#my base is at like a 8 so a jump to 10 is barely fucking noticed lmao

[placesyoucallhome]

Hello darkness side effects my old friend, I've come to speak with you again

Actually, the doctor's visit went REALLY well, she was 100% willing to go with my Long Covid diagnosis and treat it as that. She apparently has colleagues that research/treat LC that she wants to consult with them on the best way forward which I appreciate, my local city having a long covid clinic is really working for me right now, especially since I'm going to the same hospital infrastructure. I don't know that I need a referral to that as of yet, but treating symptoms is what I'm after anyways and she's on board.

As always- don't fucking get covid, get the novavax vaccine, mask if you can/have to, especially if you're stressed or have a history of trauma, you are far more likely to get long covid if you do, each infection is a russian roulette to get a permanent disability that could leave you bedbound if you aren't gd careful.

I did however get meds for anxiety and mdd, which while good, is also going to be a little rough, the side effects for ssri/snri always hit me a little hard. The anti-anxiety med is already making me really woozy and laggy, but that's supposed to be stable in a few days rather than 4-6 weeks.

The next few weeks are about to be rough, but they're also a light at the end of the tunnel I think. Now we just need to find a car. We've been hella lucky that my mil is happy to come work at our place a few days a week so I can go get groceries and we can go attempt to look at cars, never mind the fact that the last few we've tried to go to were sold right before we arrived, still... Today is car hunting day, so long as I don't pass out, I'll have sushi as a reward at least!

[rykno-j]

my j/jk s2 ep5 thoughts.. welcome onboard the pain train.

under the cut (spoilers)

-

AGEHSHSHHHS WELL THAT WAS..

1. the way they made g/eto's eyes so tired.

2. the way g/eto went from hair tied up proper and whatnot to wearing baggy clothes and his hair everywhere, literally went from 1 bang to 2 bangs. it really brought out how down he was feeling. and i love yet hate that so much.

3. N/ANAMI'S FKING VOICE ACTOR KILLED THAT SCENE WHERE HE THREW THE CHAIR. HE SOUNDED SO DAMN BROKEN AND UPSET IT STUNG SO HARD argshh. YOU CAN LIKE HEAR THE SADNESS IN HIS VOICE AND HOW DISTRAUGHT HE WAS. his va..

4. g/ojo when he realised g/eto killed his family and everyone at the village. the way he scrunched his fist until he bled.

5. the street scene where they last talked. oh my god. when g/ojo went into a fighting pose but couldn't bare to kill g/eto. his va DID SO WELL. I COULD TOTALLY TELL HE WAS IN A DILEMMA JUST FROM THE WAY HE EXHALED.

when his teacher told him about g/eto loosing it. g/ojo's reactions was so.. so.. argshhh..

6. the way g/eto always puts s/atoru first. when h/aibara asked what snacks he wanted. "s/atoru might want some too, get something sweet"

7. g/ojo at the end saying he wants m/egumi to get strong. "you need to get strong quickly, strong enough so you won't be left behind by me" OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT, I FORGOT THE EXACT WORDS. BUT OH MY GOD he feels so bad for leaving s/uguru behind doesn't he.

8. the way g/eto so coldly became the leader (dictator) of the organisation. he really did a 360° didn't he :c

9. im jumping around so much BUT THE START WHERE G/ETO HAD A MONOLOGUE. the "s/atoru is getting stronger..", "im spending more time alone now.." part. oh. my. god. HE SOUNDED SO DAMN SAD AND LOST.

10. it never hit me before even though ive noticed it while reading the manga. but y/uki kinda played a big part (my opnion) in making g/eto turn to the dark side. like without her putting the idea of killing all non-sorcerers into his mind (ofc i know she did it unintentionally) he wouldn't have gone down that path so quickly. at least thats what i feel.

11. of course the village mission with the 2 locked up girls played a biiiiig part with that. but like the fact g/eto said smth like "i have to choose" (between leaving or staying, rmb when y/uki pointed to the escape door then at j/jk high) means that she kinda pushed him to make a decision faster than he might have naturally.

(do i make sense?? im quite bad at putting thoughts into words..)

11. then finally the part he woke up and m/egumi asked him why hes laughing. g/ojo answering with a playful "nothing"

12. also. the groans g/ojo made as he woke up. HELLO I SWEAR IM NOT INSANE FOR NOTICING (and maybe playing it over a few times). argshhsh

these fucking eyes. also if you zoom into the base of his eye, there's DEFINITELY a mark under it. TEARS? DID HE CRY IN HIS DREAM? baby..

i have no idea if im allowed to post photos of the episode, like if ill get striked or something.. i hope not..

ANYWAY THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS FOR NOW i might come back and edit it if smth else strikes my mind..

what a great episode as usual.. gna go back to lessons and daydream about g/eto's eyebags and n/anami's broken voice

▪︎•▪︎

[eurotastic]

Eurovision reviews 2023- semi final 2

Here's some general information: I went to the London Eurovision preparty in April, and I had the best time, and for that reason, my opinions are partially based on the live performances that I saw there. As usual, I'm primarily basing my reviews on the song quality (do I want to listen to it outside of the competition?), and the preview videos for the staging - The full package that we're getting in the actual show. I'm also taking general fandom opinions into consideration with some of the songs, in case I think the fandom is overhyping or underrating an entry. I feel like I'm overexplaining the way I judge the songs, mostly it's just based on vibes, but the bottom line is that these are just my personal opinions and you're all free to send me anonymous hate mail if you disagree.

Denmark: Breaking My Heart - Reiley

When the EBU are deciding the running order for the semi finals, they're always giving the first spot to a strong, upbeat entry to make sure the audience gets hyped up. This is to prevent the viewers from getting bored and changing the channel when the show has barely even started. Out of all the songs available in the first half of this semi, Denmark seems like a decent pick to open the show. Not because it's good or anything, it's just slightly less awful than the rest of the songs we have to sit through.

4/10

Armenia: Future Lover - Brunette

The idea for this song is really good, I like that it's a slightly different take on a love song, and the instrumental production is fantastic. With that said, the lyrics are awkward as hell even though the basic idea was good, and the song feels disjointed and unfinished. She's singing that she's going to "be good, do good, look good", and she's only really succeding at looking good.

5/10

Romania: D.G.T. (Off and On) - Theodor Andrei

You know how everything you did at the age of 18 feels horrifically embarrassing in hindsight? Well, this kid gets to show all his incredible 18 year old ideas to the entire continent of Europe, in all his embarrassing 18 year old glory. He is talented, he is creative, and he has awful taste. It's the greatest unintentional comedy moment of the year for me.

1/10

Estonia: Bridges - Alika

Nice singing or whatever.

3/10

Belgium: Because of You - Gustaph

Is this the first time someone has walked that fucking duck on the Eurovision stage?

8/10

Cyprus: Break a Broken Heart - Andrew Lambrou

This is extremely boring but in a competent way. I don't like anything about it, but in this extremely shitty semi I'm at least willing to respect it just because there's nothing I dislike about it either.

5/10

Iceland: Power - Diljá

After I got home from London, I showed my sister a big slideshow of all the photos I took at the Eurovision preparty, and here's the thing: once I got to the photo of Diljá, I couldn't recognize her at all, despite watching her live just a few days earlier. I couldn't remember who she was, what country she was from or what her song sounded like. My mind was just blank, and I could not for the life of me remember who this person was. I had to google the full line up for the preparty just to figure out who she was. For the record, I didn't have any issues at all remembering any of the other singers.

She's just trying so hard on stage, running around all over the place, jumping up and down, shrieking her lungs out, to the point where it just gets exhausting to watch, and despite all of that, there's absolutely nothing to remember about it. It's a disaster.

2/10

Greece: What They Say - Victor Vernicos

I could listen to this song for 24 hours straight without remembering a single second of it afterwards.

2/10

Poland: Solo - Blanka

I think we're all familiar with the term "fanwank" - every year, there's a song that the fandom just loves even though it has very little appeal to the mainstream audience. The fanwank usually ends up getting eliminated in the semi, and the fandom acts all shocked even though anyone outside the fandom bubble could have seen it coming from a mile away. With Poland this year, we have the rare reverse fanwank- the fandom has convinced itself that this song is the worst thing to ever happen to Eurovision, even though it's just a decent, inoffensive pop song. It's fine, guys, this is literally fine.

6/10

Slovenia: Carpe Diem - Joker Out

I love how in this sounds like an early 2000s British indie rock song, in terms of instrumental production. Rock music in Eurovision usually sounds really overproduced to the point where the instruments are barely recognizable, but this one has fantastic guitar work that sounds like it's being played live. With that said, I hate that it's called "Carpe Diem", that's a really tired lyrical cliche that makes the whole song feel less interesting.

6/10

Georgia: Echo - Iru

This song is so meaningless that it's almost impressive - these lyrics don't have more content than a blank piece of paper. To make matters worse, she's doing this overly dramatic vocal performance without conveying any kind of recognizable human emotion besides "dramatic eurovision ballad", so I guess we'll never find out what they're going for here. I miss weird Georgia, can we have weird Georgia back next year?

2/10

San Marino: Like An Animal -Piqued Jacks

You know, when you're learning a new language, there's always that awkward stage where you're good enough at it that everyone understands what you're trying to say, but you're still bad enough that your wording gets unintentionally weird at times. At this stage, you might want to stay away from songwriting, or you'll end up with song lyrics like "I can smell you like an animal".

2/10

Austria: Who The Hell Is Edgar? -Teya & Salena

This song has both a fun gimmick and a serious message, so it's pretty much a perfect fan favorite. It's the only truly great song in this semi final. With that said, I need to nitpick the staging. It's too monochromatic and the dancers look too serious. They could have had way more fun with it, but it's whatever, I'm just being whiny.

8/10

Albania: Duje - Albina & Familja Kelmendi

I haven't had a single positive thing to say about this song until now, but comparing it to everything else in this garbage semi makes me appreciate it a little more. It's classic early 2000s Eurovision, it's dramatic and there's fire on stage. I guess this is fine.

4/10

Lithuania: Stay - Monika Linkytė

I keep seeing people in the fandom saying that all the moms in Europe will really like this one? Those people need to go apologize to their fucking moms immediately, because I don't understand why women would go for the most boring music possible just because they've had kids. What a fucking insult.

2/10

Australia: Promise - Voyager

The keytar is the only thing in this entire semi final that is making me feel real happiness.

8/10

[corrodedhawkins]

Obey Your Master - Part Two

Part 1

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: SMUT 18+

Words: 2.7K

Master of Puppets blares through the speakers. “We’re definitely fucking to this song until we wear out the tape” he yells, head banging to the beat.

“Eddie, isn’t this song like 10 minutes long?” you whine as he pulls you close.

“8 minutes and 36 seconds, to be exact” he corrects, trailing kisses down your neck.

“Oh my fucking God. You’re such a nerd.”

Eddie smirks, licking a hot stripe from the base of your neck to your ear, stopping to nibble on the lobe. “And you’re going to let this nerd fuck this pretty pussy, aren’t you?”

Tuesday nights at the Hideout were your favorite. You, and a crowd of about five drunks, had the pleasure of watching your boyfriend lead his band, Corroded Coffin. You hated to admit it, but seeing Eddie up on that stage expertly playing his guitar while his skin glistened with sweat got you worked up. That and your plan for tonight already had you squeezing your thighs together on the barstool as you waited for Eddie to finish packing up his equipment.

An hour later Eddie was pushing you up against the side of his van, hands on your hips as he mouthed at your neck. “I have a surprise for you”, you whispered. Eddie detached himself from your neck and looked down at you excitedly. “Yeah? You finally getting my name tattooed on your ass?” You threw your head back with a laugh, Eddie quickly bringing his hand up to cradle the back of your head to keep you from slamming against the van.

“No! The day I get your name on my ass is the day you let me peg you”, your eyebrows raise waiting for his response. “Mean. You’re just mean” he shakes his head, smiling. “Oh I’m mean? Guess that means you don’t want your surprise”, you singsong as you detach yourself from his grip. You move to walk away, but Eddie grabs you and spins you so your front is against the van as he presses himself against your back.

He grinds into your ass, letting out a low groan. He feels something in the pocket of your skirt and looks down to find the outline of a cassette tape. “Is this my surprise?” he asks, reaching down to slip it from your pocket. You nod as you turn around to face him. “If I recall, I did promise that you could fuck me in the back of this very van to your favorite song. So I made you a tape of the song on loop”. Eddie lets out an honest to God whoop and pumps his fist into the air. “Hell yeah!” He grabs you by the hand and whips the van door open as he drags you into the back.

He pops the cassette into the stereo, cranks the volume and scrambles back to you on the mattress on the floor in the back of the van. Master of Puppets blares through the speakers. “We’re definitely fucking to this song until we wear out the tape” he yells, head banging to the beat. “Eddie, isn’t this song like 10 minutes long?” you whine as he pulls you close. “8 minutes and 36 seconds, to be exact” he corrects, trailing kisses down your neck. “Oh my fucking God. You’re such a nerd'.

Eddie smirks, licking a hot stripe from the base of your neck to your ear, stopping to nibble on the lobe. “And you’re going to let this nerd fuck this pretty pussy, aren’t you?”. You let out a moan before you could stop yourself. “That’s what I thought.” You could hear the smugness in his voice as he smiles against your skin. “What else are you gonna let me do?” He asks, moving lower to suck on the delicate skin of your throat. “Whatever you want”, you gasp as he sucks an angry bruise into your skin.

He detaches himself from your neck and looks up at you, eyebrows raised. “Anything I want?” “Yes!”, you laugh. “This is your surprise. Do whatever you want with me, master”, you bat your eyelashes for good measure. Eddie groans out a low “fuck” before he cups your cheek, bringing your gaze to his. He places a soft kiss to your lips, “You tell me if it gets to be too much. You remember your safe word?”

You can barely nod affirmatively before Eddie jumps into action. He grabs at his belt buckle, undoing it in record time before pulling out his half hard cock. He gives himself a few strokes before he looks at you, then back down at his lap. “Suck”. You immediately settle into position and take the head of his cock into your mouth, savoring the taste of his salty precum on your tongue. You switch from long, deep strokes that makes the head bump the back of your throat to placing soft, delicate kisses to the tip.

He lets you have your fun until he finally snaps. Eddie grabs a fistful of your hair and uses it to roughly guide you back and forth on his cock. You’re gagging, disgusting sounds coming from the back of your throat. They should gross you out, but they’re making you so wet. Eddie using your mouth exactly the way he wants while you choke and gag might be one of your favorite fantasies. “I thought you said ‘anything I want?’”, Eddie asks. “I told you to ‘suck’, not ‘tease the fuck out of me’, didn't I, baby?”

You try to nod, but his grip on your hair keeps you in place as he fucks into your mouth. You manage a garbled moan, the vibrations making Eddie buck up further into your mouth. Tears are leaking from the corners of your eyes, smearing your mascara. He hears you sniffling between thrusts and pulls you up by your hair so he can get a good look at you. “Oh baby. Look at you, crying over how much you love my cock?”. He smooths his hand over your hair, touch soft and gentle. “I can’t wait to see how hard I can make you cry with my mouth”.

He pushes you onto your back and flips up your skirt, expecting to find a nice pair of panties for the special occasion. Instead, he’s met with your glistening cunt. The insides of your thighs are soaked, sticky with your arousal. “Fuck”, Eddie groans. “You were wearing this”, he flicks at the hem of your skirt, “Tiny little thing with no panties on?” You nod, cheeks heating.

“You’re telling me”, Eddie glares up at you, “That while you were dancing and bouncing around during the show, you could have flashed anyone who happened to look over?”. “Y-yes?”, you answer timidly. “You are in so much fucking trouble, baby”, Eddie growls. “Over my lap”, he settles into the carpet, legs crossed. When you don’t move fast enough, he pats his knee and commands, “now”.

You scramble to lay over his lap, ass up. He flicks up the hem of your skirt and grabs your flesh roughly. “This ass is for my eyes only”, he squeezes and kneads your ass as he speaks. “I thought that had been made perfectly clear, but I guess you’re in need of a reminder”. He digs his nails into your skin, laughing as you flinch from the discomfort. “This ass is getting beat, babe. How many do you think you deserve?”

You think carefully. You’re pretty sure whatever you answer with at this point is just going to get you into more trouble. So why not goad him a little. “Um. None?”. Eddie barks out a loud laugh, the movement jostling you on his lap. “Oh now I know you’re fucking with me. I’m gonna fuck that bratty attitude out of you later, sweetheart. Don’t you worry”.

Without warning, his hand came down on your ass hard, twice. You yelped at the shock of pain as he brings his other hand to clamp down on your hip when you try to squirm away. “I guess I’ll just have to decide how many you deserve, then. That was two. Keep count”. He smacks your ass again, pausing after it lands waiting for you to count. “Three”, you whimper. Eddie’s hand smacks down onto your ass three times in rapid succession, causing you to cry out. “Six”, you eventually sputter out.

The next blow is the hardest, and it makes your eyes well up with tears. You sniffle out a “seven” before he can prompt you. He eases up for the eight, ninth hit, and you count them obediently. “Last one”, he murmurs before landing one last blow on your ass. You count it as you let out a shaky breath. “Good. You’re doing so good”, Eddie praises. He palms the heated flesh of your ass, the cold of his rings almost enough to soothe the sting.

“Now”, he says, pushing your head down into the carpet so your stomach slides further off of his lap, giving him the perfect view of your soaked folds. “How many does this pretty pussy deserve?” Your eyes go wide and your breath catches in your throat. “W-what?”. Eddie moves two fingers down to glide down to your leaking hole, collecting your slick as he makes his way back up to circle your clit. “Your cunt is mine too, honey. And judging by this little stunt, you’ve forgotten that. So, how many do you deserve?”

“You decide. You’re in charge”, you answer. “Good girl”, You can hear the smugness in his voice. He lands the first slap against your cunt and you cry out, nails digging into Eddie’s leg. He clears his throat above you. “One!”, you count. “There you go. Good”. Hits two and three are harder. You let out a particularly pitifully whimper, causing Eddie to halt his movements. He runs a hand soothingly up your back and softly asks, “Color?” “Green”, you immediately answer. “Just overwhelmed”. Eddie nods and helps you with your count, “Three”.

He brings his hand from your pussy to his mouth, licking your arousal off his fingers. “You are so fucking wet”, he groans. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”. You immediately nod. You weren’t expecting to enjoy this so much, and yet here you are, so turned on you feel like you could cum if he hit your clit just right. As if reading your mind, Eddie spreads your folds and lands a hit directly onto your clit, causing you to buck in his lap, pussy clenching down on nothing. You’re shaking, it’s all too much but not enough. You’re struggling to keep count, “Four”.

“You’re such a slut, enjoying your punishment”. He brings two fingers to your hole, circling but never dipping in. You try to push back onto them, but Eddie grabs your hip to keep you still. “Ah, ah. You’ve been good. Don’t ruin it now”. He moves his fingers up to your clit, just barely grazing it. “One more and you’re done”. One last blow lands right over your hole and you cry out. You need to cum so badly, tears are rolling down your face. You whisper a barely audible “five” as you shake on Eddie’s lap.

He pulls you up and turns you so you’re laying in his lap with your head on his chest. He cards his fingers through your hair soothingly. “You alright?” You nod into his shirt. “Still ok if I fuck you?” You nod again, “If I don’t cum soon I’ll die”. Eddie throws his head back and laughs, “Noted. Go lay on your stomach for me”, he motions to the other side of the mattress. You settle, laying your head on your crossed arms underneath you.

He gives you no warning before he’s crowding up behind you, pushing into your tight heat. You nearly sob, white knuckling the mattress. “I’m not sure if you learned your lesson earlier, babe. This pussy is mine, do you understand?” You bite your lip and nod as you try to gain leverage and rock back into his cock.

A hand on your hip stops you. “You’ll take what you’re given. Be good. Answer me. This pussy is mine. Do you understand?”, he punctuates his words with a particularly hard thrust. “Yes!”, you cry out. “This pussy is yours, Eddie”. You hear him chuckle behind you, “You’re goddamn right it is”. He grabs your hips and angles them just so, hitting your g-spot perfectly.

“You gonna cum, sweetheart? I can feel how hard you’re squeezing my cock. You’re close, aren’t you?” You whimper and nod. “Can I cum?” “Good girl, asking for permission.”, he praises. “But no, you can’t”. You wail, tears blurring your vision. “Please? I’ve been so good”, you whine.

He thinks for a moment, “Fine”. You immediately wedge your hand between yourself and the mattress, fingers finding your clit. “Did I say you could touch yourself?”, Eddie asks, grabbing your arm and pinning it behind your back. “You said I could cum!”, you protest. Eddie tightens his hold on the wrist against your back. “I said you could cum. You cum like this or you don’t cum at all”.

Oh, he’s playing dirty. You’ve always wanted to cum just from him fucking you but haven’t ever been able to get there. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to focus on just how good he feels inside of you. Eddie picks up his pace, fucking into fast and hard. "Better hurry up, sweetheart. I'm getting close. If you don't cum before I do, you're not coming tonight". You're so close, you can feel how hard you're gripping Eddie's cock. You shift so you can fuck back on his cock, needed all the stimulation you can get. Thankfully, Eddie doesn't protest. His thrusts are getting erratic, and you know he's holding himself back so you can cum. 

"C'mon baby. Cum for me. I know you're close", he grinds the head of his cock into your g-spot, making your muscles seize. "Be a good girl and cum", is all you need to hear before your orgasm washes over you. You feel Eddie cum right as you do, groaning as he releases into you. He catches his breath before pulling out and laying next to you, smoothing your hair away from your face. "Good?", he asks. You nod, "Really fucking good".

“ Hey Eddie?”, you ask softly. “Yeah babe?”, he looks over at you. “Can you shut the music off? I’m getting a headache”. Eddie chuckles and shuts the music off before settling down next to you on the mattress. He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you close.

There’s a soft knock on the back door of the van. “Hey-uh, guys?”, Gareth calls. You freeze, eyes going wide as you look over at Eddie. “Uh. Um, Yeah? What do you need?”, Eddie calls back as he shimmies back into his boxers. “It’s just-I left my bag in there with my keys and I kinda need to go home. So”, he answers. “I-I’m really sorry, Eddie”, he stutters out. “I just-I didn’t realize I’d left it in there until you were already gone so I came out to get it and the van was, well, rocking”, he rambles.

Your hand comes up to cover your face, cheeks flaming with embarrassment. “And I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt, you know? So I just waited for it to stop. Rocking”, he continues. Eddie points at a stray blanket and motions for you to cover yourself. He bounds up to the passenger seat and grabs Gareth’s bag. As soon as he sees you’re covered, he cracks open the door and practically throws the bag at him.

“Thank you!”, Gareth yells as the door slams shut. “Sorry I heard you guys, y’know. The music was loud but I could still hear-“. Eddie cuts him off and huffs, "Okay Gareth, please go away now!". You hear Gareth mumble one last "sorry" before retreating. "I am never going to be able to look him in the eye again without blushing", you groan. Eddie chuckles as he gets dressed, "Babe, I can guarantee you he's on his way home right now to jerk off". You reach for the nearest piece of clothing and chuck it at his head. "Ew! You are so fucking gross!". 

"Hey! Can you blame the kid with all the shit you were saying? 'This pussy is yours, Eddie. This is the best dick I've ever had in my life Eddie. You've ruined me for anyone else, master', I'm surprised he didn't cum in his pants". You throw him a look, "I never said that". Eddie grins as he hands you your skirt, "Fine. But it was obviously implied". 

The next time you see Gareth at Hellfire Club, he can't quite look you or Eddie in the eye. 

Read on AO3

If anyone would actually read a part 3 where reader pegs Eddie lmk

[eddieswh0r]

Before He Cheats.

EddieXyou

Little one shot based on the song Before He Cheats.

Just imagine the song was released in '86🙈

Also may or may not have stolen a scene from another tv show 👀

Summary; You're late for one of Eddie's gigs at the hideout but things fall apart right before your eyes.

Warnings; Angst, heartbreak, cheating, public kissing, brief mentions of sex

8:17pm the alarm clock flashed red and if you didn't get a move on you were sure to miss the whole set. You'd promised Eddie you wouldn't be far behind him as he left in a huff without you to go meet his fellow Corroded Coffin band mates at the hideout, you told him you just needed to do your hair, which you both knew was a lie. You'd normally be ready by now and make your way over with Eddie but he had other plans, other plans being that he couldn't leave without making sure your legs were shaking and the contents of his balls were emptied inside you. After the tough couple of weeks you'd both had, you both needed that release. You'd not touched each other in weeks, which for Eddie, was unusual. His behavior had been all round strange, you'd barely seen each other and you felt un-wanted, but its not like you even bothered to make an effort with him, you didn't care, if anything you were glad. You'd been arguing a lot more and instead of going round to his after work you'd go straight home, you'd avoid his calls and go days without seeing him. You squeezed your thighs together and bit down on your still puffy bottom lip as you visualized what had happened moments before, shaking your head to rid the image you hopped out the shower, wrapping a towel around you, you made your way to the bedroom to start on your makeup straight away. You actually couldn't wait to see him, doing what he did best, making you proud. It had been a long time since you last saw him perform.

. . .

A smoky eye paired with a deep red lip was your finished look as your black hair fell to the middle of your back. A quick glance at the clock, 9:21pm "Fuck. Where the fuck is my purse" you muttered running round the trailer while trying to pull on a knee length, heeled boot. Hanging over the clothes rail you caught the glisten of the shiny black faux crocodile skin strap in the light, you tugged it off and threw it over your shoulder, rushing to make your way out the door to your car, not before spinning on your heel and hitting your hip, with a yelp of pain, on the kitchen counter to grab your car keys, uttering curse words and slamming the trailer door you jumped in your car. Shoving the key in the ignition you glanced in the mirror to check the path was clear, rolling your eyes you snatched out the roller you'd left in your bangs. You shifted the gear into reverse and then forwards and put your foot down speeding off with a screeching wheel spin, kicking up dust from the gravel under the tyres. Unbeknownst to you Eddie was trying to call you only to receive a dial tone, you'd accidently knocked the phone off the hook as you'd slammed the door behind you.

A slam of the receiver and Eddie turned to his band mates "Fuck it, she's not coming boys. I'm not waiting any longer." He picked up his guitar and went out on stage.

9:39pm. It was only 10 minutes to the hideout but you'd been stuck behind the slowest old lady going 25mph, you'd beeped, tried to over take and even driven right up her ass, but eventually gave up when she didn't take the hint. "He's gonna be so pissed with me" you sighed gripping the steering wheel, turning your knuckles white. "Ten fuckin' minutes i told him, 'oh i wont be far behind you babe'" you mimicked your own words in a silly voice.

10:02pm. Slamming the car door behind you, you hitched your purse onto your shoulder while calling the old lady every name under the sun. You heard no band playing as you got closer to the door, just the faint sounds of whatever was playing on the jukebox, your heart sank, you'd missed his set and man was he gonna be upset. They only play half an hour and you couldn't even manage to fucking make it. By this point you knew Eddie thought you just weren't gonna turn up, you knew him too well. Or so you thought.

As you slid in through the door, you made your way over to a dim lit corner and you took a seat. Looking towards the stage you could see Jeff struggling to take an amp through the back with a disgruntled look on his face. Where was Eddie? that's his amp. A loud crash made you jump and avert your gaze, now over to Gareth who was flailing his arms in the air, shooting angry glances ahead of him. Boy, if looks could kill. Part of his drum set scattered between the floor and the entry to out the back. He looked pissed. Your brow furrowed as you slowly moved your eyes across the room. A bleached -blonde girl was bent over the pool table, cue in hand while giggling and pushing her ass out. "Jesus, what a tramp" mid roll of your eyes you caught sight of the person behind her. Bent over her, face in the crook of her neck, very clearly pressing his crotch into her fucking ass, showing her how to shoot a combo. Your eyes slowly scanned him, from head to toe. Brown curls that fell to his shoulders, plump lips, a dirty smirk, a necklace with a plectrum attached. Tears pricked your eyes, a hand covered your open mouth, you didn't want to carry on looking but it was like a car crash, you couldn't turn away. A denim battle vest with the sleeves cut away, a motorhead patch, a w.a.s.p pin. You're eyes made their way to his face, What felt like barbed wire gripped your throat, you could see it, right there in his eyes. The lust. The same lust that you knew, come to think of it, that look of lust wasn't even there not 3 hours before when you were underneath him, moaning his name. "Eddieeee, you're a tease" loud giggles knocked you from your train of thought as you saw him, right there in front of you, their position had changed, although still pressed against a pool table, she was now facing him as he nibbled on her earlobe. Your heart ached at the sight. Never would you think Eddie would do something like this, never in a million years.

You'd snuck round to the side of the bar out of their view, sat on a barstool, you'd thrown back almost three quarters of a bottle of Whiskey and the anger built up inside. You watched them as the night went on, every little thing they did, how he bought her drink after drink, obviously something with a low percentage and fruity as she cant handle shooting whiskey, she'd previously sang some white trash version of something on the karaoke. "I'm s-sooo drunk Eddie" she giggled, hiccupping, rubbing her hands over his chest and down to his waist, up and down his torso, the same torso that was not long sweating on top of you earlier that night. "I know sweetheart" a shit eating grin across his face as his hands explore her ass and his lips crashed down onto hers. Sweetheart? No. Please, he didn't just fucking say your pet name to that girl right before he kissed her. Your fists bunched up at the side of you as the tears fell thick and fast down your cheeks, you stood up knocking the stool over and you held onto the bar for support. Stumbling outside you rummaged in your purse and grabbed your keys, making way over to your car you caught a glance of his van, the left corner of your mouth turned up into a smirk as you ran towards his van.

The screeching noise from the keys dragging deeply over the sides of his van were unbearable, it was a clapped out banger anyway, this only made it look better. You knew he always left it unlocked when at the hideout so they could either pack up quickly or so he could come to his van to smoke a quick j. You threw the doors open and picked up what you knew he kept in there. “It’s just for emergencies baby, just in case a deal goes wrong or, or we need back up” his words echoed in your mind. Two smashes later and you’d completely busted his headlights. “Hm this baseball bat DID come in handy” you laughed to yourself as you took a big swing to his drivers side window, climbing inside you took a pocket knife hidden inside his glovebox “y/n” you carved into each of his seats, laughing manically while the tears still fell fast, cheeks stained with mascara. You sat for a moment, a wave of guilt washing over you. Fuck. All you wanted most was his arms around you , telling you everything was okay, that he loved his sweetheart so much. Faint laughter soon stopped that thought and through the wing mirror you saw them, making their way over to his van, his arms draped over her as he followed behind still nuzzling her neck. You swiftly kicked the dented door open with some force and jumped down, leaning against the door you waited.

"Eddie, baby. When are you gonna tell her? You said you would and that was weeks ago" her whiney voice made your hairs stand up on end, there's that barbed wire feeling around your throat again, your eyes narrowed and before you knew it, you'd made your way around the van, four hissing tyres quickly releasing the air that was once held in them. "Hey!! what the fuck you doing? hey!! you!!" The hissing sound drew Eddies attention quickly as he started jogging over. "I'm fucking talking to you asshole, that's my fuc-." Eddies eyes widened as he recognized your face as you slowly rose up from beside the tyre. His whole demeanor changed from flirty, happy Eddie to kicked puppy Eddie.

"Y/n.. sweetheart, wh-what are you doing? You know that's my van right baby?" as Eddie took a step towards you, you moved back. "Edsss, what is going on, baby i wanna go HOME" the shrillness of her voice was intolerable. "Yeah, 'Eds'. What IS going on.." you folded your arms across your chest stepping out into the light. "Eds, who is this? Tell her to beat it" she shrilled, with a roll of your eyes and a scoff leaving your mouth, you moved a few steps forward, standing in front of her, you could see her bright pink lipstick faded, her hair clearly not a natural blonde and her blue eyeshadow was smeared. "Oh, me? Who am i? No honey, that's not the question you wanna be asking" I was his girlfriend. As you circled her, eyeing her up and down, Eddie watched closely, eyes wide. "The question you should be asking is, why have i wasted my entire night watching a cheap two bit whore and someone who was my boyfriend all over each other the entire night, playing fucking tonsil tennis?" you glared at Eddie with narrow eyes as he looked down at the floor. Coward. A cackling laugh brought you from your stare "Listen i don't know what imaginary world you live in darlin', but me and Eds have been together for a few weeks now" she finished with a toss of her hair and a stupid smirk. Everything was slowly coming together, it was her. She was the reason for his behavior. Your heart felt like it'd been taken out and stamped on. "...So if you don't mind, honey. Me and Eds are going home" your hand gripped the pocketknife still within your grip, knuckles turning white at the pressure. The most deranged laugh pulled itself from within your throat "A few weeks? Try 6 fuckin' years SWEETHEART." Your hand which held the pocketknife slowly lifted itself up to her face like it had mind of it's own, the girl stepped backward but you followed forward. "Edsss g-get this psycho away from meeee" the shrieks echoed the Hideouts parking lot and with a lunge forward, still holding up the pocketknife you shouted "BOO!" you couldn't hold the laughter in as she ran away screaming. You threw the knife through the smashed window as you just stood there, "Look Y/n.. I- I wanted to tell you, i thought i should, I really was going to, and then Steve convinced me not too" you just blinked at him, in shock most of all. That fucking asshole Steve, you wanted to kill him. "Do you realise none of this would've happened if over these past few weeks i didn't think that you didn't wanna be with me?"

"Alright, lets say i met someone else and, and you found out in a bar where you were running late and you got there to find me practically fucking on a pool table and THEN Eddie, you find out I've been fucking him for weeks, no. actually. not just fucking but we're together, in love with each other, fucking every day and every night, holding each other i-in bed, cuddling, would you be able to forgive me?" a choked sob escaped your lips as you imagined Eddie doing all that with her.

"Yes. I would"

"You'd have been okay with me being with another man? Kissing him, been naked with him, made love to him?"

"Yes"

"If you knew our hot, sweaty, tangled bodies..."

"LA LA LA LAAAA" Eddie cut you off by covering his ears and shouting, "Okay! Okay!! yeah, i would have been devastated but, i- i would still want to be with you, because i mean, its you. Its always been you, since kindergarten, always you"

You had found yourself sitting on the floor, back leaning on his dented van, it had been silent for over fifteen minutes now, you had no words after what he said, nothing. He sat perched on his drivers seat facing outwards and looking down at you the whole time, your head tucked down into your knees and your arms cradling around them.

"What, you're not even talking to me now?" Eddie jumped down and sat cross legged beside you, facing you, "I-I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry. I was out of my mind, I thought I'd lost you. I didn't know what to do. C'mon! C'mon, how insane must i have been to do something like this? huh? I-I don't cheat right? I-, that's not me, I'm not Steve. Y'know, Y'know what? I'm- I'm not the one who pushed me away, okay? You're the one who bailed on us, you're the one who ran when things got a little tough."

"That's fucking bullshit and you know it Eddie, That's absolute straight bullSHIT"

"Okay, well here we are. Now we're in a tough spot again y/n. What do you wanna do? How do you wanna handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or-Or, Do you wanna bail? Look, I.." Eddies eyes filled with tears "..I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And I'm sorry, i wish i could take it back but i cant, i just cant see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Y/n, i love you so much." Eddie leans forward and kisses your shoulder, moving up to kiss the side of your face and finally pressing his lips to yours.

"No Eddie!!" you stand up, moving away from him. "Don't! You cant just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesn't work like that. It doesn't just make it better. Okay?" you sigh "I think i should go" your voice soft and small. Eddie stands and moves in front of you.

"Look, look. There's got to be a way we can work past this? okay?" Eddie takes hold of your arm gently, "I cant imagine my life without you.." The both of you start to cry, looking deep into each others eyes "..Without- Without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Y/n." Suddenly Eddie drops to his knees and hugs you tightly around your waist. "..And.. And.." He sniffles.

"No, I cant. you're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God. and now i just cant stop picturing you with her. I cant." Eddie slowly stands up backing away "..It doesn't matter what you say or what you do Eddie, its just changed everything, forever." Tears are falling thick and fast down both your cheeks.

Eddie shakes his head, placing his hand on your cheek "Yeah, but this cant be it?" His voice cracks and hurt pangs through your chest.

"Then how come it is?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

likes/rb/comments are appreciated 💜

[sukirichi]

omg sorry im the anon who picked too many spices i’m so sorry 😭😭 so let me try again: wine for yuuta, ingredient 53, and spice 8 10 11?

good for you

People said all bad things about him, how he wasn’t good for you, he was going to toy with you, he was someone you needed to stay away from, but that wasn’t true.

meal order: wine + 53 (bad boy good girl au) + 8, 10 (dumbification, begging kink) 

warnings: nsfw content, fingering, dumbification, begging kink, slight voyeurism, slight corruption kink, bad boy! yuuta, unedited fic

note: soooo anon...i hope you like this, this is my first yuta fic and i was really nervous i was gonna mess this up, sheesh, hope you like it and thank you for the request! have some wine~

masterlist !

You were so good for him – it made sense you were his favorite.

The moment you felt his cold fingers graze under your shirt, fingers lightly tugging at the clasps of your bra as a promise of what was to come next, you shuddered from his touch. You leaned back to his body, your hand clutching his that was gripping your thigh.

“Yuta,” you bit your lip to hold back a moan, his expert hands sliding down your inner thighs to brush over your clothed cunt, teasing you to no end. “We-we shouldn’t.”

“And why not?” his husky voice sent shivers down your spine, and you gasped as his fingers tugged your panties away. He’d barely even touched you, yet you were soaking wet for him already. Two of his fingers slipped past your folds easily and you clamped down as he scissored you, finally releasing your bra and easing it off your shoulders. “They won’t know. We’re just studying, remember?”

Your relationship with Yuta was complicated, to say the least. Last month, your homeroom teacher assigned you to tutor him, and your eyes widened because the last person you expected to see was the notorious Okkotsu Yuta who barely attended school, preferring to live life in his own way.

He looked scary then; dark circles hanging heavily under amused eyes, slicked back hair that shone under the sunlight, and a half-sneer as an excuse for a smile.

He terrified you, until he didn’t. Contrary to what people said about him, how he wasn’t good for you, he was going to toy with you, he was someone you needed to stay away from, you never thought that way about Yuta. And he knew this too; he took advantage of your unconditional kindness, basking in your shy, soft touches and stuttering during study sessions whenever he stared at you a little longer than you expected.

You were so fucking cute he just couldn’t keep his hands off of you. He blamed you for it, really. He wouldn’t have been this addicted to the quiet, timid girl who followed rules and apologized way too much than necessary if you weren’t such a good girl for him.

But you were so cute, so curious and innocent that Yuta, being the more responsible and experienced one between the both of you, just had to give in to your pleas. Soon, your shy touches became eager ones, grinding on his thigh with your hands  tugging at his collar while you begged for a kiss. You were so pretty too, always so ready and wanting for him, but oh, everything was different when you begged.

If he thought you were pretty before, it was nothing compared to when you begged.

Innocent eyes gazing up at him under thick lashes, small hands wrapped around the thick base of his cock, your pretty red lips begging to taste him – you were at your prettiest when you were begging for him, and how could he deny you?

It was because you were so good for him that he Yuta wasn’t selfish when it came to pleasing you, his cock hardening when your head fell back on his shoulders, lips open as wantons flooded through your lips. “Shh,” he chuckled with a kiss to your lips, his fingers pumping in and out of you until you were dripping down on his palm, the sopping sounds of your pussy nearly embarrassing. “You don’t want to be loud, baby, your parents will hear you.”

At the possibility of getting caught, your eyes widened, and you slapped your palm over your mouth to hide your sinful moans. Yuta’s eyes darkened as you trembled in his arms, trying so hard to be a good girl and keep your reputation, but the way you grinded down onto his fingers told a different story.

“Y-Yuta,” you cried out, reaching up to capture his lips in a kiss. He swallowed your moans while his other hand gripped your thighs tighter, your ass barely grazing his painful erection. “I need more, please, will you-will you-?”

“What do you want, baby? I can’t give it to you if you don’t tell me.”

Yuta smirked when you whimpered in his hold, your hips pumping up and down as you rode his fingers. It felt good, but it wasn’t enough. You knew he could give you more, and Yuta would gladly do anything for you as long as you said it.

The sight of you cumming all over his fingers, tits perked from under your shirt yet still looking so innocent from your shirt skirt – he could cum in his pants just watching you. But he held it all in, fully aware that you wanted him inside you, though your shyness still remained. Ironic, really, since Yuta had already lost count of the times he had to stuff your panties down your mouth as he dragged you to the nearest empty classroom, making you cum either just on his tongue or cock alone.

He figured he’d have ruined you by now, but you were just so good, such an innocent, pretty little thing that the mere mention of his dick had you flustered.

“Yuta, I can’t – you-you know what I mean,” you palmed him through his pants. Yuta hissed at how you pulled his cock out free from his confines, the warmth of your hand wrapping around his cock, the tip already flushed and red.

He gripped your wrist and pulled you towards him, resting your ass just above his cock. A dark look crossed his face when he saw you inhale sharply as he rubbed his tip all over your lips, your pink panties tugged all the way to the side, the material loosely clinging onto the fat of your flesh. 

“Is this what you want,” he teased, hands placed on a tight grip of your hips as he slowly sank you down his length. He reveled at how you slowly lost yourself, thighs quaking, and it was just only the tip. “Do you deserve it, baby? Have you been a good girl for me that you think you deserve to feel good?”

“Yes, yes, of course!”

Your eyes were focused on the remaining length of his cock that wasn’t buried in you, and you were so needy, so fucking wet and horny that you wiggled your hips, a slight whine echoing from the room when Yuta only tightened his hips on you as a warning. “Don’t move,” he growled lowly, and like the good girl you were, you complied, bottom lip jutted out. “You don’t get to sit on my lap when you don’t beg hard enough for it, baby.”

“But, oh,” you tried to say, your words cut off when Yuta suddenly gripped your ass down all the way down his length in one go, your ass flat on his thighs.  

Both of you groaned at the feeling of him buried deep inside you; you could feel him pulsing inside your heat already. Unsatisfied with your silence, Yuta slapped your ass, forcing you to look at him. 

He was perfectly content with you cockwarming him; he could jack himself off later, but he knew you couldn’t satisfy yourself – not when your needy little cunt always wanted to be stuffed full with his dick.

“My parents are downstairs,” you tried to reason, though your actions betrayed your words as you dug your nails on his shoulders, eyes closed from the pleasure. Yuta gave small, slow thrusts, the movement just enough to scrape at your walls, almost as if to mock you that you could’ve had an orgasm by now if you just complied. “I-if they hear, they’re going to get mad, and they’ll find out that—”

“They’re going to find out what?” he thrusted his hips into yours sharply until your skirt was bunched all over your ass, his hands rough and hungry while he kept you in place. Your moans filled the room, and Yuta gripped one of your legs to press on your sides, thigh-high socks teasing and plumping up the flesh of your legs. “That their sweet, innocent daughter isn’t such a good girl after all? Look at you, walking around in school wearing that. You’re always begging to be fucked, baby.”

You didn’t deny him because his words were true, and soon Yuta had you choking in your own breath. He wanted to make you beg, to go down on your knees just to show him you deserved it, but you clenched down on him so hard that he lost himself too.

Yuta pulled you in for a heated kiss, his strong hands wrapping your legs around his waist before dropping you both down on the bed.

He didn’t bother pulling his shirt off, only jumping out of his slacks before he found home in between your legs. Yuta chuckled at how fucked out you were before him, teeth deep into one of your stuffed toys while he kept fucking into you. 

He fell forward, hands planted beside your head, his dick scraping against the warm walls of your pussy.

You were close; he could feel it. Yuta picked up his pace and started littering lovemarks on your neck, somewhere people could see his markings and to claim you as his good girl.

You were such a good girl for him, letting him pump himself into you in a rough pace until you could no longer hold back your moans. “Yuta, Yuta, god, you-you feel so good, right there, oh,” you were a mess on his cock, drool collecting from your pillow and tongue lolled out. 

He found you so pretty, so gorgeous and so good; screaming his name like that even as your parents called out to ask if you were fine just because you knew he liked it when you said his name while you were stuffed with his cock.

“Come on, baby,” he gripped your waist this time, not slowing down for a moment as his thrusts grew sloppy. Yuta’s dick twitched and pulsed harder inside you when your walls hugged him tightly, sucking him in too deep that he was hitting your most sensitive spots. “You’re close, aren’t you? You want to cum on my cock? Beg for it, come on.”

“Yuta, Yuta, please please please, want to cum on your cock, want you to fill me up,” your back arched when he hit your g-spot, your vision turning white for a moment. “Fuck, fuck, Yuta, fuck me good – please, I want you, there, please!”

His dick only further hardened upon hearing such dirty words fall from your pretty lips. You were begging so good for him, following his orders and making him feel good with your pretty pussy – how could he deny you? People said all bad things about him, how he wasn’t good for you, he was going to toy with you, he was someone you needed to stay away from, but that wasn’t true. 

He kept fucking into you until you were creaming onto his cock, his name falling like a prayer on your wet mouth, losing all your sanity and comprehension when he spills inside you, your cum dripping down your ass.

Yuta chuckled before leaning down to kiss his pretty girl, so good for him, but what they didn’t know was that the bad boy was just as good for you, and he never failed to make you feel good.

They called him a bad boy, labeled him all sorts of things, warned you so much of the dangers he brought. 

Everyone was just simply unaware how he good he was for you.

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 16

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 16

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3100 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost…

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9   Part 10   Part 11   Part 12   Part 13   Part 14  Part 15

gif credit: @benbarnxs

Part 16

You were straddling Billy, riding him, your hips undulating atop his body. His fingers tightly gripped your waist, getting ready to take charge so you were underneath him, but you refused to submit. Instead you grabbed his hands and pinned it above his head. As you hovered above him, he arched up to kiss you but you shifted back, instead staring down at him intently. He growled at you before he rolled over unexpectedly, taking you along with him.

As he thrust into you, harder and rougher each time, you began to slide off the bed. In your new position, you caught sight of Adam on the floor. His corpse was wrapped up in a rug, only his head sticking out-

“Hey.” Billy pulled you up so you were now sitting across his lap, facing him. “Look at me. Only me.”

Only a few seconds ago he was biting you as you clawed at him, both of you desperate to possess each other. Your movements had been savage, animalistic even, but now Billy was kissing you languidly, his hand brushing the back of your hair while the other settled on the small of your back. You were directing the rhythm of the thrusts now, setting a slower pace so you could fully enjoy the feel of his cock stretching your insides oh-so-tantalizingly. Your forehead braced against his, you closed your eyes and lost yourself to the flood of emotions that overcame you.

***

It was after midnight. Billy had come home with you and both of you were in bed, you nestled against him while he spooned you from behind. Even though you were tired, you couldn’t sleep. Your brain was working overtime processing everything that happened in the last few hours. He stirred next to you, dropping a tender kiss on your bare shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured. You may have been fully alert but he sounded absolutely exhausted.

“Are you sure they’ll be thorough with the cleaning?”

“Yeah.” Throwing his arm over you, he covered your hand with his. “These guys are not amateurs. They know what they’re doing. There won’t be any traces of us left in that room.”

“And Adam’s body-”

“Will be disposed of.”

“But how do you know you can trust these guys? What’s stopping them from blackmailing-”

“’cause money talks, babe. That crew is very well paid.” He squeezed your palm. “I’ve used them in the past. No trouble yet.”

With his military career you were already aware of his violent past, but you also sensed he had a long hit list aside from that. When he’d realized your plans for Adam, he hadn’t been remotely shocked at the idea of you killing another person. In fact, as you stabbed Adam repeatedly, Billy had looked at you with such pride and reverence that it had left you breathless.

“What we did tonight, you know what that means, don’t you?”

His voice brought you out of your reverie. You exhaled a deep breath, drawing circles on his palm. “That we’re bad people.”

“No, we’re survivors. We take down anyone who gets in our way.”

“He didn’t come after you,” you reminded him. “You didn’t have to get involved.”

He turned you around to face him. “Nobody threatens you and gets to live after that.”

Your heart pounded in your chest. When he looked at you with such intensity, you were almost ready to believe anything.

He cradled your face, his thumb caressing your bottom lip. “We’re connected now. Forever. Because of tonight.”

You didn’t understand how his words could evoke such conflicting emotions within you. On one hand your stomach fluttered with excitement, he was saying things you’d wanted to hear for a long time, but then there was the fear. Doubt. Uncertainty. You forced a smile, hoping some levity would lighten the situation. “You make it sound like we’re married or something.”

Disgust flooded over his face. “Fuck, no. Marriages end. One day you’re bragging about being in love, next it’s all over. It’s not based on anything real. But we are.” He reached for your hand, which was resting on the pillow between you and him, and intertwined his fingers through yours. “I saw you tonight, the real you. And you saw me. No pretenses, no boundaries. And you didn’t run. You didn’t even flinch.”

“Neither did you.” You lifted your eyebrow. “You were rock hard.”

“I always am around you.”

His words made the heat rise in your cheeks, which he noticed right away. Giving you a teasing smile, he leaned in closer to give you a peck on the cheek. “Are you blushing?”

“Shut up.”

Billy’s eyes remained locked on you, simply staring at you with sleepy eyes. “I don’t like who I was when I thought I lost you. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t work. Every time I closed my eyes I imagined you fucking this other guy, kissing him. Even the thought of you talking to him made me want to burn it all down.”

Your heart ached at how tired he looked. Scooting closer, you started massaging his forehead. When he closed his eyes, you dropped a gentle kiss on each of his eyelids, the beauty mark just below his right eye, before snuggling him tightly in your arms. “Sleep, Billy.”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” he murmured drowsily.

You smiled. “It is my apartment.”

He didn’t respond, already fast asleep. You tried to do the same but couldn’t; there were too many thoughts running around in your brain. You had assumed you’d feel guilty about taking a life; you didn’t. You remembered the vicious, contemptuous anger in Adam’s eyes when he’d held you at gunpoint, and how he’d threatened to kill others in your team, and all you felt was relief. Relief that he was dead and no longer a danger to you.

Billy stirred next to you, drawing your attention. You reached out to hold him, your touch feather-light so as not to wake him up. He looked calm and peaceful, unlike the haunted and distraught way he appeared earlier in the hotel room. It was still hard to digest that he’d been so unhinged at the thought of losing you. But the thing that resonated with you the most was that he hadn’t been able to hurt you despite all of the anger he’d felt. Growing up the way you had, you were always on alert for things to turn violent at any moment. One wrong comment or an innocent gesture - hell even a lone pair of sock on the floor - had the potential to trigger your father’s temper and turn things violent. During those moments his rage was uncontrollable, and as a result you always worried about how people reacted when they were furious. The fact that Billy hadn’t hit you even though he’d been completely enraged made you realize you were physically safe with him.

Maybe emotionally as well. For so long you’d had difficulty believing he could reciprocate your feelings yet you couldn’t ignore how devastated he’d been. Nor could you rationalize away his emotions. It still felt surreal but he did truly care about you, and the thought filled you with warmth and made your heart soar with happiness.

You brushed your lips against his, hoping Billy’s comforting presence next to you would help you relax. However, fifteen minutes later sleep still alluded you. Eventually you decided to do something useful and work instead. Carefully sliding out of bed so you didn’t disturb him, you tip-toed out of the bedroom. Immediately you felt the soreness in your body, an after effect of the rough sex you had with Billy in the hotel room earlier. Grabbing a nearby throw, you were soon nestled in your favourite spot on the chaise lounge, working away on your laptop.

An hour later you heard footsteps behind you and you turned around to find Billy yawning, clad in boxers, his hair all ruffled.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” he grumbled.

You scooted over to give him space to sit on the chaise but he seemed to have other ideas in mind as he took a seat behind you. You found yourself settled between his legs, your back nestled against his chest, as he caressed down the length of your arms.

“I couldn’t sleep. Figured I might as well do something useful.”

“What corporate shit are you working on?” he teased, playfully grabbing your laptop to look at your screen. You smacked his arm right away, shutting the screen and pushing the laptop away.

Billy purposely rubbed his face against the base of your neck and you started giggling at the sensation of his prickly beard on your bare skin. “Stop,” you whined. “It tickles.” you squealed loudly, trying to jump out of his arms but he held you in a tight grip.

Finally he stopped, and as you struggled to catch your breath, you slapped his arm playfully. “You’re such a jerk.”

He chuckled, hugging you tightly from behind. “That’s for ignoring all my calls since Tuesday.”

“I’m still not unblocking your number,” you retorted. His beard scraped along your shoulder, making you squeal again. “Okay, fine. Sorry!”

“Swear that you’re not gonna block me again.”

You turned around in his arms, resting on your knees as your arms looped around his neck. Smiling down at him, you nuzzled your nose with his. “Swear that you won’t act like an asshole again.”

“Can’t really do that.”

“Exactly.” He tucked your hair behind your ear. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach at the tender affection on his face, the warmth of his gaze spreading slow, languid heat throughout your body. “You should go back to bed. You still look tired.”

“I’ve had a rough week.”

You pouted your lips. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Want to make it up to me?” he asked, cocking his eyebrow at you.

”How? By sucking you off?” you teased, running your fingers through his hair.

“Move in with me.”

Your hands stilled on him, finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden. At first you thought he was joking but the solemn expression on his face made you realize otherwise. You moved away, putting much needed distance between the two of you.

“That’s not funny, Billy.”

Maintaining a rigid posture on the chaise lounge, he shrugged his shoulders. “Not meant to be. I’m dead serious.”

“You know that’s ridiculous, right?”

“Why? ‘cause I wanna keep you safe?”

“The threat is gone. I took care of it.”

“We took care of it,” he said pointedly. “A threat which you didn’t even tell me about.”

“I explained that to you already.” Feeling defensive, you started pacing the floor. “You promised you’d have your guy stop tailing me.”

“Sure. As soon as I know you’re not gonna keep things from me again. You moving in will help with that.”

“So if I don’t move in, you’ll have me followed 24/7?” Anger surged through you, you were so furious you wanted to scream. “That’s fucking blackmail.”

“Relax. No need to be so dramatic about it.”

You grabbed the closest cushion you had and flung it at him, enraged by his patronising tone. “We barely know each other-”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he interjected, finally moving to stand up. His eyes were pitch black, his jaw clenched. “You and I killed someone tonight! You took my hand, my knife, and we stabbed the bastard in the heart with it, together. We fucked while he drew his last breath and now you’re feeding me this bullshit?” He stormed towards you. “No! I’ve seen your darkness and you’ve seen mine. There’s no one else in this world that knows us better than we know each other.”

You shook your head, flabbergasted by his reaction. “This is insane. I can’t move in with you. We haven’t even gone out on a real date because you said I was boring!”

“If you believe that then you really are a fucking idiot!”

You stiffened, his words ringing in your ear. Fucking idiot. Something your father used to call you repeatedly, his tone full of hate and vitriol when he lashed out at you. It started with a fucking idiot then spiralled into bitch and whore and everything else hurtful under the sun. You swore to yourself you’d never accept being spoken to like that by another person yet here you were, being insulted again by someone who was supposed to care about you.

You retreated back from Billy, careful to keep your distance from him, and leveled him with a cold glance. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that again.” 

Your voice may have been deceptively calm but there was a storm brewing inside you. You desperately needed some space. As you moved away from Billy and headed to the kitchen, he tried to block your path but you immediately pushed him away. “Don’t touch me!”

You quickly sidestepped past him and entered the kitchen, heading for the cabinet where you kept your bottle of whiskey. Pouring yourself a glass, you slowly sipped the liquid to soothe your frayed nerves and forget the memories Billy had just unleashed in you.

***

Even as the words left his mouth, Billy knew he’d made a mistake. He regretted what he said instantly, even more so when he realized how much the words had stung you. The last thing he wanted was to cause you pain but he couldn’t seem to help himself. The more he tried to hold on to you the more you slipped through his fingers.

After giving you a few minutes to calm down, he entered the kitchen behind you. You were standing in the opposite corner, drinking the hard stuff, which further signalled how shaken you were. Billy knew Scotch wasn’t something you enjoyed, you only drank it when you were messed up.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I shouldn’t have said that. It won’t happen again. I swear.”

You didn’t acknowledge him, and it hurt like hell.

“When I think about you pulling away from me, it makes me lose my mind.” He swallowed audibly, desperately trying to get through to you. “I’m all in when it comes to us but it feels like you always have one foot out the door.” He took hesitant steps towards you while your eyes still remained on the countertop, refusing to meet his gaze. “I keep fucking up but I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just can’t lose you, Y/N.”

“I’m not built like you, Billy,” you finally spoke, turning to look at him. “I have doubts. I’m constantly dealing with insecurities. It takes me time to trust people, and I just can’t rush into things head-on.”

“And I’m someone who hustles. I go after everything I want with guns blazing. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have Anvil.”

“But I’m not a thing, Billy. I’m a person, and you can’t push me into doing stuff I’m not ready for.”

He exhaled a resigned sigh. “I know. It’s ‘cause I get paranoid when it comes to you. You’re a closed book and you never tell me anything.” His eyes scanned yours, his stomach clenched with anxiety. “I don’t even know how you feel about me.” It was the first time he’d voiced that thought, something he didn’t even realize he felt until this very moment. You wanted him, that he knew, and you’d even confessed you loved him once but he didn’t really believe in that bullshit. What mattered to him was if you needed him as much as he did you. The idea of not having you in his life drove him insane, but did you feel the same way? He didn’t think so and it bothered the fuck out of him.

You set your glass down on the counter before reaching out to cradle his face, your soulful eyes meeting his emotional gaze. “I want to be with you, Billy. I like you so much that it scares me.”

Your words brought with them a tidal wave of relief that swept over him like a calm breeze. It was like he could breathe again. He pulled you close, his forehead against yours as he simply held you. “Don’t be scared, babe. I don’t bite.”

“That is a complete fucking lie,” you retorted. “I still have the marks from earlier to prove it.” Your smile faded again as you held his stare. “But I need you to be patient with me. You can’t bully me or get mad if I don’t want to rush into things.”

He nodded his head. “I won’t.”

“I’ve only ever had myself to rely on. And the thought of trusting you? Relying on you? It scares the hell out of me. Because there’s always a voice in my head that’s reminding me I need to go back to being alone when we end things.”

“I need to kill that voice.”

You chuckled, reaching out to loop your arms behind his back. “It shuts up eventually. It did in the hotel room when I saw how fucked up you were without me. That’s when it sunk in you actually do like me.”

“It took you that long to believe it?”

You gave him a sad smile. “Yeah. You did tell me I was boring.”

He groaned right away, regret washing over him. He should never have said those fucking words to you. “You’re not boring. You’re smart. And hot.” He kissed your left cheek. “And sweet. And funny. And mine.” Then the right cheek. “And when you lecture me about cybersecurity, I get so hard.”

“Whatever. You’re the one who wanted to know more about the topic,” you grumbled.

He grinned, giving you a tender peck on the lips. “I can listen to you talk for hours and hours-“

“Shut up.” You pressed your palm over his mouth.

Wrapping his arms around you, he lifted you off the ground and started carrying you back to the bedroom. “Forever actually, if you’re naked.”

“Not once have I lectured you naked.”

He dropped you on the bed. “Yeah, exactly. Time you start.” He jumped into bed, rubbing his beard on your face again as you started squealing.

A few minutes later you were both panting for air, staring up at the ceiling. “Just to make it clear, I’m not moving in,” you huffed through laboured breaths.

He turned to look at you, smirking. “Fine, but I’m taking you out tonight. Proper date and all.”

The most beautiful smile graced your face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You were a ray of sunshine beaming up at him and Billy’s heart felt so full he worried it would explode. If he could, he’d freeze this moment forever.

Part 17

A/N - As always, your wonderful feedback is what keeps me inspired to write and post consistently. I was initially nervous about this chapter because the characters experience a gamut of emotions but it was necessary. I hope you like and enjoy this chapter. Feedback, as always, is very much appreciated and feeds my soul :)

Tag list:

@yourfavoritefruitybitch @voyevoda-thejoy @adreamemporium @queenmalhinewahine @gubleryum @galaxyjane @xceafh@maralisa124@tomhollandisabae @daybleedsintonightfa11 @lil-baby-nor @all-art-is-quite-useless @tanyaherondale @nashibirne @dour-trash @thetallassgirl @athenamikaelson @agent-jbarnes @primadonnasdream @aleksanderwh0r3 @elisemockingbird @nihilismworld @archisur@nemesis729 @lysawayne@kaqua @ladyblablabla @lemasonda@advictedtohim @24-martie @tarkanelima-blog @shinebrightlikeafanbase @krystal-clear1 @damalseer@dontjinx-it@darkishx @wanderlusting-about-life @thatguppienamedbae @happypepperdog @bat-revival @sassygirl25 @consulting–heroes @the-celestial-kitsune @mackaywhore @ablxssm @competitive-dust @red-head011 @exo-1204 @sunsetenigma @millieb-3199 @chatnain @licensedcheek @tinkertailor1212 @vertesalope @safetyhtom @acourtofglassandroses @eliwinchester-barnes @finnismyoriginalsin @weallhaveadestiny @beananacake @beauty-and-the-beast97 @smurfelle @fire-treasure-iii @charly-0 @kestrafagnor @pigwidgeonxo @damagelove @allegra-writes @pensandthings @jad3djay @batshitbarnes @kashimayuki @secretsthathauntus @odetostep @awesome-eccia @mackaywhore @stories-you-wont-hear @vvsdiamond28 @supernaturalcat7 @arieltwvdtohamflash @iknownoqueenbutthequeeninme​​    @devs-stufff @ticosas @moodacheeks @myakai13 @carlywhomever @fvckthisbxtchup @its-evita-here @papapapadumb @talesfrommycell @bat-luna-cat @fific7 @elluvians @dailydoseofchoices @everythinghappens-love @papapapadumb @mylife-love-and-other-things @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @ancientbeing10 @natty2245 @stuckysavedmylive @kasslucilfer @simp-for-ben-barners @originaldeputycalzoneegg @bdffkierenwalker @kimoranelson03 @sadbi-hours @haushinka27  @haushinka27    @caylaxwrites   @extraneousred​   @agentmstark​   @crazywitchkitty​   @its-an-idea-not-a-blog  @partypoison00    @fictional-hooman​   @hoglady   @helnicks    @luckyfreakfishpeach   @chiquitita18   @rachlovesactors  @icecream50055    @doloreschanal​   @lupinsfavslytherin​    @swthxrry    @wanderlusting-about-life   @dreamer7black  @leahnicole1219 @superawesomegeek @weallhaveadestiny   @toxicenough @tiiffanym  @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind @cap-just-said-language​

[saucy-mesothelioma]

Ranking Outer Wilds Planets (And Some Other Stuff)

This was bound to happen one way or another because I absolutely adore Outer Wilds, so might as well do it now. Spoilers (obviously) for both Outer Wilds and the DLC Echoes of the Eye.

Ash Twin Pros: •The Warp Towers have pretty cool designs Cons: •It took me so damn long to figure out the fucking warp pads •The fucking sand •Not really fun to be on because it's just so stressful to try to be at the right place at the right time and then just missing it by the bare minimum Total: 2/10

Ember Twin Pros: •Had the most fun quantum puzzle in my opinion •Chert's Existential Crisis™️ Cons: •Sunless City was a pain in the ass to explore because of the goddamn sand •Just overall pretty boring Total: 4/10 Timber Hearth Pros: •One of the most beautiful planets by far; my family and I go to the Smoky Mountains a lot, and I was reminded of that place the minute I explored the village •The caves with the rocks that look like stars when you turn out your lights I could literally spend an entire loop there with Timber Hearth's theme playing in the background •Geysers are fun to play with Cons: •Took me way too long to realize there was actually stuff there to explore Total: 8/10 The Attlerock Pros: •My boi Ekser who can do no wrong ever • Like most people, I went there first and it was a wonderful opener to everything the game has to offer Cons: •Not a lot to do there, but it is just a moon Total: 6/10 Brittle Hollow Pros: •So damn beautiful that it's my second favorite planet design •Coolest Nomai ruins; I spent a loop or two just admiring how damn cool everything looked, especially the Hanging City •Gravity crystals were loads of fun even though they gave me a headache •By far the most fun planet to explore Cons: •Didn't understand how to get to the Southern Observatory and spent like 5 loops trying to figure it out via attempting to wedge my ship between the ice •Jumped off of the Black Hole Forge around 3 times because I didn't realize that I was upside down •Had no clue how to get to the Tower of Quantum Knowledge until I got stuck at the white hole with almost no oxygen and found it at the last minute •I hate that black hole with a passion it's caused me so much pain I hate it I hate it I hate it Total: 9/10 (I love it but I'm just an idiot) Giant's Deep Pros: •Hands down my favorite planet design I love it so much •I could listen to the Giant's Deep theme for hours on end •Not gonna lie, I love watching the islands getting catapulted into space •Jellyfish be vibin •Watching the supernova through the cloudy atmosphere is honestly so cool to me Cons: •Too little to explore there in my opinion, but understandable since it's a water planet •The gravity is such a huge pain in the ass Total: 10/10 Dark Bramble Pros: •I actually like the theme for it a lot •Feldspar's camp is the coolest •That Nomai grave got to me dude •Scary but still more fun than the Hourglass Twins to me, that being said- Cons: •I DON'T FUCK WITH THOSE ANGLERFISH FUCK THAT SHIT SO HARD I HATE THEM MORE THAN THE BLACK HOLE AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT

Total: 5/10 The Interloper Pros: •The reveal that the Interloper was where the ghost matter came from and was the reason all of the Nomai died really hit me in the feels; I had to take a moment Cons: •I know it's basically a comet, but it was pretty boring Total: 3/10 Quantum Moon Pros: •Best girl Solanum •I love all of the various designs for the moon •The theme is nice Cons: •Still not a lot to explore there, but it's understandable Total: 3/10

The Stranger (Based purely on looks to be fair since it's half of the DLC) Pros: •Holy shit I love the atmosphere of it so much those cypress-looking trees, everything •The architecture is fucking GORGEOUS •The reels. Beautiful. Enough said. •I could spend the rest of my life on the Stranger I love it so much •Dare I say it, I kinda like the DLC ost more than the original; still love them both to death, though Cons: •Honestly expected there to be more shit under the water? Not sure why but I did Total: 10/10

The Stranger's Dream World Pros: •Again, everything the DLC gave us is visually stunning I'm in love with the design •Owlks are pure baby those little hoots are so cute Cons: •Owlks are also fuckin scary Jesus Christ •The alarm bells give me so much stress even when I know how they work •Took me the longest time out to bypass the "death glitch" to open the Vault, but as stated before, I'm also very stupid Total: 10/10

[night-market-if]

Paper Lanterns Part 26

Paper Lanterns is a community based IF game here on Tumblr.  I need something to fuel the creative fires while I chip away at The Night Market demo, and I want to give you all a little something in the meantime.  Here’s how it will work.

I will post a snipped under the cut every few days.  At the end of the post will be three options.  Comment below or send me an ask if you would rather be anonymous, over which route you would like to see.  I will tally them up and write the majority option and post it in the following days. From there, we repeat the process until we, as a community, have crafted our story.

Please reblog and share this with others.  The more people we have participating, the more fun I think this can be for us.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 under the cut

Swallowing, you look up at him, your breath short.  His hair fell in his face, dark and soft, cutting across his nearly black eyes.  The calm of the room shone across him, down the slope of his cheekbone. Across the curve of his jaw.  You reach up, tracing your fingers over each line of his face.  

“I’m sorry,” you mutter.

“I’m sorry too.”

Neither of you knew what exactly you were both apologizing for.  It no longer mattered.  At that moment, forgiveness was more important than past deeds, coming to a resolve.  There was a point in which you had to simply move on and as he hovered over you, the soft warmth of his sweater pressed against your bare skin, you couldn’t remember anymore why you had wanted to leave this world.  Or him.  For so long, you had fought for it. To escape the Night Market and start a life somewhere.  

Start a life.

That was always what you had said.

You held onto that notion so tight that somewhere along the way, you hadn’t realized that your life had started long ago.

“Ahem.” Both of you jumped, tearing your eyes from each other. Hazel stood in the doorway, a small smile tugging at her lips.  You practically push Malcolm to the floor in an effort to get to her, wincing as your side pulls. Hazel rolls her eyes and came to you instead, wrapping her arms around you tightly.  “My hero,” she whispers.

You wrap your arms firmly around her, hauling her close. “Are you alright? Did they hurt you? I’ll kill Tandri.  There was no reason to arrest you and… fuck I left Rat and Neve at your apothecary.”

Malcolm, from his position on the floor, shook his head. “Just thought of that, huh?”

Pulling back, Hazel cups your cheek.  “Everything is fine.  Neve took Rat back to her place.  The apothecary is shut up tight. And prison wasn’t so bad,” her smile was wane.  “I mean, it's dark, but they didn’t hurt me.  They just tossed me in a cell with no communication. I was only in there for a few hours.”

“Few hours too long,” you mutter.

Leaning forward, she places a soft kiss on my cheek.  “So,” she said, turning to her brother.  “I thought we would all be pretty hungry tonight.  And since we are lying low I can’t really go back to the apothecary yet and deal with everything.”

“Wait, why are we lying low if she made bail?” There was something Malcolm wasn’t telling you.  Or maybe the situation was worse than you thought.  Most likely, though, the two of them were once against standing in solidarity against your own fuck ups.

“Hazel made bail,” Malcolm stated calmly. “You didn’t.”

“So,” Hazel said, her voice pitching a bit higher. “I thought I would go out through the tunnels. Get a few basics. Bring it back here and cook for us all.  No decisions or plans on how we’re going to do deal with the Baron of the Mists is going to be made on an empty stomach.”  The look she gave both of us was significant. “I’ll be gone for say, three hours?”

“Four,” Malcolm smirked.

“Are you sure it’s safe for her to…”

“My bail was bought. My name is clear. Besides, I provide most of those guards with herbal supplements. No one wanted me there except Tandri. She’s always had it out for me.”

“Probably because you didn’t want to date her,” you say. 

Malcolm’s eyes went wide. “Excuse me?”

Hazel waved him off, checking your wound and tutting under her breath before rising from the bed. “I’ll be back soon.  Malcolm, they are still hurt. Please keep that in mind.”

Malcolm stared after her as she grabbed her shawl and secured it around her shoulder. There was a small drop near the back of the apartment. A trap door that led to the underground tunnels that ran along the underbelly of the city.

“Tandri wanted to date her? When?”  Malcolm didn’t even wait for his sister to be out of earshot before grilling you.

“When did she not.” From what you remember, Tandri had always had it bad for Hazel. But Hazel didn’t like cruelty in any amount, and Tandri’s was past intolerable.  “Are we really going to talk about Tandri, though?”

Malcolm crawled up on the bed, sweeping the covers aside. It was the first time you realized you were stripped bare, clothes tossed aside somewhere from when he had patched up your wounds. He hovers over you for a moment, still fully clothed, drinking in the sight of you splayed before him. You feel your skin flush, your fingers curling in the moss green sheets beneath you.  It had only been a week since you had fallen against his desk. Since you were inside him for the first time in a year.  Malcolm had always been home. From the time you were young. Never again would you allow that home to be shattered like it had been for so long now.

Reaching up, you grab the back of his head, taking a fist full of his hair and pulling him flush against you. You seek out his lips with a desperate need, wanting to get closer. Desperate to feel every inch of him against you.  Bracing himself on either side of your body, he stares down at you, and you feel your motions slow.  Suddenly, your touch turns softer as you begin exploring him.  Your heart pounds against your chest as you lock eyes with his own, suddenly feeling as if this was the first all over again. Back when the two of you were young and scared of the world, clinging to each other in the dark, aching for understanding that you only could find in each other's arms.

Cupping your cheek, he runs a thumb under your eye, pressing his finger to the corner.  Then, leaning down, he captures your lips with his, kissing you in a slow and soft breath that has your chest rising and falling with emotion.  Ever so slowly, his hands began to trace your side, lingering around your hips, ghosting across you in a shuddering moan.  Tilting your head back, you gasp, falling into the comfort that was Malcolm Albright

~~~~~

After, you lean heavily against him, your sweaty cheek pressed to his, his hand running absently up and down your back.  Golden shafts of sun drift through in dizzying motes and for a brief moment, tucked far away, it was just the two of you once more.

“Your turn,” he rasps, his voice rough with pleasure.

“My turn what?” you look down at your spent bodies, the bruises forming around his collarbone, the red scratches you felt against your own jaw.  “I think I was very good at taking turns,” you murmur.

He pinches your hip.  “How did you fall in love with me?” he asks.  “When did you know?”

You look up at him. That was the thing about Malcolm. He had always been there. From the time you were a grubby little kid, wandering the streets, trying desperately not to be terrified.  Then, as you grew, as you learned, he had always been around, him and Hazel, the two of them your rock in a world that had never quite been kind to you. You don’t remember when you fell in love with him. Why it had been him over Hazel.  You just knew without a doubt one day that you were. You accepted it as easy as the air you breathed.

“I don’t think I ever fell in love with you,” you say quietly. “I think I entered the Night Market lost. I was alone and I was scared. Then I met you, and that part of me that had felt hollow since the day I was born was no longer there.  So, I never fell in love with you, Malcolm.  Because you were always just a part of me.  I just had to find you.”

There is nothing to say at the whispered confession.  Malcolm only curls you closer, pulling the blanket up over your rapidly cooling bodies and entwining his legs with yours.  With your arms around his waist, and his draped across your shoulder, the two of you lie in bed together, eyes cast towards the enchanted window, watching as the sunlight begins setting on the garden just outside.  

The day was done.  Tomorrow, dawn would light the sky with a deepening night.  The lamplight that cast its spell across the Night Market, would continue to sway. And you, would have to walk the streets, fate rolling out beneath your feet.  You only wondered if the lights above you would guide you to a safe end.

Voting closed! Part 27 here

Wake in the morning and discuss with Hazel and Malcolm what to do.

Sneak away in the middle of the night to confront the Baron. Leave Hazel and Malcolm out of this.

Try to leave the Night Market to keep them safe.

We are coming to the end, as you can probably tell. I have all the feelings guys. All the feelings.

If you want the full scene (aka, want to read the sex scene, head over to my Patreon. It is posted there so my kiddos can't find it online. LOL)

If you haven't seen, Chapter Two of the Night Market is now out! It is linked below if you're interested. Reblogs and feedback are also love! Also, there is a Paper Lanterns discord now. Click the link below to join.

Patreon || Ko-fi || Demo || Discord

[too-gay-for-marvel]

just this once pt.4

a/n: shes LORGE

Word Count: 5,031

Warnings: smut implications, canon typical violence, mentions of blood, non-graphic assassination

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

(pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6.1 pt.6.2 pt.6.3 pt.7 pt.8)

“You gonna cum for me, Talia?”

“Need another mission?” Nick asked, shaking Natasha out of a memory. Her eyes darted around for a split second and noted that the meeting was over.

She had missed the last half of the briefing.

“No,” Natasha shook her head, immediately getting up and attempting to rush out past Nick.

“Well that’s a shame,” Nick continued, moving to the doorway and completely blocking Natasha’s retreat. “I needed a legendary assassin to accompany a local fish.”

“Not a fish,” Natasha replied, far too quick for her to stop herself.

“Funny, that’s the exact same thing she said,” Nick said with a smile before crossing his arms over his chest.

Natasha knew she had lost; she hadn’t really had any hope that she would win anyway. If Nick wanted her to do something, she was going to end up doing it, and that was that. She motioned her head for him to walk with her, and his smile grew. Asshole.

“I need you to take out a target,” Nick said as if there had never been any lull in the conversation.

“Who?” Natasha asked. They reached the elevator and she pressed the button to go up to the gym. Nick pressed the button for his office.

“Jake Porter.” He handed a manila folder to Natasha. It was heavy.

“Says he’s SHIELD?” Natasha asked as she quickly flipped through page after page.

“He is,” Nick nodded, looking down at Natasha. “He’s also the snitch from your last mission.”

Natasha nodded, trying to ignore some vital parts of that mission. She had managed to avoid you for a few months again, but she should have known better than to think it would have lasted forever. It seemed almost as if the world was conspiring against her.

“If it’s a hit, why is Y/N going?” Natasha asked, slamming the manila folder closed as aggressively as possible. It ended up just folding back over at an embarrassingly slow pace.

“He’s hiding in an underwater safe house.”

Of course he is.

“When do we leave?” Natasha asked as the elevator doors opened to Nick’s floor.

“In two hours,” Nick said as he walked forward, not even caring enough to look back.

Natasha sighed once the elevator doors slid shut again. A knot formed in her throat and stuck, forcing her to focus on each individual breath. Something was trying to claw it’s way out of her chest; she could only keep it at bay for so long. There would be hell to pay if it ever came forward.

“Is that not cannibalism?”

“No, it’s lunch.”

The voices pushed past the elevator doors before they were fully open, and Natasha couldn’t help the small smile that graced her lips. Both you and Yelena were sitting at the bar, trays of sushi and cups of tea in front of you. Your mouth was full and you weren’t even looking at Yelena, yet she continued to raise her brow at you in disbelief.

“You’re a fish, that’s fish. It’s cannibalism,” Yelena continued, but you shook your head and picked up another piece.

“Not a fish,” Natasha replied for you. The corner of your mouth tilted up and there was a slight shift in your gills, but Yelena just rolled her eyes.

“You two are disgusting,” Yelena mumbled to herself. “Shouldn’t you be planning a honeymoon or something?”

The room went cold. Your head tilted down until you were hunched over your sushi, picking the pieces apart with your chopsticks. There was a tenseness to your jaw that had to have been painful, but it didn’t ease up. Yelena shifted in her seat and looked down at the ground.

“It’s on hold,” Natasha shrugged, desperately wanting to get off the topic.

“Oh right,” Yelena nodded, already back to her usual demeanour. “You’ve got cold feet.”

“I don’t- I don’t have cold feet,” Natasha took a slight step back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Life is just busy.”

“Busy as in you don’t want to-”

“Did you down here for a reason?” You asked, throwing Natasha and Yelena off of their argument. You were still meticulously picking the sushi apart, rice grain by rice grain.

“We’ve got a mission,” Natasha said curtly. “We leave in two hours.”

“Okay,” you said as you stood up from the bar, towering over Natasha for only a moment before walking off. “See you then.”

“Why do they always leave me to clean up their mess,” Yelena groaned, and Natasha turned to see the mess of your sushi.

Instead of answering, Natasha just gave Yelena a wink and walked away. She has a mission to get ready for.

———

“Can you please turn the fucking heater on?” You shouted from the back for what had to have been the 12th time in the past 10 minutes. The pilot ignored you.

“If you’re cold, put on a jacket,” Natasha repeated. Your sigh could have been heard all the way back in New York.

But when she glanced up, she felt a knot form in her throat. Your thermal suit was clearly not doing anything for you as you pulled what looked to be a third jacket over your shaking shoulders. Blood was showing under your cheeks, and your gills were pulled in tight.

“There’s a space heater in the safe house,” Natasha said softly. You finally looked up and met her eyes.

As soon as your eyes narrowed in on her, she felt time stop. A heat started in her cheeks and spread to her neck and chest. It was as if you were looking into her, so deep that you could find the parts of her she didn’t even know about. Something about that look, something that dug into her core and left her feeling empty as soon as you looked away.

“I’ll freeze to death before then,” you mumbled before tearing your gaze away; you tore a hole through Natasha’s heart in the process.

For the rest of the flight, the only noise was the sound of your chattering teeth. It echoed through the quinjet and Natasha felt the beginning pangs of a migraine popping up in her head. If you didn’t stop soon, she was going to be driven into a homicidal rage.

“Hovering in five,” the pilot finally yelled out, and Natasha stood up quickly with the hopes that the faster she moved, the faster she could get away from the incessant staccato clacking of your teeth.

You stood up after a moment, standing far enough away from Natasha that she couldn’t feel your warmth. But you were still close enough for her to notice the shakiness spreading down your limbs. The way your harpoon jingled on your belt as your body was wracked with the occasional spasm. And yet you put on a brave face and braced for the mission.

“My mask has an hour of oxygen,” Natasha said, already pulling said mask onto her face. “Think we can finish by then?”

“Sh-shouldn’t t-take that long,” you stuttered, teeth shivering between words. “Short d-dive.”

“Opening the cargo door,” the pilot yelled, and just as he said, the cargo door opened and you both stared out into the dark, icy water.

“Age before beauty,” Natasha teased as she gestured out at the water.

“Very f-funny,” you chattered again, but followed her direction and stepped off the cargo door and into the freezing water below.

Natasha was quick to follow suit, wanting to get the dreadful part over as quickly as possible. The very instant her feet touched the water, a painful shock travelled across her skin, sinking deep into her bones. Her fingers reacted slowly when she tried to clench her fist.

“Let’s go,” you said through your comms, and Natasha managed to see you just in time before you disappeared into the inky darkness.

It was like Natasha was swimming through jello. No matter how much she willed her limbs to move, her body to keep going, it seemed she slowed down with each stroke. The water around her started to close in, each breath drawing the pressure closer. Her lungs were on fire and her heart was pounding too hard and the darkness was closing in and she needed out.

There was the whisper of a touch on her arm before she felt herself being yanked upward, finally soaring through the water like she had wanted. In a heartbeat the water released her, the pressure disappearing far faster than it had appeared. She yanked her mask off and inhaled deeply, ignoring the way her lungs screamed at her to stop.

“Trying to get yourself killed?” You asked, and Natasha finally took notice of your hand wrapped around her bicep.

“It was too dark,” Natasha replied, her tongue feeling heavy and slow.

“You didn’t answer the comms,” you continued, “I thought you had gotten lost.”

There was venom to your words. Natasha looked up and managed to calm her shaking enough to see the fire in your eyes, the clenching of your jaw, the freshly picked spots on your bottom lip. Your hand was gripped tight enough that if Natasha had any circulation left in her arm, it would’ve been cut off.

And she didn’t care.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Natasha said, finally yanking her arm out of your grasp. “You stay here for the getaway.”

You nodded and jumped back into the moon pool, already nothing more than a memory. Natasha wasn’t sure if she liked that or not. She shook her head and took off down the corridor, already on the hunt for her target.

It was easy. Far too easy. He was in his room, door unlocked, music far too loud for him to hear anyone come in. A single shot to the back of the head, and the mission was over. Now all she really needed to do was head back to the moon pool and then you could both get to the safe house and warm up.

Except for the small, itty bitty insignificant fact that the base was set to self destruct once Porter’s vitals stopped.

As soon as the sirens started to echo through the base, Natasha was sprinting down the halls. She didn’t know how much time was left, didn’t care, she just needed the both of you to get as far away as possible before you were stuck in the rubble. Natasha turned the last corner and saw you standing on the edge of the moon pool.

“A little faster, please?” You yelled, grabbing Natasha’s arm and pulling her into the water, giving her barely enough time to pull her oxygen mask back on.

You didn’t let go of her arm as you started cutting through the water. She could feel the blood pulling back from her limbs and pooling back in her core, and she felt like dead weight. Your momentum slowed as you pulled her up and wrapped your arm around her waist.

But then the muffled sirens stopped, and you both turned around just in time to see a flash. Natasha’s body wouldn’t react, just felt like lead as you pulled her closer, curling up around her until she was completely covered in you. The distorted explosion reached Natasha’s ears just as she felt the shock wave propel you both further away.

The spinning seemed to last forever, and Natasha felt like even her brain was spinning along with the rest of her body. She didn’t know when it stopped, couldn’t tell when you were still. It was impossible to tell what was up, down, where the surface was, how deep she was, how close she was to death.

Until you pulled away slightly and looked at her.

Natasha went to take a breath and immediately felt freezing water shoot down her throat. She cut the breath off as quickly as possible, but it was too late. The water was deep in her lungs, freezing each individual cell from the inside out. She didn’t have an oxygen mask anymore.

There was a split second where your eyes met hers, and they almost seemed to turn black before she felt your free hand close her nose. She was about to push you away when she felt your lips on hers, cold and chapped. You pulled her closer and teased her lips open, and she didn’t fight it. If she was about to die, then at least she would die happy.

And then you exhaled, and her lungs inflated and felt just a little lighter, and the darkness inched away.

You pulled your mouth away and started swimming again, presumably heading up though Natasha couldn’t tell anymore. Every few seconds you would exhale more oxygen into her lungs, keeping her alive as you dragged both of your freezing bodies back to safety.

As soon as you broke the surface, Natasha gasped and filled her lungs with fresh air before coughing the water back out. She was freezing, her limbs felt like lead, and her body was aching from the inside out. And yet you continued to pull her along, swimming to shore until you could pull her up with you.

The rocks on the shore poked into her suit, leaving bruises that would grow very quickly once she got back to the safe house. You laid on the shore too, back down, small pebbles sticking to your gills. From the way they twitched, it was clearly uncomfortable, if not painful.

You both stayed there, laying in the freezing tide, rocks and pebbles sticking into your skin to the point where you would both be recovering for weeks. Natasha’s eyes wanted to close; sleep seemed to wonderful and it would have been so easy. You could both just sleep and not hurt anymore.

But death was not in the cards, and Natasha wasn’t going to let a little cold win.

She rolled onto her stomach slowly, as fast as her body would allow, before pushing herself up to her knees and then her feet. It was painful; her body felt heavy and little pinpricks were on every inch of her skin. But she wasn’t going to think about it. Instead, she grabbed your arm and yanked you up, ignoring the gasps and hisses that you let out.

“Two miles left,” Natasha mumbled; her lips felt frozen shut.

The walk was slow; neither of you had the energy nor the warmth to make decent time. You both stumbled, tripping over your own feet, or the rocks, or the uneven terrain. But eventually you made it, right as the sun was at its highest point in the sky and Natasha almost felt the ghost of warmth in her cheeks.

“Sit down,” Natasha demanded as she threw the door open. She didn’t bother looking back before moving to grab the space heater and put it directly in front of the couch.

Your eyes were dead; they didn’t shine the way they were supposed to. Your hands kept a death grip on the blankets pulled tight over your shoulders. The shakiness in your body had disappeared, now completely still. It felt like a hole was punched through Natasha’s chest, grabbing her heart and ripping it out.

She sat on the sofa opposite you and just watched you. Hoping that you would move, that you would blink, that you would start shivering again. She didn’t know how long it normally took you to warm back up, didn’t know how long it would take for you to get back to normal. But she did know the word you had used for this condition before; you were torpid.

It felt like hours later, but Natasha’s eyes shot back to your face once she heard a wheezy gasp come from you. Your eyes looked glassy, but you blinked once, slowly, before a shiver wracked your body. Just one. But that was enough for Natasha to feel the vice grip around her throat release.

The ringing of the safe house phone made you both jump.

“Romanoff,” Natasha answered, her eyes travelling back to you.

“You’re safe?” Maria asked through the phone.

“Y/N’s torpid, but we’re secure,” Natasha said curtly. Her pulse was starting to increase.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Maria asked again.

No. No, Natasha wasn’t sure.

“I’m good,” Natasha replied anyway, “just ready to get out of here.”

“About that…”

“Don’t say it,” Natasha mumbled. She leaned against the wall and let her head fall back.

“A storm is rolling in and we won’t get to you in time,” Maria continued anyway. “You’re stuck there for a few days.”

Natasha looked over to you again, noting the rise and fall of your shoulders as you slowly, painfully pulled another blanket over your body, this time covering your head. The flush hadn’t come back to your cheeks yet, but you were moving. She could work with that.

“Will we keep power?” Natasha asked, although she already knew the answer.

“Questionable,” Maria answered anyway, “but the generator is in the back room.”

“How much can she manage?”

“She can handle one room. Use her wisely.”

One room. Not enjoyable, but manageable.

“Keep the phone plugged in?” Natasha asked.

“Preferably,” Maria answered, the sound of a smile coming through the phone. “I’d like to talk to you every now and then.”

“Then it’ll be ready,” Natasha replied with her own small smile. She missed Maria. She missed her a lot.

“I’ll try to call after the storm hits, test out the line,” Maria continued.

“I’ll be waiting for your call, then,” Natasha continued.

“You two are disgusting,” you called from the sofa, and Natasha was brought back to the current situation.

Right.

“Go check on the fish,” Maria sighed, “and keep yourselves warm.”

“Yes ma’am,” Natasha teased.

She stood up and hung up the phone before turning to check on you. You were shivering steadily, and your eyes were looking around. There was the faintest blush to your cheeks and forehead and your lips were looking slightly less chapped.

“W-what’s the w-word, bird?” You asked, looking up to meet her eyes.

“We’re stuck for a few days,” Natasha sighed as she sat on the sofa opposite you. Unlike you, she could heat up quickly. Now the cold was nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

“So basically,” you started, “they’re leaving me to die.”

“No one is leaving you to die,” Natasha huffed, rolling her eyes.

“Yes they are.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Natasha shook her head. “You have every blanket in the house wrapped around you, how are you not warming up?”

“Because I can’t warm up like that and you know it,” you groaned before falling back against the mountain of blankets.

“I’m not putting up with this right now,” Natasha said, all concern from earlier gone. “Give me a blanket, I’m going to get some sleep.”

“Take the one off the top,” you pouted, “it’s not helping much anyway.”

Natasha walked over and grabbed the blanket you had mentioned, pretending not to notice the ice and pebbles still currently sticking to your gills. You looked absolutely miserable, and she felt a pang in her chest at the sight of your shivering frame.

But she couldn’t bring herself to say anything, instead just turning around and heading off to the one bedroom. She was going to get some sleep if it was the last thing she did.

Or so she thought.

Natasha woke up to darkness and a cold starting to seep through the blanket and her thermals. She planted her feet on the freezing floor and took a deep breath, not really prepared for the fact that the power was out, and she was going to need to watch you at all times to make sure you genuinely didn’t die.

She grabbed her blanket and the two pillows off the bed and made her way to the living room. There was a flickering glow on the walls, and she walked in to see you sitting in front of the space heater and a fire. The generator was more quiet than she had expected, but it still released a constant thrum throughout the safe house.

“When did-” Natasha cut herself off, her eyes having locked onto the bloody gauze and minuscule shrapnel pieces littering the floor.

“About three hours ago,” you replied, either ignoring her hesitation or not caring. “You were out for about seven.”

“Did Maria call?” Natasha asked, trying to walk around you without seeming obvious.

“Yeah,” you nodded. Natasha could see your eyes focused on your abdomen, shaky hands moving deftly. “Said the storm would last for about two day from the time she called.” You looked up with a raised brow. “And that she loves you.”

Natasha finally got a good look at what you had been doing while she was asleep. A jagged piece of metal was sticking out of the left side of your abdomen. There were numerous blood spots on the remainder of your suit, and some bloody tweezers and towels were on the floor in front of you.

“What happened?” Natasha asked, eyes still zeroed in on your side.

“From the blast,” you shrugged before looking back down to continue picking shrapnel out of your skin.

The blast? Natasha hadn’t gotten any kind of injury from the situation, aside from a headache and maybe some oxygen deprivation, but she didn’t recall anything hitting her. Why had it hit-

Oh.

Oh of course.

She was torn. She wanted to help, was desperate to fix you up so you wouldn’t hurt or bleed. But it would have been crossing a line; you never wanted anyone’s help. On top of that, anyone’s hands on your skin made you uncomfortable.

But you were doing such a bad job.

“Give it to me,” Natasha said. She held her hand out as she sat down beside you, already using her other hand to start taking the blankets off of your shoulders.

You huffed and started grumbling to yourself, but handed the tweezers over anyway. She finally made it down to your skin and found the true culprit of the metal sticking out of your side; an entry wound on your back, near your left shoulder.

“You pushed it forward so you could reach it, didn’t you?” Natasha asked as she got to work on the piece, picking smaller pieces out as she found them.

“Does it matter?” You asked. Natasha didn’t answer, instead just pushing the piece out of your skin and ignoring the hiss of pain you sent her way.

“Hand me the first aid kit,” Natasha demanded. You grumbled again but did as you were told.

It was quick work patching you back up; your low blood pressure was very beneficial in the moment, and she wasn’t worried about you bleeding out before you could get back to the tower. You wouldn’t be comfortable, but at least you would be safe.

Once she was sure you weren’t going to ooze through the gauze, Natasha gathered the bloody articles and got up to throw them away. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see you pulling the blankets back over your shoulders, wincing every now and then when you twisted the wrong way.

When Natasha got back and sat down on the sofa, she just watched you. Watched your slowed breathing, the occasional shiver, the inaudible groan when you shifted. You looked miserable, but at least you were breathing and talking.

“I’m bored.”

Maybe she didn’t like that you were talking.

“Then you’re going to have a rough few days,” Natasha answered.

“But I’m bored,” you whined. “Help me not be bored.”

“You’re an adult, find something to do,” Natasha shot back. She got up and walked over to the bookshelf, leafing through things that she knew she wasn’t going to read, but was hoping it would give you the idea to find something.

“If I get too bored then I’ll die,” you sighed. “Do you want me to die?”

Natasha turned her head slowly and raised her brow at you.

“How dare you,” you whispered.

She turned her head back to the bookshelf so you wouldn’t see the smile desperately trying to show on her face. Your sounds of indignation continued to reach her ears, so she hurriedly picked the next book her fingers touched and walked back to the couch.

You both sat in silence for a while, and Natasha actually managed to get some reading done. She had no idea what the story was actually about, but that didn’t matter. All that really mattered was that she was killing time, and if she killed enough time then it would be time for her to go back home and forget any of this had ever happened.

“Nat, I’m bored,” you said again after more silence.

“I already told you to find something to do,” Natasha replied without looking up from her book. “I’m not going to find something for you.”

“Fine,” you grumbled as you pushed yourself up from the floor. “I’ll do it myself.”

Natasha sighed but let you go. She didn’t look up, but she was still hyper aware of where you were in the safe house. Aware of each step you took, of each cabinet you opened. Just knowing where you were gave her a sense of comfort.

“Wanna play a game?” You shouted from the other side of the safe house.

It was going to be a long few days.

———

“Connect four,” Natasha said as she slid her red chip into place. Again.

“Connect four my ass, you fucking cheater,” you said as you tried to find out just where Natasha had cheated.

“How do you cheat at connect four?” Natasha asked, a smile threatening to show through her facade.

“I don’t know, but you did,” you said, pointing your finger at her. In turn, Natasha just chuckled and took another sip of her vodka.

Two empty bottles were on the kitchen counter.

“I demand a rematch,” you said again, giving her a deathly stare.

“You’ve been saying that for the past 37 matches,” Natasha said simply.

“Fine, then we’ll play another game,” you said quickly. “We’ve got… Clue, Monopoly, Parcheesi.”

“We’ve played all of those, Y/N,” Natasha pointed out.

“Doesn’t matter, we’ll play them again and again until I win and you stop cheat-”

The sound of the generator shutting down made the both of you fall silent. Almost instantly, Natasha noticed the cold soak into your bones and your body start shaking. Your teeth clattered and you instinctively pulled the blankets tighter.

“That’s not good,” Natasha whispered. Her voice seemed to echo in the now-silent house.

“It’s cold, Talia,” you shivered. You sounded like a scared little kid.

It broke Natasha’s heart.

She didn’t know if it was the butterflies or the alcohol, but she ignored the feeling in her stomach and moved over until she was sitting directly next to you. Her hand lifted the blankets up so she could get under them, and then found her arms wrapping around your shoulders and pulling you against her.

Your body was tense against her, but it relaxed quickly once you were settled. There was a peace about you that Natasha hadn’t felt in months, since before that mission so long ago. And your body relaxed against hers gave Natasha more peace than she could ever hope to get with anyone else.

“You’re ridiculously warm,” you mumbled from under the blankets.

“It’s a gift,” Natasha teased. You chuckled, but then sat up and switched the positions, pulling Natasha into your lap.

“You’re warmer this way,” you mumbled as you laid your head against her neck. Your breath tickled her skin.

Sitting in your lap was a dangerous place to be.

“We can’t do this,” Natasha said softly.

“We’re still on a mission,” you said, your lips moving against her skin. “It doesn’t count if it’s on a mission.”

“You know that’s not true,” Natasha said. You lifted your head and looked at her.

She could see the flush in your cheeks, going down your neck and tinting your gills. There was a darkness to your eyes, reminiscent of the inky water you two had escaped from. And just like that water, they pulled Natasha in. Pulled her in and held her captive as they engulfed her completely until there was nothing else but her and the water.

“It can be,” you whispered, moving in slowly.

“Don’t kiss me,” Natasha said so softly, her voice more like the ghost of a whisper.

“Say it like you mean it,” you said, now only a fraction of an inch away.

“I can’t,” Natasha whispered around the knot in her throat.

She could feel your breath on her lips, could feel the way your fingers were digging into her thigh and hip. The fire left a warm glow on your face, illuminating the scars, the shaved hair that was starting to grow back in, the sparkle of the inviting water in your eyes.

And Natasha wanted to dive in.

Until the rumble of a quinjet landing nearby shocked her out of her trance. She pushed herself off of your lap, rushing to the door as quickly as possible and throwing it open to see Maria standing on the cargo door.

“Need a lift?” Maria asked over the roar of the quinjet.

“And a medic,” you said, suddenly appearing behind Natasha. You had ditched the blankets and were standing tall, although Natasha could see the slight shake in your hands.

“Lucky for you, we’ve got both,” Maria said with a smile, ushering for the both of you to hop in.

Natasha got in first and looked back to help you in, but you ignored her outstretched hand and crawled in on your own, face scrunched in pain as your wounds pulled. You didn’t look at her when you passed, instead heading straight to the medic and letting him get a look at your injuries.

You ignored Natasha the entire trip home.

Natasha swore everyone on the jet could hear her heart explode the same way the underwater base had.

[helliontherapscallion]

Magnum Opus (Adrenaline Junkie Part 7)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,451

(A/N): our dear little (y/n) needed a break from the angst, so I gave them one : )

You were finally done with the prototype for your prosthetic. It took blood, sweat, and tears and hours upon hours to get the measurements precisely right, but you were finally done. You were one step closer to freedom and you were ecstatic. You were practically vibrating with excitement.

Sprinting up the stairs with your pride and joy closed and wrapped in a sheet, you made a beeline for the front door passing Philza in the process. You heard him ask you something, but you were already darting past him through the door and outside. Before long, you were at the top of the cliff you designated as your test site. 

The cliff was perfect for gliding. It towered over the ground at a perfect height for you to gain air resistance in time and overlooked a vast, empty field that stretched as far as the eye could see. A few herds of chickens and cows were scattered here and there, but if you were careful you could probably steer away. Probably. If you hit a cow, it wouldn’t hurt that much, right? 

Sliding on the prosthetic was a little bit of a struggle. You had to awkwardly twist your body around and uncomfortably reach for your upper back to fasten the leather belts securely around your nub, but you would get faster at it once you put it on more. Smiling in satisfaction when it was on, you tested out the abduction and adduction capabilities of the iron joints by pulling on the string you attached to the ends of each joint. The wing opened and closed with ease.

Now, the only thing you had to test out was if it worked or not. You backed up to the point of the cliff where it started to slope down and took a few deep breaths. Here goes nothing.

You broke into a sprint towards the edge of the cliff. The precipice was coming nearer and nearer, there’s no backing out now, you had to follow through if you wanted a successful flight. If you killed yourself in the name of innovation, then so be it. 

When you bunched up the muscles in your legs to jump out as far as you could, you pulled the rope that extends your wing and firmly pulled it taut. You wobbled in the air slightly before you stabilized yourself. The air was flowing freely past you as you glide through the warm summer air. 

You started to laugh loudly in triumph as you soared through the air. For the first time in almost one and a half years, you felt truly free. You felt infinite even like nothing could drag you down. Time around you seemed to slow down as you relished the feeling of freedom and being emancipated from your life on the ground. The warm air rustling through the base of your feathers on your left wing felt like heaven. 

Unfortunately, what goes up must come down. You were getting closer and closer to the ground, so you had to land. You extended your legs under you and your feet made contact with the grass below you. Your momentum made you take a few swift steps forward, but overall, you landed safely. 

Cackling, you jumped up and down in place and repeatedly punched the air. Your wing fluttered happily rustling the strands of grass around you with strong gusts of air.

“YES YES YES YES I FUCKING DID IT!”

“I’M BRILLIANT!”

“HOLY SHIT!”

The nearby herds of animals scurried away from you, their peaceful grazing interrupted by your excited shouting. Normally you would’ve felt bad for them, but you didn’t care; your invention worked! You had to show your family, they had to see this.

Philza was startled by the front door bursting open and banging against the wall. Your loud voice booming through the silence of the house. There goes his quiet day.

“DAADDDDD, WILBUR, TECHNO, TOMMY COME HERE I FUCKING DID IT! I! FUCKING! FIGURED! IT! OUUUUTTTT!”

You heard footsteps running towards you as Philza ran down the hallways and into your field of vision. His startled wide eyes scanned your form. Your face was split in a wide grin and your eyes were impossibly wide as they regarded him. Your entire body was practically vibrating like you were barely keeping your excitement and elation at bay. Your wing was flittering rapidly behind you.

But what caught his eye was the leather attached to your back where your other wing was supposed to be. It was the exact same size as your left wing.

“I-Is that…?”

You giggled uncontrollably in glee. “Yes! Oh, I need to show you how it works!”

You grabbed his hand and drug him to the couch with a surprising amount of strength. Plopping him down, you began spewing and gesturing wildly towards your newest invention.

“Ok ok ok, so this is just a prototype of course, but I was inspired by a bat’s wings with the leather and the general structure. I made the joints and the structural support rods out of thin iron so that it doesn’t weigh it down or make any drag. I can open and close it with this,” you pulled the rope and the wing opened, “and I have a hole for my wing to go into and it’s secured by belts and it even lets me glide and ohmygoddadisntitamazing?”

Philza looked at you with disbelief as you rattled on about how your invention works. How exactly did you make this without him noticing that you were making it? Where did you learn how to work with leather? When you were done, he looked at you with a smile.

“It’s fantastic hun. But how do you know that it lets you glide?”

You paused and gave him a sheepish smile. “About that… I may have, kinda… sorta, jumpedoffacliff.”

“You what? Do you understand how dangerous that was?”

You felt a burning anger flare up from deep inside of you. You just found out that you could somewhat fly again and he has the audacity to not care. “Yes, but how was I supposed to know if it worked or not? It’s not like I have anyone with the same sized wing as I do. The measurements had to be exact. One wrong measurement would make you crash! But that’s not the important part, I can fly again! Don’t you care about that?”

His eyes softened. “Of course I do, (y/n). It’s amazing that you can fly again but I’m just worried about how you tested it out. What if it didn’t work? You could’ve died again, (y/n).”

You felt your eye twitch. “Dad, life is all about risk. If you don’t take a risk every now and then, you’re just… standing still! What kind of life is that?”

He held your heated glare with sad, desperate eyes. “I… I just can’t lose you again, (y/n). Promise me that I won’t lose you again. That you won’t do reckless things like this anymore.”

Oh.

You let your stance relax and your left wing tucked itself back in. Walking over to him, you sat next to him, wrapping your left wing around him in an awkward kind of side hug. Fiddling with your thumbs, you replied softly. “You aren’t going to lose me again anytime soon, that I can promise you, but I can’t promise that I won’t do reckless things. Like I said, life is all about risks. You have to take them if you wanna move on. I wanna move on with my life, I’m sick of being stuck in one place.”

He rubbed at his eyes tiredly as he sighed. There was no convincing you when you were like this. He’s learned that trying to steer you in another direction is like Sisyphus finally reaching the top of the mountain only to have the massive stone roll back down again. Getting you to agree was something that went against your motives just wasn’t going to happen. 

“...Do you want to move out?”

“What? Nonononono, I don’t want to move out yet. I just meant that I was tired of not moving on with life after that thing took my wing.”

He gave a watery chuckle. “Good, I wouldn’t have anybody to make me breakfast in the mornings or split wood with me if you moved out.” 

He twisted his upper body towards you and pulled you into a warm hug. “I’m not leaving anytime soon. You don’t need to worry about me anymore.”

You two stayed like that for a while before he pulled back and gestured for you to turn around. You obliged and he got a closer look at your prosthetic, opening and closing it with the rope.

“...This is just a prototype. I’m still trying to figure out a way to automatically move the wing without having to pull the rope.”

He hummed in thought. “Have you thought about using redstone?”

“Yeah, but everything’s just too… bulky. I might have to make a tiny sensor so that it receives impulses from my muscles and moves when I want it to. That’s gonna take me a long time.”

“I’m sure that you’ll figure it out soon, you’re creative. Probably the most innovative of your generation… I’m proud of you, ya know. You’ve grown up and overcome so much in such a short amount of time.” He said genuinely.

You felt your face heat up and a small smile shaped your lips. You loved it when people praised you for your achievements, especially your dad. It warmed your heart to hear that he’s still proud of you, even if you’re almost an adult now. 

He clapped a hand on your shoulder and started to walk to the door.

“...Where are you going?”

He looked over his shoulder with a smirk. “We are gonna go find your brothers so we can show them how amazing you are.”

Your eyes lit up and your previous excitement returned tenfold. Laughing boisterously, you grabbed his hand and started sprinting, dragging him behind you. He laughed with you as he kept up with you with ease. 

You two ran until you hit the forest where Tommy was with Tubbo at the goat hybrid’s bee farm. They looked at you with alarm as you both almost crashed into one of the hives. Bees buzzed around peacefully, completely contradicting the energy you and Philza had. 

“Tommy, Tubbo, you have to follow us!”

They glanced at each other. “Why-”

You shushed them. “No questions! I have something to show you!”

You turned on your heel and started to sprint towards the woods where you can hear the soft strumming of a guitar. 

“WIILLBURRRRR”

His head poked out from behind a large tree trunk. “What could you possibly want? I’m practicing.”

“No time to explain, follow me.”

You once again ran away towards the shooting range Techno was in. Currently, he was working on his aim with a crossbow. 

“Techno!”

He jumped and accidentally pressed the trigger, making the arrow completely miss the target by several feet. He lightly glared at you. “(Y/n), don’t do that. I could’ve sho-”

“Sorry Tech, but you’re coming with me. I have something to show you.”

Like you did with Tommy and Wilbur, you darted off without letting him respond. In no time, you and your family reached the cliff. At the top, you turned towards them with a slightly crazed grin and sparkling eyes. They looked extremely confused as to why they were up there.

“I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve brought you here today. Well boys, I present to you,” you paused for dramatic effect, “my magnum opus!”

You yanked the rope and your leather wing extended with a glorious fwoosh. You watched as their jaws dropped and they looked at you with differing expressions. Philza looked at you with beaming pride, Techno and Wilbur looked at you with complete surprise, Tubbo smiled widely at you, and Tommy was speechless.

Grinning wider, you pointed out all the intricacies of your invention. They all listened attentively, absorbing every single detail you explained. They were fascinated with the idea of using prosthetics. 

You smirked. “Now, I’m sure you all would like a live demonstration. Step aside.”

You turned around and started walking towards where you started your take off earlier. You steeled your nerves and broke into a sprint. Once again jumping off the cliff and pulling your wing open, you heard your family gasp as you wobbled in the air slightly before you steadied yourself and began gliding. Their horrified gasps and shouts quickly turned into cheering as you glided away from them. 

As you were midair, you heard the flutter of feathers behind you as Philza appeared in your peripheral vision. He was grinning widely at you as his giant wings flapped to keep him next to you. You grinned back and in that moment, everything felt right. You would always have your family to support you.

You landed safely on the ground with a few steps and Philza followed suit, pulling you into a soft winged hug. You squeezed him back with vigor.

“(Y/n),” he whispered. “I am so, so proud of you, my little inventor.”

You felt tears sting your eyes as you hugged him tighter. You could hear your brothers and Tubbo (whom you considered your pseudo brother at this point with how often he hangs around the house) running towards you two. It would be a minute or two until they reached you. Until then, you just wanted to stay in your dad’s loving embrace. 

“OI DAD DON’T HOG THEM!”

You were ripped away from Philza’s comforting embrace and pulled into Tommy’s chest. He squeezed you in a bone crushing hug and started to spin you around.

“(Y/N) THAT WAS SO FUCKING COOL! THE WAY YOU FLEW WITHOUT BOTH WINGS HOLY SHIT THAT WAS POG!”

He let you go and you were given a congratulatory pat on the back and wide smile from Tubbo, who wasn’t quite accustomed to you yet. Techno smiled at you with pride and rustled your hair and Wilbur swung his arm around your shoulders, leading you back towards the house. “Well, I say this calls for a celebration.”

The feathers on your wing fluffed up proudly at the praise. “I’m down, but first could one of you help me take this off? It hurts after a while of wearing it.”

The rest of the night was illuminated with laughter and joy, the house booming with life. This was another moment where you felt infinite in the universe, surrounded by the people you hold dearest.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

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[waithyuck]

PUPPY

pairing: werewolf!lee jeno x reader (f) *halloweenie special*

genre: smut, supernatural au

word count: 4k

warnings: mature content, excessive explicit language, sexy times (meaning sexual content), I used the word ‘penis’ ONCE and only ONCE, mentions of a knot, knotting (I’m sorry), slight impreg kink, cumming inside, unprotected sex, blood, aggressive behavior, other stupid cliche werewolf things that are most definitely prob in hundreds of fics, jeno does NOT like being called a puppy even tho he’s called it oNCe

a/n: the first release of the dreamie halloweenie series! I hope this one sets the tone for what’s to come 👀 sorry to anyone who hates werewolf cliches and for the extreme lack of any substance or plot lmaoooo anyway I hope y’all enjoy reading

| next >

~10/10/2020~

~~~~

“are you cool with jeno staying the night?” your brother shot out, startling you as he spoke, not even looking at you as he spread too much peanut butter on a slice of bread nestled in his hand.

you looked up from where you were sitting at the kitchen table to face your brother, not saying anything in reply as you got lost in your thoughts.

jeno was an oddball. he was nice and he wasn’t creepy or even that weird, he just had his moments that were just well, odd. he was your brother’s friend of about six years; they met in their second year of high school and have been inseparable ever since. because of that, you have also been surrounded by jeno in all that time as well.

in the first couple years, you didn’t notice anything strange about him. he seemed like a normal and healthy young teenage boy. he was incredibly handsome, so of course your poor soul developed a small crush on him that only grew as the years progressed.

since you paid such close attention to him, you could pick out the oddities in his behavior occasionally pretty well. just from that, you’ve deducted that his sense of smell was almost god-like, like he could smell things that a normal person couldn’t.

now, you supposed that it wasn’t that weird that he had a good sniffer; there were probably tons of other people in the world with the same ability...but it wasn't just his sense of smell that had you curious.

sometimes he would act strangely at night; not often, but enough to have you questioning it. he would either disappear completely without a word or come up with a half-assed excuse to leave and then run away like a frightened animal.

it was just plain odd...and you couldn't get over it, no matter how much you tried to will yourself not to think about it.

snapping out of your stupor, you felt your heart jump at the thought of jeno coming over, even though he’s been here countless times, but you didn’t let it show and you shrugged your shoulders.

“it’s not like I have a choice in the matter,” you stated truthfully, looking down to pick at your nails. “you would have just said he was coming over anyway if I said no.”

your brother smiled at you, beaming as he placed the bread down and patted your head.

“you know me so well, y/n.”

you rolled your eyes, shoving him away. “yeah,” you retorted, slightly annoyed. “It’s not like you’re my brother, or anything.”

he didn't say anything further and you left him alone with his sandwich, getting up and making your way to your room where you could successfully hide for the rest of the night. before your cold make it far, you heard your brother yell something about jeno coming around 8, but you didn't say anything back and just minded your own business all the way upstairs to your room.

you pathetically holed yourself up in your dark room for about four hours, only coming out to quietly sneak to the bathroom and then you would go back into hiding once again.

even when you got word that there was pizza downstairs, you ignored it and continued to watch horror story narrations on youtube.

you just couldn't deal with being in the presence of your long time crush today. it took everything in your power to stop yourself from going downstairs and being potentially spotted, but you managed to pull through successfully and be a pathetic hermit in your room.

it was around 3 a.m. when you were finally finished with watching youtube videos, and you felt gross. you supposed that the two boys would be sound asleep by now, considering your brother never ever sacrificed his beauty sleep for anyone. you grabbed some clean clothes and gathered them in your arms before trudging tiredly to the bathroom, swinging open the door without a second thought, not realizing that the light was already on when you got there.

your heart almost jumped out of your chest as your eyes bulged out of their sockets.

“holy fuck!” you screeched as you took in the sight of jeno, in the middle of the bathroom completely naked, stroking his painfully hard cock right before your eyes. you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the show and you accidentally discovered that there was something not right about the way it looked...

your mouth fell agape and you barely heard him gasp loudly before trying to cover himself with the closest towel.

“jesus christ, y/n!” he yelled back, both of you not even considering your sleeping brother that was just three rooms over.

your eyes stayed glued to where he was covering himself with the towel, still thinking about the oddity of his dick. it seemed to be swelling at the base, which was definitely not normal for a human penis to do.

“what the fuck is wrong with your dick?” you blurted out unapologetically, causing a blush to cover his entire face and neck. you tore your eyes from his covered crotch to look at his eyes, which were now a shocking shade of bright yellow. you jumped back, dropping your clothes on the floor as you watched him breath heavily, most likely trying to calm himself down the same as you.

“oh my god, what the actual fuck is happening?” you murmured out loud, your eyes wide and never leaving his own as he stood silently in front of you. “am i dreaming? am i fucking high?” you tried to reason out as to why you were seeing what you're seeing, but jeno didn't give you much time to think before he spoke.

“you’re not dreaming,” his voice came out low, almost like a growl, and you felt your heart freeze up. “I dunno if you’re high...but what you're seeing is as real as it gets.”

your mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping out of water, trying to formulate the words to say next. your brain literally couldn't think of anything except his abnormally large and weird dick.

“okay…” you trailed off, your hands coming up to rest over your racing heart. “so then I’ll ask again: what the fuck is up with your dick??” and then you quickly added, “and your eyes??? I'm so confused right now, jeno.”

he sighed heavily and turned around, giving you a full view of his ass before he gathered his clothes to get dressed and cover himself. you really should have looked away, but your eyes wouldn’t listen to your internal screaming no matter how hard you physically tried to stop staring.

when he pulled his shorts on he finally turned to face you once more, forgoing a shirt much to your dismay (but really, you were dying on the inside at the sight of his abs). he stared at you for a second, his eyes back to their natural deep brown color.

“...there's a lot we need to talk about.” was all he said before grabbing your wrist in his scorchingly warm hand and dragging you out of the bathroom and down to your room. you didn’t protest and you let him practically drag you all the way there, closing the door behind him and guiding you to plop down on your bed. jeno walked to the opposite side of the room, distancing himself from you as much as possible.

“um..so,” he started hesitantly, trying to form his words correctly. “I’m uh, I'm a werewolf.”

your eyes bulged out of your head in disbelief, but you didn't say anything in reply. you both stared at each other across the space of your bedroom, not uttering a single word.

at first you were ready to call him crazy; there was absolutely no way that it was true. but then you thought about his eyes, his sense of smell...and then thought about his cock...holy shit wait, was that a fucking knot??

“um, yeah, it was…” you heard him say suddenly. you jumped out of your skin at the sound of his voice, not expecting him to reply. did you say that out loud by accident?

“you did.”

okay fuck, you needed to stop thinking and pull yourself together. what were you supposed to say to that? ‘oh cool, your cock has a knot and you’re a fucking werewolf, that’s super, jeno!’

jeno went on to explain the ins and outs of being a werewolf to you over the next twenty minutes, the small pink blush on his cheeks never truly leaving as he went into detail about everything. he even corrected certain cliches that were not true, a scowl making its way to his features with each inaccuracy you brought up.

“so...my brother doesn’t know?” you questioned quietly, looking down at your lap.

“no one knows besides you and my family.” he confirmed, and you looked up again to see him lean against the wall behind his back, eyes gazing sharply at you.

you panicked slightly, thinking that holy crap, now that you know, he's gonna have to kill you so the secret doesn't get out.

“oh my god,” you whimpered out, “are you going to kill me now?”

you watched his eyes widen before he choked, coughing violently before composing himself. he straightened his posture, but still didn't make any move toward you, still keeping his distance.

“what?!” he practically shouted, startling you. “of course not! why would I do that??”

you felt your face grow hot and you looked away once again, wringing your hands together on your lap. you shrugged, murmuring quietly, “i dunno...I thought you'd kill me to keep the secret, well, you know, a secret…”

you heard him sigh exasperatedly before hearing his soft voice grace your ears from across the room.

“I don't kill people, y/n.” he sounded slightly sad, and you then felt bad about assuming something so terrible of him. “the only time I kill is when my instincts become too much to control, and I snap.” his head hung low, but he quickly added. “but I’ve never actually killed a person, even if my instincts were screaming at me to.”

you tried to wrap your mind around what his wolf instincts were like; he only briefly touched on that topic earlier, seeming like he didn't want to talk about it too much. you being yourself, of course you had to pry.

“so like, what you’re saying is,” you started, your hand cupping your chin in thought as you pondered over your thoughts. “that if you were to like, hypothetically, snap right now and go all feral, you would want to kill me?” the question came out inflected as a statement, but you nonetheless awaited his answer patiently as you took in the sight of his face going through about five different emotions in the short span of a couple seconds.

“I don’t think…” he trailed off, looking down at the floor while clenching his fists. “I don’t think killing you would be my first instinct,” he looked up at you, his eyes blazing a slight yellow again as he seemingly stared into your soul. “...if you catch my drift.”

at first you were completely confused, not sure what other instincts he could express while being feral, but then it all clicked and it had your body heating up at the thought.

“oh.” you simply retorted, your eyes glazing over at the implication of him pinning you down and taking you as he pleased. “oh, fuck. you’re fuckin’ serious?”

his eyes were dark as he drank you in, his nostrils flaring slightly as he subtly sniffed the air between the both of you. dear god, you hoped that he couldn’t smell the sudden arousal that consumed you. you watched his eyes glow into a bright yellow and you felt your instincts screaming at you to run, but you held his gaze as he let a low growl escape his mouth.

“y/n,” he said, low and strained as he tried to fight his animal instincts. “you need to leave if you don’t want this, right now.” his words were final, no room for questioning.

you briefly tried to think it over; what would actually happen if you stayed and let him have you? you could probably die, first and foremost, but you shook that thought away even though it was a very real and serious possibility. you couldn’t deny your arousal at the whole thing, being taken like a bitch in heat by a guy you’ve been thirsting over for a while now. you may not get the chance to fuck a werewolf again, so you quickly made your decision.

“I’m…” you trailed off, dragging your gaze down to his neck and collarbones where you could make out the sweat forming on his perfect skin. “I’m staying, jeno.” you spoke softly to him, watching his brow furrow in confusion before smoothing out again.

you made your way to him and he stiffened up, watching your every move like a predator as you tentatively stopped in front of his panting form. reaching a hand up, you caressed his face, your breathing shaky as you leaned in closer.

“you can have me, puppy.” you threw in the last little jab with that sudden nickname just for fun, your heart soaring at the sound of the deep growl he let out upon hearing it. you fought the smile off your face as he practically pounced on you, pushing you over to the bed and pinning your body underneath his in one swift movement.

“I’m a puppy, huh?” he questioned darkly, his glowing eyes roaming over your face before his head dipped down to nose at your throat. you whimpered softly as his teeth nibbled on your sensitive skin, earning a satisfied growl from him.

you felt your shorts stick to your core from how insanely soaked you had become, and you grew hot at the idea of him pulling them down to find that you were, in fact, pantieless. he had your wrists pinned down against the mattress, not allowing you to touch him much to your annoyance. you tried to struggle against his supernaturally strong hold, but was met with a deep snarl in response. you immediately grew pliant underneath him out of pure instinct.

he pulled back, sharp canines prominent in his mouth as he fixed you with his glowing stare, red swirling with yellow in his bright irises.

“don’t fucking move,” he spat, his voice coming out low and gutteral, causing a flood of your own arousal to escape you down below. his nostrils flared for the second time that night, and he breathed in deeply at the scent of your wet and begging cunt. “be a good girl and take what I give you.”

the statement was final, and you barely had time to nod before he was tearing your t-shirt in two, biting the skin of your shoulder. his sharper teeth did not sink deep into your flesh, but when he drug the canines across your skin, you felt them rip you open. you let out what could be considered a poorly concealed scream, but it came forth as more of a moan as you felt hot blood trickle down your arm.

your shirt was in ribbons, and he looked extremely pleased as he took in the beautiful sight of your naked breasts, no bra in his way. he watched as your chest heaved up and down in anticipation, and he released your wrist to gently trail both of his hand over your body.

“your tits are so pretty,” he murmured, diving down to take one of your nipples into his mouth. he worked your other boob with one of his hands, kneading it and flicking your sensitive nipple.

your back arched into his touch, and you tried your best to stay as quiet as possible in fear of your brother hearing you.

he suckled hard; nibbling your nipple and dragging his teeth along it, causing shivers to run up your spine and your core to clench around nothing. your shorts were without a doubt ruined at this point.

your nails scratched down his back and he continued to ravage your chest, alternating between both of your breasts and teasing your sensitive buds with no remorse. it felt like hours of play, but eventually he pulled back to roughly grip the fabric of your shorts and tear them down your legs, exposing your dripping core to his hungry eyes.

you whined as he stared at you, reaching your arms out towards his own pants, wanting to see his cock again now that you were laying there, desperate and pouting for it.

his eyes shot to your face, smirking as he watched your brow furrow and your lips purse, your hands trying to grab at him from your place on the bed.

he didn’t allow you to pull his shorts down for him; instead he hooked his own thumbs in the waistband and pulled them down slowly, exposing his cock inch by inch before it finally sprung out, slapping against his stomach proudly.

your mouth watered at the sight of him once again and you moved to try to sit up, but didn’t get very far. he grasped your non-bleeding shoulder and roughly shoved you against the mattress once again, not saying anything. the stare he gave you oozed enough dominance for you to clearly get the message that he was trying to send.

jeno didn’t waste any time spreading your thighs open, two of his fingers immediately swiping through your embarrassingly wet slit before easing inside your tight hole. the stretch burned at first, considering he was starting you off with two fingers instead of one, but you welcomed the slight pain that mixed with the pleasure of him reaching up with his thumb to graze over your throbbing clit.

jeno thrusted his fingers into you gently at first, gradually picking up the pace as he went along. before you knew it he was adding a third finger, stretching your more than you’ve been stretched before.

you gasped at the feeling, your back arching off the bed as you cried out while he started finger fucking you with earnest.

“shhh, baby,” he said quietly, his movements never ceasing. “just gotta open you up for me, make sure you can take my knot.”

you held back another moan at that, thinking of how his cock would stretch you open, and how full you would feel with his knot nestled inside you.

he abruptly pulled his fingers from you, causing your back to arch again as you protested the loss of stimulation. his strength amazed you, and with one hand on your belly he pinned you down completely, sucking on the fingers of his other lewdly while stating you in the eyes.

after licking his fingers clean, (which caused heat to crawl it’s way down your belly), he kissed you sloppily on the mouth once again before gripping your waist and roughly flipping you over onto your knees.

your chest was flush against the mattress as well as your face, and your hips were lifted high in the air and you could feel the heat radiating off of him as he positioned himself behind you.

his nails drug down your sides and he gripped one of your hips with his hand, using his other to position himself at your leaking entrance. you wiggled your hips in anticipation, whining as he drug the head through your folds before slowly sinking inside you.

your fingers gripped the pillows as he bottomed out, his knot already slowly forming at the base of his shaft. it stretched you ever so slightly at the entrance of your core, and you whimpered out in pleasure as he started thrusting in and out.

the small form of his knot caught on your entrance with each precise thrust, and you were finding it very difficult to stay quiet. jeno’s breaths were heavy and every so often he would let out a soft growl as he felt his tip pound gently into your cervix.

your small whimpers were short and staggered, escaping your mouth with each thrust, which spurred him on to create a faster and harsher pace. he leaned over your back and didn’t relent as his cock punished you pussy, and when you let out a cry that was just a little bit too loud, he shoved your face right into your pillow to silence you.

“shut up,” he panted, a rumble low in his chest following his words. “just fucking take it.”

you nodded your head in response to the best of your ability, biting your lip to keep quiet as the presence of his hand left the back of your head.

he seemed to be getting close now, and you could feel yourself teetering on the edge as well. it was uncommon for you to cum without any clitoral stimulation, and you were amazed at his ability to reach all of the most pleasurable spots inside you.

you felt your stomach tightening up and you gasped sharply when you felt his cock press right against your sweet spot, making you reach your high almost instantly.

you clamped around him, barely registering that he buried himself completely inside you and was now stretching you to the max with his fully developed knot. the pain of the stretch only intensified your orgasm, which had you screaming into your pillow to muffle your cries of ecstasy.

jeno growled loudly as he came shortly after, biting the back of your neck aggressively and painting your walls with his cum, emptying completely inside of you while his knot kept a single drop from escaping.

he withdrew his teeth from you, surprised that it didn’t break your skin, and gently moved the two of you to lay on your sides as you basked in the afterglow of what just occurred.

your chest heaved as you fought to catch you breath, you pussy still stretched to its limit as you laid with him. you reached an arm around to caress his face, a small show of affection as you smiled in bliss.

after catching your breath, you sat in silence for a bit, just bathing in each other’s warmth, before you had to go and open your big mouth again.

“so your knot is supposed to like, plug me up?” you questioned, your voice still sounding slightly out of breath as you panted. “to make sure I get like, hypothetically, pregnant or whatever?”

he groaned in response and gripped your hips tightly, his hips bucking and causing his still painfully hard cock to sharply jab against your sensitive insides, making you yelp.

“dear god, y/n,” he whined, his nails digging into your skin. “don’t say things like that, fuck.”

“oh, so you like that idea?” you teased, turning your head to try to look at him to the best of your ability considering your current position. “fucking me full of babies?”

his eyes stared down at you intensely, the color of his irises brightening up as he growled lowly at you. he suddenly gripped your hips and turned you both over, his body completely laying on your own as you were pressed against the mattress on your stomach.

“keep talking, y/n,” he growled out lowly, his hips pressing tightly against your ass, the head of his cock kissing your cervix. “I’ll fuck you again right now, and give you my fucking babies.”

he couldn’t see you, but you smiled contently, preparing yourself for another intense round with this beast of a man. there was a small chance that you would actually get pregnant, considering the IUD you had…but the thought of it had you ready to go at it again.

in some fucked up way, you were content with this, and you threw your hips up to grind back against him, grinning even wider as he pinned your body down even harder.

jeno fucked you like an animal until the sun came up, and your brother was none the wiser.

[cheesybadgers]

Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 9)

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OHDH Masterlist - Narcos Masterlist 

Pairing: Horacio Carrillo x Javier Peña

Words: 5,583

Summary: In the aftermath of chapter 8, Steve is on the warpath, Javier seeks advice from an old acquaintance and he and Horacio have a much-needed heart-to-heart. 

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Discussions of canon-typical violence, PTSD symptoms (nightmares and flashbacks), brief mentions of sex work, brief mentions of parental loss, alcohol, smoking, swearing, some angst but with a generous side order of fluff and all the feelings (because when is it not about all the feelings with these two?).

Notes: Apologies this was finished a lot later than I intended, but life has been busy over the last month, so I haven’t had as much time as I’d like for writing. BUT, chapter 10 basically just needs editing now, so that should hopefully be posted soon. We’re getting there, slowly but surely 😉 Huge thank you to anyone still reading, it’s greatly appreciated. As always, please feel free to chat to me about any of it either on AO3 or Tumblr!

Whilst obviously I do not own Narcos or its characters, please do not copy, re-post, or plagiarize this fic in any capacity on this or other platforms. If you wish to create any fan works inspired by it, please provide a credit or send me a message if in doubt.

Chapter 9: Until Death Do Us Part

Once back at base, Javier had barely stepped out of the police car when Steve marched towards him wearing a thunderous glare.

Steve’s mood wasn’t helped when he passed Horacio and Trujillo, who made every effort to avoid his gaze as they hurried back towards the school. If he hadn’t been suspicious already, he certainly was now.

“Javi, what’s with the radio silence? Where the fuck are the spotters?”

“Carrillo, er, had a change of plan and cut them loose.” Javier kept his eyes rooted to the floor as well, already sensing that Steve wasn’t going to be deterred from his line of inquiry.

“What?! We’re just letting people go now?”

Javier concentrated hard on retrieving the keys from his pocket as he moved towards his own vehicle. “Something like that, yeah.”

“Javi, stop. What’s goin’ on?” Steve’s tall frame towered over Javier, obstructing him from making the rapid exit he was desperate for.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Javier managed to hold his fingers steady for long enough to slot his key into the lock before yanking the door open. Almost there.

However, Steve caught the door and grabbed Javier’s arm to halt him in his tracks. “Hey, would you fuckin’ talk to me, Javi?!” 

“Let go of my fucking arm.” Javier stared at Steve’s fingers on his sleeve, half-tempted to shrug out of his leather jacket and flee if it meant this conversation could be over with. The walls were closing in around him and Steve had never seemed larger as he edged nearer and nearer to the truth.

Just as expected, Steve showed no sign of backing down as he eyeballed Javier, never letting up his grip. “I will when you tell me what happened.”

“Nothing happened.” The truth and a lie wrapped up in one. “Carrillo just scared them a bit, that’s all.” Scared him, more like. “Threatened to do worse if he caught any of them again. End of story.”

“So…we waste our time gathering intel, just for him to let them go and not bring anyone in for questioning? What the fuck, Javi? That makes no sense!”

“Why don’t you ask him? I’m not his fucking lapdog.” Even though they were in the open air, Javier couldn’t shake the feeling of being cornered. Any attempt to explain was futile, leaving himself vulnerable to contradictions or inconsistencies that Steve would spot a mile off. He couldn’t deny sending him Horacio’s way was a risky strategy as well, though, but deflection was all he had left.

Steve couldn’t stop the harsh scoff from escaping his nose. “Coulda fooled me.” 

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come on, Javi. He says jump, you ask how high. Every damn time! Even now when he’s hardly been back five minutes. What is it with you two?”

An excruciating silence followed. Javier had never been more eager for the ground to swallow him up. There was no way for him to answer that question without inciting even more compromising ones.

By some miracle, Steve was in full flow and saved Javier from scrabbling for a response. “Oh, and thanks for the support today, by the way. When I may as well have not been in the room. What the fuck was that?”

“Look, Steve, I’m tired. I’ve already told you everything I know. Carrillo’s decisions aren’t mine, so I suggest you take it up with him.”

Whilst Steve was distracted and ranting, Javier managed to manoeuvre himself around his partner and into the driver’s seat. He slammed the door behind him and started the engine before Steve could respond. He had to get out of there, away from Steve’s interrogation and away from Horacio. 

Without a backward glance, he sped off into the night, leaving Steve with more questions than he’d started with.

------------------------------------------------------

Horacio shut himself in his office as soon as he arrived back at Carlos Holguín. He wasted no time in unscrewing the cap on the bottle of whiskey Trujillo had given him as a welcome home gift and poured a hefty measure. The taste didn’t even register as he knocked it back in one. It was little more than a burning sweep of heat sliding down his throat, numbing his senses for the briefest of seconds and taking his mind off the tremble in his right hand.

He refilled the tumbler, the light from the bottle catching on the wall where his array of commendations hung in their neat frames. Each one taunting him for the fact he was back here again. Giving rise once more to the unshakeable feeling of judgement from beyond the grave.

His father’s office had been decorated in a similar fashion, except with more awards and less bloodshed tainting them. Part of him wanted to destroy them, or at least hand everything back. After all, his superiors were already waiting for him to slip up, to fail, to prove them right. The sole person who had wanted him to return was Gaviria, and even then, it was for his ruthless methods more than anything else. It wasn’t an achievement he was proud of, but perhaps this was always meant to be his real punishment rather than Madrid.

Javier’s crestfallen expression in the alley burned into Horacio’s memory like acid, corroding any foolish notion of keeping his commitments separate now he was back on the frontline. There was no getting away from the fact that the two parts of his life were intrinsically linked. Or that it was his and Javier’s shared history that pulled him from the brink that very night. Who knew what he would have done without it?

It happened in such a blur; it was difficult to piece it all together. It was as though his mind detached from his body as it raced through flashback after flashback. When he opened his eyes and found his gun jabbing against the boy’s forehead, he could have sworn his hand belonged to someone else. Or was that wishful thinking? It was easier to tell himself that, like it was easier to blame everything on the ends justifying the means. But what end would this have achieved?

One fewer child under duress doing Escobar’s bidding wouldn’t have made any difference. It would have just left another grieving family, not unlike the ones he’d delivered the same bad news to on countless occasions. They were all under the cartel’s thumb one way or another. It was a matter of luck and circumstance that determined which side of the war those caught in the crossfire ended up on. And it was why he was thankful every day that his nieces and nephews were a safe distance away from Medellín. Away from him.

A serrated knot twisted inside him like a knife to the gut at the thought of their innocence. Of what he’d do if anything ever happened to them. Of how he’d been so close to committing nothing short of a monstrous act on someone else’s child. And what for? To make a point?

He took another swig of his drink in a bid to numb and keep the threat of vomiting at bay. He couldn’t help but wish he was back in Madrid of all places, which wasn’t something he ever expected to think. He missed his routine, his church and his pew. Week in, week out he’d forced himself to remember all of the collateral damage that had stacked up at his fingertips. He couldn’t afford to be complacent about the pain he’d caused already, and yet here he was all too willing to inflict more. It was becoming clear that the stability he’d found there kept him grounded. In fact, it was dawning on him that the only thing he’d found intolerable about Madrid was being apart from Javier.

The distant knocking behind him almost didn’t register until the rattle of the door handle jerked him out of his thoughts. His attention switched to Murphy striding across the room and there was no doubt he was on the warpath.

“I’d like to talk to you about what happened tonight.”

“What do you think happened?” Horacio retreated behind the safety of his desk, grasping at the vain hope that a physical barrier would protect him from the conversation that was about to unfold.

“According to Javi, nothin’, but something tells me that’s not quite true.”

“Enlighten me, Murphy.”

Steve stepped forwards, reducing the gap that Horacio had created. “Well, for starters, I know you left me behind on purpose earlier. I know you’ve got some sort of hold over Javi. I know he was pretty fuckin’ shaken up when he drove off god knows where just now. After avoiding my questions about you. That all strikes me as a bit more than nothin’. How am I doing so far?”

“Where did he go?” Horacio couldn’t stop himself cutting in, even if it did cause a look of complete bewilderment to cross Murphy’s face.

“Didn’t say, but I think we both know where he usually goes to blow off steam. Now, you gonna answer my question or not?”

Of course, Horacio knew. It was far from the first time he’d encountered Javier’s coping mechanism of choice, but it was the first time since Tolú. In all honesty, it bothered him before that, even when it wasn’t his place. When he didn’t understand the pangs of nausea simmering in the pit of his stomach if his men cracked jokes about Javier’s reputation. Or when he’d thrown back a drink – or several – that little bit harder on the nights Javier declined his company in favour of seeking distraction elsewhere. Each time unable to quash the irrational feeling that it should be him he was seeking distraction with. Even though it was probably him Javier had tried to escape from and forget, much like tonight.

The heavy weight of Murphy’s scrutiny hauled Horacio back to the present. “Whatever you think is going on, I can guarantee you’re wrong.”

Steve huffed out a wry laugh, finding a victory of sorts in Horacio’s words. “Yeah, that don’t sound like nothin’ to me. Whether this is about protecting me or you, stop icing me out.”

He stared Horacio down before he headed for the door. But he wasn’t done just yet as he turned back on his heel. “Oh, and as for Javi…let’s not pretend you don’t know he’d follow you no matter what, even if it cost him his visa. Or worse. You might wanna remember that next time you drag him into your shit.”

Before Horacio could respond, Steve was gone again. But his protective parting words echoed in Horacio’s ears like a warning siren that was impossible to ignore. It seemed Javier was right about his partner after all.

------------------------------------------------------

Even though Javier hadn’t done this in a long time, he supposed it was an old form of autopilot kicking in. One that reared its head when he needed an escape without the expectation of anything beyond a transactional exchange. That wasn’t to say he never got anything more out of it, but it was always on his own terms. He gave as much of himself as he felt like, knowing it wasn’t going to be a long-term arrangement. However, he had his favourites and they seemed to like him too, as he wasn’t their typical client at all. He knew their names and their preferences, but more to the point, he seemed to care.

It had been years since he’d seen Gabriela, but in so many ways, their lives hadn’t changed. They both felt trapped in situations beyond their control, allowing themselves to be swept along by the tidal currents of fate and often needing an outlet to forget. 

One glaring difference this time, though, was Javier wasn’t there for sex.

He had considered it on the drive over. He hadn’t been with a woman for a long time and couldn’t pretend he didn’t still think about it on occasion, especially when Horacio had been in Madrid. Or after whatever the hell had happened tonight. But now he was here and it was real, he couldn’t go through with it.

They’d already torn enough pieces off each other in the last few hours as it was. Even though they had never declared themselves exclusive, it was clear they were. Particularly given the words Horacio had whispered on the night he returned. Words that Javier couldn’t repeat back, at least not yet. 

The last time he uttered them, everything fell apart. Not straight away, but in the end, those three words were more like a weapon than a term of endearment. And there was already enough violence surrounding them in Colombia as it was. He didn’t want to associate those words with all of this. Not when the ominous spectre of death continued to hover in the background. 

Javier sparked up a cigarette by the window. Flecks of street light shimmered against the murky pane of glass and cast the outline of his sharp profile in shadow. The white noise of the traffic below soothed him, along with the aromatic fog of perfume and tobacco that lingered in the air.

It hadn’t completely dispelled the memory of Horacio pressing the muzzle of his pistol against the boy’s head, though. Or the terror in the boy’s eyes in those few moments in which time stood still. Nor had it erased the icy chill of shock that ran through Javier at the deafening sound of gunfire. He’d closed his eyes, recoiling in horror from the scene in front of him until he found the courage to look for himself. And then came the dizzying whiplash of relief. A familiar feeling, although he couldn’t quite put his finger on why.

Gabriela lay across the bed wrapped in a silk robe. She took a drag on her own smoke whilst studying Javier with growing curiosity. "When you walked in here, I thought you hadn't changed a bit, but I was wrong. You seem different, Javi."

Javier turned to face her, leaving his thoughts to one side as he absently rolled his cigarette between his thumb and forefinger. “What makes you say that?” 

“Well, you’re not in my bed for a start.” A smirk spread across her cherry-red lips, signalling to Javier that even though she may have been disappointed, she wasn’t offended.

“I – er, I’ll still pay you.” It’d always been his policy regardless of the reason for his visits. A job was a job, after all. He was here for selfish reasons that meant Gabriela couldn’t be with other clients, so compensating her for her time was the least he could do.

“It’s not as unusual as you think, y’know.”

“What isn’t?”

“Several of my clients do this. For the company, or the quiet, I don’t know, I never ask. And well, it gives me a break anyway.” She attempted another smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Javier moved away from the window and sat on the edge of the bed. “Why don’t you stop?”

Torn between rolling her eyes and laughing at the naivety of his question, she settled for something between the two. “Why don’t you?”

Touché. She had him there. All he could do was tilt his head in a conceding nod. “What would you do if someone you cared about wanted you to stop?”

“I’d tell them it’s not that simple, but I suspect that’s not the answer you’re looking for, is it?” 

Javier returned her knowing smile. “Not really, no.” He drew on his cigarette and exhaled before trying a different tack. “Okay, what would it take to make you stop, then?”

Gabriela mirrored Javier’s action as she considered her answer. "I've always figured there’ll come a day when the decision will be taken out my hands one way or another. Same way I got into this life in the first place. Couldn’t say what it’ll be, but I’ll know when it happens."

Javier nodded as he digested her response. It wasn’t the startling revelation he had hoped for, but rather the clarity he needed when it was all but impossible to see the wood for the trees. When it felt like he and Horacio were stuck in a never-ending spiral of self-destruction and mortal peril, it was easy to forget this wouldn’t be forever. Sooner or later, Escobar would fuck up and they’d be ready and waiting. They just had to hold on a bit longer, not lose sight of the bigger picture and most importantly, stay alive.

He leaned across to stub out his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. "I better be going."

"So soon? Did I even help at all?"

Standing up to put his jacket on, he took his wallet out of his back pocket, thumbed through several notes – plus a few extra ones – and slid them onto the nightstand. "Yeah, you did. Thank you." He leaned down and lightly cupped her cheek. "You take care of yourself, okay? If you ever need anything, you know where I am."

“Thanks. I hope it all works out, Javi. For both of you." That was another thing that was different about Javier this time; he wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he used to be.

------------------------------------------------------

Javier found himself outside Horacio’s apartment, his fingers twitching as he worked up the courage to knock. Something told him that Horacio would have wanted to get away from Carlos Holguín at the earliest opportunity. 

To his relief, his hunch was confirmed when the lock clicked on the other side of the door.

Horacio couldn’t hide the surprise and confusion from his face, clearly not expecting to hear from Javier further that night. Nor could he disguise the red tinge around his eyes and the fact the colour had long since drained from his complexion.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The silence between them stretched out for an eternity in the middle of Horacio’s lounge, as they were unable to meet each other’s eye.

“What happened?” Javier finally asked, his arms folded across his chest and his thumb resting on his chin.

“You mean why didn’t I shoot him? You of all people should know.”

“Me of all people?”

“The day you went after Sure Shot and Poison.” Horacio slumped down on the nearby couch. The exhaustion in his body was evident as he threw back the last remnants of his drink and waited for Javier to catch up.

Those names were a blast from the past Javier hadn’t been expecting. It was the day they’d found Olivia. And the day he had the gun pulled on him by the young boy. Memories from the aftermath soon unravelled one after the other. His and Horacio’s frenzied afternoon tryst, Javier staying the night at Horacio’s apartment for the first time and their conversation in bed. The tender way Horacio had consoled him when he had spiralled. When he wondered if he was capable of shooting the boy. 

Now he understood why the relief that had crashed over him in the alley felt so familiar. It was the same feeling that coursed through him on the rooftops. When he didn’t pull the trigger.

“Oh.” It was all Javier could manage in response. But he hoped it was enough for Horacio to know he remembered everything. And apparently, so had Horacio. A conflicting coil of emotions washed over him as he slotted the pieces together. “Did you plan it, though? I mean, before we got there. After we…”

“No, of course not! You think I’d do that just to get back at you?”

“No – fuck, no. I didn’t mean it like that. I just…need to know what happened.”

“It all happened so fast. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. I heard that brat talking shit about my men, and something snapped. I can’t really explain it.” Horacio’s voice was hoarse and timid, almost as though he was scared of his own thoughts. Or rather, ashamed of them. “But that’s no excuse, and I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. You’ve been through enough already because of me. Because of my recklessness.”

Javier didn’t miss his earlier accusation repeated back to him. “I only said that because I worry about you. About what might happen to you. But I can’t pretend I’m not fucking relieved you didn’t do it.” As if to further emphasise his words, he let out a long, shuddering breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding on to.

As an outsider to Colombia, Javier rarely saw it as his place to pass judgement on Horacio’s actions. Particularly given his own track record. He’d done things he wasn’t proud of. Things he never thought he was capable of but had justified as necessary for the greater good. Even when that was more of a conscience-easing lie to himself than he cared to admit. And he knew in the back of his mind there would be things he was going to have to do that would no doubt haunt him in the future too.

There would be as much blood on his hands as Horacio’s once this was all over. And in Horacio’s defence, at least this was his country. What excuse did Javier have? It should have gone without saying that of course, he was fucking relieved he hadn’t witnessed something else entirely that night. Even in their messed-up profession of blurred ethical lines, boundaries existed that if crossed, there wasn’t necessarily any coming back from. But it wasn’t as though Javier had intervened, either, so this was never about being judge, jury and executioner. As usual, it was largely about his need to protect Horacio, even when it shouldn’t have been.

“On the plane from Madrid, I made a promise to myself I’d try to do better. For you. For us. But this place, it just…” Horacio trailed off with a shaky sigh, his hand raking through his hair instead as words failed him. How could he sum up what it was like to be back here?

“I know.” No further explanation was needed, though. They’d both lived through the last few years of carnage, most of it side-by-side. They’d shared a lot of the same scars and guilt, so it stood to reason there was a mutual understanding that went far beyond words.

Javier sat next to Horacio on the couch and placed a comforting hand on the muscle of his thigh. “It won’t be forever, though. We will get through this, and we will stop Escobar. We’ve just gotta keep our heads.” A statement of defiance for his own benefit as much as Horacio’s.

Horacio looked into Javier’s eyes, nodding with shared conviction as he entwined their fingers and squeezed tightly.

They remained joined together for a long moment before Javier spoke once more. “I’m sorry I ran off too. Again. I should’ve been there for you.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, I understand. And I understand why you went…where you went tonight.”

“What? How did—?”

“Murphy came to see me after you left,” Horacio cut in before Javier could finish floundering. “You were right; he’s not stupid. He thinks I’ve got some sort of hold over you and seems to know you pretty well, too. Because he guessed where you went after.”

“Shit!” Javier's head dropped into his hand with a defeated exhale. “It’s not what you think.”

“Look, Javier, you don’t need to do this. I wish you wouldn’t push me away, but I get it. I deserved it.”

“No, wait, fuck! You’ve got it all wrong. Nothing happened. We just talked, that’s all.” Javier hesitated, undecided whether he should reveal the whole truth before throwing caution to the wind. “I did think about it on the drive there, though. But I couldn’t do it. And I don’t mean to – I don’t want to push you away.”

Horacio nodded slowly, accepting Javier’s explanation and confirming his understanding of what wasn’t said as much as what was. Either his decryption skills were improving, or Javier’s code was getting easier to crack. Or maybe it was both. “I’m sorry for what I said back at base. I – I’m not pressuring you.”

Javier foolishly hoped subsequent events might have buried their initial argument despite how unrealistic that was. “I know. I…just…I need more time. That’s all.” With his gaze glued to the floor, guilt bore down on his chest, constricting and suffocating until his lungs forced the words out of his mouth, finally allowing him to breathe. “For the record, I haven’t – with anyone – since Tolú.”

Their legs slotted together as Javier looked up, facing Horacio and cupping his jaw in one fluid movement. “Couldn’t.” He delicately brushed a thumb back and forth before leaning forward, pressing them forehead-to-forehead. “Wouldn’t.” His lips ghosted over Horacio’s, his voice raw and fragile. “I only ever want you.”

A string of soft yet deliberate kisses followed like secret declarations of their own. They were reminiscent of the ones Javier administered on Horacio’s first night back in Colombia, except now his words were starting to fill in the blanks.

“Even after tonight?” Horacio couldn’t hide the desperation in his whisper against Javier’s mouth, almost afraid of the answer. He’d just about pulled himself back from the edge, and he had no idea what the ripple effect of it was going to be. He saw the way Trujillo looked at him. At both of them. He’d no doubt have the same questions as Murphy. News was bound to get back to Escobar too, and God knows what his response would be. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Javier on top of everything else.

“Always.” Javier captured Horacio’s mouth in a deep, charged kiss that was unbroken as they stumbled towards the bedroom.

He abated Horacio’s fears in an instant, pouring everything he wasn’t ready to say into his actions. Needing to make Horacio understand now more than ever that they were on the same page and in this together. That it didn’t matter what he did, he still felt the same about him, about them, and nothing was going to change that.

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It was dark when Javier jumped awake, stirred by agitated movement next to him and distressed whimpering that cut through the umbra of the room.

Horacio’s eyes remained closed as he thrashed around, attempting to rid himself of the bedsheets whilst pulling them up around him at the same time.

Javier hesitated, unsure whether to rouse him or not. But the decision was made for him when Horacio sprang upright, gasping for air and calling out Javier’s name.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m right here.” Javier flicked the switch on the bedside lamp before leaning over to Horacio and placing a hesitant hand on his back. When no flinch followed, Javier pressed more firmly against Horacio’s sweat-soaked skin, running his palm up and down in a soothing motion as he hushed his reassurances.

Horacio grabbed Javier’s free arm and pulled him towards his own body. He nuzzled his head against Javier’s shoulder, the relief palpable from the speed at which he relaxed into his warmth and deepened his breaths. “I thought I’d lost you.”

He was stood over the boy again. Sheets of rain bounced off the mud-streaked concrete at his feet, the rust-red droplets leaving a salty, metallic residue on his lips. His slippery fingers fumbled with the trigger and the gun fired before he could stop it. But when he opened his eyes, it was Javier who had collapsed to the ground.

With another flash, he surveyed the scene from a distance. Javier lay bleeding out on the floor, but the man looking down at him was no longer Horacio. It was Escobar.

“This is for Gustavo,” Escobar announced with triumph and malevolence in his eyes before he fired multiple times at Javier’s convulsing form and turned the gun back on Horacio. That was when he had woken up.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Javier’s fingers caressed Horacio’s damp hair as he cradled him against his shoulder and planted sporadic kisses wherever he could reach.

He eventually leaned across to the nightstand for his lighter and pack of cigarettes. He lit one up and took a drag before offering it to Horacio.

“Thanks.” Horacio couldn’t remember the last time he’d needed a cigarette this badly but suspected it was pre-Madrid. He took a long inhale followed by a deep exhale before passing it back to Javier again. “It was him.”

“Hmm?”

“In my dream. It was him. He killed you, and I couldn’t stop him. I just watched whilst he…” A choking lump lodged itself in Horacio’s throat, preventing him from finishing his sentence. He glanced down and noticed his right hand was shaking.

Javier continued to place gentle strokes up and down Horacio’s arm as they shared their cigarette. “Hey, it was just a nightmare. That’s all it was.”

“It felt so real, though. And…”

“And what?”

“When Murphy stopped by my office, he said you’d always follow me. Even if it got you sent home, or worse.”

“Steve said that?”

“Yes. And he’s not exactly wrong, is he?”

Javier scoffed through a plume of smoke. “I didn’t know he cared so much. But I wouldn’t take it to heart. He’s just insecure because you keep leaving him out. I know you’re not his biggest fan, but he is a good agent. And you need all the help you can get.”

Horacio considered that statement before accepting it with some reluctance. “Maybe so, but you might wanna give him a few Spanish lessons once in a while.” He attempted to remain deadpan until he caught Javier’s eye, then neither man could keep a straight face.

“Okay, deal. But you might wanna include him more often. Especially when you steal his ideas.”

Horacio couldn’t argue with that either and, after a long pause, he grunted in concession. “Fine, although I got the impression he thought he’d missed out on something a lot bigger tonight. If he’s looking for a ringside seat in future, I can’t help him there.”

“I know and, I wouldn’t ask you to. But if he realises there’s nothing to see, maybe he’ll calm down a bit.”

“Well, he’s your partner. You know him better than I do.”

Javier couldn’t deny that, but it wasn’t the comfort to him Horacio thought it was. Steve could be just as stubborn and headstrong as the man lying by his side, and Javier wasn’t convinced that he’d be so easily dissuaded. He’d already accepted there were going to be more awkward questions to answer sooner rather than later. But nothing was going to be solved tonight.

Instead, he focused on wrapping Horacio in his arms once they’d finished their cigarette. Even though Javier had managed to calm him down, he lay awake long after he was sure Horacio had drifted off again. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Steve had said in his absence, either. About the fact that there was more truth to it than he’d let on. It occurred to him there were no lengths he’d stop at to follow Horacio. Even when the rational part of his brain screamed at him not to follow, he couldn’t help it. He was drawn like a moth to a flame over and over again.

He didn’t know why but memories of the day before his wedding sprung to mind. It had been the rehearsal ceremony when the priest talked them through their vows and, a violent jolt of panic had struck him at the final hurdle. Until death do us part. Even as he’d casually said those five words, when it didn’t count in the eyes of the church or the law, he knew they were a lie.

He’d tried to shake it off as nerves; however, he was just delaying the inevitable. To this day, he regretted not speaking up there and then and saving Lorraine from the ultimate humiliation. But then, he always did have a habit of bailing at the most critical moments. A fight or flight response, he supposed.

Comparisons between theirs and his parents’ relationship had plagued his thoughts in the aftermath. His parents had stuck by that vow until the very end. He saw it in his childhood, in the way his father was throughout his mother’s illness and in her final days. He saw it after her passing and in how he still was now. Or at least how he’d been the last time Javier had seen him, which was longer ago than it should have been, even if they did still speak on the phone from time to time. It was something sacred he didn’t think he was capable of, or rather, didn’t think he deserved.

But that was then. Now, he looked back on everything he’d endured with Horacio. Whether it was barriers or obstacles beyond their control or their own demons and bad habits trying to force them apart. They always found a way back to each other somehow. Against the odds. Against all logic, sense and reason.

Given the stakes involved, they weren’t so much as playing with fire but dancing with the devil. It never stopped them, though. And that was when it hit him. On the cusp of sleep, with Horacio secured against his body, Javier realised there was only one thing that ever could.

[percabethfeelsfandom]

How I’d rate the Gods/Goddesses(riordanverse)

This is my rating based off the way Rick Riordan portrayed them in the Riordanverse. The traditional myths have been taken into account but do not make up my entire opinion. 

Hestia:

10/10 would give my life for this goddess. In all aspects of the word, this goddess is a goddess. I want a novella of her watching over the hearth and watching out for her family and the heroes. I imagine her being a very comforting presence and warm like a hug, and maybe this is me projecting my mummy issues but I just want her to hug me. 

Dionysus:

A solid 7.35/10 for Mr D. Naturally he was a bit annoying, but we were never under the pretence that he he was meant to be anything more than what he provided and I respect that. Him caring about his kids at camp, and staying relatively loyal to his wife is always a plus. And I like his relatively humble beginnings being a hero and becoming a god and then not causing that much trouble in the series. Unlike some other pieces of shit. 

Hermes:

4/10. Mans had no right blaming Luke’s thirst for mass genocide on 16 year old Annabeth. Not cool man. Not cool. He gets the points he got because he did genuinely care about Maia, and Luke, but he lost the rest of them by having a blatant favourite (who literally caused so much destruction). However I do still like his line about family in sea of monsters and never giving up on them. Nice meaning. But he was still a shitty father and only intervened out of self interest most of the time. 

Aphrodite:

2/10. I hate how low I have to rank her. But my god did Rick do her dirty in his depiction. Just the misogyny, the lack of depth, and the untouched potential she has as a character, as a goddess, THE OLDEST GOD/GODDESS and Rick really made her throw rose petals around the battle fields on one of (what was meant to be) the biggest fights of the riordanverse. Absolute robbery. If I’m not mistaken as well, she was a huge contributor to the issues and obstacles percabeth went through and we do not Stan. HOWEVER, I love her as a goddess normally, and what she could represent if she’s written properly. 

Hephaestus:

8/10. I have no qualms with this man. I too prefer the company of inanimate objects to people and get stressed about social interaction. And I too have mummy issues. So me and Hephaestus are on the same page. Let this man tinker away in his little bunker. He never went out of his way to make things harder for demigods, and was helpful when they came to him for help which I can also respect. (Point deduction because it was on his land that Bianca died…if I’m not mistaken). 

Ares:

-12/10. This man was introduced as a bully, and gives off the vibes of every phobic, known to humanity. I do not vibe. I do not agree. I do not stan. ALSO his motorbike seat is apparently made from "Caucasian human skin”!!!!!!???? We as children never questioned this? We just went sure aight move on?! Please this man has the biggest small dick energy if I ever saw it and I despite him so much. Mans was also never helpful. Ever. I don’t think. I think Mars was better than him though so I’ll give him that. 

Artemis:

9.99/10 all hail queen of the lesbians. Mad respect to this woman. In what she stands for, who she protects and in her actions. She’s what I embody when I stand up for myself in fights and when I speak to have my voice heard. I like Rick’s depiction of her and I love seeing her and her hunters pop up in his books. Would love a couple books on the hunters and their adventures. Also I love archery. And I’m biased to the moon because I love the night so she gets extra points for all of that too. 

Apollo:

Prior to Trials of Apollo 7/10, after TOA 9.90/10. Yes it’s a big jump but my god did Lester grow on me. Prior to TOA he was pretty average. He was funny, always provided a good laugh to the plot and was always helping the demigods which I loved. But I know he’s an asshole full of himself so I can’t give him any higher than that until he had some character development, which we got in TOA (specifically after Burning Maze). And I really like who he is now and the type of character Rick shaped him out to be. In the myths he’s a big creep, and I still stand by that idea, hence why he doesn’t get a full 10. 

Athena:

3.5/10…ughhh I hate to say this. But part of it is the same reasoning I gave about Aphrodite. I just have so many issues with the way she’s portrayed and it’s not accurate to what I believe in my heart she should represent. And as a child of Athena, I feel like Rick then did her entire legacy dirty. She has her moments, but since I can’t even fully recall one right now, it just proves my point. As a goddess as a whole though, what she represents is everything I aspire to be in life. She’s my entire aesthetic of hard work, creativity, and strength and grit, without taking away of being a powerful female. Zeus’ lead strategist like shit, Rick could have done so much. But he did not. And I am thus sad about it. 

Demeter:

6/10. I have no issues with Demeter. Kinda boring. I think that’s what most of the fandom thinks as well. She just didn’t get enough screen time or development. I have no attachment to her. I think the powers that she has, and has passed on to her kids is cool though so there’s that. But in the series as well she doesn’t do much. She also (initially) doesn’t fight in the battle of Manhattan so maybe I’m slightly bitter there. But yeah, i’m indifferent. 

Hades:

8.99/10 Okay so hear me out I know this man gets so much bad rep in the myths and that’s part of why he doesn’t get a full 9. But I really really love the way he’s depicted in the riordanverse, especially with his entire arc with his kids/specially with Nico. Like literally one of my favourite quotes In the entire series is “my children are so rarely happy, I would like to see you be the exception.” Out of the gods listed here (and excluding Dionysus), he acts like a genuine parent to his kids and tries. And like there’s issues, sure, but he works on them. And since so much of the first series is about how the gods are neglectful, seeing him change and seeing him fight for Nico is my everything. 

Poseidon:

7.1/10. Honestly this feels too high considering mans was nearly If not just as bad as Zeus in keeping it in his dam pants. His points come from treating Sally like the queen she is, and trying with Percy (albeit too little too late but I can see the minimal effort). That being said, he’s really shitty in the myths so I can’t really give him anything higher than this. He’s barely a dad, and sees Percy more as an ally than an actual son or human being that needs attention. I like him more in Fanon and the way that I write him lmao because I humanise him. But I won’t lie he’s dilf material, and I still like rick’s depiction of him. 

Hera:

3/10 I’m surprising myself with this rating because tbh I might even push her to 4.5 just because she’s so consistent in her own goals and agenda, and that perseverance is very admirable even if it was at the cost of some of my favourite characters. She was very much two faced though and fucked around stuff that she should have stayed out of. Her hatred for literal children though is a bit problematic. I have no attachment to her but I admire how much she just wants a family. However she just really needs to assess how she approaches that since it’s a bit messed up.  

Zeus:

-5/10 I really don’t Zeus, his character, him in the myths, everything about him. He gives off the vibes of a man who abuses the power that he was given. And I don’t like that. It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t like him at all. His treatment of his children, of the demigods, and the way he governs Olympus. Not a fan. I could rule Olympus better and I’m a mentally unstable, serotonin deficient 20 year old with a hyper fixation on greek mythology and Minecraft. However despite not liking his character, I think Rick does a great job at depicting him accurately to how he was in the myths. 

[petri808]

Bakudeku AU/canon divergent. Vampire quirk

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

As Bakugou stood on the train platform with just a duffle bag and a borrowed sleeping bag, he crushed the letter he was given by Aizawa in his hand and shoved it into his pocket. His instructions were to go to police headquarters to be briefed and paired up with the heroes in the search party. ‘Fuck that,’ he gritted his teeth and lowered his head to passersby. There was no way he was going to be railroaded or shackled by their rules. He didn’t care what the consequences might be for not following protocol. Not this time. Not when his friend was somewhere out there and needed….

What?

It was a question he’d been asking himself since it all happened. Midoriya better have a damn good reason for deserting him, that was for sure. But why he was so angry about it all was still unclear to the blonde. Was it a feeling of betrayal? Was he angry that his best friend just left him unconscious? Or was it something else? All he knew for certain, was he could barely get any sleep. Nightmares of the event plagued his dreams, and he swore at himself for not knowing fact from fiction. Maybe it was the guilt eating away, of being knocked out when his friend had needed him most. If he’d been awake, could he have prevented— whatever it is that caused Midoriya to leave?

Bakugou closed his eyes the moment he took a seat in the semi-filled train car as flash backs of a bright light and images of green lightning streaking away haunted his vision. A scream so blood curdling pinged in his ears… Those screams were worse than the visions. If Midoriya had been injured, why would he leave? It made no sense. There had to be another reason.

Yeah, fuck the authorities! They’d had a month with no leads and Bakugou had grown impatient in waiting for results. One of the final straws that pushed him into action was the day Izuku’s mom came to the school to talk to All Might. He’d seen the pain in the woman’s face, and it broke him. ‘Tch!’ The boys didn’t always get along, but… ‘aunty Inko deserved answers…’ He wanted some fucking answers! ‘There’s no way that stupid nerd would do anything to break his mother’s heart!’ Frankly, a part of him agreed with her, when she’d beat on All Might’s chest in anger that it was warranted. True, the man had made her sons dreams come true, but at what cost? Even a pro’s mother struggles with the loss of a child regardless of if it were for a good reason.

So, as he stood in front of the woman’s door, his hand stayed for a moment, hovering above the wood unable to knock. Bakugou didn’t prepare a speech, and most of his actions were being formulated along the way. He groaned and rapped a knuckle on the woman’s door. It took a few seconds, but he could hear the small shuffling sounds moving closer that he’d come to recognize from the woman.

“Oh, Bakugou, what bring you here?”

It was clear the woman had been crying based on the pinprick hemorrhages in her eyes and the puffy skin surrounding them. She offered him a weakened smile and if that didn’t pain him further, but also steeled his resolve to keep his promise. Bakugou averted his eyes to the ground. “I just wanted to tell you aunty Inko… I’m gonna find him— I promise to bring him home somehow.” Whether he believed in his own words or not, he made sure she did.

After a split second, tears exploded from the woman as she flew out of her door and wrapped her arms around Bakugou in a tight hug. “Thank you…” the same two muffled words pouring out over and over again. She didn’t know why, but she believed him, she had to.

Bakugou wasn’t one for physical contact, but he stiffly hugged the poor woman, patting her back as sobs racked her body. “Can you do me a favor,” he asked when she finally releases him. The woman nodded her head as she wiped the trails of liquid from her skin. “Give this to my mom,” he handed her a folded piece of paper.

“Okay…”

“Thanks aunty.” He quickly picked up his belongings and walked away without another word, leaving the woman a little confused but with hope to hang onto. That was surely a test of strength and patience completely foreign to the blonde. Just a few years ago he probably could have never pulled it off, but thanks to Midoriya he’d learned to control some of it. How ironic it was that he was now the one doing the chasing too.

Once Bakugou rounded the corner and was out of view, Inko Midoriya clutched the message to her chest. This letter must be extremely important, but strange that he wouldn’t have deliver it himself. No matter the reasoning, he was taking on a great burden in her eyes and it so she should treat this letter, whatever it is as important too. So, she immediately locked up her apartment and headed over to the Bakugou’s residence.

“Oh, hello Inko, please,” Masaru Bakugou answered and gestured for the woman to come in. “Is everything okay?”

Inko moved to the living room and took a seat as Masaru went to the kitchen to grab some customary refreshments. His wife Mitsuki, hearing the voices came out from another room and joined the other woman on the couch to keep her company.

“How are you holding up,” Mitsuki hugged her friend Inko. “What bring you here today?”

“I’m doing my best to stay strong,” Inko reciprocated the hug. She was grateful for all their friendship and support through this whole ordeal and over the years. Mitsuki had been a source of strength in keeping herself together through everything that happened with their children. “But I am here because your son showed up unexpectedly at my doorstep.” She pulled the letter from her purse and handed it to the woman. “Katsuki told me that he would find my Izuku, and handed me that,” she gestured to the paper, “asking me to give it to you.”

“Why the hell wouldn’t that brat just give it to me himself!” Mitsuki complained but took the paper. “Probably didn’t want to be yelled at for something,” she mumbled.

Inko shrugged, “I didn’t read it and he left before I could ask.”

Mitsuki proceeded to open the letter and read it. Her eyes flaring with a mixture of emotions the longer she continued. Inko sat quietly but nervously along with Masaru watching the woman slowly unravel before their eyes, unsure of what to say or do.

“That idiot!” Mitsuki jumped to her feet in a seeming rage. “But I’m so fucking proud of him!”

“What is it?!” The other two asked, leaning forward in anticipation. “What does it say?!”

“He’s gonna find Izuku.” She handed the letter to Inko, then sat back down beside the woman so she could read it too.

“Mom don’t go flying off the handle, but I left school to find Midoriya. I already got permission from the Principal and I’m supposed to check in with the police and stuff but screw that cause they’re morons! They had a month damn it and haven’t found shit! So, tell ‘em for me you know I’m fine and that I ain’t gon’ missing too, but I’m gonna find him myself. I got my cell, but I might not answer. I’ll contact you guys when I find him. And tell aunty Inko don’t worry. -Katsuki”

Tears brimmed in Inko’s eyes for the second time in less than an hour. “Oh, my that boy…” She handed her friend back the letter. “It makes me so happy Izuku has a friend like him.”

“We better call the school and authorities,” Masaru piped up. “Protect them as best we can.”

Mitsuki nodded in agreement, “I should be pissed that he’s messing with graduation, but a friend is more important.”

“Thank you,” Inko patted then squeezed her friend’s knee. “I am much in debt to you and your son.”

“Aww!” Mitsuki grinned and pulled her friend into another hug. “We’re more like family already!” Masaru smiled too and nodded. “Those two boys have been through so much together,” she laughed, “fight like brothers too.”

“I’m glad Katsuki always had someone around to balance him out,” Masaru chuckled.

“And Izuku had someone to pull him out of his shell,” Inko smiled.

Mitsuki gave her friend one more squeezing hug. "Hang in there Inko, we're gonna get through this. If I know my boy, he doesn’t know the meaning of give up.”

[stillbandofbrothersthirsty]

As Far As Friends Go

This was kind of a transition chapter so cred’s to the show for the dialogue I used. But buckle up, shits really gonna go down next chapter.

Chapter 14 (Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13)

Nixon - June 1944

The drop into Normandy was perilous. Just as Nixon had feared, nothing seemed to go as planned. It was as if the Germans were waiting for them to arrive based off of how much fire they experienced. Nixon, like most of the men, missed his drop zone but he was lucky enough to quickly link up with Battalion headquarters. It was a chaotic couple of first days in France as the airborne got situated in relation to the troops on the beach. Early into their arrival, Winters and the available Easy Company men took down some German guns. This not only saved a number of lives on the beaches but produced a map detailing German artillery positions. Looking at it, Nixon realized how important it could be. It couldn’t wait, so he decided to run to Utah beach to hand the map over to the higher ups who could do something with it. The run to Utah was only three miles, no worse than he had experienced during training. He was grateful though that Command decided to send the first two tanks that landed in to aid the 101st, thus providing Nixon with a ride.

He greeted Winters with a cheeky smile when he returned to the assembly area. “Going my way?”

Winters tossed his gun up for Nixon to catch, “sure.”

The men bunkered down for the night, scrounging for what food and beds they could find. The Battalion was on the move by June 8th on their way to take Carentan. As according to plan, the 101st forced passage into Carentan on June 10th and 11th. The days were hot and muggy, barely cooling down at night for the men dressed in heavy uniforms and equipment. Bugs were everywhere and exhaustion was setting in. Finally, they encountered the Germans. On June 12th the German’s were forced to withdraw and it seemed like victory was theirs. But Nixon was suspicious. Surely the Germans wouldn’t give up such an important position so easily; and he was right. On June 13th the 17th SS PzG Division counter-attacked. Thankfully, the U.S. 2nd Armored Division came in for support.

When Nixon returned to Battalion headquarters with news of their victory he found that Emily had finally arrived.

“Emily!” he wanted nothing more than to hug her in that moment. The last week had been exhausting. It was such a comfort to see her.

“Miss me?” she grinned up at him. Her smile was like a shot of morphine, he immediately felt his muscles relax. “You look a mess,” she shook her head.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, we’ve only been taking Carentan.”

“Congratulations,” she said, “did you like the tanks I sent you?”

Nixon looked at her flabbergasted. Then slowly, through the haze of his fatigue, he realized she was messing with him. “Ha ha. It would’ve been impressive if you had.”

“Yeah I wish, unfortunately I’m not that powerful yet.”

Nixon slung his arm around her neck, “no but I bet you know where to find me some food.”

Despite his exhaustion, Nixon didn’t sleep well those final weeks in Normandy. Instead, his alcohol intake increased. He had to re-fill his flask every day, sometimes topping it off throughout the day. He would need to replenish his stores soon. But no one anticipated how long they would actually be fighting in Normandy. In fact, the 101st had expected to be relieved much sooner. Strayer kept asking for patrols as the allies attempted to inch their way closer and closer to Germany.

Twenty-five days after D-Day Nixon was sent out on a patrol with Harry Welsh. It was a reconnaissance mission so Nixon was required to go. What they were looking for he wasn’t sure. The regiment had exhausted their knowledge of the German’s position in the area so any new piece of information could serve as an advantage.

Nixon peered through a pair of binoculars from where he and Welsh sat in the brush approximately 100 yards from a run down building. “We need to know what’s in there,” Nixon said.

“I don’t know who the hell to send,” Welsh said.


“Ask for volunteers.”

“I hate asking for volunteers.”

Nixon gave Welsh a pointed look, “then pick them.”

Blithe, Martin, and Dukeman moved in towards the abandoned manor. The rest of the paratroopers sat hidden in the grass behind Nixon. As they waited for Blithe and the others to get into position Nixon spotted something poking out of Welsh’s backpack.


“Harry, what exactly are you doing with your reserve chute? You been hauling that thing around since we jumped?”

Welsh sucked his teeth, slightly embarrassed he said, “gonna send it to Kitty when we get back to England. Silk, figure it’ll make a good wedding dress, ya know, what with the rationing and all.”

Nixon broke view of where the trio was moving in towards the manor to laugh at Welsh, “jeez Harry, I never would’ve guessed.”

“What? That I’m so sentimental?”

“No, that you think we’re going to make it back to England.” Nixon peered through his binoculars again. His mind flashed to Emily as he watched the men crouch down behind an upturned cart. Bad news, he thought. He had suspected for a while now that Emily may have feelings for Welsh, a man who clearly was intending on marrying his betrothed. No matter how much he flirted, Welsh wouldn’t have bothered lugging that extra chute around if he wasn’t serious about Kitty. Bad news for Emily. Suddenly, a shot rang out.

“Covering fire! Covering fire!” Welsh shouted. Martin and Dukeman pulled a downed Blithe back behind the line. They passed Nixon who saw the blood gushing from the young man’s throat before Doc Roe got to him.

“Cease fire! Cease fire!” Welsh commanded.

Winters moved up from behind, “what happened?”

“Sniper,” Nixon said coming up to him.

Winters couldn’t take his eyes off the bleeding Blithe, “they’re pulling us off the front line.”

“Now?” Nixon demanded.

Winters turned to him, “to a field camp north of Utah beach. Hot food, and showers.”

With a last mournful look at Blithe, Nixon turned away to head back. Great fucking timing, he raged to himself.

Emily was at the camp surrounded by intelligence staff and nurses, who were busy at work tending the masses of wounded men.


“Nix?” her voice was gentle when he entered the intelligence tent.

“Couldn’t have let us know a little bit sooner? Sent the runner just a few minutes earlier?” he demanded.



“What are you talking about?”

“We were on a patrol and some kid is probably gonna lose his life because that information came a few minutes too late! I sent them in there, I told them to check it out but turns out we didn’t need to!” Nixon pounded his fist on one of the tables.

“Lewis I didn’t know, that information didn’t come from me.”

“You’re intelligence staff! You’re meant to know!”

“I’m not intelligence staff like you are! I’m no S-2,” Emily shouted back, “no one tells me anything!”

Nixon paced the room trying to calm down, “okay, okay,” he leveled his hands on the desk, “I’m sorry. I just -,”

“It’s fine, I’m sorry too,” Emily stood across the table from him, looking small in the dim light of the tent. “I do know one thing,” she said. He looked up, waiting for her to continue, “we’re going back to England.”

“Right, great.” And he stormed out of the tent onto the beach.

His insomnia didn’t improve even knowing that they were going back to a relatively safe zone. It was impossible to sleep with the sounds of men crying out all around and bodies held together by gauze and tape only paces away. Naturally, the night before they were meant to leave, Nixon couldn’t sleep. He grabbed his flask and made his way towards the dunes on the far side of the camp.

He plopped down on a ridge into a bed of marsh grass, the coarse tendrils tickling his wrists and neck. Nixon closed his eyes and inhaled. The whiskey he had guzzled earlier that night had seeped pleasingly through his veins. The summer air blew across the salty water cooling the sweat where it pooled around his collarbone and lower back. It was so peaceful. If it weren’t for the peppering of tents barely visible against the night sky, Nixon could have pretended he was there on holiday and not for a war.

When he opened his eyes, he saw a lean figure making its way up the dune towards him. Nixon braced himself for the quiet wisdom of Winters. However, the figure failed to grow as it approached him, only reaching a height of about 5′5″. The silhouette revealed itself to be Emily, dressed in another pair of slightly oversized O.D.s.

“What?” Nixon barked at her.

“I saw you pass by,” Emily dropped down beside him, bumping his arm on her way down. Disgruntled, Nixon scooted over slightly.

“Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Why aren’t you?” Emily retorted.

“Couldn’t.”



“Same here.”

Quiet fell between them, a comfortable quiet but Nixon could sense Emily wanted to say more. Finally, her lips parted and she said, “it’s not something you can get over.”

“What?”



“Seeing the men like that.” Emily searched his face in the dark for any reaction. Nixon stared straight ahead. “It’s disturbing and not something anyone should ever have to witness.”

Nixon licked his lips to speak, but all that came out was, “yeah.”

Emily paused, then reached for his flask. She pulled it from his grasp and took a swig, “It’s over for now. We have to find comfort in that.”

“Right, some comfort in that,” he took the flask back for another drink. They sat there side by side listening to the waves crash against the shoreline. As the night waned on, Emily began to doze off. Her head fell to rest on his shoulder. Nixon considered waking her to walk her back to her tent but then decided against it. He didn’t want to disturb her. If she woke up now who knew if she would be able to fall asleep again. Besides, he enjoyed sharing a little sliver of the world with her in that moment. A sliver that was simple and not perverted by violence.

When the sun rose, she stirred and they both made their way back to their tents for a desperate last few hours of sleep before they were to ship off. As Nixon was boarding the ship he saw Emily standing on the Mulberry harbor hugging a dark, thin woman dressed in a nurses uniform. The woman brushed wild hairs away from Emily’s forehead then pressed something into her hand. Nixon couldn’t help but wonder what that exchange had been about. Out of curiosity, he met Emily at the gangway.

 “Who was that?” he asked.

“Hm?” Emily pulled a paper wrapped candy out of her pocket.

“Who was that woman you were talking to? A nurse?”

“Oh yeah, that’s my friend Marwa.”

“I didn’t know you had female friends.”

Emily rolled her eyes and popped the candy into her mouth.

“What was that?” Nixon pointed to her mouth.

“Ginger candy, you want one?” Emily offered him a candy and Nixon accepted, beginning to feel like his old self again standing next to her.