#my art style still frustrates me a bit... but now that I think about it it never bothered me much when i was just drawing on paper....

[just1cefor4ll]

—You’re the kind of person they write rock songs about

—modern!au Viktor x fem!reader warning. not proof read, might be OOC, swearing

part one || part two || part three

‼️A/N. if anyone wants to be added to the taglist for this fic, let me know!! ‼️

‘I need someome to show me the things

in life that I can’t find.’

With a loud thud, Powder burst into the room, stumbling over her own feet and nearly causing your morning coffee to spill all over your art project—a project due in just under a week. "Powder! Jesus—slow down!" you exclaimed, letting out a frustrated groan as you steadied your coffee mug. Taking a long sip to steady your nerves, you swiveled in your desk chair to face her, one brow raised in curiosity. "So, what’s got you in such a rush?"

Powder was practically vibrating with excitement, her energy contagious enough to turn your initial annoyance into amusement. "You know that café with the whole vintage, 80s vibe you’ve been dying to visit?" she began, her tone filled with anticipation. Immediately, your ears perked up, and your confusion began to shift into hope. “Yeah, what about it? They’re always booked solid. Did something happen?” Instead of answering, she squealed with delight and shoved her phone in front of your face. On the screen was a reservation confirmation—a table for eight at 12 o’clock.

Your eyes widened as you did a double take. “No way.” Checking the time, you saw you had exactly an hour and fifteen minutes to get ready. Without hesitation, you pulled Powder into a quick hug and kissed her forehead before running off to prepare.

As you enter the bathroom you decide to style your hair in the way you always did for special occasions. It was a routine you knew by heart, and the familiarity calmed your excitement enough to let you focus. Opening your chaotic closet, you scanned its contents and grabbed the first outfit that caught your eye. You layered it with accessories that reflected your personal style before glancing at the clock. "Forty-five minutes," you muttered, impressed with your speed. Thankfully, waking up early to shower and do your skincare routine meant you had saved yourself a lot of stress—a rare victory you silently thanked your past self for.

Powder, now pacing the dorm trying to think of what to get at the café, noticed you were ready and practically dragged you to the full-length mirror she had insisted on bringing to your shared space earlier in the semester.

"Wait! Stay still," she commanded, snapping a quick picture of the two of you. You struck a playful pose at the last second, making her giggle as she added the picture to her camera roll, no doubt planning to post it later along with the many already planned ahead photo ideas she had in mind.

Powder grinned and grabbed your hand, practically bouncing out the door as you both made your way toward what promised to be an unforgettable day.

Oh and unforgettable it was.

You arrived at the subway station and met up with everyone— except Mel and Jayce who decided they’d go by car since it was the best possible option for them as they were out earlier that morning and were just 10 minutes away from your destination.

Viktor was seated next to you while the others had run off to find a place to sit in the packed space which had been a bit uncomfortable since everyone was standing body to body and god knows how many pervs were lurking around. You absentmindedly scooted closer to Viktor, bumping into his cane which almost hit the person standing next to you before you luckily caught it. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry I wasn’t thinking straight— shit, is it damaged or anything? I’ll buy you whatever you please at that cafe, I’m sorry.” You stuttered out, earning a teasing grin from Viktor. “No harm done, but if you’re offering..” You breathe out a relieved sigh, chuckling sheepishly; “I mean I don’t mind getting you something. It could be like a thanks for listening to me and my band play.” And with that, it was settled.

When the train pulled into your stop, everyone spilled out onto the platform. Ekko stumbled dramatically, throwing his arms up as if he’d just escaped certain doom. "Oh my god fresh air!" he exclaimed, drawing laughter from the group. “Alright, let’s go," Vi said in a commanding tone. "We’ve got twenty minutes until our reservation, so move it, squirts, and Vik." She said, Powder flipping her off as a faint; “Hey! Why’d you leave Viktor out of your pathetic try at an insult?” could be heard as all of them climbed up the stairs ahead of you and the man mentioned.

The walk to the café was surprisingly quiet, save for Powder and Ekko’s chatter. Viktor’s cane tapped rhythmically against the pavement, a sound that seemed to echo in the silence. You fiddled with your sleeves absentmindedly, still replaying your earlier clumsiness in your mind. Noticing your fidgeting, Viktor broke the silence. "I heard you’ve been wanting to visit this place since the start of the semester," he said, his tone more observational than questioning. You looked at him, caught slightly off guard by his comment. "Yeah," you admitted, your voice softening. "I’ve always loved the vibe. It’d be a dream to play there, but it’s just one of those things that probably won’t happen." Viktor frowned slightly at your words. "Why not? You’ve got the talent. And, dare I say, a very charming personality. There’s no doubt you could swoon the manager over and into giving you a gig—maybe even by next week."

His confidence in you made your cheeks flush, a shy smile spreading across your face. "Viktor, you really have a way with words it’s truly admirable," you said with a laugh. "You know, you’re the kind of person they’d write rock songs about."

Before he could respond, you giggled and darted ahead to catch up with the rest of the group, who were now gathered at the café’s entrance. Viktor watched you go, a faint smile playing at his lips before he made his way over to where Jayce and Mel were waiting.

The café was a dream come to life. Warm signs flickered gently against the dark wood walls, and the faint crackle of vinyl played on an old jukebox in the corner. Every detail—from the checkered floor to the vintage records and trinkets on the shelves.. it all felt so unreal. The stained glass also added on to the whole vibe, the colourful glass reflecting the suns beautiful rays onto the floor, walls and even booths giving it that magical touch.

You couldn’t help but smile as you took it all in. Powder was already snapping pictures with her phone, Ekko leaning into the frame and striking goofy poses. Caitlyn and Vi claimed the booth’s corner seats, their hands brushing as they shared a menu. Jayce and Mel arrived shortly after, bringing the group all together.

The energy was vibrant, the table filled with overlapping conversations and laughter as everyone admired the café’s welcoming and cozy aura. Viktor took a seat beside you again, his quiet presence somehow grounding amidst all the noise.

"See?" Powder beamed, nudging your shoulder. "Worth the rush, right?" "Totally," you admitted, leaning back and savoring the moment. "This place is amazing." As everyone placed their orders, Viktor leaned slightly toward you, his voice low so only you could hear. "Do you still think playing here is just a dream?" His question caught you off guard. You looked at him, unsure of how to respond. "I mean... yeah? It’s not like places like this to just hand out gigs to random people. I doubt they’d want a rock band playing here anyway.. especially not college students.” He let your words sink in for a while before a small smile tugged at his lips. “Who knows. Sometimes you just need the right connections to make things happen.”

Before you could press him on what he meant, the food and drinks arrived, and the table erupted into excitement. Plates of waffles, milkshakes, coffee and a whole bunch of other delicious dishes were passed around, each one looking like it had stepped straight out of a retro diner ad.

Ekko was the first to dive in, immediately stealing a bite from Powder’s plate. "Hey!" she protested, smacking his hand away with a laugh. Everyone dug in and continued their conversations, you yourself indulging in a conversation with Mel and Jayce who were curious about your career choice and major which you were more then happy to talk about. They stared in awe as you explained how you met each member and how you all formed the band, Powder and Ekko later joining in and as did Caitlyn.

At some point, Viktor excused himself, disappearing for a whole 15 minutes but you decided to let it go, indulging in whatever topic your friends had brought up.

When Viktor returned, he wore an expression that was far too pleased with himself. You raised an eyebrow, but he simply shrugged and slid back into his seat, redirecting the conversation effortlessly.

The group lingered at the café for over an hour, soaking in the atmosphere and sharing stories. When it finally was time to leave, you felt a pang of reluctance but pushed it aside, grateful for the experience.

As the group made their way out, Viktor fell into step beside you. "You might want to keep your calendar clear for next weekend," he said casually, his tone light but meaningful. You frowned, confused. "Why?" "Let’s just say you’ll need it free," he replied cryptically, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips.

You wanted to press him for more details, but the others were already calling for you to catch up. The walk back was just as lively as before, Powder and Ekko bickering playfully while Vi and Caitlyn walked hand in hand.

All the while, Viktor’s words echoed in your mind, sparking a tiny ember of excitement you couldn’t quite extinguish.

The days that followed Viktor’s very vague message had you up and restless all night. You tried to keep yourself busy—between classes, band practice, and working on your art project, you thought you could distract yourself with but Viktor’s words lingered like a riddle you couldn’t solve.

Powder was no help either. “You’re overthinking it,” she said casually one night as you both sat in your dorm. “Am I?” you asked, strumming a chord on your guitar. “He tells me to keep my calendar clear and then refuses to explain anything. How am I not supposed to think about it?” Powder shrugged, lying back on her bed with her phone in hand. “Look, maybe it’s something cool, or maybe it’s just Viktor being, y’know, Viktor. Either way, freaking out isn’t gonna help.”

You sighed, knowing she was right, but it didn’t stop the curiosity from eating at you. Viktor was too intentional, too precise for this to be random. Whatever he had planned, it wasn’t something small.

By Wednesday, your patience had worn thin. After class, you spotted Viktor in the library, surrounded by notes and his laptop, indulged in his work. Deciding you couldn’t wait any longer, you walked over and slid into the seat across from him. He looked up, mildly surprised but not displeased. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” He smirked, knowing exactly why you were there.

“You know exactly why I’m here,” you said, folding your arms. He raised an eyebrow, leaning back slightly. “Do I?” “You’ve been playing this weird game of mystery all week,” you said, exasperated. “Come on, just spill it already. What’s going on?” Viktor chuckled softly, amused by your little outburst. “You’re impatient,” he observed. “Yeah, and you’re avoiding the question,” you shot back, brows furrowed with annoyance.

Viktor’s smirk widened slightly, a glint of amusement in his eyes. “Perhaps. But where’s the fun in revealing everything so soon?” You narrowed your eyes at him, torn between frustration and curiosity. “You know, not everyone enjoys playing your shitty guessing games, Viktor.” He leaned forward, resting his hands lightly on his cane. “And yet, here you are, thoroughly invested.”

You opened your mouth to retort but stopped, realizing he was right. “Fine,” you said with a resigned sigh, leaning back in your chair. “But if this turns out to be some overhyped bullshit, I swear to god Viktor I’ll smash my guitar against your head.” You said, of course not meaning the petty threat seariously since guitars were hella expensive but you definitely were annoyed.

Viktor’s chuckle deepened, the corners of his mouth twitching in a rare, genuine smile. “Noted. But I don’t think you’ll be disappointed rockstar.”

taglist: @skullmvncher @startingtoloveyou

© URFAVLARRY

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE OR COPY ANY OF MY WRITING TO OTHER PLATFORMS

I DON’T CONSENT FOR MY WRITING TO BE USED TO TRAIN AI 🚫

[iamespecter]

the mazersize part of the game almost made me quit(I just looked it up at the end lol) so I would love to see your version of a chica venue :>

(made this post before the internet died lol)

YEAHHHHHH I wholeheartedly agree with you!!!!!!!! as much as I love Chica.... I cannot turn a blind eye to WHATEVER THE FUCK MAZERCISE IS!!! Like, I am a hardcore Chica lover and all of her variants but you CANNOT pay me to say "I love Mazercise. It's so clever" it is legit the worst section in ALL of SB and it PISSES ME OFF

Anyways what's the venue? Why, it's Chica of the Sea and Dancercise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still not letting go of the fact that everyone gets a cool venue but Chica gets fucking Mazercise. bleugh. disGUSting. I am offended get that shit away from me!!!! BONNIE'S VENUE IS SO MUCH COOLER AND IT'S A BOWLING ALLEY. HOW'D YOU MESS UP THAT BADLY MANNNN

Anyways, Chica of the Sea would be located in where Kid's Cove is. Which means, Kid's Cove and Mazercise have to switch places, in order to make the venue work.

Unlike the others' venues, Chica of the Sea actually requires you to go a little deeper down below via an elevator; to emulate the feeling of getting transported 20,000 leagues under the sea to experience the attraction.

As the name implies, it is an ocean-themed location where guests can learn things about marine life, as well as having multiple mini-attractions to offer, like an aqua park. A mermaid version of a golden Chica statue resides in the middle of the lobby before the elevator, one of the first things one would usually see when first entering the venue.

Unfortunately as it stands to the current day of the Pizzaplex, Chica of the Sea is now abandoned to rot beneath the mall, as Chica's popularity dwindled due to the Voicebox incident and management could not afford to keep it running. instead, she is given a new (albeit smaller) location: Dancercise!

Dancercise is Mazercise, but better. It's a DDR-styled maze with a dance floor in the middle, where Chica would host countless party games like "simon says", and zumba dances. The venue is designed to keep the oceanic theme a little bit so they could reuse as much props from the og as possible, and the goal is to keep the customers occupied as much as possible to bleed their wallets dry.

The Fazwatch map for Dancercise would be this:

Top left: Exercising room (away from the loudness of the main room) Top middle: Restrooms Top right: Staff room/Parts and service

Middle left: Food court Center: DANCE DOME: Hexagonal Maze (outer), Dance floor (inner) Middle top: Changing rooms and lockers next: Souvenir/gift shop corner: Arcade, maybe?

And the maze/dance floor would be this:

I also had a concept art in mind for the Dance Dome/Maze, but.... I didn't finish it due to my frustration at my skill level of making environments back then

The Dance Dome would be where Chica's boss fight happens. But before you enter the Dome, you are FORCED to give up all of your belongings to a party bot because an incident had already occurred before where someone brought a laser gun and a fazcam in the dance floor, resulting in a pretty heavy lawsuit.

A botched simon says game ran by a intercomms!Chica will then ensue where you have to play in the dark, only some parts of the floor will light up and you have to avoid the REAL Chica. You'd be given a limited amount of glowsticks in order to make traversal easier but you gotta place them wisely. (think like, Funtime Foxy's Night 4 in Sister Location)

And then instead of getting crushed by the compactor in the original; once the fight ends, a staff area would unlock, allowing Gregory to access the catwalks of the Dance dome. A small fight between Gregory and Chica happens, and Chica gets kicked onto the Jumbotron. The jumbotron on top of the dance dome would then fall taking Chica with it, causing the whole dancefloor to collapse, and a second phase to begin with shattered Chica; all in the now abandoned and grimy Chica of the Sea exhibit buried underneath.

I wish I could show and tell more, but this is where I've stopped making visual concepts. I mean, I still have MORE ideas.... and I still even have the glamrock decals for Chica of the Sea.... but I dunno if anyone would be interested in wanting me to expand further on what Chica of the Sea contains lol

[blacleria]

Hey everyone!

Recently I had the thought that I want to share more about my thoughts and drawing process here, as I really really like this little Sirius obsessed community. Maybe no one is interested in what I am writing here, but actually, that is not so important to me. I just feel like sharing some of my thoughts.

Currently, I am a bit struggling with my art style. I have a realistic style for… almost… 20 years now?! (my first attempts in drawing realistic portraits were horrendous of course and… not so realistic of course😅)

I especially love painting portraits. I am still so fascinated of painting human skin (I even wrote my diploma abut painting skin in art history 😆), and painting eyes. In addition, it is so crazy to see my own ideas and thoughts about characters and their appearances come to life. It’s like extracting my dreams from my brain to paper 😆

And yet… I think something is missing. For me, expressing emotions is another very important (very very important) part of drawing a good portrait. I would not say I can’t paint them, but I still think… it could be more. More intense, more realistic, more, I don’t know…  more convincing, perhaps? I can’t exactly lay my finger on it.

My second problem is, and this is even worse, realistic paintings are reaaaaaally time-consuming. Really. I also want to be a professional illustrator one day, and this is quite a problem, because this means I eventually will have even less time in future for my Sirius works. However, I really don’t want to abandon them 😭Aaaaand I still have so many ideas… there are so many Harry/Sirius moments in my head I want to depict. 😭

Soooo recently I am practicing a simpler style. I really suck at this :’D On the one hand it feels like I am doing baby steps, which is really frustrating for me. On the other hand, I am quite happy I am learning something new! And it feels like a crazy journey, because I don’t exactly know which direction to go. Comic style? Very stylized? Semi-realistic? Stick to my realistic style? The possibilities are eeendless. I also don’t want to abandon my realistic style completely, because I still love it and I feel like this is what makes my style a bit special in Sirius fandom.

So, what is all this about actually? I might, perhaps, will have a second style in future. A less realistic style, probably more linework focused. I already made some sketches, but so far, it’s nothing I want to share.

[harryisourlover]

Erotic painter 🧑‍🎨 part 1

*Explicit content

Smutt, oral, p in v, squirt

Harry loves oral sex, especially giving it. He can't understand men who say that only penetration is pleasurable; he finds it absurd! He started his sexual adventures very early. Having had many older partners definitely helped him become an expert in oral sex.

The year was 2019, and he was finishing an album about the end of a relationship. However, he already had almost a whole song in his head about female oral sex and couldn't finish it... there was a natural block. His studio mates, who were writers and producers, just laughed at him! They said he needed to find extra inspiration because his ex-girlfriend wasn't enough!

Harry was annoyed by this teasing, but deep down, he knew it was true. He was able to write about everything he felt in all aspects of the relationship with that person. Even though he enjoyed pleasuring her orally, it wasn't the most passionate moment when he was with her for some reason, and he didn't know what that reason was.

Frustrated to know he had a song almost ready before starting to record an album, and already in the final days of recording without having completed it, he decided to leave his partners there alone and walked through the city.

He arrived in front of a very beautiful and old building with the main gate open and the inviting entrance hall. Without a second thought, not even considering the fact that someone might recognize him, he went inside to see those paintings up close.

The artworks were absolutely incredible to Harry because they were clearly a mixture of orchids and vulvas! He spent a long time there, fascinated at first thinking, "Who posed for these paintings?" Then after a while, he went to look at the signatures and saw that it was a woman. He started imagining, "Was it a self-portrait, or did she bring other people to pose for her?" But there were only two figures, and they were very similar. Did this artist have a collection?

Finally, he saw a man in a uniform enter the reception area and went to ask him: "Excuse me, I'm a bit confused here. Is this a residential building because it looks like it, or is it an art gallery? I'm confused because these paintings are on the wall with prices."

The man replied, "Yes, this is a residential building, and the owner, or rather the heiress who lives in the penthouse, insisted on putting up these hideous things, thinking someone will buy them."

"Interesting," replied Harry, stroking his chin. "Could you take me to her?"

"Certainly, but I need to announce it first. What's your name?"

Harry hesitated but chose not to lie. "Styles, Harry Styles."

The man left to make the call and then came back, saying, "Follow me."

Harry followed the man to another elevator further back, and he explained that it was a private elevator. They went up, and he said, "You can wait here in this hall!" Harry thanked him and stepped out of the elevator, enchanted to see more artworks. He stood there studying them and realized that it was the same vulva in all the works, just changing the positions of the open and closed lips, dry or wet, etc.

*just a real life picture of H hard in his shorts* #sorrynotsorry

After a few minutes there, he didn't notice someone observing him, but he certainly noticed that he was hard and excited, dreaming of tasting that flower.

"Are you really interested in buying a painting, or are you just going to masturbate here in my hall?" a voice said.

"Excuse me?" Harry said, turning around indignantly but obviously hard, unable to hide his situation in his sweatpants.

*boner H

Now face to face, she looked at his erection, salivated, but then looked into his eyes without saying anything else. Just a sassy smile.

Harry continued staring at her, and after two minutes, he leaned in to kiss her, passionately, and dragged her to her apartment door.

(Y/N) responded and dragged him, still kissing, into the apartment. She pushed him onto the couch and said, "If you kiss my lips down there as well as you do up, maybe I'll let you fuck me with that dick in the end..."

"You will never regret it!" said Harry.

They started changing positions on the couch. He lay her down completely and slowly savored every part of her that was revealed as he removed each piece of clothing. With each piece he took off, he gave a kiss or a nibble in that spot.

(Y/N) had never felt so desired, and it had been a long time since she had felt anything except the complete excitement that the eyes of this young man sparked in her. She had been a widow for three years and had not been with anyone since. Usually, her paintings repulsed high society, especially men. Among women, she was constantly praised and flirted with.

There was Harry, a handsome young man with green eyes, a charming accent, a dimpled smile, and clearly a wonderful cock right at her feet. Before he even touched her genitals, she warned: "Please go slowly, it's been years since my last time, and I'm already on the verge of climaxing just from your kisses."

Harry let out a groan when saw she was hairy and gently, with his two hands holding the sides of her large lips, opened her up. He looked inside and saw how wet she was, also noting how tight and small that hole was, almost like a virgin. He said, "Darling, I know you're not lying. Just by looking at your beautiful pussy, I know it's true. I won't lie to you either; I'm almost coming without even having tasted you!"

This time, it was she who let out a moan and said, "Please, prove it! Let me come in your mouth!"

And so he did, delicately approaching first, she feeling the warm air of his mouth close to her clitoris, and then finally the tip of his tongue. In that same second, they both moaned, and Harry continued delicately sliding his tongue down to the tiny hole while still firmly holding her lips open.

He repeated this motion, going up and down a few times. He decided to match it with his lips and everything as if giving a deep kiss, everything inside his mouth, their lips moving, both his and hers amid a lot of saliva, moans, breath, all together. It didn't take long for her to climax in his mouth, trembling violently, trying to close her legs, and he came without even touching his own penis, which was still in his pants.

Her taste was sensational, like orchid nectar, sweeter than anything else. In that moment, he only thought, "This is the taste of summer, of strawberries, watermelon, everything I've always dreamed of finding, the taste I needed to experience to finish the song."

A few minutes after they composed themselves, she asked if he had a condom, and he quickly searched for one. Harry recovered so quickly that just by looking at that tight, wet, pulsating pussy, he was ready again, and he was happy because he didn't have to ask or beg for it, she wanted it just as desperately. But she made a request that surprised him...

"You inspired me to make the first painting of a male genital, may I take a photo of just yours?"

"But... I'm famous, this could cause me problems."

"No one will know it's you, I promise, and you know I'm a millionaire heiress, I don't need to sell anything to the paparazzi when I have a horror of them myself, and I run from them, and look, I'm not as famous as you..."

"Alright, if you promise me that I'll take one of those paintings with me as a keepsake, and you'll allow me to be inspired by you for a song."

"Deal! And when your painting is ready, well, I would have to make one for me, one for you... I'll send you one too."

"Deal! Oh, but just one more thing... I'm going to fuck you now, let's take a photo another day because honestly, I don't know if I can wait to have you."

"No, my love, I can't wait either. Next time we'll take photos!"

And with a grin from ear to ear, like a boy who just received the best gift in the world, Harry finally positioned his penis at that entrance and stared intently, hardly breathing from so much excitement, but also struggling with the difficulty his head was having to enter.

“It's hurting a bit."

"I'll go slow, don't worry. Breathe deeply, relax..."

Harry, still only at the head and very carefully, began to rub her clitoris with his thumb, feeling her relax more and more until he finally slid inside. He stayed still for a few seconds, looking to make sure everything was alright.

"Move, please! I'm fine, I need to feel you, please."

Harry didn't need to be told twice and started to move in and out slowly, not only to not hurt her but also out of self-control. He felt himself almost climaxing again and didn't want it to be so quick.

The night was not about wild sex but about rediscovery for her, feeling all her dormant erogenous points for over three years, and he savored every time she squirted that sweet nectar that left him intoxicated, enraptured.

And so he was very happy to find his muse, his Sweet Watermelon Sugar, and she found the perfect Adonis for her exclusive series of two paintings, but that's a story for another encounter...

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Can I Stay? (A Baekhyun Story) Part 22 [FINAL]

Pairing: You x Baekhyun

Rating: M

Word Count: 13.9k

Warnings: toilet humor. Over consumption of alcohol.

Author’s note: Thank you so so so so much for staying with me throughout this story! I can’t believe it’s over. I’ll cry forever.

A romance between two adults with an unspecified age difference between them, an English story that uses the word Noona for lack of another word in English that carries the same feeling, if you don’t like this, then don’t read this story.

Can I Stay? Masterlist

Tag: @his-mochi-cheeks

You stood before the mirror scrutinizing your own reflection for any obvious evidence of this forbidden act you’d just taken part in.

Somewhere within the stall, Baekhyun had been busy with cleaning up and putting himself back together; just as you had done moments earlier. You heard the soft grunts and slightly annoyed grumbles coming from behind that closed door, “—a bathroom — of all places — we aren’t kids hiding from our parents.”

“Uhh…” he called out in a low voice. “I gotta take a piss.” There was just a touch of a slur in his syllables, “you don't mind, do you?” His question was mostly mumbled, but you heard the clank as he lifted the toilet seat; not waiting for your response.

“I think we are well beyond that sort of modesty, Baekhyun.”

“Are we?” You heard the stream hit the water in the bowl. “At least we have that.”

You leaned in closer to the mirror and touched over the dark red spot on your neck; pulling your own hair over the skin in an attempt to hide it.

Whenever you moved, so did your hair and the hickey showed up again. You reached for your small bag, remembering the touch-up makeup you’d brought with you. You tried your best with it, but the spot he’d made with his teeth would be one of his more lasting works. You could practically see all of his frustration from this evening with the teeth marks he’d left in your skin.

The toilet flushed as the stall door pushed open and Baekhyun emerged still zipping up and fastening his belt buckle.

“You know, I have a key to the penthouse in my pocket right now but you wanted to fuck dirty in a satellite bathroom on the third floor.” You heard hints of sarcasm. He was washing his hands. He was lifting his collar and tying his necktie, looking into the mirror as he re-did everything your filthy rendezvous had undone. His fingers flew up to the top of his head and he coiffed his remarkably still perfectly styled brown hair.

You rested a hip against the bathroom countertop and leaned your head against the wall beside the light switch, feeling just a tad dizzy from the copious amounts of alcohol you still had in your system but doing your best to focus on the many clues about something this man was haphazardly tossing in your direction.

You were having a bit of trouble gauging his mood. He seemed to be acting just a little bit prickly. It didn't feel like he was just drunk, this was something else. Leftover frustrations from being teased all night perhaps? A side effect from the three-hour boner? Was this pampered prince too good for kinky bathroom sex? As far as bathrooms went, this was a pretty nice one. There were warmed, rolled-up hand towels in wooden trays from IKEA, tasteful art hung on the walls, and on the other end, faceted mirrors lined the wall there that had given you a multi-angle view of what you looked like being fucked by your secret boyfriend. There was some sort of a fragrance that was released on a timer up in the corner. You’d heard the device squirt at least once while you’d been in here and now it didn't even smell like sex anymore. And it wasn’t as if you’d dragged him in here. He walked over here himself. Hell, he probably sprinted.

You watched his pretty side profile in silence as he did things like run a fingertip over his eyelid; wiping something imaginary there, or run his hand below his pouty pink bottom lip all while looking into the mirror at his own stunning reflection.

His eyes were blinking and he was not making any grand gestures or rushed movements in your direction and after a few breaths in and out and after a few more, quite excessive smoothing motions with the palms of his hands over his already neatly tucked shirt, he moved again to tug at his belt buckle, then moved his fingertips toward his own necktie that he pulled with an artists precision into about as straight a line as humanly possible and you were watching him with a building sensation that this man was, very obviously bothered by something you had, or hadn’t done.

”Baekhyun?” you said with all of your remaining unasked questions flipping up the inflection at the end of his name.

He inhaled a breath and only looked into his own eyes, blinking them slowly once. Then twice. On this third blink his eyes opened and his eyelids fluttered just enough to show you how much he was holding himself in a carefully barely controlled state. He was deliberate with it — with making a point to avoid your eyes entirely.

This pretty man had settled himself into a fit.

You were sure it wasn’t the sex from earlier. The sex had been amazing. He had liked it, you were sure of it by his giddy excitement at having his very own sex tape saved into a secret, password protected folder in his phone. He’d even made it a point to disable any sort of cloud back-ups that might have inadvertently saved it anywhere else. He’d gone through big gestures of saving yours in the same way. Double locked and very strong password protected. Some acronym of some code sentence he’d made up on the spot and you hoped to God you’d both still be able to remember it when you sobered up.

No, no, this was something else; something you simply could not ignore and from beside him on the countertop you could see the occasional notification popping up on his cell phone screen. It had been placed on silent but it was very much alive and very active. From where you stood, you could see the occasional pop-up message telling him he had been receiving text messages and they seemed to come one after another in rapid succession. Some even at the same time.

You pushed away from the counter and took a few steps; feeling either too drunk or too entitled to look away from his phone screen and in the mirror you caught the movement of his eyes as he watched you approach his phone. It was very active. You saw names popping up again and again. Summaries of text messages filled with laughter and images displayed in tiny thumbnails.

“What is all that?” You peered down at it and heard a slow sigh come from deep within your boyfriend’s chest.

“Group chat,”he said as he reached a finger out and touched his phone screen, “the guys,” not bothering to move the phone away from you or conceal it in any way; instead, he was reaching out unlock it, to bring it to the forefront of your vision so show you everything and to bring all of this nonsense up for you to see. “They’re making jokes and memes…to tease me…about you.”

The chat moved quickly. Tons of laughter and childish ribbing at his expense. An occasional picture with words written on it. You saw an image of a weeping man pulled deep down into the throes of despair coupled with some words embedded in the picture about a high-five from the love of your life followed by more raucous laughter from several people who all talked at once. An occasional question directed right to Baekhyun asking about where he even disappeared to. Someone saying he was off crying in a corner. One more noticing that you had vanished as well and you crossed your arms over your chest knowing deep down that the longer you both stayed gone at the same time, the more suspicions amongst your friends and co-workers would grow.

There was no more delaying it. You both knew it. This desperate need you both had succumbed to had been temporarily satisfied and unless you wanted those suspicions to become rumors and those rumors to be backed up with coincidences or worse, facts you both needed to come up with your next move so you could rejoin the others at the party and it really needed to happen sooner rather than later.

Something about his quiet observation of your face and the way he kept his tongue motionless well inside of his closed up mouth despite the half blinking you saw in his eyes and the way his eyebrows twitched up on his forehead had you hesitating to say what really needed to be said.

We should get back to the party.

We’ve been gone for too long.

Someone might notice.

Someone might find out about us.

Instead of speaking you cleared your throat and grabbed your bag, taking one step away from where he stood; one step that brought you closer to the door and further from him.

He didn't say anything but his eyes watched you and oh there was a darkness that grew inside of them.

Why couldn't you just speak to him? Something shameful and dirty had a hold of your tongue and you could feel a growing guilty feeling beginning to take your mood with the words of your plan for escape sitting on the very tip of your tongue refusing to come out.

You couldn't just leave him here. After bringing him in here to fuck and then leaving him behind once you’d been satisfied. It felt so far beneath you to do; not to him. Not with that silent pout you saw on his face the further your feet moved you away from him, the more it grew.

You couldn't stand it.

You spun around, facing him once again and his eyes widened marginally when you took another step toward him, reaching your hand up to reach around his shoulder you placed a palm over the back of his neck, pulling him into you as you leaned into him.

You kissed him. You pressed your lips over his and you let your lips part into his mouth as you kissed him without any hesitations or reservations, you kissed him.

He kissed you. He pulled you into his mouth and took a step into you, molding himself into the feeling and the shape of all of you until both of his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and you were pulled into his chest; into his firmness; into his open mouth. Baekhyun kissed you back deeply and he kissed you back slowly.

All the while you hoped and wished that your lips and the warmth from your touch might soothe every worry that had tried to take hold inside of his bothered chest. You wished he could have been so easily soothed with a few kisses, a few touches, a few reassurances.

He pulled away from you first and with his lips pulled tightly in between his teeth he inhaled a slow breath well into his lungs through his nose.

His forehead rested against your own and his arms still tightly encircled your waist, holding you here with him for a few moments before the itchy question that had been bubbling beneath the surface of him finally broke free. You heard the inhale before he spoke.

“How much longer do I have to be your secret? I hate it so much.”

Of course this was it. You’d had a feeling this was coming. He’d given you hints that he didn't really enjoy all of the hiding and scheming to keep your many sins under wraps. Even his unrestrained delight to find out you’d so easily throw away years of your career just for the chance of staying with him forever had told you that this man was not the type willing to keep his love hidden for very much longer.

You moved your hands over the back of his neck, threading your fingertips into his hair and you closed your eyes, steadying the rush of nerves that spiked at the very thought of the others finding out about the two of you.

“Soon. We won’t have to hide for much longer. I promise,” you spoke through a whisper and you felt the tip of his nose brush over your cheekbone before his soft lips pressed kisses into the softness of your cheek.

“Just not…tonight. Not when we’ve both been drinking and we disappeared together for so long.” You felt the pull of his lips against your skin. It was a smile. You felt the wetness of his teeth as he smiled. “It would be so obvious what we’ve been doing,” you complained.

“Soon, when?” He asked with a whine. There was a playfulness in his words that wasn't there before; before you gave in and promised him this all would be over soon.

“Monday. Monday we can ride to work together and you can drop me off on your way up to your new office. We can even hold hands if you want to.”

”Super early on Monday morning before anyone else gets there?” There was a petulance in his voice as he continued the sulking act. He knew you well enough to know that you always arrived well before any others from your team and probably before anyone else on the entire floor did. Lately though, with him occupying your heart and your bed until the very last minute, you’d tended toward wandering in later and later.

“We could sleep in a little. Maybe stop for coffee first. We could be a little late.” The alcohol really seemed to be doing a number on you. As you daydreamed of what might possibly come on Monday morning you couldn't fight the giddy feeling building up inside of your chest. Baekhyun had pulled his face back so he could look into your eyes as you told him so many of the sweet promises he’d wanted to hear.

“What if I kiss you goodbye at your office door and leave you behind to answer all of their questions?” He was giggling. It felt manic. His kind of happiness was the most contagious kind. The trembling in his chest shook you and made your own laughter break free. This feeling was more than intoxication. It was a new kind of hopeful happiness that you wished would never end.

“Monday,” he said after a while and on his lips he wore the sweetest smile with his pretty pink lips pulled tight and his eyes curved. “It’s only four days. I can act pathetic and lonely and single for four more days. If that’s what I must do—”

His words were cut off by the steady hum of a phone on vibrate that was ringing. You heard the sound echoing out inside the tiny room and both of your heads turned toward the sound of the buzzing on top of the bathroom countertop. He dropped his hands from around you and reached for the phone holding it up to his face for a few milliseconds to read the name on the screen.

He was pressing something and holding it up to his ear as he angled his torso away from you, at the same time holding his index finger up to his lips to let you know that you should not speak if you wanted the secret of this relationship to remain intact.

“Yeah, what?” He said into the phone with a gruff, put-out tone. You could hear the sound of another voice on the line, a man who’s intonation sounded like he was asking a question. The casual, super familiar tone you heard from both men told you this was a close friend of his. The finger he shushed you with told you that it might be one of the close friends sitting out there at the tables near the dance floor. One of the members of the teasing group chat who hadn’t stopped flooding his phone with messages since you’d given him that co-worker worthy, platonic high five.

“I’m taking a shit, why? What do you want?” He angrily barked into the phone and you swallowed the surprised hiccup that caught you off guard with his insane choice of an excuse for his absence. You had to lay a hand over your mouth to keep yourself silent through the shock and you’d just barely moved fast enough, thankfully, to keep yourself from being heard by his caller.

Your eyes were wide on him and you felt it then, again, just as you had genuinely felt it while you watched him with that rowdy group of young men earlier. The sudden and genuine shock at this version of Baekhyun that you honestly had no idea even existed until you’d witnessed him interacting with his friends had you questioning everything you had thought about him until now.

He was listening to his friend talking; nodding his head every once in a while. Silently agreeing to something without using his words. Maybe he was too drunk to realize the person on the other end of the line couldn't actually see him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Baekhyun had taken two steps further into the bathroom and pushed the bathroom stall door open. He noisily flushed the toilet and moved to the sink to turn on the faucet, pulling the phone down from his ear and waving it next to the sound of the running water for full effect.

He’d hung up the call and turned off the water before looking up into your surprised face with a passive expression on his face.

You watched him in silence for a few breaths before his eyes glanced emptily around the room a few times as if to question what your curious reaction was all about.

You shook your head back and forth before you spoke. “Who even are you?” Your brows were furrowed and you looked directly into his brown eyes as you asked the genuine question. You were honestly very curious about what sort of new surprises you would learn about this crazy man in the future.

You heard him scoff and he lifted his hands in front of him, palms up as his eyes looked between the two.

“I am a single, lonely, pathetic loser who has just given himself a killer fucking alibi for where he has been for the past half-hour.” He said this with his chin pointed toward his right hand. Clearly indicating the side he represented. When his focus shifted to the other hand which he held out in your direction he nodded in your direction before he spoke with a single lifted eyebrow above one eye.

“Where have you been for the past half-hour?”

This silly man believed himself to be too clever for his own good. You shrugged and scoffed with a quick and dismissive eye roll. You would show him how to craft a perfect alibi while also keeping your dignity intact.

“Darling, I am drunk and this place is huge. I got lost.” It sounded so simple because it was simple. It was also plausible, as out of character as your drunken behavior had already been so far… You pulled your cell phone out and opened the group chat with a few of your favorite coworkers and teammates and you quickly typed out a text message, ignoring any typos you saw your impaired fingers produce.

“I thought the [arty was on the 5th floor I’ve been up n down this hotel so many times. did they move the party????? someone help meee :(“

You showed him the message and nearly instantly, and as if on cue, the replies began to pour in.

“Omggggg ma’am lmao”

“lololol miss manager is lost”

“search party for mis manger nobody has any more fun till we find her”

“She’s so cute drunk”

“Third floor! We are on the third floor!!”

“Stay where you are I’ll come save you”

You looked up into Baekhyun’s shocked face and your lips pulled into a self satisfied smile.

“You are so cute drunk. Who is the one who said that? Is it a guy? Dani sounds like a guy.”

His pointy fingertip was touching your screen as he tried to scroll back up and get closer look at the names and pictures of the people in this group chat and you specifically did not dignify his silly questions with an answer. Instead you locked your phone and put it back inside of your bag; turning your back on him, you raised a hand to unlock the bathroom door.

You poked your head out first. The coast was clear and in the far off distance you could hear the thump thump thump of the party that was still going on. “You go right and I’ll go left?” you asked behind you.

Baekhyun’s head poked out beside you, just over your shoulder and he turned his head quickly to the right and to the left, scanning the area for witnesses. You had already done this part. He didn’t need to also do this part.

“If you go left, you’ll get even more lost.” He said in a serious voice and you felt him give you a solid push through the doorway at the same time as he reached down and grabbed ahold of your hand. He started walking toward the right, pulling you along with him.

“Baekhyun,” you whispered from behind him, wiggling your hand to try and get him to release the tight grip, “Baekhyun, I wasn’t really lost.”

You pulled back against him harder, and stopped your feet from moving forward, “Baekhyun, that was a lie, remember?” It took some urging but he eventually felt your resistance and turned back around to look at you. There was a sudden change in his face as he closed up his eyes and threw his head back. His lips pulled into a wide and beautiful smile and he had a moment of realization.

“Oh shit, that’s right,” he laughed hard and pulled his hand over his belly as he did it.

Oh no.

Ohhhh no.

This man was not in his right mind right now.

”Baekhyun,” you urged in a more serious tone, trying your best to keep all hints of amusement off of your face. You could feel your own smile fighting you. He was so drunk and he was so adorable, “Baekhyun, not tonight. Not tonight, okay? Monday. Remember?”

You pulled your hand out of his and he looked down at his own empty hand with a small frown before he nodded his head up and down twice.

“Not tonight,” he repeated, showing you that he was here now and he fully understood what you were telling him. Until his eyes found yours again and he inhaled a quick breath to speak again.

“Tonight!” he said excitedly and his lips were parted and your stomach dropped as you flattened your lips and closed your eyes in frustration.

“Not tonight.” You said feebly but he was excitedly tapping you on the arm. Clearly worked up enough about something to be having trouble getting the words out in order.

“No, no. I know. Not tonight for that. Not that, but tonight — tonight, my friends, the guys, my boys,” he was moving as he gestured with both hands as if they held onto something in the empty space in front of him, “and your girls,” he moved his hands to hold onto the emptiness on the other side, “my boys and your girls,” his face dropped and he lifted an eyebrow, “are having an after party tonight. Tonight, tonight.” He lifted a hand and pointed his finger downward.

Clearly his words weren’t fully cooperating with him and he’d resorted to using his hands and arms to pantomime his meaning. It worked though. You followed wherever his hands moved and you relaxed with the faith that he would behave himself just enough to keep things under wraps until Monday. He was also very excited about whatever he was trying his best to tell you about right now.

With one hand he reached out wide to the side and he closed his eyes up and shook his head. “After-party,” he said, “round two,” he lifted two fingers up with his eyes still closed.

”My party,” he placed his palm flat on his chest and swayed on his feet, “my going away party — Junmyeon said your girls told him. My boys have been invited. We are all going — tonight.”

“They are,” he lifted both hands and intertwined his fingers in front of his face, “they are all together now.”

After he finally got the entire message out he giggled quietly to himself.

“Woooo,” he breathed through his mouth, making a little sound as he did it, “I’m drunk — hitting me now. Fucking tequila.”

He smiled that breathtaking smile right at you before he turned and left. You noticed he took a right turn at one of the hallways ahead of you and you were thankful that in his drunken mind he knew the layout of this hotel enough to be able to find a different route back to the party.

You counted to twenty inside of your head before you took the first step and it only took you a few moments before someone grabbed you by the arm, linking a warm elbow within yours with a cheerful smile on her face. There was another girl on the other side, equally as warm. These were your people.

“We found her!” They both cheered in unison toward a much larger group of people who all lingered on the outskirts of the now, winding down party. “Round two! Round Two!” A noisy chorus rang out and you were not once let go of someone’s tight grip on you as you were steered quite deliberately out of this hotel ballroom, into an elevator that moved down to the street level and out of this building entirely.

From the murmuring around you, you gathered that Baekhyun’s cousin owned a swanky bar up the street; easily within walking distance. Spirits were high and the group of people was larger than you thought would be able to fit inside of a single bar. Worries were hushed and Baekhyun assured everyone that he texted his cousin and the bar was completely ours for the rest of the night. There would be food and alcohol and music and even, “An open mic should anyone wish to serenade someone special,” one of Baekhyun’s noisier friends said with a dramatic wink of his eye that earned him a hard smack on the back.

You had no idea who anyone was. There were just so many of them. You did hear someone calling one of them Junmyeon and you knew this had to be the one who had called Baekhyun earlier. There was also a Minseok who was shockingly pretty for a man, and Jongdae who was the loudest of all of them. If you had thought Baehyun’s best friend Chanyeol had been loud, apparently you just hadn’t heard Jongdae’s volume yet. There were some others who were much quieter, and one with striking, large, very expressive eyes who hadn’t said a single word since you’d seen him. He did give you a sweet smile and a little nod of his head which put you at ease. You were certain he was a delight on his own, but with this group, he probably just couldn't be bothered with competing against the other very loud, very chatty members of the group.

Swanky seemed like not a grand enough word to describe this place. The word “bar” was such a vast understatement it hardly even deserved to be used at all. This place was the highest of high end; the kind of place without a name on the door, without a listed phone number; with a strict clientele of only the city’s most elite visitors. You were sure most of the people who walked by that door on the street level had no idea what kind of beauty and opulence lay just inside. They would never know either.

The moment you stepped inside the fragrance, the lighting, the shimmer and glimmer and the air even, all enveloped your body entirely in what could only be described as the kind of warmth you feel coating your skin when you slip into a hot bathtub. It was like slipping out of your bra and restrictive loathing and slipping on a silk nightgown that expensive smooth fabric that glides against your skin.

You were all ushered toward a large table and one by one, people sat down. Baekhyun was sidetracked by a beautiful woman who pulled him in for a tight hug. She spoke to him in joyous up close whispers and he replied in kind with giggles and smiles, grabbing his hand and shaking it, giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek. You were unprepared to face the hot surge of jealousy you felt deep inside your chest and you had to look away from this exchange. You focused instead on keeping the sweet smile etched onto your face. Your hands were shaking and your feet moved as if the floor was covered in super glue, but you kept that smile up for long enough for you to find a spot to sit at the big table.

Your just clear enough mind fought very hard against your heart and pulled your legs to sit down in the empty seat between Sandi and Marci before you could linger too long on the empty one beside where Baekhyun was headed, on the opposite side of this enormous table.

You didn’t need to feel the warmth of his body beside you.

You didn’t need to be reminded of how good he smelled.

Dishes of food arrived and fresh drinks were passed around and the small waitstaff was overly attentive and polite. The delicious food did more for your mind than any fake smiles did. You could feel your blood clearing the more you ate and as the food went in, you kept your focus on the food in front of you, on the drinks in front of you, on the company of women that sat on either side of you for long enough to get a handle on it. For just long enough for you to trust yourself enough to look up and across that table at the pair of dark brown eyes that you could feel watching you at this very moment. As he ate, as he laughed, as he talked and joked, as he drank; those eyes always found you. You were right to put some distance between you both.

The air in the room shifted then as the hum of the A/C sounded out suddenly and you felt a slight chill in the air. It was probably because you were sobering up some and the heat from the liquor wasn’t warming you from the inside anymore but you could feel an alarming sensation from below your revealing dress as the chill puckered your skin.

Oh no. Your stickers were long gone. A weird self conscious thought invaded your mind and you pulled out your cell phone to send the quickest discrete text message to your boyfriend. You kept the phone below the table as you did it and you gave it a second before you saw his attention drawn to the phone in his pocket.

His hands moved below the table and you watched the tick of his pupils as he read your message. There was a quick movement of his thumbs and your phone vibrated once, telling you he had responded to your question. He did not look at you at all but was well into a long discussion with the men who sat around him.

“Can you tell that my stickers are gone?”

”yes.”

He answered you so very quickly. He didn't even look up to verify that he could actually see your ice cold nipples poking straight out, ruining the luxurious look of this dress. This wouldn’t do. You rose to your feet and excused yourself for the bathrooms; all the while crossing your arms over your chest as you rubbed hands over your bare forearms in some attempt to warm yourself up. You needed a first hand look in the mirror. Maybe someone had a suit jacket you could borrow. With all of these charming young men surely one of them could sacrifice theirs for a lady with a chill.

You had to walk past his end of the table to get to the bathrooms and you noticed he shifted his weight a bit as soon as you began moving; all while still not looking at you. He continued carrying on with his friends; laughing and joking as if you were of no interest to him at all. If only you could borrow a tiny bit of his self control right now, you might not have been watching him so intensely.

He stood up on his feet the moment you came right up to his side on your journey through the room.

In a swift motion, Baekhyun, stood on his legs and he removed his blue suit jacket, then he turned it around, leaned over to where you stood and placed it right over your shoulders as you walked by and the moment the warmth and the smell of him landed over your back, coating you entirely in the heat you’ve been craving since you walked into this bar, your feet stalled their forward motion and you actually froze in place.

Not him though, the action was smooth as hell. Just as fluidly as his initial surprising movement started, he continued the motion and spun back around in a circle, sitting down seamlessly, effortlessly, and very quickly as if he had never even gotten up in the first place.

But he did. He did get up. He did give you his warm jacket with all of his body heat and scent and he did it right here. He put it on you himself with his own two hands.

And everyone saw him do it.

He did that in this room full of people — people who had been drinking all night, people who knew the both of you, people who, at least half of which, knew of his intense crush on you. The room erupted into a drunken cacophony of hoots and hollers and you could feel the blood rushing straight up your neck and warming the skin of your cheeks.

“Shut up. She was just cold.” You heard his complaints clearly as he was obviously trying his best to quiet down the excitement he had just caused, “You guys are so dumb.”

You forced your feet to move. Gripping the lapel of his jacket tightly around your shoulders you took another step and then another, moving quickly away from the noise and chaos he had just caused, towards the sanctity of that bathroom that you so desperately needed right now.

After a few quiet moments your phone buzzed once.

“Sorry,” was all his text message read.

You opened it and read it but you did not reply. Instead you used the toilet, washed your hands, used your ice cold hands to cool the hot skin on your face as you gave yourself a quietly whispered little pep talk about what you should be doing with your eyes while you were out there. You decided that you would strike up an intense conversation with Sandi about her love life. You would be engrossed enough to hear about her escapades to keep your mind off of the handsome man who sat at the end of that table ignoring you while his very attractive “cousin” or whatever the hell she really was to him, giggled at his jokes and gave him free appetizers, and told him about a girl she was going to set him up on a blind date with and called him Sweetness in a saccharine tone. Did she think she was a southern debutante?

You derailed your own pep talk with the pain you felt in the palm of your hand. You were squeezing down so hard you saw little half moons pressed by your fingernails into your palm.

You took several deep calming breaths. You recognized that you were acting ridiculous. Self awareness is the first step to recovery. You reminded yourself of this mid-calming breath and when you emerged from that bathroom and stepped out into the hallway you noticed that much of that chaos and noise from earlier had settled down. You could hear voices, some excited shouting and some groaning and it sounded like the group had finished dinner and had moved on to some sort of game. Knowing this group, it was likely a drinking game; hence the over the top groaning and cheering.

A quick peek around the corner kept your feet from moving forward because Baekhyun’s chair was empty. Had he left for the bathrooms as well?

Your shameless curiosity drove your legs to move in the other direction because your ears picked up on a familiar voice, just off a corner from where you stood.

It was his voice for sure. He was chatting and there was a word attached to a statement in a woman’s voice that gripped you so tightly to hear it said out loud.

Fiancé

She said the word fiancé.

Only the word and its meaning was skewed and broken because she was speaking to him quite obviously, about someone other than you.

“I saw your fiancé the other day,” she said. You felt a spindly pins and needles sensation slipping up the back of your spine.

He responded in a low voice. You couldn't make out what he said. It was some sort of low, rough tone.

“Oh really? That’s not what I heard.” She replied in a cocky, confident tone and you heard him clear his throat. Was that a nervous, caught sort of throat clearing? Was it annoyed or denial? Your lungs burned and you felt as if there wasn’t enough air to clear the anxious buzzing happening inside of your skull.

Fiancé? You felt a dizzy, sinking feeling inside.

Had Baekhyun been engaged to marry someone? Someone he loved, maybe? You could not help the way your neck craned to get closer and the few steps you took as you closed your eyes, begging to be able to hear what he was saying to her. The sounds of his clear yet quiet voice, at last, broke through the noise.

“last year — bullshit — excuse for a mother — my life is mine — can think whatever they want — drove me to a point — almost gave up — ”

You only got bits of it but from the little you had to work with you could tell right away and with the realization came an instant shame that covered from the over of your head down straight into your chest. This wasn’t something he had chosen. It wasn’t something he wanted any part of. Someone had been forcing him into it. And at some point last year, during his lowest point it seemed, fueled by some personal crisis, triggered and hopeless, desperately awful in every way — he called it all off.

Something so huge had happened in his life during that time and you had no idea about any of it.

You felt an acrid taste in the back of your throat. You took a step back and away from this and quickekend your steps further once you were sure you were out of earshot.

This isn't something you wanted to overhear about him like a sneaky jealous girlfriend who just couldn't stand the idea that every single bit of his mind was occupied only with you. You pulled the suit coat tighter around your shoulders as you moved. You felt dirty and unworthy of the sweet warmth he had given you as you did it. It was an awful feeling; knowing you had overheard something like that; something he likely didn’t want you to know about.

You wanted him to tell you all about his past, no matter how painful it was, but with his own two lips. You wanted him to share his past pain with you just as you would share your own past with him; but only when you both were ready for it and only on each other's terms.

Your stomach ached with the idea of leaving this to fester. Leaving this guilty feeling to sit inside of you without speaking to him about it; without apologize to him for your blatant jealous, shameful eavesdropping.

You had found a small nook just off of that hallway and you stood there chewing on your thumb nail and you waited.

It didn't take very long before you saw the first glimpse of him. He wa heading back to the table and you reached a hand out, touching his arm from where you were hidden inside of your little hole. He actually flinched and yelped out in surprise when you touched him.

“Jesus,” he was holding his chest as he whispered.

“Can I talk to you for a second? Just for a minute, please.” You recognized the serious tone on your own voice and it had you cringing for how ridiculously bad you felt about this. His face shifted instantly. He was overcome with a look of genuine concern and worry and he nodded his head, looked once behind him and made a motion with his hand toward another area of the bar. It was a space just off the kitchens where he led you to and once you followed him back there you found him leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his own chest in a fully protective stance. His eyes were full of worry and you realized that your choice of words, the ‘can we talk’ thing must have sent a jolt of panic through him; as it would have sent through you.

The second you came close enough for his whispered words to reach your ears you saw the small step he took in your direction. He lifted a trembling hand to reach out toward you and on his lips was the beginning of a pleading apology.

“I’m sorry about the jacket — ” he began. You lifted a hand and shook your head to cut him off.

“This isn’t about anything you did. I owe you an apology and I need to say it now or it’s going to destroy me from the inside.”

Your quick words closed up his mouth and his shoulders sagged as he his face ticked to the side in confusion. His didn’t speak but his eyebrows furrowed and you caught the stuttered breath that caught halfway inside his throat as he tried to breath through it.

“I overheard your conversation just now with your cousin. It was not my place to hear it. I was dealing with some imaginary jealousy about how friendly and how familiar you were with her and I heard you two talking and before I could stop myself, I was listening to what you both spoke about. I’m so sorry I did that. It was awful of me to do. I feel as if… that was your private … life .. and if the tables were turned and you had done what I did, I might be upset about it. I’m so sorry, Baekhyun.”

He was motionless throughout your entire confession and apology and when you were done speaking you inhaled a deep breath and held it as you anxiously watched his face for any signs of what he was thinking about what you had done.

You saw a wave of motion move through him and he turned away from you for a moment as his hand ran over the length of his face. When he angled himself back in your direction his brown eyes sat heavy and deep within your own and he looked at you with a pull of his chin upward.

Before he spoke he licked his lips and his face twisted into the smallest grimace.

“You didn’t need to ever tell me that you heard that—” He started speaking. A clear upward inflection in his words that signaled very plainly that he wasn’t finished speaking with this one phrase. You couldn’t help yourself though.

Your nerves had your hands shaking and your voice trembling. “It was wrong of me to list—” you interrupted him but as soon as your words left your lips he raised a hand to stop you from speaking. You knew you were wrong. You knew you were moving out of turn and his quick hand and with the tight way he closed his eyes, instantly stopped your silly tongue from moving any further.

“Stop, please—“ he begged quietly and you bit down on your lips to keep yourself better behaved.

“You— didn’t need to tell me this…you could have gone the rest of our lives never mentioning that you knew this until one day it came up and I told you — I told you how painful it was, how hard it was for me at the time and you could have just pretended not to know and acted so surprised to hear that yes, I was being forced to marry someone I don’t know, against my will, my entire life and future being stolen from me because of disgusting greed and how very fucking close I came to not even existing at all anymore because of that pain—”

“I would have told you about this. Absolutely, and without a doubt, I would have told you everything, but you — you — instead you — instead you have given me honesty. You chose, for me, to be so very gracious and beautifully true to me and save me the years of the indignity of believing something about you that isn’t true.”

“Do you realize how insanely unparalleled you are? Do you have any idea how high of a standard you set?”

“How can I ever compare to you? I think I would have listened and I wouldn’t have even felt guilty about it. I wouldn’t have told you I heard anything. I don’t feel like I deserve you at all, but goddammit I love you so much I feel like I’m going to cry.”

His heavy words pulled your arms down from your chest and they hung lifelessly by your side. You felt pulled in every way, down into this carpeting that covered the floor below your feet. You had to close your eyes and drop your face and you slumped and sagged deep on the inside under the immense weight of all of this.

“You don't have to be so quick to forgive me,” you whispered and you heard the movement in front of you when he took a step. You noticed the shadow of his arms moving around you a second before you felt the warmth of his embrace as he circled himself around you, pulling your shoulders inward with the pressure of his hug; he pulled you firmly into his chest; tucking his face into your hair just over your shoulder and the breathe he inhaled from here trembled and shook.

“There is no part of my life that I want to keep private from you,” he spoke directly into your ear and you stumbled backward with the force of this embrace. “Let’s just think of this as a fortuitous event. Now I don't have to lie to you or come up with some stupid excuse for why I’m too much of a coward to answer my mother’s phone calls.”

“I don't think that’s cowardice, Baekhyun. You don't want to be hurt. Anyone would avoid pain if they can help it.” You could feel the relaxation in his limbs as he loosened the tight hold he had on you. You used this opportunity to lift a hand and lightly tap along his arm, urging him to let you go. The crisis had passed and you were lucid enough to know that this sort of embrace was definitely not something co-workers did, no matter how much they had had to drink that night.

The food you’d both had earlier had really done some wonders for your resolve and self control because he let you go quietly and took a step back, leaning against the wall with his arms firmly crossed but much lower over his chest this time.

This time, it wasn’t to protect his heart from whatever potentially damaging word you might need to tell him. Now he took on a much more relaxed posture that looked almost too casual. He had a slight grin on his lips and his eyes had a bit of mischief that always, always put you on some level of alert. You knew this look. It was never good news.

“So you were jealous,” he said with a little head shake, “of my cousin?” With the second part of his question he sneered and lifted both of his eyebrows with a forced look of disapproval but just enough self serving amusement for you to understand that he was more much more flattered than creeped out by your ill-placed jealousy.

You rolled your eyes and you were certain much of the disgust he should have felt when he thought about a close relative was displayed all over your face. Why did he look so amused by you?

“She’s very touchy — calls you Sweetness — ugh, kisses you on the cheek and hugs you so tight with her,” you motioned with your hands over your own chest, “body pressed all up against you. I couldn't tell if she was actually a close family friend that you just called a cousin who obviously wants to sleep with you, or a real, honest-to-god first cousin.” A new thought occurred and you inhaled to keep going, “ugh, or like one of those fourth cousins, twice removed; the ones that you're legally allowed to marry and make babies with even if it is technically still gross.”

His eyes narrowed, with that smile still firmly planted in place on his lips and he looked up and away from your face. He was silent for a few seconds too long and his eyes trailed up over the top of your head. He was doing some intense thinking. Some genome math. Some heavy generational calculating. You did not like the looks of this.

“Actually, I think she might be like a third cousin, now that you put it that way. Pretty sure, legally, we would be allowed to get married and make tons of babies. The genes are technically far enough apart. It would still be kinda weird though... I mean, for me. I don't know how she would feel about it.”

A sound broke free from deep within your chest. It was a disgusted grunt and you threw your head back and released it from deep within you as you turned around; giving your back to him so you could walk away from this ridiculous man. You ignored the teasing little ‘he-he-hes’ that broke free from his mouth. You were done. You were finished with this conversation, if he was going to admit out loud that technically she wasn’t even close enough of a cousin to be illegal to marry — and how dare he one-up on your reasonable and vague number of babies by making it “tons of babies” — you didn’t want to hear any more. Not only was your jealousy justified, but this man was gross. Not legally gross, but technically gross.

You were walking away. You could hear him calling after you as you did it.

“But hey, I’m young and single right? I’m single and lonely and pathetic for the next four days, right?” The sassy, sarcastically delivered quip stopped you in your tracks and you instantly turned back around, took three quick steps toward him so you could look right into his face. Just so you could see the look in his eyes as he dared to say such a thing. He seemed to physically recoil to see you return so suddenly.

You did not say anything; all you did was look at him but it seemed to elicit a strong reaction from him. His jaw snapped shut and his laughing, teasing expression shifted and turned extremely grave and serious with your unexpected and sudden return.

“I’m sorry. I was kidding. It was a joke.” He said the moment he was able to inhale a breath to speak, he gasped again, “joke — j-joke. Please don't hurt me.” He whispered nervously and you balked at the suggestion that you would dare resort to violence. All you could do was shake your head in disbelief. All you could do was lay a hand over your chest at the audacity of this man and after a few moments of neither of you moving, you simply turned and walked away.

You returned to your seat at the table alone; although, still wearing his blue coat. The color complimented the shimmering sparkle of your pretty dress perfectly and it was warm and it smelled like him. You wiggled into your seat and Sandi and Marci each handed you a drink. One had beer and the other was smaller and had liquor. Were you really up to another round of this?

It didn’t really seem much up to you because another game was starting and you were up. This game was two truths and a lie. If your falsehood was sniffed out you had to drink and if you were safe with your lying skills the rest of the group had to drink. It was pretty cutthroat and the choice of the lie had to be unanimous and made within a 30 second timer. Phones were forbidden, even though these lies and truths were so personal there was no way someone would be able to google for an answer. Still, you were up first and you pondered for a few moments before you spoke. You picked something very safe. ‘I have never been on a rollercoaster. I am in my 30s. My first pet was a fish.’ Nothing risky and nothing incriminating but strangely enough the two options outside of your age had started quite the heated discussion. You smiled cryptically as even Baekhyun seemed genuinely torn between the rollercoaster and the fish option and when the timer on someone’s phone rang out the group scrambled and chose the roller coaster as your lie.

You shrugged and told them your first pet was a puppy and everyone groaned and drank their shots.

The game was fun and the further it progressed the more intense the discussions grew. There was analyzing from all perspectives and the truths and lies grew bolder and harder to believe.

The drinks were being thrown back at record speed and soon enough you felt the familiar buzz of the alcohol coursing through your system. Jongdae’s lie had been that he didn’t know how to tie shoes and there was much shouting as all of the men around him pointed out his perfectly tied shoelaces. Someone else mentioned how they saw him personally tying his daughter’s shoes the other day at the park and he was easily snuffed out. Baekhyun was up next and he lifted his finger to his lips in thought for a moment before he spoke out.

“I have a diplomatic passport. I own the hotel we were just at. I am in love with someone from work.”

The gasps were loud and came from all sides of the table at his scandalous words. Each one seemingly of equal intensity and you did you best to keep your expression neutral as you lifted your beer and took the smallest sip. The bottle in front of your mouth hid the tiny smile you had there and the discussion around the table seemed to be truly torn. All of the men believed the lie was about the hotel. There was much discussion about how much Baekhyun had to travel in his life and how that hotel had no mention of the Byun name on it. The men never even once questioned the phrase about Baekhyun’s work crush.

The women on the other hand seemed to fixate on this one. ‘I’ve never seen him interact with anyone except for Sunny, who he was training so he had to interact with her, and Miss Manager. Who else would it possibly be? He’s just too busy with actual work to be in love with someone. Unless he just never said anything and kept it to himself. I wonder who it is.’

Eventually the men were louder and pushier made their decision stick; doubting Baekhyun’s ownership of the hotel and you had to smile widely simply because you could not stand knowing exactly which was the lie and being powerless to say anything out loud about it. You simply sat here with your beer in your hand, relishing in his little confession hidden within this game.

They were all wrong. You had to take a shot as well and his eyes were on you as you did it. Those lovely eyes shot tiny little hearts in your direction and you hardly even felt the burn of the strong liquor going down your throat.

“The diplomatic passport?” Junmyeon asked Baekhyun noisily, demanding answers and Baekhyun just smiled and looked down into his drink.

“Wait, so you own the hotel? No way.” Marci asked him across the table and Baekhyun nodded his head once and lifted the beer to his lips.

“I don't believe it. They’re all lies. He’s lying about all of them.” Her tone was petulant; made sulkier sounding with the amount of alcohol she had consumed and he leaned over toward Marci with his own cell phone in his hand.

“Marci, look up the number of the hotel. You can watch me type it.”

Marci took the challenge personally and began reading numbers out loud which Baekhyun carefully typed into his phone. On the last number the entry changed to a saved phone number with the name of the hotel and he placed the call on speaker so everyone could hear. The phone rang exactly once before a polite voice answered.

“Mr. Byun, What can we do for you tonight?”

”Sooyoung, can you let me know how many empty rooms we have left tonight? My friends need somewhere to crash after the party. Do we have enough for,” he lifted his hands and counted each head at the table. You ignored it when he skipped you and you hoped to God these drunk people weren’t paying enough attention to notice that neither you, nor he got counted. “Ten more?” He said after counting. A typing sound echoed over the stunned and silenced group and after a few moments the woman returned to the line. “We have enough, Mr. Byun. I will get them ready for your friends. I’ll place the room keys under your name at the front desk, sir.”

He thanked the woman and the table erupted in more of that familiar chaos of cheers and applause. You noticed that Junmyeon (I am a Gemini. I love rabbits. My blood type is A), the man who sat right beside Baekhyun had a puzzled look on his face and he lifted a hand to count the heads at this table, coming back not quite with the same number as Baekhyun had counted and puzzling over it while looking down at his own finger.

“Wait a minute,” Marci called out noisily. “If you own the hotel, and you don't have a diplomatic passport,” she gasped out loud and covered her mouth with wide eyes as the pieces slowly began to fall into place for her, “then who are you in love with from work?”

The attention of the girls was back on Baekhyun, but suddenly the group of men all jeered in her direction, clearly covering for him. “Hey, don't ask that,” someone said admonishingly. “A man’s gotta have some secrets,” someone else said.

“I thought it was pretty obvious already,” Kyungsoo, the quiet man with the big eyes abruptly spoke out in a smooth and low voice that could not have been more unexpected seeing as how he hadn’t said anything at all since his round of two truths and a lie (I like cooking. I have three dogs. I own six pairs of the exact same pants.)

“Let’s play truth or dare then,” Marci spoke up, quite put out with being told to zip it by this group of pushy men when she was clearly way too invested in this love story to let it go. If there was one thing you knew about Marci it was that she loved the gossip. All gossip. Any gossip. She was a sucker for it all. She was in this for the drama.

The of girls all cheered and you braced for the possibility of having to drink a lot more alcohol if you ended up being dared to do anything too risky, or possibly anything at all involving Baekhyun.

The next game was up. Minseok emptied his beer bottle and placed it on its side in the middle of the table and gave it a good spin. Sure this game wasn’t spin the bottle, but everyone liked the randomness of selecting the next victim in this way. As if pulled by some sort of act of fate the first spin landed on you. All at once, everyone’s face turned to look at you expectantly.

“Umm…truth, I guess.” You said, fully prepared to lie through your teeth if you had to.

”Do you know who he is in love with?” Marci wasted no time at all and the entire table erupted in rabid laughter. The laughter from the men’s side of the table was more intense than anything you’d heard from the group yet.

You steeled yourself; put on your best poker face, the one you used during business meetings and negotiations and you shrugged your shoulders with a slightly disappointed frown.

”I do not,” you said. The disappointed groans from all around were intense. Baekhyun’s eyes never left your face, not even for one second and you reached forward and grabbed the bottle to spin.

Tonight was not your night. The bottle landed on Baekhyun.

The noise was deafening and Baekhyun sat there with his eyes closed up tight in defeat with the smallest tense smile on his face.

“Truth or dare, Assistant Byun.” You said. You knew it was your part to ask, being the last one to spin the bottle.

“Truth,” he said, opening his eyes to look into your face.

Your mouth felt too dry and you sipped a little of your beer as you pondered the kind of question you could ask him that would satisfy this insane group of people but wouldn’t give anything away.

“Ask him who he loves. Do it. Do it,” Marci, Sunny, Dani, everyone was begging you to do it. The pressure you felt in this very moment was astounding. You had to inhale a slow and careful breath just to be able to stand this. The only silent one was Sandi beside you and you looked toward her just as she looked away from you.

You received her message. You figure this one out. I’m out of ideas, she said to you with her avoidance. The woman wouldn't even look at you. She was suddenly extremely interested in something she pretended to notice on the drink menu on the table in front of her.

“Umm…Assistant Byun, do you want to tell us who you are in love with?” It was a dirty manager trick. You technically didn’t ask him to answer the question. Anyone who heard this question would see your good intentions as you presented them. You could play ignorance quite easily for the mistake with your words and Baekhyun lifted a single eyebrow and smiled easily. God, he was a pretty man.

“Not really,” he said, clearly answering the question with honesty and satisfying the measure of the truth aspect of the game while still revealing absolutely nothing, thanks to your creative evasion.

The entire table moaned and groaned out loud. Some shouted in your direction, telling you to ask more directly next time and you laughed and gave your easy apologies to satiate this group of absolute drunken maniacs.

Whenever Baekhyun or any of his boys remained in charge of the line of questioning, things went pretty smoothly. They really were a good group of friends who had his back. The first real bit of trouble came when Marci had the spin and her bottle landed on Junmyeon who sat chewing on his fingernails beside a glaring Baekhyun.

“Truth,” she shouted ravenously, “or dare.” She added as an afterthought. She was trying to influence his decision and as his lips formed the letter D you actually heard her growling in his direction.

He caved so easily. A timid, “Truth?” Came from his lips and Marci pounced instantly.

“Who is Baekhyun in love with? I know you know.” Baekhyun was moving fast. He had his hands on the trembling man. The entirety of his side of the table filled with men were holding in their laughter, holding their bellies that hurt from laughing so much, and many of them braced for something to happen. Every single one of them had clearly had too much to drink by now. They would all suffer dearly for the over indulgence tomorrow, but tonight was just too much fun to stop now.

Junmyeon’s eyes went wide with terror and Baekhyun had lifted a hand to lay over the back of Junmyeon’s neck. You thought he might even be gripping tightly into his neck where no one could see.

”You’re thirsty, aren’t you.” Baekhyun lifted a shot of liquor up to Junmyeon’s lips and Junmyeon nodded his head and quickly and quietly swallowed the alcohol that Baekhyun poured into his mouth.

Beside them both, Jongdae was down on the floor laughing and wheezing through the tears that fell from his eyes.

You couldn't help your own laughter. The evening had progressed to such a point and so many near disaster moments had been carefully avoided you found yourself laughing just as much as the rest of them. Your cheeks were sore and your belly was sore and Junmyeon was spinning now. His bottle landed on Marci and everyone screamed out loud in agony recognizing that the cycle was never ending.

Marci was too determined, as were the other girls who had joined in this quest to uncover Baekhyun’s truth even if they had to sell their souls to do it. Theories began to be thrown around. It had to be someone here. Otherwise those men wouldn't have been so protective of Baekhyun and his secret. The girls were on fire; eyeing everyone else suspiciously on your side of the table and the next major crisis hit when Sunny’s spin landed on the aloof and very exhausted Kyungsoo. He had already had so much to drink and you could see the fatigue with all of this on his face.

In his best attempt at it, he picked dare.

“I dare you to whisper into my ear, the name of the person Baekhyun is in love with.”

The table had gone silent. These men knew the threat that they suddenly faced and Baekhyun’s eyes watched his friend with genuine worry. He blinked quickly and you heard the smallest plea, “Kyungsoo,” he said quietly.

You had some sort of an idea about this man. If anyone could stand up to Baekhyun and the rest of these men, it was probably Kyungsoo. He had a quiet sort of authority that you didn’t think many people would question. It wasn’t that he was unkind toward his friend. The man simply had a definite limit and had clearly reached it.

”I can’t drink anymore Baekhyun,” His words were very slurred and slowed down. The man stood up and rounded the table to where Sunny sat with an elated smile wide on her face and you watched with your heart in your throat as a whispered exchange happened between the two of them.

Kyungsoo then stood up straight and simply walked back to his seat and sat down.

Sunny though. Sunny’s hands flew up to her mouth to cover her surprised gasp and her wide eyes flew around the table as her entire face turned pink with excitement.

On both of her sides the girls were tapping her, and begging to be let in on the secret. It really did seem as if they knew something concrete with how very stunned they all looked once they had learned of the secret name.

Across the table, Baekhyun stared ahead of himself without any focus.

Everyone was very drunk already. Maybe no one would remember any of this tomorrow.

The group of men had all gone silent and after a few moments of whispering between the girls that pointedly did not land into your ears, a strange silence fell over the room.

“Well?” you said rather unceremoniously and abruptly. You couldn't stand this anymore. The cat was clearly out of the bag and you needed to know exactly what Kyungsoo had told Sunny and what had that girl all flushed and bashful about. You needed to know what you were working with to know how to act about it.

You needed either some damage control, or some denial to be happening right now but none of them were telling you anything. They just looked into each other’s faces and down at the table in front of them.

Your question was ignored. It was very unlike them, but they did it.

It was Kyungsoo’s spin and he grabbed the bottle and gave it a good go. You watched that stupid thing come to a stop pointed right at you and you lifted your eyes to look at the man.

“Truth,” you said before he had a chance to ask. As soon as you spoke, he did too.

“How do you feel about Baekhyun?” When the man said he was tired, he really meant it. He wasted no time. You felt the heat of everyone’s eyes on your face and the longer you sat here with this question hanging in the air above your head the less you really cared that much about what you chose to do. You avoided all of their eyes as you deliberated.

If you answered truthfully, well…

If you drank to avoid the question, well…

You weren’t much for bravery. You grabbed your shot glass and downed the liquor. The moment the glass touched your lips the table exploded. Someone was shaking Baekhyun by the shoulders, pulling him violently back and forth and you could see the laughter on his face.

“She didn’t answer it!” someone shouted excitedly.

“That could also mean she hates him and is just too nice to say it!” someone else shouted with the exact same level of enthusiasm.

You truly began to feel a lot of the same fatigue that Kyungsoo had been complaining about. His head was down on the table now and his eyes were closed. You couldn't be sure he hadn’t passed out right here at the table.

It was your spin and you gave it a good go. It landed on Marci and she looked into your face with her lips pulled up tight in surprise. She gave you the tiniest hiccup as a response and you looked into her face; suddenly very, very tired of playing this game.

“Truth or dare?” You said to her. Her choice did not matter. You would get it out of her either way.

She picked dare and you shrugged, “I dare you to tell me who he is in love with. You can whisper it into my ear if you want.”

Marci looked nervously around the room. No one seemed to have any suggestions or offer her any help and so she just swallowed nervously and leaned into you.

You heard her small inhale up close to your ear before she whispered, “Baekhyun is in love with you.”

The sensation of hearing this whispered into your ear at a time like this, while being closely observed by every single person at this table who knew what you had just been told was like an out-of-body experience.

You were floating up above your body. You could see the top of your head, you watched the nervous way you reached out for your beer and lifted it to take a big drink of it. You could see yourself fidgeting with the napkin underneath the beer, tearing it into tiny pieces with your fingertips and rolling the bits into little logs that you dropped onto the table cloth. This whole setting was a mess and you had been the one to make the mess. Across the table, you saw Baekhyun as he sat there completely motionless with arms crossed tightly over his chest, his posture sagging low in his seat and his eyes watching your face intently. It didn't look like he was breathing.

The entire bar was so quiet you could have whispered and every single person at this table would have heard you.

You inhaled a breath and blinked slowly, pulling your eyes up to look into Baekhyun’s across this table. You still did not feel like you were inside of your own body; making these choices; saying these words. You were not involved in this anymore. This woman who wore your face and sat here in your spot was inhaling to speak and opening her mouth as she prepared her voice to say something.

“Byun Baekhyun,” you said. Ten stunned faces turned away from you and looked at Baekhyun.

“Yes ma’am?” He answered through clenched teeth.

Tiny gasps peppered throughout the group. It was like a tennis match, they were looking at you again. Faces were covered with hands; gaping mouths were hanging open; someone was making a wild whimpering sound and smacking someone next to them in excitement.

“I don't think it’s her turn to ask. Marci is the one who has to spin next.”

“Oh my God, shut the fuck up. Let her speak.”

“What the fuck is happening right now.”

“I am going to pee my pants.”

“Yes ma’am. He said, yes ma’am.”

“She said his fucking name. Let them speak.”

The rules no longer seemed to matter anymore.

Kyungsoo had lifted his head from the table and was watching you too.

“Are you in love with me?” You looked into his brown eyes, doing your very best to keep the tremble out of your hands. You had to shake your head a little bit to clear some of the heavy nerves that suddenly made your mouth go dry and Baekhyun did not answer your question right away.

”I thought you said not tonight.” His muttered response was cryptic and vague enough to bring more confused faces back to watch you for your answer. He was right. You had been the one to make this rule and you were the first one to break it. You’d always been very good at breaking all of your own stupid rules when it came to him.

“Baekhyun, are you in love with me?” The attention was back on him and he lifted both of his hands and rubbed them roughly over the length of his face.

Someone beside him poked him lightly on the arm, whispering something encouraging in his ear. Answer her. Tell her. Say it.

His eyes were closed.

When he inhaled to speak, a single earth-shattering word rang out.

“Yes,” he said.

He spoke it so softly; pulling his eyes back up, opening them and letting them land squarely inside of your eyes. He left the word to linger on his open mouth for a moment before he inhaled another half breath; just enough air for him to speak again.

“Yes, I am. I love you. Desperately.”

No one was moving. No one was breathing. Mouths and eyes hung wide open.

“Holy shit,” someone whispered under their breath. “This is insane,” someone else whispered to the person at their side.

The silence was going on for too long and someone cleared their throat. You hadn’t responded with any words to Baekhyun’s answer to your question and after much too long of everyone sitting shell-shocked it was Kyungsoo who moved first. He reached forward and spun the bottle in the middle of the table and twelve sets of eyes stared down at the spinning thing until it came to a clumsy meandering stop pointed directly at the man who had just shocked the entire room with his love confession to you.

“Baekhyun, I dare you to kiss her.”

The once silent table erupted in commotion again. There was an excited energy surging through every single person at this table and you had to close your eyes to block out the pinkness you saw in his cheeks as his friends all tugged at his sleeve, shook his shoulders, sent urging words deep into his ears with such intense insistence that he finally sighed out loud and asked his friends a simple question.

“Should I?”

Baekhyun was pushing himself away from his seat at the table. He was standing up on his two wobbling legs and he took several large steps in your direction.

Your eyes were wide as you watched him. You felt too surprised to do anything other than watch to see what he would actually do.

You hadn’t expected the speed with which he reached your side and you felt so caught off guard with his sudden close proximity that you stood up the moment he came up to you.

It all happened so quickly. You had stood to face the man who marched up to you and you gasped when you felt his arm slip around the back of your waist. He pulled you into him and you stumbled enough for his coat to fall off of your shoulders and pool down at your feet.

Your balance felt unsteady. You reached for his waist out of habit, out of that familiarity with the shape of this man and the way he fit so perfectly with your body. You wrapped your arms around his waist at the same moment as he reached up with his other hand and cradled your face in the palm of his hand and his eyes were down on your lips.

He leaned into you then. He kissed you. Right here with everyone watching.

He pressed his soft lips into yours and the gasps of shock from all around were drowned out by the loud pounding of your heartbeat inside of your ear drums. He tilted his head into you. You pulled his lips in between yours and you felt the soft wetness of his tongue as he slipped it along the surface of your teeth, biting down lightly on your bottom lip as he pulled away slightly, only to come back into you; deeper this time. Hungrier and more demanding. Definitely not something two people kissing for the very first time did. Definitely not the kind of kiss for a room full of witnesses.

Oh, you felt ablaze with this. You’d forgotten every single rule you’d ever fooled yourself into believing you could follow.

When at last Baekhyun pulled his mouth off of yours, you felt the trembling inside of your chest at this brazen act. Your hands felt shaky, your legs felt like you might drop at any second. You felt your breathing too heavy to settle easily and he rested his forehead over yours as he breathed just as heavily.

Your hand had wandered and you dropped your fingers from where they had threaded into his hair at the nape of his neck. With your bodies pressed up against each other’s and his heavy breaths fanning over your wet lips he opened his eyes and looked into yours and your lips pulled into the smallest smile. This kiss felt like the beginning of something. You felt an overwhelming relief surging through your chest and you watched his own smile slowly manifesting on his face. You leaned into him, placing the smallest kiss on that pretty smile of his. The man giggled softly when you did it.

“Jesus Christ.”

“Byun Baekhyun, you goddamn—”

“The son of a bitch did it.”

“He did it”

“A long time ago from the looks of it”

You had to turn your head away from them all; covering your mouth with a trembling hand you moved and you felt curious movement from his fingertips along your right hand that now hung limp by your waist.

He was lifting your hand. He was pulling at your ring finger there and you turned to look at his actions as he very steadily and carefully removed the diamond engagement ring you’d been wearing on the wrong hand all night.

He held it up in between his thumb and index finger and peered through the hole of the ring before he turned to you with his empty hand raised, palm up asking for you to give him your left hand.

You were out of any bit of resistance. You laughed and lifted your left hand and placed it carefully inside of his and he slipped the ring onto the ring finger of your left hand with the widest, cheekiest, most breathtakingly beautiful smile you’d ever seen.

You responded to that smile with a hopeless laugh of your own and you felt him lifting your left hand up in the air.

“What?!” their voices all shouted.

“They’re getting married?!”

“What is happening?”

“Oh my god I can't believe this”

”You’ve got to be kidding me. Since when???”

”Are you telling me we didn’t know anything about this?”

Chairs had fallen to the floor. Drinks were spilled and dripped messily all over the table and the floor. People were on their feet shouting. Some were screaming. Some were laughing and clapping. First in confusion, then in understanding and acceptance and the place was a thunderstorm of so much commotion that even the staff and chefs had come out from the kitchen to gawk at the strange occurrence that was happening out in their dining room.

“For the record, I knew.” Sandi raised a hand at last and the reactions were mixed. Some demanded to know how she would have dared to keep this big a secret for so long. Others were simply flabbergasted that such a big thing could have happened right under their noses.

Baekhyun was giggling. The unparalleled joy you saw in his face matched the elation you felt inside of your body as you laughed with him. Doing your best to answer whatever questions you could answer as tactfully and respectfully as possible and after much of the chaos and drama had subsided enough for you to manage to get a word in you raised your voice, calling all of their attention again.

“By the way,” you began with a smile as you turned to look into his joyful face.

Your next words sent them into a wild round of cheers and applause.

“You are all invited to the wedding.”

The End.

Thank you for reading. I love you all!

Can I Stay? Masterlist

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

A glimpse into my twisted mind

Head under the cut for close-ups and notes for this whole process because hoo boy this musical sure has eaten my brain

So first things first, I'm gonna write out the notes I have at the top down here because they're pretty foundational for all my designs going forward.

Historical accuracy is not a priority here. The story is primarily a fantasy based on the aesthetics of Mycenaean and Hellenic Greece. If the time period is more nebulous the anachronisms are less distracting.

This is more personal preference than anything. I love a good historically accurate piece, but I think I would find it more frustrating than satisfying in this case. If literally everything was accurate to the best of our knowledge except for the dialogue... it would drive me nuts. Plus, it's a reinterpretation and a fantasy story. When I look at it I don't want to think "Oh that's The Odyssey", I want to think "Oh that's THIS version of The Odyssey"

Also, to be frank, I'm being lazy here. I want to draw about this musical for fun, and I want any research I do to be for fun too.

From what I understand, we get most of our modern-day "common knowledge" of Greek mythology based on stories from the Hellenic/Hellenistic (still not sure which one is right) period, especially from Roman influences. However, The Odyssey takes place in The Bronze Age, around 1200 B.C.E. The Mycenaean period is something like 1600-1100 B.C.E. There's a solid 500 year distance MINIMUM between the two time periods. Hopefully I can take references from both, put my own spin on it, and make something that clearly calls back to "Ancient Greece" while still obviously existing in a world far outside our reality.

Now for God's Favorite Punching Bag!

This is a weird process, because there isn't a "canon" look for any of the characters, but I still wanted there to be a somewhat instinctual knowledge from the EPIC audience that the guy I was drawing was probably Odysseus. So I started with some of my favorite interpretations that I've seen. These Odys are brought to you by:

@gigizetz

Neal Illustrator on YouTube

@wolfythewitch

VirusAP on YouTube

They feature some crucial differences in build, shape, and style, but there are some interesting similarities across all of them. All of them share a heavy brow, some kind of facial hair, a prominent nose, and a crooked smile (not pictured in these doodles but it's there trust me.)

After that was figuring out the outfit(s). I took a LOT of inspiration from the Hades games, because I think they embody the kind of look I'm going for. Clearly based in history, but not beholden to it. So I took the designs of some of the important mortals that show up (Odysseus, Achilles, Patroclus, and Theseus) and laid them out next to designs of Odysseus and Eurylochus by Neal Illustrator and Gigi. Then for fun I added in one of the few pieces of pottery art I could find that didn't have Odysseus bare-ass naked.

I really like having some kind of cloak or wrap around his shoulders and neck, and I like the leather arm guards that pop up in quite a few of these designs, so that's probably going to be fairly consistent. I also really like the circlet shown in the Neal Illustrator and Hades II designs, it's a nice reminder that he is actually a king. With all that established, we finally move to my actual designs.

The man himself! Mid-Polyphemus encounter. I think this is the point in the story where he's the most put together. He just did the most heinous thing he's ever done*, but he's finally finished. He has 600 men to set an example for, and they're finally going home. He's trying to project confidence. He's well-groomed, he's got his circlet, he's got his comrades, he's not feeling good, but no one else needs to know that.

*up until that point anyways...

This guy is somewhere just before the Poseidon Incident. His beard is fuller and a bit scraggly, his hair is a bit longer and kinda tangled (the wind does not help), and those eye bags are a touch deeper. Losing those 12-ish people to Polyphemus hit him hard, and losing Polites especially took a toll.

Three guesses of when this takes place and the first two don't count. Those 7 years on Ogygia... They're rough. Physically he's the safest he's been since he left Ithaca, but just having to sit with all the horrors he's done and seen, alone with someone who is impossible to really talk to, achingly close to home... Yeah it's bad. I always pictured this scene happening in the middle of a roiling storm, when he realizes what he's considering doing and he calls out for the last person he knows can still hear him. (Also a little bit of lightning in the back to show Zeus being the one to trap both Odysseus and Calypso here)

IMPORTANT NOTE:

My interpretation of this Calypso is that she's very much manipulative and overbearing, but she won't remove his autonomy. She will provide him with food, but won't make him eat it. This is crucial to this version of the story, because EPIC wants you to sympathize with Calypso at least a little bit. If she was more like her original counterpart I trust that it would have been called out explicitly by the text, so I'm operating under the impression that while she's not a good person, she is at least not so malicious or selfish that she would take away Odysseus' choice in anything. More on her when I get to designing her. Just wanted to make my thoughts extremely clear.

Flashback! Baby Odysseus! Basic setup, circlet, chiton, youthful determination, you know the deal. He's probably about 12 here, which is about the age I picture him doing the boar trial. It was fun trying to hint at the shapes he would grow into in his adulthood. And of course a little bit of Athena influence in the back there. I don't know if a barn owl makes sense geographically, but honestly I just wanted to draw a barn owl. They're cute.

*Insert electric guitar riff*

Maybe my favorite Ody to draw??? He still wears those 7 years on him, but he's trimmed his beard and gotten himself some new clothes, and he's feeling murderously vengeful. Good for him. This is specifically his beggar disguise. I gave him a traveling cloak and some extra cloth to really wrap himself up with. The more he can hide himself, the better. He wants to be invisible, and if someone was to see him he doesn't want them to see any body language. This is just after he shoots Antinous though so... Jig's up :)

[stoic--rose]

i have replayed mis-fits just now (i last played it um 10 months ago LOL) and

YOU DID SO GOOD WITH THE ANIMATIONS OH MY GOSH THEYRE SO CUTE they do make a difference

its still really funny and i want more of the brand name crunchy millennial humor (affectionate)

for something very condensed and around an hour long its decently competent!!! also the skill distribution is like one of my favorites with marty being the most useful party member with his cheap status inducing skills and lightning speed

also the gimmicky equippable trinkets are super fun too like the candle and stickers are very useful

i however could not use larices sick tricks and slicer skills for whatever reason regardless of what my equipment was i think you might have messed up the item ids or something though i might be wrong ive only worked with rmxp and the side quests are still very unclear to me like i can understand what i am supposed to do but i dont understand how im supposed to do it i think i scouted every nook and cranny i could and did not find any items like the keychain or any hats its a bit frustrating

but!!!!!!!!! i do mean i really enjoyed this little game the art style especially is a stand out the enemy and npc designs are really cool and again the animations are very cute and funny (i want to tie battle anim marty into a pretzel hes adorable) and you did SO SO SO good i know first hand that rpg maker can be convoluted and what is there to say about making a whole ass game

thank you for your effort hilda youre amazing :)

<3

THANK UOU??? this is so nice and sweet im so glad someone is 'tisming about my game . i feel so honored ! also the sick trick skill is supposed to only be usable with the yoyos equipped, no clue whats goin on with slicer tho,, ill need to look into it, thank you for letting me know ! again im rlly rlly glad u liked the game that makes me so happy

update: figured out the deal with slicer, it should be fixed now !

[fernsnailz]

February 2024 Review Roundup

well i sure did watch some stuff and read one book this month

the things i finished this month reminded me that for every incredible piece of art i find myself enjoying, i end up watching some Hot Garbage immediately after to balance things out again. idk why i do this.

i have quite a bit to say about both the things i enjoyed and the things that brought me physical pain this month, so there is um. a lot under the cut. any previous desire for brevity i had in january has been completely thrown out the window as i use these roundups as an outlet to gush about things i like and complain about things i didn't. fair warning, if you open the readmore you will be scrolling for a while. enjoy i guess

House of Leaves

does any other book out there have the balls to write a completely fake interview with stephen king

House of Leaves is a novel you gotta throw around a little bit. It feels really weird that my copy is still in the pristine state I bought it in - It seems like it should have water damage and smell like mildew with its pages falling out and spine cracked into pieces. Getting the full story from this book requires flipping back and forth, turning it around, searching for answers. All things considered it’s not that difficult of a read, but its format still allows you to feel like you’re discovering every hidden piece for yourself, and I really liked that interactivity. I was engaged pretty much the whole way through.

I don’t really think I’ll be able to revisit this book anytime soon though. It’s difficult for me to format what else I’d like to say about it because to be honest, it caught me off guard and disturbed me on a fairly personal level. There’s a relief I feel when I remember that I don’t actually know what was going on with the house - maybe that was intentional on the book’s behalf, maybe I just didn’t look hard enough for answers. I don’t know. But the implication that something divine was down there was enough of an answer for me. The book's good. read it if you want a spooooooky time or if you never want to look at a hallway the same way again

Doctor Who (Series 1-4) (rewatch)

ok so this is a fuckload of doctor who to cover so i’m gonna give some thoughts on a few of the characters and my favorite + least favorite episodes

9th doctor: My favorite butch lesbian. Christopher Eccleston truly embodies the concept of The Doctor so, so well: otherworldly guy who knows too much, genuinely cares about life across the universe, and also has a bit of deep, unresolved rage. His moments of joy and careless fun stick with me the most, he absolutely radiates with life and brings so much to this character.

Rose: I first watched Doctor Who when I was in middle school, and I didn’t like Rose that much back then. And guys. I have bad news. I'm still not really much of a Rose fan

I definitely understood her more this watch through - that desire for adventure and some sort of control over her life, emotions so strong that she’s willing to throw near everything away. That’s just what being 19 is like sometimes. I think Rose is a very compelling character who just happens to frustrate me a bit. And that’s kinda the point, her co-dependent relationship with the Doctor is doomed to fail and it's meant to hurt. Ultimately, I think when I first watched the show I was too young to understand Rose, and now I’m just too old to relate to her.

Captain Jack: Jack is my favorite character. I fucking love this guy. Dude has the worst luck in the whole universe and still cannot be stopped. Legendary. Every episode with him is a goddamn delight because he has so much chemistry with every single cast member. No notes 10/10 i love my problematic bisexual king

10th doctor: About four episodes into David Tennant’s run I realized that he dresses like a Hazbin Hotel character and it made me very sad. Still, there’s a reason this guy inspired every middle schooler to buy a pair of converse in 2008. He has style, he has depth, he’s got the sauce. It’s genuinely terrifying to see his anger, I like that a lot of 10’s run is about his denial of godhood and power over life in the universe, something that the rest of the time lords desired. idk i like my sad pathetic little weasel but he's also a huge fucking asshole sometimes which sucks. especially when it's directed at Martha.

Martha: Martha I am so sorry for what this show put you through. Martha was my favorite companion when I first watched the show, and I still have a huge soft spot for her. Her ability to hold her own and navigate foreign worlds using her own intelligence absolutely rules, and her drive forward is unbreakable. But the show seems to put her down at every possible opportunity, most notably with how 10 treats her. Her struggles and wants are constantly ignored, and she's often treated as a rebound from Rose. And I like that she eventually chooses to end it by not traveling with 10 anymore, but it hurts because it feels like she was never given the same chance or care that Rose and Donna were. This era of Doctor Who really doesn’t treat its black companions well because Mickey goes through something similar - both Martha and Mickey are characters designed to be ignored or left behind, and it sucks.

Donna: Donna Noble is one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist. Despite seemingly living a fairly average life and working a fairly average job, Donna reflects the idea that no one is truly "average" and every single person is brimming with personality, life, and love. I love that her relationship with 10 is purely platonic, personally their friendship feels like it has a lot more depth than either of the romance-oriented relationships 10 had with Rose and Martha. 10 and Donna bounce off of each other so well and it's delightful, Donna brings so much humor and life to every world she's taken to and it's incredible. I wish her and Captain Jack could have interacted more.

My favorite episode: The Runaway Bride is hard to not choose as my favorite. I have a blast every time I watch this episode and it’s such a good introduction for Donna. Also the Tardis car chase kills me, I love when it cuts to the kids in the back of another car clapping and cheering. I was also surprised by the episode Midnight - it’s dreadful to watch and I kinda loved it. So much spirals out of control when shit hits the fan, even though no one has any idea what they’re trying to fight against. Really interesting exploration as to how fear can drive people apart.

My least favorite episode: It’s Love & Monsters. I wish I liked this episode - stories that follow regular ass people living in this world are often some of the best episodes in the series (Weeping Angels and all that). And this episode definitely has some of that. It’s honestly really touching to see this group of nerds get together and enjoy life in the first part of the episode. I think the antagonist of “guy who absorbs people” ends up dragging down any charm this story had because he just. eats all of the interesting characters. But despite me disliking this episode, I honestly have a deep respect for it - it’s fucking crazy. It ends with the main guy telling us about his sex life with his girlfriend who is now stuck in a piece of concrete. Where else are you going to get a story like this. It fucking sucks and that’s hilarious

oh also the production design: GODDDDDD I FUCKING LOVE THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND SETS ON THIS SHOW. I love how dirty and rundown a lot of the spaceship sets look with wires and lights scattered everywhere. And a number of alien designs also go CRAZY with the prosthetics - I keep thinking about the Hath from The Doctor’s Daughter and how every head prosthetic had liquid inside it that could bubble. Absolutely crazy. I also love the moments where you can clearly see they did not have that much time and just had to throw something together or pain a bald cap green. Jank is the nature of sci-fi production design and I dearly love and miss that Doctor Who jank.

Rebuild of Evangelion

Last year after finishing the original Evangelion series + End of Evangelion, I remember going through the Evangelion tumblr tag and being very confused by the number of slice of life/found family-esque fanworks of the cast. It left me puzzled and thinking “...did we even watch the same thing??”

APPARENTLY NOT

[spoiler warning here because these movies are very good and i give the best parts away. if you want to watch these movies then DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!]

I honestly never expected a world where these characters got a happy ending. I so, so badly wish I could see 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 in theaters - these movies are stunning. I know I say things “go crazy” a lot, but man. They go fucking CRAZY.

While I have a few issues with how the first two movies adapted the original show, I do think the changes they made better serve the story this rebuild is trying to tell. For example, my favorite episode in the original Eva series is episode 18, where Toji is chosen to pilot Unit 03. It’s absolutely terrifying because Shinji doesn’t know who 03’s pilot is, yet he’s forced to be inside Unit 01 as it tears 03 apart. His resolve not to kill anyone despite not even knowing who’s in danger is an aspect of that episode I love and speaks to Shinji's inherent humanity, and when he learns Toji was in there it hurts even more. The rebuild movies change Unit 03’s pilot to Auska, and Shinji knows she’s in there from the start. I think this choice works for the movies and is still an effective emotional beat, but personally I still prefer the version where Shinji had no idea who was in there. That lack of knowledge is infinitely more terrifying to me.

I really like what these movies did with some of the angel designs though. The sixth angel (the fuckin. blue diamond cube thing) works really well in 3D/CG animation. The way the thing warps and moves is otherly and terrifying - and it’s just a fucking cube. I’ve always really loved how the Eva series approaches angel designs and the divine - despite the alien-like designs, there’s often something extremely familiar about them. They’re often reminiscent of an animal, a machine, or a human. This is also how they approached the anti-universe in these movies, I loved how it takes the form of various locations from the series and turns them into a movie set. It’s deeply familiar, but ultimately just an illusion of familiarity like the angels and the divine.

Also I gotta say. I fucking love Mari. I think she’s hilarious. She first meets Shinji by accidentally parachuting into him and then immediately starts crawling on all fours to sniff him. This girl also introduces “Beast Mode” where the Eva pilots can go wild turn their mechs into a fucking. superpowered beast of some sort. And also she defeats a whole army by using the Eiffel Tower as a spear. She’s such an absurd character and I honestly kinda love it. The only thing I knew about these movies before watching them was this gif of her Backing That Shit Up and she truly lives up to the insane nature of this shot.

My favorite section of these movies is definitely the first part of 3.0+1.0 where the pilots are basically just living a domestic life in a small town - it’s truly beautiful. The growth that Rei’s copy goes through here is fantastic, I love stories about seemingly emotionless beings learning how to live. And right after she dies, we get the shot that absolutely broke me the first time I saw it:

This shit. The way you can just barely tell he’s been crying from the red around his eyes. They don't talk about it, they barely linger on it, but it's allowed just enough time to punch you in the gut. I don’t know why this shot got me as hard as it did but goddamn. jesus christ. i want to throw up

There’s some goofy shit in these movies. The infinite synch rate. Misato’s stupidass hat and sunglasses. Some goofy ass 3D animation that doesn’t age super well. The rainbow that shows up every time an angel dies. But these things really didn’t take me out of the core of these films, and there’s so much genuine emotion and beauty in this series that had me absolutely hooked - especially in the last two films. They go crazy. My favorite line is 100% “The only thing a son can do for his father is pat him on the shoulder… or kill him.” and man. ain’t that what Evangelion is all about. i love these movies

High School Musical 3

kinda slaps just a little bit

High School Musical 3 starts with a finale number. The last high school basketball game of Troy Bolton’s life - and it goes kinda hard. The classic pep band brass that’s essential to so many High School Musical numbers returns, and the constant theme of two feuding cheer teams in the background? Genius. This is truly art. I love listening to Now or Never without visuals because in the middle Troy just starts coughing and gagging seemingly out of nowhere

Unfortunately, starting the movie at such a high point means that the rest of the runtime doesn’t quite match up to it. The story lags and meanders quite a bit, but part of me kinda appreciates that - it’s their last semester of high school, which is always a time of confusion and turmoil. However, I do have a pitch for how they could have countered the constant falling action this movie seems to go through:

The Wildcats should have lost their last game at the beginning of the movie.

What if the game is instead the inciting incident that leads Troy and his besties through their tumultuous last semester? Troy is still torn between basketball and theater, but his identity would be even further challenged here - is winning and success all that matters for him, or is it the love of sport and performance that keeps him going? idk whatever this movie came out 16 years ago i can’t be out here writing AUs for it jgnfsgfnjdksg

Some miscellaneous thoughts about this movie that i don’t care about formatting into larger paragraphs:

Ryan and Sharpay’s number (I Want It All) slaps as usual. The part where Ryan shouts “MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!!!!” makes me so happy every time i hear it

The production design and sets go absolutely fucking crazy. I still have no idea how they pulled off the spinning hallway in Scream.

One of the classic staples of HSM is Chad’s shirts. Most of them are fairly silly and like something you would expect to find in the walmart clearance section. However, there’s one shirt he has in this movie that confused the hell out of me. It’s this one:

What the FUCK does Greenster mean. Is it just a combination of Green and Monster?? Why??? What green monster are we talking about here????? Where the fuck did this shirt come from?????????

Avatar The Last Airbender (2024)

There’s really only one word I can think of to describe what this show is like: sauceless. No flavor. No depth. No character. No sauce. This show is honestly so fucking boring and seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the appeal of the original Avatar series is - not necessarily because things are changed or removed from the original, but because nothing of substance is added in return. 

Most of the characters are mere echoes of their original counterparts when compared to their source material. Sokka is reduced to a guy who wants to fight good, Katara’s stubborn and confrontational nature is very rarely utilized, and Aang’s mischievous antics and love of fun is sorely missing. One of the major reasons for the dull interpretations seems to be the directing - While I have faith that most of these actors are trying their best (especially since a number of them are kids/young adults), the direction seems to be incredibly lackluster and takes away nearly every cast member’s stage presence or personality. There’s a number of reaction shots of the main trio that just look like this: 😐😐😐 as if they were just told to “look concerned” at the events unfolding before them. And these issues are apparent in the majority of the performances - for example, General Zhao talks like he’s in a board meeting up until the last episode, and it’s an incredibly flat performance. He talks somewhat monotone in the original series as well, but this live-action take on the character often meanders with his dialogue and lacks that sharp, terrifying quality that I think this character needs. Uncle Iroh also feels incredibly stiff in this adaptation, and it’s a goddamn crime that they took away the cunty little outfit and chains he was originally wearing when he gets captured by earthbenders. wait who said that

Credit where credit is due, there’s a few cast members that seem to be giving their best. It’s clear that Aang’s actor enjoys the role and does pretty well despite the lackluster direction and dialogue he’s given. On top of that, I think Zuko’s actor is honestly the best part of the show. His take on Zuko leans much more into teenage tendencies and sarcasm, which, although it can be silly, is a welcome take of the character in my opinion and pretty fun to watch. There’s this one line he has at the beginning of episode 2 where, in an incredibly whiny tone of voice, he goes “He RAN! The ultimate warrior! He’s a Coward :((((“ and the read is so. fucking funny

The case of bad direction isn’t limited to the performances, however. It’s also stunningly apparent in how everything is shot. Despite being in a widescreen format, most shots are incredibly centered - you could crop the entire runtime into a 4:3 frame and you wouldn’t be cutting out much of anything. I’ve seen some speculation that this was an intentional choice to make things more adaptable or readable for TikTok/phone video, but honestly I think that’s a dumb take. I think the issue stems from a lack of creativity and thoughtless composition. Keeping everything staged in the center can make shots feel disjointed, lacking much depth, or completely empty. It’s a boring way to shoot and indicates that the show lacks any unique vision at all.

Overall, this show doesn't really seem to understand what makes Avatar interesting in the first place. It's more interested in spectacle and action than the characters' relationships, emotions, and mistakes. I try not to compare it too much to the original since it's allowed to take liberties with its adaptation, but very few of its changes add much to the end result or give it a unique voice. It's just sauceless and boring.

Some YouTube videos i liked in February:

💥 My House.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod (some supplemental House of Leaves material for ya) 💥 Martha Jones Deserved Better (this video explains how Doctor Who did Martha dirty better than i ever could) 💥 bringing JUSTICE to the worst garfield game 💥 Selling Kids for Clout: The Downfall of Family Channels

And that’s my roundup for February! Thank you for reading, I promise there are no more reviews left to scroll through below this goodbye. Nope, nothing else I watched this month. Bye!

…ok is everyone gone. phew, i’m glad no one noticed i pulled an hbomberguy and hid the largest part of this post under a false ending. Anyway holy shit i need to talk about hazbin hotel

Hazbin Hotel

well i didn’t like it

Hazbin Hotel is a weird, fascinating mess of a show. Every episode left me wondering what creative decisions (or lack thereof) led to the sequence of images I just watched. There’s been a lot of discussion of this show recently and I’m not interested in covering every critique I have, but there’s a few things that I'd like to talk about somewhat in-depth.

Hell is real and it's just Red Chicago

The setting of Hell is kinda boring in this show.

Let me try to put this into perspective. Aside from the hotel, here’s a list of the locations we see in Hell:

A boardroom

A video store

Vox’s evil lair (it has cyber sharks which is kinda cool)

Various streets

Another boardroom

A BDSM club

Carmilla’s house (it’s gray and has. balconies?)

A porn studio

A bar

Another bar

A town square (full of cannibals)

None of these locations really take on any sort of otherworldly form besides some vague demonic imagery scattered throughout (and the cannibals. i guess. whatever). In short, Hazbin Hotel’s setting resembles Chicago more than it does Hell.

I can see a world where that’s intentional. Perhaps making Hell resemble a modern city could be used as a thematic tool or point of relatability? But Hazbin doesn’t really do anything like that - since the characters rarely ever interact with their environments, these locations end up seeming like they lack creativity, like they’re just cardboard sets where characters go to swear. They all start to blend together after a while - every street feels the same, every boardroom fades into the background, and every bar feels like a google image search result for the word “club.” This world feels stunningly empty despite the busy designs and colors. Even though the backgrounds are painted and designed fairly well, nothing of substance is ever really added to them through the story.

However, a few musical numbers take effort to break away from these settings. This felt like a weight off of my shoulders whenever it happened, it was nice to see some interesting setpieces and backgrounds that weren’t red. I liked the bombastic and over-the-top broadway lights in Loser and the glowing alternate world in Charlie and Lucifer’s song. But these moments are few and crowded by the dull locations in Hell - or worse, the Hotel itself.

Despite being the namesake of the show, the actual Hazbin Hotel is… lifeless. Which, yeah, it’s a hotel where dead people go in the afterlife, but it’s missing any sort of personality or history besides “it’s old and falling apart.” I expected the hotel to be full of secrets - like maybe some hidden passages or rooms, or mysterious cabinets full of rotted meats, or old valuables hidden under the rugs by the previous owners. Something for the cast to explore and discover, and as they get closer to each other they also start to understand the hotel more. Alastor seems very intent on keeping the physical hotel standing for some reason, but I never really understood why. There’s nothing there. And that nothingness is fully realized when at the end of the show, they just rebuild the entire hotel to be grand and beautiful - an emotional beat that didn’t hit me at all because I never felt like I knew the hotel in the first place. Despite rebuilding it from the ground up, it will feel just as empty.

3 SHOTS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY

I was truly baffled at how some of these scenes are timed and put together. Multiple sequences left me feeling nauseous and dazed - the camera moves like it’s being swung on the end of a rope, and there’s so many misplaced or meaningless cuts scattered through these episodes.

There’s a sequence of three shots in the first episode that I want to dissect. I will fully admit that I'm breaching nitpicking territory here, but the shot composition issues in this show are pretty rampant and my analysis here is just a hyper-specific look at a single part of that larger problem. Hopefully you can also use it as a quick storyboarding lesson too idk

First, we see Adam teasing Charlie.

Then, it cuts straight to this shot:

A few things here. 

Shot 2 is just closer on the characters, which is not a great idea to cut to after the previous waist-up shot. On top of being a jarring jump cut, there is no purpose for this new shot. All the information we see here (Adam laughs, Charlie fake laughs) could have just been conveyed in the previous shot.

Despite the characters being in the same position as the last shot, the background changes. This straight up just feels like an error. I think the idea is supposed to be that the camera is at a different angle, but the position of the characters does not convey that. It looks like reality changes behind them.

And if that’s not enough, this is the shot we get immediately after those two:

In this shot, the residents of the hotel sit on the couch as Vaggie walks into the shot, framing them between her legs. But there’s something… off.

Vaggie either looks like she’s floating or she’s three stories tall. Quick storyboard lesson as to why:

The main problem with this shot is that the perspective of the background doesn’t match up with where Vaggie is placed. The couch is framed as if the camera were above it, but Vaggie is framed like the camera is floor-level below her. I’ve traced the shot and added a perspective grid to hopefully better illustrate this:

Do you see what I mean? If the camera WAS actually on the floor like Vaggie’s position in the shot suggests, the composition would look more like this:

Notice how much closer the floor grid is to the bottom of the frame and how you can see the underside of the couch.

And to be fair, this is probably what the original storyboard for this shot looked like! Personally I think something went wrong in the compositing stage - this might be a couch background from another shot that was reused here to save time, or whoever approved this shot just let the error slide since the shot is so short (i've been there. sometimes you let the jank slide). Most animated shows will have some poorly framed shots and continuity errors because mistakes are bound to happen, but two egregious ones right next to each other like this is. pretty bad. It's so noticeable from a directing perspective.

Here’s the thing: these three shots happen in the span of like 10 seconds. Most viewers probably wouldn’t notice these issues, and that's fine. But even though these errors are quick, they stack upon each other so fast that even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, something still feels wrong. There’s so many other moments where the show breaks extremely basic shot composition, continuity, and staging rules - for example, the second musical number of the show breaks the 180 rule like four times for no good reason. The whole show feels like a dizzy, nauseating mess because the shots rarely feel like they form anything cohesive.

MY ROOMMATE TOLD ME TO GO TO BED SO HERE ARE SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Here’s a rundown on some other thoughts that I don’t care to format into larger sections:

The show seems to lack much to say about sin and redemption other than “redemption good.” like sure, but what are they being redeemed from? Is heaven truly the place they deserve to go after being redeemed, even though it’s shown to be unjust? Are there sins that are too great to be redeemed from, or others that shouldn't be considered sins at all? I asked myself a number of questions like this, but never got many answers from Hazbin.

This show has a bad relationship with kink and sex. Both are mostly used as a punchline or a form of control. I didn’t like it. Perhaps the reason Hazbin never really comments on the nature of sin is because it needs you to consider sex and kink sinful or otherly for these jokes to hit.

Some of the animation is crazy good. I will praise any animator that even attempts to make these character designs move. A number of extremely talented people worked on this show, a few of the musical sequences in particular have some incredible movement.

Alastor is a very boring character. It’s wild that most of the side characters in this show only exist to talk about how much they like or hate Alastor, he mostly just stands to the side of some shots or kills random nameless goons. I expected him to have a much larger role in the story, but he just gets his ass kicked in the final episode and then crawls back to the hotel.

Episode 4 is the most cohesive, and i think Angel is the best character in the show. Unfortunately, the fact that Hazbin takes so much effort to show Angel’s misery left me… concerned? None of the other characters get treated as poorly as Angel by the narrative. There’s a few smaller explorations of trauma, but nothing remotely compares to what Angel is put through on-screen. This isn’t to say that I think the whole cast needs to be extremely traumatized and constantly miserable, but rather that I find it concerning that the only character subjected to incredibly graphic abuse and torture (that we see or hear about) is the gay sex worker. Which sucks, because I think the concept of hypersexuality resulted from sexual abuse is an important topic worthy of discussing in adult media. I just think they tried to execute this theme without much critical thought beforehand.

I think the voice cast does a fantastic job for the most part. Keith David is way too good for Husk.

I really liked the one shot where Charlie opens her phone and we see that she has a contact for every individual egg minion.

I was very brave and got through this whole review without talking about my new least favorite character of all time, Vox. here’s what I think of him:

The overall vision and end result of Hazbin Hotel is just mediocre. While I don’t know what led to the messy state this show ended up in, my guess is that it was probably the result of inadequate direction, sloppy writing, and lacking creative support from the studios involved. Because of this, please understand that I have no desire or intention to put down any individual artists that worked on this show - I hope it's clear that most of my criticisms are directed at the larger vision these artists were given to execute and/or the lack of creative support they received while working on this show.

I also don’t really have much desire to participate in any further Hazbin discussion or discourse because it has wasted enough of my time already and I want to be free of this curse. please spare my inbox from hazbin hotel discourse. please. i'm begging.

You want to know what the most fucked up thing about this is though? Despite everything I said about Hazbin, Avatar the Last Airbender 2024 is still the worst show I watched this month. I would take Hazbin over Avatar 2024 literally any day.

well if you got this far. thanks for reading. also sorry you read all that. whelp alright back into my hole i go bye bye

[guppyfish77]

Another year Another summary of Art! An Entire Year of Submas lets gooooooooooo!!!! This year I feel like I really pushed myself when it comes to illustrations and I feel like I've learned a lot! But at the same time I feel a little tired, next year I think I wanna relax and experiment a bit more, I gotta learn to loosen up! Might get more art out if I do :p

I also feel the Submas grip ever so lightly relaxing (unless they decide to do Unova remakes haha XD), so I might introduce some of my numerous ocs in 2024! I'll probably start with the conductor oc ;]

Thank you for all your support! (you are all very nice! ToT), I still have a good amount of submas stuff planned in the works so look forward to that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

If you are interested, I also have some commentary and behind the scenes for some of my submas illustrations! I wanna talk about it and now seems like a good time to do so now that the year is over! (Beware! its going to be long!)

All titles are linked to the original post

Lunch Break

hoho! This one is the sort of AU thing in which the only thing that changes is that I give Emmet a Victini friend (not a part of his team, I dubbed them the "victory duo" because Emmet likes winning and Victini is the Victory Pokemon), I planned out a few wordless comics regarding the idea, they were all very lighthearted slice of life kind of stuff, usually Victini causing some mischief and the brothers having to deal with it

and here's the thumbnails for this piece! I played around with various angles but decided to keep it simple and choose a straight on angle. It was originally a snack break and Emmet sharing a granola bar with Victini, but as I was planning it, submas unexpectedly showed up in the Pokemon Anime where they were serving ekiben, after learning about it it quickly turned into a lunch break! (how fun when new information lines up with an art piece you are working on hoho! ^ ^) After studying what foods Ekiben usually have in them (there was quite a variety!) I took what I learned and try to make the food look like the gear station logo :D

In the background there are children drawings because in the battle subway one of the trainer classes you can face off against are preschoolers, and I thought at least one of them would share their drawings with the subway bosses (and of course why wouldn't they hang it up?), there is also a trophy in which you can get in the players room if you beat the subway bosses on the super trains (one day, battling competitively is not my forte), I did my best to make Emmet's office feel lived in by adding a little bit of clutter (like adding a note) but overall very organized

(hey hey that joltik mug looks familiar in the corner there, its the same one Rei is holding in the christmas drawing)

Bonus Emmet and Victini Drawings

aw come on dude, not on the trains!

ah this one, it gave me quite a bit of frustration! This piece I used to challenge myself on perspective, and challenge me it did! The version you see now is I believe the 6th iteration of this drawing! The reason for restarting so many times is because I originally wanted it to be in 3 point perspective, but I couldn't get it to look right so its now in 2 point... Haha Some valuable lessons learned there!

This illustration was inspired by the history of New York Subway Trains and Graffiti! I read about it when I got to visit the New York Transit Museum and found it super interesting!! Then I went I gotta do something with this! Since Unova is based in New York after all!

I got so many subway surfer comments, they don’t know I forgot subway surfers existed while making this and that I am a huge nerd lmao

I had a lot of fun designing the graffiti on the train (yes it says among us) stylizing the fictional letters was so fun! I studied some graffiti to see how they do it, I could've pushed the graffiti style more but then it would be illegible! I also mixed in elements of Grafaiai graffiti, and trainer that is running away is the artist trainer class in SCVL because they are graffiti artists! And the train that got graffitied is the Wifi Train, due to BW (and the DS) servers being shut down, I doubt that train gets used much anymore, which makes it a perfect target!

Derailed!

hohoho! This was a fun one! I'm not sure how many of you guys read my tags, but in there I did state that this piece was based off the fact that model trains are powered by electrifying the rail it runs on (very low watts mind you) and the fact that Joltik eats electricity, but thats not the only inspiration, it was also inspired by those videos of cats laying on the layout and derailing the train!

Theres quite a variety of thumbnails for this idea (including a comic!), and the idea was there in 2022, but this year I decided to fully commit to it! I started rendering the top right one and almost finished it, but it felt really boring to me, so I switched it up and made some thumbnails in a new perspective and viola! thats what ended up being finished!

The train that is being derailed are Sanriku Railway Type 36s, based off a model train I have in my collection! (While sharing this fact on the original post Haiku Bot detected it as a Haiku?! and this art went out of my target audience, that certainly was a day (⊙□⊙;))

Also I straight up put a picture of Thomas the Tank Engine in the background, I'm not sure if people noticed cuz its quite blurry, the fact that nobody said anything means I probably would’ve gotten away with it before sharing this fact, so hehe :3c

Unexplained Melancholy

eyy! this one! It started out wholly different

It was originally me dropping Warden Ingo in various natural landscapes around Hisui as I didn't feel like drawing anymore linear perspective (ah, but heres the thing, all environments require a little bit of perspective lol), and it was just going to be Warden Ingo hanging out in a lush forest, specifically by the train rock that was shown in his concept art! but after sitting on it, I realized I could do something more with it! by making it a snowy environment I could make callbacks to Emmet's coat being white! hence the "SNOWY!!!" being scribbled there, that was added like weeks afterwards, Then I realized I could push it even more by making the whole environment about Emmet's colors! So the new thumbnail is in color because thats whats its about!

The moon smile thing was stumbled on by complete accident, while working on it it felt empty there and I added Emmet's smile to fill the space before going "moon!!!"

The piece is also a sort of a parallel to last years piece “I am Emmet, I wish for Ingo and I to be a two-car train once more” composition wise, sort of, I tried to at least 👍

Black Tower and Whitetree Hollow

Ah! I was quite proud of this one! Black City and White Forest are some of my favorite places in Unova mainly because the parallels are so very cool!

As the thumbnails suggest it was all going to be in complete black and white, as I was working on it though I could not help but add some values in there so yup! I quite like both compositions but the perspective won me out, plus that one focuses more on the characters than the other one (as much as I love backgrounds, it really is supposed to be about Emmet and Ingo U_U)

Being places of duality and having a battle challenge in there, it really fit them!

Emmet drops the hottest single of all time 🔥🔥🔥

Not really much to say about this one since it was very much done on a whim, but

its not the first time I drew Emmet with his hat backwards, I did this little doodle around the same time I did the train graffiti piece, been wanting to do something with this silly idea, and when I heard that audio, I went :o

Following Some Rumors of a Time Machine

the finale! I decided to choose Area Zero because its a very cool place! I am inspired by cool places! and I decided to give it my all for this one!

The thumbnail I made was more for jotting down the idea, and the landscape was going to be more eyelevel? Later I decided to make it so you were looking down into the crater and you get to see the fog blocking the crystal caverns, to show that Emmet was going deeper into Area Zero and the Deepest part is his destination (the time machine, not the underdepths, I didn't know about that yet haha!) I was always going to make Emmet encounter a Slither Wing, with it being based off Volcarona, a gen 5 pokemon :]

Anyways, That's all I have to say! I hope you found it interesting! (and enjoyed my varying quality in sketches and thumbnails XD) Thanks for listening! see you in 2024! ✌

[spaciebabie]

any advice 4 when u want to keep drawing 2 improve but u cant get over perfectionism ? like when u just dont care how its gonna turn out, if its bad its bad yknow?

ahh yes lowkey ive struggled with this a lot. not as much now as in the past tho, and honestly its beecuz ive developed a more neutral view on myself/my art in general. its going to take time to get to this state of mind, so dont be too hard on yourself when you find yourself falling into bad habits.

advice under the cut (kind of long winded) ⬇️⬇️⬇️

the first thing ive done to overcome perfectionism is focus less on details and more about overall shape and form. when i sketch im trying to get roughly what i want, and i limit the strokes i do in certain parts of my sketch to like 1-3 depending on what im drawing (im ngl i also am very impatient and have created a workflow that makes it so i am able to start and finish pieces as fast as possible LOLOLOL. shrugs. i just like drawing fast).

a good example would be this thing i just drew:

in all of my sketches i tend to use as few strokes as possible and just get the basic idea down. good for not overly focusing on teeny tiny details and worrying about them later (i also use the same technique for lineart, but just end up connecting the lines. thats another tip i have, if you like your sketches more than your fully lined pieces, just line the same way you sketch! or you could also use your sketch as your lineart :P)

another tip i have is to draw from references, and once again, focus mostly on shape/form/the big picture of your subject before going into details (do you know how many planes there are on the human face....i still dont know howta draw faces properly but im not mad at myself anymore about it, i just open up a reference and try to learn). i also recommend having a drawing session where the goal is to draw awfully. draw something you want to draw, but that you're not sure if you'll draw it right, and draw it. dont try to correct it, acknowledge that what you made isnt perfect, and then draw something else. you're learning! of course its not gonna be perfect. but inevitably, you're going to get frustrated. just remember if its something you really want to go back to, you will be able to revisit it in the future. feel your anger and frustration, but do your best to not direct it inward.

small side tangent about shading- I AM SO SHIT AT SHADING SKFHSAFDJHS. people dont tend to notice (surprising), since ig my shading style is considered "beautiful" or something, but if you looked at it on a technical level, there are mistakes everywhere. i havent really tried to improve it. i dont really care most of the time b/c i just like shading for fun. and especially when im shading my sketches, i already have it in my mind that its not supposed to be perfect. its a sketch. this is where im supposed to make all of my mistakes. once i start making my way to the final product is when i start worrying more about if i did the lighting correctly (even then ik im not good at it im not trying to be a god im just trying to draw things that make me happy).

additionally, i really rec u dont try and fudge a sketch until its better if you're deep in a Perfectionist moment. keep the old sketch and start over on a new sketch taking bits and pieces you liked from the original, and improving on those that you dont (shitty thumbnails are also good if you have a vague idea in mind but need ta figure out howta place subjects in your scene). honestly drawing the same thing/idea over and over gets me a better understanding of my subject each time, so naturally each iteration looks better. it doesnt take me that long to sketch tho, so if sketching takes you forever (sometimes if sketching takes you forever its b/c you're a perfectionist skjfskdjf) just think about how much time you're willing to spend on something. remember☝️ its okay to give up/take a break on something and try again later. sometimes you just needta stop looking at your art and like. look at a tree or something lmfao.

i will also say that im not looking to go into a career in art, im more of a hobbyist. ik school environments dont exactly.....help with perfectionism lol. there are certain expectations put on people who go into the art field that are inescapable. if this is the case for you, i still think what ive discussed before can help you, but i also think that you may need to lean more on the mental tips i have also provided below.

alright! mental health tips in regard to art:

so, i have c-ptsd, and with that comes a lot of self image issues that ive had to work on. my feelings about myself extended to the way i felt about my art. it was shit, it was awful, i cant draw like this other person can so why bother, if its not perfect i shouldnt draw at all, etc. and honestly, something thats helped is affirmations. my affirmations are c-ptsd related, but ive noticed a shift in the way i view myself, and by extent, my art since ive started repeating them to myself daily. and honestly, i think a requirement of overcoming perfectionism is telling yourself that your art doesnt hafta be perfect, A LOT. LOL. LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAFTA ACTIVELY TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE NOT AWFUL LMAOOOO. its funny, we dont think much about how we naturally are self critical about ourselves, and we dont realize that we are basically repeating negative affirmations about ourselves over and over and thats why we're not improving (mentally).

even when you're not drawing, i think it would benefit some people to have some kind of notification on their phone to remind them to tell themselves that their art doesnt hafta be perfect daily/however often you feel you might need it. and then with that affirmation, practice Shitty Drawing. one of the best tips ive ever gotten for this was from one of my friends monnie. get out your sketchbook or some printer paper, take out a shitty pen, and DRAW. and then any mistakes you make are permanent and you cant just endlessly try and fix them. it forces you ta sit with this uncomfortable feeling that something you made isnt perfect. eventually your brain will realize that when your art isnt perfect, you can still draw and you're ALLOWED to continue to draw even if what you make isnt spectacular. if you dont want to repeat an affirmation daily, try to remember to at least repeat it before you sit down to draw. something along the lines of "my art doesnt hafta be perfect in order for me to want to draw. im allowed to draw even if its not perfect" or something else. it depends on what you most struggle with in regards to your perfectionism. im ngl its probably going to feel cringe at first, but i promise you, it really works if you put it into practice longterm.

shoot for neutrality instead of positivity first. let me tell you thats where i am now and its so much less exhausting drawing lmfaooo. i make something that looks like shit and im just like. i dont fucking careee i dont give a fuccckkkkk

those are my tips :] i hope this was helpful!

[ratrrriot]

Sonic art tips for a young artist pleasee :)

wow thanks for thinking my advice is worth asking for, i'm flattered! here are some tips that helped me learn how to draw them:

Starting by drawing a structure of basic shapes always helps with proportions,but if you decide to use one,don't let it make your drawing stiff! make sure to draw that structure with loose lines and don't think too hard about it. Movement and dynamism are core aspects of these characters,prioritize that over things like symmetry.

Unless you want the characters to look like they're made of rubber or super soft,avoid working exclusively with round edges. instead try making part of their bodies a litttle more sharp and exaggerate some corners. Try finding the perfect balance between sharp and round lines for each one so they look more natural and dynamic.

Pay attention to the proportions of the characters heads in relation to their hands,the length of their legs,the shape of their tummies and eyes,etc. but more importantly,pay attention to the spaces in-between all of those things. For example,the space between their eyes and the end of their foreheads varies from character to character. Details like where the ears are placed in relation to the eyes or how far their quills reach in relation to their backs are just as key as obvious things like what color they are.

Try to find at least a bit of volume in their muzzles. You don't need to take it as far as me cuz i like to exaggerate it but always remember that they aren't plain and try to visualize them separately from the character’s heads before drawing them.

To understand what makes each character recognizable shape-wise, i suggest using more than one pic of each as reference and seeing if there are any differences between them. then choose what you want to keep in your drawings of them and what not.

Don't feel preassured to always draw these characters in any of the official styles (if not ever), just draw them the way that’s more comfortable and fun for you!

Understanding and studying what you draw is important and incredibly useful, BUT it can become very stressful and frustrating when the results aren't what we wanted, Plus, practice is the most important factor when it comes to getting better at drawing and if you don't enjoy the process you don't practice as much. So if you stop having fun at some point or frustration starts taking over,make sure to take a break from working based on how the drawings is “supposed “ to look and instead think about your work process and see what needs to be changed for it to be enjoyable again (Even if it means ignoring all the tips i just mentioned until now and literally not thinking about what you're doing for a while!!). I certainly know i need a break from using my brain while drawing from time to time so i let myself momentarily forget everything I’ve ever learned about anatomy and structure and just doodle Sonic like a kid who just got new pencils. It's good for the heart and recharges motivation!!

And lastly, if you feel like Sonic & friends are hard to draw,it's not just you: they ARE hard to draw and for most it takes years to be able to draw them with ease. I still struggle with them from time to time even when in'm drawing them in my own style.

Hope these help! idk if these tips will be useful for everyone and i still have a lot to learn, so if you decide not to use any of these, that's cool. Good luck drawing these guys regardless!!

[annawayne]

Heeeello Anna! :3 I'm back to pester you in the inbox!

You may not have seen this, but this artist ask game... I've got questions for you!

1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 14, 15, 21, 34, 35

(ahahaha... That's a lot.... Ahaha.... Welp ....?)

But! No hurries, and I'm sorry if this eats at your precious time but I'd be happy to hear you talk more about your art! (Can never get enough tbh :3)

Hope you're doing a bit better now, Anna, please take care and you're loved!

Oh, Moon T^T

Hello, and you're right, I didn't even see this artist ask game (maybe, some time ago, so I don't even remember...), and thank you so much for thinking about me and for asking all this stuff T_T I have a lot of fun answering it, and it really distracted me from everything else going on in life since last weeks are quite difficult. But I'll be fine, and thank you for all of these questions, I appreciate you and your attention so much!

1 what medium do you use most (if applicable, what software)?

As I'm drawing now digitally, so I draw in Adobe Photoshop. I'm familiar with this software since my early teens, so it's very comfortable for me :D

When I was drawing traditionally, I primarily worked with pencils. I tried watercolour a few times, too. I have a very soft spot for oil - and I hope to develop this one day, too.

3 your favorite piece(s)?

Oh, what a question... I guess, for now, these ones:

4 piece you wish got more love?

All of them :D

I guess, these ones:

5 how would you describe your art style?

(I really want to joke and just refer to 21 question but well, let's take it seriously :D)

I guess, I can call it "cinematic poetry" - there's a very long way to go to really match the title, but this is what I aim for.

6 favorite thing to draw?

Oh, good question, Moon! As for the sketch stage, I really love to draw clothes, and when it comes to the stage of rendering - faces (primarily, eyes and hair, but I love the whole process and always try to improve my face renders skills...) and backgrounds!

8 thing you struggle to draw?

I think, when it comes to the rendering - HANDS. I think, my sketches of hands are not bad, but when I render them, oh boi, here comes the struggle. As a result, it seems fine, I suppose, but it's always a product of a lot of swearing and redrawing :D

14 whats your favorite thing about drawing?

Telling stories though different dimension. I like to combine in drawing both cinematography and literature, and it sounds a bit funny, because it's two different art directions, but still, I want to tell stories though a lot of things which combine these arts: details, emotions, lighting, and as if when you look at the art - you can hear all the vivid noises around the characters of life going one around and of characters themselves speaking, but then, as if they were caught in a moment, and then, I try to show this moment in my drawings. Or, when it's more of conceptual art, it also can tell a story, but differently - not like a frozen mundane life moment, but rather like a whole story behind it, and instead of these frozen ordinary life moments where the story is also told, here, the story told through not so evident details, starting from the pose to the colour palette itself.

I know I have a long way to go with it, but this is what I'm trying to improve and this is what I always aimed for.

15 least favorite thing about drawing?

Hm, very good question, to be honest. I thought about it for a while, since I can't really grasp if I can name such thing, but I think that it's both good and bad thing - that it's a lifetime commitment, that you should accept that you will study the whole life. From one side, it's wonderful and it's the whole fascinating journey, on the other hand - it can be really frustrating and draining not to be able to transfer your ideas from your head into the actual image, and while a lot of artists realize it, it doesn't make it easier to get disappointed sometimes. So, I would say, it's both good and bad thing, and how we look at it - depends on us :D

21 what do you think your artstyle would taste like?

I won't lie, this question sent me into a great reflection, and then I ended up questioning my art style in general, ha-ha-ha... But alright, hm, I think, croissant with orange jam? Don't ask. Just... Croissant. That's it.

34 whats something you still like from your old art?

Oh... Hm, I think from the beginning, they had great composition. I try to improve it now, of course, but I guess it was from the beginning a very great composition and "camera" shot. So this, this for sure!

35 if you had one piece of advice to give your younger artist self, what would it be?

Come, and do it, you're much stronger and braver than you think you are. It counts for many things, to be honest, and not only art, but yes, I would just hug my past self and tell myself that you're much more than you think you are.

Thank you so much, Moon, for all of it - for these questions, for your thoughts to ask me this in the first place and for your interest and support T_T It's priceless, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

P.s. I learned with this post that the post has a limited amount of images you can add... I didn't know we could add only 10 images... Woah...

[leopardom]

All of damon's shots are beautiful, but I feel like bojan is putting on a show, kris' were so raw I was breathtaken

i see what you mean and don't take what i'm about to say personally or consider it an attack because it reallt isn't and that's not my intention at all (making sure i clarify this before i move on)

photography is a form of art and as any form of art the way we perceive it is completely subjective. Damon has a whole section in his highlights where he explains how he perceives his art, what he's aiming to show with it and how he's working towards that aim with his subjects. anyway the summary is that he wants to capture emotions, tell some stories through his photography and make people feel

you finding Kris' photos more raw and Bojan's more staged is a very valid view. maybe i get this ask completely wrong but is there something that makes you feel bad because of this? because there really isn't, that's your point of view and see, the photos still made you think and feel something no matter what that was

maybe this isn't the right place for me to ramble and put my two cents but i feel like doing it so... personally i think that if you look closely to the photos, Bojan's are not that staged. yes the whole sultry expression on his face and the poses and the styling may make it look like he went to Just Another Photoshoot, but again if you look closer you may see it's not entirely like that

personally i see some frustration in them, like he's pressed because as the frontman of a band and a publicly known person he has a persona that he has to keep intact in front of people. and let's be real, that persona is sexy and spicy etc etc and it's working! however, something about the look in his eyes is giving a "i like this but also don't and i'm a bit tired of it" vibe. and i feel like it's there in all the photos, even the ones where he's dressed in leather clothing and wearing an arm bangle and the one where he's just in his boxers smoking

now don't even get me started on the pics where he's smoking or screaming or looking straight at the camera, i will never stop this ramble. but the short story is that they give off vulnerability, that he's exhausted of being covered by the façade that he has created for himself in order to feel safe in front of people and he has the need to slowly peel that off and let his vulnerable self out

anyway i'll stop here because i think i'm kinda loosing my train of thought and this is a very long answer to such a short ask 🥲

[allimocha]

I really love your fashion choice for your characters!!

How do you design the outfits on your oc, and what are your tips in character design?



Ooof~! I answered this one HELLA late (○ ⋏ ○)…

But here's the answer for anyone interested!

Read More ⬎

Tip Numero 1:

Have a clear description of your character’s personality and fashion sense. I guess this is pretty self-explanatory lol, but it’s very helpful! If you understand enough about how your character acts, you can get a pretty good idea of what type of clothes they’d wear~!

For example, my monster girly Amour and Peacock!

For peacock, I knew I wanted a bubbly cropped street look to match her personality. And adding rips and tears to give that quintessential zombie look added to how explosive her style and optimism can be.

Then we have Amour. She’s….. something alright! As a fallen cherub, I thought it would be cute if she wore a blazer to match the pure nature of where she’s from. But…. She is anything but pure. Despite this, I still gave her a cutesy pastel love core-esqe look, so it can be a bit of a subversion of expectations for her character. The type of person who looks like they wouldn’t hurt a fly, yet then proceeds to smash said fly into the ground with her weapon and keep beating it with a smile on her face even though the fly is far gone past tense- Ooop, got a little distracted there.

Tip Number 2:

What if you’re just character designing on the fly, and don’t have a concrete idea for this character yet? You know what helps? Drumroll please *drumroll*

PINTEREST~!

Now you gotta be careful with Pinterest since it’s notoriously known for taking people’s art and not crediting them. So if you’re using another’s artwork as REFERENCE (we’ll get back to this later) for an outfit, make sure to at least find them and give ‘em a follow. You can even put the artist’s name in the pin’s comment section.

Now back to the Referencing thing. When taking ANY pins from Pinterest, be sure you’re not straight up copying or tracing it, that’s not cool! What you want to do is find specific things that you’d like on your character, and very loosely reference it which means you’re gonna have to use that noggin and be creative~! I believe in you. Using color palettes online can also help spark inspiration

When you get your references, I usually put them in one place, using Milanote, which is an app on the AppStore. (If you can’t use that, just put the references on another canvas in your art program of choice). Here’s an example of one I made for my character Cyan:

Chippu Bango 3:

Trial and error. Look, you’re not always gonna get the winning design first try. Even to this day, there will be characters I made in middle school that I’ve redesigned 5 or more times to get it right. I mean… look at Peacock’s first designs:

Just don’t be too hard on yourself, character design is fun, but if it gets too frustrating, walk away for a bit and come back with fresh new eyes. You’re not gonna satisfy everyone with your design, but if you can satisfy yourself, that’s what counts~!

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That’s all I can say for now, let me know what you think of my techniques!

Byyyyieeeeee~! ( ꈍ ω ꈍ)ﾉ~ *:・ﾟ

[theg-h-o-s-tontheshore]

The Thing About Redesigns, Rewrites, and Reimagines…

(Part I: Broader Discourse)

To those of you who’ve been keeping tabs or maybe seen my posts floating around the tag, you might recall me mentioning that I felt a bit of hesitancy toward the prospect of joining in on the recent wave of redesign/rewrite content. In the more likely scenario that you haven’t or do not know what the crap I’m talking about, that’s fine lol. Understandable. It was a little thing I had written into my first rewrite/redesign post about Charlie. In a short aside, I explained that it was because I’d felt “bad about tinkering with someone else’s work like this”, and then I’d left it at that. So… yeah. Why am I bringing it up now?

Well, I don’t think I need to tell you that this fandom is… a lot. Y’know people have been talking…discourse is being had… heated, moral arguments are being hurled left and right. And in light of all the growing, reactionary accusations, I…found myself starting to feel bad again.

My initial issue, the reason why I didn’t immediately jump to sharing my ideas was that, for all her faults, I empathize with Viv as a creator and didn’t want to feel like I was disrespecting her, her characters, and her vision by reworking it to suit my own. I had frustrations and criticisms, but I never wanted to make it seem like I was trying to ‘fix’ her work or her style. I really didn’t want to be one of those pretentious dipsh*ts (the kind that take a piece of art, digest it through their own preferences and biases, then spit it back in the artist’s face with a, “There. I made it better”). In the end, I went through with it because I had a small hyperfixation and a tendency to project my own issues onto characters I love (I’m sure some of y'all can relate). And also, I was having fun. But… then more discourse poured in, and I saw all the concerns I expressed reflected in the arguments presented by other fans and artists.

And well… That made me feel like I was doing something wrong, like perpetuating and becoming the exact problems I had wanted to fight against. So, I took a step back. I reevaluated.

Now, I have thoughts (shocker!).

And they are conflicted.

On one hand I agree with the idea that redesigns/rewrites are not inherently bad or disrespectful things when it comes to productions like Hazbin since Viv is not a small creator with no power. She and her team have ultimate authority over the show’s events, and those plans will not be derailed by what is basically some random tumblr artist’s fanart/fanfiction.

In regards to the critical side of things, that kinda comes with consuming and digesting the messages and presentation of a work of art. Ideally, it should get people to discuss in this capacity, especially when it deals with such sensitive subject matter as Hazbin does (and especially when it is executed with evidently problematic notions which do bleed into the designs at times).

Still, I do think this trend can be disrespectful if the intention and presentation are made with an aggressive holier-than-thou attitude which explicitly seeks to one-up the creator. Though I understand where it comes from, I think that can be just straight, undiluted maliciousness with a generous helping of pretentious, self-appointed superiority. And I don’t think it’s necessary to pick apart the style itself. You don’t have to like it, of course, but I feel like stating your preference for one way of drawing over another and asserting it as if it were some objective truth antagonizes the entire point of individual artistic expression and personal taste. Criticize the lack of diversity (something which, I’d like to add, is not actually unique to Hazbin) and potentially problematic aspects, but not the style. Even then, it’s important to be constructive not destructive.

That being said, I don’t expect everyone to agree with me (especially if anyone who’s a die-hard fan finds this) Whether you do or not is on you, and that’s okay.

This is more a snippet of my thoughts than a fully developed rant. I just wanted to share where I’m at right now. There will be a part 2 to this expanding some of my feelings while also outlining where I might go from here because things are going on in my head, and I don’t actually know whether I will continue or not with this project. Right now, it feels like it’s drifting toward a more original direction (Charlie feels like an entirely different yet vaguely similar character and dang it I’m attached…It’s kinda weird lol) so….anyway—I digress.

Thank you for reading.

[pantaloons152]

warning: i yap a lot and am only slightly delusional. i also curse a bit. apologies in advance for any weirdly worded sentences or misspellings.

i’m going to preface this by saying that soda. . . i feel soda bears a very vague, ever so slight, resemblance to a certain political figure and i genuinely do not know how to change that. (correction: i am not in the mood to change it and would rather just sit and hate it and myself) and if anyone shits on me about that, i will bite your head off (/j /j . . . ) (TRUST ME, I KNOW) but this has already taken me long enough and i’ll be damned if i let it rot in my wips any longer

this is the part where i semi-rant about my process

so this all started with @nutsackx’s ‘crazy scientist ponyboy au’ so everyone can go and blame them.

originally, i was just going to doodle a bunch of little guys, but then these little guys turned into bigger guys.

johnny. ahaha, i like him. that’s all i have to say, he’s got nice eyes

but i wanted to draw dally next, right? and then i reread his bio stuff and he can take his freaking head off, so of course i had to do that. because like, just do a regular headshot, pfff. obviously not difficult enough for me, an ambitious little shithead.

(by the by, not sure if you could tell yet, but i do not typically draw any kind of blood/gore. like, at all. so this was really fun to figure out, but also kind of frustrating because i figured i could just, do a lot of trial and error until i got something i liked. but that took a really long time.)

but like, now he’s holding his head. and i was originally going to go for a kind of ‘ahaha look at me, i just took off my head, and i’ve freaked you out, hah’ kind of expression, but then that didn’t pan out, he just looks sleepy, BUT AT LEAST HIS MOUTH LOOKS KINDA COOL?? (definitely not me trying to convince myself as well as you, dear person who is still reading this)

and then i got tired of doing gory stuff, so then we have ponyboy, this pasty little guy. i then i drew him with a bloody knife, and still had to draw blood stuff anyway so ??

and i didn’t search up ways to draw blood stuff, but i did for the glasses?

if there is one thing i am not, it’s consistent

(WHICH REMINDS ME: working on this kind of paper texture for the background just completely changed my art style. the way i proportioned things, the way i drew the eyes, the brush i used, the way i rendered [i’m using this word very loosely], literally just everything?? it still kind of carries the vibes of my art, but in a way that’s like someone eles tried redrawing my art and subconsciously imbued parts of my art in their redraw. except it’s just me, myself, and i. does this make sense?)

and then sodapop, you son of a gun. so at this point, it was pretty close to valentine’s day, and i wanted to draw something for Valentine’s day. but i knew that if i started another separate drawing, i would probably not finish this drawing, so the obvious solution is to just find a way to turn my originally, already cool-looking sketch of sodapop into something vaguely valentine’s day themed. SO, i decided to ditch that ALREADY COOL SKETCH to have him make a heart with his hands. cute right? or at the very least, semi-valentine’s day themed, right?

that’s what i thought too, and it all went down from there

i got everything basically nailed down, except for his facial expression. and like, i went through far too many variations of basically the same look, and then just ended up with what i had tried originally so?? what is happening in my singular brain cell?? so i stuck with that, even though i disliked it. his mouth is fine, his mouth is cool even, but his eyes. i don’t think i’ve ever wanted a character to just not have eyes more, because him not having eyes would mean i wouldn’t have to ever try to get the vibe i’m looking for again.

and then i realized his arms were kind of not centered, so i tried fixing it up and bit, and it was still off center, but i was too impatient to start coloring and finish this already, so yeah. and then the coloring started. and it was literally going perfectly fine. until i was messing around near the end and realized ‘oh my gosh, why does my sweet summer child sodapop remind me of freaking donald trump’

I SWEAR

NOT MY INTENTION

AND THEN I DECIDED TO FIX HIS EYES

AND BY FIX I MEAN I JUST MADE THEM SMALLER

NOT SURE IF IT HELPED MUCH

JUST LEAvE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT T USED TO BE WORST

(they’re a little bit more in proportion to the rest of his face, but like. . . i don’t like them)

in like, the original post, soda looks like a guy who could low-key rob me of all my money and i would kind of let him. but now, his face pisses me off and i am tempted to punch him. i could bite his head off. except this is a drawing. that i did. so

i started this thinking ‘ah, yes yes, time to draw art of characters from a book i love in a horror au, aha yes yes’ and now

i don’t know

happy valentine’s day?

(this turned out a lot better in my head)

(i still like the papery texture though)