#my back is constantly in pain unless im lying down. mentally i cant bring myself to do things on most days.

[berrymeter]

rlly rough being made more & more aware of my disability when i look at how ‘productive’ i can be compared to other ppl

[jimin-infires-life]

La Douleur Exquise | Part 2

Jimin x Reader | Taehyung x Reader

Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue

Summary: After you had found someone you thought was your soulmate, fate had to fuck everything up and turn your life upside down.

Genre: Angst and fluff

Word count: 13,027 words

A/N: this was painful to write. i cried, and thank you @extraterrestrial-taehyung for dealing w/ me and editing this emotional thing (also italics are jimin’s pov)

La Douleur Exquise- (n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone you know you can never have.

Saudade- (n.) the feeling of longing for something or someone who you love and which is lost.

August 8th, 2006

It had been weeks since I last talked to Y/N in person. The last time was at my party, when the both of us were drunk. I remembered the feeling that the short-lived kiss gave me, and I knew I shouldn’t start to have feelings like that for my best friend.

The morning after the party, I immediately left the house while everyone was eating breakfast. I walked aimlessly through the streets in my pajamas, trying to sort out what I felt. I told myself that maybe it was because I was drunk, that the alcohol was manipulating my thoughts, but then I asked myself why my heart raced whenever I thought of Y/N’s lips, even though I was fully sober? I decided to ignore Y/N for a little while, so my heart could have time to settle down, but it was easier said than done. She was a part of my life, a piece of my soul, my best friend.

I returned to an empty house an hour or two later. Apparently Yoongi was taking everyone out to the amusement park and Y/N texted me if I wanted to go. I left her on Read. I knew I was a horrible person for doing that, but I had no other choice. I couldn’t fall in love with the only person I considered family. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if she starts to avoid me because of my feelings for her?

I inhaled, and exhaled. “Everything will be fine.”

I was all wrong.

That evening, I laid down all alone in my bed, surrounded by the warmth of the blankets that I cuddled in. A thought slipped into my mind as I drifted into slumber. I wish Y/N was here. I wish she was the one I was cuddling. I shot open my eyes and mentally slapped myself for that comment. I took a deep breath in, and then exhaled. “Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be fine.” As if Y/N could sense I was thinking about her, a text came.

Y/N: are you ok?

I opened the text, and left her on Read once more. I knew that she would figure out that something was wrong. I would always text her back after I open her messages, but now, it being the second time I didn’t respond, she would get to the bottom of my problem. Five minutes later, her spam began.

Y/N: hello???

Y/N: jimin, are you okay?

Y/N: jimin i swear to god i know you’re reading all my texts

Y/N: i know where you live

A call suddenly came from Y/N after I read all her messages. I declined.

Y/N: hey asshole pick up.

That’s when I decided to make up some excuse to have her off of my back.

Jimin: im sick i cant really talk, i was kinda asleep

Y/N: i almost thought you were kidnapped

Y/N: where’d you disappear to this morning? you even missed the amusement park

Jimin: oh well i went to take a walk, i’ll talk to you later. bye

I closed my phone and threw it somewhere across my bed. “Everything will be fine.”

Hours turned into days, and days into weeks. Two weeks. Three weeks. From the day I started this mess, I stayed in my house, telling everyone not to come over because I was sick, and they’d get sick too. I constantly never replied to Y/N’s missed calls and texts, even though I really wanted to.

And now we’re here. August 8th. Today, as I was blankly staring up at my ceiling while lying on my comfy bed, a sudden knock on my front door rattled me, along with multiple messages popping up on my phone. It was Y/N.

Y/N: open the door and stop ignoring me

Y/N: i heard your phone go off i know you’re there

Y/N: open up, i wont leave until you let me in, or i’ll call the police

Y/N: jimin

I immediately got up from my bed and ran to my door, which was still being angrily knocked on. I opened the door and Y/N, who looked extremely irritated, stormed into the living room. She sat down on my couch, and looked up at me with angry eyes.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” She asked, with a bit of sadness laced in her words.

“I- uh,” I wasn’t sure what to say. I sat down next to her on my couch, and tried my best to pull out some bullshit story. I gazed into her angry eyes with my sad ones. “I’ve been remembering grammy a lot, and it’s just been making me depressed. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be ignoring you, I was just-I couldn’t talk to anyone.” What I had said was somewhat true, but it was years since she had died, I wasn’t over it, but I understood that she was gone from my life. Y/N’s angry eyes melted to those eyes that viewed me in pity, and she pulled me into a warm hug. Her warmth reminded me of how much I missed her touch, her smell. My heart quickly sped up with her touch, but I blocked it, paying no attention to it.

“I’m sorry Jimin.” She softly whispered into my ears. “But please, don’t do that again, okay?”

January 2nd, 2018

Morning suddenly came. You breathed in a breath of fresh air, comfortably lying on Taehyung’s arms, which were used as pillows, on your large king sized bed. Your eyes were closed as you felt the sun’s heat radiate from your window, and next to you, Taehyung lay still. Slowly cracking open your eyes, you turned your body to look up at the beautiful man who was peacefully asleep. His faded blond hair fell over his closed eyes, his beautiful lips that formed a small smile in his sleep, and his scent of lavender drove you mad. You were crazy for him. Even though it had been a little over a year since you had been with him, you were madly in love. You leaned in closer to Taehyung, his lips were your goal. Your nose gently touched his before you leaned in to give him a morning kiss. With your eyes closed, you relished the feeling of having your lips merge with his, until all of a sudden you felt Taehyung’s arm, the one that you were laying on, pull you closer. His other arm sneaked around your waist to pull you in even tighter.

After forcefully pulling yourself away from his soft lips, you opened your eyes to find Taehyung smirking at you, with his messy bed hair all over the place. “Ya know Y/N, I could spend all day in bed with you, just snuggling,” His devilish smirk made butterflies fly in your stomach. “Unless you want something more.”

Using your arms, you gently pushed him, with an air of playfulness. “Yah! It’s already 8 am! Let’s just snuggle until I feel hungry.” You leaned into Taehyung’s warm chest as his arms perfectly fit around you. You breathed in once more before falling asleep in Taehyung’s grasp, the scent of lavender slowly engulfing your senses.

---

A loud knock from your apartment door had woken you up from your dreamless sleep. A groan slipped through your lips as you snuggled closer into Taehyung’s warmth. “Taetae…”

A deep chuckle suddenly left his soft lips and reverberated around the room. “I’ll get it, but it’ll mean I would have to leave.” You backed out of Taehyung’s chest and looked at him with hesitance. You didn’t want him to leave, but your legs weren’t willing to get out of bed, plus you were only wearing Taehyung’s large white t-shirt, which had become your comfy sleepwear.

Finally letting him go tend to the loud knocker outside of the apartment door, you laid in bed with multiple blankets covering your body. You couldn’t sleep without Taehyung’s presence next to you. After so many months of lying next to him, you suddenly couldn’t live without him. He was the one who would always wake you up for work, he was the one who would make you breakfast (also lunch and dinner), and he was the only one that would make you feel safe.

Suddenly, you heard a voice from outside. That voice was eerily familiar; her soft and calm voice brought back memories from a year ago, when you were probably the most miserable in your life. Then it clicked. Minhee.

You quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed the closest article of clothing for your legs. Hopping around your room, you tried to get your legs though the black tights, and when you successfully did, you bolted out of the bedroom to walk into the living room where they were standing. You froze in place as your eyes first landed on him first; his blond hair shone from your living room’s light, his dark eyes sadly turned to look at you in shock, and his soft lips were turned into a frown. Jimin. As you resumed walking, you glanced at Minhee, who was standing beside him with a small smile.

---

Sitting awkwardly at your dining table with Taehyung next to you, your eyes glanced at Jimin and Minhee, going back and forth between them to determine their strange silence. Jimin was staring down at the table with a frown stuck to his face. Minhee’s soft smile, which was plastered on her face the whole time, disappeared for a second when she looked down at her hands on her lap, but they reappeared when looked up.

“So how long have you both been together? When did you first meet?” Minhee asked jubilantly. You felt yourself blush and looked at Taehyung next to you. A smirk graced his lips as he looked back at you.

“Well,” Taehyung said to Minhee without breaking eye contact with you. “I met her on a beautiful summer night in the middle of the ocean. She was heartbroken and drunk. I never got her name, but I did get her laugh, and her smile. After that, it was as if God himself was bringing her to me.” His words were arrows that shot through your heart. He was the only one for you.

You immediately covered your reddened face with the palms of your hands. “Oh stop it, you’re too good for me.” Taehyung chuckled at your reaction, his small laughs had spread warmth in your heart. You moved your hands out of your face and looked back at Minhee, who seemed truly happy for you.

“See, I told you that you would find your soulmate.” Minhee said to you with a bright smile. Next to her, Jimin was still staring down at the table. Your heart was saddened when you snuck a glance at your ex-best friend/crush. There were still places in your heart where you held Jimin on a pedestal that was higher than Taehyung’s, but the truth was that he didn’t care about you. He broke all ties with you.

“So what brings you here?” You said to Minhee as you tried to ignore what Jimin did to you. “I haven’t seen you since your wedding.”

Suddenly, Minhee’s innocent smile was wiped off her face, and it had been replaced by a frown. “I- um,” Her voice suddenly got weaker and seemed as if she was about to break down any second. “I- we’ve been having some problems for a while, and I don’t have anyone else to go to. You’re my only friend, and you’ve done so much for me,” Her eyes, brimmed with tears, looked into yours. “I just wanted to ask you of a favor.” Tears were falling from Minhee’s eyes, and you couldn’t help but feel pity for her.

“Minhee, what happened?” You worriedly gazed at Minhee, who had been struggling to find her  words as she was unable to stop herself from crying, and next to her, Jimin irritatedly stared at the clock on the wall behind you. You found it strange that the man who would tend to every need of his other half wasn’t responding to Minhee’s distress.

Unable to look into your eyes, Minhee continued with her story as she tried to keep herself composed. “Our-our marriage counselor says that-that f-fights are good, but this one- I don’t know. I-we talked to him about it and he s-said we needed time away from each other. Can-can you keep Jimin, just for a week?” She finally quit avoiding your eyes and met your gaze with her teary eyes. They pleaded for a solution to her problem, but you weren’t sure that you were ready for what she wanted.

Out of nowhere, Taehyung’s deep voice protruded your thoughts.”Sure, we’ll keep him” You kicked Taehyung’s foot from under the table, trying to make him shut up about his hasty decision. He turned his head to you with a smile on his face. “We can keep him, right?”

You couldn’t help but succumb to Taehyung’s wish. “You sound like we’re taking in a dog.”

April 19th, 2007

It had been months after my idiotic idea of trying to ignore Y/N to remove all of my developing feelings for her, which had failed. Today was our weekly movie date, which wasn’t really a date but rather a friendly get together of two people who make fun of ridiculous movies all night long.

We comfortably sat on the couch in my living room as the movie played; the darkness outside of the window behind us slowly creeped forward, leaving the room void of any light other than from the TV’s. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but my mind kept on wandering to Y/N. She nestled herself closer to me, and I didn’t know how to feel. I knew that some part of me wished for a relationship with her, but another part of me saw it as a bad idea.

As I breathed in, her lavender scent was all I had in mind. I remember grammy saying that they were for ‘love at first sight’, which wouldn’t make any sense for me because I had known Y/N for years. Why was I starting to have feelings blossom for her? Even though it’s under control now, what’s going to become of us? I stared straight at the TV, lost in thought. I was lost in the lavender scent of Y/N, lost in the ‘what ifs’ of our relationship, lost in my love for her. Just lost.

January 2nd, 2018

Still sitting at the table, the deafening silence between you and Jimin after Minhee left was extremely painful. Next to you, Taehyung tried to strike up a conversation, even though Jimin was clearly lost in thought.

“So Jimin, you were really good friends with Y/N, right?” Taehyung asked, which made you upset. It was opening up freshly healed wounds that you took care of. A frown graced your face as you kicked Taehyung under the table again. He looked back at you with another smirk. “Oh God Y/N, stop being mad, just because he’s the idiot that-”

To stop him from finishing his sentence, you kicked him under the table once more. Harder. “Taehyung, let’s talk about something else.” Your lips pursed, and Taehyung noticed your discomfort with the topic. He knew who Jimin was, and he knew he broke your heart, but he also knew that you still cared for him. As the kind person he was, he wanted to fix the friendship between you two. Your head turned to look at Jimin, who was staring at his hands on the table. He seemed detached from whatever was happening in his life. He was never like that before and you knew he needed someone to talk to, someone other than Minhee or their counselor.

“So Jimin,” Taehyung tried to create another conversation. “Are ya hungry? We don’t really have any food right now so I’m gonna go out to get some lunch for all of us. Is there anything you want to eat?”

Jimin looked up at Taehyung and showed him a small smile. “Whatever you guys like is fine, I’ll eat anything.” His voice made you realized how much you missed listening to him. It was as if a wave of nostalgia went over you and turned back time to a couple years ago.

Taehyung looked back at you and gave you his usual heart throbbing rectangular smile. “You better take care of our guest while I’m gone, okay?” You gave him a nod before he leaned in and whispered in your ear. “Make up with him too, I can see it hurts you and him.”

---

As Taehyung shut the door with a soft thud, you sat there in silence with Jimin, who was lost in thought again. You stared at him, wondering how he had changed so much. His bright smile used to outshine the sun, but now, no remnants of the smile was left behind. He was an empty shell of who he used to be.

After a couple of minutes, Jimin broke the silence. “Y/N,” He made eye contact with you as he continued talking. “How have you been?” His quiet voice asked you, a small smile danced on his face. It seemed as if he was forcing that smile, trying to engage in conversation.

“I’ve been okay,” You wanted to lighten the mood, as it used to be a long time ago. “But my life kinda sucks without you, ya know. I missed your stupid jokes and all our night long conversations.” You saw Jimin’s fake smile be replaced by his old sunshine smile, which made his eyes turn into crescent shapes.

“I missed you too, well I’ve been a little too busy for everything.” His smile quickly faded away. “Life just isn’t the same without you.” Your heart started to race, wondering what he implied. His smile came back just as fast as it left, and he looked at you with his attentive eyes. “So what have I missed?”

June 10th 2004

Surrounded by the warmth of the blankets tucked around you in your bed, you were so close to falling asleep in the darkness of your room. Suddenly, the room’s lights were turned on and you felt a dip on the other side of the bed. You knew who it was.

“Jimin,” You groaned. “Let me sleep, it’s like 11 and I have work tomorrow.” You turned around to face Jimin, who was sitting on the bed next to you.

The corners of his lips were pulled up into a smirk as he looked down at you. “Well I couldn’t sleep in my empty house. Can I sleep here with ya?” Jimin moved around to lay down next to you. His face was a couple of inches away from you; you could feel his warm breath on your face, and every second he stayed there, your heart started to beat faster.

You turned around on your bed as you felt yourself redden. “Fine, turn off the lights then. I’m gonna tell Mom not to let you in again.”

Jimin chuckled behind you. “She’s not here, I think she’ s at work. Your mom gave me a key weeks ago to keep you company and annoy you.” Jimin wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing himself closer to you. He nestled his head behind your neck. “I’m tired.”

Your heart was racing a million miles per second as he hugged you tightly from behind. “Yah Jimin! You forgot to turn off the lights! And get off of me!” You tried to push his arms off of you, but he didn’t budge.

“Let me sleep, Y/N.” He softly said before he passed out.

December 6th, 2016

It was around 8 or 9 pm when you were waiting in your apartment’s living room, all dressed up in a thick winter coat and boots, ready to go out on your third date with Kim Taehyung. The first date, which was technically the day you met him at the bar after you had ran away from the wedding, went really well. His laugh lit up the quiet bar and he truly made you feel cared about. The second date was at a carnival, and you felt as if no date could have gone better than that one. He had won you four stuffed bears along with your heart.

A text from your phone had pulled you away from your happy thoughts.

Taetae: come outside, i’ve got my car and me waiting in the warmth! waiting just for you

You smiled at his text. You looked outside your window and stared down onto the dark street; the only source of light there was from Taehyung’s car.

Y/N: im coming, this better be the best date ever

---

As you sat down in the car, you looked at Taehyung, who was staring at you with a smile glued to his face. You felt shy; he appreciated you and gave you all his attention. “Um,” You shyly asked with a grin on your face. “Where are we going today?”

Before going back on the road, Taehyung glanced at you once more with a smirk. “We’re going to someplace nice.” He rolled out of the parking spot and drove onto the dark road. You couldn’t help but stare at Taehyung concentrating on the road. You wished life was like a date with Taehyung; sweet and kind. Your heart wished to stay with him forever, hoping that life would give you a better chance at love.

The car abruptly came to a stop. You looked around to see where Taehyung was taking you. The car was parked in front of a quiet little bar, the same one you first met him at. You looked back at Taehyung. “Are you trying to get me drunk again?” You jokingly asked.

“Maybe,” His playful smirk made you swoon. “I told you that I don’t date drunks, but you’re the only exception I’ll ever make.”

You played along with his joke, acting serious and blessed. “Oh, I’m so touched. The Kim Taehyung wants me. I’m so grateful.” You giggled, not being able to keep up with your acting skills. Taehyung joined you in laughing, filling the warm car with happiness. You enjoyed feeling the happiness with Taehyung. You wished life would be like that forever.

January 2nd 2018

“So what have I missed?” Jimin asked with a smile. Just as you were about to open your mouth and say something, the front door opened and Taehyung came inside with a pizza box. His nose was a little red from the harsh cold outside, but he still beamed his beautiful boxy smile. He joyfully walked to the table with a little skip in his step, set the pizza box down in front of you, and took off his winter coat, which he gently set on his chair’s back.

As Taehyung sat down, he glanced at you and noticed the atmosphere had changed a bit. He was happy knowing that you were happy. “So, who wants to watch a movie? I don’t have to work until later so what do you guys want to watch?” He glanced between you and Jimin with his usual featherhead smile.

Jimin answered before you could. “I’ll watch anything you guys want to watch.” He was happier and more comfortable than before. You were glad that your best friend was coming back to you.

April 19th, 2007

Today was your weekly movie date with Jimin at your house, which technically wasn’t a date, but you wished it was. As night enveloped the light sky, the room suddenly got darker, leaving the TV being the only source of light. Unknowingly, you were nestling yourself closer to Jimin, which you didn’t really notice until you felt Jimin tense up a bit and then relax. You didn’t move from your spot, but you felt more self-conscious about yourself and him. You couldn’t concentrate on the screen in front of you because there was something better to look at.

You stared up at Jimin, who had devoted all his attention to the crappy movie. Your eyes went to his lips, which were slightly parted. They looked soft and plump; it kind of reminded you of two pink little pillows. What I wouldn’t I give to kiss those lips again, you thought. You were in love with him, but you were happy with the relationship you had with him. It was close and warm.

January 2nd, 2018

Comfortably sitting on your couch sandwiched in between Jimin and Taehyung, you leaned onto Taehyung’s arm, fitting your head on his shoulder. Your attention was on the random movie that Taehyung had put on, and you were enjoying it until you felt Jimin staring at you. From the side of your eyes, you glanced at him and confirmed your suspicions. He looked away when you caught his eyes, and a sheepish smile emerged on his face as he stared at the TV.

Your heart was racing. Why was he staring at me? You thought. Does he- no. He can’t. I can’t. I have Taehyung. He’s my soulmate, my other half. You tried to ignore Jimin’s gaze throughout the whole movie, but the thought of Jimin having feelings for you made you nuts.

You nestled yourself closer to Taehyung so you could get Jimin out of your mind, and in the process, you looked up at Taehyung. He was so absorbed in the movie that he didn’t notice Jimin. It wasn’t that you were uncomfortable, you were just scared that your heart would make the wrong and foolish decision of being with Jimin. He wasn’t as perfect as Taehyung, but he was the man of your dreams for years.

March 22nd 2017

In your usual quiet coffee shop, you sipped on your warm coffee as you stared into Taehyung’s dark eyes. You smirked. “I’m winning, you remember the bet right?”

Taehyung, who was trying so hard not to blink his watering eyes, tried not to give in. “Bring it on Y/N, I’ll win this staring contest.” Taehyung tried to smile, but that made his eyes water even more.

You could see the pain he was in, and he was trying so hard to win because he didn’t want you to see his naked baby pictures, so you decided to give in. You set down your cup of coffee and willingly closed your eyes. “There, you win. Now you can blink.”

Taehyung closed his eyes and wiped away the tears that the game had caused. “I swear, one day I will win this game without you having to give me the win.” He looked at you with his reddened eyes and grinned. “That was fun though, and when I get home, I’ll text you all of my baby pictures as a reward.”

Astonished by his act of sweetness, you quickly leaned in onto the table and pecked him on his lips. “You’re so sweet! I don’t even deserve you. Seriously.” You leaned back on your seat and gave him a wink. “I can’t wait to see your naked baby butt-”

“Y/N! We’re in public! Shut up!” Taehyung interrupted you with a loud whisper as his face reddened. You giggled at his reaction and laughed until your stomach started to hurt. You loved when he got embarrassed because he rarely blushed like that.

Out of nowhere, after calming down from your laughing fit, you were the first one to say the next words. “I love you Taetae.”

Taehyung, who was almost as red as a tomato, smiled his boxy smile. “I love you too.”

January 2nd, 2018

As the movie’s end credits rolled off the screen, you lifted your head from off of Taehyung’s shoulder. You felt extremely tired as you stretched your arms, and you laid onto Taehyung’s lap. Even though it was almost time for Taehyung to leave for work, you wanted him to stay and cuddle next to you.

“Y/N,” Taehyung’s softly deep voice almost lulled you to sleep. “You can’t go to sleep now, you pretty much just got up. Plus, you gotta show Jimin to his room cause I gotta get ready for work.”

A groan erupted from your lips as you sat up. You looked at Jimin, who had his soft lips pursed as he was looking off in some other direction. Taehyung got up from the couch and quickly went to your room to change. “Jimin,” You softly whispered to him. He turned his head to look at you with a melancholic look in is eyes. “Do you want me to show you to your room?” He nodded, still frowning.You got up from your couch and led the way. “So where’s all your stuff?” You asked him.

“I’m bringing some clothes tomorrow. Minhee’s still probably home and I can’t stand another argument anymore.” His voice oozed of anger and sadness. You pitied his relationship with Minhee; it used to be so happy and free like your relationship with Taehyung. You wondered what had made them go downhill.

“Well,” You said after reaching the guest bedroom’s door. “We’re here.” Your eyes remained on Jimin, who wasn’t able to look at you in the eyes. He opened the door and walked in. “Hey Jimin,” He turned around and responded with a hum. “What happened to you?” His gloomy eyes looked into yours of a second before turning back around and sitting on the guest bed.

He patted the spot next to him, gesturing for you to sit next to him. Reluctantly, you walked through the door and seated yourself on the soft bed. He stared down at his hands, which were interlocked with each other. “I don’t know where to start.” His voice was almost a whisper; you barely heard what he had said. “You don’t know what you have until it’s taken away from you.”

You were attentively listening, gazing at his saddened face. You wanted to engulf him in a hug, letting him know that he has someone to rely on, but you restrained yourself. He was someone who rejected you, who ignored you, giving in would mean falling for him once more and you couldn’t let that happen. He remained silent for quite a while until. “Jimin, you can tell me what happened, I promise nothing will make me think bad of you. You’re one of the people I look up to, and nothing will make me change that.”

He lifted his head and stared at you with a painful look. He looked hurt; his eyes were holding themselves back from tearing up while he bit his lips harshly. Jimin was stirring up your heart, causing your mind to go crazy.

Just then from the living room, Taehyung yelled out something before shutting the apartment door. “I’m leaving! I’ll be back soon.” You could imagine him smiling as he said that.

“Jimin,” You continued. “I care for you, okay? I want to know what’s wrong. I’m here for you.” Jimin’s frown was replaced by a weak smile.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then immediately shut it. All of a sudden, he leaned in to connect his soft lips to yours. Your mind was puzzled; you didn’t realize he was kissing you until you kissed him back.Thoughts in your mind were going bezerk. Jimins arms slid around your waist to pull you closer to him, and that’s when you knew it should end. You pushed him back with a jerk, your heartbeat was beating fast enough to explode.

You knitted your eyebrows, confused at what just happened. Your eyes glared at Jimin, who was also confused. “What the fuck Jimin!” You yelled at him. “Why did you do that?” You turned away from him, unable to look at his pitiful face anymore. “You’re a fucking dick, you know that right? I liked you- no- I loved you, and you rejected me. Now that you don’t love your wife anymore, you try to get someone else to replace her.” You whirled your head to angrily glare at Jimin, who was almost close to crying once more. “Fuck. You.”

May 23rd, 2017

As you snuggled into Taehyung’s warm chest, you wrapped your arms around him in your bed. Above you, Taehyung chuckled. “Y/N,” He whined. “Come on, don’t sleep!”

“But Taetae, it’s almost 12 am, even the moon is asleep outside.” Your eyes slowly closed as you breathed in Taehyung’s fresh scent. You felt him move around a bit, getting something from the nightstand behind him.

You heard a camera shutter sound from somewhere over you, and that was when you quickly opened your eyes. You at where the noise was coming from to see Taehyung holding a polaroid camera above the both of you. The small picture came out, slowly developing. Taehyung grabbed the small picture and laughed as the image came through. In the picture, you were sound asleep, cuddled next to Taehyung, while he made a stupid face as he winked.

You laughed, instantly getting energy to play around with Taehyung. You grabbed the polaroid camera from his hands and started to take pictures of Taehyung as he posed. One picture had him pouting with his puppy dog eyes, and another had him sexily posing with his tongue out.

“Oh my god Taehyung, you’re so adorable!” You hugged all the newly developed pictures, wanting to hang them up everywhere.

Taehyung grabbed the camera from you and immediately taking a picture of you hugging his pictures. “This is proof that you have an obsession with me.”

You giggled and looked at Taehyung, who seemed too perfect to be real. “You’re the only obsession I’ll ever have.” Taehyung showed you his trademark boxy smile before taking another picture of you lovingly gazing at him.

“Smile!”

January 3rd, 2018

You were waiting for Taehyung, sitting on the bed in your bedroom, frustrated and confused at what happened. You wanted to pull your hair out for kissing Jimin, but you couldn’t do anything to redo the past. You weren’t sure if you wanted to tell Taehyung; you had never seen him mad, and you didn’t want to lose the only man who was ever by your side. After an hour of waiting in your room, Jimin knocked on your locked door. He begged you to open the door and that he was sorry, but you couldn’t trust him or your emotions.

After waiting for hours, Taehyung finally came home. You heard his deep voice boom throughout the apartment. “Honey! I’m home!” You didn’t want to leave you room; the fear of running into Jimin was too much for you. Taehyung’s voice came closer to your room. “Honey? Are you asleep? The light is on. Are you okay?” He softly said through the closed door. You wanted to tell him everything that happened. You knew letting Jimin stay in your apartment with Taehyung was a bad idea, but you couldn’t say no to your boyfriend.

You got up from your bed and unlocked the bedroom door. The door opened up to reveal Taehyung gazing at you with worry written all over his face. You pulled him into the room and quietly shut the door behind him. “Taehyung, I have to tell you something.” You told him, attentively looking up at his worried face. He nodded for you to continue. You breathed in and closed your eyes. “Jimin- he kissed me,” You opened your eyes to see Taehyung fuming. Before he could say anything, you finished your sentence. “But- but I pushed him away, I promise, I don’t feel the same about him anymore- I- I just love you, okay? Taehyung, you’re the only one I care about right now. I-I told you this was a bad idea, you shouldn’t have let him in.”

Taehyung calmed down a bit and lovingly looked at you. “Y/N, I know you love me, but I didn’t expect him to do that to you. I’m gonna go talk to him and teach him a lesson-” Taehyung, with his hands angrily clenched, turned around to leave the room, but you pulled on his shirt to stop him.

“Taetae, please don’t fight. Please, I don’t want you getting hurt.” You begged him.

He turned around and gave you a reassuring look. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna get hurt.”

---

Taehyung opened the guest bedroom where Jimin was staying, walked in, and loudly shut the door. Jimin, who was sitting on his bed, looked up from his phone, his eyes wide with surprise. Taehyung walked closer to Jimin and looked down at him with anger. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?” Jimin was speechless and couldn’t say anything to Taehyung. “You fuckin’ missed your chance bud. I didn’t think you would be such a lowly person as to hurt Y/N’s feelings. If any shit like this happens again, then I’ll make sure to break your legs and arms to make you a cripple.” Taehyung started to crack his knuckles, making Jimin get goosebumps. “Understand?” Jimin nodded, still unable to say anything. “I’ve loved Y/N for forever, and you can’t just steal her from me. You fucking asshole.”

September 18th, 2014

It was about a month after Jimin introduced you to his girlfriend, Minhee, and you were still in shock about it. You wanted someone, or something, to distract you from the depressed feeling that consumed you every minute that you spent thinking about Jimin.

Somehow, you ended up on a date with Namjoon at a quiet sports bar on a Thursday evening, casually dressed for the occasion. It had been a couple of years since you had last had a conversation with Namjoon, and that was back in high school. Now, as you comfortably adjusted yourself in the seat across from Namjoon, you showed him a bright smile, to which he returned one back. Back in high school, you knew him to be a dick, or well, more of a cocky and selfish guy, but since years had gone by, you had thought he would have changed.

You couldn’t help but stare at Namjoon’s smile. It was beautiful, no doubt; his dimples made you swoon, and the seductive gaze he looked at you with was intense. You shied away from his eyes, embarrassed at feeling yourself redden a bit. The both of you sat in comfortable silence.

Namjoon was the first one to talk. “So Y/N, how are you? It’s been forever.” He looked at you for an answer.

Your eyes wandered back to Namjoon’s face. “I’ve been good actually, some stuff happened but now that I’m here with you I’m-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Namjoon interrupted you with a wide grin glued to his face. “What happened babe? Is it something my tongue can fix?”

Immediately, you felt repulsed by what Namjoon had said. Just as you were about to say something, a waitress came up to your table and asked what the both of you wanted. You opened your mouth to order your usual, but Namjoon interrupted once again and ordered for you. As soon as the waitress left, you started to reroute the direction of the conversation that he was leading it in. You were not wanting to have sex on your first date with fuckboy Namjoon.

“Anyways,” Annoyance clear in your voice. “I actually haven’t eaten here before, is the food good?” You kept your smile up, hoping that he wouldn’t notice your discomfort with the way he talked.

With the same large grin stuck on his face, Namjoon replied. “It’s good, but not as good as what you’re gonna be tastin’ later tonight.”

Your eyes were wide open, paralyzed with shock at what Namjoon had said. You knew him to be a flirt back in the day, but you didn’t know he would be so forward. Your weak smile quickly faded away to a concerning frown. “Listen Namjoon, I don’t know why you think I’m here with you today, but you’re definitely not gonna get laid. Not by me, at least-”

Namjoon’s chuckle made you stop in the middle of your sentence. “I do what I want baby. I’m not some pussy ass coward like Jimin to not-”

Right then and there, you got up from your seat, the chair’s legs loudly screeched on the wooden floor as you were preparing to leave. “You know what Namjoon? You’re an ass. You were one back in high school, and you still are now. And don’t ever mention Jimin’s name like that. He’s much- so much- better than you. ” After grabbing your purse, you stomped out, hearing some of Namjoon’s last words being angrily yelled at from behind you.

“Why don’t you fuckin’ get someone like Jimin? Oh wait, you can’t cause he doesn’t fuckin’ want a bitch like you!”

January 3rd, 2018

From your bedroom, you heard Taehyung angrily storm out of the guest room, Jimin’s door loudly shut and Taehyung’s loud footsteps came closer to your door. Patiently waiting on the edge of your bed, you looked down at your fiddling fingers with a frown. A thousand thoughts were going through your mind at that time. Would he still love me the same as before? You thought. Will he think of me in a different light, a more darker one? I love him- I really do- but what happens next?

Right then, Taehyung slowly opened the door as you glanced up and met with his apologetic eyes. A weak smile appeared on his face as he walked in and closed the door behind him. You wanted to say something to him,anything to make the quiet awkwardness to go away. He sat next to you on the bed, basking in the quiet atmosphere. Neither of you looked at each other, but instead, stared at the wall in front of you.

It was a while before anyone said anything; you thought you didn’t deserve him. If it was anyone else, you knew they would leave you, but he didn’t. Taehyung was the one who spoke up first. “Y/N,” His head turned to look at you stare melancholically at the wall. “I love you, and nothing will change that. If your happiness lies with Jimin, go with him.” You quickly turned your head to look back at him with shocked eyes. His bittersweet smile broke your heart, and his woeful eyes stared right into your soul. “I’ll be happy if you’re happy-”

“Taehyung,” You interrupted him. “I will always love you. Nothing, and no one will make me change my mind.” Your body leaned towards his and your arms brought him into a hug. “I love you.”

October 27th, 2006

On my mess of a bed, Y/N and I were hitting each other with pillow, making sure to knock each other out. It was a beautiful Friday morning, with the morning rays protruding the window’s blinds and hitting Y/N’s beautiful face. On her knees, she harshly hit me with her pillow with a sly grin glued to her face. I fell back on my bed and was too tired to get back up. An airy laugh left my lips as I stared at Y/N’s exhausted face.

“Jimin! One more round!” Y/N yelled out.

I was too tired to even lift another pillow. “Ah Y/N,” I grabbed her wrist and pulled her down next to me. “We’re even skipping school, we should just sleep.” I wrapped my arms around her body, pulling her closer to my fast beating heart. Even though I wasn’t sure about my feelings for Y/N, I wanted her next to me. I wanted to hear her voice every day, I wanted to laugh with her, I wanted Y/N.

She stayed quiet, listening to my breaths and heartbeat as I listened to hers. “Y/N,” I continued. I paused for a little bit, wanting to tell her about my feelings. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, or how that moment could stay like that forever, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. “I want some breakfast.”

I heard a sigh leave her lips as she backed away from my chest and sat up on the bed. “It’s always me who has to cook.” I glanced at her disappointed face. It seemed as if she was waiting for me to say something else. She got up from the bed and slowly shuffled out of my bedroom door. I closed my eyes, promising myself never to say anything about my feelings to Y/N. If she wouldn’t be able to love me back, I would die.

January 3rd, 2018

As I watched Taehyung storm out of my bedroom, I regretted everything that went down today. I shut my eyes to stop myself from crying. I was rejected by Y/N, but I deserved it. I rejected her years ago, but I was blinded by my love for Minhee. Tears eventually fell from his closed eyes, and he fell back into the bed. I wanted to die. He couldn’t handle the fact that I missed out on Y/N, and it was because of his stupidity.

I lay on the bed, slowly opening my teary eyes to stare up at the ceiling. He breathed in and pulled out my phone from my back pocket. I went through my contacts and dialed Minhee’s number. It was pretty late at night, and I wasn’t even sure if she would pick up, but she did.

“Jimin?” She asked.

“Minhee,” My shaky voice responded back. “I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else anymore. You’ve been through thick and thin with me, and now, I don’t want to drag you down. Let’s end this.”

Minhee hesitantly responded back. “Jimin, I- why now? Why can’t we work things out?”

“Because I’m unlovable, and I can’t love anyone back. I’m sorry.”

YEARS LATER

May 18th, 2021

Jimin stood in front of the airport, looking around around at the familiarly tall buildings and smiled. He re-adjusted his shades before he called for a taxi. Jimin had aged a bit. After his quick divorce with Minhee, he left his hometown to travel across the globe. He met many women who fell in love with him, and he tried to love them back, but he’d only ever wanted you. As he stepped into the taxi, he wasn’t sure which address to give the driver.

Minhee was on good terms with Jimin, but she already moved into her new lover’s house. She would occasionally email him and update him about her life. Jimin’s other friends were too busy with their own lives. Jungkook already had a steady girlfriend move in with him and Namjoon, after changing his life around, was working towards a law degree. Hoseok left town and was starting his own dance studio, Jin moved to start his restaurant business with his wife, and Yoongi flat out refused to let Jimin stay with him.

Jimin gave the driver the address to a local coffee shop that he loved to death. He hoped it was still standing, and wasn’t replaced by another office building that the world didn’t need. He looked out of the backseat window, watching all the familiar houses and buildings go by. He realized that his life went by in a flash. It was just yesterday when he and his friends were joking around after school, and now, he’s a full fledged adult, unsure about his life.

The car suddenly came to a stop. Jimin paid the driver and stepped out of the bright yellow car, bringing a suitcase with him. A sigh of relief came from Jimin when he saw the cozy shop he was so accustomed to still existed. Across from the building was a newly built hotel; Jimin walked across the street with his suitcase and strolled inside the beige building. He checked into a room and wasn’t sure what to do next; the only reason he was in town was because the company he was working for sent him back into town to work at the headquarters. To distract himself, Jimin played a bunch of games on his phone and watched some TV, but eventually got tired of it. By the time he was bored out of his mind in the hotel room, it was around 3 pm. He decided it was a good time to leave and have a cup of coffee.

After he left the hotel building, he waited by the crosswalk until there was no car in sight. He walked across the street, but midway, he saw a familiar face walk into the coffee shop. Jimin sped his walking up and jogged to the store to run after him. He opened the door right after that familiar man, and the jingle of another customer walking in could be heard everywhere in the small shop. He looked around for him, hoping the guy was the same person. He wanted someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to tell him about you.

He spotted the man sitting at one of the round wooden tables near the back. It was really him; Min Yoongi.

July 20th, 2020

Today, Taehyung was ready to propose to you.

Sitting in your favorite restaurant, Taehyung in front of you with a smug smile on his face, the both of you ordered dinner and wine. The quiet piano music and dim lights made the atmosphere so romantic, but you didn’t know why you were there. It was a regular Monday evening when Taehyung rushed you to get ready in a formal dress he surprisingly brought home. When you got ready and showed him the dress, he smirked as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to his car. When you asked him where he was taking you, he said it was a surprise.

Now, you were at a restaurant with him, waiting for more surprises.

Taehyung hid the Tungsten ring’s box in his suit’s pocket, waiting to pull it out at the right moment. He watched you suspiciously eat your pasta, and he chuckled when you saw him watching.

“I feel like you’re planning something evil.” You said to Taehyung, who hadn’t had a bite of his steak.

Taehyung nonchalantly shrugged, showing his boxy smile. “Maybe I am,” Taehyung looked around the empty restaurant for a waiter and called him over. “I would like another glass of wine.” He said to the waiter, even though he had a full glass of white wine in front of him.

“Taehyung, you already-” You wanted to tell him that he already had a glass of wine, but he interrupted you with a simple ‘shh’ as his index finger was pushed onto his lips.

The waiter was in cahoots with Taehyung. Before the dinner, Taehyung told the waiter specific instructions to do after he orders another glass of wine. After the man left, the dim lights were suddenly gone, and the room was engulfed in blackness. All of a sudden, you heard a chair screech on the floor and Taehyung’s deep voice singing you a soft melody.

As the lights slowly came back, you were surprised to see Taehyung next to you, with one knee on the floor, serenading you with a ring box in his hand. As he opened the box, you gasped after seeing the pitch black band and were almost on the verge of crying.

Taehyung abruptly stopped singing. “Y/N,” He asked you. “Will you marry me?”

You got out of your seat and hugged him on the floor. “A million times yes. Yes, yes, yes!”

May 18th 2021

Jimin immediately spotted the black haired Min Yoongi in the back of the cafe, reading a book as he sipped on his warm coffee. Unconsciously, Jimin’s feet walked towards him. He was curious as to why Yoongi refused to let him stay at his house, and how you were doing. Jimin knew you and Yoongi had gotten closer after he started to date Minhee, so he would definitely know where you were.

“Yoongi,” Jimin’s soft voice called out to Yoongi, who looked up in surprise.

Yoongi was shocked, and was speechless. “Jimin… hey.” Jimin took the seat right in front of Yoongi and sat down. “It’s been a long time, Jimin.”

The sorrow in Jimin’s eyes contradicted his cheerful smile. “It’s been forever,” Jimin was reminiscing in memories of his past, the happiest point in his life. “How’ve you been?”

Yoongi smiled as he closed his book and looked down at his coffee. “I’ve actually been doing great,” He looked up and showed Jimin his genuine smile. “My entire life I thought I had bad luck, but I was wrong. I am one of the luckiest people on Earth.”

That took Jimin by surprise. “What happened? Did you win the lottery?” He asked.

Yoongi shook his head, still having his gummy smile stuck to his face. “My first love fell in love with me.”

Jimin gasped, feeling happy for him. “That’s great! Who is this lucky girl? Speaking about love, I think I’m going to try and win over Y/N once more. Third time’s the charm, right?”

Yoongi’s gummy smile was wiped off his face, and was replaced with a frown. “Jimin… a lot happened while you were gone.”

---

With a rose in your hand, you walked through the dreary graveyard with heavy feelings in your heart. The bright blue sky pained your eyes. How dare the world smile even after he’s gone, you thought.

Finally, you reached his grave. Kim Taehyung.

You kneeled down onto the patch of grass in front of the grave and set your rose down, right next to the other flowers. You held your tears back and talked to him. “I miss you, Taehyung. Even though you’re gone, I come and see you every day. I thought I would always be alone, always be hurt, but I’m slowly healing. Life isn’t fair. You deserved the world, you deserve everything. You saved me, and I’ll never forget you.”

August 2nd, 2020

On a comfortable Sunday morning, you lay next to Taehyung’s sleeping body, hearing him snore right next to your ear. You giggled, loving everything about him. It had been a couple weeks since he had proposed to you, and nothing had really changed, except for the fact that Taehyung was picking out kids names for the children he was going to have with you, along with the fact that he was cuddling you 24/7.

Next to you, Taehyung’s eyes slowly cracked open, looking down at you giggle. “Honey, what’s so funny?”

You didn’t want to tell him that you were laughing at him. “Hmm? I wasn’t laughing.” You tried to mask your lie, but you failed.

Taehyung’s arms went around you and brought you closer to him, making you cuddle into his chest. “Y/N! I love you sooooooo much!” He yelled out. “If our first child is a boy, I want to name him Taehyung.”

You giggled at his antics once more. “Taehyung junior, I like the sound of that. If we had a girl, what would you name her?”

“Well,” Taehyung went on. “I would name her Taehyung too, because if anything ever happens to me, I wouldn’t want you to be alone without my presence.”

You slapped his arm and looked into his eyes. “Nothing is going to happen to you, idiot.” After cuddling back into his chest, you continued. “I love you too.”

May 18th, 2021

Yoongi’s smile was quickly replaced with a frown. “Jimin… a lot happened while you were gone.”

Jimin wasn’t surprised that things had changed since he left, but he hoped they were good changes. “What happened?” He curiously asked.

Yoongi breathed in before he could say anything. “Well,” He stared at Jimin with saddened eyes. “Taehyung and Y/N were engaged, and Y/N was even pregnant, but Taehyung got into an accident.”

Jimin was caught by surprise. “What? So much happened and none of you called me?”

“We couldn’t, Y/N didn’t want you to worry. She still cares about you, ya know, but not in the same way you love her.” Yoongi looked down at his coffee before he took another sip.

Jimin was starting to freak out; he couldn’t accept her rejection again. “I could easily change her mind, we’re best friends, and she loves me. I love her. Everything is going to be fine.”

“No it’s not. She already has someone else.”

---

Sitting in your parked car outside the cemetery, you stared out at the clouds that decorated the sky, hoping Taehyung was enjoying the afterlife. You missed his boxy laugh. You missed his jokes and his cuddles. You missed him.

Your phone rang suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts.. You grabbed it from the passenger seat, and looked at the caller ID. It was Jeon Jungkook.

You quickly answered the phone. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing much,” He responded. “I’m just really bored. Minhee’s trying to braid my short-ass hair and I think she’s going to turn me into a meme.”

Laughter bubbled from you. “You guys are so adorable. Oh, and she can’t change someone into what he already is- a complete meme.”

“Yah!” He yelled at you. “My crazy girlfriend Minhee is a meme herself! She’s also one of the most perfect human beings on this planet. How are you doing anyways?”

You paused for a bit, thinking about how you were actually doing. “I think I’m okay. Life sucks, but you gotta go on. That’s what Taehyung would’ve wanted me to do. Live and move on, right?”

November 16th, 2020

It was your four year anniversary with Taehyung. He had planned out the whole day for you, even though you had said that you didn’t want to do anything big.

From the moment you would wake up until the moment you would fall asleep in his arms, he was planning everything out.

You woke up at around 7 am to get ready for work, but when you realized that Taehyung wasn’t in bed next to you, you knew something was up. You acted as if everything was normal, but you had a surprise of your own.

After getting dressed, grabbing your cup of coffee, and driving off to work, you daydreamed all throughout the day what Taehyung had in store for you. When you should have been filing folders, you were imagining the look on his face when you told him that you were pregnant. You could see his shocked face, and you could imagine his usual smile as he would bring you into a hug.

The day dragged on until 3 pm when you were let out from work, and as you drove home, you were itching to talk to Taehyung. When you did finally get home, you were greeted with an empty house. You were a little bit disappointed, but knew that Taehyung had something big planned this year. You decided to call him.

You plopped yourself on your couch and dialed his number, and he picked up on the third ring. “Hey babe, what’s up?” It was a relief for you to hear his voice after not being able to hear it all day.

“I miss you so, so much. Where are you?” You questioned him.

“I’m gettin’ something special for you! Be prepared to have your mind blown. I’m driving home so I’ll get there soon.” He said back to you.

You sighed, smiling at how sweet he was. “Taetae! I told you, I didn’t want anything big today, and I also have a surprise for you. You’ll have your mind blown away even more.”

A gasp came from the Taehyung. “Tell me Y/N! What is it! I don’t like surprises, you have to tell me now!”

“For a man that doesn’t love surprises, you sure do love to surprise others.” You retorted. “I’ll give you a hint. We can’t wait for you to get home.”

Another gasp came from Taehyung. “Oh god, Y/N, are we having a baby?” You hummed in agreement. “Oh god,” Taehyung started to frantically chant. “This is the best moment in my life Y/N,” He said through the phone. “I love you Y/N, I love you-” All of a sudden, a large crash was heard on Taehyung’s side of the conversation, and then, the phone call ended.

The light turned green and Taehyung hit the gas. Distracted by the news, he was unaware of the truck that had blown through the red light. He died on impact.

November 20th, 2020

You arrived at the hospital only to be told that Taehyung was already dead. You had a mental breakdown and eventually, the stress led to your having a miscarriage. The physical and emotional pain made you hate yourself. You were admitted to the hospital and were visited by many of your friends who were truly worried for you, but you didn’t care. You had lost your other half. Your soulmate. He was in heaven with your child while you were stuck in a world which resembled hell even more every second he wasn’t with you.

After four days of pain and tears, you were ready to end your life. You planned to jump off the hospital’s roof and end your suffering, but someone changed your mind.

Yoongi walked into the white hospital room, melancholically looking at you stare out the window on the other side of the room. He knew how hurt you were, and he wanted to fix that.

“Y/N,” He called your name out, and all your attention was on him. He saw how wrecked you were, and how much you had cried over the past four days. He knew what you were thinking, mainly the jist of it, but he wanted to stop it. Stop all the hurt. He walked to your bed and bent over to pull you into a warm hug. “Don’t do anything that you would regret,” He whispered in your ear as you held back your tears. “Don’t be stupid, okay? What would Taehyung think?” He calmly stroked your hair as tears flowed from your eyes. It felt good to have someone like Yoongi with you. It felt nice.

December 11th, 2020

Sitting quietly in your living room, Yoongi next to you, you looked around the empty room. All the pictures you had of Taehyung were put away in a closet, lying there covered in dust. You set your head on Yoongi’s shoulder and closed your eyes.

“Thanks for coming,” Your quiet voice said to him. “I didn’t want to be alone.”

He took your hand and held it tight, softly rubbing your palm. “Does it still hurt to remember?”

You hummed. “It feels like I’m drowning in my own tears. I can’t sleep by myself. I can’t eat. I can’t even work. My life is a mess.” You lifted your head and looked up at Yoongi, who was looking at you with loving eyes. “But at least I have you.”

“I’d do anything for you. Call me at three in the afternoon or three in the morning, I’ll come running.”

December 25th, 2020

Today was the day you had built up the courage to dig through Taehyung’s untouched closet. In the back of your apartment was a closet where you had shoved most of Taehyung’s belongings after he had died; you were unable to look at them until now.

As you opened the small closet door, Taehyung’s lavender scent wafted all throughout the house. It took everything you had in your heart to stop yourself from crying. A bright yellow hoodie covered with pink donuts caught your attention. It was the same jacket he made you wear after you had gotten soaked playing in the rain. Your hand unconsciously reached out to it, grabbing the sleeve of the jacket. The soft cotton reminded you of Taehyung’s soft touch, his delicately deep voice, and his adoring eyes.

You wanted to stop, you wanted to quit torturing yourself with memories of Taehyung. Just as you were about to close the closet door, a gift wrapped present on the top shelf of the closet caught your eyes. You reached up and grabbed the large box shaped present, and then closed the closet door. Your feet led you to the couch, where you sat yourself down and were ready to open up the present.

Your mind was curious as to what it was, and you knew that it was from Taehyung. You gently ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a photobook with the words ‘New Beginnings’ written on it in Taehyung’s handwriting. You bit your lip, trying to accept that he was gone, and that you weren’t in a never-ending nightmare. You were in reality.

Flipping open to the first page, an envelope presented itself to you with your name on it, written by Taehyung. After reluctantly grabbing it and ripping the letter open, you forced yourself to read Taehyung’s note.

Dear Y/N, my adorable sweet wife-to-be (or hopefully wife by now). This is your Christmas present! I knew you would wake up early in the morning and open your present, so here I have a letter telling you how much I love you! I’ve documented the times we’ve been together, and it’s only just a part of how long I want us to be together. I want the both of us to have little Taehyung Juniors and watch them grow up. I want us to be happy and well. You’re probably crying of happiness by now, since I’m such a great gift-giver. Enjoy the gift and make sure to wake me up!

-From your sweet and loving husband, Taehyung

Tears trailed down your cheeks as you willed yourself to stop. He wasn’t alive anymore, yet he still lived on in your life. You put the letter to the side and flipped through the large photo book. The first page was filled with pictures from your second date with him at the carnival. At the bottom of the page was the date written; he had started the book since day one. Many of the images were pictures you hadn’t noticed him taking, like the picture of you eating an ice cream cone with the four teddy bears he won for you sitting at the table, or the other picture of you pouting at Taehyung to win you another stuffed toy. As you flipped through, memories started to flow, along with your tears.

Another page caught your attention; it was the day he had taken polaroid pictures of you while you were sound asleep on his chest in your bed. He made a funny derp face as you were snoring away. You remembered the day as if it was yesterday; you heard the clicking sound of the camera and opened your eyes to see Taehyung taking pictures of you. I should have cherished those memories, you thought. I should have hugged him more, kissed him more, stayed with him more.

Your new beginnings were at an end.

January 4th, 2021

In your kitchen, you and Yoongi were making breakfast for each other. Ever since Taehyung’s death, Yoongi had been with you more often. He would come over when you felt alone, and then suddenly, Yoongi’s coming over became routine for you. He would come over even when you wouldn’t call him, and he would spend most of his days he was free from work with you.

Yoongi’s gummy smile would often make the heavy atmosphere that surrounded you dissipate into a light and airy atmosphere. The power of his smile was similar to Taehyung’s, and maybe that was why you felt happy with him, more comfortable with life.

“Y/N,” Yoongi’s raspy voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You spun your head around to look at him cooking something on the stove top next to you. He held out a wooden spoon with some orangish substance. “Taste.” He said with a smirk.

“Only if you say please.” You snobbishly told him. You continued to mix the pancake batter with a grin on your face and added some chocolate chips into the bowl.

He set the spoon down onto a plate and kneeled down onto the tile floor. He grabbed your hand and looked you in the eyes with a sarcastically pleading look. “Oh my highness Y/N, will you please try your humble servant’s food? I must have your approval on it or I shall die.”

You giggled at Yoongi’s behavior, and nodded at him. “Sure, I’ll try it.”

Yoongi got up from the floor and showed you his gummy smile. He grabbed the spoon and lifted it to your mouth, where you tried the deliciously sweet orangey substance. You closed your eyes and moaned at the deliciousness of the sauce. You tasted hints of lemon and a strong orange flavor that made your tastebuds tingle.

You opened your eyes and stared at him in awe. “That. Was. Delicious.” Yoongi laughed at your reaction, and winked at you. Just as he was about to say something, your phone rang.

You pulled your phone out from your back pocket and saw the caller ID, Jungkook. You immediately picked up.

“Hello sir, how are you on this fine and beautiful day?” You asked him on the phone. Yoongi quietly asked who it was on the phone, and you responded by mouthing Jungkook’s name.

“Not that it’s a bad thing, but why are you so perky today?” Jungkook questioned, and from his side of the conversation, you could hear a familiar voice yell something out. “Oh also, if you couldn’t hear, Minhee’s yelling out ‘I miss you Y/N! You should talk to me more often!’.” Jungkook tried to imitate Minhee’s soft but adorable voice, but ultimately failed.

“I’m just making breakfast with Yoongi,” You looked up at Yoongi to see him wink at you. “You guys are too cute together, you didn’t even tell me how you guys ended up together! What about your parents?”

You heard Jungkook groan. "Our parents? Things didn't end up working out." He lowered his voice. "A little scandal, ya know? Not saying any names though..." He chuckled quietly and fell silent. After hesitating a moment, Jungkook asked another question. “How are you really doing? Do you still remember him? You seem happier.”

A bittersweet smile appeared on your face as you took in a large breath. “I miss him, obviously. I put back all the pictures of him around the house so it feels like he’s here with me, and I visit his grave every day. I talk to him there and I tell him how I’m doing. I’m a little happier everyday,” You snuck another glance at Yoongi. “Because of a special someone.”

February 21st 2021

Yoongi had a special surprise for you today. At around 4 pm when stepped inside your apartment, it was pitch black. Thick curtains blocked the light from the outside and your light switch wasn’t working. As you stumbled inside your house, trying to find a flashlight, candles from every corner of your apartment magically lit up. Rose petals were adorned around your little dining table, which had a steak dinner for two ready.

Yoongi’s voice from another room could be heard. “Y/N!” He walked out of one of the bedrooms with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He kneeled down on one knee and held up the flowers to you. His earnest eyes looked into your surprised ones, and smiled. “Since I practically live here, I wanted to formally ask you out. So, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked you. “I know I won’t ever be able to compete with Taehyung, but I will love you just as much as he did.”

Your heart felt as if it was about to explode; you loved Yoongi, but you didn’t want to replace Taehyung’s spot. Yoongi sensed your hesitance, and continued. “I know how you’re feeling right now, but Taehyung would have wanted you to move on, but always remember him.”

The shock on your face melted away as a smile formed on your lips. “That’s true. I guess we can take a shot at dating. Plus, everyone already thinks we’re dating so...” Yoongi got up from his knees and threw the flowers aside as he brought you in a warm hug.

His raspy voice whispered into your reddened ears. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.”

March 4th, 2021

Sitting on the couch, Yoongi’s arms were wrapped around your waist as you laid back on his chest. The both of you sat in the dark living room, watching a movie. The movie was about a guy trying to find his childhood love, but realizing that she didn’t exist and that she was a figment of his imagination. As the credits were rolling, you were feeling extremely sad and tears were streaming down your cheeks. Yoongi’s hand went up to your face and wiped away your tears with his thumb. He used his other hand to tickle the side of your stomach.

All of a sudden, you felt your muscles spasm from where Yoongi touched you. He knew you were extremely ticklish, and you couldn’t help laugh. He used both his hands to tickle your stomach, and you tried to push his hands off, but were unable to. Your sweet laughter rang a harmonious melody in Yoongi’s ears; he loved it when you laughed.

You were out of breath when you tried to tell him to stop. “Yoongi… oh my god… stop it…” Your loud laughter stopped when he lifted his arms off of you. Immediately, you turned around and faced him with a tired but evil smile. You used your hands and started to tickle him back for revenge. You watched as his face scrunch up and heard him laugh out loud until he was begging you to stop.

“Y/N… please.” He grabbed your wrist with a firm grasp and finally stopped you. “I give up. You win.”

Not even realizing it, you were also out of breath. “Who said… this was a game… You started it.” You said, taking little breaths in between your words.

Yoongi showed you his award-winning gummy smile and laughed. “I just wanted to see you smile.”

May 18th, 2021

“She already has someone else.” Yoongi, with a bit of venom laced in his words, said to Jimin, who was even more shocked than before.

“Who the fuck is he?” Jimin angrily asked Yoongi, who wasn’t able to look at Jimin in the eyes. He avoided eye contact as he took another sip of his warm coffee. “Yoongi,” He called out his friend’s name to get his attention. “Who is he.”

Yoongi finally looked up with his eyebrows knitted in anger and eyes filled with rage. “Do you fucking think you could come back and win Y/N over? You weren’t here for her when she was in the hospital, you weren't here when she tried to kill herself, you weren’t here trying to help her get better.”

“Yoongi,” Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise, and felt as if his friend stabbed him in the back. “What do you mean?” He was close to putting two and two together.

“I’m dating Y/N. I’ve been with her through everything, and now you’re trying to claim her to be yours? No way I’m letting that happen.” Yoongi wanted to kill Jimin; he’d had a chance to end up with you, but he was too blind to see it. Throughout Yoongi’s high school life, he had been infatuated with you. He hated to see you act like a lovesick puppy chasing after Jimin, but he couldn’t do anything; he was convinced that you would never get over him.

Jimin’s face turned into one of disgust, staring at Yoongi with the feeling of betrayal. “You little fucker-”

The coffee shop’s doorbell chimed as another customer came into the empty cafe. Yoongi’s eyes went directly to the person who entered. It was you. Jimin was feverently staring at Yoongi, until he followed where his line of sight was.

Jimin turned around to see you frozen in the middle of the shop, staring at him with wide eyes as if you were about to get run over by a truck. You weren’t able to move. Jimin quickly got up and walked to you, with his arms ready to wrap around you. He brought you in for a hug, but you didn’t hug back.

“Jimin,” You said to him with a shaky voice. “It’s been a long time.” You didn’t hug him back; your arms were stuck to your sides because you were convinced that he was still in love with you.

“Y/N, I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered into your ears as he hugged you tighter.

“Jimin, please. Stop.” You pulled out of the hug, looking at his face with guilt and sadness. “Please stop, Jimin. I’ve moved on.”

He wasn’t convinced. The shock on his face was enough to shred your heart into a million pieces. You cared about him and you loved him, but not in the same way anymore. “Y/N, don’t say that. Please, I love you. Come on Y/N-”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on. You weren’t here for me when I was struggling to keep myself alive, and now I’ve found someone who cares about me just as much as Taehyung did.” You took a step back away from him. “You’ll always be my best friend, but nothing more than that. I’m sorry.”

Tears rolled down Jimin’s face as he accepted his loss.

formating this on tumblr was a fUCKIN’ BItcH

also for those of you who cried, im so sorrY, there’s an epilogue coming and maybe another part for a different au! 

also someone good at us history hmu ill trade you fanfics for tutoring

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