#my absolute favorite song in the entire fucking world. the mastery of this

[digitaldollsworld]

Listening to a cover of Let It Happen on YouTube and I nearly burst into tears

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #276

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

Favorite dried fruit? Dried fruit is fucking disgusting. Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? A dress. If you chose dress, will it be long or short? I prefer longer wedding dresses. If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? Hypothetically I’d wear a tie, probably. Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? No. Do you have a nut allergy? No. Do you accessories with chains? Put chains on fucking EVERYTHING and it is an improvement. How often do you cook dinner? If you’re excluding the microwave, like… never. What have you given up on recently? Nothing important; the only thing I can think of applies to a game. I was after the way-too-fucking-expensive dinosaur mount that is very soon going away in World of Warcraft, but the stress it was causing me wasn’t worth it. The time investment and how it was only a “maybe” of getting it in time Favorite condiment for fries? Ketchup. Ever had bangs? I did as a little kid. Do you know any Italian people? Well yeah, people of Italian descent are common in the U.S. I don’t know like, someone straight from Italy though. Have you ever dated someone LGBTQ+? Yeah, a demisexual. What color would you like your future bathroom to be? Uh… I don’t really care. It would depend on the house. Do you add sugar to plain cornflakes? No. Are skeletons cool? Skellyboiz are dope. Favorite Selena Gomez song? I don’t know any. Do you like coffee flavored cake? I don’t like coffee, so guess. Is that even a thing, though? Do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons? I don’t watch TV. I would though, sure. Do you like going on walks? What's your favorite thing about them? How far do you normally walk? Ugh this question is gonna be embarrassing considering I went through muscle atrophy in my legs from being so sedentary. When we move (HOPEFULLY the start of October, a wrench was kinda thrown in our plans), I intend to absolutely start walking in small intervals now that we’ll be in a nice little neighborhood with a sidewalk. And a PokeStop nearby to bait me lmfao. Plus the weather will be cooler, so I intend to make a lot of progress. BUT ANYWAY I like just listening to either music or the sounds of what’s going on around me. Last time you had a hot drink? That’s a good question. Idk. Have you ever lived in a city? Was it crowded? Never like… a “real” city. Just small towns or in the middle of nowhere. Would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods? THE WOODS!!!!!!1 THE WOODS!!!!!1!!!!1111!! GIMME THAT SHIT!!!!!!11!11!!!! Have you ever climbed a mountain? No. Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? LOADS of crickets and toads during the summer. Ever run away from home? When I was a stupid pre-teen. I was mad at my mom and she wasn’t home, so I took Teddy and left. I had my phone though and Mom – when she got home – threatened to call the cops, so yeah, I came back. Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? No. Is marriage on your mind? No time soon. Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? I didn’t, per se, but my younger sister did, and we would play together. Does the room you're in have a tiled floor? No, it’s carpet. How many pairs of earrings do you own? Not that many, not too few. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve never thought *looking* was a good idea, so no. I think bonds of any kind need to come naturally to avoid lack of genuineness, force, or rush. I don’t think me having an s/o is a smart idea right now anyway. Do you prefer a call or a text? Don’t call me unless you’re dying or something. Do your parents drink coffee every morning? Mom almost always does. I don’t live with Dad, so idk. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. One song that's meaningful to you? UM a LOT. Most meaningful, probably “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. I physically can’t listen to it. Like I refuse to. Are you addicted to anything? Technology, big oof energy. What were you last listening to in the car? Something on my iPod, idk. When was the last time you sang out loud? I don’t recall. I rarely sing. What did you have for breakfast? A microwaveable sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Mom is currently out of state with her mother because she’s literally on her deathbed, so she STOCKED ME THE FUCK UP on groceries. The freezer is literally jam-packed, so I’m focusing on eating food from there. Did you have a nap today? Yes. I almost never, ever make it through the day without one, especially now with having nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, not my first name, anyway. “Marie” is a middle name theme in my family, though. What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, indie… stuff like that. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up? Ugh, I miss a LOT of my old hobbies. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wish I drew way more than I do, which is almost never. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up? The first job I ever wanted was a paleontologist. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Still love ‘em. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now? It’d be great if I could finish designing Ashley’s cancer tattoo, but again, yeah, drawing motivation. ;_; If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing? I’m unemployed. Is the last person you kissed older than you? No. Are you happy right now? No. Haven’t been “happy” for a while now. Who makes you happiest right now? Probably my cat tbh lol. Especially being home alone for so long, he’s keeping me company. In school did/do people put a label on you? If so, what is/was it? I was considered one of the “emo” kids. Do you laugh every day? lol wow no. What is the last thing you laughed at? This Spongebob meme I saw on Facebook got me fuckin good. Have you cried today? If so, why? Nah. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Been a long time; even when I’m going in or coming out of the shower I do all I can for Mom to not see me because I hate my body a fucking lot. What is the greatest loss you've endured? My first boyfriend. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? WOW I do this like every fuckin day, fam. What was the last thing you lied about? I’m not sure. What type of a drunk are you? Never gotten to the point of drunk, but I was more talkative the closest I got. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? What a big question. I personally think you should do all you can to make a positive impact on the world – make it better than when you entered. Don’t contribute to the bad, treat people how you want to be treated… all that jazz. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I can’t remember quite why, but I remember doing that with WoW some time ago. Idr what I was doing that had my attention that long, though. That’s rare now. What is the worst thing you've done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Part one: hand over all of my worth to someone else. Part two: show me exactly why I shouldn’t have in a very unhealthy way. What is the most personal thing you're willing to reveal? I dunno??? Can ya give me a topic?? Is there a situation or person you haven't been able to get over/forgive/what have you? I honestly doubt I’ll ever be entirely over Jason. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Probably Mom, and idr. Doubt it. Just probably raised my voice. Where did your last injury come from? My cat, rip. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Something along the lines of “thanks for sending me to the ER (or mental hospital?) again.” Fucking disgusting. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Without fail, always. Please wear your seatbelt. Are you scared of flying? Not really. What do you sleep in? Men’s pj pants and tank tops. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. What are you listening to? I am fucking HOOKED on 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." Do you prefer soupy noodles or noodles without the broth? Without. Have you ever missed someone but felt like they had other friends and didn't miss you as much as you did? This. Is the story of my motherfuckin life. I feel this all the time to a very deep level. Who, out of all your friends, do you hang with the most and could never get tired of him/her? Sara. Do you like the taste of white chocolate or does it taste kind of fake? Nooot a white chocolate fan. Too sweet. How would you react if you just found out your mom had an abortion before? I would be VERY surprised just given who she is and her adoration for children. Are your pets spayed/neutered? Yes. Hottest guy you know and actually talk to? I don’t regularly talk to any guy I consider “hot,” but the closest to that would be my friend Leon, whom I’ve always seen as very attractive. It is fucking UNCANNY, his resemblance to Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil series. Like he’s dressed as him before and it is astonishing. Name sharing is a coincidence, too. What time of day do you like to shower? I don’t have a favored time anymore. I just do it when I feel like it at some point during the day, but pretty much never night anymore. I do think starting the morning with one though is great, though. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries are almost guaranteed, but of course it depends on the type of food, too. What do you spend more money than necessary on? I don’t and never have had a stable source of income to answer this, really. What video game or computer game are you best at? Uhhh I’d probably be rusty with the Shadow of the Colossus controls by now, I’ve don’t have the maps or every puzzles memorized from the Silent Hill games, so I guess my answer’s World of Warcraft if I’m on my hunter. Not to flex but I’m a bomb-ass beast mastery hunter. Been my main in the game since I started in MoP. What do you keep your keys on? They’re in my purse on a keychain. Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Oh yeah. Do you buy books or get them from the library? Buy them. What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? Veggies for sure. What do you use your stovetop for most? Well, I don’t ever. Can you focus on studying if there's music on? No, I need silence. In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? Well, see the above answer, for one. Also going to sleep. Well, maybe not, as I have a fan as kinda like white noise, but I can sleep without it. Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I didn’t score bad, but I wasn’t exceptional either. Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? Less, I’m sure. Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? Yeah, up in the attic. I think my mom has some stuff that’s super important to her in a case somewhere. Do you use hairspray much? I never do. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? I enjoy them. What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? Well, this is a difficult question to answer when you consider I think depending on your career focus as well as personal values and interests, this answer changes from person to person. Like for me, I could say I don’t give a shit about complex math, but advanced math courses would be valued by certain people down specific paths. But anyway, I’ll bite and say least necessary for *the most* people, in my opinion anyway. Gym. It’s very discriminatory towards people with more limited physical capabilities (and I don’t just mean literally disabled), and it’s also just very uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to some people. Like I’d fuckin cry if in my current state, I was forced to “run” a mile, because I physically couldn’t come even close. A person, a younger one especially, should never be subjected to humiliation at the hands of a class schools deem “necessary” when it absolutely is not. Okay I’m in a talkative mood and this is turning into an essay so I’mma move along now. When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I think for as long as I had recess, my go-to was ALWAYS the swings. I fucking loved swingsets. I loved playing 4 Square or whatever it was called. And then of course there was me digging tunnels in the sandboxes because I wanted to feel like a meerkat lmfao. Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? For some reason, I still have this childlike excitement *early* into a power outage. Especially when it’s dark and we have to get out the candles, and I might play my old GameBoy or Nintendo DS, or I’ll probably just chill talking with Mom. However, that phase is pretty short nowadays, being a snake mama. My mind very quickly goes back to “Venus needs her lamp,” so as time passes, I get more anxious than annoyed. Basically, I’d rather not have one. Do you know how to use an ATM? … no lmao How about write a check? No. Are you pretty politically correct? To a degree I consider reasonable. Personally I find political correctness as having gone too far by now, but it’s certainly appropriate in some instances. What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? I… don’t really care to think much on this. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself. There are things I think don’t look good, but they may look great to you, and it’s on your body, so guess whose opinion matters. What do you wear when you exercise? Oh yeesh. Just sweatpants and a tank top, normally. What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? I turn the brightness on my phone waaay down. I’m always going to wake up throughout the night and check the time, but I don’t want to be blinded.

[nuttyrabbit]

Forge the Coelacanth Bio

So a couple of days ago,an anon sent me an ask telling me to talk about my OC Forge. Seeing as how I’ve never formally introduced him on here, I thought I’d instead just post a ref an a brief description of him.  Instead, that turned into writing him a full on fucking bio.

So once again, before diving into the bio proper, I should give a major shout out to @pidgeonspen for not only designing Forge, but also helping to beta read and edit his bio. 

With that out of the way, let’s get into the bio proper. Like always, everything is under the cut

Name: Forge the Coelacanth

Age: 1000+

Height: 6'0

Occupation: (Former) Commander of the Atlantean Knights

Personality:  Contrary to what his imposing size, booming voice, and various scars may imply, Forge is an incredibly affable and endearing individual.  His commitment to those he is sworn to protect goes beyond the purview of his duties, going so far as to try to befriend or at least get to know most of the people within Atlantis, especially those he fights alongside.  Because of his extended lifespan, Forge has formed friendships that transcended generations, from the first  of a line to the last. As a result, many considered him just as much a part of their family as those related by blood.  

Forge is also an incredibly jovial person, often indulging in revelry with others following a successful mission or other joyous occasion. In these instances, his love for telling stories, singing classic Atlantean songs, and of course, his boisterous laughter all make themselves readily apparent.  His jovial nature also shows itself around children.  Forge absolutely adores children, having raised many himself over his long, long life and even having adopted some who had become orphaned.  But above all else, Forge  has an unwaveringly strong devotion to both Atlantis and what he believes to be “justice”, even two centuries after its fall.  As a result, he has no tolerance for anything he either perceives or is told is “evil” or a threat to Atlantis and resorting to any means he deems necessary to get rid of it.  On that note, Forge's morality is rather black and white, firmly believing in notions of objective "good" and "evil", leaving little to no room for any sort of nuance or moral "gray" area.  

All of these traits have in some way or another contributed to him becoming a sort of "living legend" amongst his people, treated with immense respect and in some cases, even reverence. 

 While Forge appreciated and even sometimes used his status as a living legend to inspire his people both on and off the battlefield, he disliked the idea of being out and out worshipped and even discouraged the few that partook in it from doing so.  At one point, Forge was rather religious. He  often prayed to Atlantis' patron  "god" of Levias for a variety of reasons, ranging from victory  in battle to the continued propserity and safety of Atlantis.  But as Atlantis fell to nothing, so too did his faith, feeling that he was no longer worthy of his god’s protection for one reason or another 

Skills: One of the things that gave Forge his status as a living legend amongst his people was his nearly unmatched skill in combat.  In particular, he is extremely skilled and adept in the realm of lightning magic, channeling it through both his armor and his sword  to devastating effect.  His most frequent application of this magic is simply shooting lightning from his sword, but he can also cover his entire body in lightning as a makeshift barrier, create massive shockwaves by slamming his charged sword into the ground, use it to supercharge his limbs, giving him a significant boost in strength, and even call down bolts of lightning.  Even without his magic, he is still devastatingly adept with his sword. The sword itself is a massive greatsword, forged by Forge himself from pure Atlantean steel and named "Tempest". The sword is also magical in nature, being attuned to Forge specifically.Despite having centuries of formal training,his  style  actually forgoes finesse and formal technique in favor of a surprisingly loose style, revolving around using a combination of swinging Tempest around, using his lightning magic, and his own raw power to simply overwhelm foes.  As stated before, Forge is able to use his status as a living legend to inspire his allies, especially on the battlefield.  

Hobbies: Forge is someone who has rarely, if ever had the time to truly pursue any hobbies between his duties as an Atlantean Knight,  his duties as a father and husband to the families he has helped to raise over his extensive lifespan, and other miscellanous matters. On the rare occasion he had a usable amount of free time, he usually either spent it honing his abilities through training.  However, that changed once he decided to not start another new family after the 2nd one he had formed ultimately ran its course.  With all this newfound free time, Forge had to find something to do, and indeed he did. He rediscovered a field he had very briefly considered pursuing a long, long time ago: blacksmithing, using it not only to craft novelty items, but also repair and improve both his equipment and that of his fighting companions.

Likes: Atlantis (Obviously), children, Octopus/squid (His favorite food. Don't worry, they're just normal animals, not mobians), storytelling, mead, combat/battle, blacksmithing, singing.

Dislikes: What he perceives as "evil" and general injustice, being the object of worship/reverence,  bureaucracy (Politics just goes over his head), his near-immortality, bitter foods.

Backstory: Forge was born into the world as Atlantis, which was but a  a small, simple city at the time started its expansion into the empire it would come to be mythologized as.   As such, Forge grew up hearing about the glorious conquests of the Atlantean armies, the brilliant innovations of Atlantean scientists, and how the people of Atlantis were the noblest, smartest, and strongest people of the Seven Seas. But above all else, Forge heard and witnessed countless tales regarding the Knights of Atlantis (Or more simply known as the Atlantean Knights); an elite group of soldiers and guardians who were said to represent the very best of Atlantis, men of unmatched valor and heroism whose explots inspired some of Atlantis' finest artistry.  The young coelacanth  could not help but be enraptured by these tales, by these men who seemed to be larger than life, who represented everything noble and good about Atlantis, who were equal parts loved and revered.  

As he grew up, Forge's fascination with the Atlantean Knights continued to grow larger and larger, as did his nationalistic attitude about Atlantis and all it stood for.  On the cusp of adulthood, Forge knew that he wanted to serve his country someway, somehow, but he wasn't sure as to how until it hit him. Instead of merely fawning over the Atlantean Knights like everyone else did, he could *become* one, be the shining knight that all others aspired to be.   Even though he knew it would require a nearly Herculean amount of time, effort, and perhaps even blood to do so, if it served Atlantis well, it would all be worth it.

And so, Forge enlisted in the Atlantean army. It was there he would earn his trademark armor, his legendary blade and mastery of magic. With these in hand, Forge would come to aid Atlantis in many of her conquests, quickly climbing the ranks and gaining the attention of his superiors due to a combination of his combat aptitude, valor in battle, and unmatched dedication to Atlantis' cause. Before he knew it, several decades had passed and  before he knew it, Forge would finally take his place amongst the Atlantean Knights, fulfilling his near-lifelong ambition, and even starting a family along the way. But something else had shown itself.  Despite his many battle scars and literal decades given to Atlantis' conquests, Forge himself looked as if he had barely aged at all.  

Forge continued to serve Atlantis, taking part in her many conquests, leading her crusades - all the while continuing to raise his family. Decades came and went, his love eventually passing on to the next world, their children growing older and older... and for Forge, time had seemed to stop. He outlived them all, never seeming to age further. No matter what he did, whether it be forming yet another family, leading endless crusades against Atlantis' enemies, or throwing himself fully into his duties and working tirelessly to uphold his personal sense of justice and righteousness, he could not escape one simple fact: he would come to outlive everyone he would ever know and loved. He would be forced to watch everyone he cared about wither and die, and no matter how much he tried not to, he would come to feel immense pain at every loss he suffered.   Forge tried to keep himself busy; starting yet another family, leading crusade after crusade against the enemies of Atlantis, burying himself into his work- but little of it helped to distract him from the truth: he would come to outlive them all. As time went on, he would bury everyone he came to know and care for, and it never did get easier. When the last of his children from his second marriage passed on, Forge solemnly decided that bloodline would be his last, instead focusing on his duties as Grand Commander of the Atlantean Knights. He defended his homeland against all her enemies, both real and imagined, his loyalty to those in power absolute and unwavering.

Forge was so convinced that this was what he was meant to be - a paladin of his people, carrying out Atlantis' will and standing as a testament to her greatness. He would gladly give his life and soul to protect his home from the perceived evils that dared threaten her... but he as unable to see that the greatest enemy to Atlantis came from within. The rulers of the great city, the aristocrats and the councilmen, nobles and advisors -- all of them polluting the seemingly unfaltering city with their greed and corruption. Forge was so eager to please, to abide by his superiors and do whatever it took to keep his city safe, that he didn't see any of it for what it was. He never questioned the crusades he was told to lead, the atrocities committed during those wars, the supposed heresy he was called to put an end to - he did it all for his homeland, for his people. He had to, in his mind, lest Atlantis fall for a moments hesitation.

But no matter how hard Forge fought to smite the "evils" plaguing Atlantis, he ultimately could not stave off the inevitable.  Centuries of greed, corruption, and in-fighting came to a head and the once seemingly invincible empire of Atlantis tore itself asunder from the inside out.  Soon, despite Forge's best efforts, the once great empire of Atlantis that had stood triumphantly and unfaltering for centuries, her capital city a shining beacon of greatness and prosperity, was reduced to naught but ash.  Her once vast empire, which stretched for endless miles, was shattered, with her territories either abandoned or fought over by the very people they had once conquered. And her people, once innumerable, were reduced to none but a select few surviors, amongst which was Forge.  Soon enough, they too would perish, leaving Forge as the sole survivor of his people, the last relic of a once glorious civilization.

Forge's worst fears had come to pass. Not only did he outlive all those he cared about, but he even outlived the very thing he had loved so dearly, the empire he had spent centuries helping to build and defend.  The streets he had spent his life patrolling, the houses he had raised his families in, the taverns in which he celebrated his greatest victories, the graveyards where he mourned his worst losses, they were all gone, which nothing but ash and rubble in their place.   There was nothing left for him there, but he couldn't just abandon all he had fought for for so long, could he?   No, he decided, he could not. He had sworn an oath so very long ago that he would defend Atlantis to his last dying breath from all that may harm her, and even though there was nobody left to defend, nothing left to protect, he could never break that oath.

And there he stayed, guarding the ashes of what little remained; an unmoving, unwavering sentinel with nothing left to protect. As he partook in his seemingly fruitless patrols, his mind couldn't help but wander, and it always end up at the same place asking the same question: Why? Why did Atlantis fall?  What had destroyed it?   And the answers to those questions would always pin the blame on one person and one person only: himself.  Forge had failed Atlantis somehow. Maybe he hadn't fought hard enough. Maybe he wasn't vigilant enough and let an "evil" in that had destroyed her people.  Maybe he wasn't able to unite the people in a time of crisis and be the leader that they had needed. No matter what it was, the blame would always shift inwards.   But he wouldn't fail them now, he couldn't. He may not have been able to save his people, but he can at least try to save what's left.   If there was anything to be gained from this curse of his, it was that he could stand vigilant forever,  and that the legacy and spirit of his people would never truly be lost.

For over a century, the coelacanth continued to stand vigil at the tomb of an empire, bound there by his unwavering sense of justice and his oath. Things would change over time, for a threat unlike any other would come to this hallowed ground: creatures of pure darkness and reek of fetid evil began to manifest, drawn to the very ruins Forge swore to protect with his life. And protect the remains of Atlantis he did -  but no matter how many of the foul creatures he smote, more would spawn as night fell.  The horde was unending, and Forge eventually realized to put an end to this evil, he would have to destroy it at its source, whatever and wherever it may be... and that meant he'd have to leave Atlantis to find it. Even if it meant  temporarily leaving the ruins at the mercy of these monsters, he knew he could not idly stand by while such vile creatures existed, seemingly intent on destruction. It was time to take action and to put a stop to these monsters for good.

And so, in his search for answers, he emerged from the depths to a land none of his kind had dared to venture: the surface world.  A world so vastly different from everything he's ever known, where the black & white ethicality he'd so strictly followed would be challenged, a land where he would be confronted with an evil far beyond anything he had ever encountered... and where he would ultimately come to face the truth about what really caused the fall of Atlantis.

[getaroomyouheck]

Album Analysis #14: Swans, To Be Kind (2014)

(ayy if you never followed my old blog i sometimes made these album analysis’, where i went down an album track by track and analyzed it, at the end giving it a cohesive rating. it’s been a while since i’ve done one, but here’s the newest one! it’s nearly 5000 words, i hope you enjoy!)

I had never listened to Swans until quite recently. It actually started when I began watching Anthony Fantano’s content, and saw that this was one of the 5 album’s he had ever given a 10/10 to. That plus the general universal praise for this record intrigued me more and more.

The first song I had listened to from this record was Oxygen. And it was a brutal piece, 8 minutes in length, but feeling like 4. Intense, animalistic, primal, and utterly captivating. Michael Gira’s ferocious screams and barks over chugging guitars, blasting drums, and overwhelming brass.

Since this initial listen I have checked out later records like Filth (1983), Children of God (1987) and Soundtracks for the Blind (1997) among others. But this was my first Swans record, so I’d like to review it in that context. Well, let’s begin with the first song, and go from there.

Screen Shot: Starting off with what might be my favorite song from Swans and one of my favorite songs ever, huh? Well, let’s begin. This 9 minute song is an experience in of itself. Starting with this sinister bass riff, it slowly adds in sounds and builds an eclectic soundscape. Each hit of the snare echoes and resonates with this perfect ring to it. Whirling synths build in as Gira begins singing out different aspects of life. These menacing chimes and echoes with Gira begin to layer in and build this sinister energy further. Gira begins again, voice even more detached and sinister. As he finishes his 2nd verse, these absolutely stunning piano arpeggios begin to layer into the song, giving it this urgency. Something’s coming, and you don’t know what, only that it is. This builds further as he sings “No knife, no mind, no hand, no fear”. It’s sinister, but you always feel like there’s something swarming and squirming underneath it. That this isn’t the best to come. That despite how hypnotic and unrelenting it is, even more absolute energy and life affirming power is soon to come.

The final 2 minutes of this song where the build up finally breaks as guitars scream out, drums blast, synths and percussion blair loudly, is one of the most captivating experiences of sound I’ve ever heard in my life. Gira repeatedly screams out “Love, now, breath now.” and his voice is this commanding presence among the chaos. Then it ramps up even further with these hauntingly piercing guitars and synths as he yells “HERE, NOW”. It’s absolutely wonderful in its intensity. It’s a moment that makes me just silent and still, the music hits me with such ferocity and anguish that I can only stay still and absorb it in it’s full majesty. It’s one of the only songs on the album that I can’t even do anything else when listening to it. Every time this hits, my eyes close and roll back into my head and all I can do is just let the music hit me. Even months later and after I’ve listened to this particular song hundreds of times these final 2 minutes hit me with the same overwhelming absolute mind melting cacophony and grand fury that i felt the first time I listened to this song.

Not to downplay the lyricism either, it’s simple yet wonderfully beautiful in the way it captures the modern world. It defines all of reality and the universe into a single still, a “screenshot” if you would. In the 1st verse Gira lists out different aspects of life, things like light, and mind, and kindness, and anger, etc. All aspects of life caught in this still image, this encapsulation of ourselves. Yet in this stillness, there is no joy, yet at the same time there is no anger or hatred. It is quiet, it is nothingness. Hence why Gira repeats lines like “No pain, no death, no fear, no hate. No time, no now, no suffering.” in the 2nd verse. The song is showing how everything is in the present. In one moment, there is no anger, but there is no joy. There is simply existence, and it’s beyond perfect in how it displays this message.I have no complaints, only endless praise. Despite being the first song on the record, it might be my favorite on the album. Maybe one of my favorite songs ever made. It’s definitely fucking up there I’ll tell you what. 11/10

Just a Little Boy (For Chester Burnett): Unlike the prior song, this one is a far slower burn at 12 minutes. It is also probably the most menacing song on this album. Not as intense as tracks like Screen Shot or Oxygen, but equally as captivating. It starts slow, and sinister. Very subtly, pieces of guitar and drums bleed themselves into this very spacious synth lead. Gira’s voice is lo-fi, and softly sings as these echoing snares slam with intensity, to then dial it back, and repeat. Then Gira gives this honestly scary vocal passage where he snarls “I’m just a little boy” repeatedly as this laugh track shows up and it’s deadass pretty frightening. Gira then repeats these haunting drones as he sings out “I need love”. We go back to the intensity as he screams out “I’m not human!” and the laugh track comes back, even scarier this time. It’s like Gira took old terrifying home movies or abstract Lynch films and decided to make it into a post-rock song. Ending with alternating bouts of intensity and menace, a pushing and pulling as Michael mumbles out “Living in a Wonderland”. It’s hypnotic and unrelenting in it’s sinister edge. Whilst not showing off the grand cacophonous aspect of To Be Kind, it most assuredly shows off the disturbing churning underbelly of life and love that this record revels in     Lyrics are fascinating, Gira speaking about sleeping in the belly of woman and of man, clinging to them for comfort. He screams out “I’m just a little boy” admitting to himself what he actually is. His vocal presence on this one, while not as commanding as Screen Shot, is still incredibly terrifying to me. His insane laughs and screams adding only to the manic atmosphere of the song. To be completely honest it’s these moments I feel in Swans that are the strongest. When Gira forgets the lyricism and babbles, letting the music do the speaking. Moments like these are where I find the power in Swans. Driven by both sound and word, this album showcases the more subdued emotion and raw intensity the record loves to relish in. Leaving multiple lines and interpretations within cryptic lyricism, emotions convey into the sound of the song itself. While I don’t think lyrically it’s as grand or as interesting as the prior song, it’s still a masterpiece in its own right, and worthy of being on this record for sure. It’s terrifying, yet at the same time undoubtedly captivating. Another excellent track for sure. 10/10

A Little God In My Hands: At 7 minutes, this is one of the shorter songs off the album. But don’t mistake that, it’s just as captivating and intense as every other song on this record. Like basically every song on the record it has the hypnotic repetition and overwhelming quality. Not as unsettling as Just a Little Boy perhaps, but easily one of the most cacophonous songs on the entire record. Funnily enough it starts pretty normal, with these groovy guitar riffs and a fairly standard ¾ drum beat. Yet it very quickly descends as Gira gives an incredibly strange vocal performance which while not as commanding like Screen Shot or manic like Just a Little Boy is unsettling and kinda makes my skin crawl a little bit. The relatively simple and groovy sound of the song very quickly descends into what I can only describe as a hellish cacophony of sound. It dials back, beginning to build up again with added chimes and piano chords as Gira gives this very guttural vocal performance. It’s not animalistic like Oxygen or earlier Swans work like Filth or Greed, but it’s still quite intense. These soft background vocals begin to layer into the song, and while I have no idea what the fuck they’re saying, it’s super atmospheric and adds to the soundscape of the song perfectly. It then goes back into that hellish cacophony of sound with blaring brass and galactic synths, it’s horrifically intense. It’s another buildup and release that shows an utter mastery of ebb and flow, minimalism and maximalism, exactly when to push and when to release.

The lyrics themselves are also quite interesting, comparing a god to a child, and the imperfections that arise in both. Phrases like “Pink little lamb on a granite slab” alluding to what may perhaps be a religious sacrifice in name of this little god. The refrain before the 2 walls of sound is “Oh yeah, oh yea. The universal mind.” which could perhaps be in reference to the “word spirit” that’s referenced in the poem The Second Coming by Y.W. Beats. Both pieces make reference to god and have overwhelmingly dark and drab tones to them. It’s another song where Gira seems entranced by the little nothings about life that we never really give thought to. Comparing the power of a god to just human nothing's like bleeding and excretion. Giving this manic joy to the aspects of life and love, yet condemning and revealing the utter meaningless to them all in the same breath. It’s utterly intense, utterly disgusting, and utterly magnificent. 10/10

Bring the Sun/Toussaint L'Ouverture: A fucking behemoth of a song at 34 minutes, yet just like Screen Shot, Just a Little Boy, and A Little God In My Hands it’s built and resonates with sublime precision. Offering brutal guttural moments alongside very transcendental, dimension ascending instrumental progressions. It’s home to some of the best moments on the entire record to be completely honest. Some of the best “lay back and just let your eyes roll out of your sockets” moments on the album are here, where the music just hits you full force. From the beginning where it slams in with a repeating guitar and drum crash, pounding and destroying all in its wake, to when it breaks and we enter a intermediate stasis. Carried by drones, light guitars and drums, this small stasis begins transformation, transformation into one of the most overwhelming pieces of instrumentation on the record.  Babbles from Gira transform into chants of “BRING THE SUN!” underneath a chorused chant. Small cymbal taps become a layering, utterly jaw dropping snare pattern, which just becomes smashing cymbals. Bass chords and guitar licks build and become amorphous masses of energy and flame. It feels like Gira is leading a cult, and they are succeeding in bringing the sun down to earth, and the world is being scorched in flame and agony. The earth is ablaze, and its captured by the sonic atmosphere in a way I can only say is just mind melting. You can imagine everything through just the sonic palate and texture alone. And then the sound bursts.

We then travel from Bring the Sun to Toussaint L'Ouverture, and these 4 interstitial minutes are fantastic as well. Floating within pockets of little guitar licks and bell taps, until Gira comes in with his commanding yell of “Freedom”. Following is just an incredible swell of sound, guitar, bells, everything. This then bursts, you’re left in the darkness, wondering what happened. Then you hear the light dings and taps of cymbals, into an electrifying snare hit, into Gira’s scream of “TOUSSAINT! TOUSSAINT, L’OUVERTURE!!”. What follows for the next 10 minutes is a song that, while not mind melting like Bring the Sun, is unsettling and restrained in a way that builds tension and suspense. Even if Gira is giving some of the most unhinged vocal performances on the record. Some vocal passages literally just dissolve into him rolling his R’s, barking like a dog, or actually just screaming gutturally like in the final few minutes or so. And like i mentioned prior, the moments when Gira just descends into babbling or muttering incoherently, letting the songs speak for themselves, are some of the strongest in the entire Swans discography. While not as sonically overwhelming as Bring the Sun, Toussaint L'Ouverture has this sludgey ethereal quality to it. It creeps slowly along, with little sounds and textures coming in between pockets of sound. A sudden blast of snare hits, tiny cymbal taps, a gloriously unsettling jangly keyboard smash. The sound palate is unsettling, sludgy, languorous and creeping. It compliments the smashing crashing sun bursting sound of Bring the Sun near perfectly.

Lyrics aren’t especially as prime a purpose on Bring the Sun, mainly just repetitive chants of said phrase. On Toussaint though, the lyrics have purpose. Sung in both French and Spanish, he repeats certain phrases like “Blood of God. Son of God. Love of God.” and “Liberty. Equality. Fraternity.”, that phrase specifically being the national motto of Haiti. The song itself is titled after the man who lead the Haitian slave revolution, Toussaint L'Ouverture. Gira in past interviews mentions Haiti as a kind of fulcrum for everything both negative and positive in the world. A place wrought with exploitation, from capitalist pigs and from Haitians themselves. It’s a fascinating idea to make into a song, and it does match the themes of the record. The aspects humans do to one another and why we specifically do them, in this case being exploitation and ruin. God, this song is, it’s beyond fucking perfect. I have no complaints, lyrics, sound, production, everything is crisp and vibrant and full of color and sound and energy. One of the most overwhelming songs I’ve ever listened to, and a 34 minute song i could repeat until my ears go fucking numb. 11/10

Some Things We Do: The shortest song here at only 5 minutes, and serving as the end of the 1st disc to this album. It’s a slowdown, much needed after the brutal awe-inspiring power of Bring the Sun. In that pure sense of offering a cooldown I think it’s absolutely necessary and placed perfectly, but in regards to the sonic palate I feel it falls somewhat flat. Yes, it’s laced with these beautiful yet creeping strings and waning synths that soar above the rest of the song. And yes, Gira lists out all the different things we do as people. Mainly bringing up the lines “We love” and “We fuck”. It’s similar to Screen Shot in how it lists out the aspects of life and us as people, making them appear vain and without meaning. This song does feel in line with the rest of the album in theme and spirit. It’s beautiful, yet at the same time it feels like, a little bit empty. My only real faults are that it’s probably the most repetitive song on the album, and arguably the least standout song on the record as well. Lacking the buildup and intensity of every other song on here, even songs like Kirsten Supine. In the grand context of the album, I feel Some Things We Do does fall a little flat. Still a fantastic song, but in the face of the other songs here it lacks some power. 9/10

She Loves Us: This track kicks off the 2nd half of the album, and I think it’s one of the most direct and grooving records on the album. Instantly it builds in with this fantastic frenetic bass crunch and drum pattern. Later adding in jangling guitars, a background vocalist going “Nanana, na, naaa” and eventually Gira just coming in babbling mania. I can’t understand anything he’s fucking saying, but damn it sure sounds good haha. Eventually this bursts and we’re lead into another ethereal pocket of sound, floating in interstitial space. This gives way to guitar feedback and slamming tom hits, until it eventually all reduces to a simple bass riff. Once again the buildup begins again, layering in an utterly infectious drum beat and guitar pattern into my head, it’s something you can just jive your head to and have fun with. Gira then comes in with one of his more strange vocal performances on the entire record. Not as brutally intense as Bring the Sun or Oxygen, or creeping as Just a Little Boy, but god he chooses some weird inflections to take with his words. What is undeniable is the aggression and power he places into his words, even if they are phrases as nonsensical as “Your name is fuck!” or “Come to my mouth!”. They blend into the production and crisp instrumentation perfectly, adding this special ingredient that just ties everything together. The groovy drum pattern, the chimes and bells, all of this concocts into a swirling vortex of chaos, energy, passion, and power. A dedication of humanity, of life, of love, of death, of sex.

That specific theme of sex and meaningless in it is abundant heavily with She Loves Us. Specifically the youthful ideas of false love, sex and that intrinsic lack of passion in said meaningless sex. Youthful abandon, seeing these connecting mystifying aspects of love and sex as little more than carnal pleasures in the now. The title itself alludes to it, She Loves Us. The song includes lyrics of people inviting others around houses and gatherings simply for sex, passion and love notwithstanding. Constant references to meaningless and celebration, being most apparent in the repetition of “Your name is fuck. Hallelujah!” in the 2nd half of the track. Contrasting a sentence where a person is reduced to nothing but a sex object to a chant for a godly divine figure. Hell, the title itself alludes to love, an intrinsic contrast to the utter lack of it within the track. In both lyrics and sound, this is a great start to the 2nd disc, and a great follow up to the slow languorousness of Some Things We Do. Not as strong an opener as Screen Shot, but few things are. Still perfect. 10/10

Kirsten Supine: A nice slow down after the kick in the mouth She Loves Us was, another slow languorously creeping track dripping in despair and wallowing sounds. Soft plucks of guitar, a drone that inspires melancholy, a buildup into layered female vocals joining Gira’s, slight drum hits, small chimes, eventually bursting into a huge colossal wall of sound, with crashing cymbals and bells alongside a genuinely frightening droning synth. It’s captivating and churning with power. The lyrics themselves are quite interesting to read, taking imagery and context from the Lars Von Trier film Melancholia. Specifically the scene of the main character (played by Kirsten Dunst) stares naked into the blue planet soon to arrive and turn the world into naught but ash. Specific stanzas and lyrics from Gira mirror this theme, lines like “May moonlight fall upon your breast” and “May planets crash. May God rain ash. To sear our skin. To fold us in” being direct references to the scene within Melancholia. Yet, of all the tracks I’d say this is the least stand out. It’s the only track here besides Some Things We Do where the buildup of intensity and layering isn’t done to pitch-perfection. It’s the only song on here where I feel it can sometimes drag on a bit too long, where the others are the perfect lengths and have utmost precision and intelligence to their cacophony. It is by no stretch awful indeed it is an awe inspiring song. Yet, with the context of the prior 6 songs before it, and the 3 songs to follow it, Kirsten Supine feels a bit empty. Nothing worse scoffing at, but not as strong as it could be. And it is more than made up for by how strong the rest of the record is. 9/10

Oxygen: Probably the most urgent song on To Be Kind, and fuck I love this one so much. Starting off with this absolutely sinister guitar riff, it layers in more sounds as the song progresses. At about 8 minutes, it’s actually quite similar to Screen Shot in structure, yet the execution is far more primal and intense. After about a minute of the riff, these explosive drums come in and I love it. Each hit of the snare sounds like a gunshot, it’s so powerful. Gira isa monster on this track, this is the most animalistic and unhinged he’s sounded in a song since the early no-wave Swans on records like Filth and Cop (1984). It’s primal, and horrifically intense, more than every song on this album. This breaks again when he gives the vocal performance about how he body is hurting as he is denied oxygen, only to scream out “I’LL STEAL ALL THE OXYGEN” and come back in with even more intensity. The final minute of the song is one of the most primal and ferocious pieces of music I’ve ever heard. Drums blast, guitars scream, horns blare, and Gira is just fucking screaming nonsense, completely unhinged and with complete ferocity. You can hear the fucking strain in his vocal cords, the bubbles in his throat, it’s so unhinged and intense that every time I listen to this song it does 1 of 2 things. Either I just sit and absorb it all, or my blood starts pumping so hard I have to go punch something. The final few seconds as everything crashes in between this hit of the drums is compelling, and caps off the song perfectly.

Lyrics are also pretty primal, being written about a time Gira had a particularly bad asthma attack, being conscious but unable to breath. The song itself sounds like a man trying to surface for oxygen, yet being denied. Gira screams out things like “Oxygen! Amen!” hailing the base instinct of animals rather than a higher power. The interlude between the 2 pieces of the song talk about his body and its pain. Lines like “Feed my mind, Dance and spin, cut a hole” among others show the desperation in Michael's body to try and obtain oxygen. It’s primal, it’s ferocious, it’s disgusting and it’s animalistic. And it’s one of the best songs on the album. Just perfection. 10/10

Nathalie Neal: A much needed cool down after the throttling blood pumping intensity of Oxygen, starts in one of the most interesting ways I think any song on here does. An ambient sharp drone kicks on, and subsequently Gira’s babbling low baritone vocals get layered into and meshed with the drone to make a hypnotic interstitial bubble of sound and energy. Actually reminds me of the song A Piece of the Sky from the album prior to this one, The Seer (2012). Little sounds and synths layer into the drone, eventually leading to an audiotape recording of none other than Nathalie Neal herself, an individual Gira cared for and was a close friend too. This sample gives way to a small acoustic guitar pattern, which repeats and layers into one of the more groovy and infectious sounds experimented with on the album. Like She Loves Us, but more commanding. Each hit of the snare sounds like a horse galloping, the song literally sounds like charging into a battlefield with heads held high. Perhaps knowing you may perish, but finding comfort in giving your life for this duty. Gira’s vocals are another key piece to the power of this song, they sound monotone but commanding. Constant repeats of “Hey hey hey Nathalie!” and other lines in reference to Neal herself show his genuine love and compassion he felt for this woman, dedicating the song in her memory.

Unlike the rest of the album which takes dark, synoptic, and unassuming gazes at that which binds us as people, this songs lyrics seem like Gira’s own cries and dedications to Nathalie. Ascribing lyrics like “Love is strong, hate is gone. Live forever in this song.” and “Cut your name on to the sky” show Gira’s genuine compassion he had for her as a friend. Stating that love remains strong, any hatred he has ebbed away, and that she can exist forever within the song. She won't be forgotten after Gira’s death, she’ll forever have a piece dedicated for her, that will exist until infinity’s mouth closes. It’s genuinely kind of charming, seeing a man as untethered and intimidating as Gira can be dedicate a song to a friend he misses is a little warming to see. The song itself is another masterclass of tension and how to perfectly place and build intensity and crescendos of sound and color. A perfect fit right after a song like Oxygen, and another favorite from the album for sure. 10/10

To Be Kind: This is one of the best songs on the record (surprise surprise). It's unyielding in its brutal intensity, yet also calm and precise in the beginning, slicing through with razor sharp accuracy. It begins very folky and acoustically soft, something that could fit on My Father Will Guide Me Up a Rope to the Sky (2010). Gira sounds very soft here, as he repeats specific lines with the mantra “To be kind” and “To be loved”. Akin to something like Screen Shot and Some Things We Do with the repetitious aspects of life. What makes it though, are the final 4 minutes of the song that begin with these wailing guitars and echoing cymbal hits. It’s the push and pull, every time you think the cacophony ends it slams back in with even more intensity. Screaming guitars, crashing and punishing drums, whirling synths. Like Screen Shot it’s like a sonic odyssey, yet only even more manic and huge. Every smash of the this sonic wall of sound is louder and louder than the one before. Until it fizzles out and you’re left fucking shaking in your chair or on your couch cause of how utterly manic it is. It’s incredulous.     The best description I can make of this song is that it’s like a post-rock simulation of a newborn child kicking and screaming being born into a world of cruelty and the worst humanity has to offer. At the same time though, I think the final few minutes of the song feel like the sonic equivalent to drowning, being pulled up for air as a false lull, and being re submerged until you drown. It’s overwhelmingly intense, probably the most brutal piece of the entire album. more cacophonous than any prior point on the album I feel. Even cuts like Oxygen or Bring the Sun/Toussaint L'Ouverture don't reach this level of brutalism and maximalism. I think the flip interpretation of it being a newborn child/being a simulation of drowning kinda reflects some of the themes of this album. Life, death, and what makes us who we are as people. It’s a fantastic encapsulation of the entire sound and lyrical palate of the entire record. A fantastic cut, and probably the best ending an album like this could have. No issues with it. 10/10

Final thoughts + rating: An album that, in every sense of the word, inspires me. As an artist and an individual placed in this shell of a body, albums like this are what drive me to improve and create that which surpasses me. Bodies of work like this are what motivate me to create art the way I do. Bodies of work like this are what make me understand the wonderment and disgust we can entrap and ensnare ourselves with simple human relative aspects. Bodies of work like this are what show how ideas and energy can be conveyed through sound alone, how to embrace sound as a passage into a life and a place greater than us, into a transcending place where Man is God. Bodies of work like this, are what I feel should be mandatory listens.

Anything lower than a 10 would be criminal for this album, I truly feel that. It is such a commanding, sheer mystifying wondrous monster of a record, that I can’t bring myself to give it anything else besides a 10/10. If you have yet to listen to this album, please, please fucking do so. Let yourself be taken by the overwhelming sound Gira and company have created here. Let yourself be consumed, and see what it really means to be human. To see what lies within us and beyond us. To be vengeful, depressed, obsessed, carnal, joyous. To be kind.

Favorite songs: Screen Shot, Just a Little Boy, A Little God In My Hands, Bring the Sun/Toussaint L'Ouverture, She Loves Us, Oxygen, Nathalie Neal, To Be Kind

Least favorite songs: None of them, they’re all fucking fantastic