#my beef with him persists for other reasons

[winwintea]

dont like wayv recent music and content dont make us haters 😭 this is why i always keep this private because in kpop you can't critize these kind of things they jinja kill you

ITS JUST KPOP AS A WHOLE DID YOU SEE THE THR HYUNJIN BUZZ CUT THING 😐

like i’ll be honest im not a fan either but he’s hyunjin so he’s serving face card anyways

BUT THE WAY THEY GOT SO DEFENSIVE WHEN SOME PERSON SAID “i miss his hair” LIKE OH MY GOD AND IM SCARED TO SAY ANYTHING NOW TOO LIKE THIS ID WHY IM NOT ON TWITTER IM NOT ABOUT TO GET MY ASS CANCELLED FOR SAYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT 😭��

i’m not a hater if i don’t like their style or music ok like it’s not that deep 😐

[burningvelvet]

moby dick analysis on ahab & starbuck

thinking about how starbuck's father and brother died at sea (chap 26) from whaling and it's mentioned that his brother's limbs were torn apart and it's easily inferrable that he has post-grief PTSD/depression but as a poor nantucketer probably has no other way of earning a living for his wife and young son. so he has to cope with his job despite the traumatic, triggering nature of it. he copss by being the best at his job, by being extraordinarily cautious and careful in all tasks while not compromising his natural strength, and he's adamant at protecting everyone — even those, like ahab, who do not want it.

From the first description of Starbuck, chapter 26:

"Starbuck was no crusader after perils; in him courage was not a sentiment; but a thing simply useful to him, and always at hand upon all mortally practical occasions. Besides, he thought, perhaps, that in this business of whaling, courage was one of the great staple outfits of the ship, like her beef and her bread, and not to be foolishly wasted. Wherefore he had no fancy for lowering for whales after sun-down; nor for persisting in fighting a fish that too much persisted in fighting him. For, thought Starbuck, I am here in this critical ocean to kill whales for my living, and not to be killed by them for theirs; and that hundreds of men had been so killed Starbuck well knew. What doom was his own father’s? Where, in the bottomless deeps, could he find the torn limbs of his brother?

With memories like these in him, and, moreover, given to a certain superstitiousness, as has been said; the courage of this Starbuck which could, nevertheless, still flourish, must indeed have been extreme. But it was not in reasonable nature that a man so organized, and with such terrible experiences and remembrances as he had; it was not in nature that these things should fail in latently engendering an element in him, which, under suitable circumstances, would break out from its confinement, and burn all his courage up. And brave as he might be, it was that sort of bravery chiefly, visible in some intrepid men, which, while generally abiding firm in the conflict with seas, or winds, or whales, or any of the ordinary irrational horrors of the world, yet cannot withstand those more terrific, because more spiritual terrors, which sometimes menace you from the concentrating brow of an enraged and mighty man.

But were the coming narrative to reveal in any instance, the complete abasement of poor Starbuck's fortitude, scarce might I have the heart to write it; for it is a thing most sorrowful, nay shocking, to expose the fall of valour in the soul."

but then starbuck gets stuck as the second-in-command to captain ahab who already nearly died after losing a limb to a whale and also has a wife and young son on nantucket and also has PTSD/depression due to sea/whaling related grief and they have a connection and starbuck is the only person who ahab actually obeys. arguably he empathizes most via his relationship with pip, the only other person he really connects with, but for all his inability to trust or respect anyone, starbuck is the only one he remotely allows to contradict him or comes close to seeing as a worthy of his regard (chaps 109, 130).

but whereas we're told starbuck's trauma makes him more careful & reasonable (chap 26) ahab's trauma makes him more reckless & vengeful (chap 41). but they're both given to superstition because they've both been wracked by fear and tragedy. they both have common sentiments even though they also butt heads not unfrequently.

and we don't get to see starbucks reaction or opinions on ahab denying to help the captain of rachel — a father looking for his two missing sons lost at sea (chap 128) — but it's very interesting that starbuck's own father lost his two sons on the sea, and that starbuck and ahab both note that between the two of them they have two sons which they bond over.

the tragedy of how in chap 132 starbuck seeks to comfort a crying ahab but then has to walk away because ahab clearly won't listen to him — and then how in chap 135 it's starbuck who is crying before ahab and ahab toss starbuck away from him as he leaves him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahab crying, chap 132:

"From beneath his slouched hat Ahab dropped a tear into the sea; nor did all the Pacific contain such wealth as that one wee drop. Starbuck saw the old man; saw him, how he heavily leaned over the side; and he seemed to hear in his own true heart the measureless sobbing that stole out of the centre of the serenity around. Careful not to touch him, or be noticed by him, he yet drew near to him, and stood there."

Starbuck walking away from Ahab when he realizes Ahab refuses to take responsibility for his actions and instead blames fate for his own destructive behavior (or, that Ahab is really being driven by fate, depending on your interpretation & personal beliefs, & whether you think his is a matter of self-fulfilling prophecy or real prophecy), chap 132:

"'What is it, what nameless, inscrutable, unearthly thing is it; what cozening, hidden lord and master, and cruel, remorseless emperor commands me; that against all natural lovings and longings, I so keep pushing, and crowding, and jamming myself on all the time; recklessly making me ready to do what in my own proper, natural heart, I durst not so much as dare? Is Ahab, Ahab? Is it I, God, or who, that lifts this arm? But if the great sun move not of himself; but is as an errand-boy in heaven; nor one single star can revolve, but by some invisible power; how then can this one small heart beat; this one small brain think thoughts; unless God does that beating, does that thinking, does that living, and not I. By heaven, man, we are turned round and round in this world, like yonder windlass, and Fate is the handspike. [..] —Starbuck!'

But blanched to a corpse’s hue with despair, the Mate had stolen away."

Starbuck crying & pleading toward the very end, chap 135:

"Their hands met; their eyes fastened; Starbuck’s tears the glue.

“Oh, my captain, my captain!—noble heart—go not—go not!—see, it’s a brave man that weeps; how great the agony of the persuasion then!”

“Lower away!”—cried Ahab, tossing the mate’s arm from him. “Stand by the crew!”

In an instant the boat was pulling round close under the stern.

“The sharks! the sharks!” cried a voice from the low cabin-window there; “O master, my master, come back!”

But Ahab heard nothing; for his own voice was high-lifted then; and the boat leaped on."

From the first description of Starbuck, chapter 26:

"Looking into his eyes, you seemed to see there the yet lingering images of those thousand-fold perils he had calmly confronted through life. A staid, steadfast man, whose life for the most part was a telling pantomime of action, and not a tame chapter of sounds."

Starbuck's last words as he tries to save the ship which Ahab left him in charge of, chapter 135:

“The whale, the whale! Up helm, up helm! Oh, all ye sweet powers of air, now hug me close! Let not Starbuck die, if die he must, in a woman’s fainting fit. Up helm, I say—ye fools, the jaw! the jaw! Is this the end of all my bursting prayers? all my life-long fidelities? Oh, Ahab, Ahab, lo, thy work. Steady! helmsman, steady. Nay, nay! Up helm again! He turns to meet us! Oh, his unappeasable brow drives on towards one, whose duty tells him he cannot depart. My God, stand by me now!”

He instructs the men to be steady as he is defined by his own steadfastness, a synonym of loyalty; in other words he is bound by duty, but he nevertheless blames Ahab for making this end his duty. His feelings are strong and he's on the verge of "a woman's fainting fit" but he nevertheless instructs himself to be calm and stoic. He detaches from himself, referring to himself in the third-person, and is resolved to die "if he must." He hates his job, but he does it to the best of his abilities anyway. He hates what his life has become, but he lives it anyway.

And to come back to that one paragraph in chapter 26 wherein we have the first description of Starbuck:

"But were the coming narrative to reveal in any instance, the complete abasement of poor Starbuck's fortitude, scarce might I have the heart to write it; for it is a thing most sorrowful, nay shocking, to expose the fall of valour in the soul."

This seems to leave it ambiguous (but so intentional ambiguous that it admits to a certain level of probability) as to whether or not, as we learn from Starbucks own fears, he actually lost his calm in the end and died in "a woman's fainting fit." Aside from Fedallah and Ahab, the specifics of the sailors deaths aren't really alluded to. The dead crew mates are given a certain level of privacy and respect because Ishmael consciously protects them. To requote his words on Starbuck and show how they may apply to all of the Pequod's crew (but most especially Starbuck, one of the most stoic characters, who thus begged this description):

"But were the coming narrative to reveal in any instance, the complete abasement of [the men of the Pequod's collective] fortitude, scarce might I have the heart to write it; for it is a thing most sorrowful, nay shocking, to expose the fall of valour in the soul."

As an aside, Queequeg isn't given a lot of focus in the end. He isn't given a lot of focus in the middle either, because he and Ishmael sort of grew apart, but I think it's maybe telling of how Queequeg's death may have upset Ishmael too much to even mention it (same with Pip perhaps).

[clydesavage-thefox147]

So, a while back I made a post explaining a lesser known part of Virgil and Patton’s beef as of late. [Read here]. I said I would follow it up in more detail as to why I believe they are at odds. Honestly, shocked to have heard other fanders lately speaking on this similar point, so I'll throw in my two cents to see if anyone else picks them up.

This point in particular being about the most recent reason why there's a disconnect between them. That reason being Patton’s new found friendship with Janus. To start off, I think this is a commendable leap for Patton. He went from viewing Janus as a moral obstacle and an opposer to his “good person” image that he pushed harshly onto Thomas. Then, once Janus had explained his motives or at least attempted to, Patton started having a change of heart. He could tell Janus wasn't as such an awful guy as he once thought. Janus actually had sincerity and even helped reassure Patton that making mistakes is okay just as long as you're obviously trying to do better. Patton then later even admitted that Janus wasn't exactly wrong in the matter, proving that he did have a point. This flip in view for Patton is a good one, for both him AND Janus. Patton, with Janus' philosophically nuanced views and his lawful neutral-bridging evil approach, could learn to understand the grays of morality and selfishness. While Janus, with Patton’s softer demeanor and strong empathy, could learn to embrace his own softer side and even take a chance on selflessness towards others. This could be the first step in balancing out Thomas' mind and finding common ground. Despite Thomas' weariness to fully trust Janus, he's willing to give him a chance. This is a positive swing in the right direction. 

However, to Virgil, it may not be. We all know Virgil has his own personal vendetta with Janus, as well as the Dark Sides as a group. He has pushed time and time again that Janus is not good to have around and he isn't to be trusted. Later in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, he had admitted to wanting to protect Thomas from the Dark Sides or “The Others” as he called them. This was why he was so persistent in trying to keep them at bay. So, on the surface, he wanted them gone for safety but..his personal views on them are underlining the tension. Particularly with Janus, he has this aggressive behavior whenever Janus is present, showing that his views on Janus aren't very good. This is understandable seeing how it seems that Janus triggers something within him. He constantly pushes the notion that Janus is an untrustworthy, conniving liar. That's how he views him. This is the last image of Janus that’s ingrained in his mind. So, seeing him in a softer light like Patton is now, isn't going to be easy for him.

It's funny that Virgil said that Patton struggles with issues involving the past(which is a valid point to bring up) but..he himself is struggling too. Since he's holding onto these grudges, he can't embrace any form of compromise. Though, he could be valid in these grudges. We have yet to know what really transpired between all of them but it might have been quite tragic or traumatic to say the least. So, it's understandable why Virgil wouldn't want them around. They must've hurt him in such a way that made him outright refuse to view them as anything more than what his warped mind chose to view them as now. That’s why in Perfect Gift, when Janus gave Patton a genuine gift, Virgil didn't know how to exactly respond. His expression gives one of two feelings. Either one of not being able to see Janus in this softer light and finding it off-putting or maybe one of jealousy over Patton being treated nicer than how he might've been treated by Janus. I mean hell, they both gave Patton the same gift albeit years apart. Maybe Virgil saw it as competition for Patton’s affection? Or maybe, could Virgil be thinking that Janus is trying to manipulate Patton as well?

To further add, Virgil could also be feeling a strong sense of failure. He said he wanted to protect Thomas and the other Cores from the Darks but he felt like he failed with them becoming progressively harder to combat. Now, seeing the embodiment of Morality being friends with the embodiment of Deceit could be rubbing salt in the wound. He feels betrayed by Patton here. He constantly pushed that Janus wasn't trustworthy but those warnings were ignored.

Think of it like this: You have a toxic partner/friend/bully in your life and you have routinely ranted about them with your peers. They all agree you should leave them or ignore them. You do and everything seems fine for a while. But, then you turn the corner one day just to see your so-called best friend hanging out with this person. How would you feel? You'd feel hurt wouldn't you? This is how Virgil is feeling. It's a valid feeling. Seeing someone you trusted being with someone you couldn't trust is heartbreaking. Patton was Virgil's first supporter when he first showed up and now seeing Patton trying to accept Janus, his sworn enemy and/or possible ‘abuser’ is painful. Sure, Virgil was pushing Patton away due to previous issues between them but Patton still cared about him and wanted to reconcile. However, it seems like that won't be happening any time soon. Now, by giving Janus a chance, Patton not only pushed Virgil further away but cut a rift between himself and Roman. Now, Roman and Virgil are best friends all because they have a mutual hatred for Janus. We know why Roman hates him, but for Virgil, we don't know the exact reason(s) yet. Hell, Roman and Virgil were calling Thomas a liar throughout FWSA all because he decided to give Janus a chance too. Both Roman and Virgil feel betrayed by Patton here. But, I think Patton is in his right to fire back at Virgil with “Well if I can learn to accept you, why can't I accept Janus?” Then Virgil could either fall silent and not know how to respond, blurt out something so revealing about them, or something subtle yet still telling. Virgil hates the new found friendship Patton and Janus have formed but Janus could be annoyed with Roman and Virgil’s new connection formed around the hatred for him. These four are going to really have a brawl going forward and it could end great or tragic depending..and seeing how things have been escalating... probably tragic

But in summary, Virgil feels betrayed and hurt by Patton's involvement with Janus after repeated attempts to steer him and the others away from the Darks. He's not going to take this lightly at all. However, Virgil's hypocrisy in not being able to move on from his past grudges is blinding him from the positives of the situation and possible reconciliation. But, what do you think, do you pick up the two cents I just threw down?

P.S: I will add more explanation to Pat and Virge’s issues in another installment later hopefully.

[opalobviously]

Me personally, involving the Drake n Kendrick beef?

I'm a full Kendrick fan, West Coast Mfs-but, I can see what Drake was *going* for.

His problem was he was treating this like he was just battling a rapper with less numbers than him. On Paper? this is true, and Drake's strategy for the beef makes sense.

-Respond to Like that with push-ups, a decent hit, clearing out all of his opponents at once except for Kendrick (And, little did he know, Rick Ross n Future)

-troll a bit and goad Kendrick into responding faster so he could slam him (I don't think he went abt this right, and I will elaborate on that in a second)

-after he gets a chance to let his responses out? Killshot. Bring in the heavy hits, the allegations, make it clear you won the beef, and dip, make it clear the smaller artist simply isn't worth more time and effort.

It's overall not a bad strategy....on paper.

But this is Kendrick Lamar.

As Any Avid Kendrick Fan will tell you, Kendrick is a Masterful Lyricist, a pretty deep dude in general, and, above all, a man who is persistent in using his music to push a message no matter what. Beyond the Moral high ground this seems to place him on at times, that simply means he isn't gonna give up. Drake should have expected more bombs after Family matters-in fact, he should have expected a lot. So, I'm gonna be going over how I personally would have done the beef with Kendrick, because at a certain point it was inevitable.

Pushups:

To be perfectly honest, I think Pushups was a great song. It was a decent response to Like that, as well as snapping back at the other people aimed at Drake, like Rick Ross, Future, Metro Boomin, the Weeknd, and I believe Ja Morant, even aiming a light stray at J Cole for dipping. At this point in the beef, it was still up to either side, so I make no changes here.

Taylor Made Freestyle

Definitely what I consider the first Lyrical Fuck Up of the beef. Considering the Allegations on Drake not being a real rapper, being a culture Vulture, and having ghost writers, I genuinely cannot see how he thought using AI voices was a good idea in the slightest, not only of the legendary Snoop Dogg, but of the Late Great Tupac Shakur. In the eyes of almost anyone west Coast, it highlights the fact that you don't give a single solitary FUCK about the culture, much less are a part of it. What I do here, is simply adjust the angle. I still think that dropping Taylor Made is important, but I abandon the AI idea in it's entirety. Instead, I focus much more heavily on the Taylor swift and K dot thing, calling him pussy in as many ways as possible without using AI. Maybe a couple bars along the lines of:

Sniper from the mountain aiming low so I can Pop a Vet Aimed at the king but you missed, now I'm Cocking Back Can't believe some white chick is the reason you ain't Dropping yet She probably make you get her more money for her Private Jet

Reasonable lyrics for a beef like it was at the time I think. Contains a couple double entendres, sounds decent, hits pretty hard, and has the same general intent: Make Kendrick mad, and give him more that he has to respond to.

Family Matters

Family matters is probably drake's best song in the beef, and it makes sense. he had intended for it to be the KILLSHOT, and I am willing to wager that he had at least some parts of it ready as soon as he dropped Pushups, just waiting to see Kendrick's response so he could add something responding to his own song and make it a complete slam. If I'm Drake here, I focus more on the wife beater allegation, just by a little bit. To be clear, how Drake (or his ghost writers?) did it was very good, with a hard hitting quotable line

"When you put your hands on your girl, is it self defense cuz she bigger than you?"

Even my family, all west coast ride or dies, thought Drake got Kendrick when Family matters dropped. It was great, the timing of it, the intensity of it, the fact it dropped same day as 6:16 in LA, it was just awesome.

Then....the real bomb dropped.

Dealing with Meet the Grahams

It was at this point in the beef that Drake was CLEARLY cooked. that was a fucking horror scene. The worst part is that Drake couldn't use the same route: Kendrick aired out his own dirty laundry on Mr Morale. It would be stupid to try and use that angle anyway, Kendrick predicted it all the way back in Euphoria. So, the KILLSHOT didn't work. Here, if I'm Drake, I'm panicked, because a response is needed, but if it's lackluster, that's it. First, deny the allegations of pedophilia IMMEDEATELY (I'm pretending that in this universe I am a Drake, who did not commit anything listed here). The daughter I can reveal as a fake later, let them talk, let hype build up. but the Pedo shit? can't fly, can't let me turn into P Diddy. once that's in place, I spend maybe 2 days working on a final kill shot

The Heart Part 6

My problem with this one is that it felt like he was trying to go out on his own terms when the people clearly did not want that. his biggest fans needed to see him Whoop Kendrick back, not say it's summer vibes time. now, the fake daughter drop? genius if it's true, however, the IMMEDEATE denial of it earlier makes the move have less oomph, so I don't do that myself. also, FOR GODS SAKE DONT BRING UP MR MORALE IDIOT, HE LITERALLY TOLD EVERYONE YOU WOULD DO THAT IN LIKE THE FIRST PART OF EUPHORIA

"Fabricating stories on the family front, cuz you heard Mr Morale

A pathetic Master Manipulator I can smell the tales on you now..."

Exapserated sigh at this Canadian Dumbass

Anyway. What I do is the daughter drop, and deny, questioning the Validity of the rest of Kendrick's claims. Maybe, just maybe, make a hint to Michael Jackson having been Alleged of the same stuff? they never did prove he did it you know, and they straight up patted him down, took him to court, everything. It'd be a decent comparison, because a decent amount of people are still conflicted on whether he did it, even with all evidence pointing to say he did not. After that? idk, but I would personally make a song on BBL drizzy to make fun of Metro Groomin.

ACTUALLY.

that's exactly what I would do.

Make a song on BBL drizzy, dissing Kendrick for affiliating with Metro, of whom just as much if not more proof of grooming tendencies is out as Drake, thanks to those damn tweets (Metro was born in 1993, no matter how you spin it, the earliest of the tweets he was 18, 2011, and the tweet "She may be young but she ready" happens in 2014, when he's 21 years old. concerning to say the least)

"You a hypocrite Dot, Idiot Dot, and above all you a liar. How you shooting at any pervert that lives, but Metro's out the line of Fire?"

and yeah, that's about it.

Kendrick totally won btw, this is a theoretical "What if Drake was ACTUALLY a rapper, not a little bitch boy who uses ghostwriters and AI to do all his work?"

[crackedpumpkin]

The Red String Theory (03)

Decisions - 决定

𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 | 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀

a/n: i just realised that lots of people think this is a zuko x reader. i apologise, it is not. it's just lots of buildup before we actually get to the romance lol sorry

The sight of the wooden ceiling above your bed has grown familiar to you over time. You’d grown used to the rickety motions of the ship, though your first few days consisted of being completely motion-sick. 

You stumble to the kitchen, stomach growling in need of sustenance. Wincing when you accidentally put too much pressure on your ankle, you carefully lift it and do a quick rotation, checking if it’s in the process of healing from your spar the other day with Zuko.

The both of you had grown a little closer than before banishment. It took a while for him to warm up to you, but with Iroh’s assistance and your persistent presence, he began to open up a little more. The old man would constantly invite you to play Pai Sho with him, have tea, and chat. He’d also drag Zuko along and make you play against each other, only to cackle when either of you lose. 

Pushing past the kitchen door, the smell of spices hits your nose and makes your mouth water in anticipation. “Beef noodles?” You ask, recognising the broth in the large pot. The wok sits idly at the side, waiting to be used to stir-fry more veggies. Hu Ge, the chef, eyes you suspiciously, sliding across a bowl. “Come on, you know I love my leafy greens.”

He adds some more blanched vegetables to your bowl, the spicy oil settling in each nook and bathing it in red. “Thanks, Hu Ge!” You call out as he leaves, grabbing a pair of wooden chopsticks and digging in. 

You’ve just finished your meal when you notice another bowl filled with slices of spicy roast duck on the side, noting that the multitude of peppercorns on it can only be consumed by one specific person. You bring the bowl up to the deck of the ship where General Iroh is training Prince Zuko, the former welcoming you warmly upon seeing you. 

You hand the General his bowl, noticing the frustration in Zuko’s eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Zuko says bitterly, walking away and taking up his telescope once more to keep an eye out for the avatar.

If the avatar is even still alive, that is. The whole point of your banishment is infuriating. You knew full well about his real reason for banishing Zuko, and you just happened to get lumped in as collateral damage. 

Fun.

“It’s been three years, Uncle Iroh, wouldn’t he know by now that the avatar doesn’t exist anymore…?” You mutter wearily, noticing the dark purple rings under General Iroh’s eyes that hint at his actual exhaustion. You’d run into him a few times when you couldn’t sleep, realising that he’d regularly keep Zuko company during sleepless nights.

Iroh pauses between mouthfuls of roast duck chewing thoughtfully. “Who knows? Are you going to be the one to tell him that?” You shake your head immediately with a wry smile. He merely chuckles. 

— — — — — — 

It’s your turn to be on the lookout with Zuko. Yawning, you survey the open sea and begin counting the number of glaciers out loud in an attempt to liven up the atmosphere. “That’s thirteen so far. Wanna bet that we’ll find one taller than the one we passed by two days ago?”

You’re unphased by Zuko’s blatant ignorance of your rambles. The both of you have grown used to each other’s habits over time. In the beginning, you were too scared to even move in front of him, not knowing when he’d throw a fit at you for distracting him.

Eventually, though, you would grow bored and ask him questions about himself. After all, you’re with a prince. When else would you find out more about royal life? 

Spoiler alert: Royal life is not fun.

Interactions had grown from small questions to discussions about whether noodles were better than rice, to the occasional spar and Pai Sho matches. Currently, you’re in the lead. He’s a sore loser though, so it’s just a matter of time before he demands a rematch.

“Do you think we’ll be having any soup today?” You ask thoughtfully, playing with the flame on your fingers. You shiver when the cold breeze brushes against the bare skin of your hips, regretting not having brought along a coat. 

Firebenders like both of you tended to have a warmer body heat than others, but that didn’t protect you from how cold the South Pole is. How he’s on deck without any outer layers is a feat in itself. 

Just as you begin to debate with yourself whether you should request some hot soup, something unexpected happens.

An ear-piercing whistle breaks through the silence. A singular light is shot into the air, and you recognise it as a signal flare, only used when in trouble or to attract attention. It tints the sky pink as if forecasting the terror that would soon follow.

Zuko holds up a telescope, falling silent as he focuses. “The last Airbender. Quite agile, for his old age.” The playful and calm atmosphere from before is gone, now replaced by something far more serious.

He turns to face an officer standing guard at the door to the stairs that lead down into the cabins. “Wake my uncle!” He orders sharply in a raised voice, “Tell him, I found the Avatar.” Focusing on the telescope once more, he quickly adds. “As well as his hiding place.”

There’s no way.

“Are you sure?”

He glares at you. “Are you doubting me? What happened to your resolve?” 

“I just…” Your gaze hardens, steeling yourself. “I know. Let’s just get this over and done with. The faster we secure the Avatar, the faster we get back home.” 

He grabs his helmet and puts it on. “If they’re housing the Avatar and hiding him from me…” His eyes narrow, filled with cruel intent. “Then they deserve much worse than a simple greeting.” You merely sigh. It’d be a lie to say you’re not affected by how cold he sounds, but your humanity isn’t a priority in this situation. 

What matters is getting back home. To Hanoh. 

All trace of the Zuko you’d come to know over the past three years on this ship is gone, and in front of you is someone filled with resolve to do whatever it takes to regain his father’s approval. You can hardly say that you turned out any different though. 

“I’m going to capture the Avatar and restore my honour,” He declares with a glare that could melt steel. “And you should stay on this ship. You’ll get in the way.” 

Okay, rude much? He may be a prince, but he sure doesn’t act like one.

“Have it your way, prince know-it-all.” Shrugging, you just focus on the sunrise instead. A moment of silence passes between you both, an acknowledgement of his order. “You better not get hurt.” He lets your earlier comment slide, testament to how much he’s grown to tolerate you. 

He lowers the telescope, regarding you with eyes that practically command respect for his authority. 

“I won’t.”

— — — — — — 

The cabin is quiet as you begin to pack your stuff, taking a simple bag would be enough to hold all your treasured possessions. There isn’t much to bring home aside from some clothes, your ribbons, some money, and some accessories you can trade.

You pick up a bracelet that sits on the side of your table, staring at it with a sad smile. The intricately woven strings once bright and vibrant have faded over time, unravelled bits here and there. It’s the main reason you stopped wearing it around, afraid that it might break and fall somewhere without your notice.

It’s your most treasured belonging. It was a birthday present, given to you in the same year your mother passed away. She and Hanoh had presented it with gleeful smiles, having worked on it together during their spare time. 

You’d worn it every day, only taking it off when you bathed and during the mourning period after her death. It’s the only thing left that connects you to both of them, the only thing serving as a reminder of what you’re living so desperately for. 

You miss her.

All of your mother’s items were stored inside a box that Hanoh had by her bedside table, and you’d occasionally open it and carefully examine the accessories inside with an almost childlike curiosity. Hanoh would always talk about how you looked so much like your mother, promising to hand you the box when you were old enough.

Now that Zuko’s about to capture the Avatar, it’s like a ray of hope shining through the narrow doorway you’d kept closed for the past three years. Day after day was practically torture, and all you wanted was to go back to your battered room, and have dinner with Hanoh again. She’s the only one you have left.

No matter the means, no matter the actions you have to take, you’d get home. 

That’s a promise.

A loud ruckus from outside jolts you out of your thoughts, stashing the bracelet securely inside the bag. Fear grips your heart, creeping up on you like frost as you conclude that something’s wrong.

Rushing to the hull of the ship, you look down to see Zuko firebending at the tribespeople. Screams echo through the air, a boy you assume to be the Avatar directing the flames away from them. A tinge of self-doubt stings your heart, but you push it back down and ignore it. 

He looks young; oblivious to the world’s current state of affairs, probably. A blue arrow etched into his skin atop his head is a tell-tale sign that he’s an Air Nomad. You vaguely remember Hanoh telling you long ago how the Air Nomads chose to live peacefully when they were just as powerful as any other nation. 

This kid is the Avatar…?

Subconsciously holding your breath, you watch as he willingly follows Zuko and the rest of his soldiers into the ship, the doors lifting and closing with a loud clang. You begin to pace back and forth, picking at your cuticles as you try to calm your conflicting thoughts. 

This is a good thing, right? With the capture of the Avatar, you can finally go back home. You can see Hanoh again. You can live out the rest of your days in peace.

However, you know deep down that if you hand him over to Ozai, he’ll do far worse than anything you can imagine. The Fire Lord you know is ambitious, ruthless, and merciless to whoever he deems unworthy of being alive. 

Unfortunately, most people who fall into that category are the other nations. But what would that matter to you? You’re just a dancer - a maid from the palace with no power. There’s nothing you can do.

“This staff will make an excellent gift for my father.” You move away from Zuko’s sight just in time as he walks onto the deck, hiding behind a tall soldier as he speaks. Iroh notices this, raising a brow inquisitively. You hold a finger over your lips, silently pleading with him to not address you. Understanding dawns in his eyes, and he gives you a single nod.

“I suppose you wouldn’t know of fathers, being raised by monks. Take the Avatar to the prison hold, and take this to my quarters.” He orders, the ship beginning to set sail for the Fire Nation. Iroh notices you trying to slip away, distracting his grandson so you can sneak back down into your cabin. 

— — — — — — 

Turning when the door creaks open, you’re stunned when you see who else but the Avatar holding the door. Shock registers itself on his face as you bolt to your feet. “Wait!” Your cry goes unheard as he slams the door shut, your outstretched hand faltering as you process that the Avatar is loose on the ship.

It’s time to make a choice. Go home to Hanoh, or help the Avatar escape far away from Ozai.

Pressing your lips together, you set down the bag and open the door, taking off and running after the Avatar. The hallways are filled with soldiers searching for the escaped prisoner, and you run over to help. 

Where could he have gone?

He couldn’t have gone far. The lower deck is like a maze, and there’s little space to fight in the narrow corridors filled with pipes. If you were brought on board a ship as a prisoner, what would you do…? 

Your steps slow to a halt, looking at the stairs leading up to the control room. Hoping that your hunch is right, you run up the stairs only to see Zuko jumping off the balcony, the Avatar on his glider mere inches away. 

“Zuko!” You cry out, ice-cold fear filling your lungs in that split second, running out onto the balcony. Luckily, he manages to grab the Avatar’s ankle, the both of them falling onto the ship’s bow. “Oh, come on!” 

A loud growl makes you look up, your breath hitching when a large flying animal with 2 riders swerves toward the ship. Zuko takes the opportunity to firebend at him, the latter doing his best to deflect the blows. 

Do you jump off the balcony and help Zuko, or run back down and waste precious time?

Amid your dilemma, a sudden movement catches your eye: the Avatar teeters on the ship's edge, dangerously close to plunging into the ocean below. Zuko stands nearby, a look of triumph etched on his face, fists tightly clenched. He notices you and offers a nod of victory, his gaze locking with yours. 

A sigh of relief falls from your lips, your knees giving way as you collapse on the wooden floor. 

He’s captured. You can go home now. 

Your joy is short-lived when something bursts through the surface of the water as you’re trying to fathom the cruelty he’s just displayed. The Avatar rises in a cocoon of water, his eyes and tattoo glowing brightly in an ominous manner. 

How is he alive??

He lands on the bow and waterbends a forceful ring that knocks Zuko and a plethora of soldiers that join him off the ship. 

“Zuko!” Your heart is pounding, the sound filling your ears as you gather your courage and dive off the balcony into the ocean below. At that moment, you didn’t care about the Avatar or the fate of the world. 

All you want is for your friend to be safe.

Ice-cold water stings your skin, and you almost let out a cry from the drastic temperature change. Forcing your eyes open, you search desperately for Zuko. All you can see, however, are just soldiers struggling to kick their way to the surface.

Where is he?

Panic swells in the form of burning lungs, your limbs getting heavy from the numbness the cold brings. Panic soon turns into fear when you still don’t spot him, finally swimming back to the surface and breaking through the water with a loud gasp. 

As you’re gulping in mouthfuls of sweet, sweet air, your vision clears and you see the very boy that you’re searching for, hanging off the side of the ship. He’s grabbing the anchor’s chain, clutching it tightly to keep from falling. Although he’s in a precarious situation, you can’t help but smile widely in relief.

You’re alive. He’s alive. You’re both alive.

The flying animal that you’d seen earlier departs from the ship, Iroh helping Zuko up. A pillar of flames is soon shot toward them, but it backfires when the Avatar airbends it away and redirects it to the walls of a glacier. The ice soon comes tumbling down from the heat, burying the bow of the ship. 

You watch the three of them fly off with pleased grins, shivering from the cold. You begin to paddle closer to the ship, hearing a familiar frustrated groan. Peering up from where you’re afloat in the water, you raise a fist and pound the side of the ship, hoping to attract their attention.

Moments later, Zuko’s face looks down at you, annoyance filling his eyes when he realises it’s you. He moves away without another word, only to be replaced by a rather amused Iroh. He lets out a loud chuckle, signalling to one of the crew to help you come back up. 

You wave back sheepishly.  “Got any room for one more?”

[cherrytimemachine]

Breakdown: Deathsaurus

HELLO THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME ABOUT MY WIFE.

How I feel about this character: He's one of my favorite Transformers actually. I love his cheeky attitude in Victory, his protection of his people and his human son Solon (and his fear of caterpillars for some reason) in the Victory manga, and his strong leadership and advocacy for his troops in MTMTE.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Esmeral, of course. I'd love to see more people talk about her and her dynamics, both as an individual character and alongside Deathsaurus. I do think that the slight homoerotic beef going on between him and Star Saber is funny tho.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Star Saber. Their rivalry is extensive, beginning before the war. In my AU, Star Saber was the head of the Elite Guard during Sentinel's primacy. Sentinel was an avid hunter, and he was not shy about it either. He ended up crossing a major line when he decided to bring the guard with him to Kalis on a hunting mission. It had always been an aspiration of his to kill a Predacon and add the beast to his trophy case. Star Saber did question the importance of it, to which Sentinel reassured him that it was well worth their time as Predacons are considered a dangerous species that poses a major threat to Cybertronian lives. It was at this time that Deathsaurus was the new young leader of his tribe. They ended up slaughtering most of Deathsaurus's tribe mercilessly, and ever since Deathsaurus hated anyone from the guard. Once Sentinel was dead, his hatred turned to Star Saber, who had enlisted in the Autobot ranks and became on of the Prime's generals. Deathsaurus's grudge turned personal when Star Saber imprisoned his fortress in the Dark Nebula. He didn't know it until much later, but Star Saber had just stranded over half of Deathsaurus's forces, including his wife, taking the only family he had left. To him, Star Saber had taken everything he'd held dear once again, and he was determined to make him pay for all the destruction and misery he brought.

My unpopular opinion about this character: He should be recognized as part of the Predacon species, like the ones in TFP. His alt mode is a Kaiju, which is a big monster not specifically like a dragon, but there are types that are very dragon-like. I want there to be Predacon tribes on Cybertron that persisted after the Great Cataclysm, and for them to have their own cultures. Because of his striking similarity to Onyx Prime, I'd like to think his tribe was the remains of Onyx's empire in Kalis, which is now mostly uninhabited by Cybertronians due to it being considered too dangerous. There's a larger population of Predacons there, and the lack of Cybertronian civilization had the city nicknamed the City of the Dead. I think it's fitting for Deathsaurus since he was from a place called the Death Zone in Victory. I have more thoughts on Esmeral's tribe as well, so feel free to let me know if you're curious.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: His wife wasn't in the Victory cartoon, nor was she in the MTMTE comic. Esmeral needs more love, and an updated design. I would also like to see more backstory with the rivalry between Star Saber and Deathsaurus. According to Ask Vector Prime, they have known each other since childhood and have always had beef. Their parents knew each other, and I would like to see someone take the ideas of Terrorsaurer and Galaxy Saber (their respective parents) and make some canon or fanon media around them. I also wanted some more collaborative shenanigans between Deathsaurus, Tarn, and Overlord. People make such funny interpretations of their reluctant alliance that I really want to see it now.

Ask me more about my blorbos!

[tobiasdrake]

On a scale of 1-11, how interested are you in Daredevil: Born Again?

Probably about a 6. I never saw the third season of the Netflix series because... Well, first season was okay, second was terrible, and Defenders was unbelievably boring. So when Disney Plus was announced and it became apparent that Netflix's shows were basically doomed to die and never be spoken of again, I took that as a jumping off point.

Before D+, Netflix and Disney had a pretty simple relationship. Disney produced and Netflix distributed these shows that, like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., would occupy their own one-sided pocket of canon. A space where the movies would never speak of them or acknowledge them or anything, but they could speak of and acknowledge the movies to their hearts' content.

But then D+ became a thing and, with it, came a wave of cancellations for MCU products on platforms Disney didn't control. All of the Netflix shows were promptly taken out back and shot. And then there was a little marketing trick that happened.

While they were Netflix products, they were canon pariahs. They are not real, they do not exist, we do not speak of them. As long as promoting them would promote a rival service to Disney Plus, these shows are not welcome in Disney's universe.

Once Disney gained distribution rights? WE LOVE THE NETFLIX SHOWS. Daredevil was a wonderful show, wasn't it? We're going to cameo him in everything. We're making a new DD show. We're bringing back the Kingpin for Hakweye. It's all canon and it always was the whole time.

Interesting, that.

For me, I had issues with season 1 of DD that compounded in season 2 and Defenders, that ultimately killed my interest in the series. What it amounted to was a show that fundamentally disagreed with its central protagonist.

The protagonist of a series is meant to drive its tone. Matt Murdock is presented in the show as a "Thou shalt not kill" type hero. He's presented as someone tempted by his own inclinations towards violence, and who believes in better ways.

The show thinks that it's great that he thinks that, but it also thinks he's wrong. That he's a fucking fool for believing that. In his show, there are no better ways. The villains of his show remain a threat so long as they continue to exist, and it's only by the hands of murderers like the Punisher, Stick, and Elektra that anything ever gets solved.

Matt gets to stand there and preach while the killers in his cast bloody their hands to deliver him achievements. While the one main rival that they don't kill for him, the Kingpin, is a persistent Forever-Threat he cannot solve at all. For two seasons, the show let him hold his moral high ground but refused to ever let him be right. To let his beliefs actually show positive results.

(Also The Hand just sucked for a variety of reasons but that's beside the point. The point is that for the first two seasons at least, it's an ongoing pattern of Matt drawing lines in the sand. While other characters pat him on the shoulder and go "That's great, pal" while headshotting his villains for him because the show can't actually imagine any other resolution. It agrees with the murderers over him.)

Because the Netflix shows take place in a dark and gritty hellscape where things can only ever be solved through blood. That is the tone they wanted. The result is a useless and ineffectual protagonist who is incapable of standing up the most basic job a protagonist has: To drive the tone and solve the plot through his own actions and beliefs.

I don't know if that changed in season 3. Like I said, I never came back for it. Once Disney killed the Netflix shows and it seemed like they were going to be decanonized forever, I figured I wouldn't have to and walked out.

But that's not a problem with the character or premise; It's a problem with the direction of the show. Since he returned to the MCU, he's been pretty fun. I liked him in No Way Home. I liked him in She-Hulk. I had issues with Hawkeye but Fisk wasn't my beef, and Echo was pretty good.

New series by new creators means new creative direction, and so I'm tentatively curious to see if they can bring a good treatment to the character this time around.

[prettyboykatsuki]

WHAT DID YOU DREAMMMM

cw for like . teacher / student

dude it was insane 😭 basically i was a boarding school student and i lived in a really small dorm and building where i took my classes and ate

it was a the start of a new semester i guess and i was visiting another friends building and yuuta was essentially the main teacher / r.a. it was some kind of arts building and they got pr for makeup that i was checking out

yuuta was being nice and basically offered to give it to me but i’d have to steal it from a rlly strict teacher essentially which was a weird ass b plot.

anyways, for whatever reason - i last minute for transferred to yuutas classes and dorm building? and he also insisted i stay in the dorm???? and as he was like . an authority he also made me sleep in the same bed as him??? he was extremely clingy and touchy and picked my pjs it was nuts. i was kinda scared to say no bc he took it so personally

there was like a whole timeskip where my beloved irl childhood friends had a class w me in the dorm in the following semester and it was like a nice reminder of my childhood. supposedly one of them wanted to stay and sleep in the same bed w me and i was weirdly uncomfortable with it 😭 i dont rlly like to sleep in the same bed as other ppl generally

but i was like i’d rather just sleep in the same bed as just yuuta since she was being so persistent to me. and i basically told yuuta that when i got back from rejecting her and he was WEIRDLY proud of me. it got very sexual after that and it was TMI ?! a wet dream based on what i feel now shfjfjsj??

the insane part though was the dream cutting to him in the staff room of the building and talking to maki about how easily obedient i am towards him as authority and how he was completely thrilled to be able to corrupt me so much and he was like HYSTERICAL saying it it was so ???? LIKE HE WAS ACTING CRAZY apparently they both historically do weird shit like that w their students

MAKI SEEMED TO HAVE SET IT UP BC SHE HAD BEEF W MY FRIEND. I WAS LIKE ? WEARING A LEASH AND SLEEPING IN YUUTAS BED AGAIN AT THE END?? AND THEN I WOKE UP????

[void-speaks]

hi (i'm uncreative)

Hi.

Since you're here, let me tell you about why my SoTF oc is terrified of swimming underwater.

In the very beginning of the game you're required to find Team B (a team of basically soldiers who were on a different helicopter before they all crashed.)

One of them is out in the sea, on what I assume to be is an inflatable raft.

Do you know what else is out there in the sea?

SHARKS.

MFUCKIN SHARKS.

And after you've just crashed while going on a mission to investigate the disappearance of a millionaire/billionaire (didn't remember which one was it), it's only fair that you're a little bit woozy and don't know how the fuck to deal with this, especially when you crashed on an island full of cannibals, mutants, dead cultists and some fuckin guy and his puppies who have beef with you for God knows what reason. Oh and one of the people you crashed with died, while the other one is deaf and mute. And there's a woman with an extra pair of limbs walking around and you're at first really not sure if she needs to be murdered or not.

So yeah, after all that, why assume that there's sharks in the sea?

WELL THEY'RE THERE.

So as Sera (the character in question, full name Seraphim) was swimming towards that raft, HE GOT FUCKIN BIT by a damn shark. He picked up a pistol and found a dead guy on the raft and had to swim back as fast as possible (he was panicked, so he didn't think about killing the shark.)

Then, since he wants to locate the last man who is buried in the ground (oh damn I wonder what happened to him if there's two sticks shaped like a cross above that spot?), he needs a shovel. To get a shovel, he needs a rebreather and a rope gun. He has the rope gun. He picked it up some time that he doesn't even remember. So he walks to the cave where the rebreather is (thanks sotf interactive map) and guess what? SHARKS. AGAIN. IN THE CAVE LAKE. AND YOU HAVE TO DIVE DONE. AND AFTER THAT, YOU KNOW WHERE YOU DIVE OUT? IN THE FUCKING SEA!!!

And then, then, hear this: while crossing a body of water from one part of the island to the other (swimming not under but on top of the water), he gets bitten AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND THEN LATER LEARNS THAT THERE ARE FUCKING ORCAS NEAR THE SHORELINE THAT ARE WAY MORE PERSISTENT THAN SHARKS AND WILL BITE YOU CONTINUOUSLY UNTIL YOU EITHER GET OUT OR DIE.

So yes. Seraphim is now afraid of cave lakes, of the sea, of sharks and orcas and swimming in general.

[thesilverlady]

Hello, I would like to know some headcanons of Rhaenyra and Alicent, the black queen and the green queen, things like their favorite colors and food, their personal relationships and which father they looked like the most.Did they really get along in the past? Does Alicent always hate her? Were they envious of each other? Which was the most intelligent and beautiful?

hello and thank you for your ask! I'm really digging their rivalry and dynamic and lord knows how much I like to think about the short lived days when they were getting along.

Before starting let me disclaimer: these are just my headcanons. Obviously anyone can disagree and have different interpretations. These are just what I have in mind for these two.

bk Rhaenyra & bk Alicent headcanons/dynamic

food wise I don't have much to say much because I barely pay attention to asoiaf meals but with no proof other than my gut instinct, I feel like Rhaenyra has a serious case of a sweet tooth. Girly loves anything that's on the sweet aide. Meanwhile I think Alicent might have been into some spicy food, both to be contradictory and because she grew to enjoy it.

Did they really get along in the past?

We know from f&b that for a short period of time things were okay between the two. Rhaenyra celebrated when her father got married and Alicent kissed her and called her daughter. So safe to say that's a nice start. We have to keep in mind however that Alicent was only 18 and Rhaenyra was 9. Getting along with that age difference would differentiate compared to how it'd be of they were in the same age range.

Did Alicent always hate her?

This might be a hot take but no, I don't think Alicent always hated her. As funny as it is to poke fun at her having a beef with a child (which she did), i think the hate Alicent grew to have wasn't there from the start.

This is the section we get from f&b:

The amity between Her Grace and her stepdaughter had proved short-lived, for both Rhaenyra and Alicent aspired to be the first lady of the realm…and though the queen had given the king not one but two male heirs, Viserys had done nothing to change the order of succession. The Princess of Dragonstone remained his acknowledged heir, with half the lords of Westeros sworn to defend her rights.

^ This paragraph comes after being told of Alicent giving birth to Aegon, Helaena and Aemond and we find out that in 109 AC Otto who was a hand at the time pushed so far for the "issue" of succession that he was stripped of his chain of office.

This happened a year before Aemond was born, so on terms of timeline I think that's when the "getting along" period run out. I can go into more details into what I believed happened but to keep it short; Helaena was a suitable potential bride for Aegon II. if Rhaneyra wasn't in the picture, Aegon would be the heir, with Helaena most likely his future bride and that would be Alicent's happy end. However, Viserys persisted in keeping Rhaenyra as his heir - even after Alicent gave him Helaena. Alicent could have thought that maybe Viserys simply didn't want Rhaenyra for Aegon for x delulu reasons and thought by giving him a daughter it'd get him to finally see her vision that her son should be the heir since he now has a future bride to be match with.

Viserys' insistence was what set her off. And because it's Westeros and blame always goes on women, in Alicent's twisted mind it was the 12-year-old Rhaenyra who was at fault for being favored.

Does that sound logical? no. But Alicent is a very hypocritical character

were they envious of each other?

In the section I quoted we're old that "both Rhaenyra and Alicent aspired to be the first lady of the realm" and while I can definitely see this developing into a rivalry when Rhaenyra is a teenager. I cannot envision 12 yr Rhaneyra trying to top Queen Alicent in public image.

We know that Rhaenyra was already a very beautiful child who grew into an even more beautiful woman. 12 year of age for Westeros probably counts as a "blooming" age where girls grow into womanhood. So the attention Rhaenyra already had takes a different direction and ofc Alicent is jealous because she's only a human and her stepdaughter's existence pisses her off by that point; her husband is set on keeping her as his heir, everyone sings praises for her only for existing and now they also start desiring her.

in Alicent's mind it's illogical (along with other more insulting phrases) so she tried to compete with working on her own image even more. And of course Rhaenyra eventually noticed it and because they were already in a bad place nothing would keep her from fighting back. But I truly believe their early years of the so called "competition" was Alicent's one-sided beef.

Which was the most intelligent and beautiful?

Most beautiful was hands down Rhaenyra. We have so many moments where her beauty was brought up. If there was even the tiniest of chances of Alicent being more attractive the narrators of f&b wouldn't have missed out. They already attempted something when Rhaenyra gained weight due to her pregnancies and Alicent remained slim.

Still doesn't change the fact that all the songs, titles and fighting was done for Rhaenyra.

Now intellectually, that's a bit of a challenge. I adore Rhaenyra but we never had the opportunity to see her in action.

She made some smart choices when Viserys started getting sicker and she opted for her own people to take care of him (it showed her observation and understanding that something was stirring) but when the war was started she was already so emotionally beat up due to her miscarriage and then lucerys death... And it never got better because her children started dying.

She didn't have the opportunity to shine because emotionally she was getting multiple hits and she was a person acting more on emotion than sense.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, Alicent was smart enough to know to take advantages of moments she could twist in her favor (like Viserys death), she knew instilling hatred for Rhaenyra into her children's minds would pay off, and she knew the spot to hit her step daughter when she'd try to harm her public image. So safe to say the woman wasn't dumb.

Of course Rhaenyra gave back as much as she took. So I truly do think with a clear mind she could show to be smarter. When it comes down to it, Rhaneyra is a very emotional person (hence naturally more vulnerable), whereas Alicent is a guarded person, acting on logic and ambition.

[queenofgone]

S H A W N​:

Blue eyes shot up, narrowing slightly but just as quickly he managed to curve that signature quick temper in favor of truly understanding the situation here. Normally, cooler heads did NOT prevail where Shawn was concerned. With no reason whatsoever to give two flying fucks about anyone NOT named Hunter, it made it quite easy for him to fly off the handle and let slip the first thought that came to mind every time. Most of the time it was the most savage thing he could think of on the spot. He got great joy out of hurting people the same way he hurt from day to day, but…

He bit back the retort. Because it was Nat, although to fair, he had every reason in the book to unleash on her too since the one he WANTED to unleash on wasn’t around. Typical. But she didn’t TRULY deserve his ire … However, if he wasn’t sober, he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t have allowed those pink and black tights to trigger him into the worst tirade the world over.

Nope. He reeled it in and opted for a nonchalant shrug. He was tough. He’d live. “Every night is a good one for me, Hart. Don’t you hear that crowd? I am perfection at what I do.” He scoffed turning away to resume unlacing his boots. He needed a shower so he could be off. He had a single day for once, before he needed to be on a flight and he had every intention of sleeping. Not using it to see another doc. “I have and I’m fine. Nothing’s broken. I just need to rest is all.”

The third-generation wrestler knew she was walking on the thinnest of ice for even being near Shawn’s locker room, let alone in it. Yes, he and her family hated each other but in her mind, that was their personal beef, not Nattie’s; she found it kind of juvenile for her dad or her uncles to “forbid” her from holding a conversation that they had their issues with. Nat didn’t have any ill will towards the Showstopper. As a matter of fact, he was one of her favorites! (Ooh, do NOT let Bret have the superpower of reading peoples’ minds!) The buzz about his change in reputation was well known by now but that didn’t take away from the fact Shawn worked his ass off in the ring.

“Alright alright, I was just asking.” She defensively responded, hands raised to show that she meant no harm or to persist where it wasn’t welcomed. Pride and ego went hand and hand when it came to the guys. the women mostly cared about looking perfect at every waking moment. Oh wait... so did Shawn. “Well, I guess I’ll be on my way then. See you later.” Nattie headed for the door, not looking back.

[makeste]

Bakugou is going to be apart of deku endgame fight and I know it makes people mad lol

my boy is nothing if not controversial, lol.

but yeah, it's true. even among the people who actually like his character, for some reason there's still a ton of doubt about whether or not Bakugou will play a major role in the endgame. this doubt somehow persists in spite of him being:

the first character (other than the ones like Nao and Rat Principal who already knew) to learn about All Might and Deku's secret. "among the students... only you." and it remained just him for a very long time, too.

the only character other than Deku to be narratively tied to All Might's legacy as a potential successor.

the only character other than Deku to have his older self narrate current events (see: chapter 285).

and the most popular character in the series by such a wide margin that during the most recent poll he received more votes than the second and third characters combined.

oh and yes, there was also that one time when Horikoshi confirmed that his original endgame for the series was Deku giving OFA to Bakugou. like, I think that's a pretty big hint right there about Bakugou being important to the endgame of the story lol. the mangaka coming right out and saying it. "Deku and Bakugo standing up against the last boss, having made it there thanks to the support of everyone; I think that probably would have made for the best final fight in the manga."

and for some reason, because this twist was instead used in Heroes Rising, people seem to think that Horikoshi now has no choice but to rewrite the entire ending from scratch. when in fact, the only thing he actually has to change is the OFA part. that's it. that doesn't mean Bakugou isn't still going to be part of the final battle, because that doesn't make any sense. if being in the Heroes Rising ending disqualifies you then why isn't anyone asking whether Deku will be in the final battle lol.

and if Horikoshi for some reason did change his mind, the thing is, it would have been all the way back in July 2018, which is when Horikoshi had his first meeting with the creative staff about the second movie (on the same day that movie 1 premiered, according to this interview). which means that he had plenty of time -- more than three years! -- to introduce a new villain to serve as Bakugou's final boss. he could have done it in the JT arc, the MVA arc, or even the EA arc. but the fact that he did not do this very clearly sends the message that his game plan for Bakugou hasn't actually changed.

which means that Bakugou's actual final boss -- or bosses, I should say -- are going to be the two villains that he actually does have a substantial personal history with.

analysis time!

so first of all, I know everyone is always talking about the parallels between Tomura and Deku, but what I find very interesting is that when Tomura himself went looking for parallels, he chose Bakugou as a kindred spirit over Deku. I think that, while Deku echoes a lot of who Shimura Tenko was, Bakugou more closely mirrors who Shigaraki Tomura is -- or at least who he perceives himself to be.

and to expand on that further, the other interesting thing is that Bakugou is actually not that person at all -- but the thing is, neither is Tomura. and so in some ways, Bakugou actually is a parallel of Tomura, because he represents the choice that Tomura still has, even now, to realize that the path he’s on is wrong, and to turn back around. Bakugou represents the possibility of redemption, and the idea that it’s never too late.

meanwhile as far as Bakugou’s side of the whole thing goes, it could not be any clearer that Tomura and AFO are the two villains he has personal vendettas with. Tomura kidnapped him and essentially made him the reason for All Might’s downfall, something that haunts him to this day. and AFO fucking stabbed him lol. so yeah, Bakugou got beef.

“well that’s great for him, makeste, but as far as Tomura and AFO are concerned he’s not even a blip on their radar.” yes!! which is another thing I love about the whole thing, actually. because you see, the antagonists in this series have this delightfully ironic habit of being their own undoing. Tomura tries to set a trap for All Might, and All Might ends up kicking his ass. Overhaul traumatizes Eri and attacks the LoV killing one of their own; Eri later helps Deku to defeat Overhaul, and the LoV steps in to finish the job. Re-Destro invites the LoV to a battle royale and winds up losing both his legs and his organization to Tomura. and last but not least -- and technically not last either, because it’s actually first -- AFO tries to force his brother to submit to him, and in doing so literally creates his perfect enemy.

and so when I see Tomura basically jumpstart Bakugou’s character development himself by setting the events of Kamino into motion, that makes me go “hmm.” and when I see both Tomura and AFO dismissing Bakugou as a mere nuisance, that makes me go “hmm” with bolded emphasis. all I’m saying is, I would love for Bakugou to have a moment in the final battle where he takes full advantage of the fact that TomurAFO have been underestimating him this entire time. that would be delicious. and I’m like 95% sure we’re gonna get it too, so stay tuned.

so yeah! long story short,

Bakugou and Deku are going to face TomurAFO together. as far as how that will all go down, exactly, I don't really know! Horikoshi just introduced a brand new character with an unknown super-strong and apparently super-important quirk straight up out of the blue, so needless to say there are all sorts of ways this final battle could play out, and I'm not even going to try and predict any of it just yet. but even if the final draft has yet to be revealed, I think the dramatis personae is pretty clearly set. and like you said anon, there's a good chance that not everyone in the fandom is going to be happy about it, but oh well.

[troquantary]

Edward Cullen: That Boy Ain’t Right

So I was doing a reread of @therealvinelle 's collection of Twilight metas, as one does, and in "Edward, Denial, and a Human Girlfriend" she mentions that she doesn't believe Edward is sane. I thought, "ha, yeah, he's definitely not," and also, "but wait, what does that mean exactly, please say more about that." But since she's already inundated with asks, I've decided to use my own head-muscle and explore this idea. (TL;DR: I start out more or less organized, synthesize some points Vinelle has made across several posts (and have hopefully linked to them all where relevant but please tell me if not), touch a little on narcissism, then take a hard left into the negative effects of being a telepath.)

Just a couple things to note at the outset, though. Theses have been written already (probably) about Edward as an abuser. Edward being insane doesn't negate that at all; he's definitely an asshole and just...a disaster of a human being. (I find it more funny than anything, but YMMV.) I'm also going to try to avoid talking specifically about mental illness and how it relates (or doesn't relate) to abusive behavior -- that's territory I'm not really equipped to discuss, like at all. My starting point is "Edward has a deeply warped perception of reality," not "Edward has X disorder."

So: deeply warped perception of reality. The evidence? Goes behind a cut, because my one character trait is Verbose.

Vinelle provides a great example of it in the post linked above, which I'll just quote because she does words good: "[Edward] keeps acting like his romance with Bella is a romantic tragedy, and all the cast of Twilight are actors on a stage making it as sublime as possible." Edward's the one to pursue Bella, but he does so with the full belief, from the very beginning, that it will never last; Bella will "outgrow" him, go on her human way, and he can spend the rest of eternity brooding magnificently over his too-short romantic bliss. [Insert premature ejaculation joke.] Turning her is never an option, even though Alice, Noted Psychic, says that romancing Bella will either end with her dead (exsanguinated) or dead (vampire).

This framing, where he's a dark anti-hero in love with -- but never tainting! -- the pure maiden and eventually leaving her in a grand, tragic sacrifice to preserve her soul? It's fucking bonkers. Bella isn't a person to him in this scenario. As Vinelle points out, Bella's never really a person to him at all; he falls in love with his own mental construct, cherry-picking from what he observes of her behavior and her responses to his 20 (thousand) Questions to convince himself that she is the ideal woman.

Bella's not the only one who gets the projection/cardboard-cutout treatment. Edward sees everything and everyone through a highly particular, personalized lens. He filters his entire reality, which we all do to an extent, but the thing with Edward is that he starts with his conclusions and then only pays attention to the evidence that supports those conclusions. Often that evidence consists of what he admits in New Moon are only "surface" thoughts -- but recognizing that limitation doesn't keep him from taking those thoughts as representative of what people are. Edward then becomes absolutely convinced by his own "reasoning" and won't be swayed from what he has decided is Objectively True. It's obvious with Bella; it's also painfully obvious with Rosalie. (Vinelle explains this and brings up Edward's raging Madonna/Whore complex in the same post, so refer to that again -- she's right.)

He also catastrophizes. Everything. Bella's just vibing in her room, rereading Wuthering Heights for the 87th time? She's gonna be hit by a meteor, better sneak into her room while she sleeps. Bella's going to the beach with the filthy mundanes their human classmates? She's gonna fall in the ocean. Jasper's cannibal pals are stopping by for a visit, but know not to hunt in the area? DISASTER, DEFCON 1, ALSO FUCK YOU JASPER FOR EVEN EXISTING IN MY AND BELLA'S SPHERE YOU UNSPEAKABLE BURDEN. Edward must believe that Bella is vulnerable and in near-constant peril, to support the reality he has created in which he is the villain turned protector and maybe?? hero??? (!!!) for his beloved. So when the actual, James-shaped danger arrives, he goes berserk, snarling and flipping his shit and generally not helping the situation. His fantasy demands that Bella remain human, so instead of doing the very thing Alice, Noted Psychic, assures him will neutralize the threat (and not just a threat to Bella, either, but to Bella's family and any other human James might decide to include in the "game"), he vetoes it immediately, no discussion. Bella Must Not Turn, and he sticks to those guns despite James nearly reducing her to ground beef, despite leaving Bella catatonic with depression (but human! success!) in New Moon, despite Aro's order and his family's vote and, let's not forget, Bella's clearly and repeatedly stated desire to be a vampire. It's going to happen. But he doesn't accept it until Renesmee busts out of Bella like the Kool-Aid man and the poor girl's heart finally, unequivocally stops.

Sane people don't behave this way. I don't want to slap labels on Edward, but I can't help but note that he comes across as highly narcissistic. He's the only real person in his universe, the lone player among us NPCs. That probably has a lot to do with him being frozen in the mindset and maturity of a seventeen-year-old boy, but I think it's also just...him, on some fundamental level. His failure to connect with others and recognize them as full, independent beings with their own wants and priorities isn't like Bella's failure -- she's badly depressed. Edward is...something else, and I get the sense that his sanity has been steadily deteriorating over time. And a cursory google of narcissistic traits turns up some familiar-looking stuff. He's self-loathing, yes, but also grandiose; he hates himself for the monster he is (and hates most vampires besides Esme and Carlisle for their monstrosity, too) but still feels superior to humans, to the extent that he felt entitled to human blood and resented Carlisle for depriving him of his "proper" diet. He eventually returns to Carlisle, but he's far from content -- the beginning of Midnight Sun finds him in a state of ennui, bored and dismissive of (if not outright disgusted by) everyone around him, that has apparently persisted for years and years. He doesn't play the piano, he doesn't compose, he doesn't enjoy anything...at least until Bella comes along and then he becomes obsessed to a disturbing degree with her and his new, romantic tragedy spin on reality.

[Next-day edit: I’m not sure where else to fit this in, but the way Edward casually contemplates violence against people who have, at best, mildly annoyed him is...chilling. I have a hard time writing off his strategizing how to murder the entire Biology class as a result of bloodlust -- it’s so calculated, nothing like the blackout state of thirst Emmett describes when he encountered his own “singer,” and that is probably the default for when a vampire is extremely thirsty. But even ignoring the Biology class incident, Edward still does things like consider, with disturbing frequency, how he might grievously injure or kill Mike Newton, all because...Edward considers him his romantic rival (despite Bella barely giving the kid the time of day). He thinks about slapping Mike through a wall, which might be an amusing slapstick image, except as a vampire Edward’s actually capable of turning this boy’s skeleton to a fine powder. So it’s, y’know, kind of sick when you think about it.

But even worse than that, when Bella tells Edward about how she flirted with Jacob to get at that sweet, sweet vampire lore, Edward chuckles and then, after dropping Bella home, flippantly observes that now that the treaty’s broken, why not genocide? I’m not even kidding, it’s right there in Midnight Sun; he seriously thinks about the fact that he’d be technically justified now in wiping out the entire tribe because a teenager tried to impress a girl with a spooky story. That is fucked. Remember, Edward was there with Carlisle when the treaty was first established. He knows how remarkable it is that they even came to a truce in the first place, that it was only ever possible because Carlisle is...well, Carlisle, and that it marks a pretty significant moment in supernatural history. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t respect it, or he’d never think something like “Ha ha, if I went and killed them all, I wouldn’t even be wrong. I mean, I won’t do it, but I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be wrong.”

Again: not the thought process or behavior of a sane person. (Or a person that respects life in general -- sorry Carlisle, big L.)]

Finally, whether he's a narcissist or not, I think the fact that Edward has constant, unavoidable access to everyone's thoughts is a powerful contributing factor to his instability. He can tune out the mental noise to an extent, but he can't stop it -- so he comes to rely on it like another sense. This causes issues with disconnect and lack of empathy, of course, but there's another facet to this shit diamond: he's basically experiencing a ceaseless flow of intrusive thoughts. His narration in Midnight Sun suggests that he "hears" the words people think, can "see" what they visualize in their mind's eye, and can sense the emotional "tone" and intensity of their thoughts. Therefore, perceiving Jasper's thirst through his thoughts makes Edward more aware of his own, "doubling" the discomfort. This would be a lot to deal with even from just his immediate coven members, but Edward gets all of this pouring into his head like a firehose on a day-to-day basis because the Cullens live right alongside humans. I know Meyerpires have galaxy brains or whatever, but that's a ton to process.

Besides the compounding effect on his own thirst when he "feels" the thirst of others, Meyer never suggests that Edward has difficulty separating his own thoughts from other people's; even when he was newly turned, he recognized Carlisle's "voice" in his head as Carlisle's. That would create a whole different host of issues around identity, but it looks like Edward's escaped that particular torment. However, I can easily imagine that what he does experience is just shy of unbearable nonetheless, with an eroding effect on his sanity over decades. He can't sleep to escape it; he's on a dishwater diet and probably (like the rest of his family) experiencing a perpetual, low-grade physical discomfort due to his thirst never being fully satisfied; and he's around far more people than is the norm for vampires -- even discounting all the humans, his own coven is unusually large -- meaning more noise.

Honestly, it would be weirder if he were all there, considering.

And even though I feel like I lost a sense of structure around where I started ranting about telepathy, I've written like 1.5k words about Edward fucking Cullen and I think that's enough for one post.

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Just My Type Pt. 1

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: slight dubcon, stalking behavior, voyeurism, male masturbation, sorta subby shiggy if you squint, reader is pretty gender neutral, no pronouns used, 18+ MINORS DNI

Summary: You’re a part time transporter for the LoV and Shigaraki just can’t seem to get you out of his head. So much so that he follows you home and jerks it to you changing in front of your window.  

Note: first time writing for shig and this sat in my drafts forever, I’m thinking of a part two If there is any interest. 

Part 2

AO3 Mirror

He didn’t understand you. 

Though, to be fair, he didn’t really understand anyone—he never needed to. 

As long as the League did what he told them to do when he told them to do it,  that was always enough. Ultimately, people were nothing more than overly complicated pits of questionable motivations, each arbitrarily categorized as good or evil and judged accordingly. Whether or not he understood those motivations was immaterial. 

It was enough to have them simply obey. 

And he’d never bothered with wondering why they followed him. 

But that wasn’t exactly true anymore, because Tomura Shigaraki did wonder now—wondered often, and somewhat obsessively, about you. 

He was doing it now, even. Eyes creeping their way across the dingy floorboards to where you stood by the bar’s entrance. You looked very out of place there, and your voice was almost too loud as it broke the almost constant silence. 

It wasn’t that you stood out, though—really it wasn’t. To anyone else, you probably didn’t at all. In fact, the only reason he became even tangentially aware of you at all was because you came to him for payments. You were just a transporter, showing up every now and then to drop off or pick up a new order and rushing out again. 

‘Reliable’ is the word Kurogiri used. That’s why he recommended you, and he was right. 

You did your job quietly, without error. 

All this was just to say that from the outside you were frustratingly unremarkable—a blip, a smudge on the page of his life’s work in the making. 

And yet. 

And yet you were so impossible to ignore, standing out immediately every time you walked in a room. 

You were nothing special, nothing he hadn’t seen before. Though, now that he thought about it—neck tingling the second he felt your eyes on him—maybe it wasn’t so much that your presence itself was incongruent. No, objectively speaking, you did fit in perfectly amongst the shitty furniture and refuse. But it was specifically the way you carried yourself around him which seemed so blatantly unusual. 

“Everything’s unpacked and accounted for,” you called to him, sauntering over to his seat along the bar. 

You had a particular walk—It was something he noticed early on. Like you always knew exactly where you were going. 

“Good,” he nodded and tossed an envelope of cash your way. 

He never knew what to say to you, so he tried to say as little as possible. Though there were plenty of things he wanted to say. Questions and phrases occurred to him nightly, clamoring at the seal of his lips to escape, to be spoken into reality. 

“Same time next week?” you asked, obvious to the rampage of thoughts in his head. 

You always looked him in the eye when you spoke, no one ever did that. 

“Yeah.” 

The upward quirking of your lips when you spoke made his palms sweat, “See you then. Pleasure doing business with you, as always.” 

Your hand was the last thing to disappear from around the door frame and into the street. As your figure faded away into the crowd, the air seemed to grow heavier. The soft clinking of glasses as Kurogiri tidied up, the oppressive scent of bodies and liquor and smoke all wafted back in. 

Now he’d wait another week to say all of two words to you and pretend it wasn’t the only thing he’d truly looked forward to in years. 

***

So no, Tomura Shigaraki didn’t understand you, but he was beginning to wish that he did. 

Which was concerning in it’s own right. He was not accustomed to whatever the pit that developed in his stomach when you came around was called and for good reason. Things like that got in the way of progress. He knew that much at least. And he tried, so very hard to disregard it, but you kept coming back every week and he— 

He couldn’t. 

It was just because you were attractive. That was what he tried to tell himself. It was because you were attractive and you wore those tight uniforms sometimes and Dabi was...Dabi, so he always pointed it out. It was because you were attractive and he was only human, as much as the rest of the world tried to deny it. That was the only reason you ever crossed his mind. He could accept that. It was a physical response, nothing he could help. 

You were nice to look at, and he appreciated your willingness to do your job and keep your mouth shut otherwise. 

In the beginning, it was easy to convince himself of this. 

Easy to live with just the stolen glimpses of you rushing in and out the door. But as those short few seconds grew and your employment with the League became increasingly stable, just the sight of you weaving through the tables or negotiating with Kurogiri at the bar wasn’t nearly enough to keep him satisfied. 

Then you started staying for drinks some nights, maybe every other week or so, which certainly didn’t help the situation. 

The others liked you enough. Despite the effect you seemed to have on him, to everyone else you were unassuming in a way Tomura was beginning to think must be purposeful. Shallow, yet personable enough to be appealing to just about anyone. He was sure the rest of the team would never notice it, but he had such a hard time doing anything other than drinking in every word that fell from your lips that it was hard not to see the way you casually dodged every question thrown your way. 

In any case, it made you easy to get along with, and so when you did decide to hang back after runs, the bar was always a bit lighter and filled with the scent of drugstore shampoo instead of blood and grime. Tomura himself never actively participated in ‘team bonding activities,’ but he remained in the periphery. 

Listening. Looking.

 At you. 

Tonight was one of those nights, and it was following the same formulaic structure as usual. Kurogiri made everyone a drink, Toga laughed too loud at a terrible joke, and after a few shots Dabi made a thinly veiled pass at you. 

Tomura was starting to think that he did it specifically to get to him, and it was annoyingly effective. His chest grew tight as he watched a scarred and stapled hand slide it’s way into your lap. Tomura’s own nails dug painfully into the scabs of his neck while Dabi’s bit at the flesh of your thigh. 

But the surge of anger, of jealousy, didn’t mean anything. Not really. 

Dabi always pissed him off, so he tried to blame the visceral reaction on the fact that the burnt piece of beef jerky masquerading as human was a bit of a bastard. And since everything Dabi did pissed him off, it also made sense that this did too. 

This had absolutely nothing to do with you particularly he thought to himself, even as the burning in his throat lessened when you pulled away and stood to get another drink. 

It made a frustrating amount of sense for you to fuck Dabi, though. He was outspoken in a way Tomura could never match, with a more traditionally dominant manner that attracted partners like moths to his flame. 

He thought maybe you would at first.

Fuck Dabi, that is. You struck him initially as one of those quiet types who saw softness where there was none and clung to it. Gravitated towards broken people in a desperate attempt to fix them, as if that could bring some meaning to your useless existence. Of course, he’d probably made an equally poor first impression as well. 

Regardless, he was fairly certain you never did fuck Dabi. 

Mostly because he would have assuredly rubbed it in Tomura’s face and because sometimes—like right now—he’d push past the churning in his gut to look up as Dabi not-so-casually propositioned you into his bed. And when he did, he caught the way you hid a secret grin behind your hand, ducking your head down with the most incredulous look plastered on your face for just a second. Like you knew that charred asshole didn’t have a fucking clue. 

Though he really couldn’t be sure if that was anything more than a trick of the light. 

“Care to join?” 

Your voice ran through him like a thousand volt shock as he looked up from the table to see you standing just behind him. 

“What?” he asked incredulously. 

He didn’t seen you coming, too busy glaring at your empty seat to notice the signature sound of your footsteps drawing near.

“Do you want to come drink with us?” you said again and nodded towards the empty glass in his hand. 

This wasn’t part of the routine. You hadn’t ever approached him before outside of the necessary work related conversations. Predictably, Tomura fumbled just a bit. 

Yes. “No, I’m done here.” 

The way you kept moving your head to keep eye contact with him was nearing oppressive. He just barely caught the slight frown as you backed away for him to brush past you towards the stairs. 

“Suit yourself,” you shouted after him. 

He didn’t bother answering, just slammed his bedroom door and sat at the edge of the mattress with his head in his hands and his dick raging hard in his pants. 

***

Even from two floors away Tomura heard you getting ready to leave. He could easily picture it, and was currently despite his attempts to think of quite literally anything else. The way you’d slide your empty glass across the bar top and just fade like a shadow into the night air. 

He could hear the rest of the League beginning the crawl up to their respective rooms one by one. And it was the persistent thought of you sliding back into your coat that convinced Tomura to finally let his mind slip. 

All the failed attempts at concocting business strategy, budgets or what he would need you to deliver next fell away, leaving only thoughts of the way your lips fit around the rim of a glass. How the moisture beaded just on the plushest part and your tongue flicked out to wipe it away. 

Then his hand was slipping too, teasing under the waistband of his pants and stroking his still aching cock. 

He’d never had his dick sucked but he imagined—in the dark of his room, listening to you offer your goodbyes through the floorboards—that you’d be good at it. Thought you might nip at his thighs and take his whole length into the wet heat of your mouth in one go. You’d roll your pretty tongue over the head of his cock until he couldn’t take the teasing doses of pleasure. He’d buck his hips up, milking himself with your throat and you’d happily let him. 

Tomura pumped his length, fucking his hand in earnest now. Curiously he made a small ‘o’ with his thumb and index finger, trying to replicate what the seal of your lips might feel like. He closed his eyes and attempted to conjure a good accompanying image: you, on your knees, head bobbing on his cock. And, god that was so good. He even muttered the words under his breath, but it wasn’t quite enough. 

The image quickly shifted as he chased his climax. Maybe you’d want to press your fingers past the tight ring of his ass too till he was a shaking mess, cumming all over your face and chest. He did it himself sometimes, rocking back on his hand when he was really desperate to achieve a knee-weakening high. 

That almost did it, his hand sloppy with drool and precum all while you were just downstairs. 

These moments were the most delicious. When he stopped trying to deny himself of the fantasy—what was always buried in the back of his head when you came around. 

That you might touch him. That you might tell him how good he feels. That you might like it. 

But then the loud click of the door swinging shut on the main floor rang through the halls. And at the thought of you, gone once again, all the images were soured. Instead, the pressing reality wormed it’s way back in. Reminding him that he would only wake up in the morning—as he had so often done—crusted in cum and sweat and wondering if you were the type to stay the night or if you’d disappear from his bed just the way you did from the bar every time the others got a bit too close. 

And the more he allowed that thought to creep it’s way into his head, ripping away his climax, another compulsion grew. He could feel himself cresting a hill as you slipped right through his fingers—taking a nosedive straight into a disaster that smiled up at him with your pretty, pretty lips.  

***

It was just good business practice. 

That’s what Tomura repeated in his head, hoping from streetlight to streetlight just a block or so behind you. But nothing he did was ever strictly good, and the only thing even slightly business related about following you home tonight was that you happened to sort of work for him. 

Damn, you moved fast.

Tomura guessed that shouldn’t come as a shock considering your job depended on it, but it was a struggle not to lose sight of you. He ducked into doorways or alleys when you stopped to cross the street. Your form flitted quickly between the patches of neon-lit sidewalk, passing 24-hour convenience stores and clubs whose thick bass beats reverberated in the cool night air. 

He hung back when you finally began ascending the stairs of what seemed to be an apartment complex at the far side of a dead end. It looked shitty, but in a sort of charming way—vines growing haphazardly up the iron railings and paint chipping so the walls looked like an oil canvas from far away. Tomura watched you take the stairs two at a time until you disappeared into the depths of the building. 

In the stillness that followed, he began to question the point of all this. 

The decision to follow you was not well thought out.

After whipping the mess of spit and cum from his hands, Tomura had snuck out into the hall. Really, he’d only meant to listen, maybe catch an extra glimpse of you before the night ended. But then, through the halfhearted bantering and inane pissing contests, he caught you drifting towards the door. And as he watched you slip, really watched and felt the distance growing between you, something struck him. 

Maybe it was the way that sliver of light pollution from the doorway illuminated the dips and hollows of your profile. Or the sparkle of your coat buttons amongst the smoke from Dabi’s cigarettes. But more likely, it was the way you paused—one foot already in the street—and glanced at him for just a split second. Immediately catching his face hidden between the railings as though you could sense his gaze on you. Like you felt the same shiver down your spine. 

When your eyes roamed over him, they left tremors in their wake. 

It was pathetic. It was sad and disgusting—a part of him knew that—but just that one simple look, that small acknowledgement of his existence had him raging hard in his pants once again. 

Tomura moved without thinking, moved by the shameful compulsion to grab any scrap of attention you’d throw his way and cling to it. 

And now he was here, standing outside your apartment like the creep he knew he was, to do what exactly? What had he hoped to accomplish? He just...he wanted, needed to feel it again. So long he’d subsisted on incredibly complex daydreams and nightly fictional scenarios in which you kissed him and didn’t spit in revulsion at the feel of your lips on his. 

And when you looked at him, half caked in shadow and lit up with haze, he was overcome with a desperate, mortifying need to know for sure that all those dreams weren’t unfounded. 

Tomura Shigaraki wanted you so badly it hurt, like his ribs were cracking under the pressure of it. 

You gave him a crumb with that glance, but he was never known for his patience. No, he was greedy and selfish and he needed more. 

And for once, the powers that be seemed to have taken his side. Just a few minutes after you were swallowed up into the mass of concrete, a light flicked on in one of the upper windows. Through the drawn back curtains, Tomura was absolutely blessed by the sight of you—hands tugging the top from your shoulders and baring swathes of your naked skin for him to wonder at. 

If just a look could get him hard, then this might just kill him on the spot. 

You really shouldn’t be changing in the open like that. Anyone could be watching. 

But with a show this good, well it would be insulting not to take full advantage wouldn’t it? Of course. You’d want him to. How could he waste such a perfect opportunity to jerk himself off to the thought of fucking your perfect chest while he could actually see it. And oh, oh god your nipples were definitely hard and just begging to be sucked on. He could almost taste you in his mouth, feel how silky the buds would be against his tongue. 

Fuck. 

You were going to ruin him. 

Looking around, the street seemed to be deserted, no other buildings lit either. It wasn’t so much that he cared if anyone saw, but letting his guard down so out in the open was never very appealing. Though the visage of you, stripped and illuminated for him alone, was enough to over power any amount of trepidation. 

Tomura’s hand dipped back into his jeans, wrapping around his cock and stroking as best he could in the confined space. Precum streamed from the tip as he teased it with his thumb while you started to shimmy out of your pants. He whimpered at the glimpse of your ass on full display. 

His mind raced. 

You were both exactly and nothing at all what he expected. Which was more to say that the you that existed in his head was an amalgamation of all his favorite porn vids mashed into one, but this—this was nothing like he’d ever seen hastily sifting through tabs on his PC. 

There were marks and dips and curves and angles that he hadn’t thought of before. Hadn’t ever really seen without the separation of clothing and it was delicious and not nearly enough. God, his cock throbbed, gushing at the thought of your thighs around his waist, or head, or hiked over his shoulders. He could give you what you needed, he had no evidence of this but he just knew it. 

You stretched, and he could nearly hear the joints popping. Out in the open, exposed and so close to being caught, all of Tomura’s sense were heightened.  

God what he’d give to see your face, watching, knowing how hard he was for you. He could picture it now: the twinge of shock, the barely disguised pang of want. Maybe you’d be disgusted with him, but really this was all your fault. This is what you did to him. 

The wrongness of it all only made that much more enticing.

Tomura set a steady pace, pumping his hand along the length of his cock, so hard and dripping with every swipe of his thumb over the tip. You were shifting in and out of his view now, rummaging around what he assumed was your bedroom. It was physically painful every time you disappeared, a whine bubbling up in the back of his throat at the loss. 

His length pulsed against his palm and his toes curled inside his sneakers. 

Small, ragged gasps leaked through the cracks in his lips and condensed in the air. In the dim streetlight, the little clouds of condensation shifted and sparkled like sweat on taut skin. He envisioned drool dripping down onto your back as he pounded into you. His free hand dug into the meat of his thigh, pretending as though it was your flesh he was leaving fingerprint bruises on instead. 

Trying to convince himself this was anything other than what it was. 

Tomura’s hand moved faster, knuckles scraping the zipper of his jeans and spilling slow, thin streams of crimson onto his aching dick. It stung and stoked the coiling low in his gut. Fuck, his teeth ground down biting into phantom flesh. What he wouldn’t give to mouth at that perfect curve in your neck, run his tongue up the pulsing vein and hear whatever lovely noises spilled from your lips. 

He was so close to spilling over, but he just a bit more. He’d come this far already, why not dive just a little deeper off the edge?

It wasn’t entirely conscious, the quick steps he took across the street and up the stairs you’d taken. Tomura’s body was functioning on base instincts, carrying him mindlessly closer to the object of his desire. It wasn’t hard to find the right room. It wasn’t a large building, only a few units, and he swore he could smell the familiar scent of your soap wafting out from under the door. 

God he really was a pathetic fucking dog, sniffing you out while his dick was aching to rut into his own hand. 

But as he stood outside, debating whether to dust the whole wall separating your sweet, naked form from him or to pick the lock and slip inside, the knob turned on it’s own. Before he could even think of rushing back to the street, you were standing before him, eyes alight in a way he’d never seen before—wide and blazing and hungry. 

[chosonore]

part two | yearning

yearning [noun. a strong feeling of wishing for something, especially something that you cannot have or get easily]

pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader

summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.

wordcount: 8.2k

content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, somewhat suggestive, noritoshi is kind of a dick but i promise it gets better so please don’t lose faith in him, we’re somewhat following the timeline of the anime/manga so spoilers ahead!! but what follows afterwards is purely pulled out of my ass lol, lowercase intended [UNEDITED]

a/n: hello, here i am again with a super long chapter ( ˙꒳​˙ ) it is so incredibly messy and i’m so sorry if it gets confusing for you; this just really shows how sporadic my writing process is, i have some guidelines that i follow but sometimes venture off my path when i suddenly get a new idea. nevertheless, i hope you can somewhat enjoy this chapter. feedback or just your thoughts are much appreciated! for those that are waiting for the ~steamy~ content, it is coming next chapter hehe. as always, stay safe everyone (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

previous - masterlist - next

"noritoshi, could you just stay quiet today? i'm really not in the mood," you sighed as you entered the training grounds. the exhaustion from the mission the day before was clinging onto your bones, heavy and admonishingly. the normally exciting sparring lessons seemed dreadful, knowing that all students were to practice today. to practice the balance within the team, utahime had claimed the week prior as she was reprimanding your lack of discipline when it came to noritoshi. stubbornness ran in the family; you refused to back down when someone was hurting your pride. said stubbornness came back to bite you - instead of taking a break to fully recover, you claimed that you would be fine with the help of your reverse curse techniques.

as the days came and went, the yearly tournament slowly approached. after the devastating defeat last year, everyone was on edge and determined to beat tokyo tech. well, that excluded todo, he was just looking for stronger opponents it seemed. noritoshi, on other hand, appeared to be more agitated than usual - if he wasn't barking orders at the other students, he would criticize their fighting styles. you knew he wanted to win the tournament at all costs, to prove himself worthy of the position as the kamo clan head. but he was too rigid about it, rarely accepting help and haughty when questioned. you've been avoiding him as best as you could and of all days, today had to be one where you could not. opponents would be swapped every ten minutes so everyone could practice with another student - facing noritoshi for ten minutes was easy. so you thought. 

"can't promise anything, princess," noritoshi retorted smugly and pat your head like he usually did when he was trying to get a reaction out of you. life always found a way to prove you wrong. for some reason, noritoshi had made it his goal to get under your skin as much as possible on this particular day and it worked. it was childish to engage in this banter but you couldn’t help it. the feeling of not being taken serious by noritoshi had always bothered you. it almost seemed like he wasn’t considering you equal to him, always looking down on you. being stressed wasn’t good, your mother had always reminded you, so it was best to remain calm and collected.

stay calm and collected, calm and collected, you repeated in your head. gritting your teeth, you slapped his hand away and jogged away from him towards todo. at least he'd leave you alone while you were near todo - probably to avoid todo getting mad at him and not wanting to hear about takada-chan again. he was the ultimate and fool-proof shield. the taller male was walking at a leisurely pace in front of you, leading the group as per usual. you caught up to him, slowing down so it didn't look like you just jogged all the way here. away from the menace that was noritoshi. todo glanced at you suspiciously before subtly turning around. a guilty groan left your lips. of course he knew, he always knew. as the unlikely friendship was blossoming between the two of you, you rapidly realized that todo was far more perceptive than he would ever let on. even though he took lighthearted jabs at you, he didn't care enough to intervene; it was a mutual understanding. in a way, you appreciated that he treated you like everyone else, not once had he tried to approach you about your deteriorating relationship with noritoshi.

upon seeing the unlikely pair, miwa speed up as well to join them. even though todo scared her to no end, your presence eased her nerves a little. after all, you weren’t scared to put him back in his place when he was being dramatic. she nudged you gently in greeting, nervously clasping her sword in front of her. "do you think we'll win this year's competition? we've been training a lot, so i hope i can show off some of my skills."

"never say never? even if we lose, it's a good experience to learn from," you replied wryly. while the students of the kyoto tech were strong and coordinated well with each other, noritoshi and you could easily destroy the balance. he didn't know when to stop, persistently pushing your boundaries and you fell for his tricks every time. as long as you could work out a strategy that involved working alone or with a partner that was not him, you'd be fine. your safest bet was to work with miwa since you were both sword users and have practiced together extensively. if noritoshi and you exhibited enough chaos to tear the world apart, miwa and you represented the perfect balance when fighting.

"you're our secret weapon though!" miwa exclaimed excitedly, elbowing you gently. "no one knows you can heal, so we'll use that to our advantage."

"uh…"

"what? don't tell me you-"

"i've asked yuta about advice before," you interrupted her, scratching your head sheepishly. "he's one of the very few people who can use reverse cursed techniques, so i asked him to give me some pointers and how to use it more to my advantage."

when yuta participated in the competition the year before, you were absolutely mesmerized by his level of skills and how he had supposedly mastered them in such a short amount of time. of course you hadn't told anyone that you were talking to him - everyone was still salty about the defeat and would, undoubtedly, have crucified you on sight. truthfully, you didn't understand why everyone was so hellbent about hating the students of your sister school. weren't you all colleagues in a sense? yuta was nice and respectful towards you, always trying his best to explain you how to implement his tips. along the way, you might have developed a tiny, fleeting crush on him but never acted on it. it was only a crush after all and you didn’t feel certain about it not being a mere distraction from your feelings for noritoshi. perhaps it was the way he made you feel, the way he treated you like noritoshi used to before. you couldn't even deny it, you missed your old 'toshi. when you looked at him now, it hurt you, seeing all the traces of gentleness having left him.

"really? you never told me! what is he like? he looked like he was really nice but there were moments where i was really scared of him. well maybe not him but rather… that curse."

"uh, yuta is actually not that scary. he's really helpful and always there for you when you need advice. i think i've improved a lot since we've started talking." you made a mental note to thank yuta again if you got to see each other anytime soon. apparently, gojo had sent him on a mission overseas a few months back and ever since, your exchanged messages grew to be rather sporadic. still, you appreciated that he made an effort to text you every now and then to let you know how he was doing and in turn, also asked about your wellbeing.

"fraternizing with the enemy, i see," noritoshi's voice rang out beside you, dangerously close to your ear. it made you jump in surprise, not having sensed him earlier - your hand automatically shot out to hit him, only for him to catch it in time. you shot him an annoyed glare. beside you, miwa and todo glanced at each other, silently agreeing to ignore the squarreling pair.

"i don't see how that's any of your business."

"it is if it jeopardizes our chance at winning," noritoshi narrowed eyes at you in suspicion. of course he didn't trust you, you were nothing but a mild inconvenience to him. you didn't owe him an explanation, not today and not in the future. any friendship or friendliness between you was long gone. refusing to look into his eyes, you attempted to tug your hand away from him but instead accomplished the exact opposite as noritosh tightened his grip. "what did you tell him?"

"he only helped me with training, that's all! it doesn't concern you anyways so-"

noritoshi was irritated, you could tell. the anger was rolling off him in waves, intimidating even you. why was he so annoyed by the fact that you asked yuta for advice? it wasn't even farfetched - the only other alternatives were gojo and ieiri, both of which you hadn't mustered up the courage to ask yet. wasn't it in everyone's best interest for you to become a great healer? noritoshi would know best - he was the driving force behind your ambition, the sole reason why you worked to the brink of exhaustion just to show him that you didn’t need his help, that you were worthy of a higher rank.

"i don't want you to hang out with the tokyo tech kids, especially not with him."

"wait, what?" you gaped at him in disbelief. "is this just because you have personal beef with some of them? leave me out of this, i just want to improve and you don't get to tell me what to do." with that you shoved the taller male, stomping past the other students towards utahime who was looking at you in disapproval. you missed the upset frown on noritoshi's face as he followed you, wanting to reach out but stopping midway. it wasn't the right time or place to let you know why he didn't want you around them, not yet. seeing you hang out and being relaxed with everyone else but him hurt him, oh how it hurt him. he wanted you close to him, only see him, talk about him excitedly and with stars in your eyes like you did when you talked about yuta. and yet, he couldn't let you know. the only way to keep you orbiting around him was to play these silly games, rile you up and drawing a reaction out of you. it was the only way to make you pay attention to him. and so he did.

calm and collected, my ass, you thought two hours later. of course todo and noritoshi had completely eviscerated the rest of the students with no mercy, leaving everyone in a sour mood. whatever strategy your team would have for the tournament was probably thrown out the window, the two of them would take care of it anyways. not that they would stand a chance against yuta.

“yuta isn’t here?” the disappointment in your voice was palpable. you did look forward to meeting yuta again, thinking that he might have come home from his overseas trip for the tournament. but you supposed getting to know the other students wasn’t too bad, you were interested in the first years and their skills. they certainly looked more approachable than your classmates. miwa told you how todo and mai had met two of them a few weeks prior and promptly started a senseless fight that was then stopped by the second years. it landed them in the water as utahime gave them a lecture - while she didn't tolerate the childish behaviour, everyone else seemed to turn a blind eye to it. noritoshi had scoffed in disapproval upon hearing the news, uttering something about not wanting to associate with dimwits like them. 

"nope, he's still overseas. it doesn't matter anyways, we'll still beat you without him," maki replied with a confident grin, arms crossed as she took in the kyoto tech group of students. regardless, you broke out in a sprint and jumped, engulfing her in a warm hug. while you two didn't talk as much as yuta and you did, you were still friends. she was a source of inspiration to you, a master of all kinds of weapons whom you deeply admired. maki gave you some awkward pats before pulling away to introduce you to the first years - megumi, yuji and nobara. the younger students were wary of you, most likely because of their encounter with todo and mai. you couldn't hold it against them, their intensity and stubbornness was something you had to deal with daily after all. you silently cursed the two brash students before taking a deep breath and extending your hand to the ones in front of you.

“hi, i’m y/n, nice to meet you,” you introduced yourself with a friendly smile, visibly relieved when they shook your hand and introduced themselves. especially nobara seemed to be eager to get to know you, fussing over your uniform and inquiring about your skills. you were glad they welcomed you, not wanting to cause any more trouble than would undoubtedly arise for the duration of the tournament. while megumi seemed to be cautious and more reserved around you, yuuji and nobara already treated you like their friend. subconsciously, you envied them for the wholesome friendship dynamic as it reminded you of what you used to have with noritoshi. the fleeting thoughts left as soon as they made an appearance in your head, disappearing when nobara grasped your hand and pulled you towards the buildings to show you around. unbothered by the reactions of your fellow kyoto tech classmates, you followed her - their energy was stifling and the tournament didn't start until later in the day anyways. it was useless to stay with your group and practice, you'd only overexert yourself.

“y/n.” noritoshi called after you sternly, glaring at you when you turned to look at him - ever since stepping foot into the estate, he was moody and more serious than usual.  it was probably him being tense about the tournament, the spirit to win deeply ingrained in his bones. none of the other students seemed to be bothered by the presence of the tokyo tech students, so why should he? ignoring him, you continued your journey until you felt a force harshly pulling you back by the fabric of your hoodie. intuitively, you could tell it was noritoshi. 

"noritoshi, let me go," you snapped at him irritated, struggling to free yourself from his grasp.

"we have things to discuss, did you forget that?"

"i don't want to," like a petulant child, you gave him an angry look as you stood your ground. tension filled the space between you, tethering on the edge of anger. why was a normal conversation never possible with him? and why did he treat you like a child? you let up when megumi appeared to your side, shooting noritoshi a warning glance as he attempted to remove his hand from yours. even though he didn't know what your relationship was like, he stepped in regardless - you were impressed by him. even if noritoshi remained calm, he was a menace to deal with afterwards.

"she said no, didn't you hear-"

"get your hands off of her." noritoshi growled at megumi, the sudden influx of cursed energy that was surrounding him made all students in close proximity freeze. you couldn't hide you shock either, he had never been this threatening towards someone else. he might push boundaries to the extreme, knowing that he could away with it due to his bloodline and family name but he had never outright threatened anyone that didn't do his bidding. with those words he pulled you towards him, wrapping his arm around your waist protectively. paralyzed, you blankly stared at him. his cursed energy was suffocating you, never had you experienced this amount of pressure. not only that, the unusual closeness set your heart ablaze, burning down the walls that you'd carefully constructed around it.

"you're being ridiculous," megumi challenged the older male, unbothered by the strong pressure. he didn't understand why noritoshi was making a big deal out of this. surely he didn't consider megumi a threat? noritoshi's hold on you strengthened and with panic you realized the blood-red markings appearing on his face, he was being serious, oh god he was going to rip megumi apart-

"hey hey, stop it you two," panda's voice snapped you out of your trance and seemingly noritoshi's as well as he wacked his arm. "you just got here and you're already stirring up trouble, are you not ashamed?"

noritoshi simply scoffed and let you go, his cursed energy dissipating with the movement. the rest of the students were as stunned as you were, no one daring to make another move until the tension evaporated. todo was the only one who looked rather annoyed, smacking the back of noritoshi’s head as he started to tell him off - noritoshi, however, kept walking past him towards the dorms that they were staying at for the week. it was almost like there was steam coming off his head as a result of holding his anger in. nobara gaped at you in surprise, pointing at you accusingly. “i didn’t know that was your boyfriend!”

you spluttered in horror, quickly reaching out to her to try and cover her mouth so she wouldn’t say anything incriminating. “n- no you got it wrong! we’re not together, not at all! i hate noritoshi,” you floundered, hastily trying to set the record straight. nobara didn’t look like she believed you, pushing your hands away while giggling. she wiggled her eyebrows at you, whispering at you about how lucky you were to snag such a handsome guy although she thought that he really didn’t have to overreact like that because megumi was harmless. covering your face in embarrassment, you turned away from her and caught a glimpse of an amused todo winking at you.

“i’m serious, nobara!" whatever whining you did, the two of them didn’t let up, making you wonder what you ever did wrong to deserve this scrutiny. as your last resort you grabbed nobara's hand, dragging her along towards a secluded area in the estate. being the subject of the earlier conflict was already troubling enough, you didn't want the other students to get the wrong idea by her wild speculations. nobara was still giggling when you arrived, pinching your arm playfully.

“c’mon, it’s impossible that there is not something between you! did you see the look on his face? i don’t think he would have cared had it been any other person,” she gushed excitedly, her face lighting up in glee. with no doubt, nobara enjoyed poking her nose in other people's business, seemingly having a knack for sniffing out the hidden. a dejected sigh left your lip. a younger you would have jumped in happiness after finally receiving noritoshi's attention but the present you knew better. there wasn't more to it, you told yourself and yet, a tiny sliver of doubt made its way into your mind. could he really have been so bothered by another male being so close to you? todo didn't count, obviously.

"no, there's nothing to it, i promise. we don't have the best relationship anymore and mostly fight. i mean yeah his reaction was really uncharacteristic but…"

"anymore?"

"noritoshi and me grew up together and were childhood friends. i- i didn't agree with his antics as we grew up and we drifted apart after that and now… hate each other? he’s just unbearable and we don’t get along. everyone at kyoto tech knows that so they’re mostly ignoring our fights. and it’s childish, i know, i know..." 

“are you sure? like super duper sure? because it didn’t look like it to me,” nobara contemplatively rubbed her chin. the wheels were turning in her head, something didn’t quite add up. even at first glance, whatever you said made her feel doubtful.

“trust me, i wish it was different too. i mean i used to like him a lot and it makes me sad and i wish we could at least be civil around each other. but he just makes me so angry,” your ramblings stopped nobara’s thinking - so that’s what it was. normally, nobara really didn’t care about other people’s business but this was too juicy to pass up. how far could she push it to make you realize?

why was the layout of all these buildings so confusing? and why were there so many buildings to begin with? you’ve been wandering around for at least five minutes now and you still couldn’t figure out where the hell yuji’s and megumi’s rooms were supposed to be. they didn’t even have any signs around. at this point, it didn’t matter if it took longer than anticipated - the others could wait. nobara had insisted on having a small get together the night before, to get to know each other and play some card games. you couldn’t refuse, it’s been a while since you just hung out with friends without any quarreling. there was no harm in getting to know you future colleagues, even though your classmates were treating them like criminals. so instead of going herself and much to your dismay, nobara had sent you to fetch the other two students, claiming that you would be fine if you just stuck to the measly sketch she’d made for you. most of the rooms you’ve already knocked at remained empty so you couldn’t be far from their rooms, you concluded.

stopping in front of the last remaining door of the corridor, you took a deep breath. this had to be one of their rooms. slowly, you raised your hand to knock at the door when it was suddenly yanked open, startling you in the process and making you drop the piece of paper you were holding. what you weren’t expecting was coming face to face with noritoshi who looked at you as equally confused. he was the last person you wanted to see today, not wanting to confront him about his actions earlier. you couldn’t wrap your head around it; why had he overreacted in such a way? it wasn’t like you were in danger or in need of protection. for a brief moment, you thought that there was a sliver of strange possessiveness. you couldn’t quite place the emotions in his eyes, it made you shudder.

“oh uh, sorry. i was looking for yuji and megumi and this is very obviously not one of their rooms. sorry again. i’ll take my leave,” you awkwardly stammered, taking a step back. noritoshi’s figure was towering over you and in a rare moment, you felt intimidated by him. perhaps it was the dark look in his eyes that told you that he was not thrilled by what you just told him. before you could react, he swiftly grabbed your arm and pulled you inside his room, trapping you against the door.

“w- wait!” you protested weakly, pushing at his chest until his face slowly came into your vision. you couldn’t help but stare at his lips, watching them move as he was talking to you. your ears were ringing, you couldn’t tell what he was saying. the close proximity was suffocating and yet you craved more, not wanting to let him go.

“y/n? did you hear me?” 

“huh?” snapping out of your trance, you looked at him dumbfounded. noritoshi was frowning at you, slightly concerned about your state as you didn’t answer him. just then you finally got a proper look at him. it was a rare sight; noritoshi wearing casual clothes, a simple oversized shirt and shorts, and his hair down without the bindings. feeling nostalgic, your heart clenched. he looked like his old self, the ‘toshi that you loved dearly.

“i said, i don’t want you around them. i don’t- i don’t like seeing you with them,” noritoshi repeated with a strained voice. he placed his hands beside your head, inching closer to you.

“what- noritoshi, you don’t get to tell me who i can hang out with! last time i checked, we’re not even friends anymore so where do you get the idea that you can do this? what’s the big deal ab-” you didn’t get to finish your sentence when he pressed his lips against yours clumsily. you seized up in shock, not returning the kiss as a whirlwind of thoughts entered your mind. holy shit, he was really kissing you. but you hated each other, so why? why, why, why. when you didn’t respond, noritoshi pulled away in panic, spluttering apologies as he moved away from you. your emotional world was in chaos, all the buried and forgotten feelings for him breaking the dams and flooding your senses until the yearning became too much. you were reminded of the conversation you had with your mother years ago - you still wanted him, missed him. you wanted him by your side. desperately, you reached out, fisting the fabric of his shirt as you leaned up to kiss him. noritoshi caught you in his arms, wrapping them around you as he fervently returned the kiss. he was holding you like he was afraid you would dissipate into thin air, frantically pulling you in. his hands were roaming, discovering the expanse of your body.

his touches left you feeling delirious, high on pleasure. a mewl left your lips, pleading him for something, for more. your hands moved higher, feeling his chest and broad shoulders before you wrapped your arms around his neck. his name left your lips in breathy sighs as he peppered kisses down your jaw, pulling the collar of your shirt to the side to gain more access to the expanse of your neck. suddenly, you were hoisted up and pressed against the door as noritoshi held you by your thighs. you struggled to wrap your legs around his waist, to distracted by his relentless ministrations. by the time he's left multiple hickeys on your neck, you were whimpering mess. noritoshi's breath was taken away at the sight of you in his arms, lips swollen from the kisses, the glossy eyes, dishevelled hair and the hickeys that were slowly becoming more visible. he couldn't understand how carelessly you were letting him proceed when you supposedly harboured a strong dislike for him. nevertheless, he enjoyed it and wanted to savour the moment, ingrain it into his memory so he'd never forget why he was treating you like a nuisance.

a loud knock resounded from the door, followed by someone shouting: "noritoshi? has y/n been here?"

out of sheer shock, you shoved noritoshi away from you and nearly fell as you attempted to detangle yourself from him. he caught you in time, signalling you to stay quiet as the person outside was still shuffling around nervously. you slumped against him limply, letting your head rest against his chest. his heart was beating erratically. it made yours fill with pride as you could tell that you had the same effect on him as he did on you. still, the precarious situation suddenly dawned on you - you'd just made out with your sworn enemy and, yes you used to have a crush on him, enjoyed it very much. and by the looks of it, he would have continued if you hadn't pushed him away. the entire ordeal greatly confused you; was noritoshi just playing around with you? it couldn't be, he had initiated it after all. the cold treatment he usually gave you didn't match with his actions just now. you couldn't get close to him, not when he gave you mixed signals. you wanted someone who cherished you and was always sincere so you wouldn't have to second guess their actions.

"huh, i guess noritoshi's already sleeping. we'll have to check somewhere else, i hope she didn't get lost," the person outside mumbled as you stayed silent. the sound of shuffling was heard, then steps away from the room. you stayed put until you were sure they were gone and gently removed yourself from noritoshi's grip, not looking him in the eyes. he didn’t move, letting you go willingly.

“i’m sorry, i don’t know what came over me,” you apologized with a pained voice. “please forget that it ever happened and uhm, please don’t tell anyone.”

noritoshi’s eyes widened at your pleas, moving to stop you from leaving so he could explain himself to you. “y/n, wait, i can ex-”

hastily, you stumbled to open the door, dashing away from him until the building was out of your sight. you poorly hid behind a tree, sinking to your knees as you buried your face in your hands. what the hell. you just made out with your childhood friend turned enemy. your buried feelings were all over the place and your mind just couldn’t stay still. it messed with your outlook as well as your image of noritoshi, distorting and twisting it until you had to rethink your relationship. maybe all this time, you subconsciously hoped that he would return back to his old self and somehow give you an explanation. never having received closure on the end of your friendship, you would even forgive him for the sake of your relationship. were you this shallow? no, you simply harboured a lot of feelings for him. you weren’t able to tell what his thought process was - was he even interested in you? did he see you like that?

“there you are,” you lifted your head to see gojo walking towards you with his hands stuffed inside the pockets of his pants. you almost didn’t recognize him as he simply wore a pair of sunglasses and let his hair down. “the others are looking for you. what are you doing out here? trouble in paradise?”

“n-no! i just needed some time away from everyone to- to catch my breath,” you exclaimed indignantly and perhaps too hastily you realized when gojo smirked at you knowingly. why did everyone assume that there was anything between noritoshi and you? was it that obvious?

“uh huh. that’s not what your neck says,” gojo pointed out while wiggling his eyebrows and offered you a hand to stand up. “he really doesn’t like any competition.”

“fuck,” you cursed quietly, covering the hickeys with one hand while taking gojo’s with your other and pulling yourself up. it was embarrassing enough to meet one of the teachers like this but it was even more embarrassing to know that your teacher had seen the aftermath of your makeout session. 

“i’m not gonna tell anyone, if that’s what you’re concerned about. although it would certainly be funny to tease little noritoshi,” gojo was giggling and you knew he was greatly amused by the entire situation. it almost reminded you of nobara. you groaned in frustration as you trailed behind him towards the girls’ dorms. you needed to hide your neck so no one would question it or grill you until you confessed; the potential embarrassment was mortifying.

your group strategy was already falling apart when todo suddenly disappeared in the depths of the forest, not caring about your teamwork in the slightest. normally, it would frustrate you a lot more if you weren’t already preoccupied with your own troubles. todo would be fine anyways, the remaining group members could work on a strategy on their own. as mechamaru and mai were discussing, you shot a glance at noritoshi. he looked as deadpan as usual, probably not listening to the discussion as he worked better on his own and it was more or less decided that mechamaru and him would be moving on their own while the others would team up. otherwise, you couldn’t tell whether he was bothered by what had transpired between you the night before. on the contrary, he looked calm and composed, probably more focused on his goal than anything else. and for some reason it bothered you.

when you’d returned to nobara’s room last night, gojo had helped you make up an excuse. while dramatically gesturing around, he’d told them that he intercepted her journey towards the boys’ dorms to recruit you for training, claiming that he wanted to teach you more about reverse cursed techniques. although he saved you from scrutiny and embarrassment, you couldn’t help but feel like he might use it as leverage in the future. it was gojo after all, he was unpredictable. absentmindedly, you agreed to whatever plan the others had schemed and grabbed your sword, getting ready to move to your assigned position with miwa. while you had heard of the other students’ skills, you weren’t sure where to place their levels as there was always room for surprises. underestimating opponents was a beginner's mistake. the bell rang out, signaling the start of the tournament; with swift movements, the group members dispersed and slowly moved towards the "enemy".

in the distance, you could already hear loud explosions - it was probably mechamaru happily blasting away his opponents. you gritted your teeth in annoyance, the blasts were too loud for you to make out anyone approaching you. and as you predicted, someone was taking advantage of the noise to stalk up on you. barely being able to block the blow with your sword, you found yourself opposite of maki who was grinning at you. the challenging glint in her eyes told you that she wasn't going to go easy on you but you welcomed it. it was a good opportunity for you to grow and hone your sword wielding skills.

however, it proved to be more difficult to defeat maki than you'd originally anticipated. in mere minutes, maki had already disarmed miwa, leaving her defenseless and you were hanging on a bare thread. your grip on the sword was weakening, laboured breath making your ears ring. it was frustrating, knowing that after all those months of rigorous practice, you still couldn't win a fight. giving up wasn't an option, at the very least you had to give it your all.

"c'mon, you can do better than this!" maki teased you as you ducked away from the swipe of her spear. it missed you by a hair's width and left you scrambling to create more distance between you so you could heal yourself. maki's relentless hits didn't give you any rooms for it - you really had to learn how to constantly apply it to yourself without losing time. from the corner of your eyes, you could see that miwa had picked up the phone. she was probably calling for help, you thought and dished out another hit towards maki which she skillfully dodged. instead, she delivered another blow to your legs, making your knees buckle from the force. you used your sword to support you and took another breath before you tried to lunge at her. in the distance, miwa suddenly collapsed, making you stop mid-move and took another hit from maki that took all the air in your lungs.

"eyes on your opponent, y/n. you know better than to get distracted in a fight, you could've been killed in a real fight," maki reprimanded you as you coughed heavily, gasping for air as you slowly got back up. you were unsteady on your feet, not having enough energy to even heal yourself. conflicted by whether you should face maki again or help miwa, your eyes were flitting between them. maki took advantage of your uncertainty, dealing another blow to you that knocked the sword out of your hand. as your last resort, you kicked at her feet, trying to get her to fall, only to have her pin you to the ground.

"you're going to have to practice a lot more to beat me in the future," she sighed, picking up your sword. panic welled up in your chest - the sword was the only way you could possibly somewhat win this fight but even subconsciously you knew that it was over. reaching out for the sword in desperation, your vision was clouded with tears. it was frustrating, so so frustrating. why couldn't you be as talented as her? or have fast reflexes like noritoshi? why were you ordinary, not being able to make any progress no matter how hard you try?

"i know but i can't give up now!" you defiantly retorted, pushing at her with all might. "i have to win, i just have to show my skills for once and prove myself, i- i-"

even maki softened up at your heart wrenching sobs, easing up on her grip. you both knew it was over. you were probably already eliminated from the tournament, with no other possibility to redeem yourself. she knew that you tried your best and never once underestimated her but something irked her. it was your motivation, your driving force.

"y/n, there's no shame in losing. that's how you grow, make mistakes and learn from them. you tried your best, it's not easy to stand against me for so long."

"i know but there's- i'm still not where i need to be! look at how much progress the others are making in comparison to me! i've been practicing day and night and still, no one is noticing me. i'm just a measly healer and i-"

"y/n." maki cut you off sternly. "is this your motivation? proving yourself to others? you'll not be able to improve if you keep fighting for others. you need to start working on yourself, for yourself. you don't owe anyone anything. but you have to realize that trying to satisfy other people's needs will only make you unhappy and hinder your growth."

"i'm unhappy with my skills! i keep telling myself that it's okay, that i have a rare cursed technique but sometimes i just wish i had a flashy technique or be as strong as you. i don't want to be looked at as if i need protection, i don't want it! i just-" you hiccuped, sniffling again as you wiped your tears with the sleeves of your uniform. "i just want someone to acknowledge me, want him to accept me as an equal…"

"who?" maki's cold look made you freeze in your movements. you didn't mean to let that slip. no one needed to know that the entire time, you were vying for noritoshi's attention. but she was right; there was no point in giving it your all if it wasn't for yourself. it was a silly, childish dream of yours to be equal with him again. he was far out of reach and you couldn't catch up to him.

"n- noritoshi," you admitted in defeat. maki saw right through you, there was no point in lying. she raised her eyebrows at you but didn't question it further. after all, you hadn't told her about the background story. unless nobara had done so, you wouldn't doubt it.

"i'm not gonna ask you why. but this is my advice, do not fight for somebody else. if you relentlessly work on yourself for your own benefit, you'll see progress a lot faster. your technique might not be flashy but it is powerful, remember that. you're a valuable asset to every team," she concluded and pulled you up, awkwardly patting your back as you still sniffled. maki opened her mouth to tell you some comforting words but froze when another extremely loud boom resounded near the entrance of the estate. your eyes widened at the sudden influx of cursed energy - there was no doubt that a high-level curse had just entered the school grounds. you turned to maki to tell her the news but she'd already moved, pointing to miwa.

"take her to a safe place, you can't stay here! in your state, you wouldn't last against such a strong curse," maki yelled at you as she disappeared in the woods. you scrambled frantically, not wanting to be left behind. while you were useless for the tournament, you could at least still be of assistance against a curse. miwa was still laying on the ground, unmoving. you shook her gently, scared that she was seriously hurt. it seemed like she was just sleeping instead; you were relieved. throwing her across your shoulder, you winced in pain but persisted nonetheless. you had to get her away from here, who knows what curses were roaming around. your senses were flooded with the stench of blood and debris, the pressure of cursed energy, the loud rumbles. you couldn't tell where the others were but you hoped they were safe.

a loud thud startled you and you stopped, ready to draw your sword until realization hit you that it was utahime that was inspecting you. determined, you thrusted miwa's limp body towards utahime. 

"miwa will be okay, she's just sleeping! i'm okay too, don't worry, please just take care of her and i'll check on the others!"

"y/n, don't be stupid! you're injured and in no state to help others." utahime attempted to convince you; you shook her off stubbornly, insisting that you were fine.

"what if the others get hurt? i have to help them or at least warn them!" your resolve was firm and unwavering that even utahime couldn't convince you otherwise. slipping out of her grasp, you sprinted towards the source of the cursed energy. from far away you could already see the damage that the curse had caused. multiple buildings were torn apart, trees dislodged and- were those branches rapidly growing out of the ground? you watched in horror as the branches whipped around, following running figures on the rooftop of one of the buildings. upping your speed, you jumped towards the group to aid them. as you neared them, you could make out inumaki, noritoshi, and megumi fighting against the curse, maki trailing close behind. 

they barely stood a chance against the curse, every hit that they dealt, the curse would come out unscathed. "what's the deal with that curse?" you asked, panting as you joined them, coming to a halt behind inumaki. megumi was yelling something but you couldn't hear him as noritoshi turned to you and shoved you out of the way.

"y/n, what are you doing here?" 

"helping you guys? what the fuck does it look like?" you yelled back exasperated. why was he mad at you in such a situation? they needed any helping hand they could get to defeat the curse. while you weren't useful in fights, you could at least provide continuous healing. noritoshi didn't have any time to reply as the curse lashed out again, dodging it by jumping to the side. you stayed close to inumaki, swiftly healing him when he collapsed from the rebound of his cursed speech. you clenched your jaw, not wanting the others to see that you were slowly running out of energy and strength. next thing you know, a body was hurled through the air, landing near you with a thud. your heart filled with dread when your eyes fell onto the figure, recognizing noritoshi.

"y/n, heal them as best as you can and get out of here! take them to the teachers!" maki yelled out and this time you obeyed, too panicked about noritoshi's state. you were thankful that inumaki had enough energy to run after you'd healed him - hauling noritoshi's tall frame around was already difficult enough but even more so when you were exhausted. as you neared the gates, utahime was already running towards you with a concerned look on her face. you were glad that she was nearby, it meant that gojo and the other teachers were close and could defend you.

"what happened?" utahime worried but you couldn't reply. falling to your knees, you gently laid noritoshi on the ground. the injuries looked bad, there was blood everywhere. you had to stop the wound on his head from bleeding but your trembling hands were preventing you from doing so.

"i- i don't know, i just- i think the curse hit him and now he's unconscious and he's losing so much blood and-"

utahime pinched you firmly, snapping you out of your panic. she was already holding a cloth to noritoshi's temple to stop the bleeding. patting your hand, she told you in a gentle voice: "heal him if you still have enough strength but don't overexert yourself. ieiri will be here soon." 

nodding frantically, you placed your trembling hands on his abdomen and let your cursed energy flow. the strength was slowly leaving your body but you had to save him. you had to make sure he was okay, he couldn't die, not like this. regret was bubbling up inside you; what if this was the last time you would ever get to see him?just as you felt his energy responding to yours and saw his hand moving slightly, you couldn't hold yourself upright anymore. the last thing you saw was utahime reaching out to catch you as you collapsed.

you woke up with a startle, gasping for air as you sat up abruptly. sunlight was flooding the room and it felt uncomfortably hot on your skin. you pushed the blanket back but stopped halfway in your movement. your entire body hurt, muscles burning and screaming for more rest. and yet you couldn’t stay still as you remembered the previous events. how long were you out for? was everyone okay? gritting your teeth, you slowly moved out of the room. again, you were faced with the endless maze that was the tokyo tech buildings and stopped in your tracks, not sure which direction to go. you let out a sigh of relief when you spotted yuji in the distance, waving at him to get his attention.

“y/n!” yuji ran towards you, frantically gesturing towards your room. “you’re supposed to be resting! what are you doing here?”

“is everyone okay?” you croaked, now realizing how dry your throat was.

“yeah, ieiri did a good job of healing everyone! some of us are still resting though and so should you.”

“no, i… is noritoshi okay?”

“noritoshi? oh, you mean the guy with the long hair?” yuji nodded, curiously eyeing you as your shoulders dropped, the stress rolling of them. “yeah, he’s still recovering though. ieiri said that his injuries were probably the worst so he’s not allowed to leave the bed.”

“can you take me to him?” you asked with a small voice, doing your best to muster up a puppy face. yuji sighed, scratching his head sheepishly. you could see the conflict in his eyes, that he was thinking about rejecting your request. in the end, he shook his head in defeat and motioned for you to follow him. a small grin found its way onto your lips - yuji was just too nice, he couldn’t say no when people ask him for favours. the walk to noritoshi’s room was silent, neither of you knowing what to say. you knew it was selfish of you not to ask him about his wellbeing more or visit the others but you just had to see for yourself that noritoshi was okay. yuji stopped in front of a door, pointing at it.

“this is his room. he might be sleeping though… my room is down the hall so if you need me to accompany you back to your room, just call me.”

you thanked him quietly and watched as he retreated. taking a deep breath, you knocked at the door and waited for a reply. a few moments passed before noritoshi’s voice rang out, giving you the okay to enter. gingerly, you opened the door and entered the room. noritoshi was sitting on his bed, reading a book as if nothing had happened. you looked at him bewildered. he didn’t look like his injuries fazed him at all. despite the bandages around his head and arms, he remained calm as if nothing hurt. 

“noritoshi,” you breathed out, taking a seat on the chair near the bed. he didn’t spare you a look, keeping his eyes on the book. “i uhm. i’m glad you’re okay! when i saw you in that state, i was so so scared that i could lose you… i did my best to heal you, i know i didn’t do much but-”

“i didn’t need your help,” noritoshi snapped at you, placing the book on his lap. “i would’ve been fine without it.”

you were stunned. why was he so agitated? after you initial shock, you huffed in frustration. “what the hell, you could’ve died! i was trying so hard to keep you alive and you react like this? i know you don’t like me but even this is a low blow for you!”

“it wouldn’t have been a problem if you hadn’t inserted yourself into everything! you’re not helping anyone, just dragging us down; everything could’ve gone well if it wasn’t for you standing in the way,” noritoshi countered as frustrated, this time actually looking at you. you stared back at him in disbelief. you saved his life and he had the nerve to shot you down like this.

“does it really hurt your ego to admit that i was actually helpful? we were friends at some point so why do you insist on being such a dick? and here i was, finally thinking that we were getting somewhere- for fuck’s sake, we kissed and-”

“leave.”

you stopped rambling. the tired tone in his voice, the deadpan look on his face; he was serious. you couldn’t believe him. tears welled up in your eyes as you leaped from the chair and hastily exited the room, slamming the door in anger. 

you never wanted to see him again.

p.s: yes nobara gave you a wrong sketch of the buildings what about it hehe

taglist: @milkteeboba​

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

https://matthewfairchildfanclub.tumblr.com/post/622613826051932160/okay-im-ranting-because-i-started-re-reading-the

What do u think about this? I'm kinda struck. I didn't read it that way? It didn't feel ooc to me? I am just stunned how many ppl agree with this because...thar entire thing was cardan and jude being dumb and sad and... Jude is a strong protagonist and ever scheming and persistent but she's...like human? She has feelings and is allowed to be sad??? Idk it's just strange to me

okay first thing's first: i'm not trying to start beef with OP (or anyone who agrees with OP). that is their opinion. they're allowed to have it. Jude and Cardan aren't real, but the person on the other side of that blog is.

second. i really only briefly skimmed the post because, honestly, it's the same argument i've seen everyone who doesn't like QON make. they think because Jude wouldn't burn down villages to get back into Elfhame after having her heart broken, she is, therefore, OOC.

let me tell you why i, personally, disagree with that statement. (TW: discussion of mental health and dissociation under the cut)

i'm going to split this into two parts. one is more anecdotal and the other is more character based.

as you point out, nonnie, Jude is strong. she is fierce, she is determined. but again, she is human. with human feelings. teenage human feelings, at that.

anyone who is not convinced Jude would feel pretty shit for a while after going through her first heartbreak is either too old to remember the rollick of teenage emotions mixed with the legless lord of young love, or they've simply never had their hearts broken before.

if the first, they're looking at Jude's situation with years of maturation behind them, years Jude doesn't yet have at that point. i think people forget this sometimes. Jude is just a teenager. and they probably want her to keep fighting because it's what they didn't do, but wished they had.

if the latter..... oh, my sweet summer child.

when i was young and in love (kind of) and then suddenly had everything ripped away from me within the span of a month, i honestly couldn't tell you what happened that summer. because i don't remember. i was backpacking but all i remember is sleeping well into the afternoon almost every day. lashing out at my friends for stupid shit. not eating. taking every chance i could get to isolate myself. being fine one moment, then in the next feeling like i was going to burst into tears out of nowhere. i had my first dissociative episode. it lasted for three days.

now, i'm probably not as scary as Jude. but i'd like to think i'm stubborn and spiteful enough to warrant some shadowy semblance. what i became was not who i or anyone else wanted or expected me to be. i wanted to be angry and rage and seek revenge, but i couldn't. people expected me to get over it, but i didn't. i was just stuck in this awful liminal place.

heartbreak isn't a single moment where your heart is shattered and then you immediately begin to pick up the pieces. that's unrealistic. heartbreak shatters you and then steals what's left away into a dense fog and laughs as you fumble around blindly on your hands and knees, searching for the lost pieces of yourself.

so, as nonnie pointed out, it is okay for Jude to be sad. it is more than okay. it's what we should expect.

okay, now on to my character based argument. to me, anyone who has this interpretation of QON has severely misjudged Jude's character throughout the series as a whole.

it's true, Jude might put on the facade of tough scary lady with sword–and sure, to a certain extent that is part of her. but Jude is not inherently wicked or menacing or unforgiving, even if she can be at times.

just because we can be a thing doesn't mean we are that thing. mere adjectives simply do not have the breadth to define us, your honours. we exist in multitudes, or however the fuck that Walt Whitman quote goes.

i'm not going to comb through the entire series for moments where Jude is not scary or menacing because, frankly, there are a lot. if you're not actively looking for the moments where she is terrifying, i think you'll see her kindness, her gentleness, even at times her grace, quite plainly.

i'd also like to point out that the times in which Jude is any of those scarier things are all when she is literally terrified for her life. it's a survival tactic. be scared or be the scariest thing in the room. easy choice from where i'm standing.

now in terms of Jude's exile, Cardan is a little dumb here, but not in the fanon himbo Cardan way. just in the normal "dude madly in love" way. by exiling her to the mortal world, he thought he was giving her what she wanted: safety and a clever riddle to solve. because she can't break, right?

he also sent her away for selfish reasons. her safety was more absolute in the mortal world and he couldn't risk losing her again. plus, he wanted to show off his cleverness, smug prick that he is.

but what Jude actually wanted were the things he promised her in his vows: to be the Queen of Elfhame, and, ultimately, him. she wanted a place to call home and Cardan by her side. he took the only things she truly desired in the world away from her by exiling. so yeah, homegirl has every right to be sad.

to close, i think people with this perspective of QON have the same view of Jude as Cardan once did, and it comes from a place of well-intentioned misunderstanding. he thought she could not break. so did the anti-QON crowd.

they were wrong.

–Em 🖤🗡

more thoughts on Emotional!Jude

more theories & analysis