#my bf said i could work at our cities location of mt old serving job and i had to explain that they literally could not hire me

[xqueenofthecraziesx]

I've already vented to 2 people about this but I am Going Through It rn and just need to vent my same thoughts and frustrations to The Void of Tumblr.

My job does not pay me enough, and I've known that my job doesn't pay me enough. But it's never really been an issue. Like it has, but it'd been a handleable issue.

But yesterday a friend messaged me and it really put into perspective how much my job is not paying me enough. My friend was supposed to be leaving on a trip but tested positive for covid and was telling me how she'll have to reschedule it, and how she got insurance on her plane ticket but they were only $260 and if she couldn't get it back it's not really an issue. I did the math and that's almost 3 full days of me working. If I couldn't get back 3 full days of work I wouldn't be able to reschedule a trip because I'm not sure I'd ve able to properly make up that money. (Also this post is not shade towards my friend or anything like that, I feel awful for her that she has to miss her trip I know she was really excited. That was purely to explain a specific perspective) And that just got me thinking of all the other things I can't afford, I had to miss an insurance payment to my mom to make sure I could pay for the eye doctor(and I still haven't bought new contacts yet), gas is $4.50 so I haven't seen my game night group in over a month bc I literally can't afford the gas in my car to drive a 3 hour round trip once a week, I've wanted a specific tattoo for almost 2 years and haven't been able to comfortably save for it bc that money can always be used towards something better. Granted I'm not the best at saving money and I can be impulsive, but when I was a server I could just pick up an extra shift and make the money back or grab a shift if I knew there was something coming up I wanted to do. I don't have that at my current job. I work 40 hours a week and it feels like I can only afford to work. Also I can't choose my off days and they can't be next to each other unless I request off bc I have things to do. My bf mentioned that my current job isn't stressful and if I picked up serving again it would be, but honestly the lack of stress at my job does not make up for the stress it's causing me in the rest of my life, not having comfortable money and not seeing my friends. I really do like my job, but it's not enough for me to live the way I want to.

I'm just so anxious about it all. But realistically I know if I started serving again I'd be anxious at first but once I got in the swing of things I'd be fine. Like I thought about this a lot since yesterday and didn't have any anxiety dreams so maybe that's a good sign.

I think my plan is to look at some super part time serving gigs, like nights 3 days a week when I get off my normal job. I think I'm gonna talk to my gm about it and let her know and maybe I'll cut a day at my current job if/when I start up somewhere else.

Honestly I'm just lost, and tired of only treading water.