#my barin is mush

[j23r23]

This me right here☝🏻

Couldn't handle it.

The want! The need! The ache!

Aaaarrgggh!

Count Alexei Vronsky x fem!reader

summary: Your brother's best friend finds you in a compromising position.

warnings: age gap (19/24), sexism/society rules of the time, masturbating, mutual masturbation, being caught, degradation, dirty talk, pervy!Alexei, reader is very innocent and Alexei is not innocent ;)

KINTOBER MASTERLIST

You didn't really understand these emotions coursing through you. Those feelings that would cause your cheeks to burn and that unquenchable ache in between your thighs to worsen. A girl from your etiquette class, the one who was known for being more mature than most girls your age, had whispered to you one day that the way to end the ache is to touch yourself.

But that was dirty, you thought as you sat on the windowsill of your room, wearing your flimsy nightdress, your book long abandoned on your lap. It's late outside and the street is dimly lit so you can't make out much, but you do see the shine of his blue uniform from the reflection of the lamppost. You sit up.

Alexei's back.

He must be here to see your brother. 

You pull your lip into your mouth, watching him as he walks into your home. You hold your breath, your hand sliding down to your stomach as the familiar ache returns. 

No!

You stand, dropping your book, feeling utterly embarrassed. Why does the feeling always worsen around Alexei? It's wrong, he's your brother's best friend and he's older and he— 

You rush to your plush bed, laying down dramatically as you fiddle with your hands and stare at your canopy. Your mind is reeling and the one image you can't shake is Alexei's eyes. How he holds eye contact whenever he sees you, and how that intensity causes you to feel like a million butterflies have found home in your insides. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, pushing the vision from your head as your hand unconsciously slides over the material of your dress, hovering between your thighs as you bite your lip at the warmth. 

This is sinful, you think, but knowing that doesn't stop you from bending your knees, bunching up your dress as you slide your hands into your undergarments. You moan at the first contact. Your eyes are still shut but your imagination is running wild. 

You imagine his large hands running up your thighs. The feel of those lips on yours, mixed with the prickle of his mustache. You let out a small whine, desperately attempting to find the correct pressure to make that throbbing ache disappear. 

His name falls from your lips in a frustrated whine. 

That stupid wench had lied. This isn't helping. 

Your stomach sinks when you suddenly hear the sound of your bedroom door closing and you shoot up, pushing down your skirt as your eyes widen and warm tears threaten to spill. 

This is the worst thing that could have happened.

The man himself stands in front of the door, his eyes trained to where your hand just was underneath your dress and he's wearing a small smirk. Alexei looks up, finally shattering the dreadful silence. "You know, usually, when someone pleasures themselves like this, one closes the door." 

You're frozen, feeling humiliated because the throbbing is still there and Alexei has seen everything and has heard you moan his name. 

"P-please leave," you whisper, clutching at your dress. 

He doesn't. Instead, he walks closer and gently pulls you up into a sitting position. Alexei's eyes look even more intense than ever and his hand finds your cheek. You look up at him, eyes a little dazed, and Alexei smiles. He wipes your tears with the pad of your thumb. 

"Why are you touching yourself, dove?" he asks. He isn't a stupid man, he knows damn well why he just wants you to admit it. 

When you stay silent, Alexei grins, "Is it feeling achy? Down here?" He slowly moves his hand and hand presses on your lower stomach.

"You're making it worse, Alexei," you whimper, voice trembling as you squirm. 

Alexei hums and guides you down onto your back so your hair is splayed across the pillow. You obey him, your mind turned to mush from the faint pleasure you'd experienced and from Alexei's presence. He has you wrapped around his finger and he knows it. 

Without a word, just a small smile, he dips his hand under your undergarments to touch you. You groan, thighs clenching. You know this is wrong but you don't want to stop him. "Shh, there," he mumbles, his thumb stroking your clit as he lays down on his side next to you, watching your expressions as his other hand caresses the hair away from your cheeks. 

"Oh," you gasp as he just rubs your clit, occasionally swiping up your slick slit. You turn your head, catching his gaze, and every form of decorum you had leaves you. "More. Inside?" you whine, not knowing why you want his finger inside you but you do.

Desperately. 

Alexei shakes his head, a pained look on his face, "No, дорогой (my darling). You know I can't risk ruining you for your future husband. You're too good for that. Вы заслуживаете большего (You deserve better than that).

You whimper, biting your lip as you squirm and chase the feeling in your stomach by bucking your hips up into his hand. Alexei groans as he watches your expressions, his own eyes glazed over. 

"Блядь (Shit)," he moans and roughly takes your hand, showing you how to properly rub yourself. Alexei sits up on his elbows, undressing as he frees himself from his trousers. You're watching, mouth open as you see him in all his glory. 

"What is that?" you breathe, the ache worsening when you see his cock. It's a little red from need and something inside you feels like you should understand but you don't. 

Alexei begins to stroke himself as you sense the coil in your stomach unwind at the sight. "My cock. It's supposed to go inside you but I—I can't do that—shit—I can't do that to you." His hand movements are quick and you're entranced. 

"Feels weird," you whimper, eyes shutting as your own hand moves quicker. 

"Let go, дорогой (my darling)." You hear Alexei's hoarse voice near your ear and you relax, letting out a squeak as your fingers become sticky from your release. "Good girl." 

You hear Alexei moan but your mind is too fuzzy to even open your eyes. You can hear shuffling and the next thing you know, he's holding your arm as you sit up again. When you open your eyes you can see he's kneeling at your feet. His cock is back in his trousers and you wet your lips, blinking. 

Alexei presses his warm hand to your cheek and wipes away the tears under your eyes. He knows you're confused but he also thinks it's not his place for him to explain everything. You're not his wife—

"Shh, you're okay. You did so well. I'm so proud of you," he says, his voice strained. 

God, he so wishes you were his. Then he could take care of you properly. He could love you properly.

He leans up and kisses your lips, savoring the moment as his hand rests on your knee. One kiss couldn't hurt anyone, right? Once you kiss him back clumsily, he heart thumps and he stands. He pulls you up with him and wraps his arms around your back. 

Alexei is so incredibly wrong, he thinks. This kiss hurts more than anything because he knows he can't kiss you like this ever again. Still, he deepens the kiss at the thought, determined to enjoy this for as long as possible. 

tags: @earth-elemental18, @longlivedelusion, @princesssunderworld, @siriuslycaptainofthedawntreader, @simplyreflected

[en-qq]

i’m one of the best english speakers at my workplace (horrifying thought, aye?) and had to speak so much english today bc it’s always me getting sent out whenever there’s a foreign customer, my barin is mush, send heple

[camscendants]

Dang I have lit/comp now and my god my barin really did turn to mush over quarantine

Assignment:Write it as a complex sentance

Me:Ok *Googles how to do that* oh yeah subordinate clauses..... *googles what a subordinate clause is*

[jackcowboyhero]

Blink, what about MERMAIDS??

I CAN TELL YOU FELLAS A THING ORTWO ABOUT MERMAIDS.

Listen, I bet you think I’m gonnatalk about how I ran into some beautiful sea maiden who was sittin’ around on arock combin’ out her long, golden hair, which also covered the important partso’ her human half, since mermaids don’t wear swimmin’ suits.  I bet you think I’ll tell ya she sang me abeautiful mermaid song, and she rode on a dolphin alongside our ship as wesailed through a sunny ocean paradise. You prob’ly even think I’ll claim she’s still madly in love with me.

WELL, I AIN’T GONNA.

This is a warnin’ to any aspirin’pirates out there—mermaids ain’t all they’re cracked up to be.

This story takes place just afterI left Red Jack Kelly’s ship, the Nell,to strike out on me own on the SaturdayNight.  (I mean, Red Jack was greatan’ all that, but a fella can only look for the island o’ Santa Fe for so longbefore he starts thinkin’ it might not even be an island.  Maybe it’s, I don’t know, a desert.  Somewhere inland.  Such as in the southwest United States.)

Anyway, I had a pretty good handleon sailin’, thanks to bein’ Red Jack’s first mate, but I was still perfectin’the finer points o’ bein’ Captain o’ me own ship.  For instance, I hadn’t learned an importantlesson called, “Do Not Mess With Mermaids (Yes, Even If You’re The Captain,Captain One-Eyed Ballatt.)”

So, along we sailed, when all o’ asudden our lookout, Cutthroat Boots, hollered down that he spied some rocksthat looked just like the ones on our treasure map.  “Avast!” he hollered.  “There be rocks ahead just akin to the oneson our treasure map!”

Now, the rocks he was talkin’about were important, ‘cause on one side o’ the rocks, there was a giantwhirlpool, and on the other was a big den o’ mermaids.

Naturally, I decided we should gopast the mermaids.

The thing about mermaids is,there’s some good ones, an’ some bad ones, an’ you’re never sure which kindyou’re gonna get.  Some’ll fall madly inlove with ya and give ya all kinds o’ fancy shells an’ sunken rubies an’treasure like that, besides the privilege o’ smoochin’ a mermaid, and othersjust wanna eat ya for dinner.  So, youcan’t be too careful.

At least, that’s what DavyNot-Jones, the Sailin’ Mouth, had told us. Davy’d told us a story about a guy named Otis E. Yes, who’d gotten pasta mermaid den by havin’ his whole crew put bees in their ears.  Now, I don’t know about you fellas, but Iwasn’t itchin’ to put a bee in my ear. But I didn’t wanna get tricked by singin’ bloodthirsty mermaids, either.

“Are we gonna put bees in ourears?” asked my gunner, Mush the Terror of the Seven Seas.

“Do we have any?” I asked him.

“No, Captain, arr!” said ourpowder monkey, Snipe-cannon-shooter.

“Well,” I said, thinkin’ it over,“the closest thing to a bee is his wax, arr! Bring up the beeswax, Terrible Mush!”

Terrible Mush ran to get a box o’the beeswax we used for our bullets, and when he brought it on deck, I toldeveryone to stuff some into their ears. “Except for me,” I told Mush (I had to pull one o’ his beeswax earplugsout first.)  “I want to hear themermaids!  Arr!”

“But Captain One-Eyed Ballatt,”shouted Mush, who didn’t know how loud he was talkin’ because o’ the wax in hisother ear.  “What if a bad mermaid tricksya?  Arr!”

“Don’t be afeared!” I toldhim.  “Just hang onto me, see?  And then I can’t do somethin’ stupid.  Arr!”

Terrible Mush said all right, andthen he put the beeswax back in his ears, grabbed hold of my arms, and westarted to sail around the rocks.  Atfirst, I couldn’t hear nothin’ other’n the waves on the bow, an’ the ropescreakin’ overhead, an’ the seagull who was yellin’ at Cutthroat Boots in thecrow’s nest.

But then, out o’ nowhere, Istarted to hear the most beautiful singin’ I’d ever heard!

If you’ve ever been to a vaudevilletavern and heard Medda O’Malley sing, imagine that, only twenty yearsyounger.  (Don’t tell her I saidthat.)  The voice floated over the wavesand wafted right onto the deck o’ the SaturdayNight, and before I knew it, I was hollerin’ at Mush the Terror o’ theSeven Seas to “LET ME GO!”

Now, since he had the wax in hisears, Terrible Mush didn’t know what I was yellin’ about, but he could tell bythe way I was fightin’ him that I wanted him to let go.  And he looked a little uncertain, but when Ifixed him with my most intimidatin’ Pirate Captain Glare, he had to followorders.  He let go, and I took a runnin’dive off the ship and right into the ocean!

As soon as I hit the water, I knewI was in trouble.  I’d been thinkin’, whilethe mermaid sang, that we were in a tropical paradise full o’ blue skies an’ warmwater, but this water was freezin’ cold! And it shocked some sense into me, ‘cause when I bobbed up to the surface,I saw who the mermaid was—the Dread Pirate Crutchy’s fiancé, Myra the Mermaid!

“HAHAHAHAHA!” she laughed, barin’her pointed teeth.  She and the DreadPirate Crutchy must’ve bonded over their evil cackles.  “You’re as good as dead, Captain One-EyedBallatt!  I’ll eat you for supper!”

“HAHAHAHAHA!” laughed the DreadPirate Crutchy, who was standin’ there on the rocks with a soup pot alreadygoin’.  “I’ll teach ya to fall for mygirl!”

(By the way, I should probablytell ya that Myra the Mermaid was wearin’ a shirtwaist on her human half.  She might be an evil nemesis, but she wouldn’twant ya to think she was sittin’ around bein’ indecent.)

Anyway, I hollered, “I didn’t fallfor your girl, ya dumb bilgerat!  Ithought she was a different singin’ mermaid!”

Well, Myra got real mad I’d calledher fiancé a dumb bilgerat.  “I’ll teachya to call my fiancé a dumb bilgerat!” she screamed, and dove off the rocks andswam toward me at a speed of about fifteen knots—not, of course, that I wascountin’, ‘cause I was too busy tryin’ to outswim her snappin’ teeth.

But human legs ain’t made forswimmin’ like a mermaid’s fish tail is, and in a minute or two, I felt Myragrab hold of my ankle!  “Help, help!” I hollered,between mouthfuls o’ seawater.  “TerribleMush!  Cuthroat Boots!  Snipe-cannon-shooter!”

“HAHAHA!” cackled Myra theMermaid.  “They’ll never save you now!”

And she was right—they didn’t saveme.  But they didn’t have to!  Because risin’ up from the murky depths wasmy loyal pet shark, Sharky Ned!

“Sharky Ned!” I hollered.  “Help!”

“He’s mine, Sharky Ned!” yelled outMyra, tryin’ to tow me back toward the rocks and the cookin’ fire.  “Finders keepers!”

But “finders keepers” don’t meannothin’ to a shark.  You know what meanssomethin’?  The biggest shark winnin’!  And when Sharky Ned bared his teeth at Myrathe Mermaid, she knew he meant business. And as sharp as her teeth were, and as fast as she swam, and as terrifyin’a cackle and as enchantin’ a voice, she wasn’t gonna stick around to fight afull-grown shark over one pirate captain!

She let go and hightailed it backto the rocks, and Sharky Ned scooped me up on his back and lifted me back onthe Saturday Night.  “Thanks, Sharky Ned!” I said, pattin’ his nose.

He woulda told me “you’re welcome,”except sharks don’t talk, so he just waved his fin at me and slipped back underthe water.  The Terrible Mush, who had noidea what’d happened ‘cause o’ the beeswax in his ears, was just sittin’ thereon deck, and he looked at me.  “Did youget to kiss a mermaid?” he shouted.

I pulled out his earplugs.  “No!  Ialmost got killed!  Arr!” I yelled.

He frowned.  “That’s not very nice of her!  Arr!”

“I know, arr!” I said.  “Now, we must make haste outta here!”

“Aye-aye, Cap’n!” said TerribleMush.  It only took a minute to get thebeeswax outta all our crew’s ears and get ‘em back to their stations, whileSharky Ned stuck around to make sure Myra didn’t start singin’.  Then we unfurled the sails and went full-sail-aheadright off into the sunset—where we ran into Red Jack’s ship again, but that’s astory for another day.  All this talk o’ singin’mermaids reminded me that there’s a vaudeville show tonight, and I’m gonna gosee if the Terrible Mush wants to go.