#musical twilight parade gives me lethal psychic damage every time I look at it

[ssruis]

There is so much u can read into with this one line… I’m going to go insane… tsukasa as a kid seeing his sister and parents actually be happy for once and they’re all in the same place and enjoying themselves as a family… tsukasa “family is everything” tenma internalizing that specific moment for the rest of his life bc he’s like “finally here’s something I can do to help” when he’s been unable to do anything to help saki or his parents (mostly saki bc lbr saki has always come first for him but I think seeing his parents stressed over saki definitely factored into this) & being like “its my job to make everyone happy because that’s what I *can* do.”

He undoubtably loves shows now (to an insane degree) but it fascinates me that his love for them originates from his love for his sister. Obsessed with them. Also has… so many implications wrt dazzling light and the period where he was really focused on the piano instead of shows. Saki is doing worse -> using piano as a way to deal with his feelings over that.

Saki is feeling better and recovering -> “I can play anything” (I don’t feel like I need to say anything abt that)

“She’ll be back (and I’ll be waiting for her) (at home)” head in hands. So much of what I hate about the overly angsty reading of tsukasa in middle school is that it completely ignores *why* he was more subdued/down at that point, which is that the person he loves more than anything and would do anything for is suffering and there’s nothing he can do to help her.

Saki is literally the most important thing in the world to him to the point where it’s shaped just about every aspect of his life. I have tenma siblings induced mental illness and it’s lethal I fear.

Speaking of saki:

“Was it (tsukasa’s interest in shows) all for me?” The implication that saki (who hates the idea that people feel compelled to inconvenience themselves for her which. Is an entirely different conversation) thought he was still following this path for her and her alone… That’s such an insanely heavy burden to carry… SAKI………. (Soung of crying)