#my availability for the past year has been “yeah one thursday evening and the occasional tuesday evening off would be nice but u could

[vaginadentatacas]

if i don't go into work tomorrow (in FOOD SERVICE) i will almost be guaranteed fired. i have a high fever and terrible recurring cough and every single sign points to covid or the flu. but even if i bring a stupid fucking doctors note I'm still probably going to be fired bc i had to call out LAST week for food poisoning from cucumbers. god forbid a girl (gn) be going through it in an at-will state with almost zero work protections

[saffronwritings]

C L U M S Y | S H I N S O U

S H I N S O U | P A R T  O N E

[Part Two]

C L U M Y  M A S T E R L I S T

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: IM NOT EXCITED ABOUT HITOSHI YOU ARE. I am very excited about my favorite boi. I love this fictional man so much. I really hope you all enjoy, this first part is very different than most parts of the CLUMSY series. I hope you enjoy it regardless! (This has been updated on 4/22/21, on the fact that I realized going forward there would be too many plot holes, so I changed a few things regarding the parent situation, this will help me with future parts.) 

               “No one is going to even take you seriously as a hero! You would just waste your time if you tried out for the hero course at UA!” The bullies hissed at you as they passed you at your locker. You had considered potentially going for the entrance exam for UA, but with your quirk you were hesitant. Hearing all these other students reject the idea. You weren’t particularly popular in your school and it didn’t help that most of the other students looked down on you for your quirk. Being able to turn another person into a lifeless ragdoll wasn’t favored amongst others as they saw it as either useless or a villain's quirk. “She’d be good at capturing villains at best.” Another sneered. “Or heroes.” Laughed another.

Tears threatened to fall from your eyes when you heard, “Don’t you think it’s not very plus ultra of you all to be picking on someone for their quirk?”. You turned around to meet the violet eyes of one of your classmates, Shinsou Hitoshi. He had been another student who was rejected by most of the student population for his brain washing quirk. “Oh what a great pair! Two villains with useless quirks.” The first bully snarled at Hitoshi. “Be careful, man. You don’t want him activating his quirk on you.” The bully’s ally mentioned. Shinsou raised his eyebrow at them and they scattered away from the two of you. 

“You shouldn’t let others get to you so easily.” Shinsou sighed once the bullies were out of sight. You nodded at him before turning back towards your locker. “You know, when someone helps you, you usually say thank you.” He scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Or are you also afraid of me using my quirk on you?” He pushed, squinting his eyes at you. You turned back around with tears running down your cheeks. This took him by surprise. “Thank you.” You breathed as you attempted a fake smile. Something pulled at Hitoshi’s heartstrings that day the way you thanked him without worrying about him using his quirk against you. 

“Oh. Uh, y-yeah, you’re welcome.” He replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Let me repay you by getting you lunch.” You said, quickly finishing fumbling around in your locker and turning your attention his way once more. “You really don’t have to go through all that trouble. It was nothing, really.” He tried to coax, but you shook your head determined. “You helped me, let me repay you.” You said in a determined tone. He would never admit it out loud, but he was pretty sure right then and there is when he fell for you. 

You and Hitoshi’s relationship was easy. Well as easy as it was for two student’s who didn’t attend the same school. Hitoshi had wound up applying and getting into UA but ending up in the general studies course. When you found out and saw how dejected he felt, you tried to cheer him up. You were the one who encouraged him to work hard to get his place in the Hero Course. 

“You don’t understand, Y/N. The students in the hero course are on a whole different level.” He sighed to you. “And so are you, ‘Toshi! You are the hardest working person I know! You are going to be able to do anything if you put your mind to it!” You reassured him. The two of you were at the local park with his head in your lap. You were running your hands through his hair in attempts to calm the anxious lavender haired boy. “You saw what happened in the sports festival. I know you watched it. I am nowhere near their level of power.” He sighed in defeat, turning his head away from you. 

“Then get to their level! I’ve seen some of the other students in that class, and you surpass them without even batting an eyelash. What’s the one with the purple balls stuck to his head? From what I’ve heard he’s not as strong as you are in the slightest. Push past your limits and impress the teachers! Get them to notice you!” You exclaimed; eyes filled to the brim with determination. He turned his head back over to look at you and when he saw how serious you were, his expression softened. “You’re right, like always. I just get in my head sometimes.” He admitted, humming when you went back to running your hands through his hair. “And I’m always here to ground you when you need it.” You said, expressing your feelings towards the boy. 

“I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life, doll. I will always be so baffled I have you, but god am I glad I do.” He said, averting his gaze away from you. You could see the small blush dawning his cheeks and your cheeks matched his. It wasn’t rare for Hitoshi to show his affection for you, but when you two had small intimate moments like this, it made all of the struggles worth it.

You were sitting in your normal spot in the park where you usually met up with your boyfriend. Your school tended to let out a bit earlier than Hitoshi’s did. This was routine for the two of you at this point. Every Tuesday, Thursday and occasionally the weekends, the two of you met up to talk about your days in person. Flipping through one of your notebooks, you hadn’t heard Shinsou approach the bench. He snatched the notebook out of your hands and tossed it to the side. “Hey! Hitoshi!” You shouted in protest but were immediately thrown off guard by him picking you up and spinning you around. A squeak left your mouth at the action.

When he put you down, he was all smiles. “What has gotten into you, ‘Toshi?” You asked, smiling back at him. You couldn’t help it; his genuine smile was so contagious. You loved seeing him this happy, as he always looked so tired and stressed. “One of the teacher’s at UA is going to take me on as my mentor! He’s going to train me! He’s a bit of a stricter and rougher instructor than the rest, but he said if I worked hard enough I could potentially get into the hero course!” He exclaimed, barely holding in his excitement. Your mouth dropped open in surprise, but you squealed in equal excitement.

“Hitoshi Shinsou! That’s amazing!” You cheered, smothering the boy in kisses all over his face. He erupted in hearty laughter, pushing you playfully off of him. Both of you were beaming excitedly at each other. “Thank you for always believing in me, Y/N.” He said, pressing his forehead against yours. You could feel the appreciation oozing from him. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face even if you tried. “No need to thank me, silly. That’s what I’m here for. To cheer you on and make sure you do your best!” You replied, nuzzling your nose against his. He scrunched his nose in response before placing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I am worried though.” He stated, his tone dropping. You looked at him with an eyebrow raised, making you worried in less than a second. “Why are you worried? You’re going to do great!” You coaxed, sitting back down on the park bench before tugging on Hitoshi’s jacket sleeve to follow in your suite. “That’s not what worries me, doll. I’ll have to do a lot of after school training with my mentor. That means I won’t be able to come see you during the week anymore.” He said, shifting his gaze away from you. Shinsou was half expecting you to leave him with that development.

“Then I’ll just see you when you are available, dummy. I want you to be able to pursue this dream you’ve been chasing! I’ll be here when you need or want me to be! I’m always going to be in your corner. No matter what.” You reassured him, flicking his forehead playfully. “Hey!” He scoffed when he felt you flick him. His eyes turned from serious to playful in a moment’s notice. “You are going to regret that, doll.” He hissed; his tone filled with mischief. He pulled you close to him, tickling your sides mercilessly. You squealed and tried to break out of his grip, but he was much stronger than you were. 

“St-STOP. HITOSHI STOP IM SORRY.” You manage to squeal out in between your fits of giggles. His attack at your sides stopped momentarily, while smiling at you adoringly. “It’ll be a lot worse if you do that again.” He whispered in your ear. You separated yourself from him, fake huffing in annoyance. “You can be such a pain, ‘Toshi.” You grumbled. He put a finger under your chin and turned your head to face him. His face was mere inches from your own; making your face flush a deep red. “I can make it up to you.” He whispered, his lips ghosting inches from your own. You nodded your head with hooded eyelids and let his lips capture yours without another word. 

You melt into his affection, sighing into the kiss. Your hand entangled into his messy hair quickly, and his hand moved from your chin over to your jaw; his thumb rubbing against your jawline softly. As quickly as he initiated the kiss, he pulled away, making you groan. “I knew you liked me.” He teased with that shit eating grin of his. You frowned at him and huffed in annoyance. He tenderly kissed you on the cheek before placing his forehead onto your own. “I love you, Y/N. Thank you for always being here for me.” He whispered.

You had to stop your mouth from falling open. The two of you had only been dating for over a year, but Hitoshi never uttered those three words to you. Your heart swelled and melted all in the same breath. You couldn’t stop the happy tears from falling down your cheeks and the smile from spreading across your face. “I love you too, Hitoshi.” You uttered, before giving him a quick peck on the lips. Hitoshi felt like he was on cloud nine, having you by his side and being told he would be training with one of his favorite pro-heroes.

He walked you to the train station, holding onto your hand tightly as if afraid to let it go. When your train was announced to be stopping into the station soon, you turned towards your boyfriend with a smile. He, on the other hand, was not smiling. A frown was embedded on his face, thinking about how little he was going to see you now. “Don’t frown at me! I’ll see you on weekends if you’re available. Plus we will still text and call each other right?” You asked, hope still gleaming in those beautiful eyes of yours. He forced out a laugh and nodded his head at your statement. “Please text me when you get home. I want to make sure you get back safe.” He muttered, tugging you into his embrace.

You hugged him back, nodding and inhaled his cologne one last time. “I better get going before I miss my train and make my mother anxious of getting home too late.” You mentioned, looking up one more time at your boyfriend. “I love you, get home safe.” He said, placing one more final kiss to your forehead. “I love you too. Let me know when you get back to your dorms, okay?” You replied. He nodded his head and watched you get onto your train. A sigh left his lips watching the train depart, only because he was not sure how everything was going to turn out. If you would be patient with him while he trained to become a hero to protect you.

…

You arrived home, not too late to make your mother worry, but to at least raise some questions. “You stay after school again?” Your mother asked from the living room, making you stop in your tracks from walking towards your room. You had hoped she had gone to bed, but you should know better than that. She liked to make sure you got home safe and sound. “I met up with Hitoshi at the park again. Sorry to make you worry, mom.” You told her, heading over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Well your father called; you may want to give him a call before he goes on second duty, or worse, sends out a search party for you.” She mentioned as you walked up towards your room. You nodded your head, rolling your eyes at your father’s ridiculous nature, and quickly ran up the stairs to your room.

Putting your school bag down, you quickly pulled your phone out to video call your father. Within mere seconds he had answered your call. “Hi Papa.” You greeted with a smile. “I called your mother about an hour ago, where were you?” He immediately started to question you, making you roll your eyes. “I already told mom I was meeting with Hitoshi today. Did she not mention it on the phone?” I asked, seeing the annoyance immediately come onto his face.  “When are you going to bring that boy around for me to meet him? Your mother has also been itching to meet this boyfriend of yours. You’ve been seeing him for quite some time now.” Your father mentioned, his eyes looking more tired than usual. He had been working overtime with all the villain activities going on, but he always made time for you.

You had lived separately from your father due to his work needing him on call at all hours of the day. Your parents weren’t married, nor were they still dating but they were cordial for your sake. They had made arrangements where you could live comfortably if you so choose, but over the years you had seemed to be with your mother more. You occasionally saw your father on the weekends when he wasn’t too busy, but for the most part you spoke to your father either by video call or by text messages. 

“I don’t know dad; I don’t want him to get freaked out. Plus, you know you can be a bit on the intimidating side.” You whispered, making a chuckle escape his lips. “Maybe that’s a good reason to bring him around. He may need a good scaring.” Your father pointed out, making you roll your eyes. “I just worry about you; I want you to be taken care of no matter what. No stupid boy is going to hurt my precious daughter. Especially one that avoids his girlfriend’s family.” He continued. “He’s not scared of meeting you, he’s offered plenty of times. I just don’t want him to feel pressured. Especially by my big scary father.” You joked, sticking your tongue out playfully. 

“Well I’d like to meet him one day, Y/N. I don’t like the thought of you being out with some stranger. I want to know you are with someone who can protect you.” Your father sighed, putting the book he was reading down. “He can, I promise. He took care of those bullies for me when I was in middle school.” You pointed out with a smile. You noticed a notification pop onto your screen to see Hitoshi messaged you when he got back to the dorms at UA, and you quickly let him know you just arrived back at home yourself. “Plus, I wasn’t expecting you to call tonight. Don’t you have a shift to be at?” You questioned your dad. 

“Yes, but I wanted to make sure you got home safely. I know Tuesdays and Thursdays are your days you meet up with this mysterious boyfriend of yours.” Your father said before standing up to put his coat on. This made you puff your cheeks out, he had known where you were, but still decided to make a big deal of it. “You know what he looks like dad.” You scoffed and shook your head at his ridiculousness. “That’s if he’s real.” He countered, the usual banter the two of you shared. “You’ve also seen pictures with me and him together. You told me to take a selfie with him one day and you swore I pulled a random boy off the street.” You countered back. A smile was etched on your face. You loved the playful banter you and your father had with each other.

“However, he got accepted into this really cool program and now he’s going to be a bit preoccupied during the week. So I should be home during the week unless I text you otherwise.” You admitted as your father got ready for his shift. While you might not have seen your father a lot in person, you definitely favored him over your mother. You might not have looked a lot like him, or acted as aloof as he did, but your relationship couldn’t have been any stronger. 

“I swear if he hurts you, I will find out where he lives, and I will hurt him way worse than he could ever hurt you.” Your father immediately responded. “He’s not going to hurt me, papa. He’s just chasing after a life goal, and I don’t want to hold him back! I also heard his mentor is really strict so I’m sure he’s going to need lots of rest.” You confirmed, trying to coax your father into calming down. He stared at you for a moment before relaxing his stern gaze. “My warning still stands, so you better tell that boy to treat you right before I end all of his life goals.” He threatened. You rolled your eyes and blew him a kiss. 

“Don’t work too hard, I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner.” You told him and he nodded his head before saying his goodbyes. Not longer after that you laid down on your bed. “I’m really excited to see you succeed, ‘Toshi.” You texted him. Your phone rang almost immediately after you sent him the text, seeing his face pop up on your screen. A smile spread across your lips as you saw your sleepy boyfriend laying in his bed. “Can’t sleep?” You asked, snuggling into your blankets. He shook his head no. “Too excited, but I know training starts tomorrow so I should get some rest.” He muttered, almost sighing after his statement. 

“I wish I could be there to lull you to sleep with cuddles.” You mutter. “Me too, doll.” He replied sleepily. “My father is going to fight you by the way.” You mentioned, making him look up at you with a questioning look on his face. “He’s being overdramatic like usual. He’s just convinced you're not real because you haven’t met him.” You said with a yawn. “I’ve offered to come over multiple times.” He said with an annoyed look on his face, as if you were blaming him. “No I know! I just know how focused on your studies you get, and now especially with this mentor opportunity!” You frantically said. “Maybe once you get into the hero program we can go out and celebrate and I’ll bring him along.” You offered. 

“I think I’d like that a lot.” He smiled. He enjoyed the fact that you believed in him so much and that you were so convinced he was going to get into the hero course. “Can we fall asleep on the phone together?” You asked shyly, nuzzling yourself further into your blankets. “I don’t know, will your father get upset with me for that?” He teased. A huff left your lips and he chuckled. “Fine, fine.” He gave in, seeing how cute your sleepy pout was. Your pout was immediately replaced with a smile that made his heart melt. 

The two of you continued to casually pillow talk until he heard your soft snores on the other end of the line. He looked up from his textbook to see you softly sleeping. A look of adoration dawned his face as he saw you in your most vulnerable state. The smile was etched on his face as he went back to studying his textbook, occasionally checking on you to make sure you were still sound asleep. Until he fell asleep himself, wishing you a goodnight before nodding off to sleep.

 (To be continued)

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner: Stab Me In The Front

Part 1: America’s Asshole 

Intro: It’s been a year since Katie was held hostage by Hydra, and whilst she’s still working through her feelings she has an idea about how she can make other people’s lives better as a result of her ordeal. Alongside this, she needs to take a trip to Boston to meet Harlan Thrombey-SIP’s latest author. Slightly nervous about taking a business trip alone after what happened last time, Steve offers to go with her.

What could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: Bad language. SMUT (NSWFW)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Square Filled : “Mistaken Identity” @avengersbingo​ A/N: So, here we go. An Avengers/Knives Out Cross Over where Katie and Steve come face to face with America’s Asshole! The tongues are sharp and the knives are out! This is set in 2015 so way before the KO storyline so therefore contains no spoilers! You don’t need to have read SSM to understand or enjoy but please do so if you wish. 

Main Masterlist 

**Shout out to @icanfeelastormbrewing​ for being my Insult Partner when I was writing this!!**

PLEASE PLEASE REBLOG and COMMENT, This is probably my fave part of this fic I’ve written to date!! 

 October 2015

 “So, Mr Thrombey, that’s all confirmed.” Katie said, tapping at a key on her computer to lock the meeting in her calendar “11 am, Next Thursday, the 15th ”

“I’ll send you through the zip code and location for your GPS.” Harlan responded “The house is just outside of Lincoln, not far from Pierce Park. It shouldn’t be too far for you if you’re staying at the Harbor.”

“Thank you.” Katie smiled as she spoke into her phone, “I look forward to meeting you on Thursday Sir.”

“Oh, less of the Sir, Harlan please. And the pleasure is all mine Miss Stark…I mean, Mrs Rogers, my apologies!” The man chuckled “And thank you for accommodating my need to pull this meeting forward by a few days.”

“It’s not a problem.” she assured him. They exchanged pleasantries again and then she cut the call and leaned back in her chair, cracking her neck, before she double checked the travel arrangements. The hotel was booked, flight was sorted, hire care was confirmed. All that she needed to do was not forget the annotated manuscript or the cover ideas.

The door to her office opened and she looked up to see Tony leaning in the doorway, waving a Starbucks cup at her one of their familiar brown paper bags, clearly bearing treats.

“I love you bro…” she smiled at him as he wandered in, chuckling, placing the drink and paper bag down in front of her. She looked into the bag and gave a moan when she saw it was a rather large, gooey looking brownie, and gave a bigger moan when she sipped her drink and found it to be a Pumpkin Spiced Latte. “Perfect Elevenses!”

“Well thought you might need one, you’ve been locked in here since 7 this morning…”

“You got FRIDAY spying on me?” she narrowed her eyes at him.

“No.” he said at the same time the AI affirmed her suspicions.

“He has indeed had me watch you, Mrs Rogers.” “Traitor.” Tony rolled his eyes and Katie chuckled

“Well I had all this Harlan Thrombey stuff to sort, Steve’s still in Copenhagen with Sam chasing the alleged latest sighing of Bucky.” she shrugged “Not much point in lying in when you’re wide awake is there?”

“True.” Tony nodded. “Are you going back to the Compound tonight?”

“I dunno.” she shrugged “I might just stay here again if that’s ok?”

“Kiddo, you own part of this Tower, it’s always gonna be your home too.” Tony shrugged, “You can stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks Tone.” she smiled. She didn’t want to admit it, but she felt safer in the Tower whilst Steve was away, even thought it was ridiculous as the Compound was just as secure, being closer to her brother was a comfort.

“I haven’t forgotten what tomorrow is.” Tony said gently, looking at her.

“Funnily enough me neither.” she sighed “I should be celebrating, a year to the day Bucky broke me out of that fucking shit hole in Canada.” she pulled off her glasses, another remnant of her time with HYDRA. Since she’d been kept for 6 weeks in that horrific cell she’d needed glasses for anything that required a long period of concentration on a computer screen or monitor if she wanted to avoid migraines. Bruce seemed to think it was something to do with the fact that her cell had been painfully bright all the time and that continued exposure to artificial light in such a way triggered a subconscious response. 

She swallowed “I’ve been trying not to think about it.” she said gently.

“Which is why I booked you and Pepper into the Dominick for the afternoon.” he smiled at her “Well, Pepper has, I’ve just given her the credit card…full deep tissue massage, facial and then Franco’s booked to do your hair…and don’t bother telling me you’re busy as I had your diary cleared and everything reschedule to next week” he watched as she opened her mouth before shutting it,, shaking her head softly. “You leave in 30 minutes.”

“You spoil me.” she smiled softly. 

“Anything for my girls, plus I thought it might keep you busy whilst Spangles is otherwise engaged.”

“He was hoping to be back but when I spoke to him before he doesn’t know if he’s gonna be.” she shrugged “it is what it is.” Tony smiled at her before he stood up “Yes, it is. And this afternoon is your pamper time so get your shit together and meet Pepper downstairs.”

“Yes sir.” she said, saluting him with a grin.  

As with anything Pepper or Tony booked, the spa was off the scale. Katie had been meaning to go for ages, and now, as she sat in the chair in Franco’s salon she was already searching available dates to go back with Natasha and Wanda. She laughed and joked with the stylist and Pepper, the pair of them enjoying yet another bottle of champagne as they had their hair done. A couple of hours later, at just gone 7pm, Pepper dragged her out over the road and into a ridiculously expensive wine bar.

“Feeling better?” Pepper asked as Katie took a huge gulp of her Sancerre.

Katie smiled “Much, thank you.” “You know, I’m always here if you want to talk to someone other than Steve about stuff.” Pepper looked at her “And it won’t go any further.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t wanna talk about it…” Katie sighed “You know, Pep, I see all these women out there, read their testimonies and things and I just wonder how they’re so strong, like, how can they can just stand up and talk about what happened to them?” she trailed off, shaking her head “And me? I just wanna pretend it never happened. So much for being an Avenger huh?”

“Hey…” Pepper shook her head, looking at her sternly. “Stop that, right now.” “Well it’s true.” Katie shrugged “I mean, I’m a public figure right? But all people know is I was missing for 6 weeks, but it was put down to a mission gone awry. I just..well, I feel like I should be out there, trying to make a difference, helping people.”

“Kiddo, what you went through…” Pepper swallowed “I can’t even begin to imagine. And how you’ve dealt with and processed it, well, frankly I don’t know how you’ve been so strong. There is no shame in wanting to simply move on and leave it in the past.”

“I know.” Katie said softly “Thank you. Having everyone around me makes me realise how lucky I actually am. I’ve got a huge support network. Not everyone who goes through...” she swallowed, not quite able to say it “not everyone has that to fall back on.” Pepper pondered something before she looked at Katie, “You know, we haven’t picked our Partner Charity for the Stark Relief Fund next year…we could make it one that deals with Sexual violence. No need to go into details as to why.” Katie considered that for a moment, before she nodded “That’s not a bad idea.” she clicked her nails against her wine glass, thoughtfully “It would make a difference, right?”

Pepper nodded. “Absolutely. Give it some thought, see how you feel.” “I will, thanks.” she smiled. 

****

Steve was exhausted but wasn’t willing to spend another moment away from his wife. So the moment the jet was down he headed straight for the garage, jumped on his bike and roared out of the compound heading down town towards Manhattan.

“Good Evening Captain Rogers…” FRIDAY greeted him as he pressed his palm to the access pad at the rear entrance from the underground car park “Mrs Rogers is in your apartment.”

“Thanks FRIDAY.” he said, as the elevator began to rise. It stopped a few floors up, and when the doors flew open he was greeted by Tony who was undoing his tie.

“Oh, you’re back.” he said, looking at Steve appraisingly.

“You’re up late.” Steve looked at him.

“Just working on a few things.” Tony said vaguely. “How was the search for Tin Man?” “Well, it was him alright.” Steve said, running a hand down his tired face “Few more leads to work on. We could have stayed out there for a bit longer truth be told but, well, I wanted to be here tomorrow, you know.” Steve said, shrugging.

The two men shared a moment of understanding, both of them having experienced unsurmountable raw pain and anguish over the 6 weeks Katie had been missing and it wasn’t something they were likely to forget any time soon. If ever.

“She know you’re home?” Tony looked at him again. Steve shook his head.

“Wanted to surprise her.”

Tony smiled softly, “She’s probably asleep.  Her and Pep have been in the Spa all afternoon and they’ve drunk a lot so…”

Steve gave a huff of a laugh “Yeah she messaged me before saying you’d sent her there out for the afternoon. That was really thoughtful of you Tony.” “Well it happens occasionally.” Tony said as the elevator stopped at his floor. “Listen, Steve…”

Steve turned to face him.

“She’s not been herself the last few weeks.” Tony scratched at his beard and Steve took a deep breath.

“I know.” he said gently “I think she’s just, well, processing, if that’s the right word. We only got back from our honeymoon 3 weeks and it kinda hit her when we got back just what time of year it was. Whilst we were away she didn’t have time to think about it.”

“Just…well, take care of her for me ok?” Tony said, looking at the Soldier.

Steve nodded “Always Tony, you had my word on that when I told you I wanted to marry her, and I meant it.”

Tony nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a look of thanks before he left the elevator on the Part Floor level. It began to rise again and Steve let out a soft sigh. Tony was right, the last 2 weeks in particular Katie had been a little quiet, less vivacious, almost withdrawn even. At first he had put it down to post honeymoon blues but Natasha had pointed out that this time 12 months ago she had been at the mercy of Hydra, with those bastards brutalising her in ways that he couldn’t even bring himself to think about. For this reason, he’d been reticent to go on the latest mission but Katie had insisted, pointing out that they couldn’t not carry on with their lives and that she would be alright.

The fact she had basically moved back into the Tower for the 3 days he had been gone, however, made him think that she wasn’t quite as alright as she had told him.

The doors opened on their floor and he stepped out. It was mostly dark as he headed through to the bedroom where he found that the TV was playing on the wall, but Katie was fast asleep, one of the pillows clutched to her chest as a makeshift cuddle partner. With a soft smile he closed the door and headed over to the bed. Kicking off his boots he lay on his side, facing her, and brushed her soft hair back off her face before pressing a kiss to the bridge then tip of her nose and finally her lips.

She stirred, her face scrunching up in that adorable way it always did, before she blinked her eyes open. It took her a second to focus but when she did her lips curled upwards into a soft smile which became an ear to ear grin.

“Hey sweetheart.” he said softly, kissing her again, his hand cupping her face.

“You’re home.” she said, reaching up to lay her hand over his. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”

“Wanted to surprise you.” he smiled.

“Well it worked.”

“I missed you.” he said softly, his thumb caressing her cheekbone.

“Missed you more.” she shot back and he chuckled.

“Doubt it. How was the Spa?”

“Oh it was amazing.” she gushed, her eyes shining “I had this deep tissue massage and the guy hit spots on my back I didn’t even know I had. The facial was great, and my hair…”

“I like the colour.” he said smiling, gently moving his hand so he twirled a piece around his finger. The ends were slightly lighter than usual, almost a dark honey blonde, and it extended a little up the strands before evening out.

“It’s called ballayage.” she smiled at him. “I just fancied a bit of a change.”

“Looks good on you.” he smiled “I’m glad you had a nice time, you deserve it.”

“How was the mission?” she asked “Worth it?”

“Yes and no.” he shrugged “We have a few more leads we can chase up but…” he took a deep breath “I’m beginning to wonder what the point is. He clearly doesn’t wanna be found.”

“The point is he’s your friend, your brother.” Katie smiled, moving her hand to run her fingers over his jawline, the pads scratchings lightly against his 5-oclock shadow. “Maybe he just needs a bit of time to find himself first, that doesn’t mean you have to give up on him. Besides, I need to give him back his jacket.”

“And I need to thank him.” Steve said, “For getting my beautiful girl out and safe.”

“I can’t believe it’s been a year tomorrow since he found me.” she said softly

“Is that what’s been bothering you?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“The last few weeks you’ve not been yourself.”

She licked her lips and nodded “Yeah, I just…well, I didn’t give it much thought when we were on our honeymoon, you know, but since coming back and ramping up the Thrombey Campaign it’s kinda hit home a little.” And suddenly Steve understood. SIP were publishing the man’s latest book, “The Colour of Revenge” which was all about a Detective on the trail of a killer who was hunting down and dispatching of 6 men who had been acquitted of a gang rape and murder.

“Shit…” he let out a groan “Honey I…I’m so stupid not to realise that…” “Hey.”she frowned, “Don’t…” She reached up and smoothed the lines that had appeared on his brow and he let out a sigh, gently reaching up to lace his fingers with hers, bringing her hand towards him and placing a soft kiss on her wrist.

“It’s better now you’re home.” she said gently. He smiled and gave her a gentle kiss again.

“Is that everything?” he pressed and she hesitated again.

“I’m scared.” she said eventually, looking at him.

“Scared of what?”

“Going away, on my own.” she sighed, tears brimming in her eyes “I hate that they made me like this Steve.”

He let out a sigh, he hated that she was scared too. She didn’t deserve it. 

“Why don’t I come with you?” he asked, the idea suddenly forming in his mind.  She stilled for a moment and he continued “Not to the actual meeting, but I can drop you off and pick you up, hang around, whatever you want me to do.”

She looked up at him smiling softly, not even trying to pretend she wasn’t relieved he had offered. “Would you?”

“Of course.” he nodded, wiping the tears off her face. “You only had to ask.” “I didn’t want to.” she admitted “I know how busy you are here and…” “That can wait.” he said, holding her face in his hands as he drove his message home “you’re the most important thing in my life and if me coming with you makes you feel better then…” he shrugged “Besides, I’ve always wanted to go to Boston.”

“We can make a little trip out of it if you like?” she said, somewhat hopefully “Come back on the Saturday?”

“Sure.” he smiled at her. “Let’s do it.”

“Oh Stevie you’re gonna love it.” she beamed, and he smiled at the way her face had gone from being furrowed with worry to alive with excitement. “Massachusetts is amazing in the fall and Boston is just stunning…” “Well I’ll make sure I bring my sketch book.” he smiled “Give me something to do whilst you’re in the meeting.” “Thank you.” she said softly. “I’ll book us somewhere nice to eat one night. Give us an excuse to wear something pretty.”

“Like you need an excuse.” he teased, and she nipped him harshly on the arm. He chuckled and then with a groan he unwillingly pushed himself up off the bed.

“I need a shower.” he said, almost apologetically. “I won’t be long.”

“You better not be.” she muttered and he smiled, dropping a kiss to her forehead before he headed into the bathroom.

True to his word, he wasn’t long. 5 minutes, tops. But by the time he came back, the TV was off and Katie was fast asleep. Thinking back to what Tony had said, he found himself wondering if she had actually slept much at all whilst he was gone.

Steve dried himself off, stepped into a clean pair of boxers and then slid into the bed next to his wife, slipping his arms around her. Once her back was nestled snugly into his chest, he dropped a soft kiss to her neck and closed his eyes, happy to have her in his arms.

****

Steve woke the next morning to find his girl tangled around him. She’d shifted in the night, clearly, and now her face was pressed into his chest, right leg snaked between both of his, her right hand was slid under his arm, lightly gripping his shoulder whilst her left rested against her head, fingers in her hair. Smiling to himself he pulled her closer, relishing the feel of her against him. She murmured something incoherently as she gently moved, her cheek pressing into the hair on his chest, the hand around his shoulder slid down to the base of his back where her fingers simply rested, soft against his spine as she continued to sleep. 

And Steve was quite happy to let her nap for longer, using him as her own personal cuddly toy.

He dozed in and out of consciousness again, drifting off for another 10 minutes or so, before he felt Katie stirring in his arms, and a soft kiss gently being pressed to his jaw line. He smiled at the contact and tightened his hold on her again, his eyes still closed.

“Morning beautiful.” he said softly, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Morning soldier.” she said, her cheek returning to his chest as she basked in the safety and warmth of his hold as his hand crept up the back of the stolen shirt she was wearing, his rough fingers ever so gentle against her skin as he trailed the pads up and down her spine.

“Sleep ok?” he asked, his eyes still not opening.

“Yeah.” she assured him, truthfully. It had been the best night sleep she’d had in days.

“Good. What do you fancy doing today?”

He felt her still and then she pulled back slightly, and at that he opened his eyes and blinked to see those gorgeous emeralds locked onto him.

“Are you not needed at the Compound?”

He shook his head “Kitten, I’ve not seen you for almost 3 days so I figured we deserved one together.”

She groaned “I have meetings this morning.” “That’s ok, I’ll meet you at lunch.” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She didn’t argue. She knew full well why he’d taken the time out, and frankly she adored him for it. Without saying a word she leaned up and captured his lips in a gentle kiss that quickly became heated…but was shattered by the piercing noise of Katie’s alarm.

She gave a groan, and made to move.

“Don’t you dare…” Steve mumbled against her mouth, his grip on her tightening.

“Stevie…” she sighed “I gotta…”

He reached over, his large body flattening her into the mattress making her giggle as he swiped across the screen of her StarkPhone silencing it.

“You ain’t gotta do shit…” he said, hovering over her on his elbows. “Except me.” he added as an afterthought.

“Oh so you’re gonna to explain to the board why I’m late?” she looked at him.

“To be honest...” he said, dipping his head to trail hot kisses up the side of the next “...they probably won’t even notice you’re not there. I mean, are you really that important?”

“Fuck you.” she giggled back.

“Believe me, I’m tryin’” he quipped, his mouth nipping at her ear lobe. That made her giggle even more and she felt his lips curve into a smile against her skin.

“I love it when you do that.” he said gently, using his leg to part hers, leaving a large thigh pressed against her mound.

“What?”

“Laugh.” he said, his mouth moving up her jaw line “Makes me happy.”

“You’re such a sentimental sap.” she mumbled, as his lips claimed hers again, the heat between her legs intensifying as the kiss grew deeper, tongues lashing against one another. Steve pulled back for long enough to pull his shirt over her head before his lips returned to hers and Katie’s hand slid into his hair, one hand gently winding into the longer locks on top, her nails on the other dragging against the hairline on his neck. His hands moved, one gently cupping the side of her face, the other, gently skimming over her breast, her nipples already hardened. He gently teased one with the pad of his thumb and his mouth moved down to the other, his tongue and lips working in tandem. She gave a little involuntary twitch against his thigh and once more his lips quirked up into a smirk.

“You want something baby girl?” he asked, peeking up at her and she nodded.

“Stevie, don’t make me beg, please.”

And when she asked so nicely like that, how could he ever refuse? He hooked his fingers into the sleep shorts she was wearing and worked them down, before flipping down the waist band of his boxers. Katie bent her legs, as he shuffled upwards and worked into her, the pair of them letting out a groan each at the contact. Steve’s hands fell to either side of Katie’s face as he held himself up on his forearms, kissing her deeply as he flexed his hips forward, again and again, picking up a gentle rhythm.

It was soft, it was gentle, it was loving, everything she knew her soldier to be and it wasn’t long before he had her writhing and groaning loudly, his lips assaulting that spot on her neck.

“So good…” he groaned, his thrusts getting deeper. “Feel so good kitten…”

“Keep talking.” she keened, arching into him as her hands raked down his back.

“You were made for me, God I love you Mrs Rogers. So fucking much…” he said, his words punctuated by his heavy breaths as she gave a soft cry, her head falling backwards, eyes fluttering shut as she tightened around him, her legs shuddering slightly as she came.

“Atta girl.” he said, his hips becoming faster as he thrust through her orgasm, chasing his own. It wasn’t long before he felt the ribbons in his belly unravel and he came with a cry of his own, his head buried in her neck, hips slowing, thrusts going deeper before he eventually stilled, a loud contented sigh escaping his mouth.

After a few moments of them simply basking in the afterglow, Katie’s hands trailing through Steve’s ruffled hair as his nose slid against hers, she gave a sigh and pushed on his shoulders gently.

“Baby I really do need to get up.”

He pouted a little causing her to chuckle before he rolled off her and she pushed herself out of bed, heading for the en-suite. Steve watched her go before he swung his legs from under the covers,, found his boxers, pulled them on and headed down to the kitchen to make them both some coffee. *****

The idea had sprung to Katie as she’d headed out for lunch. The local shop was donating a percentage of its earnings that month to a homeless charity, and it set her mind whirring.

“So you want to donate, all the profit we make, from what is going to likely be the biggest book SIP will ever publish, to charity?” Tony looked at her.

“In a nutshell, yeah.” she said, nodding “We can split it across various charities, all those that help victims of sexual assault, abuse or crime…”

“Isn’t that what the Stark Relief Fund is for?” Saul, the SI Finance Director looked at her, and she nodded.

“Yes, but it isn’t just about the money…it’s about raising awareness.” she pressed “A lot of people don’t know those charities existed. Hell, I didn’t know about half of them until a year ago. If we do this, think of the publicity and the press and…”

She trailed off, looking at Tony. He could see the excitement shining in her eyes. She had a point, and it wasn’t like SI needed the money. SIP was her company after all, and if she wanted to use it to do something good, help people, maybe even help herself…then that was fine by him.

He shrugged and looked round the table “SIP’s vision was never about making money.” he said, and Katie beamed at her brother as she realised he was backing her “It was always about helping those who needed a hand to get their work out there…I don’t see why in this case, where they author is already so well-known we can’t use that to help those who need it.”

There was a pause and she looked expectantly round the table. One by one the board members seemed to concede, all of them that is bar their Legal Manager, Dan Robertson who was frowning.

“You’re going to have to bring Mr Thrombey on board Mrs Rogers.” he said, looking at her. “We can’t just use his book as part of a campaign without his permission.” “I know.” she said, nodding. “I’ve already realised that. I’m meeting him on Thursday next week, I’ll have a full proposal and pitch ready.”

There were a few murmurs around the table before Tony spoke “Is that it? Are we settled?”

Everyone looked at one another, nodding, and Katie leaned back in her chair, smiling.

But, she wasn’t smiling now. She had less than 24 hours before they set off for Boston and her pitch was only half way through completion.

“Sweetheart.” Steve’s hands slid over her shoulders where she sat on the chair in her office. She looked effortlessly elegant, even in sweats and an off the shoulder sweater, one toned leg stretched out in front of her, the other bent at the knee so her foot was resting on the seat of the chair, her left hand was curled around her shin, her right was tapping at her keyboard. “It’s late.”

“I know but…” She sighed, “This means a lot to me Steve…I need it to be right.”

Steve knew better than to argue. Instead he leaned over and kissed the side of her neck. “What are you stuck with?”

“I dunno it just…it all seems so impersonal.” she removed her glasses and wrinkled her nose as he sat down in the arm chair in the corner of the room “Facts and figures on sexual assaults and stuff…we all know it happens, it’s about making people want to do something about it.”

“Are you ready to make it personal?” he asked gently, taking a deep breath. He hated thinking about what she had gone through, he truly did, and if he had half a chance he’d rip the bastards limb from limb. But if she was ready to confront what had happened to her, he had to be there to support and back her all of the way, regardless of his own feelings.

“I don’t know.” she said softly “I was talking to Pepper about this the other day. I should be able to, I should be someone other women can look up to, being an Avenger and all but…maybe I’m just not strong enough.” “You’re the strongest person I know.” he leaned forward and locked eyes with her.

“I don’t feel like it when it comes to this.” she sighed.

“Honey…” he scratched at his head “Without wanting to sound flippant, since January this year, you’ve been, ok…well maybe ok isn’t the word but you’ve gotten on with things. You’ve moved forward, we both did.”

“Because we were busy, and we had no choice…”

“Well maybe…” he shrugged “But chasing down a sceptre, fighting Ultron, mobilising a new base, planning a wedding, running a business…it’s all time consuming, stressful stuff that if you really weren’t strong enough to deal with what happened, then it would have all gone to shit and probably tipped you over the edge into a nervous breakdown.”

She brushed a piece of hair behind her ear as she considered what he was saying.

“Honestly…” he continued, his eyes boring into hers. “If you want my opinion I think the fact that it’s the year’s anniversary of what happened that’s playing on your mind a little. You need to stop, look back and how well you’ve done and stop beating yourself up about all the things you haven’t”

She smiled softly and looked down at her hands before she glanced back up at him “When did you get so wise?” He chuckled “Well I am 97 years old.”

She laughed “You don’t look a day over 28.”

He smiled and stood up “I’m gonna make you a hot chocolate, and you’re gonna stop overthinking that and come relax, we’re up early tomorrow. You can do the rest at the hotel tomorrow evening.” “No can do, we’re going out.” she grinned at him “I booked the Chef’s table at Menton…”

“The what?” Steve frowned.

“You never heard of a Chef’s table?” she looked at him, and he shook his head “oh my God I’ve let you down…so badly. Check this out.” she tapped on her computer, bringing up the website and showed him the photos “It’s a private table with a glass wall that gives you a direct view into the kitchen. Totally impossible to get a reservation unless you book like a year in advance…or name drop.”

Steve groaned “You seriously dropped the Captain America wants a table line?”

“Yup” she popped the p as she smirked, closing down the browser page.

“Pain in my ass.” he grumbled, standing up. But as he left the office there was a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

One that his wife had seen.

*****

“So, was it worth a name drop?” Katie asked as they walked back into the Fireside Lounge located in their hotel.

“I’m happy to overlook the fact you acted like a total brat to make that reservation, yes.” he grinned as he went to remove her coat from her shoulders. He looked her up and down, the jump suit she was in was driving him crazy.

She grinned, and shivered slightly.

“Cold?” he asked, frowning.

“A little, don’t wanna sit in my coat though.”

“Do you want me to nip up to the room, grab your cardigan?”

“Would you?” she asked, even though she knew perfectly well he would.

“Course.” he said, dropping a kiss to her cheek “You get the drinks in, be right back.”

She headed over to the bar. The bartender, Will, was the same one who had been on before so he greeted her with a smile.

“Mrs Rogers. How was your meal?”

“Fantastic thank you.” she grinned “Can I get 2 Bourbon’s please? I’ll leave it to your choice, I’ll be back in a second, just need to nip to the bathroom.”

She excused herself and once she’d finally had the pee she’d been dying for since they left the restaurant, she set about touching up her make-up, smiling to herself. She’d deliberately picked this jumpsuit as she knew it got Steve’s blood pumping. It was a simple, plain black one with a V-neck line, but it was tight. Teamed with a thin red leather belt, red leather Jimmy-Choos and a matching bag all set off by the bright red lipstick she was sporting, she knew she looked good. Not that Steve had much room to talk, she could happily perve on him in the dark grey suit he was wearing, teamed with a black dress shirt, his collar left open…he looked good enough to eat, which she was planning on doing later.

She headed back into the bar and spotted Steve perched on one of the stools.

“Hey handsome” she said, slipping her arms round him from the back. But the moment she did that she realised something was off. He felt different, he was softer than Steve was. He smelt different, there was a really heavy woody scent to his aftershave whereas Steve’s preferred Hugo Boss or Gucci, depending on his mood, were both a lot lighter. And when the man spun to face her, although the likeness was indeed uncanny at first glance, his eyes were cold and calculating, his jaw line wasn’t quite as sharp as Steve’s and the smirk he wore on his face was nothing like the cheeky one Steve would sport. It was almost a sneer which spread across his face, every feature laced with disdain.

“What the fuck?” the man glared at her as Katie stepped back, holding her hands up in apology.

“I’m sorry, genuine case of mistaken identity…” she said, taking him in. His shirt was the wrong colour too, only she hadn’t been able to see that from the back.

“Yeah well if you’re touting for business I already got some today so get lost…” the man drawled in his light, Boston accent. “Like I just said I thought you were…hang on…” She frowned as his words registered “You already got some?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” he said, looking her up and down.

“You think I’m a hooker?” Katie snorted.

“Pretty high end one though, I’ll give you that.” the man said, nodding at her.

“I’m not a hooker.” she shook her head, laughing in disbelief.

“Oh, sorry. Do you prefer the term escort?” he raised an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes, flashing her left hand at him. “I’m married, this was a genuine mistake….” she said, her temper rising slightly. She moved away from him to the side, nodding at Will who slid the check over for her to sign to charge the drinks to their room.

Ransom observed her for a moment, fighting the smirk that was threatening to break across his face. After another row with his stupid Libtard cousin and his mother who had been at his Grandfather’s house before, he’d come out with the sole intention of getting laid and then so drunk he could hardly remember his name. After a visit to one of his usual fuck buddies he’d achieved the first part, now he was concentrating on the second. He’d been initially irritated by this woman’s interruption, but now she was getting sassy back, and he wasn’t about to let it drop. He could tell she had money, that much was clear to see. The way she talked, held herself, was dressed. Whilst she wasn’t a hooker as he had originally thought (although to be fair to her, she was pretty hot, he’d consider fucking her if the opportunity arose) she was probably living off some 70 odd year old rich banker husband. A trophy wife. Huh, maybe she wanted a fuck after all…hell, he might not have to pay for it. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

“And does your husband know you’re here trying to tap me up?” he looked at her.

“You know, if I was trying to errr…tap you up, you wouldn’t be able to afford me” she shot back, signing her name on the cheque with a flourish.

“Try me.” Ransom shot back, making a show of looking her up and down. “How much for that ass?” “I’ll kick yours for free you self entitled dick.” she said, sliding the signed paper and pen back to the bartender.

Ransom gave a bark of a laugh “I’ll pass thanks.”

Katie snorted and glanced sideways at look at him, scarlet red lips pursed as she eyed him over her glass of bourbon. “Good decision, because I’ve dropped bigger men than you for fun.” “Sure you have Dollface” Ransom quirked an eyebrow, elbow leaning on the bar, angling his body towards her. She kept hers facing forwards, arms resting on the bar top, her head shaking slightly.

“You have no fucking idea who I am do you?” Katie shook her head, not looking at the prick stood next to her.  She hated using that line, but, well, when the occasion arose to get one over on a weasely little shit like this, she wasn’t going to pass it up.

“Why should I?” he snorted “I don’t know all the little bitches in Boston.”

She felt her mouth drop open and she was about to retaliate when Steve gently appeared by her side, dropping her cardigan over her shoulders.

Ransom recognised him straight away. He’d had it quite often, been told he looked similar to Captain America. So this meant the woman he’d been baiting for the last 5 minutes was his wife, Katie Rogers, sister of Billionaire Tony Stark, the Avenger, Supernova.

He’d called Supernova a hooker.

Ransom looked into his glass of scotch, turning away back to the bar, snorting with laughter.

“Sorry baby, Sam called and…” Steve stopped, frowning at the look on Katie’s face. “You ok?”

“Fine.” she said, looking up at him, smiling and nodding towards a cosy sofa over at the other side of the bar. “You wanna go sit down over there?”

“Sure.” he said, picking up his glass of bourbon he held out his free hand for her and she jumped down off the stool.

“I’d like to say it’s been a pleasure.” She snarked to the man next to her “But I don’t lie so…”

Steve frowned, wondering what had gone down whilst he’d been away. He glanced at his wife and then turned to look at the guy that was sat on the stool next to where Katie had been to see if he recognised him and did a double take. He recognised him alright, but only because he looked incredibly like him. Granted, there were a few subtle differences, but the resemblance was uncanny, to the point that at a first glance in the street, you could be fooled.

“Pal, you should keep that bitch on a leash.” Ransom spoke, his eyebrows raising and in front of him Steve stiffened.

“What did you just say?” he frowned, pulling himself up to full height.

“Seriously, man. You save the world from Nazi’s, get frozen for 70 years and then end up marrying that.” Ransom smirked, enjoying baiting the Captain “I’d ask ‘em to put you back under…”

Steve’s nostrils flared and he felt his neck getting warmer. “Don’t you dare talk about my wife like that...”

“Steve, leave it, come on.” Katie said gently, patting Steve on the chest “The guy’s a complete ass hole. If brains were dynamite I doubt he’d have enough to blow his head off.”

“Well if we’re talking about blowing...” Ransom looked Katie up and down before locking onto her eyes. “You up for the job?

Katie let out a bark of a laugh, her hand still on Steve’s chest which was positively humming with anger as she turned to face Ransom, contempt etched across every single inch of her face.

“Go jerk yourself off and wipe it on a curtain like your father should have done with you.” she said.

“I’d rather wipe it in your hair.” came the quip back.

And that was it. That was the point that Steve Rogers snapped.

There was a loud smash, the glass he was holding shattered in his grip as his fist contracted in pure anger. Katie barely had time to realise what had happened before he had stepped forward and grabbed Ransom by the front of his shirt, lifting him and slamming him on the bar.

“Steve!” she said, pulling on his arm. “Baby he really isn’t worth it, let go!”

“Captain Rogers!” Will behind the bar was desperately trying to talk him down as well “Please, don’t make me call security.”

Security! Steve wanted to snort. Like that would do any good.

“Baby, come on…” Katie tried again, pleading to his reasonable side. “Look, we’ve had such a nice night. Don’t let him ruin it.”

Steve let out a deep breath, he wanted nothing more than to knock the asshole’s teeth down his throat, but he felt Katie’s touch on his arm and her pleading tone and he let go, shoving the man hard.

“I would tell you to apologise.” Steve snarled stepping back. His voice was steely, eyes carrying none of their usual warmth “But I suspect it’s pointless”

“Yup.” Ransom nodded “Totally pointless.”

“Like your existence.” Katie mumbled, Ransom snorting in response. “Look, Drysdale, my manager’s told you before.” Will said, his voice laced with vexation as he shuffled from behind the bar to sweep up the glass that Steve had shattered. “Any more trouble and you’re gonna be banned.”

Ransom’s nostrils flashed angrily as he looked at the man “’I’m gonna be banned? Eat shit, he’s the one that just attacked me! He ripped my shirt!” he gestured down to where Steve had grabbed him, two tears either side of the buttons of his shirt “This is a Fendi!”

“Ransom, just shut up and apologise.” Will pressed again, “Or you’re gonna have to leave.”

“Fuck this, I was going anyway.” Ransom snarled, knocking back his drink. He stood up and pulled on a long, tan coloured camel coat before he glared at Steve then Katie “Really bad smell in here.”

Katie rolled her eyes, deciding to let him have that childish one without any fuss. But Steve didn’t.

“Close the door on your way out.”  He watched as the man stopped, took a deep breath before angrily flinging the door open, his coat flapping behind him. There was a moment’s pause before it slammed shut. 

“Sorry.” Steve turned, apologising to Will. 

“He’s a dirt bag and a cretin.” Will shrugged, as he waved the apology off. “No redeeming features whatsoever. Well, none that I’ve seen and trust me, I’ve seen him a hell of a lot.”

“Is your hand ok?” Katie asked Steve gently. She turned his right hand over to see that there were no cuts at all from the glass, which was good.

“Yeah, fine, don’t worry.” Steve looked at her, frowning. “Honey, what on Earth just happened?” he asked her softly, as she took a deep breath, blowing it out of her mouth.

“I went to the bathroom and when I came back, well, I thought he was was you from behind so gave him a hug.” she shook her head “Soon as I touched him I realised I was very, very wrong. I tried to apologise and he called me a hooker.”

“A hooker?” Steve repeated, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah, so I told him even if I was he wouldn’t be able to afford me.”

At that Will, who had been busy pouring them both another drink, laughed as he slid 2 short tumblers of bourbon back over to them.  “He won’t have liked that at all.”

Steve nodded his thanks to the man as Katie looked at him. “How come?” she asked.

“Well, Ransom’s mother likes to claim she’s a self-made millionaire. Fails to mention the million dollar loan her dad gave her to start up her business like, but that’s by the by. Simply put, his family one way or another are loaded, and Ransom likes to be the flash bastard if you get what I mean.”

“What do his family do?” Katie asked, “I’ve never even heard of the Drysdales, and I’m pretty well connected…”

“His mother and father run some real Estate Company.”  Will shrugged, “A local one round Massachusetts, but you’ll have heard of his grandfather, or if you haven’t you’ve been living under a rock for the last 20 years.” “Who?” she asked.

“Harlan Thrombey, the crime fiction author.” Will said, and Katie felt the colour drain from her face. She turned to look at Steve whose eyes had also widened, and she gave a groan.

“Shit.”

@the-omni-princess​  @momobaby227​ @geekofmanythings16​ @angelofhell-666​ @thewackywriter​ @marvelfansworld​​  @cobalt-gear​  @asgardlover75​ @jennmurawski13​​​  @jtargaryen18​​ @saiyanprincessswanie​​  @navispalace​​ @patzammit​​  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​​  @icanfeelastormbrewing​​ @djeniiscorner​​  @ayamenimthiriel​​  @coldmuffinbanditshoe​​  @disneylovingal​​ @madzmilllz​  @sgtjaamesbaarnes​ @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​

[aviewfromtheclouds25]

Is Aaron’s breakdown meeting your needs? I feel like it’s going the way I want it to and I’m really enjoying it. But seeing other people’s comments, I feel like I’m on my own.

I’m enjoying it. There’s a few of us, so you’re definitely not on your own! I don’t tend to post my thoughts on individual episodes unless there’s something specific I want to pick out, but I’m happy to share them so feel free to message me if you ever feel like you’re watching a different show to the majority of your dash haha.

I’m not sure what it is other people might not be enjoying. Most of the negativity I see is in relation to the Wendy/Luke aspect? And the odd comment on Liv/Chas… But personally I’m loving everything about Aaron’s breakdown and so far it is going exactly as I expected. I mean, we’ve clearly had the slow burner we anticipated with the signs to his unravelling throughout. It’s lasting for months, again as we anticipated. It’s all about Robert. (#WeAreBlessed.) Liv’s already been inadvertently hurt and it’s about to lead to her having another seizure. (And they’ve shown her deterioration to that pretty well, I think, too!) And Aaron’s finally started to lose that sliver of control he had which is what was enabling him to stay in the denial stage and focus solely on his revenge… But when he can’t stay in denial any longer and has to confront his reality, then we get the grief… Which is how we end up at Robert’s car on Thursday! (Yeah, I’m excited!!)

So, here’s why I’m enjoying Aaron’s breakdown so much:

1. Robert and their relationship is obviously at the centre of it. So we may be down half of Robron, but technically it’s still about Robron, you know. #Blessed

2. The Robert mentions! I mean, this just doesn’t happen nowadays. A character leaves and they just go into that void of lost characters who are lucky if they get mentioned once a year frankly. But Robert? Robert’s still all over the place like he’s still a part of the show and that is just so unusual in this era of soap. Which brings me to;

3. It’s actually fundamentally character-driven. Remove Wendy/Luke from the equation, everything we’re getting from Aaron’s perspective is emotionally charged. It’s the characters and their relationship driving it. We live in an age where soap - actually, most television - is, on the whole, incredibly plot-driven and fast-paced. Because the digital world has made the race for TV ratings and the instant gratification which comes from the readily available social media paramount and integral to a show’s success. This is why so much is drama, drama, drama, because they need people tuning in and they need people talking about it. But occasionally, Emmerdale do still take the time to deliver some character-focused stories. And that’s what we’re getting with Aaron. Not only are we getting Robert still being an integral part of the story despite having been written out, we’re also getting nods to Aaron’s history and that consistency with his character. They are not making Aaron just go and do some nonsense to cover up the fact that they’ve forgotten Robert ever existed or just how important he was to Aaron. Because they absolutely haven’t.

4. I just mentioned this one: Aaron’s character. We discussed ages ago that the most effective way to separate Aaron from Robert is to take Aaron in a new direction. That’s what we’re seeing here. However, I also just mentioned how this all ties in with Aaron’s history, too. And that’s what I’m loving with this aspect; the juxtaposition between the two. Past Aaron, and the Aaron he becomes now he’s lost Robert. We know when they were parted in 2017, they both resorted back to being the Aaron and Robert of old. The ones before all that growth they’ve been through together over the years. It used to be their safety net, the only other constant they each knew before they became each others’ anchor. So when that anchor was taken away, they clung onto that safety net. Well Aaron’s anchor has been taken away from him again now. He’s freefalling so he’s grabbed that safety net like he always does, and we have the return of the “chavvy thug” if you will. But there’s an added dimension. And it feels somehow darker. He isn’t just lashing out and reacting to things like he’s always done. He’s calculating, he’s manipulating, and he’s threatening. He’s attempting to intimidate Wendy/Luke. These are all very much Robert’s methods of getting to someone. The difference is Robert prefers to get into someone’s mind, whereas Aaron tends to rely on his physical presence. So we have the Aaron of old, and this Aaron with a slightly different edge merging together. Because let’s not forget this isn’t the Aaron Livesy who first walked into the village, or even Aaron Dingle. This is Aaron Sugden-Dingle. And remember, Sugdens don’t do self-pity. They do revenge.

5. The parallels between Aaron’s breakdown and Robert’s breakdown in 2017. I know I keep talking about them but it really is amazing how similar they are, and I’ll never stop obsessing over the similarities between these two idiots because they really are the perfect match. So we have not being able to sleep; seeing Liam about it but with an ulterior motive; drinking heavily; feeling empty; filling that emptiness with a Plan - an excuse for revenge against the family they blame for losing each other; total apathy to anything other than The Plan; reckless crime; Liv getting hurt when she gets caught up in it; blatant lying; crazy facial expressions masking their dead eyes… And now we’re about to get Aaron’s eventual emotional release when he loses that armour of denial, just like we got with Robert when he finally told himself he had to let go of the hope. I might have missed something, but you get my point haha. The way they grieve over losing each other is so strikingly similar because so, too, is the way they love each other. Because they really are two halves which fit together to make a whole, because they found in each other what they’d always longed for in their lives. Because they had always longed for the same thing.

6. Oh, and Danny’s acting. I assume this is self-explanatory, though. :’)

If I’m honest, I have struggled to really enjoy quite a lot of the storylines and the show in general over the last year, but Aaron’s storyline is not one of them. I am genuinely loving it right now!

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E45 (Dec. 18, 2018)

Evening, all! @eponymous-rose​ is off tonight with such silly things like family and events and real life obligations, so I’m here to make bad jokes and have opinions instead.

For those who hadn’t heard, Brian & Ashley are engaged as of this week! Brian is taking both her last and first name to be ultra-progressive. Tonight’s guests: Sam Riegel & Matt Mercer. Matt is here willingly. Sam is not. We’re discussing Episode 45: The Stowaway, sponsored by LootCrate. Brian asks Sam for an impromptu song ad; he rhymes moot and loot and jigs and everyone is a little closer to death than they were a few moments prior.

Tonight’s announcements: Pub Draw & Name Drop are two new shows on the Critical Role channel--check out critrole.com for more details.

This Thursday’s episode is the last of 2018; Critical Role then returns on January 10.

Liam’s oneshot, The Night Before Critmas, airs at 7pm Pacific this Friday night. He’s been planning it for two years, and the VOD will be available December 23.

Talks Machina is also breaking for the holidays and will return on January 8, where they’ll have a cast-wide discussion on the state of the campaign so far. The questions open on Reddit, Twitter, and email on January 4th.

CR Stats: Nott has the most kills of the group with 37. The 45th HDYWTDT occurred in episode 45 as well. Twiggy’s dragon kill was the fifth guest kill of the campaign, and the 2nd guest HDYWTDT. In campaign one, guests got 22 kills and four HDYWTDTs. This was the longest episode of campaign two and the fourth longest of the series.

Matt and Deborah had met extensively to discuss backstory and mechanics, but hadn’t discussed much personality. The only person who wanted to check voice/accent was Khary (with Shakaste).

Deborah was one of the first guests they reached out to when they started streaming all that time ago, but she initially said no because D&D was such a personal thing for her and she didn’t want to share it with the internet. Everyone agrees she was worth the wait.

Everyone’s furious about Daredevil’s cancellation. :(

Sam thought it was fun to play alongside another Arcane Trickster because... “she was very good at it, all that great stuff that I forget to do.” Nott was jealous that many of the things that made her unique were present in Twiggy. However, the jealousy was later reversed because of how excellent Twiggy was in the fight.

The Happy Fun Ball was a narrative device Matt had been planning for a long time--he liked the idea of a pocket dungeon with lore attached. When they realized Deborah’s schedule would put her on a boat in the middle of nowhere, he found a perfect opportunity to bring it in.

Sam asks if Matt intended the device to be a one-use single episode thing, or something recurring, something for the party to further explore at their will. Matt explains very circuitously (and hilariously) that certain DMs may have in the planning of the introduction of the Happy Fun Ball originally intended for such Happy Fun Balls to leave with the guest, and were very surprised when said Happy Fun Ball (and all its hundreds of extraplanar rooms to explore) was left behind with the party instead. He then basically dares Sam to press a button and see what happens.

Nott doesn’t resent Fjord for touching the window or setting a time limit on the library exploration. While it was cool in the library, there were too many things attacking them.

Matt doesn’t necessarily intend his traps for Travis, but he likes having good buttons and bad buttons. “I just want shit to happen. Surprise me!” He admires the player that occasionally gets bold, rather than the one who always sends their minions out to touch all the tiles and trigger all the traps before they ever set foot in the dungeon. He also enjoys the meticulousness of Liam being at the same table as Travis’s impulsiveness.

Sam does not want the fans to send him larger flasks. His current flask holds 128 oz, which is exactly a gallon.

GIF of the Week: @criticalschluck with a hilarious movie-trailer-style GIF of Travis explaining he’s got an intelligence of 6 (Grog), then an intelligence of 14 (Fjord), then pushing buttons and experiencing... consequences.

Nott approves of Caleb’s choice to abandon the books to go back to the party. While she wants as much knowledge in his head as possible, it’s because “a smarter Caleb is a more powerful Caleb, and hopefully a Caleb that can stay alive a little longer.” Matt likes watching characters be put in situations where they have to choose between long-reaching character goals and the people they have chosen as their family. He was fascinated to see the struggle as he was ticking down the time on his sheet. He’s very excited to see what’s going to happen this Thursday.

Brian and Matt both fanboy over Sam’s 1hp decision.

Sam reflects on Jester’s being left behind--”not in a malicious way, you know, but sometimes in a big family someone gets left behind at a mall!”

Matt circuitously explains that the stained-glass window could be used to access other places. This man’s being slipperier than soap suds on wet tile tonight.

Nott was aware that the hit she took for Jester could have been a killing blow, but she was ready--”it was what goes through her head around Caleb a lot: ‘I’ve got to protect my friends.’” She’s very protective and very maternal, and Sam would have been okay if that had been the last of Nott.

Both Sam and Liam (and others) have begun to experience the in- and out-of-game changes that come with finally beginning to really know these characters. They certainly wouldn’t have died for each other at the beginning of the game, even knowing how hard their friends worked on these characters. It was originally a “system shock” (as Matt puts it) which required check-ins after certain blow-ups at the beginning of the campaign to make sure they (the players) were all okay. Now, though, they’re closer and closer to being willing to die for each other for both in-game and meta reasons.

Sam reflects on how both Caleb and Nott hate themselves, but manifest that very differently in how they treat other people. Caleb withdraws and puts up thick walls; Nott is quick to trust and care about everyone.

Nott is least close to Yasha at the moment. She’s still a li’l scared of her.

Matt had a few battle options planned out regarding which parts of which chamber were futzed with. The black tapestry was the one curtain they didn’t mess with that would have led to a “very rough encounter.” Matt had six maps built off-stage, just in case.

Sam’s backup character is a handsome actor named Sam Seagull.

Brian is annoyed that every encounter starts with the chat screaming “TPK.” Matt: “I hope not. That’d be my fault if that happened.”

While the dragon was very powerful, Matt had expectations that the party would understand very quickly that the fight didn’t necessarily have to end with the dragon’s death--he wanted them to understand the challenge was the exit, not the dragon. However, they came in in a different order than he’d anticipated, including party staggering, and that was when he started to get nervous.

Whatever magic had first triggered the first crystal would have been the same magic required to open the second door. It was proximity-based.

Fanart of the Week: @tehsasquatch, with this super-cool portrait of Nott.

On whether Nott feels as if she’s earned her comma: sometimes, especially in encounters like these, Nott feels just for a moment that she can be brave, she can be useful, she can be heroic--and then the moment it’s over the world comes crashing back down. When she’s out of those moments, she feels that she’s still just a goblin.

Is Sam ready for Nott to get the spotlight Fjord’s currently in?

Sam: No. Matt: [very intense face]. There’s a lot of backstory elements that he and Matt know that no one else is aware of, and he’s nervous about those coming to light.

The Traveler’s appearance was complete improv. Matt was reading the situation and the emotions and looking for ways to facilitate a heroic story, and when the dice worked in her favor, he felt it would be a wonderful, dramatic story beat to suddenly include--especially since the Traveler hadn’t responded much recently. Matt: “Yeah, that was really cool.”

The Traveler/Jester relationship has evolved in ways Matt both did and did not expect. He wasn’t sure how seriously Jester was going to take it. It’s the difference between believing in something and allowing that thing to define you as a person. He loves it. Sam: “The Traveler...is Taryon, right?”

Nott doesn’t see Caleb as abandoning her at all. “He’s a weak, puny man who needs to get himself out of danger.” It would have actually been harder if Caleb had been there, because if Nott had had to make a choice as to who to protect, Jester would be dead.

After Beau’s emergence from the orb, she probably for a few minutes would have thought that they were all dead behind her. It wasn’t that hours or days had passed--just a few minutes. Matt found Beau’s and Caduceus’s conversation at the end very fascinating and compelling, especially as a way to end the episode.

Nott agrees that Jester is not as happy and fine as she appears to be, especially after their talk about boys, but doesn’t feel it’s as severe as Caleb’s issues. “Jester’s a functional person.” However, Sam’s excited they’re getting past the “flitty person from the first half of the campaign” to the “core of sadness” as the story progresses.

Matt’s sure Yasha was not happy at all that her friends all disappeared without warning. “She spent six days thinking her friends were never going to come back. She doesn’t cry in a corner; she’s familiar with grief and loss. She hardens herself and moves on.” He’s hoping they’ll get to see some of that this week.

Critmas Spotlight: The Blind Weaver, a really, really cool 3D painting by a lady named Elaine Ryan, which has layers upon layers of polyurethane stained to make an amazing effect. See @elaineryanart on twitter and tumblr for more!

Talks Machina: After Dog

They decide where guests sit at the time of the episode. Matt likes to avoid the edges so they don’t feel like the outlier. Sam requests no attractive guests be placed immediately adjacent to him so that it does not detract from his glory. “That’s why I sit next to doggo Laura Bailey.” Brave man. Brave, foolish man.

Sam likes oatmeal raisin cookies. I am DELIGHTED, WHAT AN OLD MAN WHO SHARES MY TASTE. He also likes Werther’s, which is bringing back so many memories of my grandmother’s house. Matt likes ginger snaps, which are my favorite Christmas cookies also. I would kill for ginger snaps right now. Matt and Sam both are excited about pumpkin pie.

Essential D&D gifts, per Matt: dice, PHB, HeroForge custom minis if you really want to get them excited. He finds that getting in there and making a character can really help hook someone on the visual aspect & get invested in their character. Everything else is fluff. Sam suggests a music playlist for the first game; when he ran his first game with his kids, he liked having gridded paper to draw the maps on.

Matt does not feel that the crew of the ship has been mistreated, but they have been “neglected and dragged through places they didn’t expect.” He does think they’ll talk about everything they’ve done to all their friends and family when they get home in a very “you won’t believe this!” kind of way.

Sam always wears the same tie when he’s voice directing and on the first day of a new show. He’s wearing it tonight and can’t discuss the new show.

Favorite holiday movies! Brian: “Love, Actually” and “Die Hard,” as well as “Miracle on 34th Street.” Matt loves “A Christmas Story” (my favorite also, bless this man). Sam likes “Prancer” and “Scrooged,” but realizes mid-sentence that this is Brian’s first Talks as an engaged man.

Brian on proposing: ”It’s...the best.” They’d been together for over six years & met during the first Last of Us game. Brian describes himself as a former “piece of shit” and a very different person back then. Ashley had no expectations that he was going to propose & was totally surprised. Gah, this is too romantic.

Brian: “I always imagined for years what that moment would be like, and this topped all of my expectations... What more can you really hope for in this life than to feel that feeling with another person? It’s to me the pinnacle of our human experiences to be able to say ‘I’ve been through hell and yet found someone that I can definitely say I want to spend all the days of my life on this earth with,’ and the fact that it happened is fucking cool. It’s like heroin with none of the bad side effects.”

It was extremely stressful--but only the logistics. Apparently Matt’s proposal was extremely logistically intensive; Brian sympathizes.

And on that lovely, quiet note, we’re done for the night. Happy holidays, everyone. <3

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E50 (Feb. 5, 2019)

Are any of us ever, really, on the internet?

This week’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Matt Mercer!

Brian shames Taliesin and Matt for (to be fair, accidentally) pouring coke in with their 22-year-old scotch. I am also physically pained by this. I may need a minute to compose myself. (@loquaciousquark: “I like how you’re Brian in this and I’m Matt.”)

Announcements: MAME drop airs three hours before Talks every week! Next week’s Between the Sheets will feature Will Friedle, and last night’s episode featured Quyen Tran! Critical Role will be taking this coming Thursday off, and Talks Machina will be taking next Tuesday off, but the show returns on Valentine’s Day!

But for now, let’s jump into Episode 50: The Endless Burrows

Stats for this week’s ep: Fjord got the 50th HDYWTDT in the 50th episode! The Roper’s crit on Caleb would have one-shotted him had Caduceus not reduced it by negating the crit. Spurt is the first on-screen guest player character death in the history of the show. Chris Perkins was at the table for 22 minutes and 15 seconds. Taliesin: “That’s an episode of network television right there.”

Chris was in town unexpectedly, and asked if he could come watch the show. Matt had written Spurt as an NPC character, just to see how the M9 would react to him. As he was driving to the studio, he realized it could be a lot of fun to let Chris play the character instead. Chris was on board, and Matt told him “You’ll know when to jump in,” and that was that. Nobody else had any idea he was going to be playing.

Caduceus is “in his element but out of his element” underground. “He’s looking for things to be excited about. Not a lot of things to be excited about here. It’s kind of awful.” Taliesin is trying to let him be a little more tactical, to just take care of things and do what needs to be done. “He’s on edge, but it’s a healthy edge.”

Matt clarifies that the party haven’t really emerged into the Underdark---they’re just skimming the edges of it. After spending a lot of time there in the last campaign, Matt didn’t necessarily want to bring it back there again.

Caduceus doesn’t see the group as being deceitful so much as just people who haven’t had the option of being open before. “He’s trying to make that option available.” Part of his training at the temple involved talking to people, helping them feel better, and helping them open up, so this is nothing new to him. Matt: “The solitary therapist.” Taliesin: “He really, really likes them.”

Spurt was originally intended to be a potential hindrance to keep the group from getting past the fire giants stealthily, if he wound up coming along with them. Turned out he... sort of removed himself from that equation.

On the parade of tragic backstories: “I don’t think Clay fully comprehends how bad this all is. I don’t know if he can comprehend art film horror. ‘That’s rough, man.’“ Matt: “He’s the Fred Tatasciore of the group.” Everyone is delighted by that comparison.

Matt was looking for opportunities to bring tragic backstories together. Taliesin calls it a “car crash” approach.

Why are D&D characters often so tragic? Taliesin: “It’s harder to make an interesting happy person.” Matt: “That’s true, but it’s not impossible.” He talks about how it’s natural to try to build something into a character’s backstory to propel them into the dangers of adventure. It’s also the opportunity for a player to work through something they’re going through out-of-game in a safe, cathartic way.

Caduceus is “still a little lanky”. Taliesin points out that this is to be expected because he’s a “vegan on the road”. There’s a long discussion about how the food he makes is “basically semi-firm tofu”.

Matt freaks out a bit about the unintentional callback... VM also being a mid-level party descending into the Underdark in search of a halfling and almost losing a rogue’s foot to lava. A lot of things had to go a particular way for that to happen, and he definitely wasn’t expecting it, especially since he was consciously trying to avoid familiar territory with the Underdark this time around.

Brian: “Which is funny, because the writers never even saw the first campaign.”

Taliesin points out that a trickster cleric is meant to be more of a toolkit, whereas a grave cleric build is more of a medkit.

Taliesin: “I’ve learned my lesson, and I have like three new character ideas ready to go, for this campaign or the next.”

There’s a lot of debate about where the hell Spurt got a skunk, which leads to the creation of the magical item Skunk Jug, which produces a skunk.

Caduceus enjoyed the romance novel, but it hadn’t “entirely clicked”. “He’s aware that: ‘Ah, they’re doing the hanky-panky stuff.’ It’s not really in his wheelhouse.”

Matt was very proud of the group coming up with their plan to get past the giant, and he felt a bit bad that Nott rolled so low (although he also loves the “magnificent clusterfuck” moments that are the hallmark of D&D). Brian: “That’s just a testament to how bad Sam is as a player.” 

Caduceus took Warcaster as his next feat. “This seems to be in-character and useful.”

Fan art of the week: Nott running across the lava! Taliesin: “I want to play that game. That’s an 8-bit game I want to play.”

Brian asks Matt if the game’s about where he thought it would be at episode 50. Matt: “We’re charging into Xhorhas earlier than I was expecting. We need to get Ashley back soon.” (They’ll get her back in a couple months.) He also points out that some story beats have happened in the world in the group’s absence. He didn’t want to tailor the story’s trajectory to manufacture a big moment in episode 50. The group’s involvement in the Empire has been less than expected, but the direction they’re taking is much more direct than he was expecting. Taliesin points out that if the group had been Vox Machina, they would’ve involved themselves in the politics of the war instantly. Matt reiterates that he loves DMing in a reactionary way when the players push in an unexpected direction.

All Taliesin wants to do right now is fix that sword. He’s expecting it to be, like, a +1 cursed sword that just sings constantly and can’t ever be put down.

Taliesin: “I’m enjoying corralling all the kids.” Matt points out that he’s a much-needed influence on the group. Beau is the one that Cad considers to be his best friend. Dani: “You two can’t not be best friends in this show.” Cad thinks of Fjord as an angsty teen. He thinks Caleb is occasionally up his own butt a bit. He hasn’t figured out that Jester’s an adult yet. “’Oh, she’s happy and fine. Thank goodness someone is.’ And obviously she’s not, but he hasn’t figured that out yet.” He’s disappointed in Nott for the amount of drinking, although he hasn’t said it out loud.

Taliesin: “Cad thinks dangerous things have wisdom. Sometimes just walking up to something and asking is very useful. Sometimes you can avoid getting arrested in front of a coffee shop by offering the officer a hot pocket.”

Matt talks about how getting players to avoid combat is a teaching process that involves incentivizing out-of-the-box approaches. That’s in direct contrast to the more traditional grind-through-fights approach to D&D that was prevalent in the early editions, so it can be a process. He points out that you can talk to players out-of-game, or you can change your own plans to allow players a non-combat win even if it’s a bit of a stretch.

Taliesin and Matt both own a pair of chaps. As you do.

Taliesin’s personal inspiration for Cad’s staff was very Dark Crystal-driven. The crystal comes from the land he lives on. He dug up the crystal and made the staff himself; the beetles crawl into and out of the stick continuously.

Talks Machina: After Dog

Brian: "Are you relaxed right now?” Taliesin: “Yeah, there’s something in this Coke that’s really...”

Taliesin got started with eyeliner in high school with Vampire LARPing. He had a (mumblemumble)”furk idee” that got him into goth clubs early. Matt first learned to apply eyeliner for cosplay, then wore it for the first time outside of cosplay clubbing with Taliesin (they also had an industrial goth karaoke night).

Dumbest way they’ve managed to injure themselves? Matt was editing There Will Be Brawl’s final episode, which was a bit too overambitious and he was the only editor, and he didn’t sleep for 72 hours and threw his back out horribly from sitting too long. Taliesin was doing a student film as a teenager, and was asked to do a stunt that involved holding someone up to a moving train (Matt: “What the fuck, Taliesin?”). He had really long goth nails at the time and managed to break all ten of his nails off entirely doing that stunt. “I didn’t drop him into the moving train!” Matt: “That’s why unions are good.”

Brian: “I lit myself on fire with a molotov cocktail.” Yes, really, but he wasn’t badly burned. Taliesin: “Did you at least hit the man? Did it stick to him?” Brian: “It was not a man. It was a porta-potty.” Matt reiterates how grateful he was not to have grown up with cellphone video.

Matt: “So you’re saying...” Taliesin: “I was Emperor Norton, yeah.” Matt: “Aw. I’m proud of you!”

We all learned... a lot today. See you in two weeks for episode 100 of Talks Machina!

[shortkingactivism]

Thank you @amerileste-cressderqueen for your super cute prompt! This is more Jock! Ryan than Badboy!Ryan but I can’t help but make Ryan cute and jock-y. I hope I did your au justice!

Read on AO3

“Kobe!”

Shane shakes his head to himself, watching as a piece of crumpled paper goes sailing into the trash can in his periphery. There's scattered laughter coming from the back of the class and Shane might be a bit more inclined to ignore it if he wasn’t in the middle of outlining his essay. Creating a coherent argument on the Yalta Agreement’s  impact on Eastern Europe was annoying enough without a live remake of Space Jam happening three rows behind him. Jocks. Could they be more stereotypical?

Usually, Shane doesn’t mind the running commentary from the guys in his class. It’s never malicious and sometimes even gets him to laugh along. But history happens to be one of his favorites and having to pause every five minutes so Jock 1 can yawn loudly while Jocks 2 and 3 snicker like they’ve got prime seats at some comedy club can get kind of grating. Shane comes to class to actually learn something, sue him. He knows he’s a bit of a nerd.

Eventually, Shane somehow manages to tune them out, getting sucked back into researching and typing up his outline. Before he knows it, the bell is ringing and everyone is rushing to pack up their bags, chairs screeching as students hightail it out to their next class. Shane puts away his laptop, slinging his bag over his shoulder and heads towards the door. He has lunch plans with Sara and a couple of his friends and he knows if he’s late all the only-kind-of-shitty cafeteria food will be long gone.

He’s halfway to freedom when his teacher calls for him.

“Shane? Can I talk to you for a second?”

Shane’s heart momentarily stops, wondering nervously if he’d gotten in trouble before he relaxes again. There’s no way he’d ever get in trouble in this class. None of his friends had managed to get the same period history class as him so he rarely talks unless to answer a question and, not to pat his own back or anything, he’s pretty much killing it grade wise.

Shane almost laughs at his paranoia from something as simple as his teacher asking to talk to him but, realizing that would make him seem even weirder than he already is, simply turns to face his teacher.

“Yeah, of course Ms. Millers. Is there something wrong?”

“Oh, of course not. I was just hoping to see if you would be available to tutor one of your peers in your free time. You can say no, obviously, but this student is struggling pretty badly and you are one of my top students.”

“I- I don’t know. I kind of have a lot on my plate right now with college apps and… stuff.”

“Well, tutoring is a great extracurricular to have and I’d even give you extra credit to make up for your lost time. What’d you say?”

Shane hesitates. He’d hate just flat out saying no to his teacher and the extra credit and promise of beefing up his college resume are enticing but he just isn’t sure. Spending all his free time with some kid who probably couldn’t care less about learning history or listening to Shane isn't exactly his idea of a fun time. But still, he can’t help thinking about how good this would make him look to colleges.

“Would it be okay if we just did a trial run? Like, I tutor them for a bit and if it’s not working they get a new tutor. I’m just not sure if I’m cut out for the whole teaching thing.”

His teacher smiles at him and agrees, thanking him profusely before handing him a post-it note letting him know who he would be tutoring and when they could meet.

“You know Ryan Bergara, right? I’ll let him know that you’ve agreed to be his tutor and you can have your official meet after school in the library. From there on, it's up to you. Thank you again, Shane.”

----

Two o’clock finds Shane halfheartedly trudging across the school to the library. He’s already regretting agreeing to this despite not having spent a single second actually tutoring yet.

It’s not that he has anything against Ryan, in fact he hasn’t even ever talked to the guy. Their school’s big enough that they’ve never really crossed paths before and even with Ryan cracking his occasionally funny jokes at the back of the class Shane’s used to ignoring him and being ignored in turn.

He’s just...a little nervous if he was being honest with himself. Shane’s seen the teen classics, is currently living one. He knows, despite how stereotypical it might seem, that jocks like Ryan and nerdy guys like him don’t usually get along. Like cats and dogs, it’s just their nature. So having to spend prolonged amounts of time with fratboy-in-training Ryan Bergara just seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

Or it would be if he ever shows up to their session.

Fifteen minutes have gone by since Shane had arrived at the library. Fifteen minutes since their specified session was supposed to take place. Fifteen more seconds and Shane is about to storm out of there, seething with annoyance over having to take time out of his day for some asshole wh-

“Sorry I’m late! I had to talk to the coach about missing practice and then he was up my ass about how I’d be off the team if I missed too often and then-“ Ryan trails off at Shane’s unimpressed glare, “uh, yeah. Sorry. For being late.” He finishes, giving an awkward laugh and looking embarrassed and out of breath.

“It’s fine,” Shane says, clearly not fine, “just try not to do it again.”

“No, yeah for sure, man. This was just a fluke, won’t happen again,” he pulls out the chair opposite of Shane and plops down. “So, uh, what now? I’ve never had a tutor before so I don’t really know how this is supposed to go.”

Shane shrugs, “Well, I’ve never been a tutor before but I guess... we can outline what you struggle with most, go over some of your past grades, talk about your studying habits, things like that. And then we can start actually studying next time. Sound good?”

“Yeah but just warning you, you’re probably gonna be severely disappointed in some of my answers.”

----

“Never, Ryan? You never study for the class you’re literally failing? What is wrong with you!”

“Not- not never never. I said ‘almost never’. That’s a little better.”

“Ryan…”

“Okay! I know it’s bad but I just figure; what’s the point? I don’t have hours to spare to try to figure out what's going on 500 years ago and why.

And even if I do it still doesn’t make sense to me! There’s like a million things going on at one point in time, dude! It’s confusing! So I thought; why bother. Senioritis and all that.”

“Senioritis is not a valid reason to fail an entire class, man.”

“I know, it’s just,” Ryan sighs sounding defeated, “I don’t even know where to start. This is probably useless, man, I’m never gonna catch up.”

And if that doesn’t break Shane’s heart a little bit.

“Ye of little faith. I’m offended that you’re doubting my abilities. I’m about to My Fair Lady the shit out of your history skills!”

Ryan raises his eyebrow at Shane’s antics but he laughs all the same so Shane considers it a win.

“If you say so.”

“I do say so. So let’s make a game plan! See, like your little basketball thing-y! I’m already helping you understand so much more.”

Ryan laughs again and looks much less despondent. Shane could get used to this.

“Wow, you put a sports reference in just for me? I’m touched.” Ryan replies and Shane has to will his face to keep from heating. Jocks really will flirt with anything in front of them won’t they?

“So! What I want you to do is actually take notes on our assigned readings and what we do in class. From the way you yell ‘Kobe’ every two seconds—” Ryan reddens—“ I can assume you definitely don’t do that and then we can compare class notes to fill in anything you’ve missed.

We can meet twice a week for maybe, an hour or two? And before any big tests or if you have questions, of course. That way we can still have time to do whatever. That okay with you?”

Ryan shrugs. “Yeah, man that’s great. I have practice Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so it’d actually be pretty perfect if we could meet up tomorrow or Thursday?”

“Tomorrow’s fine,” Shane says as he stands up and begins putting on his bag. “Same time, same place?”

“Uh, yeah but wait,” Ryan grabs Shane’s wrist to keep his from walking away, “Can I have your number?”

“My- my number?” Shane asks a little flustered.

“Yeah, so we can plan to meet up for sessions or I can let you know if I’m ever running late again.”

Ryan shoots him a sheepish smile and Shane feels extremely dumb.

“Oh. Yeah, of course. That makes sense.”

They exchange numbers and Shane manages to feel only mildly horrified. Obviously Ryan wasn’t hitting on him. Why would he be?

By the time they reach the student parking lot an air of awkwardness has seeped into their interactions once more.

“So, uh, you need a ride home?”

“No, it’s alright. My ride’s already on it’s way. Thanks, though.”

“Oh,” Ryan hesitates, then “I can wait with you if you want?”

“Umm. Sure? My brother should only be a couple minutes but thanks.”

Ryan sits down on the lip of the sidewalk and Shane, feeling awkward looming over him even more than usual, follows suit.

“So basketball. That’s uh… neat?” Shane winces and he very much appreciates how Ryan tries to tamp down his laughter.

“Yeah, it’s ‘neat’ I guess.” Then after a few seconds of dead air, “You play?”

Shane knows it’s a perfectly acceptable question but still he can’t find it in himself to not laugh out loud at it.

“What?” Ryan asks, confused, “why are you laughing?”

“Oh my God. Me? Playing any sport, ever? Ryan Bergara I did not know you were this funny.”

Ryan snorts, “Whatever, dude. You should join anyways. The other team would see all twenty feet of you running down the court at them and shit themselves.”

“And this whole time I thought you needed more to get on the team than just being tall. At least, that’s how I figured you got on the team anyways.”

“Fuck you, Sasquatch!” Ryan says without any real heat. They’re both laughing too much to actually be offended by anything.

Unfortunately, they’re soon interrupted by the sound of an engine running and Shane looks up to see his brother’s car pulling up. With a pang of regret he says goodbye to Ryan and climbs in the passenger seat.

He had actually been having a lot of fun with Ryan. He’s even almost looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow.

----

Studying with Ryan turns out to be… quite nice. Different, but nice.

Ryan isn’t actually a dumb jock, nor is he unwilling to listen to Shane. In fact, Ryan readily soaks up whatever information Shane offers him, asking questions about what he doesn’t understand and absolutely nailing what he does. His problem, Shane discovers, is his lack of motivation.

Left to his own devices Ryan would never even think of opening their World Histories textbook. So Shane has to force him to take notes, quizzing him afterwards and making him rewrite key figures, timelines and concepts until Ryan could recite it back to him in his sleep.

But disregarding the whole academic aspect of their arrangement, it’s also just fun to hang out with Ryan. Their senses of humor align perfectly and their sessions have the tendency to run long because they always distract each other with dumb bits and silly jokes. Shane is amazed at how good they worked together and some part of him longs to have met Ryan earlier.

----

Through the course of the school year, however, their academic relationship turns into something more.

Ryan eventually moves his seat from the back of the class to next to Shane’s up front, turning red and flipping his friends off over his shoulder while they jeer and whistle.

Shane shoots him a confused look but he’s happy for the company. Ryan just looks down at his desk and mumbles something about being able to pay better attention from up here. Shane shrugs in acceptance but he does find it rather odd when he sees a flush creep across Ryan’s neck.

Still, it’s fun having Ryan next to him. It gives him someone to bounce ideas off of when they’re given an assignment or made to pair up. They work well together and Ms. Millers is definitely pleased with Ryan’s improvement in class.

Plus, with Ryan right next to him Shane’s become privy to all of his weird and dorky comments. Soon, Shane makes it his mission to make Ryan crack up in the middle of class with weird history facts. This way, Shane figures, he’s still helping Ryan learn history just with the added bonus of seeing Ryan throw his head back in infectious laughter, face bright and warm with joy.

History’s always been his favorite class of the day and with the added addition of Ryan by his side everything seems to have gotten even better.

----

Once Shane realizes his feelings for Ryan aren’t even remotely platonic, however, things go slightly to shit.

If he were feeling dramatic, which Shane always was, he would liken his epiphany to the so-called powder keg of Europe. Replace the nationalistic feelings of the Balkans with his romantic feelings for Ryan and World War I with intense self-depreciation and moping over Ryan not liking him back and it was basically the exact same thing.

God, he was pathetic and even history analogies weren’t making him feel better.

Ever since The Realization (in capital letters because Shane felt everything life altering necessitated capital letters), though, he has been more or less a mess.

Every single interaction with Ryan seems to send him into cardiac arrest, even things that he’d previously enjoyed immensely like huddling close in a library booth to compare notes or Ryan laughing so hard at one of his jokes that he would begin wheezing. Every little thing Ryan does makes Shane’s stomach flutter nervously or causes his hands to clam up.

Shane would wish he didn’t have a crush on someone he was starting to consider as one of his closest friends if it didn’t simultaneously make him giddy as hell.

----

“Shaaaane,” Ryan groans one Thursday, the second after he sits down, “I’m fucking doomed.”

Shane smiles fondly down at Ryan, laughing at how he’s planted his face directly into his backpack on the table.

“Alright, drama queen, I’ll bite. Why are you doomed? Ghosties follow you home? Did the wind

come whisper in your ear and tell you when you’re gonna die?”

Ryan flips him off without picking up his head. Backpack muffling his voice he says, “I’m a dumbass and I forgot that we had a test tomorrow but I also have a big ass game tomorrow that I need to practice for so I’m screwed. Maybe I should ask the Ouija board which I should get ready for.”

“Or, dumbass, you could do both.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Shane snorts before holding up a finger and digging out his phone, “hold on I got the perfect thing for this.” Shane continues to mess around on his phone before smiling smugly and hitting send.

Ryan lifts a brow as he receives a message from Shane before his mouth quirks into a wide smile.

“Oh my God. Did you just send me the ��Why Not Both’ taco commercial gif? What is this 2008, you dork!” Ryan laughs and Shane finds himself laughing along on reflex, chest feeling tight and warm with how fond Ryan sounds. He’s always glad to distract Ryan from his anxieties.

“So whaddya say? I quiz you while you practice the ol’ game of hoops. Exercising while studying is supposed to help with recall, anyways.”

“Mr. Madej, you, sir, are a genius.”

----

Shane is not a genius. Shane is, in fact, a very dumb, foolish man for thinking he could handle Ryan Bergara in all his sweaty, grunt-y glory. Oh God.

He really isn’t sure what he thought was gonna happen when he offered to let Ryan practice while he quizzed him but it definitely wasn’t this.

‘This’ being a very shirtless, very attractive Ryan only a few feet away from him.

“So,” Shane cleared his throat, trying to keep his attention on his notes and not on Ryan’s half-naked form running suicides across the gym floor, “last topic. The XYZ Affair occurred under which President and involved what countries?”

“Uh. President...Adams? And it was between the US and the French because the French were trying to get us to bribe them or something, right?”

“R-right. And Adams was?”

“Old and white?”

Shane laughs, “Ryan…”

“Sorry, sorry,” Ryan laughs, taking a break, hands braced on his knees to catch his breath and wow that is a view Shane could get used to. “He was a Federalist which meant he liked a strong government and the new constitution.”

“Damn, Bergara, you’re getting good. You might as well be the tutor now.”

“Yeah, right. I’m convinced the reason your noggins’ so big is because of all the freaky history facts you got shoved up there. I doubt there’s anything I could teach you.”

“I could think of a few things.”

Ryan cocks an eyebrow at him looking amused and Shane feels his face heat at having said that out loud.

“I mean— basketball of course! Definitely don’t know anything about that, ha.” Shane finishes lamely and God, Shane would appreciate a good, ol’ biblical plague just about now to come and knock him dead.

“Oh, yeah? You wanna learn about basketball?” Ryan smirks as Shane nods unsure, face still red. “Okay then, big guy, get over here.”

“What, no! Let’s just focus on Federalism! So fun!”

“Nah, I’m good. Now get over here before I drag your gangly ass over here myself.”

Shane whines and Ryan just mimics him, smiling widely when Shane finally gets up and walks over to him.

“See, wasn’t so hard. Let’s start with your free throws. Most children can do those.”

“Haha, you’re so funny, man. Truly, I’m cracking up.”

“Shut it, Shane. Now, bend your elbows a little bit. Straighten your wrist, yeah like that. Now aim for the hoop and shoot. Don’t forget to follow through.”

Shane shoots and misses by a mile. He groans and slaps Ryan’s shoulder when he starts laughing loudly.

“I told you, I don’t do sports, Ryan.”

“No, no it was good for a first try. Here, lemme just,” Ryan presses another ball into his hands and then moves behind him. Before Shane knows what's happening he feels Ryan pressed against the length of his back and he’s being manhandled into position once more. “Alright, there, that’s better. Now I can’t see around your ginormous head so you’ll have to aim pretty well but I’ll guide you through it.”

Ryan’s arms aren’t quite long enough to wrap perfectly around Shane’s but he manages to maneuver his arms into a shooting position before he makes Shane move with him in one fluid motion. Shane can feel Ryan’s muscles moving around his own, warm and cut and wow. This is a lot to take in. He doesn’t even register the ball going through the hoop until Ryan takes his arms off him to clap him on the back excitedly.

“You did it, man! Nice job. You’ll make the NBA’s yet.”

Shane shakes himself out of it. “Oh, definitely. Maybe, I’ll even let you come fangirl when I get signed onto the Lakers.”

“You remembered my favorite team?”

Shane scoffs, “Of course I do. You never stop talking about them, man. Plus, you have an unhealthy amount of Lakers jerseys.”

Ryan stares at him, strangely and Shane briefly panics that he somehow incriminated himself. He breathes a sigh of relief when all Ryan does is smile at him.

“Yeah, you’re right. You should, um, maybe come to my game tomorrow, though. Watch me play,” he pauses, looking at Shane almost shyly, “Y’know, to pick up some pointers. The Lakers deserve the best.”

“Of course, little guy.”

Ryan beams at him.

——

“I am so fucked,” Shane says the second he gets to Sara’s room, planting face first into her bed.

“Hello, to you too, stranger. Been awhile since I’ve seen you without your new man.”

“Sara! That’s the reason I’m fucked—“ Sara grins at him and laughs when Shane chucks a pillow at her “not like that you creep. I mean I have a crush on the captain of the basketball team and my life is over.”

“Jeez, Shane. Since when were you this dramatic?”

“I’m not being dramatic. My life is one giant cliche and it sucks.”

“You’re literally languishing on my bed like some 1920’s starlet. I’d say you’re a little dramatic but seriously. So what if you like Ryan, I honestly thought you guys were already dating.”

“What?” Shane says, choking on his own spit, “Why would you think we were dating? I can’t even tell if Ryan likes me!”

“Shane, we’ve been best friends for years so know that I say this with complete love and sincerity: you’re a dumbass.”

“Hey! I’m wounded. Can’t you just comfort me like a normal best friend. Where’s my ice cream and shitty rom com marathon?”

“Shane, seriously. You guys hang out all the time, even when you’re not studying,” Sara starts, counting off on her fingers, “I once saw him give you such intense heart eyes he almost walked into a locker. He-“

“Heart eyes aren’t a thing, Sara. Plus, why would Ryan even like me. He’s popular, and a jock and cool-“

“Oh my god, stop making this into a John Hughes film. Sorry to offend your little boyfriend but he’s not actually a ‘cool kid’. He's a dork like you.

Shane, you told me he has a ghost hunting kit in his bedroom. You literally told me you guys spend hours playing Sims together and plotting fake murders. You guys are literally perfect for each other.”

“But-“

“No ‘buts’. I need you to get this though your huge dome. You’re dumb and neither of you are cool and that’s why you guys are perfectly adorkable for each other.”

“If I relent will you promise to never say ‘adorkable’ again?”

“Hmm. Nope.”

Shane laughs and he pulls Sara into a hug.

“Thanks, Sara. Love you.”

“Love you, too, ya dillweed. But I can think of one other person you should be telling that to.”

Shane just throws another pillow at her.

----

“So,” Ryan says during the lulls of one of their study sessions. They’re in his room, books pushed to the center of his bed and Shane sprawled across the bottom of it. “You ask anyone to prom yet?”

Shane swallows, his heart a pit in his stomach.

“No, not yet. Been a little busy. Why?”

Ryan looks at him shyly before his gaze darts back to his hands, fingers nervously folding and refolding a piece of paper in front of him.

“No reason, I was just wondering…”

This is it. This is the moment where Ryan’ll ask him, he’s sure of it. Sara’s pep talk ringing in the back of his mind, Shane’s prepared to scream out his affirmation.

“I was wondering if you’d mind coming to the basketball game tomorrow. I’m planning on promposing before the game starts and I have it on good authority that you’ve got a way with cameras.”

Crack. What was that? Oh nothing, just the sound of Shane’s heart breaking, no big.

“Sure, I’d love to. Anything...anything for my best buddy.” Shane says, forcing a calm demeanor, “um, I just remembered my mom wanted me home early so I’ll just see you at the game.”

“Alright. Be sure to get their early and get a seat near the court. Wouldn’t want you to miss it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it!” Shane laughs, smiling dropping the second his back turned.

----

So.

So Sara was wrong and Ryan liked someone else. So what! He was still going to be a good friend and show up to the game and film Ryan asking out someone else. Of course he was!

Or, he would if he could force himself out of bed.

“Shane?” He heard Sara call his name after another twenty minutes spent moping facedown on his bed. “Shane! What are you doing? You have to be at that game, like, yesterday!”

“Sara, can’t you smell the teen angst? I don’t want to go to the game.”

“Well, Ryan’s waiting on you and he made me come get you so yeah, you are going.”

“Sara, you traitor!”

“Stuff it, Madej. I’m doing this for you. Now get up and shower. I’m going to pick you at a nice outfit and then we’re going.”

“Sara, you’re like zero feet tall you can’t order me ar-“

“Now!”

Shane got up at bolted for the bathroom.

“Just so you know I’m doing this because I want to not because I’m scared of you.”

Sara just hummed, already going through his wardrobe.

----

“This sucks and I’m revoking your best friend card,” Shane mumbles as they take their place at the bottom of the bleachers, as close to the court as possible. The seats behind them were already filling in with students and families and he could see both teams warming up on the court.

Ryan catches his eye and waves at him. Shane can’t help but wave back. Beneath the murmur of people Shane could’ve sworn he hears Sara mutter ‘idiots’ under her breath.

“No you’re not because I’m the best,” Ryan and his team move closer to the bleachers with one person holding an honest-to-God stereo and Ryan holding a big poster. Shane feels his heart clench all over again. Quickly, Sara grabs the camera from his hands and turns it on, “See, I’ll even film Ryan’s promposal for you!”

Shane smiles slightly but moves to take the camera back.

“Thanks, Sara but you don’t have to.”

“Shh! I think he’s gonna do it.” Sara says slapping his hands away.

Shane turns forward, dreading seeing what Ryan had planned for someone else, someone not him.

The team finishes walking toward the edge of the court and Ryan sends him a quick wink before he focuses on turning the stereo on.

Music blasts out of it and laughter spreads through the gym as people register the song being played.

Getcha Head In The Game from High School Musical. Of course.

“Really, Bergara?” Shane mouths at Ryan, unable to help himself. Ryan just shrugs and smiles widely before he flips the poster around. This time Shane physically shake his head in response.

In bold, slightly messy, block letters it reads: I KNOW IT'S A LONG SHOT BUT I HOPE I KOBE THE ONE TO TAKE YOU TO PROM. Complete with a little lopsided drawing of a basketball.

It’s dumb. All of it is so dumb. But Shane is still hurt. He wants it to be him Ryan was making dumb basketball puns for, him Ryan was taking to prom.

He’s so lost in his sad little spiral he almost misses Sara shoving him and sticking the camera in his face.

“Ow, Sara. What-“

His protest dies on his lips as he notices several sets of eyes on him and Ryan shifting from foot to foot in front of him.

“So? Will you go to prom with me?”

Shane stands there shocked. This is a joke, right? There’s no way Ryan actually wants Shane to go with him to prom.

But Ryan is standing there, smile slipping from his face as Shane continues staring at him in silence.

“I thought- but you said yesterday-“

“I kinda wanted it to be a surprise so I fibbed a little. Sorry?”

“You asshole! After we go to prom I’m gonna kill you!”

Ryan winces before he looks up at Shane smiling.

“After? So, that's a yes?”

“Of, course it’s a yes!”

Ryan whoops loudly and drops his poster to try to lift Shane in a hug. Shane just laughs at his failed attempt so hard it feels like he might cry.

----

Prom is nothing like the ones in all those teen rom coms Shane’s life is starting to resemble and it’s all the better for it.

Ryan and Shane are in the outer edges of the dance floor, breaking out absolutely horrible dance moves to whatever Top 40 pop song the DJ is playing. They’re out of breath and laughing and Shane would want it no other way.

Suddenly, though, the song turns softer, slower and people begin breaking off into couples. Shane stands awkwardly to the side before Ryan grabs his hand and pulls him to his chest.

Shane’s nervous and the soft swaying that they’re doing is making his heart pound faster than when they were jumping around offbeat. Shane’s hands are shaking and he isn’t sure if he’s imagining it but he thinks Ryan’s are too where they’re placed around his hips.

“So, uh,” Shane starts, nervously licking his lips, “you think there are any fuckboy ghosts out here, bumping and grinding without anyone noticing?”

“‘Bumping and grinding’,” Ryan repeats, wheezing, “is this 2002, grandpa? What are you even talking about.”

Shane shrugs and he feels Ryan shift with the movement, “I dunno, man. I may or may not be nervous rambling.”

“Yeah? I thought you weren’t scared of anything, though.”

“No, I’m scared of spiders and being forced to do heroin. You know that.”

“Yeah, of course I do, big guy.” Ryan says in a soft voice and Shane feels like that means more than it sounds like.

But then the song is ending and Shane desperately doesn’t want it to end, doesn't want any of it to end so he heaves in a deep breath and takes a leap of faith

“Hey, what would you do if I were to… hypothetically...say I wanted to kiss you?”

Ryan laughs softly and picks his head up off of Shane's chest where Shane is certain he would have been able to hear his heart beating a mile per minute. Ryan looks Shane in his eyes.

“Hypothetically I would kick your ass for taking so long.”

Shane isn’t sure what he expected Ryan to say. He knows that's how he hoped Ryan would respond but still, he’s shocked and he’s sure it shows because Ryan laughs softly and kisses him even softer, a little hesitant and unsure but so so sweet and Shane thinks he can live in this moment forever. They part out of breath and flushed, swaying slowly to the tacky crooning of some generic love song. Around them the dance room is filled with just as tacky and generic decorations.

Shane places his chin on top of Ryan's head, kissing his hair and Ryan resumes his position nestled against Shane’s chest once again. He can feel Ryan’s smile pressed soundly against his own heart and as tacky and generic as Shane thinks it sounds Shane can feel himself falling a lot of bit in love, swaying underneath the flashing lights of his high school prom. He truly doesn’t care. To him this moment feels like it could go down in the history books.

[dysfunctional-college-roommates]

Okay, so this is my very last-minute gift for @nakasomethingkun through @aftgexchange. So, I meant there to be stuff related to the 4th of July and to Andreil reuniting during their long-distance relationship, and this... sort of has that stuff. Anyways, it might not be exactly what I meant it to be, but I kind of like it, so hopefully you will, too?

[Now on AO3 with some minor edits]

Neil Josten didn’t pay much attention to birthdays. He willfully ignored his own, did little more than slide a phone to Andrew on his, and in that tradition, America’s birthday was hardly a blip on Neil’s radar.

Other people turned the Fourth of July into an entire spectacle party. Other people woke up early, spent hours in the car, and made their way to a beach or a backyard. They made small talk with people they would have avoided otherwise; they drank more than they would have otherwise; they ate food they wouldn’t have otherwise. Other people turned a regular day into something else, like it was so unique that this country had come to be.

Maybe it was Neil’s life growing up that had made him feel this way. When he was nine, all he’d wanted was to see the fireworks. But the FBI had been watching, looking for evidence of his father’s criminal activity. Neil hadn’t understood that at the time, but he’d pieced it together since. He’d been told that he couldn’t go outside to watch from the lawn; he couldn’t even peek out the window. He’d sat on the living room floor and simply listened to the sound of them while his mother read a book. And then he’d gone to bed.

Since then, Neil had spent more than a few Fourths in other countries. Sometimes they were in a city with a large enough population of foreigners that their accents weren’t memorable, and sometimes there had been sparse parties tripping through the streets. When he was fourteen, Neil had heard the commotion of them outside his window, but he hadn’t understood what it was for. He hadn’t realized the significance until the next day, as his mother hurried him past someone’s abandoned American flag T-shirt in the street.

The past few years had been a little better for Fourth of July experiences. There had been waterskiing with Allison (well, watching Allison waterski while the rest of them had struggled to understand the physics of standing on water). There had been grilling with Wymack and Abby (they’d left Kevin with the grill for one minute, and all the burgers had wound up burnt). There had been, best of all, sitting in the house in Colombia with Andrew, lights off, trading truths as the fireworks exploded somewhere else.

But this year, Neil hadn’t given much thought to it. Nicky had said something back in May about petitioning his office for a party (and how it was totally going to work this year), but no one else had brought up any plans for the holiday. Neil, for his part, had expected practice. This was one of the nice things about professional Exy: there were no class schedules to get in the way. Neil’s coach, he knew, was more organized than most with regard to the practice schedule, but Neil kind of liked the predictability. Routine was a luxury that he could suddenly afford.

This was what Neil could expect from his routine: Monday and Wednesday, he was in the weight room in the morning, running light drills in the afternoon; Tuesday, he was running drills all day; Thursday, he played at least one scrimmage; Friday, there were drills in the morning, and maybe another scrimmage. Every third Friday, they had off, though, and Saturday was a free practice day – you were free to do what you wanted as long as it was practice. Sunday was their day off. These were facts that Neil could use to plan visits to Andrew. They were facts that he could use to predict what tomorrow would look like, and that was a comfort to someone who hadn’t always known where or if he would be by the end of the day.

Here was something that liked to muck with predictability: holidays. Holidays shifted trash day so that Neil’s trash was sitting at the curb for an extra day. Holidays closed businesses that he’d needed to get to. Holidays shoved aside the normal setup of stores for weeks beforehand, making it impossible to find the stupid bag of Oreos that had been right there last week.

None of these inconveniences had reminded Neil of the Fourth quite yet – and the explosion of red-white-blue at the front of the grocery story was hardly noticeable against the backdrop of his team’s aggressive marketing scheme. Here was what reminded Neil that the Fourth of July was approaching: on Thursday, Coach Garces sat them down after their last scrimmage and said, “All right, here’s the holiday schedule for next week.”

Neil looked around at his teammates in confusion. He wasn’t quite at home here yet, wasn’t quite sure of himself when it came to speaking up in this group. He’d been so completely comfortable with the Foxes that it was weird, being uncertain now.

In any case, no one else on the team looked confused – or looked, in general; they were all just paying full attention to the coach. She continued, “Now, some of you – you know who you are – have let me down before and will be doing special practices with me all weekend. But the majority of you are getting the benefit of the doubt. You will keep up your training over the next week – I want you running drills on a court at least twice, and keep up your weight-room routines. A single one of you comes in unprepared or hungover next Thursday, and you’re all stuck with me for Labor Day.”

There was silence as the team processed this. Finally, one of the guys recruited around the same time as Neil – something Freeman – spoke up. “Are you serious, coach?”

“We only got a couple days last year,” added Samantha Li, who’d been with the team for a few years now.

“Maybe I’m being generous,” Coach Garces replied, standing up with her clipboard as a general indication that she was done with their questions. As she headed for the exit, she added over her shoulder, “Or maybe I’m showing my gratitude that there was no rotten egg prank this Easter, Bell.” She tapped the doorframe with her clipboard. “Availability schedules for the court and weight room will be up in thirty minutes.”

As several of the players started swearing to Bell that they’d told him she was onto him, Neil just sat there. Just a few years ago, Neil never would have dreamed of choosing anything over the opportunity for extra Exy practice. He would have been in Garces’ office right now, asking if he could join the group who were being punished. And yet –

“Josten!” Samantha Li called from across the meeting room. She was one of the better strikers on the team, so they were friendly. “Hey, you plan on sitting there all night?” she teased. “Or do you want to come out for celebratory drinks? I’m buying!”

A cheer went up from several of their teammates, and Samantha looked around at them disdainfully. “Sorry,” she said, “not for y’all.” Samantha could be kind of ruthless; Andrew, when Neil had first described her, had suggested without concern that if she ever met Allison, they would destroy either each other, or the world. Neil, personally, didn’t think that Samantha could quite measure up to Allison’s level of confidence and unflappable independence, but he wasn’t stupid enough to say so to her.

“Not planning on sitting here all night,” Neil replied, standing to prove his point, “but not going out either. Sorry.” He knew he didn’t sound apologetic, but he wasn’t sorry for that, either.

Samantha crossed her arms, but she didn’t look angry. “Plans?” she inquired. Neil shrugged. He thought about how, just a few years ago, his plans would have been to hole up on the empty court and get in as much extra practice as he could. He thought about players he’d faced off against in college, the ones who’d already been tapped to join the US Court. He thought about Kevin and Ichirou, each awaiting greatness from him, but for different reasons. He thought about Andrew.

Andrew, who expected from Neil only what Neil expected from himself, and only because Neil expected it from himself. Andrew, who was possibly the best goalkeeper that Exy had ever seen, but had already told him, in not so many words, that he refused to be on two Exy teams without Neil. Andrew, who claimed to hate Exy, but put in extra hours when Neil was there. Andrew, who he could be with in just a few hours by plane.

“I might,” Neil said. “Not for sure, but – yeah. I’m pretty sure I have plans.” He grabbed his gear bag off the floor and offered the room at large what Andrew had once called his ‘I’ve hidden the explosives somewhere in this building’ smile. “See you all next week.”

Andrew had mixed feelings about airports these days. He still wasn’t a huge fan of flying, and he was even less a fan of crowds. The crowds were even more of a nuisance these days, with the periodic appearances of Andrew’s face on billboards and commercials (the PR team had only made the mistake of not giving him a heads-up once). There always seemed to be people taking his picture, people staring, people asking for autographs, no matter how many times he pulled knives on anyone who got too close. No matter how many times he categorically refused to give an autograph to anyone taller than he was (he’d picked that one up from Neil).

There was one good thing about the airport, however, and that was that it connected him to Neil. Well, occasionally, Andrew was just the slightest bit appreciative that it brought Aaron or Nicky to visit, too, but that hardly made a dent in the downsides of the airport. The true redemption of the place came from reunions with Neil in baggage claim.

But Andrew was running a little late today.

It was Neil’s fault, of course – he’d called during practice, of all things, and announced that he was about to leave for the airport. He’d given Andrew the arrival time, but with no advance notice, he hadn’t been able to leave early. He’d turned his usual shower into a thirty-second rinse, dumped his gear in a heap in the back of the car, and spent most of the drive breaking the speed limit, but still, he’d arrived after the plane. In fact, by the time he pushed through the doors, the conveyor belt was already starting to spit out luggage from Neil’s flight.

And yet, where was Neil? Andrew watched Neil’s obnoxious orange duffel bag make a lap around the carousel and tried not to think about the last time he’d seen Neil’s bag without Neil. There were a million scenarios that he was carefully not thinking about. He’d scanned every person in the crowd at least five times now – a full plane mulling around, grabbing their bags and greeting their loved ones. Except for Neil.

Neil, Neil, where was Neil? Andrew hated him for doing this to him. Minutes ago, every cell in his body had been zinging with the anticipation of seeing Neil again, and now every cell was screaming with possibility that he might not. He couldn’t stand the fact that he was always so far from Neil, that he was always so out of the loop on what was going on with Neil. He hated that it was possible for him to pass hours with Neil hurt and him not knowing a thing about it.

Andrew was getting ready to sound the alarm, to muscle his way through airport security and damn the consequences. He was ready to search every plane in the airport. And then Neil walked out through the gate exit, chatting with a couple of flight attendants. Neil could start a conversation with anyone, as long as it was about Exy. Andrew was going to kill him.

Neil’s eyes were already darting around the room, even as his hands made gestures and his mouth kept moving. He found Andrew in a matter of seconds, his sentence turning into a smile that did stupid things to Andrew’s pulse. It really was uncanny how easily Neil could find him, and even more so how he could give Andrew these feelings like reminders of being alive.

And Neil was still grinning at him, but he was still talking to the flight attendants, like he had all the time in the world. It was almost unbearable – it would be, if Andrew didn’t like looking at that anticipatory expression so much. Neil’s gestures were faster now, and Andrew knew – he knew – that Neil was talking about him. He’d seen it too many times now, and yet, every time was like the world was ending. Andrew hadn’t seen too many people talk that way about him – like they wanted to be talking about him – before Neil.

Finally, Neil shed his flight attendant posse and sprinted over to Andrew. He still had that anticipation grin when he stopped less than an arm’s length from Andrew. He held out his hand near Andrew’s clavicle, waiting. Andrew responded by reaching up to put his own hand on Neil’s shoulder, a consent through similar action. Neil let his hand gently fall, his index finger curling around the side of Andrew’s neck while the others curved over the top of his shoulder. Andrew let himself rest his jaw against Neil’s thumb as his own thumb stroked along Neil’s jaw.

“I think your bag has gone around three times by now,” Andrew commented, and even after all these years, that quiet tone in his own voice was unfamiliar to him.

Neil was smiling that sort of smile that Andrew didn’t want to name, that it would hurt too much to name. “You could have grabbed it for me,” he commented.

“That is a service I only provide in the event of a kidnapping,” Andrew replied, keeping inflection out of his voice to hide that the association, the possibility had infested his mind so recently.

Neil squeezed his shoulder, as if to say, I’m here, I’m okay. “I should get my bag before they think I’ve abandoned it,” he said. Most of other passengers had already left the area, and only the few who’d taken a detour after deplaning were still looking for their bags.

“It’s been a while since a federal agency had a word with you,” Andrew remarked, a sort of agreement.

Neither of them moved. For minutes, they just stood there, watching each other faces, even though there were no surprises there. Then Neil said, “I don’t want to kiss you in an airport.”

Andrew did not laugh, but he was amused. He did have to admit that it was a very cliché idea, the kiss at baggage claim. He chose not to mention that they’d done it anyways, the first few reunions. Instead, he took his hand from Neil’s shoulder and grabbed his fingers with it instead. He told him, “I think you should get your bag, then.”

[theperksofbeingyourmum]

The Four Times Spider-Man Wore His Mask and the One Time He Didn’t // Part 3/4

Part ONE / Part TWO / Part FOUR

Summary: After saving your life in a chance encounter, you start to see the Spider-Man everywhere. Fluff. Spider-Man x Reader fic. 

A/N: OKAY so I was NOT expecting the reaction I got for this mini-series and I am sooo happy you all liked it! So this is part three, one of my faves, and part four should be up later today I HOPE YOU LIKE IT???

Warnings: Light swearing

Less than a week later, and the Spider-Man was becoming more popular than ever. It was as if people waited until you were near to start discussing him. Or maybe everyone was just constantly discussing him. You had no idea. But it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

You looked for him everywhere, for some sign of the hilarious, dorky hero you’d come to idolise. You looked for him on top of buildings, in the sky, on every news segment and paper you could get your hands on.

But you were nothing if not proud, and you would not turn into one of those creepy fans who analysed and hypothesised and obsessed day in and day out, just waiting for another heroic act to fawn over. You just liked the guy.

He was kind. He was genuine. He was funny. He was cute. In a personality way, obviously. You’d never seen his face. You wondered if anyone ever had…

But no matter how much Spider-Man seemed to want to take over your every waking moment, your vow to improve your grades and chance at life was still ringing strong, and you were more determined than ever to make your life a life worth saving. That was why you were still up at 2am on a Thursday, finishing an extra-credit report, eyes burning from the light of the computer screen, when you heard it.

It’d been an uncharacteristically warm March day, so your window was open, and from the window came the sound of someone talking.

Obviously it was not unusual to hear the noises of New York at night from an open apartment window. From shouts on the ground below, to trucks, car horns, sirens, and even the occasional screaming match from the apartments either side, you were no stranger to a noisy night’s sleep.

But this talking wasn’t coming from an adjacent window, nor was it the voice of any of your neighbours. This voice was young. And male. And coming from… the roof?

Ever so carefully, you pulled the window further open and poked your head out into the cool night air. And there, right above your top-floor apartment, were a pair of red and blue legs, swinging precariously. And the person the legs belonged to was… on the phone.

“Yeah, Ned, I promise I will be there. No, I do not want to do that! Because…” the voice became muffled as he whispered his answer to Ned, whoever he was. You heard a chuckle and a “Yeah, right,” before deciding that, really, what did you have to lose?

“Hey,”

“Holy shit! Ned, I got to go.” He hangs up the phone and scrambles to his feet with some serious speed, body poised in fight-or-flight mode, clearly trying to work out if you’re a threat. You clamber out onto the fire escape with both hands above your head in surrender.

“Sorry, man! Didn’t mean to scare you, please don’t take off. It’s me… balcony girl?” He breathes a visible sigh of relief and makes an action as if to wipe his forehead (again, dorky). As his figure is moved into a beam of light you can see that his mask has been pushed up to his nose, leaving his mouth bare and way too human. It was disconcerting, all that time spent thinking about someone, but never imagining what they could actually be like underneath the alter-ego. He’s white, his chin is dimpled (also stubble-free), and his lips are thin but curved almost to the side. He sees you staring, and quickly pulls the mask down once more.

“Sorry for panicking, you scared the shit out of me. How much of that call did you hear?” he asks, seeming worried.

“Not a lot. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone anything I’ve heard or seen. You can trust me.” In a moment of bravery, you offer your hand, almost to the sky, for him to shake. A sign of trust.

He considers this for a moment and then seemingly deems you worthy, takes your hand and pulls you easily to the roof with him, one-handed. You feel the breath being knocked out of you just like the first time you met. Woah.

“Okay. I believe you, balcony girl. Even though now I could call you ‘roof-girl’.” The side of his mask raises slightly, the eerily human spider-eyes crinkle at the corners and you know he’s grinning. What a dork. This is surreal.

“What do you mean?” he says. Crap. You said the ‘surreal’ thing out loud.

“Well I mean… you’re Spider-Man. Like the Spider-Man, you know? The guy everyone is obsessed with, you’re like this insane superhero with cool powers but you’re here. And you’re talking to me? It’s like… being in a room with Captain America or something.”

“I was in a room with Cap once. Well, more of an airport, really.” He says this modestly, but this is clearly something he takes a lot of pride in.

“Are you serious?!”

“Uh huh. It was pretty awesome. I almost beat him, too.”

“So if I’m not allowed to tell everyone you have a friend called Ned, am I allowed to tell them that you got your ass handed to you by Captain America?”

He shakes his head, still grinning, “Absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“Hey I have a reputation to uphold in this city. I can’t have every bad guy knowing that all it took to defeat me was an eighty year old veteran with a big metal plate. I’d be a laughing stock.”

“I highly doubt that. People in this town practically worship you. You’re the Joan of Arc of Queens, everyone wants to know who The Spider-Man is.”

“Well that’s the price of fame, you know” his spider-smirk grew wider, “But if this city wants protecting, it’s gonna have to accept that Spider-Man is just that. Spider-Man.”

“So no one knows who’s under the mask?” You’re suddenly serious, almost whispering, but trying to hold onto the light-hearted conversation. He’s so easy to talk to, which is weird for someone you’ve never truly met. You don’t want to ruin this.

“Very few.” He replies, also serious. And then, “All Spider-Man stuff aside, why are you up so late?”

“Ha,” You suddenly felt shy, disconcerted thinking that he wants to talk about you. Why? You’re nothing special. “I was working on a paper for school.” You wanted to talk more about his life. His superhero life. Did he not see that it was the coolest thing, possibly ever? And you had the chance to ask all the questions that kids all over the world would die to ask. You were not going to waste it.

“What’s the paper on?” He seemed genuinely interested. You let out a laugh.

“Why? You seriously can’t tell me you’re interested in my lame high school crap? It’s a paper on To Kill a Mockingbird. Super interesting.”

“Do you like it?”

“What?”

“The book. Do you like it?” He’s serious again. His voice is quiet, his dorky demeanour replaced with something more mature and careful. This isn’t Spider-Man, you realised, this is the person underneath.

“Uh, I guess? It’s hard to like something when you have to study it with thirty other teenagers, but I think it I’d read it on my own I probably would, yeah. Do you?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never read it. Wondering if maybe I should so that I could have more in common with pretty girls on the tops of buildings.” The smirk was back. Spider-Man returns.

“Very smooth, Spider-Dude. But are you this cool and collected when the mask comes off?” This flirting was weird. Technically this guy was a complete stranger. A stranger that saved your life. But it was fun. What did you have to lose?

“Uh absolutely. The great thing about wearing a mask is that you can be whoever you want to be. It just so happens that I, both masked and unmasked, am awesome.”

And so it continued. For hours, you joked back and forth. You flirted back and forth. By the time the darkness of the night gave way to the pale grey of almost-morning, you were certain that you would recognise his voice in the middle of a crowd, that you could pick up on his jokes from a mile away. Which was good because, really, that’s all you had to go on.

Every so often he’d almost let something slip. Something personal. Something real, but to no avail. He’d always catch himself, fake a cough, make a joke instead. He was good. But that’s not to say you didn’t learn anything. He was still a kid, and he really seemed to like you. So, the longer the night wore on, the more open he became. He deflected less and started to talk about his life. His superhero life, that is.

He mentioned how hard it can be, but how rewarding. He mentioned a few stories from his live-saving, the little kid who squared up to his bullies with Spider-Man’s help, the old lady who thought he was a mugger. And you couldn’t get enough. His life was something right out of a movie, or some nerdy comic-book, this wasn’t real.

At one point, when the sky above you had turned a pale pink, and there was a hint of sunrise just below the Manhattan skyline, you started to talk about his powers.

“How did you get like this?” you asked, ever so carefully. You were never sure if what you said might make him run, feel like you’d gotten too close. He didn’t run. Instead, he sighed.

“It’s a long story. Way too long for this time of night… Or should I say morning.” He picked up his phone, which had lain dormant on the ground next to you for the past four hours. “We should probably get going. Look, balcony-girl… I know what you’re trying to get at, asking about the mask. And I’m flattered, really.” He smirked, but only slightly, ”But… once people started noticing Spider-Man, realising what he could do, they felt threatened. All the petty criminals and scary monster guys out there, they didn’t like it. Which means that the person is under this mask is in just as much danger. And so are the people I love. Do you understand?”

Speechless, you nodded.

“Okay, good. Because honestly, this night has been crazy ridiculous, and you’re… amazing. Like so cool. And understanding, which is hard to find in a place like this – believe me. But this is all it can ever be for Spider-Man. Because if anyone else I love gets hurt…”

You are stunned. He’s speaking so quietly, so carefully. His head is bowed and you could swear you heard a faint catch in his voice, like he was holding back tears. You finally understood why he’s been holding back. If the bad guys knew who he was, who this kid was, they would do anything they could to stop him, and you could only imagine the ways they would try. You shuddered, suddenly cold in the fresh morning air, and watched from above as the city started to pick up speed.

“I understand.” It came out as a whisper. And it was true, you did. But that didn’t mean it was any less of a blow. As the night had worn on, you’d started to wonder and dream about what might happen next. Whether you might be the one to finally learn who the Spider-Man really is. The one who could help him, maybe even save him. But that’s all it was, a dream. You realise now why you could never know the Spider-Man like you want to know him, and now you’re wondering if it was too hard to hear.

Throughout all this silence, all these thoughts swirling around your head, one phrase remains: “If anyone else I love…” Love.

His voice cuts through your thoughts, snapping you back to the rooftop, “I have to go. And so should you. Thank you, though.” He stands up, offers his hand, “For the best night I’ve ever had. And that’s saying something because, did I mention I’ve met the Avengers?”

You laughed, both glad to have the carefree and cheeky Spider-Man back after everything you’d just heard, but also sad. Your night, your perfect night, was coming to an end. And everything he’d said just minutes before made you realise that there was every chance you’d never see him again. Honestly, you couldn’t imagine life going back to normal after this, but it had to.

“Thank you again, for the whole ‘saving my life’ thing. I guess I owe you my life now, which is pretty scary. But now you know where to find me. If you ever need someone to be your eyes and ears down here on the ground, or even someone to talk to at 6am, or whatever really, let me know.” For the thousandth time that night, you saw the corners of his mask crinkle, and you knew he was smiling.

“Thanks balcony girl. Honestly, people like you are the whole reason I do this thing. It’s nice to know it’s worth it.” With that, he wound his arm around your waist and, quick as a flash, dropped lightly down onto the fire escape below, letting you go so you could clamber back into your room. Into your normal life.

Just before you did, just before you opened the window and crawled back into the mundane, everyday worries and fears, like homework, school, and parents, you reached up to lightly kiss the side of Spider-Man’s mask, right where his cheek was. Right where it was under layers of technically enhanced fabric, there was someone you wanted to feel loved.

And once he was gone, swinging over the rooftops on the way back to his own extraordinary life, he did.

 ***PART FOUR UP LATER TODAY LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT IT???***

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

8/9/19 12:34 AM the super update. aka get your shit together Endgame post 1/?

Well. Here I am. It’s hard to even approach this post, to be honest. I’ve been procrastinating for so long. So long that it’s actually the last real thing I have left on my to do list.

Check this out.

I’ve been working hard at doing things lately. And catching up with you is basically the last thing left to do.

I finally spring cleaned all of my clothes and got rid of a ton of stuff that didn’t fit one way or another. 

I started playing guitar again.

I got my shit together with my job, got a bunch of online credits that I’d been procrastinating on. Started doing all the possible work I could every night to make my boss happy and it’s been making me a fuckton more money tbh. 

I’ve bought a bunch of cool shit, and been treating myself right with my food. I gained a bunch of weight back during the past year during my relationship with Andi. It’s not a terrible thing, I was treating myself. She convinced me that I deserved to treat myself and enjoy myself and that’s not a bad thing. But now I’m doing what I call Keto+, which is Keto+Beer lmfao.

I’m still going out drinking whenever I want, but for my meals I’ve stopped eating breads and rice and pasta, mostly just eating chipotle (just graduated to doing salads instead of bowls with light rice, though I wasn’t eating the rice just a bite here and there), sashimi from Hmart, lately once in a while a five guys lettuce wrap burger, back to doing salami and mozzarella at home. 

I’ve taken to fasting once a week on my thursday night shift (tonight), to try to accelerate the weight loss, but it’s not like my pov diets before because I’m still eating nuts.

It’s been a progression of increasing the amount I’ve been running (from one day to two days, to usually two maybe three days a week now, and the distance is a lot longer now), and cutting off more and more little cheats. E.g. the biggest was finally embracing sparkling waters instead of gatorade. I finally got to try Spindrift off a recommendation from a magic the gathering podcast, and it’s incredible. Only like 3 calories a can and it actually tastes good from the real juice and not bitter in the aftertaste. 

But anyway, I’ve got plenty of money now. My debts are paid, I’m ahead on bills, I’ve got all the sweet clothes I wanted, so I finally made the call last week.

It’s time to fix my car’s bumper. I’ll try to remember to get one last picture of lexi before I fix her broken front tooth.

Do you know what that means?

It’s the Endgame.

The Get Your Shit Together List I put together years ago... well let’s take a look at what’s left of it. The sad thing about digital to do lists is you don’t see the progression though. Wish I knew what was on there. I think a lot of it was losing weight, but I skipped the whole being healthy part before.

God damn, man.

Doc last edited Oct 2, 2018. I guess I started writing this plan out Jan 2017. I think my biggest priorities then were to cut down spending and pay off my debts. 

I never started exfoliating lol. I wonder if I should do that for my nose.

I didn’t give ashleigh her plane credit part because fuckit. I did end up using mine though, to take that trip to Hawaii to visit John. Pretty fucking baller. I guess that was another big step towards getting my shit together, too.

Quit melee, but now I’ve been playing again playing jigglypuff just to hang out with my roommates. It’s really neat not grinding falco, even though I lose a lot the game’s a lot more fun again.

OH MY GOD THOSE BLUE STORAGE CUBES. When I fucking talked about spring cleaning clothes? THATS what I meant. I’ve literally had this shit on my to do list for two YEARS hahahahah. About goddamn time. Holy fuck.

Got my deviated septum fixed, didn’t cost nearly that much thank the lawd.

Just went to the dentist, my teeth are doing great. Ironically they mentioned that I need to consider replacing one of the fillings that I mention getting here eventually. 

I did finally get a new laptop and backup the old one, uploaded that info to throw it out about two weeks ago. 

Actually got sweet ass new shoes booya checkem

I’m not vaping anymore, the whole juul pod fad never hit me. I’m doing cigarettes still, for better or for worse. Lol. I’ll take the cancer I know over the one I don’t.

But it’s better than I was when I was writing this list, I used to have to smoke one every single day after work. Maybe that was because I was hungry, but it was always this poignant craving on the back porch that I remember. Now I just like smoking when I drink mostly, but have the occasional one to chat with people or whatever.

Playing guitar again, not frequently, might start at work more since I’m playing the electric since I don’t have an acoustic available. Maybe I’ll even learn these songs. Playing guitar is great though, I kinda wanna be in a band sometime. That’d be fucking neat. Someone invited me to sing for his drunkenly at karaoke lol I should hit him up it’s been a minute. 

Got my nintendo switch, which I think was so far out of consideration that I deleted it from the fun stuff section. 

Who’d have thought I’d ACTUALLY start running and drinking water more. I guess I’m the greatest lmao.

Yeah man, like 15 pounds over the past 2 months. I think a lot of it was easy food weight, but it’s felt really rewarding all the same. Gotta keep it up, this 175 hurdle has been a tough nut to crack, but I’m gonna be really proud of myself once I get into the 160s territory again. I’m doing pullups slightly more, maybe I need to do the whole situps-pushups-pullups regimen right before/after running to really push it. Idk, i’m just glad i’m being good about it.

I’m even flossing once a week now.

Things are really shaping up. 

But with money in my bank account there are three options that I have.

1. Save it by buying stocks

2. Blow it by buying a bunch of dumb shit

3. Finish off the to do list and actually get my bumper fixed.

I wanted to ignore 3 because it feels like a dumb expense for a minor aesthetic, but I guess in view of all these things I’ve accomplished it really does mean quite a bit more than that. So I made a claim on a ding on the side of my car and I’m gonna see if I can get it all fixed up. I’ve actually taken on a few extra days of work lately and made even MORE extra money, so I don’t think it should knock me back financially at all. Which means that it’s time. 

I’m finally doing it.

It feels really cool. I’m a little bit anxious about it in the sense that it’s gonna be annoying if they deny me getting the bumper fixed because of the collision damage that I never reported. But whatever we’ll cross that bridge in a few weeks when I get the damage inspected and see what happens.

This has been my brag post. Hope you were able to tolerate it all. But that’s only the first phase of catching up. It’s only been a half hour of writing! I’ve got a lot of time left at work tonight and I might even spend a lot of this weekend at Darlin’s catching up if I have to. Catching up with this blog is as big a part of getting my shit together as scheduling my appointment with the car insurance was.

So what I mean to say is we’re gonna catch all the way through my greensboro days up to now. I have some saucy tales and some not-so-saucy ones. I’ve got a full relationship to blab about, and honestly one thing that I had promised her and was on a bunch of my old to do lists was to do like a whole pro-con listing about her persona, which felt weird and I kept procrastinating on but god dammit I’m gonna get everything off my to do lists. 

So I looked back a little and it looks like the last posts I made were about sally, Becky,  whatever the hell my dealings with Taylor were, and the beginnings of Mary. Which means that we’re gonna flesh out Mary, and then you’ve got Sophie, Rachel, Olivia, Andi, Jennifer, Heather, and Jill to look forward to.  Whew baby.

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Oosh, where has the time gone? It’s hard to figure out whether it’s the weeks or the weekends that go by faster. Either way, they’re going nuts and I’m waaaay behind on my weekly updates. I’ve noted this for the last couple of weeks, sighed, and discovered that it’s now Thursday or something equally ridiculous. And of course, the longer this goes on, the more I have to write and the more impossible it becomes. I guess I’ll have to draw a line under it… This week you’ll only be seeing the things I gave a damn about from the last couple of weeks because otherwise I’ll never finish!

A Rare Moment of Self-Reflection

What I should do is to think a little about why I’m now struggling to do this. In part it’s because this exercise was great at the beginning of lockdown, and gave me a focus. Now, of course, I have a fucktonne of work to do and things are sort of ramping up in other areas of life, like occasionally seeing people in the flesh and stuff. A number of things have helped me keep it together for the last 129 days (I think) of working at home: work, obviously, is my primary routine and aiming to go for a cycle ride beforehand really frames my day. Every Thursday for ages (forever? Who knows) I’ve been hosting a virtual pub for our MissImp weekly regulars (and folks from further afield too, which has been amazing) which has filled my regular evening out slot nicely. Then there’s been the fortnightly We Are What We Overcome webcasts, and the quick chats we have on the off weeks. That handful of regular activity has been great.

I try to keep these posts going because of something we talked about in one of our podcasts: if I’m depressed, I can’t remember any good things I’ve ever done, and if I’m all perky and up then I don’t care about remembering what I’ve been doing. Right now I’m mostly pretty chipper, largely a consequence of being busy and having acquired lots of LEGO recently, so this doesn’t feel important in the same way it did a few months ago. That’s a tricky place for me to be in, because despite occasional dips into glum days, I think I’ve been upbeat for a while now. The longer I’m upbeat, the less likely it feels that I’ll go down, or that I’ll worry about crashing. And that’s actually a decent indicator that I’m going to have a bit of a crash. Keeping track is the whole damn point! Must make more time. 

Anyway… what have I been up to? Well, we’ve seen real live humans on both the last Saturdays, partly in attempt to normalise the new normal, or whatever the pre-second wave era is called, and partly because it turns out that folk want to see us, which is very nice and reassuring. Messing about with my sister and nieces at Highfields Park was a rather fun afternoon, as was eating and drinking at Dovecote Lane park last weekend. That bandstand is perfect, other than it’s brutish tarmac flooring. As I have alluded to earlier, I’m also quite busy at work as we race for the print deadlines for October titles, commission more and more artwork and do general bookstuff. It’s ace really, but is certainly filling my days tightly. We’re not likely to see the office for another month, and that’s OK with me.

I’ve been a rather busy LEGO person too, albeit more “busy” in the sense of “buying” than making much. I did join a LUG though, the Brick Central LEGO User Group. I’ve thought about it a lot over the last couple of years, and though I’m not sure how much time I could feasibly put into big displays and conventions, I’m interested in finding out. Also I got neat printed bricks and bits and pieces when I signed up, so I’m happy with that. I took advantage of the LEGO double VIP points last week to pick up a “few” things, from cute little LEGO Dots and baby dinosaurs to the massive Pirates of Barracuda Bay set. It is all very exciting! I’ve got some random builds I need to take some decent photos of and share them too.  

Big Stuff

Little Stuff

Big Stuff

Watching: The Order, season 2

I can’t deny that this is a low-rent��Teen Wolf crossed with the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, themselves low-rent versions of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and so many more.  I remembered nothing of the previous season, even when we saw the “last time on this thing”, and would have sworn I’d never seen it at all. Nonetheless, this proved to be effective brain chewing entertainment while eating, in the sense of it noticeably degrading one’s braincells. Daft witch academy with neighboring anti-magic werewolves (who turn out to have previously been the witches’ bodyguard or something), but the wolves have all been tricked into being witches, or something. It doesn’t really matter – the entire show is redeemed by the delightful relationship between the four werewolves, which feels very much like how I felt about my university housemates: loving, occasionally fighty and laced with sarcasm and alcohol. Shame the lady werewolf ended up in hell this season. I’m sure I won’t remember this next time either, but if I can be persuaded to watch season 3 I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. 

Reading: The Kingdom Beyond the Waves by Stephen Hunt

Continuing the really quite wacky steampunk series set in a far-future with multiple species of human (Craynarbians are splendid shelled folk, for example), steammen, and wild action adventure. I have insufficient time to summarise this one, but it covers an Atlantis-alike ancient city in the sky, infernal plots of genius industrialists to take over government, a frightening Borg-like jungle species, savage feral robots, submarine journeys, and so much more. The whole series is an absolute blast and I’m enjoying re-reading them enormously. Get on it.  

Building: LEGO Overwatch Watchpoint: Gibraltar #75975

While I still have almost no idea what Overwatch is (yeah, yeah, I know it’s a game, and my friend Sam has a nice summary on Overwatch here), but I adore the LEGO sets. I’ve had my eye on this one solely because it features a gorilla in a spacesuit. Now that it’s reaching the end of its shelf-life “Watchpoint: Gibraltar” has become more affordable, and on a midnight whim (always the best time to buy LEGO) I ordered…

The minifigs are an utter delight! Check out Pharah (in blue) with that gorgeous gold visor, and Mercy (admittedly with the usual pink-printed-on-black face which never really works that well) with a lovely hair/hat element and lovely printed torso and legs, plus the rather ominous Reaper. I’m guessing he’s the bad guy. The gorilla is apparently named “Winston”. I hadn’t noticed that he’s wearing glasses, but he’s rather charming either way.

The build is pretty straightforward: you make a spaceship, which has a couple of separating sections, and the cool but not very exciting gantry/rocket leaning post thing. The spaceship itself is a satisfyingly sleek affair, with cleverly connected sections and very neat work on making the hatch fit flush. Building it felt like a wonderful flashback to my childhood, making largely flat spaceships that feel a little like this, but much less good.

The whole thing looks very pretty, but is inconveniently tall for anywhere I want to put it…

Watching: Derry Girls, season 2

Just marvelous. I can’t recommend this show enough, and I’m thrilled that there’s a third season on the way. Set in, um, Derry, in the 90s, this teenage sitcom is pretty much perfect. In keeping with non-American TV shows about teenagers, this lot actually look like real teenagers – the scowl game is extraordinary. The relationships and dialogue are brilliant, and you can’t help but love them all a little bit. The parents are savage and equally funny (finding Bill Clinton is a particular joy). The costumes are bang-on 90s-hideous and the soundtrack makes me unusually nostalgic.  My only complaint is that there aren’t enough episodes. Not even close. Apparently Netflix screwed up and released this early, so it’s not available any more. Sorry folks!

Building: LEGO Jurassic World Dr Wu’s Lab: Baby Dinosaur Breakout #75939

Jesus Christ, baby dinosaurs! How was I ever supposed to resist? Reader, I did not. Clearly. 

Like many of the licensed sets, especially the Jurassic World theme, there isn’t a lot to this. That said, the build is drawn out by the usual agony of applying stickers to transparent elements, and my desire to get them mostly straight had me turning on extra lights and teasing them into place with a scalpel. The egg turning machine is pleasing, and although I was complaining about applying the stickers, this is a set where they really do shine. The details in them are lovely, from the laptop screen to all the heads up displays, they’re adorable, and I’ll have to find more uses for them.

The figures are reliably cool, and I really like the LEGO Friends elements such as the baby feeding bottle sneaking into the mainstream LEGO sets.  Dr Wu has the most cunning expression, just like in the movies! But none of this matters – all shall be recycled for parts except for the ADORABLE baby triceratops and even babier ankylosaur. Just so goddamn cute. I couldn’t be happier. 

Watching: What We Do in the Shadows, season 2

A show that completely revels in its own stupidity with enormous commitment, we caned this in a single sitting too. Colin, the energy vampire, continues to be my personal favourite, but they’re all pretty great idiots. I’m delighted that the main storyline has turned out to be Guillermo’s, as he learns of his vampire-hunting past and wonders about his future, killing vampires while still being a dedicated familiar. Wonderful nonsense.

Doing: We Are What We Overcome – Fortnightly Mental Health Check-In

We reflected a little on how life has changed with a whole fortnight of being allowed to go to the pub… And here’s the link for next week’s chat.

Watching: Warrior Nun

This is dreadful. OK, that’s not entirely fair, but it’s definitely mostly fair. This is the story of a bunch of nuns who are warriors (duh), fighting demons and stuff. One of the nuns always has an angel’s halo embedded in their back, which makes them a sin-fighting superhero. When a mission goes badly tits up, the warrior nuns rip the halo out of their dead leader and stick it in a recently dead girl… She comes back to life, no longer paraplegic, but certainly perplexed about why she’s alive, why she has superpowers (kinda), and why she should give a shit about the Catholic church. Sounds fun, right. The trailer looks pretty fun too, and there are about 25 minutes of great stuff spread across the entire show, with some fun fights, laughable CGI demons, the one good character (Shotgun Mary) who appears to be in another, much better, show. But the rest of it is bogged down by impossibly tedious exposition where characters literally open books and read endless passages from them, or an agonisingly dull romance, in which the most exciting bits are them sitting on a ferry. The show almost redeems itself with a final heist episode but by that point it’s so laden with cack that I couldn’t bring myself to care. You may enjoy it though.

Doing: MissImp’s Virtual Drop-In – Roberto Lewis

More great and splendid video content right here, on one of my favourite topics — coming in with nothing! (I mean, favourite because I cannot plan…)

Last Week: The Order, The Kingdom Above the Waves, Warrior Nun, Derry Girls, LEGO Overwatch and Jurassic World, We Are What We Overcome and more… I’m quite behind. #books #tv #LEGO #stuff https://wp.me/pbprdx-8GV Oosh, where has the time gone? It’s hard to figure out whether it’s the weeks or the weekends that go by faster.

[drtanstravels]

I was born on August 30, 1979 and according to statistics, the average life expectancy for an Australian born at that time was 74 years, with 70.56 years for males and 77.62 years for women:

Things are looking brighter for people born in this day and age with males looking at reaching 80.4 years of age and women living to be 84.6, but no matter how you look at it, even with the advances in modern medicine, it’s safe to say that at 39 years old, I’m now technically middle-aged and I’d simply have to be in denial to not be able to accept this fact. The real issue is whether I’m in the grips of a midlife crisis as I have made quite a few lifestyle changes that really only men grappling with what I like to call “manopause” tend to make when they reach my age. No, I haven’t purchased a sports car, I don’t flirt with women 20 years younger than me, and I haven’t started taking Metamucil (how could I not make that link orange?), but I have:

Britney feels my pain

Joined a gym — My neurologist told me a few years ago that I probably should lose some weight. I started using a calorie counter and eating healthier and over a period of about four years I managed to lose roughly 15kg (33lb). He’s happy with my weight loss, I now have a healthy BMI again, however, I set myself a weight goal, but my weight loss stagnated and I couldn’t get past a certain point and reach my target. My neurologist also told me I need to get more exercise, which makes sense as I do like to walk everywhere, but when you work from home like I do there are days where you are almost completely sedentary besides the occasional dog walk. I figured a little extra exercise might reduce my seizures, get me to shed those extra couple of kilograms I’ve been trying to ditch, and may also be able to help remedy my sleeping problems and seemingly constant lower back pain so there was really no reason not to start going to the gym. Besides, it did help a bit when I was going to one when we lived in New York. In the three or four months since I joined, I’ve lost an additional 4kg (8.8lb) doing cardio work and went over two months without having a seizure. My back pain was a lot better too, until I pulled a muscle in my lower back when I did eventually have a seizure again.

Started eating healthier — This one I started doing when I first got told by the neurologist that I should lose a bit of weight. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and not gain any weight, but now my epilepsy medication causes weight gain and I’m not playing any sport anymore. I mentioned the calorie counter earlier, but I know people who work out and then go to KFC afterward, making the exercise seem kind of redundant so I’ve been taking what I eat, especially for lunch, a little more seriously. Most days I’ll just have either a litre (33.8 fl. oz.) of home made fruit and vegetable juice of I’ll get some sashimi and sushi. But also, quite often I go to a place called Little Farms, a small cafe and grocery store in the mall below the gym, and get a salad or chicken with wild rice, something like that to take away, but some things aren’t always available, life doesn’t always go as you’d expect, and Anna will never let me live this one down so I may as well give you the details: A TV show I have always loved is The Young Ones, the storyline described on IMDB as:

Four mis-matched university students share a house in North London: Neil, the hippy; Mike, the cool person; Rick, a would-be anarchist studying sociology; and Vyvyan, the punk medical student who is prone to extreme violence. Together with their bastard Russian landlord, the world of these “bachelor boys” is surreal and violent, but ultimately hilarious.

Neil (left), is a vegetarian and always gets forced to cook for all of his housemates, which generally turns out to be lentils. Now, I had never eaten a lentil before until a few weeks ago and I don’t think I will bother eating them again, either. It was kind of late when I got to the gym that day so when I finished there wasn’t a whole lot to choose from for lunch at Little Farms, yet I couldn’t be bothered going anywhere else so I opted for the lentils with cauliflower and broccolini. I definitely cashed in my man-card that day. Anna came home to see me shovelling spoonful after spoonful into my mouth out of my box of tasteless misery-sand. In what was similar to a moment out of Peep Show, Anna asked me what I was eating, to which I answered that it was lentils. She laughed and said “Wow, you must be really enjoying them!” However, nothing could be further from the truth. “No, I just shut my eyes, put as much in my mouth and swallow, but whenever I look back at the box it seems like there’s still the same amount left,” I said in defeat. Anyone that reads this blog regularly knows that I will try eating anything at least once, but I don’t think I’ll have lentils again to see if I was mistaken and I doubt Anna will ever let me forget that I tried them in the first place.

Started using anti-hairfall shampoo — Since I’ve been exercising more, I’ve obviously been sweating a lot more too and in the Singapore climate that isn’t a good thing, especially for your hair. Due to this, I was getting kind of gross things growing on my scalp so I opted for Head & Shoulders. Hey, if it’s good enough for Sofía Vergara, it’s good enough for me, but I instinctively bought the anti-hairfall variety. I’m not losing my hair, I mean, sure, I’ve got car parks, but not at a Phil Collins level yet, however, there is no point closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

These three main points, and probably several others if I put my mind to it, definitely point to being on the cusp of a midlife crisis, but I haven’t sold out completely. I still love beer and meeting up with friends for a drink and my birthday just so happened to land on the first day of Beerfest Asia:

If I have to…

Sure, the Beerfest website for 2018 looks like it was designed by the same people who made Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (couldn’t resist the colours again), but it’s the event, not the page that counts. So how do the organisers describe Beerfest Asia? Like This:

Beerfest Asia Pte Ltd is co-owned by lifestyle company, Timbre Group and Sphere Exhibits. Beerfest Asia Pte Ltd is set up to initiate and spearhead the beginnings of the only and largest beer festival in Southeast Asia. The idea behind Beerfest is the experimentation process of finding and enjoying beers that consumers may never, otherwise encounter locally. It is also a trade event for industry colleagues to exchange dialogue and promote their products. With plans to grow the festival in the region, Beerfest Asia Pte Ltd is committed to develop the festival to become the premier beer marketplace in Asia. 2018 marks the 10th edition of the festival.

Okay, that makes it seem a little wanky, but to me it is a chance to try a bunch of new beers and this year there were apparently over 600 different beers available. This obviously wasn’t our first time at Beerfest, not by a long shot. In fact, we go almost every year:

With Liam Collins at Beerfest 2011

At Beerfest 2012

With an angry German guy at Beerfest 2013

With Rik Mayall at Beerfest 2014

Drinking out of bags with Anna and Elaine Ang at Beerfest 2017

It turns out that those are the only five occasions where I’ve taken photos at Beerfest or at least haven’t drunkenly deleted them, but if we’re in Singapore and Beerfest is on, I’m there. I went to the first six Beerfests, but we were overseas in 2015 and 2016, but haven’t missed one since then. Also, if you look at the photos from 2013 and 2014, you’ll notice a pattern — I’m wearing a horrendous lederhosen t-shirt and there is a reason for that. I wore it as a joke to Beerfest several times prior to those pictures, but in 2013 some German guy (above, in the real lederhosen) initially found my t-shirt offensive and wanted to fight me, but eventually came around so I’ve made it a point to wear my lederhosen t-shirt to the Saturday session of Beerfest ever since. The irony of the situation was that I bought that t-shirt when we went to Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany in 2010! I had wanted to get real lederhosen there, but they’re really expensive. You can get secondhand ones, but who knows what type of rash you’d get from secondhand leather shorts, plus, they’re still really expensive, so I just bought the t-shirt and a cheap hat, but Anna still bought a real dirndl that year:

Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany, 2010

Anyway, most years at Beerfest are quite fun, but the 2017 event had been a bit of a letdown; It was held in a convention centre, there wasn’t much of an outdoor area, just a T-shaped arena of tables with a stage at each end with cover bands playing. I remember walking from one section to another to buy a beer and both bands I had passed had been playing Karma Police by Radiohead at the exact same time! This year’s Beerfest was at a new location, near Gardens by the Bay, so hopefully that would be an improvement on the previous year, but there was one thing that was certain to suck — The entertainment consisted of cover bands of two of my most hated groups, Coldplay and U2. Only time would tell how this one would pan out…

Thursday, August 30, 2018 Thursday started out like any other day; I got up, made a cup of coffee, and scrolled through Facebook while watching CNN. I also saw that I had a couple of new WhatsApp messages from Anna:

Oh yeah, that’s right, it was my birthday. I honestly couldn’t care less about my birthday if I tried and I generally tend to forget it when it arrives, as I had again this year. In fact, one year when I was still teaching at GEOS I arrived at work and there was a birthday cake on the counter in the staffroom. I nonchalantly asked Kristina, the then head teacher, whose birthday it was. “Haha, very funny,” was her sarcastic reply until she realised I was deadly serious. “It’s yours,” she then said in the most deadpan manor. Oh, cool, free cake. Thank you. Anyway, for some reason people had been randomly wishing me a happy birthday for the previous two weeks, but the day was now here, however, there wouldn’t be any cake this year, although Anna did consider getting me a sushi cake, but you have to order them ahead of time. Instead, I went to the gym for an hour or so and then Anna messaged me to meet up with her for lunch in Chinatown. When I arrived she pointed out that the t-shirt I was wearing was enormous, one that once fit perfectly that I used to wear all the time, but since I’ve lost weight now swims on me, giving me the appearance of a Juggalo who hasn’t put his face on yet. We eventually stumbled upon The Populus, a cafe with some great coffee and some pretty decent food and that was lunch sorted. Anna went home to continue some work she had to do so I walked around the corner to one of my favourite music store, Hear Records, to pick myself up some birthday presents. As I have mentioned before, I also have a weird situation where I share my birthday with my father-in-law. We met up with them on the previous Sunday for an early birthday dinner, but Anna’s mother was messaging us to see if we wanted to go for the launch of a book written by one of Anna’s cousins called Crippled Immortals, an event that was happening at Books Actually, a great little bookstore just behind where we live. We were unable to Attend because Anna had to go to dinner with some colleagues and then it was on to Beerfest!

The plan was to meet up with a couple of Anna’s friends, Elaine and Kamei, and another friend of ours, Yarny, would meet us there later. We arrived, got us some beer credits due to them not accepting cash, and then we were in, eventually meeting up with Kamei and Elaine. The layout this year consisted of three main tents and some outdoor seating:

Fortunately, it wasn’t too busy so we made our way up to the Hilltop Arena, grabbed some complimentary welcome beers and then had a look around. There was a stall selling Korean liver snacks so we bought a pack and that allowed us to have a go at shooting darts at a target to win credits. The girls insisted I do it and I apparently shot quite well, winning us an extra few bags. We pulled up a seat, ate our snacks and drank our beers, but soon I needed another so I had a look around and stumbled upon Canadian Craft Beer, owned and run by Scott Scheuerman, a former colleague of mine at GEOS back in the day. I had seen him working there previous years, but completely forgot about his company until I ran into him again. It was great having a chat and would definitely be seeing a bit more of him over the coming days.

“Beer Syrup.” Sounds legit…

There was a cover band on in the Hillside Arena that weren’t too bad, just playing a variety of stuff, but we also wanted to see what else was available so we went down to the East Arena, Yarny messaging me almost upon arrival to ask where we were. I found her and then we grabbed more beers and some food from the stalls within. Most Asian beers are pretty good, although you can find some terrible things like the Chinese one our friends, Tom and Leonie, found in a restaurant over here recently (right), but there was a ton of great regional stuff available including a rauchbeir from Hong Kong called Oh, Bacon that genuinely smelled like ham, another that was legitimately like drinking mango sticky rice, as well as some awesome European beers like the unexpectedly great ones from Lithuania that I found. But of course, the girls’ favourite brewery was one at my expense, Gweilo. Why “Gweilo” I hear you ask? Well, here’s the definition:

gweilo

(n.) vaguely pejorative Cantonese slang for foreigner. Translations differ depending on who you ask. Apparently it was once meant to mean “foreign devil” (an extreme insult), but usually these days is said to mean “ghost man” due to white foreigner’s pale skin and is used as a general term to mean foreigner. Gweilos get upset about being called this. Chinese think it’s no big deal.

I think it’s no big deal either and besides, this brewery was started by a couple of British guys living in Hong Kong. In fact, when we first moved to Tiong Bahru, Singapore nearly 11 years ago, I was one of the only white guys in the entire neighbourhood. Fast-forward to 2018, the area has been gentrified and now Anna is almost the minority. When they were building a massive apartment block across the road from my local pub, Coq & Balls, Anna and I came to the conclusion that they should also build a giant Jebediah Springfield-style statue of me looking over the area with simply O.G. engraved in the base — “Original Gweilo.” Anyway, it was soon time to check out the final tent, the West Arena, and as soon as we entered I knew we wouldn’t be leaving there unless it was to go home. Why? Because it was the only one with air conditioning and if you’ve ever spent time with a group of Singaporean women on their home turf, they will sacrifice anything to be in aircon. Although being a Thursday night had meant the festival as a whole hadn’t been too busy, this tent was packed, but we still managed to find seats, thanks mainly to four of our posse lacking a ‘Y’ chromosome. It was really loud and we couldn’t hear ourselves speak, but we still made it work. Then my worst fear came true; Viva Coldplay, a Coldplay tribute band hit the stage and they were worse than expected, but it was funny watching some drunk local guys trying to look gangster while singing along with f___ing Coldplay! Anyway, we still had some fun, but soon it was time to leave so we all jumped in line for the porta-loos, then caught a cab home. Some scenes from the night:

Gameface on while shooting for snacks in my Steve Buscemi shirt

The rauchbier

That pretty much applies to all beers

One of the Lithuanian IPAs

The O.G.

A special beer in honour of Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un’s visit to Singapore in June

A sticker I received with mine

Chatting with Anna

Who needs to be told not to drink the water out of a porta-potty?!?

Friday, August 31, 2018 Friday was just a regular Friday for me. I took it easy during the day, Anna had organised a leadership training seminar and training day for work so after that she had dinner with some of the people involved, followed by going out for some drinks with them. That just meant I did my usual Friday night thing; went down to Coq & Balls and hung out with my drinking buddies, Anna joining us later on. Several of these guys were planning to join me at Beerfest the following day, Yarny even going to the extent of buying multiple She-Pees in order to make the toilet situation a little less traumatic for herself, Anna, and any other female friends that were to be in attendance.

Saturday, September 1, 2018 Saturday was here, the day that Anna, Myself, and a bunch of other friends were going to head down to Beerfest for some day-drinking and associated mischief, however, there was one small problem — It had been pissing down raining nearly all morning and early afternoon. A lot of people in Southeast Asia have unique reactions to rain. Many people from the Philippines, for example, have a strange conviction where they believe that if they get even slightly wet from the rain, they will get sick, absolutely no exceptions. Singaporeans, on the other hand, must think they are soluble because they lose their minds at the slightest hint of rain, possibly believing they will dissolve like a bath bomb if a single drop comes into contact with them! It can actually be quite amusing, especially during the torrential downpours in monsoon season when you see people who have forgotten their umbrellas try to cover their head with a tissue, only to have it diffuse into their hair, or the one person I saw who tried holding his bus ticket over his head! I have even seen letters written into the newspaper complaining that there are too may puddles when it rains! Maybe that was why when I walked down to Tiong Bahru Plaza to buy some lunch, it was the duty of an elderly cleaner to stand outside with a small brush and dustpan and try to sweep up the puddles… While it was still pouring!

Translation (German): “Same Table: Here sit those who always sit here.”

Anyhow, Beerfest was beginning at 3:00pm, but Anna was entertaining hospital guests at The Esplanade and would meet me there later. I streamed a couple of episodes of Maury until I heard from the others. For those of you that know the Coq & Balls “Stammtisch” crew over here, Yarny had decided to pull the pin because she was too hungover from the previous night, Leonie wouldn’t be able to make it either, but Tom, Simon, and Felix were coming, and TJ and a friend from Vancouver, Canada would be there are little later, so the She-Pees were kind of a waste of cash on Yarny’s behalf. To make things a little more interesting, Felix’s family are Bavarian so he was going to be resplendent in his traditional lederhosen, while I would be sticking with my own personal tradition and attending Saturday night at Beerfest in my lederhosen t-shirt. When I found out the others were on their way, I donned my outfit, jumped in a cab and headed to Beerfest for what I was expecting to be a fun afternoon, evening, and night. Tom, Simon, and Felix arrived, we grabbed our welcome drinks, had a look around the tents and ultimately opted for the outdoor seating at the Hilltop Arena. Although it was still daylight, there was definitely a completely different atmosphere to when Anna and myself were there on Thursday night. To begin with, it was exceptionally wet and muddy from all of the rain and everywhere we went we just got splashed by mud, I was so glad I didn’t wear thongs like I initially planned. Also, the general ambience of the event was completely different; Sure, Saturday was always going to be busier, we knew all along that we’d have to accept that fact, but people were also out to get hammered! In the first few minutes of being there I had walked past two different girls who were already crying and, as time passed, we watched as some of the locals’ complexions went more and more red with the more they drank. Another factor that doesn’t constitute a day-drinking environment is loud techno music playing in the background, Saturday afternoon beers are generally intended to begin as a low-key affair with a bit of bluesy-rock, potentially building up to something louder later on, but not blasting at 5:00pm. Still, we soldiered on. The four of us sat around our table drinking beers, eating some great char siew, and just chewing the fat when TJ and his friend made a brief appearance, disappearing to take a look around not long after, not to reemerge at Beerfest again. By now it was dark, it was still over 30°C (86°F) and extremely humid because of the storm earlier. Felix was sweating profusely through his shirt, soon discovering that authentic lederhosen are more conducive to an Alpine environment, as opposed to our equatorial one, and he was also having a little trouble with one of the already faulty buckles, which ultimately broke. Never fear, Felix turned out to be something of a German pants MacGyver and had the situation covered. We were now sharing our table with a group of extremely shy younger girls who had refused to even look in our direction after coyly asking if the seats were taken, but Felix saw that they had something he needed; the girls had finished eating satay skewers and if he could get his hands on one of those old sticks, his buckle dilemma would be sorted. “Excuse me, ladies, could I have one of your sticks?”, he inquired. One of the girls nervously replied that they were dirty, but Felix wasn’t swayed. “They’re for fixing lederhosen, they’re supposed to be dirty.” The girls passed their plate of used skewers over, a shared disgusted expression on all of their faces, and Felix got to work repairing his buckle and maintaining his dignity.

The mud, crowd, sweat, and horrible backing soundtrack that was not dissimilar to that of a construction site were getting to all of us, but then things got worse — Viva Coldplay, the Coldplay tribute act, started playing loudly in the Hilltop tent right next to where we were sitting. I am biased because I can’t stand Coldplay, but these guys are seriously shit! The vocalist can’t sing and the entire act sounds like something you might hear come runner up in a high school talent show in a small country town or maybe playing a junior rock eisteddfod, not Asia’s premier beer festival. Admittedly, they covered up the sound of the techno, but they were unbearable and we could now barely even speak to each other. It was official, Viva Coldplay were the straw that broke the camel’s back. Everyone decided to use up their remaining credits, drink what they got in return as quickly as possible, and head to Coq & Balls, however, for me there was just one problem; Anna was in the general vicinity of Beerfest for her work function and said she wouldn’t be too much longer, plus she had a ticket so I opted to stay. I mentioned earlier that my lederhosen t-shirt really pissed off a German guy back at Beerfest 2013, but I never anticipated that same shirt transforming into sexual dynamite in a mere five years. I had women coming at me from all angles, asking about the shirt, where I got it, giggling and saying how cute it was. The crowd was really deep now, so I had to line up for while at beer and food stalls. I got in line to buy some skewers and struck up a conversation with the people behind me, an American guy and his Australian girlfriend. They were talking to me about the shirt, laughing, and when my food came they insisted they pay for it! I thanked them, offered them some of what I was eating, but they refused. Next, I lined up for a beer at a nearby stall and when I tried to pay, the American guy working there said, “Dude, you’re not paying for anything with that shirt! And you’re not lining up anymore, either.” Looks like hassle-free beers are on the house for the night. Between the guys leaving for Coq & Balls and Anna’s arrival, there was about an hour of just random people, mainly attractive women far out of my league, approaching me about the shirt, like it was attached to some kind of oestrogen conduit. Anna eventually arrived and I explained to her the powers of the shirt, stating that if I were single, I wouldn’t be anymore, however, she had her doubts. Her skepticism was immediately quelled when I walked over to get beers for the both of us and was immediately approached by a guy and a group of girls on the way to the stall and then by an extremely attractive German girl on the way back, all wanting to know more about the shirt. We couldn’t find a seat so we stood around, drinking and laughing about the power of my lederhosen t-shirt, and I told her that everyone else had left. Anna said that she wasn’t really feeling up to sticking around, plus she had to work again in the morning. I was fine with leaving too, but the only problem was how I would cash in my remaining credits if nobody would let me pay for anything! We decided to spend the credits at Scott’s Canadian Craft Beers stall, asking him not to open the drinks, and just stuffed them all into Anna’s handbag. We caught a cab home, she just wanted to watch a bit of TV and then go to bed, but she insisted I join my friends at the pub so in order to keep the peace, I did what she said, it’s just easier that way. A quick look at Saturday night at Beerfest:

Felix’s buckle dilemma

The master at work

Sorted!

TJ and his Canadian buddy whose name I can’t recall

Give in, ladies… Give in to your urges…

Sunday, September 2, 2018 Sunday was not a standout Sunday for Anna or myself, but that rule didn’t apply to everyone. We just had lunch with a few people that were in town for Anna’s seminar from Australia, Korea, and Taiwan. So, why am I writing about Sunday? Because it was a big day for Yarny. This story begins a couple of weeks ago when I accidentally let the cat out of the bag. The machine I use at the gym has a TV on it and I was watching Wheel of Fortune while I was exercising and they showed an advertisement for MasterChef: Singapore. Normally I wouldn’t take any notice, but there was a familiar face that popped up a few times so I messaged the Stammtisch group and asked if Yarny was going to be a contestant on MasterChef. She replied that she had made it to the Top 18, but hadn’t really told anyone yet. She later posted her MasterChef profile from the Channel 5 Facebook page which read:

I had no idea that was her real name

Meet Weiyan!

The 30-year-old specialises in sensory neuroscience and neuroeconomics, and has worked in the science industry for 7 years. Both her parents were hawkers – hence her love for all things Asian and local cuisine!

Now that I had blown her cover and it was common knowledge, Yarny had decided to invite everyone down to Coq & Balls to watch the first episode. I think most of our friends went down, but Anna and myself were too tired and just watched it from home, watching Yarny do her thing in the kitchen, a passion of hers we didn’t really know anything about, and sending sarcastic messages to the group.

The subtitles read: “I am so tired”

Unfortunately, Yarny didn’t make it to the Top 10, but considering that she was rather hungover on the day of filming and had to do her own hair and makeup in the back of a taxi en route to the filming at Chijmes, I think she did a pretty damn good job!

Anyway, I had a great 39th birthday, had a blast at Beerfest on the Thursday, an okay, albeit amusing time there on Saturday, and will more than likely be there again next year if we’re in town. Thanks everyone for all of the birthday messages and phone calls, I really appreciated them. Also, a big congratulations to Yarny on her MasterChef: Singapore appearance. Now I’ve got to walk Anna’s luggage down to the Singapore National Eye Centre as she has to fly straight from work to Hanoi, Vietnam to give a presentation. I’ll be flying to Hangzhou, China tomorrow where she’ll meet me later that day for her conference, then we’ll fly back to Singapore on Saturday night. We’ll only be back a few days, then we’re off again on the Wednesday to Austria for four days and six days in Turkey so it may be a while until you hear from me again. Prost!

          My 39th birthday just happened to coincide with Beerfest Asia 2018. I guess I'd just have to accept it and move on with my life. I was born on August 30, 1979 and according to statistics, the average life expectancy for an Australian born at that time was 74 years, with 70.56 years for males and 77.62 years for women:

[daily-apocalypse]

Excuse me, I’ve been drinking.

Personal growth-wise, this week kind of sucked.  I was weak.  I was distracted.  I let things come between me and my learnin’ stuffs, like socialization and shopping for necessities.  I’m losing sight of the end game, and I know it.  I need that, though, the idea of being something greater than I am now, if I’m going to get through this.

I did finally get a hair cut and no one noticed, so that’s upsetting in its own right, but I also got different colored pens and post its and notebooks and, despite no sleep going from Wednesday into Thursday, leaving me, at 9am, telling my dependents to do what they like in regard to working out so I could sleep since someone decided ‘sweltering’ was a good temperature for the thermostat, I ended this week on a strong note.

Come Friday afternoon, after diligently working out and dedicating more time than usual to understanding wtf code was being thrown at me, I wasn’t a floppy Spock come 4pm.

Due to this, I’ve come to learn that exhaustion isn’t the sole reason I don’t log into game anymore.  Perfectly energized, there’s this restlessness inside of me once I stop working out or coding that just can’t be filled by throwing myself at useless pixel challenges.

In matters of my heart, however, I was settled.  That may not seem like a big thing to some people, but it’s a pretty big thing, I promise.  I don’t tend to have heart issues, so when they happen, it may as well be declared some kind of miracle.  The TLDR is that I’m better off and happier without them.

In fact, the moment my life faced upheaval and my bestie suggested alternatives to despair, he also sent me pics of this guy... this guy I was pleasantly surprised I remembered from 2 halloweens ago.

And I panicked at the prospect of being set up on a date with a stranger.

I’m in no state to devote myself to a relationship where heartbits are involved.  Not that I ever am, but most especially right now.  I lack funds, I lack energy (for the most part), I lack courage, and relationships take time and attention and courage and energy, above all else.

I’d be a wreck.  I’d barely have those qualities, at the best of times, but now...?

And I’m obviously saving myself for Antoni from Queer Eye, so I’m clearly not into relationships that can possibly happen or work.  Please, remove all sensible nonsense and prospects from my sight asap.

And my heart is still broke.  Settled, but broke.

It was a break I learned from.  A break where I had to face the guy daily afterwards.  How to cope?  My MO has been to run, in the past, but not this time.  So, instead, I cut him out of everything.  I simply stopped acknowledging his existence for my own survival.

Outside of tonight.

Long before I began drinking for the evening, I made out a list of all the things I aspire to be, for future reference and general guidance when I forget myself:

1.) Fit 2.) Generous 3.) Compassionate 4.) Kind 5.) Courageous 6.) To look for what I have in common with another person, rather than how I’m different from that person.

And the night ended with this person talking to me and messaging me, leaving me feeling like I’ve legitimately been missed, asking for a second chance.

It seemed unreal, them asking for another chance.  They hadn’t really done anything wrong, and yet, here they were.  And I felt missed.  It’s been a couple of months since we’ve spoken.  He believed I hated him.  I didn’t hate him.  I just couldn’t cope with him.

It only seemed right to say that, yeah, being friends again would be nice... given what I’d only a few hours ago carved into a post-it note and adhered to my desk as a reminder of just what sort of person I wanted to be.  Acquiescing to this request for friendship seemed to fit with 2-5, and maybe 6.

To be clear, I don’t want anything from him.  But I enjoyed him so much, and life is just easier without him in it because I don’t have to daily lament what I can’t have.  It was a rare joy to feel like myself with someone.  There’s been a few times since we stopped talking to each other, even tonight, where we either say or laugh at the same thing, because we’re saying or feeling or enjoying something the same way, and it’s like, “get out of my head.  You’re not welcome here.”  But that was the beauty of our friendship... the absolute nonsense that we could revel in together.

And sharing stupid parts of our lives.

Him getting the wrong couscous in a vain attempt to prove a point and failing miserably in unforeseen ways.  Sharing his blizzard.  Him having avocado toast for breakfast while I try out some pancakes in some completely unplanned and undiscussed freaky friday exchanging of lifestyles.

I made banana pancakes the other day and couldn’t get his voice out of my head, taunting me about it.  I wanted so badly to tell him, to take pics and show him... this after he admitted some sort of netherlands waffle cookie was good to our group.  I’d never made pancakes of any sort before, and these were beauties to the eye and to the tastebuds.

We were very very anti each other’s preferred breakfast pastry, you see.  I was team waffles, he was team pancakes.  We argued for at least two weeks straight over which was superior.  I’m not even exaggerating.

It’s insane and a little unfair how people can follow you around without even being there; how the stupidest things can remind you of them, or what they might think, feel, or say... so that, in these few months we haven’t been speaking, he’s been gone, but still somewhere in my head, there’s occasionally this little voice giving its unwanted opinion.

In a way, it’s a relief -- of course it is -- that he said anything, that the alcohol left him brave or sleepy or *whatever* enough to address our silence and how it came to be.  I wonder if he’s heard some version of me in his head, too, commenting on food or the weather or some other random thing.  Surely, he must have. If so, this must be why he said something.  If not, he missed it and this must be why he said something.  Right?  Maybe?  Maybe, though I’ve been alone, I haven’t been alone.  Or maybe it was him extending an olive branch, making amends and reparations for some completely unrelated resolution, some list to be a better person, like I have posted to my desk now.

In another way, it’s utterly the worst ever.  It’s dangerous finding someone like him, because then I want someone like him, so I can be me in every way I am with him, and the abject sadness of that not existing is too much for me to deal with.  Because of the proximity.  Because it’s right there.  It’s so easy to want.  Even when it’s not something I should want.  And then I fear it can’t be found anywhere else.

It’s also a bit of a relief that I’m drawn to the food and wine guy on Queer Eye. We were passionate about food, this guy and I.  Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that neither are available, but at least I’m pointed in a direction and kind of know it’s not just him.  It’s me.  I’m DTF: down to food.

And I appreciate ridiculous shit.

I used to own that shower cap.  Not even lying.  Pack of 3: leopard print, green, and white.  The print flaked off the leopard and the elastic bands went gummy on all three.  Sad. Face.  Regardless, I was always that kid at lunch who’d eat whatever exotically awful combination of foods and condiments others could come up with.

I’ve never owned a sweat band, car shirt, or questionable doll person, but I’d be so about that life if it were suddenly presented to me.

1.) I don’t know how to upload my own gifs to tumblr.  2.) I actually have a photo of myself from a few years ago, in Target, wearing that same unicorn bike helmet while holding up my soon-to-be Ninja Turtle panties.

I originally enjoyed Queer Eye for its message and the feels and didn’t think too much of Antoni until I noticed he was usually the one exploring the unknown while others were helping out the hero, and then the show was elevated to a whole new level and worth watching again just to see wtf was going on in the background.

How hard can it possibly be to find a person with these qualities who can also worship me as hard as I’d worship them?  That’s my night.  That’s my life.  That’s why it’s so hard to cope with this guy, because he’s so close to my vision of perfect.