: I don’t know how his brother doesn’t hate me, because I haven’t told you that’s where it happened, because I can’t believe anyone would seriously pretend someone else’s room was theirs

Amber: I can’t blame him for always being annoyed at me, I am at myself and my life, he must think I’m… well I don’t wanna put the words to what he could think

Amber: at least he says what he means and it’s real

Lux: He what?

Lux: Oh no that’s REALLY bad

Lux: his brother can clearly tell that that’s as bad for you too, and not your fault

Lux: well, worse, but even if how mad he was stopped him getting to that conclusion

Lux: I can’t

Amber: It makes no sense that Dash would do it for my benefit, I don’t even have a bed right now, I’m not gonna judge the state of his sheets!

Lux: That’s weird

Lux: like an inside joke with himself?

Lux: because presumably he didn’t think his brother would find out anything…

Lux: He should get a lock

Amber: Right? For it to be a fuck you he’d have to tell him because I did a really good job of tidying up before I left and he didn’t stop me

Lux: I do not like that

Lux: I’m used to having no personal space and nothing being your own

Lux: but that’s disrespectful, like a lot

Amber: me too and I couldn’t agree more, it gives me the ick

Lux: It’s real ick

Lux: sorry, I’m not trying to make you feel gross, it’s all him

Lux: it was just a room to you

Amber: it’s such a nice room, if I wasn’t high I would’ve questioned it

Lux: There was a lot I would’ve questioned on a normal night but I was overwhelmed

Amber: I know you said don’t but I hate myself for leaving you

Lux: Seriously don’t

Lux: that’s not what I want

Lux: I probably would’ve done it whatever you said

Lux: I hate to say that but it’s likely true

Amber: it was a drunk decision, I’m usually a better friend, I promise

Lux: I know you are 😌

Lux: you’ve been more than welcoming despite the fact your mom kinda forced you to 😅

Amber: When I get back we should go out, not only because if I see Dash I will hit him and my dad’ll be upset with me, but also to do something away from him and my parents

Lux: Yeah, I’m feeling that too, I do not wanna be here

Lux: where should we go? 💃🍸🍝🎬🛒💅

Lux: aside from breakfast, what do you guys do for fun?

Lux: I’ve barely ventured outside of this place since I got here

Amber: how unfair would it be if I woke up my sick friend to ask her what normal girls do with their Sunday evening?

Amber: we did go to the beach, that’d be cleansing for the ick

Amber: or we could do something neither of us have ever done, to slightly level the playing field, because you’ve been overwhelmed enough for forever

Amber: to make us feel less gross

Lux: Can we go to the beach

Lux: my favourite places we’ve lived were always by the ocean

Amber: That’s what I was hoping you’d say!

Lux: 😁🥰🥳

Amber: the minute her mama is through the door, I’ll be out of it

Lux: I will aggressively be busy wherever he ain’t ‘til then

Amber: keep away from [wherever the hell Yara and her friends hang out on these grounds] and you’ll be fine

Lux: Thanks, I’ve got a bikini to find anyway, Lord knows I don’t have one

Amber: [obvs tell her where you hide your shit because that’s the kind of friend you are and it likely changes so other bitches don’t steal it]

Lux: Oh, that’s smart 👍

Lux: I’d get a lock for our room but I just know there’d be suggestions we could fit at least another 2 people in or whatever if we just made the effort 🙄

Amber: Thanks, I’d love to wear my favourite new 👗 everywhere but I know what would get said about that, and besides, it wouldn’t be the nicest thing I own for long if I did

Amber: I’d offer to sleep on the floor but unfortunately I’m too small for that suggestion to really silence the others

Lux: Not for the beach then

Lux: but soon, maybe with your friends, and Nora?

Lux: I could make a new favourite 👗 for the occasion

Lux: Don’t take this the wrong way but how tiny you are is adorable 🥺 I’m totally jealous

Amber: Yes, I know exactly who I can ask for a Nora friendly atmosphere

Amber: I’m ridiculously jealous that you can apparently make a new dress like it’s nothing, I couldn’t even make a sock puppet when the little ones asked me

Lux: 💗

Lux: It depends on your view of fashion

Lux: I can sew but I prefer ridiculously impractical stuff you would not see in any kinda store

Amber: it’s hard to see past the joy of clothes that haven’t been worn and washed so often it’s a guess what colour they originally were, for me

Amber: I don’t know how I feel about fashion, I like accessories though

Amber: and I’m a willing 🐹 … is that a hamster? 😂

Lux: I’ve noticed your collection 💎📿🧿✨

Lux: in an admiring way… not a thief one which that sounds like 😅

Lux: you can be my hamster

Amber: You can borrow any of them, except this one [a pic with a ring around the necklace her bae gave her duh]

Amber: okay, but what creature are you? Not a magpie, allegedly

Lux: Understood

Lux: ❌🦊🐺

Amber: that was his nickname for you?

Lux: Of course it’s that predictable

Amber: because he gave me one too, along with Yara and everybody else

Lux: He’s becoming less appealing by the second

Lux: just because it isn’t special or doesn’t mean anything to him, doesn’t mean he should assume it’s the same for everyone he ever meets

Amber: He made me feel so special, it’s embarrassing to even type out now

Lux: I’m right there with you

Lux: I can’t believe I decided to trust him, on any level but with that especially

Amber: I feel like I need to have sex with someone else immediately because him being the only person I have since we moved here is an honour he doesn’t remotely deserve, but I know I need to start making better decisions, so like, I can’t

Lux: Try him being the second person you have and both times went TERRIBLY and confirmed the sin to everyone and yourself

Lux: That’s great, thanks Dash 👍

Amber: I'm gonna kill him, my dad'll have to deal

Lux: Brooks will kill me

Lux: or give me really hard work as punishment, anyway

Lux: Let’s just go to the beach and hope he’s gone home by the time we get back

Amber: We'll find out from Finley when we're ready to go back and if he's still there we can sleep on the beach

Lux: 🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️

Amber: I like that better than when Dash's brother called me one of those spiky things that you tread on 😂

Amber: accurate but not very glamourous

Lux: That’s a weird way to flirt 🤔🤭

Amber: Well, I'm pretty sure he'd deny EVER flirting with me, even if we were the kinds of 🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️ who tried to drown him

Lux: Are they opposite brothers?

Lux: Dash would tell us he flirts with EVERYONE and to not be weird about it

Amber: I'm surprised Dash didn't compare them to the Oak and Holly King 🙄

Amber: but they truly are different enough for me to almost forget they're brothers

Lux: Currently I feel like that could only work in his brother’s favour

Lux: but all kinds of boys can be all kinds of jerks

Amber: It does, but you're right, I can't pretend he doesn't have his own moments of being an asshole

Lux: As long as the non-asshole moments outweigh them though

Lux: I think that’s an acceptable thing to be okay with, none of us are perfect, Lord knows

Amber: I hope they will, it's hitting me as I type this that I really haven't known him long, and it's strange, because it doesn't feel that way to me at all

Lux: It’s like that, sometimes

Lux: time isn’t always what matters

Amber: True, but another hope is still that I get more time in Dublin to spend with him

Lux: I haven’t heard either of your parents talking about moving… yet

Lux: I think your mom is getting a lot of women at her groups rn

Amber: and I haven't heard her arguing with Kai either yet

Lux: I don’t know if he’d be capable 🧘🏻‍♀️☮️🌼✌️

Amber: I wanted not to like him but I don't think I'm capable

Amber: he's made so much effort with me

Lux: It’s okay, I prefer your dad too 🤭

Amber: You're his ⭐🏆🥇 pupil, he talks about you whenever he's not teaching you basically, it's cute

Lux: He’s really helped

Lux: considering how little I knew, and still don’t

Lux: but I’m getting there, he knows so many good books

Amber: Not reading is THE thing he tells me off for and I can't 🥺 my way out of

Lux: I’ll read enough for the both of us 🤞

Lux: and at least I’m never bumping into Dash at the library 🙄😏

Lux: he talked a lot about how he hates school so

Amber: I found a boy to tutor me but I think I'm too distracting…

Amber: maybe you can do it when my dad is finished with you

Lux: We could help each other, maybe

Lux: I’ll do the 📚📏🧮📖 practical stuff and you can tell me about all the different places you’ve been and different people you’ve met

Lux: It might not be a totally fair trade-off but we had to budget and account for every hour of our day so math is pretty easy and all there was to do was read the approved books over and over so 🤷‍♀️ I don’t totally suck

Amber: unfair to you if you’re doing all the work and I’m just sitting there talking and talking!

Lux: That is work too!

Lux: There’s only so much reading about places and people can give me

Lux: You might be 👽 sometimes but that’s me 99% of the time 24/7

Amber: I’m not saying no, I love the sound of my own voice, famously

Amber: that’s how I got picked for nurse duty over our other friends

Lux: I don’t think that’s a problem, your voice is cute

Lux: but I promise I won’t be 😍 like your tutor

Lux: You must get it from your mom, your caring side

Amber: I definitely feel like an 👽 when I talk here, everyone has such defined accents and mine’s all over the place

Amber: oh god, he acts like he’s being tortured, I thought I was having trouble concentrating, but he’s got me utterly beat, I can’t do it to the poor boy any more

Amber: or from my dad, I don’t remember the last time he was like this about a student, when he is though, he really is

Lux: I can understand you, though

Lux: and I CANNOT understand so many people here it’s 😬😬

Lux: 🤭🤭 the power you have

Lux: The way I unintentionally sounded so rude to your dad there! 😨😅 my brain was fully on nursing but no, you can tell he actually wants to help me, for me, he isn’t getting anything out of it but the joy of loving what he does, obviously

Amber: There have been a lot of days I kinda wish they were forcing me to take Irish as a class the way they do for whoever is born here, but I doubt there’s any kind of glossary or key to unlocking the accent in the back of the textbook so it probably wouldn’t help that much realistically, right? Besides, I’m scraping by as it is without imagining extra work for myself

Amber: not the superpower I’d ask for, but one I have inherited from my mama, for sure, men are intimidated by her everywhere she goes and whatever she’s doing

Amber: like it or not, except I think she does enjoy having that effect, mostly

Amber: 😂 It’s okay, I won’t tell him any parts that aren’t complimentary 😶

Lux: That’s way beyond my capabilities, it’d be 😵

Lux: I bet they do have night classes though, when you’re not drowning in regular ones

Lux: I think I would

Lux: I can see the appeal, but maybe it’s the kinda thing you don’t appreciate if you do have it 🤔🤷‍♀️

Lux: ⭐️💗

Amber: I used to think I was into it but Dash’s brother isn’t intimidated by me in the least and I’m starting to like how that feels more, I don’t know

Lux: Like, comfortable?

Amber: I have no idea which words to put to it, it’s like, he’s actually fine with me being myself, even though I’m a mess, he isn’t just saying it’s fine while making me feel 👽 or stupid

Amber: honest maybe?

Lux: Y’all are cute 🥺😍 and I’m about it until he proves otherwise

Amber: I’m looking forward to making him breakfast and you know that’s not me at home

Lux: Okay but there are too many people here for that to ever be a fun experience

Lux: I wait ‘til everyone’s gone or busy doing whatever they do and have it in my first lesson

Amber: smart

Lux: but rude, and anti-social to boot

Amber: Ruder if you didn’t wait, Yara and her friends behave that way all the time, treating it as if they’re the popular girls sent to a summer camp

Amber: I’ve had to bite my tongue so hard so often because we’ve already had the argument and I know what she would say if we kept having it

Lux: 🤢🤢🤢

Lux: There’s zero chance I’m ‘hanging’ with them now

Lux: I didn’t want to anyway but of course he was making me feel bad and 👽 over that

Amber: if I could get away with throwing a party when she’s gone, I would, I don’t care how 👶🏽 it makes me sound

Lux: There is somehow 🍻🍷 left soooooo 😋

Amber: 🙃

Lux: I think we need to reclaim how last night turned out somehow anyway

Amber: I’m more than ready to do that if we can decide how

Lux: We’ll ponder at the beach

Lux: Btw, if you want, you can room with me and Nora for real

Lux: well, I will have to ask but like, she’s not gonna have an issue with it

Lux: I would’ve offered before but obviously some people like the whole couch surfing vibe and I thought that was you too

Amber: I don’t know what to say, I feel like I might cry for some reason that can’t be a hangover this late

Amber: it’s the kindest offer, I’m really touched, and would obviously love to

Lux: There’s definitely room for another mattress

Lux: we really want to paint it and make it cute, whatever people think, because Finley said he’ll pay for paint so then it’s not like, farm resources

Amber: What colour are you voting for? Nora’s gonna want [whatever colour is her fave idk]

Lux: 🤔�� okay hear me out

Amber: intriguing…

Lux: well if our beds are against separate walls we could have a wall each in whatever colour we want

Lux: it’d be nice if they looked cute together but anything is better than the terracotta and white splodges we have now 🤷‍♀️

Amber: Okay but you gotta help me pick or I’ll accidentally choose something that gives me a headache and have to sleep in sunglasses!

Amber: 🔵🌊💙?

Lux: OOOOOOOoooooo

Lux: a like burgundy, navy and then I could do a purple to pink energy to bring it full circle

Lux: that would be 🥰 I’m excited!

Amber: We can beach brainstorm

Amber: if you’re ready to go? [because why not show up like hey new bestie]

Lux: 🧚‍♀️

[apparentlynotreallyfinnish]

M/M Book Recs

In addition to fic I’ve read a lot of m/m novels recently. Most of theses are books I’ve been screaming about to anyone who’s willing to listen but I thought some of y’all might enjoy them too!

The synopses are in italics. (Some are bastardized from Goodreads. Those are marked GR.) I’ve also added my thoughts on the book and some content warnings. 

Red, White and Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston

What happens when America's First Son falls in love with the Prince of Wales? (GR)

Appa’s rec: 5/5 If you haven’t read this yet, this is the first one you have to pick up. The chemistry of the main characters is delicious. It’s basically a enemies-to-lovers story with awesome supporting characters and a little bit of international politics thrown in. There are some steamy sex scenes just a step below pure smut. Alex and Henry stole my heart and I will definitely be reading this book again and again.

Him - Sarina Bowen, Elle Kennedy 

(also, book two: Us and a novella: Epic)

Ryan Wesley’s biggest regret is coaxing his very straight friend, James Canning, into a bet that pushed the boundaries of their relationship. Now, with their college teams set to face off at the national championship, he’ll finally get a chance to apologize. But all it takes is one look at his longtime crush, and the ache is stronger than ever.  Jamie has waited a long time for answers, but walks away with only more questions—can one night of sex ruin a friendship? If not, how about six more weeks of it?  (GR)

Appa’s rec: 5/5 Ryan and Jamie broke me a little. This might be my favorite m/m book ever. The first book is a smutty masterpiece and the second book is an angsty heartbreaker with a happy ending. Highly recommend even if you don’t like hockey. The audio books are amazing as well. (I’d probably listen Teddy Hamilton to read my grocery list and swoon...)

Top Secret - Sarina Bowen, Elle Kennedy

Keaton and Luke are housemates. They are in a frat together. Luke thinks Keaton is a privileged idiot. Keaton thinks Luke is a grumpy asshole. They are both running for frat president. Keaton’s longtime girlfriend wants a threesome for her birthday. Keaton goes on an app to find them a guy and accidentally matches with Luke. They start texting anonymously. 

Appa’s rec: 4,5/5 There was some frat bro shenanigans that made me roll my eyes a bunch and dock 0,5 stars from my rating but other than that this book is amazing! I mean, lots of sexting, Keaton discovering his sexuality, and oh, did I mention that Luke is a stripper?! The smut is smutty and the angst is delicious. Content warning: parental abuse (mostly mental)

The Spiral Down - Aly Martinez

Henry Alexander is a famous pop star with a dark past and a very bad case of flying phobia. He’s also openly gay. After Evan Roth, a pilot, helps him through a flight and a panic attack Henry is obsessed, but Evan has his own demons that complicate their relationship to the point of breaking.

Appa’s rec: 4/5 Some solid smut, angst and a fluffy, happy ending. I highly recommend the audio book. Both readers were wonderful and I almost listened the whole thing in one sitting. I was obsessed!

Trading Teams - Romeo Alexander

Jake thought he had life all figured out. He had the perfect girlfriend, a starting position on the Varsity baseball team, and a raging social life. He was living the dream. That is, until he discovers that he’s in danger of losing his scholarship.  For Kyle, college was only a formality. He didn’t need the degree, and he barely attended his classes and still passed with flying colors. Instead of sitting in class, he’d rather be chasing his true passion—designing and programming an original MMORPG game. Kyle doesn’t need a social life, and he definitely doesn’t need a boyfriend, especially because that would require stepping out of the closet, something he has no intention of doing any time soon. (GR)

Appa’s rec: 3/5 Cute jock/nerd romance with some steamy smut. Not the greatest story but a good time!

Lock & West - Alexander C. Eberhart

Lock is awkward. He can’t make eye contact, counts when he’s nervous and has to remind himself several times a day how ‘normal’ teens behave. Homeschooled most of his life, he’s resigned himself to a friendless existence at his new Atlanta high school. Until he meets West. West has everything. Looks. Talent. Money. And secrets… so many secrets. Beneath the surface of West’s perfect existence is a pain he’s buried so deep a million therapists couldn’t unearth it and he’s determined to keep it that way. He’s an actor. He can act normal. (GR)

Appa’s rec: 4/5 This is a YA romance with some heavy, heavy stuff. Only read if you can deal with a lot of angst. (CW: eating disorders, sexual abuse, rape, parental abuse and post traumatic stress disorder). There is some light smut but it isn’t as explicit as in the previous recs. I really enjoyed this book despite the dark themes.

There Goes Sunday School -  Alexander C. Eberhart 

In sixteen-year-old Mike Hernandez’s life, only one thing is clear: Gay is NOT okay. His family’s life revolves around the church, so Mike has resolved to spend his life in the closet. His only escape—besides the occasional, anonymous gay make-out session—are his risqué drawings.

When his sketchbook goes missing in the middle of Sunday school, Mike is sure his life is over. What’s worse, the pastor’s son, Chris, suddenly seems hell-bent on adopting Mike and his friends and he has no idea why. When an awkward confrontation with Chris leads to an unexpected kiss instead of a much-expected punch, Mike’s world is turned upside down. (GR) 

Appa’s rec: 4/5 Obvious content warning for homophobia and religious guilt. This wasn’t as angsty and dark as Eberhart’s other book but there are some heavy stuff with homophobic parents and community. Some light smut. Heavy on the religion stuff. The main character is very sweet and conflicted. A good YA read if you don’t mind the religious aspects. 

Heartstopper vol 1 - Alice Oseman

Charlie Spring is in Year 10 at Truham Grammar School for Boys. The past year hasn't been too great, but at least he's not being bullied anymore, and he's sort of got a boyfriend, even if he's kind of mean and only wants to meet up in secret. Nick Nelson is in Year 11 and on the school rugby team. Nick and Charlie are placed in the same form group and made to sit together. They quickly become friends, and soon Charlie is falling hard for Nick, even though he doesn't think he has a chance. (GR)

Appa’s rec: 5/5 This is a web comic made into books. There are three volumes out so far. I’ve read the first two. (You can find all of these on the web still and there will be more volumes.) Oh my god, this is the sweetest story ever and the drawings are adorable. A quick read that will stay with you for a long time. Light angst and a lot of fluff. 

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

All weird asks!! They're so good!

Sorry this is a bit late, babe! I wanted to wait til I had the opportunity to answer all these uninterrupted!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs! tbh I drink tea out of coffee mugs because who actually uses teacups? I mean my grandma has tons and I would use them, but the handles are so tiny and I am v clumsy so it scares me.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars!!! I’m too impatient for lollipops and plus they always get coated in saliva which just...drips down my chin since my mouth is already full.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum! I love cotton candy but I can only handle a bit at a time tbh. Also I haven’t had bubblegum in almost two years bc of braces and I miss it so much I can’t wait to have it again.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Okay, so even though I’ve always been homeschooled, when I was in elementary school we did this program with a ton of other homeschoolers where you could take actual classes and stuff. My teachers always said I was quiet and focused and studious, and you could always count on me to be lecturing everyone else on the instructions if they hadn’t been paying attention. (does any of that surprise anyone?)

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? GLASS SODA BOTTLES. nothing beats soda that’s been bottled in glass rather than plastic. You ever had orange cream soda from a glass bottle????? SLAPS ASS MY DUDE.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel/boho/preppy/goth, my dude. I have so many sides to my fashion and aesthetic.

7. earbuds or headphones?

EARBUDS BC HEADPHONES NEVER FIT OVER MY EARS RIGHT. BUT EARBUDS WITH SOFT TIPS BECAUSE MY EARS ARE TOO SMALL FOR THE PLASTIC ONES.

8. movies or tv shows?

Tv shows tbh because even though I can binge 4 eps of 45 minutes each per night, they’ll hold my attention a lot more than a movie. It’s weird.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Thunderstorms/petrichor, also natural bogs. PEAT BOG SMELL FUCKING SLAPS.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None. I liked trampoline time back when we took gymnastics, if that counts. I also liked jump roping and Irish step dancing.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Nothing lmao. I sleep til like noon and then I microwave something for lunch.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

My catchall playlist, Things I Love, my summer playlist, Summer Songs, my Gryffindor playlist, My Queen And Country playlist for writing, and my playlist for The Raven Cycle. (after I post this I’ll edit it and link them)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Keyring, a lanyard would like constantly detract from my outfit if that makes sense???

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Between The Grapes Of Wrath, The Great Gatsby, The Handmaid’s Tale, and To Kill A Mockingbird!

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Just fucking sprawled every which way.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My grey converse if it’s comfortable out, my silver flip flops if it’s hot, and my fur-lined black combat boots if it’s cold.

18. ideal weather?

65-70 degrees, partly sunny, breezy, not humid.

19. sleeping position?

I need to sprawl to fall asleep, but once I’m asleep I curl up into a little ball.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop and notebook ONLY IF I’m sure of myself, which isn’t often. But I do write dense, scribbled paragraphs on sermon note pages if something comes to me during church lmao.

21. obsession from childhood?

The American Revolution, weather, astronomy, and mysteries/ghost stories.

22. role model?

Idk tbh? Lately I’m just trying to define and live up to my own standards?

23. strange habits?

Pulling the collar of my shirt up to my mouth and sucking on it. Also being a perfectionist in my writing. I don’t do messy drafts. It’s all perfect by the time I write it, and I edit/spellcheck as I go.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst (my birthstone), bismuth, opal, and blue goldstone.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Other than nursery rhymes/kid’s songs, it was Light Up The Sky by The Afters, or California Dreamin’ by The Mamas And The Papas.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Find shade/a cool spot and read with a cold drink.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

ALSO READ. And snuggle with thick socks and a cup of tea and play DS games all day.

28. five songs to describe you?

My five faves atm -

I Am Here // Pink

The Pines // Roses and Revolutions

Soldier, Poet, King // The Oh Hellos

Traveler’s Song // Aviators

Hymn // Kesha

29. best way to bond with you?

Share my interests about politics, history, books, true crime, paranormal, tv shows, and also be kind and understanding when I don’t text for long periods bc I don’t feel up to talking.

30. places that you find sacred?

The woods on the hill behind my house. Dense, deeply green, secluded woods. Hedge mazes. Old and crumbling castles. Anywhere beneath a clear sky and a full moon. Your heart when you’ve come to terms with your fears and made peace with yourself. Anyplace with historical significance. Bookstores on an autumn/winter day. Libraries.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A kickass plaid, bruh. Also my leather jacket - once I lose enough shoulder weight to fit in it again.

32. top five favorite vines?

Fre shavoc ado, the one where the dog eats the butterfly, the Lin-Manuel Miranda one where he’s brainstorming, “what the FUCK kind of weather is this, and the dad and son with the saxophone and the oven door.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“oh mood”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

“WOW! It’s NatureStone!”

35. average time you fall asleep?

Right now it’s 4-5 am because I suck.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

I Can Haz Cheezburger, My mom used to look at the website with me when I was like 10.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

They both have pros and cons. :/ Duffel bags are easier to carry but suitcases keep stuff from getting broken better.

38. lemonade or tea?

TEAAAAAAAAAAAA

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon meringue pie!!! my stepdad made a really good one the other week.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Nothing, since I was homeschooled. Same weird shit that always happens at home. Our safe word for when I got overwhelmed in math was “quokka” and we’d stop and look at cute quokka pictures.

41. last person you texted?

My gf :)

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets because things are not only hard to fit in girls’ pants pockets, but if you put a chapstick/lipstick in there it starts to melt :(

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

BETWEEN HOODIE AND CARDIGAN. SO VERSATILE. SO COMFY.

44. favorite scent for soap?

Irish Spring soap or the blue Dial bars smells better and cleaner than anything to me.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy. It can take me a bit to get into it, but once I do, I love it. I only do sci-fi if it has rebellion and isn’t heavy on the sci. And superhero movies are great but a lot of the tropes are meh. Fantasy has a lot more versatility if you ask me.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Sweatpants/leggings and a soft, well worn tee.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Parmesan, white cheddar, or Muenster.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raspberry!

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“do no harm but take no shit.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

A really poorly edited political ad on tv a couple years ago. There was weird jazz playing, flames in the background of an image of the Capitol Building, and then the top of the dome opened and this guy’s face was inside. It is the single funniest ad I have ever seen and I laughed for 10 minutes so hard I was like an inch away from passing out.

51. current stresses?

Passing my driving test next month, getting a job, figuring out if my math skills are okay enough to take the SAT or an equivalent test.

52. favorite font?

Baskerville or Georgia!

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My fingernails are short bc I picked them while reading earlier, my cuticles suck bc I pick at those two, and my pinky is obliterated and scabbed because of when I accidentally sliced through the nail with a razor while shaving the other day. So, not great, but I’m living.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That kids can be really annoying but also really cute and hilarious if you can get them to calm down. And also that baby fingernails are surprisingly sharp.

55. favorite fairy tale?

The OG Princess and the Frog where it’s implied the prince and “faithful Henry,’ his carriage driver, fall in love and ride off together at the end. JACOB AND WILHELM GRIMM SAID GAY RIGHTS.

56. favorite tradition?

Every December, my mom and I drive around after dark at night and I play Pokemon and we rate everyone’s Christmas decorations based on tackiness.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

So isolated I was as a preteen/early teenager, my self harm, and the internalized anger over my abusive relationship and PTSD.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, puzzle solving, singing, and calligraphy.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Benvoli-no.” (I recently remembered I used to say that a lot and I need to bring it back)

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Dark, fairy tale anime with a lot of secrets to uncover and some dark woods.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

TV show - “I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” - Doctor Who

Movie - “It’s not about deserve. It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.” - Wonder Woman

Book - “If you never saw the stars, candles were enough.” - The Dream Thieves, by Maggie Stiefvater

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

Sam Winchester - Supernatural

Jack Kline Winchester - Supernatural

Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural

Gansey - The Raven Cycle

Blue Sargent - The Raven Cycle

Hermione Granger - Harry Potter

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Final Song // MO

Call Home // Heathers

I Am Here // Pink

Babylon // 5 Seconds of Summer

Shake It Off // Taylor Swift

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ AND THE OLD AMERICAN GIRL WEBSITE

65. any permanent scars?

Yes, I have several that remain from self harm, scars all over my left knee from being a clumsy child, and most of all a major scar down the center of my chest from heart surgery when I was a baby.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Rose, lavender, lilac, and dahlia.

67. good luck charms?

Not really???

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Olives, mushrooms, radishes, cottage cheese, and ranch dressing are all foul.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Martin Luther didn’t actually nail his 95 theses to the church door, he just kind of passed them around, which is a lot less dramatic tbh. Also light-up signs were first used in New York City in 1884.

70. left or right handed?

I’m left-handed!

71. least favorite pattern?

I think zebra stripes, leopard print, and houndstooth are super ugly.

72. worst subject?

Math for sure. Even science would be easier if it didn’t involve so much math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Wendy’s fries and chocolate frosty!!!

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I think a 7, usually. My pain tolerance is pretty high because of a) years of self harm, and b) due to my PTSD my muscles are constantly tense and in pain anyway.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was 4, and it had been loose but it fell out when I was trying to blow up an inflatable ball.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Fries or roasted potatoes that are charred and crunchy on the bottom. Chips are a close third.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk, my grandma’s the one with the green thumb mania lmao. But She keeps a lot of violets and arrowhead plants in the windowsills!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

NEITHER I HATE BOTH COFFEE AND SUSHI IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Never had a school ID, but my temporary license photo is actually pretty good right now!

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

I really like earth tones for myself.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

THEY ARE THE SAME MF THING. Also I call them both, it just depends on what comes out of my mouth haha.

82. pc or console?

PC, I guess, though I don’t really game. I just watch my stepdad game.

83. writing or drawing?

WRITING. I cannot draw to save my life.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts, talk radio is so annoying.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, although I loved both.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology I guess??? Although again, I love both.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

COOKIESSSSS

87. your greatest fear?

Rejection, losing people I love, people secretly hating me. Also drowning, spiders, clowns, and guns.

88. your greatest wish?

To be a semi-successful author and work in a library/museum.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom and my gf.

90. luckiest mistake?

Almost dropping a knife blade first on my foot but it landed between my toes.

91. boxes or bags?

um boxes I guess? I’m really good at fitting things in tetris style.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

FAIRY LIGHTS AND DIM YELLOW LAMPS.

93. nicknames?

Ell, Alexander, Ellie, Little Lion, and Nerd.

94. favorite season?

FALL FALL FALL FALL

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr or Spotify. Two apps I couldn’t live without.

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

About a half dozen. Mine, my mom’s, my stepdad’s, my grandparents’ home number, my grandpa’s, and my grandma’s.

98. favorite historical era?

Both the American Revolutionary period and the Victorian Era (esp in Britain)

THANK YOU LOVE THIS WAS SUPER FUN

[nothingelsemakessense]

Nervous Rambling

The first time I remember having a crush on a girl was in third grade. It was spring of 2001, I was about to turn nine years old, and a new girl transferred into my class. I thought nothing of the fact that I felt differently about her; new students were rare and I’m sure I thought my feelings were just the excitement of something new. For her birthday we went to the fair and she had one of the best sleepovers I’d ever been to. It was glorious. At the end of the year her family moved again. I haven’t seen or heard from her since. 

By fifth grade, all of my friends were boy crazy. This was 2002, and I was ten years old. It had been a year and a half since that first big crush, and everyone had changed. Suddenly boys were supposed to be cute and everyone’s feelings were going wild. I wasn’t feeling that, but pretended I was. I figured I was a late bloomer, but for the time being I needed an answer when the other girls asked who I had a crush on and wouldn’t take “no one” as an hour. I picked boys at random. An Olympic athlete. A member of my favorite band. An actor from Disney Channel. These were my go to answers. I doodled their names on notebooks. I didn’t know why people did that, but I wanted to fit in, so I did it too. None of those guys are famous any more. I’m Facebook friends with about half the girls I was friends with then. I never talk to them beyond that. 

The next big crush I can think of was in seventh grade. It was 2004. I was twelve, but told people on Neopets I was fourteen. She was fourteen, homeschooled, and on my basketball team. I adored her. I spent my days trying to think of reasons to call her when I got home from school. I told myself it was because she was a good role model and I wanted to be like her. Love songs came on the radio and the lyrics made me think of her. I told myself they were friendship songs; everyone feels about their friends that way. When I went to high school we fell out of touch, and reconnected on Facebook as adults. She’s married with a kid now, and occasionally we chat in the comments of each others’ posts. 

A good friend asked me out when I was in eleventh grade. It was 2009 and I was a few months shy of seventeen. He was a few months shy of sixteen. He did it through text, giving me time to think before replying. My mom overheard me talking to my sister about it and told me to give him a chance. I had been planning to say no; I was talking to my sister about the most gentle way to let him down. Now I was stuck with a boyfriend. Hanging out was fine until I remembered that we were dating, that I was leading him on, and then it made me feel sick. The relationship lasted a month. His family left our church shortly after. He continued messaging me on Facebook every time a girl broke up with him for six years. A year and a half ago he got married, and now he has a baby boy. If I get another message from him I’m printing it out and framing it. 

Around that same time I developed a crush on a local actress. I obviously just said I was attracted to her talent. I didn’t know her. I didn’t think I ever would. In fall of 2009 I did a show with her. In fall of 2010, when I was eighteen, we became friends. At some point the crush faded. She’s now one of my closest friends, and one of my biggest allies. 

In 2011 I started seeing a boy I went to school with. I was nineteen. I felt something, and convinced myself I was finally falling for men. I wasn’t. Even then I knew he and I wouldn’t last. I never tried to make it official because I knew as soon as I did that I’d want out. I didn’t want to hurt him. He turned that non-thing into several years of drama. I’ve unfollowed him on all social media and we aren’t in touch. 

At some point after that, probably in 2012, I fell for a friend of mine. I think she could tell. She tried to pull it out of me. She got close, but did not succeed. This crush probably began when I was twenty and lasted until I graduated at twenty-one and left. According to her social media, she has repented and no longer lives this way. 

When I was twenty-one I discovered asexuality. It was 2013. I decided this was what described me. I wasn’t attracted to men. I knew that. So obviously that meant I was asexual. I wouldn’t consider any other options. Around that time, a new transfer student drugged my drink. I don’t know what happened after that. I few weeks later he outed me as asexual in the middle of a class. I don’t remember ever telling him I was asexual. 

Summer of 2014 was my first kiss. I was twenty-two. He lived in the same intern house as me, and one night after a party we started making out. I was sober and didn’t expect it. I decided to go with it and enjoyed it. It was exciting to learn that I could enjoy physical things. I still wasn’t attracted to him. We haven’t talked since that internship ended. 

Fall of 2015, at twenty-three years old, I fell for a woman I was working with. I fell hard. And for once, I admitted it. I texted my best friend. I told him I had a crush on a girl. Being gay himself, he was supportive. He also didn’t judge when I almost immediately said it was a fluke and a one-time thing and didn’t mean anything. I spent as much time as I could with her, but never tried to make anything happen. I felt she was way out of my league. We talked a few times after that show ended and she left, but we aren’t in touch now. 

Early 2016, still twenty-three years old. I drunkenly told people at a party I was into girls. I woke up the next day and realized that was true and I needed to stop fighting it. I fought to accept it. I had a meltdown. I very nearly hurt myself many times. I struggled. I also realized that this was a part of me. It was about me. It wasn’t about anyone else. Other people have helped shape my journey, but they haven’t defined it. I’m gay. This is who I am. This is who I am regardless of any of those other people. 

My first date with a girl was in the fall of 2016, when I was twenty-four years old. The first time another queer person recognized I was gay without me telling him was in 2017, when I was twenty-five. I came out to a gay cousin in 2016, and a straight one in 2017. I moved back home in 2017, and went from being full-time out and part-time closeted to the reverse. 

It is now 2018. I am twenty-six years old. I am telling my sister in an hour. I am so nervous I could throw up. Tomorrow will be worse; I am telling my parents tomorrow. I’m tired of hiding and keeping secrets. I’m tired of making myself smaller. I am ready to be free. 

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hi! Could I get a naruto, black butler and death note ship please?

I’m a bisexual female, I’m 5'10 and have short hair but I’m growing it out because I’ve gotten tired of short hair. I’m clumsy and shy when it comes to real life interactions but when I’m online I’m extremely open and a bit more confident (not much though). A lot of times when I first meet someone I end up telling them almost everything there is to know about myself so there are no secrets and so people have an idea of what they’re dealing with. I have really bad social anxiety off the internet in some situations though, like if I’m in crowded places I feel like I’m suffocating, or if I’m talking to someone I don’t know I’m really awkward and stutter a lot.

I’m really uncomfortable around children and I prefer to stay away from them. I like writing or reading and keeping to myself most of the time unless I’m forced to leave the house. I have mild bipolar disorder and depression, which really messes with me a lot but I try to ignore it if possible, if it’s not that easy then I seek out friends who could possibly help. I have little care about my own health or wellbeing.

I’m homeschooled and I have no friends outside of the internet. My favorite color is burgundy and I really like aesthetic photography, I like to browse around on tumblr or Pinterest to find such things.

In the future I want to become and author, it’s a dream I’ve had for a really long time and I’m even planning a book right now.

I love horror and spooky things that keep me on edge, I also really love circus’s and freak shows (so I guess you can imagine how much I loved season 3 of BB) and I even want to learn some of the acts like knife throwing, sword swallowing and contortion.

My favorite movies are Tim Burton movies, the Harry Potter series and Lord Of The Rings/The Hobbit. All of those are held extremely close to my heart since I grew up watching them.

I’m an extremely accepting person, I feel like I’d be friends with just about anyone depending on what they’ve done. I don’t judge easily or too harshly at least, I’m more of a jokester when it comes to all that.

I’m extremely insecure when it comes to affection since I’m not used to it, I haven’t been given much of that as a child and even still today so it makes me really uncomfortable sometimes and tends to scare me.

I think I’ve covered the more important parts. I hope this made things easy for you to match me with people 💗💗 thank you!! - @baritoneburps

Itachi

- When you meet Itachi and tell him everything relevant about you, he listens with an unreadable face, his eyes analysing your every movement, his mind analysing your every word and hearing what you don’t say as well as what you do. When you’re finished, he is silent for a long moment and then he thanks you for your candour. If you’re lucky, though you’re his s/o so you will be, he’d tell you a little bit about him, too, just to level the playing field. In a crowded place, Itachi would keep a hand hovering near the small of your back, not touching you, ready to steer you out of the crowd at a moment’s notice. 

- You’re very independent and you don’t ask much of anyone, which Itachi would find more of a bonus than most. He’s often away from the village on a mission so he needs an s/o who understands that he has a duty to his village that is bigger than he responsibilities with them, and he’d need his s/o to know that he can’t always check up on them or be there when they need someone. He would get annoyed by your lack of concern over your own health and would likly entrust you to Sasuke - that is to say, Sasuke drops by with food and the like with a, “Hn, I’m hungry so I bought food.” and he’d eat with you, making it look like he’s the one who needs company. This is all part of their arrangement and it suits everyone in varying degrees.

- Itachi would be sure to not spend time you with during school hours, thinking your studies more important than him - which is a valid point because while education is important, a relationship should never take priority over your future academically. Sometimes, if he has time on the way home from a mission, he’ll stop and buy a disposable camera and snap a few shots of the scenery, hoping you’ll appreciate them. He’s surprisingly good at photography… 

- Itachi would support you in your writing pursuits and would likely take you on dates to circuses and extreme talent acts, such as those who breathe fire. If he really wants to impress you, he might even show you a few of his jutsus, which are quite dangerous to perform and should be used as a last resort defence. When you’re down, Itachi would put on your favourite films and sit there with you, waiting for you to talk. If you don’t talk then it’s fine, he’ll simply observe you until he can figure it out for himself.

- Your extremely accepting nature only draws Itachi to you and he finds himself telling you about his missions - though he’s careful not to mention things that are meant to be kept confidential. He would spend more time with you at night, lying side by side but not touching unless you initiate it, and even then he’s careful to observe you for signs of discomfort - any hint of a sign and he won’t touch you for the rest of the night even if he’s in a cuddly mood. Itachi’s biggest flaw and greatest strength is the fact that he’s self-sacrificing.

Sebastian (be still, my heart…)

- Sebastian is 6′’1 (tol bean) so he’s a good height for you as far as aesthetics go. He’d be intrigued by how you differ online to how you are in real life and I suspect he’d try to help you with your confidence in real life by complimenting you - genuine compliments, he means what he says and never lies -  and would listen to you describe yourself. He might correct you on a few things if he thought you weren’t being completely truthful or if you had something wrong, but other than that he’d watch you with an unreadable face. He would then smirk, bow lowly, and tell you a bit about him. By the end of the conversation, you know each other well enough to know that you’re going to get on like a house on fire. When he has to plan social events, he always has a back-up plan to get you out of there if you need to.

- You keep yourself to yourself and that takes a weight off of his mind, especially if he rarely gets time off between managing the Manor, looking after Ciel, carrying out errands and cleaning up after everyone. It helps him to do his tasks efficiently when he knows that you’re two floors above him, curled up in the library reading or writing. He would be very curious and intrigued by your bipolar and depression and would ask you all about them, if you’d let him, and then he’d go off and do a bit of reseaarch. Within three days, he knows exactly how to help you before you even need help.

- Sebastian would be really good with your homeschooling as it’s not so different from Ciel’s own academic arrangements. I can see him flitting from room to room, helping each of you with your studies, though he tends to taunt Ciel when he can’t get an answer right as fast as he usually can. As far as aesthetic photography goes, Sebastian would always be armed with an empty camera on outings, ready to snap you a shot of whatever you find beautiful; though, sadly, he doesn’t ever let you photograph him.

- Sebastian would be quite supportive of your writing. It’s one of the oldest crafts that humankind has and he marvesl over how you can create a story from your own mind. He reads some of your work and he’s always too wuick and too thorouh for you to spot him/for him to leaavve signs that he’s been snooping. He would sometimes scare you, just to keep you on your toes. He is a demon, after all, and you need to be careful around him, something he never lets you forget. He will easily and happily show off for you, pulling all sorts of contortions and fire tricks out from his sleeves, sometimes literally, and will be your own entertainment system when he has the time to do so, even if it’s only for five minutes. He would ask you so many questions on your favourite films, even when you make him watch them all with you.

- With affection, it’s a luxury that Sebastian doesn’t ever need so he’d only touch you to stop you from tripping, slipping or if he has to rescue you when someone tries to storm the Manor - something they don’t walk away from unscathed. Your acceptance doesn’t surprise him but again, he wants to know why you’re so accepting and would wonder if you don’t sometimes have judgemental thoughts but you brush them off.

Misa

- Misa is very confident, almost excessively so because of her fame so you’d probably have to either... Deal with it or become more confident, or simply stay home when she goes to signings because they do get incredibly crowded. If you went with her to support her anyway, she’d tell one of her security guards - her most trusted one - to keep an eye out on you and if you have to go, you have to go that instant so that you don’t get panicky or overly anxious. She’d appreciate how open you are with her before the two of you got together and so nothing comes as a surprise She’s a lot more intelligent than she lets on, though sometimes you see glimpses of it.

- If any of these three would force you out of the house, it’d be Misa. If you didn’t want to though, she’d let you be, not wanting to upset you. She’d appreciate the quietness that comes with having you around as her life is so hectic and buy - and secretly murderous and dangerous - that coming home after a concert to you reading or writing makes her so drowsy she’d end up falling asleep beside you, her head resting on the back of the couch. It would bug her that you’re very careless with your health and well-being but there are times when she’s much the same way so she can’t say too much on the moral high ground. You’re always her biggest concern, though. That’s one thing that’d never change, no matter how deep into Kira’s web she became.

- You’re homeschooled and your only real contact with society is the internet, Misa and your family. She’s intelligent and perceptive and would always be able to help you with your work if you asked for or needed help, though she wouldn’t ever push it on you. She’d definitely buy you clothes in burgundy and would sincerely compliment you when you wear them wanting to give you a reason to feel confident about yourself.

- Misa could use her fame to get you along with your novel, if you wanted a bit of help getting out there and getting heard. She’d be very supportive of you. I mentioned Kira earlier and for sure, if you were together for longer than a year, she’d get you to touch the Note and she’d introduce you to Rem - you can’t get much creepier and scarier than a real Shinigami, and she certainly puts the Babadook to shame. Your dates tend to be to her concerts, though you’re allowed backstage as a VIP guest, or to circus and freakshows. Anything to make you smile, she’s down for. She’s selfless and while she can be self-centred at times, she always comes right back down to you. When you’re down or upset, your favourite films and snacks are her go-to solution.

- She loves how accepting and non-judgemental you are and she would definitely want you in Kira’s New World. If only people could be more like you, she’d think, then life would be better for everyone. She’s not much for affection and tends to use it as a weapon so really, it’d all be in your hands if you ever initiated it with her.

Hope you liked it! :)

[bxrrows-blog]

really  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.  RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !  TAGGED. tagged myself from @vxncleef but i’m too lazy to finish hers and so this one is getting posted first fuck w/ me.  TAGGING. @kierianne @thefuckingsun @baronsdaughter @kelzthalassunwhisper @ladyaelisbeth @caspieanrobinson and anyone else who wants! it’s really fun & interesting.

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :   Isolde “Conjury” Angelica Barrows NICKNAME :   Conjury TITLE :   Amateur Mage / Attempted Mercenary / Black Tea Banshee AGE :   21 BIRTHDAY :   March 17th ETHNIC  GROUP :   Lordaeronian NATIONALITY :   Stormwind (Previously Westfall) LANGUAGE / S :   Common SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :   Bisexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :   Biromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :   Single HOME  TOWN / AREA :   Westfall CURRENT  HOME :   Mage Quarter PROFESSION :  Unemployed, currently without a real profession.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR :   Knee-length thick and wavy deep black hair. EYES :   Bright grey and large, very tired. FACE :   Angular and thin, a bit unappealing. LIPS :   Pale. COMPLEXION :   Pale, sickly/tired. Occasional rash on hands/wrists. BLEMISHES :   Chapped lips, an occasional pimple or two, and dark under-eyes. SCARS :   Burn on right shoulder, small line on her left hand between thumb & pointer. TATTOOS :   None. HEIGHT :   4′9″ (5″ even with her boots) WEIGHT :   Skeletal. BUILD :   Skeletal & short, not intimidating whatsoever and quite a weakling. FEATURES :   She is always hooded unless stated otherwise and that hides her from view completely. She looks rather sick, but her expression and actions aren’t always weighed down with weakness. She looks like she hasn’t slept in 10 years though and while she can boast a happy or seemingly enthusiastic demeanour, she isn’t strong or peppy. ALLERGIES :   Gluten, among other things. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :   Down and loose. USUAL  FACE  LOOK :   Vapid or scrutinizing. USUAL  CLOTHING :   A robe coloured white/red/orange with an embroidered flame on her chest (Midsummer’s robe). Gloves on her hands, heeled boots on her feet, and a white hood over her head with an opaque black hanging fabric down the front to cover her face.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :   Her mother’s death. Day. Tyranny. Fel/demons. ASPIRATION / S :   Become a powerful mage and somehow make a lot of money. Eventually retire and pamper her mama. POSITIVE  TRAITS :   Excellent listener. Gives good advice (sometimes). Calm. Silent. Observant. NEGATIVE  TRAITS :   Quiet. Jumps to conclusions. Snarky. Flaky. Bad conversationalist. MBTI :   MEDIATOR (INFP-T) ZODIAC :   Pisces. TEMPEREMENT :   Melancholic. SOUL  TYPE / S :   Creator/Thinker ANIMALS :   Mole (LOL WHAT) VICE  HABIT / S :   Excessive peacebloom use. Arson. FAITH :   Acknowledges, doesn’t practice. GHOSTS ? :   Yes. AFTERLIFE ? :   Yes. REINCARNATION ? :   Unsure. ALIENS ? :   Draenei??? POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :   Anti-nobility, otherwise neutral. Doesn’t trust guards. EDUCATION  LEVEL :   Horrible homeschooling. She can read and do basic math, doesn’t know much about history/science/etc. She just basically learned everything from her parents as they taught her. Her upbringing was rough, school wasn’t really an option. She’s really only educated enough to live.

FAMILY.

FATHER :   Dominic Barrows. MOTHER :   Angelica Barrows. SIBLINGS :   None. CHILDREN :   None. EXTENDED  FAMILY :   She has a huge family tree and if I typed it all out it’d be a dang mess. They don’t keep in contact though, so it doesn’t matter. NAME  MEANING / S :   Isolde;; Tristan & Isolde. Isolde is to marry someone, but she falls victim to a love potion and falls in love with Tristan instead. Mirrors a tiny bit, but metaphorically (and unintentionally >.> I’ve never actually seen it). Some sources say it also means “fair/beautiful”(lol) or “battle”(lolx2). Conjury;; Her father nicknamed her that when she began to show talent in pyromancy. She adopted the name as her first name when he died. HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :   For family? Idk I’m gonna assume that’s what this means. Her extended family on her mother’s side comes from nobility, but again they don’t keep in contact. Her father’s family was also well-off and had somewhat of a business empire, but disowned him. Both lived in Stratholme when they met.

FAVORITES.

BOOK :   Old romance novels & poetry books. MOVIE :   in a modern au it would be Fantasia or the old Alice in Wonderland. 5  SONGS :     She keeps a stash of sheet music in her room, she could pick out 5 of those and they’d be her favourite, but she changes her opinion often. DEITY :   Acknowledges their existence. HOLIDAY :   Midsummer Fire Festival / Love Is In The Air (or really any holiday, she just loves them, the cheesier and dumber the better). MONTH :   December. SEASON :   Fall. PLACE :   Duskwood. WEATHER :   Overcast. SOUND :   Fire crackling. SCENT / S :   Incense. Baking. Earth. Rain.    TASTE / S :   Sweet. FEEL / S :   Cool, crisp, nighttime air. Warm water. ANIMAL / S :   Cats. Ravens. NUMBER :   3. COLORS :   Gold. Black. Red.

EXTRA.

TALENTS :   Piano. Pyromancy (solely by natural affinity, she sucks at it really). BAD  AT :   Small-talk. Socializing. Embroidery. Cooking. Pyromancy. TURN  ONS :   Softness and silence, intuitive, gentle, dominant. TURN  OFFS :   Physically weak, obnoxious, common-senseless. HOBBIES :   Piano, writing music, reading, walking around. TROPES :    Seeker. Creep. Narrator. (I’m making this shit up idk what I’m supposed to write here) QUOTES :   ❝ Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you. ❞ ❝ I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream. ❞ ❝ The moon is dead but she still pulls on me. ❞

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC / S : n/a. ALT  FC / S : n/a. OLDER  FC / S :   n/a. YOUNGER  FC / S :   n/a. VOICE  CLAIM / S :   Still working on it. Faint and high, hard to hear. GENDERBENT  FC / S :   n/a.

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?          

     "Black Tea Banshee” About her life, like a biopic or something. It would be very artsy and consist of a helluva’ton of cinematic shots and stuff. Starting with her birth and up until her and her mother moved to Stormwind.

Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?          

     Light of the Seven (it’s the music on my blog). Lots of piano, maybe a bit of violin.

Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?

     I want to write weakness and illness and I want to write a character that is malleable enough to fit into almost any situation without stealing the spotlight, but one that also houses a lot of secrets and isn’t necessarily as she appears. She’s versatile but not conventional (well that’s the goal anyway) and her oddities and secrets make for neat-o possible future storylines & development. Plus I like the idea of a character who’s story relies on that of those around her. Makes for more social RP and incentive to meet new people.

Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?          

     I’ve had the idea of a character like this for some time, but just never had the opportunity to actually do it because I’d been busy with other ones. What I wanted most was a mystery/odd/creepy/quiet character with a lot of weaknesses. When I build characters and stuff I get VERY detailed with it and I try to make everything perfectly done and place every detail about them just right to make it both realistic and captivating. I used to be more obvious about that and try to have characters that were outwardly interesting.      Conjury is different in the way that you have to coax out any information or really for anything about her character, and that takes time. There are little oddities about her that seem like they would be so blatantly obvious, but it’s just that nobody’s ever asked (or asked properly). She’s also a very weak character, which I think breaks away from a lot of the various heroic/strong/capable characters around. Balances it a bit.

Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.        

     She’s quiet and doesn’t do socializing well, especially with strangers. This turns off a lot of walk-up RP because if someone does even one thing wrong or that she doesn’t like, she’ll just Turn Off or leave. Even if they’re great, she’s still a very stoic and indifferent person. It’s annoying for me as the player because it robs me of encounters, but I do appreciate that it’s part of who she is. It does make me a bit anxious though, I don’t want people to think I don’t want to RP with them. It’s also hard to have lengthy emotes (rip I like para RP) that aren’t too repetitive if your muse isn’t speaking much.

Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?          

     Quiet and tired and small.

Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?          

     She wouldn’t like me if she met me. But because of the way I write her I gather she’d hate me for who she is :^)

Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?        

     Without sounding too Lonely™, she doesn’t really have any because there’s nobody I really RP with right now. Kierianne and her had some neat ones but haven’t had the chance to really interact much. SHE HAS NO FRIENDS </3

Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?        

     I’m not sure tbh, sometimes I feel her and sometimes I don’t. It just comes and goes. Sometimes it’s a lot harder to RP her than other times, especially since she doesn’t talk much. There’s only so many ways to emote someone sitting completely still and listening, and that gets hard to do.

Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?        

     like a week lmFAO rip

[stopexistingamg]

This isn't trying to talk shit. I just constantly think about these things. The way I'm writing this opposed to how it sounds in my head probably sounds different because I'm not trying to be an asshole. It might come off as mean or trying to trigger a fight but I'm not, I'm just expressing what I remember and what kind of brought me here. I remember when you gazed into my eyes the very first time you and I had ever laid eyes on each other. One of my unforgettable moments in my mind. I will never forget that moment. Probably one of my most favorite moments. It felt too unreal. I felt like my dream was coming true. Time passes and I doubt my feelings, because hmph, I doubt anyone could like me. Couldn't help it. Still fell anyways. I fell really hard. The jokes, the hours and hours of texting. Not wanting to sleep because of how cute and perfect and fun the constant conversations were. Ugh fuck. That was a once in a life time connection that I probably will never get again. If I do, it would definitely not be the same. Just so fast I really did feel like I could spend the rest of my life with you. I did everything to work around seeing you because you had become the biggest source of joy, happiness, confidence, and everything great in my life. I talked and texted you every single day. I told you everything. I was ready to share my life with you and I did. I showed you all of my favorite things in this world and it all was too perfect. Every date I took you on, nothing had went wrong. Fate was telling me how perfect you were for me.. Even through the random bouts of anger you had towards me sometimes throughout our relationship, and I didn't understand what I did wrong, because I know I didn't do anything wrong. (Obviously figured out why you had those later on. I wish you could have just been honest. Lies and secrets destroy relationships.) Even though at some points I did feel like you used me to sneak you out and let you get drunk with my friends. It seemed like that's all you cared for, partying and doing stupid shit, not even being romantic anymore with me. I still was in love. And I did those things and took you to wherever I could possibly take you because I would have done anything to make you happy; even if you didn't feel the same, because I loved you. I was in love with you. That's what love is; isn't it? Doing anything to keep the other person happy, because their happiness is yours? Time passes and there I was moving in with you. Huge step. Even if it wasn't the smartest, I was so thrilled because I was so in love and excited to be able to soend every waking moment with the girl I was in love with. I remember every morning, kissing you and hugging you. Having trouble just getting out of bed because I was soooo damn comfortable with you. Part of me truly wished you stayed in public school, because first of all you would have graduated on time, and secondly, it would have helped keep me at school and finishing with better grades and keeping me fit. When you were in public school, when I got out of my school, I'd work out, and then pick you up, or I had time to surprise you with King Taco and roses. Like. It gave me time to be romantic and not jealous. The second you started homeschooling, I was always jealous you sat at home playing my playstation and ignoring my texts. I had no time to do anything for myself while I watched you have all the time in the world. Let alone you didn't even put your free time to good use by working on your wonderful music. I remember getting probation at school because I wanted to be lazy with you. I got jealous and not to mention I got too comfortable in sleeping next to you. I fucked up a lot getting lazy with you. Something that I did not forget though, was when I pushed through and did leave in the morning, which was a lot of days. Every morning I would force myself out of your comfortable arms, and kiss you and say I love you while you slept, and then left. Then I'd text you "Good Morning baby, I love you so much! 💕" Every single day. Every damn single day. I remember I did everything to make you happy. Whenever you were moody, I'd try whatever to make you better. I would go out and buy you food. I'd try to tickle you or do something stupid to make you laugh. Man, I remember just trying to make ends meet by gathering coins, to selling my stuff, to whatever just to help you buy music equipment or let alone just food because nothing your family bought was appetizing. I remember putting so much into that relationship. So god damn much. I put everything into it. All of me. But you know what I also remember? I'm really not trying to talk poorly, I'm just expressing my memories. I also remember how I would text you those "Good Morning baby, I love you so much! 💕" every day that I left. I remember how I never got a reply until hours later. But the funny thing about that was seeing you like stuff on instagram or on my playstation not even responding to my message. A good question to think about is why you didn't respond back right away when you clearly saw your phone. The only thought from that was I was not your first thought in the morning when you wake up. I was not the first thing you wanted to do in the morning. Not the first thing you wanted to deal with. And all the times where you truly made me feel like you wanted to be alone. Throughout a giant portion of our relationship, I felt like you were so annoyed by me and wanted to be free and single. And it was true for the largest portion of it, you did. You really did. But I was too blinded by love to want to let that happen. I fought so hard to make you and try to make you stay "in love with me" even though the way you treated me was clearly not in love anymore. And I'm sorry if I ever held you back from what you really wanted. In a sense, you also held me back from what I really wanted. After the years of us fighting and hurting each other, obviously it was time to part ways. Nothing will ever hurt as bad as your first heartbreak with your first love. Nothing ever. No physical pain. Nothing. And now nothing could ever break me the same way again. I probably won't get as attached to anyone the same way I was attached to you. It probably wouldn't even be fair to the other person or anyone I could meet in the future because I'm not fully even here anymore. I lost so much of myself in you, that I don't even know where the rest of me is anymore. I haven't been the same person after all the pain I took and all of myself I sacrificed to try and keep things alive. The memories I have and the last draws That happened definitely destroyed the selflessness I had. The good in me dead because of all the hope I had was crushed. Lots of the things you did were wrong, but part of it is my fault that I couldn't accept how you felt back then. Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. The second I left, I was already having withdrawals. You hurting me with your texts did not help at all. The words and your actions, obviously caused by pain (like you were hurt too but still) were no help. I was breaking down. I could not cry, I was throwing up, I could not eat. I could not sleep. I know those were withdrawals. And I had to put on a giant mask to hide my pain and suffering. I could not give up my life because someone did not feel the same way I felt about them. I have to get ready now. I'm spending too much time writing this I wish I could elaborate more, but I have to do a lot of stuff today. I'm not trying to cause problems or even talk shit because this isn't shit, the things I'm saying, I'm not trying to make you look bad because I'm not, I'm expressing the emotions that keep going through my mind, except they're a lot worse in my mind. This is just a good expression. Anyways. The jist of this vent is to say. You loved me too late. I spent so much of my energy, my time, my emotions, my love, my heart, my money, my everything trying to make you love me as much as I loved you. By the time that everything was used up and realizations were made, I had to be strong. I had to leave. I had to learn an important, valuable life lesson. I had to be strong on my own, no matter how much I wanted you back, I had to learn things were just not right and meant to be. Independence. And it really does go to show, Love her with everything, keep showing her your efforts, or she'll eventually learn that she doesn't need you to do anything. Probably not how I wanted to word that, and that's not the quote I was looking for, but it gets the jist of my expression.