#musings: dylan walker

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 28

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Author's Note.

I was lying last time. That wasn't a biggun. THIS is a biggun.

'Be careful, Dad.'

'I will, baby.'

I realize the others. 'Oh. And you too, I guess.'

'Real funny,' T-Dog signs, unimpressed.

The strongest of our group spare us no last glances as they turn away, with only five bullets and a handful of bolts between them. I sit next to Lori on the small bench, watching their backs retreat. The Thanton Memorial hospital. There it is, tall and beige like a school, but really more of a Hellbox filled with nasty surprises behind each one of the hundreds of little black windows. Glad it ain't me.

God. Nine miles. Two days. Sharpsburg, East of nowhere. We really made it. I guess I knew we would.

'You know this place.'

Herschel's already looking at me when I turn to him, his moustache curled around a smile.

'Just a feeling,' He adds.

'You're a mind reader,' I decide, regarding him with suspicion.

Herschel Greene; a wizard disguised as a Georgian farmer. I knew there was something up with him.

He doesn't respond, because I guess he don't want his cover blown. That or... Well, he's waiting for an answer.

'My Momma lived in this town.' Is all I supply him with after a time, because it ends the same way most stories do.

'I'm sorry.'

I shrug. It ain't anybody's fault. 'I don't know why I didn't tell nobody.'

'This town means something to you. We don't always share things like that.'

I guess. 'What about your Momma?'

'My Mother died when I was fairly young.' He admits easily, like somebody at peace. 'One day, my brother and I noticed she'd gone out into the rain to water the plants, and things were never quite the same for a long time after that.'

Oh. I've heard of that. People getting old, forgetting where their bedroom is, who their kids are.

It's hard to imagine Herschel as just a boy with a Momma.

Some days, it's even hard to imagine myself as just a girl, even though that's what I still am.

I offer him a lame smile.

'Let's talk about something a little happier,' He suggests, while over his shoulder, a flashlight glares across the inside of one of the second storey windows. 'I'm starting to think it's the end of December. That would mean it's Christmas soon.'

The light disappears.

I ignore it.

If only them pharmacies we checked this morning had anything in them besides rat shit and dust.

'Jesus' birthday party,' I muse.

That gets him to laugh. I think he's tryna distract me. 'Yes. It could even be tomorrow.'

'Really? How do you know?'

'Well, I suppose I don't. Do you like Christmas?'

Everybody likes Christmas. That is, at least, everybody likes presents.

'Yeah. My Meemaw had a really pretty tree.'

'The minute it turned December first, Maggie and Beth would always force everyone to put up ours.'

'Do they believe in Santa Claus?'

'Not anymore, I'm afraid.'

'And you?'

His eyes glint mischievously. 'Of course I do.'

I consider it. 'I don't think I do. I don't believe in the Easter Bunny, neither.'

Or God, but that's a different story.

'They didn't ever come to your house?'

'They came a few times, but I think they forgot about us. My friend Dylan said they're made up. The Christmas after that, I stayed up late to spy on Santa, but I just saw Merle and Dad carrying presents in from the truck. I never told them.'

'I guess Santa was too busy that night.'

'If he is real, I hope he's okay. The Easter bunny has lots of chocolate to eat, but... Santa might be hungry.'

I wonder if the walkers have made it to the North Pole yet. Knowing those assholes, they definitely have.

'You forget; — Santa has magic.'

'That's how he makes the sleigh fly, right?'

'Right. And all those cookies and all that milk... Well. He's got more than enough to last a lifetime.'

'So, you think he's okay?'

'I'm sure of it.'

'I would like some cookies and milk, too.'

The old man only laughs again, giving my knee a gentle pat as Carl leans forward, his mouth moving around some words.

When the boy gestures to me, Herschel translates.

'He asked me what we were talking about. He wants to tell you it's okay; Santa forgot about him too, one year.'

Carl sends me a thumbs up, trusting that the message got across well enough.

It did. I feel my smile widen.

It's wiped away when Lori suddenly lurches forward between us. Her chest wracks, wracks, wracks, a soft wad of phlegm flying past her lips and landing at her feet. My hand goes to her shoulder, squeezing reassuringly, as if that's gonna do anything useful. Her lungs, they must be clogged up like sponges filled with yoghurt, all that sickness and junk coming back up the way it went in.

Herschel's on his feet, bringing his thin hand down on her back, knocking the phlegm out of her.

I glance over my shoulder.

Lights; more of them, swooping over the glass, appearing and disappearing and reappearing.

A gunshot lighting up a window.

Please be okay, I think. Lori won't make it like this.

Facing forward again, Lori's got her hand splayed over the base of her throat, coughing dryly. She takes the water bottle Carol is offering to her, and gulp, gulp, gulps down the last of what's inside, deflating when she's done, cradling her big belly.

Are you okay, I ask aloud as I loosen my grip on her, hoping it sounds how it's supposed to sound.

She smiles at me in the slightest of ways, putting her hand over mine before I can pull it away.

She nods, I'm okay, honey.

I nod back, because that's good. I don't believe her for a second, but that's good.

'There was a gunshot,' Beths signs to me, then.

'I know. I saw.'

She continues signing even as she turns to Herschel, a habit by now. 'That was loud.'

'Don't worry. Anything that heard it will be too slow to make their way over here.'

'I hope so.'

We sit without talking after that, watching the windows of the hospital light up with gunshots every now and then, as if it were a football game on TV. I count them, the flashes. The one I saw while Lori was coughing, that's one. That one there, that's two.

Rick used to talk about the day he woke up in the Grady Memorial Hospital sometimes. Right now, the only parts of the story I can remember are the ones where he'd hesitate to continue, staring at something in the fire the rest of us couldn't see, before he muttered about the way there wasn't one wall in the entire building that wasn't dirtied with blood, not even in the children's ward.

Hospitals just ain't what they used to be, is what I learned from him.

There's definitely more than just rat shit and dust in there.

I glance at Beth, asking her, 'Any noise?'

Her lips crumple into a thin line as she answers, 'Nothing.'

Just when I swear Herschel is about to bow his head and start praying, the front doors swing open.

Mouse perks up, his tail ramrod straight.

That's Dad, T-Dog, and Maggie walking out.

Where's Rick and Glenn?

The three of them are panting, dishevelled, but nobody hurt. Nobody bit. That's always the first thing I look for.

Thing is, though, they're all looking at me like I've won a shitty prize and I just don't know it yet.

What now?, I almost feel like saying, but don't.

The further in we walk, the darker it gets.

Does anybody really like the dark?

The flashlights carve out pockets in the walls and floors around us as we make our way down corridor after corridor. My heart skips a beat each time we pass the body of a patient or a nurse or a person in regular clothing, all with a bolt or a bullet buried somewhere inside them. We sidestep their limp arms in turn, their puddles of blood. I ain't ever been in a horror house before, but I imagine this is worse. I imagine it'd prolly feel a whole lot less like you're being walked to the gallows for execution, and that the blood would be fake.

If I had my locket, it would be clutched between my fingers right now, but the soft spot beneath my throat is completely bare. When I woke up this morning to my empty palm, I knew right away what'd happened. I didn't bother to ask what he did with it.

Passing another body with a bolt skewered through its face, my Dad reaches for it, pulling it out.

Clicking it back onto his bow, he notices me watching him.

'Keep going, baby.' He signs to me, black blood smeared down the side of his neck. 'Not far, now.'

T-Dog comes to a stop in the middle of the corridor a minute later, his flashlight revealing Glenn and Rick standing together just up ahead. Not hurt. Not bit. They look up from what they've been doing, which looks like taking turns kicking the wall.

T-Dog lowers the flashlight to their feet.

There it is.

The Harley-sized hole in the wall.

Now that I'm looking it, I can see what they meant. Nobody else is fitting through that thing, not even Carl.

Still no use, is the sentiment written all over Rick's face.

It looks like they've tried their best to widen the gap, but it's made out of solid brick and we're fresh outta jackhammers.

Will she fit? 

Yeah, I think so, Is the gist of what I can tell they're saying to each other.

We got this piece off here, but it the rest isn't budging. We don't have any bullets left to shoot it.

Maybe... we can do what I said before? Find another pharmacy?

Sure. When you find one within twenty miles of here, you let me know.

You're right. That was dumb. Sorry.

There are no other options. The medicine Lori needs is in that room, and it's like I said. She won't make it, otherwise.

'Listen. There are keys on the desk.' Dad explains to me, his stern expression contoured harshly by the flashlights surrounding us. He takes my wrist, guiding me to crouch with him at the base of the wall, pointing through the cracked bricks. I strain to make out the desk with the keys at the back of the room on the other side, before I meet his gaze again. 'Do you see them?'

'Yeah. I saw them.'

The desk ain't the only thing in there.

'We need you to grab them and unlock the door for us.'

We both know I also saw the walker standing idly in the corner, head bowed to the floor, waiting.

'We'll be able to kill it when the door is open.' He adds when I don't respond, as if he needed permission. 'I can't from here.'

'My heart is beating fast.'

He nods. 'That's a good thing. And this meathead is dumb. Are you dumb?'

I puff my chest out, shaking my head.

'That's right. You don't need to hear them when you're smarter than them. You're always smarter than them. Okay?'

'Okay.'

That's what he's told me ever since I went totally deaf. I don't need to hear them when I'm smarter than them. It's not as if we've had the opportunity to test the theory out, since there's so little walkers that I ain't had to kill one yet, but I trust him.

Twisting around, he gestures for Glenn's flashlight and catches it easily, giving it a few test clicks.

He hands it to me. 'Remember what I taught you?'

I give a nod, feeling the weight of Merle's knife sitting in the sheath on my thigh.

'Good. And be careful of the glass on the floor, okay?'

'Okay. I got this.'

I can do this. I gotta, for Lori and the baby. It'll make for a funny story one day, anyway. I can do it.

'You got this.' He agrees. 'It's gonna smell you, but you're not gonna panic. Easy stuff.'

'Easy stuff. Okay.'

'Okay?'

'Okay.'

With one last look at the group, I take a deep breath and grab onto one of the exposed bricks, contorting myself until my head and one of my arms is through the gap. I pause for a moment, trying not to breathe too much as I watch the walker follow invisible patterns along the floor with its eyes. Once its head is tilted away from me, I brace my hand on the floor, pushing myself through.

Oh, God. What was it I just said? I can do this?

The flashlight blinks on and off as I land on the other side, grabbing it, giving it a shake.

The desk is illuminated in a circle of light, centre stage.

The dead body twitches in the shadows. I slowly get to my feet, silently warning it to stay right where it is if it knows what's good for it. I'm smart. I can read and write now, and my Dad taught me how to stab the thigh first, so the walker will collapse and make it easier for me to reach whatever cavity I can stick my knife in. If this thing gets too close to me, it's gonna get the Dixon treatment.

Uh huh. That's right, I scold it, chin held up. The Dixon treatment. Ain't nobody want that!

The pieces of glass on the floor glint in the light as I tip toe my way through them, stepping up to the desk.

Dad said the keys are here. I saw them. They should be right here amongst these dusty papers — Ugh, God, don't sneeze. Don't. — or maybe even on this folder? What about the shelves above the desk? How could they just disappear?

When I turn the light on the walker, it's looking at me, eyeballs wet, reflecting the light.

It's smelt me.

That's okay. I'm okay. We knew it would.

It starts its slow shuffle towards me as I turn my attention back on the desk, casting about it twice as quickly now, batting the alarm clock, the pen pots, the stethoscope, everything out of my way and following all the pencils and random office supplies down to the floor. Kneeling, I look around, making sure the keys haven't gone down with them or fallen between the desk and the cabinets.

A glint of metal.

I gasp. They have!

I must've accidently knocked them off while I was choking back all that dust in my face.

I stick my hand into the slim gap, but — Ugh. — I can't get it any farther than my knuckles!

I'll have to make it wider.

Abandoning the flashlight, I grab the side of the desk, using all my strength to shove it even just one inch to the side.

Shit, it's heavy. They got bowling balls in here, or what?

The wheelie chair bumps into my ankle. I act on instinct, my hands shooting out, bracing against it. I look up. The walker's slouched over it, reaching for me. My elbows, they buckle. Shit. The seat slams into my shoulder — Ouch! — but you know what. This'll do. This works. I just need these stupid keys. I ignore the walker and its stench of old meat, focused on nothing but the keys.

I'm not gonna panic. It's what I used to do, but I've learnt since then. I'm better!

A couple shoves, and the gap is just wide enough, wide as it's ever gonna be.

Easy stuff. Easy stuff.

The seat suddenly gives way. The body rolls, cracking its cheekbone on the floor. Don't matter. I got the keys. I'm back on my feet and running to the door, feeling out a random key and shoving it in the lock, twisting it. It's the right one. The door opens.

Maggie pulls me out by the arm. It's if there's a fire blazing behind me and I'm about to go up in flames.

That's it. I'm out!

I fall into her stomach, protectively held there.

Thank whoever's still up there. Or maybe, just thank me.

Rick and Dad push past my shoulders, marching into the room and unsheathing their blades, powerfully driving them both into the walker's skull. Blood splatters as they yank them out, droplets landing across the glass cap of the flashlight on the floor. It tints the light and everything it's cast onto a bright red, flickering. Dad picks it up, wipes it on his thigh, and hands it back to Glenn.

Grinning proudly to myself, I hold up the keys up like a trophy head for everyone to see.

Maggie releases me, smiling breathlessly down at me in relief.

'Well done,' T-Dog exclaims with his hands, sharing a high five with me.

Kneeling in front of me, Dad cups my face in his hands. He don't give a damn about the keys. Are you okay?

'I'm okay. The keys were down the side of the desk. I couldn't reach them. I had to—,' Shoving at the air, I enthusiastically mime the struggle, making Maggie chuckle behind her hand. 'The walker was trying to get me through the chair.'

He smiles, wagging his thumbs across my cheeks before lowering his hands. 'I told you. Meatheads. But not you.'

'Not all the time, anyway.'

'You should've come back out when you couldn't find the keys.'

'Sorry.'

'It's alright. There won't be a next time. You did good.'

Then, taking the keys from me, he stands back up and returns to Rick's side in the dark room.

I stay right beside Maggie and Glenn as they make quick work of the storage room door, pushing it open. Their torches illuminate the shelves on either side of them, which to everyone's relief, are completely untouched, lined with all kinds of medicine. It wasn't all for nothing. Without bothering to read many of the labels, they swoop their arms through the masses of bottles, catching everything in their open backpacks and zippering them back up, before nodding to each other and stepping back outta the small room.

Let's go, Rick says as he shoos us forward. We're all eager to get the Hell outta this place.

Stepping through Thanton Memorial's broken glass doors, daylight breaks across my face.

The fresh, cold air floods into my dusty lungs.

When Carl spots me, it's like the bench burns his ass. He's calling my name as he comes running at me, crushing me in a hug that almost sends us both toppling over into the snow. A giggle is squeezed from me as I hug him back, feeling my bones creak under the pressure. Wow. For somebody who ain't eaten anything other than a bit of rabbit for the past two days, he sure is strong.

Pulling away, he holds both my shoulders as he worriedly exclaims something to me.

You're the coolest, bravest person ever, I'm gonna assume is what he's saying, I don't know how you did it!

He pulls me in for another, quicker hug.

When Herschel appears over his shoulder, I get the real story. 'He's telling you we were all very worried.'

Oh. Is that right?

Ow!, The boy scoffs as I land a punch to his shoulder, forcing him offa me.

'Tell him he's talking to Harley Dixon,' I say.

As the sentiment is passed on, Carl rolls his eyes at me, making a retort.

'He wants to remind you of the time he hugged you after you cried from a nightmare.'

Ow!, He complains again when I punch him.

As he rubs sorely at his shoulder, he can't help but giggle along with me.

'Come on,' Herschel interrupts us, herding the two of us back toward the group. 'Very well done, sweetie.'

'I was only a little scared.'

'Of course. This is Harley Dixon I'm speaking to, isn't it?'

Too right. 'Yes, it is!'

Stepping up to the crowd, we gather around the bench as Rick takes a seat next to his wife, uncapping the bottle of water in his lap. Her face looks awful pale-like, paler than the snow packed under our boots. Still, despite the effort it must take, she manages a smile. Her hands shake as she takes the water, watching Rick tap a small bottle of pills against her open palm until two tumble out. 

Being trapped in that room was one of the scariest things I've done. I can say that, now. But as she tips her head back and swallows the pills down with a gulp of water, I'm hit with the feeling that I would do it all over again if I had to.

She sighs, body swaying. We can only hope that it works.

As Rick soothes circles onto her lower back, his gaze accidently meets mine.

'Thank you', He signs, looking like he means every bit of it.

His blue eyes start to water just like they did last night, except there ain't no fire I can blame it on this time.

I only give him a single, shy nod, grabbing onto my Dad's hand. He don't need to thank me. I love Lori, too.

Then to everyone else, he says it again; Thank you.

Carl's hugging me again.

I don't bother punching him this time. I don't wanna do it, anyway.

Being back in Sharpsburg is different to what I thought it would be.

Aside from the old blood smeared across the roads, the way everything seems to have gone through a nightmare and fell back asleep shortly afterward, Sharpsburg is the one place we been that has not bothered to rot away quite yet. There ain't no bombing craters where parks or stores used to stand, no toppled police barricades, army trucks, no bruises from the week everything ended.

Petey's general store is still exactly where it always was, right next door to the news agency, the record store, the locksmith. I don't keep my head down like I planned to. I don't pretend I never knew this place, or the people in it, because I did. I hold my chin up to the light of the setting sun as we walk through the forgotten town, unafraid of the memories I can see behind each and every door.

You know this place. I did. I do. For a long while, it was pretty much the only thing I knew.

Each weekend, I would jump out of Dad's truck the second he pulled up on the handbrake, door slamming as I ran into my Mama's open arms. It would be late afternoon, sometimes twilight. There was no school the next day, no quizzes or beatings to worry about. Not on the good days, not when I was cruising down the sidewalk on my bike with a dollar note in my hand, on my way to Petey's. He would always insist on letting me pick an ice cream out for free, but it never worked. Have-it-her-way-Harley, he always called me, the nickname a hearty chuckle in his mouth. The wind was in my hair on the way home, because I had one back then, dollar note replaced with a fruity-flavored glob of ice cream frozen to a stick. Sugar melting onto my fingers, washed away in the play pool after dark.

I used to do things like that. We all did, I suppose.

As we pass by an empty parking lot, I notice the rainbow streamers of a lonely, fallen bike blowing around in the wind like a white flag. I wanna ride a bike again. Just for a minute. Maybe two, I think, as I hold my gaze on it for as long as I can.

Eventually, we make it to a park. Of course, I recognise this place as well, and so does my Dad.

That's why I can feel him staring at the back of my head.

I never stopped to think about how he knows Sharpsburg, too. He was right there with me on the porch of Petey's store, most the time, smoking cigarettes in the sun with melted ice cream drying out on his collarbones. He remembers it, too.

We used to come to this park all the time; me, Momma, and Dad, on the rare days they got along.

I got to pretend I was a different kid looking in on the three of us and thinking, What a nice family. I wish I was her.

Now, the monkey bars look more like the giant ribcage of an old beast rather than something I'd wanna play on.

A shrivelled walker, curled over the seat of one of the swings, lets the wind brush its fingers along the ground.

Everyone has a Before.

Even that walker.

Even if our Befores were all very different, at least our Afters are all the same. We're all here, sick, hungry, tired.

The park's trees and fences fall away after a while of more walking, making way for a suburban street.

Coming to a stop in the middle of the road, the ache in my feet worsens to a pang, pang, panging.

'Everything alright?' Glenn's asking me as a wave of tiredness suddenly washes over me.

'My feet hurt.' I answer. 'And don't say sorry.'

'I think we're going to stop soon. Don't worry.'

Rick considers the houses lined up in front of us, hands on his hips, as Dad walks up to us. 'What's wrong?'

'Her feet hurt. And are you tired?'

I could fall asleep right here in the snow. 'A little.'

Even when I was lost in the woods outside Herschel's farm, I still don't think I ever walked this much and for this long.

Giving me a regretful look, Dad offers, 'Do you need me to carry you?'

'I'm a big girl,' I tell him, yawning.

'I know. I asked you a question.'

They wait on my answer. I think about fighting it a minute longer, but I just don't have it in me. I'm reaching up for my Dad before I even realize it's what I'm doing, letting him lift me onto his chest as I wrap my arms and legs around him.

I could've definitely handled it. Yeah. It's just that, maybe it's okay if I don't for a while.

I can already feel my eyes drooping shut. I'm gonna fall asleep right here.

It's suddenly a lot easier to feel like just a girl, now.

My chin hooked over his shoulder, I watch through my heavy lids as Rick does a double take on something laying on the ground, turning to pick up what looks like a fallen street sign. The moonlight swells over the clouds, spilling onto the metal.

Brushing the frost off, he reveals the words, Bolton Drive.

Bolton Drive. To me, this was always just Dylan's street.

If we turn left here, there's some bigger houses down the way. I think it's prolly what my Dad's telling the group right now.

We're on the move again right after that, heading further into the suburbs. I'm saved from walking, instead snuggling into my Dad. It's almost impossible to shield my face from the oncoming winds as I peek out over his shoulder, the moon a silver ball in the sky behind us. I bet it's just about the only place left without any walkers, including the North Pole. If I were a bird, maybe I would forget all about Earth and just fly up there. I could look back down on it all like from a faraway window, watching as it slowly spins.

At a harsh gust of wind, I close my eyes, and the moon and all the stars vanish.

Sleep sweeps me up quickly. My mind floods with murky colors, then black, swirling like a shower drain.

When I open my eyes next, we're approaching a house I don't recognise.

'Shhhh,' Dad's soothing me, looking about as exhausted as I feel. 'It's alright. I'm putting you down.'

My feet slowly setting on the ground, Maggie takes my hand before I get the chance to feel the loss of Dad's warmth. We wait shivering at each other's side as the men clear out the house. Rick eventually sticks his head back out, waving us inside.

Climbing the porch, we huddle into the narrow corridor and spread out into the nearest room, the lounge room. Dad's already got a fire going for us as we make ourselves at home on the sofas, the hot breath of the flames quickly starting to melt the frost stuck to my coat. I hug myself, breathing deeply and slowly to try fight off the urge to fall right back asleep. As I notice Carl approaching, I scoot over to make room for him and his Momma, who settles her weight down on the sofa with the help of Maggie and Glenn.

I feel a little bad for being carried, even if I needed it. Lori made it all the way here on foot, deep into a sickness and carrying a baby inside of her. A lotta people might think a lady like her is weak, but they'd be wrong. There's many ways to be strong.

My Dad stands from where he was knelt by the fireplace, peeling off his beanie and sitting beside me.

As I look around the room, all I see are tired faces.

Mouse plops himself between my feet, the poor guy's fur ice-cold beneath my hands as I give him some pats.

We'll be warm soon, buddy, I think.

Everyone's attention is stolen when Rick steps up to the front of the room, fiddling with his beanie in his hands.

He gulps on nothing, nodding to himself. 

'I know we're all very tired,' Herschel translates for me as the words come, even though his arms must feel like they weigh a thousand pounds. 'Been tired for months. But let's just make the most of this and try to relax tonight. We've got a fire. We've got walls. Medicine. It's a Hell of a lot better than those garages back in Newnan. T and I will melt some snow for us to drink, and we got some food we just found in the kitchen. We'll take turns for watch through the night, but there's not much out there. You saw.'

Carol hesitates to raise her hand, shaking her head as she asks a question.

We turn back to Rick. 'I don't know. I don't like staying in one place long, but I'm thinking there's only a few more weeks left until Spring. It's not impossible to think we can tough it out here. There's not many other options right now.'

It looks like we're staying in Sharpsburg for a few more weeks, then. At least until the cold dies down.

There are worse places to end up.

'Try to warm up in the meantime.'

Leaving us to stew in thought, Rick and T-Dog pull their coats on tighter and disappear through the archway.

'You know something?' Beth asks after a minute or two, the only light in the room coming from the fire. It lends her face a pretty, dim glow as she glances at her Dad sitting next to her.  'Daddy thinks it's gonna be Christmas tomorrow.'

Oh, that's right. I'd almost forgotten.

Glenn sends him a, No shit?, sort of look.

'I just figured it would be about that time.' He explains, making Maggie light up. 'I have a sixth sense for it.'

My Dad scoffs, shrugging. 'Well, I don't have a calendar. Why not.'

Wait? Really?

'So, it's Christmas tomorrow?', I ask him, as if we ain't just making all this shit up.

Something so simple, the prospect of waking up on Christmas morning tomorrow even if it ain't in no official way, even if we ain't even got a tree, let alone a star to put on top of it, sparks excitement throughout the room. Yes, it's Christmas tomorrow. From the smiles breaking out on everyone's faces, Maggie giddily gripping onto Glenn to give him a shake, I can tell it's Christmas tomorrow.

Feeling just a little bit more awake than I did a moment ago, I exclaim again, 'It's Christmas tomorrow!'

My Dad seems to find this very amusing, smirking side-long at me.

There ain't much to say in the way of how our Christmases used to go, especially the ones after my second birthday, but I still remember seeing the church all lit up with decorations at night whenever we happened to drive past it. I always liked that.

Carl must exclaim the same thing I did with almost twice the energy, because Lori and Rick laugh.

'I can't believe,' Maggie gushes, 'I forgot about Christmas!'

'It's not your fault,' Glenn jokes, petting her shoulder. 'We've been busy trying not to die.'

'Good point.'

'I'm sure the Lord will forgive you,' Beth says.

'Yeah. He started all this shit, anyway.'

Maggie waves her hand around. 'Hey. A little respect for the Atheists in the room?'

When everyone turns to look at me and Dad, a round of laughter breaks out.

'We're only in it for the presents,' He agrees.

I nod. It's true.

'Me, too,' Glenn says.

'I just wish I we had some,' Beth pouts.

'We're alive,' Herschel argues, looking around at each person in the room. 'There's no present better than that.'

Aww. That cheesy line earns him a funny look from Maggie, who pulls him into a deathly-tight hug.

'I think there actually might be something better.'

Glenn sticks a finger up, standing and disappearing into the kitchen.

When he returns, he's cradling a bunch of shiny wrappers in his arms, dumping them all onto the coffee table. Snack packs. Crackers and cheese, salami and cookies, bread sticks, peanut butter. Those really are snack packs! What a lucky find!

Nobody hesitates. We all grab one, ripping the seals off and huffing the tasty smell that comes out.

'You just found these in there?,' Asks Beth.

'Yeah,' He answers, flopping back onto the sofa. 'They were in the pantry. There's cans, too.'

'I'm in love with whoever lived here.'

Mouse is staring at me as I pick up a piece of salami, so I toss it into his mouth.

I save the next one for myself, groaning at the nostalgic taste of school lunches.

'Better?' Glenn signs to me like a smartass, knowing damn well this is the best thing I ever tasted.

I stick my food-covered tongue out at him.

Blehhh!

Unexpectedly, he does the same thing back. Eugh. Gross!

When Carl notices what we're doing, he sticks his tongue out, too. Even grosser!

'Come on. Enough,' Dad tries to warn me, buts he regrets it a second later when a wet glob of salami lands in his lap.

This is what Rick and T-Dog walk in on as they come through the archway, holding cookware filled with chunks of snow and ice in front of them. My Dad's smacking the salami onto the floor as if it were fresh dog shit, Carl and I trying not to choke on our food, laughing at him. Mouse spinning in circles like a lunatic, spurred on by the chaos, making Carol laugh like she means it. Not that puny, polite little chuckle she does sometimes; a full belly laugh, holding onto Maggie for support. They was only gone a few minutes.

Rick smirks as he shakes his head, deadpanning something to the effect of, I see you found the food.

They set the cookware in front of the fire and join us on the sofas. 

'Why's everyone so happy?', Rick asks as he sits on the ottoman, confused, delighted, because there has to be a reason.

'It's Christmas tomorrow,' I gladly tell him.

'Oh, really?'

T-Dog asks the others, 'Wait, what? How do you know?'

'We don't.' Herschel admits, throwing Mouse a cube of cheese. 'But we deserve a Christmas, don't we?'

Yeah, I see the word slip from Rick's mouth.

'We deserve some eggnog, too,' T-Dog adds, making himself laugh just like he always does.

'Tell me about it.'

'Cover your ears, kids,' Carol tells us, even though she's laughing, too.

I hear that right? As the deaf one outta the two of us, I jokingly gesture to my ears. I can't hear shit, anyway!

As everyone laughs all over again, my Dad reaches out to try and cover my eyes, but I bat him offa me. Nice try.

'You got the card, now, kid.' T-Dog tells me, like it's some secret club I've joined.

'I got the what?'

'The card. I got mine, too. 'Oh, yeah? Is it because I'm black'?'

Carol smacks him. 'Whatever.'

'Next time your Dad gives you in trouble, you can pull the, 'Oh, yeah? Is it because I'm deaf?'

That's silly!

'Don't give her ideas.'

'Too late,' I grin devilishly. 'I got the card, now, Dad.'

He rolls his eyes, trying his best not to laugh, too.

'You can't do that, Harley.' T-Dog mimes. 'Oh, yeah? Is it because I'm deaf?'

'What did I just say?'

Sorry, man, T-Dog chuckles, biting on a tiny bread stick.

What's eggnog, Carl asks his parents curiously, reminding us why we're talking about 'cards' in the first place.

Eggnog is a milky-lookin' drink that got booze in it, which is why Rick and Lori brush off the question. I tried it once, during a party at my Meemaw's, after one of my Uncles shrugged and said, Fuck it. Tasted like garbage sprinkled with cinnamon.

'Let's just stick with what we have,' Herschel suggests. 'There must be some other traditions we can do?'

'Our family used to share a favorite moment from that year,' Beth says. 'Maybe we can do that?'

'That's a great idea, Beth.'

'I got one.' Glenn raises his hand. 'Finding that car in Atlanta.'

'Oh, that was good.'

'Sad we had to leave it.' He agrees. 'I also liked the time I fell into a dumpster after we left the CDC.'

'What?,' Maggie scrunches her nose at him.

'Looking back at it, it was pretty funny.'

God dang, I remember that day. I was sitting off to the side with Sophia, watching the scene unfold together.

'Morales had to grab your ass to pull you out,' I tease him.

Rick tries to hide the fact that he's chuckling, as Maggie asks him what he was doing in a dumpster.

'We'd lost everything. We were searching for supplies, but I saw some yellow boots and I wanted them for Harley.'

Everyone croons, Awwww.

'I remember those boots, actually.' Beths recalls. 'What happened to them?'

'I fed them to the cows,' I shrug, so I don't gotta bring up the farm, where I left them in our tent the night it all burned down.

'Hey. I risked my life for those boots.'

Rick corrects him, 'I think you risked your ass, is what she just said.'

'It's what I said.'

'I got one.' My Dad says, dipping a cracker in some peanut butter. 'The day we put Glenn in the well.'

'Remember how he squealed?,' T-Dog giggles.

'No,' Glenn tries to convince us, doing a very bad job of it. 'I don't remember that. Never happened.'

'That walker was next-level gross.'

Next in the line to share, I decide, 'My favorite moment is when I found Mouse.'

'He loves you, doesn't he?,' Maggie smiles.

I throw him another piece of salami, hoping that the answer would be yes.

Carl tells everyone his favorite moment from this year was sneaking off into the woods with me, but his parents both give him a look, so he wisens up and changes his answer to something a little less totally forbidden; going to shooting practice.

When it's Lori's turn, she mentions a time she pushed Carl on the Greene's swing.

Rick's favorite moment is beating Herschel at checkers, something that the old man lets him get away with sharing.

'Gotta be seeing Daryl wake up after surgery,' T-Dog says after that, startling me with how suddenly sentimental it is.

The firelight flickers back and forth on the rug for a few moments.

My Dad subtly replies, Thanks, man.

'I was gonna say that, too,' I say to be funny.

'Yeah,' Glenn backs me up. 'You totally were. In fact, I change my answer, too. Favorite moment; Meeting Maggie.'

The woman pouts up at him, grabbing his hand, threading their fingers together.

'I change mine, too.' Dad says. 'The moment I found out Harley wasn't bitten.'

'That's mine, too.'

'Me, too,' Just about half the group nod, agreeing.

Then, everyone's coming up with different answers, talking over the top of each other. Bringing Harley back safe from the gas station, is T's second answer, but he also has a third and fourth and a fifth, because he just can't pick one. Making it outta the CDC alive. Finding the farm. Saving Glenn after he gave blood. Herschel's favorite moment is all the moments he's kept his daughters safe, an answer that earns him a big hug from both Maggie and Beth this time, because, I don't know what I'd do without my girls.

Rick and Glenn finding Daddy safe, Beth says, and then Maggie; That's mine, too.

I find myself with a hundred new answers, too. The moment Jacqui and I kicked up all them butterflies outta the grass as we ran to the house, after she told me my Daddy was alive. The morning Maggie made us scrambled eggs and tea for breakfast. All them times I shared a peach with someone while we sat in the sun. Lori making that joke about Maggie and Glenn being in love, and how I gagged at it back then. I can't forget about the time Carl hugged me as I cried, as Dad cut my hair, as I petted a cow's nose or fed a chicken.

All the little things and the big things, but also all the sad things. In a way, I'm grateful for them, too.

If Jacqui was here, or Sophia, or Momma or Meemaw, or my cousins, who could be anywhere by now, dead or alive, or Morales or Eliza or Louis or Miranda, who I ain't sure if I'll ever see again, or even our dog Tank, I like to think they'd be grateful for me, too.

'I told you, didn't I?,' Herschel smiles. 'No better present.'

After that — After Glenn starts to tear up and we all tease him for it — We decide to wrap it up for the night.

'I love you guys,' He blubbers, like we didn't already know, like we haven't almost died for each other a hundred times over.

Okay, buddy, Dad's saying, reaching to pat his shoulder.

'I think it's time to turn in.'

Beth covers her mouth as she yawns. 'Yeah. I'm so tired.'

'Tell me if anybody sees Santa Claus,' T-Dog says non-committedly.

'I'm going to grab the blankets and pillows from upstairs.' Rick announces, standing up. 'Who's on first watch? Me?'

I'll do it, My Dad offers, letting Maggie comfort Glenn, but he's turned down.

He was frostbitten from head to toe only yesterday. I wouldn't let him out there, neither.

I can do it, T-Dog decides, and that's that. 'Maybe it'll be me that sees him.'

No fair, Carl whines.

Rick leaves and brings back down a whole bunch of bedding that he plops on the floor, giving everyone free reign to pick out what they want as T makes himself scarce. I pull out a small pillow and what must be a toddler's blanket, letting Dad help me get settled on the sofa. I lay with my head against one arm rest, Carl resting his against the other. Both our Dads tuck us in.

'Goodnight,' He signs to me, knelt just beside the sofa. 'You still hungry or thirsty?'

I shake my head, yawning. 'Just sleepy.'

'You were very brave today.' He tells me, earnest eyes boring into mine. 'Not many kids would do what you did.'

'I just wanted to help Lori and the baby.'

'I know. They got a better chance, now.'

'Does that mean I get to name the baby?'

He smirks a little bit. 'We'll see.'

I glimpse Beth muttering to Hershel over Dad's shoulder, sharing a big blanket. I sign, 'Would Momma be proud, too?'

His face falls. The words hit him right in the heart, a poisonous bolt. All he says is, 'Yes.'

'Good,' I manage to reply, right before my eyes start to droop closed.

'Goodnight,' He signs again.

Placing a kiss to my cheek, my Dad pulls back and lays his own blanket down on the floor in front of me, laying facing the fire.

Rick was right. This is a Hell of a lot better than those garages back in Newnan.

I would like to help T-Dog spot Santa, I really would, but I just can't stay awake even one moment longer.

I'm being shaken gently.

Groaning, I open my eyes. Dad's face is inches from mine, all the windows behind him filled with grey daylight.

Adjusting the crossbow on his shoulder, he signs, 'Good morning.'

'Good morning.'

Sitting up, I groggily take in the sight of the group still laid out across the room, fast asleep. All except for Dad, and also Rick and Carl. I see them standing in the archway, both dressed for the snow just like Dad is, whispering to each other.

'Get your coat,' Dad says, and before I get the chance to ask what's going on; 'We're going searching for presents.'

We're what?!

After waking Glenn and putting him on watch, the four of us set out into the neighbourhood. The sun slowly rises from behind the falling snow, eclipsing the roofs of the houses around us and washing the morning in a soft, pink and yellow hue. It's quiet, peaceful, just how it always is before the day fully starts. Carl, Mouse, and I are rowdily running down the sidewalk, disturbing it all.

It's Christmas. According to us, it's Christmas, and ain't nobody here to tell us otherwise!

Dad and Rick follow after us until we make it to the park, the two oldies totally left in our dust as we make a beeline for the playground and pounce on the metal merry-go-round. It's been so long since I went on one of these. It feels like we're breaking a rule, a rule that nobody said aloud, but we ain't. Our Dads told us loud and clear that today, we're allowed to do whatever we want.

I'll spin us, Carl's laughing as he pushes on one of the handles, Mouse wisely standing back.

I still remember to hold on tight. Here we go!

Once he's picked up enough speed, he makes a jump for the platform. He skids around like a drunk, landing on his ass. He hugs the closest handle. The world spins into a multi-coloured smear. I just can't stop laughing, not even if I tried.

As the ride slows down, it feels like I'm 'bouta hurl up all that salami I ate last night.

Again!, I shout.

The next time we come to a stop, we round on the sight of Dad and Rick standing off to the side, watching us.

'Wanna get pushed?,' My Dad asks us, nodding to the swings.

I jump off the platform. 'Yes!'

Rick effortlessly peels the dead walker I saw yesterday offa the seat, throwing it aside and helping me on. I'on know how long we swing for, but the warm, pink sun spills and spills between the trees until it's on my face, making me forget the cold.

Spring is right around the corner, now.

This whole nightmare is almost over. I can just tell.

One of these days, the sun will crest the horizon and the snow just won't come.

It doesn't take long for us to make it back to town square.

'Where should we start?', Rick asks.

'I want to look in Petey's,' I answer right away, pointing to the storefront. 'But Carl can't come.'

Obviously, it's because I'm gonna be picking something out for him, which is why he starts giggling when Dad translates.

Rick ruffles the boy's hair, nudging him in the opposite direction. 'It's a plan. We'll search over here.'

'There's a toy store that way,' Dad adds helpfully.

'We'll check it out. Good luck.'

'Good luck. Watch out for elves.'

He laughs a bit as I whistle for Mouse, who runs after us. 'We will.'

Passing barrels of wrinkled flowers, Dad sticks his fingers between the automatic glass doors and forces them open, pulling his crossbow down as they roll apart on the tracks. Out of the darkness, a human-shaped shadow stumbles toward us.

It drops to the floor before it can even open its mouth.

Lowering his crossbow, Dad nods me forward, tugging his bolt outta the walker's wet face.

Look around, He says, wiping the blood off on his thigh.

The first thing I check is the comic section, of course. I'm hoping they got the series Carl likes, the one with the kick-ass astronauts and the evil aliens on the cover that I can't remember the name of. Captain Noel and the Astronauts, or something like that. I read it just the other week while he was dozed off, just to see what all the fuss was about. Weren't hard to see why he likes it.

As I step over a fallen sale sign, Mouse sniffs around the shelves, skulking around the corner.

Approaching the display stand, I skip right over the magazines and check out the comics, flicking through the covers. There's pictures of supervillain scientists, monsters, ninjas in impossible poses, wielding metal stars. They's all dumb-looking, so I'm sure Carl would eat them up like hot cakes for breakfast, but I really want the alien one. He been after the next volume since we met him.

There's a tap on my shoulder.

Hm?

Glancing up at Dad, I watch as he pulls a comic down from the highest rack, holding it out for me to see.

Captain Nate and the Awesome Eight, The quirky logo reads. 

Grabbing it up like it might disappear before my eyes, I feel the pages crinkle under my fingers. This is the one!

Volume Four, It says at the bottom. The final mission.

I hold up three fingers to Dad.

Understanding, he flips through the comics again before handing me the third volume.

I take it, hugging them both to my chest before signing, 'These are for Carl. He loves them.'

'Really? I thought they were for Beth.'

Pssh. He ain't funny. 'Let's keep looking. We need something for her, too!'

He puts the comics in my backpack for me, following me around the store to continue our hunt for the perfect presents.

For Beth, I find a couple bottles of nail polish in the tiny makeup display, throwing in a black tube-thing that reads, Mascara, along with them for Lori, or maybe for Maggie. I ain't sure. I ask Dad what he thinks, but he got even less of a clue than I do.

I decide to throw in a second tube and some eyeshadow thingies just to be safe.

For Rick and Herschel, we decide on a pair of woolly socks for each of them. You just can't go wrong with socks.

When we find some shirts with silly phrases on them, I know instantly that they would be perfect for Glenn and T-Dog.

Lastly, Dad makes us grab a bunch of random things that we need, like canned food and lighters, before we turn into the pet aisle. Mouse is there, nosing a package of tennis balls along the floor. He looks confused when they roll under the shelves. I crouch down, pulling them back out. It looks like he found his own present. He watches me stash them in my bag, pink tongue lolling happily. 

On our way out, I pass by the rack again, stealing a girly magazine off it that I think Carol will like.

Carl and Rick meet us back on the street, both their backpacks suspiciously fatter than they were the last time we saw them.

'How'd it go?'

Good, Rick says, as Carl tries to get a peek inside my bag. 'Want to swap?'

Before the boy gets to close, I fend him off, giggling as he wrestles me.

'Sure.' Dad pulls him offa me. 'Hard to get a present for your kid when they're right beside you.'

'Exactly.' Rick chuckles, offering his hand to me.

I take it, blowing a raspberry at Carl's back as he walks off with my Dad in the opposite direction.

The store Rick and I check out is the record store, Jameson's Jams, just across the way. After he scopes the place out, coming up empty, it's safe for us to go in. The smell of dust and plastic swarms us I look around at the tubs of record sleeves and CDs.

'It used to be tidy in here,' I sign to him, even though he could prolly guess that.

The doors close behind him, shutting the snow out.

' Did you go here often?'

'All the time.' I meander up to the nearest bin. 'My parents loved music.'

As I pick up an edgily-decorated sleeve that catches my eye, Rick steps up to my side.

'Something tells me their music taste clashed,' He jokes. 'Am I right?'

No. 'They both had bad taste.'

Scoffing, I throw the sleeve back, walking around to the other side of the tubs.

Chuckling to himself, he glances down at the record I'd been holding. It fits my Dad to damn T. I don't take it with me, though, because we ain't got no way to play it. It'd just be a waste of space, so I crack open a CD instead, taking out the paper.

Tossing the useless part back in the bin, I look up to see Rick already looking at me.

He's frowning, his brown hair poking out from underneath his beanie, curled over his faint wrinkles.

'What?,' I gesture impatiently.

What's he want?

I hate to admit it, but there's a little stain of bitterness left inside me after what he did to my Momma's photo.

It weren't like it was on purpose, but it didn't have to be.

'I'm sorry,' He signs, the tubs separating us by at least ten feet feeling more like a hundred.

'It's okay,' I brush it off. 'I'm not mad at you.'

'I know. Trust me, I can tell when you're mad at me,' He smiles for a fleeting moment. 'I'm apologising, anyway.'

'That was the only photo I had of her, you know.'

'I know.'

'Her name was Lindsey.'

'I know. Your Dad talks to me about her, sometimes.'

'Why did you throw it?'

He pauses, picking at a sticker on the wood before fessing up, 'Shane makes me angry, honey. I was angry. I threw it.'

'Angry? Not sad?'

'No. Not sad.' He shakes his head. 'We were all past that when we saw the truck leaving the farm.'

'He gave me the locket. My Dad threw it away the night you burned the photo.'

'Yes, I know. He talked to me about that, too.'

'He did?'

'He was going to let you keep it.'

'Why didn't he?'

'You know why.'

Yeah. I do. I don't even know why I asked that. He threw it away for the same reason I'm not allowed to talk about Ronnie.

Rick changes the subject, the tension in his shoulders melting away as he signs, 'Thank you. Again.'

'For the hospital?'

He nods. 'You were brave.'

'Dad said the same thing.'

'It's true. Even I would have been scared, and I'm thirty-four years old.'

'You're never scared.'

'I'm scared all the time.' I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to say that. I wait until he says something else. 'Thank you.'

Hell. He shouldn't make me laugh like that. I'mma breathe in all this dust. 'You're worse than Glenn.'

'What do you mean?'

'You can't stop saying 'Thank you'. He can't stop saying 'Sorry'. Feet hurt. Sorry. My ears ring. Sorry. It's funny.'

'He's sensitive,' Rick agrees fondly.

'I know. He cried last night.'

A muted chuckle. 'That's right. He did.'

As I look off to the side, something on the wall catches my eye.

Guitars. A lot of them.

Abandoning the piece of paper, I run over to them, stepping onto a chair and pulling down an electric guitar.

Rick is eye-level with me when he comes over. 'Your Dad said he knows how to play.'

Nodding, I give the strings a dramatic thrum.

It must be painful, going by the way Rick looks like he's just heard nails going down a chalkboard.

I can't help but laugh, turning to hook it back up. Like the record and the CD, it would just be a waste of space. Electric guitars don't sound so good if you don't got anything to plug them into. Acoustic ones, however, they're perfect anywhere.

Hopping onto to the next chair over, I pull down a classically wooden guitar, cold to the touch. 

When I strum this one, Rick gives a thumbs up. It'll need tuning, but that's a piece of cake.

Jumping down, I have a thought.

'How the Hell do we hide this from him?'

He looks the thing up and down. 'We might have to give it to him now.'

Aw. 'That's not as fun.'

'How about this — You hide behind me. When we see him, you jump out. Is that fun?'

Hmmm. 'Okay. Let's do that!'

Carl's a lot harder to appease than I am, which must be the reason Rick lets out a little sigh of relief. 'Great.'

'It needs a shoulder strap,' I decide, grabbing one from the rack nearby and ripping it outta the plastic. I try to figure it out, turning it over to get a good look, but then I just pass it off to Rick's mittened hands. 'You know how to put it on?'

'Let me try.' He accepts the challenge, kneeling in front of the guitar.

Buttoning each end of the leather strap to the metal attachments, it looks like he's got it.

He hands it back, raising his brows at me. 'Remember to jump out. We have to get him to crap his pants.'

'It's a plan.'

Before we meet back up, we stop by the thrift store next door so that Rick can grab the shirt he'd had in mind for Carl, a simple thing with a superhero he likes on the chest. As we leave through the front doors, Rick herds me in behind his back.

We're only waiting in town square for a minute or two before he signals me that they're coming over.

When I feel the time is right, I jump out!

Rahh!

Dad don't quite crap his pants, but his eyes do widen ever so slightly. In Dixon terms, he's chilled to the bone.

My back-up man watches on, laughing.

I hold out the guitar once the moment's passed, hoping it's obvious that this is his Christmas present.

Woah, breathes Carl as my Dad takes it carefully, Mouse's tail batting around wildly at his ankle.

We watch as he drags his thumb down the strings, remembering what it feels like. Slowly, he starts to smile.

Looking up at me, he seems very, very pleased. 'Thank you. I love it.'

'Merry Christmas!'

'We knew we couldn't hide it from you,' Rick explains, 'So we scared you instead.'

'Did it work?'

Dad nods, frowning as he mouths the word, Terrifying, before kneeling to wrap me in a hug. I kiss his cheek.

'Did you get everything you wanted?'

Nodding again, Dad stands and passes the guitar to Rick, seeing as he's already wearing his crossbow.

Pulling it on, Rick nods in the direction we came from. 'Let's head back, then.'

We make it only five feet before we notice Carl isn't following us.

Looking back at him, he points at the parking lot across the street.

We follow his finger.

Across the street, the lonely bike with the streamers still lays there in the snow, next to a couple other bikes.

We glance between each other, a glint of something cheeky in our eyes.

We're all thinking the same thing, ain't we?

It's a long walk, anyways.

Who the Hell bikes in the snow, is what a sensible person would ask themselves as they saw us race past their house.

We do!, is what I'd shout back at them.

We're zooming down the streets of Sharpsburg like we're late for a wedding, the most ridiculous sight the apocalypse ever did see. Rick, taking the lead just like always, with a guitar bumping around on his back as he pumps the peddles of a pink bike. Carl on the little one, its rainbow streamers blowing out on either side of him without a care in the world. Mouse, sprinting to keep up.

He's going so fast; I think his ears might just fly off and smack me in the face!

It's a challenge to not fall off the handlebars of Dad's bike just from laughing so hard.

I clutch onto it harder as we crest over the top of a hill. Rick goes flying down first, then Carl. Dad wraps an arm around my stomach, hugging me to his chest as we both laugh against each other. We're next. My stomach lurches. My toes go numb. Then we're free-falling, and the tyres are shaking beneath us and the handlebars are jiggling all over the place, the wind racing past us.

Sucking in a deep breath, I let out a shriek of, Wuh-Hooooooo!

My heart's beating outta my chest like when a walker's got me in its grasp, when I feel most alive.

Whatever day I've said is the best day of my life — This is it, now. Hands down.

Rick reaches the bottom first, doing a fancy little skid in the snow and glancing over his shoulder at us to see our reaction.

Carl gives him a thumbs down, making him laugh as he turns back around.

The hill flattens out into more suburbia.

We slow down to a more leisurely pace for the rest of the ride back, and simply enjoy the morning together, trailing the sidewalks like a bunch of kids. The sun is well into the sky now, shining through the frigid air without any clouds to cover it up.

When I spot the house in the distance, I'm almost sad.

As we pull into the driveway, bumping over the curb, Glenn stands from his seat on the porch steps.

Hey, guys, He's laughing, perplexed.

Rick answers him with a few flicks of his bell, braking to a stop.

Where'd you go?, He asks, as I jump down from the handlebars.

Carl dumps his bike on the ground and holds up his backpack, shouting, Presents!

He gawks. No shit?

No shit!, He exclaims, running straight past him and up the porch.

I catch Rick sharing a funny look with my Dad, but he lets the swear word go. It's that type of day.

The adrenaline-high don't leave my body even as I follow everyone inside the house, stepping into the busy lounge room. We're greeted by the rest of our group, who are more than awake by now, hugging us as we come through the archway. They're completely beaming. It's obvious. They've heard the great news — We went out in the early morning to do Santa's bidding, for no other reason than because we managed to live long enough to, and because we deserve it. For once, we can ignore everything else and it'll all be okay.

Shrugging off my backpack, I set it down on the coffee table. Carol and Herschel tidy away the empty snack packs as Dad, Rick, and Carl set theirs down, too. Everybody's eyeing the bags excitedly, tryna see if they can make out the goodies inside.

'You guys are sneaky,' T grins, wide enough to show off the gap between his two front teeth. 'Sneaky!'

'Where did you go?!,' Maggie wants to know.

She lounges back on the sofa, Mouse jumping into her lap.

'Town square.' Rick's looking livelier than he has all Winter; all year, maybe. 'We left while you were all asleep.'

T seems to have an epiphany. 'It's you guys!'

'What?,' He asks.

'You're Santa!'

Realizing the man is pulling our legs, Rick rolls his eyes.

Carl goes on to ramble all about our adventures. By the way he's miming it all out, I can tell he ain't leaving out our visit to the playground. Everyone's watching him with nothing but joy in their eyes, adding comments here and there, laughing.

When Beth notices the guitar, my Dad proudly shows it off to the room.

'Harley found it,' He signs, reigning everyone back in, reminding them to use signs. 'Pretty, ain't it?'

Herschel turns to look at me. 'What a wonderful, wonderful gift.'

'I got more,' I tease, giving my backpack a tempting wiggle. I can't wait to give out the rest of the presents!

'Let's just get right into it then, right?,' Rick suggests. 'Go crazy.'

That's all the permission anyone needs.

As the three of them open their backpacks and start handing out presents left and right, I get to opening mine.

The first things I pull out are the stupid shirts for Glenn and T-Dog, walking over to them and putting them in their hands. Maggie's laughing her ass off as they hold them up to their chests, cluelessly peering down at the text. I step back to admire my work. Sorry I'm late, T's shirt reads, and Hell, it's even funnier than I imaged it would be, I was doing my hair! I think he's laughing something like, You little punk, before he glances over at Glenn's to see the damage. I'm with stupid, His says, except the arrow is pointing at his face.

Aw Hell naw!, T-Dog unabashedly laughs.

'Put them on!,' I demand, taking the fabric in my hands. Glenn helps me out, pulling it over what he's already wearing and straightening it out so the message is on full display. T-Dog does the same thing, even if he does call me a punk again.

'How do we look?,' Glenn asks me and Maggie when they're done, giving a stiff twirl.

'Don't answer that,' T-Dog says.

I give Maggie her gift next, the Mascara. She plants a kiss on my cheek and pulls me in for a tight hug, releasing me so I can head over to the other ladies. Carol gratefully takes the magazine, Lori and Beth Oohing and Aahing over the makeup.

It's no 'Electric Spring Citrus', but Beth still seems very touched by the bottle of yellow polish.

Next, I pull out the tennis balls. Boy, does that get Mouse's attention. I rip off the seal, sending them all bouncing across the living room floor, almost tripping some people over. Mouse darts after this one and that one, chasing them all over the place as I hand the socks to Herschel and Rick. They're both delighted, taking turns giving me a hug. We was right. Ya can't go wrong with socks.

'Carl and your Dad have something for you,' Rick tells me as he pulls away, pointing over to them.

I tap Carl on the shoulder, and when the two of them turn around and realize me, his face lights up.

Harley!, He's exclaiming.

He digs through his bag and holds out my two presents. 

'Thank you!,' I sign, taking them. Oh, wow. A diary and a packet of colored pencils. I don't gotta squeeze my thoughts into the margins, no more. I got fresh, blank pages, enough to prolly last me a whole year. Giving Carl a hug, I hold up a finger; Wait.

Reaching into my backpack and feeling out the comics, I pause just to be dramatic, before I pull them out for him to see. His jaw drops as he snatches them up. All them months hearing him complain, and watching him read the same volume over and over, makes it all the more satisfying to see him flick through the pages, realizing with mounting horror that it's everything he dreamt of.

Thank you, He's shouting, Thank you!

'Wanna see what I got you?,' Dad says next. 'You can both play with it, but it's for you, okay?'

'Okay! Show me!'

Carl and I crouch down with him as he unzippers his backpack. What he pulls out is not like anything I would've expected.

A big, flat white box with a photo on the front of some kids kicking a soccer ball into a little pop-up goal in the sun.

'Can't play soccer without a goal.' He smirks as I take the box in my hands, ready to tear it open with my teeth if I gotta.

They both help me pick the tape off the cardboard, pulling it open and turning the whole thing upside down. The goal slides out. Having finally been broken out of the confines of its box, it immediately springs into shape, almost smacking us all in the face.

Dodging it with a laugh, I exclaim, 'Thank you, Dad!' 

'Do you like it?,' He asks.

'I love it! How do we set it up?'

Looking about, he finds a small baggie of metal stakes that fell out with it, and a page of instructions.

I lean in closer to take a peek as he skims over them, but it all looks simple enough.

'Easy,' He decides. 'We can set it up in the front yard, yeah?'

'Yeah. I'm gonna smoke you both so bad.'

Dad thwacks my arm with the piece of paper. 'Hey. Who said I'm playing?'

'Oh. So, you're scared.' I nod empathetically, feeling smug. 'That's okay. I'm rusty, too.'

'Seriously?'

'I only won three medals when I was in school.'

'I'm old, kid. I'm in my thirties. I'm pretty much dead.'

'Loud and clear. You're scared of losing.'

He rolls his eyes. 'You're a brat. Don't cry when you lose.'

'I've never cried in my life, Dad. Ask Carl.'

As soon as he passes on the question, Carl levels me with the most, Get serious, expression I ever seen in my life.

Whatever. 'I'll still win!'

'We'll see,' He says as I glance at the rest of the group.

'This was so thoughtful of you guys,' Maggie signs from her seat on the sofa, doing that little pout she does.

With all the presents handed out, I take my time looking around the room. T and Glenn are still wearing their t-shirts, of course. If I could have it my way, they wouldn't ever wear anything else. It looks like Rick and Carl gifted Glenn a magazine about race cars, and T-Dog a flashy, gold chain necklace that he manages to make look cool. Lori and Herschel are wearing new matching jackets, the material purple and puffy. They look like father and daughter, sitting there like that, Lori's head resting on the old man's shoulder. Beside them, Carol's blowing air onto Beth's painted nails, while Mouse lays on the floor, gnawing at the tennis ball he must've decided is his favorite.

And Rick. He's not pouring over a map. He's not frowning to himself as he cleans a gun. He's not snapping at one of us to, Stop that, We need to stay focused. He's just smiling faintly next to Glenn, refusing to reveal to anyone this was all his idea.

'I'm just glad there's no wrapping paper to clean up this year,' He chuckles, looking at Lori.

The woman smirks, shaking her head. Bad memories, I guess.

'Every year,' He continues, gesturing to an invisible pile in his lap, 'We would end up with this much.'

'You're not the only ones.' T-Dog scoffs, like this is a lifelong issue he's faced.

'Oh, yeah. You were a garbage man, weren't you?,' Glenn remembers.

'Minimum wage, brother,' He agrees, bringing the pizza-boy in for a bro-hug.

'What have you got there, Harley?,' Maggie asks as they pull apart.

'A soccer goal,' I excitedly answer, before holding up Rick and Carl's presents. 'And a diary and pencils!'

'I don't want you to think it's for schoolwork with Lori,' Rick says. 'Carl just told me he's seen you journalling.'

'I love it,' I shake my head. 'Thank you.'

That bitterness that I'd been feeling toward him, it disappears just as quickly as it came.

'You haven't been writing anything bad about me, have you?,' Glenn asks threateningly.

'Just a little bit,' I shrug.

'She's a brat, isn't she?,' My Dad jokes.

'She's a total brat.'

'Hey! I don't like you, either.'

'Well, Merry Christmas, everyone.' Maggie says to wrap things up. 'Time to take this outside. We got a game to play.'

'Sounds like it,' Rick agrees.

'Come on.' Dad stands back up, grabbing the soccer goal and the stakes.

Jumping up and pulling on Maggie's sleeve, I exclaim up at her, 'We should be on the same team!'

'Girl power,' She agrees, frowning stubbornly as we descend the porch steps.

Mouse goes running out into the snow with his tennis ball. Dad heads over to the fence, setting down the goal and pushing the stakes through the rubber loops to secure it to the ground. I tell him I hope he did a good job of it, because me and Maggie are gonna be making every goal we shoot for. It's Dad and Carl versus us two girls, so the competition is even fiercer. We gotta win!

'We got this,' Maggie goads as T-Dog takes up the goalie position.

Carol pumps her fist in the air. 'Let's go, girls!'

Everyone starts cheering us on as Maggie kicks the ball straight over to me. The game's begun! I stop it with my foot, watching as she skirts around Dad, shouting for me. I boot it back to her at just the right moment, running forwards.

Maggie dukes Dad, left, right, left, before she kicks it right between his feet and back to me.

I stop it again with my foot.

Carl's on me, suddenly. He tries to use his foot to steal the ball away from me, but I don't let him!

Keeping him at arm's length, I line up my shot with the goal. I've done it a million times before. What's one more!

I rear my foot back, and—!

T-Dog's far too big and slow to see it coming. The ball shoots right past him — Goal! — and crashes into the meshing.

'Point for the girls,' Rick announces from the sidelines.

Maggie runs up to me, grabbing my hands and squealing happily, with the boys sulking together in the background.

We end up winning. There's a few close calls here and there, but we're just too quick on our feet for them to really get any smooth moves in. As the winning goal is made by Maggie, Carl stomps his foot into the snow, complaining, Aww, man!

We use every last bit of energy we have left in us to play for the rest of the morning. For once, not just for getting out of bed, or making it through the day. We manage to get a couple more rounds of soccer in before somebody throws a snowball at my Dad while he's trying to kick a goal, and then it all devolves into a snowball fight. There's no teams or rules; just clumps of snow flying across the yard, people falling over, Rick laughing, and Glenn getting dogpiled to the ground until Dad has to come and rescue him from us.

Nobody's really winning, but I don't think anyone's keeping count, anyway. Nobody's losing, either.

Except maybe Carl, when he tanks a snowball directly to the face.

I gasp. Youch!

He wipes it off with a grin, scurrying off to start preparing some returning fire.

I hurry to join him behind the wall of snow, bulking up my snowball before launching it at one of the adults.

It hits Glenn in the jaw. He lurches; falls onto his ass.

Me and Carl share a high five!

To think I was dreading coming back to this town, when it's actually given me one of the best days of my life.

Is it bad I'm happy the world ended?

Probably, but I don't care.

FIVE MONTHS LATER.

I can hear light birdsong in the trees.

We've stopped again, on some highway or other. I'on know. They all look the same to me. Grey road, winding up a hill, flanked on both sides by a strip of dirt and twigs. While the others get outta the cars, slamming their doors shut and grouping together to discuss what's next, I turn my head away from them and gaze out the passenger side window. The sun warms my face. I remember back during the Wintertime; we hardly ever saw the sun. Hell. That was forever ago. Nowadays, we been fending off heatstroke, feels like.

I close my eyes, relishing in the sounds around me. Leaves brushing, idle engines rumbling.

There are a lot of moments like this for me, where I'll just ignore what everyone else is doing and listen. I'll listen to anything. The car radio, if anybody's got it playing, even if it's a song I don't like. A river flowing. A deer trilling. It's the best part of my day.

"We got nowhere else to go," Herschel's suddenly saying, and then I'm opening my eyes again.

The group is gathered around the hood of the car I'm sat up in, splaying a map out for them to study.

"When this herd meets up with this one," Maggie points, "We'll be cut off. We'll never make it South."

"What'd you say it was? About 150 head?" Dad estimates.

"That was last week." Glenn's shaking his head, squinting against the sun. "It could be twice that by now."

I've heard this exact conversation about thirty times over by now.

That herd from last year; It's thawed and split into two, and neither are getting any smaller. The more they walk, the more they pick up. It's how it's always gone. They been following us, and we been running. That's how that's always gone, too.

We had a couple places we holed up for a while. Sharpsburg served us well while it lasted, but we had to move, eventually.

Now, we're back on the run.

"The river could've delayed them," Herschel suggests. "If we move fast, we might have a shot to tear right through here."

"Yeah, but if that group joins with that one, they could spill out this way."

"So, we're blocked."

We're always blocked, I want to tell Maggie. You know this by now.

In moments like these, I think back to the day we had that snowball fight and try to remember what everyone's smiles looked like.

"Only thing to do is double back at 27," Rick says, "And swing back this way."

Rick's different. For Rick, I think back to the bike ride.

T-Dog's getting frustrated. "We picked through that place, already. It's like we spent the past five months going in circles."

"Yeah, I know. I know."

"Is this what we're doing, then?"

When Rick nods, T-Dog asks him, "Is it alright if we head down to the river to fill up on water, then?"

"Sure. Knock yourself out," He says as they disperse, Maggie rolling up the map.

Herschel whispers something to Rick, then, and I can't quite catch it. My hearing aids ain't that good, but I know it's about Lori because they glance over at her in the car behind me. It's probably the, She can't keep doing this, conversation. Like always, Rick's wiping his sweaty forehead, bullshitting his way through an answer, and like always, Herschel is patient with him. They know he's right.

Lori's about to burst, way her stomach's been looking these days. She's gonna give birth any day now.

I'm just glad she got better and stayed better.

That was a nasty sickness.

Herschel leaves Rick to think about what he's said, making an opening for Dad to ask him to go hunting.

I'm surprised when he turns to me. "You wanna come, chicken?"

There's that Southern twang I once forgot the sound of.

'Come hunting with you?,' I sign, just outta habit. Sometimes, my voice is just too loud for me to bare.

"Yeah. You can stretch yer legs a little. How 'bout it?"

Not wanting to spend one more second in this car, I agree by opening the door and jumping onto the tarmac.

He whistles for Mouse, and then we're walking into the treeline.

"Carl says it was blue, but the boy's blind," I ramble to Rick as we walk along the train tracks, keeping an eye out for animals.

"Between the pair'a ya," Dad muses from in front of us. "You almost make a full vegetable."

"Shut up, Daddy. You ain't funny."

He snickers a little before facing forward again, crossbow at the ready. "Sure I ain't."

"Anyway." I sigh as he pushes a leafy branch outta the way. Rick ducks under it, and then me. "Like I's sayin'—"

When I look up, the sight that greets me has all words dying on my tongue. I slowly catch up with Dad and Rick, who have also completely forgotten about the story I was telling. It weren't very interesting, anyway. Something about a frog Carl and I found the other day. The sun beats down on us as we look out over the sheer drop just in front of us, and at the rolling, green hills in the distance.

Well, I'll be goddamned.

That right there is a whole ass prison.

End Notes.

Okay that's it. I cannot edit this chapter any longer. What's done is done!!

WE ARE FINALLY IN SEASON 3 !! It only took a year and 28 chapters.

I'm very glad to be back in canon again, but writing Christmas with the group was so fun. Also very glad to be able to write Daryl's accent and slang properly again haha. It just didn't translate into sign language. I know some of you will also be relieved that we're not using it much anymore.

As always, I really hope you enjoyed!

Thanks for reading! Until next time! 💙 :)

[stayliquid]

open starter. f/nb muse. leo walker, drummer, dylan o'brien fc. plot. here! except he's the rockstar brother.

Seeing her was always bittersweet — more so on the sweet side, but not being able to have her in the capacity that he wanted was harder than leo cared to admit. It poured into his music and yes, into the out—of—the—norm for him rockstar type behavior where he indulged in groupies and fans more than he should. Fingers danced along the guitar he defaulted to when not on stage playing the drums; the lyrics writing themselves until the interruption. Chocolate eyes were warm, but also alarmed as he peered at them. "You know you probably shouldn't be here..."

[lcvewaslcst]

i have a handful of drafts and starters to tend to but, i also would kill to get my greedy little hands on more shit. under the cut, is a list of the most musey assholes i have right now. if you feel so inclined, give this a like and I'll come to you for muse. recently in particular, i've been pretty into a supernatural vibe, but i'll do literally anything. all of these guys are pretty flexible - so let me know!

Franklin Walker Jeremy Allen White (27-30-he/him-bisexual) comes in second to his siblings. construction worker. a little stoic - but really just wanted someone to make him feel worthy or valid. 

Liam Taylor Keith Powers (28-30-he/him-bisexual) up and coming actor. comes from great family. determined, genuine, compassionate. wears his heart on his sleeve. 

Vivian Wilder Madelyn Cline (23-26-she/her-bisexual) a spoiled brat with daddy issues. keeps everyone at a distance because shes used to being taken advantage of. very HBIC

Carter Laney Drew Starkey (25-30-he/him-bisexual) a boxer that battled addiction, and now takes his rage out on people. determined. smart. loyal. witty. charming

Maverick “Mav” Fields Dylan Obrien (27-30-he/him-bisexual) a drug dealer/tattoo artist depending on verse. bad boy. stoic. guarded. rough around the edges.

Molly Gunn Florence Pugh (24-27-she/her-bisexual) childish kid to wickedly famous parents. spoiled. naive. playful (based on uptown girls).

Beck Sadler Victoria Pedretti (27-31-she/her-bisexual) a little bit of a brat. classically trained musician that has found a sweet spot in the alt-rock meets pop genre. building up a steady following. underneath the cool exterior, babygirl is a mess of nerves and emotions.

[poetsprophecy]

plots please : )

hiii friend! this is me realizing i never responded to your IM... 💔 but i will 100% be messaging you after this! send me “plots please” … and i’ll respond with 3 (or more) interesting plots / relationships / connections i can think of for our muses.

katherine st james & astrid castenada: so, katie is currently in school to become a teacher, so maybe she is a student teacher at the same school or is graduated/employed at the same school! they could be friends that hang out after work or plan fun things for both of their classes! this could be very wholesome!

wyatt mcnichols & dylan walker: single parents unite! maybe they meet each other while their kids are playing at the park or something. maybe they exchange numbers so that their kids could do a play date and they begin to get to know each other! maybe dylan is also working on an article that includes the local fire rescue team.

colin fitzgerald & louisa hausmann: maybe colin hurts himself at his mechanic job one day and is in the hospital with louisa as his nurse! he could be silently freaking out that he doesn't know how he's going to pay for the visit/freaking out that he needs to be there for his family. maybe louisa notices his spiked anxiety levels and they get to talking and getting to know each other!!! could be cute and wholesome!!!

mei zhang & bobby campbell: mei is painfully shy & reserved, but maybe she is doing an assignment for her art class that involves sitting in on hockey practice (could be where she has to illustrate some kind of sport and she chose that idk). maybe she finds the courage to spark a conversation with bobby about hockey or something!!!

[womansound]

hi :) like for a short starter ( or many ) from my test muses !

dove cameron as maisie mathers . tour guide & scuba instructor . she/her 27 

julia rehwald as louisa fier . dog walker . they/she 26 

sabrina carpenter as nolee logan . tattoo artist . she/they 25

kitty chicha amatayakul as eloise nantasri . costume party girlie . she/her 30 

liana liberato as julian keynes . lead vocalist of band, qu'est ce que c'est ? she/her 26

dylan minnette as nick mcfly . guitarist of band, qu'est ce que c'est ? he/him 26 

emily rudd as irish walsh . drummer of band, qu'est ce que c'est ? . she/they 27 

mikey madison as clara maxwell . football player she/her 25

camila mendes as cherry pereira . professional card player & scam artist she/her 28 

fivel stewart as mei march . med student . she/they 26 

lee soohyuk as sangheon oh . architect he/him 35

kwon soonyoung as marty lim . actor he/him 28

dew jirawat as bear thawon . football player . he/they 23 

[thechaosmuses]

Below the cut is a list of all my original characters, from every fandom, organized by such. I figured I would go ahead and put this up, as well as a canon muse one, for my oc and canon starters so that way it's easier for y'all to see who is included without going to every separate muse list.

The Vampire Diaries

Elizabeth Haven Mikaelson Roman Ryker Mikaelson Erik Flynn Mikaelson Kareena Dawn Mikaelson Thyra Selene Mikaelson Karsyn Devyn Mikaelson Mateo Maxwell Mikaelson Serenity Faye Mikaelson Sawyer Finch Mikaelson Aurelia Nova Mikaelson Felix Ares Mikaelson Willow Luna Mikaelson Tobias Floyd Mikaelson Zephyr Raven Parker Zariyah Dove Parker Kennedy Taylor Parker Myles Zane Parker Mariana Joy Parker Paisley Juniper Parker Braeden Talia Salvatore Holden Atlas Salvatore Ezra Grant Salvatore Liberty Faye Salvatore Jensen Graham Gilbert Easton Reed Gilbert Jesse Jonathan Gilbert Elias Rhodes Gilbert Jazmyn Sophia Gilbert Atlas Rowan Petrova Titus Izaiah Petrova Kamen Maverick Pierce Natalie Adrianna Pierce Eleanor Marie Bennett Salem Elijah Bennett Gabriel Graham Gustin Belladonna Sharie Bennett Seraphina Rose Ward Theodore Joseph Brickenden Kaia Asherah Halloran Carter William Forbes Cameron Myles Lawrence Jameson Tyler Rosza Tatum Jaxson Lockwood Tatiana Jade Lockwood Taylor Jacob Lockwood Axel Madden Hughes Ashton Malik Hughes Sebastian Sawyer Sharpe Niall Nash Novak Montgomery Felix Langston Ophelia Esme Lovell Sapphire Lee McGuire Rami Calder McGuire Warren Jaxon Kingsley Jeremiah Michael Kenner Cecilia Jaklyn Labonair Rosemary Belle Whitlock Hadley Kamryn Fuller Kamryn Avery Marshall Lorella Diane St. John Andrew Kolton Rogers Blair Lilith Walsh Zachariah Cole Norwood Matthias Lucien Delacour Matias Camilo Garcia Cyrus Boyd Mikaelson (spn to tvdu) Harmony Iris Johnson (tw to tvdu) Chandler Matthew Rawlins (tw to tvdu)

Containment

Jubilee Fawn Ellison Carson Elijah Mayes Maddox Rhett Lancaster Malia Rayne Lancaster Makai Reid Lancaster Delilah Anne Malone Austin Blake Coleman Damian James Taylor

Teen Wolf

Aspen Bella Stilinski Adrian Archer Argent Addison Athena Argent Lyla Sage Martin Amaia Tala Alexander Malik Elias Hale Madelaine Emery Hale Isaiah Parker Lahey Amadora Constance Sharpe Callum Tate Raeken Dawson Cole Reynolds Jared Taylor Parrish Stephen Ezekiel Hemming

Supernatural

Amelia Mae Allen Melody Athena Hayes Lucilla Marie Nightstar Eden Faith Cruz Elijah Luke Cruz Valentina Rosalie Hart Adaliah Ember Darhk Alexandria Skye Earp Lillian Dahlia Campbell Adriel Xavier Grant Talon Colt Ashford Silas Kai Parker Josephina Jazmyn Walker Elyza Alice Pierson (tvdu to spn)

DC Comics

Kiera Jaylin Davis

Marvel

Kailee Elizabeth Holtz (hero and villain verse) Kaiden Edward Holtz (villain and hero verse) Camelia Waverly Maximoff Kaleb Jonas Barnes Maxine Josephine Rogers Melody Elizabeth Young Anastasia Sloane Lenkov Wren Nika Volkov Wynter Nadia Volkov Cordelia Ara Odinsdottir Amora Delphine Brantley Celeste Juliet Livingston Nikolai Nathaniel Novak (tvdu to mcu) Charmeine Ayla Hanlon (spn to mcu)

Stranger Things

Stella Blake Russell Scarlet Ember Ward Valerie Mae Henderson Mitchell Elliot Mayfield Meredith Eleanor Mayfield

Misc

Ambrosia Nyx Tartarus Acacius Nile Tartarus Duncan David Dalveron Damien Dawson Dalveron Brantley Cole Kline Rosalie Grace Anderson Rowena Greyson Andrews Ryker Grant Andrews Aviana Summer Archer Dylan Bryce Thatcher Sterling Atlas Ward

9-1-1

Evelyn June Buckley Ethan Jace Buckley Hazel Jayne Walker Hayes Jesse Walker Izaiah Edison Hendrix Waverly Chloe Hendrix Matilda Iris Monroe Fallon Pierce Richards

Book Babes

Cyra Lux Vespara Wilder Blaze Hawthorne Dion Ignis Vanserra Pyralis Jax Vanserra Warren Forrest Hayward Solana Aruna Meridian Anatole Cyrus Solari Althea Zaria Cadlawon Tynan Kerrell Visita Kirsi Gwyneira Nieves Lyall Colden Whittaker Caspian Calder Conway Maribelle Aelia Sommer

Zodiacs

Wyatt Keegan aka Aries Kianni Phoenix aka Sagittarius Leon Cyrus aka Leo River Mira aka Cancer Dylan Lucas aka Pisces Josephine Nova aka Scorpio Conrad Atlas aka Taurus Kailynn Amelia aka Capricorn Taron Sage aka Virgo Alice Skye aka Libra Aaron Micah aka Aquarius Adelaide June aka Gemini Arianna Rose aka Gemini

[stainedpast]

dylan is a nutmeg king! blame @bakeruk for this !! <33

[thickdickgrayson]

‘One of you is a rat. You tell, or I will.’ So what, one of us is a snitch?

[hishedonism]

i am Contemplating. making a sort of lowkey multi - muse for some canon characters it would come second to this blog bc i wanna focus on developing eli & the dynamics here too but there are a few characters i really wanna try writing & i'm accustomed to writing canons so it'd be within my comfort zone some of the fandoms are pretty obscure but muses i'd probably write are under the cut so like. let me know if there's interest in any of them so i know who to follow etc if / when i make it ? 👀

the quarry — nick furcillo ( might get his own solo blog ?? we'll see ) — dylan lenivy

nick & dylan are the only two i'm pretty sure i'd definitely be writing so consider all the ones below as maybes / probablys depending on interest level

scream — billy loomis

dragon age — josephine montilyet

red dead redemption — sean macguire

borderlands — rhys

the wolf among us — holly

saints row — matt miller

stardew valley — sebastian

mystic messenger — jaehee kang

the arcana — lucio morgasson

mr. robot — tyrell wellick

final fantasy xiii — yuj — lebreau

the raven cycle — noah czerny

all for the game — andrew minyard — renee walker

downton abbey — thomas barrow

the wayhaven chronicles — mason

the hero project / heroes rise — jury

[brckenthings]

temp muse list:

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS

BAILEY SCOTT (the 100) (fc: maya hawke)

BARRY DARNELL (stranger things oc) (fc: logan miller)

CANDY CARTER (stranger things) (fc: erin sanders)

CHRISSY BECKETT (yellowjackets) (fc: sydney sweeney)

DOLLY JAMES (fandomless) (fc: maya hawke)

DRAVEN VALENTINE (ahs coven/apocalypse) (fc: max green)

ELLIE BECKETT (yellowjackets) (fc: sydney sweeney)

EMMY CARTER (stranger things) (fc: sheri moon zombie)

FLYNN MYERS (fandomless) (fc: joe keery)

KATIE DARNELL (stranger things) (fc: olivia welch)

LENNON MADDOX (fandomless) (fc: alycia debnam carey)

LISA SLADE (stranger things) (fc: scout taylor compton)

LYRIC MCCALISTER (yellowjackets) (fc: nicholas alexander)

MARS NEWMAN (yellowjacket) (fc maya hawke)

MAX SLADE (stranger things) (fc: timothée chalamet)

ROWAN TAYLOR (twd/ftwd) (fc: odessa a'zion)

SHELL EMERY (siren) (fc: maya hawke)

STARLA MYERS (fandomless) (fc: natalia dyer)

SKYLAR JONES (fandomless) (fc: maya hawke)

WISTERIA LACHLAN (ahs coven/apocalypse) (fc: maya hawke)

CANON CHARACTERS

ALICE CANADY (yes, god, yes | 2020 movie)

AMY ANDERSON (adult world | 2013 movie)

BELLE WALKER (amityville: the awakening | 2017 movie)

BROOKE THOMPSON (ahs | s9 1984)

CHET CLANCY (ahs | s9 1984)

JIMMY DARLING (ahs | s4 freak show)

MADISON MONTGOMERY (ahs | s3 coven)

MAGGIE ESMERELDA (ahs | s4 freak show)

CASEY GARDNER (atypical)

BRYNN MCNALLY (broken things | novel | lauren oliver fc: sophie thatcher)

NANCY LEFEVRE (chambers)

HEATHER WATKINS (fear street 1994 | 2021 movie)

ALICIA CLARK (fear the walking dead)

MADISON CLARK (fear the walking dead)

JOEY DEL MARCO (grand army)

CHLOE PRICE (life is strange) (animated or live fc: sophie thatcher)

LENA HALOWAY (delirium books | lauren oliver fc: emma roberts)

MAX CAULFIELD (life is strange) (animated or live fc: maya hawke)

RACHEL AMBER (life is strange) (animated or live fc: emma roberts)

JO MARCH (little women novel & movie | mainly modern verse)

RAY HALL (panic)

TRENTON WALKER (rooms | novel | lauren oliver fc: dylan arnold)

BROOKE MADDOX (scream the series)

JILL ROBERTS (scream 4 | 2011 movie)

KURT KUNKLE (spree | 2020 movie)

BILLY HARGROVE (stranger things)

CAROL PERKINS (stranger things)

STEVE HARRINGTON (stranger things)

TAMMY THOMPSON (stranger things) (canon based oc)

LEXA (the 100)

EDDIE ‘RAGMAN’ WEINBAUER (trick or treat | 1986 movie)

FRANKIE CROYDEN (tuff turf | 1985 movie)

BECKY MONROE (when the streetlights go on | 2020 movie)

JACKIE TAYLOR (yellowjackets)

EXCLUSIVES:

BEN MILLER (escape room 1&2 | 2019 movie)

CHARLES LEE RAY / CHUCKY (childs play)

SHANE MCCUTCHEON (the l word/generation q)

TATE LANGDON (ahs | s1 murder house)

[badassxbirdy]

Activity Update - 1st September

It’s time once again for the monthly activity update. These posts help me to keep track of what the frick I’ve been doing, particularly when tumblr breaks or the brainfog strikes. This one only includes activity for August, everything else can be found over on my thread tracker (here). At the time of posting I’m up to to date on things as far as I’m aware, so if I owe you a reply, message, meme, etc, please do let me know!

The full activity update is below the cut. Bolded text = links.

If you want to see all IC interactions without the other stuff, click here. If you’d like to start something new, I have opens, memes, and a wishlist, or message me if you have a plot in mind! Alternatively you can just message me to say “WHAT UP, NERD” if you’d like to chat.

Two important OOC notes before we get into the update proper:

I’m still staying with family, and likely will be until October. That means no xkit access so I’m tagging threads with my mobile tag, which is “mobile post: Em’s on the move” and “long post” when needed. Block/filter those tags accordingly if the mobile reblogs become annoying to see on the dash.

I’m having some weirdness with my follow list and discrepancies in who I’m following depending on which platform I’m on. There are some people my tablet says I’m following that my phone says I’m not, so it’s getting rather confusing. I haven’t intentionally unfollowed anyone as of late, so please let me know if I’m no longer following you. If anyone’s softblocked me, my apologies for refollowing. I’m not trying to bother you. Please let me know, or hardblock if you’re more comfortable with that. No hard feelings either way. It’s just hard to tell what’s going on when glitches like this occur.

Now onto the update!

Threads, replies, and all other IC interactions:

“Easy, there. Try to sit up.” - @wolfhymns (Deacon)

Investigating with Fish - @the-immortals-assistant

“Wait a minute, you’re blaming me?!” - @normallyxstrange (Carla)

Meeting the Doctor - @timelxrd-victorious

Revelation - @ko3ak

WHY MUST YOU MAKE IT SAD, ROOK? 😭 - @nightiingaled

“I was just trying to help.” - @normallyxstrange (Casey)

vs the Fried Laptop - @spynerd

“What are you doing?!” - @schwarzerengeltm

Ty? Starting to listen?! Sorcery. - @magaprima

This conversation took a very sad turn. - @schwarzerengeltm

“If you believe in any god, I suggest praying to them now.” - @the-immortals-assistant

First meetings: at the bar - @real-michael-demiurgos

Tyler is relieved. 😂 - @tobeblamed

A very confusing conversation - @harkcr

“Get down!” - @normallyxstrange (Mason)

Awkward cuties! - @heavenguided

“Are you following me?” - @normallyxstrange (Jamie)

Birthday cuteness with the Walkers! 😭 - @nightiingaled

Tyler is concerned. - @seesgood

Ty flees the scene. - @normallyxstrange (Mason)

“What the hell is wrong with you?” - @wolfhymns (Drevyn)

My apologies once again. 😬 - @kxllerblond

Jail cell meme, because our idiots can’t stay out of trouble. 😂 - @schwarzerengeltm

“If you put your nose any deeper into that coffee cup, you’re gonna need a snorkel.” - @normallyxstrange (Dylan)

Important food questions and wine stealing. - @deliciouslyfilthytm (!crack)

“You’re being followed.” - @kiingstech

“Does it still hurt?” - @normallyxstrange (Mason)

Escape! - @schwarzerengeltm

OTP reunion! 😭 - @nightiingaled (Killian)

“I don’t wanna hear it, McCrane.” - @nightiingaled (Killian)

Headcanons, dash commentary, crack, and various silliness:

“It was unprofessional okay? 😤”

What obscure love language are you?

What does your muse consider the challenge they could never overcome?

What happens when someone tries to ask Mel out.

Never let any of the Walkers bake.

Horrific food ideas.

She doesn’t like Friday the 13th.

The most Tyler moment in the whole of BtVS.

Clark insults Tyler’s fashion choices.

Sokol also insults Tyler’s fashion choices. 😂

Ty insults Sokol’s fashion choices.

“What’s your least favorite food?”

“Ty, do you believe in soulmates?”

Ty talking to Lilith be like…

Why I use activity updates.

Damon belongs in horny jail.

Secure small items. 😂

Drabble: A very one sided conversation.

Drabble: Ty’s home, and she won’t sleep.

An eye for an eye. LOL just kidding, ALL THE PARTS.

OOC housekeeping:

I made a very serious and well designed promo. It’s extremely serious and very ✨aesthetic.✨

Blog description updated.

Rules updated, mainly for clarity on things I’ve had questions about.

If anyone else makes gifs in procreate, and knows why a border may be missing pieces after exporting, please hmu.

Guess who has a Wire now?

[stayliquid]

closed starter for @svftlove! x muse. leo walker, musician, fc dylan o'brien.

"thanks for coming to the show, but i'm still pissed."

[coochicatcher]

        𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒊'𝒎 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈   ,    so i’ve been wanting to do a little bit of a revamp for a while, so i’m choosing to spend the next two days redoing my theme, updating my muses & just overall doing a complete revamp of my blog. so under the cut you will find a list of muses i’m choosing to keep. i’ll also be making a list of muses i’m adding as well !

𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈    ,

kristine froseth as briar velde. *   THE FRAGILE BUTTERFLY.

camila mendes as brinley sousa.  *   THE AMARANTH.

sydney sweeney as caroline hill.  *   THE SOVEREIGN.

madelaine petsch as clarke visser.  *   THE BENEVOLENT.

abigail cowen as eden walker.  *   THE ATELOPHOBIC.

casimere jollette as guinevere felch.  *   THE SYBARITE.

elizabeth lail as leighton clark.  *   THE HEDONIST.

phoebe tonkin as lorelai reid.  *   THE OLD SOUL.

camila mendes as melita ‘millie’ neves.  *   THE BLUE BLOOD.

kristine froseth as sylvie bakker.  *   THE DIONYSIAN.

josephine langford as hallie woods.  *  THE PRISTINE.

victoria pedretti as ophelia rossi.  *  THE ZEALOUS.

katie douglas as maisie morin.  *  THE CONNARD.

natasha liu bordizzo as briony liu.  *   THE BIBLIOPHILE.

jacob elordi as archer wilson.  *  THE CASANOVA.

penn badgley as dawson kelly.  *  THE ATONER.

hero fiennes tiffin as ezra bauer.  *   THE MAGNATE.

thomas doherty as heath cameron.  *   THE DISPOMANIAC.

dylan o’brien as kaiden walsh.  *  THE CRIMSON.

dylan o’brien as karver walsh.  *  THE LOTHARIO.

jamie dornan as nathaniel murphy.  *  THE TYCOON.

joseph morgan as william turner.  *   THE ATRABILIOUS .

chace crawford as xavier davies.  *   THE CRESTFALLEN .

charles melton as kieran lee.  *  THE VAGABOND. 

manny montana as monte sanchez.  *   THE ACATALEPTIC.

justin baldoni as braxton de rossi.  *   THE HEADSTRONG.

dylan arnold as rhys lewis.  *   THE TORTURED SOUL.

hero fiennes tiffin as dax shaw.  *   THE WRITER.

𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒏   ,

olivia holt as corrine blake.  *  THE VOLUPTUARY.

froy gutierrez as rafael ‘raf’ galaz.  *  THE MAVEN.

jenny boyd as louisa davies.  *  THE BAGGART.

adam huber as silas ross.  *  THE PHILANTHROP.

[theindieflash]

Consider this my permanent Starter Call for this blog. I also have individual starter calls for each character, and I will list them and the links below, if you would prefer to respond to those posts instead.

You can find all of my active muses here.

You can find my plot wishlist here.

You can find my open starters here.

You can find my rules here.

Please Like and Reply to this post with your muse of choice, for a starter. Starters will vary in length depending on the muse. It doesn’t matter if we’ve already got a ton of threads, or if we’ve never written together before, if you want a starter, or to plot with me, then here’s your chance.

Amy Allen

Barry Allen

Belle French

Blaine Anderson

Chris Lawson

Clint Barton

Cooper Anderson

Daniel Spencer

Draco Malfoy

Dylan Piper

Emily-May Jackson

Emma Swan

Evie Grimhilde

Felicity Smoak

Guy Richards

Hermione Granger

James Walker

Kira Yukimura

Laurel Lance

Leo Sutherland

Mason Bradley

Mike Chang

Penny Teller

Peter Parker

Rachel Berry

Raj Koothrappali

Roy Harper

Sara Lance

Scott McCall

Sebastian Smythe

Shane O’Donnell

Star Summers

Steve Rogers

Stiles Stilinski

Thea Queen

Tony Stark

Tyler Grace

Wanda Maximoff

If you’re a multi-muse blog, let me know who you’d like me to write against, otherwise I will probably just select something at random.

[seattlites]

CHARACTERS UPDATE.

thanks jess for the idea xoxo

MARK SLOAN

just returned back to work after a few weeks with baby henry at home.

a proud dad of three, who would have known

his department is THRIVING, he loves to see it and needs something cutting edge to innovate the place so if any plastics people want to do some major surgery/case lmk

jackson is still his son but is there anyone else who wants some teaching?

always in need of a good frenemy / full blown enemy - someone who hates his guts for the manwhore he used to be or someone who thinks they’re better than mark regardless of specialty

OLIVIA HAYES

my girl is in need of ~therapy~ maybe this is it, maybe it’s time liv

aaron just rejected her #ouch which means she will either go sad girl hours at home or wild out at the wildrose

who wants to be mentored by her? pls she needs to pass down her wisdom

BROOKE WALKER

the most put together muse i have (in plots because she is a walking mess)

who is going to be the brave resident who wants to choose vascular?

neighbours? across from the hall neighbours who knew logan and bring her casseroles and she Hates It

WYATT SHARMA

the boy is back in mia’s web, rip his soul

he moved in with jason, what a wild pairing

buddies !! drinking buddies !! he needs Friends

lola is his protegee but i’d like him to have some kind of mentorship with someone who doesn’t want to go to ortho but still looks up to wyatt as a doctor and a Human Being

DYLAN CAMPBELL

living his best life as he is hoeing around

he was in seattle prior to the shooting so where are his friends from back then?

also women he slept with and treated not so nicely so they Hate Him pls

AMELIA SHEPHERD

just lost her baby (once the server rp is done and over) and her brother rip derek :((

she is going to pretend nothing ever happened and go back to work like it’s the most natural thing ever (those coping mechanisms man)

she is about to mentor edwards thanks and do the erica surgery but WHO ELSE wants to be taught by amelia !!

where are her girl friends to get her out of the house and have nice healthy coping mechanisms

also someone bring maggie and link thank you

REBECCA GOLDMANN

she is just ~vibing~

she doesn’t know what specialty to go for so all the attendings are called to get her

exes !! she has been in seattle for 3 years now, she is lesbian so any and all girls - bex is a romantic even though she tries to hide it. i feel like she has had many gone wrong dates or casual flings that didn’t go nowhere and left her heartbroken

frenemies !! she usually gets along with anyone but there might be one or two people that she never liked for ~whatever~ reason or no reason at all but they still have to work together

[pemdasblog]

PEMDAS - Special Year-End Edition - Albums

I love end of year lists because I like consensus, rankings and numbers. But consensus is all based on who gets to rank, and the people who get the most access to major publication rankings are white men, so the numbers are tainted by white supremacy, misogyny, and many other forms of bigotry.

Which makes it even more interesting to see what gets ranked where.

Here’s a Google Sheet I made of all the lists and I created a formula that basically measures how many times an album placed on a list as well as how high it placed on that list. I’m going to keep updating this list as it’s not done, but it’s fun to play around with right now!

According to my formula and the critics, the top 10 albums of 2020 (in order) are: 

#1: Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

#2: RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

#3: folklore •• Taylor Swift

#4: Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

#5: Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

#6: Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

#7: Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

#8: Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

#9: Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

#10: Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

I also have a fun, unranked albums list brewing. I’ll release that at the very end of the year.

Click below for all of the publication lists!

The 50 best albums of 2020 •• ABC | Double J

Dan Condon

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Crossover •• Emma Donovan & The Putbacks

The Slow Rush •• Tame Impala

UNTITLED (Rise) •• SAULT

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Song for Our Daughter •• Laura Marling

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

The Sharecropper’s Daughter •• Sa-Roc

Sideways to New Italy •• Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever

Sixteen Oceans •• Four Tet

Chose Line •• Benny the Walker

South West •• L-FRESH the LION

Far Enough •• Cable Ties

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Nyaaringu •• Miiesha

You Be the Lightning •• Tracy McNeil & The GoodLife

Mordechai •• Khruangbin

Suddenly •• Caribou

Our Two Skins •• Gordi

Down In the Weeds, Where the World Once Was •• Bright Eyes

græ •• Moses Sumney

Distance •• Jess Cornelius

King’s Disease •• Nas

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Batflowers •• Washington

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

That’s How Rumors Get Started •• Margo Price

ENERGY •• Disclosure

The Ascension •• Sufjan Stevens

Reunions •• Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

Paid Salvation •• A Swayze & The Ghosts

songs •• Adrianne Lenker

Ohms •• Deftones

Unity •• Gordon Koang

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

Child in Reverse •• Kate Miller-Heidke

K.G. •• King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard

Aloha •• Son Little

The Modern Medieval •• Something for Kate

II: The Next Wave •• Quakers

Rome •• Josh Pyke

Fallow •• Fanny Lumsden

Optimisme •• Songhoy Blues

Original Cast Recording •• Braille Face

Colour by Number •• Leah Flanagan

Ultra Mono •• IDLES

What You Gonna Do When the Grid Goes Down? •• Public Enemy

Feral •• RVG

Róisín Machine •• Róisín Murphy

The best albums and songs of 2020 •• BBC Culture

Nick Levine

  Best albums of 2020

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Róisín Machine •• Róisín Murphy

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Kitchen Sink •• Nadine Shah

folklore •• Taylor Swift

6 Music Recommends Albums of the Year 2020 •• BBC Radio - 6 Music

BBC Radio - 6 Music Staff

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Shortly After Takeoff •• BC Camplight

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Kitchen Sink •• Nadine Shah

England Is a Garden •• Cornershop

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

The Universal Want •• Doves

Deep Down Happy •• Sports Team

The 50 Best Albums of 2020: Staff Picks •• Billboard

Billboard Staff

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

After Hours •• The Weeknd

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

My Turn •• Lil Baby

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Gaslighter •• The Chicks

Meet the Woo 2 •• Pop Smoke

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Positions •• Ariana Grande

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Starting Over •• Chris Stapleton

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Circles •• Mac Miller

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

Manic •• Halsey

Tickets to My Downfall •• Machine Gun Kelly

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

Rare •• Selena Gomez

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Colores •• J Balvin

The Album •• BLACKPINK

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

The Slow Rush •• Tame Impala

Before Love Came To Kill Us •• Jessie Reyez

Notes on a Conditional Form •• The 1975

Reunions •• Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

Fake It Flowers •• beabadoobee

It Was Good Until It Wasn’t •• Kehlani

Map of the Soul: 7 •• BTS

Letter to You •• Bruce Springsteen

Atrapado en un Sueño •• Junior H

The Album •• Teyana Taylor

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

Emmanuel •• Anuel AA

Love Goes •• Sam Smith

Suddenly •• Caribou

Petals for Armor •• Hayley Williams

B7 •• Brandy

Southside •• Sam Hunt

Mesa Para Dos •• Kany García

Savage Mode II •• 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

Good Souls Better Angels •• Lucinda Williams

Kid Krow •• Conan Gray

Hecho en Mexico •• Alejandro Fernández

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Blame It on Baby •• DaBaby

Top 10 Albums of the Year 2020 •• Bleep

KiCk i •• Arca

Magic Oneohtrix Point Never •• Oneohtrix Point Never

Phoenix: Flames Are Dew Upon My Skin •• Eartheater

Cape Cira •• K-LONE

Fountain •• Lyra Pramuk

Black Nationalist Sonic Weaponry •• Speaker Music

Help •• Duval Timothy

Karma & Desire •• Actress

Shadow of Fear •• Cabaret Voltaire

Tara Clerkin Trio •• Tara Clerkin Trio

The Best Albums of 2020 •• Complex

Jessica McKinney, Andre Gee, Eric Skelton, Edwin Ortiz, Khal, Angel Diaz, Will Schube, Shawn Setaro, Lucas Wisenthel

After Hours •• The Weeknd

My Turn •• Lil Baby

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Burden of Proof •• Benny the Butcher

Savage Mode II •• 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

The Slow Rush •• Tame Impala

Circles •• Mac Miller

Pray for Paris •• Westside Gunn

Shoot for the Stars, Aim for the Moon •• Pop Smoke

The GOAT •• Polo G

From King to a GOD •• Conway the Machine

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Wunna •• Gunna

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

A Muse In Her Feelings •• dvsn

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Meet the Woo 2 •• Pop Smoke

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

So Help Me God! •• 2 Chainz

Angelic Hoodrat •• Kenny Mason

It Was Good Until It Wasn’t •• Kehlani

The Price of Tea in China •• Boldy James

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Fuck the World •• Brent Faiyaz

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Dark Lane Demo Tapes •• Drake

Young & Turnt 2 •• 42 Dugg

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Top •• YoungBoy Never Broke Again

Mt. Marci •• Roc Marciano

Notes on a Conditional Form •• The 1975

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

One and Only •• Sheff G

Positions •• Ariana Grande

Limbo •• Aminé

UNLOCKED •• Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats

Anyways •• Young Nudy

Legends Never Die •• Juice WRLD

Industry Games •• CHIKA

Reasonable Drought •• Stove God Cooks

Spilligion •• Spillage Village

King’s Disease •• Nas

While the World Was Burning •• SAINt JHN

Only for Dolphins •• Action Bronson

Just Cause Y’all Waited 2 •• Lil Durk

Featuring Ty Dolla Sign •• Ty Dolla Sign

Detroit 2 •• Big Sean

Forever, Ya Girl •• KeiyaA

Top 50 Albums of 2020 •• Consequence of Sound

CoS Staff

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Ohms •• Deftones

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Gigaton •• Pearl Jam

Reunions •• Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit

Map of the Soul: 7 •• BTS

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

After Hours •• The Weeknd

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

The Ascension •• Sufjan Stevens

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Petals for Armor •• Hayley Williams

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Fake It Flowers •• beabadoobee

Likewise •• Frances Quinlan

Ultra Mono •• IDLES

Forgotten Days •• Pallbearer

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Suddenly •• Caribou

Everything Is Beautiful •• Princess Nokia

As Long as You Are •• Future Islands

Magic Oneohtrix Point Never •• Oneohtrix Point Never

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Letter to You •• Bruce Springsteen

The Price of Tea in China •• Boldy James & The Alchemist

That’s How Rumors Get Started •• Margo Price

Giver Taker •• Anjimile

Twice as Tall •• Burna Boy

Gaslighter •• The Chicks

Shamir •• Shamir

Lamb of God •• Lamb of God

Pray for Paris •• Westside Gunn

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

The Greatest Part •• Becca Mancari

Power Up •• AC/DC

The Liz •• Armani Caesar

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

American Head •• The Flaming Lips

The Neon Skyline •• Andy Shauf

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Honeymoon •• Beach Bunny

The Top 50 Albums of 2020 •• Crack Magazine

Help •• Duval Timothy

Indigo Dream •• E.M.M.A.

Mas Amable •• DJ Python

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Big Conspiracy •• J Hus

Duma •• Duma

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Metal Preyers •• Metal Preyers

From Avoca Hills to the World •• Citizen Boy & Mafia Boyz

Miss Colombia •• Lido Pimienta

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

To Feel Embraced •• Sparkle Division

Workaround •• Beatrice Dillon

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Man Alive! •• King Krule

Healing Is a Miracle •• Julianna Barwick

Snoopy •• CS + Kreme

Dark Matter •• Moses Boyd

Pain Olympics •• Crack Cloud

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

Cape Circa •• K-Lone

Róisín Machine •• Róisín Murphy

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

Modern Bliss •• Roza Terenzi

Ten Billion Angels •• Zora Jones

Pray 4 Love •• Rod Wave

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Modus Vivendi •• 070 Shake

Cenizas •• Nicolás Jaar

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Black Nationalist Sonic Weaponry •• Speaker Music

Pray for Paris •• Westside Gunn

Second Language •• Minor Science

Forever, Ya Girl •• KeiyaA

Crabs in a Bucket •• Nines

Deep Technik •• MoMA Ready

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Send Them to Coventry •• Pa Salieu

Pillowland •• Jam City

Phoenix: Flames Are Dew Upon My Skin •• Eartheater

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

The 15 best albums of 2020 •• Entertainment Weekly

Leah Greenblatt, Sarah Rodman & Alex Suskind

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

After Hours •• The Weeknd

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Gaslighter •• The Chicks

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

American Love Story •• Butch Walker

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Your Life Is a Record •• Brandy Clark

Petals for Armor •• Hayley Williams

Exclaim!’s 50 Best Albums of 2020 •• Exclaim!

Exclaim! Staff

God Has Nothing to Do with This Leave Him Out of It •• Backxwash

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Suddenly •• Caribou

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Miss Colombia •• Lido Pimienta

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Pantayo •• Pantayo

Heavy Light •• U.S. Girls

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

The Neon Skyline •• Andy Shauf

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

græ •• Moses Sumney

Have We Met •• Destroyer

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Ohms •• Deftones

The Ascension •• Sufjan Stevens

Legacy •• Aquakultre

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Devouring Ruin •• Wake

How Ill Thy World Is Ordered •• Daniel Romano’s Outfit

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

After Hours •• The Weeknd

Burden of Proof •• Benny the Butcher

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

DNA Activation •• Witch Prophet

Peaceful as Hell •• Black Dresses

Where Only Gods May Tread •• Ingested

Circles •• Mac Miller

2017-2019 •• Against All Logic

Lianne La Havas •• Lianne La Havas

Stygian •• Atramentus

ELEMENTS Vol. 1 •• TOBi

Reliever •• William Prince

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

Someone New •• Helena Deland

Pray 4 Love •• Rod Wave

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Sundry Rock Song Stock •• Yves Jarvis

Finds You Well •• Khotin

Underneath •• Code Orange

songs •• Adrianne Lenker

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Visions of Bodies Being Burned •• clipping.

Total Freedom •• Kathleen Edwards

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Free I.H.: This Is Not the One You’ve Been Waiting For •• Illuminati Hotties

The Best Albums of 2020 •• FLOOD

FLOOD Staff

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

græ •• Moses Sumney

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Magic Oneohtrix Point Never •• Oneohtrix Point Never

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

After Hours •• The Weeknd

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

Women in Music Pt. III •• Haim

Visions of Bodies Being Burned •• clipping.

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

My Agenda •• Dorian Electra

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Phoenix: Flames Are Dew Upon My Skin •• Eartheater

Shrines •• Armand Hammer

That’s How Rumors Get Started •• Margo Price

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

American Head •• The Flaming Lips

Si Miedo (del Amor y Otros Demonios) ∞ •• Kali Uchis

Song Machine: Season 1 - Strange Timez •• Gorillaz

Moveys •• Slow Pulp

The Gigwise 51 Best Albums of 2020 •• Gigwise

Gigwise Staff

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

folklore •• Taylor Swift

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Ohms •• Deftones

Circles •• Mac Miller

The Night Chancers •• Baxter Dury

Sex, Death & The Infinite Void •• Creeper

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

The Archer •• Alexandra Savior

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Mordechai •• Khruangbin

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Night Network •• The Cribs

I Disagree •• Poppy

Introduction, Presence •• Nation of Language

Modern Dread •• Denai Moore

K.G. •• King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard

To Love Is to Live •• Jehnny Beth

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Working Men’s Club •• Working Men’s Club

We Live Here •• Bob Vylan

Song for Our Daughter •• Laura Marling

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

I Grow Tired But Dare Not Fall Asleep •• Ghostpoet

925 •• Sorry

Got To Be Tough •• Toots & The Maytals

græ •• Moses Sumney

Viscerals •• Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs

Three Mile Ditch •• The Wytches

England Is a Garden •• Cornershop

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

In This House •• Lewsberg

Optimisme •• Songhoy Blues

songs •• Adrianne Lenker

Letter to You •• Bruce Springsteen

Big Conspiracy •• J Hus

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

Monument •• Keaton Henson

Seeking Thrills •• Georgia

Hyper Romance •• Jadu Heart

Container •• The Wants

The Prettiest Curse •• Hinds

In Waiting •• Pillow Queens

The Reson for Hardcore Vibes •• Joe & The Shitboys

Gorilla vs. Bear’s Albums of 2020 •• Gorilla vs. Bear

Chris

Someone New •• Helena Deland

Untitled (Black Is) •• SAULT || Untitled (Rise) •• SAULT

Send Them to Coventry •• Pa Salieu

Weaving a Basket •• Sea Oleena

Modus Vivendi •• 070 Shake

Fires in Heaven •• Salem

Galore •• Oklou

What’s Tonight to Eternity •• Cindy Lee || Cat O’Nine Tails •• Cindy Lee

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

Taken Away •• Moodymann

All the Time •• Jessy Lanza

Alletiders •• Alle

WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던 •• Yaeji

Because of a Flower •• Ana Roxanne

How Much Works •• Sweet Whirl

songs •• Adrianne Lenker || instrumentals •• Adrianne Lenker

The Don of Diamond Dreams •• Shabazz Palaces

Magic Oneohtrix Point Never •• Oneohtrix Point Never

Hunger for a Way Out •• Sweeping Promises

Your Hero Is Not Dead •• Westerman

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Remote Control •• Discovery Zone

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

Help •• Duval Timothy

Yes •• Shinichi Atobe

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

I Was Born Swimming •• Squirrel Flower

Healing Is a Miracle •• Julianna Barwick

Mia Gargaret •• Gia Margaret

I Feel Alive •• Tops

Karma & Desire •• Actress

Crooner qui coule sous les clous •• Oï Les Ox

Bobby Joe Hope •• Jon McKiel

Motherhood •• No Joy

Land of No Junction •• Aoife Nessa Frances

acts of rebellion •• Ela Minus

Cave Vaults on the Moon •• Tan Cologne

Sundry Rock Song Stock •• Yves Jarvis

A Mythology of Circles •• Faten Kanaan

Man Alive! •• King Krule

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

Good Songs for Bad People •• Drab City

Roped In •• North Americans

Sorceress •• Jess Williamson

Phoenix: Flames are Dew Upon My Skin •• Eartheater

Fantasy Chapel •• Riches

Ride Lonesome •• Young Ejecta

Shimmering Basset •• The Green Child

Silver Ladders •• Mary Lattimore

The 50 best albums of 2020 •• The Guardian

Ben Beaumont-Thomas & Laura Snapes

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?

?

?

?

?

?

Big Conspiracy •• J Hus

folklore •• Taylor Swift

græ •• Moses Sumney

Róisín Machine •• Róisín Murphy

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Workaround •• Beatrice Dillon

Suddenly •• Caribou

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

UNTITLED (Rise) •• SAULT

Gold Record •• Bill Callahan

Song for Our Daughter •• Laura Marling

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

Circles •• Mac Miller

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Heavy Light •• U.S. Girls

Forever, Ya Girl •• KeiyaA

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Working Men’s Club •• Working Men’s Club

Notes on a Conditional Form •• The 1975

Savage Mode II •• 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

I Think I’m Good •• Kassa Overall

Suite for Max Brown •• Jeff Parker

Positions •• Ariana Grande

Karma & Desire •• Actress

DISCO •• Kylie Minogue

Made in Lagos •• Wizkid

All the Time •• Jessy Lanza

Rare •• Selena Gomez

Three •• The Necks

The Album •• Teyana Taylor

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Have We Met •• Destroyer

Visions of Bodies Being Burned •• clipping.

The Best Albums of 2020 Ranked •• The Line of Best Fit

The Line of Best Fit Staff

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

The Baby •• Samia

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

græ •• Moses Sumney

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

The Worst Generation •• Che Lingo

Healing Is a Miracle •• Julianna Barwick

Big Conspiracy •• J Hus

I’m Your Empress Of •• Empress Of

We’re New Again: A Reimagining •• Makaya McCraven

Visions of Bodies Being Burned •• clipping.

Anime, Trauma and Divorce •• Open Mike Eagle

Beginners •• Christian Lee Hutson

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Show Pony •• Orville Peck

The Angel You Don’t Know •• Amaarae

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

The Amanda Tape •• THEY.

songs •• Adrianne Lenker

JAGUAR •• Victoria Monét

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Someone New •• Helena Deland

Whatever, Man •• BLACKSTARKIDS

folklore •• Taylor Swift

SOURCE •• Nubya Garcia

Without People •• Donovan Woods

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

Petals for Armor •• Hayley Williams

Debris •• Keeley Forsyth

Warnings •• I Break Horses

So When You Gonna... •• Dream Wife

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Twice as Tall •• Burna Boy

Now or Never •• Giggs

SISTER •• Mina Tindle

Circles •• Mac Miller

Mordechai •• Khruangbin

The Prettiest Curse •• Hinds

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

EDNA •• Headie One

Dark Hearts •• Annie

Best Albums of 2020 •• The New York Times

Jon Pareles, Jon Caramanica, and Lindsay Zoladz

  Simmering Emotions, Louder Explosions   Jon Pareles

The Ascension •• Sufjan Stevens

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

græ •• Moses Sumney

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Lianne La Havas •• Lianne La Havas

Twice as Tall •• Burna Boy

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Mama, You Can Bet! •• Jyoti

SIGN •• Autechre

  The Art of Taking One’s Time   Jon Caramanica

Southside •• Sam Hunt

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Pray 4 Love •• Rod Wave

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Shoot for the Stars Aim for the Moon •• Pop Smoke

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

Poems of the Past •• Powfu

Changes •• Justin Bieber

Starting Over •• Chris Stapleton

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Honeymoon •• Beach Bunny

    and 27 more for a chaotic year...

Savage Mode II •• 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

Burden of Proof •• Benny the Butcher

Trap Tumbado •• Natanael Cano

Gaslighter •• The Chicks

City on Lock •• City Girls

Underneath •• Code Orange

From King to a GOD •• Conway the Machine

Dark Lane Demo Tapes •• Drake

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Positions •• Ariana Grande

A Rock •• Hardy

Violence in a Quiet Mind •• Haux

AUNTIE •• Ian Isiah

Atrapado en un Sueño •• Junior H

Levon James •• King Von

Just Cause Y’all Waited 2 •• Lil Durk

God Made a Woman •• Lauren Mascitti

LP5 •• John Moreland

Before Love Came to Kill Us •• Jessie Reyez

Rosetta •• Dua Saleh

Jesus Is Born •• Sunday Service Choir

Easy Money Baby •• Myke Towers

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

After Hours •• The Weeknd

The Dream •• Hailey Whitters

Top •• YoungBoy Never Broke Again

  Rebel Yells, of Passion and Fury   Lindsay Zoladz

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

No Dream •• Jeff Rosenstock

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

folklore •• Taylor Swift

The Best Music of 2020 •• The New Yorker

Amanda Petrusich

No. 1 •• Etran de l’Aïr

songs •• Adrianne Lenker || instrumentals •• Adrianne Lenker

Silver Ladders •• Mary Lattimore

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Mama, You Can Bet! •• Jyoti

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & the Alchemist

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

    Honorable Mentions:

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Un Canto por México Vol. 1 •• Natalia Lafourcade

It Was Good Until It Wasn’t •• Kehlani

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

The New Abnormal •• The Strokes

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Sheldon Pearce

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

græ •• Moses Sumney

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Act II: The Patents of Nobility (The Turn) •• Jay Electronica

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Mama, You Can Bet! •• Jyoti

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

songs •• Adrianne Lenker || instrumentals •• Adrianne Lenker

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Thank You For Using GTL •• Drakeo the Ruler

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Anime, Trauma and Divorce •• Open Mike Eagle

WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던 •• Yaeji

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

Mutable Set •• Blake Mills

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

APOLLO •• Fireboy DML

Couldn’t Wait to Tell You... •• Liv.e

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

Descendants of Cain •• Ka

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Big Conspiracy •• J Hus

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Healing Is a Miracle •• Julianna Barwick

The 100 Best Albums of 2020 •• Noisey (Vice)

Noisey Staff

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT || UNTITLED (Rise) •• SAULT

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

EDNA •• Headie One

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Bartees Strange •• Live Forever

My Turn (Deluxe) •• Lil Baby

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

JAGUAR •• Victoria Monét

Meet the Woo 2 •• Pop Smoke

BRAT •• NNAMDÏ

Shame •• Uniform

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Send Them to Coventry •• Pa Salieu

Full Wack No Brakes •• Bad Boy Chiller Crew

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

Fuck the World •• Brent Faiyaz

Cruisin’ with Junior H •• Junior H

Twice as Tall •• Burna Boy

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Inlet •• Hum

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Forever, Ya Girl •• KeiyaA

Eternal Atake (Deluxe) •• Lil Uzi Vert

Lament •• Touché Amoré

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Rich Slave •• Young Dolph

Fires in Heaven •• SALEM

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

City On Lock •• City Girls

Big Conspiracy •• J Hus

The Great Dismal •• Nothing

Welcome to O’Block •• King Von

songs •• Adrianne Lenker

Thank You for Using GTL •• Drakeo the Ruler

Àdá Irin •• Navy Blue

Featuring Ty Dolla $ign •• Ty Dolla $ign

Scacco Matto •• Lorenzo Senni

Grime MC •• Jme

Viva el Perreo •• Jowell & Randy

Phoenix: Flames Are Dew Upon My Skin •• Eartheater

The Goat •• Polo G

Speed Kills •• Chubby and the Gang

Common Prayers •• Walter Martin

Petals for Armor •• Hayley Williams

Burden of Proof •• Benny the Butcher

Eternity of Shaog •• Esoctrilihum

Magic Oneohtrix Point Never •• Oneohtrix Point Never

Corridos Tumbados •• Natanael Cano

The Prince of Tea in China •• Boldy James & The Alchemist

A Muse in Her Feelings •• dvsn

KiCk i •• Arca

Circles •• Mac Miller

Rise Above Hate •• Unknown T

I Love You 2 •• Hook

WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던 •• Yaeji

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

From a King to a GOD •• Conway the Machine

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

Healing Is a Miracle •• Julianna Barwick

12th House Rock •• Narrow Head

Watch This Liquid Pour Itself •• Okay Kaya

Growth & Development •• 22Gz

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

Weight of the World •• MIKE

Auto-Pain •• Deeper

Bino Rideaux •• Outside

Tearless •• Amnesia Scanner

Made in Lagos •• Wizkid

U-Void Synthesizer •• Machine Girl

Take Time •• Giveon

Pure X •• Pure X

Last Year Was Weird, Vol. 2 •• Tkay Maidza

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Starmaker •• Honey Harper

So Help Me God! •• 2 Chainz

Crabs in a Bucket •• Nines

Descendants of Cain •• Ka

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Blue Eyes, The Harlot, The Queer, The Pusher & Me •• Waylon Payne

Have You Lost Your Mind Yet? •• Fantastic Negrito

Just Look at That Sky •• Ganser

7G •• A. G. Cook

Vibras de Noche •• Eslabon Armado

Immersion •• Primitive Man

Supergood •• Duckwrth

The Weather Up There •• Jeremy Cunningham

Underneath •• Code Orange

El Androide •• El Alfa

Lianne La Havas •• Lianne La Havas

SIGN •• Autechre

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Occupational Hazard •• Mozzy

The Freelancer’s Blues •• Dougie Poole

4 Da 304′s •• KentheMan

Best Music of 2020 •• NPR

NPR Music Staff

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Miss Colombia •• Lido Pimienta

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Spilligion •• Spillage Village

Adès Conducts Adès •• Thomas Adès

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Source •• Nubya Garcia

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Blue Eyes, The Harlot, The Queer, The Pusher & Me •• Waylon Payne

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Lianne La Havas •• Lianne La Havas

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Expectations •• Katie Pruitt

Data Lords •• Maria Schneider Orchestra

Underneath •• Code Orange

on the tender spot of every calloused moment •• Ambrose Akinmusire

JAGUAR •• Victoria Monét

Regresa •• Buscabulla

Dawson: Negro Folk Symphony •• ORF Vienna Radio Symphony Orchestra

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

The Slow Rush •• Tame Impala

A Small Death •• Samantha Crain

Pauline •• Ashley Ray

Mama, You Can Bet! •• Jyoti

Siti of Unguja (Romance Revolution on Zanzibar) •• Siti Muharam

songs •• Adrianne Lenker

My Turn •• Lil Baby

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Spider Tales •• Jake Blount

Silver Ladders •• Mary Lattimore

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Fuck the World •• Brent Faiyaz

Debussy • Rameau •• Víkingur Ólafsson

Muthaland •• Bbymutha

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

En Español •• The Mavericks

Thank You For Using GTL •• Drakeo the Ruler

The experience of repetition as death •• Clarice Jensen

Inside •• X Alfonso

Total Freedom •• Kathleen Edwards

Savage Mode II •• 21 Savage / Metro Boomin

some kind of peace •• Ólafur Arnalds

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Giver Taker •• Anjimile

Don’t Feed the Monster •• Homeboy Sandman

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

The 50 Best Albums of 2020 •• Paste

Paste Staff

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Untitled (Rise) •• SAULT

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

songs •• Adrianne Lenker

græ •• Moses Sumney

Suddenly •• Caribou

Reunions •• Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It •• Backxwash

Untitled (Black Is) •• SAULT

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

Heavy Light •• U.S. Girls

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

The Great Dismal •• Nothing

Welcome to Conceptual Beach •• Young Jesus

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Healing Is A Miracle •• Julianna Barwick

Youth Pastoral •• Ben Seretan

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Inlet •• Hum

KIND •• Thanya Iyer

Miss Colombia •• Lido Pimienta

acts of rebellion •• Ela Minus

Ultimate Success Today •• Protomartyr

Anime, Trauma and Divorce •• Open Mike Eagle

Bonny Light Horseman •• Bonny Light Horseman

Speed Kills •• Chubby and the Gang

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Shadow Talk •• Cafe Racer

Source •• Nubya Garcia

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

Introduction, Presence •• Nation of Language

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

The Baby •• Samia

Forever, Ya Girl •• KeiyaA

Free I.H.: This Is Not the One You’ve Been Waiting For •• Illuminati Hotties

Celebrated By Strangers •• Catholic Action

Lianne La Havas •• Lianne La Havas

Flower of Devotion •• Dehd

Just Look at That Sky •• Ganser

Somewhere •• Gum Country

The 50 Best Albums of 2020 •• Pitchfork

Pitchfork Staff

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

græ •• Moses Sumney

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

songs •• Adrianne Lenker || instrumentals •• Adrianne Lenker

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

Act II: The Patents of Nobility (The Turn) •• Jay Electronica

Heavy Light •• U.S. Girls

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Róisín Machine •• Róisín Murphy

Have We Met •• Destroyer

The Angel You Don’t Know •• Amaarae

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Forever, Ya Girl •• KeiyaA

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

SOURCE •• Nubya Garcia

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Shall We Go On Sinning So That Grace May Increase? •• The Soft Pink Truth

Thank You for Using GTL •• Drakeo the Ruler

Workaround •• Beatrice Dillon

Melee •• Dogleg

Descendants of Cain •• Ka

The Passion Of •• Special Interest

Hannah •• Lomelda

Help •• Duval Timohy

Flower of Devotion •• Dehd

KiCk i •• Arca

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Room for the Moon •• Kate NV

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Fountain •• Lyra Pramuk

Twice as Tall •• Burna Boy

My Turn (Deluxe) •• Lil Baby

how i’m feeilng now •• Charli XCX

WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던 •• Yaeji

Silver Ladders •• Mary Lattimore

The 60 Best Albums of 2020 •• Pop Matters

Pop Matters Staff

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Outland •• Ital Tek

UNTITLED (Black Is) •• SAULT

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

3.15.20 •• Childish Gambino

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

songs •• Adrianne Lenker || instrumentals •• Adrianne Lenker

Ohms •• Deftones

Gaslighter •• The Chicks

Workaround •• Beatrice Dillon

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Good Souls Better Angels •• Lucinda Williams

Reunions •• Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

Private Lives •• Low Cut Connie

Suddenly •• Caribou

Song Machine: Season 1 - Strange Timez •• Gorillaz

Keleketla! •• Keleketla!

Seeking Thrills •• Georgia

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

I’m Your Empress Of •• Empress Of

Before Love Come To Kill Us •• Jessie Reyez

Róisín Machine •• Róisín Murphy

The Cycle •• Mourning [A] BLKstar

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

Notes on a Conditional Form •• The 1975

The Universal Want •• Doves

We’ve Landed •• Tony Allen & Hugh Masekela

Mama, You Can Bet! •• Jyoti

Eno Axis •• HC McEntire

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Visions of Bodies Being Burned •• clipping.

Ultrasonic •• Field Works

Sixteen Oceans •• Four Tet

VOICES •• Max Richter

on the tender spot of every calloused moment •• Ambrose Akinmusire

Neon Cross •• Jaime Wyatt

Cenizas •• Nicolás Jaar

To Love Is to Live •• Jehnny Beth

Amazones Power •• Les Amazones d’Afrique

Shall We Go On Sinning So That Grace May Increase? •• The Soft Pink Truth

The Piano Equation •• Matthew Shipp

Making a Door Less Open •• Car Seat Headrest

Silver Tongue •• TORRES

BRAT •• NNAMDÏ

The Night Chancers •• Baxter Dury

Blue Eyes, The Harlot, The Queer, The Pusher & Me •• Waylon Payne

Wooden Cave •• Thin Lear

Quietus Albums Of The Year 2020 •• The Quietus

The Quietus Staff

Dances/Curses •• Hey Colossus

Shall We Go On Sinning So That Grace May Increase? •• The Soft Pink Truth

The Passion Of •• Special Interest

Fountain •• Lyra Pramuk

Energy Is Forever •• UKAEA

Help •• Duval Timothy

Be Up A Hello •• Squarepusher

Kitchen Sink •• Nadine Shah

Send Them to Coventry •• Pa Salieu

Guerilla •• Nazar

Only Darkness Now •• Alison Cotton

Alles in Allem •• Einstürzende Neubauten

SIGN •• Autechre

First Seance •• Land Trance

Duma •• Duma

These Charms May Be Sung Over a Wound •• Richard Skelton

Untitled (Rise) •• SAULT

Debris •• Keeley Forsyth

Type II •• Sex Swing

Dark Hearts •• Annie

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

The Common Task •• Horse Lords

Workaround •• Beatrice Dillon

7 Weapons Series •• Howie Lee

Zoom •• Upsammy

Free Humans •• Hen Ogledd

Suite for Max Brown •• Jeff Parker & The New Breed

Cumbia Siglo XXI •• Meridian Brothers

Serpent •• MXLX

Because Of A Flower •• Ana Roxanne

Forever Underground •• Phantom Posse

There Is No Year •• Algiers

Heart’s Ease •• Shirley Collins

Mestarin Kynsi •• Oranssi Pazuzu

Silver Ladders •• Mary Lattimore

DISCO •• Kylie Minogue

Edna •• Headie One

Mas Amable •• DJ Python

Have We Met •• Destroyer

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Glory Days •• Heather Leigh

Blues •• Lamin Fofana

Gold Record •• Bill Callahan

To Kiss Earth Goodbye •• Teleplasmiste

The Night Chancers •• Baxter Dury

Barbarians •• Young Knives

Fast Edit •• Still House Plants

Jp4 •• Junglepussy

Loom •• Katie Gately

Flower Violence •• Blóm

A Late Anthology Of Early Music Vol. 1: Ancient To Renaissance •• Jennifer Walshe

Cantus, Descant •• Sarah Davachi

Big Conspiracy •• J Hus

Endless Wound •• Black Curse

if i don't let myself be happy now then when? •• More Eaze & Claire Rousay

Seven Storey Mountain VI •• Nate Wooley

L’Inattingible •• Delphine Dora

Rock Sutra •• Sun Araw

Róisín Machine •• Róisín Murphy

Heaven To A Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

The Ascension •• Sufjan Stevens

Visions Of Bodies Being Burned •• clipping.

Returner •• Closed Circuits

Scacco Matto •• Lorenzo Senni

Lamunan •• Antonina Nowacka

Future Teenage Cave Artists •• Deerhoof

Não Fales Nela Que A Mentes •• Nídia

SKEEN •• Mariam Rezaei

Winterreise •• Jerskin Fendrix

May Our Chambers Be Full •• Emma Ruth Rundle & Thou

how i'm feeling now •• Charli XCX

Superstar •• Harry Pussy

The End Of Their World Is Coming •• Dead Meat

Viscerals •• Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs

KiCK i •• Arca

World Serpent •• Memnon Sa

Pedernal •• Susan Alcorn

Cwm Gwagle •• Datblygu

Beyond The Floor •• Geld

Trinity •• Laylow

The Big Exercise •• The Homesick

Malibu Liquor Store •• Shit And Shine

Couldn't Wait To Tell You... •• Liv.e

No Era Sólida •• Lucrecia Dalt

Abscess Time •• Pyrrhon

Thug Ambient •• Dale Cornish

Pillowland •• Jam City

Crabs In A Bucket •• Nines

Hidden In This Is The Light That You Miss •• Regis

Prole Art Threat •• East Man

Evil Spirits Who Prowl About The World Seeking The Ruin Of Souls •• Haq123

Toutes Ces Horreurs •• Satan

Figures •• Aksak Maboul

Mind Hive •• Wire

2020 •• Magik Markers

Training Day 3 •• Potter Payper

Swirling •• Sun Ra Arkestra

Nah Nah Nah Yeh Yeh Yeh •• Luminous Bodies

Aux Pieds De La Nuit •• Nyx Nótt

6 •• Pharaoh Overlord

The 50 Best Albums of 2020 •• Rolling Stone

Jonathan Bernstein, Emily Blake, Jon Blistein, Jon Dolan, Patrick Doyle, Brenna Ehrlich, Jon Freeman, Kory Grow, Christian Hoard, Joseph Hudak, Elias Leight, Angie Martoccio, Claire Shaffer, Rob Sheffield, Hank Shteamer, Simon Vozick-Levinson

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

Letter to You •• Bruce Springsteen

City on Lock •• City Girls

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

Map of the Soul: 7 •• BTS

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

græ •• Moses Sumney

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

Never Will •• Ashley McBryde

Honeymoon •• Beach Bunny

Positions •• Ariana Grande

Plastic Hearts •• Miley Cyrus

Rare •• Selena Gomez

Manic •• Halsey

To Love Is to Live •• Jehnny Beth

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Reunions •• Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

Shamir •• Shamir

Sixteen Oceans •• Four Tet

Petals for Armor •• Hayley Williams

After Hours •• The Weeknd

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

Private Lives •• Low Cut Connie

Got to Be Tough •• Toots and the Maytals

Traditional Techniques •• Stephen Malkmus

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

Fake It Flowers •• beabadoobee

McCartney III •• Paul McCartney

Haunted Painting •• Sad13

Alphabetland •• X

Aftermath •• Elizabeth Cook

Starting Over •• Chris Stapleton

Power Up •• AC/DC

The Price of Tea in China •• Boldy James & The Alchemist

Good Souls Better Angels •• Lucinda Williams

Growth •• Kareem Ali

Love Is The King •• Jeff Tweedy

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Albums of the Year 2020 •• Rough Trade

Rough Trade Staff

Untitled (Black Is) •• SAULT

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Song For Our Daughter •• Laura Marling

Beyond the Pale •• Jarv Is

So When You Gonna •• Dream Wife

Viscerals •• Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs

Bedroom •• bdrmm

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

Sideways to New Italy •• Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever

England Is A Garden •• Cornershop

Galore •• Oklou

Protean Threat •• Osees

Ultra Mono •• Idles

Suddenly •• Caribou

What Kinda Music •• Tom Misch + Yussef Dayes

By The Fire •• Thurston Moore

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Wu Hen •• Kamaal Williams

Wake Up! •• Hazel English

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Jump Rope Gazers •• Beths

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

Seeking Thrills •• Georgia

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

There Is No Other •• Isobel Campbell

Head Above Water •• Brigid Mae Power

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

Old Flowers •• Courtney Marie Andrews

Sixteen Oceans •• Four Tet

Loco •• A Certain Ratio

Ummon •• Slift

Coriky •• Coriky

Keleketla! •• Keleketla!

That’s How Rumours Get Started •• Margo Price

Introduction, Presence •• Nation Of Language

some kind of peace •• Olafur Arnalds

Walking Like We Do •• Big Moon

Bug On Yonkers •• Damaged Bug

WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던 •• Yaeji

Home •• Romare

Infinity of Now •• Heliocentrics

3D Routine •• Mush

All or Nothing •• Shopping

Fading •• Pole

Flower of Devotion •• Dehd

Heritage of the Invisible II •• Aqulies Navarro + Tcheser Holmes

Blue Hearts •• Bob Mould

All the Time •• Jessy Lanza

WILL THIS MAKE ME GOOD •• Nick Hakim

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

Myopia •• Agnes Obel

Anywhere But Here •• Habibi

Man Alive! •• King Krule

Invisible People •• Chicano Batman

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

I Grow Tired But Dare Not Fall Asleep •• Ghostpoet

Cenizás •• Nicolas Jaar

Straight Songs of Sorrow •• Mark Lanegan

Friday Forever •• Everything Is Recorded

Pleasure Line •• Video Age

Happy Birthday •• Sneaks

Shortly After Takeoff •• BC Camplight

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Voices •• Max Richter

Even in Exile •• James Dean Bradfield

The True Story Of •• Bananagun

Making a New World •• Field Music

Only for Dolphins •• Action Bronson

Midnight Manor •• The Nude Party

The Juice That’s Worth the Squeeze •• Cherry Pickles

The Long Goodbye •• Riz Ahmed

Colourfield •• Dan Michaelson

Stray •• Bambara

Collector •• Disq

Gentle Grip •• Public Practice

Miss Anthropocene •• Grimes

Reunions •• Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

Tender Epoch •• Rudy De Anda

Bonny Light Horseman •• Bonny Light Horseman

Moveys •• Slow Pulp

Alphabetland •• X

The Land that Time Forgot •• Chuck Prophet

Up in the Air •• Bent

Mind Hive •• Wire

UNLOCKED •• Denzel Curry x Kenny Beats

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

High Risk Behaviour •• Chats

songs •• Adrianne Lenker || instrumentals •• Adrianne Lenker

Have We Met •• Destroyer

The Ascension •• Sufjan Stevens

Visions of Bodies Being Burned •• clipping.

Articulation •• Rival Consoles

Mordechai •• Khruangbin

Marigold •• Pinegrove

It’s Only Us •• Monophonics

Debris •• Keeley Forsyth

Superstar •• Caroline Rose

Truth or Consequences •• Yumi Zouma

Mother Stone •• Caleb Landry Jones

The Best Albums of 2020 •• Slate

Carl Wilson

  ALBUMS

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Likewise •• Frances Quinlan

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Diet Cig, Bully, The Beths, beabadoobee, Beach Bunny, Mitski, Torres, Down Time, and Emily Brown

Beginners •• Christian Lee Huston

Down in the Weeds, Where the World Once Was •• Bright Eyes

Artlessly Falling •• Mary Halvorson’s Code Girl

Pedernal •• Susan Alcorn

Zurich Concert •• Jaimie Branch & The Dave Gisler Trio

Beverly Glenn-Copeland

Here It Comes Again [EP] •• Cate Le Bon & Group Listening

L’inattingible •• Delphine Dora

Solar Wind •• Joëlle Leandre, Robert Dick, and Miya Masaoka

Memory Game •• Meredith Monk & The Bang On a Can All-Stars

Fra Det Onde •• Fra Det Onde & Emil Nikolaisen

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

DISCO •• Kylie Minogue

Chromatica •• Lady Gaga

Positions •• Ariana Grande

The Album •• Teyana Taylor

It Was Good Until It Wasn’t •• Kehlani

After Hours •• The Weeknd

Modus Vivendi •• 070 Shake

Songs for Pierre Chuvin •• The Mountain Goats

Getting Into Knives •• The Mountain Goats

Day of the Tiles [EP] •• Human Hearts

Island •• Owen Pallett

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

Gold Record •• Bill Callahan

Home Time •• Darren Hayman

Alphabetland •• X

Untitled (Rise) •• SAULT || Untitled (Black Is) •• SAULT

We Are Sent Here by History •• Shabaka and the Ancestors

Dark Matter •• Moses Boyd

Source •• Nubya Garcia

Universal Beings E & F Sides •• Makaya McCraven

Swirling •• Sun Ra Arkestra

To Know Without Knowing •• Mulatu Astatke & Black Jesus Experience

Dutch from the 5th •• Dutchavelli

Send Them to Coventry •• Pa Salieu

Stormzy & Skepta

Crabs in a Bucket •• Nines

J Hus, Headie One, Tion Wayne, D Double E, Blanco, Young T & Bugsey, Kojey Radical, AJ Tracey, and Ghetts

on the tender spot of every calloused moment •• Ambrose Akinmusire

Suite for Max Brown •• Jeff Parker

America the Beautiful •• Kahil El’Zabar

Omega •• Immanuel Wilkins

Good Days •• Chicago Underground Quartet

8: Kindred Spirits •• Charles Lloyd

Your Life Is a Record •• Brandy Clark

Blue Eyes, The Harlot, The Queer, The Pusher & Me •• Waylon Payne

Gaslighter •• The Chicks

Southside •• Sam Hunt

Never Will •• Ashley McBryde

Starting Over •• Chris Stapleton

Reunions •• Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

The Way It Feels •• Maddie & Tae

But I’d Rather Be With You •• Molly Tuttle

Bridges [EP] •• Mickey Guyton

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

My Turn (Deluxe) •• Lil Baby

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Mt. Marci •• Roc Marciano

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

High Off Life •• Future

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

Meet the Woo 2 •• Pop Smoke || Shoot for the Stars, Aim for the Moon •• Pop Smoke

Savage Mode II •• 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

Descendants of Cain •• KA

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Heart’s Ease •• Shirley Collins

Fretted & Indebted •• Alasdair Roberts || The Songs of My Boyhood •• Alasdair Roberts

Mama, You Can Bet! •• Jyoti

Rejoice •• Tony Allen & Hugh Masekela

Forever, Ya Girl •• KeiyaA

I Think I’m Good •• Kassa Overall

Love-Lore •• Deerhoof

Future Teenage Cave Artists •• Deerhoof || To Be Surrounded by Beautiful, Curious, Breathing, Laughing Flesh Is Enough •• Deerhoof & Wadada Leo Smith || Surprise Symphonies •• Deerhoof

The 50 Best Albums of 2020 •• Stereogum

Stereogum Staff

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Manger on McNichols •• Boldy James & Sterling Toles

Magic Oneohtrix Point Never •• Oneohtrix Point Never

Lament •• Touché Amoré

Untitled (Rise) •• SAULT

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Inlet •• Hum

Hannah •• Lomelda

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Notes on a Conditional Form •• The 1975

Alfredo •• Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

925 •• Sorry

Inner Song •• Kelly Lee Owens

Rough and Rowdy Ways •• Bob Dylan

World House •• Mil-Spec

No Dream •• Jeff Rosenstock

Song for Our Daughter •• Laura Marling

What’s Your Pleasure? •• Jessie Ware

It Is What It Is •• Thundercat

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Viewing •• Stay Inside

Impenetrable Cerebral Fortress •• Gulch

Microphones in 2020 •• The Microphones

KiCk i •• Arca

2017-2019 •• Against All Logic

The Neon Skyline •• Andy Shauf

The Price of Tea in China •• Boldy James & The Alchemist

Suddenly •• Caribou

Reunions •• Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

SIGN •• Autechre

Every Bad •• Porridge Radio

græ •• Moses Sumney

Southside •• Sam Hunt

Descendants of Cain •• Ka

Introduction, Presence •• Nation of Language

A Hero’s Death •• Fontaines D.C.

FREE I.H.: This Is Not the One You’ve Been Waiting For •• Illuminati Hotties

Take a Chance on Rock ‘n’ Roll •• Couch Slut

May Our Chambers Be Full •• Emma Ruth Rundle & Thou

It Was Good Until It Wasn’t •• Kehlani

As We Suffer from Memory and Imagination •• Nuvolascura

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Best Albums of 2020 •• TIME

Raisa Bruner & Andrew R. Chow

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Gaslighter •• The Chicks

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Agüita •• Gabriel Garzón-Montano

We’re New Again - A Reimagining •• Makaya McCraven

Miss Anthropecene •• Grimes

Celia •• Tiwa Savage

The Best Albums of 2020 •• Uproxx

Uproxx Staff

folklore •• Taylor Swift

Fetch the Bolt Cutters •• Fiona Apple

Spilligion •• Spillage Village

Eternal Atake •• Lil Uzi Vert

Future Nostalgia •• Dua Lipa

Circles •• Mac Miller

Saint Cloud •• Waxahatchee

Women in Music Pt. III •• HAIM

Ungodly Hour •• Chloe x Halle

After Hours •• The Weeknd

Please Excuse Me For Being Antisocial •• Roddy Ricch

Shore •• Fleet Foxes

RTJ4 •• Run the Jewels

My Turn •• Lil Baby

Punisher •• Phoebe Bridgers

Ho, why is you here? •• Flo Milli

Heaven to a Tortured Mind •• Yves Tumor

Cuttin’ Grass - Vol. 1 (Butcher Shoppe Sessions) •• Sturgill Simpson

Fine Line •• Harry Styles

Positions •• Ariana Grande

Black Habits •• D Smoke

What We Drew 우리가 그려왔던 •• Yaeji

how i’m feeling now •• Charli XCX

color theory •• Soccer Mommy

Live Forever •• Bartees Strange

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately •• Perfume Genius

Limbo •• Aminé

YHLQMDLG •• Bad Bunny

The GOAT •• Polo G

Rare •• Selena Gomez

Talk About It •• Blimes and Gab

Everything •• Kota the Friend

Good News •• Megan Thee Stallion

Wunna •• Gunna

SAWAYAMA •• Rina Sawayama

Mordechai •• Khruangbin

It Was Good Until It Wasn’t •• Kehlani

Imploding the Mirage •• The Killers

songs •• Adrianne Lenker || instrumentals •• Adrianne Lenker

Pray for Paris •• Westside Gunn

The Album •• BLACKPINK

Better •• Deanté Hitchcock

Queen of Da Souf •• Mulatto

Twice as Tall •• Burna Boy

The Slow Rush •• Tame Impala

A Written Testimony •• Jay Electronica

Fake It Flowers •• beabadoobee

My Agenda •• Dorian Electra

Heaven or Hell •• Don Toliver

The New Abnormal •• The Strokes

Behind-the-Paywall Lists:

LA Times

The Economist